Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Alcohol Caused So Much Chaos for Laura - Sobriety Changed Everything.

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

In this episode of The Sober Motivation Podcast, Laura shares her story of growing up with lots of rules and a strong spiritual background in a small town in West Virginia. Struggling with anxiety and perfectionism throughout her childhood and high school years, Laura's life took a turn when she started drinking in college. She describes how alcohol initially seemed to provide relief and confidence but quickly led to blackout episodes and further emotional and legal troubles. Laura discusses her journey toward sobriety, and then having a relapse, to getting back at it. This is Laura’s story on the sober motivation podcast.   Join the Sober Motivation Community (30 Day Free Trial): https://sobermotivation.mn.co Laura on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/recoveringwithlaura/   00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:18 Laura's Childhood and Upbringing 02:51 High School Years and Early Struggles 05:18 College Life and First Experiences with Alcohol 09:46 The Double Life: Therapist and Addict 15:58 Grad School Challenges and Legal Troubles 20:46 Working in Addiction Treatment While Struggling 33:38 Facing the Fear of Quitting 35:10 The Cycle of Guilt and Hangovers 41:37 The Turning Point: May 2023 44:38 Navigating Early Sobriety 53:41 Relapse and Reflection 01:01:25 Rediscovering Sobriety 01:03:55 Encouragement for the Journey  

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, Laura shares her story of growing up with lots of rules and a strong spiritual background in a small town in West Virginia. Struggling with anxiety and perfectionism throughout her childhood in high school years, Laura's life took a turn when she started.

started drinking alcohol in college. She describes how alcohol initially seemed to provide relief and confidence, but quickly led to blackout episodes and further emotional and legal troubles. Laura discusses her journey towards sobriety and then having a relapse and then getting back at it. And this is Laura's story on a supermotivation podcast. Well, here it is episode number two of this week anyway. Laura joining me on this episode. Incredible story.

Thank you so much, Laura, for jumping on here to share. I want to mention something before we jump into it, something to think about. Maybe if you're in this spot where things are not working out with alcohol for your sobriety journey the way you want it to. I think for a lot of us, we invested a lot of time in drinking, whether it be the binge drinking of a couple days. And when I say the drinking, like, I'm also talking about the hangover and the

recovery. I want you just to think about your own journey. If you're struggling with this and ask yourself this one question, how much time and effort am I putting into this whole sober alcohol-free thing to work out for me? You know, if I look at my life, I was spending a couple nights on the light end of things, probably four hours. And I know everybody's story is not the same. Some people, it might just be the weekends.

But, I mean, if you have an entire weekend, you know, say 20 hours or something where you're either drinking or recovering from drinking, I think that's a big thing, a big thing that gets overseen and missed when people are trying to quit. It's not that your whole life has to be about giving up alcohol and like, what am I going to do every second of every day or getting sober? It doesn't have to be that. But I think we can look in the mirror and kind of ask ourselves, honestly, is my time commitment reflective? of my goals. Like if I'm not getting where I want to be on this journey and not achieving the goals I want, am I leaving something on the table? Like, is there something that's scary that I don't really want to look at? I see that as being one thing that people, when they kind of flip that switch and they start committing maybe some more time in their day, maybe 30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour, if you can to this journey.

But I don't know, sometimes people get into it and all of a sudden they're so busy. which I get it too. I mean, I've got three little kids and I get it. Life's busy. Work and responsibilities and everything else. But like, just look back at how you made time for drinking. I mean, be honest with yourself. You know, it's not really something I can decide for anybody or say, do this or don't do that.

I'm just saying maybe have a look at it. Maybe have a look at it if you're not getting the results that you would like to have. you know how how much time am i committing into this new way of life i mean that's what it is you're you're going to change a lot of areas in your life as you go through this process a lot of things are going to change a lot for the better um you're going to realize some things that maybe you never did before a lot of people share about the clarity aspect of it it doesn't come on day one day two day four takes a little bit of time i mean the brain has to heal from the alcohol um it's while to think with all the stuff that's coming out these days, how much damage to our brain

that alcohol does, which I never knew. I had no idea, no idea. I don't know if there's anybody else that had no idea, but I had no idea. And I think that was by design. I don't think that it's some sort of coincidence that, you know, us in the world were kind of in secret maybe for some time about the negative effects of alcohol. I mean, I wasn't. I wasn't. around for the early days of cigarettes and all that jazz. But from what I hear, it took a lot of the same path, I guess. Like things weren't that harmful and then the cracks in the foundation started to appear. So one thing to think about if you're struggling with getting some traction in this,

just ask yourself that simple question. Like, am I committing maybe enough time for the healing or to get support or to to be plugged in somewhere or maybe reading the books or you're here so you're listening to the podcast and i think podcasts are great because they offer that flexibility i mean you can't really be driving down the road reading a book which i have seen before probably you guys have to um at stoplights anyway but you can listen to the podcast on the go and that's what that's what i really love about podcast and doing podcasts and everything like that is it's really flexible so one thing to think about Also to mention there, too, if you want to plug in for some support, I mean, we're always,

always accepting new members in the suburb motivation community. We're rolling, got the ongoing rolling 30-day free trial. So, gives you 30-day runway to figure out if it's for you or it's not for you. Jump into some of the meetings. We have a lot of people. I mean, a big majority of people that join the community come from the podcast, you know? So it's like we're quickly friends because they always share. They're like, I feel like I already know you.

And I'm like, well, maybe you kind of already do. And I think it's great. So if you want to get connected on that aspect of things and just showing up and making some connections, joining some meetings, we bring all kinds of topics to the table, have good chats and a lot of vulnerability, a lot of growth, you know, magical. One of my friends, Christine, is in the community just celebrated one year. And I go back to like when we first met, joining the community. I can't remember exactly where she was.

was maybe 60, 90 days or so, join the community plugged right in and just has had an incredible experience and has really fired up for the sobriety stuff. So yeah, check it out. All right, let's get to Laura's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Laura with us. Laura, how are you? Good. How are you? I'm well. Thank you for being willing to jump on here and share your story with all of us. Yeah, I'm excited to be here. So what was it like for you growing up? For me growing up, there was a lot of love. I grew up on a farm in a small town in West Virginia, and my parents were older.

They had me later in life. They're really selfless, really hardworking. There wasn't any alcohol growing up. They did not drink at all, so I never saw that side. But with that, there was a lot of rules. There were a lot of regulations. My family is very spiritual and their faith means a lot to them. And with that came a lot of rules, right?

So I did develop a lot of anxiety growing up. We were told of what we could watch, what we could wear, no Halloween. We didn't really, we weren't allowed to believe in Santa. And I just got a lot of anxiety, like always trying to do the right thing, never messing up, never making a mistake. because that didn't feel accepted. And I feel like with that just developed into a pressure cooker for me growing up. Just always wanting to do the right thing and never wanting to make a mistake because I never wanted to let anybody down.

So that's what my childhood was like. I didn't drink in high school. I really always wanted to be in church. And I was like saving myself for marriage too. and I didn't drink until I got into college. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that too. I've heard this story and everybody has their own journey to where they got to,

but maybe almost that perfectionism type of thing. You want to get things right, not have people upset with you, but like what you mentioned there, the pressure cooker, it puts a lot of pressure on you to always be doing like the next right thing. Even though as we go through our younger years, too, I did anyway, my fair share of.

silly stuff, but you're wanting to keep things in that direction. In mentioning, too, not even growing up around alcohol, I think that's something that's maybe misunderstood to an extent about people who struggle with drinking. Well, of course, the family, the dynamics were rough and there was a lot of drinking around. So that's what they saw. So then that's what they leaned into. And I mean, your story is like a lot of people's too. I mean, a lot of people didn't grow up around much drinking.

My parents did, but I never really picked up on it, had any idea of what happened when you drank alcohol. I was really naive till a lot. But like later in high school, then I think most people, how does high school look for you, though? And you mentioned a farm too. What was the specialty on the farm? Yeah, we did grow stuff. And we all live right beside each other too, like my whole family. Okay. So like my grandpa, my aunts and uncles, like my cousins, so all in the same area. So yeah, we grew crops and we had a bunch of animals. And that was really cool. High school looked for me. I was in this really serious relationship. I liked this person from like sixth grade up into like sophomore in college.

And we were both like trying to do the right thing. We stayed away from parties. Like I said, we were both like saving ourselves for like marriage and went to church all the time and things like that. But I was still trying to find something to escape from this. Now I know it's like undiagnosed OCD, right? Like I was obsessed with being perfect, like never making a mistake. Am I going to go to hell? did I say the wrong thing?

Am I a bad person? Always running through my mind. And throughout high school, I did develop depression because it was like I was constantly looking for a way to fix this. And it felt like nobody understood what I was going through. My parents were like, why are you so sad? It's not like you have cancer or anything. Just get over it.

And I was like, I don't know either. I don't know what's going on. And so I did struggle with my mental health a lot throughout, ever since I was a kid. and just looking for something. I was like reaching out for help. I was desperate for help. Just like crying out for something. And my, I guess we can get into that part later.

Okay. Interesting though. Yeah. So you're aware of you're struggling in these areas in high school. Do you get any help with this? Do you see anybody like to talk about it? Or is it just like you're just beginning the awareness of it? What I did see accounts.

but they were a Christian counselor. And that just informed my fears of being scared to do the wrong thing and like going to hell. I mean, I know that sounds drastic, but that's where my mind was going anytime I felt like I did something wrong. And this could have been like I forgot to make my bad. And it was like just this drastic mistake that I felt was making me an awful person. Yeah. So I didn't really get the help that I needed into like much later. in my life. Yeah, gotcha. So you finished up high school and head to college. What did that look like for you?

College at first, because my boyfriend was still around. So we still tried to do like the right thing, like freshman, sophomore year. But he got a job in Florida and he was like, when I'll get back, we'll get engaged, we'll get married, whatever. He never came back. He just, he broke up with me, like, through a text and I never saw him again after all this time. And to me, that was devastating. And it started on this journey of I've always tried to do the right thing to a point of like, driving myself crazy, always trying to do the right thing. And now I'm like, screw it.

Like, I'm going to do whatever I want. And then it turned. And then I started drinking. And it was like everything I ever wanted to try to save me. And that started like when you were a sophomore in college. Yeah. So like 19. Yeah.

So it's like your whole life. I mean, I share a little bit in my story too. Like my whole life, I felt uncomfortable. And then I found drinking and I found alcohol. And I was like, oh my gosh. I feel like I don't want to say it was like destiny. That sounds like a little bit much. But I think I was searching for something that would alleviate the discomfort.

In alcohol, like the first time I drank, I mean, it checked all those boxes. So you have this thing. What, like how did you approach it prior to that? You just weren't hanging out in those. and you just weren't interested. And then this happened. And it was like, okay, well, I've been trying to do all the right things. And this is where I've ended up.

Like, maybe I see what other things are like. And then it presents itself and kind of like that or different. Yeah, for sure. I stayed away from, I was still trying to be friends with everybody in high school, but I didn't go to part. I would just stay away from that environment entirely. I would just spend all my time at church or an other. other kind of like communities.

And then in call, yeah, and then that happened. And yeah, it was just, well, I've been trying this for so long and I'm depressed.

I'm anxious. Now I'm single. Let's try something different. Yeah. And how did the first time go? Do you remember it? The first, I mean,

I hate to say it, but it literally was like, finding your best friend. That's how I felt. It felt like I was a, I didn't have to think about anything because like my mind was running all the time. I was overthinking 24-7 about everything I did, everything I wore, everything I, all of these

things trying to do the right thing being the perfect person. And then alcohol comes along and I'm like, wow, I can just let go. Yeah. Like a medicine in a sense. Yeah, absolutely. It was my medicine. It was my best friend. It felt like it gave me.

confidence. It felt like it took all of my problems away, all of my anxiety, my sadness. Yeah. And for thinking, too, I mean, that's a big reason. One of the big reasons why I drank, too. I mean, I had ADHD growing up. So I was always, they talk about running boat motor. I'm like, yeah, that's my life pretty much. And then you drank and everything slows down. I mean, and chemically, it makes sense, right? Because it's like a depressant and that's sort of where it hits in the brain. So it slows everything down. It just helps you. get by with things, but also fit in. I mean, with the anxiety too, maybe it was a thing for you or not, but fitting in and people

pleasing and connecting with other people can be difficult, I think, for somebody with anxiety, but alcohols like that social lubricant, right, can act as that any way to where now it's okay, we can fit in and talk and connect with other people. It checks so many boxes. I mean, you even said there too, I can't remember exactly now, but you hate to say it, that it did something for us because that's how it was. And I think that's always the important thing looking back is I don't know that any of us would have continued on to having a problem with it if it didn't do something that we enjoyed at some point. Now, I mean, and we'll get to probably that part in the story too.

And a lot of people share it is like it was fun until it was. And it was good. Yeah, absolutely. It did what it could. And then it's disastrous. So you get plugged into this. I mean, how do things look like for you in the beginning, though? I mean, some people there may be experiencing problems, quote unquote, or consequences early on.

Some aren't. Some it takes maybe decades before. How did it look for you? I don't necessarily think maybe the consequences, I guess the consequences that you could see came until later on. But as soon as I took that first drink, it was I couldn't stop. So I would black out like every single time I drank starting from the first one. There was no like a, you know how some people say like a kind of a slow fade, I guess, into it.

There was none of that. It was all or nothing for me from the very beginning. I had to have 20. If I was having one, I had to have 20. Yeah. And how did your life change? I mean, if this becomes like what you shared with us so far of the life you're living and then now you're switching to this.

Yeah. How does you like to? Completely different person. Yeah. I mean, how do you feel about that too? That's got to be conflicting a little bit. Yeah. And at first,

was like, wow, like I'm confident. People like me. Like, I'm the life of the party. People are texting me all the time, like wanting to hang out and go to these clubs and bars. I feel like I don't have anxiety anymore. I'm just like cured, right? I'm not sad when I'm drinking. I'm not anxious. I thought it was just the best thing ever. But eventually, of course, all of these consequences come. And everybody else around me, too, is, whoa, what's going on with you? This was not the person that I've known for how many years. What's happening? What's going on? Because it was such a drastic change. Yeah. It was just quick. How did school go for you then afterwards? Did you still do all right? Or I did okay. Yeah, I did what I needed to get by.

And it's, oh man, it's hard too because in school, like I got a, my undergrad in psychology. And then I went on to grad school and got a master's in social work. So I'm going to all these classes that's like talking about mental health and addiction. And I'm just like half listening and I'm like, whatever. I'm showing up. I'm getting by. It feels like I'm living to double life. And it felt that way my whole kind of addiction.

but it did feel that way when I went to class and they were talking about all these things. Yeah, that's interesting. I feel like a lot of people, though, that get into social work, whether it be like these struggles or other struggles, I feel like there is something that makes people interested to help others and give back the education plus the lived experience of going through things and maybe reflecting back and saying, maybe if I had somebody in my life that I could have talk to or shared this with that understood. I think a lot of us, not that it's anybody's fault, obviously it isn't, but we ended up, and I know I sure did, ended up in front of people where I'm

just like, man, did they even know what the heck is going on sometimes? And without that personal experience, it was really hard to relate to them. So I think, yeah, for social work too, like it's a big thing that people might be interested in getting involved with and helping out and giving back and supporting their communities because of something they've been through and want to be there to share that with other people. But that is interesting sort of reflection, too, of everything you're learning. And then you're like, hey, probably connecting the dots. This is stuff I'm going through myself right now, too. Yeah. I would show up to class so hungover. And they would be talking about addiction. And I would

just, it wouldn't care. I did not care at this point. I went from caring constantly and being overly concerned to I don't care at all what my present looks like and I really didn't care what my future looked like at that point. It was all about alcohol. Nothing else mattered to me at that point. Yeah, just the parties. I think the escape that it provides too, especially with everything you had going on and have going on. I mean, that there's in the sense of belonging, you touched on that earlier too. Very relatable for me. I felt like I always felt alone even in a crowd of 20 people, hundred people, whatever it was. I always had that, like in my gut, I guess, like that anxiety. It feels, feels like when you go over a hill on your car and you can't see the other side,

and it's like a roller coaster, you get your stomach, but that lingers for a lot longer. When you go over the hill, it just comes and goes. But with the anxious part and the feeling so far outside of fitting in, it's like, it stayed with me anyway, really uncomfortable feeling. So you have, it's checking all these boxes. It makes a whole ton of sense. part too and you went all the way in and blacking out too i mean that's just that's got to be a scary thing too though i mean i had my handful of blackouts but hearing people's stories over 200 episodes on the podcast in talking with people over the years too it's a very you know scary thing to experience that yeah sadly i had just grasp for anything that could help me that blacking out

to me at this point wasn't scary it was a relief from all of the mental health issues and always trying to be perfect and never feeling like you fit in too. And just wanting relief. Yeah. And so at this point, I didn't even really think much about blacking out all the time. Even though people around me were not experiencing this. They weren't waking up and like throwing up the entire next day all the time or never knowing like what they said or did. Yeah.

So you knew you had it somewhat of an idea maybe then, but it comes back to that you were maybe drinking. It was different for you than maybe people you were hanging out with. But at that time, it's, it's, yeah, I mean, that you're, did you say you didn't care? Like, you're not really noticing it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just going with it. Yeah.

I didn't want to. I had the dots all there. Like, they, I already knew. Like, I had a problem for a while. But I didn't want to connect the dots. I didn't want to stop. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. Very relatable. So you finish your psychology undergraduate. You go to grad school. What's that experience? Like how you're able to keep all this together too, Laura's just got me baffled. I mean, I could barely even show up. I mean, how you're doing all of this with drinking and blacking out too.

I mean, that's the interesting thing also. I mean, on a completely different tangent, people throughout the word high-function alcoholic. I'm not a huge fan of it. I don't know what the heck it means. for different people, different things. But I think at the end of the day, hey, we're oddly enough able to show up and make things happen. And for people that can do it really well, I've noticed over the years, this cycle can continue for quite some time because we can still show up and even not feel good and still do it needs what we need to do. Are we flourishing and going over the

top and chasing our goals and pursuing our dreams? I don't know if all of that is true. Like maybe we think we are, but I think there's probably another level. We could achieve more if we weren't drinking. But you're still showing up to do this stuff. I mean, what's that experience like for you? I've heard a couple of people on the podcast too for graduate school, like just a lot of drinking took it up to another level. I don't know if that's just the stress and the pressure. What was your experience there? Man, it was just always like hot and heavy. It was always drinking, blacking out. I was the one too that would be so, I would take offense if people weren't drinking with me.

Like I was that person. I was the one like buying the shots and being like, why aren't you want to study tonight? That's stupid. Why are you not taking 10 shots with me? In grad school, though, that's when I got into some legal trouble in school. That's when I had the external consequences

and not just the internal consequences. It was, I got arrested. I, when I was on spring break in Florida, I fell on some rocks and cut my knee open and had to have a lot of stitches. And so there were like the physical parts and then the legal stuff too. And I had to jump through a lot of hoops during grad school because I was in grad school, but in a program like social work where they're like, oh, what's going on here? And again, I faked my way out of it, all of it. I lied and really was like, yeah, I don't have a problem. This was like a huge misunderstanding.

And I got out of it. I was really good at faking it. I did not fake it internally. I knew that there was something very wrong. I knew I had a problem. I knew I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. But to everybody else, I made it seem like it was no big deal.

And stop worrying. Everything's fine. Yeah. What your parents? What are they thinking throughout this? I mean, are they, did they know what's going on or no? Kind of. They knew, but I did such a good job at line. And when they did, when the whole incident in Florida happened, they were like, you need to quit drinking. And I cried and was like, I can't alcohol is my best friend. I can't let that go. my friends when I got arrested, they staged like a intervention type thing, small intervention, and they were like, we can't keep seeing you drink like this. Yeah.

And I was like, everything's fine. I have it under control. So I guess I would just reassure them so well after all of these instances kept happening that they would be like, okay, we believe you. You can get it together. You can stop. You can. Yeah.

And I would show them too. I would have a couple months here and there of sobriety. And then I would say, here, everything's fine. I managed not to drink for two months. Everything's okay. And I would do that time and time again. Yeah. Interesting there, too.

Had them convinced that it wasn't really a problem. Some people share this too. I mean, do you feel like there was an element of you being convinced, too, that you'd be able to keep this thing on the tracks or no? No. No, I don't think so. Maybe a little bit sometimes, but every single time I would have a month or two months of sobriety. And I would have one sip of alcohol.

It would be, I would black out, make a full out of myself wherever I was. And I would be right back to where I was every time, no matter what I did or how many times. I convinced other people, but I couldn't convince myself deep down. Yeah, but you had that, that you knew. You knew where it would always lead you. How did things look like for you after school? I got a job as a therapist. And I, well, actually my first job was actually at a treatment center, a short-term treatment center.

So like a 30-day treatment center. Oh, man, I felt like the biggest, like, poser. Yeah. I would be going to work and I would be helping people with addiction. And my heart was of course there. I've always wanted to help people. I've always wanted to, I don't know, actually provide answers that I never got. I wanted to be able to help somebody.

I felt like nobody could help me. But, you know, when I would leave that building, I would, you know, go right. back to my drinking lifestyle. And that's really hard for me to look back and see the times where I was in this helping profession and I still was drinking and acting like this and doing all these things. That's hard. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I think a lot of people, too, that work with other people might struggle in their own way too. I mean, it's... Yeah, definitely. I think there's a lot of people that have struggled that are attracted to do the work, right? To help people, like what you mentioned there.

Maybe provide some answers for others and some support that you didn't have or didn't get to do. But I see where you're coming from with that about your heart's in the right place to help other people and support people. And then you have this other maybe quote unquote secret kind of another life, right? When you punch out, it's okay. The other life starts. And then consciously these are two things that are. just colliding probably a lot too about how things are and how you're showing up and then going to a thing. I mean, what was your drinking routine? Did you drink at home? Did you go out? Was it still

parties at this time? It was still parties. I was never an at-home drinker. I always, when I would drink too, I would get very, well, you get a certain point where you're just, then you're so depressed. and I would get really low when I was drinking. So I always wanted to be out in a high energy atmosphere. Okay. Never wanted to drink alone. Yeah. And then you surround, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here,

but then I think when we live like that, we surround ourselves with that or people living like that too in a sense, like other people to go out with and to party. And a lot of people talk about their identity being wrapped up in drinking as well. So like when you get to a spot where you quit, it's like another hurdle too because now it's okay, my friends are drinking. My relationships are based on drinking. When I first got sober, yeah, when I first got sober, I tried to add some friends that I don't know. I mean, whether they had a problem or not for them to decide.

I didn't think it was that bad for them. They were pretty take it or leave it in my eyes. And all we had in common was we would drink. And I got sober and you're lonely. So I would try to like keep some of these relationships alive. but it was like the most awkward thing in the entire world. Yeah. I was all,

yeah, I was like, all we ever did was drink. So that would loosen us up a little bit. And I'm like, now that we don't and not that they were, now that we're doing other stuff, get a coffee or go for a walk or whatever.

I was like, it's just weird. I don't know what to talk about with these people. But your identity gets wrapped up in it. Absolutely. So I was a therapist, but I was also working at a restaurant. I was in the service industry too.

So I always felt like I was living a double life. This is like the theme my entire addiction because I would have all of these values and I would live by them and I would they would mean so much to me and then I would start to drink and they just go out the window. So I was constantly feeling like I'm two separate people. Yeah. Okay. You drop the restaurant that I, you know, we talk a lot on the podcast about the restaurants.

I've heard, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, in a big part of my story, I got a lot of trouble working at restaurants too. It's being, I mean, so it's so interesting, right? A lot of people are like, this industry or whatever it is, whatever it is, this industry or this career or this or that heavy drinking culture. And I mean, I think there's so many of them to where it's just so normalized and drinking. One thing about the, and you're doing this other job too, so this might not completely be relevant to you.

But one of the things about working at restaurants is you can work that magical four to midnight or four to eight or four. or four to nine shift, it gave me a big runway to just feel like a bag of crap for the whole day and not have to get up. I mean, it's a dangerous trap. I mean, it's not going to be everybody that works there as live in this life. But I sure is heck did. And it just provided that runway to and you meet other people too, right, that are wanting to gather and to do that. You work till midnight. What else you're going to do? What's the expression? Nothing good happens after midnight. I'm going back to nothing good happens after 10. That's like my life right now.

Absolutely. Yeah. It's like you get wrapped up in that. You will always find someone who's willing to party with you. You'll never be lonely in that. Well, you'll never not have someone to party with at a restaurant. There will always be somebody. Yeah.

For sure. And all the restaurant people know all the restaurant people. Oh, yeah. It's an interesting. It's an interesting culture. So you have this going on too. Yeah, I mean, living these two separate lives in a sense there, like this life of helping people and supporting people. And then how do you come to terms with something like that, though?

Even where you're at now in your life, if we just went there for a second. To give yourself some grace maybe? Is that part of it? I've had, yeah, I've had to give myself a lot of grace. A part of my story is this whole perfectionism thing for so long. I mean, I still deal with that to a degree. but a lot, a lot of self-compassion. I've had to really,

I've had to forgive myself for a lot of things. It's really nice, though, when you feel like you are living. And of course, you're going to make mistakes and not be perfect, but I feel like now I'm living a life that's according to my values. And that just feels so relieving. Yeah. Oh, huge. It's massive.

I look at drinking and sounds like relatable for you too. and maybe for other people listening too. Man, when things went sideways in my life, like I was drinking or somebody else was. I mean, sometimes I found myself in trouble without it. But the vast majority of time, things were just very unmanageable in my life. It involved alcohol.

And I see it in people around me, people's lives around me, and I'm not judgmental towards them, but when there's chaos in their life and when they call me and their life's just spinning out of control, and it's just, man, I'm just thinking of my head. I'm like, just quit drinking. Quit drinking. This stuff, it's weird. It's really weird, but a lot of it goes away. A lot of it goes away. It's not some sort of magic. It's just whether it's energy and whether it's the problems that come with drinking or just the stuff we say when we're not thinking, the impulse and everything else, you take out to drinking and a lot of this stuff can figure itself out. I'm not saying everything. Everything's not going to find it figure itself out if you quit drinking. But my goodness, like it starts to change things. I love that perspective too about.

Doing the best you could with what you had. I look back at my story and I made a lot of poor decisions. I mean, a lot of them. And I look back at it and I think, gosh, if I would have known better, I probably would have done better. The reality was I just didn't know. I didn't know. And that was the result of a lot of poor choices in life. And now I know better.

So I don't do that stuff anymore. But I didn't have the support at the time. Yeah. I knew alcohol was causing so many problems. But I didn't know how else to. treat my OCD, my anxiety, my depression, I didn't know what else to do at these times. Or it just seemed like that was so hard that alcohol was the easier option to be able to treat those things.

Which is so interesting, Laura, with your profession at hand there. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm so glad you're talking about this because I guarantee you. I mean, and I've taught with a lot of people, you're not the only one to be in there to know the stuff. It's one thing I think to know what needs to be done. To do it is a whole different thing, right? It's some people I talk to, right? I listen to all the podcasts. I've read all the books. I've been to all the meetings. I've been to rehab seven times. And my first thing is maybe you need to quit

learning more. Yeah. I think you already have learned enough. It's like addition by subtraction. What can you, instead of adding all of these other tools into your life and this book and that and this plan and this 30 day thing, it's like maybe start taking some stuff off the table and maybe that will add to it. Right. So it's how do I get from the spot, jump over that hurdle of I know everything? How do I start implementing it into my life type deal? You know what I mean?

But I think there's a lot of people too who, and I've had some people on the podcast too, who are relatable in some sense to this kind of thing about I'm struggling, but I know what needs to be done, right? I wouldn't know how to share with somebody else, how to get out of this whole. Yeah, I was good at that. Yeah. Where do you go from here then? I mean, you got the working at the rehab and then you're doing a little bit of the restaurant.

Throughout all of this, too, how are you feeling internally with where you're at? I mean, you're checking a lot of these boxes of the white picket fence life. I mean, in a sense, right? I mean, you've got the job and you finish your school and doing all right. And you got this sort of drinking on the side kind of thing. And how are you feeling, though, about yourself and where you're at? Absolutely terrible. I mean, to be quite honest, like, I really hated myself.

I really, that was another part of it, too, is I knew what to do. I didn't think that I was even, like, worth saving. I was so low. I thought I was just, like, the absolute worst person. That fuels the cycle, too. And well, drinking will pick you up. Drinking's always there. So I felt really awesome.

about myself. I felt guilty for being in the profession that I was and struggling with alcohol so much. I felt like I had to lie to so many people who loved me. I felt like I wasn't living authentically to my values and who I was and really just in a really dark place. Yeah. And in doing what you were doing too, it's like, how do you say something? especially when it's going to probably, it sounds like it any way, the people that were there, it would come as such a surprise. Whoa. We had no idea or however that is.

How do you get out of that, too, about to say, yeah. And I mean, I think when you wrapped up in it, it's just avoid it, just maybe run from it just before it gets figured out. Like I'm, I was in some situations too. And before things got figured out, I would just leave or quit or. leave a relationship or kind of move on. I was just like, I'm just terrified of, oh my goodness, like, what if it all comes out? What am I going to do then? Yeah. I was really worried in my job about that part coming out. But I thought that I was like fooling everybody because these

situations would happen and then I would convince people that I have it under control. And I think that they would see just, oh, well, she graduated. I don't think that it's, she really has a problem. or she doesn't drink every day. So it's not an issue. And I felt like they didn't want to believe it either, especially my parents. I don't think they knew what to do, but I also think they didn't want to believe that. You know, and I think that's another thing that's what keeps people sick for so long is, well, you're successful in these certain areas of your life. There must not be that serious of a problem.

Yeah. And I think that's what a lot of people thought. about me. It must not be that serious for her to be able to make it to work or for her to go to grad school and have a master's degree and like a nice job. There's no way you're struggling that much. There's no way you're suffering. But internally, I was just like, I wanted to like scream out for help. Yeah. What was preventing you from doing that? I honestly didn't know if people would, well, I think the truth is I didn't want to stop. Yeah.

Because I had a lot of people who loved me and I told you in like in certain times in my life, people would be like, I really think you need to stop. This is really bad. We've seen a lot of things. Yeah. I just, I didn't want to stop. Yeah. Well, what's the scariest thought that would come to your mind when you were like the idea of stopping?

I was so afraid to stop. I was thinking what it, how will I cope with things? I even thought, what am I going to do when I get married? Who has a dry wedding? I mean, all of these things have come into my mind. Will my anxiety be worse? Will people like me? How am I supposed to, that's my best friend.

How could I ever think about living my life without alcohol? To me, that felt just absolutely crazy to even think that way. Yeah, impossible. It did. It felt impossible. It felt like I was giving up the one thing that saved me. I mean, it's hard to say, but I really thought that I, like, loved alcohol. Like, it was my entire personality.

It was my entire identity. It felt like it cured my anxiety. Yeah. I couldn't imagine a life without it. Yeah. What about in the mornings, though, when you had the hangovers? Did you have really bad anxiety? or no. Oh, yeah. I mean, because I blacked out every time, I wasn't an everyday drinker. I was a

binge drinker to the max. I had no idea what I did. And I would always wake up with people being upset with me. I would always wake up with, do you know what you did last night, losing your phone, losing your keys, just throwing up the entire next day. That was my routine. And I would feel guilty. and I would go through this cycle. I would be so sick and I would, I've seen like these memes and they're funny, but it's true, like praying to God that you're never going to drink again.

If you like save me from this hangover because they were so bad. And having no idea what I said or did ever. The blue, what do they call it, the blue light prayer? Like when the cops are behind you, just get me out of this one. please and I'll

and I'll do right from here on out. Get me through this hangover and I'll never drink again. I prayed that so many times. Yeah. But again, I mean, a lot of people share too, it gets worse and worse as you go. It was interesting to me what you shared before there too about what were the big fears about quitting alcohol.

Why does it feel impossible to us? Because a lot of people share that story. And then we do quit and you get to me in my life today, drinking alcohol is and feels impossible. Of course, there is a possibility. of it, but I'm just like, oh my gosh, that's, that's scary in a sense. But you share all that stuff about fitting in, an identity and personality and everything else.

And it just really reminds me of like the sacrifice we make to fit into the world or to belong in the world at our own detriment, our own cost. And inside, you're going through the turmoil. You're going through this battle every day with yourself. But maybe continuing the show so that you feel like you have a place in the world. And then if you don't drink anymore, what's that going to look like for you? But we have that thing going on internally. That's why I think when people are like, got the job, got this, got that.

Everything's going well and parent or whatever. And it's like, yeah, I mean, how do you feel in the inside about you can have? I mean, there's lots of people who are far into having a drinking problem that have all the boxes is checked and they wake up every day hating themselves, but they don't talk about it and you'd never know it because we don't want anybody to know it for one. And that's another thing to why I think it keeps going, but keeps going because we don't like what we see in the mirror. Yeah. And like we, we wake up and we hate ourselves and we hate the alcohol. I mean, I hated it. I mean, I loved it and hated it. Yeah. I knew it was against who I really was and my values.

and it was so detrimental to my relationships and all these things. But the fear of not having it kept me sick because that was stronger than the self-hatred was the fear of never having that again. Yeah, no, great point there. I always look back to it too. And I don't know if this is relatable, if this is relatable at all or not. But, you know, the life of drinking is a very predictable one, in a sense, right? It is.

It becomes comfortable, it becomes what we know. And I think anything that's comfortable and predictable as predictable as it is. And in my life, as I knew, I always kind of was the guy who came up short in every area of life, whether it was the middle school soccer team, whether it was grades, whether it was a job, whether it was relationships. It was just used to that life. A life of quote unquote success or a life of doing well or life of my parents being proud of me or that other life I didn't know anything about. I mean, I had glimpses of it. I didn't

always do poorly as sometimes I excelled if I applied myself. So that was almost scary to me when I reflect back of like, why didn't I get out of it sooner? I was just kind of used to being down and out. And I was used to, I knew what that looked like. I knew how it felt in like a life of not being down and out. I was like, oh my gosh, like I can't have that. Get a job and not lose it. After a while, I worked at this little Caesars for a bit. And I don't even know what really happened. But I was like a manager there. When I say manager there, like basically just run the tail,

weigh the pizza crust. But the owner came in one day and took a pizza out of the oven and slung the whole pizza at me. And it was like, the place is dirty. You're getting fired and all the stuff. And it was just like, it was just stuff like that. And it was obviously a buildup of things that I didn't take any accountability for. and I was living a victim life of nobody, people are out to get me.

It's not fair. Life's not fair. How could this happen to me? And all that had to change, though, is sobriety. I mean, it couldn't be. I had somebody tell me once, it was probably a therapist, I think. I'm sharing all these situations, right, in life that's happening. And I'm like, Soans, can you believe this?

My luck is just this bad. And they just gave it to me there and said, dude, you're, I mean, you're the common denominator of every one of these stories. At some point, it might not be all your fault, but it's like you're the person that's involved in all this stuff. Brad, you got to have a look at it. On the wheels turning a little bit, a little bit off tangent there. But how are the things moving forward for you? And I mean, what age are you at where we're at in a story? So we have an idea. I'm like 25, 26. Okay. How old are you now? 29. Okay, cool. Moving on from there. How do we go forward?

Tons of chaos. I felt like I just, and I relate to that, what you said. I felt like I was comfortable in chaos. Yeah. And I didn't know what a life would look like without chaos. And throughout all of these years, it's like relationships were all involving drinking. That was the basis of every relationship that I've been in. And consequences, people coming to me and saying, this is a problem, me knowing that it's a problem all along.

long all this time, but just not wanting to and being scared of taking that step. And then we get to, I guess we'll get to the last time I drank, really. When I started on my journey, I'll say, not the last time I drank, but the last time I, when I started the journey. So it's like May 2003. And I don't know, this is probably relatable too. It wasn't like this big crazy event. It wasn't like the worst rock bottom. Because there have been plenty of. those, right? So it wasn't a crazy rock bottom. It was like the same old story. I go to the place where my ex worked because I wanted to create chaos. And I wanted to, I was always like, I wanted to be the center of attention. It wasn't a good thing because I never brought good

attention to myself when just drinking from the beginning of the day to at night and making a fool of myself blacking out, same old story. But this time I woke up the next day and I looked a hot mess. I actually took a picture because I was like, this is really bad. And I looked in the mirror and I swear to you, when I tell this story, this is the honest truth. I just felt like I heard God's voice saying, you have to quit drinking or you will be. die. This is do or die right now in this moment. There are no, there's going to be no other times of me saving you. I felt like I just had all these times of, oh man, that's a terrible decision, or that could have ended really badly, or you could have died from that, or a random person took you home

and nothing bad happened. You're really lucky. And I felt like it was this time right now that it was like, you have to or else do or die right now. And I took it. I took it. I took. I took a a picture and I've shared this on my social media a lot because I was like, okay, I'm listening. After all of the times that people have come to me with their concerns about my drinking, all the times that I've had this self-talk, it was in that moment that I was like, okay, I have to. I will die, if not. Yeah. Wow. And this was May, mate of 23. Yeah. And so you have, I mean, now you have this situation here. I mean, what do you do with? I feel like in one way or another, we all have that facing our self moment of, hey, I can see where

this is going a little bit too. And maybe the desire or the decision to do something different. And maybe all that other stuff, because people ask me all the time, Brad, what was it? Very similar to your story. I mean, there was a lot of craziness, but wasn't, I don't know if it was the craziness in my life. Yeah. Yeah. It was maybe everything kind of built up over the year. everything was building in that direction to maybe that, for me anyway, for that moment to say, man, this isn't the way I want to live anymore. What do you do, though? So you have this experience and then, I mean, what are your first steps of, yeah, yeah, I need to quit drinking? I don't really have a good, I just didn't drink. That was all that I could do. I felt like I couldn't,

which is obviously the most important thing, but I just, I took it like literally one second at a time sometimes. I think it's really cool. I mean, literally that first week, I just followed all of these sober pages with yours being one of them. Just like super cool. That was my community. I just kept, I knew all the things, right, from all of my jobs and my degrees and whatever, but I didn't have the community connection. So I didn't go to a treatment center. I didn't go to AA, but what I did was find other ways of connection. And at first, that was just following sober pages. Yeah.

Seeing other people be able to live that life. Yeah, no, that's beautiful. Did you tell anybody too? You weren't drinking anymore? I mean, people would probably pick up on it naturally, but did you mention anything to anyone? I didn't tell people for probably two months. Yeah.

Because I had told them so many times that I was because I made those promises and tried to give them that reassurance of, well, I'll stop now and it would be a couple months and then I would go right back to it every time. So I wanted to be serious. I really wanted to be serious

and just say I already have a couple months. Yeah. How did you feel like getting into it? Were things improving for you or what did that look like? I was terrified. I felt like, like everything I ever knew was just like my world was turned upside down I felt like I didn't have my identity it was just so much soul searching so much praying so much going on to all of these

social media sites and feeling encouraged by seeing other people be able to live this life because I thought it was impossible yeah yeah so it's a rewiring of a sense of a lot of things I mean especially when you're plugged into that life. And you brought up earlier chaos, too. I mean, I think that's a big, there's a big part of it that plays in some people's stories, too, of liking drinking, being one, but also enjoying the chaos.

I think chaos offers a big distraction from our own, from ourselves and from our own lives, right? If we're involved in chaos and maybe drama or whatever it is, right, it's going out there. It's, okay, the more I can think about that and deal with that, the less I have to look within and realize what the heck's going on with me or not grow at all, be wrapped up in all that stuff. And you mentioned the relationships too.

And that can be like a distraction and cause all kinds of stuff too. Yeah. You got a couple months in. Any thoughts on that? A couple months in what I was thinking. Yeah, I mean, I'm just thinking too. Any thoughts on the chaos element? Because I think for a lot of people, when you quit drinking, not to say it's gone,

but my goodness, that's, I feel like there's a little hole there in my soul maybe. It's like I don't have all that noise anymore. What do I do with my time? What are you doing? It felt so weird. I was like, what do people do on their weekends who don't drink? I don't understand. What am I supposed to do?

I really didn't know what to do. Looking back, it's funny, but I truly, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was still working and I'm just making up excuses when people are asking me if I want to go out. But yeah, I missed, I felt like I was really going to miss the chaos. And at first I did. I really did. I was like, I miss going to the bars and the clubs until 4 a.m.

And fighting with people and causing drama and all of these things. I mean, that's the life that I was in for so long. Yeah. And then that's gone. And when that's gone, things are a little bit quieter. Yeah. You feel bored. And you do a lot of, like,

I mean, like you said, it's a lot of self-reflection, and sometimes it's really hard. That self-reflection was painful. Still is painful. But for so long, we didn't allow ourselves even the time and space to have self-reflection. We weren't able to. There was not a time when we were able to have real clarity and real peace to actually deal with the things that were going on. Yeah, so true. The clarity.

I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. When you're in the mix, you think it's weird. I thought things were clear, but it's no, dude, the blinders are up. The blinders are up. I mean, I think what happened to me anyway was my emotional bandwidth was just so short. I mean, I could go very far deep with a whole heck of a lot, like how I made it by. I mean, baffles me to this day. But, but I guess when I hung out with other people that were living the same way, that was their, that was only their, that was probably their capacity as well. So we kind of. Now my life, my connections are so much deeper, the surface level stuff, it just doesn't. Nobody's interested in that. Nobody's interested in that. It's hard to really have conversation at that level these days. But at the time, it was like, hey, that was great. If we could just talk about the weather and just less chatter, more drinking.

This is beautiful. Let's have a few drinks before we get into everything. So you're figuring out, hey, there's this whole other life out there. But I don't really know what to do on the weekends. and I'm bored and now you have to sit with your emotions and everything. And this goes, I mean, you, we talked before and I know a little bit more of your story here too. I mean, this went on for a bit.

I mean, you had things changing your life of this stretch that you had, right? Yeah. And that would happen. A lot of it, too, was I kind of, I hate to say it, but crawl back to the people who I left because I wanted to be around the people who were normalizing, drinking and who wanted to drink with me. All of the people who were the ones who were like confronting me about. it, I didn't want to be around them.

So I called back to them in a way of, hey, like, I'm me again. Can we be friends and go to the movies instead of a bar? But through the year and a half that I had, I met somebody who's also sober. And we moved states. And there was a lot of really positive change that occurred in my life for that stretch of time. Yeah. So the whole time with drinking.

you were still in West Virginia then? Yeah. Same town or had you moved? Same town. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, yeah, so you, wow, that's small.

So I'm very much known there for being just a hot mess party girl. That would be, if you were to ask them back then how they knew me, it would be that. It would, and that's hard. And but there's so much more now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's so much more growth, too. And I mean, even at 29, too, to be where you're at, I look at it. I rode the wheels off of this thing quick. For some people, it's a slow burn, right? Some people, it might be decades before the foundation cracks a little bit. And they're like,

okay, maybe what's a life without drinking or whatever substances look like for me? I rode the wheels off of it, figured out real quick. In one way, it sounds like maybe you did too. You know, you got this, got, went right in, bed first and things, the train fell off the tracks, rather quick. It did. But maybe it gave you, that's weird. We never, it's always weird, right? It's okay.

Like, I'm grateful for things to happen the way they did, but it's okay. This was a massive disaster in my life anyway, but it's, I'm grateful that things went the way they did. Like, it sucks that they went the way they did. But it opened up my eyes maybe a lot sooner than it could have if I just was like, dipping my toe and oh, I have a problem. I don't. I have a problem. I don't.

And then decades go by and it's, oh, man. So it was kind of like being that hot mess, as you said, quote unquote, that hot mess. It got you to a spot to where you had that experience to get this thing started to say, you know what? This is a serious. This is really serious. And I got to make changes. So after a year and a half, you met somebody too. You made the move.

How does that look? It was difficult because we were also navigating. a military lifestyle that I really didn't understand much about being in a military, being with somebody who's in the military. And unfortunately, with me so much change and things not being predictable, all of that kind of came back. And I was like, what's the one thing that I know is predictable? That's when I went back to alcohol. We were, we had moved and we had gotten married and all of these things. and I was so lonely in this new state, and it had been like a week since we moved,

and I went back to the thing that I knew. And I drank for a couple days. And honestly, as soon as I took that first sip, I instantly regretted it. Like, it was, felt awful. But then you convince yourself of, well, you're already here. You already lost everything.

you already lost all of this time and effort might as well and throughout talking to other people and self-reflection I learned that I didn't lose all of that progress they didn't lose all of that time it gave me the chance to learn some new information honestly and it was a really good learning experience for sure yeah yeah and I like the way you crafted that up. I mean, I think it can go one or two ways, right? Either that perspective of, hey, this is the reality of where I am. I mean, whether I like it or not, it happened. And here I am. So I can kind of use it maybe to learn a few things and move forward. Or I can use it to really beat myself up and probably keep the cycle going. And you're right. You don't learn.

You don't lose everything you've learned, right? The tools and the time. You know, maybe the clock starts over, but I mean, that's up, for me, that's up to the individual where they want to, how you want to handle that to. I'm not some sort of guru that's got the sobriety, my rules, or my way or the highway. That's up to the individual about how they want to do it and go about it. But I think that's the way to look at it too, is you had this time and things were going well and stuff came up. And now you can reflect back and say, you know what, I've got a little bit of work to do, maybe in a few areas and drank again. And yeah. For sure.

Yeah. And I think one thing that helped me is that when you're in a relationship to with somebody who is also an alcoholic, you cannot control their drinking, their sobriety, their relationship with alcohol. That's something I had to learn. I had to learn a lot of things when I relapsed. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I didn't need to connect.

I thought I could just do it myself. I could control his sobriety too. I could keep him sober. I mean, I just thought I had it all figured out. Yeah. And I don't. And I don't want to think that I ever do because I never want to stop learning and growing. It's never done.

It's never finished. And it really sucks that it happened because I feel like I made a promise to myself and a God that, like, that day would be the last day I ever drank. But things happen. I gain new information. more self-reflection and it was a setback. Yeah. Yeah. And another good point there, too.

I heard early on, I mean, this was years and years ago that I'll drink before I get somebody else to quit drinking. I'll drink again before. Yeah. So it's interesting too. And yeah,

with the relationship and stuff too, being in sobriety together. I mean, it's, I'm sure it has its benefits, but also has its challenges just like everything else too in life. To work for and things to learn. Yeah.

It does because unfortunately he relapsed before me. And then I was like, I was curious, but also I just felt so out of control with everything because I was holding on so tightly to his sobriety and mine that I felt like everything was just out of control. And then I go back to the one thing that's predictable. Yeah. I mean, that's another thing too is alcohol gives us that sense of control. I mean, we can go spend $10 or $20 or whatever.

Get it, drink it. We know the outcome. It's like we're in control. Look, I'm in control as opposed to working through and sitting with and everything to see where all that goes too can feel a little bit rocky. Yeah, good point there. Yeah. Get back that control of things too, especially if they're drinking again and you definitely feel like that's a loss. I lost control there too.

Yeah. I mean, what a dynamic, though. I'm glad you're sharing about it because I think. it's very real. It's very real to go through it. And then so I mean, this time when you're drinking again is you sit a couple days and then you're committing to not drinking again. Yeah, the couple of days. I had an idea of what it would look like to drink again. I was like, oh, it would probably be fun. It would be relaxing. It was not at all. It felt so, I felt so guilt-ridden. And also I was like, this is not fun whatsoever.

Same people, same places, same outcome. Nothing changed throughout this whole time. And this was after, what, a year and a half? Is that what you said? Yeah, I just felt like nothing had changed. Alcohol made me feel the same way. I was miserable the next morning. I didn't have the peace and clarity that I had grown to love for the year.

and a half that I didn't drink. Yeah. It wasn't me anymore. And I was so glad to find that out. That wasn't me. I was excited to get back into sobriety. And I don't know how, like, relieving that felt for me, that I wasn't wanting so much to go back into that life.

And that my identity was completely changed. That I didn't even, that didn't feel like myself. Whereas when you first get sober, it doesn't feel like yourself to stop drinking. Yeah, yeah. So it was like that switch. Yeah, like you can't, you can't unknow what you know what you know now. Yeah. It's really interesting too because it's a very familiar story too about how we work it up between our ears.

We work it up that it's going to be like this thing and we're going to, it's going to be fun. And oh, my goodness, it's going to be such a relief. And then when you get there with drinking again, it's, oh, my goodness, it's not. It's almost like sometimes people share about one last, one last party would big bang on my way out. And I ask them. I said, I mean, you wanted that big party on your way out. I mean, what did it meet your expectations? No.

Everybody says no. It never does. It's never going to be what it once was. It's never going to be like, oh my gosh, that was incredible. You get too far down. It doesn't work like that anymore. No, it doesn't because we have now experienced. It's true freedom, true peace, all of this self-awareness and understanding.

And we like the person that we are. Yeah. Sober. And then when we go back, it's that glimpse of all of that, just the same stuff that we wanted to get away from. Yeah. It comes back so quick. Yeah. Like even after a year and a half, you share that and then it's right back into it.

And I mean, that's what it does. It's like an old, you have a couple good friends in life where you can not talk with them for two years, then talk with them again. And it's like you never skipped a beat. Alcohol's that too. And it's like you get back in there and it's the same. It's literally the same story and everything. And this was, this is eight months ago now, right? A little over eight months.

Well, congrats on that too. Thank you. Thank you. And how have the last eight months been for you? Honestly, easy. I feel like when you're drinking and then that time when I was really, collapsing, life was really difficult. There were so many issues that came with drinking, so much chaos, so much drama,

consequences, all of these things. It's like when you're sober, life is beautiful. You can find beauty in everyday things. Like, it just, I truly love, like, being sober. I really do. I feel like I'm, I'm meeting people and not at a bar. I didn't think that was possible either, moving and meeting new people. I was like, how am I supposed to make friends in a new place without being like, hey, want

to go grab a drink? Yeah. I was like, I don't know how that's going to look. But the connection, I think you had mentioned that too, the connections that you make now in sobriety are so much different. They're meaningful. And like you actually have good conversations. Yeah.

So the last eight months, I feel like I've learned to know that I'm not in control of other people's sobriety. Yeah. And I've learned that, I feel like that was only a setback and it didn't take away from all of the progress and the growth that I've made. It just provided me with more information and more clarification than ever that sobriety is true freedom. Yeah.

Yeah. And then it'll, I mean, more times than not probably or maybe always, I don't know, everybody's different, but it'll end up back to the same place as it was. We never drank probably. You probably relate to this, right? We never drank for the taste or for how fancy it was or all that stuff, right? We drank for the escape of what we were going through that felt really heavy at the time. And sobriety also gives us that runway to start to look at this stuff. Maybe not right in the beginning, but after some time, you can start to look at some of this stuff about how am I coping with things, emotional sobriety and how am I working through stuff?

and building new relationships and pushing ourselves and getting uncomfortable, learning new ways to deal with life. One of my earliest mentors said, Brad, your biggest problem is life on life's terms. And I was like, yeah, it sounds about right. That terrifies me, man. Just giving up control in a sense of like how everything, the expectations of how everything should be. And it's a great opportunity to grow.

Heading towards wrapping up, I'm just wondering a few things that you could share from your experience that might be helpful for somebody else. Yeah, I think that you said it nice earlier about, I think that the wheels fell off maybe a little bit early for me. I definitely don't think I could have made it the way that I was going farther in life. I don't think I could have seen my 30s, to be honest. And I think sometimes, too, we use so many things to justify why we're,

why we don't want to enter into sobriety. And I think age is one of them too. Like maybe I'll do it when I'm older or like when you're in your 20s like drinking is you just have to. Yeah. And I just want to, I think, encourage people who maybe are like younger too that or who are using age or using all of these things as the justification of why I don't need to get sober now. Maybe I'll do it later. I know it's a problem but I'll do it later. Or that fear element. I just want to encourage people that the unknown is scary and having things be unpredictable is scary too.

But this is the best decision I have ever made. And you will find true peace, true happiness, true freedom in sobriety. It will give you everything that like drinking. promises, those like false promises. So yeah, that's my encouragement, I think, to people. Yeah, beautiful encouragement. Yeah. And I mean, yeah, too young or all the different things. So many things that we tell ourselves, yeah, but you know what? I work with a lot of people that 40s, 50s, 60s. And not that they feel bad about where they're at, but every one of them says they would have much rather done it sooner.

Not that they regret where they're at or the journey they took. It's not like a out of feel bad for themselves, but it's a thing of, I've had this problem for 30, 40 years. And the reality is, too, like the longer you stick around, just like anything, it can be more challenging to get out of it. Yeah. It's better just to, if you're already leaning into thinking, this isn't good, this is not good.

Yeah. And you got to broaden your horizon. too because I got in a lot of trouble and some people around me got in a lot of trouble. But when I looked outside of my circle, in a lot of trouble, I thought getting in trouble was normal. It wasn't normal. It was far from normal. It's just the people I was hanging out with. They thought it was funny and it was not funny. Looking back. That's such a good point. Yeah, you got to look around a little bit. Even when I was in college, I thought everybody drank. When I looked back now, a lot of people didn't do what we were doing.

Yeah. I think it's, yeah, you know, I mean, who you hang out with. What do they say if you hang out with five drinkers, you'll be the sixth. You've got to look at who you're hanging out with and where are you getting your feedback from. But Laura, thank you so much. Is there anything we missed that you'd like to mention? I don't think so. I think we got a lot covered.

We covered all of it. Okay, we did good. Well, thank you again for jumping on. Huge congrats, too, for everything in your journey, eight plus months now. I love following along your story on Instagram. So I'll drop your contact stuff for everybody to reach out if they would like to. on your Instagram and yeah, thanks again. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. This is great. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Laura for getting back up. I believe it was after a year and a half drinking again. Something really stood out to me in that moment, though, in the episode about realizing so quickly that that's not the way she wanted to live.

That's not who she was anymore, which I think is essential, obviously from, coming back from drinking again. But, you know, when you move away from it, it really doesn't line up, I don't think, with who we are as people and what we believe in our values and perspectives and everything else. So great job, Laura. Thank you so much. I'll drop Laura's contact information down on the show notes below. If you love this episode, if you got something from it, be sure to send her message over on Instagram.

And as always, thank you for tuning into the podcast, and I'll see you on the next one.