Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - 10 Years of Trying to Quit Drinking: Andy’s Sobriety Story

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

What happens when you know alcohol is hurting your family, but you still can’t stop drinking?Andy returns to the Sober Motivation Podcast to share his journey from years of secret drinking and failed attempts to quit alcohol to reaching 18 months sober.For nearly a decade, Andy knew his relationship with alcohol needed to change. He would wake up hungover, promise himself he was done, and eventually find himself drinking again. As his drinking progressed, he began hiding alcohol from his wife and family. When his son found one of the bottles, Andy realized he was risking the people and life that mattered most to him.In this honest conversation, Andy talks about alcohol addiction, quitting drinking, fatherhood, rebuilding trust, relapse prevention, and finding lasting sobriety through community. He also shares why trying to get sober alone never worked and how connecting with other sober people finally helped him make the change stick.For anyone questioning their drinking, trying to quit alcohol, exploring an alcohol-free life, or looking for real stories of addiction and recovery, Andy’s story is a reminder that you don’t have to hit rock bottom before choosing a different life.Andy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aaernie/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I would say probably close to 10 years where I was like, man, I got to get my shit together. It was like a running joke that every weekend was my last hurrah. Is it, dude? Like, I'm going to get drunk tonight. Starting off fresh Sunday and way longer than it should have been. But I would say probably close to 10 years where I was really kind of struggling with it. Great to have you back for another episode on the podcast. If you're enjoying the show here on YouTube, don't forget to like and subscribe.

If you want to check us out on the Sober Motivation app, so many of you have been reaching out to me asking about Android version of the app. We officially have an Android version of the app. Over 60 community calls per month, daily support, an incredible community. If you could use some help, getting on track with giving up drinking, come and hang out with us. Download the app for free. Head over to Sobermotivation.com. Now let's get to Andy's story. Welcome back to another episode of Sober Motivation, reconnecting with my buddy Andy here.

Andy, give us sort of the Cliff Nodes version of what it was like for you growing up. Yeah, dude. So I grew up. I live with my dad and stepmom. I had a small town in Michigan. I have a brother that's a younger, two younger brothers, one that's about two years younger than me, and then one that's 12 years, 12 years younger than me. We grew up there.

I moved out when I got a job. When I was 20, I've been out ever since. But growing up was good. You know, I had a good household, good upbringing. You know, I did well in school, played sports, all that good stuff. Didn't really drink in high school very much. I was always too scared to get caught. I'm like, well, if I get caught, I'm going to be in trouble and not going to be able to play football and all that stuff.

and all that stuff. And I really wasn't going to outrun anybody. So I figured it would just be better to not partake. In fact, I really didn't drink much until I turned 21. I was working at a factory. It was a pretty big drinking culture. I met my two best friends there. We all lived together for a while.

And that's when my drinking really ramped up, probably early 20s. You know, and it was cool. You know, it was a cool thing to do. do, people were like, man, this dude can drink. You know, these guys are fun. And we just, you know, me and my best friend lived together. We had the party house. Everybody would come over.

And then I moved in like 2007, I moved out. Or sorry, it was earlier than that was 2006. I moved out. My son was born in 2007. Drinking really didn't slow down at all. I still was drinking. weekend, probably five, four to five days a week, every weekend, heavy drinking. I never got in any trouble, never lost my job, anything like that.

I moved to North Carolina in 2013. Being down there alone, my drinking was still going very strong. I didn't know anybody down there. I had moved into a new apartment, started a new job. and yeah, it just kept going, increasing, you know, increasing actually to the point where I was missing a lot of time at work, things like that. It started to get noticed. We ended up moving back to Michigan. The job didn't work out, needless to say. And when I got back, I don't know, a few months after we got back, my son's mother and I split up. And then it was really on because I didn't have anybody to monitor me. You know, and she drank, we drank together a lot, but when she moved out, nobody was there to tell me, slow down, you're drinking too much, things like that. Work suffered, money suffered. It was a struggle, you know, it was just a struggle to get up and do this every day.

Then I met my wife in 2017, and, well, I don't, we weren't dating very long before she, mentioned that, you know, the way that you're drinking is not normal. And I was like, well, what are you talking about? Like, this is just what we do. But she's like, well, it might be what you do. It might be normal to you, but it's not normal. Like, you guys drink a lot. And yeah.

Yeah. So then she basically gave me, I used to call it an ultimatum, but now I just call it a choice. She gave me the choice to quit drink. or, you know, things were going to have to happen. And so I, of course, told her I would quit drinking, and I didn't. I was still sneaking drinks. Anytime I was alone, I golfed on Thursdays. So those were drinking days.

Anytime she would go somewhere on the weekend, I would be drinking. And I got caught a couple times and talked my way out of it. And then I got caught drinking. in 2025 February, and I knew that, you know, I was going to have to do something a little more than just tell her I was going to stop drinking. And that's when I joined the sober motivation community. Yeah. And, you know, as people in the community know, I, you know, I just did it as a way to get her off my ass a little bit to kind of give me some breathing room. I didn't know that I would if I would really quit drinking,

but I knew that that would at least buy me a little time to, you know, figure out my next plan and see how I was going to start drinking again because that honestly was the plan. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that too, man, so much to unpack there. What were you drinking? Like, was it ever beer or was I know, like at the end it was, you know, the quote unquote hard stuff, whiskey or something?

was it? No, I was a pretty much a Captain Morgan guy. Every once in a while I would mix in a little vodka. I used to drink like the Smyranoff has all those flavors. So I would buy like some strawberry vodka. I had a good buddy of mine that used to drink clear rum and lemonade. So I would drink like, you know, the vodka with the lemonade and things like that. But most of the time it was it was me and the captain so yeah and like how much how much of you in the captain like were you drinking a bottle or no yeah i mean the minimum a minimum would be a pint because i started to buy pints because i if i bought more i would drink it all so i was like well if i just buy a pint then i'll drink a pint but you know depending on what i was doing and what time i started it was that usually led to another

trip to the store. A pint was dangerous for me because it was definitely enough to get the job done, but it was also enough to get the party started. And there was a lot of nights, you know, I ended up going back out for another pint and really regretting that the next day, but not enough to stop. Yeah. Anybody around you know, like I know that you mentioned there, your wife was mentioning stuff to you, but I'm just thinking about somebody who's just kind of showing up to work, doing what they need to do. They've never lost a job. They've, you never had any of these big external consequences to, like, to happen in their life, right? How do you wake up in those moments to say, okay, you know, there definitely is a problem with alcohol here in my life. Like, what was that

like for you? Oh, it was, I mean, it was a daily, you know, every morning in the shower, I would cuss myself out, you know, and, you know, you just call myself, you know, all sorts of stupid assholes and why do you do this? Why are you, why are we here again? Like, I'm in the shower, just running water over my head, trying to get it together, you know, enough to even drive to work, let alone perform when I'm there. So, yeah, there, there was a lot of that. And then it would, it would last a couple days and then, you know, say it was Monday morning. I'm bitching myself out by Wednesday. I was ready to go again and I was going to do it right this time and I wasn't going to get

the extra and it was only going to be a pint and I was going to feel great in the morning and, you know, that never happens for anybody like that, I don't think. Yeah. Like when did all of that start? Was that like a decade before you quit or was that like five years before you quit of sort of I mean, it was probably, I would say, so I quit in 20, I would say probably 2020. No, no, I take that back. It was earlier.

I would say probably close to 10 years where I was like, man, I got to get my shit together. You know, it was like a running joke that every weekend was my last hurrah. Is it, dude? Like, I'm going to get drunk tonight. Starting off fresh Sunday. And so, yeah, I mean, it was a long time. way longer than it should have been, but I would say probably close to 10 years where I was really kind of struggling with it, you know, with just tired of feeling like that, but never stopping

because I didn't know what else to do. Yeah. I think I've heard you too mention it about, you know, maybe waiting or teeing up that perfect night. Is that something you've shared on too? I'll have that one perfect night and then I'll, you know, kind of sail off into the sunset of like this is the end of my drinking career. I feel like there's a lot of people that maybe wait around for that. You know, this night I'll do it right and it'll be a clean cut goodbye.

Is that ever come or no? No, dude. No, it never came. It was, that was my, that's like how I would talk myself into drinking. Like, all right, man, like tonight's it. You're going to, you know, I used to be like I would drink like the perfect amount of alcohol and everything would be good. and then I would feel good about leaving it behind because we had that last night or whatever.

And it never came. I drank too much every time. Felt like shit the next day, every time. Just it doesn't happen. And it's like when you first start drinking that feeling is what you're chasing the whole time you drink. And you never, it's never like that again. It never feels like it did those early times, you know, where it was cool and everything. You know what I mean?

Like you start to come out of your shell and, you know, you meet people. And then like, you know, like I said, we drank a lot. So everybody was like, man, these guys are awesome to hang out with. And, you know, when you're young 20s, that's cool. But, you know, I'm 42. It's not that cool anymore. It's not cute. Yeah. But yeah, that's what it was, dude. I was chasing like that, that feeling and never, never again.

Yeah. A few other questions that I think I was wondering. I mean, I know you pretty well. I mean, we've sat in on hundreds of meetings and it's hung out too. So I know you talk a lot about to your son, your oldest son. I mean, now you have a, you know, basketball team, you know, family kids and everything and animals and everything. But you talk about, too, the experience. there of, you know, when you were heavy into the drinking and when he was growing up, like, what's your reflection there? That's my biggest regret and my biggest struggle, even currently, is like, you know, I have, like you said, my oldest son is, no, he's going to be 19 next month. And I also have a 10, 7 and a 4-year-old. and I see myself with the younger kids, and I, like, I regret that he didn't get that part of me all the time.

Like, he got it. There were moments of it. But there was just so many, like, you know, hungover moments or, you know, we can't do this because, you know, daddy doesn't feel good or daddy needs a nap. And, you know, and that still kind of haunts me, even though, you know, him and I have talked, You know, he's an adult now. He's, he's in college. And so we've had talks about it, and, you know, kids are great.

You know, he's like, hey, you know, you're making up for it now. And, you know, you're doing great. I always shoot him a text when I hit a milestone. And, you know, he's always telling me how he's proud of me and things like that. But, you know, I still kicked myself because, you know, growing up, everybody always told me what a good day. You know, when he was growing up, everybody always told me what a good day. good dad I was and that was like the and I don't think I wasn't a good dad but I think I definitely could have been much better and much more present and I didn't realize the difference

between being somewhere physically and being present until I quit drinking and got got away from it and you know realize watching and play football that I'm not checking the time to see what time the liquor store closes and you know am I going to have time to to get out of the game and then go to the store before it closes and things like that. So, but yeah, that's a big regret and that's something that I've, you know, I have to work through still, you know, to this day because, you know, I think a lot of us are hard on ourselves and it's harder when you can't do anything about it. Like, I can't fix that.

You know, I just have to deal with it and live with it and not drink through it, you know. But it's got better. gotten a lot better. You know, like I said, I've had some good talks with him. And it's like, you know, now, now I'm actually what, what they thought I was, you know, now, now I'm, I'm, I'm present, you know, I, like I said, I don't, I don't think I was a bad dad per se, but I think I did some bad shit and some stuff that I wish I could do differently if I had the chance, but that's the hard part is, you know, knowing that you can't. Yeah. Yeah, you can't go back and change things.

It's interesting, too, because I feel like I hear it so much, man. You've listened to the show. You've been around for a bit. It's like people are like, I haven't hit rock bottom. So it's like, I don't have the motivation to change or like there's not a real problem here. And then I hear that share that you just shared. And I've heard that story in so many different ways from so many different people that like maybe what we're looking for has already happened for years of this effect in our life.

Like I think alcohol, the whole addiction part of it, substance use disorder, whatever we want to, you know, fill in the word there. Like it just takes, man, relentless. It doesn't have like a ceiling. Like it decides, okay, I've taken enough from Andy. Like it's coming for everything if we let it. Yeah. You know, and I remember listening to the podcast, and then the first time you were like, you want to be on the podcast?

And I'm like, yeah. And then I started thinking, I was like, man, I don't have like a crazy, you know, like I didn't wake up yellow. I never woke up in jail. Like I didn't have anything crazy like that, that it was like an obvious rock bottom, you know. But I look at, you know, some of the relationships that cost me, things that work. You know, I feel like my. My career was definitely stunted by that.

So, and yeah, it doesn't stop. There's no, there's never enough for it. You know, you're going to want it. You're going to want more, and it's going to keep taking from you until, you know, you don't have anything left. I've known people, and we all have that, we've lost to this. And it's not always hard drugs and things like that. It's alcohol. It's a legal substance that you can.

buy in any store and yeah it's just it's bad shit man and and before you know it you're it's got its hooks in and and you're off for the ride like until you yeah until you kind of have that moment whatever it is whatever your rock bottom is you know if it's even a rock bottom or whatever but like when i quit drinking this time after i came to the first meeting because I joined on a free trial, you know, and I was like, this will work, you know, and then I always laugh. My first meeting is a legendary story, but I really got hooked on that, you know, and I still, I mean, we've talked, I'm still on most meetings that are available in the community

because I don't know if I necessarily need it anymore, but it's what I do. and it keeps me sober. So I'm, you know, it's not broken. Yeah. So I'm not going to fix it. But, yeah, until this time I quit drinking, I never, I never thought I would. I had pretty much accepted that, you know, eventually I'm going to be alone. And that's my life.

You know, it was never the alcohol's fault. It was, you know, one relationship when I was younger. It was, well, we were just young. You know, we were kids. We didn't know what we were doing. And that's why it ended, not because I was shitface every day, you know. And then my son's mother, you know, with the drinking. And, you know, I don't know.

It's just like it cost me a lot of stuff, but it never, nothing that ever was like, you know, like I said, I never went to jail. I never, you know, I never got really sick from it, things like that that, you know, when you hear stuff on podcasts or whatever, you're like, holy shit. Like, I just never had that moment. And maybe it should have been, but it wasn't to me. Yeah. I mean, and the interesting part about a lot of, quote, unquote, those moments, it really doesn't change the person either.

Like, I think that we tell ourselves, like, of course, man, if I got a DUI, of course I would shape up. And of course I would get sober. Like, dude, usually the people that come on the podcast, they get the DUI, they get bailed out, they go to the store right across the street and they crack of beer because that's the only tool in their box. It's not really what they wanted to do, but it's just what they know. So it's always kind of like, what are we really waiting for? Is it going to be something outside of us that forces us to change? I'm sure there are a lot of stories that do, but I feel like the ones that

I hear the most often and the thing that really motivate change is the internal struggle that we've been experiencing for maybe a decade that we know that, hey, we could do better. Like life would probably be better. We could show up better. It's kind of like that annoying little voice of like, hey, come on. Like, this isn't helping you anymore, but like time and time again. Well, yeah, like, sorry. Like for me, I didn't know what I was without drinking.

Like, whatever happened, I still had that, you know. and I just thought in my own head that that's what was expected, that's what people wanted, that's what I did, you know what I mean? And it never occurred to me to not drink. You know, I remember, you know, I remember years ago I said I was going to quit drinking and one of my buddies was like, dude, we don't want to hang out with Bruce Banner, we want to hang out out with the Hulk, you know, and I was like, all right, well, I guess I'm the Hulk, you know what I mean? Like, and I was younger then. Now I think I'd be like, well, all right, well, I'll talk to you later,

but, you know, when you're younger and stuff, and that's kind of like, that's just what I thought, you know, I just thought that's what I had to do. And I don't mean that, like, I was pressured into drinking, that was all myself. Like nobody ever in 20 years has been like, dude, drink. You got to drink with us, you know. That hasn't happened in years. But it always stuck with me. So, yeah, that's, that was one thing I had to figure out was, what am I going to do?

And who am I without this, you know? Mm-hmm. And I think that's the crossroads that a lot of us find ourselves is, who are we without this? And maybe we don't even know, but that there's something that's comfortable in the misery of knowing the outcome, of drinking, feeling like shit in the shower,

half ass at work, not drinking today, feel better by lunch, drinking again. We know how that all plays out because we've done it. So the idea of like completely changing our routine and rhythm and everything is like, this is so uncomfortable, the body's like, feels like it's on fire. What do I do with this?

And if you go at it alone, it's so hard. Yeah, well, and that's, that's a funny thing too, because I, I thought, I listened to your podcast forever. And I was like, you know, it was like, because back then it was sober, buddy. And like, another funny story is I, I would, I started at the beginning. So I'm working my wife. way through all these things and everything was sober buddy sober buddy so i downloaded sober buddy app and i'm like where's all the meetings like you guys had already moved over so but but i would always be like

nah you know i'm just not there yet you know these these guys are different you know i'm not i'm not there you know i don't need that you know i'm just going to do it on my own i don't want to tell anybody i'm just going to show up one day and be cured you know and then yeah but once i joined the the community and saw what it was like, because I guess I don't know what I expected. You know what I mean? I mean, we all know, like, what you think of when you hear AA or, you know, I don't know any, I didn't know anybody. I'm like, you know, this might be weird.

I don't know. And then I, you know, on that first meeting, I thought it was just me and you talking. And so I kind of just broke the ice with everybody and was like, oh, shit, like there's other people here already. I thought we were just bullshitting before the meeting. And then so, but ever since, you know, I saw that first meeting and, you know, I saw the range of emotions and I saw the, like, the depths of what people were talking about. And it was like, because every podcast I listened to, I'm like, yeah, yeah, totally relate. Same story.

That's me. And then I saw, you know, in the meeting and I'm like, man, this is, this is pretty cool. You know, and I remember walking out, and I told my wife, I'm like, this is cool. I didn't know what I expected. But yeah, I really like this. Like, I'm going to go back. And this was before we, before there were meetings every day. So it was like I was a Wednesday night.

And then I think there was a Friday night meeting. So I hopped on the Friday. And, you know, every time there was a meeting, I was on it. And I still am, you know, just because I just like, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, almost like a healthy social hour, you know, like a healthy happy hour with no booze. You know, we just get in there and talk about our struggles that we deal with still. And there's a, you know, such a great variety of time in there and just a lot of opportunity. So, but yeah, I fought, I fought community till I didn't think I had a choice to get out of trouble, basically.

and then yeah i ended up loving it i haven't left since so yeah yeah well i mean that's like the perfect world for i think those of us struggling with this is yeah i mean we don't really want anybody to know i hear it a lot come up for men of you know am i going to look weak i can't ask for help i think too our circles they're struggling with it as well but i was always wondering like is is anybody else as bothered by this as i don't know i'm I was. You know, like, am I the only person? Like, they're drinking.

I've watched my friends drink. I said, they're drinking. It doesn't seem to really bother them. That, like, none of us are going anywhere in life. But I was like, I'm really, like, beaten myself up about this. So I was confusing, like, maybe relatable. Don't want to look weak. Don't want to ask for help.

Like, hey, what if it doesn't work, you know? Like, what if we tried and it just, you know, how silly will I look if I tell people, like, hey, I quit drinking in the three weeks. later, I'm drinking again. I went through that a bunch of times and I'm just like, well, yeah, they were right. I wasn't going to be able. There's so many things I think that just prevent us from taking that first step, man. It's kind of interesting too, like just seeing the analytics behind the community,

you know, how many people go to the sign up page, you know, and don't follow through with the pre-trial. And it's like, why? Yeah, there's nothing to lose but the booze. That's a good rhyme. It's like, why do we do that to ourselves to where we don't even give ourselves an opportunity? You know, think about everything else in life that if we just go halfway, like, it just really doesn't usually work out. And we kind of, but maybe I think this is only my sort of like gut feeling is that maybe a part of the fear is like, what if this does work?

And I quit drinking, but I haven't answered maybe that. other million dollar question yet who am i without it like what if this works and i don't know who i am and how am my relationships going to look and so many other areas of life yeah dude i i was one of those i i was on the sign-up page multiple times and i know me and i've shared before like when i when i was drinking, I would make the grandest plans. And then the next day, be like, fuck, I don't want to do any of that. So part of it for me was, I know that I wouldn't feel this strongly about it when I woke up. And the other part was just saying, like, dude, you don't, you know, you don't need that yet. And I was, I was huge, dude. I was a serial quitter. I didn't tell anybody. I quit drinking. outside of my wife knew obviously and like my best friends because it was golf season coming up

and I'm like I can't drink and I didn't even tell him the full story I was just like yeah I got I got caught drinking again so I got to I got to take it easy you know and knowing the whole time that I knew it had to be forever which was another thing that scared me when I you know and one thing I've learned is that's too big, especially starting out, forever is too big. It's literally the cliche of one day at a time, like, just get through today. Some days it's not even a day. Some days it's 10 minutes. Get through the hour. Yeah. And so yeah, that was a big one for me. And then, yeah, the whole thing was like, who am I with? But what kind of reaction is this going to get? Are they going to take me seriously? Or are they going to be like, okay, like Saturday?

again, you know what I mean? So that was a big thing for me too, because I mean, I was always quitting. I was quitting probably as much as I was drinking. Yeah. But it never, it just never stuck because I never had any support. And yeah, I'm not going to tell, I'm not going to tell my friends I need help or anybody. You know, it's hard enough to even talk to my wife back then about it, you know, because I was always fighting that I even had a problem. I, you know, I don't have a problem. I'm fine. You know, I got all this going on.

I'm good. You know, so that was a big thing too. Yeah. Just hard to swallow that pill. Yeah. The pride element, the ego element of it maybe as well. What are her thoughts like early on? So you jump on this first call.

I'm glad you shared the story too, man, about you jumped on. And he thought it was just him and I on the call. Because on Zoom, if you don't swipe, I believe it's to the right, then it just shows the active speech. So it's him and I and he jumps on there first time meeting him. And he just drops this bomb on me of like, yeah, man, I got caught drinking again. And I got to do something about it. And it was it was kind of emotional, man.

Like it wasn't like tears, but it was kind of emotional, dude, because you were visibly upset from what I remember of the kids, right? How this was impacting your little ones too. and how everybody was feeling this way about it. Like they knew that you weren't supposed to be drinking or knew it was not good or like or that. That's kind of what I took from it anyway. Yeah, yeah, they definitely knew.

I mean, my youngest doesn't, you know, she's only four now. And I don't even know that, you know, my five-year-old at the time, I don't know if she understood or not, but I know they understood that their mom, was crying and very upset. And my oldest boy, he came in with the bottle and he knew that it was bad because he's seen those bottles before when I got, there was another time I got caught, you know.

And so he came in holding it almost like, I don't know, like, I don't want to say scared, but like, you know, with this empty bottle. And my heart sunk immediately because I was like, fuck, like, there's no getting out of this one. like I can't come up with anything. I think I tried some half-ass first thing I could think of, but yeah, their faces, man. That's what stuck with me because I'm like, you're going to fuck this up, dude, if you don't stop.

Like, they're going to grow up. You know, my wife would leave. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle not being with my kids all the time as much as they can drive you crazy. Like when they're gone, I'm like, it's so quiet here. What's going on? But, yeah, that was my initial why was for them.

And that's what got me going. And that Y is still them, but it's also for me too now. It's not just for them. And I think that's a huge switch because I think when you do stuff for other people, you kind of start to resent them a little bit, I think, or you can. you know, like everything was fine until I had to stop drinking things to you, things like that. Just the stupid thoughts we have like that when really I know that I have a problem, but I don't want to admit that at that time.

I still do it for them, but it's for me now. And it's for my life. And I'm forever grateful for her giving me that choice. I mean, she had every right to leave. she had told me multiple times that if I didn't stop drinking, she would leave. And that's like one thing I would always bitch myself out for. Like the next day, like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? Like, are you really risking this to have some captain that, you know,

and at the end, like, I couldn't even enjoy it because it was all like a lie. You know, I had to pretend I wasn't drunk if they came home. I had to hide everything. I could never just sit back and be like, oh, I'm having the greatest time being drunk because I wasn't supposed to be. You know, I was like, I had to keep it all hidden. So, you know, my sober brain, I'd be like, what is even the point of this? But then, you know, I'm out of work, passing a liquor store. I don't know what I'll pop in, you know.

But my, yeah, she's she's my biggest supporter. she's so proud of me she tells me all the time you know even i remember when i was still kind of like she'd tell people like the most random day like do you know andy has 17 days sober and i'm like what you're just like this shit you know what i mean like it would just be random like that and like she supports me and i i totally need that and i'm totally grateful for that but the difference between her and the community is like you guys understand the way my brain works and she supports me and listens to me and helps me but like she her brain doesn't work the same way so but yeah i mean i tell every day every time she tells me how proud of me she is or or anything i always like

hey i couldn't have done this without you like you you have you have credit to be taken here as well like you're the one that you know lit the fire underneath me to do the right thing so I always want to make sure that she knows I appreciate that too so yeah even on that note I think for loved ones for people it can be a really difficult situation for them to have because they're not sure of the reaction like hey this is a confrontational thing to have and there could be serious consequences for the drinker, but it's, it's got to be a tough one to have. So for people to like be brave and courageous to sort of set that fire to get things going and you kind of run with it, man, it's just a cool combo. What are her thoughts about all of this? Like when does she

know that this is for real? Because I hear from a lot of people, partners, wives, husbands, whatever it is, like takes time to rebuild the trust, right? Because you've been, you know, I mean, I don't know if she knows all the stories of you hiding everything and all of that, but, you know, how does that play out? Yeah, I've told her everything she's ever asked. I don't have any, like, stories that I'm actively hiding. But yeah, yeah, it took some time. I would say it took a few months before she would, like, before she kind of stopped asking me,

like, hey, are you okay if I go here? Or because whenever she would leave, I was always like, yeah, go ahead. You know, you want to go to your parents or you want to go to your sisters? Go ahead because then I would just drink, you know. Yeah. But yeah, I think after a few months, she started really trusting me and believing me that I wasn't drinking. But one story that I remember, I thought this funny story real quick, I was drinking one night and she came out of the bedroom. And she's like, are you drinking?

You smell like alcohol. And I'm like, no, not at all, you know. and she's like, I don't know. And I'm like, you know, I wish I had a breathalyzer right now so I could blow in that thing, you know, and show you that I'm not drinking. Drunk off my ass, mind you. Like, the last thing I want is a breathalyzer.

Well, I mean, thanks to Amazon, like two days later, this breathalyzer shows up. Oh, man. And I'm like, oh, damn. Like, I wish I would have thought that one through a little bit. So now, mind you, like, That didn't stop me. Like, I was drinking again one night, and she's like,

will you blowing this thing for me? And I'm like, yeah, anytime. And I'm just like sweating bullets. I'm like, fuck, fuck. Like, what am I going to do? How am I going to get through this? And, like, it was dark in our bedroom. And as like a last ditch effort,

I just sucked in the whole time, and it sounded like I was blowing. And it popped zeros. And I was like, see? And then it was on. And so not that long ago, honestly, she was like, how did you blow zeros all those times? And I'm like, well, I sucked in. Well, at first I said, is there a statute of limitations?

Like, am I going to get hammered for this if I tell you? And she's like, no. And I told her, she was like, that piece of shit, that said it was supposed to be police quality. And I'm like, well, I've never had to blow for the cops. So I don't know if that trick would fly. I'm assuming not. but yeah so just the just the things that I did I expected some time you know I expected her to not believe me for a while and and I I stayed with her a lot like when she would go do stuff I would just tag along

just so I'm like you know like I want to I don't want you to worry about me the whole time you're gone I want you to you know enjoy whatever you're doing so I'll come with you so you can see that I'm not drinking. And so, yeah, but yeah, she's, she's been great. And now it's, you know, now she very rarely does she ask me anything? And the more I'm sober, the easier it is to tell her if, if I am having a rough day, you know, or like, you know, you live in Canada, I live in Michigan. It's great here for four months.

So, like spring, early spring when the sun starts to pop out and, you know, it gets above freezing. It's like those are triggers for me and I've been able to talk to her about it. Like, you know, this, you know, and I was like, man, I was driving by and just a drink just sounded excellent today. And now Tyler things too, like, you know, part of me wishes I could drink normally. But I think that's just like more of like a nostalgia thing. Like I miss the idea of drinking with my buddies and my best friends and things like that. But I don't miss the reality of it. I don't miss the hangovers.

I don't miss the. the dumb shit I say or whatever so yeah yeah so it's been great and it's it's I mean it's helped our marriage so much I made I was joking the other night I was like I thought I was killing it as a husband and a dad and apparently I wasn't like I thought I was but now I feel like I really am and and yeah yeah all from all from one thing you know giving up one thing to save everything which I've heard so many people say on the podcast and things like that, but it's so true. Yeah. Yeah, it is, man.

Has it been as difficult as you thought it would be? Like, what's your reflection there? You know, looking at 18 months as of Monday. Like, was it really tough? Has it been really tough? You know, I mean, it's had its moments. And I think this is one thing. thing that like it's hard sometimes for newer people to understand because they you know like

they come into the community and they see you know I'm at 18 months there's a few guys around me were 18 months two years this and that and like it's stuck this time but it hasn't stuck the previous thousand times I tried to quit so I think having having dealt with that a little a lot before, I think helped me out. But I also, I'm also massively impressed when people join the community and say like, oh, I was white knuckling for five months. And I don't know how you do that. I guarantee you that I would not be sober without community. There's no way. And it gave me that, it gave me that sense of accountability for one to hold myself accountable. and I didn't realize and I don't think a lot of people realize the ability to be able to get together

once or twice a day or however often and talk about things that you're feeling with people who get what you're feeling and tell you that that's normal, tell you that's a normal feeling. You know, I got really squirly around one year, you know, and they were like, oh yeah, one year is a big relapse time. And so, so yeah, so this time, the early days are always rough. I mean, there's a lot going on there with your body and with your head and things like that. But once I really started stacking the days, I just, I've just been on that ever since. And I've, like I said, I get some things here and there. And it is harder than it looks.

You know, I think that's one thing that you have to tell people is you see these numbers, like for me, 18 months. I didn't think I could get 18 days, dude. And I have 18 months now, but you don't, you, I feel like, I don't remember who said. Someone in the community said, like, you hear all these cliches, but they're all true. Like, you can't get 18 months without day 18. You know what I mean? like you have to start and keep going and get through it because there will be hard times, you know. And I think more than the hard times related to drinking is just life, shit, you know.

I had a good buddy of mine pass away early on in my sobriety. And I remember not wanting to go to the funeral because I thought I would want to drink because I just assumed that everybody would be going to the bar afterwards. And I remember, you know, reaching out, you know, there's a couple people in the community that shot me their number. And they're like, hey, shoot me a text if you need to or give me a call. And, you know, just having that in my back pocket. But, I mean, life just never stops bottom line.

Like, there's always going to be something. There's always going to be a reason to drink good or bad. And that's where I think I struggled the most. was bad situations that drinking was expected. Like, that's how we dealt with it. And I think those have been the harder moments for me. Not to say that there haven't been some days where I was really struggling, but overall it's just dealing with life on life's terms

instead of drinking through everything. And then saying you're going to deal with it tomorrow but never dealing with it. Yeah. And then tomorrow never come. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, too, like in the early days, that's kind of the tool on the belt is like the drinking, right?

That's like the parachute. Things, oh, no, things are too difficult, stressful. There's sadness. There's grief. And then we pulled a parachute. Drink again. Return to what's comfortable. And I feel like in the early days, you just have to find a way to make it through those moments.

They feel like they're going to last in eternity, right? It's like, it's never going to get better, man. And it's like, it's always going to be shit. But it won't be. It won't always be bad. But it's surviving, getting through those moments. And an example that you said so beautifully is connecting with other people. I mean, even since that first meeting, you've been hanging out ever since, right, to do stuff.

What I see happen so common, especially at the 18 months, what people were doing that worked so well, all of a sudden they convinced themselves that they're cured or their life is too busy. or other things are more important than whatever it is that's been working for them. And they scale things back and it doesn't always go one way or the other, but it can put them into a little bit of hot water if you don't touch your sobriety in one way or another every day. It doesn't have to be six hours. It can be a short reading in the morning, connecting with a sober friend, jumping on a call. It can be many different things for different people.

But I see a lot of people at 18 months, it's like, oh, yeah, man, I'm, you know, Like, I'm good to go, obviously, right? Like, I've got this figured out. It could be a slippery slope, but teach their own, obviously. Yeah, yeah, dude. And, like, a year was tougher for me. I think a year was tougher for me than any milestone. And I think that's because, for me, a year was always the goal.

Like, when you start out, you're like, I got to get that year. I got to get that year. And then after a year, like what now? You know what I mean? And that's, that was very real for me. And then you start thinking like, well, I got a year once. I could, you know, I can get a year again.

But I, like, for me, I don't know, I don't know if I could come back. You know what I mean? I can't guarantee you that I could come back if I did, if I did drink. And so that's, that's one reason. I mean, I go to every meeting I can. And even sometimes, like, if I have. have to miss work. If work, I have to do, actually, they need me and I can't hop on a meeting or, like, if we

have something going at night and I can't jump on the meeting, my wife's like, you're going to miss your meeting. And I'm like, well, I understand that, but like, I have to do this or whatever. But I think I was laughing because Sunday, I went golfing and then I fell asleep when I got back because it was it was wet and they didn't want the golf carts off of the cart path and when you golf like I do you're never very close to a cart path I'm I'm everywhere but that so there was a lot of extra walking so I was like man I'm tired so I ended up falling asleep and I couldn't tell you the last time that I haven't been on a meeting in a day and that's just it's just

grounding, you know, like it's what I need to do because my job is so busy. Like you said, my basketball team keeps me running most days of the week. If I don't carve out that time, then it's very easy to slip into something that I just used to do, but I don't do anymore. And I don't want to do that because I don't want to risk it. I've come a long way in 18 months. A lot of things have come a long way in 18 months, and I can't jeopardize that. Yeah. I'm even thinking, too, like peeling the layers of that onion back a little bit, like, making this a priority for your life.

Like, and this might be a stress. Correct me if I'm, like, way out and left field here. But maybe one of the first times where you're making yourself a priority in your life to do, like, what you need to do to stay on track. Yeah, and it's funny because I've shared multiple goat stories with my wife, but she like takes the kids and plans her, like when the goats are milking, she plans that around my meeting because she's like, you need that. And if I fall off, everything will be a wreck.

I never realized, I guess I never realized how much. my mood affects everything in the house. And one of the big things that I realized that I hated was when I realized that, like, everybody was on eggshells around me. And I'm like, no, dude, like, you don't have to do that. Like, you shouldn't have to do that. And if you have to do that, then I'm sorry. And that needs to change.

And since I quit drinking, I've been so much more level-headed. And I had to really pay attention to that because. I have my wife and my two daughters, but I don't want them, I don't want them scared of me or scared to do something that's going to set me off like when I was hung over or drinking. And that's been big for me. And it's just I never realized how different I was. They never knew what they were going to get. And that's that's not something that I want. Like, I want you to know how I'm going to respond to things.

I didn't like that at all, that feeling that they weren't walking on eggshells. Yeah, 100%. 100%. A lot of people, too, share just a nervous system, too. It's just not regulated, man. It's just not regulated at all. So they're overreacting to things and it's not balanced. and alcohol just wrecks havoc on that whole, the whole part of the body of reactions not

being proportional to what's going on around us. And kids, I mean, yeah, you know, as well as me, man. Like, you never really know what you're going to get, man, with all that. I'm headed towards wrapping up here too, Andy. Really appreciate you coming back on and hanging out because I was just really interested to in 18 months. And, you know, like I mentioned before, we've hung up. out dude and I just I just love your journey. I just love that where you've come from, man.

You know, I think that some people are drinking the leader a day or a pint a day and they feel like they're never going to get out of it, man, like just getting out of it. And we can probably both relate to that too. At times it's like, man, there is no way out of this because everything that I've tried up until this moment hasn't worked. But we, with you, like you did things a little bit different than the other times and like you just, I don't know, man. When I think of Andy, I just think of somebody who just shows up, even if you don't feel like it. Like, just show up because you know it's, it works.

Yeah. Yeah. And I've, what would you say? I would say that you have to do this, this journey for you. It has to be for you. there can be other reasons. You know, like I said earlier, my first reason for quitting drinking

was my wife and kids to save my marriage and all that stuff. And while that's still number two, number one is for me because I'm 45. I drank for 22, 23 years, very, very hard. And just did a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of and was kind of a person that looking back on, I wouldn't say I was

a bad person, but I wouldn't, I'm not, I wasn't where I, where I wanted to be or thought I should be, you know, I, alcohol makes you do a lot of things out of character, whether that's, because you don't care in the moment or, or whatever, but I just wasn't showing up the way that I wanted to for anything, really. You know, I was half-assing my job, going through the motions at home, you know, and doing what I thought I had to do. But the difference between then and now is night and day.

You know, I haven't woke up once since I quit drinking, wishing I had drank the night before. And I haven't always been perfect, but I'm so much better than I was. And once I started seeing those changes and those results and feeling them, like it just got me going and it got me on track and it's kept me on track. I started seeing these results, I knew that I had to keep doing it, and I had to keep working at it, and I had to keep showing up.

and one of my favorite things about sobriety is when people reach out to me and you know whether it's people I know people I don't know and tell me they related or how did I do it or you know people in the community that reach out when they're struggling yeah dude like you said I just I can show up now and I can show up for people in my life if my son needs me at two in the morning I'll be available. If something happens to one of my kids and they need to go, if they hurt themselves or something like that,

I'll always be available. I'm never going to be like, I can't go or whatever. And just the fact that I know that and the fact that I'm dependable and reliable and the way I want to be is that's huge. That's huge.

And that's one of, that's probably my biggest takeaway over 18 months is just the way I show up for everything in my life now. Work's going great. Home life is good. The community's going great. And these are all things that I show up and choose to put my energy into now. And it's been a big shift.

I don't allow my energy to be spent in unhealthy things like I used to. And that's been a big change over 18 months. And I can feel that. You know, I don't carry things anymore. I don't, I don't, I don't carry grudges. I don't stay mad. I don't feel the need to fight or, you know, start shit or whatever. You know what I mean?

Like, it's just, it's just pretty peaceful now. Yeah. Yeah, it is, man. Which kind of even brings me to, like, wrapping up, too. Like, who would have thought drinking would impact all of these areas of your life? Like when you quit, this is what you experience. So like the opposite is just what you would have been experiencing when you were drinking. Like who would have?

I mean, they say drink responsibly. Come on. There's billboards and posters and you get it at all the stores. And it's just, how does it affect all these areas, our relationships, our jobs, our self-worth, our confidence, our self-esteem? Like, so many areas, our health, our physical health, our mental health, with kids, like, gosh, like, where is that? warning label at on the bottle of like all of this going to be fucked up in 20 years it's going if you keep going it's like they don't drink responsibly they don't sell that dude and i've never i've never been able to do that whole drink responsibly thing but yeah i mean there's

so much information about alcohol now and i think that i think that that's really been helpful for me too because you know i'm i'm 45 we grew up like you know, red wine's good for you. Tequila's good for you. It's made from a plant. You know what I mean? Like, it's all,

it's, it's just marketing, man. It's like there's nothing. I read something the other day that was like, you know that funny, fuzzy feeling you get when you're drinking? And that's your body reacting to being poisoned.

And I'm like, interesting. I was searching for that every night. You know, I was looking for that. And it's like, when, the,

the more you know, about things like that, too, the wilder, it seems. And I'm not, I'm not judging. I, I, I was right there with you for years. As much as you drink, I drank, you know what I mean? So I'm not saying it like from that point of view, but it's, it's interesting. I mean, I smoked for years too, and I've known that's been bad for years too. So it doesn't mean, it doesn't mean you stop just because you know, but it has been interesting

to learn all the effects and how much it. I think, you know, growing up it was, I don't even remember the chart, what was normal, eight to ten drinks a week or something like that was safe. And now it's like zero. You know what I mean? Like it's wild. It is wild and it's definitely, I mean, you know, we've talked about this before too. Like it's everywhere.

It's every show, every ad, every, every, even. Even now that I'm sober, I don't get as many, like, alcohol ads, but I still get, like, the N.A. ads popping up. So it's just, it's been replaced, you know, with N.A. stuff. But the alcohol company is making these NAs now because there's such a demand for it, which is awesome, but it's funny. You know, they're still going to make their money. But, yeah, it's everywhere, dude.

And like you said, that drink responsibly. Everything is like gambling is another. one. Please gamble responsibly. I joined one of these casinos to, like on your phone or whatever to make a couple bets with some of the guys. We were bullshit. And I was just sitting on there one day looking through.

And it was like, you've been logged down for 30 minutes. Like, it was giving me warnings. And I'm like, dude, I'm not even doing anything. Like, I'm just swirling around. But everything's like drink responsibly, gamble responsibly, you know. it's like you know that you know that that markets to the people that can't like you make your money off the yeah yeah drink responsibly yeah exactly well it just puts the on like the consumer but then it feels like it dismisses the substance use or addiction element of it so it's like please drink

responsibly yeah if we if that made sense to us like we would have been doing that a long time ago like thanks for the reminder. Yeah, we would have been doing that if it was, if it made sense. But I don't know that it ever did. Even when I reflect back when I first started drinking, I don't know that it ever made sense for me to drink responsibly. I think I was like oddly enough on this path to find some sort of relief from life. And it just so happened to be alcohol to check the box.

And for me, I did a bunch of drugs too. but alcohol was the consistent, the socially acceptable thing to do, right? It didn't have to hide it. In the younger years, in my 20s, I mean, the longest kegstand was like, you were the man at the party. You know, you were the legend. And it was like, who didn't want to be the legend? So you were celebrated for, and for a guy like me with, like,

such low self-esteem feel like for the first 17 years of my life, the world didn't even notice that I existed, I was willing to do whatever it took, man, to be that guy. And then that was another part of it. That was my identity. I think like what you mentioned earlier, that's how people expected me to show up. If I didn't show up like that, would they want me around? I wasn't willing to find out.

So I just showed up with like what they expected, man. And they like maybe they did. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they could have cared less. I never really asked. or changed the way that I was showing up. I just turned up the notch a little bit every time. So make sure that they were still interested.

It's really weird how it plays out all while trying to drink responsibly. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. And I never could, man. No, and like looking back, I didn't notice it at the time because I was too drunk. But like, I was the only one going that hard. And I quit drinking when I was, what?

So I was like 44 when I quit drinking. So I'm 44 years old still trying to drink like I'm 20. And it's like, then I look around now and I'm like, I don't think anyone else was even going like that. Like what were you still doing that for? It wasn't like, you know, like I said, I mean, I relate too when I was younger. They'd be like, man, these like these dudes can drink, man. These guys party. Check them out.

It's going out. It's fun. And it was like I was still like that even. even though nobody cared and it probably was the opposite of cool at 44 like you know still doing you know it's kind of I felt like that a lot like looking back yeah the hindsight but yeah hindsight's the handy 2020 vision anything else Andy before we sign off you want to you want to share I will say you know if if you're curious at all, take the trial.

You really don't have anything to lose. Speaking for myself, I wouldn't be sober without community. So even if it's not this one, find a community. And find one that fits. Sometimes you've got to try some out. It's not one-size-fits-all for sure. But it's definitely a game-changer. And also, no matter what your story is,

you're probably not the first person to do what you've done. and I know sometimes it feels like you're the only one. Nobody's going to be able to understand what you've done and the things you've been through and things like that. And we do. We will, you know, and people do. So you're not alone and you don't have to be, you know, you don't have to white knuckle.

So come hang out. If nothing else, come hang out on a Tuesday night when I'm hosting. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, I agree, man. Just find a group of people that you can relate with and connect with in one way or another that, you know, share similar values and similar vision for a path forward, right? Just try stuff out.

Like, you just never know, man. I doubt, I doubt you showed up on that first call thinking, like, 18 months later, I'm plugging in twice a day for 18 months every day. Like, you didn't. There's no way you would have ever expected that to be the, the path no I joined to to get some space because

I was going to keep drinking but I knew I had to do something different this time and luckily for me it stuck and luckily that first meeting went great couldn't have gone worse

but no it was with that intro but I had no intention of of really quitting drinking but once I jumped on this community and attended a few meetings, it was just eye-opening. Like, holy fuck. Like, there's a whole group of people in this community that I say something.

I remember too early on, I shared something. And immediately I was like, I shouldn't have said that. Like, I immediately regret this decision. You know, and then I see like heads nodding. And I'm like, that was a big moment for me. I'm like, oh, wow. Like, they get. get it. So.

Yeah. Yeah, man. That's powerful stuff. Well, thanks Andy for hanging out, dude. Yeah, man. Anytime.