Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Alcohol Addiction Led to Liver Failure at 35 | Will’s Story Part 2

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Will returns for Part 2 of his story.After 125 days sober, Will returned to drinking. His alcohol addiction progressed until he was facing end-stage liver cirrhosis, kidney failure, and doctors telling his family he could have just weeks left to live.Will shares what it was like receiving a liver transplant, nearly dying again after his colon ruptured and his family was given a 4% chance that he would survive the night, and eventually receiving a kidney transplant as well.But this story is about much more than survival. Will talks about relapse, shame, self-forgiveness, losing his father, finding purpose, and what finally made sobriety different this time.Today, Will is sober and working in the substance use disorder field, using what he survived to help others find recovery.Listen to Part 1 of Will’s story before this episode to hear how his relationship with alcohol began and what eventually brought him to the hospital. Episode 300 on the Podcast.Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a video of Will from Easter of 2021. Will's story is one of those stories that is hard to believe he survived. His drinking eventually led to liver failure, kidney failure, and the doctors were telling his family and himself that he had just two weeks left to live. What happened next included two organ transplants, a 4% chance of surviving the night and a completely different outlook on life. And this is part two of Will's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. I'll drop the link for part one up here on the screen and down to the story.

show notes below now let's get to will's story welcome back to another episode of the suburb motivation podcast will is back with us today as promised for part two of his story so we kind of left off will with 2021 you going into the hospital and i think that's a good spot for us to pick up here yeah yeah sure so hello everyone i'm back yeah so on the first taping that we did, we didn't even get into the craziness that lied right before me. So we'll just jump right into it. So in April 2021, I was so, so sick. This is at the point where my wife now is telling me you have to go to the hospital. You don't look good. And I thought it was all these like GI issues, even though I was in complete denial of like what was going on. Like I knew I was drinking.

I knew I was over drinking to the point of excess every single time. But I didn't know just the severity of how much damage I was doing at that point. So my wife, my isa, she's like, go to the hospital. So she drops me off. We go into like the urgent care. And there was no doctor that would see me, but there was a nurse practitioner. And this is that moment where he came in. I filled out the little form.

And he's just looking at me as I'm filling out this form man. and he's set and he's like well he's like how much are you drinking for real and even though he can see that my eyes are starting to tint yellow and that he can see my like my like the fluid the the the belly all the ascites fluid it's just kind of getting bigger and bigger in my belly and he's noticing that like this is like the like clearly he's drinking more than what he's leading on here so they do blood test uh literally like 10, whatever it was, 10, 15 minutes later, he comes back in. He's like, well, you have alcoholic hepatitis, which is, for those who don't know what that is, it's like,

your liver is getting so sick at this point. It's becoming to the point of no return. It's becoming non-reversible. So it's like the precursor towards liver cirrhosis, pretty much. So there I was, being told I had alcoholic hepatitis. My wife is like looking at me, like, see, like I told you, this was no joke. So I was in the hospital for a week. they detoxed me. Everything was getting a little more confusing and a little more real. So the severity of the moment hit me pretty dead on. And then I just remember like, okay, like time to get my, time to get my shit together.

So I strung together 125 days of complete sobriety, just white knuckling in the thing. Absolutely just exhausting. Like I hated every second of it. I was going to AA meetings and just being like a dry drunk sitting in the room, not feeling like any of like the vibe, not feeling any, no, no connection. Like I just was so in denial still of the severity of just how complicated and how how much I just destroyed my body and I didn't even want to realize it. So there I was being told this news, I went sober.

And that first month was absolutely brutal. So I did 125 days. So the first month was absolutely brutal. The second month, I actually started to feel a little bit better because I started noticing my weight was going down. My skin was kind of clearing up from like the acne, just all the things that you get when you're drinking too much. You just look like crap, you know? And then by the third month, I was kind of cruising. I was like, you know, on that pink cloud moment, I was like, ooh, maybe there may be there's something to this, you know?

Maybe there's something to the sobriety thing, right? But I wasn't, I wasn't like embracing recovery yet, man. And I still was in that like, no, no, no, no, no. I can think of this out. Like, I'll just get it all together. I'll change my diet. I'll start doing liver cleanses. I remember doing that.

It was ridiculous. And I started like just supplementing my body with like nutrients, hoping that this would like reverse everything, which if I stayed the path, it would have. Like, that's what the doctors were telling me. If I just stay the path, remain absent from alcohol, everything will improve. Everything will just get better. And it was. And the doctors are calling me saying my liver enzymes were improving.

my ALT, AST, AST, those with the markers of, like, where you are in your liver. My Billy Rubin was drastically lowering, which is so great. However, in the mind of an alcoholic, we're still not used to the stress component of it all. Like my cortisol levels were jacked up. I still wasn't embracing sobriety, like I said, in recovery. And then, sure enough, like, you know, my life didn't just improve because I got sober, which a lot of people just think it just gets better, like right away. You got to put serious work into it.

And I wasn't willing to do that yet, unfortunately. So we had this big argument, my wife and I, I think it was over money. I think I was like, I couldn't like hold up my end of the rent or something like that. And we just, she just went off on me. And I went off on her. And next thing you know, like, I'm walking. This is like the worst memory ever. I'm walking into a liquor store.

And I felt like when I was, you know what? So I was 18. I had a fake ID. and you know, you'd go into like a store and be all sneaky and be like, hope no one sees me. Like, you know, like I don't want to get like my football coach to catch me or something. I was doing the same thing, but now I'm 33 at the time. And I'm walking into a liquor store because I know this is a bad decision.

Like everything is going like alarms. Bing, Bing, Bing, like don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. But my wife's calling me. She's texting me. Where the fuck are you like? You didn't, you just leave the fight.

And I'm like, I can't take this anymore. So on the way, back up a little bit, on the way to making this decision to go into the liquor store, I'm a huge hockey podcast guy. So Ryan Whitney created at the time this vodka that was like only 30% alcohol per volume. So it was called Pink Whitney, which is really famous now. But that damn Pink Whitney, man, it got me good. So I heard about it. It was something I could relate to. I felt like, this is pink lemonade.

I love that flavor. I'm like, if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to make this decision, I'm going to do something with like a low amount of alcohol in it, which is, it's still hard alcohol in a bottle that had to buy out of a liquor store. So I go into the store. I'm looking at around. I'm all sneaky. I grab the bottle.

I put it in a bag. What they put in a bag. I put it in my backpack, my work bag. I didn't even drink it right away, which was so weird. So I bring it home. I had like walk by my wife, like my work bag, my little. school teacher bag. And I'm like, hey, I'm like, yep, okay, time to have the fight again. And the fight just increased. It went on for like three days, man. And there I am with this

bottle stashed in my socks, like my unused socks, like all my boxers and stuff. And I'm just like staring at it, like waiting. When is the fight going to get bad enough for me to blow up? Sure enough, it does. It blows up. And I just, I just lost control, dude. So I went to the, I hate this part. I went to the bottle. I grabbed it. And it was like freezing cold, which made no sense, like no sense at all. Like almost this thing was like cursed or something. So I grab it. It's freezing cold, just being in a room temperature.

And the second dude, like it was like, I was like clear boy, I could see the future. The second it touched my tongue in that immediate relief as the burning kind of feeling went down to my belly. Holy shit, man. When I say that like that initial drink after drinking so long. for such a long time to have that first one after 125 days of the straight white knuckle in it. What relief and what fear did I feel? Like I knew this was going to be an issue immediately. So sure enough, that's what happened.

Drink it, polished off the bottle. I'm hammered because your tolerance went up and then went down. It went down. Now it was really down because of the three and a half months. I drink the whole bottle. I'm cocked now. And now I just passed down. on the bed, almost like a big, like, F you to my wife in a way, like, so immature.

And I woke up and then I just went, it was like riding a bike. I went right back on this bike of just self-loathing. I hate myself. You're a loser. You couldn't even do three and a half a month. You couldn't do like four months through, like that negative self-talk that we reinforce our story, our narrative that would, you know, that thing I was telling you about last time. That went full, full force.

So, and now the gates have been open. the cat's out of the back. So it was time to start hiding, like going back to those old behaviors, putting him, this is what I would do. I would go buy a big Smirnoff bottle, the 1.75 millimeter. I would get three giant gatorades. And I figured that was like a science teacher. I would pour out about 20% gatorade into a cup. The rest, all vodka, the other big gatorade bottle, 20%, 70% all vodka, or 80% all vodka.

and then there would always be one giant big gulp of it at the very end and I would pound that. And I was doing that every two to three days. So you can imagine how much alcohol and pouring down my throat here. So that continues on. Now this is like the Simpsons part. So I get to school. I'm doing this over and over again, man. I'm like losing my mind.

I'm getting fatter. I'm getting bigger. I'm swelling up because I'm no longer embracing my sobriety man. And then my student, I walk in, he's like, Mr. Gordon, you look like a Simpsons character. It hit my soul. And then it started to get worse, man. And then I was like, okay, what do I do? What do I do?

And I just gave up, man. I just said, I don't want to live anymore. And who wants to live like this? And what's the point of this existence to be a drunk and just go through life, just can't control something? that I just didn't know how to manage anymore, man. I just wanted out. And it's so scary when I think about it. But so we get the, so I continue doing this.

I was drinking more and more and more to the point where now I was trying to like almost prove a point like, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, like, I'm suffering, look. But at the same time, I know like, you're doing this. You're doing this, will. You're doing this, man. Like, you're killing yourself. You're doing it.

And then next thing I know my wife is like, It's Easter. All my family are around. It's Easter, 2023, and all my families around, and they're all looking at me, almost like they're going to say goodbye. So that real, that got 9 million views,

the one that you posted, Brad, that is me at Easter. So that video of me doing this, and I have my Patriots hat on, and I'm just like, have no idea where I am. That was me on Easter with my family, basically saying goodbye to me, without telling me that.

you know, they were saying goodbye to me. Everyone was like, hey, Will, how are you doing? But it was so sad, man, so sad. So that's what happened. So finally, I'm so sick. They sent me to the Leahy here right outside Boston. And because they knew me already because of like the prior 2020 diagnosis of the liver, not cirrhosis at this point, the hepatitis of the liver, they knew me.

So they were like, okay, well, this. This is the deal. So how many months are you sober? I was like four at the time. And I think I talked a little bit about this part, but for those who weren't catching that part, the, the, Dr. Ponsolin, this, this really great doctor who I didn't think at the time was. I thought she was evil because she wouldn't even consider a transplant or any kind of like other remedies or something. So here I am with hospice coming into the room, basically preparing my death. My mom's crying. She's like adamant about. No, Will's not going to die. My dad's in shock. He's not even looking at me. He's staring at a wall, which is actually a picture I have. Someone took a picture of it of my dad in the corner. I think it was just by accident or just happenstance.

I don't know. But I had that picture, which is I just found like two nights ago. It was wild. But yeah, I mean, it's powerful stuff. And then Dr. Pundsoulin makes a call to UMass Memorial, Worcester, which is who saved my life. They all saved my life over there. And I gave him a shout at last time, Dr. Nasigodzzi, Dr. Lawrence Bellin.

I mean, these people were just for surgeons and compassionate, loving souls. So they bring me in for an eval. They tell me that I have liver cirrhosis end stage now. I'm in a wheelchair at this point. And at this point, my kidneys have now shut down. So I drank myself to kidney failure right up until the point of the diagnosis of liver, cirrhosis, and stage. My Billy Rubin was 10 times the amount that it should be.

The billy ribbon marker is just how much your liver is processing all the alcohol. So it's 10 times that. You can imagine how crazy that is. Like my hemoglobin was at a four. A four is like you're dead. A normal human is 12 to 14. So anyone that knows anything about blood labs, your CBC, CMP. Check those things.

those are your markers. Those are really important, everyone, guys. Even if you get nothing out of this video or you don't even, that's one of the biggest messages. Please just go get your blood checked because those markers could very well save your life, just knowing how high your billy ribbon is, your ALT, your AST, your iron deficiencies. All these things are all related. So please go get your markers done. A CBC and a CMP, complete blood panel and a complete metabolic panel. Those things will get all your markers down. They see it's 10 times elevated. It's no longer savable. I'm lying in a bed. I'm just like tubes are coming out of me. They're trying to do things. They're just doing maintenance for me to die pretty much. And then UMass gets me.

Now I'm back there. And they put me on the wait list. And I'm so sick. And because of my age and because of the way I was advocating for myself in like the most sincere, genuine way, I was telling them everything, how I used to drink, why I used to drink. my story, my background, my family, my support system. All these things are very important in going to the transplant process.

But I'm a complicated one because I have a Billy Rubin at a 3940. It goes up to 40. So there's no more. I maxed out the Billy Rubin. So there I am telling me I'm two weeks away. They said two weeks away from death, which just blows my mind when they said that. You know, like when they said that to me too, it's no bullshit.

Like you ever see Charlie Brown when the parents or the adult adults are talking? It's like, and they're like, okay, Mr. That's what I heard when they said that right after. And I felt like the floor fell under my feet. My mother,

like I said, complete denial. My dad looking at a wall. And I'm in a wheelchair. And the next thing I know, they roll me out to get on dialysis. I'm going to DeVita, which is like,

I don't know, like 100 yards away from the hospital. And I'm doing that. like every three every other day so i'm on dialysis i'm waiting for a liver transplant they i clear all the stress tests but got my heart they have to do all these tests before you can get even considered to be healthy enough because i'm not going to operate on someone who's just going to die on the table what a waste of money that would be right and um there we are so they tell me everything they had um you signed a bunch of stuff they said uh will you know we're willing to help like we see that

like all the effort that you put into this while you've been here with us at email us. And we're going to make, we're going to, we're going to try to do this. We're trying to save you. So once I heard that, it was, oh, my God, thank God. I can't believe this is going to happen. I'm going to live. Because, like, I didn't want to live until I couldn't anymore, which is such a fascinating part of the story.

It's like, when humans are pushed to a point of no return, there's always that, like, do not go gently into the good night kind of thing. It's like, that's what, like, how I felt. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm going to live, man. I'm going to live. And sure enough, Dr. Ponslin called the person and get the surgeons all set up. And they tell me, okay, you're on the wait list. So I stayed on that wait list for about 10 days.

On the 11th day, they bring me down. Like, okay, you're ready to go. And let me tell you something. When you're being brought, because they wake you up whenever they want. So it's just like two in the morning. I'm like, right, come on, let's go. They get my thing, my gurney, they bring me all the way down to the operating room. And then they stick a huge needle.

I think all my wife was with me at the time because I would freak the hell out. Stick a huge needle like all the way up, man, all the way up there. It's like this big. And as I'm getting through it and I'm like waiting for this thing and I'm saying, my dad's like right over there and I'm talking to him. And he's telling me all these inspirational things and I don't give up, like how tough you are. I just keep living, well. There's a lot to that part. And as that's going on,

Dr. I'm not NASA Godsy, but I can't believe I'm blanking on her name. Anyways, she comes running in, and she's like, wait, well, that liver is way too big because it was from like a man who was like 400 pounds or something. So, like, we thought it would be viable,

but that's not, we don't think that's the case anymore. So they take the huge needle out and they send me back up to my room. So there I am thinking like my life is going to get saved and then I'm back in my room. Like watching, you know, reruns of family ties or whatever the hell is on TV that day. And I'm just sitting there like like numb. Like my wife doesn't know what to say. I'm like my dad, mom, they don't know when knows what to say because there's nothing positive to say.

Like maybe I missed the boat or so to speak. Who knows what this is? But sure enough, like two days later or I think it might have been like a day later or two. days later. I get a call, well, they come back up and they say, Will, we think we got a good one, but it has hepatitis C in it. Are you cool with that? I'm like, well, can it be treated? They're like, yeah, we can treat it. But it'll always come up in your system. So for the rest of your life, I'll have it. I'm like, whatever, it will save it my life. Yeah, okay, so let's go. So here I am with my father. He's dragging me down. I'm in the gurney again. We're doing this

whole thing. And this one felt more intense. It was more real because my dad is now looking at I mean, like, this is a man who Irish Catholic, Boston tough ass, you know, badass, like never showing really much vulnerability or embracing hugs or anything like that. And here he is, like, holding my hand. I'm on a grain. And he looks at me and he's like, well, you got this. You know, you got this man. Like, and this is coming from a man who drank three Manhattan's every day, you know,

for grieving, for loving, for parties, Christmas, East, like everything. He was always drinking, but he did it in a way where it was like the old school way. He would start at 5 p.m. instead of me, I guess the juvenile who had to drink all day. But that's beside the point. So my dad's holding my hand. My wife's in my other hand. And I got tears. And my dad looks at me, then he's like, you're not going to die.

You're going to get through this. And you're one strong motherfucker. He said something like, you're one strong motherfucker. Well, you got this. And I said goodbye. my mom, you hear a kiss. And I said, if I don't wake up, please tell everyone how much I love them, how sorry I am for going out this way, and how remorseful I am to take advantage of life and not understand just how precious it is. Like, these are the thoughts. I wasn't necessarily

saying these out loud. Then they go in, they put me under anesthesia. And it's such a complicated to surgery. I was out for like two days. It was crazy. Then next thing I know, I just wake up and I'm conscious and I have no idea where I am in those pictures that you see when I'm all yellow and crazy looking at it's tubes everywhere. Those, that's me immediately after the surgery. And I don't know where I am. And I just look at my wife and I saw my wife and I thought I was a dream and I was saying. And actually my wife and my parents were actually like, I was like, can I write something? Can I write something? And I thought I was writing all this. profound poetry stuff or like talking about because I thought it was dead. I thought that was in heaven.

And I was writing all these things down and it was just gibberish on a piece of paper. But in my head at the time it was like very profound, insightful, you know, things. And then I'm looking around and then once the pain mats were over off, then you're stuck in the reality of holy shit, what did I just go through? How long am I going to be in a hospital? And oh my God, am I great. to be alive, man. I'm fucking alive. This is insane. Like, how am I still here? This isn't a dream. Like, I'm still here. A little bit I know how much work would come thereafter. So I'm in the ICU for about a week and a half. I finally get better enough. We're like, hey, well, like, let's start trying to walk again. Hey, Will, let's like put you on a thing, like a little picture that you showed

in that real. Will, let's try to do this. Try to do this. And I'm like, okay, it's too hard. But like as the, they're forcing me in the rehabilitation process is kind of clicking, I get up, I'm moving better. But in the back of my head, I'm thinking, shit, I'm still having to go to dialysis, like every other day. And it's pain. Dude, it's pain. You're just lying there on their machine hooked up.

It's just like, it's brutal, man. I just came out of a life-saving surgery. So now I know that's on the horizon. So here we go. All right. So now they send me to this place called Whittier Hospital. It's out in kind of the Western Mass area. It's a rehabilitation facility.

I get there. I'm making good progress. The nurses are great. Everyone's doing a good job. And then on like the seventh or sixth day of my stay, I'm there and I'm lying in my bed and I'm watching TV. And then all of a sudden I just noticed like, what am I watching? Like everything got confusing.

And I was like, who are you? Like I was like talking to the person over here and all of a sudden they were there and then they weren't. And I was like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. And then all of a sudden the nurses came in. They started noticing that, like, I didn't know where I was. So they got really worried and like, what's going on?

So sure enough, they find out that my stomach burst, my colon just ruptured, just exploded, man. So I was going into septic shock. And it was like, it was a matter of minutes. Like they had to get me back to UMass Memorial, which was about a 35 minute drive. So they call an ambulance to get me on the gurney. I remember this part too, which is cool. They put me on the gurney. They threw me in the back.

and next thing I know I'm back in the ER, right where it's all began. And they're like, Will, Will, you're back? What's going on? And I'm like, they gave me meds at this point until I kind of stopped all the septic shock. And I'm just still so confused though. But then they put me in the ICU finally. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, what's going on? No one really knew at that point what was happening except like a few doctors, I guess. And then they tell my family that I'm in septic shock.

And I have a 4% chance of surviving the night. So after everything I just went through, all that work, the rehab process, everything, there I am being told, you know what, maybe you're not going to live tonight. So now my wife is like heartbroken. She's like, she can't even speak. We're just, it's just a constant crying fest of like, oh, my God, what are we going to do? And then, and then, sure enough, they, they stopped the bleeding.

They patch me up. They did this crazy surgery. So my Dr. Lawrence Bell in here at UMass Memorial, he's like, we're going to try this emergency procedure. It's called an emergency elyostomy, which is when they take, because my lower bowels just exploded. That's what happened. So they had to remove all my lower bowels.

My gallbladder was already gone from the liver transplant. So that's gone. So now like all my lower bowels are now been rearranged, half taken out. and then put onto the right side of my, my belly here. So I had an elyostomy back for six months. And it literally saved my life. It worked. It was amazing.

I couldn't believe it. But now here I am shitting in a bag. And I'm like, how long is this going to be? And the doctors are just like, it could be forever and it could be six months. We'll see how well you're handling your rehab process. So let's keep going here. Right. So they tell me that.

I got the bag. I'm trying to learn how to use it. It's just a mess. It's exploding every. were, you know, that smells. It's just disgusting. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. All my friends out there who are elyosomy people, austomy people, my heart goes out to you because that is a difficult, challenging way to live. And so six months go by. I'm looking better. I'm still in dialysis, but still looking better. They finally, okay, we think we can reverse the

iliostomy now. So it's a great. Okay, awesome. So they get back in. to the same hospital. And then next thing you know, they reverse it. And it is like, when I say one of the most painful things I've ever experienced in my life, like that was one of the most painful things ever, a reversal, an aaliosomy reversal. It's like when they have to take your organs, your colon, in your bowels and like tie it back up like a knot pretty much. And so everything can kind of go back out again, like no one way. So it worked.

I didn't go to the bathroom for like, I think like three weeks or something. But it finally kicked in. And there was all these. complications with like bile duck issues and I was getting all this fluid, which wasn't going to the right places and they worried about that because if it doesn't, if it gets trapped in your stomach, you could die, go to subject shock again,

all these complications. And there's just one thing after another. But I'm alive. So I'm grateful as hell. Every single day, I'm just like whistling Dixie over here because I'm just like, I'm alive. The sun's here.

Like, this is crazy. And then, and then, and then they, so they reversed it. But as this is all happening, Brad,

every other day, I'm still on dialysis. man like getting that machine like pumping my blood just keeping me alive which is hell because I'm sick I'm hurting I'm just healing and my 4% chance of survival it's a lot the process man so then uh time passes and then on um it was six months after the liver transplant they did the kidney kidney transplant so I was a double organ survivor um and the kidney one honestly by the time in 2024 came which is when the kidney happened. That was like, let's go.

Let's do it. Like, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's go. Because I was like mentally ready. I was like doing all the process of the same work. I was like journaling and like, you know, reading and just like working on myself.

Like saying my man is like working the steps in like a hospital bed pretty much. I was watching your show, dude. Like that's crazy. It's watching your show. I was watching that liver disease LD guy. I was watching him just trying to get like tips and stuff. I'm like, you know, just trying to relate to anyone. That's how I felt because I haven't, I couldn't relate to anyone because all the other people that were in the hospital with me that were dealing with liver issues were either like pulmonary sclerosis, coenitis people or they were, you know, other drinkers who were much older than me who were still in the very much denial phase.

One guy next to me was trying to sneak alcohol into it. And he wasn't even on the transplant list yet. And I'm like, this is probably why, dude, like you're trying to sneak alcohol into the hospital, like and you're mad about not getting a transplant. So, so there we go. So I do all the process. I get the, it was March 15th, 2004. It was like two days before the St. Patrick's Day. They did the kidney transplant.

And that one, it was, you know, painful. It was a long process, but not nearly as intense as the liver. But the thing about kidneys is they're really finicky. Like they're super susceptible to getting, to breaking down, to not working right, you know, the fluid, the blood, everything needs to be working. They click and just right. And you only need one. So I still have my two kidneys that are, that are,

like my original ones, but they're like, they just shrink after you, after they become unusable. And then the donor gave me the new one and it matched. And then I rehab from the from that. And that took at least six months. And in the pictures of me doing this, I have no hair. I look so weird because I'll have the prednisone. My face looks like a balloon. And I have this really skinny body. And I'm like acting like I look awesome because in my head I do. And I'm just, embracing life, dude. I'm like so happy to be alive. I'm saying hi to strangers on the street. I think I'm like this like, I think I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I've just been reborn and like now I'm on borrow time and like what do you do with your life when you get this

inspirational opportunity? Like what do you do? You just you keep living. Spread the message because this is hell and I don't want anyone. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Enemy man. like I do want anyone to have to experience this. So after that happened, then I got to go home and start living a normal life. In a normal life post-transplant, a double transplant with the ileosomy complications and everything is not normal. It's like 30 meds a day. You're on like like 15, 20 milligrams of prednisone.

Your head's huge. You're tired all the time. You're drinking all these things, these supplements. It's trying to stay alive. make sure the organ doesn't reject because it's really susceptible in those first couple months, especially when you have two organ transplant. Yeah. So there it was, there I am rehabbing, right?

I'm doing really well. But I noticed, like, my stomach because I was open so many times because they had to save my life with the elyostomy surgery, there's scarring everywhere. And these, like, these hernias are, I had, like, I think he said I had, like, 14 hernius that were coming up. One was nine center meters in the diameter, like huge. So this is literally this time last year was when they did a transversal abdominal release surgery, which is when they take all your stomach, they rip it open, and then they take a huge thing

of mesh and they throw it on top because I'm just going to have hernius forever. And when I say this is the most painful surgery I've ever had in my life, this was it, worse than the liver, worse than the kidney, worse than the aliasomy, this one, like, what the hell? So this is the last one. But I was so grateful at that point that I didn't even give a shit. So I was like, whatever. So I went through it. They did the whole surgery.

They sewed me up. It still looks like a mess down there, but it looks way better than being dead. So then they did that, and I was rehabbing from that last year. And ever since, there hasn't been really much of an issue, minus I had a little kidney biopsy, a couple, like a scare about four months ago that actually came back as a double positive, something positive. It's like a false positive. Came back false positive because I was taking a supplement that had creatine in it. And the creatine in your creatinin, this is what happens.

People may be misunderstand it. But your creatine and your creatine are two similar things, but they're not the same thing. So when you're creatin levels go, when my numbers, my markers were showing, because I was getting blood labs every week, you have to do that. When it was rising and rising and rising, which just means one, your body's rejecting it or two, you're just not getting enough water. Or three, you're taking creatine like I was. So that's what happened. So they figured that out.

I just started pounding water, like propel and stuff like that, get those electrolytes in, make sure that sodium intake just good, good enough. And I started treating my body while, man. I started working out. I started like running. I started like going to the gym every day. I started just doing all the things that I should have been doing prior to all of this madness. But there I was, man, like a changed person.

Not yet, but like working the steps to become the changed person that I am now. And yeah, man, then I found purpose again. Then I found me. Then I found love, compassion, abundance, all the things that look right in front of me all those years for 15 straight years or wherever it was, right? From 2018 to 2020, 2003 is like a blur because I was just drunk all the time because I was so miserable. I just hating myself. I couldn't see love anymore. I couldn't see that I had anything to offer the world anymore.

So I just felt like, what's the point? And I was so, so sick, dude. But here I am, Brad. On the other end of it, brother. I'm on the end of it, brother. 2026, man. Thanks for sharing all that too, dude. I know some parts there tougher than others, right?

Yeah. I pick that up and when you share too, the impact it had on other people. Like I think there was one point and just from hearing your story and knowing you for a while now, there was a point in your life where you were okay in a sense

with that being your story going out, but then seeing how it impacted others, I think really, really shook you. You shared a lot about like, you know, the surgeries and all of that and you shared earlier too about the 125 days of white knuckling and not maybe we were plugging

and building connections and sort of maybe shaping that up to the downfall in one way and not developing the tools. How did you work on that side of things as well? Because it's like even with the shared buddy in the hospital still wanting to drink with his situation, right? Like it's still possibility for anybody, I think, to go through it. How do you begin to work on that? Like your mindset, like the sobriety thing, like I need to do things differently. What's the track there? Yeah, that's a great question. So, right, what do you do? How do you get your life together after you just got saved? Like you got to take this responsibility very seriously.

That's, that's again, like why I always wear the green bracelet because two loving, compassionate souls donated their organs for me to continue going on, right? And whether that was intentional, I'll never know, most likely no,

because there were deceased donors. However, I think of them constantly, like to know that their grace, their love, their compassion, like their, they're just generosity to be in the,

organ donor, which please become one. I know there's a lot of things out there in the news saying like go to museums and stuff, but it's saving a lot of lives. Okay, it saved me. Okay, so please, if you can, make yourself an organ donor because it really did save my life. But yeah, it's like, what do you do? Like, how do I do this? Like, how do I be a sober person? How do we be like, like, how do I embrace recovery in a real authentic, genuine way? Like, what do I do? We know what it looks like, man? It looks like taking care of yourself. It looks like being kind to others. It looks like smiling more. It looks like being practicing gratitude at like the highest, highest level that you can. And that's just saying thank you to people. That's just saying, I love you to people that you

don't ever say I love you to. It's saying, hey, you look nice today. Hey, you know, even though it's sunny, you know what the rain is beautiful. It's like you're just embracing life as God intended it to be embraced and just giving love. And what I started to do too was like, okay, what was I doing This is like all because I was journaling, just kind of really self-reflecting and like a very honest way. I was like, okay, what was I doing? How was like being in the world? Oh, selfish. Ooh.

Self-oh. And I would write selfish stories that I would do about how I would like steal and put beers on people's tabs and like just sketchy shitty stuff that like friends don't do to friends. And I'm like, okay, how can I like remedy this, right? That's when the steps are really helpful. And you can go back and forth with the steps and come back. or later if we want. But that was really helpful for me because that next thing you know, I'm calling people that I screwed over.

I'm calling like loved ones and saying, I'm sorry for saying that really hurtful thing on your wedding day. Or I'm sorry for like saying that, you know, to my brother, like, I think I said something so mean like, you know, where the hell are you been? And then, yeah, and then I started doing those things. And like every single time I get so nervous. I'm like, I'm going to call this person.

I can't believe this is like scary as hell. You want me to close the blinds? I can do that. So that's like distracting. Good? No, that's good. So I'm calling everyone and,

but just like, and I'm calling like people that I've never called. And I'm saying like, Hey man, like I remember that night and I know for sure as hell you remember that night. Like I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. Like I just want to apologize for,

you know, any way I treated you poorly. And the amount of like forgiveness that I got back because this has been like 10 years or whatever since I did all these horrible things. were five years, five to ten years, something like that. But like in their mind, like, it's not, they were like, oh, Gorda, like everything's good, dude. Like, we're just happy you're alive, man.

And just, you know, we're good. Like, it's all good, man. Like, water under the bridge. I mean, some more than others. You know, I think I still have a few that never picked up. But that's okay. That's their process. That's fine with me.

I hope one day that they do pick up my call. And that's, that's fine. But yeah, that's what it looked like, dude. like, okay, so now what do I do? Okay, be kind to others. Reach out. Tell people that you love them. Tell people that you're sorry.

Like, definitely do that. And then every time I did that, dude, I just felt like lighter and lighter and lighter. And just like my spirit got like lifted. And that gave me the confidence to start like, maybe I should start start telling the story. Maybe I should start like talking to people who need to hear it because I'm just, I was a, a, a teacher for Christ's sake. I was a teacher. I was like a noble profession.

I was good at it. I was a good teacher. But this alcohol, I couldn't get it off me. I just couldn't get away from it, man. It was just everything to me. I just, it was burying me in all the worst ways possible.

Yeah. So I made a pact. I made an absolute sincere pact of my wife. When I woke up from that transplant, I looked at dead in the eye, said myiza, on our, on like,

on your soul, our soul, our souls, I will never drink again. In January 29th, 2020, 3rd, 23 was my sobriety date and I am one, three, two, four days sober. So three years, seven months, and 16 days. I haven't had a, have a zip, man. Wow, dude. Incredible. Thanks for sharing that, too. I think one thing I also pick up a lot from your story too, and I'm remembering too, like our first

conversation years ago, right? You had sent me an Instagram message and you're like, I want to share my story. I'm wondering too about the shame because I know the shame, the guilt, that was something that followed you around, right? Like, I'm drinking this much. Like, I can accomplish all these other things in my life. Why can't I just figure this out? Like, really trying to maybe make sense of the whole thing. How do you begin to unpack that element? of the story. Like just what went through, like how, how, like, the whole process? Like, how did I get to this?

Just like, yeah, I'm just thinking, like, moving forward. Like, how do you? Because I think that a lot of people relate to that. Let me know if you do with, like, the shame is the fuel, right? It's like, you're drinking again and it's like, oh, you know, I mean, I'm a horrible person. Why am I doing this? Look at the destruction.

And then it's like, you sober up. And it's like, I'm a horrible person. You feel it. It all comes in. So it's like, all right, the solution to this is drink again. and it can just fuel that whole cycle. And then when you get sober, it's like, okay, we can't go back and change everything that went on or how we carried ourselves or the effects the addiction had on other people

in our life. How are you able to move past that? Maybe a little bit of forgiveness for yourself. Does that track at all? Yes. Yes. First and foremost, if you can't get to that point of forgiving yourself for all your transgressions, past mistakes, everything, you're never going to kind of evolve. You're never going

to get on with it, you know, because there's nothing we can do about the past. If you're living in the past, it's always going to be shame, regret. It's always just going to live there. That's where shame and regret live, is they live in the past. And if you're constantly thinking about the future, it's just anxiety. He's like, oh my God, will I get enough money? Will I get that job? Will this person love me? Like, you know, we're always on polar opposites of like the spectrum when it comes to, just living. So I started practicing mindfulness. I started looking into the books, Be Here Now by Richard Alpert, aka A. Ram Dass. He started telling like this laid it out flat. Like living in the moment is the essence. It's the purity of where we should be. Because if you

live in the moment and be present, then you can be grateful on a very, very, very sincere level. Because now you're just, you're poised. You're collected. You can be very present of what you're going to say next and how are you going to treat others and you can plan your day better you can start making goals that are attainable just by living by second by second by second that's why they say it one day at a time i really took that one day at a time thing and i hammered it into like a meditation practice and there is a lot of people are interested in the kind of thing of like letting go shedding that snake skin of alcoholism i would i would definitely look into dharma recovery it has like that kind of like Buddhist Sufi Eastern flair to it.

That it's really, really cool, very unique, very Tao, you know, and I resonate with it very well because it's, because everything is happening. Everything's, you know, we're going to mess up. We're going to fall down. But it's like, what do you do when you get back up? Do you go back to the version that you used to be or do you run with it and, you know, try to tell everyone about, you know, just the, just the horrific,

devilish nature of what alcohol is because that's what it was it it turned me into a bad person and i was and i wasn't a bad person i knew that in my court um and a lot of that was we were like the process of lying in the hospital bit for so long just doing that work being like what did i do man like how did i do this to myself but yeah yeah but every time i would journal and still do journal a journal every day morning one night time say something i'm grateful for they would say three things I'm grateful for like, I don't know how long I'm going to live, like if these organs will eventually fail, which is typically what happens after so many years. But who knows, maybe modern science will save me. Like I'll get to live longer. Who knows? There he has.

So, I mean, if this were it happens 40 years ago, I wouldn't be here. So why not? Tell everyone, go spread the gospel of how terrible alcohol is and really let people know that like, even if you are just a normal person, right? If you're just a normal person, it will get you to, if you're just not paying close attention enough to it. This is how it will go down if you aren't paying attention. And always be grateful, always be appreciative of just how beautiful and how blessed we are to be here. And just to. And another thing, this is something I really do want to mention is that my father passed away back in 2024.

And he saw me get to the point of, I got my kidney transplant. And then literally two weeks later is when he passed away, unfortunately. loved him dearly, even with all his, all his, all his, on things in him, as, you know, drinking history and such. But such a great man, such a great father. And when he passed, like, a big part of me, he passed away, too. And I was like, shit, am I going to be able to do this without him? Like, am I going to go back to drinking? But then I realized, like, he's always here with me, like his presence.

Like, if I ever have a question, I think of it and I ask it, then I think I'm like, well, oh, I already know the answer because I knew him so well. So it's a cool little thing to feel like no one ever dies because they're so. spirits always there if you think it that way. But yeah. Yeah. So I don't know where I was going with that part, but that was something that came. Yeah, I mean, it's such an important part of your story, you know, to the relationships.

And it sounds like the people that were there at the hospital with you, you know, through all of this. I am curious, too, on that. I mean, that idea of speaking and, I mean, the video that we posted up there, like, it got so many comments and stuff. I mean, I haven't read through all of them, but I would guess, man, and just from seeing some, that it's really difficult for somebody to relate to a story like yours because as humans, we have this built-in shield that, come on, man, like, it will never happen to me.

It'll never be me. Like, I'm smarter than that. I know better. Like, I know the signs to watch out for. going into those settings too, right? You're talking about kids, right? I mean, kids are, I think it'd be safe to say it's going to be very difficult for them

to connect the dots of where you ended up to where they might currently be, right? It's going to be like, okay, you know, I mean, that's just sort of a one-off thing. But I mean, with the video we posted, you see all the comments, like doctors, nurses, people that are experiencing this. Like, this is a lot more common than, geez, I ever thought.

how do you get people to receive the message when they might be in an earlier stage does that make any sense yeah absolutely going you know how go get your liver numbers checked a complete blood panel

and a CMP a complete metabolic panel so CBC and a CMP I'm telling you you it can be discreet about it guys you don't have to like yell it to your wife or your husband or whatever just go to like a question Quest are these like blood lab places that you can kind of like walk in, make an appointment and then just walk out.

You just, you know, go. And they'll, and you say, hey, this is what I want. Just call your primary care. Or just call like the blood labs at whatever hospital you go to and just say like, hey, I'm just a little worried about some markers. I'm just curious about these CM. I just want a CMP in a CBC panel just to see where my belly room is at. If it's elevated, right, if my hemoglobin is lowering, if my, if my, you know, If my Billy Rubin is skyrocketing, then clearly there's some huge issue going on with the way my liver is processing the amount of alcohol I'm drinking.

And there's ways to mitigate this kind of thing. Like I've had people on my podcast, Philippa comes to mind when I think of this. She was one of the most remarkable stories that ever came on in my podcast because she was just like me, like isolated drinker, drinking vodka, vodka, vodka, like so much. Like she was also a teacher to go figure. figure. And, but like that episode's fantastic because she goes into a lot of it of the medical stuff. But she literally from years, years, she was end stage and she reversed it, dude. She reversed it somehow. But it took like years. Like she had to keep the faith because like it would have been so easy after the year three of not seeing her Billy Rubin dropping to just give up, right?

I mean, I might have. Who knows? Because like three years of waiting or whatever it was so long to to not feel better because you're so sick when you're that's when your levels are that high you're just drinking yeah too low it's like you're shit in every four five you know hours just like it's just i mean not hours uh minutes uh it's just awful because it's just it's it's no way to live man it's just no way to live um and a lot and unfortunately people drink so much that get to the point of like being on the like hitting that transplant uh level and just not being sick enough. Like my friend Aaron, who was on the show twice.

Like, he was on your show. Like he, you know, he was just not sick enough to get kind of considered. Well, he's considered. And I'm sure now he's in the process of it, which is I got to check in on him. But, uh, yeah, you know, he's like, you know, it's one of those unfortunate cases of like,

you have to be like certain age sometimes. You sometimes, you have to be a certain like health, you know, kind of health you in. So it's just, there's a lot of, there's a lot of mitigating factors kind of surround this whole idea. And just the stigma of this thing pisses me off to no end. I mean, when people say like in the comments section, like, you cheated it. Like you, because you drinks, that's why. Like someone, someone had to die for you. It's like, why? Like, if you were

drowning in the ocean, like, would you not throw someone a life preserver man? Like, we're all on this planet together, man. Like, why are you being nasty about it? You know, it's like they passed away. And that's the whole point of organ donation is to kind of keep life moving forward, even if you don't deserve it. And I don't think I did deserve it. But now I feel like I do because I'm taking the message and I'm trying to spread awareness to as many ears

that will hear me. Like, I'm ear beating, ear beating people with like, you know, statistics about how it causes cancer, how it diminishes your libido, how your depression will just kind of, you know, three times, four times, five times X things, like how your motivation gets absolutely shredded, you know, just how you're, it just makes life duller. Like I see, I feel like life is in, is in like 4K and it used to be in like 720P, man. Yeah, HD. And then before was the bunny ears.

I mean, you know, heading towards wrapping up too, man. I mean, what is your big message in a few sentences of why you're inspired or motivated to share your story. Even with like that, that is the thing with the internet, right? There are there are those people around every corner that just have something negative or, you know, something ridiculous to say. But what is your message wrapping all of this up? Yeah. I've thought about this a lot.

And honestly, it comes down to just two things, man. And this might might not make sense with a lot of people, but hear me out. Life is two different things. You are either two versions. You're the person who waits for the day to change them, which is the version I was.

Or you can be the person that changes the day, changes your routines, changes your thought, changes how you experience life. Right? If you demonstrate joy, guess what? The universal loves to,

slingshot back joy to you. If you generate kindness, guess what? Universe will shower you, put a nice little warm blanket on you of kindness. What you give, you get. So that's my message is to love everyone as if they're yourself and always tell the truth. It's that simple. I wasn't doing those two things. Now I'm embracing those things. I'm doing those things. I'm loving myself, others, and I'm telling the truth. It's simple. It's a recipe for success. Just tell the truth and love everyone. Yeah.

And I think that that's what, I mean, obviously, a lot of people struggle with, right? Don't want to tell anybody how much they're drinking, worried about what the reaction is, worried about who we're going to be without it, what is life going to look like. I've talked to so many people, and I'm like, did the boogeyman ever come from out under the bed about how bad not drinking life was? And everybody's like, no. None of that stuff came true. But we feel like it's just going to be this horrible existence in life.

I mean, somewhere along the line, man, I wonder where it switches for us on an individual basis. Like where do we go from sort of, you know, growing up and not drinking eight, nine, ten years old, you know, worried about it? And then we start drinking 14, 15, 16, 18, 20, whatever. and it's not horribly consequences and we could probably envision a life without it and then there seems to be this turning point where life without drinking feels almost meaningless like what would be the point yeah that's what alcohol does that's what it's like favorite thing to do is because i saw it happening in real time i was like i don't even enjoy this this much like towards the end i was like this is hell i'm in like a hell loop of like groundhog dig except i'm not bill mary in this fucking life sucks. Like it every day is just miserable. I am physically addicted to this substance. I have to get up every morning. I'm bile puking. I'm turning the shower on. So it's as loud as house. And my wife can't hear me as, even though there's nothing in my stomach. I'm bumping into walls. This bruises all over me. Because of my hemoglobin was at a four, it should be 12 to 14. I was

banging my head, passing out all the time being brought to the emergency rooms back home. Like horrible existence, guys. Lactu loaves. Like just drinking all these things to try to save myself, like just being stapled up, shot, cut open. Like, guys, let me tell you, it's not worth it. Just stop drinking because life is better. You just have to be willing to know that it will get better in the future if you just do the hard work now. It's like giving yourself a huge hug, dude.

Like a huge hug in the future. That's how I always explain to people where I work. I'm a substance abuse disorder counselor right outside Boston. So when I work with these people who were just like me, I say this, I say these things to them. I say, you know, man, like every decision that you make now, like all the decisions that you're making now, like do the right thing when no one's looking kind of stuff will just, you know, play off dividends, exponential dividends throughout as your life will continue to go on because you're doing all the right things. You're telling the truth. You're being honest. You have accountability.

you're embracing the recovery in the way that's supposed to be embraced. So continue to do those things. And it's like giving yourself a big hug from the future. I love it. I love it. It's great that it's great to be alive. I'm so happy. Yeah.

Well, you can tell, man. Your wife plays such an important role in this story too. Huge. I'm curious on what she would say. She would say that the second I stopped her. drinking was the second that she fell in love with me. For real. I mean, she was in love with me, but now she looks at me.

We were talking about it last night when I said I was jumping back on today. She's like, what are you going to talk about? I'm like, I don't know. I can talk about you. She's like, don't do that. I'm like, I want to. Like, I want to talk about you. I'm like, you're the reason why you kept pushing me.

You're the reason why you kept telling me. She was driving me to AA meeting. She was sitting there, you know, in the car waiting for me. Like, this woman absolutely just stole my heart and ran with it. And I would not be here if it wasn't for her. So I am indebted to her love, compassion, kindness, and everything. She's the best. She's the most important person in my life.

And I wouldn't know what to do without her because her support kept me going. And if you don't have support like that, guys, I'm sorry to hear that. But guess what? Jump into a support group. There's so many because everyone has someone story that resonates with someone else's and you'll click that way. So by, but you won't. if you don't say it out loud, you got to make the effort.

Like the universe rewards like effort. You got to make the effort. The effort is where it's the answer is. So get yourself out there. Yeah. Yeah. Take a chance on something. I feel like too, in our relationships,

people can only meet us where we're honest. Like as much as we're honest, they can only meet us there. Like they can't help us if we're not telling the full truth or being this honest or being around the bush, I guess the, you know, the term is for it, right? So getting honest with people allows them the opportunity to meet us where we're at and to help us and support us in a way that's going to be helpful.

Well, that's why you see like the things that go viral, the things that are like, it's people who are saying truth and truth will always land. So if it's truthful and honest, and it's sometimes the truth is ugly, right? It's scary. It looks like me. So that's why I am, that's why I'm always talking about it, like embracing truth because Truth is vulnerability, vulnerability and truth are one and the same. And the second that you say that you are struggling or I struggle with this or I suck at this or I, whatever.

And guess what? Every other human on the planet is thinking the same thing. So it's finally like a, that person is willing to do that. That person is willing to say that thing. I love that person. Because now they're in this truth bubble with them. And then the truth bubble is awesome. It's a fun place to live, dude.

Because like you don't have to worry about anything. Yeah, you don't have to worry about like all the, all the line because no one has, I think it was Lincoln that said like nobody has like a brain. I'm going to butcher this, but like a man can can only remember so many lies or something like that before he just starts becoming one giant lie or a man who wears two faces, he forgets which one is real. Ooh, that one's good too. Yeah. So that's how drinking was for me too. It was just like I was wearing two faces, the drinking face and then the sober guy. But the sober guy sucked too.

He was like, he didn't have any ambition. He had no love. He wasn't, he wasn't doing the things that, you know, you got to do. I got to, should be doing to live a happy, fulfilling life. Like, he wasn't doing any of those things. So I just practice that stuff. I practice gratitude like crazy. I'm just so much nicer to others.

And because of it, like my life is way better. Is it perfect? No. Is it making money? No. Like, none of it has really changed. But guess what? I love what I do.

I get to help people. I get to run groups and talk about alcohol and how there are substances and like how to get over them and like how to see like to see someone change in the moment. Holy shit. Is that powerful? To see someone's perspective change like their little like little light bulb go off and a one on one individual counseling session I'll do with them.

I'll just like say something that just clicks and I can see in their eye like, ooh, maybe this one's going to be okay when he leaves. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Find the passion in life guys. Just move towards that.

if you're struggling. Reach out. Reach out. There's so much support, guys. Just call anyone, honest of God. Call the SAMHSAHat line. Really, 1,800 SAMHSAGha. Just call them.

They'll pick up and they'll give you right what you need. Like, oh, here's the nearest place to go to. If you, he has a, oh, you want to talk to this person? Talk to this person. He's lived in Betty Ford. I had them on my podcast. I didn't do the best episode with them. Sorry, guys.

But I didn't understand who I was going to talk to it when he came on. But he's forgiveness, Will. He's lived in Betty Ford, guys. forgiveness. That's like one of the most epic recovery centers when it comes to like research and compassionate. Yeah. Good, dude.

Good to talk with you again as always. I was wondering too, in the video we posted, you said you had four months where you were sober. Were you drinking in that video or no? On that Easter? Which one? The one I just posted. Easter. Oh, yeah.

Oh. You were drinking at Easter. You were that day. Yes. Because I threw up. I threw up on the floor in front of everyone. So I went to, I went to an A,

I went to an AA meeting before that crazy. I don't even know how I drove, but I did. I went to an AA meeting and I got liquor. I got vodka on the way home. And I threw it all up in front of my entire family. Like, what? Yeah, that's alcoholism, bro.

Yeah. It's interesting to me too. Like, we'll wrap up after this. soon. But you mention a lot in the times that we connect of like you did this to yourself. And like I understand that, you know, you have to physically pick up the bottle and go and buy it. Like you, you know, I mean, there's nothing like outside force controlling you to do it. But I'm also wondering too, like, like as a human, do we, you know, self-destruct like that? Or is this something between the ears that is kind of driving us?

or making decisions or the cravings or like any thoughts there? Yeah, it's a good one. Some cool thought experiment. I think it's both brought. I think like we're hardwired a certain way for sure. Like I know biologically for sure. Like I had the predisposition. Like the second it touched my lips,

like there's no reason for me to crave it and an eighth grade like the next day. I think that was like my Irishness in me, like the Gordon part. Even though I look Italian, I'm half Irish, half Italian. I got my mother's palsy, easy side. but yeah I mean that second they touched my tongue brother who off to the races I loved it because it made me we talked about this last time my ADHD brain it just went like my cognitive emotional baseline just hit like a nice nice steady like smooth kind of like oh I'm crushing it pace where I just wasn't uncomfortable in my skin and I just craved that because I was always

uncomfortable I was wearing a suit that just didn't feel right all the time so I think it's two things I think it's like being willing having the willpower to make these hard decisions, but it's not all willpower. It's actually like very little willpower. It's more mindset shifting. It's more embracing recovery. It's more just being self-aware. And that's where the mindfulness stuff comes into play again. Yeah. Yeah. I love that too. And like getting connected with other people because I think that that's a lot of maybe where people find them. And I mean, I'm no like no guru. I don't have all the answers far from it. But I think we blame ourselves, you know, and then it's like, well, this is my problem and I got myself here. And then I think we're just like, I'm going to

get myself out of here. And then we just try to keep this a solo quest, a solo journey of sobriety. And of course, that's possible people do it. I think that the percentages of how successful that is is probably not where people would like it to be. But that can prevent us from joining community or connecting with other people or finding support because it's like, I got myself here and I'll get myself out of it. I've done, you know, I mean, you were successful in so many areas of your life too, right? Like you had gotten to where you wanted to get. So it's like, I think we can convince ourselves, well, I could, I did well in the business or I did well at this. I'm really good at that. Like, I must be able to figure this out. But I hear so many people say,

like, this is the one thing that they needed outside support to help them really get to where they wanted to achieve their goal of sobriety. And a lot of that, Brad, is just because the culture is interwoven with alcohol. I'm not kidding. By having it in our face, football ads, you got like every celebrity, every football NFL star, whatever, like, bud light ads, whatever. Like, it's just woven into the culture so perfectly, you know, from a marketing point of view that like it feels unnatural. It's like weird when someone says, why are you not drinking? But if you say like, hey, are you drinking only beer tonight? Yeah, I'm taking it. It's like, But you're still drinking, though.

It's like, so you notice there's an issue. Like, you get it, you're only switching with beer because you're getting too fucked up on the, but like, why don't you just, if I would just say like, not on drinking more. They're like, what? Gordon, you don't drink, dude? You were like the potty, man. Like, yeah, dude, it almost killed me, man. Like, don't, it's not good for you.

It makes you not a good person, at least for me, it made me a terrible person. So, yeah, and I want to live in. I want to remember stuff. Like, I want to remember my life. I want to be present for all the things. And the longer you are sober in your, working on it and you're doing the right things when no one's looking at right then things get better your life will start improving because that's just how it works guys like do the right thing when no one's

looking keep up on yourself show up for yourself every single day and be ruthlessly selfish that first year ruthlessly selfish that first year of sobriety because if you don't have that the wellness will goes away your spirituality your finances your relationships your jobs like all the big things that we have in life, your children, that kind of stuff, out the door because this is now taking precedent because the chemicals are now hijacked our brain to believe that we're less than and that we become depressed because, let's face it, alcohol in its drug class is a depressant, so it will continue to depress you if you use it habitually like I was. Yeah, 100% man.

Thank you again so much, Will. Thank you, Brad from letting me come back on. And this was a great conversation. I think this one will hopefully help a lot of people out there because it's no joke, guys. It's no joke. Like what I had to go through was hell on earth. But if I can save one life from making a right instead of a left, instead of going down this path, which is what I thought that was it for me. And then I was saved by the grace of God, fierce grace.

So if I can say one thing, it's you're worth it. you have something to offer, even if you don't believe it right now. In life will get better if you just continue to make the small steps forward. You know, be 1% better than you were yesterday. And life will get better for you. It just takes time, effort. Anything good in life takes time. So put some time into yourself because we only have one of these.

We only have one of these and you don't want to waste it. Yeah, one shot on a spinning rock, man. Thanks again, Will. Thanks, Brad. Appreciate you, man.