Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - At 30 Alcohol Almost Killed Adriana.

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

In this episode, we welcome Adriana, who shares her harrowing yet inspiring journey through alcohol addiction. Adriana opens up about her troubled teenage years, early experimentation with alcohol, and the dangerous path it led her down, including life-threatening health issues. Despite almost dying at the age of 30 due to her addiction, it took several more years and a final moment of desperation before she sought help. Adriana describes her transformative experience in rehab, the importance of community support and the reality of relapses on the road to recovery. And this is Adriana’s story on the sober motivation podcast.   Contage Adriana here: https://www.instagram.com/theadgeofsobriety/  

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Adriana, who shares her harrowing yet inspiring journey through alcohol addiction. She opens up about her troubled teenage years, early experimentation with alcohol, and the dangerous path that led her down, including life-threatening health issues. Despite almost dying at the age of 30 due to her addiction, it took several more years

and a final moment of desperation before she sought help. She describes her transformative experience in rehab and the importance of community support in the reality of relapses on the road to recovery. And this is Adriana's story on the Super Motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone, Brad here. Before we jump into this episode, I want to come at you with some gratitude. It never escapes me. how incredible this whole podcast experience has been for me.

I just want to share the gratitude with you guys. Thank you to everybody who listens, who checks out the show, who shares it with a friend, who's left a review, who's donated on the Buy Me a Coffee page. Everybody together, we've really made this possible. I'm the guy behind the microphone and editing the episodes and doing all of that stuff. But without those of you that have been listening,

and some for longer than others, and maybe you're new, I probably wouldn't have kept it going for this long. So I appreciate all your messages to let me know you resonate with the stories, that it's bringing some hope into your life that maybe you can change things around or maybe you're on the journey already and it's really helping keep you grounded and helping support you in your journey. Really grateful for all of you that I've got to meet inside of the sober motivation community.

We had an incredible meeting last night too. And it's just been beautiful. We had another one this morning as well. And it's just incredible to surround yourself with other people that are working on themselves that are looking to improve areas in our lives and go for their goals and all kinds of cool stuff. It really lights me up inside. So I just want to say thank you for playing this through your speakers on your way to work or maybe while you're hitting the gym or you're working during the day,

wherever you choose to plug in at. Thank you. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast today. We've got Atriana with us. How are you? I'm good, Brad. How are you?

Yeah, I'm doing well. Glad we could jump on here and share your story. This is the first podcast you've been a guest on. So it's great to have you. Very excited. Very excited. So what were things like for you growing up? Growing up, I had a pretty normal childhood.

I come from a home where my parents have been married still to this day, 43 years of marriage. My parents were together when I was younger. There was some turmoil in the household fighting-wise. My father was, by definition, an alcoholic. My mother, being a non-drinker, due to the way she grew up with two alcoholic parents who fought a lot, and an alcoholic brother. And she just, I always feel like you can go one way or the other, and she went the other.

She never really got into drinking at all. I have a sister. We weren't close when we were younger. We're very close now. But growing up was a pretty normal childhood. I played sports, had a lot of friends. But then when we hit that awkward 12, 13 age group, I really didn't know who I was. I was a little bit overweight.

I felt like I didn't belong anywhere for whatever reason. And then at the age of 15 was when I quickly, for the first time, experimented with alcohol. And I felt like I found exactly what I needed very early on. I started working in a restaurant when I was 15, and I was surrounded by much older people, 18 and 19-year-olds who were acting like they were 22 and 23, taking me out to bars, taking me out to places I really shouldn't have been. I was in high school, and they made this whole life of theirs look normal. This all looked so normal the way life was being lived, drinking, staying out late after work, stuff like that,

and I quickly fell into that circle. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Where exactly did you grow up? I grew up in Westchester County, a little small town called Cortland Manor. There was like five elementary schools, one big middle school and two high schools that we branched out into. I think my graduating class was like 375 kids, something like that. So I grew up in, yeah, that little area. Yeah. Interesting there, though. At 13, you talk about what you were experiencing, what you were feeling.

It's a very relatable story that a lot of people share about. on the podcast. How do you come to that conclusion, too, of trying to belong and maybe feeling like you don't at such a young age? It was more than, I have to be honest, I had a best friend growing up who was the epitome of perfection. She really was. She didn't struggle with anything when it came to sports, education, stuff like that. And I would look at her and be like, why does everything seem to come so easy to her? Like for me, I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to fit in. I'm trying to be, I always remember being in competition. with her, like wanting to be better than her at some point because I knew I didn't measure up,

in my mind at least. And that was very quickly when I realized that I wasn't like everybody else. I felt just that little twinge of offness where I didn't know how to make myself fit in or be good at anything. So I figured if that was an uncomfortable feeling, and of course the minute I found something that was going to take away a minute of discomfort for me, I clung to it. Yeah. And you bring up the other thing, too, of.

the restaurant business. I had my fair share. People that listen to the show know this, a fair share of working in restaurants and stuff. And so you got introduced to drinking and it makes it very normal too, makes it feel like it's very normal thing to do. Besides the guests and the customers,

it's just the people. And what do you do? You work until 11 o'clock at night. What else is there to do? Especially when you come from a place where I live where there wasn't anything to do except go to a bar. So it becomes so normal. And I stayed, well, obviously get into that, but I stayed in the restaurant business up until a year ago.

I knew nothing else. And that was what I surrounded myself with for my whole life. Yeah. How do things look like for you after high school? Things looked okay. I stayed home. I went to community college. I didn't do very well.

I started dating somebody who was in the restaurants with me. And he very much introduced me to normalizing, drinking at home after work. Like that whole let's get done with work. I had school in the morning. I had college in the morning. But, oh, we got home from work. Let's pour a drink. Let's have a drink. Let's play some darts at home. Let's do this. And I thought, again, I'm impressionable at this point. And I think, and is, of course, a little older than me. And I'm like, oh, this is normal. This is what people that I hang out with do. So same thing. I ended up going to two years of community college. I did a year and a half of after grad. And I just got an associate's degree. And with that, I've decided. oh, I can make all this money, and I stayed in restaurants. And I just stayed working in a corporate restaurant at the time where I ended up staying for 13 years of my life. So I was there from the age of 15 when I was hired until I when I was 20 years old. So I was like a supervisor. I had paid vacations and all kinds of perks and benefits and stuff. And so to me, I was in my early 20s, mid-20s, making this great money, this very flexible schedule where I could come and go as I'd

please take off, go on vacation. So I did a ton of traveling, all-inclusive resorts. And I lived the life that I thought anybody would dream of. I'm like, why are these people having these corporate jobs and doing all this crazy stuff? I come and go, I say, please, I do whatever I want. I drink everything I want. I live the life of a rock star, in my opinion. You know what I mean?

So that was what it looked like for me. Yeah. The rock star life. How were things going outside of that working? and drinking. What did relationships in that stuff look like for you? So I had a high school sweetheart who was not well liked by many. Unfortunately, that ended. After that ended was when I had these few whatever relationships that I had found, year here, year there. They were all drinking buddies. Let's be serious. They had, at the time,

they had significance. And I look back on some of them and they were good and bad in times. But a lot of it was based upon the lifestyle of what was going on. And then we turn around to when I was 2026, 26-27-ish. And working one evening, I met a gentleman who was a bit younger than me. But to me, he acted older, more mature, and now looking back, I could have been on his level. I'm not really sure. But we proceeded to go hot and heavy very quickly, and we were engaged after six months. He moved in with me and my family. I was living with my parents. And it looked like a dream to me. He was everything that I had wanted and dreamed for because, one, he wanted to marry me and wanted me. He was very close with my family. He was Italian. So he had a lot of the same lifestyle mentalities, old school mentality that I had at the time. And I was like, this is amazing. I met the version of my father that my mother met. And I'm, this is, this is, this is, this is, wonderful. We're going to get married. We're going to have this wonderful life and blah, blah, blah. So we were together for about a year and a half, planned this entire wedding. And very shortly,

that came crashing down where I found out he was cheating on me about a couple months before our wedding with a co-worker at his restaurant job. And I was devastated. I had this whole dream in my head of I'm going to finally get married and I'm going to straighten my shit out. I was still drinking and but in my opinion it wasn't completely out of whack. But I've done a lot of self-reflection obviously through all this and I realized obviously I did have a bigger part to play. There was more drinking going on than I think I admitted to myself at the time. So I definitely had a part in it but I also firmly believe that if there was an issue and there there was an issue with my behavior or an issue with anything, it could have been brought to my

attention and we could have discussed it. Cheating is not necessarily the way to go about it. But it happened and I ended the relationship right then and there. And my life definitely took a drastic turn at that point for sure. Yeah. Wow. That's a lot. And that's when you're 26.

26. 26. Yeah. Was there any time before this that you thought to yourself that the drinking might be a problem? I know a lot of people share too. And I definitely relate to this. too, like the people I hung out with, it didn't seem like a whole heck of a lot of problem

because everybody that I was surrounding myself with was doing the same thing. So I was just like 100%. Yeah, I didn't see it. What about you? Same exact thing. I had already pushed away all the people that were the normal drinkers and I was hanging with my restaurant people that were living the same lifestyle as me. Yeah, I was drinking a lot, but again, didn't seem out of the ordinary for the kind of people that we were. It didn't seem problematic. I was going to work. I was doing the same thing on rinse and repeat every day. I'd show up to family events, hungover and stuff, but that was just Adriana. She's, that's her life. She's a party girl, whatever. It wasn't something that was brought into it was a problem. But I deep down knew

it was a problem. I knew that I was drinking more than I was letting on to other people. I knew that I was drinking at home by myself a lot. That became very normal to me. It became like, who doesn't get out of work and drink at home alone by themselves to unwind from the day? Who doesn't do that? Obviously, later on in life, I realized that is the definition of a real problem, but I didn't see it that way. I thought I was being safe. I was being good.

I was saving money. I was not out and about. I was responsible. That's what I thought. Yeah. It's so interesting, the stuff we tell ourselves, but it's good to be honest about it, too. I would say that's probably a real red flag and the whole situation here too as things progress or something. I was the same way. I was drinking too much towards the end to go out much anymore. It was getting expensive. Plus, I also didn't, when I look back at the time, I had no idea, but I just didn't want people watching or counting or tracking. how much I was drinking. I wanted to do it at my pace. I didn't want to really hear anything about it. And also,

I never really knew when it was going to switch from me being, quote, unquote, functioning to, like, being sloppy in a sense. So I didn't really want to be out and about when that took a turn after a while. I think a lot of us can relate in that aspect that it's fun until it's not fun. There's the switch that kind of goes off with all of us where we're still out and we're still drinking with our friends and still, but then a point comes where the isolation comes in because of all those reasons. We don't want to be judged. We don't want anybody counting our drinks. I know that everyone would wonder why I went from zero to 60. How did you get so drunk all of a sudden? I'm like, if you only knew what I actually was drinking, you'd realize it wasn't all of a sudden. I just

was such a heavy drinker that you wouldn't notice, you know what I mean, until I hit that switch and it was over. But yes, I hit the isolation point, especially after the engagement. broke off, the isolation point was full blown. I was no longer out and enjoying it. The fun had stopped, and it was more of a necessity that it had to be. I had to be drinking morning, noon, and night in order to function, and I, yeah, the isolation was at a full blown.

And I had every excuse under the sun as to why I would isolate. Oh, my goodness, I worked so much, so tired. I worked nights. I can't imagine getting up and going out during the day, like a vampire. You have all these excuses as to why your behavior is what it is. and I was able to get away with it for a long time until I couldn't.

Yeah. Did anybody mention anything to you about the drinking throughout this? No. And that's where I think where some people in my life have some regret that they didn't say anything. But everybody didn't say anything because we all had this idea that when we got past a certain point, I was going to be fine. Once she heals from this breakup and this engagement being over, she's going to be fine. Once she finally gets over it, she's going to be fine. Nobody wanted to make it worse on me.

They knew I was suffering and hurting, and they knew I was drinking, but they didn't realize how bad it actually was. And everybody didn't want to, I was such a loose canon at that point, such a hot. If you said something to me about my drinking, you were ready to get the wrath of hell. Like, you don't know what I've been through. You don't know what kind of life I live. Unfortunately, there was also tragic events that happened in the midst of all of this. Unfortunately, one of my best friends passed away.

I worked in that environment where I did have friends passing away, whether it be self-inflicted or not. So I had, at the age of 28, already been to so many funerals. I had dealt with so much loss and death. And so it was like, the pity party is, you don't know what I've been through. You don't understand what I'm going through. So don't even say anything because I'm living my life this way. And everyone was like, we ain't going to touch that with a 10-foot pole. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it was like waiting for that season to pass. I think a lot of us go through that maybe a different chain of events. But I was like a firm believer that I had the idea that like my life was a train wreck. But one day I would wake up. And of course like things would, things would just magically improve. I look back at it now and I'm like, just heal out of nowhere. And I'm going to wake up and the drink's going to be gone. And then here comes the birds flying above my head.

Yay, life is crap. Yeah. But I think one of the things I realize now to is that was just my way to cope with. basically everything that happened in life. And the longer I kept it around, the more I reached for alcohol and less reaching for community or for other things that were going to help develop that emotional strength or anything in my life, then I just became more dependent on alcohol to deal with the good days, the bad days.

Like, it wasn't just, I wasn't just drinking because everything in my life wasn't good. It was just became a daily thing at some point. It was just, and unfortunately, obviously, as the story goes on, my body. became extremely dependent on it. I was dependent. The shakes, my hands shaking, the sweating in the morning, that became what it turned into. And then that was when it was like, now what do I do? How do I fix this? But if you've ever been in that position, it's like, I got to have the drink to stop this from happening at this moment. And then I can go to the next step of the day. But then you get there and you're like, I got to still keep going because I can't stop because I'm going

to get sick. The physical dependency that ends up coming and you're just there, you don't feel as if there's a way to stop it. When did that first happen? And what was that like when you realized what was going on? So by the end of the age of 27, I realized how dependent I was. I would have to get up in the morning. I finally had gotten to a schedule where basically my life had consisted of working from six to midnight, drinking from midnight to 4 a.m., sleeping from 4 to 11, drinking from from like 11 to 1, sleeping again before work and going back to work at 6. So this was like a schedule that was very consistent for me and what was the only thing I could do. And also before I went to work at 6 o'clock at night, I was having to take a couple of drinks

before I even went, because that's the only way I could get through it. So when I realized how dependent my body was, that was when I started to see some changes in myself. I started to notice that my stomach was very firm and protruded. And I started to notice a really bad swelling in my face as well. And I didn't notice any discoloration yet, but I started to, my body started to reject alcohol and started to reject everything. I would try to take a sip of water, alcohol, eat something, and I would immediately get sick and throw up. Everything was rejecting. But I still needed, this is sick. When you think about it, it's like I still needed it in my system. So I'd still drink a little, somehow get it down, choke it down so that I could stop shaking and sweating and

function. And I was hiding this with breath mints, at least I think I was, breath mints. But the mental obsession and the sickness of all of that was like unbelievable. So that was by the age of 27, peaking into to 28, 29. Yeah, thank you for sharing that too. Thinking back to that now, as we're going through it, I know at times it can feel like changing anything or getting help is impossible. Wasn't even in my thought. How do I manage this? It wasn't how do I get help?

How do I figure out a better way to manage this? Yeah. What would you say to somebody out? Just pause a story a little bit, but when you reflect back on being in that spot, if somebody was listening to the show and they're right there, is there anything you look back and maybe this would have helped me out? or done something different or anything or no? I wish that somebody had grabbed me however way they had to and said to me,

we see a serious problem with what's going. It eventually happened, thank God. But we see a serious problem with what's going on here and you really need to get some help. But that's not how this happened. It's not how I wound up, where I wound up. I'm more than willing to go into that because I'm still grateful for how it happened,

but it wasn't that. It was, but it wasn't that. Yeah. So for somebody that's on the outside to, if somebody notices somebody's struggling, like having that conversation about how they can help. Yes.

You may think they're going to hate you, but when all is said and done, they're going to grovel at your feet in gratitude because you don't understand that somebody, when they're in that deep, they don't know how to get themselves out. They need that. hand to reach out to them and say, I'm going to help you, or I want to talk to you about this,

or we can do something. They may flip out. They may yell at you. They may anything under the sun. But at the end of the day, you may be able to get one or two words in there that's going to resonate and help them, because my, things could have changed went in a very different direction for me if somebody did that. But I may put the fear at everybody. So I would just say, if you see a friend that is literally like you see that they're drinking in excess people can't get help unless they want to get help but you can at least try to extend your hand you won't regret that part of it that's for sure yeah no and that's so true and i think the reason people get so upset sometimes too is just the fear you're at the stage where physically addicted to the alcohol and the fear of quitting

and going through the withdrawal and that whole process is overwhelmingly scary right so it's not Yeah, if somebody mentions to us, it's not that we're upset with them necessarily, that we're upset with kind of a, we know getting out of it is going to be, it's going to be uncomfortable. So it's like, if somebody brings up the problem and you would realize it, the only reason we hated is because it's finally brought to light and we have to deal with it. If it wasn't brought to light and we didn't have to deal with it, we would just be fine. But that's where the anger comes from.

We know it, but we don't want to deal with it. Yeah. Where do you go from here with things? mentioned that too. You had lost some other people in your life that were important to you and alcohol. For a lot of people who share it becomes the best friend in a sense, right? It's something you're going on, something that can, like you mentioned before too, it's fun until it's not, right? Until now you're spending your life and you even shared a little bit of your schedule there, right? Your life is revolving on this whole thing continuing. And you sent me a note earlier at 30,

you almost died. Correct. So this continued. until I went to work one day on a Sunday, and my boss had seen me. And he said, can you come outside? I don't want to talk to you for a second. I said, sure, you know, what's going on? He says to me, were you out here with this last night drinking a lot? And I said, yeah, does the day end and why? What are you talking about?

Of course. And he's, you don't look right. Something looks really wrong with you. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm around people all the time. Nobody has said this to me. He said, you are yellow. You're jaundice.

And I said, what are you talking about? I don't even know what jaundice is. And he's like, your eyes are yellow. And I said, okay. He said, I want you to go home. And he's like, and I want you to go to a doctor when you get time. And I said, okay, no problem. I went home.

What do you think I did? I drank. And then I took a nap and I called my mom. And I was like, mom, I was like, my boss said that I look sick. You want to come with me to urgent care. And she was like, yeah. I'll pick you up or whatever. I always still wonder how the scent of me didn't repulse my mother,

but I think she didn't want to realize what was really going on. And when I got to urgent care, they were like, you can't be here. You have to go to the hospital. And I was like, damn, I didn't know this was such a big deal. Okay. So once I got to the hospital, another, again, everyone's just looking at me. And they're like, yeah, we're going to admit you, but we're pretty sure we're going to send you to a special hospital because we think you may be not a patient that we can help here.

So I stayed in that hospital, which was a local hospital for about two days. And then finally I was brought down to what is called Westchester Medical, one of the teaching hospitals in my area, a very big hospital. And when I was admitted immediately, they asked me a bunch of questions about my lifestyle and how I lived. And I knew that there was no point in lying that and I knew. And I said, I don't remember the last time I've drank a bottle of water. I drink vodka all day, morning, noon, and night. I drink energy drinks. I don't eat a lot of food at all.

And I get sick when I drink or eat anything. And they were like, okay, all right? So we're going to, they took my blood work. They looked at my numbers. It was astronomical, my liver enzymes, all of the stuff in my body, a look of me in general. And with that, they within a day or two, said, we need to put her in a coma so that she can try to heal. We need to put some fluids in her. We need to do all these things because she's not

healthy. She's not well. So my mom's do what you got to do from what I remember. I went to sleep and I woke up to a bunch of beeping things around me. I had no idea how much time had gone by or anything like that and all of a sudden just doctors like bum rushed the room. I guess when they put me in the coma, they've expected me to be able to come out of it but they didn't think I was going to come out of it. So when I woke up, they were all completely shocked. So with that, I was like, what is going on? And my mom was just very grateful I was alive. And she informed me, she said, Adrienne, you're really sick. Like, you're really sick. And it was that my liver, my lungs, and my kidneys were all failing. And they were not going to be able to make me any better.

So they told my family that there was a good chance that they should call a priest. and have my last rights read to me and figure out what I wanted with my things because I was just so unhealthy and these things were not getting better. And it was only a matter of days before I was going to pass away. And I remember my sister coming in and asking me questions. I didn't realize she had a tape recorder like underneath the bed and was like, Adriana, what do you want to do with your apartment and all your car and all your stuff? And I was like, I don't know. I had a three-month-old niece at that time. And I said, give everything to my niece.

I don't know what else to do with it. And my sister was like, okay. And I remember being moved from floor to floor. They were like, I would get a little bit better one day, but then the next day get worse. And I got pneumonia. And I had to have a liver. I had obviously had liver biopsies done,

but I had to have blood transfusion. I had ports in my neck. I couldn't get out of bed. I wasn't able to walk. And then finally I took a turn. And they were like, she's getting better. Her numbers are getting better. You guys need to just pray.

You got to pray and pray that she gets better. And they did. Everybody sat with me and they prayed. And within the next couple of days, I started to progressively get better. And they would move me from one floor to another and started to stable out. And they were pretty much like she's a miracle. And the only reason she's alive is because of her age. There's no other reason.

If she was any older, there was no way. This is alcohol. I want to remind people, this was no drugs at all. This is pure alcohol. So they are like, in order to get her out of here and get her healthy, she's got to be able to walk again. So we got to start that whole process. So I had to be put in like a gurney and pulled out of my bed

and put in a chair like this and I'd have to sit in it for an hour a day. Everything hurt. I had a pain pump. My stomach was out to hear. My legs were swollen to the point of no return because there was so much fluid in me. They were draining my stomach left and right. And so I'd sit up for some of the day, get put back down. Sit up for some of the day, get put back down. Finally, it was like, we got to get her trying to get out of the bed. I had a walker. They were putting a wheelchair behind me,

and I was just doing it day by day. So by the two months of being there, I was close to being able to go home. And they said, the only way you can go home is if we can get all of the IVs out of your body and you can walk up three stairs and down without assistance. I said, okay. And that was, I said, take out. I was like get rid of the pain medication. The big fear there from my mother was, is she going to be addicted to pain medication now because I was on so much?

And I somehow got myself up three stairs and down. And within, with two months, to the date of two months, I was able to leave the hospital. Wow. Wow, that's, you need. hit home the point there too with alcohol. I think that you look back at the story and how it all started, right? I don't think any of us when we had our first drink realized how dangerous or what we were dealing with. But these stories are a lot more common than I think we even realize at times

about the impacts alcohol has. What were your thoughts, too, going through that? Like when they're like things, this might not turn around. This is kind of it. What are you thinking? A lot of the story was filled in for me because I don't remember a lot between the pain, medication. A lot of it was just a lot of a blur, but I do remember being like, how did I get here? How did I freaking get here? How did I not say something? How did I not say to somebody I'm struggling? Like, how did I think this would turn around and go away on its own? I did not think that would happen. But when I came out, I was so incredibly grateful to be alive that I had this change. thought, but there is something I should add. I was, they were telling me, when you leave this

hospital, you need to go to AA, you need to go and get actual help. The actual denial that I was still in that I had a problem was sickening if I look back at it. I was like, I don't need any of that. I just was going through a hard time. I was going through a broken engagement. That's enough to make anybody do this. What are you talking about? This isn't something that's going to continue. I can stop. And as soon as I get out of here, I'm done. I'll never touch a drink again. And that's the end of that.

That was what I believed, of course. That clearly was not the case. But I believed that. And I did not go and get any type of help. I was like, wow, I'm just so grateful. I didn't scared straight, as they would say. I would never touch a drink again. So I thought.

Yeah. What do you think was preventing you from help? That denial of not having a problem? Or was there anything else to it? I don't think I was ready to stop. I wasn't. ready. I didn't want to. I didn't want to live a life without alcohol. It almost killed me. And I think that's how people don't realize how strong addiction is. You know what I mean? People are like,

oh, it's a choice. You want to do this. Does anybody think anybody wants to go through what I went through and in a logical state of mind would go and pick a drink up? You know what I mean? If you really break that down, no. But addiction is so strong that I don't think I was ready to do. I was ready to to deal with life or cope or want to give it up. Or I also truly believed at that time that I could do it alone. I was like, I just can. I know I can. I'm strong enough. I, who would dare pick a drink up after this? Yeah. How long was it that you didn't drink for? I think I made it about two years without a drink. And then I had a drink here and there on a special occasion. I, as I called it, New Year's was coming and I really wanted to have a drink with my partner at the time.

I had already had a drink here and there at this point, but my family didn't know. And I had said to them, I believe that I'm able to have a drink here and there because the last time I was drinking, I was so miserable. I'm happy now. So I won't be like that. So I'm just going to have one every once in a while. And I'm a grown adult at this point. I'm 33 years old.

What are they going to say? And I'm like, they're like, okay. that's what you think and that's what you want to do. Be careful. And so I started having drinks here and there going away on vacation. I would have drinks. But again, I would always tell myself or tell other people, I was only having a few drinks. But I was really sneaking drinks more than I was supposed to be. I was drinking more. It was so secretive, though. It was so secretive to just me. I'm like, oh, I was with friends or an ex-boyfriend or whatever it may be. And I would have three drinks with him, but two without them.

Yeah. Because if I was going to do it, I was going to do it. I was able to come home and stop drinking after being away, and I would not drink for two or three months. But I started to realize what I was doing was I started planning more and more special occasions. Everything be, how am I going to be able to do this more? I'm not going to do this at home in my apartment because I can't do that. But what I will do is I'll book another vacation because that means that in three months I can do this all over again.

So if I could hold out that three months, months and really not drink and keep it stable and keep a normal life because I knew that my party time was coming. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. And it's interesting too how we tend to lose sight at times of how like the consequences of all of this, right? Because what you went through there was a lot, but a lot of people I think we experience consequences and whether it's jail or whether it's stuff that you went through. We forget what it was like there in those moments at times. call myself all the time, I'm a built-in forgetter. Like, I could forget how miserable I was in those moments of desperation.

And when I'm freaking out needing a drink, like, I'll forget about all of that because I'll remember the one taste of a drink being like, oh, that feel of relief and forget all of the other bad stuff. And that is why I have to constantly be reminded that that is what my life turns into. It's what it is. Yeah. And you brought up the other point, too, there about living a life without alcohol. It's kind of like that thing.

A lot of people talk about, like, their identity connected to alcohol. No more fun. No more socializing. No more this. But we do learn how to, as we go through this, I look back and I thought, oh, man, I'll quit drinking, but my life is over as I know it. And it's crazy. It's the best thing I ever did my entire life. I'm living again.

And it still took me steps to get to where I am now, but I'm actually living again. I was just existing, slowly dying, doing, that wasn't living. If that's what living was, I wouldn't want to live. This is life. Yeah. So walk us through that about the other steps to you calling it quits. So this proceeded for a while. I was in a long-term relationship once again.

My partner was a drinker, active drinker is the word I'll use. That's the only thing I'll say. And I was trying to stay sober. And it just wasn't working. It just wasn't working. So I had to make a tough decision. and end the relationship because deep down I knew that I needed to be sober and I needed to live a sober life and in that relationship was never going to happen. So I ended the relationship and when I

ended the relationship, the same trigger happened again. This relationship's over and I started drinking again heavily more every day. There was no more special occasions. It was I am drinking again. And the progression was very fast this time. It went from occasional drink here and there to I was back to drinking every day after work, everything. And I very quickly saw it affect my life. I started doing the bad behaviors that I would do, isolate, miswork, make plans with friends and cancel them, never be dependable. And that, people started to notice. My friends started to notice. People said stuff to my sister. And it was what's going on with her. something's going on with her. I ended up missing my nephew's birthday party where my then was a red

flag to my family. I missed my aunt's funeral. That was a red flag. I started missing a lot of work and I ended up losing my job of 10 years with the same restaurant group. My boss was like, when did my reliable person become so unreliable? And I was just like, what is going on? I got to get out of this. So that was June of 2024. Fast forward to August of 2024. My mom again noticed something was up. She came to my apartment. She saw me drinking the way that I was drinking.

And I had crushed her. I saw the look on her face. The woman watched me almost die. And here I am sitting and isolating in my apartment, drinking all over again. And that was my moment of desperation. That was my moment of, I have to do something or this is going to kill me this time.

That's it. And I said, all right, I'm going to do the thing I never wanted or thought I was going to do, but I need to find a rehab and a detox because I can't do this alone. There's no way. There's just no way. I called a local rehab that I knew that people from my area had gone to. They said, we have a bed for you in three days. I said, sign me up.

I'll be there in three days. In my opinion, thank God I have another three days to drink. That's just the reality of it. I stayed isolated for those three days. I drank as much as I wanted. And my mom took me to rehab that following Monday. It was the scariest day of my life. I cried the whole way there.

I cried on the front steps with my head and my hands again. Like, how did I get here? How did I get here? How am I? This is my life. And with that, I went in. I detoxed for four days. Medically, thank God.

And I started rehab. And when I was there, I've had that. as they call, like spiritual awakening, in my opinion, I was like, I am just emotionally, mentally lost, and I need a lot of help. And with that, I realized I was going to join a recovery group and try to figure out how to stay sober forever, because I realized at that point, I could get sober. I've gotten sober. I've stopped drinking for a certain amount of time. I've, but there's no way in hell that I can stay sober and not, and go through the rest of my life trying to do this,

fighting tooth and nail to stay sober by myself. Yeah. So that was when you're, what, 38 at this point? Yeah, I'm 39 now, but that was 38. That was last August. Yeah. Well, it's incredible that you let, you know, your mom help you out to get this ball rolling. She's my biggest fan, my number one supporter. I could have turned to her at any point and said, Ma, I need help. And she would have never turned her back on me. There's so many people that could never say that. And I, And I'm so grateful I could, but that just shows it doesn't matter that you're not going to do it unless you want to do it. You're not going to do it for your mother, your family, your children, you're anything.

You have to do it for yourself. Yeah. Yeah, because at the end of the day, that's what's there, right, is ourselves. Like everybody else goes on with what they got to do. We have to do it for ourselves and get honest, too. It sounds like throughout this process, too, you're getting honest that it's always going to end up in the same place. I think we can be in denying.

or maybe some of the delusion I can relate to about we're going to be able to make this work. We're going to be able to figure it out. I'll just stick to this schedule. Stick to that. Make these changes. I'll drink wine, not vodka. Yeah. Keep the dream alive.

But when you come to that spot of like just getting honest with ourselves that we always end up in the same place or one that's worse, they're not going to change. And I like that you brought up that point too about how to get sober because I get the question all the time from people. How do I get sober? We've all sobered up a little bit here and there. not really the question. It's how are you going to stay sober? Because we can sober up and be cranky about it too. So how do we stay sober? What's been so helpful for you? You know, going to the rehab, what did you learn there? And what have you continued since then to help you stay on track? For once I listened, for once I listened, I was suggested that I go to an AA meeting the minute

that I left rehab. And I tried to make every excuse. I was like, I'm tired. I haven't been, I haven't been home in 30 days. I want to go home and just rest. And my mom's like, is that what they told you to do? I'm like, no. She's, maybe you should listen this time. Okay.

I went to an AA meeting that evening. And the next day, I went to a 7 a.m. meeting in my area. And to this day, it is still my home group. I don't believe I can do this without AA. It is what is teaching me the way to live and teaching me the tools that I need to stay sober. I must add that I did have a relapse from, I was like 115 days sober and I relapsed in December. I think it was a lot of pink cloud. If anybody doesn't know what that is, a lot of pink cloud.

This is so amazing. Life is so amazing. And the minute I had like a bad moment, I was like, oh, God, I don't want to feel this at this moment. And I just needed it to stop. So I drank. I also had gotten a clean bill of health from my liver specialist, which I see on a regular basis now when I started drinking, I didn't. He said, you've got a clean bill of health. That was like, you've got a clean bill of health. You're doing so good. What should you do? Reward yourself, and I slipped.

But I did make the choice to immediately, after I slipped for about a week and a half, and then I immediately checked myself into detox eight days before Christmas. And I did four days of detox and I came out and I said, you start again. You fell, but that doesn't mean you lost that time. You start again. Get back to your meeting. I was great. with open arms from my people and I started all over again. I started step one and I go every day of my life. I either go on Zoom or I go there and I stay connected to my people that are helping me through this. This is a very weird thing for me. I've never been completely sober this long because I should add there's a whole point of this that I feel like I missed. I never was sober from marijuana.

I was still using marijuana as a coping mechanism and still smoking even though I was sober at some point or not drinking for periods of time. There was always marijuana there. So again, oh, I'm sober. I wasn't because I was still using it for the same way to escape, cope, not deal, not feel. So this is the first time. I even used it after rehab. After rehab, I said, there's no different.

I don't need to quit smoking pot. It's never made me do any bad decisions. Never made me get in my car or do anything bad. It doesn't matter. It's still using for exactly what I do. don't want it to be, which is a coping mechanism. So this is the first time I'm dealing with life 100% sober and it's wild. One moment I'm here, one moment I'm here, one moment I'm here, one moment I'm here. But I'm willing to go through it. Like I'm loving going through it because I'm finally feeling

like I'm somewhat free finally. Yeah, for sure. Of course, not not having to wake up and try to piece all of the previous night together or figure out how we're going to make it work moving forward. And that's what's on the other side of making the decision to quit and get some help like you have, right? Support. Connect with other people that have that are going through it, that have been through it, that can help us out. Totally. And it's such an amazing thing. Like, you sit back and you're like, if I had known that this is what it would be like, I would have done it sooner.

But that's not the path that it was for me. And it didn't happen that way for a reason. Whatever that reason may be, I'm not going to question it. But I am here now. And it shows that you can make. it turn around at any point that you're ready to because I thought I was a lost cause I'm like there's just I'm just going to be that person that relapses and says I can go this amount of time and I'm just I'm going to be that guy but I don't have to be that guy I have a choice to not be that guy yeah

that's where it gets too I think there's a point in the journey there was for me at least where I just accepted that this was my life and this is the way it's always going to be you go from that and then the consequences start to pour on but then there is always is that there there's a lot of people say you can get off the elevator at any time. And I think that's what's the what makes this incredible. And for some people, it takes what it takes. Some people I think they question too all the time. Like, why are other people getting it? Why am I not figuring it out? Look, I don't have all those answers, but I think it's sometimes it just takes what it takes. As much as, of course,

we don't want anybody to go through rough times or rocky times or bottoms or anything, like how are we going to be able to get to the spot to be honest with ourselves? I'm a firm believer and it takes what it takes because, again, like I go back to saying, one would think knocking on death's door would be what it takes. But that wasn't it. It was my own rock bottom of pretty much sick of my own shit that got me there. You know what I mean. So I am a firm believer and it takes what it takes.

And everybody's rock bottom is different. You don't have to almost die. You don't have to have a DWI. You have to just come to the point where you're sick of your own shit. And you don't want to live that way anymore. And it doesn't serve you in any positive way. That's enough. Anything is enough to say enough.

But it's to every person. It's very personal as to what makes you feel that way and what makes you get there. But whatever gets you there is what gets you there. And you just got to be grateful that you got there. Yeah. And run with it. Make something. Yeah.

Run with it. If you have that feeling, run with it. And just be like, there is another way. There is a solution. And there is another way. Yeah. And I take away a lot of what you shared there too and what's working for you now is getting connected with other people. I think there's so many people out there who just want to secretly do this.

Just do it on their own. Of course, that works for some people. I know lots of people that they. More power to them. But I think what's the harm with trying something different? I think it goes back to the old expression, right? If we always do the same thing, we always get the same result. I talk to people all the time.

And it's just like doing the same thing over and over again, expecting this big magical experience. And it's maybe we got to try to switch up how we're approaching it at times. And I became a firm believer in the people, places, and things that you surround yourself. I wanted to be sober, but I didn't want to change where I hung out, who I was hanging out with and what I was doing. I wanted to be the girl who sat in the bar with her old friends drinking a Diet Coke and that be my life until I realized that if nothing changed. changes. The cliche sayings, people are like, they're so clichécheting, but they are so right. If you hang out in a barbershop long enough, you're going to get a haircut. If you see these people, if you see everyone behaving in a certain kind of way, and you may not drink that day, you may not drink the next day,

but at some point you might say, fuck it. If you could say it or screw it, and you want to just do it. And I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to hang out in the same environments, and I wanted to be around the same people and I wanted to, who all could drink or drink and just be that person there sitting with a Diet Coke. And I realized that was going to be my downfall. If I didn't make a change and start surrounding myself with people that were more like me, that were more in tune with what we deal with on a regular basis, I'm never going to be happy. I'm going to be resentful of why are they living like this and I got to live like this and why are they doing that and I can't live like that. I got to be around the same kind of people to feel that kind of good feelings.

I can't be that person with the Diet Coke sitting at the bar. Yeah, to feel the love. Yeah. I mean, it's boring too for me. And when I used to do it, people were always like, what? You can sit at the bar and I'm like, yeah, it's fine. It's so fun. And then I'm like, this fucking sucks. But we spent so much time in our past lives doing that. It's a my goodness, so glad that we're moving in the right direction. Just heading towards wrapping up here, is there anything else that you want to mention before we sign off? I just want to say that if you're going through a tough time and you're going through this battle, I just want to say, reach your hand out and try to find some help. There's so much out there. Then we all think that we can do

things on our own. And I know that I certainly was convinced that one day I would be able to just say, I'm going to put the drink down and I don't need any help. And I learned, and I learned, I'm so grateful that I learned that it is okay to be doing this with other people and talking about it and reaching for that hand because you're going to be so grateful that you did one day. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day, but you're going to be so grateful that you did. And you don't have to battle this alone. You don't have to struggle it alone. You can start somewhere and just give yourself a chance because life doesn't have to be the way you think it has to be. It can be much better, and much greater because I'm living life in my wildest dreams and it's only 140 days.

I know that sounds ridiculous. But getting up, staying sober for one day, that's a life beyond my wildest dreams because I didn't think it was possible. Yeah. And even when you say that, too, 140 days compared to the way that you, you know, throughout your story there, we're living. This is incredible. I'm so grateful.

I really am. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us here on the show. Thank you so much, Brad. This was awesome. And thank you again. I love to hear your story as well. It's great. Yeah.

Thank you. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Thank you, Adriana, for plugging in. Sharing your story with all of us. Incredible job. Very, very well done. I'll drop the contact information for Adriana's Instagram,

down on the show notes below. If you've yet to leave a review on Apple or Spotify, I really don't know what the heck you're waiting for. Jump over there. after logging off of the episode, leave a five star, and I'll see you on the next one.