Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - A Former Alcohol Salesman’s Journey to Sobriety - Luke's Story

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, we welcome Luke, who shares his compelling journey from growing up in a tight-knit family in Rhode Island, through struggles with early exposure to alcohol, family challenges, and an intense career in the liquor industry. Luke discusses his turning point moments, including his battles with anxiety, multiple DUIs, his divorce, and the profound impact of his brother’s death. Learn how Luke’s path led him to finally embrace sobriety through therapy, AA, and a newfound appreciation for nature and meaningful relationships. This is Luke’s story on the Sober Motivation podcast. --------------- Join the Sober Motivation Community: https://sobermotivation.mn.co One on One Mentorship Information: https://www.sobermotivationmedia.com/1-1-mentorship Download the FREE Loosid App: https://loosidapp.onelink.me/vZuQ/62ui9njg Connect with Luke: https://www.instagram.com/dadonthemocks/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:44 Luke's Childhood and Early Exposure to Alcohol 03:28 Teenage Years: Sneaking Alcohol and Early Experiences 10:23 Family Dynamics and the Impact of Divorce 16:28 High School Struggles and Early Adulthood 19:34 First DUI and Realizations 30:52 Reflecting on Past Mistakes 31:01 Career Transitions and Discovering Sales 32:24 Journey into Liquor Sales 33:09 Struggles with Alcoholism 39:13 Personal Life and Marriage Challenges 43:28 The Path to Sobriety 46:48 Embracing Sobriety and Personal Growth 56:08 Final Reflections and Moving Forward

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the Suburmotivation podcast, we have Luke, who shares his compelling journey from growing up in a tight-knit family in Rhode Island through his struggles with early exposure to alcohol, family challenges, and an intense career in the liquor industry.

Luke discusses his turning point moments, including his battles with anxiety, multiple DUIs, his divorce, and the profound impact of his brother's death. Learn how Luke's path led him to finally embrace sobriety through therapy, AA, and a newfound appreciation for nature and meaningful relationships. And this is Luke's story on the Super Motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? Brad here. Welcome back to another episode here on the podcast. Thank you, as always, for continuing to tune in. A few things I want to mention before we get into this episode is if you're looking for a community connection and some support, I definitely encourage you to give the submotivation community a try. There's a one week free trial, plug into our

virtual meetings, the chat's always there 24-7, somebody's available to support you. With where you're at, we have all ranges of sobriety from somebody's first day all the way up to many, many years, and everything in between the ultimate goal is to live our best life. And most of us at this point, realized to do that. We have to remove the alcohol and that's what the community is all about. So I would love to see you in some of the meetings I host in the Suburmotivation community on the app. And yeah, I'll drop the link for that down to the show notes below. I've also opened up a couple of spots for mentorship. If you're looking to give up drinking or you're already on the journey of not drinking, plug into this mentorship. I offer a free call to see if it's going

to be a fit in something you're interested in. So I'll drop the link to that where you could sign up. Just connect and have a conversation and see what we can do together. So I'll drop that link down as well in the show notes. I also want to give a big huge shout out to everybody from Lucid that is sponsoring the podcast. Lucid is an incredible mobile app that keeps you connected 24-7 to the sober community. Also, their brand-new marketplace is incredible. It gives you exclusive discounts to brands that are related to your sobriety. They also have a brand-new merchandise shop.

I know with the holidays coming up, maybe you want to grab. yourself something or something for somebody else that's on a sober journey. It's a great place to start with the Lucid Sober Shop as well as the marketplace and the community. And they also have some podcast episodes on there too and I'm working on a few podcast episodes to add to their already incredible library. So I'll drop the link to download the Lucid app down to the show notes as well. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Luke with us. Luke, how are you? I'm doing well, Brad, yourself. Yeah, man, I'm good. I'm glad we could connect here. I'm excited to share your story with everyone.

Yeah, yeah, thank you. I appreciate you having me. I know I reached out to you originally and just said, hey, what's the opportunity to get on there and share my story as I've been integrated myself a little bit more into the sober community. And with support of others, we've got some good conversation. I appreciate the opportunity to be here. Yeah, 100%. So what was it like for you growing up? Growing up, I grew up in a pretty tight-knit town in Rhode Island, and most people's perception would be a dad who was a principal of an elementary school. My mother was a special education teacher. I was the youngest of three with a sister, 10 years, my senior, and a brother that was at the time, a year and eight months older than I was. We grew up on a decent amount of acreage in a fairly populated town. large Italian family. My dad was one of 12 kids. So I actually had 30 plus first cousins who were very much like siblings. Growing up, all the things considered, and a pretty, what seemed like a fairly safe home growing up, it was good. It's funny. I was thinking about this, and you and I touched on a little bit earlier, like, where does, where does the alcohol story come in? And while it gets

pretty broad. I remember my mom telling me a story. My uncle Louis made homemade wine. And here I am this kid that's still in diapers. And all of a sudden, she turns around and sees me with a craft of wine in my hands. And she's, hey, Luke, I don't know, because I'm probably two at the time. So she yells at me to get my attention scared because I'm consuming alcohol. And she said, the craft didn't move. My eyes just looked at her. and I began to run with the wine spilling all down my face. And apparently I got enough in my belly that I took a pretty solid nap. But alcohol on that topic just started very young for me.

But that was just one little nugget of the story as things started to evolve. But we grew up in building forts and riding four-wheelers and BMX. And growing up in the 80s was pretty cool. I had one of those guys had a paper route when I tell my kids now about that, And like, what do you mean? You rode your bicycle around and what, you know, a newspaper, but. Yeah, that was good money back in the time. Yeah. My interesting, you say that, man, about that. My first ever business I did is I did for the neighborhood. Yeah. Way off topic here is I would take your garbage and recycling out.

So you take a dollar a month and then I would have a list of people and I would just go to their place, take their garbage and recycling out. But yeah, I remember the paper routes too. Yeah. Hey, work ethics starts at home. And my father was, big on that and I'm very fortunate. My dad's the guy that I looked up to for my entire life. Of course, no parent is perfect and now we look at that and how I'm parenting my kids. We talk about generational traumas and the growth opportunities, which, as you and I know, it all started with the removal of alcohol, and I want to jump too far ahead in the story, but from there I was, I think it was about 10 years old when I first started to actually sneak

and steal liquor from the liquor cab. And my older brother, at the time, we're hanging with this older crew of guys at the local arcades and things like that. And as you got them to the 12, 13, 14 years old, he'd have that cool guy at the arcade, everyone's smoking pot. They'd go to the liquor store and they'd buy for young kids. And we'd be out there drinking those 64-ounce jugs of private stock

or Old English or the mall liquor that was just super, cheap and that was hit and that was like paper route money that me my brother and this crew of really misfits were out there just like sucking down booze and you're trying to just get messed up any way we could because that was the time when you would just ride your bicycles around and you only had to go home when it was dark and it was time for supper but was there a lot did you see a lot of drinking growing up to an extent yes both of my parents really weren't big drinkers. My mom did like to drink wine, and my dad would drink like those Narragansett Tallboys, those 60 an ounce gold can beer. But I was always that kid that would say,

hey, dad, can I have a sip of your beer? And when he handed it to me, I would, I'd want to drink it and he'd have to, like, pry it from my hands. It was, 100%, I just had that all or nothing compulsive throw it down behavior. And I didn't think that there was anything really wrong with that, but I think my parents probably were concerned at the time. But, yeah, I was just looking to catch a buzz. I don't know if that was just, we talk about is alcoholism ingrained in us? We talk about the brain chemistry of someone like myself who, you know, has that compulsive, addicted personality that I had to work on much later in life. but my parents didn't drink a lot.

I had a lot of older cousins that would party a bit and drink beers. I had an uncle who owned a liquor store in town. I had two older cousins that worked there. So we were always finagling our way to get booze at a very early age. And it seemed to be pretty easy in our community to find that guy that either the older buddy that had a beer or a fake ID that could absolutely go to the package store and grab booze. for all of us and we'd go hang out in the park or go ride our four-wheelers in the woods

and throw down around a bonfire and we'd tell our parents were out camping. Yeah. And it's just, that was like a regular norm for the weekends. Yeah, that is what we did. Yeah. But at that time, did you keep it to the weekends when things kicked off? Yeah, up until my teenage years. And then it was actually, it was accepted.

Growing up a Italian family too is it was acceptable to have a glass or wine or something to that effect when we were a certain age. My grandparents on my father's side, the Italian side, my noni nutsi, always had cases and cases of those seven-ounce ponies in the basement. And myself and my cousins would go down there and have ping pong tournaments and would be able to crack a beer or I'd have an older cousin. They'd have a cocktail of cranberry and soda. I got to get a sip of that or they'd make you a little drink and everyone was heading outside smoking cigarettes or at least a handful of us and drinking was just normal and it was pretty accepted. But we were still being watched. We were being watched by our parents, by our grandparents, but it was always one older cousin or two.

We had quite a crew, Brad, that would tricks. Give you the green light on things. Yeah, that's a lot of, I think that's a lot of people. experience too, right? Like, I know somebody talked on the podcast. It feels like many moons ago, but they shared about like their parents' philosophy around drinking was like, hey, if you guys party at my

place where I can keep an eye on you. Yeah. We're ahead of the game other than you going in. And I'm definitely not here to say what's wrong or what's right. But I do notice that was a thing too, right? As long as you're under our roof, like we can keep an eye on you too. And make sure things don't want it to get too at a We want to be able to reel it in if we can, but this sounds like this is setting the foundation

for alcohol to really creep into your life and seeing a lot of other people doing it. It's a big thing we hear. And the more acceptable, I think, that I felt it was, then I couldn't be doing anything wrong, even though I had those one-off times where I was like, oh, I went too far with it. But overall, like, everybody else was drinking. So it's like, there's nothing to see here type idea. I was able to keep it going. How does school and everything look for you?

Are you plugging in? Are you doing sports and all that stuff too? When I was younger, I was into sports, and that was more in the elementary school years. And by all means, I was a decent soccer player. I play a little bit of football. But as I got into high school, I really liked to go snow skiing. I've been a surfer for a vast majority of my life and still do get out there as often as possible. So I gravitated towards outdoor sports and I always love to ride four-wheelers and things like that.

So it gave us a lot of freedom, gave me a lot of freedom. But it seems like I was always looking for that escape. And that nature provided me an escape. And it also provided me an opportunity to also sneak around. Basically, you got an ATV and you can go off in the woods with your buddies. I guess what? We could also have someone raid the liquor cabinet and do the same. It just, all right.

We got a fort in the woods and we can go out, build bonfires and drink. But the sports for me, and as far as school went, I wasn't, my father being a principal, my mother being a special education teacher, I wasn't the best student. And as I got into my high school years, I started to fail a decent amount of courses. I had to go to summer school a couple of times. I was smoking pot. A lot of us were. I started that at a very young age, too.

I think I was 13 when I first started smoking weed. I tried hallucinogens before I even had my driver's license. I tried cocaine before I even got out of the high school, which is, it was, and that was popular and very prominent in my community. But I never really liked much of that stuff. It was always drinking for me. It was always drinking. Yeah.

When you look back at it now, this sort of high school and probably the high school phase two, what's the drinking doing for you that you keep, that you're coming back to at time and time again. As I was going to high school, my parents also went to a divorce. I also had an older brother who, to be very transparent, was very physically abusive towards me. Later to find out that my brother had been molested more than once, and he was really angry. I never found out about that until later in life, and my brother died later in life. I never really knew when I was safe in my home and my parents did work a lot and we did have the autonomy to go off and do our own thing. But growing up with my older sibling, when we were younger, he was my best friend and I loved him and I still do and I miss him every day.

I'll gladly touch on my brother's passing as the story goes along, but I didn't really feel safe. So I dealt with a lot of anxiety. I dealt with a lot of physical abuse. When my parents got divorced, I stayed with my father. My brother went with my mother. My brother went with my mother. My sister at this time, being 10 years, my senior had already been out of the house and then started the family. I don't think I really knew any other way. I had so much anxiety and I lived in so much fear that it was my escape. It really was the best form of escape for me to numb myself. And until I got a little bit older, my father recommended me seeing a therapist, I think, when I was about 19.

but for the majority of my teenage years, living when I lived with my brother in the house, my parents weren't around, I was in very much fear in a way that it was really scary for me. It was very scary for me. My brother and his friends were very much into heavier drugs, and there was a lot of violence. I was forced to get into fights with people,

or I would be forced to then, or then I would get physically abused by my brother and or his friends. And the whole time, I just wanted to be accepted. I just wanted to be accepted by these guys and run with their crew. And of course, when I look back and I try not to do this too deeply, and I spend plenty of time working on this stuff and unpacking this stuff, which I'm very happy for now. But I wish I knew better and I wish I'd do more about my self-worth. No, that just wasn't okay. But when you're that young, you just, I don't think you really know any better, Brad. I really don't think you know any better. I think you just, and that was my only escape.

That's why for me it was when I could drink, I actually felt like things were okay. Alcohol gave me a sense of a warm feeling, a confidence. I could go out and talk to people and not feel nervous. I felt like I was accepted when I was around people or around a crew of people that would be drinking. You have that camaraderie, everyone's laughing, having a good time. And you get it. coming from. It's the only, it was like your only friend. That's what I felt like. That's when I felt some form of safety. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that, Luke. Yeah, of course. And I think a lot of people,

and what brings that upon for each person is going to be different, right? What scenario brings that to where we feel uncomfortable or unsafe in other areas of our life? And I always felt the lack of belonging, right? Like, I just didn't feel like I belonged in the world. I felt like the world was going on around me and I was stuck in a snow globe and everybody else had it so easy to make friends and connections and they did in and do well in school and make their parents proud and I always felt like those were just things I really struggled with to connect with other people and then once I started drinking too was just like here you go now this thing I can just exchange money for I don't have to put in effort I don't have to people please I don't have to do all this other

stuff to try to keep these people around. I can have this one like you mentioned. I can have this friend I could count on. Yeah. And in the beginning, my goodness, it does a heck of a job at fulfilling that need, I think. Yeah, it does. It really quells that anxiety that when I also, when you ask me about growing up too outside at school, I was very much that lone wolf kind of guy. Everyone ran in their own particular clicks or they were on the football team and the basketball team. And for me, I just wanted to just get along with the people that were almost like the black sheep. And I considered myself, and I think, and I very much was, I didn't want to conform to society's norms. I didn't want to conform to being part of a clique. When you had, or someone's, oh, I only listen to heavy metal,

or I only listen to rap. And I'm like, I love all that stuff. Why do I have to choose one? For me, I want to be diverse. Why do you need to be part of a click? Why can't we all just treat each other on a day-to-day basis on some way, shape, or form with kindness. And I always felt that way, but I just felt like I couldn't fit in with anybody. So that was my escape. I'm not saying I was special in any way, shape, or form. I just didn't want to be like the rest of the people that were going, what I would consider, the route of being within a click.

Yeah, yeah. How old were you when your parents divorced? I was, I think of about 15. They had told us when I was about 14 years old. And then my mom had moved out. They said, hey, they sat us down. It was just my brother and I, and they sat us down. I said, hey, we're going to get a divorce.

And I was quite surprised. I didn't see it coming. I felt like we had this quintessential white picket fence kind of family with the nice house. And errands had good jobs. And things were fairly okay. So I didn't see it coming later finding out that there was, you know, apparently on obviously, just like, I need divorce some real turmoil there. Yeah.

I think they were just trying to do their best. But yeah. So, yeah, I was 15 years old when that was, when that actually went down when my parents, I actually got divorced. Yeah. And then kind of wrapping up your high school days, too, what did that look like finishing out? I mean, did you have plans for where you were ahead? it after high school type thing? There was conversations.

My parents were, I think, just trying to lick their wounds and move on. My mother actually ended up in a relationship with my vice principal of my high school where she was also a teacher. And this is now my stepfather in this day and age. At this particular point, I'm very happy for them. At the time to hear that from my high school friends was very difficult. So I went off to a different school and went to a carpenter's school. program. So this vocational school, and I went there for a couple of years. And then when I came

back and I found out about the relationship, I actually came back for my senior year because at the end of my junior year, my brother and all his friends had graduated. They were off as young adults. And when I went to school, I decided, I'm like, I'm going to go back to my hometown. I said, there's nobody here for me. I was in school for maybe a couple of weeks, and I'd on out a couple of my buddies that I surf with told me about their relationship with my mother and my now stepfather. And I just shut down. I just wouldn't do school work. So they sent me to an alternative learning program. At which point I graduated high school. And when I got out of high school, then at that point, I was actually living with my mom for a bit. And at the end of that summer,

after my senior year, my mom kicked me out of the house. I was selling pot and she caught me. and she kicked me out of the house. Rightfully so, at the same time, I was the last child to get out of high school, and at that point I went off on my own. I got an apartment, and it felt like she had every right to ask me to leave. But at the time, there was some resentment there because my brother had been in a lot of trouble and arrested a lot, with a lot of getting bailed out, and I thought like that was my one screw up, and there was no exceptions.

but at the same time she had raised two boys. Maybe she was just done. And that's what I went. That is what it is. But I was out of my own at a fairly young age. And that wasn't easy. That was difficult. I held a lot of, I did a lot of drinking over that

and held a lot of anger over that for a long time. Before I finally started to look at myself and what was my part on that situation. Yeah, yeah, which is part of that, that growth of jumping way ahead here, but that growth and sobriety in life too and moving forward of looking at our parts and different things in different situations that they go on. So you get your own place here.

How do you start all that? What is that? Are you working? Yeah. At the time, I was working at a hospital. I was working in maintenance and housekeeping. So I was actually cleaning up after operations and the emergency room. At that time, I was just making a little bit of money and able to get my own place.

I had a little bit of money in the bank. And then by 19, and then 19, he's only got my first DUI. So here I am out of my own and I'm driving with a headlight out, being my buddy, just got some stakes. And it's right there, not even of legal drinking age yet. I got pulled over at 2 o'clock in the morning, stinking a beer. And that was my first, first, what should have been, a realization, like you've got a problem. And then a short two later, two years later, I got my second DUI, 21. want. So.

When you look back on that, what, like unpacking it a little bit, what are your thoughts, too, about, because you mentioned there too, like, I should have, it should have been a wake up call, right? Like, I have so many things in my life that I'm like, I look back on now and I'm like, gosh, come on, man, Brad, come on, dude. Yeah. You know, that was obvious. What about it, though, when you're in that moment? Because it's not like a rare story, right? We all have these things that we get tripped up on that we look back and we're like, it should have been. But what in the moment there, what, you know, unpack that a little bit? What do you think is there? I think I just figured I got to get sneakier about it. That's the alcohol right there. You're like, oh, you know,

when I got caught, how do I, all right, maybe this time I'm not going to drink and drive anymore. I'm to make sure that I drink in a safe space, not even looking at the underlying cause of what the real problem is, being the alcohol and going, are only going to do this or, you're only going to do this, or make sure that my car is in good working order when I'm out about it. Here I am trying to figure out how do I drink and drive safely. What the fuck is wrong with that? Honestly, it's just, it's not even right. And that continued on.

That continued on. Obviously, it did learn my lesson, but, yeah, to really unpack that, at 19 years old, quite simply, I was just, at that point, if I could drink daily, I would. If I could get my hands on and have someone buy me alcohol, I had an older sibling who was 21 friends that were of legal drinking age. Family or his cousins who worked and ran a liquor store. So getting alcohol was simple. That's continued, yeah.

Yeah. I'm just thinking I'm going back a little bit here. I just had this little light bulb. I'm thinking back to when you talked about you moved in with your dad, I think. Yeah. And then something about therapy. Did you ever end up until this point in your life? Have you been plugged into anything?

No, at 19, when I got my DUI, they actually did say a court order and said, we need to talk to somebody. A lawyer at the time definitely said, hey, listen, the guy's got a, he's got a very, you know, apparent drinking problem. And the judge was very much on board for getting me involved and getting me some help. And of course, I'm just like, sure. Okay, sounds good. What happened with therapy, though, was also this psychiatrist then prescribed me.

I think it was Lexapro at the time, right, because it can't. I'm like, listen, I'm depressed. I'm having a tough time. Why are you drinking so much? And I talked a bit about what we said at that time, years of physical abuse, parents' divorce. What later came up in life that I discovered were abandonment issues and low self-worth. but I didn't get that at 19. And for a short period of time, I tried those drugs, and I was just like, this is not for me.

And it did help me to stop and slow my drinking down, but I'd say it was for a matter of eight to 10 weeks. And then I said, I'm done with that. And I'm absolutely done with that. Yeah. And this is a side, no, this is my opinion. I think they have a very important place for people, but I also think that a lot of those pharmaceutical drugs are a very big problem. So I think they're very necessary at times for people, but at that particular time, my life, it did not do me any good. Yeah, the effects were not good. The effects were definitely not good for me.

But, you know, living with my dad was, that was probably the most peace I had found because it was just my father and myself. He was in a dark place, I believe, but I didn't have to really have that much fear. I could live in a house where I felt safe. Yeah. And to move forward again, you know, you got this. So you got your second DUI. And it's a, is it the same thought process too? Like, I just got to get a little bit better at the drinking part. Now, I wouldn't open my eyes because I actually got an accident and that one. And thankfully, nobody got hurt. I was with a friend in the city of Providence, Rhode Island. And then I was just drunk and absolute. And I just clipped somebody. But it was enough to land me in handcuffs. And that could have been, that could have been. so much worse. Same stuff. After that, then once again was like, man, I really have an issue here.

I got to do something about this. And that lasts for a period of time because then I have to go through the court system. My license is removed. I'm riding a bicycle to work. I'm embarrassed. At the time, my young 21-year-old ego is bruised and my bank account is drained because I have to pay legal fees and what I've got, how this stuff. And that just, that continued. It didn't take very long for me to just get right back into the same old stuff. And at that point, I can go to the bars so I can, I can walk. I can go with a buddy for probably four to six months. I tried to keep a leash on it. But it was the same thing. My drinking then had to be in an isolated space at home, because I knew that if I got another DUI, I had a chance of going to prison. But,

Morally, the one thing, I was really, I was happy that no one got hurt or killed because that's, that was very prominent in my mind for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So how old were you when you had the second one? 21. Yeah. Yeah.

And so throughout this time, too, you say you tried to put like a leash on it, tried to throttle things back a little bit. So there's some awareness, it seems, if that's what you're doing about, like, hey, this is, I got to try to do something. right, but it doesn't really last or it becomes far too exhausting to try to keep it between the lines type thing. Yeah, I mean, Brad, you get, it's a roller coaster ride. It's the waking up after throwing up to spitting up blood and then you're like, man, I got to do something. And I was still trying to stay somewhat physically active. Even that, I'd get sick after being so hung over. Like, countless times I had alcohol poisoning, I'm sure, and just got up and tried to nurse it. eight or eight or something, only to go a day or two of sobriety, and then just to do it all again.

It's like, all right, you know what, it's Friday night. Maybe I'll just get a six-pack of beer instead of getting a six-pack in a bottle or whatever it is to really throw down. Yeah. But, yeah, I 100% was aware that what I was doing was not good. And I knew I was hurting myself, but I just, I didn't know any other way. When I didn't, drink I had anxiety. When I drank, I would wake up with massive anxiety. And for years, I didn't start to the point of drinking to get rid of it in the morning. Not to fast forward, but that came. That certainly came later. Yeah. Yeah. But it almost sounds like it was worth the sacrifice because you have anxiety when you're not drinking. And then when you're drinking, the anxiety went away or was less?

Is that true or not? Yeah. Yeah. So then it went away. So it was like what you touched on before, right. It was like the sacrifice made sense because you got some relief. Yeah. But then it's what goes up must come down. And then it's the next morning we wake up and it's like, oh, you know, I always remember I would be like having panic attacks or a heart attack or something like, I'm having a heart attack. But never, it never was. But it feels the anxiety is so heavy. And then it's, I'd wake up for so long, man, and tell myself, I'm not drinking today and only a couple hours later, midday, start feeling a little bit better and be back at it again. It's interesting too. you mentioned there about like those nights you'd go and pick up six pack instead of a six

pack in a bottle. I did that too. I tried that route. Once the six pack was gone, I was enraged. I was so angry. Like, what a terrible idea that you had? You know what I mean? What were you doing? Because, you know, you think in your mind before I'm like, this will work. And then after it's gone, I'm like, that's ridiculous, man. Let's go. Do you ever have that or no? Oh, 100%. The times that I would do that, I'd say, well, I'm not going to make that mistake again. And then you just, the next time, then you just load up because you're like, oh, I got to make sure I get the job done so I can get drunk enough to pass out. Yeah. Yeah. When you say that, too, you mentioned the words anxiety. You mentioned the words anger. You know, all of this stuff was exactly what I was just pouring down

my throat. I just had to quell that. And I used to not even be able to have anyone say the word anxiety around me because my panic attacks were so bad at a particular point in my life. that. I was so fearful of the fear of that panic attack of that anxiety attack. It would be worried about when my anxiety attack was going to come. Yeah. And that's when you know that your body's starting to become riddled. Riddled with booze. Yeah. And do you feel like that was from the booze or that was from the previous stuff that you shared about before, experiences or a mixture? I'd say it was a combination of the both. I was certainly, I mean, that was my way of self-medication, and I taught myself that at a young age because no one was telling me

what to do. I certainly wasn't asking for help. I was fearful of, you know, what I'm growing up as a young man, and I think, listen, are you a man? Are you going to go around complaining about your problems? No, you're going to drink them away. And that's insane to think that I'm going to drink my problems away like a man. That is one of the dumbest things I think I probably ever could a thought as a young guy because if I asked for it, there were people that cared about me that would have helped me. I wish I cared enough to help myself, but I try not to do it. I look back and say, oh, man, I should have could have, woulda.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not a place you want to. No. You want to live. What did people around you, like, when people around you picked up on this, is that part of it? Did your parents or your sister or your brother, anybody, pick up on that you were struggling? Did they mention anything? Oh, my, my parents definitely did. My sister was now in New Jersey with her family and my brother was definitely not someone. He got into

really heavy drugs and if I spent time in his company with his friends, it was like, hey, we've got Coke, you're doing it. And I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. And there were times that I succumb to that, but I just did not like that stuff. I did not like heavy drugs. But I would drink to the point that 100% there was a lot of remorse what did I do what do they say who did I text who did I offend no you're throwing up in places you're throwing up in bars it's just it was bad it was very bad the story and I know this is why I reached out to you was as we segue into what and then after I'm 21 I ended up leaving that job at the hospital and I went to work for a factory and that job wasn't really working out I was the first time I ever quit a job as I'd said I had

a paper out when I was 10 years old. I never stopped working. Outside of this, I always kept steady work in some way, shape, or form, whether that was working with an uncle who was a contractor, another family member, various jobs and restaurants. But, you know, it was the first time they ever quit a job. And then I had a family member that knew a soda and beverage company in the state of Connecticut. They were looking for a sales representative. And they were like, hey, listen, just put a short resume together and put it out there. I go and I get this job with this company. And I ended up getting this role as a sales representative for the state of Rhode Island,

basically managing selling soda and coffee and juices to all the local grocery stores and convenience stores. And now I'm a road salesman. I'm selling non-alcoholic beverages and beef jerky and coffee and making all these new contacts. So I've got this really good opportunity. So I'm like, man, here I am about 22 years old and discovering that I'm actually pretty good in sales. And that job went pretty well for a while, which led me to realize that there's much more money in liquor sales. So I keep seeing these same guys. And there's these older gentlemen that were liquor salesmen.

Hey, what does it take? So I kept sniffing around having conversations. They saw that my work ethic was good. I would show up to the same stores that they would, and I'd be selling water and soda. And the guy gave me a recommendation, a company that was in the throes of consolidating buying a beer distributorship, and they were looking for a sales force. So sure enough, I land a job as a beer salesman in the state of Rhode Island. Yeah. And now I'm just active alcoholic, young,

20s and I'm bouncing around bars and having the opportunity to just sell liquor. And now I've got free samples. I get to try all the new stuff. And Brad, it was like a dream come true. And it was a great job. It was absolutely great job. And I know we talked a little bit about it before. So I went through my career over the course of 14 years.

And it was very successful. My first year, I was salesman of the year. My second year, I was runner up, third year salesman of the year, fourth year promoted. Then I went into a spirits division, and the same thing happened. Through this time, I'm traveling to whiskey facilities in Tennessee. I'm not going to name any brand names, but I'm sure we could all call them out. These are major whiskey companies, beer companies. I'm going to Boston to tour these breweries.

And then I was promoted again, and I ended up in a concert. I was a wine consultant at the tail end of my career. And I'm going to Napa. I'm going to Italy. Through the course of this 14 years, though, I am drinking daily and in a fashion that is 100% unsafe. I'm doing it in a very isolative fashion. I'm doing it at home or I'm out at restaurants. At this point, I'm being very cautious about getting behind the wheel.

But I'm sure we all know where the story's going. completely slippery, slow, and very dangerous for someone that's been drinking for so many years. Yeah. No, that's wouldn't, I can see why you were so successful with it, especially in that space, right? It's one way or another, too. Like, I'm only guessing here, but are you still going through that sort of denial phase? Or do you know that the alcohol is a big part of the problem here? Where are you at there?

I still don't think I know any better or any other life. And I think I just, I'm going through this career. And I had a couple of times where I got pulled to the side by managers and saying, listen, are you okay? And they loved me because I was a great sales representative. I showed up. My work ethic was good. Work ethic's good until you go away on a company trip.

And I knew it was a problem. But I didn't know what was the end game. When was it going to, when was the house of cards all going to come? tumbling down. I just wanted to continue to drink in the fashion that I had become accustomed to, and nobody was going to tell me otherwise. I was definitely ego-driven. I had a level of success that was pretty solid. I had an opportunity to buy a home for myself, and some relationships came and went. Most of them are all based around drinking and fun times, quote-unquote, fun times. But nothing, there was no real substance to it as far as the company I count.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man, I'm just wondering here, throughout all this time, when things started to pick up, even a little bit before this, I think, right? Like probably 19, 20, 21, right, after mom asked you to leave or had you leave there. how do you feel about yourself? Because I think that we get glimpses of like feeling in between, maybe sobering up, maybe in the earlier days, maybe not towards the end. How do you feel by yourself with the life you're leading, right? Yeah, not good. I didn't feel good during the day and the time when I was coherent, I was very shy, very insecure, and my level of self-worth was very low. And I spent a lot of time being told that my self-worth was very low growing up as a child from my sibling, David.

And David was verbally and physically abusive. And I just always thought, I really of any true value. My self-esteem was not great until I had liquor in me. And then I was, my personality was something else. I could go out, it was social. It was social lubricant. And I could get out and quote unquote perform in front of people and via this very social being and feel content and warm. And it was a very superficial form of happiness and self-worth.

My self-worth was in a bottle and without it. Now, during the day in sales roles, I was very good talking to people. But I couldn't make personal connections. When it came to business and it came to math and profit margins, locking up deals in any way, shape, or form, that I could do. But when someone asked me how I was, my answer was, oh, I'm good, I'm fine. And I wasn't giving them any more than that because I don't think that I wanted to let them crack me open. Yeah, I don't want to let anyone know. I had very deep-rooted trust issues with people.

So, yeah, yeah. So you're here it's like we get rolling through the stories. That's why I try to ask that question too about what's going on beneath the surface for us, right? As we're going through this because we can get wrapped up in the drinking and in the jobs and the relationships. But I think it's always good to highlight too. Like it just something that works so well or once worked so well like it starts to wear off over time. And then it starts to really create all these other problems maybe we could call it in our life. Yeah, you felt the same way. I've heard your story and stuff. It's tough when you feel that way and you're looking for that. You know, trying to find your true value. And, of course, jumping ahead, it all starts with putting down the drink. And it all starts with sobriety.

So. Yeah. Take us there, Lou. Take us towards, take us towards, I mean, if we're close, right? If we're not missing any major pieces in between. If we are, maybe maybe it moves in. And probably the most major thing would be as in the darkest of dark would be my divorce. My kids are coming into this world.

It all started with my daughter was born. And everything was great. I had a great marriage, perception of a great marriage. But it was all rooted in alcohol. My now ex-wife and I both just love to drink. And she loves that I was a wine consultant. And at one particular point, of course, we got married because she was my best friend. That was a real blessing to have. My daughter comes into the world. And, you know, as my marriage got very difficult, it was right after I got married and things started to change really fast, I noticed. And I'm not going to play the victim. My part was my alcoholism and my drinking was just out of control. We drank together in excess. And that was the beginning of the end. After we got married,

married and the shine came off and everything seemed to settle in. I raised the young girl, and by the time she was about two years old, my drinking was at a point that it was completely unacceptable. My body was craving alcohol to the point where I would shake if I did not drink. I would drink before I would come home. In the morning, when I left, I was, I was, I would have liquor samples in the car. I would have to do a rip of vodka. I started to hide bottles around the house. Now, here I am a liquor salesman with pretty much an unlimited amount of alcohol available to me.

And I was still going to the liquor store to buy boots because I would drink so much. We would drink so much. But I'm going to really speak on myself that I was shrinking to the point that I could kill bottle after bottle of wine. I get into the hard stuff and I would drink beers when I mowed the lawn. And I was in a very unhappy marriage and that was for both of us. We talked a lot about that, my ex-wife and I, and I was begging for help at particular points where I didn't feel supported. She was asking me to get help at particular points where I was like, I'm fine. I'm going to just continue to do it or I can do it on my own.

and then as things got to a really dark place, now she asked me to get into therapy. And I did, but I got into therapy for the purpose of getting her off my back. Like, all right. It's just going to shut. And that all of a sudden, what a blessing in disguise, because I started to, the guy that I was meeting with was like really intuitive with my upbringing. And he asked the right questions. And he was genuine and he really cared. And I was able to at least start the healing process.

At the same time, I was starting it while I was still drinking. Then my ex-wife and I just continued to bicker and fight the child's in the mix. And there were financial stresses to a point that I felt it was just, it was all on me. And I think I was just playing the victim or looking for an excuse or looking for an out. And my anger was prominent, not in a way of anything other than verbal argument. But our marriage became very toxic, became very toxic. And then as that evolved and the fights continued, my drinking continued, and she felt unsafe, I felt trapped.

And it got to the point where I started going to the hospital. My panic attacks were, I think I'm having a heart attack. And it just was, things were bad. And then my work performance began to slip. And they noticed that and they asked me, I wanted to get some help. They probably smell booze on my breath because I was drinking to the point where it was throughout the course of the day.

We would have wine seminars on Friday, and instead of spin in the bucket, I would just drink my wine. And then I finally chose to go off to a rehab. And in similar fashion, I don't think I was really ready to be done. But I did do it. And that was really eye-opening. And then I entered the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. and I stayed sober for about eight months. Prior to that, I did not want to have any more children.

And you and I talked about this earlier as well. And I was good. I was coming up on 40 years old. And I really didn't want to have any more kids. But, you know, my ex-wife really did want another child. And, you know, as this all went down, I am so thankful every day that my son, Ryan, was born. He's my little dude. My daughter is beautiful. My son is great. Life happened exactly how it happened, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But without going into the details and speaking in alcoholism and what I needed to do,

I felt trapped in the marriage. There were trusts that were broken that I could no longer stay in that. I relapsed. And I relapsed hard. I relapsed really hard. Yeah. So as that settled in, I had a family member in the program that got me back to the detox and the rehab facility. At this point, my son was born and he was very young.

My wife at the time, we talked, we decided that we're not going to stay together. And while I was in rehab, she left the house. She told me she was leaving. She was taking the kids. I asked if she wanted to entertain therapy. She said no. I asked if she saw us spending our life together, which I think was a pretty obvious question. She said no, and I told her the same thing.

I said, I don't see us spending our life together. We agreed to get a mediator and go our separate ways and to sell our home. And then it was time for me to do the work. Then it was time for me to do the work because my kids were gone. It was my worst nightmare, and I was an absolute mess. I'll never forget the day that I was out of rehab, and I'm early in sobriety, and I take my daughter back to my future ex-wife at the time because we're not living in separate places. And my daughter crying, Dad, don't go.

and I drove down the road and I cried and I just cried a lot. And that was it for me. I said, man, this is it. You have one chance to do this now. You know, you've already taken it to the absolute extreme. And it's time to, it's time to do this and do it not only for your kids, but for yourself. And it was the first time I started to really understand and grasp the concept of self-love and to know that if I, I'm not good to myself, then I can't be any good to anybody else.

And that was the beginning of the real journey. I got deep-rooted in with the program of AA for a couple of years, and I'll gladly touch on where I am as we continue here. But AA absolutely saved my life. I had a family member in AA, my cousin who I just talked to, and his partner, she was also in AA, and I just, without that program, I very possibly wouldn't be here. I firmly believe that.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing all that too. When are we like 2018? Yes, yeah. December 30th, 2018. Yeah. December 30th.

Yes. I did not wait until New Year's Eve. Go. How it's. Go, Luke. Go. Yeah, that's great, man. That was it.

2018. Man, it's so much you go through there at the end, right? So you go detox. That was probably a common thing for you. If you wanted to quit, you'd have to go through detox because you were addicted, physically addicted, right? 100%. Yeah. Yeah, they had a monitor for, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, 100. Both times I was in rehab, they had a monitor, right? And before I went the last time, I was an emergency room visit. And the ER doctor said, he said, your potassium levels are fatally low. the fact that you're even talking to me right now is blowing my mind. By all rights, you should not even be coherent right now. You should be in a coma. I was dying.

I was definitely killing myself with booze. Yeah. At the end there, too, when you go through this and then you leave, right? And a lot of people share 30 days in treatment, incredible, great opportunity if somebody can plug into it. But the real work starts when you leave. Yeah. Yeah.

When you leave out of there. start plugging into meetings up until this point and for your last stretch throughout the other years, had you ever been to a meeting or heard of a meeting or anything? After my first detox, I was in AA, but yeah, I had heard of A and just to me, I was like, the first stage of alcoholism is admitting you're an alcoholic. I wouldn't even admit that as far as I was concerned. I had it all under control. I was just fine. I would handle it. And I didn't need any help as far as I was concerned. And I was just so misguided and so used to self-medicating with alcohol that I just aren't 100% was like, this is how I'm going to do this. And that's how I'm going to do this. And that's how I'm going to live my life. And I thought that as far as I was concerned, I didn't want to let go of it. And anyone that told me that I shouldn't drink and pouring gasoline on the fire. Oh, yeah, watch me. Watch this. Yeah. Like in rebellion that I would. break more and how sick was I? I was very ill. I was very ill. How do you go from that place

where we, where we've just talked about from so many different things and so many different scenarios and situations to this place of, I think ultimately it starts out as being honest for one, being open for maybe there's something different. But I think the biggest one is for me anyway, honesty's in there, but willingness, right? How do you become willing to show up for the meetings, to go to the hospital, to ask for this help? Because that's completely against anything that you've learned or done up until this point. You know what I mean? Oh, I had to wake up, Brad. It's quite simple. I had two options. It was either figure this out, get sober, and start to peel back what the real underlying causes of my addiction and alcoholism were.

because the alternative is grim. The alternative leaves my kids without a father, with my father, without a son, with my sister, without a brother. It is that simple. If I just continued to go the way I was going, I'm gone. That's it.

When I have a doctor telling me that, and I push the limits as far as I possibly could, or in Hart's as far as I possibly could. And you would think, you know, it's like, man, I've got these two beautiful kids. What am I doing? What am I telling? And that day with my daughter as I drove down the road,

I said, that was it. That was the moment for me. I'm like, man, I may not be able to salvage my marriage, but I can be the best father I can possibly try to be. And it has to start with just knowing that you can't drink. And that's the early sobriety is a wrestling match. The first two years for me were after year one, I gained some confidence, spent time in AA, I read 24 hours a day, worked through the big book somewhat.

I never finished. I had a sponsor, worked with them somewhat. I still had my little tendencies of rebellion, but therapy was the saving grace for me. Nature, as I talk about so commonly, is my church, and that's where I go. outside and whether it's in the ocean or hiking being outdoors with my children that's where i had to begin to find that those opportunities to understand but i had to understand what my value was but not only to understand it but to grow and be valuable by doing the work yeah yeah i love that stay connected in the therapy too just going through everything that you've been through over the years right it's

It sounds anyway that it's been so helpful. Oh, without that, I talk to some people and those I'm very close to, and I'm sharing here, that without removal of alcohol, I wasn't able to feel my feelings. I wasn't able to look back and understand what my past traumas were. To look at myself in the mirror and understand that at my core, I do have an opportunity to be the best possible version of myself day to day. And life is, it's not easy, but it's a hell of a lot easier when you're not drinking. It's a hell of a lot easier when I'm able to process those things, have healthy relationships

and build those deep, meaningful connections. And that was all very new to me. And it took a long time to get there. But life happened exactly how it was supposed to. Without life happening, the way that it did, I wouldn't be the man that I am today. I want to be the father that I am today. So it's the good stuff. Unfortunately, I put myself through a lot of suffering to do that.

But it's crazy to think, but all those lessons are opportunities. All those opportunities are a chance to look at myself in the mirror and find a way to grow and to evolve. And I believe firmly that's life's work. It doesn't stop at sobriety. It's the beginning. Sovriety was the beginning. And after that, every day I get up. I'm doing something to try and better myself, to try and touch the lives of someone else.

And sobriety made me feel like I wasn't alone for the first time of my life. So if I can share that message, that was the real catalyst for me reaching out to you. Yeah. That's a win. Yeah, that's a huge win. Yeah, it is so interesting there, too, that you mentioned about how things were, right? everything that's when it's played out exactly how it was meant to and everything that you've been through has gotten you here in one turn one way or the other could change where you're at now

and i relate to that so well because i'm the same way i'm very content very joyful very grateful for every opportunity that i have in my life today but literally and that's why it's like i can't go back and change this stuff that was dad and i can't go back and change the stuff that was good because If you change one little thing, you have a huge potential of not landing where we've landed today. Which is, it's so weird, right? It's like, when you go back and make changes? And it's, you know what? There's some stuff I've done I'm not proud of.

Obviously, I'm pretty sure we could all probably relate on that level to some degree. Yeah. But if I go back and change those things that I'm not proud of, I risk changing where I'm at now. And I'm like, I would go through all of the BS again. if somebody told me when I was 22 years old, this is how your life will look when you're 37, but I need you to do this for a little bit. And I would say, sign me up. Let's do it.

I'm your guy. I will do it. I will endure the BS, the pain, the confusion, everything. If you promised me, that's where I'll be. And I'm hearing that from you, too, man, that you're, you've landed in a place where, and I think you knocked that out of the park, man. Thank you for you. You feel like sobriety's giving you that sense of belonging, man.

And I was looking for that shit my whole life. And I looked in all the wrong places and under all the wrong rocks. Yeah. 100%, Brad. It's amazing to see where we come. And just, I mean, just, it was a couple weeks ago. And I joined your sober motivation community. And you go, hey, Luke, are you the guy that reached out to the former liquor salesman?

And I'm like, oh, man, let's hook up. Let's talk. And I'm like, are you kidding me? I absolutely. I'd be more than happy to do that because I really believe that. We have this such an amazing movement and sobriety. And so many people have come to realize, and I'm one of them. We're not alone.

And just to spread the message, it starts for the first day you choose yourself and the first day that you choose to put down drinking. Because I didn't know any other way. And life has just gotten exponentially. better and better. There's been a lot of books and continued therapy. And I'm working for a corporation. I'm on their wellness committee. Yeah. There's more blessings. They just keep coming. Yeah. I think a big part of it. I'm a believer anyway. I'm just doing the right thing. Yeah. Just doing the right thing. I think my thing, a lot of people ask me to, Brad, why do you put all this

time and effort into the show and everything that I do? And I think a big part of it underlying, part of it, like deep level, big part of it is that I just felt like I was taking from the world for so long. Yeah. And I was just not a good person. I wanted to be good. I wanted to do good, but I made choices that were not good. And I wasn't good to people. And it was so far from my character, personal character. And so far from my heart, it really hurt me as I was going through that. And now it's about just being a good person, man, and just leading with the heart, leading with the heart and just letting people know they're not alone. and there's like you said, right? When we're out there getting messed up all the time, we don't realize that there's another way to live. Right. Until we do.

I'm thinking of wrapping up here, Luke, if somebody's listened to this episode too and they're struggling with their journey of sobriety, giving up alcohol, giving up whatever it is, what would you mention to them? I'd say that there's so many powerful examples of the benefits of sobriety. And once you do decide that,

Don't be shy, ask for help, join a community, go to an AA meeting, talk to somebody. It only gets better as it evolves. And it is painful at first, but it's much less painful when you go through the process of being able to feel your feelings and figure out what the underlying causes are. So you can live a full and meaningful life that you deserve. We are all absolutely worth that. And yeah, does it get uncomfortable? Is it a little bit scary? 100%.

But once you get through that process and the mess starts to clear up, for me anyways, I can't see my life any other way. I absolutely can't see my life any other way. My kids want nothing more to spend time with their father. I'm coming up on six years of sobriety. I didn't think I could ever do this.

and because of all of this, I'm able to, in a very healthy fashion, co-parent with my ex-wife, support my kids' education, their health and their well-being, and to regrow that friendship so we can raise our children. I'm able to have healthy relationships and friendships. I'm an asset to the folks that I have the opportunity to work with. Luke's phone battery died right here at the end. but we did catch up for another quick conversation. I was asking Luke about the story with his brother

since he had mentioned it earlier in the episode. So I'm going to plug in those clips right after this. Yeah, great chatting with you, Luke, on your story. I'm just interested too on what are some of the big differences and positives that you've experienced since making this choice of sobriety. Well, I mean, not only, you know, of course there's always the stuff from, you know, career and making the career change. after resigning from a liquor business and getting into a different role,

I found myself doing pretty well and realizing that I could reestablish a good career for myself. But the big differences really were rooted in finding new and healthy habits from, you know, there's so many good books. And one of the things that I really attribute a lot of my success to is looking at my own personal and individual attachment. A lot of people, you know, might have, and maybe you've heard of attachment theory, you know, and to understand that what my anxious attachment, my abandonment issues, and really having to address those.

And doing the work, doing the work in staying in therapy was a big deal. Time in nature, surfing, hiking, building and cultivating deep and meaningful relationships by being vulnerable enough to reach out. to how days like today, you know, to tell someone to have been about my story. And, um, uh, you know, it really does build those connections that, you know, bring me to a different place in my life. But I have to commend you, Brad, because I remember it. So when I reached out to you last week, I said, well, how about, you know, like six, seven o'clock? And you're like, no, man, no. And do you remember what you said to me?

I don't remember. You're like, no, my advice, you said, no, man, my wife doesn't want me doing this at night. I'm busy enough. And my response is like, you know, a lot, that's the best. Hey, I would do it 24-7 if it was up to me, man. Yeah. I love this stuff. If I did, wouldn't everything else would be gone.

Yeah. You know, I'm fortunate now. I've got someone in my life that is absolutely amazing. I know I shared her stuff with you too. So she's also a sober woman, a business owner. But by old means, if I could give her a shameless plug, but she's Tori and she's at T-4-T-4-T-O-R-I-E. That's T-E-A, F-O-R-I-E.

And she's part of it in an amazing mocktail movement because we see all these non-alcoholic beverages. You see them out there. Over the course of time, I do have some intentions of, you know, do all my best to do some additional service work, get back, stay involved in your community and attend those meetings. And we're on the path to something big. Am I going to start something like that?

I don't know, man. You never know, man. I never thought I would either. Yeah. So, you know, touch and base, and you'd asked about, you know, my brother or my father dying. And, you know, David battled with pills and cocaine, heavy drugs. When I was actually in the liquor business, I was on the first vacation I never taken in my life.

And he had been really gone through a very difficult place. He was in and out of prison, you know, for various reasons. And then the night he died, I was in Florida on vacation. And we were very close and in so many ways that there was a connection because we were close in age. And I felt something like a bolt of lightning hit me. And I was out drinking heavily. When I woke up, my phone was ringing, and I picked up the phone, and I said to my sister, I said, David's dad doesn't change. I told Dad not to call you.

And I just knew it. I knew he was gone. But he was in an argument with his girlfriend, went out to the liquor store. And from my understanding, he just drove straight out of a telephone call and didn't have a seatbelt on it. So he would be the only one that could tell me this, but I'm pretty sure it was vehicular suicide. And it's not the first time that he had, you know, tried to hurt himself. Yeah. Before he'd try to do it with pills. And this time, unfortunately, he was successful. Yeah. He was successful. So. Wow. Wow, man. Sorry to hear that. It's been 20 years.

Yeah. It's been about 20 years. And it's, it's never dead. It's like a PCU is on. You know, even though he was abusive to me, and there were many times that regretfully, I had absolutely wished him dead or said those words. Of course, that was all in anger and part of, you know, my anger that I drank over for so long. But there's not a day that, you know, I don't think of him, I don't miss him. And, you know, I wish that he was still around. But, yeah, I don't wish that on anybody. And, yeah, it's not an easy thing to see your parents go through. for me to go through. Because my feelings were very mixed because of our dynamic of our relationship was rough.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow, man. Dude, to get from where you've been to where you are is just inspiring, Luke. I appreciate that very much, bro. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. That means a lot.

That means a lot. Well, there it is, everyone, another story here on the podcast. Thank you to Luke so much for jumping on here and reaching out. To share your story with all of us, I'll drop Luke's contact information for Instagram down in the show notes below. If you want to send him your love on a great share of a story, I'll see you on the next one.