Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Alcohol had become such a part of Leigh's identity, but she knew drinking was no longer an option, and it was her responsibility to make the changes.

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

In this episode of the Podcast, we have Leigh, discussing her journey to sobriety. Leigh shares her upbringing in a traditional household in Missouri, where drinking was not part of the story, her initial encounter with alcohol in college, and her struggles with anxiety, OCD, and social awkwardness. Despite starting drinking at a later age, Leigh talks about her gradual increase in alcohol consumption through college and into her professional life, highlighting the culture of drinking in her workplaces and the slow recognition of her drinking problem. She touches upon the significant moments that led her to realize the need for change, including the impact of her father's death on her alcohol consumption, various attempts to quit drinking, and the role of sobriety programs and accountability through social media. Leigh emphasizes the importance of deciding that 'drinking is not an option' and the freedom and peace found in sobriety. This is Leigh’s story on the Sober Motivation podcast. ------------ 👉 Follow Leigh on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/macrosnmocktails/ 📲 30 Day Trail to SoberBuddy Community: https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com/plans/368200?bundle_token=8d76ca38d63813200c6c1f46cb3bdbed&utm_source=manual ❤️ Follow SoberMotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 00:00 Welcome to Season Three: Unveiling Sobriety Stories 00:17 Lee's Journey: From a Traditional Upbringing to College Drinking 09:03 Navigating Early Adulthood: Work Culture and Social Drinking 11:55 A Shift in Perspective: Recognizing the Impact of Alcohol 15:07 The Rocky Road to Sobriety: Challenges and Realizations 18:08 Exploring Sobriety: Breaks, Relapses, and the Path Forward 25:29 The Journey to Sobriety: A Personal Story 25:44 Challenges and Relapses: Navigating the Path to Recovery 26:17 Finding Connection and Support in Sobriety 27:35 Turning Points: Embracing Sobriety and Starting Fresh 27:42 Building a Sober Community: The Power of Sharing and Accountability 30:09 The Impact of Sobriety: Personal Growth and Helping Others 34:52 Reflections on Sobriety: The Continuous Journey and Future Outlook 46:03 Navigating Social Dynamics and Maintaining Sobriety  

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Lee, discussing her journey to sobriety. Lee shares her upbringing in a traditional household in Missouri where drinking was not part of the story. Her initial encounter with alcohol in college and her struggles with anxiety, OCD, and social awkwardness. Despite starting drinking at a later age, Lee talks about her gradual increase in

alcohol consumption through college and into her professional life, highlighting the culture of drinking in her workplaces and the slow recognition of her drinking problem. She touches upon the significant moments that led her to realize the need for change, including the impact of her father's death on her alcohol consumption, various attempts to quit drinking, and the role of sobriety programs and accountability through social media. emphasizes the importance of deciding that drinking is no longer an option and the freedom and peace found in sobriety. And this is Lee's story on the sober motivation podcast. What the heck is going on everybody? Welcome back to another episode. This is an incredible story. So grateful for Lee jumping on

here and sharing it with all of us. She's just amazing. I want to mention before we get started that if you could use a little bit more support on your journey, don't forget to join us over on the sober buddy app. We've been slowly releasing the sober superstar course, which is hitting all of the things that are so important in the early days of sobriety to help you build that foundation and stay on track. And a main thing is, is getting connected to a community of people who understand where you've been, where you're going, and they've experienced it themselves. So I'm going to drop in the show notes of this episode, a link where you can join for 30 days free, try it out, see if it's for you, come and hang out at some of the meetings I do three a week, and I'd love to see you. That link will be down on the show notes below. Now let's get to this episode.

Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Lee with us. Lee, how are you? Wow. Thank you for having me. Awesome. Thank you so much for being willing to share your story here on the podcast. So what was it like for you growing up?

I grew up in a very traditional household in Midwest. I grew up in Missouri. My mom and dad, neither one drank. when I was growing up. Everything in my house was very black and white, right and wrong. And drinking was not something that good girls did or behavior that they participated in again when I was growing up. It was my brother and me. I didn't have my first sip of alcohol until I was in a sorority in college.

I was 18. And I didn't start drinking until I was 20, almost 21. So going back there to growing up, what did things look like for you? I mean, pretty good in going through school, making friends, relationships, and everything was all right? You know, I really struggled. I had friends, but I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD when I was 10. So really early in life, you know, there's a history of some mental illness in my family, lots of OCD. lots of anxiety. And my mom had suffered postpartum depression. And so thankfully, whenever I started exhibiting these behaviors that didn't seem, quote, normal, she was proactive in seeking help for me.

And so I started meeting with a counselor early through my pediatrician, recommended a therapist and I was never medicated for either of the issues but learned a lot of coping mechanisms through the therapist that I still use today. You know, I'm the one in control of my thoughts. These are irrational things. Just talking myself off the ledge. I learned that early. And I had a lot of friends. My best friend moved away when we were in middle school, in eighth grade, hard time to lose a best friend. And then I had a lot of friends, but not necessarily a close friend. You know, I was in a lot of groups socially, but I never felt like I fit in necessarily. And, you know, I think part of

that was my OCD anxiety and another part of that was like, I was just an awkward teenager. You know, I had braces with big hook because I wore headgear, and I have naturally curly hair that is, it's like one of those sprayed brooms, you know, if you can imagine and I never knew how to control it. Now there's all these tools and straightening irons and everything. And I just, I was just very socially awkward. And also, I wasn't in that party crowd, you know, I didn't participate in that behavior that the popular kids did. Okay. Yeah, that's a, it sheds a good light on things. So you get into this sorority at 18 and things change a little bit for you. What did your parents though growing up because they

didn't drink, but was it like a thing that you knew that, well, I definitely shouldn't go down that road? Like it was something that they said to you or you picked up on that they were choosing to do that too? You know, I can't remember. You know, they had gone, they went to a few parties and overserved themselves. And they both started drinking after my brother and I left the house. And that's a whole other story. And that's really their story to tell. My dad has since passed away. But I can't remember. It was just like one of those things. Like, good girls do this. Naughty girls do this. And so it just wasn't a consideration for me. I, you know, I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I didn't think I needed it. I had enough issues.

with alcohol, you know? Yeah, I hear you on that. It was the same for me in high school, really. I mean, I had a sip of vodka or something to try it out because everybody was talking about it. Out of my parents, they had this little shelf above the refrigerator. There one sip of that and you figure out real quick. That's disgusting. And I never went back into it.

But I was maybe like you in a sense, too, I wasn't really part of the cool crowd. I didn't really hang out with people that were doing that stuff. I didn't get invited to any of the parties or have access to it. Like my folks didn't really have it in the house. I mean, they did drink, but I never really saw them drinking. I never really understood what it was. It was really interesting how it all played out. So back to the other thing you had mentioned there.

So you end up in college and how does this change things with your relationship with alcohol? You know, I was in Alpha Delta Pi. One of the, you know, best choices of my life, those women are still really close friends to me. but my freshman year, I was awarded naive new initiate. You know, we have these sorority awards. And so naive new initiate, I was given one of the, you know, little golden books, red writing hood, because I wasn't participatory in any of these things,

these other women were doing. Fast forward to sophomore year, I was party pie, my sophomore junior and senior year. There was a big shift. I clearly remember the first time. that I had enough alcohol to get that like warm feeling. And I was like, oh my gosh, this. You know, this is why everyone drinks.

This is what I've been missing out on. It was that instant that like I want more of this and less of those awkward feeling, which did come with me to college when I, you know, wasn't participatory and doing all of those things. Yeah. So then where do you go after that? What does the rest of college look like for you? You know, college was a lot of drinking in the sorority house in the dorm room. I would, because I didn't like the taste of alcohol, I would go get one of the small bottles of the spiced rum.

Oh, Captain Morgan, sale with Captain Morgan. So I'd go get a little bottle of Captain Morgan. I'd go across the street. There was a quick shop. We could get 32 ounce cokes for 50 cents. and so I would chase, I drink my Captain Morgan, and then I would chase it with my coat, and then I go out. I just was thinking there too,

even with you mentioning how it progressed there, when you're in college too, and talking with a ton of people on the podcast here, it seems like college is really that right of passage where alcohol can really become a big thing, right, a staple. Even when you mentioned there, we started out drinking maybe at the parties or maybe we did in everybody's story,

I'm sure it's different. But then we start drinking before, right? Because we're so uncomfortable with whatever that we start like pre-gaming. I don't know if that's what they still call it. That's what it was, right? So we would get into it beforehand. And at the time, I mean, my goodness, I didn't think anything of it. Like everybody was doing it. Like what the heck, right? But now looking back, I'm like, oh man, you know, what a recipe for a disaster, right? Well, yeah. And I think really, I mean, toward the end of my collegiate career, we'll call it, I think the only night I wasn't going out was Sunday night. I mean, Monday we had, we called it Mubedekai. It was 25 cent pitchers, you know, more beer club is, you know, the Mubeta Kai. We had a little chant.

And then, yeah, it was every night. It was a thing. It was just what we did, you know? And then I'd work so that I'd have money to go out. Yeah. It's crazy. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's how it goes, though. I mean, did you ever throughout this time? Did you have any consequences or anything that you would say, oh, like maybe I was pushing it too far? Or was everything all right? Rarely, no, I don't think I had, I felt like I drank like everybody else in college. You know, there was one time that I got a ride home with one of my girlfriends. And the next day, she was like, how did we get home last night? I was like, oh, my God, like you drove us home. You don't remember that, you know? Where I was like, oh, that's a, that's a, that's,

an alarm right there going off. But it was her issue, right? It wasn't my issue. I was just the one that made the poor decision to ride home with her. And it was like, okay, I'm going to be more cognizant about who I choose to get rights home with moving forward. Yeah. So after college, how do things look for you? Start working? I started working. I started working at a customer service call Center. And it was a mix of individuals. You know, we had these 50-year-old women who didn't have college educations and, you know, they had worked there for 20 years. And then the company was shifting to hire recent college grads. So you had this incoming group that, you know, there were probably 10 of us all recently out of college, all starting this job at the same time.

And every Friday there would be a happy hour email would go out and we would joke that it was really happy hours because it would go, you know, well into the night. Oh, you know, a lot of drinking again. It didn't seem abnormal. I wasn't drinking at the time what I thought to be any differently or any more than my friends. I lived in a condo. by myself and, you know, I'd buy beer, but I'd have a couple beers. I'd watch The Bachelor, you know, just again, what I considered to be normal drinking. Yeah. So you got the job at the customer service call center. Sounds like a blast. Oh my gosh. Yes. Lots of stories. So you didn't grow up around alcohol. I mean, did anything ever pop up that like hey, didn't grow around this. This was my perception of it from before when I was younger. Is there anything that you're just like, oh, I'm drifting away from that, you know, pretty much at this

point. Was there any sense of that? Well, no, because at that point, my parents had started drinking too. And, you know, my mom would come up. We'd go to the wineries. I'd go back home. My brother and I were drinking with my parents. So that all shifted as well. It felt like it became more socially acceptable. And all four of us, you know, my mom, my dad, my brother and I were like, what the hell are we doing missing out on all, you know, with all of this fun. And I, you know, I do think that, you know, I was this total good girl in high school. And so there was some sewing of oats that happened in college and early adulthood, which I think is to be expected and, you know, trying to figure out how to maneuver that right now with my own 17-year-old, you know,

and 14-year-old here at home. Yeah. Now that's something that you hear that from time to time too is you doing everything you're supposed to and then you get a little bit of freedom and then you're for sure. Curious about stuff. So where do you go after that? So you're holding this job and I mean you guys are having your Friday emails, your happy hour stuff. And I mean at this point too, you're not experiencing consequences. And then I moved from St. Louis to Portland, Oregon and 20, I guess it was 2001 and left the call. or environment. They've got a job in public relations, which is what I majored in college. And I went to work for a big agency that was all young people. And, you know, we worked around the clock. 60 hour weeks were normal. Drinking culture was definitely encouraged, you know, go to lunch, have a couple drink, just not too many. Come back, do your work, you know. On Fridays,

there were set up pool tables and there was beer in the fridge. and happy hours at work because they wanted us to stay there at work. And again, it was just part of the culture. And, you know, I just felt like I was a normal young adult for a really long time. And I'm trying to think, you know, when the first red flags popped up that I was drinking too much. I think it was, you know, I married my now husband who was, the reason that I moved from St. Louis to Portland. I had met him at a business conference in Phoenix. We were both working for the same company by little customer service call center work.

And he was doing, he was working for the same company. And, you know, we got married. We had kids. And I remember, he and I were out to dinner one night. And he, at the time I was drinking like one big glass of wine a night. So a bottle of wine would last me the course of three nights. And he made a comment about me needing that glass of wine every day. And I, you know, I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I do look forward to that glass of wine every day. And I was like, do you have concerns around my drinking? And he said, well, if you were drinking any more of that on a daily basis, I would probably be concerned. But I think a glass of wine is normal and healthy. And, you know, that's when my boys were younger. And it was always more on the weekends. And there started to be

some things on the weekends that were cause for concern. I went out for a friend's birthday. And this must have been probably 11, 12 years ago. So my boys were younger and went out and ended up leaving my coat at the venue. I took a cat. I took a cat. home. I left my wallet, my phone, everything in the cab. You know, didn't remember this, got up the next morning. And I was like, oh my gosh, I don't remember leaving. I'd like, where's my phone? Where's my wallet? Like having to call a friend to piece together the night. I remember, like, in this moment being like, okay, God, if you like help me put my life back together after this event, you know, I will not drink like this. Well, little did I know. I would drink like that a lot. That was just one of those where the road curved. And I recognize, okay, that's not normal behavior. Like, blacking out is probably not okay. And then it just, after that, it got pretty dicey. So most of my 40s, it was rough.

Yeah. Interesting there too with the black. out. Yeah. I mean, you don't know what happened, right? You have to go back and piece the piece things back together. Was that something was that wasn't too frequent for you though? Blacking out or what? Did it become more and more frequent as you hung around? It became more and more frequent toward the end of my drinking. I wasn't at the end, I wasn't increasing how much I was drinking and yet I was blacking out more often. It was concerning. Yeah. So for sure. So this one time did this happen?

I'm just wondering to that time frame of when that happened. Yeah, I remember it was my friend's 39th birthday. She just celebrated her 50th birthday. You know, I must have been 38 at the time. And then my dad passed away when I was 40. And that was another significant shift in my drinking where I remember there were times I was starting to hide my drinking. like I knew I shouldn't be drinking in the middle of the day, but to cope with grief, I would pop open a beer.

And like his passing, like now that I look back on all of it, that was really the beginning of the end. It just took me a hell of a long time before I was ready to let go of alcohol. Yeah. And where do things go from there? Like after he passes away and then you notice yourself reaching, you know, more frequently,

the alcohol. Yeah, it was just one of those things. Like I say often, like I didn't have a rock bottom. I just had a lot of rocky moments that finally, you know, led me to this decision, like, alcohol can't be a factor in my life anymore. While there were these bends in the road, these curves, I should have, you know, paid more closer attention to. it was just such a slow decline. It would be my bottle of wine lasting me two night instead of three nights. You know, to where toward the end I was drinking a bottle of wine, you know, several nights a week.

It wasn't just one, one thing. I say often it was a slow fall into just the depths of alcohol. And it's rip on me. Yeah. I hear you 100% on that. Well, what would be your thought process if you were like, oh,

I'm just going this week without drinking? Is that scary to you? You know, it, yeah. So after my dad's passing, so he passed in 2014. And I remember I was like, I'm out of control. You know,

I'm drinking too much. I'm eating too much. And so I first did a whole 30 in 2014. It's an elimination diet. where, you know, you eliminate dairy, gluten, grain, and alcohol. And I remember being like, I don't know if I can do this. And I, you know, tweeted something about this being my last beer for 30 days, you know, and someone at Whole 30 replied back and something to the extent of it.

It's not farewell. It's just to see you in a little bit, you know? And so I was able to do that 30 days. And I was able to take several long breaks with alcohol. So between 2017 and 2023 before I finally stopped last year, I'd had several three, four months stints, and I had seven months stint without alcohol. And I remember talking to my PCP, my primary care physician, and saying, I think I have an issue with alcohol. I'm struggling. And she said, well, I mean, can you take that?

breaks from alcohol. And I was like, oh, yeah, I just, you know, did a 30 day break. And she's, well, if you can take breaks from alcohol, you don't have a problem. He's like, there's not a problem there. Yeah. Oh, okay. So then my, you know, my doctor's telling me I don't have a problem. You know, I'm, again, I'm drinking very similarly to a lot of my friends. Society's showing me, I don't have a problem. And yet I'm like, I am struggling here, you know. So I did have those breaks. I knew I did not want alcohol in my life. I knew it was negatively impacting who I was as a person. You know, I was not being the mom that I wanted to be, the parent to my kids. I felt like shit. Every day. I mean, waking up day in, day out, just feeling less than because I knew how good I could

feel because of those longer stints that I had done without alcohol. And every time I tried, like thinking, this time will be different. This time I'm going to moderate my drinking. And I would for a little while. I was always able to moderate for a short amount of time. You know, it would start very innocently where, you know, I'm like, you know, all these rules, all these boundaries. I am only going to drink when I'm out socially, but never at lunch. And then I'm not going to drink at home. And I'm only going to have two drinks, only going to have three drinks, only going to have four drinks, you know. And it always came back in my life. It always ended up exactly the same to where I was waking up, you know, full of shame and regret.

Like what the hell happened last night? I can't believe I did this again. And I finally realized it was never going to stop until I just let go about. Yeah. You had on so many good points there, I think, too, and especially the experience with your doctor. to where if you can quit. Oh my gosh. So many people, too, they say themselves.

They're in this gray area drinking phase on the spectrum here. And that if they can quit for 30 days, then it's almost like a reinforcement. Yeah, I don't have a problem. There's nothing going on here because I'm able to stop for 30 days, six months. I mean, what would happen after when you put together that seven months? And then you go back to drinking. When you went into it, where you're thinking, this is forever or I'll see how it goes? And then how did the seven month streak, like it did.

Did you get back into drinking, especially with some of the benefits you were realizing that you were feeling better? Whenever I quit in 2020, I had done the path through this naked mind and with the intent that I was going to be done forever. And so I started that in June 2020. It was New Year's Eve. Oregon was still very much shut down because of COVID. and we had our neighbors over in our basement. And I remember everyone was cheersing with champagne. And, you know, I had my little apple cider there,

but I just thought, you know what? I, you know, I wasn't an alcoholic. I don't have an issue with alcohol. I'm going to have this much, you know, just to be participatory, just to ring, the new year. And I did that, thinking that would be fine and one-off thing. And then my birthday was January night. And I looked at my husband and I was like, you know what? It's my birthday. I want to have some wine on my birthday. And that's how it started. You know, and then I didn't have wine for a

couple weeks and then it was like, I think I'm going to, I'm okay. I can do this, you know, this time. And so it started that innocently. So a glass of wine here and there eventually it was back to every day, you know, every day because of the Tuesday. Yeah, it's so interesting how it once we seem to open the door back up, it just, it's just only a matter of time before. Like you, I think you mentioned before too, where you end up back to where you were or maybe in a spot that's, maybe a little bit worse than where we were before. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. I think, you know, my kids watching it, I think was the hardest for me. And, you know, I wasn't drunk every night by any means, but they did see me at my worst. And, like, they deserve better and I deserve better. And I'm setting a really shitty example for them, you know, that they're going to remember. Yeah. We go to Australia and I'm, you know, when are we, we can I have my next glass of wine, you know?

And I remember my son looking at me was like two in the afternoon and he's really like you need a glass of wine at two in the afternoon in Australia. Yeah, that's pretty bad. So when you're going through all of this, I mean, and you did the, this naked mind, is it a training or a course or? So gosh, I don't know specifically what they're offering right now. It was an evolution because I did that in 2020 and then I went back and did the path in 2022 and it had changed a 90-day program in the path. It was a year-long program when I did it in 2020. I did it for four months and thought I was cured and wasn't going to drink again.

So I dropped out. I was the path dropout. And I started it in September of 2022. It was 90 days and I fulfilled the 90 days and we had this big sell. And, you know, I wrote all these things in my journal about how happy I was and what I had learned. And I still go back to that journal. I went back to that journal after I started drinking again after. Like, like, such insanity. You know, I tried so hard to cling to alcohol and keep it in my life. And that's what I tell people who reach out, you know, and they're like, I can't do this. I don't know how to stop. And I'm like, it's, you have to make the decision. Like, you have to want to get sober more than you want to cling to. alcohol. That's what I tell everybody. And that was what did it for me. I wanted sobriety above everything else, above, you know, parting with my friends on the weekends, above everything else. Yeah. So he did it twice. You went back for the second one. I'm sure you're not alone in that.

Like a lot of people try a lot of different things. You know, very few people I've ever talked to over the years get, you know, this all figured out their first try. What I'm curious about is that what was keeping you going back? You know, because sometimes I think, where, you know, you talked to people early on in it, well, I just to, I like to taste or I like to try out the different craft beers or I like this. But was there anything deeper for you and your story that was so hard for you to let go or give it up? You know, I think it goes, yeah, I think it goes back to that connection piece and never really feeling like I belonged. And, you know, I've journaled a shit ton. And I think every, all my journal entries, it's about, you know, really needing to feel that connection. worrying about what it would do, you know, to my marriage, wondering about what it would do to my close friendships, because everyone I know drinks.

Everyone I know drinks. I don't have a sober friend, like, in real life, who doesn't drink. And so I was concerned about my friendships, about my relationships. But my relationships with my kids, you know, were, are most important to me. and my husband, obviously my family, and everything else is secondary. And I mean, gosh, I'm just really glad I'm sober now and made that decision. But I think it was the connection piece that had me going back to it. I was so scared of what life would look like without it.

And at that point, you know, I'd been drinking for 20, you know, the majority of my life. Yeah. You know, even though I started later, it was still the majority of my life. been, I associated so much of my identity. I tied so much of my identity to alcohol. So how does this thing turn around? How do you get sober? What does that look like? All that good stuff. You know, I met Shannon. She's over at Mommy Does Not Need Wine through on Instagram. I met her through the path. And she started sharing very openly on Instagram about her journey.

And she wasn't a dropout like me. She was, you know, she continued, like, in her sobriety and was sharing openly about it on Instagram. And I followed her and, you know, she became a really good friend. And so that gave me hope that, you know, this a sober life is not only possible but better. And I'd read her post and I wouldn't be like, I want to be there and I could be there if I had just seen this through. You know, if I had just stopped when she stopped, I could be there.

And so it was last, I guess it was last May, 23. I had found this nutrition and fitness program. I'm a huge believer in. It works. And so I got certified to be a coach. And I also had this, this calling, which I've never. been called to do anything. And I've been asked, I'm like, give me a call. What am I supposed to be doing in life? You know, what's, what am I supposed to be doing? I had this calling, you know, start this program,

start this Instagram account. And it was bizarre. And it was like nagging on me. So I called Shannon. And I was like, hey, I have this. I feel like I'm supposed to start this Instagram account. You know, I've got this nutrition and fitness certification. And she was like, I love it. I, you know, I support you, go do it. I'll do everything I can to help you out. And so I started that. And this was before I quit drinking. I just knew I wanted to quit drinking. I knew I needed to quit drinking. So that was in May timeframe. June 5th was my like first was my day one. My 100th day one, my 385th day one. I don't know. There's been a hell of a lot of day one. And there was nothing magical about that day. There wasn't, you know, nothing. horrible happened on June 3rd or 4th that led me to stop drinking that day. It was just, you know, arbitrary. Like, I'm done. I'm going to try this again. Going to give this another try, Brad. Why not? You know? Yeah. And I started my sober health fitness Instagram account than the following week on June 12th. And what I found was my nutrition fitness information wasn't

resonating with people, but my sober content was. And the more vulnerably I shared, the more, you know, people reached out and thank me for my content. Thank me for sharing my story so openly. I'm like, I'm doing this thing that Shan is doing that I never thought, you know, I asked her, I remember being like, do people know you have this account? Do people in your personal life know you have this account and share these details because I could not fathom sharing the stuff that she was sharing. And here I am, like just airing out all my dirty laundry on Instagram, you know. Because the more I share, the more shame I'm able to let go of. And when I get texts from people, I get DMs from people who say, I didn't drink last night because of something you share, that is,

I could change one person. If I could convince one person that sober life is better, then this is worth it. And, you know, the number of women who reach out to me, it's more than one. It's incredible. So that's how that came to be. And then it was this extra layer of accountability, right? I've got this sober Instagram account. Like, I can't go back to drinking this.

And so I winged it until I believed it. myself, you know. And now I can't, I can't even bathe them drinking and putting alcohol in my body now that I know what I know. And now that I see the depths of darkness, these people are in who reach out to me. You know, it's, I don't want to go back there again. I just want to help them get out. You know, I want to reach in and pull them out and let them know that there is a light. that's so much better on the other side of alcohol. Yeah, well, I love that. Beautiful story. A few things there that stood out is like 99.9% of people's stories start that same way. Nothing wild the night before.

Maybe only had a couple drinks. And then the next day you wake up and something about that day, about the previous research, about everything that we've been figuring out, it seems to line up. You know, the difficult part with that, though, is that, we've got to do the research. We've got to figure out what's not going to work. And I think what you went through there and your thing of getting sober for 30 days, 60 days, seven months, talking to people, this is all an exploration, a point of being curious about what this is going to be

like. And then going back and trying to figure it out, I'm going to moderate this. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to be like everybody else. And I'm just going to make it all work. And then, you know, it doesn't work. Like maybe there's people out there who, do. I've never really heard those stories, but maybe there's people out there do, but for the vast majority, I feel safe saying that if it's been this way before, the likelihood of it always be in this way. And once it involves the shame, I noticed in my life, once it involved the shame, it was really, it was really hard to even really have fun drinking. Like, I had fun drinking for a little bit, maybe the first half hour. I looked forward to it. I thought it was going to be like it was

back in college. And then with more I got into it, I hated it because I just knew I couldn't stop. And then once they started, I couldn't stop until I passed out, woke up the next day, feeling terrible, having to show up for this job, underperforming, disappointing everybody and myself. It was like that cycle to where there was just no pleasure in it beyond those first 20 or 30 minutes because it was just something I had to do. And like you mentioned too, is, you know, for over half of your life. You were drinking. I don't know if you can relate to this at all. One of the hardest things I think about people reaching out and helping is because I've been doing this for a while. And it's really encouraging for people to see stories, right? See what's possible.

But it also is so tough when people got to get that own research down because we can sit here and scream from the mountaintops. Life's better, sober. It'll help a few people. But what they have to decide is in that moment where it's like them against the drink, them against them, we're not there. You know, we're not there and they've got to carry through. And I reach out to so many people for help until we're ready, until we're ready to, you know, make that move. So what if things look like for you since you made that choice and you've started down this path, if we will, this path, this journey? You know, it's just freedom.

It's just waking up every day with this overwhelming sense of peace that I finally made it to the other side. And I trust myself. I know I'm not going to drink. and I've never had that. I've never had that trust in myself before. And when my kids look at me, they know that I'm going to be the same mom at night

that I am in the morning. It's just, it's such a gift and it really does positively impact like every other aspect of my life. You know, the brain fog is lifted. I'm much more proactive in, you know, I mean, just little things. Like, I'm just very,

present in my life, and I can be planful. And I have so much more time, you know, because the evenings would just slip away. Once I started drinking, it's, that's all I did. It was just sit on the couch and drink and that I'd be up online on social media after my family went to bed. And did I get up and do the whole day the next day, you know, all of it again. Yeah. And like you said, We can tell people this over and over until we're blue in the face and shout it from the mountaintops, which is what we're both trying to do. But it really does come down to the individual being ready. And I, you know, going back to the words of War of a Cowan, you know, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. And I tell people that a lot, you know,

there is some tough love that comes with reaching out to me. I couldn't. play the victim anymore. Yes, alcohol is addictive. Yes, it had its grip on me. But the choice to get sober was mine and mine alone. And so all of these people could help me. The path could help me. You know, sober Instagrammers could help me podcast could help me. But at the end of the day, I had to save myself. And you know what you are saying in terms of the work that we put in, I spent thousands of dollars trying to get sober. But it wasn't for not. I mean, there was learning and growth in the process. And that's what I tell people too, like, you know, that reach out and they've slipped and they're, you know, full of shame. And it's a slip. You know, there's no shame

and try. Get up and do the same thing again tomorrow. You know, I would, I did a real recently where I talked about how I would listen to the Rachel Hart podcast every day on the way from taking my kids home from school. I'd promise myself I wasn't going to drink. You know, I'd listen to that podcast, fill my mind with all this helpful information, and then by 2 o'clock, it's, well, you'd have a glass of wine tonight. You know, one glass. And then by 5 o'clock, I'd be opening a bottle. Okay, we'll try again tomorrow. And just repeated that. Just repeat that cycle, you know, day in, day out. But nothing changes if nothing changes. And like you said, I don't know what the magic was in June 5th, June 4th, whatever. just another day. And I had no reason to believe it was going to stick. No reason to believe that time was

going to be any different than the hundreds of other times I tried to quit drinking. But it was. And I'm so glad. I'm so glad I didn't stop trying. Yeah. So much good stuff there too. Yeah. If you fall down, yeah, because I get a lot of messages for that too. Well, I just say, you know, I threw away 100 days or I threw away maybe a thousand days. Well, for one, the way I look at it is you don't throw it away. I mean, if you sit through an entire math class for a year, maybe you don't pass the class, but you've still picked up hopefully something throughout it. You've still learned something about through your 100 days and your thousand days. And ultimately, you end up at a crossroads.

I mean, we can either go one way or we can get back on and go the other way. I mean, those are literally the only two options I see. I mean, or we could split hairs and we can try to moderate again and make this work. And if we're here, we already know that. I mean, that in itself might even be a more exhausting. place than just going all in and drinking or all, for me anyway, it was all in on drinking or all in on sobriety. But one of the weird things that kind of happens once you start sobriety, I think the more you get those 30 days, those 90 days, I think it really starts to chip away

at the enjoyment of alcohol because in the back of your mind, well, you've invested in this program and you've had seven months and you've done this, you know, and I went through stuff like that too with rehab and it starts to chip away. I found myself question. a lot, is this actually even fun? And then I would just drink, you know, just get rid of that thought. We don't want to go there. So let's just pour more gasoline on the fire type thing. But it is almost that interesting thing.

If someone's listening to the show, I mean, I think that those are the two options. And I think what you mentioned there too is Laura McCowan's thing there about our responsibility. You know what I mean? I think at the end of the day, yeah, I mean, we are up against the wall with something that is extremely toxic, something that is extremely addictive. You know what I mean? All this stuff, just like all the other drugs out there. It's in the same categories as all of them.

But that stuff's not going to change. They're not just going to say, well, we're going to make it less addictive or we're going to just stop selling it or whatever. Ultimately, it comes up to us, the person in the mirror to do what we have to do to get out of this cycle. Day and day. But, I mean, you hit the nail in the head, too, with wake up in the morning. I'll never forget this.

We wake up in the morning. I'm done. I'm going to at least take the day off because we feel so terrible. And then after lunch, start to feel a little bit better. You know, some of the, you know, anxiety maybe isn't as bad. And then it's, yeah, just one more. And, you know, you hear stories all the time and then decades went by, you know, just like snap over fingers. If someone's listened to this episode, though, and I really appreciate you sharing everything here, Lee, and they're struggling to stay sober or get sober. I mean, what would you mention to them?

I tell everyone what was the game changer for me was saying drinking is not an option. I can do anything but drink. I can eat a whole cake. I can go to bed at 7 o'clock. I can take a bath at 2 in the afternoon. I can, you know, put together a puzzle. I can read a book.

I can lock myself in my room and cry and I have. But drinking is not an option. And when you're ready to, like I said before, when you're ready to let go of alcohol and choose sobriety, drinking is not an option. And I mean, that's it, right? That's the mindset that you have to have. And the people that reach out to me that say, you know, drinking is not an option. I'm like, oh my gosh, it's resonating. It's resonating with people because you can do anything else.

Just not drink. Yeah. No, I love that. It's so simple. And I've been thinking here, you know, way off topic maybe in a sense. But I've been thinking, you know, there's obviously a spectrum here to people, you know, where they're drinking lies on things. For sure. But I've been thinking, too, that I wonder if we complicate a rather simple process.

I wonder if that we're overthinking something because there's so many messages in there say, how to get sober. Well, to me, it's you don't drink and you're sober. There you go. I mean, it's 30 seconds decision you just don't drink today. maybe it'll take the entire day, but that's the one step and then you're sober. So the bigger question, the other question is, how are you going to stay sober? How are you going to stop drinking for, you know, ever or that's a little bit terrifying, but stop drinking maybe for the day or for the week or for a month is an incredible place to start.

But I've been thinking about that. I'm like, do we overcomplicate a relatively simple thing? And you broke it down there even that simple. I love it because I think simple, what it does for is is it, It seems, well, it can't be that simple. But when you share your story there, it wasn't that complicated. I mean, you had a lot of complicated stuff go on. And that's the same as my story.

And the same as a lot of other stories is that towards the end, it wasn't this all four tires blown out on the highway. It was just, hey, I don't want to live like this anymore. This is my responsibility to do something to change. And I'm just going to do anything but drink and let the days build up. Yeah. I think, you know, going, I love Warmer Cowan. And I, you know, her words are in my head a lot. It goes back to once I stopped searching for that third door. You know, she's like, I wanted there to be a third door. It was either I had to continue life the way I was living it and drinking to oblivion, killing myself, destroying my happiness, destroying my family life. Or I had to quit. And I didn't want to do either of those options. I wanted a third door. There is no third door, people. You know, there's no third door. I know there's people listening who want us to

say, yeah, moderation is possible, you know, moderation is possible. Like you said, it may be for a very few, but just stop looking for that third door. There's no fucking third door, you know, just when you're ready, make the decision you're done and be done. Yeah, and then that's it. And then it's so much easier, too. I saw this one quote one time per abstinence is better than perfect moderation. And, oh, I love that. Yeah.

That's powerful. It's true. Yeah, when I saw it was good. I was like, you know, that paints a picture for a lot of us because we hear on the show a lot, everything that we tried to do. Every moderation hack, I mean, one guy's shirt, he tried 50 different hacks, you know, to make it work. And it just doesn't, you lose steam, right?

You lose steam. And then eventually it just ends up like you shared too and so many others. It ends up back to where it was, you know, it ends up back to where it was. And, you know, incredibly, if we missed anything that you. you want to share with everybody before we sign off. You know, at the end of the day, alcohol is garbage. It's absolute trash. And we just need to stop making excuses for it.

You know, society needs to stop making excuses for it. And it's, we deserve better. Our minds, our bodies, our family, ourselves, we deserve better than alcohol. It's, it's a liar. It's a snake. It's hunting. And once you have time and space from that, you realize that. But you won't realize that necessarily until you have that time and space away from alcohol.

And the only way through is through. Yeah, beautiful. I love that. But then when you get some distance away, yeah, you can see the effects. You can feel the effects. I mean, not only see, but you can feel it in everything. I was curious before we jump off here, you mentioned all your. your friends drank, don't have any people that are sober in life. How have you been able to

navigate those relationships? Because you said, too, one of the big reasons for you drinking was a lack of connection or a lack of feeling connected. So how have you been able to stay connected throughout this journey? You know, I think my friends had a lot of time to get used to the fact that I wasn't drinking because all of my stints. You know, it became asleep drinking tonight or is she not? Do we need mottos? Are you going to have the wine? You know, All that trial and error gave my friends time to really take hold of this idea that I wasn't going to drink anymore. And, you know, some of them have listened to the Huberman Lab podcast about alcohol and your health. And I think that the more information that comes out, it's more easily justifiable that we don't drink.

And I do think that society is shifting in that way. I mean, if you go anywhere and you look at menus, you know, there's. typically a section of non-alcoholic drinks. Even sometimes they're only soft drinks, but whatever, you know, I went to a little French Biso Friday night and it was like non-alcoholic options. It had all the sodas, lemonade tea. And the other thing is just have self-confidence in knowing you're making the right decision for yourself.

My mindset's changed so much. And I think with, like you said, all of these starts and stops and money that we've spent educating ourselves, information. I mean, that's what's led me here today. Like, it was all worse while. All my starts and stops and trial and error led me here. But then that also just gives me that confidence, that piece that I'm doing the absolute right thing for me.

And I live a really long time. And alcohol doesn't fit into that lifestyle. Yeah. Well, even two great stuff. I love that. And even too, there with your friends, I don't know if this is the case for you, but I think once we take it serious, people pick up on that. I think there's an old, there's an expression that people are only going to take it as serious as you do. So if we let people know we're serious about this and this is our lifestyle and this is how we're choosing to live, a vast majority of people are going to respect that.

And if they don't, then we should probably maybe look at who we have in our life. But I think most people are going to be okay with that. And I love that. that's so true is that, you know, you know how it plays out and it's an incredible thing. Well, thank you so much, Lee, for jumping on this show and sharing your story. Oh, yeah, thanks. Can I add one more thing? Of course. You know, I have a lot of people message me about worrying about events like this summer or next fall or my friend's wedding or this concert. And I just want to remind people that event, that whatever big thing it is, that you're anxious, you know, anxious,

anticipating is typically way worse in your head than the actual event itself. So stop future tripping. Like that really helped me as well. Like you talked about just for today. Like not today. I'm not going to worry about tomorrow. I'm not going to say forever. Not going to worry about next month.

I'm just know that today I'm not going to drink. Not today. And I think that's incredibly helpful because I couldn't have gone into this thinking forever. it would have been just too much like overwhelming. So it had to just be not today. And I've been saying not today for 320. Not today. I love that.

Not today. Yeah, especially with the weather warming up. But that's a whole other thing that we can get into. But I love that thing. It's deal with those things when they come. And it's never as bad as we work it up to between our ears. So thanks again. Thanks, Brad.

Appreciate it. Well, huge shout out to Lee for sharing our story with all of us here on the podcast. What an incredible journey to where she was, to where she is now. I know there's going to be so many of you out there that can relate to this. It's not all about that rock bottom, but I love how she puts it. It was a lot of rockiness. There was a lot of rockiness involved with things, and that's so true for so many of us. You can get off of this train at any time.

If you guys are enjoying the show, do me a huge favor. Make sure you're subscribed on Apple and Spotify and drop a review. and we also have a lot more sober buddy meetings coming up. We actually have one tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Wednesday, April 24th. If you want to join that, if you're not able to make this one, be sure to follow me over on Instagram at Sober Motivation, and I'll give a heads up anytime we do these events. So thank you guys, as always, for the support, and I'll see you on the next one.