So True with Caleb Hearon - Trixie Mattel Returns Again

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Welcome! This week brings us the latest member of the 3 timers club, Trixie Mattel! Trixie and Caleb talk sleep scores, full body scans, what they watch on planes, and Trixie once again attempts to collect that coveted $50 from the True or False game. Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Trixie! @trixiemattel Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Visit https://hin.ge/SoTruewithCalebHearon to download Hinge today! Visit https://Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. Girl, it was like them.com or out.com or something. And they had an article that was like, I'm 67 and I'm wanting to get to, to have my first time same sex experience. What is your advice? It was a 67 year old. And I just commented six, seven. This is the beloved community that we're supposed to be in.

I did this on the pod yesterday with Katya. I was like, well, there's something that happened in my life and I'm tired of hiding it. And yes, I got an aura ring. So far, it's been. in two nights and last night I really went in on my sleep score I was like I'll show you because the night before o'er ring was like what do you would you just lay there and scream yeah or a ring was like it was like you screamed for seven hours I know so last night I laid in bed I laid on the bed pissed off at 730 like I'm gonna show you or a ring and then what happened 10 hours and 42 minutes of sleep tricksy 93% ready for

the day that's not even 100% so do I need the Michael Jackson propothal to get to 100 no you I think we're fine. We don't need as much sleep as they say. Well, that's what Katya says about drinking water. She says that eight glasses of day is perpetrated by big water. I don't want to be grouped in. I don't want my sleep thing to be grouped in with her water thing. This is my two health consultants, you and her.

And you're in big trouble. You're in big trouble. But you know what? She's so funny because she's so hot, cold about some things. She's like, no phones in bed. That's so bad for you. I'm like, oh, is it? You know what else is bad for you?

A decade of hard drug abuse. But she's right. She is right. I think you're not supposed to do phones in bed. And you really shouldn't do TVs in bed. No TV in the bedroom is my biggest thing. I'm not a TV in bed person,

but I find myself with men that need the TV on. They need the nookie. No. They need the nipple at night. They can't be sucking on the nipple. They need to turn that TV off. 6.30 this morning. I wake up to, I wake up to Nini Leaks screaming.

No. You know what I mean? Trixie, you got to... So I flipped over to Dari and went back to sleep. You're letting another woman make your man smile. You need to turn that TV off. Close your leg to marry men. If he's watching NeNeNe leaks,

it's because he's wishing that you were down there making something else leak. That? If he's watching NeNe Leaks, it's because he's wishing you were down there making something else leak. If my dick is leaking,

I have gonorrhea. People's dick's leak for really positive reasons. Oh yeah, that's true. But who's going to phrase it like that? You're so hot. I'm leaking. People say shit like that, unfortunately. I hate that.

You're not on Grindr, so you don't know how bad it can be. I don't like that. I don't like, well, milking. Ew. Milked. I'd like to be milked. Ew.

I'm not into that. Oh, my God. Katj and I were talking about when people are like, I have a seven-day load or whatever. She thought it meant you've been holding someone's load in your ass for seven days. That is a reasonable thing to think with gay guys. But she also almost just died of abdominal destruction. Did she really? Yes, girls, she almost died two months ago.

And abdominal obstruction, what does that mean? We were this close. I would have gone on the biggest Sydney Prescott of Darkness tour. I would have wrote a book. It would have been like, it would have been like when Amy Lou Harris lost Grand Parsons. What would you have worn to her funeral? I bet it would be so fucking fierce.

Red. It would have been that wedding. The wedding dress from Beetlejuice. That's what she would have wanted. You say through tears, she would have wanted me to wear this. Well, we joke because I mean, I have chronic illness,

I have arthritic, but she has put her body through the movie Twister. Yeah. So we're always saying who's going to die first. And she's like, if you die before me, I will be legitimately pissed off. Yeah. At who? Well, you and God.

She's also eight years older than me, though. But, you know, she's like, she's been one of those 112-year-old people who never goes to the doctor, doesn't drink water. It is just fine. Yeah. You were talking about something you found at my house? Oh, I went to your beautiful home. Like, one of the most beautiful homes I've ever been in. You did in Kansas City.

Yes. It is a gorgeous home. I can't lie. It's gorgeous. The neighborhood, the porch. Your roommate was there. She was doing a show that night. She's not my roommate.

Oh, she isn't? She's just a house guest. Oh, there was a guitar there. It was hers. She was staying there for an extended amount of time. We also need to talk about that because I just had a house guest for two days. And that was the perfect amount of time, which is obviously different than what you do, which is Ms. Hannigan. Trixie, my house guests don't leave.

Adoption. I can't get these lesbians out of my house. They're all there with their guitars, squatting. They're all dating. They're literally squatting. They come. My friend went over a couple weeks ago to grab something. and he was like, do you know what I found when I got in your house?

There were three animals that don't belong to you. There was a lesbian getting a haircut in a hallway. And he was like, there was a group of people practicing music on the third floor. I don't even know who they were. I didn't interact with them. That's fun. It's super fun, but I can't get these people to leave. I'm in a real tough spot. You're not a musician.

No. You're a music lover supporter. I'm an ally. Yeah. You must like having musicians around the house. I love it. I wish they'd pay rent. They don't pay me a dime.

There's famously a musical about how musicians aren't going to pay rent. Which one is it? It's called cats. Well, your house guest was there playing a guitar, and I liked that. But also, I saw, back to flirting, I saw the used condom above your bed. Did you really? Yeah, I walked in and you were like, oh, that's from today. And I was like, oh.

That's awesome. I'm glad I was using condoms. Caleb has game. and wants you to know about it. I'm glad I was using condoms because I went through a no-condoms era and it got scary quick because I'm not on prep

and I really, I don't know what I was thinking but yeah, me and some oral HIV tests had some chats and I'm good but it got scary. I need to be wearing condoms. I'm glad I was wearing condoms in that era.

I'm very pro-condum as well. I'm pro-pre-pro-conum, pro-absidence, pro-whatever safety practices you would like to practice. I'm pro all of them. Do you know what I did the other day? I got a full-body MRI. scan.

Oh, girl, did you pernuvo? Well, no, it's a different one, but yes, I got the full body MRI. You went to the Costco Per Nouveau. I went to the one in Kansas City. They don't have Prunovo. I do it once a year. It's a fraction of the price. Do you really?

Yes. I had one. I haven't gotten the results yet. I'm terrified and exhilarated. It makes you feel so much worse. Really? It makes you feel so much worse. Yeah.

Like, well, did yours have a TV? No. Okay, the Prunvo one, you get like, plastic earbuds, and they put on whatever you want on Netflix. Yeah, they're $6,000. for a reason. Yeah, and there's a mirror above you that reflects to a TV in another room that I watched

like the Ashley Madison documentary while I found it if I was dying. But I to me I feel that in this country of course it's a crisis, health access crisis, but if I have access far be it for me to not use money for that. Did it find anything? It finds a lot of what do they call it

what's the word when it's like a non-event. What is it called? It's a coincidental findings. Okay. Things that they would never see unless you got like oh you have a your nose is crooked yeah it finds things that are like very low on the total pole of like who cares do you want um i think mine had like your brain has the circle of willis which is just like Bruce willis in your mind no i don't know it's i think they're fucking with you no no no it's all kinds of weird like oh you have a slight scoliosis but nothing that gives you

an actual problem in your life yeah incidental finding oh tiny fat fatty tumor in your spine They were like, oh, most people have things like that. We never even know. I had a friend who I ran into recently. This is the reason I got the full-body scan. I am in an era where my hypochondria is not back, but it's certainly attempting to make a comeback, Valerie Cherish. And I have ran into a friend who told me that one of these companies was like,

hey, do you want a free full-body MRI scan? She's famous, of course. And she was like, sure, I guess I'll take one if it's free. And they found brain cancer in her brain. That's usually where they find it. They were like, they found brain cancer in her brain, Tricksie. I can't believe it. I know.

And they were like, if you wouldn't have done this, you probably would have started having symptoms when it was too late. And instead they found it early and they took it out. And now she's going to be fine. That's what I'm saying. I have similar. I have problems that now I'm past, which were a little bit secret that I've never really even talked about.

But I'll talk about it with you because I think maybe you have something similar. When my anxiety was at its absolute peak, I was a chronic all day medical panicker. I thought you were going to say masturbator for some reason. No, no, no. No. Was anyone else with me on that? Chronic all day, medical.

I was like, masturbation is coming. I put on a COVID mask. Yeah, that would be hot. I come into the COVID mask and put it on. If you do it more than twice a day, it's medical to me. I was good. Anything that could be I was Googling. Yeah.

And particularly when I started to, when I got diagnosed with arthritis, it became a, I didn't understand so many of the symptoms of anxiety that feel all physical. Yeah. I thought, oh, I feel short of breath, lung cancer. Yeah. I feel this. Now I've learned through bitter experience that so much of that is just like, deep pressure. Yeah, now I am.

Anxiety men. Change my life. Really? Changed my life. I don't know if I'm anxious. I didn't think I was until that, when that medicine hit, wow, bitch, you needed to be shut down like a computer a long fucking time ago. What are the side effects?

Somebody needed to walk into the family computer living room and unpole the plug and say, go to bed. Take this bitch off. Yes. Well, I have no side effects. Nice. No. You're just less anxious and you have no side effects.

This is a miracle. Magical, creative breakthrough. Also, I do therapy twice a week. Also, I exercise. So I'm doing everything. Yeah. So it's hard to say one thing has changed everything. Twice a week on the therapy?

Isn't that crazy? Oh my God. This is the thing about therapy. It's an MLM. It's sort of like, well, now that you're doing so good, after you've been seeing me twice a year. If you've seen me twice a week for two years, now we can finally begin.

It's a little bit like, It's a little bit like, you know, you've been doing so good that I think we should go up to three times a week. And there's anybody you can call to get $250 from right now to sign up for my course. You've unlocked another session with me. Congratulations. I'm afraid to say Scientology, but it's, it's, there's a ladder. Yeah. There's a therapy ladder that you can climb.

But I also like about therapy is you really can choose your own destiny. If you want to do once a month, that's still better than nothing. Sure. And if you do it enough, you start diagnosing other people and being pretty bizarre in your relationships. Absolutely. Well, I will say this. Do you do therapy? I just restarted for the first time in a very long time. Thank God. I don't want that to be. Try a different response. Oh, good. But I noticed... What do you think I need to work on in therapy? And what are you working on in therapy? Oh, for me, I've had a lot of breakthroughs recently, actually. Which was your most recent one?

Well, the level of anxiety and panic that I felt all the time for years was so chronic and so always that I thought it was my brazen ambition and I thought it was all good things about me. That I always wanted to do something and push myself and exhaust myself. And now I've realized to be my best creative self, to calm down, bitch. Everything you do doesn't have to be, I've put a lot of pressure on myself that everything it did has to be valuable, good, profitable. whatever. That never showed up in the work. But it's true. Because focusing on something being good,

it doesn't mean anything. What is good? A, it's objective. B, you can't create and edit at the same time. Now I've got a lot more into the process of making things is the best part of it. After you've made something, it's kind of like, it's not even your business.

Now it's being experienced. It's gone. This is actually the most healthy antidote to the nightmare time that we're living in where everyone's so obsessed with outcome that they're willing, they're actually willing to just trade away the process entirely. Yeah. This is the problem with a lot of things, but AI in particular, some other like fast acting health

things that are going on right now. Is that no one really cares about process when process and experience is the whole point. Like process is the whole entire point. It's the part that actually, I mean, I'm sure you feel, it's the part where you actually get that charge. You're like, oh, oh, you know? I mean, obviously we do live performance, so some part of it is that. But there's the moment of conception and like discovery of like, oh, that's funny or that's good.

Yeah, and the work is the point. It's like you shouldn't, yeah, AI can sit down and write you a book. It doesn't, if that's the thing that I think we got obsessed with outcome and being like, I want to have written a book. And it's like, no, you need to want to write a book. Like you don't, the outcome is not the important thing. An obsession with outcome is what leads to all these like process skipping maneuvers. You're just cheating yourself.

You're cheating yourself out of like. the beautiful experience of like being alive and doing things. You're 100% right because the, you know what else? I get, now that I'm calmer, it's like, when I'm making something, it's like, wouldn't it be funny if this sucked? Yeah, and it would. It's like, wouldn't it be fierce if I sat here all day? At the end of the day, I listened to it or looked and I was like, that was stupid.

But that, an older version of me would have been wrecked by the idea of that. Yeah. The answer in the closet is that I would do something and it wouldn't be good. and now it's like, who can check me, boo? And I did it. What if it sucks? And I still did it. I still did it.

Who cares? And you do gain something from the experience of trying to stack the jungle blocks and like, oh, they fell over. Whatever. I mean, I just feel a lot better about that where I used to feel so laying bed at night and like wreck myself about like, this better be good. This better be impress your peers. This better be better than the last thing you did.

This better make more money. Whatever. It's like that that's so anti the experience of like, making. The making and the discovery is the fun part. So therapy is really working for you. I just got back in. What do you think I need to be working on? You know me. What do I need to work on in there? Don't say love and romance. I'm already doing that. I was going to talk about your shoes. I'm sorry, does the devil wear Skechers? Trixie? Skechers! Bitch, you are a nasty, mean-spirited individual. You know damn well you've

never seen me in a pair of sketches unless they want to advertise on the show. Today's episode is brought to you by sketchers. Why are there two cameras? Which one's real? They're both real. We have to get two on you because you look so different from different angles. We have two. You notice how there's only one on me? Yeah, why are there two on me? I will tell you, it's because when light hits your head, we never know where it's going to refract and it can take one of those cameras out. I know. I almost wore a hat today and I was like, you know what? Like, Caleb's, your head of hair is so gorgeous. I was like, it's kind of like you say potato, I say potato. We're kind of in opposites.

Yeah. Do you like bald bottoms who cross-dress? Of course. I don't believe you. I don't think, no, but I mean like, you literally. You literally just went like, of course. Of course. No, Tricky, I don't, but guess what?

I like you. Thank you. Someone put some sweet music under that. See, I don't, well, I'm the same way. I don't have a type. I'm open to everything. None of my boyfriends have ever looked like each other. Yeah.

There's no blueprint. I don't, I think that's one of the problems in gay dating and we will get to you. I think one of the problems in gay dating and we will get to you. I think one of the problems is, I think one of the problems is people are, people think they have a type, which is stupid because it means they just slam, dating wise, they slam doors shut for a living. I think people might have a type, Trixie. You don't, but I think some people really might. I don't either. I'm down with, I get into a lot of different kinds of stuff. I mean, I just saw a video of Ricky Martin being like, they were like, what's something people might know about you?

And he was like, I have a foot fetish. And I was like, whoa, Ricky, swing and big. And I think that stuff is cute. But I'm saying if someone's like, I only like tall guys. I only like older guy. Only of anything is so stupid. Only is silly to me. I will say, yeah, it's about energy. It's about different things.

Also, you need, that's part of the fun of casual sex, do you? Of course. Who doesn't? I'll fuck a short guy, no problem. What do we get? Life has fucked them. I'm not going to marry a short guy. Yeah.

I'll sleep with a short guy. Yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not going to have you running around my house down there. Well, everyone is the, it sounds really horish, but everyone's the same height laying down. It's so horish, but that it's true. Of course it sounds worse. That was horrible. It's true. That's not true.

There is some lies that are being perpetuated by the media, the lame stream media, which is that scrawny guys have huge dicks. A lot of them do. No, no, no. It's about proportion. Oh. When the dick picture, yeah, if you have a 26 inch waist. Right.

Your dick's going to look huge. Wow, the dick is huge. I will say being fat is not helping my situation. I already have a small to average dick and then I'm huge and so it just looks ridiculous. But, you know. Because there is some encroaching on the length. Right? Like when people lose your game weight, there is...

Oh, sure. Right. Yeah, your dick seems bigger when you get smaller. It's an optical illusion is what it is. But that's the thing. The dick is always the same size. No. You think?

The instrument is the same. We're talking about your body in relation to the whole thing of it. Right. You're saying when you're really thin, it just looks bigger. Right. But also, Trixie, a lot of those guys just are hung like a horse and it's crazy. What are you doing with all that dick? It's crap.

Some of the skiniest guys in the world have brought dicks out that I'm like, you first of all put it back there's nothing happening with it and second of all how did that happen why do you need that well but i guess everybody could have a big dick though there is no rule that's what i'm saying these are onlys yeah a lot of people can't have big dicks but skinny guys really do it's crazy have you read that video of jazz and masters talking about big dicks no can i play it no i don't want to care about it well just take a break i really hurt your feelings just She has a video for like, she has PSAs for every body type being like, the skinny boys have the big dick. The big boys have the big dick.

So it's all about like perception. Yeah. If your algorithm serves you, Jasmine Masters saying that big boys have big digs. Yeah. Then maybe that's what you were looking for. Right. It's a little bit like a Roar Shack. Yeah.

Jasmine Masters is a Roar Shack. What do you see? What do you see? If you see Big Dick, that's what you wanted. What do you think you want from therapy? Because obviously you went bad. No, because you still haven't answered what you think I need to be working on in therapy. I mean, turn it back on me.

You know me. What do you think? To be honest, you just, you seem like one of the, like, the sweetest, most, like, well-adjusted people I know. That's really sweet, and people are not going to believe that. People, yeah, people on the internet have opinions about me, but. But I find it interesting that you're so famous, especially now, and you still seem like you don't care in a good way.

You're talking about my shoes again? No. I'm not talking about the shoes again because we covered it. Yeah. I think the shoes have been through enough. Yeah. They've seen too much as it is. Meanwhile, this is what I show up in, which is the absence of choosing any clothing options at all.

You look great. I look like a sim. You do. But a very cute sim. I love this outfit. I just got out of jail. I love when I opened Instagram. And this was the outfit they gave me to leave in.

You just walked out of the gate. No jewelry, yeah. The o'ring. I love, you do have the o'er ring. I love when I open up Instagram and you, you're wearing like Oakley's and lime green gym shorts or something. I'm like, that's my favorite drag queen. I dress like, you don't know where I was on January 6th.

Yeah. No, you do. You dress like we do, yeah. But you know what, though, it's all about, I forget what the word is. I was at the Beyonce Cowboy Carter concert, and I had my big Oakley's on with like, camo hat with like America flag shirt. And the Beyonce stage was a big America flag, and I took it like this. And if you did not know where I was and who I was,

Trump Raleigh. Of course. But I'm a drag queen at a cowboy car. harder, but if you were just swiping, you'd be like, oh, scared. Scared. Really scared. But I really think because you're so beloved and so famous and so successful, you really treat all of this like you, it's not, it's like a non-event for you, which I find is very impressive. Well, don't you think it doesn't kind of matter. It doesn't really matter. But even you thinking that is something that some of us take years to think to get there.

Yeah. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And I do feel that way. I'm like, it simply does not matter. It's something that's happening to me right now. Wonderful. But it's like life, the exciting things about life would be the same regardless of if my life was going this way or not. Like, the beautiful things about life are available to everybody. And they're not like the things about my job that are exciting. The beautiful things about life are still like senior friends, beautiful sunsets, going on a bike ride, making dinner. Like, I don't, I just feel like my, I love my job. I'm very grateful for my life. I love that I get to like travel and do and say my stupid opinions for a living, but I'm like, it kind of doesn't matter. Have you ever had a crisis,

like an artistic crisis, like a crisis of faith about like, what am I doing? Not a crisis. I wonder what I'm going to do next. Right now I'm in kind of a moment of like, I'm this year, last year was all about making stuff. I was made a bunch of stuff. And then this year I was giving myself permission to like not go on tour, just kind of put these movies out. That's right. You came on my YouTube channel and you were plugging your tour and then I saw you next. I was like, how was your tour? You're like, didn't go. Didn't do it. Love it. Didn't do it. Not going. But that's the level of who cares.

that is they think is pretty fierce. I don't know if your reps think that's fierce when you're like, never mind. They do not. They do not. I have the most patient and beleaguered team in America. But have you ever had Katia on? No, she won't talk to me.

Love. I'm not kidding. Katja will not acknowledge me in any sense. Barely spoke to me when I came to your guys a show. Katia does not want anything to do with me and I have the utmost respect for her. We've had the same person shooting our podcast for like four or five years. And just last week Katia asked what his phone number was.

So I have so much respect for it. We have, I have asked her to come on the show. I have tried to hang out with her. It has not worked out. But I'm saying she has a really similar, healthy point of view on, because this is a thing.

It's one thing to be happy about what you get to do because we've reached wonderful career heights that, oh my God, right? If you quit tomorrow, someday you'll be like, I did that. That's so crazy. But it's important to enjoy it presently

because sometimes I used to feel like anything good that happened to me would only heighten my fear of what if it went away, which is horrible. because it completely accludes your ability to enjoy the present. And performing and being your best as an artist is all about the present. And don't you feel like even when you were doing stand-up for a smaller crowd, you still could like hit that groove and hit that moment with the audience where you felt great.

100%. And in some ways things were easier. I think the thing with life that's important is that you look at everything that could happen to you good or bad and you go, what would it provide and what would it take away? everything that happens to you in life provides and takes away. You get something, you lose something. And so I think about this like that where I'm like, yeah, if this all stopped, if I didn't, if I wasn't making money talking anymore or if I didn't get to be a working artist anymore,

that would take away a lot of things that are very nice. And it would also provide things that are very nice, like peace and quiet. And you know what I mean? And boredom and seeing your family more. That's a big thing I think about as I get older is I'm like, wow, to be an artist and travel for like last 10 plus years. At some point when I was. young without even realizing it, I kind of decided I'm only going to see my mom,

et cetera, a few times a year until they die, which is a horrible thought. That's crazy. But it's different than prioritizing. I could never have that career because it's really important to me to live down the street from my family or something. Yeah. We all are choosing things and unchewishing something else. Yeah.

So you're 100% right that if you start playing that game of what you're missing or what you could be missing, but you know what I learned in therapy and this changed my life. Tell me. Anxiety is not about what could have. happen. It's about what has happened. You think, what if this happens? Because your system, your somatic system, your fight or flight, all that remembers

things that have happened. So you're having these physical responses that to you don't make sense. You're like, why am I panic? I'm at the grocery store. But something about your body remembers something that happened before that was bad. And so it thinks something is about to happen. But that's not based

in fact. Your system is just reacting. We all are like writing Linux, you know, Mac, Windows, iOS, whatever, we're writing our operating systems while we're like sucking our thumbs. Yeah. Which is why later in life,

when we have reactions to things we don't understand, it's all make sense. When you say, I don't understand that. That doesn't make any sense. It surely does make sense. Yeah. It all makes sense. And then I think you get more sympathy for other people

because when somebody else has a reaction they don't understand or shows their ass, you're like, we're all just fucking lizard brains slamming to each other, having reactions we can't explain. Have I asked you about God before on the show? It's all you talk about. I know. I talk about all the time.

Do you mean Alanis? Yes. Yeah. What's your favorite song? By Alanis? Yeah. Thank you, India. Not one?

Thank you. No. Oh, I love all I really want. What do you say? All I really want. Great song. It's a great song. It's so repetitive in the best way.

and don't worry about that that's God don't worry about that that's God that's God that's Alana's she's up there giving a hand job

the 10 year anniversary of Jagged Little Pill is the 2005 release where it's all acoustic and that version of all I really want is all orchestra and it's very terned

yeah really love her what do you think about actual God do you have a religion I don't know I don't know if I've ever asked you

I wasn't raised religious at all really at all at all wow so I have no everything about it is it's like me watching religious people

was like me watching Simone Biles do backflips it just seems like humans are wacky and that's crazy and weird shout out to Simone Biles I don't think you're weird but I mean it seems like

it's crazy that that's something you're dedicating your time to is doing so many flips it's a stretch of like a human you know I think all different cultures who before the telephone on the internet didn't even know about each other

all developed their own little religions. And so I do think there's something in us that gets something out of believing in God. And I think that that instinct is beautiful, which is why I like, not Christian music. I like old folk music that talks about God and stuff because I think it's a beautiful instinct. Yeah.

But I don't believe in it. No. Is that bad? Not at all? So you're saying no God? I don't believe in it. I'm not saying there's no God. Right, right.

You're saying you don't believe in God. Yeah. What do you think happens when we die? You're so zen and so peaceful. I'm really interested in what you think happens after this. I think to believe that something better happens when we die is a complete slap in the face to the gift of being alive right now. You have told me this and I think that's beautiful.

I love that. We're here. Yeah. You're like, when I die, it's going to be so cunty. No, it isn't. To me, it's like believing in heaven, believing that when you die, everything's going to get so fierce. Do you know who thinks that? People who hate you.

Yeah. When you die, it's going to be fierce. Oh, it's going to be amazing when you're not here. When you're not here, it's going to be a fucking key. Right. Like when it happens, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. When it happens, that is going to be fierce for me.

It's going to be amazing. I can't wait until that happens. Dancing in the street. I'm going to be running naked. I'm going to just go withdraw cash in the bank and run through the street. Do you know what, though? I am going to be sad. Why?

I just, I said this recently when somebody evil died. I do get sad about it. And people accuse me of virtue signaling. I was on substack where they use bigger words to still be fucking in a laying in dense But I have a substack What? Oh yeah, I love substack You do?

I love substack. Cotton I had it for a year and it was like I felt like Bart Simpson writing on the chalkboard every day Like it was like it was hard I love it. I love the writing on there I think there's so many brilliant writers on there And there's so many artists I love Who are using it in really interesting ways

My favorite substack is actually Chance and I our buddy Doyle runs a music review Substack called Night Swimming Cool He does new music every week And he only does like review He only reviews things that he likes and it's really, really, really fucking good.

And it's how I find a lot of new music. I love Substack, but I posted on there that I do get sad even when a really evil person dies because I think life is so precious and beautiful. And being alive is so special and amazing. And I can't believe that I get to be alive. I love it so much. And I'm so glad I'm alive at the same time as all of you. But, yeah, when someone evil dies, I don't.

I actually, I think I used to feel joy. And as I've gotten older, I feel a real genuine sadness. Not like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sad that there. are gone, but more like, I feel really sad because I'm like, oh, they really never figured it out. They spent their life being hateful and hurting people. And it makes me sad that they wasted their time on earth doing that. And it overcomes me, even if I feel joy that they're no longer in a position to do harm,

I get immediately overcome with sadness that that is what they did. Do you know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. And I really feel that way. And it isn't me being like, I'm too good to feel mad when an evil person dies. I'm just like, I feel sad. When my, this isn't maybe too much, but when my stepdad died who was horrible,

it's, you know, terribly abusive, alcoholic, horrible, horrible, horrible. I would, I'm fantasized about him dying every day for years, which is horrible. I mean, that's horrible to say, but when you're in like a real abusive cycle, of course. You don't think that you can go to school

and tell someone and it's going to be over. You think it's a weird mind game where you, like, can't leave and you don't want to, you know, it's crazy. Yeah. And then when he finally did die, it was like, A, I felt all this guilt, because I felt like I psychically made it happen

because I wished it too much. And then also I felt like, wow, this is what we did with our time on planet Earth, me and this person. Yeah. And it can't be fixed now. It can't be changed. I don't even have the luxury of later

having some resolution from it or some kind of apology. It just, that was what it was and that's it. And I was surprised at the feeling you're saying, which is regret almost. Like secondhand regret of like, that's what we did. That's what we did while we were here.

And I think what would have been so much nicer is for that person to have, I mean, I can't say that for you. I'm not saying you would have felt this way, but I think in my position where people who have like done immense evil, I think what would have been nicer is for them to have an about face and like apologized and tried to make right. And like I think that would have been so much more pleasing than like them just dying evil and thinking they were right.

Because that's the thing is they die thinking they were right. Oh, it's fierce. Yeah. It's fierce, especially, I mean, I don't really feel bad. for conservatives when they die. Maybe you and I are different. No, a lot of people agree with you. I don't feel super bad.

I feel... To be clear, though, I don't feel bad for them. I just feel bad. Okay, I understand. And there is a difference. I don't pity them. I don't feel sad for them. I'm not sad on their behalf.

I don't wish that they were still here doing what they were doing. I just feel sad. And it's more about me and us than it is about them. Does that make sense? It's a wasted life thing a little bit. Wasted purpose. It's pity almost. Yeah, that's a, yes, especially because so many of these, like, hateful thoughts are taught.

It's like, damn, bitch, if that same person would have been born in another family or something, they wouldn't have dedicated their whole life to this or whatever, you know? Because I don't think anybody's born homophobic or anything like that, but then they get taught that, and then they just walk around the world being crazy. Yeah. I'm homophobic, though. You are one of the most homophobic people I've ever heard. I am.

Yeah. That's the funny thing is conservatives and gay people. It's like, do you hate gay people? Because so do I. I know. and then, well, and then so many of the Tinder queers are like, you're playing into their hand. And I'm like, I don't know.

I think I'm being silly about my community and they're making laws. I think it's actually like, I think I can actually play around a lot of it. Of course. Like, I am homophobic. Not a, I am homophobic.

Would I, would I, would I off myself right now to better the lives of gay people in a second? Yeah. But, but they wear funny outfit. They're, why are they so in your face about it?

Yeah. They're shutting it down our throats. Yeah. Ideally. But. Maybe I think I don't I on some ways I'm like end stage woke I'm like stage four woke but in a lot of ways I like to make I'm gonna make fun of queer people till I die 100% it's just fun I also it's just fun I someone messaged me the other day and said hey can we either go on a date or can you buy me a car and I actually really like that I almost bought them a car are you dating are you dating now do what are you dating right now? I am that's the same person no oh I'm dating around oh you're dating I'm dating I'm dating I'm dating I'm I'm like in the process of dating. I love that.

It's a game of numbers, you know. I know that's like kind of corny, but about keeping your options open. I always have a boyfriend and I don't think I'm that great. But I do think. Shut up, bitch. Don't piss me off. No, but I'm not some kind of like. You're like one of the biggest catch in the universe.

But I'm not some kind of like the second I'm single, come out, come out wherever you are. It's not that. I just think I'm, I'm open. What do you mean? Open to ideas, open to different thoughts, open to possibilities. And you're a huge catch. Admit that. I get caught.

So, yeah. Trixie, thank you. I'll take it. We got there. I get caught. Yeah. You know, and when I got my Pernuvoscan,

you know what else they found? My pussy. Trixie. And it was big. It was in there the whole time? I pulled it out. I put it on the counter and we waded it and it was...

Slapped it down and it was heavy? It was very Dr. Pimple Popper. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. No, don't back off of it.

Do you remember in the show whenever she removes stuff, she shows it to them. That, I think, you're so over the line. Yeah. She'll cut out that Nerf ball on their back and be like, she makes them look at it.

I'm about to get a tonsillectomy and I want to keep the tonsils. Huntie. Tell me about your tonsillectomy. Okay, I was 19. Okay. I was in school and I was having some problems with singing. Still do. And they were looking at my throat and they said,

God, they're so big. Let's just remove them. And it hurts so bad. Yeah. It was a week of like, you don't realize how many small, tiny, smooth muscles are there until every micro-moving. movement hurts. Yawning was some of the worst pain I ever felt.

Okay. When you're stitched up back there and you accidentally yawn, I like saw stars from the pain. Yeah. So bad. That's what everyone says. You're going to be fine. No. Everyone says it's the worst thing that's ever happened to them.

It's the worst adult pain I've probably ever felt, yeah. They say you need a day for every year you've been alive to recover. I'm 31. Fuck. Yeah. But you know what though? You could go into hyperbaric chamber. Pardon?

It's that thing where you get the like higher percentage of oxygen. and it helps accelerate healing. They have that in L.A. you could do. How long would you stay in there? You just get in there for like an hour. I've never done it. But when I got, I recently had my third hemorrhoid removal. Why are they, how are they getting?

Which is a lot like your throat, it's reverse. Do the hemorrhoids need to be removed? I thought they just kind of went away on their own. At a certain point, they're squatters. They need to be like, they need to be, it's like, my hemorrhoids are like hippies who chain themselves to trees. Like they are not going out without a, fight.

They're not going. They're just going to stay. If I have like, you know, Google tell me one more time that just give it a few weeks, your body will resolve it on its own. Well, stop asking her. You clearly have a special situation with your hemorrhoids. Oh, me and my, my lovely proctologist, who I've seen for 10 years, me calling, hey, it's me again. I don't even say my name.

They know who I am. I know what's going on. I know what's going on. Being your proctologist is none, not an easy job. Micro, dirty jobs. It's awful. But that takes a while. Because again, it's a, your throat and your butthole is a smooth muscle that does a lot of this.

So the process of everything is just, it's an area that you want to heal fast, this. Yeah. And it's not going to feel as fast as you want. No, everyone's saying it's really, really bad. The eating sucks. I've had strep seven times this year. And that's worse. Eating sucks.

Eating, I'm not, you can't like eat for, it's going to be horrible. It's going to be a lot of ice water. It's going to be a lot of milkshakes. They're going to give you things for the pain, like steroids and stuff. and you're going to think you're so much better, and then it's worse. Oh, they're going to give me. Well, I'll tell you what they're giving me for the pain.

What the highest fucking concentration. I want these strongest pain meds you can fucking think of. I'm scared of them. I'm going to try not to take them, but from what I've heard, I will need them. Oh, yeah, because you don't even drink. I don't, I don't really drink. I'm not smoking anymore.

You should start drinking for that. I'm off weed and soda right now. I'm off weed and soda. You have no idea what this has done to me. I'm not having Dr. Pepper anymore. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. I'm not having Dr. Pepper.

What about Mr. Pib? No. None of it. Not even Diet Coke. Not Coke Zero. Not mug root beer. Can you drink Parrier? Like sparkling water?

Why would I do that? Sorry, I don't like them. Sparkling water makes me mad. And I'm obviously lashing out at you right now. It's not about you. Right. I'm feeling fucked up from being off soda. And I'm missing weed as well.

But I had a crazy panic attack and I saw it through the universe and I had to stop. This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Look, dating can be a goddamn nightmare. It can be a don't. and difficult thing to navigate, but thankfully our friends at Hinge are here to help. Hinge is the dating app designed to be, you guessed it, deleted. It's for people dating with intention. Going on dates, putting themselves out there.

Hinge is designed for finding connections. What makes Hinge the ideal dating app is its user-friendly layout and its interactive prompts feature that allow you to ask potential suitors, questions, or pick topics to get the conversation going without the awkward ice-breaking phase. What we hear is so true, the whole team, love the most about Hinge, and we're always bringing this up has got to be the signals feature, which allows you to see what profiles thoughtfully engage with their matches. I mean, who doesn't love thoughtful engagement? For anyone who might need a little assistance when it comes to making their profile pop,

Hinge has just released their new Friends Take feature that lets you invite the people who know you best to contribute short, authentic reflections directly to your profile via text, voice, video, and photos. Chance, why don't you give them a reflection for me for my Hinge profile? For you? Yeah, well, give them a, you know me best. Give him a reflection of me. Oh, wow. A great smile, and he always picks up the check. That's actually, yeah, that's actually really nice.

Wait, actually, Nicole Clip does that send that to me. Next time you're looking to make a connection, do us a favor and give Hinge a try. You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing on repeat? The sweater that goes with everything, the perfect pair of pants or the tea you somehow always reach for first. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy, and that's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples made with premium materials like one, 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and merino wool. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for it day after day.

There are 100% Mongolian cashmere sputter start at just $60, giving you the softness and quality you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag, which is the worst part of it, the luxury stuff. Everything at Quince has priced 50 to 80% less than their similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. And they don't just do clothing. Quince offers high-quality betting and bath essentials as well as other products to use around the house or while traveling. We picked up some blankets from Quince for the studio and they're so soft and comfortable. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash So True.

Get free shipping on your order on 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK to. That's QI-N-C-E.com slash So-True. Folks, are you always telling your friends? Let the professionals handle that when they're about to do something crazy. I try to fix their broken garage door by themselves. well, there's lots of things in life you shouldn't have to do alone. Like driving yourself home from surgery or dancing at a wedding or handling all your personal finances. Lucky for you, our friends at Rocky Money have the financial stuff covered so you can easily make smart decisions.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors you're spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings and put that money towards things that you actually care about. Like a solo trip to Spain or a nice gift for your mom on her birthday. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. for ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them in just a few clicks. Cancelled in just a few clicks, sounds like chances 2028. They have tools that automatically create transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context.

Wanting to start saving for that big family vacation this summer, these tools are here to help. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash so true. That's rocketmoney.com slash so true. rocketmoney.com slash so true. This podcast brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace, of course, is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, and grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

We all could use a good website in this day and age, I tell you what, and Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place, from consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Wow. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more.

So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to Squarespace.com slash So True for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code So True to save 10% off your first. purchase of a website or domain. I've been monogamous for a couple years now. Have you? And to me it's been, it's been great.

You've been monogamous, but all you ever do is flirt with me when we collab. It's so sick. And you're telling me I need to work on my relationship to men. This flirting isn't cheating. Yes, it is. No, it's how you respond.

Yeah, it is. No, it's not. I'm kidding. It's not flirting. If I'd say you have nice hair and you're a nice person, maybe it's something, why can't someone give you a compliment whether your brain going to wants me, wants to fuck me. You do want me.

But if you think that I want everyone and then you're having a lot of sex, maybe you think that any kind of men having any kind of positivity toward you is like, well, this is about this. Well, that's not true. Chance is positive towards me all the time. I wouldn't touch him with a 30-foot pole. He hates you. Chance loves me.

I pulled in the parking lot. He doesn't like working for me. He's scared of me. He didn't have any coffee from me, by the way. And he goes, I hate Caleb. I said, girl, me too. Totally. By the way, coffee's not his fault.

that's Michelle. So if you're going to get mad at somebody, get mad at Michelle, she's going through something right now, we're working on it. She's had really terrible time with time zones and coffees lately. She's just,

she's comfortable. Everyone who works for me, everyone who works for me is too comfortable. I'm genuinely, like this over there. I'm too kind. I'm too kind. You can't do that.

You know, Katia and I, recently, we've been balancing, we want to have an environment where everybody, we all have fun. Yeah.

But also, that's what I've done for these guys. That's what I've done for these guys. I ain't now like when we walk in the camera's got to be ready the air conditioning got to be on you got to do this yeah right they're too comfortable they're too comfortable you can't find good help anymore they're too comfortable they don't have your coffee ready but chance I will say despite you know does he do anything for the money he gets I don't think so or I don't see it does does he love me deep down yes I know that he does it's true he also has fabulous hair though so it kind of feels like that's what you guys do here doesn't he look at somebody keeps it tight though it's gorgeous thank you invite people on here. Yeah. And you all do your pantine pro v. commercial shit. Yeah.

And it's fucked. Yeah, it's really fucked up. It's fucked. It's really fucked up. You know what the best part is? I'm at this age now where all my gay friends are getting transplants. And they all have maybe the hair loss that maybe you have, if you have any. I do.

There's a bolt back here and my hair line's pushing back. Okay. They maybe have maybe as much as you, but even less. And they say things like, oh my God, I feel like I want to kill myself. And I go, oh, you do? if they were like you. Because if you were bald, would that be horrible? Yeah.

I was doing this. I was watching this DJ set online and they were playing vinyl. I like to watch the people. I don't play vinyl, but I like to watch the people who do. I think it's cool. And they had an overhead cam and this guy reached over to change records. And he had just the tiniest little saccharjuwea coin of skin visible. And somebody in the room goes, oh my God, did you see that?

I would be so pissed. I said what? They said, they just showed his bald spot. It would be so pissed. And I was like, oh, would you be pissed? would you be really pissed off? You don't even have a ball. It's about it. That's what I'm saying.

I'm at the point where when I wash my face, I go back to here. Yeah. And when I wash, when I use shampoo, I'm doing it to the upper lip. It's because it's hard to tell where it stops and starts. It's all, this is no man's land. This is that area where you can stand in four states. Yes. It's like maritime law.

It's like no one knows how to govern. I take my head. If someone got killed on your forehead, we don't know whose jurisdiction it would be. I take my noxema and my head and shoulders and I mix it. together and I do this whole area. Just a one fell swoop. Who knows? You get into men's grooming.

You probably have nice products. Oh, no. I don't have a skincare routine. And I use, the other day I got a haircut from a new guy here in L.A. And he came to my hotel room. He's cut my hair. He goes, what product do you use? I go, oh, crew fiber.

He goes, damn, old school. He was like, he was like embarrassed for me that that was my product. Crew fiber, I feel like does work, though. It does, I love, I also, I will say, I can't, I love my little bald spot. I love my fucked up teeth. I love that they're a little yellow. I love that one's pushed back. I like that my hairline's pushing back.

I like, I am like, I don't want to get any work done. So why are you going to therapy? Therapy? If you love yourself so much. That's internal work. Right. There's some stuff in there that might need to be worked on. Physically, I think I'm completely gorgeous.

I love the way I look. And I'm excited to get older. I'm starting to get gray hairs and I'm starting to get wrinkles. I'm excited about both from Trixie. I did though the other day, well, this is actually a couple months ago now. I Google, I started to Google Am I 11 sex addict? and I typed in Am I a LO and it auto-populated

Am I LO's Rewards Member? And I laughed so hard that I stopped Didn't look any further. Were you? What, Alo's Rewards Member? No. But I also want to know who is so confused about that.

Well, I'm a rewards member motherfucker. I don't buy anything anywhere without signing up for loyalty program. My email inbox is a wreck. You're famously the only person on this show who's ever insisted on getting their money from the True Fall segment. Still haven't got it.

Wait, I did get it. You got it. I did get it. You got it. Thank you for that. If that's coming, I'm going to win again. It's going to happen this episode, and I don't think you're going to win. And if you do, you're not getting paid.

But the funny thing is you talked to Mateo about it, didn't you? Yeah, I talked about shit on you in public, yeah. Oh, like, and what is she? Missed UNICEF? She just does all her shows for free. Nobody gets paid in this industry. Mateo? Yes.

Mateo would never, like, rake a dear friend over the coals for 50 bucks. But Mateo might also not tell someone they're going to get money and they not give it to them. Cut that. I love, he is so far. Again, another embarrassment of Riches person. So handsome, so funny, can sing. You know, he also can draw. He also speaks like 18 languages he can cook.

What he needs to do is leave us all the fuck alone. I just was at a bookstore yesterday or two days ago. Elliot Glazer launched his book and I went to go do his talk back. He's so fun and sweet. And I saw Mateo's book sitting there called Like You're Cooking Your Pasta Wrong or something. Yeah, he's like shirtless in an apron. I was like, whatever. By the way, he's the sweetest person alive.

I'm having Mateo Lane fatigue where I'm like, you need to leave us alone. I know. You have it all. I just saw him. He's on Broadway playing Billy Flynn. Which he was fabulous in, by the way. I got to go see the show. He was in Chicago with Krista Rodriguez, friend of the show. I love Krista Rodriguez. They were fabulous together. I've never met her. Theater people are fucking hero. I don't know how they do it. I'm not doing it. Jinks? Jinks doing all these serious, serious singing movement roles.

18,000 shows a week. They get seven cents and a handshake. The way Katia and I, when we're on tour and we have like four a week, the way we have suicide Packs. You don't understand. The way we... You guys barely do anything up there. Nothing.

Oh my God. We do the pod live and recently one of my friends came and said, you guys were great. I wish you guys would have done a show though. Live podcast is clocked. So valid.

Clocked. Two chairs, but I always, Katia will be like, she'll get so nervous that we don't do anything during the show and I'll be like, they're coming to the pod.

Yeah. These people have watched us through the pod for years. They know what they're coming to see and she's like, okay, but should we do a number? I'm like, no. I actually...

I actually... I need to take that pressure off myself. I'm in the Kacha camp of like, I feel like I'm never doing enough for the audience. Because I can't believe that people are paying money from their job that they worked to come and see me. But I'm like, we got to add something else. We got to have a pyrotechnic show. I got to whip out my nut. I got to do something.

Right. Yeah, I don't think they want to see my nut sack. Maybe some of them do it. Do you ever do PowerPoints? Katsi and I have been doing shitty PowerPoints that we make day of. That's been really fun. I know. I was in your Kansas City one.

Oh, yes. You mentioned me in it. Not nearly enough. Yeah, you put me as like a very small role towards the end of the presentation, which just felt like you're in my hometown. I had taken you out to lunch. It feels like I could have been. You think it was Paola?

Yeah, I just think you could have done a little more for me. Maybe you could have, I think I was recasting Wicked, and maybe you could have filled in for, because AOC was Alphaba. Yeah. So maybe you should have been Alphaba. He could have brought me out or something. Fuck AOC, right? What?

That's what you said, kind of. What did you say? What did you say? What do you think I say? Do you want her to run for president? Of course. Really? Oh, yeah.

Nice. Bring her on. You'd vote for that? My issue with any candidates is that in America, you have to be 35 to run. But if you're 35, they say you're too young. Then why is it the law? You're right. Why is 35 the minimum age?

If when you run and you're not 50, they're like, we got this young guy. No, we don't. 35 is near death. Yeah. I just feel like if you are 35 on the day, you should be, nobody should say you're too young to run for president. shit pisses me off. Would you ever run? No. For any office? No. Really? And I'm not even going to joke about like, well, based on who's one, I guess anybody could. No, I think the pendulum should swing to people who are very smart and could do a good job. Yeah. Is that wacky? Am I woke? You're not at all.

I'm going to run. You could run. I'm going to run. What is your education in? Polic, sociopolitical communications, my undergrad degree. Let's give her the crown. I mean, I will say, I need someone, if anyone in Kansas, is listening to this. Someone cool and leftist. We've got a mayor election coming up. Someone cool and leftist. Let's get his own situation going in KC.

No one stepping up. Is Paul Rudd from Kansas City? He sure is. I recently saw a video of Jenna Ortega talking about Paul Rudd talking about Kansas City. Yeah. Is she from Kansas City? No.

It's like Paul Rudd, Jason Sadecas, Heidi Gardner. You? Me? I'm over there. They have a charity show they do every year there that they bring a lot of people for. Recently I told someone you lived there

and they were like, Oh, wow. And I was like, why is it bad to live where you're from? Why is it bad to not live in L.A. or New York full time? Well, yeah, I don't. I'm like, I think it's nice. You're going to come soon. You're coming to Kin City because you're going to do the Yeha benefit show for the KC.

tenants. Oh, yeah. I was told that it is a fundraiser for people who are getting, unfortunately, like legally trying to get kicked out of places they live. And I don't like that. You don't like that. It's not you. I don't like that.

And I admire the way you care about shit. The only evictions you do are the hemorrhoids out of your asshole. Oh my God, can't do it fast enough. I'll get those lawyers over here to help me with that. Yeah. I'll send the sheriff's office down there to bang on the door. Yeah. Have you read a hemorrhoid?

Oh, sure. It's awful. Mine are just little small guys that go away. You don't do a lot of receptive anal sex, do you? No. So it's like, who cares? Is that how you get them? Not me.

Oh. Not me. Not me. I swear to God, I don't know what's going on with my body. I'm not a pusher. I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a I'm not a sit on the toilet and scroll on the phone I'm on the toilet for 40 seconds I'm able to just sit and it's all over quickly I swear to God I could have a a movement in 30 seconds and it could all be water and my body has a new hemorrhoid

that's like so I don't know you know what's happening you're just unfortunate I'm just unfortunate and you know what recently I saw an article on out.com and this could be a lie and it said here's my anal sex is actually good for your hemorrhoids. And I don't know if that's true. That seems like something out.com would make up. That's what I'm saying. Out and them are playing with the boundaries of journalistic integrity very often. Girl, it was like them.com or out.com or something.

And they had an article that was like, I'm 67 and I'm wanting to get to, to have my first time same sex experience. What is your advice? It was a 67 year old. And I just commented six seven. This is the beloved community that we're supposed to be in. You know, similarly what happened to me? once was they out.com had an article about two whales that had that fell in love that are gay.

I just commented and I got I got I got a band did you on Instagram I got a strike metal will bring you back though crazy yeah TikTok I got I got a strike for yelling where's Mitch McConnell on it during a DJ set I was DJing a drag and by the way it doesn't make sense that I yelled it it was at a pool party I just turned the music off and went where's Mitch McConnell turned it back on you got a strike for that yes the Just asking where he is. It's not even saying a bad thing. Asking where you are.

Drop a pin. Let us know. Drop a pin. Proof of life. Share your location. And then he shows up in suit separates and sneakers in a wheelchair. And we're supposed to be like, oh, good, he's back. Oh, girl.

It's like an AI video of him at Disney. Stop electing these old fucking dinosaurs. And I don't want to be agist either because that also sounds bad. No, I do. Get out of office. What are you doing in office when you're 80? What are these lifetime positions? Hang out with your grandkids.

Sit in the park. Nick a sweater. That's what they are doing. They're not at work. Well, to get out of Congress. I am agist about this. No, I'm dead fucking serious. If you put me in charge of this country for a little bit, we are lowering the age to be president to 30.

We are abolishing the electoral college. We are overhauling the two-party system. And we are putting an age cap on serving in any public office. If you are over 65, you better go play fucking mahjong and hang out in the park, bitch. Or it's over. Or transition to like. Another gender. No, yes.

Transition to like do the charity events, do the appearances, kiss the babies. Do like the, I was a politician and I still like these causes. You can still do your waving and endorsing. Of course, be in public. Be involved. Do ribbon cuttings at froyo shops? I don't give a fuck, but you cannot be in Congress anymore.

And I would, I mean, do you know how horny I would be if it was like, oh, I loved him? And you know what? We lost him at 65 because he retired, but I loved his policies. Do you know how much happier that would make me? Get Bernie's ass out of there too. Sorry. Girl. I love him.

Love him. My rule is going to affect him. I know. And that's what I mean. Like I hate sounding like a blanket statement about people of ages, but I don't know. It's like when you see someone's grandma on Instagram and they have a VR headset on and they dive through a wall because they don't understand how VR works, they should not be able to be like, take the headset and be off. Like that was weird. I'm going to go sign in some bills now.

Yes. What the fuck? And honestly, we're going to ban John Federman too. It's not even an age thing with him. it's that he clearly had some head trauma. And be drag queens. All the best drag queens are old. Yes.

Transition to drag. RuPaul, 60-something, the peak of beauty. You're getting up there as well. 36, pretty much. That's what's funny is drag queens. Drag-quinism is a 21-year-old drunk person's game. Yeah. The rest of us are just flies on shit.

We're vultures circling. Yeah. I will never be one of those drag queens. he's like, I'm 38 and I still got it. I know that I've overstayed my welcome. I know that. I'm not going anywhere. Yeah.

But I'm not a politician. Well, you're going everywhere, just not in drag. Right. Just not in drag. And I'm one of those drag queens who still gets in drag. Yeah. All these other girls are drag queens who, are you kidding? I've never seen you in drag.

Pods are the only time I'm not in drag. Seriously? When have you ever seen me anywhere? If you see me at a poster and it says, Trixie Mattel will be there, you never see, you know, this showing up. You never see Moby. I just wish you'd come and drag to my show every once in a while. I had to drive to Santa Monica. You think I want to be in Santa Monica?

You think I should be in the Volvo with a wig on? Do you think I want to be in Santa Monica, Trixie? Mary? Do you think it brought me joy to bring you to Santa Monica? I said to him, I said they better be giving you guys some serious kickback because I thought I was going to East Hollywood. Serious kickback? They get paid to do nothing.

No, no, no. This studio, there better be some kind of deal, some kind of steep cut. Because my God, I had to get the airlift. lifted here. And you have a New York studio too. And everyone here is lovely. I only have a New York studio. This is not mine. We're borrowing this. Oh, is that why this all looks so temporary? Yes. Yeah. I mean, because what is this saying? You know what I mean? Well, there's some hats. New York, LA Kinsey. I didn't make the set, but I think they did a beautiful job. They made the they made the banner. They have a fireplace. Some tassels, which of course represent me.

This is actually incredibly chic. I, you know what it gives? Those butt plugs that have the ponytail? It's giving this one specific coat that Merrill wore and Devil Weir's Proto, too. She wore this coat that was covered in tassels That is so fucking chic I saw on the plane the other day Somebody was watching your movie right next to me That World's Prada? Yeah

Oh my God Look over and saw you I love that shit I love I get embarrassed When I see myself on things But when I see someone I know I'm like I'm like ooh hooo

I get really into Do that again That was cool Oh that was cool I like that Kind of Someone said me a mask It was hot mask

It was hot mask Someone sent me a picture The other day On a plane of someone in this row Watching my HBO special And someone like two rows up Watching Devil Wears Prada too That's great

And I was like, that's really cool. That was nice. That actually made me feel good. Trixie. I was flying with my partner, and Trixie Motel was showing on, like, Air Canada, and somebody was watching it. It was like, me and my ex. And I was like, look out the window.

Are those clouds? Oh, my God. Beautiful. Beautiful. Pull up the shades. Yeah. And then sometimes, I think some of the airlines have dragers. What do I?

I always rewatch the office on airplanes. Yeah. Because Delta always has it, so I always put it on. And then what else do I be watching? I watch the flight tracker. What's easy? I do, too. I like to know what I'm going over.

And I, people think, you see me crying at a plane, I'm watching the flight tracker. Yeah. Weeping. Oh, I flew to Turkey and Turkish Airlines first class has a middle seat, don't ask. And so I was in the middle seat. And by the way, as a white, bald person to fly to Turkey, the flight attendants were like, it's a big trip. Rest up. This is a big trip.

Rest up. You're going to need it. This is huge. This is huge. I'm like, yeah, can I get a champagne? Thank you. Yeah. And this woman next to me is watching the notebook.

And the notebook is so good. Yeah. She's watching it with headphones. I actually can't plug my headphones into her shit. I watched it the whole movie like this with no sound and cried still This woman Imagine you're flying to turkey

You look over Trixie Mattel Is sitting there crying Out of drag He's sitting there watching your screen No headphones weeping Weeping That just shows how beautiful performances They give in that movie

They give beautiful performances Let me tell you something about Rachel McAdams I would do anything for her I love her so fucking much She's one of our greatest actors Doesn't get talked about enough And the woman who plays that character, the older woman? Yes.

I forget her name. She passed away last year. Yeah, she's amazing. The scene with no sound where she realizes, it was us, oh my God. And Walter Mathau, I think, or no, whoever. It's James Garner and Gina Rowlands. The scene where they have that, she's like, how long do we have? Are the kids okay?

She was beautiful until the day she passed, but when she was young, she was a dime. Yeah. You ever seen her young? Of course, gorgeous. Gina Rollins. She's beautiful. She's absolutely beautiful. Wait, hold on, I was going to ask you something.

It was about planes. You were talking about... Stop that train. Oh, no. What season of drag race were you on? I was on season seven. You're on season seven. And I was on All-Stars 3.

But I have little peppered in little cameos here and there. Did you win? I won All-Stars 3. You didn't win your season. That's sad. No. Didn't win. Who beat you?

Violet Chachky Oh And I don't even know her She was 21 How old were you? 24 Oh my God

Yeah It was a long time ago It was like 10 years ago Katte and I just rewatched it for our We rewatched We rewatched All Stars 2 Because Kaij was an All Stars 2 Yeah

We just watched that on our Did she win? No Oh We watched it on our Patreon I don't want to say Patreon People get mad Our Pistler

Yeah It's our Pesel People get mad when you say Patreon? Yes Why? We launched the Patreon people were not happy. I don't know.

Also, the nice thing about drag is the backbone of drag is someone walking around the room being handed money. So it's never really gauche to be in drag and be like, can I have some money now? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Oh, go to the car and get my credit card. Like, it's really fine.

Yeah. Drag is all about walking around asking for money. 100%. As far as I know, my first drag show ever, you walk around and pretend to sing someone else's song while people do this. I want to watch your drag race sometime. The one that you want,

I don't want to watch you lose. I think that'd be really sad. You know, even when I did win, it was, I kind of lucked out. It was almost like a formality. What happened? Someone forgot to put their paperwork in on time or something? No, I don't know.

You'll have to watch it. It was sort of like, that's the thing about Drag Race. Nobody's ever happy who wins. Yeah. It's always people are upset about who didn't. That's the thing. In a lot of ways, it's nice to not win

because then your whole life you just hear, I really loved you. I wanted you to win. Yeah. And if you do win, then people are maybe more mad at you on behalf of who they wanted to win. Yeah.

But also the money is nice. But the government takes, it counts as lottery winnings when you win drag race. The government takes 40%. You win money for winning drag race? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Now they win $200,000. They win $200,000 if they win drag race?

Oh my gosh. But, I mean, the government takes 40% of that. So 120 or whatever that is? Yeah. You've been 120? That's still, that's an incredible money to do. Oh, it's great. And it's better than doing all that and not win.

You're so right. You're so right. It's incredible. money to just pretend to be a girl all day. Oh, put on a dress and put on a wig and change your name and walk around and go, I just finished all my music festivals. And I was like, wow, my whole life as a musician, I've always wanted to do music festivals. All I had to do is change my name, dress as a different person, and play other people's music.

Yeah. And all of it was possible for me. And I got it. And I got it. And I am really proud of you. You know, you train your whole life to go DJ in 90 degree weather outside. Yeah. It was death-definely hot.

And you're doing it. And I'm doing it. And you're doing it. You're throwing a pink disco. all the time it seems. Although it was, we're outside, and we're in San Francisco, and all these people were like,

God, it's cold. I was like, so gay people have the nerve to complain when it's cold outside and complain inside when there's not enough air conditioning. Yeah. We're not happy

unless it is magically 71 at all times. I can think of the last concert I went to where it was magically 71, and it was a beautiful evening. I remarked on it the whole night. What concert was it? It was Nathaniel Raitliff

in the night sweats at the starlight in Kansas City, and Hannah Cohen opened and she was fabulous. The night sweats? Yes. They call themselves the night sweats and there was no sweating.

Nathaniel Waitliff and the night sweats. You guys should collab. You and Nathaniel doing song together would be really funny. You had me at air conditioning. Hello. Nathaniel, the way you will get this crossy down there

if you get the good. What? Is that bad? Don't say crossy. Crossy. Crossy Teigen. Don't sing. Don't.

Trixie. Yesterday I was with Brittany. Okay. She goes, you know, I was talking to Trisha the other day. And I was like so lost for a couple senses. Yes.

And I thought she was talking about Trisha Paitis. And I was like, Where is this going? Because she was talking about it in a familiar way, and I don't know, Trisha. And I was like, what the fuck is she talking about? And then I was like, oh, you're talking about Trixie? And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, Brittany. She's my complainer friend. I think she and I, like, came up around the same times. And, well, she's significantly younger than me, but, and she's significantly more famous than me. But we complained together. So I call her and I pick up and it's just like, girl.

And then it's just the Indiana Jones, like, Boulder, starts rolling of everything that's pissing us off about everybody who, you know. Every time she and I hang out, It ends with us holding each other's hands and being like, I can't tell you how special it is to know you. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to be your friend. It gets therapy quick. Well, you know what my hard pitch is here.

Tell me. My hard pitch is that me, you, Drew, and Brittany get to do the view. Yeah, you've been pitching this. I really think we should just do a live tour together. I also would love that. And I know the big problem is that all of us are stretched in our own cinematic universes. I'm available. It's a little bit like Justice League.

We're trying to get Batman. We're trying to get the Flash, the Wonder Woman. I'm available. I think it would be so fun. It would be so fun. We should just do it. We could do something really easy to. We could do like two weeks, just for like four cities, weekend, whatever.

Call it a day. Well, we're going to need to stay in a lot of these cities for more than one night. I'll tell you that. You think? Why? Because we're going to sell the shows, Trixie. Oh, we could do Radio City. We could do three radio cities.

Yeah, we should do a tour. Have you done it? Oh, you should. Oh, you should. I was meant to do it this year. I didn't. But then I didn't go on tour. I know you did.

So it's really crazy what people will turn. up for these days. It's nuts. I know. It's nuts. I couldn't, they, not good air conditioning, though. In Radio City? That's how they get you. Fuck. Katia had a tirade. Fuck. Afterwards, she called. I'm going to tell everybody. Katia, after the show, and it's like, oh, it's the radio city, whatever. Oh my God. It was me. Katia. And then Kelly was in our show, Kelly Mantle. And we're doing our sound check and we're like, you know, Katia are so fucking over it all the time. It's horrible. It's like, you look back on these experiences and you're like, you're such an asshole. Why weren't you beaming? But it's not a good look. Shut up.

And then Kelly comes up to us and goes, oh my God, y'all, it's Radio City Music Hall. Can you believe it? And we both look at and go, oh, shut up, Kelly. Shut up. No, I love Kelly. But it was so hot. Katia called all the managers, agents, everyone into her dressing room, closed the door, and screamed and cried. It was fierce.

I love that. And I love when she frixing. Because I'm so used to being the only person who, I'm sorry. I never want to be difficult. And so it's like, oh, here's Tracy Martel, that diva barking. her orders again, but when Katty gets pissed off, everyone listens. Really? Oh, it's great.

Whenever I really need something, I call her and have her ask for it. I really want a big diva moment soon. I want to, like, blow up on my team. I do. I really want to blow up on my team. You have a microphone there right here. Should we cut? No, not these guys.

It would be really sad to blow up on them. I want to blow up on them. What? Want me too? Blu up on my team. Yeah, go blow up on them right now. I'm so fucking sick of all of you. Get them.

The bullshit. I'm driving all the way out here, drive down an alley. Bring up the laziness. And it's the laziness. I walk in here, we're in this makeshift studio that's like what, the set from an office max commercial that didn't run?

To sit with Miss Thing here, or there's no makeup on her legs? Why would I have makeup? Why am I part of it? Just yell at them. Because of the bruises. There's bruises? Well, there's going to be. Don't, Trixie.

Trying to call my manager right now. I want to know what the biggest diva moment I've had is. She's not answering. Tova Silberman. Hi, this is Tova Silverman. Completely unprofessional. That's really, it's like when Valley Cherish called CAA and she only can get a hold of the assistant.

Wait, hold on. I got a voicemail. Oh, wait. Wait, Trixie, this is crazy. They were trying to call me during this episode. What is going on? We'll find out later. Don't worry about it. I want to know what my biggest diva moment was. Guys, what's been my biggest diva moment? I've never had a diva moment.

You have? Yes, you have. How? You have to have had one. No, can I tell you, when I think I've had a demon moment, I call everyone apologizing, and they're all like, girl, that was not a diva moment. Really? Because you got to understand, I work in drag. Yeah.

The bar for being a decent human being is in the basement. It's in hell. So as long as I say, fuck you all, please, like, it's fine. Yeah. You know, I hate all you bitches. Love you. I don't think I've had a big one. I have little ones mostly around impatience, and I'm working on my impatience.

I don't think I've had, like, a huge one. There's not been something I've needed to, like, call everybody and apologize for it yet, that I, or maybe I should have. I don't think so. Guys, what's my biggest diva moment? The only one that comes to mind for me is, and it is a small one, and it was pretty justified. I forget what city we were on tour. It was in the latter half of the tour. We were all very tired.

You were dealing with like a leg injury or something. I did. I hurt my, I fucked up my foot. He's pretending he doesn't remember it, but all these details. Yeah, all these details are. He's like, I don't know. I could think of maybe one. What I do?

We were in the rental car. We'd had like a rough flight. We'd had a rough process of getting the rental car. They like took forever. You were really upset. And when we pulled up to the valet for the hotel, you took the keys and threw them at me. and then went straight into the hotel to your room

and didn't say a word. That is... You didn't, like, chuck them, but you, like, tossed them at me and then just went straight into the hotel. I think I tossed them to you. I know I didn't throw them at you. I've never done something like that. I'm serious.

I never have. I think I threw them to you. But, yeah, that was... I actually do apologize. I'll tell you my horrible day. The ultimate meltdown was at the Critics Choice Awards, and I got nominated for my little special, and all the other specials were, like,

real specials. Peacock, Netflix, and mine was self-produced, so I already was like, oh, my God. And anyway, I was going to lose because it was against Bo Burnham inside. He deserved the win, of course. But I couldn't believe I got invited. So I go, and I'm standing there, and it took so long to get there, and I had to shoot all day at at World of Wonder.

I had to shoot all day in drag, and then go straight to the red carpet, which was fucking bogus, looking back, or she just canceled. What are they going to do? Shoot me. So I get there, and I'm in the back of this line waiting, and other people's publicists keep cutting the line, and I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and then I can't get up to the front of the line. this other publicist comes up and she goes, oh my god, Trixie, I try to represent you.

And I go, yeah, I like the people I'm with. And she goes, well, if you were my client, you wouldn't be in the back of this line right now. Period. And I go, oh, is that what you do? You go to the back of the line and try to harass the least famous people here to drum up business. Honestly, though, that's a great pitch. You're my client. You wouldn't be standing here looking like a fool. I did say that. And she goes, I don't have to drum up business. And then her two A-list clients come grab her on each arm when they walk to the front. So then I keep waiting. And I get to the front of the line and the most famous people show up last. So they're all cutting last.

I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. I get up to the front of the line. It's Will Smith, it's Christmas Stewart, it's everyone. And then they close the red carpet, turn off the lights. And so then I go, okay, I guess I'll go inside. Didn't we get a picture in the dress. I go inside to the cocktail hour. They closed the cocktail hour.

That made me want to cry, Trixie. That was a really sad story. And then Matt and Bowen go, you want to come in and sit with us? And I go, I don't have a ticket because I'm not with a network. And the tickets were $1,200 a piece. So I didn't buy one. So then I just went home in the Uber. And I sat on the couch and watched.

myself losing drag but I rode the whole way home sit and I can't sit in a car normal so in drag I sat like this on the floor the whole ride home but this moral of the story is when I'm really upset I don't blow up I say nothing tricks you that's the saddest story I've ever heard and the person I was in the car with later said I knew you're upset because whenever you're really upset you you say absolutely nothing and that's like chilling because you're always talking when you say nothing at all but you know what though this is also I'm I'm playing the blame game why don't you get there early enough Why don't you cancel your day shoot? Why don't you?

There's a lot of why don't you that I should. Why don't you get a ticket? I know it was $1,200, but why didn't I buy one? Just buy the ticket to go into the award show. Absolutely. There's a million things you could have done. Why are they charging nominees? But the picture of you standing in the line when they shut the lights off and closed down the carpet in drag is like so deeply sad.

It makes my heart ache. It was crazy. I think I begged one of them to turn the lights back on and the person I was with took an iPhone picture. That was my picture from the critic's choice warrants. Trixie. Well, what's so true to you? I might have said this last time, but I feel really strongly about it. Still, who cares?

This rigmarole surrounding people's biggest fear on an airplane is that they're going to have to check their bag. Just check the fucking bag. Disagree. And if you are in group K, why are you standing right at the mouth of where we're getting in the plane? This is real. Why are you standing up there? You know you're not boarding yet. It's not time yet.

Yeah. Even if you're standing in the front. Yeah. Until that fucking sign says group seven, you are just a statue collecting pigeon shit. Yeah. And you're in tricks. It's like they're standing there like on your marks. Like shut up.

We're not going anywhere. Yeah. It drives me insane. And then I'm not even saying it's because I'm obviously group one. But it's not even about that. It's not about that. You're blocking the old people. Yeah.

The infants, infants and toddlers. with, the wheelchairs, military service members, pilots, anybody who's getting on before you, is having to hunger games, like, sidestep around you because you are standing there, like, if you don't get on this plane, and if they have to put your bag on a blue tag or whatever, that you're going to off yourself. Yeah.

It's so extreme. I am going to off myself. Do not check my bag. I want that fucking bag with me. Just sit down until they say group L. Yeah. That's all you have to do? Yeah.

I just think it's crazy. I think you're right. I agree with you. People waiting at the front when they're in a very late group that's annoying. I am going to put my bag on the plane. I packed in a very specific way

for a reason and I don't trust them. They'll lose my shit. I want my stuff. Do you take a carry-on to your gigs and you don't bring a check bag? No, I don't check a bag. I guess for me it's because of drag. I have no option to ever not check a bag.

Yeah, you don't have choice. So maybe for me I'm like, this is so stupid. I've gone to Europe for three weeks with only carry-ons. I'm very serious about the carry-on. This trip I had to have a big check bag and I asked Michelle to bring it with her,

and she will be taking it home. I do not want to travel with a check bag. Waiting a baggage claim to me feels like torture. My partner travels with, like, in his bag, like the toothbrush, the phone charger, the pajamas, just in case. Yeah. Which I do think is smart because I don't do that.

Well, your medications, anything that you need, anything you know you need, you should never check. But I don't check anything. I take two carry-ons. I take my away suitcase. They've never paid me a dime. They will not give me anything free. Away, go ahead and do something.

They want you to go away. They want me to go away. They're like, don't talk about our brand. You're bad for business. And then I have like a backpack with like my laptop and books and stuff and that's it. Do you buy into the propaganda of these weekender bags that have like kind of like mine where they have like you're meant to be able to put a pair of shoes in the bottom, a change of outfit? Like a bag like that where you don't have to, I just always need a rolling suitcase. You're like to catch me at the airport with a bag with a strap.

It's annoying. I have a garment bag that's really great. That's a garment bag that rolls up into a duffel. That thing is chic. It's fierce. When I need to bring dress clothes. That's pretty cool. You can put shoes and underwear and everything.

It has side pockets. It has a laptop thing on the back. It's sick. You don't have to steam, do you? You still have to steam. It's pretty rolled up. It's pretty cool, though. I think, I mean, I always travel with, because we have to travel with like three bags of drag at least.

Three huge rolling suitcases of drag. Sometimes the guitar. Always I have to DJ, so I'm always bringing my computer, like at least some small DJ equipment. So I just have never, I've never been able to pack light in my whole life. Yeah. It's never happened for me. It's not for you. It's not going to happen for you.

That's not your journey. And I can only do a backpack. If I do anything else, it's getting left. Yeah. I travel sometimes with some of my little synthesizers and stuff. Forget it. I always forget it. If I put the computer, the iPad, in the pocket, it's gone forever.

I've lost so many iPads on Delta. What? Just get it. Get out of the box, charge it, download some porn, leave it. Surprise. Do you watch porn? Do I watch porn? Very rarely.

I've been off porn for, like, a few years. I'd say I watch porn, like, I always. Like once a month, maybe. I pivoted to, again, living in the moment, if I want sex, let's do sex. Say that. Let's do sex. Say that. We don't have to do total recall.

We don't have to do FaceTime. You know. Also, I don't want to watch those guys have sex. I was hoping to do it. The jerking off iPad baby. You know what I mean? What? Like, you have the phone and bed.

It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that at all. You're not doing phone porn? Like once a month I might watch porn, if even.

I'm not, I also can't watch it in Missouri anymore. They banned all the good sites. I've watched so much phone porn that, but I do watch it on a bigger screen. I'm like, everything's too big. It's too much. It's too much. Yeah, you get scared. It's like I'm at the Wizard of Oz at the Dome.

It's too much. We're not supposed to, wait, I've never been to the dome to see those big movies, but I think it'd be really overwhelming. I would like to see something. I would like to see a movie in the dome and not a concert. What would you see? If you could go to the dome and let's say you could pick the movie in your mind and just snap your fingers and it would be that movie. What movie would you want to see in the dome?

Gorious bastards. Holy shit. Holy shit. I want to be in there. Is that the one with the Nazis? Yes. Is it Tarantino film, right? It is.

I have seen this. It's really good. It is good. Sorry. It's Tova. I'm my manager. Hey, what's going on, brother? Hi.

Both of us. How are you? Hey, I'm sorry. I know you guys tried to call to talk about actual work. I'm on the pod with Trixie Mattel right now. Hi. Trixie says hi. I just wanted to know, what do you guys think my biggest diva moment has been in the years that we've worked together? Oh, my God. Where to begin?

That's such a good question. Where to begin? Where to begin? Perfect. I don't know. There's no diva moments. Olivia. Come on.

You guys know I've had one. What is it? Hold on. Trixie wants to talk. Okay. Obviously, that's your client, so you can't tell. him, but it's just me and you're talking now. Okay, so sad.

So what's the tea? Oh my God. I'm really trying to take. They're so stressed. They're stressed the fuck out right now. One time I was on a pod with him and he called his manager in the middle of it. That was kind of rude. That wasn't rude.

That was for content, Trixie. That wasn't rude. Olivia's sweating. They love you. All right. Hang up on them. Hang up on them. All right.

Well, thanks for the input. Hi. Refusing to answer. Hang up on them. They get paid so. much money to not even give me a good clip. Is this a galaxy note? It's a galaxy, what is it, a galaxy pixel? Or is it Google Pixel? Oh, it's Google Pixel. Do you love? Yeah. They're amazing. I did a little thing for Google Pixel and I got to use the phone for the commercials. Yeah. That is an amazing phone.

They need to stop putting all the fucking AI in it, but I like the phone other than that. The Pixel 9, I think I had. The camera. They're calling me back. They have an idea. Wait, did you guys think of something? In unison, we thought of it. All right, what is it? You didn't want to go to the Oscar. Oh. Are you guys nervous about me putting that out in public?

Ask Red Lindsay. That's not what we're here for. They said, ask your publicist. All right, love you guys. Bye. No, you know, I got invited to the Oscars. I'm pro-a-war show, but I think it's okay. Like my critic's choice story, it's okay to admit that going to them is, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a lot.

I just don't have interest. I don't like a word show. So I'm not interested in them. I don't care about them. I don't care who won. I don't want to be there. I feel that way about a lot of them and premieres because I, to me, if I'm going to go to premiere, I'm being invited to go in drag.

Yeah. Me sitting in a movie theater in drag. In the dark. I only did it for Barbie. In the dark. Yeah. And they put me. You.

You and drag in the dark. Because of my hair. No, literally. Literally. No, literally. Literally. I've gone into them in, when I go to them out of drag, I get treated like, why are you here? And when I go in drag, drag, I get treated like.

rightfully so a huge obstruction. Yeah. Ten foot wig and Barbie. Tiny and 90 pound Hollywood people. And I'm like, excuse me, excuse me. Is this me? Is this me here? Okay.

Get out of here. Marge Simpson wig and like blindbacker shoulders. And I went to Barbie in drag and they put me in the ADA section, which was, which was smart. Appropriate, yeah. I was in the ADA section, which was the best. choice for somebody dressed like big bird yeah you needed to be in your own zone where you could have some space because i get really insecure about i turn around to the people behind me and say sorry

brittany and i went to we were doing that cover shoot for hollow deporter for youtube and brittany and i were like all right we got take us to a little shop of horrors right after this what was the piece it was like how youtube is like um it was like about like top youtube creators oh and they picked you guys we don't know why yeah diversity hires yeah but they needed a woman and they need Brittany, a gay guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brittany and I had to go straight to Little Shop of Horrors, and I thought I would have time to get out of drag.

Yeah, no. And I'm in an off-Broadway theater, which, as you know, is TSA. It's like small. Yeah. So I'm sitting like this, because I have three wigs on. I feel so bad. That girl from that movie, Divergent,

I forget what her name is, she's sitting behind me, and I'm going, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And she was a fan, so she was nice about it. But no matter how much her fan you are, You can't see through my head. Yeah, you'd like to see the show. So I had to watch the whole shore like, like, so did me see.

Do you know what it would be a gag? Next time you have to go to an event and they want you in drag, you should wear a huge wig that has a hollowed out like window. Oh, so people can see through it. That's a great gag. It should be like the back of the Delta seat. Yes. Where you could plug headphones in and you charge your phone. Yes.

That's amazing. And it's just a simulation flight tracker. Yes. And I'm crying. And they can watch it. You're crying, yeah. I really want to see Rocky Horror. Well, right now you need to play.

play a game. Okay. I can't talk to you about Rocky Horror right now. You ready? I'm going to read you 15 statements, so you're going to tell me as quickly as you can. If what I just said was true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars, and I know that we will. Am I still the only guess that wanted the money? Yes. I'm going to pronounce these first ones wrong, I think, but beta is the capital of Libya? Wrong. False. It's Tripoli. The first Star Wars movie was released in theaters in 1975. False. It's 1977.

A mile is 1,600 meters. False. It's true. Fuck! Angela Lansbury was born at sea on a British naval ship. That's actually true. False was London. Fuck!

Wisconsin State motto is forward. That makes you so embarrassed that I don't know. True. It's true. Yes! ExxonMobil has the most gas station locations in the U.S. False. False.

It's shell. Puffins mate for life. Like the cereal? Oh, it's a bird. Some sort of penguin or something. They don't. It's true. Fuck!

Only 3% of the water on earth is freshwater. That's true. That is true. Barnes & Noble was founded in 1873. That's true. That is true. UW Milwaukee's mascot is Perry Panther. It's true.

False. Pounce Panther. Fuck off. Like I ever went to a sporting event and my 16 years I spent getting an undergrad there. I had part-time jobs. Am I being punished? The humorous bone is in the sport. the leg.

It's true. False. It's the arm. The Minnesota Vikings have never won the Super Bowl. That's true. That is true. Grizzly bears can run at speeds up to 35 miles per hour. How many do I have to get?

I'm getting this money. Grizzly bears can run at speeds up to 35 miles per hour. False. They can go faster than that. It's true. There are no Walmarts in Hawaii. True. False.

I'm getting so pissed off right now. Wizard of Oz had its world premiere in Green Bay, Wisconsin. False. It's true. What? You are not telling the truth. How'd you do? Seven.

I counted seven. Okay, well, fuck my money then. What do I pay you? I don't want to see it. Yes, and it's the rates a lot higher than 50. Has anybody else ever won? It's based on income. Oh, yeah, plenty of people won.

Did Lizzo win? Lizzo's not been on the show. Trixie. Wait, no, no, no. I did that. I did some kind of press piece once that was like, name that, tune and the two people had won was me and Lizzo. Different thing.

Different thing. A lot of people. People always mix us up. You and Lizzo? Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. You guys have a lot in common.

Do you think in Australia they say Lezor? Yes. Lizar? All love Lezorzorce. His own Jors. Good is Hill. Do they love you in Australia? Don't know.

Australians, if you're here, shout me out in the comments. You've never been to Australia? No. Too far. If they would put it somewhere else, I'd go. They love comedy and they love gay people. I don't care what they love. They need to love being closer to the U.S.

I'm not taking. I'm not taking that flight. Do you go to the UK? Yes. I guess I'm trying to think of like, because your content is all in the English language, I bet maybe similar to Katia and I, you do well in a lot of the English-speaking areas.

I do very well in the UK, and it's a six-hour flight from the U.S., which is very appropriate. And I love the UK. Those bitches can take a joke, any kind of joke. They're cool. I really love British audiences. That's incredible.

I'm actually filming my first British Tui show soon. Fierce. I can't talk about it. But I am excited. Why did you bring it up? Because I wanted to brag, but I didn't have the ability to share the full details. I'm really proud of myself because I've worked very hard to get to where I am in life.

And I wanted to share it with my friend, a dear friend, who I love very much. I know I'm Wisconsin because you just said brag. Bragg? Bragg? It should be Braig. It should be brag. We got to go, Trixie. I love you so much.

Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much. I guess since I didn't win any money, I'll just go gas up my car and make the trip back to Hollywood. You are so annoying. Next time I think if we could get an Uber helicopter to me. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Maybe we can get some views on your stuff finally? That'll be great.

I'm at Trixie on everything, including YouTube, TikTok, everything. I'm not at Trixie on Instagram. Somebody who owns that, I think it's a fake account, and I tried to get it from them. They said they wanted $60,000. You have that. Yeah, but at what cost? $60,000. Because I want to be at Trixie on everything.

It bothers me that there's one platform where I'm at Trixie Mattel. Yeah, it's okay, though. I think you're doing well. It's okay. What else do I have to plug? When does this come out? Oh, we don't know. We don't know.

Potentially September 3rd, but don't hold us to that. Okay, it's a little early, but I have a Halloween EP coming out called Till Death Thus Part. Huge. And I have a Halloween special I'm doing. Oh, my God. Fun! I love that. I love Halloween.

Love spooky stuff. I'm doing another special. And I love it. I might have to call you out for a little bit part. Easy. And it would be a voice note only. You wouldn't have to do anything. It's done.

All my friends are drag queens, so I have to make up roles for them where they don't have to put on any makeup or wigs. Yeah. Because the one thing drag queens hate, ironically, is getting in drag. Doing drag. I feel bad saying that here or not. drag. Of course. Next time you come on the show, I'm sure you'll come in drag. I will. Will you wear those shoes?

Not if you don't want me to. It's bold of you to wear them and then be like a natural leg crosser, like all hoard out like this. These shoes are cute. People are going to like these shoes and you're going to get a lot of hate for hating on these. I think the lesbian austeree... You know, you're in plain white air force as if you're some kind of fashion. These are fashion. Those are for lesbian osteopaths. And that's what that is me, Trixie. You are a strict shift manager at... Cut the cameras. We're done