Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Brantt Myhres, a former NHL player who received a lifetime ban from the league, shares his struggle with alcohol and cocaine.

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

In this episode, we have Brantt Myhres a former NHL player who shares his turbulent journey through addiction, his career in professional hockey, and his path to sobriety. Myers discusses the early roots of his struggles, beginning with a challenging childhood marked by abuse, which led him to find solace in hockey. His career escalated quickly, but so did his drinking and drug use, ultimately leading to multiple suspensions and a lifetime ban from the NHL. The turning point came after hitting rock bottom, which prompted Myers to seek help and enter long-term treatment. Now sober, he reflects on his recovery process, the importance of finding a reason to stay sober, and how he’s giving back by helping others in the sports world facing similar battles. Myers also talks about his book, 'Painkiller', where he shares his honest take on the journey, emphasizing the lessons learned and that recovery is possible no matter how dark times may seem. --------------- Follow Brantt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brantt_myhres/ Check out the book Painkiller: https://www.amazon.ca/Pain-Killer-Memoir-League-Addiction/dp/0735239436 More Information on Sober Link: https://www.soberlink.com/partners/recover Donate the support the show: buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Brant Myers, a formal NHL player who shares his turbulent journey through addiction, his career and professional hockey, and his path to sobriety. Myers discusses the early roots of his struggles, beginning with the challenging childhood marked by abuse, which led him to find solace in hockey.

his career escalated quickly, but so did his drinking and drug use, ultimately leading to multiple suspensions and a lifetime ban from the NHL. The turning point came after hitting a rock bottom, which prompted Myers to seek help and enter long-term treatment. Now sober, he reflects on his recovery process, the importance of finding a reason to stay sober, and how he's giving back by helping others in the sports world facing similar battles. Myers also talks about his book, Painkiller, where he shares his honest take on the journey, emphasizing the lesson, emphasizing the lessons learned and that recovery is possible no matter how dark times may seem. This is Brant Meyer's story on the sober motivation podcast.

How's it going, everyone? We're three months into a new year, and I'd like to take a pulse on how everyone's doing and feeling. If you made the commitment to get sober in 2024 but are struggling to stay accountable, check out Soberlink. Soberlink is an accountability tool that will keep you honest. It uses a really high-tech breathalizer system to help when those cravings get a little too loud. Here's why I love it. You'll test at the same time every day, eliminating testing anxiety. Devices have built-in facial recognition so it knows it's you testing. Pamper sensors flag any attempts at trying to beat the system.

Friends and family receive instant test results helping to rebuild trust and prevent relapse. If you're serious about getting sober, this is a tool to use, and the only monitoring system I recommend. Make these next months count. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Hey everyone, how's it going, Brad here? Before we jump into this episode, I just want to mention if the podcast has helped you out in any way, if you're enjoying it, if you've listened to a bunch of the episodes and it's really helping you out. It would mean the world for some donations if you're in a position to do so. If not, keep on enjoying the show, but it helps me cover some of the costs associated with running a podcast, two episodes a week. Trust me for anybody else out there who's a podcast or you'll understand. So you can head over to buy me, me a coffee.com slash sober motivation to leave your donations. And I'll also drop that in the show notes of the episode. Everything helps. And thank you so much. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Brant Myers with us. How are you?

Hey, Brad. How are you doing, buddy? I'm good. Thank you for jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. Yeah, it's been my pleasure. It didn't take me long to say yes when it comes to spread in the word, really. You can never do it enough times. Yeah, so true. So what was it like for you growing up? Oh, boy. How long's the podcast, five hours?

Let's do it. We got some time. But anyways, growing up was interesting. And so my mother died last week. And it was a hard situation because I grew up with a mother that was 18 years old. And I had my sister and my little brother, Devin. And we were in this trailer park, and the man that she married was an active alcoholic. And so at the age of five years old, the physical abuse started with myself and obviously

with my mom. And so that was like traumatizing and obviously scary. I knew he was drunk when his eyes turned red. And he can tell that at a young age. Anyway, so it got bad enough to where I think I was around seven or eight years old and ended up getting a black guy from him. And my grandparents at the time, they took me in and they raised me. And I wasn't going back to live with my mother again.

My dad, I didn't really know my dad, Bob. He was in the city in Edmonton. But he would see me maybe once a year or something like that and take me out for a dinner. You know, I just didn't know a lot of my dad. And so my grandparents were that stable rock that I was looking for. And they would drink, but they were hard workers owned a hardware store. and never laid a finger on me. And I think that's what I was yearning for was just that protection and safety, you know,

and I got it from them. But I had a love for hockey. So when the physical abuse was going on when I was really little, I just remember wanting to put my skates and put my hockey bag over my shoulder and just leave and go skate. And that was sort of my outlet. And I found out that I was pretty good at it, I guess, or somebody else did. And I continued with that.

And my grandpa would take me to practices. And then when I was 12, my father came back into my life and I ended up living with him. And he was a hockey coach. And I really looked up to my dad and I'm really happy to be with him when I was 12. But we lived together for a year and then he lost all of his personal belongings. He couldn't afford to pay for the rent and the car. And then they took everything. So I had to go back and live with my grandparents a year later, which was devastating.

And then at the age of 14, I started to really excel at hockey. and then at 15 I got listed by the Portland Winter Hawks. It's in the Western Hockey League. And so I left home. I packed up my Camaro when I was 16. It's a 1980, red Z-28, or Z-28, as they say in the States. And I headed to Oregon. And at that time, I never had any drinking issues.

You know, I had a girlfriend and I was really dedicated. But then at 17, I got traded back to Canada where the drinking age was 18. and I entered the bars and the club scene. And I soon found out that the drink that my grandparents drank every night that almost made me throw up was the same drink that I fell in love with at 17. And I just remember the feeling that I had when I started drinking. It was a feeling that surpassed hockey. And I just said to myself, I'll never give this up, you know, and I didn't think of it as a problem at the time. Anyways, fast forward, I get drafted to the N.

when I was 18 by the Tampa Bay Lightning. And then I made the team at 20. But my drinking was really escalating. And they traded me from Tampa after two years. And I went to the Philadelphia Flyers. And then it escalated to the point where, well, so now I'm doing cocaine. So now at 23, I'm finding cocaine. And I'm basically, my routine is with the booze, at least I could pass out at

two o'clock or three o'clock and get up and feel hungover with the Coke. I'm now basically driving to practice and having to practice with zero sleep and like doing a line on the way to the practice ring. So the team told me they would release me if I didn't change. And they did. And they released my contract at the end of the year in Philly. And then I called for help. I didn't know what that looked like. They just said, we'll pack up your condo and we're going to Los Angeles to a treatment center.

So I went to my first treatment center when I was 24 in L.A. And I just remember we got on this bus and we went to Malibu. We went to this gymnasium for an AA meeting. I've never heard of AA. I didn't know what it even meant. And we get there and they say, anybody with less than 90 days, you know, stand up, say what your disease is. And so I'm like, hi, I'm Brad from Canada.

And I guess I'm an alcoholic. I don't really know at this point. And so I went to treatment for, well, it was 90 days I stayed in treatment. And then when I got out, I signed a contract with the San Jose Sharks for two years. And what happened to me was I got suspended again for another dirty cocaine test. So I had to go back into treatment for stage two. That was another three months without pay from the league. And then I signed with the Nashville Predators.

I'd have a little bit of sobriety, but I'd have a little bit of sobriety. got another dirty cocaine test. So that's stage three. That's a six-month suspension without pay. I have to be reinstated by the commissioner of the league. And then I signed with the Boston Bruins and then I got another dirty cocaine test, which was stage four. That was a full year suspension needed to be reinstated. So I stayed sober for two years. I got reinstated after stage four. I got in a fight and I had my my face smashed in pretty good. My orbital was cracked pretty bad so they had to go lift my eye back up, do major surgery. And I was pretty much done. I couldn't fight anymore at that point. That was my role in the league. And then there is no stage

five. So it's a lifetime ban. So I relapsed after stage four, went into stage five, which I was done. They gave me, you know, we've tried long and hard enough. And then they got dark for a year and a almost two years. And until I say that it's funny, I write about it in the book. I don't know if I specifically said this, but a Coke dealer saved my life one night. And what happened was he didn't answer my phone call to bring the cocaine to my sister's house. And he was usually on time, man, within minutes. And this night, he didn't return my call. So I ended up compensating and drinking all the booze in the fridge. And I blacked out at seven o'clock. And I woke up and I just remember I I had some police officers on my back in the snow, and I was handcuffed.

And I don't remember anything what happened. And I found out what happened. You know, I had a knife out, and I had my sister by her hair, and I wanted to beat up her boy. Like, it's just a bad situation. And then the next morning, they talk about it in recovery and in the book about a spiritual shift. And I had this spiritual shift the next morning where literally all I could think about is just getting on my knees. and praying for help and really praying this time. I'm not half a ass, you know, get me out of this one.

No, like I was done. And then they said, are you committed to long-term treatment? And I said, yeah, I am. I said, what's long? Is it a month? Is it two months? You know? Yeah.

They're like, we don't know. So I was having a daughter being born in a week. And I just knew that if I didn't get on the plane and go to Oregon this time, that her daddy wouldn't be around. that much longer. So I got on and I went and the the NHL paid. I was inpatient treatment for eight months and they paid for everything. And then I got out. I went to 365 meetings in that first year, but every day. And then I went back to school, started to slowly rebuild my life. Wow, man. Thank you for sharing all of that. It paints a really good picture about, you know,

I think a lot of us have something, you know, a lot of people that struggle with addiction, mental health have something that happens. And you're sharing a little bit of your childhood there. Definitely put some light on that. When did you figure out, too, you know, going back in your story a little bit, that you had this thing for hockey because thousands of people play hockey. Very few make it to the NHL. When did you figure that out?

Probably my first fight when I was 15. And my dad said, hey, kid, you're big. you know and you got to play tough and this was back in the 90s when you know every NHL team had two big heavyweights that could fight and I was six foot four and I could skate and so I knew that was sort of my ticket and so I played tough and I got my first fight at 15 and I did really well and then as a 16 year old I had about 23 fights that year and my 17 year old that's your draft year when you get where you're eligible my dad just said you have to leave the whole league in fights this year if you want to get picked and i said okay so i did

it and i had about 40 i think 41 maybe 42 fights that year is a 17 year old and i got drafted so my dad was a pretty smart man he knew exactly the role that i needed to fill and then it sort of just went on from there yeah for people that are listening to the show that are not hockey fans yeah give us the short explanation or explainer of the enforcer and how that was your role in hockey. Yeah. It was like if you had 20 brothers and a family. And you guys were all out playing football and against another football team.

And one of the other guys goes up to one of your brothers and it elbows him in the face and he goes down and he's bloody. But what do you think you're going to do? Right. But so that was my role was sort of like the protector. And if anything happened on the ice, and I was the guy that had to go settle things down and settle scores. And that's really what it came down to is the intimidation factor, but also letting the guys on my team know that, hey, you know what, nobody's going to mess around tonight. Yeah, no, I love that. And so you get drafted to the NHL, some people, too, that I've had on the show, it was a struggle for them, I guess, in a sense to leave home, right?

Because you're leaving home. you're heading out for this new team at a young age, right? You go to live with maybe strangers. I don't know if that was your situation. Yeah, you go to live with strangers. You're in a new place, going to a new school. And were there any challenges for you in that stage of things? Yeah, I mean, as far as being homesick and stuff?

Yeah, big time. Like you got to remember, there's no cell phones back then. So my phone bill was getting, you know, heavy every month. A thousand bucks, right? Calling back home to my grandparents or my girlfriend and really homesize. sick, but I was so dialed into what I wanted to do and nothing was going to stop me for making the National Hockey League. And so I put all those sad feelings and the homesick stuff. And I just sort of put on the back burner and I focused on the goal. And I think when you're that young, it's,

I don't know, it's hard being away from your family and friends and living with people that you've never met before. And now they're your second family. Granted, I had some good people I lived with, so that helped the transition. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, I mean, you focus on your goal of making the NHL and not looking at any of that sort of stuff and talking with other people, maybe that's something that look back and they're like, you know, maybe we should have been sharing about this other stuff, but other people have shared with me too that go on and do

incredible things that maybe they felt if they shared about these struggles, that might have been something that not necessarily was frowned upon, but you were this enforcer type guy. I mean, would you say if somebody was like, hey, this is where I'm at, would you encourage people to share about that stuff these days, the struggles they're having? Oh, these days, yeah, absolutely. I'm going to see a therapist in an hour and I'm going to be 50 next week. I mean, never stop working on yourself no matter what age you are. You know, and back then it was taboo to talk about anything, especially if you,

You were a guy on the team that was supposed to protect everybody. You didn't want to show the link in the armor. And I guess it would be that soft spot that we all have. But looking back, yeah, I know for a fact that if I had somebody to, you know, they have mental health awareness days and they have all this stuff that now on the psychologists and certain people that handle that sort of stuff in professional sports. And that wasn't really talked about when I played. Yeah.

So you come back to Canada. 17, you get introduced to alcohol then, and it does something for you, right? A lot of people share it's like this coming home. It's like that warm feeling of that things now make sense. And for me, it was like all those insecurities went out the window, everything of not feeling good enough or not looking the right way or not saying the right thing. I get into drinking and I get it. People just accepted me.

I felt for once in my life, I just felt a part of something that I wasn't before. And it just, for me, it just made so much sense to go that route. It really wasn't terrible at the beginning. You know, my story, like, we had a lot of fun with it. Of course, there were some minor consequences in college and stuff. But at the beginning, it wasn't anything overboard. I mean, so you get involved at 17 and then you get drafted to the NHL. What the heck is that experience?

Like, you get drafted into the NHL. And you're also harboring probably at the beginning. I'm only guessing here this secret of struggling. struggling with alcohol. Yeah, I mean, I ended up signing a contract at 18. So I had a little signing bonus money and when you have money and you like to drink, it's, you know, endless opportunities. And that's sort of fueled it. And I just remember, especially with the fighting because the fighting was tough.

Like when you're that young and you're fist fighting somebody in front of, you know, thousands and thousands of people, there's a lot of pressure there. And for me, the release of the pressure was knowing that. after the fight, I got to go do this, you know, or I got to go do that for, you know, four, five, six, seven hours. And it was a reward system that I had to give myself. Looking back, I don't think I would have been able to punch people in the face if I was sober, you know, because today, in my sobriety, that's the last thing I would ever want to do is getting a fight, you know, I don't think truly wired.

But looking back, I think, yeah, that the alcohol served the purpose and the role that I was playing. Yeah. And then you mentioned too at 24, you go to this first treatment. I mean, what does the process look like in the NHL for you, are you getting a test every game for stuff? Is it a random test? Well, so once you're in the program and you get out of treatment, they test you three

days a week randomly. So I also would do my own research. There was no Google back then, but I did my own research. It was, you know, if I waited three days for the cocaine to get out, I think I'd be okay. And there were lots of days, right? I didn't have three days to wait. So I'd call certain friends and just say, hey, I need you to, you know, piss for me in a bottle in the back alley. And they're like, what?

Yeah, man, I need it. And so I'd get it and I'd go back home and I knew when the urine tester would be coming. So I'd put it in a cup and then I'd take it to the microwave and I'd put it in for about 20 seconds and he'd show up. And as long as the temperature gauge rose on it, I'd be okay. But one time they called me and I put too much water because I was trying to dilute it to warm it up better. And they called me and they're like, hey man, they're like, you should be like physically

dead. I'm not. I'm still alive and, you know, I wasn't doing anything. But there was a line they said to me. They said, hey, we don't have to catch you. You're going to burn yourself one of these days. And they were right. Yeah.

So once you got to the program, it was three tests. And they wouldn't watch you do the test. No. Some guys, no, most of them wouldn't. Like I remember I was trying to get away from them. And I'd go to Hawaii. I'd go to Maui. And as soon as I'd go to check into the hotel, the lobby girl, be like, oh, by the way, Mr.

Myers, there's a guy here waiting for you. And I'm like, I'm in Maui. They followed me to Hawaii. Are you kidding me? But where I did get caught was a, so I signed this multi-million dollar contract with San Jose. And but I did cocaine the day before and I didn't think anybody knew. So I went to sign the contract the next day at my agent's office. And my agent goes, oh, congratulations.

By the way, there's a urine tester that's going to be here in an hour. I'm like, oh my God. So I read in a newspaper that if you take Vizine and you put it on your finger and you piss over it, It'll dilute the urine enough. So I said, I'll be right back. So I go down, I buy the vizine, I come up, and the urine tester was good. He was like, he was a OG. He was real good.

He's, pull your pants down, take your left hand, put it above your head, take your right hand, raise both hands above your head. So I had the vizine in my pocket, and I knew it was screwed. And my test came up dirty. So there's a few guys that were pretty sneaky that knew exactly what was going on. Yeah, so you met your match there. Yeah.

After that. What's going through your head, though, because you're, yeah, I mean, that's huge. A big contract, a new opportunity. You know, people know the history. I'm assuming they know the history that you're going through this, that you're in the program with things. They're giving you this. They're giving you this.

It sounds like it anyway. They're giving you this opportunity. And here you are, you know, living out your dream in a sense. sense of being an NHL player. I mean, this has got to be tough on your mental health. You know what was really interesting is that once I was finished the process of writing the book and it was finished and it was in book form and I got my copies and all that, I didn't realize how insane I was until I read it.

Because when you're editing it, you're just editing. You're going through chapters and you're doing all that. But when you sit down and you just turn the lights out and light a candle and read this thing, I would say to myself, oh my God, like, how could you go to that next level after everything? And there was even more levels after that. So it's wild to think that like when they talk about, you know, being insane or not in your right frame of mind during your addiction, it's so true. Because I look at that person in the first 160 pages of the book and I go, I don't even know that guy. you know, in sobriety, like such a different person that was behaving back then.

Yeah. I'm with you on that, too. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff when I look back. It's just so far to character. And for me, too, it was, it was completely the opposite of how I was raised. Like, I was raised with, my mom had twins at 16. So she was young, but kind of like your story, I mean, different circumstances, but like your story, my grandparents stepped in to help out for a little bit.

Then we moved to the U.S. And my mom was a single mom with two kids. My dad was up in Canada. We landed in Texas, and she did an incredible job. My stepdad, they did a great job. I was this middle class guy that never did well in school, never really felt comfortable, but I had every opportunity to do well. And then acting at a character was, you know, get four felonies.

You know, like your NHL story. I got a lifetime ban from the U.S. and was deported after jail. And that kind of stuff. When I look back at it, I'm with you too because if I show people that, that stuff from 14 years ago. There's no way. There's no way. And I'm like, you know what?

I even feel the same way about it. There's no way my life got to that. What the reality was is it did, but it's wild. It is. Think about that. You just told me how many downloads you have, like for your podcast. And where you were in jail and it kicked out of the United States and all this stuff. But that's a testament, though, that whoever's listening today that, and when I say this,

don't say this lightly. When I retired from the NHL, I had $250 left to my name. And I was living on a couch and I was driving my dad's old Jeep and I had grade nine education, right? You want to talk about seeing the, you know, the light coming with the truck through the tunnel? Like, that's all that I saw. Like, it wasn't light at the end of the tunnel. It was coming my way. But I knew one thing. I knew that if I got sober and I stayed sober one hour, one day at a time, here's what I knew. I knew that it would get better than what I was currently in. It might not get, you know, rock star better, but my life is going to improve, right? And so that's all that I did.

I said, okay, so I'm broke. Everything's gone. Just stay sober today. And I did that consecutively day after day. And then all of a sudden, I applied for a visa and I got approved. And I'm like, I got turned down for a Costco card like a couple years ago. And now I got a visa? Oh, this is cool.

Then I got a proof for a car loan. Then I got approved for a mortgage, right? But that was like three years after my sobriety. It just doesn't happen overnight. You have to put the work in. And so no matter where you are, whether you're sitting in a jail cell or no matter where you've gone in life, if you stay sober one day at a time, your life will get improved. You just have to have the belief and faith in that process.

Yeah, so much truth to that. And that's what it was like for me, too, at the beginning is just scraping by. People often ask, how long was it before things got better? And it was, for me, it was things got better, but I wasn't really able to recognize it. But I would say it was about six months before I started to feel some internal change and sort of, you know, come into my own. But like you mentioned, with lots of work, you have to show up for this thing. If we think back to how much work we put in to keeping the madness. going. For me anyway, it was a lot of effort. It was a lot of effort to make ends meet to keep

the addiction going. And I really had to flip that personally and put that effort into improving my life and bettering my life and just not rushing this thing, really slowing it down. So you go back and, you know, get caught with this test again, another test. And that's sort of the last straw, right, that you're not going to get another shot necessarily at playing in the NHL. And you mentioned before that things got really dark after that. Walk us through that a little bit. Well, I went to England to try and play a little bit of hockey, because I couldn't really play in North America.

And I thought I'd go to England where there's pubs. I mean, you know, they think they drink every afternoon there. So it wasn't good for me. I was drunk for maybe 22, 22, 23, 24 days when I got there. So they sent me home. So I was sitting there, like I mentioned. broke and nothing and tried selling used cars and I was dealing with so much shame and remorse and the guilt they talk about right after making millions of dollars and blowing it all

that um the only thing that made me feel better was to you know feel better for an hour half an hour was to get high and that stopped working so now I'm having this conversation with the stars and the skies about leaving this place because I can't handle that anymore, right? And there was something in me that just said, keep going, just keep, no matter what, you can't give up right now. And so as I mentioned, I got arrested and went to treatment and all that. And then when I got back out, I went back to school in Calgary and I got certified in

substance abuse and behavior of health. And then I wrote a proposal to the National Hockey League that I wanted to help with any current players that were struggling like I was. I started a company in Calgary, and so I was working there. But every year, I would send these proposals to the NHL, and there was like seven of them. And I didn't hear anything for seven years, but I'd send them every year. And then in 2015, I got an email from Los Angeles Kings, General Manager, Dean Lombardi. And he just said, can you fly to L.A.?

And I said, yep. And I went to Los Angeles. and I built a program called the player assistance director, and basically it was a sober liaison, an extended arm of the hockey club, where any players that were dealing with what I went through. And not everybody on an NHL roster or an NBA roster, MLB roster is going to have problems,

but there's going to be a couple. And that's what I was there for. You know, so yeah, I worked in L.A. for three years. And when I went to my last rehab in Portland in Oregon, I just pulled out a journal. I started to write what I just told you. Just stay sober one day at a time, Grant, and document everything that's going on in your sobriety, right? Your ups, your downs, etc.

So I did that for years. And so when I got out of the Los Angeles King's job, I got an offer to write a book and about my experience of the lifetime ban from the league and how I turned my life for a life for a job. And so I took almost two years writing that book. And it got released a few years ago. And other than being a sober dad, it's the second most proudest thing I've done. Yeah, beautiful.

So you put out the book, you get the opportunity and to work with the Kings too. I mean, that's incredible. I mean, what's that experience like? Now you're helping other people. You and I probably have a sense. You a lot more than I do. But, you know, hockey, tough guys. Play maybe not sharing a ton of emotions or sharing.

what they're going through. So you come in and can maybe be a bridge. How did that, you know, feel for you? It was weird because it was the first time I walked into a dressing room where nobody knew me. You know, usually I had my teammates and they called me by my nickname all the time, which was Misey. Nobody ever called me Brandt. The last time that happened, I was 15 years old. So now I'm walking into the dressing room and everybody was like, hey, Brandt.

Hey, Brandt. you know, hey guys. And I knew it was going to take some time to build trust, just like any relationship. But the way that I structured it, and I had a one-on-one meeting with each player, was that here's the four stages that I structured it in. And it's completely confidential.

And if you feel like you might even be going down a bad road, like you don't have to be going down it, but you might be. Just let me know. I'll take you for dinner. We'll go for coffee. If we're going on the road, like I flew with the team, so I'd be going every day. everywhere with them. And it took probably nine months to sort of gain their trust. But in the second

year, it was different than the first. And in the third year, it was a little different than the second year. It just takes time. Yeah. It's incredible too because they would be able to connect. You share that story of, you know, where you, the progress you've made, plus also having that background as being a player yourself. Yeah. I think too with that role, like, If you've played in the NHL and then not only have you played, but you've went through every stage over the substance abuse program and you've made it out of that without dying and you've sort of got back on your feet, you have instant cred when you walk in there.

Versus somebody that's never put on skates and never really had an addiction problem. That's why we like recovery meetings so much in AA or NA or CA or whatever it may be, is that we're all speaking the same language. Like, I know that you have what I have, right? And there's a mutual respect that we have for each other that what we've been through. Same thing in an athlete's mind as well. Yeah. So you can be able to connect on that level.

Because that's the whole thing, right? When we want people to share or talk about what they're going through, you mentioned it too. It's so important trust, but also somebody that we can relate to. You know, it was always tough for me when I was younger to talk with people behind a desk in a shirt and tie when I felt like my entire life was just unraveling. And maybe they would understand, but maybe they wouldn't. And I would just put that wall up and just not even talk with people.

So that's awesome, man, that you got that opportunity. So where do you go from there? So 2018, that comes to an end. Then you get into writing your book. You get this opportunity and you reflect back on those notes you've been keeping. I mean, what's it like, though, to put a book out there to the world to share all of this stuff that you've been through? it had its moments.

I mean, what I wanted to do is I wanted to be 100% honest and I wanted to get pretty raw. I didn't want it to be a poor me book either. You know, like I took accountability and responsibility for what I did. But I wanted the reader to understand that I thought it was a willpower issue I was dealing with all those years. I didn't understand that I was suffering from a disease of addiction and alcoholism. I really didn't. I didn't know that. I thought, you know what? Maybe if I just try a little bit harder or like I try and change the alcohol or whatever, or maybe not buy as good of cocaine, you know, chop it up a little better. You know, I was trying everything. But in my fifth treatment center, I came to the conclusion that I have a disease, no different than anybody with cancer or leukemia or whatever it may be. And this disease wants to kill me just as bad. And if I don't take my medicine on a daily basis and if even that means getting my knees in the morning or at night and saying thank you for my sobriety and the blessings that you've given me eventually it's going to get me and once I realized that I took it dead serious

and there's certain things that I still do today that I did in that treatment center and I do them every day yeah do you make your bed every day every day that that was one thing there right I actually, it's funny because I got my little boy, Kane, and he's three years old, and he still takes these little naps in the afternoon. And so when we woke up a couple weeks ago or whatever, we got gone, and I had to get him ready really quick or whatever. And I didn't make my bed because I'm like, oh, well, I'm going to put him down for a nap at around one o'clock anyways, right?

And I really felt off. I really, it sort of threw me off. And that little thing of always for years getting up and making my bed. But the prayer in the morning and the prayer at night before bed, no, I don't miss that. Ever. Yeah. Incredible. So what are things look like for you now?

Like, what are you doing? And what's keeping you on track? Well, my little boy, he keeps me on track. He keeps me busy. You know, when my book got released, it was during COVID. And literally everything was shut down. I wasn't really able to spread the word. I mean, I did a lot of this kind of stuff with the Zooms and stuff, which was great.

Don't get me wrong. But I think that I want to be able to physically share that story and no different than what you're doing. And I've got the substance to do it. So I'd like to do that. You know, and I also maybe like to entertain one day working maybe with the National Hockey League team again with the Players Association, the union. And I think just, you know what, taking it a day at a time, I don't really have a calendar on, on, you know, my days on what I'm going to do and not do. I just get up and see how it goes. Yeah, I love that.

It's so good, you know, because we all know this, that we can only keep what we have by giving it away. And what I hear there from you is that you're really interested on spreading that hope, your story about how you were able to turn things around and really, you know, make a comeback. Because they say a lot. I've heard this anyway, that, you know, getting to the top, very difficult. But falling down from there, maybe even more difficult. And I think for you to carry on not being in the NHL anymore and carrying on and sharing your story and believing in yourself and do that really sets a good example for that it's possible on the other side because you hear it from time to time.

I mean, I don't know the percentages, but NFL players and NHL players, the NBA players, You know, a lot of people who reach the professional sports levels where they have a tough time on the other side to reintegrate back into life. And there's a massive struggle there, it seems like, for people. So the fact that you're still plugging away at this in being motivated to share your experience and your story is very inspiring, man. Oh, well, thank you. I think when you're an athlete or you're doing that type of job, like you're not really in reality. like you, you think you are, but it's relatively a short career, you know. When I was 33 and I was done playing, I'm like, wow, I've got a long time here, you know.

But when you're playing, you don't think that way, really. It's weird. So, but it's something that I'm very proud of. And I think that when it got released, you know, I didn't know what to expect. Nobody knew who I was really like a fringe NHL player and suspended for drugs and all this kind of stuff. But it struck a chord with a lot of people. And whether it was somebody reaching out where they didn't have a problem, but their kids did.

And they couldn't understand the way of thinking of an addict or an alcoholic until they read the book and they understood it better. So as you know, in all walks of life, what we're talking about today will not be going away anytime soon. And that's why I just think that it's important. to just keep trying to spread hope because we all need hope at the end of the day. Yeah, so true. That's exactly what we need.

If anybody's listening to this show, you know, this episode and they're struggling to get or stay sober, what would you say to them? I think find a reason. I don't know. I don't know what their reason is. But for me, I was having a daughter being born in a week. Okay. my first kid.

And I didn't want her to ever see her father loaded. I didn't want her to be sitting on the curb while I made plans with her to pick her up and take her to the movies or something. And her daddy didn't show up because he was doing blow in the bathroom. I didn't want her daddy to show up in an alcoholic rage. That was my reason. And you got to find what your reason is to stay sober. Yeah.

Wow, that's powerful. Before we wrap things up here, Is there anything that we haven't covered that you'd like to share on? No, not really. It was just such a great opportunity to chat. I love it. I've got a meeting that I'm looking forward to tonight that I go on with some of my buddies. And then I'm flying to Vegas on Sunday and going to go to some good meetings down in Las Vegas with my buddy, Sheldon.

So I'm really excited about that. Yeah, man, it's just great. It's, you know, if people could get a glimpse into you or myself or anybody else that's had some time in recovery, and just to see how serene and beautiful it can be and not scary. I think that's the key is that when I got sober, I thought my life was over because the fun was going to end. That's all I thought was it's over. I can't camp, I can't golf,

I can't fish, I can't travel. And once I started doing those things sober, I'm like, wow, I actually had a really good time with that, you know? And so that's the other thing too is that your life is just starting. Yeah, so beautiful. That's what it is.

Yeah, we're worried that we're going to be given something up, but there's so much to gain on this side of things. And that's just the cultures that some of us live in, this Western cultures, that everything involves drinking and a lot of drug use and stuff. And, yeah, things are so much brighter on this side, but you can wake up when you go and do those things, you can enjoy them. So if you guys want to check out the book, too, where's Amazon, I'm guessing?

Yeah, so the book's called The Painkiller. and you can get it on Amazon or I guess bookstores or wherever you would get your books. I did it in the audio book as well in my voice. And so if you like audio books, you can download that. And yeah, pretty much get anywhere. Yeah, anywhere you get books. I love that. That's a massive push.

Anywhere you get books, just look for it. Before we sign off, I'm interested on the title, Painkiller. How did you land on that? Yeah. Yeah, so what I wanted to do with the book is I wanted to, A, not have my face on it. I didn't want it to be a traditional sports book where the athlete's face was on it. I didn't want to be anywhere near. And the way that we separated pain and killer.

So the pain was obviously all the pain that I talked about in the book and through my life. And then the killer had two parts. The killer was the addiction that was trying to kill me. And I was paid to be somewhat of a killer on the ice. for 15 years. So there's the pain and then there's the killer. And that's why we separated it. Love that.

Okay, actually, one more question and then we're done. Yeah. A bold prediction for Stanley Cup winner this year. Oh, wow. That's a good one. Carolina Hurricanes? Okay. No, an honest one, an honest one.

Oh, an honest one? I'm going to go with the Canadian team. I'm going to go with the Vancouver Canucks. Love it. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you spending some time with us today.

You bet you. Thanks, Brad. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode. So grateful for Brandt to come on here and share his story with all of us. I hope you guys are able to connect with a few parts of his story. I know it's going to hit home for a lot of people. I'll put all the information to contact Brand.

Let him know that you appreciated him coming on the podcast and sharing his story. And if you want to check out his book, Painkiller, I highly suggest you do, and that is really cool. If you're anything like me, I love the audiobooks, and I especially love the audio books when they're in the author's voice. And as you can hear throughout this podcast, Brent has got an incredible audio book podcasting voice. So check that out. And thank you guys, as always, for supporting the show, leaving your reviews, and everything else.

It's been incredible, and we've got more stories to come. So I'll see you on the next one.