Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - At the end Rick Fulton was tired. Tired of the life he was living to maintain his addiction and it was life or death. Rick choose life.

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

Rick Fulton frequently minimized the gravity of the challenges he faced in his life. His upbringing was marked by profound difficulties, with his father's absence casting a long shadow. Between the ages of 3 and 6, Rick endured various forms of abuse that indelibly influenced his perspective on the world. As he matured, Rick developed an intense yearning for attention, a need that often went unmet. Lacking clear guidance, he eventually turned to alcohol and other substances (meth, ecstasy, speed) as a coping mechanism. At one point, Rick couldn't envision an escape, let alone one that would leave him alive. Rick almost died 4 times on this journey and he knew his time to change was running out. Remarkably, Rick has recently celebrated seven years of sobriety and this is his story on the sober motivation podcast. --------------- Check Rick out on IG: https://www.instagram.com/rick_fitness_guy Check out Sober Motivation on IG: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation Donate to support the show here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Check out SoberBuddy App: https://soberbuddy.app.link/motivation More information on SoberLink: https://soberlink.com/recover    

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. Rick Fulton frequently minimized the gravity of the challenges he faced in his life. His upbringing was marked by profound difficulties with his father's absence casting a long shadow. Between the ages of three and six, Rick endured various forms of abuse.

that inevitably influenced his perspective on the world. As he matured, Rick developed an intense yearning for attention and need that often went unmet. Lacking clear guidance, he eventually turned to alcohol and other substances as a coping mechanism. At one point, Rick couldn't even envision an escape, let alone one that would leave him alive. Rick almost died four times on this journey, and he knew his time to change was running out. remarkably Rick has recently celebrated seven years of sobriety, and this is Rick's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits

with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have a built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting. which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to loved ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Hey everyone, how the heck is it going? Brad here.

Look, on this episode, we got right into it, and Rick shared his story did an incredible job, and I pretty much just rode shotgun for this one. I asked a few things here and there. I want to give a huge shout out to the editing team that works on this podcast, that the podcast people. They do an incredible job. They have an incredible understanding of what to keep in the episodes and what the repeated stuff was and how to put everything together so it flows, it sounds good,

and you can really enjoy it and your ears just love it. So I want to give a huge shout out to them. They are incredible. And I want to give a big shout out to all of you, the listeners. Look, the response for the last episode and last week has just been truly incredible. Thank you so much for all your reviews. Thank you so much for your support. And I really hope that this show is helping a few people.

That's the whole idea here is that it can help a few people. And I really hope it is. So if you have any thoughts or anything, be sure to send me a message over on Instagram at Sober Motivation. And I would love to hear from you. But look, let's get into Rick's episode. you're really going to enjoy this one. Welcome back to another episode

of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Rick with us. Rick, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm well, man. I'm happy we could connect. Before we jumped on the air here, we were talking a little bit

how we've kind of known each other through social media. Every year you share your story and I come across it and I'm always inspired by it. So I'm glad we could connect for you to share here on the podcast. Absolutely. Thank you.

So how we start every episode? What was it like for you growing up? So I grew up without a father, figure in my life. My dad left when I was, this is the information I got from my mom. I'm, of course, when I was six weeks old, my dad took off. I think I saw him one time when I was like 10. Other than that, I mean, I do have communication via text with him right now. But other than that, it had never been in my life.

Stepdad came in my life about three years old. My sister was born via him. So me and my sister have same mom, different dads. and that's when stuff got interesting. A lot of abuse went on from my age of three to six, physical, mental, even sexual stuff happening. My mom at the time was unaware of certain things that were happening. There was other stuff happening with like my cousins that I later came out and told my mom

and she did not have any idea about that. So from a very early age, my view of the world was jaded for sure. lack of trust in people, just no type. I really want to say I closed off. I know it's kind of an early age at three, but I remember vividly what happened. And that kind of shaped the way I viewed the world. Like I said, my relationships with people suffered because of that. You know what I mean? Later on, I found that out, you know, but quick pro quo is that three to six, all this abuse is happening. It's pretty wild. And back in the day, you know, it's Mississippi. That's where I was born. I was born in Union, Mississippi. A lot of people, they push stuff under the rug. You know, they're like,

it didn't happen or let's look the other way. I don't know if my family did that. Not too sure, but it was very interesting how when I went to court at the age of six to prosecute this gentleman, they let him go. And it was very interesting. So there it is. Again, I'm getting kind of a raw hand. I think at the time of life, right? My grandfather, who was the only like male figure in my life or male individual I actually trusted was someone who testified because he was a surgeon and he had seen me many, many times at hospitals, you know, coming in. I had injuries, and of course, my mom thought I just fell or whatever. Anyway, I was told that he would kill me, so I surely believe that.

I mean, he's bigger than me and older than me. So I didn't really say too much about a certain abuse that happened, but people started putting stuff together, you know what I mean? But when they let him go, my mom decided to move out of state, we moved to Colorado. And like I said, I had developed behaviors. You know, I didn't realize it at the time until I got sober, actually really sober, Not just, I'm not going to drink or use, but like when I started to actually work the steps and stuff like that, and I'll get into that later. I was like, oh, no, I always manipulated.

What I found out was I was a thief. I like to probably because I wanted detention maybe, I guess, because I was lacking attention. I mean, they would buy me things and stuff like that, but that's not attention. So I craved physical contact and love from people and I wasn't getting that. Even though like my mom was great, she was awesome. She kind of just tried to fix everything for me, which really turned around to being enabled. You know, we call it being an enabler. My grandfather and my grandmother, they were great,

but they had their own views of the world, you know what I mean? Mississippi, if you know anything about them, they have certain ways that they view the world, right? So I had one person telling me one thing in one year, another person telling me another thing in another year. I have all this abuse going on. I don't really know what to say or how to say it. Afraid of getting killed by this guy,

that really shaped everything for me. I was probably, you know, an alcoholic. And I say alcoholic, what I have that isom where I do things to the extreme, probably from the age of five, you know, looking back. So when my mom did finally move, you know, because they finally put stuff together, they let him go, whatever. We move, right, well, I take this with me. You know, I go everywhere. So it's not like I moved to another spot and all the things are going to get better.

I always thought that. I always thought a geographical location change would be great, you know, and that it would fix everything. But when the problem resides inside of me, which I found out later on, it goes everywhere with me because I travel everywhere, right? So when we moved, you know, me and my sister had a really good relationship, well, for the most part. And then stuff started to happen where I really want to say that they really had to think about it, that I blamed her for things that had happened because it was her dad. Oh, it's your dad that did this to me. That's kind of one of those things. I never really voiced that.

But looking back at that, I believe that my behaviors towards her were because of that, you know. And that's a shame because I wish I could go back and change that. If I could change anything in the world, it would be to have a better relationship with my sister and to not treat my family like I did. So, you know, I think the behaviors that I really learned from early on was manipulation. I would lie just for no reason. It would just be the most crazy thing. I would just lie about whatever. And then I would be very guarded as far as like let people in or who I knew, you know, like trusting people.

I don't know. I remember always like wanting love or craving love and I would get gifts, but I would never feel like fulfilled. And I don't know what was missing. I know now what it was. It was a higher power for sure. But now I'm like sitting here, seven. year old kid in a different state. I had developed relationships in Mississippi, you know, with these friends. You know, as a kid, you develop relationships with people. And when you get pulled from

them, it kind of shakes things up, right? And I remember moving very, very often in my childhood. So I never really got close to anyone. I never really could. I get closer to the need or they leave or whatever. It just was seem to be that repetitious thing that was happening was moving. I get close to nobody. Okay, whatever. And I want to say I started to get close to. just some people in Colorado and then we had to move again. And it was just one of those things, you know. And then my father did come back into my life. My real father did try to come back into my life.

Now I hear two different stories. My mom tells me one thing. My dad tells me another. Whatever. It is what it is. But I think I saw him one time. And so like I said, you know, I had developed this addiction to steal, manipulate. And I really firmly believe that those early childhood years.

You know, I've done a lot of research and stuff like I've been doing drug counseling for quite some time about the early years and how important that plays in that person's life. And that for sure shaped everything for me. When we did move to Colorado, my grandfather passed away. Like I said, I was super close to him. And he was the only male that actually I could trust because of being violated like it was. And so when he passed away, honestly, I didn't know how to deal with it. So, you know, people usually turn to chemicals or whatever.

Well, I turned to something different. At the time, it's not really prevalent in males to have eating disorder, but that's what I had back in, I think it was 87 or 88, I developed that. I didn't really know what it was. I just knew what was going on. I just know I didn't know how to cope with that loss. I thought I'd be okay, but I wasn't able to fully cope with that. So I started to do this exercise thing. And I don't even know what happened. It's like there's no obesity in my family. I was not overweight. Matter of fact, it's just something that just kind of popped. Instead of like a chemical, it was a chemical in a different way, right? I just knew that my life

seemed out of control, I thought I could control it. And this was something I could control. And then what I ended up doing was I ended up using it to manipulate to get what I wanted, you know, because if my mom didn't do something, I'd say, well, I'm not going to eat, or I'm going to do this, or I'm going to hurt myself. You know what I mean? So I would always use it as a tactic to get what I wanted. You know, it was a manipulation tactic for sure.

But at the same time, I had this thing happening, and I didn't know what it was. I was, like, exercising and then it turned into some, like, counting calories. And it turned into full-blown anorexia nervosa. And I didn't know what was happening or why it was and no one really knew. And, you know, I went to several hospitals for that in my teenage years and just never really, I mean, yes, it subsided, but then it came back and then it subsided and it got worse, almost like drugs. It was wild. And so now that I've been through all that stuff in my life, I was like, oh, yeah, this was for sure a part of the ism, the alcoholism, you know, that I had. I just didn't know it yet.

You know, I was predestined. Just like I said, just didn't know it. I did really well in high school, did well in school. You know, I got in some trouble early on. But then I ended up coming and I ended up being like, I get good grades. My mom will love you. So here's this like perfectionist, like over the top kind of attitude that I had had earlier on. I was like, oh, but it shifted to something else now.

So I was like, oh, wow, I went to the extreme on this. And I'm going to go to the extreme on this. And, you know, then I got involved in the Boy Scouts. And I'm like, well, I'm going to be the best. I'm going to get the Eagle Scout the quickest because, you know, ooh, that's going to be, and then it turned out, like, doing all that stuff super quick, it didn't suffice. It was like, I never enjoyed it.

You know what I mean? I used to go to amusement parks with my mom and my mom would be like, you were so worried about the next ride. You weren't worried about the ride you were currently on. And I was like, oh, my gosh, you're right. So that's kind of interesting to be able to, like, pinpoint that. So then I'm like, all right, so I do well in school. My mom tells me at the end of high school,

I, you know, I was valedictorian. And I did accomplish something, but what extent? You know what I mean? I treated people like crap. I was burnout, dude. And I broke myself out for sure. And I remember my mom saying, I would have loved you if you got F's. And I was like, what?

So I was like, I mean, dude. So I did this to myself. It was like torture. I don't know. But then I was trying to be perfectionist. I remember somebody challenging me in high school saying, you'll never get this. And I was like, bet, watch. And it was kind of like a challenge.

Like, okay. You know what? Yeah, I will get this. But then at what extent? High school was whatever. Yeah, I was well-known for good grades, but I didn't fully get to enjoy it because I was also struggling with this eating disorder. And no one knew. No one knew. I usually wore baggy clothes. I didn't talk about it at all. It was like not talked about. I think a few of my mom's close friends knew about it. But, you know, like I said, the addiction was coming. Like the chemicals were coming. They just hadn't cropped yet. And as soon as I had graduated, I started to rebel. I was like starting to get some piercing. and I was starting to be like staying out all night kind of thing. Wasn't using quite yet, but it was coming. It was like, here is the shift again. It's like it shipped at the same time. It's like Boy Scouts and then it was school and then it was this eating disorder. There's always things to the extreme.

And then next thing you know, I had my first drink. My first drink was 20 drinks. I wasn't playing around. I mean, at the time I was like, well, no big deal, whatever. Got sick, of course. You don't have 20 bottles and James wine coolers are so gross. I can't be if I drink that many of those. everything. It's like seagrams, you know, the seagrams, oh, yeah, geez. I remember after,

I don't know if I drank too many after that, but I remember I kicked off. It's pilot. I ruined it, I ruined his story. I was like, no, I was like, but I remember being in the bathroom and sitting at the toilet and I remember saying this and I've said it so many times and I'm sure people can relate to this. I'll never do that again. I'll never do that again. I'll never do that. I'm never going to drink again. I remember saying that. And I was like, That was my first time doing it. I had no clue that that even meant. I was just like, what it was setting myself up for.

I rested a day in the next thing, you know, I'm like, oh, I feel great now. So I can do that again. I just, I'll control it better. I'll figure a way out. So I remember trying to go to college. I had a four-eyed scholarship. I didn't take advantage of it, man. I just, I was burned.

Looking back now, I wish I would have taken advantage of it, but at the time, that's not how the way my life rolled, you know? I ended up getting connected with some other people. I ended up getting into some illegal activities. I'm a kid who was like never going to do drugs and never going to get involved in any of this stuff. But that's not the way my life went. Unfortunately, I made decisions and I chose to be around people that were doing this type of stuff, you know? At the time, I was like very much jaded into the world.

I really didn't understand what was really happening. And then I found out what was happening via meeting certain types of people. And I remember it's just like, like I said, once the pilot light was lit, once I drank Albre, alcohol, that was a wrap. And I remember right before this happening, that's one thing I forgot to mention. I've been seeing counselors and therapists since I was five. So here or there, what's wrong with the, da-da-da-da-da-da. I just got ADHD to try to put me on meds. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I don't need no meds. So this guy I saw when I was 17, he says, hey, Rick, you better get a hold of this anorexia thing or you're going to die. So he showed

me this movie. And he said, it's called Karen Carpenter Story. Show me the movie. I said, fuck, I don't want to die. And he's like, well, you better get it together. He goes, this is what's going to happen in your life if it hasn't happened already. You probably shipped it from one thing to the next and it's going to continue to happen. Things to the extreme. And he said the same thing, but I didn't know anything about recovery at the time. I had no clue about your N.A. and any of that stuff.

I just knew that he said something very, but now that I think back, that was very beneficial and very like on point. And I remember, okay, shit, I want to live. So now I got to figure this out. Unfortunately, I didn't die.

I mean, I'm very surprised. usually they say once you stop that because it got bad. It was horrible. I was like, I think 70, 80 pounds I got down to and I don't know how I did die. I mean, other than higher power, that's all I can say. All this stuff happening, you know, him saving me from my stepdad, for him allowing me to live through that anorexia.

Now I'm under this drug thing, well, alcohol first, then drugs. And then my heart doesn't die or whatever, it doesn't collapse or like some people it does. You know, so thinking back, man, I was very fortunate. like, okay, yes, I might have thought I got a raw hand at life. But now looking back, I actually had a life that was supposed to happen like that so I could help somebody. Because people need to know what that's like. What is it like to go through that kind of stuff and be able to survive it? What is it? My life is nothing compared to some people's, right? And I found this out over the course of like being in recovery and talking to people, but there is people like, I could have easily

gone a different route or I could have even made an even worse decision. So I'm just fortunate that like the hand of God was upon my life and I was able to like make it through the abuse make it through all the stuff in high school now I'm into my addiction right but God's been so good I quickly can say this is that basically what happened was once I started to drink then it's like the flood gates open you know it got around people smoking weed and doing cocaine and then doing acid and I mean like see you know I'm like hey I'm full blown in it's one thing from 18 to 30 was a blur and I moved around a lot I want to say it's It started off small, but then I remember being introduced into methamphetamine when I was 19, and that was a rap.

It's not like I started slamming dope the next day or anything like that. I was afraid of needles, by the way. So I was like, no, I'll never do needle. I'll never do that from a kid that was like, I'm never going to commit crimes and I'm never going to use to someone who is, yeah, I'll bet sir off. I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever for you to like me, maybe, right? And even if you don't like me, I'll still do it anyway. So then, like I talked about earlier on, I remember not feeling connected with people.

So I felt connected through the drugs. I felt connected through the using. I felt connected through the criminal activity. You know, I was able to kind of connect in that way with people, even though it wasn't very healthy at all. But I remember a pivotal point is I learned about what AA was. I heard about it, actually. Didn't know exactly what that was.

And I remember these guys were in this meeting. A friend had to go to this meeting, get a card signed. And I go, these guys are boring. Oh, my God. What Friday night? Are you kidding me? They're in this stupid room, all whatever they're doing. doing and I said the steps. I said, these things are stupid. I said, who in the hell reads this

thing? And then, I mean, what does it even mean? I had no clue. I was so naive to it. Looking back, these guys had the answer. So then I remember walking across the street with my friend and drink it and yeah, getting some trouble. Next thing you know, I'm like, I was, I'm in teen challenge, right? I mean, this teen challenge program, it's my first program. He did the teen challenge program. You went to that program? Is that what you go to that one? Yeah. Like, how do you get into that? what gets you to the point of like, because that's at least a one year program, isn't it? Yeah, so I had a friend of mine, actually the same friend that I had to go to AA. His wife was like super Christian and she said, oh, he can go here.

And anyway, I was like, that's how I had gotten in some, not trouble, but I don't know if I was doing speed. I was doing definitely hard drugs, but I don't know to what extent. I just remember my mom was a little worried. I'd gone from a kid that was like straight A's going to be a doctor, going to be a lawyer to now he, He's dropped out of college and he is running around doing whatever. Remember my mom, she says this. She told me, I want to send you there to get fixed. We all know about programs.

Programs can't fix you, but you experiencing stuff in the program can fix you. But you have to connect with a power greater than yourself in order to have any type of change. That's what I found out. I mean, I can do some steps, not have no spiritual connection and probably end up back or even worse than when I was if I don't have like some sort of a routine, right? But yeah, I got in there. What they did is they filled out this application. I remember I had to go to this three-month thing in Bakersfield. That was a nightmare.

I was straight up. I went from like super strict. I couldn't smoke. I was like, you know what I mean? And it was like all these rules. I mean, I'm used to like doing whatever the hell I want. Now I'm like, can't do that? I was pissed at my mom first.

But then here it is. Here's that mentality again. I'm going to be the best. I can't remember what it was called. But I was like, I'm going to be the perfect. and not get in no trouble. And it was like, for the top, for sure. Had this perfectionistic attitude.

And I remember when I was there, my eating disorder recroped. It came back. I was like, dude, I thought I got rid of this. The problem was I never got rid of it at all. It just kind of, he lied dormant while I was doing this other thing. And so once that occurred, I was like, oh, shoot. So the program can be like 18 months. Fortunately, I did graduate, but I didn't make it through that internship program.

I think it was 16 months. So you spent three months in Makersfield. They had the induction centers all over. And then I flew over, not flew, but drove over to the castle in Riverside. So we actually lived in the castle for the other nine months. Actually, that was when it was super strict. So the other place was, yeah, they had a lot of rules. This other place, oh my God, you'd sneeze wrong and they'd give you a ride-up.

You're like, what? You know what the problem was with that place that I look back at now? It's the fact that they didn't introduce the steps. The fact that it didn't introduce AA. It's the fact that they did set you up. for when you get out and prepare you for that. That was a downfall. Maybe they've changed by now, hopefully.

They didn't set it up for you to be of service. I didn't understand what the hell that. I was like, what does that be of service? I hear that, you know, now if they would have told me that, as a matter of fact, I went home on my pass. This is how crazy it was. So I went home on my pass and got high because I had no type of, I didn't know. I had no clue.

I started to hang around somebody and next thing you know, I'm high. And next thing you know, I came back to the place and I got kicked out because I stole something. I stole somebody's money. And I never admitted it, but I was like, I stole their money. I'm like, and I don't know why I did it.

Then as soon as I thought about it, I was like, that was stupid. I probably should put that back because I'm the only one in the room with this guy. And I went back to go put it back and he'd already,

where's my money? And I was like, oh shit. Like, then I don't have it. You know what I mean? Like you're caught like shit. And then next you know,

I'll find it. Now you got to help me. I was going to try that. But he was like, you've the only one, because there's only certain people can go in that room. So I was screwed. I knew it. And then so I literally this became a theme with me. Get your bags and leave. I'm kicked out. So I'm waiting for my mom. Once again, I'm having to make

up some fucking store. I made up a story. I said a story. I said, hey, mom, I told them they did something. I said, they did something to me. You know what I mean? I lied. I said, I lied. And later on, she found out, I think I told her on the way home. Yeah, they said I stole something. They're like, stole something. And I'm like, yeah, they're ripping. I didn't steal no one's money. I sure the hell did. Yeah, I did. But I made it look like they were the fault.

Does she think she believed you? Well, at the time she did, probably. Yeah. Yeah. No. She goes, why'd you tell me that story? She always said that. A story to her is a lie.

So she goes, you keep telling me stories. And I go, no, no, this time it's real. And I would literally make myself believe something was real, the truth. So I could really get into it. It was so, it's such a bad habit, you know, just horrible. You know, I had to come home. And, like, I didn't have no solution. And so next thing you know, there's so many things I don't even remember.

But I remember my mom being a school teacher and saying, I can't have drugs in the house. So I came home and tried to like, I don't know, do something normal. I had met a guy in there, though, and Teen Challenge that I'd gotten his number. So I'm trying to stay sober. It's not. I don't even know what that word means. So I ended up having some weed in the house. She found it.

She thought I was heroin. And she was like, banging it with a hammer. It was quite funny. But I was like, that's not heroin. But she's like, I can't have you living here. you need to call somebody. So she was basically kicking me out of her house. And I was like, are you kidding me right now?

And she's like, I'm not kidding. Yes, you got to go find some place to live. So I call this friend up in Bakersfield. Yeah, that's where my life shifted up there. So where I just went for that induction center and all that stuff for T challenge, I ended up back there with some guy that all I knew is from the program, you know. And I think I ended up, he came down with a friend and I had some girl I was hanging with and I took her with me.

It was stupid. So wild. And that's where my life. I've shifted there. It was like always shifting from one thing to the next. But that was my kind of teen challenge story. And I didn't realize, fuck,

I just spent a year or like more than a year in this program. And I got high immediately because I didn't know any better. I just thought if I don't do speed, if I don't do hard drugs, I'll be fine. And so, you know, here I am,

like going, wow, that didn't even work. But it was a good program as far as introducing you to a higher power and getting you into some sort of routine, but it didn't work for me. So it would be interesting. thing too to talk with a bunch of people about their first program that they attend they actually

stay sober forever after right like i think for me i went to different programs and they didn't necessarily like i didn't stay sober after them but i learned a little bit and then the next one i went to i think i learned a little bit more and then when i was completely ready to do this thing i was able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together and had a really solid play about what yeah for a lot of people i think their first whatever they go to like how many people figure it out after one you know i I know years a long time. Most programs aren't that long, but most people, it takes a little bit of research. Yeah.

So what the heck after Teen Challenge? You're back at it again. I know you share the picture, right? And we talked a little bit about your picture beforehand. Man, you're looking much, much better now, Rick. I thought it's right. What happened, though? What happened leading up to that?

Like, what's the story behind that picture and where are you at now and what the heck is working for you? And let's plug into some of that too in a bit. Yeah, for sure. After the team challenge, you know, I've been through, I'll just give you a quick little, I went through tons of programs, man. Like I said, it was a blur. Like I don't remember too much.

I just know it was here and there. I ended up getting introduced to the needle, started slamming meth. It's a wrap from there, dude. Anything I did drug-wise, I was slamming it. If I couldn't slam it, I tried to figure out a way to slam it. Got really super crazy. Got involved with some people. We ended up in prison at the age of 30.

As a matter of fact, I told a lot of people leading up to this, arrest that I had in Kansas. Oh, that's by the way, I ended up shifting to Kansas after the Baker'sville thing didn't work. Had a daughter, by the way. So I have a daughter with this girl. I was not ready to be sober. I was not ready to be a dad. I was just in the midst of my addiction. It was horrible. I do have contact with my daughter, but it's kind of a sore subject. I'm like, man, I wish I could have done that, but it just wasn't the time, you know. But I remember sitting there saying, I'm going to be dead before I'm 30 anyway, so it doesn't even effing matter. And I remember saying that. And my higher power had something different in mind. So

19 days before I turn 30, I think about specific times in my life where I'm like, God was there for sure, because I was either going to go kill myself because I was going to go do this stupid thing and try to make meth. You have to go hit these tanks to get this chemical right to make the math. Anyway, so then I'm either like, hey, so I'm going to either do that or I'm probably going to get killed or something bad is really going to happen. So God kind of just went whooped me out on the age of 30. I went to court. I thought I was going to get released. I got sent to prison. So that was like a saving grace.

You know, if I was to say, hey, Lord, save me, he was doing that. So in prison, you know, of course, I'm not using, I'm just dry, though. And if anybody knows what that word means, I'm not using any chemicals, but I'm not working on myself because I don't even know I need to work on myself. I thought the drugs are the problem. Once I get sober, it'll all pan out. But once you've, like, created all this wreckage, I mean, How does that work, right? But in my mind wasn't opened up to that yet.

Yes, I got into a Christian program. Yes, I didn't get into any issues. I tried to stay out of problems because shit, I was not trying to do more time there. Oh, my God. I was like, I had done a stand at three months in jail. But other than that, I hadn't done time like that. I'd been very blessed. I'd gotten away with a lot of things over the years.

Like, I probably shouldn't even be out of jail. But because of God's grace, I have been able to avoid some stuff. And so that's a miracle itself because there's not things that I now know that I was like, ooh, that wasn't the best decision there. So, you know, me thinking that like I'm going to come out of prison and stay sober was something that, yeah, I plan. It's not what happened. But I do remember this.

I remember sitting there. And this is leading up to this picture, of course. But this is, the picture was like when I was 40, which is wild, right? You think it 40, you'd be not doing that stuff. I mean, I wasn't planning on that. But 30, I was like, I want to be a counselor. I want to do something with my life. And I remember like an odd jobs, a construction guy.

I'm like, dude, I want to help people. So this is where the helping thing comes in, you know, where I'm like, okay, maybe I can connect with people that had been through abuse or been through the eating disorder or been through the addiction or been through whatever, right, feeling all this stuff, all this trauma and stuff. So I remember I was digging holes one day, drives out of prison and stuff. And I was like, dude, I got to do something. So I started to go to school, you know what I mean?

And I thought school was recovery. I thought being a counselor was going to be my recovery. And I come to find out that that doesn't work, that you have to work a program. And I'm like, why thought I was working a program? I was like, I went to school. I'd hit meetings every once in a while. You know what I really thought? I thought, I thought, hey, he's going to save me.

I thought, hey, he's going to save me. I don't really need to do much. He'll show up. And that's not how he works. He works like this. This is my experience. You show up, he'll meet you halfway. You got to put the work in.

And I'm like, oh. So I'm with this girl. I'm about to get married. This is leading to that picture. I'm sitting there and I'm like, and she's talking about drinking. And I've been dry for her. Here's another thing.

I'm dry again. I never wanted to work the steps. I tell everybody, you need to work your steps. She did do this. You need to do that. Me, I'm like, no, I don't need to do that shit. I don't need to talk.

I don't need to do. It's stupid. Why I'm going to read some re-admitted? I don't admit anything. I don't need to admit nothing. I'm fine. I'm good. This girl's like,

we're engaged. She's like, hey, I think we should drink. And I'm like, well, it's not a good idea. She's like, well, why not? And I'm like, because I get a little crazy when I use. And I said that, knowing what I was about to do. But then once the day came, you know, like I said, I wasn't working a program. I wasn't connected spiritually to, yes, I believe in Jesus.

Yes, and all that stuff. But I wasn't connected. I wasn't plugged in. So when it came to time to present itself, there's just me and her there. I'm like, oh, this would be great. I'll get engaged. and we can have some wine. That's what the thing was, right?

We'll have some wine. I'll be fine. I said, glassy people drink wine. I remember thinking about how people swirl wine when they'd sip it, right? And that's what I was thinking about. I'm like, I'll be like one of them. I'll be all right. No one in the back of my head, I have a black bag up in an attic that I have hidden.

I have syringes hidden. I have weed hidden and have these pills hidden. I don't know how long I had that, but I think I had that for over three years. And I'd moved that bag all over the place. because I knew I wasn't supposed to have that. And I was like, maybe I should get rid of it over and over in my head. Probably about a thousand times. I mean, so many times.

I remember every day thinking I could, I should get rid of that and I go, no, no, no, no, I might need it. Oh, I might need it because I got anxiety. Oh, no, no, I might need it because I got the weed can help me. I'd always make excuses. So in the back of my head, I'm thinking, I'll be okay. I'll be fine. And literally, that started this downfall for me, right? At the time, it was a slow creeper run.

It was weird. It was a little bit of wine. It was like a glass of wine. That's why I say a glass of wine almost killed me. They're like, how? I'm like, let me tell you the story. A glass of wine started this little four pack of wine. Now, this is very interesting because I remember, and I'm very coherent with this stuff.

And I remember hearing this voice when I had that four pack with the second time I drank. And the voice said, you're fucked. And I said, I'm not fucked. And she goes, who are you talking to? And I said, what? And it was literally like somebody was in my ear saying that. And I was like, oh, shit. And thinking back, I was for sure.

So a little after that, you know, it's like the stuff in the attic comes down. I ended up using everything in that bag. I remember getting a weed card. Now I need a weed card because I got anxiety. That's why I told them. It was super easy to get. The syringes stayed with me. I kept those until I'll save these for later.

Because I never would slam dope again. I told myself that. I said, it's been seven years. I won't do it. There absolutely no way. But the addiction has a different story. So, you know, we moved back to Huntington Beach. We're living in Salient, in this California.

We moved back down. to Huntington Beach, California with her parents because her dad at the time had an heart surgery and we needed to be there. And she's like, let's go to a rave. I said, hell yeah, let's go. We'll just do it one time. She said that.

I'm like thinking, there's no fucking way I'm doing this one time, but I'm thinking, yeah, we'll be fine. And literally, that was it, dude. So, I mean, I can't just do one hit of ecstasy. Are you kidding me? You know, by the end of the night, I had some guys numbered. I'm trying to do this stockpile deal with this guy

like for 20, 30 pills. I don't know. And I said, I didn't want to buy it. I wanted to already have it. So what started off is nonchalant, I guess fun. I don't even know what you would call it. Like just something that seemed very innocent, now started to look a little bit more serious.

And it kind of just progressed from there, mixing dangerous chemicals together. I tell myself, I'm not doing hard drugs. I'm like, I'm just doing acid, ecstasy, and mushrooms. I'm going to be fine, right? And I tell people, I'll be okay. I was literally lying to myself. So later on, you know, it got worse, of course.

I'm working as a counselor. So I've been in the industry for a little bit of time. I'm counseling people and getting high. But I'm not getting high. Like my type of getting high is like, okay, I'm doing speed every day. I'm slamming dope. I need it. I need it.

No, I'm doing shit on the weekends on my day off. And I'm able to function because I'm not doing chemicals that I need every day if that makes any sense. So it's not like I'm doing heroin or speed or cocaine or eating that shit. But there came a day. They always told me there come a day when you meet somebody. So there came a day when I met somebody. We're at a club. We're like, woo, woo, whoop to boo.

It's just a small club in Anaheim. And so these guys are like, I've got some ecstasy. And I was like, fucking cool. You know, I got some new friends. So yeah, got their number. Next thing you know, I'm hanging out with them. I think a week later. This is how fast it happened.

It was super quick. They had, oh, I know, it's going to be guys night out. So my fiance at the time ago was like, go out with them, have fun. So we're going out drinking. As soon as they get in the car, they pulled up this white bag, I'm like, fuck. And there was no defense. They're like, you want some. I go, hell yeah.

I was like, I don't want to slay. I don't want to snort anything, but I did it because I'm like, I don't want to freak these people out. So I did that. I remember doing it all night long. My nose was fucked up and I went to work the next day. And I felt shit. The next day after that was my day off.

And next thing you know, I'm hanging out with them again. I said, hey, let me get some of that to take home. And I knew what I was going to do. But I was like, no, I'll be all right. So I go and I do this giant shot of cocaine. And next thing you know, I'm on Craigslist and I'm trying to get some speed from some dude. And that's a wrap. Dude, I'm like, holy fuck.

And I'm like thinking, damn, dude, my drug usage just tripled from what it was, at least slamming wise. And so from May 15th of 2016 to July 21st to 2016, I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I can tell you this. I almost died four times. I was not doing heroin or fentany of that shit. I was not an opiate type of dude. I did do a little heroin one time via the run, but I was slamming huge amounts of speed and cocaine, and I was even doing it together. I was doing all types of hits of acid. As a matter of fact, the story behind that picture is this. I was supposed to be at an outpatient program that night.

I lied to my girl and I said, I was supposed to meet this guy for some money. He owed me some money. And I met this strip club and I'm like, oh, I'll get this money from this guy and I'm looking rough and I'm feeling rough. And I'm like, I'll be all right. And I remember I'd been up for about a week. And I was drinking and I think I was slamming meth in their bathroom.

And I remember just feeling fucking miserable, man. It's like the drugs had just sucked my soul out of me. It's like I felt soulless that it makes any sense. So yeah, I come outside. I'm like, fucking miserable. I'm like, fuck this. I'm going to take these eight hits of acid. So I go to my car and I open it up and I go and I give it a thought.

I'm like, because they're super small. And I'm thinking, yeah, I can fucking handle this. So I fucking took it. And I had nobody with me or around me. So, you know, I get out of my car. I'm talking to like the security guy. he's telling me some fucking story about sobriety and I'm, he's starting to sound fucking weird.

And so we're about 20 minutes in and I'm like, I'm fucked. And I can't use my phone because I don't know how to use my phone. And I remember this guy coming out like walking towards me with a walkie talkie. He was a security guy. His fucking walkie talkie went off and that was it. From that point on, all I can remember is I blacked out. I think I remember running in and out of the club real quick, maybe. The guy came back and I came back to reality.

Like, I was able to, like, be coherent for a second. He said, get away for me. But, bro, that was it. Next thing you know, I'm in some sort of psychosis, the middle of summer. What I experienced was I'm walking down this road and all these cops are in these yellow jackets like someone got murdered. That's what I remember. It's raining. I see this yellow taped sidewalk cordoned off.

This is super crazy because when I tell this story, it's super wild. I feel like I'm there again. So I'm coming up to this corner. and my grandfather's bones, skeleton is coming out of this concrete. And when I go to reach for him, and the significance about him is because I trust him. So I reach for his hand and I get electrocuted by this lightning that's dying out. And then this demon flies out of me. What's really happening is I'm getting tasered by the police.

Don't realize it. So I get electrocuted three times, three demons fly out of me. I think I smack my head on the ground, came to for a second, ended up being hawk tide. And the next thing you know, I'm like, my eyes are open and I don't know where the hell I'm at. And I'm like looking up at the sky, I don't know where I'm at.

The crazy thing was, what I was thinking in my head was I thought these people, because I didn't know who those people were that were standing above me, but they were actually the cops. What my mind told me was they're going to try to kill me. They're going to try to piece me together. They're going to try to cut me up into a million pieces

and put me in a box. They're going to frame me for a murder. These are the thoughts rolling around in my head. And of course, I don't know even what I look like. Oh, and by the way, I'm strapped down to this bed. Of course, I don't know how much time actually went by. And I realized I'm in a hospital.

It's a tip, turn in this fucking beeping. I was like, beep, beep. And this girl kept walking by like, and I was like, dude, am I like in a research laboratory? That's what I thought in my head. So super crazy, super wild. And what's very interesting is that when I finally came to and realized where I was at, I was like, oh my God, these are cops. He's been in the hospital.

And, you know, eventually they let off one. strap at a time. I know in the big book they talk about being strapped down. And I was like, that was me for sure. And that's not what I had planned. I had no phone, no anything. I think I did have my wallet. I was missing a shoe. Like you can see in the picture, my shirt was ripped. I looked like I had been flummeled to death. Reports say I'd smacked my face against a brick wall. I don't know what really happened. I had a huge giant cut on my leg where I almost lost my leg because I don't know what happened. I got into it probably with somebody, who knows.

And the fiancé that was waiting at home thought I had died. And this is how the picture came. So I eventually find a way to get home because I couldn't even figure out how to get home because I'm like, I couldn't even remember numbers or anything. I think I did remember my mom's number. I think I finally was able to like remember my fiance's number. But I remember getting in this taxi and shimminging in her house, I was hoping her parents weren't home because if they saw me like that,

because I did finally go to the bathroom and saw myself. And I said, oh, my God, like a homeless deal. And I remember before I got the taxi ride, I was trying to figure out what to do. And I remember going outside and I remember people looking at me like I was a piece of trash. And I remember, damn, is that what the homeless people think? Is that what they feel? And I really at that moment felt exactly the way probably some people look at people. You know what I mean?

That are on the road. People are on the road. I don't look at them like, oh, they're just this or that. I look at them as like, those are people that need help. I was there once. So it was kind of eye opening because I was. able to experience what they probably experience every day. That was super awesome and cool to go through that because now when I get it every chance I get,

you know, I help out. So finally get home in this taxi cab. I ship me up to her room. Wake her up. She's freaking out. She's like, what's going on is she snapped that picture. So the only reason I got that picture from her was because one day I asked for a picture

from her, Hey, babe, send me a picture. She sent me that picture. And she goes, that's what I remember. And I was like, so she was super hurt, right? I heard her. And that's not what I was trying to do, man. You know, everything that you would not want to do, I did.

And unfortunately, it was like being controlled. I think this time around was the first time around that the drugs actually were controlling me. Like, I literally did not want to do drugs. And I was like, didn't I do them anyway? And I was like, what's wrong with me? I remember thinking, God, I should stay sober after this, right? And I didn't. It took me like another month.

That picture was taken, I believe it was June 21st of 2016. I didn't get sober until the last day of using for course was July 21st, 2016. So it was another month before I got sober. And I ended up a couple more times of crazy things happening where I was coherent for these things. I can just say that I literally pushed that envelope and didn't realize I was even pushing it until I was actually in it. And I was like, oh, wow, this is pretty wild. And looking at that picture, it's pretty eye-opening for myself of like me thinking that like years later, I'll be fine. I mean, there's a story in the big book about a guy who went 25 years.

and didn't drink. And within four years, he was dead because he thought he could drink again, right? So I relate with that story, very much so. I just know that when I finally got sober this time, and it's just everybody out there that doubts themselves or doesn't think they can do it, man, I was in the same boat. I went to Salvation Army. I fucking got real with myself. I said, I better even fucking do the steps or I'm going to die. I had a choice, to live or die. Simple. I remember a guy telling me about a routine. He says, what's your routine look like? I go, what does that even mean? Do you pray, Do you do a gratitude list? Do you do positive affirmations? Do you do any of this stuff? What do you do? I don't do anything. Well, I suggest you to start doing something.

So that's what he said. And no one held me accountable for. I had to hold myself accountable. So I started to do that. I got the sponsor. I worked the steps. Next thing you know, boom, dude, things are happening. I'm being of service. Now I'm sponsoring somebody else. I'm going to meetings. I'm being in service. I have a service commitment. Next thing you know, I have a year. And I'm like, dude, things are starting to happen. Like God's working. Like he's put me in one job and moved me to the next job. And then now he's moving me to this position. It was like from this job to a better job, from this position to a better position.

It's been nothing but upwards. Even though me moving out here to Iowa like at first, like, man, I'm in a desert. I was like, holy shit. But no, it's like what God wanted. It's like there's a four parts combination. It's like physical, mental, spiritual, emotional. Are you taking care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally? of like, oh, that makes sense.

So I go through this process. It's not by any means perfect recovery. I'm learning every year. Every years there's new stuff happening. I remember being told more repever field about like, shit, you're right. I was making decisions at four years. But I got to remember it four years. I'm like, I knew it this.

That I was like, holy shit, what was I even thinking? And then, you know, I got old timers telling me that are really awesome, telling me, don't worry about it, man, you're good. did you drink or used? Nope. Did you commit a crime? Are you going to jail? Nope. Is anyone looking for you? Nope. Because then it can all be figured out. I'm like, oh shit. Okay, cool. So mistakes will be made, whatever, right? We learn from them. Now I am married, right? Now I have these blessings. Now I have like a dog that is in my home that have, you know, it's kind of a child having a child. I'm able to connect with people each day, right? And the photo, like I was telling you beforehand, before we started

the recording, I think the photo is going to be something that I'm not going to do after this year. But that's just because I'm ready to move on from that. It's depicted some stuff. What I was doing was depicting stuff along the story. And now that I've found the partner to share life with, now it's time to share that part. Keep the picture for sure as a memory. And to never forget, I remember in the big book they talk about page 85, the Daily Reprieve. It's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest of our laurels.

So it's easy for me to go, I don't need the. that I did this. Look at me. Hallelujah. You know what I mean? Look at everything I've done. And that's really haughty. It's really humble and it's called pride. And for me, that will send me into a whirlwind. But when I say that and go, man, I need a higher power. I say this prayer. Third step prayer, seven step prayer every day. I'll do this gratitude list. When I have a routine, my life was really good. So coming out here, I've had to shift routine kind of in a way. And I've had to kind of put my sticky notes in other places and stuff. Everybody that knows me, They know about the sticky notes.

I say that everywhere I go. I got people doing them because they're super rad and they're super awesome. And it talks about, you know, it's self-empowerment. You're literally your own therapist in a way, in a sense. Because you're saying good things to yourself. You're really increasing your psyche. You're really increasing, like, the way you think. And I don't know, man, when I feel good about myself, I do good things.

And if I'm not feeling too well about myself, I surround myself with well people, or around myself with people that can motivate me. So when I can't get motivated for some reason, and it ain't very often, But sometimes it happens. Then have people around me to motivate me and remember, oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. Okay, I'm on this journey.

It's not my will. It's his will be done. So before I came on this podcast, I said, God, you increase while I decrease because this is not about me anymore. This is about him working through me and kind of sharing the story of what happened and kind of that give somebody hope. If I could do anything, I mean, I think the best thing in life would be to just help somebody have a better life.

And so I work at a place right now called Lakes Life Skills. It's super awesome. I help people. I helped people in California at Northbound to help people in Pacific Shores Recovery. Those places I learned a ton from those people. All my friends back home, you know, I've got Colin, I've got Dane, I've got Chris who lives here in Iowa. I've got Chris that lives there. I've got really good friends, you know what I mean?

And I've got a whole bunch of other people, my wife, Destiny, my mom, my sister. I've got so many people and friends and I probably miss some people. But you know what I mean? It's like, dude, and then I found an awesome church here. I start thinking about the big picture instead of thinking the situation I'm in, right? And start thinking about like what's really going on and going, oh my gosh, I'm super blessed. Like to get a opportunity to share on this podcast, super blessed. Because I just want somebody to know that someone's out there that can help them or that can relate to them, right?

I'm willing to help anybody as willing to help themselves. There's not a lot of spots ease out here. So if anyone does ever see this and need any help, I'm available. I think that's a really big part of this thing. and is to pass on what you've been given, pay it forward. That's how this thing works, man. I didn't do, I just did it one day at a time. I didn't know what that really meant at the time.

At that time, I thought it sounded stupid. I thought one day at a time, would that even be, but we're only granted one day at a time. So reading that in the book and then kind of just thinking about that and putting that into action, that's all we really have. So it's been a journey.

I mean, it continues to be a daily reprieve for myself. Some days are easier than others. Most days are pretty chill, though. You know what I mean? It's not like it was. I have to think back and go, man, I'm super blessed. I'm not like trying to fend for myself and where am I going to live or where am I going to stay tonight or what am I going to eat. That's not a good place to be in at all.

But that picture is very much embedded in my head. I never want to forget that. I never want to forget where I come from because I've seen a lot of people in my just few years of sobriety that I have get super haughty and super like prideful, I guess you could say. And then they end up going back out. And I don't want to be like that, man. I want to be the guy that stays humble and whatever God wants me to do it, whatever job, like he opens the door, let allow him to do that, just be like that. Just be there for people that if you need to talk, help them out.

And, you know, just keep my pride and ego in check, you know, because it's really easy to be like, oh, yeah, look at me, but it's like, that's not me. It's somebody working through me that's done this. I mean, I wish I could take the credit. I can't take any credit. The only credit I can take is I decided to do something different by following direction from somebody else. That's what I did. And it worked.

I literally thought it was not going to work. I said, this is not going to work in a year. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, do whatever hell I want. It fucking worked. It not only worked, it happened quicker than I thought.

So, yeah, man, the picture says a million words. People get tripped out by it. Some people don't think it's real. It is real. More importantly, what I looked like outside is what I looked like inside.

That's exactly what I looked like. And it ain't the same today. So I appreciate you bringing me on here. Of course. man, thank you so much for sharing. And it's seven years, right? Yeah, seven years as of July 22nd. So I'm almost coming up on seven years of the month. But yeah, super blessed for sure. Yeah. Wow, dude. That's incredible. It was there anybody else besides yourself? Because you mentioned there a couple of times, like you didn't think this was going to really work. Did other people around do you think this was going to work for you? Or were they like, let's just take it a little bit at a time here and see how it plays out?

So the girl I was engaged to, remember I told you that took the picture, she didn't think I was going to stay sober. As a matter of fact, it was very interesting because she said she had forgiven me and thinking back, I mean, I did a lot of stuff. So it's hard to forgive that. And forgiveness is super hard sometimes. But I remember talking to her and I remember her telling me that she didn't think I was going to stay sober. She didn't believe it. And I was like, what? Then there would be times where she'd be like, no, you know what?

I think you can do it. She'd flip back and forth. And I get it. I get it. You don't know for sure, right? You're like, oh, what's going to happen? You just experienced this tornado and a hurricane all in once, basically, is what I did. How do you recover from that?

So I know we were on the outs. I know me and her were on the outs when she didn't come to my graduation. And then when I sat in the car and did my amends to her, she was like, that was cold. And I was like, what? And I was like, that was me making an amends to you. But I was told when you do that, not to expect the. other person to forgive you. And that broke the part. I can't blame her. If she'd have done that to me, so I get it. I had to put myself in her shoes. My mom said this to me, this is it. If you go back

out, I will not be here. What's interesting about this program and this time around is I usually had people coming dropping me shit off, doing whatever, made it super comfortable. This was very uncomfortable. I didn't have people visiting me all the time. I wasn't able to like talk on the phone as much because either A, they weren't answering or you know what I mean? Or they had lives or the timing of this type of program. It was a little bit more strict. And I remember this time I had to really get broken down not only mentally, but like

emotionally and spiritually. And I physically was tired, man. I just remember saying I'm tired, man. I'm tired of running. my whole life I've been running. Running from this girl to that girl to this thing to that thing to this to that. This will be better. No, this will be good.

And I never really pinpointed that out until somebody pointed it out for me. But I say that because that's a super huge thing to kind of let people know. If you're a runner, I get it. You know, if you're thinking that another job's going to work out better or another person's going to work out better, I found out that I got to fix me inside. And the only way I can do that is via some power. that's greater than myself. You know what I mean?

And I believe in a specific higher power. Other people, you don't have to believe in that power, but you've got to believe in something. So if you don't believe in something, you'll fall for anything. Well, my mom kind of on the fence, it kind of motivated me, honestly. Honestly, her saying she didn't think I could stay sober. Kind of was like, oh, wow, you don't think I can do that.

Well, then let me show you. But I think after the first year and whatever, when we got asked, like she was there that first year. But I think after that, you know, I was like, I can do this. because I'm following these dudes. I'm following what they do. It kind of felt really good.

It was like an accomplishment. I think it was more accomplishment than my valedictorian and all that stuff. Because I literally had a choice right back then too, but this was different. This was different because I had gone through all this stuff and was able to survive, not into prison for the rest of my life. And so this was super important because if I don't stay sober, like if I go back out, it's a wrap on me.

you know, you pick up where you left off. It's a rap, dude, and I know that. But just because I know it doesn't mean I can't stop the ball from rolling if I decided to, you know, partaking something. And I found if I hang around certain types of people, if I put myself in a certain situation, I better be ready for those results. It says you can go anywhere where it goes if you're spiritually fit. So if I stay spiritually fit, and that means I can go anywhere I want. Nothing's going to affect being to concerts and stuff.

People around doing whatever. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't spiritually fit. I don't want to do that stuff anymore. I've done enough of that for 10 lifetimes. So I think that those people motivated me to like, it helped me get motivated. But at the same time, I was hurt by that, but I can't blame them. Of course.

Yeah, beautiful. Well, huge congrats on everything, dude. And thank you so much for jumping on. Yeah, I appreciate it, man. Thank you so much for having me. I know I kind of was like, there's so much to the story. When I start talking about it, it's like goes from here to there. but it's so much because it's so wild.

You know, it started off from very young and then it's just wild. I just can say this is that addiction isn't like it has your name on it. It'll hit every facet of light. It doesn't matter if you're rich, poor, whatever, right? I found that out is that, you know, it'll crop when it crops or whatever. I just love being able to like, when I talk to people, I've been through a lot of things that I can relate and help them with. I think that's the biggest thing is to continue on that path of helping people

you'll see more of me for sure. Like I haven't been on social media too too much lately. I feel like that can be an addiction in itself as well, but I want to do more of like posting stuff like that and inspirational stuff. But like if anybody else sees this, they need help, I'm willing to help anybody. I love sponsoring people and I love helping them and passing on what God's given to me and what my sponsor Patrick who's given to me

and what my other sponsor, Jessen, is given to me. Because without those two gentlemen, I wouldn't be here right now. So how can they reach you, Rick? What's the best? So they can give me a call. And my number is 951, 823, 2140. You can call or text that number anytime and just let me know who you are and that you need help and that you need a way out. And that's it.

If you want that way out, it's provided, you know. It's pretty cool how opening up a book, reading some stuff, writing some stuff down, having a routine can really help you. And then taking care of yourself mentally as well. with that stuff physically working out, eating right, doing the emotional work as well, and then also doing the spiritual work. But it's just one day at a time. You don't got to do it all at once. Like it seems overwhelming at first, but it gets easier, you know, because it's a whole different life change. It's like, who was that guy? Like, I don't even know who that was. Honestly, I don't even think. Sometimes I'm like, did that even happen? Of course it happened.

But that's how far separated I am from that. And I want to stay that way. The way to stay that way as my sponsor tells me, you need to be helping somebody. And if you're not helping somebody, go find somebody. So if anybody needs help, let me know. I'm very much willing to do that, pass on what's been given to me and keep this ball rolling, for sure. Love it, man. Well, I'm sure some people will reach out, man.

But again, yeah, it's been incredible. Thank you so much. Thank you, bad. You have a great day up, okay? All right, buddy. Well, here we are at the end of the show. And you guys heard it there first. Rick dropped his phone number.

If you guys need some support, reach out to, Rick. If you love the episode, reach out to Rick, send him a text, and let him know that you appreciate it. I definitely appreciate it that you guys check it out. And I love people listen to the end of the episode. I mean, that's where, you know, I do some of my talking at the end. But what a powerful story to come back from everything that Rick had to endure in his life and come back and have such an optimistic and positive attitude for growth, for recovery, for sobriety and for helping others. And I think a lot of that comes from,

you'll notice people who have felt the most pain, they oftentimes want to help others a lot. And I think, and I'm just guessing here, but I think the reason is is because they never want somebody else to feel how they once did, where, like, nobody cared and, like, they didn't matter, which I think is just, you know, incredible to be. there for people and help people out. So I hope you guys enjoyed the episode. I really enjoyed my chat

with Rick. I've done a couple other recordings this weekend. There's some incredible episodes, some incredible stories that you all are going to be able to relate with coming up. And be sure, if you're enjoying the show, go ahead and drop a review on Apple or Spotify. If that's where you're listening. And if you're in a position to support the show too, be sure to head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. I'll drop the link in the show notes. You can make donations there if you want to help out with the editing for the show because it truly is incredible.

And yeah, if you're not there, like I get it. I've been there many, many times myself. And that's cool too. Enjoy the heck out of this show. And I hope that it helps you. And before I sign off for good here, I want to mention I did a podcast sharing my story with my friend Sober Dave. So if you have any interest in hearing that at all,

search one for the road is the name of his podcast with Sober Dave and you'll be able to hear me on there share some of my story. Hope you enjoy it. See you all in the next one.