Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Bonus Episode: National Sober Day September 14th w/Megan Wilcox

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

My friend Megan and I want to celebrate everyone for National Sober Day so we jumped on the podcast for an honest conversation about sobriety. Some questions we covered: 1. What are some changes you have made that you never thought were possible? 2. What is one thing about sobriety you wish you knew sooner? 3. When is the best time to start? 4. How it is tough celebrating when so many others did not make it.  5. How do you celebrate your sobriety.   Check Megan out on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/sobahsistahs/

Hey, how's it going, everyone? Brad here, your host, Sober Motivation podcast. Today, I'm doing a little bit something different. It's National Sober Day. My friend Megan was like, why don't we jump on? And we can talk about some things, sobriety, celebrate some people, and talk a little bit about what it's like. So that's exactly what we do for the next half an hour. I hope you enjoy this show. It's completely different than anything else that is done.

You're going to be dropping another new story episode tomorrow. So I hope you check it out. If you enjoy any part of this show, let me know. And also I want to let you know coming soon, I'm going to be dropping a big, big episode on the podcast that's going to be titled, 10 things I've learned from hearing 100 sober stories. So let's get right into it.

How's it going, everyone? Today is National Sober Day, and I'm here with my friend Megan. And we just wanted to have a little conversation and congratulate everybody on choosing a sober life. How are you, Megan? Hi, Brad. I'm great.

How are you? Yeah, I'm well. I'm glad that you had this idea and we jumped on it. So here we are. I had some questions too. It's interesting, right, to celebrate sobriety and everything like that. I feel like, you know, personally, in so many different ways in my life, I'm celebrating it every day because everything I have is simply a direct result of that one decision

and the continued decision to stay sober. without it. I mean, I can't make predictions that I don't know, but my life would probably look completely different. So I think it's so important that we celebrate sobriety and let other people who are maybe working on it or working towards it or people that are still struggling to let them know what it looks like because there's a lot of a lot of myths around sobriety, right? No fun. And that's a big one. So I have a few questions, but I would love to hear your thoughts and we'll go back and forth here. What are some changes? that you have made in your life in sobriety that you never thought were possible.

Oh, wow. So when I was first getting sober, I thought I just was doing it so I would have no more hangovers or like that shame and guilt. I had no idea that it would kind of open the door to so much more. My life is pretty much the same, yet at the same time is exactly different. I'm still living in the same apartment, but I mean, it's just totally different. I have a different career, path now. My relationships are totally different. They're strong. I was able to weed out some not so good relationships and then really just focus on the ones that were important to me and build them up. I just feel like I feel like who I was always meant to be. You know what I mean? I feel like all these years I just was like living in an out of body like experience. And now

I am Megan. I'm 100% who I was always meant to be. until alcohol, like, crept into my life and changed me, just really brought out the worst of me and just beat down my confidence. And I was just, you know, I felt like I was a shell of a human. And now I feel whole for the first time, really, in my entire life. And I'm 40 years old. Thanks for letting us know that there, Megan. Yeah, that, that's true. And that's really hard life to live to go against the grain of what you know, the thoughts creep in from time to time that, for me it did any way that I could do better, I could be better, I could start to have some dreams and some goals in life. But when you're wrapped up in that cycle, everything just seems so far out

of reach. It's like, yeah, the thoughts creep in. It's like, yeah, I mean, that's great. That's someone, for somebody else to do that. But once you're, once you get sober, then that stuff starts to become more of a possibility and then it does become possible. And then you do do it. And then new things pop up and you just build. I find too over the years just build so much confidence. in what's possible for life. Absolutely. And speaking of confidence, I know it can feel like being sober or getting sober. It beats us down like there's something wrong with us.

And now we have to not drink and we have to get sober because, you know, we couldn't handle it. But honestly, I feel like it's the opposite. And the fact that anybody can even, you know, recognize that this is not, that lifestyle is not serving them and that they want better. I actually think that's super intuitive and just incredible. Most people don't get to that point where they realize that and that they're actually able to admit it and then actually able to act on it and go and ask for health, either join a community or whatever that might be. And so if you're sitting here listening to this, I just want you to be, even if you're not sober today and you're like, I want to be, I want you to be so proud of yourself or even trying for being here and listening to a sober podcast,

to try to, like, you know, motivate you and inspire you. That's huge. And again, that's just something to be really, really proud of, not ashamed of. Yeah, beautiful. And it's those small steps we take, those small seeds that are planted that get watered a little bit here and a little bit there and a little bit over the years. And a lot of stories I hear, too, that people can often connect it back to like, this is when the seed started to get planted.

And then maybe one year or everybody's stories different, but one year or two years later, and things started to come alive. Like I watered them a little bit here and there with small breaks here or reading a book there or checking out a podcast show here or connecting with somebody or sharing my struggle and then you get a little bit of water. And then when you're ready to make that big, scary, oh my goodness, mountain climbing decision of like, this is it.

I'm going to go all in on this. Then everything kind of comes full circle. And it just seems to make a lot more sense. I'm wondering too, Megan, what's one thing you wish you knew sooner about sobriety? Oh, God. How can I pick one? I'll start with, I wish I knew how important surrounding myself with other people who are working on sobriety was, you know, I tried to do it on my own for so long, and I would get a couple days, and then I'd be back to it, and then I'd get a couple more days. So the one thing, the game changer for me, was going to a Zoom meeting, you know, a virtual Zoom support meeting because I personally just couldn't get myself to walk into an in-person meeting.

So once I started surrounding myself with other sober people, things started to change because most people that I've come across that are in the sober space and that are working on sobriety, they're doing a lot of like self-development work. They're trying to better their life. so that only inspires you to want to like better your life. You know, they always say like you are the company you keep. So if you're hanging out with other sober people, you're going to just want to keep on that track. And so I wish I knew sooner how important community was because I think it would have gotten me there a little bit quicker than it did.

Yeah. What was so scary about that, about walking into a community or joining something and that process? For me personally as a label, Like I'm not big on labels. So I guess, you know, in trying to figure out if I fit the criteria. So I didn't know. Like, is that even where I'm supposed to be?

Like, am I bad enough? Like, I just had so many reservations about going. You know, I didn't know if I would, if they were my people. But you will find your people. You might not find them in your first meeting or your second, but you keep going. And eventually you find your people. And then it's not so scary. But, I mean, I had my camera off on the first one.

And I just was like, what am I doing here? And then once I saw all these incredible people on their screens, I was like, oh my God, all right, I guess I'm not that unique after all to be struggling with alcohol. Like there's so many people out there that are struggling and that are, you know, willing to recognize it and to show up. So then I didn't feel so scared. And I remember I raised the virtual hand and I couldn't wait to just say something. And I didn't get called on because there's so many people. And I was like, darn it. All right, next time. And so now you, you know, you can't shut me up about it. But.

Yeah. So once you go once, like you're not afraid anymore. It literally takes, I personally feel like it takes one meeting to show up to do it, to do that brave thing by hitting the button and getting on. And then it just kind of takes a lot of that fear away. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's so, that's another thing to the fear, right?

The whole fear of change, right? And this is one thing we depended on for a lot of us, right? Drugs and alcohol, one thing we could count on. When we couldn't count on anything else, we could count. on the store. We could count on the bottle. We can count on, we could count on whatever it was. And to remove that, it's, it's scary. It's like, oh, my goodness, now what? Because that became such an ingrained part of our life. And now we're going to leave that behind. Then we're going to join a group of strangers on Zoom. Yeah, it's a tough thing to do. But it's so freeing when

you can find. And I think if I wish I knew one thing sooner, and I had been to treatment and meetings and everything else. And I just was struggling for a long time, even going through. and that created a lot more shame and guilt because I'm going to do all the things that I couldn't even stay sober during the meetings. You know, I was in churches and I was still using drugs during meetings. And I was like, dude, you were just the biggest dog on failure that this program that these people have ever seen. I thought I was fooling people. My friend from one of those groups let me know later on that I wasn't, nobody was fooling anybody, but they were gentle, right? So nobody was going to, you know, come down on my head for it. But I just wish,

I knew that like I was worth it. Like I was worth sort of the effort, the energy to like have a better life because I never like I didn't believe it that I would be worth like getting sober and that it would be part of my story. So it's kind of like a Disney move. I think personally I wish I had believed a little bit sooner that it was that a better life was possible for me. And I knew to achieve a better life I would have to get sober because it was most of the trouble I found myself in was because substances, right? Yeah. And I think that's what a lot of us struggle with is just not feeling worthy and having

low self-worth. I know that's something I struggled with. Honestly, even before alcohol became a problem. It's just something that's always been in me. And so I think, again, surrounding yourself with people. And I like to think that now that I have found love for myself,

that it is like my mission to get that out of everybody. to make everybody feel that self-worth. Like, that is like my magic that I feel like I can, you know, have that effect on people because I will just like pound it into you until you believe it. You know, whether it's like affirmations, that is my goal. So if you come to like, you know, any of the sober buddy meetings and you're going to, you're going to feel better about yourself, I guarantee after just a few meetings with me. That's incredible.

Definitely a superpower there, Megan. Definitely super power. But it's true because we've beaten ourselves up for so long. And we just don't feel like it. And for me personally, a lot of my behaviors just reinforced the way I thought about myself. I didn't want to keep like burning my life to the ground. But the behaviors that I kept doing just reinforced that aspect, right?

Of like I don't feel good about myself. And then it just sort of, you know, it just builds up. And then you just really believe it. Like I believed it deep down in my core that I just wasn't good enough and worthy of doing things and worthy of. and worthy of doing hard things and all that fancy stuff. But once you're able to break through that and you come out the other side and then you can get a little bit of belief in yourself and you can start to love yourself,

it does take time. Then, I mean, the magic truly happens. Another question I had here for it too is, you know, I had this message, right? Because we're celebrating sobriety, which is incredible. Incredible journey that we're on. I mean, what a miracle for most of us to be able to get here, to be sober, to stay sober. But I think it's hard for me personally to celebrate the fact of being sober without acknowledging the fact of the people that I've known personally throughout the years that just didn't make it. And I know there's a day where that is the focus as well.

But I got a comment on one of the posts on Instagram. And it just really made me think. It really hit me hard because it went like this. Sadly, we never got to experience sobriety with our daughter as this awful disease took her from us on September. first. And I could never imagine such a thing personally for that to be the story. But, you know, I think that's a big motivation for me anyway to keep sharing the story, how uncomfortable I feel at times and how overwhelming it can be. And it's a lot of work. But I feel like that we've got to be the voice for those who don't have one anymore. You know, so I think like while we do celebrate

our national sober day and it's incredible and we're all doing incredible things for me anyway i'm going to take a few moments today just to remember those people who didn't make it you know and that's and that also offers an extreme level of gratitude and i think that that for me to be able to put that out in the world you know grateful to to have figured this out you know for today anyway I don't always know what the future holds, but for today anyway, you know, so I want to throw that out there and see if you had any thoughts on that. Yeah, absolutely. And it's crazy to think, like, that could have been you and I, you know, we could have easily have gone that path and never got to truly feel what sobriety feels like. It's, you know, you just never know, like who's going to make it, who's not. And yeah, so I do feel blessed every day that I get to live another day. and to honor the people who, you know, haven't made it, who didn't make it or who are still struggling, like, I'm going to stay sober today, like, for them, you know, because I know that

I can with the resources that I have today and everything. But I think that is such, like, a good reminder that, you know, we're just so, we're so lucky and blessed. Yeah, beautiful. And how tough it is, right? Like, how tough it is to stay sober, to get sober. You know, I mean, we got to really just be honest with ourselves. You know, it's hard.

It's really hard and it's different. It's a different journey for everybody, you know. So I think taking a minute out of our day to, you know, celebrate, obviously, sobriety and our friends that are sober and everything that that that provides for us, but also that time to, you know, to remember those that didn't make it, didn't make it into sobriety or that, you know, struggled with getting or staying sober. And the families and the destruction left behind because when these things happen, it's like throwing a rock and a part. right. I mean, it just ripples. And it cuts really deep for people. So I just want to mention that out there. You know, if you are sober today, like, don't take it for granted because it could have went the other way. And for a lot of us, it still can. I mean, none of us are out of the woods, per se, with this, you know, it still can. So just remain, remain grateful. And I keep that,

even after all these years, that's how I wake up every day. And it's become. It's become. where I am in life today, I wouldn't be anywhere here, near here, without getting sober. My life was just a wreck. It was a wreckage. I would either be in prison or dead for sure. Probably, well, I was probably 50-50 for both of them for it to be a long time in prison or to not be alive. And there are so many situations where I just, you know, merely escaped it.

I merely escaped things going the other way. So yeah, take a few seconds out of your day, you know, to remember that. And if you know anybody who's lost somebody, I mean, reaching out to them any day, reaching out to them any day and see how they're doing, wouldn't hurt. Actually, sorry, Brad, that made me just really just think of something in my mind of, you know, when I said, you know, that could have been either of us. And it truly could have been. There's a time that I remember that I was on my bathroom floor right here.

And I was so sick. I was getting sick. And I started choking. And I couldn't breathe. And I was like, this is it. This is how I'm going out. My kids were sleeping in the other room. I'm like, they're going to find me, like, on the bathroom floor.

And honestly, that's really where it got to. And so it just scares the shit out of me that it totally could have went a different way. And I don't know what stars aligned or somebody was looking out for me that, you know, one night, just everything changed. But God, it is just, I don't know, it just gets me like emotional thinking how just one little thing can change the whole, you know, trajectory of your life. And then on a positive note, though, you, the fact that that you were able to get sober and clean and be here today and how many people like your podcast is held. help, like the ripple effect of all of this is absolutely just so massive. And that's why, you know, recovering out loud and sharing our story is huge. Like we're not, we're, yeah, it helps ourselves. But the fact, like this ripple effect of how many people in the end that it

helps is, is just absolutely worth sharing every detail of my life on, on the internet with everybody. I know it's not for everyone. But man, if it, if it helps at least one person out there, then then I am happy. Yeah. And you doing it too. You mentioned there, if it helped one person, you're happy. Well, you've helped a lot of people. So you should be very happy.

It's so true, though. It's so true because, yeah, the thing that happens is when we share our story with other people, we give other people permission to do the same, to either be vulnerable, to either feel like they're not alone, feel like they have a voice. And their voice might be through us, might be through other people sharing their stories or their experience. And that's what I struggled with too for a long time is I felt like I was alone in what I, what I was going through.

Nobody understood. That's what I. I'd tell my folks, they'd say, Brad, you got, okay, yourself. I mean, this is, this is, you know, ridiculous, right? Like, after a while, my folks were fed up with this behavior, this life. You need to figure this out. I'd always tell them, like, guy, I'm the only one who struggles with this. And I would list off everything I struggled with, you know?

And then when I started to reach out to people and get vulnerable and share my story, You know, the heads just started nodding everywhere. It's like, I'm like, oh, well, I can't stand on that ship anymore because everybody else was going through this stuff too. And maybe not all of it for one person, but here and there. And I was able to see that like, hey, I'm not unique in that sense as humans. We're going to go through these different emotions and experience these different things. And then when other people, when I saw other people had worked through it and they were sober and they were living lives I was interested in living like, oh, you know, holy smokes. maybe maybe I can get a string a couple days together and then you know

bang boom here we are right this is cool right it's national sober day so how do you celebrate your sobriety oh god I celebrate my sobriety every day no I I'm coming up on a thousand days I already have my my post made I am ready just so like I don't know I feel like I love certain milestones like that like numbers so like 500 days a thousand days days, one year, two year, you know, December will be three years. I just, I don't know. How do I celebrate it? I just celebrated every day, you know, that I'm here, that I'm alive, that, you know,

I stayed stuck in the same place for a good solid five years. And I just say, I celebrate it by just, you know, giving it back and probably treating myself to maybe like some massages and things like that. things that the finer things in life yeah you know just some like self-care type things whatever that might be or a hot fudge sunday or cookies or chocolate whatever you know things like that so definitely like self-care is a way that you know I celebrate my sobriety how about you now we're talking hot fudge sundays dairy queen here we come um I mean it's a really good question I mean it's changed over the years it's

changed over the years. There's no big parties or anything like that anymore. But I mean, I just kind of celebrated, I guess, in gratitude, you know, and giving back and trying to help and trying to be at service and try to, you know, do the best I can to help other people with stories. Like, I don't have all the answers for every situation at all. But just listening to people and celebrated by like actions of gratitude. You know, I've been big on thinking about like everybody writes down a gratitude list, right? And I've been big on thinking about like gratitude actions like grateful actions uh simple one simple examples holding the door for somebody you know so we write down you know our list of stuff that we're grateful for which is

incredible but i'm looking to really be aware of how i'm carrying that into the world you know actions of gratitude um to let people know you know people family uh life and you know stuff like that to let people know that I am definitely, you know, grateful in that. So, I mean, it's one way I celebrate, you know, but we can only keep what we have by giving it away. That's a cliche. That's a saying that some of us have probably heard. And there's a lot of truth to it. I think there's a lot of truth to it, you know, but it's not even celebrating sobriety directly, but it's celebrating all the other things in life. It's be, it's actually being present for things in life that matter. You know, I thought, I thought a lot of stuff mattered in my younger years.

and it actually didn't matter at all. It really didn't. It was a learning experience and friendships and relationships that I thought mattered. Like, I mean, they did in a certain aspect, but they didn't matter maybe as much as I thought they did. So, you know, being present for that stuff, I think is a way to celebrate. But I mean, every day just waking up and there's nothing better. There's none better, Megan, than going to bed, laying at your head hits that pillow after a long, busy day in the office. and you just think you know you've got another day another day down another day sober and even now

when I do that I'm like dude I never thought that I would get sober so it's like what the heck right like that's just so incredible so yeah celebrating a lot of different ways in you know it's it's it's always about giving back and helping people out and you know helping people too not not not just solely focused on sober people, but helping out people in the community. I used to do volunteering at soup kitchen and, you know, the Christmas hampers and when the, when you get the angel off the tree at Christmas and, you know, different things like that. I, man, when I was, when I was out there, I didn't give, I didn't give a crap about helping anybody else. And that kind of stuff feels good to be able to do it, to be able to give back and to have sobriety,

um, be the driver for all of it. Yeah, heck yeah. Yeah, I got this one here. I got this thought, right? Will the stars ever align? You know, and I have this, I just go back to the beginning. And I would tell myself and I would make these plans and these, have these different ideas of things would, everything would align one day and it would all make sense, you know?

Like I had this in place and detox in place and this plan in place. And what I realized when I look back is like that never, Waiting around for that stuff never happened. It never all worked out that way. And I don't know if people listening are waiting for all the stars to align. But my advice is you got to get started right where you are with what you have. And I kind of wish going back, like somebody kind of would have given me a shake in a sense like that because people around me kind of bought into that idea of this plan. and how I was going to detox and how everything was going to work out.

They bought into it, you know, and months went by. And I kind of wish looking back not to put it on anybody else because this is what I had to do for myself. But people around me really cared. They wanted me to do well. And I wish somebody would have just kind of give me a shake. And I mean, like, you got to do some things before you're ready, you know, young Brad. Young Brad, you need to step up to the plate. And you need to forget about being.

ready. I want you to throw that out the window about this being ready. And I just want you to get started and however that looks. And that didn't look sober for me for the longest time. But I started going to meet meetings regularly. I got a therapist. I got a therapist. Then he told me a few things that didn't like so I fired the therapist. But I started to do things before I was ready while I was still intoxicated and still using substances. I started to do some things and I heard a lot of stuff I didn't like. But when I go back to it, like those were the building blocks. And I don't know if I ever would have been, quote unquote, ready if I hadn't put myself

in those positions where people pushed me. And like I said, I fired the therapist. And there was a lot of situations like that where I never showed back up to different meetings or different environments where people told me the hard, the hard truth that my parents weren't always willing to tell me, but it was so doggone helpful. What do you think on that? Yeah, I totally agree. There's never a right time.

There's never a perfect time. The perfect time is right now and just get started in one way or the other, whether it is, you know, reading a book or attending your first virtual meeting or in-person meeting, whatever it is, you just got to do it. You've got to take action because it's not going to just magically land on your doorstep and be like, hey, okay, today's your day. It's time for you to get sober. It doesn't happen like that.

It happens very like kind of sneakily, actually, like, where just like little things start adding up. Like you start building this like compound interest. And all of a sudden it's like it makes sense. I worked on getting sober for a long time. But a lot of those things just all put together, they all made sense. Separately they didn't.

And so I just think I hear all the time, all right, I'm just works really stressful. so once I'm done with this project or it gets less stressful, then up, then I'll do it. Or I have this vacation. So after that or my birthday's coming up. So I'm going to, you know, let me just get through that and then I'll start. Don't wait. Like tomorrow's not guaranteed.

Just start today. Whatever that might look like for you. It doesn't have to be perfect. You know, progress, not perfection. We hear. And it really is the truth, though. You just have to start. And every little thing that you do, it adds up, even if it's not perfect.

even if in the beginning when you're just starting out, you have slips, you just keep going. Because eventually one day, I mean, I had had this girl who was coming to my meetings for a while. And she told me now that when she first started coming for a while, she was still drinking. Like she wouldn't obviously come on camera or anything like that. But she was just checking it out and scoping it out. And then into this day now, she's like six months over. And she's, you know, just so happy and she's doing so great. But it was a process, you know.

she wasn't quite ready, but she was still taking action, and that was part of the process. So there's no perfect time. Just the perfect time is right now. If you're listening, today's your day. Today can be your sober day. Sober day can be your sober day. You can just start today, September 14th. Yeah.

That would be a great day. You'd be reminded every year and you'd be able to have a little celebration for National Sober Day. On that topic, too, I used to work in this treatment center. And we had this fell in there, and he had so much insight. and he was actually a client there. And he would always say, and I never heard this before, but he said, he said, move your feet and your mind will follow. That's what he always used to say to new guys, to new residents, new clients there. And he would always say that, move your feet, your mind will follow.

And move your body, your mind will follow. And I was like, it makes so much sense because that's a much easier thing to do is to start moving our feet than like to start changing our mind. mind and start doing that process. But just moving your feet, putting yourself in positions to succeed, putting yourself in positions to learn and get a little bit vulnerable with people. And you'll be surprised with what could happen, you know? So, I mean, moral of the stories, you just got to get moving on something. And things will get better. You know, if we, what's the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. We all lived there for probably too long.

Absolutely. But yeah, I just want to give a huge shout out to everybody for, you know, the National Sober Day. This is incredible. And thank you, Megan, for joining in with a quick little chat to celebrate the National Sober Day. Yeah. No, thank you again. I want to leave one last message for everybody. I want you to know that I believe in you.

Brad believes in you. And I want you to know that your best memories in life haven't even happened yet. I know you might be listening to this and you feel so down and low and like your life's over and your life's going to suck forever because I thought that too. Your best memories haven't happened yet. Don't give up. Keep going. Keep trying.

Keep coming back to it. Things are going to get better. Wow. That's beautiful, Megan. Thank you. Also, on that topic, too, if you have people in your life that you know are sober, send them a little note today. Send them a little message, say, I'm proud of you.

Congrats. Keep going. And it'll go a long way. It's about, today is about celebrating. and the tough journey that it can be at times and sending a little note to somebody to let them know that you see them, you appreciate their efforts, and it's making a difference. Maybe it's making a difference in your life. And that could go a long way.

Thanks again, Megan. Bye.