Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - After a final blackout Suzanne made a decision to quit drinking alcohol for good and is living her best life as a result.

Episode Date: March 19, 2023

Suzanne had the realization that her relationship with alcohol was not helping her be the best version of herself. She was blacking out on many occasions and after 1 final time she decided to take a good hard look at her relationship with alcohol and said enough was enough.  Suzanne didn’t hit what some may consider a “rock bottom” and that is part of her message. You can exit at anytime. Suzanne is a loud advocate against mommy wine culture and wants moms to know an alcohol free life is possible. This is Suzanne’s story on the sober motivation podcast. Follow Suzanne on Instagram  HERE Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram  HERE Download the SoberBuddy App HERE Donate for podcast editing HERE

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Suzanne had the realization that her relationship with alcohol was not helping her be the best version of herself. She was blacking out on many occasions and after one final time she decided to take a good, hard look at her relationship. with alcohol and said enough was enough. Suzanne didn't hit what some may consider a rock bottom.

And that is part of her message. You can exit at any time. Suzanne is a loud advocate against mommy wine culture and wants moms to know an alcohol-free life is possible. This is Suzanne's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. I know you hear me talk a lot about the Sober Buddy app, and here is why. This community is one of the most supportive I've ever seen. Starting with the meeting hosts who lead with support, kindness, and understanding,

when someone falls, the community rallies to support and encourage. People from all different countries who show up as strangers leave as friends. It is a true example of community and connection. What makes sober buddy special is everyone is working on the same mission to get another day sober so we can live our best lives and to provide a safe place so no one feels they have to do this alone. Check out the app today, your somberbuddy.com or your favorite app store.

And I'll see you there. Welcome back to another episode of the Suburmotivation podcast. Today we've got Suzanne with us. How are you doing today? Good. I'm happy to be here. Yeah. Awesome. And I'm glad we could narrow down something to do this. So why don't you start us off with what was it like for you growing up?

Wow. I mean, we could really be here all day. I'm not going to go back to childhood because it's not that kind of party probably on here. I will say my dad was a drinker when I was growing up and then he stopped. And I'm still trying to work through how that informed me and my drinking. I actually didn't really start drinking a lot until college. I'm from Wisconsin. And so Wisconsin is like known for beer and binge drinking.

I mean, that's just the culture. And so I really leaned into that when I went to, I went to college in Green Bay, Wisconsin. And, you know, beer is like a food group. And binge drinking is just something we did like Wednesday through Saturday. You know, we just drank our asses off as much as we could. Everyone was doing it. It was just a cultural thing. And I definitely enjoyed it.

I look back at that time and it's like, you know, I'm 18 to 21. I worked in a club. I was a good student, but I was also a party girl. And I loved being a party girl. I loved the power that came with it because there was a lot of power. When I think about drinking and how it started, it was fun and it felt powerful, which is kind of hilarious because it's neither of those things. Yeah. So this was in your college days getting into the party that everybody's doing.

I've heard that a few times about Wisconsin, and I could definitely tell when you said Wisconsin, I kicked up on the accent there right away. Really? You did it? Yeah, but before that, I didn't hear it. Yeah. Well, and so after college, I moved to Atlanta. And so I think then I probably had a really bad Wisconsin accent for a long time.

And then Atlanta kind of smoothed it out. I don't say y'all or anything anymore, but it's definitely like a little bit smoother. Yeah, and then I moved to Atlanta because I just, wanted to get out of Wisconsin, so I graduated college, got out of Wisconsin, didn't know a soul in Atlanta, and moved. And it was a culture shock in that they definitely didn't drink like Wisconsinites, but that said, I was still early 20s and it was still a party. I'd never got into drugs. I would smoke pot here and there, and I hated how it made me feel. I hated that it made me feel sluggish and slow. And I would be more.

more of an upper kind of person and I knew that I would love cocaine and so I never tried it. I don't know why that was like my hard line, but I never tried it. And I would be at a party where every single person was doing cocaine and I was like, no, that's just a bridge too far for me. I know that I would like it. But the party continued into my 20s, late 20s. I moved to Chicago then. I was a single girl in the city and I look back at that time now and I'm like, holy shit, how did I survive that? Because it was a lot of blackouts. It was a lot of been shrinking. Again, pretty like okay culturally because Chicago is a huge shrinking city. So it wasn't any like sort of blinking red light of someone saying like, wow, Suez, you got to slow down. We were all partying. And that really

didn't slow down until I got married then in my early 30s. I got married and had a baby pretty quickly. And I realized that this was no longer the partying chapter of my life. It actually happened when my baby, so when my, she's now eight, when she was, I mean, not yet a year old. I had met this like, cool mom. I wanted mom friends. I was out now in the suburbs, not in the suburbs, not the city anymore and I wanted to find a mom friend found one her first baby was the same age as mine and we were like cool well we know that like the fast track to connection and to have fun is alcohol right and so like let's do this and let's just you know go drink champagne and have a boozy lunch and then it continued and I blacked out and we had our babies and that for me was a huge wake-up

call in that like no this no longer can happen you're in charge of a human now you can't the party is over in that set like you can't do this and I was able to really moderate and I say moderate in quotes because I think moderating a highly addictive substance is a losing game and I feel like we're made to feel like the loser when the loser is alcohol I mean there's not a weakness in us if we can't moderate it, right? It's not meant to be moderated. But I was really able to continue to have it in my life. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I can still invite alcohol into my life, into motherhood, and how that would work. And that just got really fucking exhausting. Yeah. How long was that for where you were trying that? Well, okay, so, so I stopped

drinking January 2020. And so I had that blackout when my oldest was, yeah, like nine months. And then I didn't do that again. And I was able to say no more. Like this is too scary. I was terrified. I had always felt shame around blackouts. And you know, just that like horrible feeling in the morning that you're like, holy shit, how'd I get home? Where's my phone? Where's my credit card? What did I say? Who am I sleeping with? Like this was in my, you know, single days in the party girl days. It is like, holy shit, how did I not die? How did I make it out of that alive?

But there was like this extra level of shame that morning after the blackout when I was in charge of my baby. And so then I said, okay, no more. And I was able to then not black out again until the last time I drank, which was January 18th, 2020. And so for five plus years, it was this moderation game and me trying to fit alcohol into motherhood. I mean, from the outside, pretty successfully. I didn't lose anything. Like, I never had a DUI. I didn't black out again.

Like, I was a great mom. But just because I didn't lose everything to alcohol doesn't mean I didn't lose something. It's only in when I now am sober and am able to be a sober mom that I can see everything that I lost to alcohol when I was trying to make it fit into motherhood. And so when I stopped drinking, that last blackout, I wasn't drinking at home. My husband and I were at a really fancy party and it was one of those parties when your glass is never empty. It was actually a pot party and I don't smoke pot. And so I was going to drink champagne. I had just had my third baby.

He was three months old. And, you know, the waiters were just, like, flitting in and out. Like, always champagne glass was never empty, and that was great by me because I was like, you know what, I've been pregnant. I always felt like I had to get back into the drinking. And, like, I had to get over the hump of where it tasted like shit. And I just had to get over that and then try to figure out how to get it back into motherhood. And I blacked out at that party.

And my husband was like, it's so weird. you were fine and then you were gone. It's like, yeah, well, that's how blackouts work. And I know I must have nursed my baby in the night because I was breastfeeding. I have no idea. I don't remember, but he was only three months old and there's no way he slept through the night without me nursing him. So I did that. It was a step too far for me. It's not the rock bottom moment that you hear that you lose everything or that you're on your way to losing everything. everything. But I just knew, I just knew that it wouldn't end like this. Like if I would keep going, I would only lose more. And I was just unwilling to lose more. Yeah. Wow. Powerful there at the end

of unwillingness. Yeah. And I feel like the moderation too is for a lot of stories I hear, it's like a phase that we go through where we try. And I know even in my story, I tried everything. I tried after this time. I tried to spend this amount of money. I tried to, you know, do so many different things. Tried to create all of these different scenarios and it would work for a little bit. And that really confused me because I'm like, well, you know, it wasn't a disaster tonight. So maybe I'm onto something like this is it. This is going to work.

Right. What like looking back, reflecting back, what was the hurdle from you just saying, you know, these blackouts, things are maybe not where you want them to be with your relationship with alcohol? what was the hurdle keeping you from just saying, hey, enough is enough right now, like today? Yeah, I didn't know. And this sounds silly, but I want to make sure I keep saying it because I think so many, especially women and moms are in the situation, that I didn't know I could just stop.

Because I still don't consider myself an alcoholic. I don't go to AA. I wasn't when I stopped. I wasn't addicted. I wasn't drinking every day. I would go a month without drinking. even not pregnant, I could stop at two. Like you said, moderation sometimes is successful, which makes it that much more dangerous. I didn't have these thoughts of, well, you really need to

stop. I didn't have those thoughts because I didn't know it was an option. I thought in my head that stopping that you wait until you lose everything and that since I wasn't losing everything, that it wasn't a problem. There was nothing to see here. I just have to figure out how to fit this into motherhood because everywhere we look, we're taught that that's what we're supposed to do. That like moms, yes, you need wine to relax at night and play dates, moms drink on playdates. And it's like in my head, everyone around me was doing this successfully. And so I just hadn't yet figured out the secret sauce and like, okay, it's just a thing, you know? It's a give and take with alcohol. I didn't know I could just say, no, fuck it. I'm done giving you so much of my

mental capacity. I'm done with the shame that it brought on. I'm done with the questioning. And I am a healthy person. I don't eat meat much. I'm buying organic. I'm working out all the time. I'm really into yoga. I'm very into therapy. My mom's a therapist. Like, I exactly. him in feelings and I'm going to talk about all the shit. And so why was this one thing, the one area of my life that I wasn't going to examine when it was the one thing that was bringing me so much shame. I think it's hard when it's not this flashing red light of like danger, danger, you got a DUI, you're going to lose custody of your kids, all of these like huge moments. I think that it's hard to stop and start to question your relationship with alcohol before that.

But I also think it's crucial, especially for moms, because we have so much to lose. You know, and you're a dad, like you have so much to lose. And when you have so much to lose, that is so worth protecting and it's worth examining what alcohol is taking from you and how it's affecting you. and how it's affecting your parenting. And I just didn't know that I could do that until I lost more. Yeah. No, it's a great point you make there. Because I've always wondered this.

I've done some post about celebrities before. And there'll always be somebody in the comments, like they'll say, it must be nice to afford the rehab in Malibu. And my first thought, honestly, is that for most of us, we're going to experience some sort of consequence, right? Of some sort. But if we had infinite amount of money and a bunch of people around us that were just going to encourage the party to go and we never felt alone and we were able

to escape away from a lot of that stuff and we were able to afford that lifestyle. I don't know what's easier, harder, and I don't even know if it really matters. The important point that you bring up, you can make a decision to examine your relationship with alcohol before it becomes this glaring, I think you mentioned like red light, like before the cops turn on the lights. Yes. Find you. Yeah. And for me, I didn't have all this stuff figured out when I stopped.

Like, I just said, I'm done. And then I said that to my husband and I said it out loud. And, you know, I think he kind of looked at me like, okay, like what, you know. But I knew something in there. I was like, no, I'm done. And then my first thought was, holy shit. Because, like, what does that even mean? I had no idea.

And so then I just went on this, like, quest just to find out, okay, let me just find out. what alcohol is, what it does to me. And then I started opening those doors that I had long shot of the most shameful moments. And my mom and I were talking. She's a therapist. And so it's very convenient to have a mom therapist that you could talk through this shit with. But she says she actually has like a substance abuse specialty in her therapy. And so she talks about who's at the scene of every accident. Right. And so if you look in your life like what is at the scene? of every accident. And when I started to look at just what alcohol really did, and did it really make things fun, and did it really relax me? Sure, sometimes yes, but most of the time, no. And when I did

do something that I was horribly ashamed of, what was the common denominator? And sure, it's so easy to be like, no, the common denominator is me, I'm the problem. I just can't start from there. Because then I'm just curled up in a ball on my closet floor crying if I think I'm the problem. But when I look and say, what else was in the equation? And when I always, it kept coming back to alcohol, I was like, holy shit. Like, I've been tricked. This is all a huge fucking trick. Yeah, it's so true.

Throughout all of those years of blacking out in the parting and stuff, did anybody ever mention anything about? No. Not directly, but say, hey, like, what's up? Nothing. No, and when I think about it, I gravitated toward the party people. Like I was going out on a Saturday night, you want to go out and have fun, so you're going to find people who are going to go out with you, right? And I definitely was not the only one blacking out. I think also this, I'm 42, and the binge drinking culture was huge in the 90s early odds.

I think it was glamorized, and I think Gen Z has it way better. they are going to, I think, save the world because they've got a better idea about what alcohol is. But we just know. The postmortem would be like, oh, my God, who'd you sleep with last night? Where did you go? Yeah, that's so funny. Oh, I have your phone. You know, it was not, hey, guys, this is really fucked up and this is scary and this could get worse.

And I think that that's why my story is a little bit different is because I didn't just keep going down that. Like I was able to say, okay, this was a chapter. I did have to mourn it because it is, you know, those club days are very fun. The power of being that I think I had to mourn. And then I just see that next chapter as me trying to fit alcohol into motherhood. I mean, with mommy wine culture and that's what I fight on Instagram every day, it's a real danger. We're just taught that alcohol is the answer for anything that it's.

us in motherhood or anything that we struggle with. And moms need support. And if alcohol did help, I would be like, yes, yes, moms need support and yes, let's do it. The fact is that it doesn't. And not only does it help, not only does it make our anxiety worse and our sleep worse, which you and I were just talking about sleep before we started. And it's like, how much do moms and dads need sleep. I need sleep more than I need anything in this life. Alcohol fucks with that. It fucks with the connection with our kids, with our patience, with our self-worth. When we say something, I know that that's what chipped away at me. When I said something, even if I had two or three glasses of wine, and I said something that I would have never said if I wasn't drinking,

that just chipped away at me. Like over time, it just made me feel like I couldn't count on myself. I couldn't trust myself. And those things are lies. Moms are just taught that alcohol will fix everything. Daylight saving. We just lost an hour last night or over the weekend. It's like moms are all over Instagram being like, you know how all moms cope with daylight saving time.

It's like, fuck off. No, they don't. That is not how all moms cope with that. because it makes it so much harder, so much harder. And not only does it make all of that shit harder, it's highly addictive. And so it's really cute when you think that you can just drink a little and drink a little and drink a little until you need it. So many moms are falling into that trap. And I always say, I never, I don't judge or shame the mom who is turning to wine to cope with motherhood.

because everywhere they turn, they're being tricked and told that that's what works. I judge the hell out of the huge creators who are spreading that message, who are saying, hey, I, you know, my doctor said I needed more vitamin C. And so I've traded my morning coffee for orange juice and tequila. But when she hasn't, that big creator with a million followers is not drinking tequila and orange juice in the morning. This is a really important part to know about mommy wine culture is the influencers and the bloggers and the brands who are pushing alcohol to cope with motherhood are not drinking like they say they're drinking. I know that because I was one. I did a kettle one campaign probably seven years ago and I made it look all glamorous and pretty out by our pool and then I poured it down the drain because I'd never drank five.

But that didn't mean I wouldn't sell it and make it look like I would. And so that's the trick of mommy wine culture. And so the brands and the moms who are influencing being paid and getting more followers to be relatable, they're doing the tricking and their followers are being tricked and they're getting addicted. And it's a huge problem. Yeah, no, I see it all the time with the t-shirts and. Yeah. Everything else. You walk by any t-shirt shop in the mall.

They've got all those custom t-shirts. The whole front window just fills up with reasons for drinking and whatever else. Yeah, I mean, it's so toxic to be pushing that, especially here in Canada. They just released guidelines a little while ago of two drinks per week, down from 15 drinks per week. Wait, what was 15? So they were saying the safe guidelines for drink. Was 15? Was 15 per week.

So two a dead. I think one for women, two for men. Okay. They've made updated recommendations of two per week. Okay. So definitely, I mean, I think that things are hopefully in some aspects, I mean, compared to the 90s, we're probably making progress with, hey, these are the dangers and this is what can be expected or something that could possibly happen. Yeah, I see the mommy wine stuff everywhere. It's so important to share your story especially because it seems like from what I'm here in any way, in the way, in the way.

the little I know about all this. I'm no expert in the space, but it sounds like that's kind of what you got wrapped into that fit in, how to deal with a long day, you know, and I can even say for dads and stuff too. Yeah, I mean, we get wrapped into just hammering the office, just work on the site, join the boys after for beers and do this stuff. It's not the same, but it's kind of an idea of, you know, you worked hard. Now you play hard. I hear that from a lot of people too, right? So, And then the mom, the scheduling too, right, from being a mom, being at home, I think there's some loneliness in there and you're just really thriving for connection. Oh, yeah. And that's the thing that gets lost in all of when we're encouraging moms to drink to deal with how hard motherhood is because it is. Motherhood is hard. I mean, it's relentless. It's so much needing. It's so much feeling like we're last on the lay.

list. And so when influencers are encouraging moms to turn to alcohol to help with motherhood, they're doing such a disservice because moms still need help. And so you're still going to feel overwhelmed. You're still going to feel tired, more tired, more overwhelmed, more anxious. And so this isn't like a thing that it's like, oh yeah, do this and then it's going to help. and then we're not really talking about what moms actually need, which is our village is generally gone if you do have, you know, your grandma and your mom and your aunt all in a mile of you that's amazing and use that and lean on that. But I think for a lot of us, we don't have that. I don't have that. I'm hours away from my mom and a plane ride away from my brother.

And so generally speaking, we don't have that village that moms were supposed to have and that we have had, you know, centuries past. And so we do need more support. We need to be able to sleep. We need something self-care that's not a shower. Like a shower is not self-care for a mom. And if a shower is the only time you get to yourself, that's a conversation. We need to start talking about that. You need to talk to your partner about it.

We need rest. We need exercise. We need connection. We need belonging. We need all of these things. And when we're just told, alcohol helps. I imagine like these mom zombies just like walking around. And it's like, no, don't look at your needs.

Don't look inward. Don't think about how you feel and what you need. Here, drink this and shut up because we don't want to hear it. It's like it breaks my heart. Yeah, just prolongs sort of. I push everything back down and not look at those other needs met and stuff. I'm wondering, too, so you had the party on the 17th, is that right? Yeah, on the 18th of January, yeah.

And then on the 18th is when you got sober? 19th. 19th. Okay. So that first day, you're trying to navigate this whole thing. So you make a decision of like, that's it. And the next steps, you mentioned that earlier in the episode. What things did you notice start to change in your life early on?

Yeah. I was just writing about this day too. So it's like fresh in my memory. I remember that day so clearly I had spent so much of it on the couch. And looking around at the scene, you know, the baby needed a diaper change. Toys were everywhere like McDonald's wrappers and chicken nuggets and kids just gone awry. like the whole situation. And it struck me how much that scene lacked a mom. Because the mom is like the center. I'm the center of the home. I'm the center of our home. I'm the heart of our home.

And so I saw just so clearly what happens when I checked out and when I was not able to nurture. And so that quickly became kind of the theme of my sobriety was a nurturing. And I don't even mean just like nurturing our environment, which I did. I would clean the kitchen every night. That became almost like a meditation for me to clean the kitchen. I know that sounds like, oh, cleaning, you had to make cleaning fun. And no, this wasn't about scrubbing pots and pans. This was about really nurturing.

like the kitchen is the heart of our home. And so I thought of it as like really taking care of my home and my family and me and like putting the kitchen to bed at night felt like very loving, like a very loving act that I could do. It felt so good to me. I love mornings. Like mornings are my absolute favorite and I want to get up before the kids. And coming down to a clean kitchen just made me so happy. It made me feel like I'm ready for the day and I have taken care of everything. And so the role of mom and mama changed for me and it did become less of a burden. It doesn't mean it became easier because it's hard being a mom and being the one that your kids go to all the time. You know, my husband works outside of the home and so I am the one. I mean, that's all. I mean, that's all

so amazing to be the one, but it's hard. But I think my perspective of all of it changed pretty quickly and that I could see that I was not only going to nurture my family and myself, but I was going to be the safe place. And being the safe place, I didn't have that growing up for a lot of my growing up. And so that was so important to me to be able to be able to to always be the safe place, not only for me, so being a safe place for me feels like doing what I say I'm going to do, being able to trust myself, not going to an event and being like, I mean, I hope I can drive home. Or, you know, not making plans with my girlfriend to get coffee and having to cancel because I have a hangover. Like being safe means that I'm going to do what I say I'm going to do and it's going to feel good and it's that integrity. but then being a safe place for my kids, I only know this from growing up with my dad drinking,

is that kids can feel it. And I don't say this as shaming because it's not. I just know this, there's a vigilance that kids have, that when their parent is drinking, even just a little, and if your parent is acting a way in which they would not normally act, you can feel it. And I felt that in my bones, and it felt unsafe, and I didn't know where I could turn. And so that quickly I became just aware that I was now the safe place. And I will always be the safe place for my kids. It doesn't matter if they are, you know, if they're at a party and it's 2 a.m. and they're scared or, you know, when they're older,

or if my three-year-old wakes up with a cough tonight. Like, it doesn't matter what time. Doesn't matter I am always going to be me. Right here, the way I am now, I will consistently show up and I will consistently be the safe place for them. And that, I'm telling you, is better than the best red wine in the entire world.

Yeah. No, I hear you on that. That's so true. just being consistent, right? I've found that to be so important with my kids, too, just being able to be consistent to have that for them. I just think it's so powerful. And it seems like among the other stuff,

it seems like that is really something too that you're able to provide now. Yeah. And, you know, my oldest has social anxiety like I have. And we were going to dinner the other night. And we were going to meet some friends. And that's a scary thing because we weren't going to meet friends. and then we were going to.

And so it's a hard shift, right? When you have social anxiety, like, you want to know. My husband knows, like, you cannot, like, surprise me with social plans because I need to, like, okay, I need to prepare mentally, emotionally. I need to be ready. And we did kind of pop this on her and be like, okay, so we are going to meet this family there. And, you know, she started doing the thing, which I totally understand.

It's just kind of spiral, anxiety, fear. and I said I will be right here. So if you go play, if you get scared, if you get anxious, come to me because I am right here. I am home base. So you come to me. And so just that, like at dinner in a playgroup with my family and with my daughter for her to know like, oh, right. Okay, mom is like home base. I can check in with her and I'm still going to be the same.

Yeah, it's that consistency. Yeah, no, that's incredible. that safety for everybody too is also incredible. I'm wondering what has been helpful on your journey? Yeah, I'd stop drinking January 2020 and then the world shut down. And so I did do a lot of that early work on my own. I didn't realize I was doing the work, but now I look back and say, yeah, I was doing the work. I started immediately that first day listening to the audiobook, This Naked Mind.

my mom had listened to it before and I had remembered her talking about it and so I was like, okay, cool, let me just find out what alcohol is and that's a great book for kind of just an on brainwashing. And I listened to it all day long. Like it was my job. And when I say all day long, I mean all day, like if my kids are trying to play with me, I'm playing with them, but I have one air pod in listening to the book. Doing laundry, working on my computer all day long. I like made it my job to figure out about alcohol, what it did to me and what it was. And so that book really helped me. I mean, so many audiobooks.

We are the luckiest help me quit like a woman. I really dove deep into the quitlet and the podcast. And then I do have a sober friend. She's been sober for 10 years and she lives close. And so I reached out to her. And I think it's really important to have that kind of. connection, especially like in early sobriety as you're trying to figure the shit out, it's just start with one person. If you don't have that one person in person online counts, because Way leads

on to way with all of that community. I kind of just set out to answer those questions. I was in therapy, which was crucial in opening those doors and all of the shame that came up. I think a lot of times moms continue drinking because in some way it would be harder to stop and face the things that they have done when alcohol is in the picture when it comes to their parenting. And I think the most important thing for them to hear is that it's okay. That is not you as a mom. That was the alcohol. And you can count on you. You can change. I promise you you can change and you can look at your hard stuff and go through your story and tell it and heal, alcohol will not change. It will continue to do the thing that it's been doing and it will get harder for you to stop turning to it.

And so I really dove deep into all of the stuff. I made it my mission. Yeah, no, those are some incredible things to get started on too. books and audio books. I like the audio aspect of things. I'm not a page turner myself, but the audio books I can. Yeah. So that's a cool, cool thing in therapy. I mean, looking back on the whole journey when this all started, I mean, for your story, do you feel there's anything more to this than you started drinking in college and then it just took over and just kept showing up in different places in your life? Or was there ever anything that you can say, well, you know, I was feeling a certain way and this was maybe filling a void.

Oh, for sure. I mean, I think I turned to alcohol in college because I never felt good enough. I never felt loved. And that is from, you know, my parents have each been divorced twice and their divorce was rough. And I think that that was one of the things that I had to consider when I stopped drinking is the why I was drinking, right? And with social anxiety, I walk into a room and I'm fucking scared.

And especially if I don't know anybody or if it's like a networking thing, I'm overwhelmed. I'm in my head. And all of those feelings of like not being good enough and just caring too much. When you care too much, it feels really good not to care. And that's what alcohol did. That's what alcohol did in my 20s and in those party days. And it's like, yeah, because when caring too much is hard, and I still deal with that as a mom. And now caring too much, you can't help but care too much.

And so I wouldn't say that those feelings haven't miraculously disappeared. Sobridey has taught me that I'm way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and that feelings are not facts and that I can feel them. And so I still have social anxiety. I still go to parties and I'm scared. And that's okay. It's okay. It doesn't last the whole time.

But it's that 10, 15 minutes of awkwardness and uncomfortable and all of these things. And it's okay. And I just keep checking in with myself. And so I have learned and, you know, therapy helps with that too. Therapy has helped me learn that growing up when I felt that I wasn't enough. I know now why I felt that and I know that that's kind of my default setting and I can talk myself through that now rather than just rely on that as truth because it's not. Yeah.

No, that's powerful there too. I can relate to that too because I ever since I could remember I had a feeling of less than comfortable in my own skin and not worthy. And then as I moved through life, things around me sort of just fed into that, right? and didn't do well in school, and I got cut from the soccer team, and I wasn't very good at this sport or that sport, or, you know, just didn't have many friends. So then everything kind of built up.

And then when I found substances, I was like, oh, my gosh, like, exactly what I've been looking for. And it was such a very easy entry to making friends, right? Like the alcohol, drugs, it was easy entry to, like, building connection with people and it struggled my entire life up to, like, 17, 18 years old with connecting with my or developing any type of relationships and then found that. And I was like, yeah, now we're rocking. I was overnight.

I was like one of the boys, you know, and I never before. So I can relate to definitely a lot of what you're saying there. And it's so true, too. It's not something that you just figure this stuff out and it's gone. No. There's always some sense of it there. But I think with time, we become more confident too and in ourselves. And then like that little voice we hear, it just gets less and less powerful.

And it's not necessarily running the show anymore. more. For me, it was for a long time. And now it's like, yeah, I hear you out there that there's all these people who do stuff better, but that's okay. You know, I mean, you're where you're at. You know, sometimes I get wrapped up and what everybody else is doing. And a big thing for me is like, just stay in my own lane, you know, just stay focused. And I'll get where I'm supposed to get to when time is right, you know. So I'm with you too. It's still working on that. But it's kind of a bonus. see this kind of a bonus. I mean, if you're not having something going on or anxiety and stuff, if we're not going to have any of that, then we're just going to kind of be flat.

You know? Yeah. Things. I'm like, it sucks. Don't get me wrong. It sucks. But at the same time, I feel like it sometimes pushes me to, you know, look at things a little bit different light. Totally. I consider alcohol like a huge crutch, right? So imagine if, like, you had a broken leg and you had to use crutches. And then you were like, well, I guess I'm just always going to use these crutches. And you didn't ever give yourself a chance to be like, oh, holy shit, I can walk. And like for me, taking alcohol out of the equation was like, oh my God, I can feel these things and actually figure out my feelings and what I need now. Whereas if alcohol was still in the

picture, I wouldn't even know that. I wouldn't know that I could walk. I would still think that I need the crutch. And so I think that that's that leap of faith is just try to give yourself a chance. Give yourself a chance to see that, yeah, you're strong enough to deal with these feelings. The feelings, I promise you will not take you down. I mean, they might take you down to the floor and you might cry for a while, but that's great. That's good. That's healing and that's feeling it. But you're going to survive the feelings. Yeah, so true. You'll find a way through. And I like what you mentioned, too, about the getting support. You connected with your other friend that was 10 years. And I think that's so important for people on this journey,

To get connected with somebody, if you don't have sober people, do virtual. You can find people like anywhere. You can find people at different recovery groups. You kind of have to get creative and get uncomfortable because it's not easy. Building these new relationships are not easy. It was really a challenge for me. And like I said before, because just creating a relationship where you were drinking, it just makes it so much easier than going for a coffee with a stranger.

Yeah. This feels like, it feels weird. But it usually turns out. pretty good. It always turns out better than I think it's going to turn out. Always, always. Everything is always worse in my mind. I created the sober mom life group on Facebook. We're almost up to 10,000 moms. And this is what it's for is like an alternative to A.A. Because I totally understand the community in A.A. And that people like that and need it. And that's great. And I'm so glad that's there. But for me, the idea of going there kind of kept me stuck.

because I didn't see myself in that. And so if you don't, there are so many other places. We have the sober mom life group on Facebook. We have Zoom meetings every Tuesday and Friday. We're doing a book club on Wednesday. And you guys, these are like kick-ass moms. You know, like these are cool moms. Sober people are cool.

Like we're rebranding sobriety because sober is way cooler than drinking. It's actually, yeah, it's actually funny. that because I started the Facebook page sober is cool like two years ago. Really? Yes. And I have a t-shirts too. I don't really do too much but I had the sober as cool was the first t-shirt I started. I stepped as like you should start a t-shirts as sober is cool.

I'm like dude nobody's buying sober as cool t-shirt. Okay, I have a sweatshirt that I made that says sober is cool over and yes and people buy it because they're like, thank you. Like can we like, yes, we're rebranding sobriety. Yeah. Yeah. I had a conversation earlier about that too. This about how things are changing for the ideas of sober. I mean, I thought getting sober that my life was going to be over.

And like at the time, gosh, it felt every ounce of my body felt like, this is it. Like your life is just going to be shit from now on. But that's okay. It can just be shit. But when I look back, I mean, that was so short lived. And now it's just given me the opportunity to actually have a life. Yeah. You know, so obviously I wouldn't go back and change it.

But it's interesting too about with your story because I've heard other people about before things turn into a huge dumpster fire, they shut it down. But I also think that offers another challenge because I don't know if this is something you can relate to, but this other fellow shared, he could have kept going for 10 years. And the dumpster fire might have never come, but he was just glad he kind of got off the hamster wheel when he did. Yeah. Oh, I think I could have kept going.

it's sometimes I think about that and it's terrifying to think about. Like now when people say like, you know, are you afraid of saying you'll never drink? And I'm like, no, I'm afraid if someone was like, you have to drink again. Like I don't want to see where that goes. I consider this my whole sober mom life podcast and all of it is like a softer place to land than rock bottom. And I don't know if I would have reached rock bottom, but I'm sure is so glad that I didn't stay to find out. Yeah.

Because the softer place is, and we all deserve a softer place to land. Like we don't have to wait until we lose everything or lose more than we have. Yeah, no, it's so true. You definitely don't have to. And I mean, I know this is for alcohol, but just the drug scene, you know, in general, we're not being afforded the luxury that we were when I was out. doing heroin, it wasn't the landscape it is now. You know, so I mean, that's definitely a good message for people is that this can stop at any point time.

Yeah. You can pull the rug out from under it. Start taking steps, start plugging in and start, you know, moving towards a better life for you and those around you too, you know, because just like the addiction impacts everyone around us, the good news is here is that the sobriety and the recovery does as well. Other people. Yeah. Enjoy it. So you mentioned the sober mom life. So how do you make the sober mom life even get born? We got a few more minutes here. Okay. And go ahead and share that with us. Okay, well, I'm an influencer over on my kind of suite. And I started that. That's like fashion and home and motherhood and lifestyle. I started that about eight years ago, maybe a little over. And so I am well versed in the influencer space. And in June then, June 2020. I decided to create the Sober Mom Life page on Instagram.

And I was like, okay, well, let's just share this. I wasn't ready to bring it full into my kind of suite yet because I was still figuring this out. And I just started sharing my story. And it was so well received that I realized that moms really wanted to hear this message and needed it. And so that has grown then into I have a podcast that I just get to connect with moms who are some consider themselves alcoholic some were addicted some stopped before they got to that spot all the range of drinking we have over there and i have loved doing that we have the facebook group and now i have incorporated sobriety into my kind of sweet so it's kind of a just a full picture of what a

sober life can be and that it's not yeah our lives are not over when we stop drinking like that's when It all begins. That's when the good stuff begins. Sometimes I get pushed back for glamorizing sobriety. And I'm like, hell yeah. Like you guys glamorize alcohol. And if one of the two is glamorous, it's sobriety. And so I will glamorize sobriety all day long because it's not boring.

And there's nothing stone cold sober about it. It's wonderful and it's freedom and it's light. And so, yeah, that's the message that I share over there. That's incredible. I love that. I love it. It's a big glamorizing sobriety. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean, there's always people out there. I've heard a lot of different things over the years. But no, that's incredible. And I mean, I think that definitely a lot of people can connect. And I think with over the pandemic there, a lot more people were isolating and drinking and maybe problems went one way or another. So I think it's just a refreshing thing. And maybe a lot of these people wouldn't fall into certain boxes type things. Right. I even want to do that just so it makes sense. Maybe they're just questioning, hey, like, would my life be better?

And I think that's a good question for everybody to ask themselves. If you're in a spot, whether it's a dumpster fire spot or it's a spot where you're even listening to this podcast, like, things. I don't know how accidental that would be if you've made it here to the end of one hour podcast. But I think the big question to ask yourself is, would your life be better without? And have you even given that a shot? Like it's a good question and like people might say no, yes, no, but like have you actually tried it? Yeah. Would be maybe a good place to start.

Totally. Yeah. I think it all starts there. I think it all starts by just starting to examine this thing that is playing a big role in people's lives. Just starting to question. Yeah. And you'll hear people too share a lot too. But when the questions start to when they actually give it up, there can be some time that goes there, right?

So you might go through the different motions, kind of like, well, you shared with maybe some moderation techniques or working with the therapist to cut back or to quit. Yeah. I see a lot of tools popping up now about cutting back, tracking different things. For me, I'm thinking back, like when I first started, there wasn't really any of that stuff. But I'm thinking, man, that would have been rough to look. I just bought up 24 keystone light and I was just trying to drink that as fast as humanly possible. So it would have been, but definitely asking those questions to start to figure out what kind of areas.

And then you'll surprise yourself, even though as we go through this, I feel like sometimes it was that denial thing. Well, that's that bad or that's not as bad as John. John's got it way worse with his situations. I'm in pretty good spot. But then when I look back now and I reflect back, you weren't living your best life. You were living far from it.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what it's all about. is just coming home to ourselves. And it's like if this thing is like chipping away at you, you don't have to let it anymore. There are no rules. There are no rules that say you have to wait

until you feel ready to go to AA and declare yourself powerless. That's not a rule. There are no rules in this thing. Yeah. Can happen at any time. Yeah. Alrighty.

Well, this has been incredible. Yeah. I can't be sober mom life. I mean, what are you doing? It might have been the shorter question. I guess, right? No, thank you. I'm so glad that, well, you could see how long it took me to schedule this with you,

and I'm so glad that we finally made the time. This is great. Yeah, awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Well, another incredible episode. Huge shout out to Suzanne for coming on here and sharing her story with us on the Subur Motivation podcast.

If you're loving the podcast and you've yet to leave a review, please do that on your favorite podcasting platform, and I'll see you on the next one. Thank you.