Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Alcohol helped Suze cope with the emotions resulting from several traumatic experiences in her life, but it came at a very high cost. Getting sober changed everything.

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

In this episode, we have Suze from England who shares she faced various significant life challenges, including being sent away to boarding school at a young age, facing bullying, the sudden death of her mother, and surviving the terrifying 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami. She discusses her struggle with alcohol, which became a coping mechanism following these traumatic events and the subsequent dip in her mental health. Despite initially starting to drink socially in her late teens, Suze's real battle with alcohol began in her thirties, intensified by trying to moderate her consumption without success. Eventually, feeling trapped in a cycle of drinking, she sought help.  --------------- Follow Suze on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suzesober/ Sign up for FREE SoberBuddy Virtual Meetings: https://yoursoberbuddy.com/free-zoom-meetings/ More information on Sober Link: www.soberlink.com/recover Follow Sobermotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/   00:00 Welcome to the Sober Motivation Podcast with Sue 00:15 Sue's Childhood and Early Experiences 01:49 The Start of Sue's Drinking Habits 03:07 Traumatic Events and Their Impact on Sue 07:50 Boarding School Memories and Its Influence 10:17 Navigating Early Adulthood and Challenges 12:21 The Tsunami Experience and Its Aftermath 18:55 The Journey of Motherhood and Its Struggles 22:36 Finding a New Beginning and Facing Challenges 25:53 Reflections on Drinking and Its Role in Coping 26:59 The Vicious Cycle of Alcohol Addiction 27:36 The Turning Point: Seeking Help and Finding AA 32:04 The Journey to Sobriety: From Desperation to Hope 34:44 Embracing a New Life: Growth and Healing in Sobriety 39:23 The Power of Community and Self-Reflection 48:36 Advice for Those Struggling with Sobriety 50:28 Conclusion: The Continuous Journey of Recovery

Welcome to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guest and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Suz from England who shares she faced various significant life challenges, including being sent away to boarding school at a young age, facing bullying, the sudden death of her mother, and surviving the terrifying 2004 boxing day

tsunami. She discusses her struggle with alcohol, which became a coping mechanism following these traumatic events, and a subsequent dip in her mental health. Despite initially starting to drink socially in her late teens, Sue's real battle with alcohol began in her 30s, intensifying by trying to moderate her consumption without success. Eventually feeling trapped in a cycle of drinking, she sought help. And this is Sue's story on the sober motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? We're three months into a new year, and I'd like to take a pulse on how everyone's doing and feeling. If you made the commitment to get sober in 2024 but are struggling to stay accountable, check out Soberlink. Soberlink is an accountability tool that will keep you honest.

It uses a really high-tech breathalizer system to help when those cravings get a little too loud. Here's why I love it. You'll test at the same time every day, eliminating testing anxiety. Devices have built-in facial recognition so it knows it's you testing. tamper sensors flag any attempts at trying to beat the system. Friends and family receive instant test results helping to rebuild trust and prevent relapse. If you're serious about getting sober, this is a tool to use and the only monitoring system I recommend. Make these next months count.

Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Suez with us. How are you doing? I'm good. Thanks, Brad. How are you? I'm good. I'm glad we could finally narrow down a time for you to show your story with all of us. So what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, so you can probably tell from my accident, I live in England. I'm British.

I grew up in a place called Kent, which is just below London, so southeast England. And I had a really fortunate upbringing. I had a happy home. I have two big sisters. My dad worked really hard. And yeah, I was very blessed with how we grew up. But I was actually sent away to boarding school at a really young age. So I was seven when I was sent away, which was kind of a normal thing to do in the late 80s. And now, obviously, I've got children on my own that age. And it's crazy to me to look at that age and see just how young that is, really.

So I think that did actually have quite a deep impact on me throughout my life. but I wasn't really aware of it, obviously, at the time, and how significant it would be. I was quite badly bullied at that school, particularly by a group of girls who were older than me. So I always felt a little bit like an outsider at that school, and I would go two or three weeks without seeing my parents. So I think that was quite significant. I then went to another school, another boarding school, when I was 11, and I was much more happy there. and I got a good group of friends and yeah I was happy and I was doing well educationally and in force and I was pretty popular and content and happy really

so nothing really escalated or anything there. There was drinking starting to pick up around me in a kind of social circle around sort of 14, 15, 16 that sort of age and I didn't actually partake so I didn't start having the odd drink until I was probably about 16 which I know sometimes that might sound a little bit later than some of your listeners. But yeah, I was about 16, 17. And nothing kind of got out of hand. I don't remember my first drink.

It was nothing spectacular. It was just what everyone did. And I just got into that pattern, just socially, I guess. I was never very good at holding my drink. So I had never had a very good tolerant. and I would always end up being sick quite early on and this actually went on throughout my drinking history. I never really got a really big tolerant for it.

So I'd always end up throwing up and then also having terrible hangover the next day but that didn't deter me unfortunately. Yeah, my drinking didn't really take off really. It was a bit later in life until my 30s But that kind of happened because there's some quite significant dramatic events that happened to me in my 20s. So, first of all, my mum, who was really close to, she died really suddenly. She actually had leukemia, but we didn't know.

So she had a brain hemorrhage and just died really quickly. And that was when I had just turned 23. And I was really close to my mom. And so that really threw me. I just, you know, when you're just going along. and everything's going the way that it should do and then a bomb goes off. And it completely shattered my worlds, really.

And I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I was coming or going. Everything I knew and everything that I was used to just was gone in that split second. And I think when someone dies really suddenly, it's that shock, which really stays with you for a really long time. So I definitely didn't deal with that very well. And as I said, I've got too much older sisters. And they were busy with their own families. So I was 23. They were in their early 30s. They already had young children. And I felt very alone and very isolated all of a sudden. And I didn't really feel like part of a family anymore. My family started to fracture because it was my mom who was holding everything together. I was in London at the time. I was in London at the time. time so I was working and I just threw myself into the sort of party lifestyle really in London,

which I was able to function and go to work two, three, four hours sleep every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night pretty much and just got into this pattern. And although I wouldn't have said I had a problem because I was still definitely social drinking. And I was doing what everybody else was doing as well at the time. So I wasn't doing anything unusual. But I was definitely covering up this emotion and this feeling of grief that I was, I just wasn't handling it properly. The following year, I went to Thailand over Christmas with my then boyfriend.

And I was involved in the boxing day tsunami. So I was in on an island called Copey, which is a tiny island. So I don't know if you know, Thailand. and very well, but it's a really small island. And that's where I was when the tsunami happened. And the island itself is shaped like an H. And it has mountains on the side and then a really small area of beach in the middle, which is where all the small huts and things like that are.

And what actually happened was the wave came. There was two waves. The first wave came and it split around. the sign of the mountain. So actually, it was cross the beach twice. So it met in the middle. And that's where obviously all the damage was done. So at one point, everything was underwater.

And it was really terrifying experience. And one that I definitely took a few years to even comprehend, really. I think even now I've managed to block out most of what happened. because it was more like a nightmare. It was like I was watching a sort of CGI film, and the memories are still quite hazy, even though that I had a number of nightmares and things like that, so years after it.

And that's when my anxiety started. So even though this was 2004, my mental health definitely then took a dive. So we weren't really talking about anxiety and mental health that much in the early 2000s. But I can pretty much pinpoint exactly when things started to spiral out of control for me. So that was definitely very significant and also so soon after my mum died. So I think the few together really compounded everything. And as I said before, my life just took a complete turn.

When everything was going by and everything was going well and I had a good job and my future looked really bright and I was in a really happy relationship and yeah, this bomb went off on two separate occasions like life-changing things happened. And that's when I kind of stopped here, of course. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing all that with us. even going back to the boarding school thing, it's really interesting. Was there a reason that people went to the boarding school? Was it a behavioral thing? Or was that just what people were doing? Yeah, I think that's just what sort of people were doing around where I lived and how I kind of grew up.

And I think it's a sort of generational thing. For me, I had dyslexia. And I was in the year, I don't know why, but I was put in the year ahead of myself. So everybody was older than me. and instead of moving me down a year into the correct age group, they decided to move me to a school that was mainly better suited to help me with my maths and my reading and things like that. But actually, it was much worse and it was a really bad idea.

And I remember you have these, they're called the house master and house mistress, so the people who look after the girls' boarding school, and both of them were alcoholics. So I was basically being looked after by these. couple who were, who had a drinking problem. I wasn't aware of it at the time and my parents knew and I think they then lost their job. Oh, so frequently something happened. But yeah, I mean, it's crazy now for me to sort of think that I was seven when that happened. It's really young. Yeah. I mean, I'm thinking I have a six year old and I couldn't imagine a day without her. It's interesting.

Yeah. And then being away too, like you being in that situation, being away from, your parents how important that time is like with your parents and to build that relationship and to build everything else in our life and especially too you you bring up the the caregivers there might not have been the best caregivers that that could have been teaching at the school and so that actually really was interesting to me did your sisters go through this as well they didn't leave that early so they left it there so they both went in 13 to different schools But yeah, I was the youngest by 9 and 11 years. So there was quite a significant age gap.

So when I went, I don't know, my parents were maybe a little bit older. I may be a little bit more tired. I don't know. But yeah, it is crazy to me. I agree. My children are now 12, 7 and 3. And, yeah, I can't imagine doing anything like it would break my heart. So I not have them here.

Yeah. Interesting. So you go through that. And then the situation there with your mom, too, I'm hearing you share this, too. It's sudden. And maybe I'm guessing it left you with a lot of questions about things and how this kind of just played out. And then you mentioned, too, starting to drink at 16. A lot of people I have from London, UK, everywhere, it's 13, 14.

It seems to be, you know, I mean, fairly early in some books and maybe late in other books. But you get kind of started there. And you mentioned like you're getting sick and stuff from things too, right? And that kind of carries on in your story. Yeah, it starts so early. And you mentioned a few times there, too. Everybody was doing it when you got into this more professional scene going out Wednesday, Thursday, just so normalized, right?

It's so normalized in our Western cultures that the right of passage is alcohol, the right of passage to connect with people and be a part of the group is to drink. And I always struggled with fitting in. So it was perfect for me. It was just the easiest way into these social circles and to be a part of something. And at first, and maybe you could relate to this too, like it wasn't this. massive problem. It actually was like pretty decent. There was like very minimal consequences outside of your regular, maybe young person not feeling well or things not going exactly the way

I wanted them to. But it wasn't too bad. I kind of enjoyed it at first until until we kind of go further through the process and then we want to quit, then we can't quit. So. Yeah, I was going to say I completely agree. It is so normalized at that age. So here I think kind of any time from 16, 17, 18, and then particularly in your early 20s, that's just what you're, what you do if you're at uni or you're at college or you've just started working. And it is, as you say, like a really easy way to fit in with people because you'd look more strange if you were the one saying, no, I don't want to go out and no, I don't drink. Then that would make you the odd one out. So it's just what everybody's doing. And that's what I did. And that's what my friends are

doing and yeah, it was so normalized. And it's to me, sadly. Yes, 100%. So you go through this tsunami, too, and a lot of stuff that you mentioned there is still foggy for you, but that's after your mom passing away and then you go through this too, right? And then you start experiencing anxiety after that. That's a very heavy thing. And you mentioned too, we're not talking much about mental health. And I had one guy on the podcast here and he was on the PGA tour, golfer. He won a PGA tour. And he had an anxiety attack, panic attack on the golf course, and he had never heard of anxiety before. So it was a very real thing that, like, we didn't really go there with things. So you go forward and you begin to cope with alcohol, but maybe not even really fully knowing it at the

time, or did you kind of connect the dots? No, I didn't connect the dots. And I think because it was so normalized and that I wasn't doing anything spectacular. And I had no consequences at all. I wasn't behaving in a way that, you know, any different from anybody else. I wasn't drinking by myself. I wasn't drinking daily. It was all done going out and we were clubbing or in the pub or in bars or whatever. And although I did put myself in some really dangerous places and situations the next few years and some really quite bad stuff happened to me, I never really had any consequences that I could kind of result because of the result of alcohol. So I never kind of thought, these things are happening to me because I'm drinking too much.

I never put two and two together, really. And, yeah, I had no consequences. So for me, it was just what everyone was doing. And I wasn't aware that I was drinking to cope with these emotional feelings, that I was having or trying to block them out. And it's just my way of coping. I think that's really kind of what happened. Yeah.

It's really interesting too. You mentioned there with the lack of consequences that are maybe black and white. If you get impaired driving, that's because you're drinking. Some people will wiggle themselves out of it to come up with this excuse or that. But if things aren't happening as black and white direct result of drinking, then we can dismiss it or make it maybe just say it was because of maybe something else, right? And kind of carry on. I did that a lot anyway. And when I look back, it was just a reason to keep going. I didn't really want to give up the drinking. So I didn't really want the consequences to affect that in a sense, right? So it's really interesting. So where do you

go from here? I mean, after the tsunami, you were this there visiting then? Or you were living there? Yeah, we were just on holiday. So we were just for a 10-denny's holiday. And that whole experience, I think when you're in a situation where you think you might die, life takes on a whole another level and the fear and the trauma that I experienced that I was then living in this sort of fight or flight mode. And I think it's quite rare that it is a symptom of anxiety, that sort of fight or flight. But actually, there aren't that many people who have been in a situation where for about 24 hours, you think you're going to die because that was my reality stuck on that island. There was a naval ship, which was a few, a couple of miles out of the coast.

Someone had a satellite phone because obviously we had like mobiles, but it wasn't like mobiles obviously we've got now. So there was like a couple of flip phone, but none of them was working, nothing was working. So someone had this satellite phone and was communicating. casing with this ship. And they kept telling us that this second wave was coming. Second wave was coming. So we were there and we were in one of the hotels basically. It was the one high-rise building which was about three or four floors. And they had turned it into a hospital, like a makeshift hospital. So that's where all they've really injured people were coming before you could take them down to where the helicopters were landing to take them to the mainland.

And so we spent 24 hours just waiting for another way to come. And could this be the one that takes everything with it? And it was really scary. Like, I can't express enough. Like, it was just terrifying. And the things that I saw, you know, the people, the bodies, children who had died, yeah, it's a different level. And for years afterwards, I would have these awful nightmares that I was drowning. And I think that's, yeah, as I said, that's when my anxiety and my mental health really took a nosedive.

So after that holiday, we came back to London. And I was lucky that I had a really good group of friends and everyone was really supportive. But I think ultimately no one really realized what we had been through as a couple. And I started to apt out and I started to behave quite erratically. I would get quite jealous of my then-boyfriend. I would dart rouse in club. I would self-sabotage and do really crazy, irresponsible things, really. Normally always when we'd been drinking or I'd been drinking.

And this escalated over the next two, three years and we ended up splitting up, which was really difficult for me at the time because I think I had these abandonment issues because of boarding school and because of what happened with my mum. And it was horrible, actually. That was really damaging when that relationship ended for me. And it took me a good few years to actually get over that relationship properly. all of the while I was still kind of regularly drinking. Nothing extraordinary was happening.

I then got into this relationship that I shouldn't have got into. It was very narcissistic, controlling relationship. And I got married really quickly and I ended up having my eldest child. And that came with a whole load of other emotion. and I did, I managed to do nine months, obviously. It wasn't nine months because he was premature, but that wasn't an issue, wasn't an issue, stopping or drinking. I wanted a baby.

I did all the right things, but I ended up having something called preeclampsia, which is very dangerous for pregnant women. And he was premature. He was six-week premature, and he was absolutely tiny. And we were actually in hospital, because I came to hospital because I knew something was wrong. and the midwife didn't believe me. She basically said that I had a urine infection and that we need to go home and there was nothing wrong.

And I was in so much pain and I refused to leave a hospital. And thank God that I didn't because I started to hemorrhage and I lost two and a half liters of blood. And he was out 11 minutes later by emergency C-section. And he was then really, really unwelled. He wasn't breathing properly. And so he was taken away from me. me. And I was really ill. He was really ill. He was an intensive care. And if we hadn't been in the hospital, neither of us would be here now. So I listened to my body. I listened to my intuition

as a mum and I knew that was something wrong and I knew I needed to stay in that hospital. And I do think that was something to do with my guardian angel who was just telling me to stay in the hospital because thank God that I did. But then I come home with this tiny little baby. I don't want I don't talk too much about that relationship because obviously is the father of my eldest son, but it was a very toxic marriage. And I ended up asking him to leave when my son was only five months old. So I was there with this baby who I had real control issues with other people looking after him because I was terrified of something happening to him. I think this was the result of what happened with my mom, the things that I saw in the tsunami, the control issue.

that I had really came to a head. And I think I was starting to drink then at home. I think things shifted slightly. I was at home by myself with this tiny baby. I definitely had post-naked depression. I didn't have any help. I was feeling really isolated. I was feeling really alone. I was 31 with single moms. And yeah, it was a really scary place for me to be with this tiny baby who was quite unwell. And yeah, that was when I was probably would be, I wasn't daily drinking at a time, but I was definitely turning to the wine more and more.

And I just think these events just stacked up. And I was beginning not be able to cope. Yeah, I think in your story, especially, that's what the thing happens here is, if we're not getting any help for this other stuff, it kind of comes out in other ways, right? As we kind of go, you know, through the journey. It's always interesting too, right?

because in my story, I could always count on alcohol. I couldn't necessarily always count on friends or know how to talk to therapists or counselors, but, I mean, you could spend $10 or $15 and I could get some relief from what I was feeling. I'm not knowing this at the time. I mean, this is all hindsight. Like, I wasn't going through that thought process as I was making these decisions back then, but it was something that I could always count on to alleviate some of the pressure that I felt life was putting on me and working through these things.

So you've walked away from this relationship. you mention it to a single mom, you're going through a ton of this stuff. And these events are just kind of compounding one on top of the other and the alcohol is an easy reach. Where do we go from there? Yeah. So then I was living in London and I was working for a concierge company and I was doing pretty well. So my son started nursery when he was about a year old and I went back to work full time. and that kind of company is in London.

There's quite a big sort of nightlife and social life around. There's a drinking culture, basically, around that kind of work. And it's harder, obviously, when you've got a child. And I wasn't able to do as much stuff as they used to be able to do, of course. But I definitely did start kind of going out more organizing Bailey sisters or things like that. But yeah, so there was definitely quite. a big culture, drinking culture, with work and everyone was in their late 20s, early Diancies. And it wasn't most nights that I think that's when I started to drink at home as well,

particularly kind of weekends. I found weekends really lonely because it was me and my son. And I loved him dearly, but I really craved that family kind of the relationship. And I really wanted that family unit. And at the time, lots of my friends had just got mad. married or had young children, young families as well. And weekend could be really long and really isolating. And I think I definitely would turn to, I started having a bottle of the Y in the evening, like Friday evening or Saturday evening. And this kind of carried on for the next

couple of years. I did start a relationship then with my now husband, who I actually did meet him in my early 20s, actually. And we did go out. We had a brief thing in my 20s. And we got back together and he's been amazing. And he is amazingly. He's so supportive. We then went on and had two more children.

So I had another baby when I was 37. And then I had my little boy at 39, my little tidal one. And so I had this other traumatic birds with him. And I think at that time, that's when it all went completely. completely wrong for me. He was an intensive care. He was really unwell. He had problems breathing. And they came and woke me up in the middle of the night on when he was about 12 hours old. And they got me to assign a bit of paper that they needed to do something called a pneumothorax, which is where they have to put a really big needle straight into the side of hit a rib cage to press air, I think,

or it's liquid on the lungs that they had to remove. I was really serious. And I was thrust this bit of paper, which I had to sign. And I was there by myself, and it was at that stage. And I think I can honestly pinpoint it. I think I had some sort of breakdown. I couldn't cope anymore. I think all of these things,

I've slightly fast-tracked over the last five years where I was starting to get really depressed. And my anxiety was, like, through the roof. And my mental health was terrible. terrible in my late 30th. Like I just wasn't coping with things. And this just hit me over the edge completely. Yeah. Wow. Did anybody ever mentioned throughout this journey here that like to maybe consider cutting back drinking or look at drinking or anything about it? No, not at that time because I think I was really masking pretty well. I was drinking at home now like not socially at all. Like it was

very rare that we would go out because young family. So we were drinking here. My husband doesn't drink a huge amount. So I think he just thought it was their sort of coping. And also we've got this whole mummy wine culture. Everything's normalized. So I don't think he thought that I was doing any damage to myself, really. And even though I was drinking maybe five, six nights a week, I was also really attempting to moderate for all of this time, pretty much for the last five, six years in my drinking. The moderation was really screwing with my heads. I was trying desperately, like, I knew that I should stop drinking or I knew I wanted to cut back, but I just wasn't able to. And it was that classic thing of, I would probably drink a bottle of wine. I would think that

I'd only had one left, one glass of the second bottle, but actually the next morning, I only had a tiny bit of the second bottle left. And I'd tip that down the sink. And then I'd be like, I am not drinking. I'm not drinking again. That is not going to have it. I'm not going to have any more. I'm not going to have any more. And then fast forward five, six o'clock that evening, I was going to the shop to buy another bottle of wine. And that was the cycle that I was in. And that would go on for three, four years. But I wasn't being vocal. I wasn't telling him. I wasn't asking him for help. I wasn't telling him that I've got this issue. It was all in my head. I go to AA now, and I know lots of people when they eventually stop drinking are in denial

and they're, you know, admit they're in denial about it. I really wasn't. Like, I knew that I shouldn't be doing this and I knew that it was damaging me. But I just did. I didn't know how to stop. And I was just in this awful pattern. But worse than that, it was my mental health got to such. a bad place that, you know, I was having suicidal thought. I had insomnia. I'd barely slept. I'd

sleep for a couple of hours and then I'd be awake from one to five in the morning every single night. And it was the loneliest, darkest place to be during those four hours where I was desperately trying to just get back to sleep and my head was racing. My mind was so busy and full and I hated into myself. I would look in the mirror and I would be saying the most awful unkind, just things that I wouldn't dream of saying to anybody. I wouldn't say them to my worst enemy. I was saying all of this negative self-talk, awful stuff to myself every day and all this self-loathing shame. I was scared of everything. It was just awful. And all of this was because of our And I didn't realize that alcohol was having such a horrendous effect on my mental health until I stopped, until I took it away.

And I still do get anxiety sometimes and I go up and down. My mental health is a bit up and down. But it's, God, it's 99% better than it was. I was in such a dark place for so long. And, yeah, it's just mind-blowing how that moderation attempting to moderate. physically and mentally exhausting. It really is. Yeah, I heard this quote one time.

Absidence beats perfect moderation every time. Because it's, like you said, it's trying to moderate an addictive substance. And that's where I think we lose sight sometimes as when we're wrapped up in it, we think it's what's my fault or I'm doing something wrong or I'm the bad person or I just can't figure this out. And although there is a responsibility on our part to make the changes, we're doing a dance here with the highly addictive. If you Google any list of what are the most addictive things, alcohol is going to fall

in the top five every time as one of the most addictive drugs that we use. So it's that thing. I think when we look back, we can see it, right? You're like, yeah, we kind of understand why it wasn't all working out. And then connecting those dots, too, about how it destroys our mental health, creates a ton more of anxiety. It just destroys the hope and the goals. and the dreams and things we want to work towards and we just feel stuck.

I remember I was probably the same person for three years. It probably got worse. Like I didn't do any growth, self-development, any resilience, or be able to do hard things or believe in myself or go for anything. And I was just stuck. And I just thought, maybe it's just not for me. But when I look back, it's easy to see exactly what was going on. I'm curious to see, to wonder what prevented you from reaching out for help during these times.

because this is where a lot of people get stuck, right? We hear these stories quite often, where we're stuck for years, maybe decades, maybe months, but we get stuck and we got to ask for help. We got to get over that hump. What do you identify prevented you from reaching out in some of your toughest, darkest moments? Yeah, do you know what? And I wish, I so wish that I had, I really do. I wasn't aware of the kind of the support actually available.

Now I didn't know about this amazing community on sober Instagram. I didn't know about sober coaches or anything like that. I had no idea. I honestly felt, Brad, like it was me and it was, I was the problem and nobody else on this planet had this issue. I thought you were either an extreme alcoholic who is sleeping on a park bench or that you can handle your drink. And I just thought I was the issue. So I wish I had asked the help. I did towards the end about six or seven months before I actually ended up stopping drinking.

I did go to my GP here, my doctor, who unfortunately wasn't any help. They don't want to put people off from going to GPs and asking for help because I think some of them are amazing. It's just some of them really aren't educated in dealing with people who drink too much. And that was hard for me to ask for help. and then I didn't get it, which is really difficult. And that's one of the reasons why I ended up going to AA because I just didn't know where else to go. I've had lots of people saying to me that my drinking wasn't at a level

where I should have gone to AA, but I think that's completely irrelevant because the spectrum is so big, so many different levels to drinking. And the fact is that I couldn't stop by myself, And I haven't had one drink since my first meeting. So nearly two years ago, and that says a lot for me. So that's all I need to know. Yeah, that's so true.

It is interesting, right? Because I just did this short episode I released today about 10 things I wish I knew. And one of the things I put in there was that this decision is our decision. It doesn't have to be verified or co-signed or agreed upon from other people. And I think that's the thing, right? I'm thinking there when you say other people are mentioning or suggesting, why go to AA? Why go to a meeting? It's not that bad.

Like, that would be like seeing people at the gym. You're already in shape. So why go to the gym? But you're only going to be able to keep that by keeping going. You don't have to be in this really bad spot to decide that you're going to start going to the gym. People of all levels go in the exercise to improve their life and something they like to do. But it is really interesting because not only will other people sometimes talk us out of getting help, we often do it as well.

We talk ourselves out of it. Maybe one time it worked out, a couple times it worked out. It wasn't bad. We didn't go through the whole stash or the whole collection we had. And it was like, it wasn't that bad. I didn't wake up feeling that bad. And the cycle kind of continues. But it's an incredible point to make that the difference it makes by just kind of throwing your hand up in the air and getting to that spot of some people

call it surrender, just surrendering. Like, I've tried everything that I could throw at this. And it just isn't working out. So why don't I go out there and see what these other people who have got something figured out here, see if there's something I can pick up. So when did you get sober? Walk us through that a couple of days before, what it looked like. How are you inspired to do this? Yeah, so you will. So actually, it was about six or seven months before prior to my actual sober day. We were on holiday. We were down in Cornwall, so like the south-west part of England. And they're really beautiful beaches and stuff down there.

And we were down there with another family. And it got to a point where I was like sneaking drinks then. Like I was drinking more than other people. And I was making excuses to stay at home in the house that we were hiring. Because I just sent, you know, my babies asleep. And he wants to namp and like everyone. else went out and I was drinking while everybody else was out and then when they came back I just pretended that I literally just opened like her fresh bottle and that's when everyone

else joined in so I knew there was an issue then like I really did and I hated myself and I was miserable I was like having arguments with my husband I really was so so miserable my mental health was so low and I think I had some kind of, I don't want to say breakdown because it wasn't diagnosed as a breakdown, but one of the nights me and my husband went out for dinner and our other friends were looking after all the kids. And I'd been drinking that whole day, pretty much. And I don't think anyone else had realized that I'd been drinking all day, but I just couldn't stop crying. I was crying and crying. My husband said he was terrified. I was scratching myself on my arms and my

body. I was like digging in my nails to my arm, making my arms bleed. And I can't remember any of this. And I was just like, pulling at my hair and just saying, I need help. Like, I need help. I just don't know what to do. I need help. And I think that was kind of click, something clicked then. And I was asking for help. And I wish I could say that was the day that I stopped drinking, but it wasn't. I said the next day, I was like, I'm going to stop, I'm going to stop. I was really ill. I was really hung over. I think I was sick. I just, I hated myself. I really hated myself. And I think I didn't have a drink for maybe two or three days after that. But then, you forget, you forget the feeling of what it's like desperately, because the addiction takes over again.

And that bad part of your brain is saying, no, come on, you can, you'll make, this will make, you'll make, you'll make you feel better if you have this drink. So I then had another drink. But something then had changed in me. Something definitely had changed. And I was then back on to this like moderation hell. But at the back of my mind, I was like, that was really bad what happened. That was really bad. And the day that I stopped drinking, it was April, my last drink was April, the 29, 22. And we had some people over here at home for dinner. So it was just like a regular Friday night. I had, I think, six people over, so three other couples over. And I didn't behave particularly badly. I didn't do anything. It was a fun night. I'd probably had like maybe a bottle and a half, two bottles of white wine, something like that.

But I felt so shocking the next day. And I had to get up and do some marshalling. So there was a run going on in our village where we live. And I had to walk up this really steep hill and basically direct the runners. And I felt awful. I was green. I looked shocking. It was a really sunny day as well in like the end of April. And I was like sweating. I'm not a sweater. And I was like wetting. I just felt awful. And when the nurse runners went past me, I thought I'm going to be sick. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to be sick. And I'm a sick kind of bush. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. This is it. I'm choosing myself. I am over this. I have. had my last drink, I can't keep doing this. If I do this, I'm going to kill myself. I was that low. I was that miserable. And at that point, so that was on the Saturday. And that's my sober date. So that's the 30th of April. And then on the Monday night, I went to a meeting. And it was the best thing that I ever did, because I didn't know what else to do. I'd stopped for a few days. I'd stopped

for a few weeks before, but I couldn't stay stopped. I had no issue going sometimes four weeks, sometimes six weeks, without having a drink. But I would always go back and I'd always then just have to start again. But for me, I had just had it. I was just up to here with feeling like that and I needed to make a change. And no one was going to come and save me. No one was going to come and help me. I had to help myself. And the only way that I knew how was to look on my phone, put in my postcode, find an AA meeting. And that's what I did. And I just happened to go into this lovely meeting. And I was really lucky that the first meeting that I went to was a really nice group because it is a bit hit and miss sometimes. And this group was incredible. And I was sat next to the lady who's now my

sponsor and she's now literally like a mum with me. And that was my guardian. an angel moment. I was meant to be at that meeting. I was meant to meet her. I wasn't meant to get sober six months before. I was meant to get sober on that day and everything has worked out for the better since that day. Wow, that's beautiful. Was there anything specific you heard or was it the way you just felt going into that night that it just kind of made sense? So I felt very emotional. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I didn't want anyone to beat me. I just thought I'd just sit at the back

and hopefully no one will even pay any attention to me but obviously that's not what happened. This lady came over straight away, gave me a hug and I just burst into tears. And I just suddenly felt like these people get me and these people understand how I've been feeling the last few years. I wasn't this drug person drinking at nine in the morning or drinking all day every day.

But I was drinking five, six nights a week and I couldn't stop. And it would have got so much worse, so much quicker. And there was just something like I just felt like I belonged and I felt understood and I felt heard. And I didn't talk probably for the first, I don't know, I don't know, maybe a few weeks, probably of meetings. I just sat and I listened. And that first meeting, she said to me, she said, don't listen to the differences, just listen to the similarities.

Just try and find similarities. Because I was innocently thinking, these people aren't like me. They're not moms or like they're not older or they were drinking at 11 in the morning every day or whatever. I was looking for all the negative thing and all the things that makes me different from them. But ultimately, there's so many things that you can relate to with these people. And they were amazing people. Like the people I know who have stopped drinking, whether or not they call themselves alcoholics or not,

aren't the most special people in my life. Yeah, that's incredible. So you felt at home, it's so interesting, too, that you mentioned there about wasn't meant to be an idea six months prior to that. And I don't think any of us want to go through any sort of pain or to endure addiction. I don't think anybody wakes up in the morning. or sets a goal for something like that.

But I do think that in my story and just kind of hearing that from you, that we've got to go through some stuff to get to a spot where we're willing, where we're willing to change things. And it's almost like you feel for those people, too, who are able to kind of keep this in a decent spot. Because I think there's a lot of people who their entire lives pass them by. And they haven't been, quote, unquote, too bad. or they haven't been that bad.

But no matter where you fall, it steals. It really steals from our lives. It steals the joy. And it basically says as if you want to feel happy or content or be a part of this or do that, you've got to come through me first. It's like a gatekeeper in a sense for a lot of people, I think. So what an incredible story and a turnaround. What's things been like you sense?

You made that decision and you went into that meeting. I mean, it's so inspiring. You go to your first meeting and you keep going back. right because that's always what suggested right is keep going back and what you share too is another thing that we hear a lot right is to focus on the things that are similar not the differences because everybody's going to kind of have their obviously their own path to get to their meeting or their first meeting or wherever it is their first place to ask for help and like you mentioned there too that's a very common track to go down it's not that bad or johnny's got it worse or or jim's done

all this i'm not there one thing that was told to me early on is just put yet after this stuff it just put yet after it. No guarantees here, but just put yet because a lot of these things will be a part of your life if you don't choose sobriety. So what have things been like for you since? Yeah. Do you know what really good? Because you touched on it earlier, actually. You said you did those few years with no growth and you just stayed the same.

And I think that's ultimately what I had been doing. I might have had my children and I know I'm a good mom, but I hadn't done anything else with my life at all. I hadn't grown, I hadn't learned who I am. And in the last two years, I have done more than I have in the last 15. I have learned so much about myself. I have helped myself by sorting out my mental health. I have grown so much as a person, as a wife, as a mom, as a friend. I'm loving helping the community on Instagram.

That's really special to me. One of the things that I really struggled with, as I mentioned earlier, was that I thought I was the only person who was going through this. And I wasn't aware how fantastic this community was. But as soon as I realized that actually I want to share my story, because I don't want anyone else to feel as lonely and isolated as I did when I was drinking. And that's why I want to tell my story. But I'm doing so much. I'm doing a college. I'm basically learning to be a counselor at the moment. I'm hit-faged my first. year and I'm just going to start my diploma in September. So yeah, I'm in a really good place and I just

feel so, so happy and so content. As I said, my anxiety can be a little bit up and down and I definitely suffer from a seasonal depression. So from like December the last couple of months, it has been quite difficult, but I'm so much more in tune with my body. And if there's something wrong, Like I know what it is and I know why and I can manage it. Before my baseline was so low. I just felt crap the whole time. And now I'm up here and it's just a lovely place to be. Yeah.

Hey, that's so awesome to use, I mean, your education and your own experience to help other people. It's incredible. It's just so beautiful how things can change, right? You mentioned two years and 15 years, maybe not making much progress. I mean, still doing well in some areas. is. And then in two years, you can start to see this massive upside. The thing is that the alcohol is just in between us and who we want to be or who we're supposed to be or maybe who we've been before in our life before this stuff took over. And then you have these string of traumatic

events that happen in your life that because of the alcohol, we don't address stuff. We don't work on stuff. We don't ask for help. And then we don't get any resolve or any tools or ways to cope through these things. You just said that actually because that's definitely something within the first sort of six month as I was doing most of my first step was that I was really able to start dealing with that trauma and dealing with the grief and processing that grief. It's been 20 years now since my mum died and it's coming up there'll be 20 years at Christmas since the boxing day tsunami.

But I hadn't dealt with these feelings. And I was living in the past and I was scared about the future. So I wasn't living. I was just chasing this kind of elusive. I want to be happy. I want to be happy when I wasn't living for now. And I was carrying all of this like emotional baggage and all of this grief and all of this trauma around with me constantly and it was just weighing me down.

And I've really been able to just process it all, deal with it. I can leave it now. I can leave it where it needs to be and I can get on with my life, which has just been so freeing. And that helps with so many other elements. It's helped with my anxiety. It's help with my mental health. It's help with my sleep. And I don't say such toxic, horrible stuff with myself.

I actually speak well of myself. And if I do get a little fleeting thought, I'd shut it down really quickly because I'm so proud of myself. And I'm so grateful that two years. years ago, I decided that was my last drink. And I've got no intention of ruining that ever. Yeah, let's keep it going. Hey, if someone's listening to this episode here and they're struggling to get her stay sober, what would you say to them? I mean, it worked for me. I would look for an AA meeting personally and I would do the same thing again. But I understand AA isn't for everybody. I think get informed, learn about alcohol, learn about the dangers.

of alcohol and how toxic it is to actually consume this product, which is really damaging for your mental health. So I just think, yeah, get informed. Listen to the podcast. There's so many amazing podcasts. There's so many amazing books that people have written. And I'll ask to help. Ask as many people for help as you can until you get the help you need. But you have to take those steps yourself. Yes, for sure, 100%. I love that. Yeah, get some help. help, read some books, and I think even too in the six months you mentioned there. And it's a lot of people shares. We're kind of getting ready to be ready.

So a lot of people think, like, you have to just be ready. And then the light bulb goes off and then boom, you're in there and it all works out. But the reality is a lot of people spend time preparing to be ready. And you can do that by just listening to stuff and by reading books. And it doesn't necessarily mean that you're quitting that day. But you can start that process. Of course, you should. But I just know from having so many conversations with people,

just most of the time it doesn't really work like that. But it consumes some information about and how people are living, right? Because we get stuck too, right? I get sober. Now the fun's over. No more fun and life is boring. And if you can read and listen to other people's stories and read this information, you can realize too that is absolutely not true.

It might feel a little bit lonely for the beginning because we're so used to the stimulation from going out and connecting with people. And we have to learn new ways to do that. But the rewards just go on and on. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Is there anything that we've missed you'd like to share before we go? I think we kind of covered everything. We did good then, I guess.

I think so, yeah. Awesome. I really appreciate it. And thank you so much for sharing it with us. Thanks, Brad. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Thank you, Sue so much for sharing your story with us.

I'll put the contact information for her in the show notes below. And also, we have free meetings on Sober Buddy all through the month of April. Get signed up. I'll drop the link where you can sign up for that down in the show notes below as well. I hope to see you there in a meeting soon. It would be nice to meet everyone. And I'll see you on the next one.