Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Ashton from Below Deck, Drinking Culture, and Rebuilding Your Life Without Alcohol

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Brad sits down with Ashton to talk about sobriety, party culture, and what happens when alcohol becomes tied to identity, confidence, and belonging. Ashton shares how growing up in Johannesburg, South Africa normalized drinking as a “rite of passage,” and how a chaotic childhood shaped his ability to adapt—but also made real attachment and emotional safety difficult. He opens up about using alcohol and cocaine to socialize, manage anxiety, and feel confident—until the consequences caught up. This conversation goes deep into shame, anger, trauma, public backlash, mental health, and the moment Ashton realized alcohol wasn’t the real problem—it was the tool he used to avoid what needed healing. He also explains the recovery shift that made sobriety stick: rebuilding discipline, changing environments, and addressing the physiology of recovery (dopamine, nervous system regulation, gut health, blood sugar, genetics, brain fog). If you’re sober curious, trying to stop drinking, stuck in “weekend-only” drinking, or rebuilding after regret—this episode is a real blueprint for growth. ---------------- Links: Ashton on IG: https://www.instagram.com/ashtonpienaar/ Support The Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation

Welcome back to season five of the Sobermotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guest and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible. One story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, I sit down with Ashton, and this is one of those conversations that goes deeper than just quitting drinking. Ashton grew up in Johannesburg, South Africa, where alcohol was baked into culture, social life, and even identity. like a right of passage into manhood.

But behind the scenes, there was trauma, instability, and a lifelong chase for belonging. We talk about using alcohol to feel confident how public moments of chaos became a wake-up call and what it really takes to rebuild your life with a clear mind, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you've ever told yourself it's just the weekends or felt like alcohol is how you connect,

this episode will challenge you in the best way. Welcome back, everyone, to another episode, episode. Thank you all for hanging out. I had to get Ashton's story out here. I know I dropped an episode yesterday, but we're going to go two in a row. I mean, we didn't drop an episode for the first 16 or 17 days into the new year. So things are back up and running, sitting on a bunch of episodes right now. So working on getting these out. If you enjoy the podcast too, um, yours truly does everything. Me. Um, from booking guest to recording the episodes. obviously doing the editing, doing the promotion, doing everything. I mean, from start to finish,

there's nobody else involved in this process. And you guys have been incredible to me over the years of doing the podcast with supporting it to help me cover some of the costs. I love doing this podcast, but it is one of those things to where to have the tools to try to do it efficiently are a little bit more expensive than maybe some of the free tools, but they help out a lot. So if you're on a spot and you'd like to contribute And the podcast has helped you out in one way or another I'll drop the link to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation down to the show notes below You can drop donation there one of the really cool things over there too is you can do a monthly

subscription donation so you could do five dollars and then That just rolls over every month and that just helps cover the cost of the podcast and everything I was talking with somebody recently and they said man all the podcast downloads and everything must be paying you really well. And the truth of it is is that you don't get anything, whether you have 10,000, 20,000, or 50,000 podcast downloads. Does not, they don't pay you per download or per stream or anything like that. It's not like music, even though with music,

I know that you have to have like millions and millions and millions of streams, which the podcast is not at that level to really make anything. but everything helps. Everything keeps this ship going down the stream. So thank you. I'll drop that link in the show notes below. Now let's hear Ashton's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Ashton with us. How are you? Good. Thanks to you, Brett. Awesome. Thanks for having me. Yeah, of course. Thank you for taking the time to jump on here and share your story with all of us. Totally. Yeah. So. And share the story with the better. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing?

up? Well, I grew up in in Johannesburg in South Africa and, you know, to sort of stay on topic of sobriety and alcohol and lifestyle and everything like that, I'll sort of like just describe what that was like. And, you know, 13, 14, 15 years old is kind of like the time when your dad starts letting you have a sip of his beer or his brandy or, you know, brandy is like a certain drink that a lot of South Africans know like, Clippies and Brana vein thing. So it was almost like growing up, it was like this right of passage that the older you got,

the more access you got to alcohol. And I'll never forget, like when I was 16, I was definitely enjoying a beer with my dad at a bribe or like with friends and that sort of stuff. Never partying. It was always like under their control. But it was like this next step in manhood.

And, you know, as you grew up, you were allowed to drink and like you got more responsibility. And then, you know, by the time you sort of got out of school and things, it was like full on experimenting with different types of alcohol and how far can you push it and, you know, you kind of learned your limits and your boundaries. But I think you also start learning how to use alcohol in situations to like give you that confidence or that liquid courage and all that sort of stuff.

But I had very, very young parents. My parents were like 17 and 18 when they had me. So I had a very dynamic upbringing. You know, homes were changing all the time. My parents got divorced when I was five years old. Leading up to that divorce was a very explosive, very aggressive sort of environment. There was always, you know, screaming matches, shouting matches. The only memories I really have of my mom and dad is when they were fighting. My dad's like smashing the house up. My mom's like screaming and, you know, so that's sort of like the only memories I have of them, which is obviously sad. And then after five years old, it's kind of like tagging along with them as they figure their life out, you know, like you think about having

parents that are 17 and 18 years old. Like if I look, if I think to when I was 17 or 18, I had a kid back then, yes, they didn't give me the perfect upbringing. But given what was put on their plate in terms of me, I think they did a really good job. But I've also got to be realistic and understand how that sort of ever-changing environment and dynamic upbringing affected me later on in life. You know, they would be in and out of different relationships. I would be in and out of different homes and households with my mom while different men came into the picture. You know, my dad was in his career and obviously meeting his partners and things like that. So I really had this ever-changing thing.

And the thing I've uncovered most about my upbringing is I really learned how not to attach myself too deeply to people, relationships and environments, which served me really well. up until that point because I was very good at adapting. I would adapt and overcome, adapt and overcome. I wouldn't get too attached to a relationship because I knew in a couple months, maybe this person's not in the picture anymore. So, you know, looking back, it kind of makes a lot of sense when you look at some of my behaviors growing up and even my relationships and the way that I treat people around me. So that was a huge part of my upbringing that I've had to understand throughout the sobriety

journey and really uncovering my psychology, who I really am. And then, you know, culturally, socially, with friends, South Africa is a very social country. You know, we bri, which is the equivalent of like grilling, pretty much anything, everything you do with friends or outside of your household and even in your household when you bring friends, you're censored around alcohol. And going sober, going back home,

I also just realized how much everything is surrounded by alcohol. And I'm pretty sure it's like most countries, because, you know, when you, when people go sober and they think of socializing, it's like, well, how do I do it without the alcohol? And when you are in early sobri, you actually realize, oh my gosh, everything I used to do was based around alcohol. You know, I think all of those things sort of played a role. I will say, like, sport was sort of my anchor growing up.

I played cricket at a high level. I played rugby at a high level. I was into athletics, although I always hated athletics because I hated the nerves of, like, the buildup to the start for sprints. it just made me super anxious. So I already threw myself into cricket, rugby, soccer in earlier sort of years. And it was the one thing that I could control the outcome to, right? So if you look at my dynamic lifestyle and upbringing, I had no control of who my parents were going to meet, where we were going to move to finances, all these things were very much in their hands. But

in all that movement, sport was the one consistent that I knew if I applied myself and I trained and I put my work in, I was in control of that outcome. And I think that was kind of the thing that I look back and think, it's probably what got me through school and, like, really built my tenacity and my ambition and my drive. So, yeah, sport was a huge part of my life. I actually did karate at a very young age as well, which I think was great to learn discipline and self-control with aggression, which didn't work out for me much on the TV

show, but, you know, that's another discussion. But, yeah, so sport was a very big thing. And then I think, like I said, the right of passage of like connecting alcohol to like, hey, you're growing up now, you're becoming a man so you can drink. And I think that was sort of like, I think that's fundamentally what needs to sort of change. Not to get too far ahead of ourselves, but I think that's a big thing that was kind of part of my drinking habits growing up. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing all of that. I feel like at this point I would have a bunch of questions to dig deeper, but you have a lot of insight, obviously, of your journey and how you guys.

here. So as I'm thinking of these questions, the next thing you're saying is an answer to, you know, those questions. I do see the theme of divorced parents come up a lot in the show. I can relate to you too. My mom was 16 when she had twins. And I was 30 before I had my first kid and now I have three and I'm 38. And I'm like, man, most days I'm like, man, what am I doing? So I'm with you on that too, like how, you know, difficult that would be and kind of looking back. you know, that reflection of like things were rocky, but, but they did, they did a good job with things. You know, it's interesting you bring that up and it's kind of top of mind because we just had in the, you know, Dr. Oz kind of stand up there, you know, with sort of these new guidelines. And

a big part of it, I think the message was that that was sent out there. What I, what I heard from a lot of people in the feedback was alcohol to socialize. And it's kind of like what you touched on there, you get to a spot, I think it's very relatable for so many that if we give it a good honest look, it's like alcohol is like bringing us together and connecting us and has to be involved in all of these things. And I was just thinking of that message too of like the question I always ask is and probably getting head of ourselves here a little bit. But how have we gotten to a place in society or cultures or whatever it is that we can't just feel comfortable having conversations without throwing in, you know, the social lubricant or whatever it is, right, to kind of ease the tensions.

And I was really curious about that. How do things look like for you like after high school? So it sounds like, too, you pretty much went to kind of live with your mom after the separation too. And then, you know, all those things. And I mentioned too on the podcast, long winded here. But I mentioned too on the podcast a lot. There's things I think in life we pick up along the way that help us survive certain moments or events or things that are happening. and you really, you know, describe that well about, you know, not really getting overly connected with people because of the unknown if things are going to work out or they're not going to work out.

But then I think there's also this point in our life that we come to realize the things that have maybe kept us comfortable or helped us feel secure or also maybe the things that are holding us back. You know, as you kind of go through this, a drinking introduced to your life, I mean, was it in the beginning like you were all in or would you, say there was like a progressive slope to things? Yeah, so I'm generally a shy person. So like, and you would never say that from looking at me on the TV show and like my friends and stuff like that. All the people that are close to me may may see that I'm a little bit more reserved. But growing up, I definitely had insecurities and, you know, you can dive really deep

into the psychology behind where it all started. You know, if you've got these parents that were fighting so much amongst themselves, you start, it starts building a psychology in yourself. If you're five years old, you have certain needs as a kid, as a toddler. And if they're not being met, because your parents are too busy trying to figure out their dynamic and their sort of how they support each other, already you've got a very broken perspective and way of thinking around the care and attention that you need, especially in an environment that's supposed to be your safety. And those two people are supposed to be your guides, your leaders, your parents, right? But when they've got so much going on in their own life,

then there's a bit of lack in what you needed as a kid that you didn't really get because your parents were trying to figure their life out. So that definitely does form a deeper part of your psychology of the things you lack and then you're going to be looking for those things as you grow up, right? It creates this void. And then you're going to chase that connection. You're going to chase that validation, you're going to chase all the things you didn't really get as a youngster as a result of that environment. You know, when I sort of got into high school and stuff, if I felt uneasy in a group of people, like, of course, you're going to have a couple shots or a drink and it takes the edge off

the ambition, you know, that filter drops and then you're more easy and like you can cope better in the situation. So, you know, and I, so going back to me being shy, that was my way of like loosening up and just being able to chat and talk and not be so self-conscious. I was a very self-conscious person. I always cared about what people thought. I think my dad was always like quite a proud person as well. So I think in a unique way, it was passed on to me where I was also proud, cared what people thought. You know, I wanted to have the certain image and like presence about me. But if I couldn't do that naturally through my own authentic confidence, then it is the alcohol

that you're going to use to bring that out of you, right? So, and I think that was very much my habit growing up, you know, at social events, at parties and all these things, is I, you know, I would sit down with a group of friends. Before the hour's over, I've probably ordered three or four tequilas. Like, that's how I was, like, in all the environments. And, you know, I was never the alcoholic, you know, through this whole thing is I could go many days without alcohol. I didn't need it to sort of get up and cope and go through life.

it was more sort of like the socializing, the hobbies, like the time away from just surviving, like those extra things that we would do, I needed that extra like lubrication to bring out a part of me that I wish I could have been that confident and socialized and had those conversations and like being the life of a party without the booze. But to your point earlier, when you're saying like the leaders of the United States are sort of standing up there and saying, oh, well, you know, alcohol's not that bad because it helps us socialize. It's part of the problem. And it's because of years and years and years of conditioning that this thing has been so accepted in society where it's like, hey, if I want to connect or socialize,

well, I use alcohol for that. Okay, that's the thing that we've learned. That's the way we've coped. And if you look at the science behind it and the neurology around it, our brain will always look for the easiest and shortest cut to relieve any pain, anxiety or stress. So if we are presented with a situation where we feel maybe shy or we feel like, oh, I'm anxious or like not very comfortable, our brains and be like, hey, how can we get around this feeling very quickly? Because this is not cool. And what's the habit that we've all learned?

Oh, let's have a shock. Let's have a drink. Because that makes me feel that ease. That makes me feel calm. That makes me de-stress. And then, you know, if you think of what he was. saying is that we need alcohol to socialize, again, a conditioned thing that we've been trained as a habit to do. But when you are drinking and you're socializing, are you really relaxing?

Are you really connecting? Are you really doing the things that you're using alcohol to do? And then this is where I've got a problem because in my sobriety years, I thought, damn, quitting drinking, I'm going to be able to, like, I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be much better, clear-minded, I'm going to connect with people, I'm going to be so much more authentic. Until my world came crashing down, I was like, I don't know how to freaking do those things without alcohol. And this is when you realize the connection that you have with people, it's not really true authentic connection. It's a mask, shallow version of what real connection is. Relaxation, it's not relaxation when you're having a couple glasses of wine to relax and wind down.

It's just a, it's a short-term quick fix for something more shallow. So you never really get the deep rest. It sort of pushes the problem on to a later time. So it's like, now we've got a society of these people that think we're socializing, we think we're relaxing, we think we're connecting, you're not really. It's a surface level version of that. So yeah, I think it's just societal conditioning. And I think people need to start understanding that it shouldn't be normal. It shouldn't be normal to put a poison in our body to help us do something artificially. And a couple years ago, there were studies that would come out that would say like, hey, one glass of wine or a whiskey or this is actually good for you. It's good for your heart. It's good for this. It's good for that.

All the new evidence, like, eradicates that. It's like all the new evidence shows that alcohol is a carcogen. It causes cancer. And there's no amount of alcohol that is healthy. And people need to start thinking about that and taking that seriously. Yeah. Thanks for mentioning all that to it. I'm kind of, I watch this little bit of this documentary. It's sort of like an investigative thing from the CBC, I think. And they focus more in like moderation. Like is moderate drinkers, is alcohol harmful? Not really relatable to me.

I don't know if I was ever like a moderate drinker. But I mean, I think the reality is that there are people out there that fall into that. You know, there's definitely still harm. And this guy went around the world and met with all of these, you know, scientists and doctors that came up with these studies. You know, because in Canada, they released a new thing that says even after the first drink, the harm is there. and then it increases as you have more, right? And the guidelines used to be, I think, 15 drinks a week for men, less for women. And now it's like, now they're new guidelines.

I think they put out last year, maybe even the year before, is like one drink a week. And people are like, whoa, you know, what happened here, right? Such a big shift. But it was interesting too. And they did 25,000 brain scans for this one study. I believe it was in the UK. And just looking at the effects of air quotes, moderate drink. drinkers, I was like, whoa, you know, that was never my story. I drank a lot more than I think

what these people were drinking. And they were already looking at the effects of the brain from the scans of, you know, the changes, the memory loss. And there was this other part that was interesting. And I don't know all the science behind it, but there's these wires. They draw them up as, you know, like electrical wires. And then there's a coating on them that sort of moves information around. And they noticed even with the moderate drinkers that they're, you know, they were less coating on sort of these wires as sort of your sharpness and your clarity. And I think that's some of the biggest things we see when we come into this. It's like you see more, you're a lot sharper, you're clearer. You know, it's like, man, this is taking all of that away. It's such an interesting

thing. And I mean, I could go into sort of all of this for probably hours because we do get to a spot. I believed it. I drank the Kool-Aid, man. I believed that this was helping me connect. this was giving me purpose this became part of my identity right known as the the party guy a good time and i think for me growing up a sense of belonging was so important i just never felt that and then when i started drinking everybody was like man this is great i was like this is great too like everybody loves me so of course i'm going to keep doing it it checked that box but i'm with you when i look back there was not much substance to the connecting that i was doing it was more of just a numbing now more of an escape from life, but at the time I couldn't connect the dots. When in your life do you start to

pick up on, hey, maybe there's something here different, like maybe I'm drinking different or I'm drinking for different reasons? Like, is that anywhere in sort of kind of the earlier drinking phase or does that take time to come to light? Yeah, good question. And I'll dive into that, but something you said there, like really resonated with me and it's actually been a big part of my development and uncovering what it is that I need and want. And you mentioned belonging. And when I started my personal development journey when I was like 26 or 27, where I was really just, I had through a good friend of mine and a mentor, I was kind of like my world was opened to radical responsibility of yourself, but also the potential of what you can do when you actually

control your mind and you control your thoughts and you get proactive instead of just reactive and drifting through life. And through all of those, you know, some of those tasks or exercises to really uncover who you are, what you need and what you want and what you value, belonging was like a huge word that always just came up for me. And I think it goes back to my upbringing as well where I didn't have this tight-knit, connected family units of a couple brothers or sisters and like a mother and a father. And like, I had segments of it in my life.

And I would always look at my friends who have. these families and I'd be like damn I crave that like I crave to be part of like a tight knit family and I think that's where the whole sort of hunger for belonging came and you hit the nail on the head like when you're drinking and you're parting and it's like people are loving you and giving you this attention it's kind of like that belonging in that that younger self needed through parenting in like earlier life so you hit the nail on the head they're like that was a huge part of my journey and I appreciate you actually bringing that into awareness again because it's something I actually forgot about I mean it's it's hugely irrelevant

my drinking habits where I started sort of, you know, leading up to when I was on the TV show, there were moments where I would drink and something bad would happen, whether that be a fight, a physical fight, whether that be a fight with a friend, whether it was just like getting myself into a bit of trouble, like doing things that I shouldn't have done drinking. And that would be like once or twice out of ten nights. of drinking. Like 80% of the time, 90% of the time, I was happy, go lucky, life of the party. But, you know, once or twice, like, something would switch in me. Something would, like, come to the surface and bubble over. And, and that was when I started, like, asking questions of,

like, well, where does this come from? And it's kind of, it's good and sad because, like, when I started this journey, it led me to, like, selling everything back home, quitting a job that I just didn't feel was my my future and it's how I got into the yachting industry. But getting into the yachting industry and going through this phase of life where you're leaving all this baggage behind that you feel is holding you back, now you're in a new country, you're meeting new people. It's like it's the south of France. It's beautiful.

And like there's also a big drinking and partying culture in the yachting industry as well. So it's like it's kind of like the exact thing I needed in terms of adventure and career change. but it was also the exact thing that I didn't need because it was just like throwing a lot of alcohol and parting onto the stage of my life where I was trying to bring more awareness to who I was, what I wanted and what I needed for my future. So looking back in hindsight, I wish I had a little bit more control and stepped back. But again, it was new environments, new people, new cultures. How does Ash to know how to connect with people in these situations?

If he's a little bit shy and reserved, how does he get out of that? He drinks, he parties, loosens things up, helps him connect. He feels like belonging. He feels like people like him, right? And then my belief is, well, I've got to be that person for people to like me. It makes sense when I look at it. And then you fast forward to the TV show. And again, this is to answer your question on like, where did I realize things needed to change?

You fast forward to the TV show, the first season, again, I was known as that person. Happy Go Lucky, Life of the Party. You know, I worked hard, played hard. And it was entertaining in the first season. Okay, first season almost lost my life as well. There was a huge part of that and I was kind of given a second chance. But again, like that was the first season was 80, 90% Ashton, good Ashton when he's out life of the party, people like him. Second season came and I felt a little bit more pressure. It was much of the same drinking to to have fun. It was again like but now it just seemed like it was the next level because it's like, hey, next season, people are really

know you so it's almost like well hey i got to live up to this thing so there was never the question of like hey maybe i should tone it back of it and be somebody different and then you know you started seeing sort of like my demons coming out and it was the hardest thing for me to like watch myself back in those episodes how many people get the chance to actually see themselves in third person in their drunken disorderly mistake nobody gets that opportunity and i caught it an opportunity because it really was an opportunity for me i'm you know i'm a very ambitious i'm I'm very hard on myself. Like, I've got big plans for my life.

And, you know, I was brought up with good values. Like, even though I had this very dynamic and challenged upbringing, like, my parents, their parents were very strict on them. It was always big on manners. It was always big on respect. I was, like, very big on, like, good values like that. So I was very hard on myself. When I saw these behaviors happening on TV, I was hugely uncomfortable within myself.

And I was like, oh my gosh, like, what is going on here? And, you know, the biggest sort of thing was when, when I lost my temper in that van and I, like, punched the window and I'm like trying to turn around to, like, address Kate. And it's like, I looked at that situation. And, you know, the first time I saw that actual clip was halfway through when that season was airing, I saw the trailer for the second half of the season. I was so drunk that night that I remember that there were these things happening, but I didn't know the extent. I didn't know the details. I don't know exactly what happened. So when I saw that second trailer being released, like my heart freaking dropped.

Like I felt like I had this out of out of body experience. I was like, oh, my freaking word. And the hardest thing that I had to deal with was I recreated that aggressive environment in a confined space that I hated from my upbringing. You know, when my dad got challenged or felt a certain way or like lost his temper, there was often something being punched, broken, smashed, huge sort of like everything just went boom here very quickly. And that is exactly what I saw in myself in that situation.

And it was flippen hard for me to see that. And it was like, I was just shout out in shame and like embarrassment. But obviously the public backlash of everything that happened was big for me to deal with. But again, like I was the hardest person on myself. There was not one little piece of me that thought that behavior was okay. In the early times, I try to justify it like, oh, she said this and she did that and she did this. But like when I actually got down to like, hey, taking full responsibility of this, I'm like, I should never allow anybody to trigger me to get me to that point.

Like that is never an okay or an accepted behavior. And that was the time where I was like, okay, there's a pattern. There's like this once or twice out of 10 times. I lose my temper. something unfavorable happens, like, where is that coming from? And I knew the problem was not alcohol. Alcohol was never the problem for me. Alcohol was always the tool that I used. It was always just the thing, right? And that from that day, I was like, I need to get to the bottom of this. Like, I need to understand, uncover, like, what it is in my psychology, what it is in me

that needs attention. Because that's how the mind works, right? If we have this upbringing and we go through life and we never really deal with the things that we need to, we push them and sweep them under the carpet, they don't go away. They just store in our subconscious mind. They store in our body. And that was exactly what was coming to the surface those couple times when I would get drunk and something would happen and there was this adverse sort of outbreak. So I kind of knew the work that needed to be done. And it was, it was sort of at that stage where I was like, cool, we're going to do this. We have to do it through a clear mind. Like, we cannot. be distracting yourself anymore with alcohol. You cannot be using it to like deal with things and

cope and deal with things because you're not really dealing with things when you're drinking. You're just mottling it. And that was the point. I was like, this is not okay. Like I have to get down to the bottom of like, where does that aggression come from? Like why was I so triggered in that moment? You know, she said something and I was like, you know, it didn't, to anybody looking at it was like the reaction versus what was said, like, what the hell? But nobody would understand my deeper psychology of like, well, why was that triggering to me? And not like, I'm not saying that as a, oh, there was a reason. It's like, cause and effect, but it was, it was my thing that I had to deal with. I needed to uncover and

understand why I reacted like I did to that situation. And that's kind of like just what led me down this road of deep introspection, deep psychology work, really getting down to the depths of like where does this come from? What is it that needs attention? How do I give the parts of me what they need so that I can heal and become whole through these things? Because, you know, I always said that my anger and aggression never felt like it was of me. It always felt like it came through me. And that was a huge part of my therapy and stuff is, well, we've got to understand where does this behavior come from. Is it learned? Was it passed down? Where did it come from? And, you know, going through that whole process, I was almost given permission to not have, take ownership of it being mine. And that

was the first part of me actually being able to let it go and uncover, well, what was it that was part of my upbringing or conditioning or adaptations to life that taught me that that was the way you dealt with emotions. That was the way you dealt with shame. That was the way you dealt with challenge. And through that, I was able to identify these things. And that's where the real healing came from. Like when I could actually pinpoint, understand, make sense of, now I could do the work. But through alcohol, I could never get down to pinpointing the things that needed the work because I was always distracting myself.

So I know there was a very long way of answering your question, but, you know, the TV show had a huge part to do with all of it, really, was seeing myself in third person view and being like, dude, something needs attention in you, like, you've got some work to do. Which was also very challenging because like up until that point, I thought I had done so much work on myself. I thought like I had dug into like so much of my psychology. I've like done so much good work on myself. So it was like, it was gut-wrenching to see that behavior on TV

and realize how far I've still got to go in this whole thing. And it might be part of the next topic, but having to deal. with that personally, but also having to deal with that on a public stage, that was difficult. And, you know, it was going through that entire process and that situation in my life was the first time ever that I could relate to how people get to the point of like actually taking the own life. Because I felt very helpless in many instances. Like, it was really hard to get so much freaking hate thrown at you. And it was a couple of that.

with you being so hard on yourself as well, it's like you're getting it from both sides and you kind of just feel helpless in this situation. So it was a very tough time for me to deal with and a very long time for me to actually be okay. And luckily I actually had a very close group of people around me that saw me for who I was authentically, not for the performing show Drunken Ashton, but people that actually really knew me. And I pretty much owe my life to those people that were around me. at that time that could pull me out of that negative mindset and keep me true to who I was and not take on the identity that the public was trying to label label me with. I think it was a very big part of me actually healing through this whole process to be like, look, you're not that person. Yes, you've got stuff you need to deal with and you behave like an absolute asshole, but that isn't the identity you need to wear and live by and accept. That was a very big part of my healing process where I had to kind of connect with the deeper me, the authentic me, that person that was also uncomfortable with what he saw, that also didn't want to accept that.

Like, why was I not comfortable with who I saw on TV? Why did I want to do better? Why did I want to be better? You know, and that's the authentic me that I had to tap into to kind of get myself out of this hole, but also to push, to be ambitious, to strive, to want more out of my life, to not be that person, and to move through life as a more authentic version of me, that doesn't cope, that doesn't just adapt and overcome and do what he needs to do in the moment to like take a step forward, you know, to be a deeply connected person, not with other people only, but with myself.

Because that was a big thing I was missing through my upbringing in my early years. You know, I couldn't sit in a room alone. Like, I couldn't just sit at home on a Thursday or Friday night and be alone and be okay with just being alone. Like I needed someone around me all the time. You know, it's so weird. Like, we are the closest people to ourselves. yet we treat ourselves like crap we can't be alone with ourselves we we tell ourselves lies like you know it's so strange the the dynamic of of ourselves but but yeah a long-winded way to answer

the question but i think i gave you a lot there yeah thank you so much for that too i mean from someone who's never seen the show or seen kind of what you're sharing about i mean what time frame was this like in what year this was just before covid so i think it was to coven was 20 I think this was 2018 and 2019. Okay, gotcha. So this kind of all plays out there like you mentioned. I mean, my heart, I'm like starting to pick up pace here because I'm going through that. I feel like with you of this happening.

I'm thinking of some of my worst nights. Like what if it was out there for the world to see especially, you know, when I thought maybe at some points, I kind of had it together. Like that's very relatable of like, hey, I've done this work. And even before I really got that into addiction, I'd been to rehab. for a year, I had felt like I was doing what I needed to do. And then I think there was also that shame that builds up on the other end of like, I should have figured this out. I shouldn't be where I am because of all of these other interventions that have happened in my life. And I think that forced me personally into a space to maybe not ask for help. And then, you know, we kind of know

how that goes, right? Of like, hey, I'm embarrassed or, you know, feeling all of this different stuff. I don't know how to, you know, work through it. I could feel that kind of, you know, as imagining, you know, that situation. Your whole life, too, kind of growing up, I'm thinking of this, man. And I mean, I could be completely wrong here, Ash, and I mean, that would be valid. But a reality TV show for a guy like you, what you've, what you've been through and everything, I'm like, man, this is probably in one way checking a lot of boxes, but I see that there could be the potential for, you know,

maybe a downside of things, right? For somebody who's looking for a sense of belonging, identity is tied to this. I think about hockey for whatever reason, right? Like, everybody has a role on the team. And a big role on the teams used to be like the enforcer of the rules, right? Like to punch people out and whatever. And in today's game, that's not really there.

And I'm thinking of never seeing the show your role fitting. to it is kind of being that maybe, you know, that party guy, right, to maybe relatable for people to kind of watch it. And what happened in NHL is like the enforcers is no longer that role is not really a thing anymore. So then those guys don't really play. And I'm wondering, too, if you would have changed and things would have been different. How would that have kind of looked for the dynamic, you know, maybe with the show and then it could be way off in left field. How do you even get involved in a show like this? I mean, what is that process? Like, how do you get brought in? So you're absolutely right.

And if we zoom out and we actually think about what below deck is, it's a reality TV show. What makes reality TV shows successful? It's drama. It's drama. It's these high emotion situations that get created. And I think, you know, the early seasons of Below Deck, I think, were very much a part of, like, the travel and seeing beautiful places and seeing how the rich and the famous, like, live on these yachts. and what it is to run a crew. And this is sort of the perception that I've got from people who've told me,

who've been watching below deck from the very first seasons to like now, it feels like it becomes a lot about that drama between the crew and the guests and everything like that. So, you know, when they are putting their cast members together, like, you've got to believe they're smart with what they're doing. They're not going to put a bunch of people together that are just going to be like hunky dory, happy to go lucky getting along because it's going to be boring TV, right? They're not going to use.

How do they like hook people in? They need these big explosive moments of drama and stuff to like keep people captivated. You just look at like the season where I was pulled off the boat. They like promoted that episode probably eight or nine episodes before. So that's the kind of like big

thing that they need to make these shows successful. So me getting into the TV show there was a series of interviews. And through the series of interviews it was talking about socializing, party, girls. You know, like, it was very much they're trying to get a picture of like, how is this person going to behave when the pressure's on, when the booze is flowing,

like with the other castmates, is he this lover boy? Is he this? Is he that? Is he party boy? And I can almost guarantee, like, if I wasn't in that phase of my life where I was like, dude, I love partying and like, I love hooking up with girls and but I work hard, I play hard. If I wasn't that person, I probably wouldn't have been brought onto the show, because I wouldn't have fit the profile of what entertaining TV would have been.

You know, like, went through a couple of interviews, and eventually they were like, yeah, we want you on. How I got the opportunity to interview was I met another South African Yadi in the South of France through some of the casual work that we did, and he actually reached out to me, and he said, hey, man, if you heard of Below Deck, they've reached out to me. they want to like interview me to potentially be on the show and i had heard of below deck through my first captain that i worked for we were like out at sea and doing all these amazing things and i was like we should put cameras up around this boat like just live stream to youtube because we get up to the coolest stuff on on deck and he's like well there's actually a show that does that and he

told me about below deck so i had awareness of what it was and the moment he explained that to me like it was almost like this tag in my mind. I was like, I'll get onto that show. Like that's the ultimate, right? Get onto a TV show like doing the stuff on camera. It was like kind of like I came up with the idea of the solution that I wanted in that moment. And it's kind of like I manifested that for myself.

So when I got that call from a friend and he's like, have you heard about this show? I'm like, oh yeah, I've heard about the show. And I just said to look, if you're not going to do it, please give me the contact details because I'd love to do it. And I think he ended up not doing it. He gave me the details. I got in touch with the recruiter. had a meeting with him.

Next meeting was obviously every next meeting you're getting closer and closer to the decision makers and like the actual final interview. And I think it was three or four rounds of interviews that I went through. And again, all these questions about just getting into, you know, understanding how and how I may fit into the bigger plan and bigger dynamic of the crew. And I will say like the recipe for this TV show below deck, it's genius. If you think about it, you're bringing people that don't know each other into a very tight quarters, right? You're on a boat. You're living in very tight quarters with people that you've

just met. What they do with the TV show is the charters are a lot shorter than what would happen out in like the real world. In the real world, you don't hire a yacht that big for less than a week. But these are like two, two, three day turnaround. So it's these back to back sort of charters that we're doing. And then in between all these back to back charters, you've got this night out where it's like, hey, guests are off. Like let's go out, celebrate good charter. Just got out tips. So it's like work hard, party hard. Work hard, party hard. Work hard, party hard. With these people you don't know, you've got to get on with your crew. It's a high pressure job where there's lots of moving pieces, very quick, high intensity. It's freaking hot in Tahiti

in Thailand where we did the two seasons I did. So it's the perfect recipe because as you're going through this, people's filters are dropping. You're like, you stop giving two Fs about what someone's going to think and you forget about the cameras being around and like this is when shit starts happening. The fight start happening like people snap. You know like it's so it's just it really is a perfect recipe for a reality TV show if you think about the environment and the way that they go about it. And you know my final season, the deck crew are actually getting along really well with Abby the one female crew member that we had and the other two guys that were on the crew like the beginning of the season was great. Like, we were getting along. Abby was, you know, she couldn't handle

a lot of sort of the camera and the pressure that came up with, came about, came with having cameras around us all the time. So she eventually left. And then they brought back somebody that was very confrontational from the season before. And why wouldn't they? Because again, it's like this crew is getting along like, hey, okay, it's fine that we're all happy and getting along for parts of the season, but it's like, hey, we need something different now. We need someone to come and mix it up and challenge this environment and stuff. And it really worked because she is a very strong personality and she did exactly what she needed to do.

She came in and she shook things up and it created these fights and these scenes and all these things. So yeah, I don't know what the initial question was, but I gave you some insight there into like the show and the dynamic around that. Yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah, this was curious, like how you got onto it. and you answered it great. I mean, if you could go back and you were like,

they were like, we want you to be on the show. I mean, you would do it all again? I get asked this all the time. Since the TV show, I started my own coaching business, which has also developed and morphed into something that's very close in my heart in helping people who've committed to sobriety getting the most out of their health and their body and their wellness and their mental state.

And it's become very, successful. So like, I would need to think about going and getting seven or eight weeks of my life to now filming for a TV show. Is it worth it when I look at like what I've built with my business and the time it would take away from my business? The other part is I'm a very different person to what I was back then. I'm not that party boy person. So I don't know if they have a slot for that sort of personality back on the TV show. You want to go back to cleaning boats and like making sure other people are having a good time on their vacation, I'm kind of past that.

I want to be the guests on the boat now. I want to go and rent the yacht kind of things. So I don't know. I just don't think I'm in that stage of my life anymore. But if the opportunity presented itself, I don't know, maybe there would be a different perspective to consider. I don't know. Yeah.

What if you went back, though, to when they first recruited you and you weren't doing what you're doing now? Like, would that have still been your decision to participate with the show? Like, it was a good thing for you or no? 100%. Yeah. 100% is a really good thing. Not only did it put me out in the public eye to be a name that people know or have seen in

terms of popularity, I was just a freaking normal person in Johannesburg, South Africa. Like, I got given a huge opportunity to be put in the public eye on a, a global platform. And then when you look at everything and the way it played out, it was freaking difficult to deal with and to process and go through. Would I change it? If I did have to change it, I wouldn't be who I am sitting in front of you today. You know, I wouldn't have learned the things that I had learned. I wouldn't have been, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see myself in third person and maybe I would still be drinking. And then maybe there would have been other things that transpired in my life that were way worse than what I had to

deal with. You know, we don't, we don't know. We don't understand this. But I've always maintained that I'm hugely grateful for the experience. As challenging as it was, I have developed and grown into somebody that I would never have been able to do if it wasn't for that. Like, I needed to see that. I needed to be confronted with those deep underlying issues that needed attention. And had it not happened the way that it would, I probably would have still been sitting as strong. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for sharing that too. I think that's always like kind of the, you know, the human nature aspect of things in the moment when you're going through those times too where you're feeling

isolated alone and the world is, you know, throwing all this stuff at you, you shared about there. I think I can kind of feel like it's over. Like I have times in my life where I was like, okay, this is just far too much. Like my life is not going to ever be quote unquote normal, successful, it's never going to make any sense. How am I ever going to dig myself out of this? But I think that that's one of the things about human resilience too and the opportunity to change is sometimes we look back at those moments and you develop a sense of gratitude maybe for them. I know that I have that I'm grateful for the things that happened. And you're right, if you change one little dynamic. I mean, they say in football too, like, you know, life's a game

of inches, right? I mean, in football. And I think in life too, like the reality is, you know, you see something, you know, such as car accidents, right? I mean, if you would have left the house two seconds earlier, that doesn't happen or three seconds or you hit that red light or somebody walks across the street or there's a squirrel that runs out in front of you, your whole life can take a different shift. And I think if we do get to a spot where we're content and we feel joy and we're happy and we're living in our purpose. It's like, okay, every twist and turn uncomfortable in the moments and making absolutely no sense. But if we look back, it's like, hey, maybe we landed right where we were supposed to. But in the moment we're going through it, it's like, come on, don't talk to me about that kind of stuff because we're not there yet. It's a really interesting dynamic that I notice people share on.

It's part of a mantra that really got me through some of my most challenging times. part of my personal development journey was reading a lot of Deepak Chopra's teachings. One of his six spiritual laws of success is having security in the unknown. And I told you about my upbringing and how out of control I felt in the dynamic of my early life and I try to have that control through sports and that sort of thing. And when I got out of school and I wasn't under the roof of my parents anymore, I now had full control of my life, but it kind of, it moved me to trying to have too much control of my life, trying to be in control of everything, every outcome.

And you go through life thinking you know what you need and what's good for you. But like you said, when you fast forward to five or ten years down the line and you look back at all the challenges and decisions and like realities that didn't shape up the way you thought you wanted to, but you always end up in a better place and you're like, oh gosh, can you imagine if those things didn't happen the way that they did? I wouldn't be here. And it was something I could reverse engineer and actually started living my life through is having security in the unknown, being okay with not knowing right now why this has happened

to me or why something else didn't go the way that I wanted it to. And just being okay with that. Being like, look, I don't know what the bigger plan is. Yes, you know, I'm only presented with and I've only got access to the, confines of my own mind and like there is such a bigger divine leadership energy out in the world right we think we have so much control we actually have no control in the bigger scheme of things so it's silly for us to think that we know what is best for us in the moment it's silly for us to think we know what outcome we need right now because we have absolutely no clue what's in store for us

in the future and when i adopted this mantra of having security the unknown and being okay with whatever happened. There was a second part of that where I was like, well, you just got to be the best version you can be. Keep living your true authentic self and trust that the right doors were open. Trust that the right things will happen for you. And I started living life in more flow because I wasn't stressed about all these outcomes. I wasn't stressed about all these things that I couldn't control.

And the show and everything like that was the biggest challenge for all of that because I was like, my gosh, like I followed this flow of resigning from my job and moving into something more adventurous. It was like this fairy tale was unfolding for me. And I was like, this mantra of having security in the unknown was working out so beautifully for me. And then bam, like everything happened on the TV show. And I was like, that's freaking great. I thought I was on this like nice journey to like being famous and like, you know, all these good things from the TV show. And it was like, it rocked my freaking world. And I think, again, that's what added to the depression and the societal thoughts is it's like you give so much of yourself to be this person that can live in flow

and just trust what will be in have security in the unknown and then you get smacked in the face by it and you're like this isn't what I thought was going to be my outcome but again part of the journey as part of the process because now you fast forward to six years down the line I'm like you laugh and it's like it makes sense I had to go through this like you grow through what you go through one of our clients actually said that to me you know we were talking about how I was helping them through their mindset and all the stuff. And she's like, you know, I heard the saying and it's like, you grow through what you go through. You've got to go through some stuff because it's going to develop you into somebody you need to be for this next version of your life. And one of my mentors

always said that to me as well is like every next part of your life is going to require a different version of yourself. And you've got to step up and you've got to, you've got to polish up that version. You've got to give everything you can to be that next version for that next stage of your life. Yeah. It's kind of like the feeling. heal it to heal it, you know, I think too. That's kind of why I think, you know, even on a grander scale of things is that it's the journey that's important. It's not the outcome, you know, like the one year sober, the 90 days sober. What I always look at and what I love to see with people that I connect with is who they become on that journey. I mean, 90 days or one year sober.

I'm like, man, over the moon, like this is incredible. But it's who that they are going to have to become to get there. And I think he did it. You know, great job like really drawing that up is, yeah, what can we at the end of the day control? I mean, the way we respond to stuff, but I can't like everything else. And it's interesting, you're tying that into sort of this story because I feel like I hear that a lot. Alcohol gives us maybe a sense of control, right? We can change how we feel. We can change how we're thinking. We can change so many things about us just with a sip, right? So it's like, yeah, you know, I'm in control. And I hear it. a lot from people who maybe had an upbringing like you did.

Like, I hear it so much as there was such that feeling like lack of control or not having control of the environment around us and how things were. And then when we figure out maybe a way to dial that in, it's like, okay, this makes a whole lot of sense. When do you get sober and walk me through, you know, sort of that story and what things have been like for you since? Yeah. So like I said, after seeing what I saw on TV, that's when it was like, okay, some big decisions need to be made.

But alcohol was such a huge part of like my identity in terms of like who I was in social circles and who I was to my friends and the people around me and it was really ingrained in my lifestyle. Like weekends would come. It's like we party and we let loose and we like relax. And, you know, I used alcohol a lot to kind of also just be present. You know, when I was drinking and using drugs and stuff, like, I wasn't thinking about my stresses. I wasn't thinking about other things. I was just so present in that moment. And that was great for me because I struggled to do that, right?

Like, again, going through my life, it was always adapt and overcome. Dynamic things always happening. So I could never just sit still and enjoy myself and be like, damn, life is good. And that, that for me was the biggest thing around drinking, especially when I was back home in Johannesburg and I was kind of feeling frustrated with where I was in my career and my life. life path, again, drinking, partying, being with friends and being present in that moment, distracted me from where I was really unhappy in my life. You know, you fast forward to all these things happening, the TV show and I just had to ask myself some really big questions.

Like, how the hell did we get here? Like, okay, what do we need to do? And the first thing I did was I got back to my disciplines of looking after myself. So I started eating well. I started training again, like basically how I would have approached my sport growing up, because again, when I was faced through challenging times growing up, I would apply myself into sport because I could control the outcome. I could put myself in. I could get what I needed. I got that anchor, I got that grounding. So that's what I did. Started eating well, started training again, and I was, I still continued to drink, but then the drinking started becoming counterproductive to all the effort that I was putting into like eating well and training well.

So I started struggling with like these four-day hangovers because I wouldn't go out and just have a couple of drinks. I would have half a bottle of tequila at least. Probably do a couple lines of cocaine because I actually hated the feeling of being drunk. So the minute I started getting tipsy and feeling drunk, I was searching for a line of cocaine because it would like straighten me up, sharpen me up a little bit. I could like continue on this nice little buzz that I was feeling. I was more, again, more talkative. I was more socialized. I was like confident.

It was perfect, right? but you wake up the next day and it's like oh my gosh you've like obliterated your dopamine receptors like you've obliterated everything in your body and it's followed by this huge crash and you've loaded yourself with all this alcohol poison in your system and now your body's got to do everything and anything it can to like get rid of the stuff so that that was like four day hangovers and then I realized just how unproductive I was in those four days then I was like remember like once or twice out of 10 nights of going out, something would happen. I would fight for somebody. I'd have some sort of like rekindling or like apologizing to do. And I was like, holy shit. Like I'm drinking four day

hangovers, unproductive, causing some sort of trouble here. Then I'm like, I spent like over $1,000 this weekend on like drinking and parting. That's a lot of money to spend on like causing a four day hangover for yourself. But then I was like, do I even remember half the weekend? do I remember like what we actually did and everything that I did? And the answer was no. Because when you're getting that smashed, like you don't remember things. Like, so now I'm thinking to myself, I'm spending thousands of dollars to not remember half my light, to have a four-day hangover and be unproductive and to ruin the relationships around me because I've done something stupid along the way. Like, it made such non-sense to me. And I think that's what I really needed. I was like, hold on, how can I

continue to partake in such a thing that makes absolutely no freaking sense. And I think I needed that on top of the training and the eating and looking after my body, it was like easy for me to let go of this thing that was just counterproductive to everything and everything that I wanted in my life at that point. And I think it was that change in mindset to make nonsense of the activity and to look at the bigger picture and also understand that I wanted better out of my body. I want it better out of my mind. I needed to get down. to the depths of what I needed to do. All these things just really solidified this decision to stop drinking. And that's why when I did stop, it was actually one of the easiest things that I could

commit to because there was a process that led up to it. I wasn't being forced by friends or family to quit drinking. It wasn't, it was this thing I took full responsibility of, but there was a thought process behind it that ultimately supported me in doing it. Now following that, yes, there were challenges because now your friend group changes. Because now that's a friend group changes. because now the fact that you are taking your life seriously and you pulling this alcohol habit into question, it makes a lot of people very uncomfortable. But it also shows you who you have proper connections with. Who are your real freaking friends?

Do you have real friends that you connect with or do you have buddies that you scream and shout at at 10 or 11 p.m. at night because you're both shit-faced. Like, it starts bringing a lot of clarity to your circles. I had to start changing where I hung out. Like all of a sudden going to a club and hanging out around people that were hammered by 9.30, 10 p.m. didn't become fun anymore. And it just wasn't the environment that I wanted to be in. I'll never forget. Like we went out one of the earlier nights after me quitting drinking with my girlfriend at the time and her friends and stuff. And at one point I looked around the place and I was like, holy crap. Like people are off their ears and people are just absolutely ridiculous. And I never judged. In that moment, I never judged people. the first thing I did was that used to be me. And again, it just kept solidifying. And I was like, there was something in me, man, that just wanted to be better, have better,

and like just really push myself into that next stage of my life. So it was all these signals and signs that I was seeing and looking for that was just really bolstering on and like solidifying this decision that I made and who I really wanted to be. And ultimately, I wanted to be a person that was truly authentically me, but that was also comfortable. in being me. And the only way I could do that was to like peel back the layers, peel back the layers of my adaptations, of my conditioning, of all the ways that my brain try to protect me growing up to get down to like, who is Ashton at his core, at his essence, who is he? Because if I can figure that out, that's when I can start living with ease. I don't have to perform. I don't have to act like somebody else. I don't need substances

to turn me into somebody that I'm not really at my core and in my essence. And when you, you start moving towards that version of you, dude, like spending time alone isn't hard anymore. Like, you attract the right people around you in the circles because you're just giving off this different energy of who you are. Things start working for you in business because you're showing up as a different person. Like, life becomes less stressful. Things become more clear and you start just living with ease and flow. And I must say like a huge part of that journey was also figuring out my own physiology. Like, it was hugely psychological.

But when I quit drinking, things didn't just magically fall into place. Yes, like things started going a lot better. But I was still living in a body that I abused for years and years and years and years. So I had huge blood sugar issues. I had huge gut issues. I had huge neurological issues because my nervous system was always on edge. I was abusing my noopenephrine and my dopamine and all these, like, pathways. So like I was now left in the shell of like my physical being that had to catch up with like where my mind was trying to go.

And that was very, very difficult because I was training hard. I was eating so strict. But still my body wasn't reacting. I was still waking up feeling groggy, foggy. Like I didn't have perfect mental clarity. You were talking about having mental clarity when you stopped drinking. Like yes, I had some of that. But I also had a lot of brain fog.

I also had a lot of issues that that didn't go away when I stopped drinking. drinking. And like, my body just wasn't responding. If you measure the way I was training and the inputs, the outputs that I was getting weren't matching. And it was annoying for me because I was a health coach. I was supposed to have all the stuff figured out. And that's when I really dived in. I was introduced to the concept of like functional testing and getting data on like what's actually going on in your body. And that's when I started doing blood work, genetic testing, gut testing, like really uncovering what it was deep in my physiology that needed fitness. And fixing and needed work.

And the genetic testing just really showed me how my body works, gave me the blueprint on how to fix what was holding me back in my blood work most effectively and most efficiently. And that was ultimately the cherry on top. It was that missing piece for me to like take the psychological like person that I was happy I was moving into. And it was like my body started living that too because now I'd figured some stuff out. Like I'd actually started dealing with the things. that were like causing the bloating, the irritation, the brain fog, the weight gain around my

belly. So like figuring that all out, it was like this whole moment for me because it was, I felt like I deserved that, right? I was like, I made the freaking hardest decision to stop drinking. I freaking turn my life around. Like, I deserve to have a good body and like feel good in my body as well. And finally, I was, I was able to get myself there through the way that we went about my health and my fitness, like on a physiological level. And I mean, ultimately, that's what's led to what I do now. That's how I help people with their health and their fitness goals is there's a huge mentorship, mindset, psychology, part of helping them moving to that best version of

themselves, reinventing themselves in sobriety, if you will, but matching that with the accuracy, the data-driven physiological work so that every single effort you put in when you are stepping into the gym or when you are planning your meal plans or your supplements is actually going to get you the outcome that you want. Yeah, beautifully said, man. I feel like that's where a lot of people get stuck. You know, in our head, you know, logically we say I've got, you know, 100 days, right? This is incredible. Maybe for some people, they haven't been at that place in two decades, maybe 20 years. But then they also have sort of the brain fog and maybe a lack of motivation and the dopamine

that's sort of maybe beginning that retraining process to where, I mean, after. time of drinking, they mentioned it in that, I talked about that investigative sort of documentary, too. I mean, they're sharing it, and I knew this before, but when you're drinking, it's releasing the dopamine. So then after time, then your body says, oh, well, I don't need to naturally do it. So it can be low in the beginning. And I think that, you know, everybody has a different experience. For some people, that might not be the case. They might hit that pink cloud and just ride that off into the sunset. But I think for some people, it's very real that you could drink. and then maybe a week later, it's like, oh, man, you know, I'm feeling, why am I feeling so low?

Why am I going through all of this stuff? And, you know, your journey there, you're sharing too, that you went through that and, you know, some of the tools and some of the things you plugged into. And I think sometimes maybe that's the forgotten part too, is that because maybe up top here in our brain, we're like, yeah, I'm doing the right thing. I mean, I'm showing up and whatever it is for people, they're going to meetings or rehab or they're seeing a therapist. I'm doing all the right thing, but I'm just not feeling in my body a whole heck of a lot better. And I think that they might start to question, am I doing something wrong? Like, is there more I should be doing?

And how much time is it going to take? You know, I mean, as humans, I think we want like, okay, at three months, I'll be good to go. But I think the reality is there's no exact time table for the healing for each individual. So thanks for mentioning that part of your journey. Yeah. And you're right. It does take time for your body to heal, right? And you've got two options. You can keep struggling, keep trying to just eat better, trying to train, like trying to do the things you think you need to do and what like all the influences on social media are telling you to do.

Or you get the right help. You uncover the depths of your own physiology and you get that blueprint for exactly how you need to go about feeling your best. Because yes, it could be a three, four month period. If you have the right help and you input with accuracy or you digitally and what you specifically need, or it can take you two or three years before your body kind of starts balancing itself out. So, I mean, that's a decision you make. And what I've kind of uncovered is people that have committed to sobriety are very ambitious. They want more out of life. They those go-getters. They are self-starters. They take full responsibility for their life. Otherwise, they would never have the decision in the first place to actually quit drinking. But it's a double-edged sword because

that person also thinks and feels like they've got to figure everything out on their own. And that's where the block comes, where it's like they can't put their hand up and say, hey, I know I've done so great with the sobriety, but actually I need help with my body now. It prevents them from being able to do that. Or it prevents them from actually just getting the professional help, maybe the same way they did to get sober on their body as well. Because there's also a bit of the shame thing where it's like, you know, you quit drinking. And everybody around you's like, oh my gosh, you did this great thing. Like, you feel like there's the sense of achievement and there's almost now this image you've got to uphold. And that's why like people get so lonely and stuck in this silent suffering

because it's like, oh my gosh, I quit alcohol. I did the big thing. But I don't feel like I thought I was going to feel. And like, it's shameful. So they don't be like, hey, freak man, I need help with this next thing, so please help me. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, you're so right, too, about, you know, people who are struggling, like, ambitious. I think if you peel back the layers, I mean, to keep, I'll just use the word problem drinking or, you know, we can fill in the blank, whatever word there we want. But to keep that going requires a lot. You have to think about how hard we push ourselves, even when we're not feeling well. We're still showing up a lot of the time because we want to keep, we want to keep the image going, right? We don't want anybody to.

to really notice that there's stuff going on. So we do a really good job at that. And then people who get sober, it's like, yeah, I mean, there's hunger for more. There's desire for more. I mean, once you remove the alcohol, I think it's fair to say in my experience anyway, for me to do any of the other stuff, I had to get sober. I wasn't able to, it didn't have the capacity.

The problem with drinking, and even for people I hear, it's only on the weekend or it's only here and there. I look at it this way. Every time you have some sober days and then you drink again, it's kind of like a hard reset. That's what it felt like for me anyway. I would make a little bit of headway. Okay, you know, I got this figured out.

I can have a drink again. And okay, factory reset. And I thought I had made some progress. And it didn't take away everything. But thank you so much. Anything for closing, Ashton. Thanks for hanging out with us. Thank you for sharing your story.

Anything to send out there to somebody who, you know, might be struggling to get started to stay on the journey. Yeah, I think I'll just piggyback up with what you said. You know, we tell ourselves, oh, it's just the weekend. Or it's like, hey, I'm good in the, week and when it comes to the weekend, like I'm going to relax. I'm going to have a couple drinks and enjoy myself. And fine, if that doesn't feel unproductive to you and you're happy and you're achieving everything in your life and everything is amazing, do your thing. But I would

challenge you to think about like, okay, well, how would a weekend look different if I didn't use alcohol to relax, to connect, to have fun? And I would challenge you to really consider whether the fun, the connection, the de-stressing, all of that, if it is, if it really has depth, to it and if it really is those things. Because when we are using alcohol as this coping mechanism, we think it's scratching an edge. We think it's satisfying a craving. We think that it's satisfying a need. But there's a deeper need that actually needs attention. So when you are craving that de-stressing or connection or the fun, alcohol is not the solution to that. You've got to actually understand like, okay, well, what is the real thing that I'm craving here, that I'm using

alcohol to actually mask and distract me from. And that's where the real progress starts coming from because that's when you start realizing alcohol is not the problem. It's that there's something else that you need that you're not giving yourself attention with and you're using alcohol to distract you from that. So that's just piggybacking off of what you said. But, you know, the advice that I can give to anybody struggling is to number one bring awareness. Bring awareness to the things we're feeling. Bring awareness to like, what do I really need in the moment, just take a second. You don't have to commit to sobriety right now. You don't have to commit to not having a drink tonight. But I just want you to commit to the first step of maybe before you

grab that drink as a knee-jerk reaction or a trained habit, just spend 30 seconds exploring a little bit of like your own psychology or like, okay, I'm feeling something in this moment. Why am I feeling this? And what do I really need? And then from there you can build on, you know, maybe not taking action for 45 seconds or a minute or like just you've got to you've got to break that knee-jerk reaction you've got to break the thoughts and the habit that your brain has trained for you to cope with these things it starts with awareness and once you've got that awareness that's when it helps to have somebody in your corner that you can process these things with because bringing awareness to something is one thing knowing and understanding how to now reverse engineer that to get down to the problem or the thing

that we really need, that sometimes takes a little bit of help because there are some blind spots that you're probably never going to see because you're too close to the problem. So there's many layers to that process as well. But then the other thing I would say is like sobriety is not just a psychological struggle. There is physiological things. There's things in our genetics. When I got my genetics back, all my behaviors with alcohol made sense. I could see it coded in like my dopamine receptors are not as sensitive as other people's receptors. So I needed so much more to feel stimulated or to feel connected. And I was like, no, I couldn't just have one drink or two drinks and be okay. So just understand that like if you can tackle this thing from the psychology and

the physiology, you're going to make so much more progress over a shorter space of time. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful way to end. I think that, you know, I love that. I think for a long time and I could be wrong here, but I think people would slide into sort of the morally wrong. You know, I did. Like, I would tell myself I knew better. I should have known better. I was raised better than this. I never grew up around alcohol.

I never grew up around drugs. And then I found myself in that spot, you know, but now with the way you're shaping it up, and I think the way that things have really moved forward, I don't know, maybe more so in the last five years than ever before, there's a lot more at play that I think we never really talked about before, that it's not that, you know, for me anyway, it wasn't that I was broken. It wasn't that I was just making poor choices. That was part of it maybe, you know, making poor choices. But there was also reasons behind this stuff.

There was also reasons that, you know, that I was carrying myself and that life on life's terms felt so difficult and so heavy. And I didn't feel like I belonged and I felt less than and I had so many insecurities and just partying and hanging out with people. either helped me forget it or just help me feel like I did. So yeah, thank you again. Great episode. Awesome, man. Just to, again, tie that off, like nothing's random. Nothing's random. And I think, you know, in bringing that awareness to what needs attention, we've got to also

be gentle with ourselves because it can be hugely confronting and it can be difficult to actually start dealing with the parts of us that need the attention. And again, that's where getting some help might help you with that because, you know, again, ambitious people, driven people, we can be very hard on ourselves. So when it comes to actually uncovering the things that we need to, like, actually work on, it can be difficult and we can be hard on ourselves. I think we've got to be gentle. We've got to have this inquisitive nature around like, right, well, let's get down to the depths of like what I actually need without this expectation, without this heaviness. It doesn't have to be a heavy thing. It can be such a beautiful thing to like just start experiencing. And

exploring who you are outside of alcohol and what you really need to be happy, it can be a beautiful thing. Yeah. Yeah. It is reminding me to what you're mentioning there is the jar can't read its own label. And I think that that is a, you know, a really good thing too is for people to bounce stuff off because, I mean, in life we only have our path traveled, you know, and there's so many, everybody has their own path. So, you know, getting feedback and support can help sort of see some of those blind spots. Great episode. Thank you. Awesome.

Thank you. Thank you, by having me, Brad. Well, there it is another episode in the books. Ashton, thank you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story. I'll drop Ashton's contact information down to the show notes below. Be sure to send him over a message and let him know we appreciate his story here on the podcast. A lot of great insight. I had never seen the docket or the reality TV show below deck.

I never seen it. I went back after we recorded the episode and plugged into that clip, like where he almost died. We didn't talk much about it. I don't think in the episode, but it's definitely out there where he got caught in the rope. And, man, craziness. I mean, real wild. So grateful that he's still rocking and rolling has made major changes in his life. I mean, the Rowdy TV show, I don't know about you guys, but it's kind of a strange world to me.

You know, how they kind of put all that together and how it kind of makes stars of people and You know, and then you kind of hear about the real life and it's like, oh, man, like that stuff is so far from real. So far from real. But the people behind it are good at it sounds like it anyway, putting the right people together to creating sort of the shock and off factor, I guess, that's required on TV to get people to tune in. So, I mean, I guess that's their job and they're doing a good job with it. But, yeah, a lot of people in that space, I mean, I've had a handful of people on the show, but a lot of people in that space. I mean, like Ashton said too, he kind of came from nothing. And then to give this opportunity, this fame, I'm guessing there's probably some money involved.

I don't know if it's like you're going to retire early type money. But when you don't have anything before and then you have all of that, I mean, my guess is ego goes to the sky. And that's a dangerous place for somebody who's struggling with this. So thank you, as always for listening. And I'll see you on the next one. Thank you.