Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Breaking Chains: Ian's 34-Year Battle with Alcohol to Sobriety

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

In this eye-opening episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, I welcome Ian, who candidly shares his journey from a childhood surrounded by alcohol.  Discover how Ian turned his life around after 34 years of drinking, failed marriages, and professional challenges, all while exploring the profound impact of finding clarity, gratitude, and setting powerful examples for his children. Tune in to learn about the transformative power of community, self-forgiveness, and the surprising benefits of a sober life. Ian on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ian.fee/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:16 Ian's Early Life and First Encounters with Alcohol 02:26 High School and College Years 05:05 Career Beginnings and Drinking Culture 14:23 Family Life and Struggles with Alcohol 17:59 Rehab and the Road to Recovery 32:13 Struggles and Realizations 33:46 The Importance of Community 38:12 Facing Social Pressures 41:01 The Value of Time and Sobriety 45:06 Forgiveness and Self-Improvement 50:07 Gratitude and Daily Practices 54:39 Impact and Purpose 01:02:31 Final Thoughts and Advice

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this eye-opening episode of the podcast, I welcome Ian, who candidly shares his journey from a childhood surrounded by alcohol, discover how Ian turned his life around after 34 years of drinking, failed marriages, and professional challenges,

all while exploring the profound impact of finding clarity, gratitude, and setting powerful examples for his children. Tune in to learn about the transformative power of community, self-forgiveness, and the surprising benefits of a sober life. And this is Ian's story on the sober motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode. I've been having a lot of conversations recently and definitely over the years with people

that get a little bit of time away from alcohol, a little bit of time of sobriety, and feel like they see it for what it is, they're not wanting to drink, but then again, they find themselves drinking again. And the first time they go back to it, things are okay, maybe even the second time, maybe even for two weeks. Things are okay. The wheels are not necessarily falling off. But the time frame's different, but the story that people always share is that they end up right back to where they were or maybe even somewhere further along, maybe somewhere worse. And I think that's sort of the role of the dice when it comes to alcohol. If you've identified yourself as struggling with this, is that it can be a little bit

of a confusing spot to be in because throw out a rough percentage there, maybe 83% of the time things are okay. You drink like everybody else around you and things are not disastrous. And then maybe 18% of the time the wheels fall off, but that takes a couple months every time. And then you step away for a bit. You feel like you've got it figured out. You're going to be able to make sense of it all. You haven't a hard time envisioning a life without alcohol.

Maybe you run into sort of an identity crisis. Who am I without it? I mean, that's a very real thing that people go through. Who am I? My whole life, maybe for decades, have been meeting COVID. workers for drinks or this is how my wife and I connected and we don't really know who we are without it or maybe it's for your work or maybe it's with your family or maybe it's your alone time and how you've unplugged after a long stressful day and now what are you going to do during that time there's a lot

of areas of life that get really just consumed up with drinking with numbing with escaping and some of those cycles and some of those routines can be tough to break. But I'm hearing that a lot. People step in a way, then going back, then stepping away, but not wanting to drink. They know they don't want to drink and that overall it doesn't bring any value to the life. It keeps them playing small. It keeps them in that same cycle, that same loop, that same hamster wheel that they so

badly want to get off of. The hangovers get worse and on and on. I'm sure some of this is relatable to you. And I think in those moments, the question is not why can't I stop, but what is happening in my life externally and happening in my life internally that alcohol still seems like an option. And I think until you take it off the table completely and you decide that you're going to do everything but drink, you're not really forcing yourself into a spot to

learn other ways to cope with life, to cope with the emotions that we go through as humans. So remove it as an option and find other things to do. And I think, too, if you're kind of in this cycle and in this loop, maybe consider what else could I add to my toolbox? Like, am I plugged in with the community? Do I talk with this journey with other people throughout the week? Or do I just keep it all to myself. Like that is the most difficult, probably least fulfilling way to do this, in my opinion. Not that it's wrong. If it works for you, keep doing it. Don't change the thing. But I find the most freedom when I share the struggles of the journey and what it's like and what it was like with other people that understand and that have been through it and that are going through

it. There's a magical freedom there. So maybe it's plugging in or maybe it's mentor. or maybe it's coaching or maybe it's fellowship or maybe it's church or maybe it's rehab or maybe it's outpatient program or maybe it's a therapist but maybe there's another tool you can add to your box trying to do all of this yourself and Ian talks a little bit about it too of the secrets that we harbor and we want to keep it so close and we don't want anybody to figure out and my goodness you know all these fears we have I asked them to in the episode and you'll see it about how that all played out for him but the overall message is that everything that we're so worried about coming out or people figuring out about

drinking. I'm going to fill you guys in on a little secret. Everybody in this world is busy with their own shit. They aren't thinking about me. I don't know. Maybe they are thinking about you, but I don't think they are. I think they're worried about themselves and what they're doing and about showing up to work tomorrow and what they're going to wear.

So maybe we got to let some of that stuff go about what is everybody else going to think? Because maybe they aren't even going to be thinking about it at all. And that is the common story that you hear. Maybe in your first week or two, people have got a thing or two to say, but you do this thing for 6090, 180 days, two years, three years. People move on, just like you're going to move on. So, yeah, if you're in that rut, that hampst the wheel, that cycle, maybe adding a few more tools to your box, having some honest and open conversations with people that you care about and that care about you and that's going to be productive or surrounding yourself with the right people could make all the difference. But to do these things, we have to get out of our own way.

We really have to get out of our own way. Incredible episode here. Let's plug in and hear from Ian. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast today. We've got Ian with us. Ian, how are you? I'm doing awesome. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, I really appreciate you being interested to jump on the podcast and share your story with all of us. Yeah, thank you. I'm looking forward to spending a good quality hour with you. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? Man, growing up as a kid, for me, drinking started at the age of one. I was born in 72 and bouncing around in the back of the car. I know seatbelts, parents smoking in the car with the windows rolled up.

and first sip a beer, a good old banquet of beers at the age of one to bartending my parents' parties at 13 and working in a bar, washing dishes, serving beers to senior citizens at the age of 13. So I pretty much grew up around booze and alcohol. Yeah, where did you grow up? I was born actually in New Westminster and then flopped over to the States in Bellingham, which is just a little bit north of Seattle, and was there until I was about 12. And then Southern California, Salt and Sea, which is 50 miles south of the Palm Springs, which is the armpit of the world. It is pure desert and not a lot of people. And that's where I pretty much got my roots until I went into college. Yeah. What brought you there or your family?

My dad had this big job offer in 86 when the real estate was booming for a hot second. So left my two brother, older brothers behind, me and the dog. My parents swapped in a U-Haul and drove down to Southern California and went to the Salton Sea in August, which was 114 when we got out of the U-Haul. My mom almost fell over because she was a little born and raised in Ireland, so the heat was a little bit of shock to her. So, yeah, I went down there for big job offer. Eight months later, that project went bankrupt and it kind of ended there for my dad's career. Yeah. You mentioned there, too, going back a little bit there of drinking being around and that kind of being, you know, maybe quote unquote normalized in life too. In your life, I mean, and you had your first drink at one. When did you really start drinking after that? I mean, when you're doing these bartending and stuff, I mean, were you drinking that or no?

No, I really didn't drink. I was around it all the time because my parents were permanent social alcoholics. They weren't closet alcoholics, but there were always parties in potlucks at the house. And people over my parents were unbelievably social in that social environment, pretty much evolved around booze. High school, I was a good athlete. I really didn't, you know, I'd sip on a beer. But man, as soon as I got out of high school and into that college world, and I thought booze was my superpower, which was I could get people into bars. it would accelerate my business. I would get them out of their work environment. So I thought Booz was like, man, this is phenomenal for business.

Yeah, having an hour around too, where did you go to school at? I went to, as soon as I left the Salton Sea, I went to San Diego and I went to a vocational school called Century Business College for hotel management. So I was working in San Diego going to school. I would work from 9 to 1 at the hotel, go to school for four hours, and then we would go to the beach and surf and have bonfires and drink our faces off with Big Mouth Mickies. Yeah. What's a big mouth mickeys? It would be like, it's just this looks like a little grenade and it's just this nasty pale ale beer. Cheap beer.

Cheapier. It'd be like Moulson a little bit, but worse. Well, what's going through your head, though, this time in your life? I mean, you're just living it up, right? I mean, is there any concern for wear things? You know, is 19 at a school. They living close to the beach, surfing with my buddies, going to school, thinking my shits together. And life's good.

Drinking wasn't an issue. I clearly didn't think drinking was an issue because the reservoir in your car, right, that when you pull your windshield wipers, water comes, it cleans your windshield, right? I thought it was a great idea. One, and I'd clean this out, rinse it out with some vinegar, pour a bunch of vodka in there, and take that little tube and punch a hole in my dash. So it'd be like, man, I got a built-in bar in my truck.

So me and my buddy, we would go to 7-Eleven. We would go get big gulps, and I'd pull the windshield, washer, glue it, and fill our cups with vodka and cruise down the road in San Diego and cruise a strip. And I thought that was completely normal behavior. Yeah, with the, yeah, with the clean out the, The coolant thing there, wow, or the washer fluid. Yeah. I thought it was genius. Yeah, man. Yeah, but that's, I mean, it's a common story here on the podcast, too, of how normalized it feels and how when we're wrapped up in it, maybe in the earlier days, there's not that awareness of like, hey, where could this lead to or how could this ever be a problem or, you know, that anything's kind of going on, right? Just great. Yeah, it was just, it was normal behavior for me. And I thought it was as the leader of the normal. Yeah. Where do things go for you from there?

So from San Diego, I took a big job back in Seattle, running a hotel, and I had a really good general manager, but he was also a guy that'd be like at 4 o'clock, hey, it's happy hour. Let's go have some cocktails. Let's go take our people out. Let's go tell them they did a great job. So happy hours were very normal. And whether we had a bad day or a good day, there was a reason to celebrate. right yeah if it was a bad day hey let's go drink it off it's a good day hey let's go celebrate and cheers so that was just normal and even my mentorship um evolved around booze and socially it was so acceptable yeah at first marriage i've got two failed marriages under my belt from you know and i'll take full responsibility of that and all that was driven by booze in my dysfunction and my debauchery and my wild ride of 34 years of just drinking. I'm thinking that life's great. You know, and from there, I, uh, what was the job? I was an assistant general manager running an embassy suite tonight in Seattle. So it was a pretty good size corporate hotel. A lot of professional teams stayed there in 95. We hosted the 80s. A lot of PGA tours would stay there.

So it was a pretty cool establishment. I think that's where I learned so much to, wow customers and have phenomenal customer service. I think all kids should actually work in some sort of service industry, just for one to interact with good people and deal with people that just you will never make happy. There were people that you just, you could throw the world at, give them rooms, give them champagne, give them free dinners, and they'd just still never be happy. So there were those people too. So I think it's a good culture, but a lot of drinking. Yeah, there was, I think in any industry, I've been in the automotive space and insurance space too, And I don't think there's one specific industry that's like, oh, man, those guys really drink.

I think it's a pandemic across every industry. Yeah. It's not one specific to what you do. That's just from my experience. I don't, not unless there's one that's like, oh, if you're this industry, you drink a lot more. Yeah. Well, it is interesting, though, because some people, I think with whatever industry they're in, too, you hear that from time to time, like, oh, you know, for this or that. But I hear on the story.

Oh, yeah, they're big drinkers over there at Microsoft or whatever, right? Yeah, but it's like you hear across the board. Yeah, I mean, everything can kind of can have that sort of dynamic to it to where there's a lot of drinking. So you're having these happy hours and stuff too and kind of plugging in. People in those happy hours that were in all different industries and they're doing the same thing I'm doing. Sitting there having martinis with their clients or their buddies because they're celebrating a win or they close to pharmaceutical sales. they were having a bad day because they were fighting with their wife. So all aspects for sure.

And you see that, though. I mean, how do you think that affected you just by the overall normalization of it or how it was all working? Do you feel like that desensitized you to like drinking could be a problem or no? Yeah, again, I thought it was my superpower. You know, if I could get clients out, people out, social, I'm the life of the party. I got good energy. And, man, I just thought that was like my superpower.

I could get people. I could have people over at my house and Tim and, I could have 26 people over at my house in a text. And 10 minutes later would be like, hey, we're going to have a barbecue. I don't care what's on TV, but we're going to go have a ball. And I'd have a lot of friends come over. And we would have a ball. And it was all centered around booze and taking it to the next level.

I was really good at rampant this party up to the next level for sure. You know, come over for a barbecue at 8 and we'd be leaving. I'd be like, hey, we're doing fireball shots at 1230. You don't need to leave yet. And I thought that was normal. And that was completely normal in my world. until I look back now and wrote a book about it and be like, holy cow, man, that was dysfunctional. Yeah.

People always, go ahead. Yeah, I'm just curious. Looking back now, I mean, what do you think fueled that? What do I think fueled that? Man, that's a great question. What do I think fueled that? I think now after tens of thousands of therapy is how your environment. It's like I got kids.

People catch more than you teach them. I caught drinking from my parents. My parents didn't go, hey, have a drink. It's great for you. I just was in that environment and that proximity of acceptance of alcohol and growing up with it and being around it in my work environments and attracting those people in my work environments that I caught drinking. And I'm very aware of that today.

with my kids and they learn more from watching and what you're doing than you teaching them. It's kind of like, do as I say, not as I do. So I caught drinking and that was just ingrained in my DNA as a young kid, you know, sipping a beer at the age of one was normal getting kicked out of Shaky's Pizza in Bellingham, Washington for sipping foam off the beer after being told three times, hey, kid, don't do that. And I'm nine years old. And I'm thinking, well, that's funny and cute until we got kicked out and we didn't get our pizza.

Oh, no, no pizza. No pizza. It was a bad thing. And then that's another interesting point you make there, too, is the environment and who we surround ourselves with. See, when I was in college, I thought that's what everybody did. And then when I really honestly look back, really everybody wasn't doing what I was doing or what me and my pals were doing. But I think that that's a point to hammer home there is that what we were attracting, was other people that were like us.

Like I didn't want to hang out with somebody who wasn't all in or with drinking. I really wasn't really interested in that. I wanted to hang out with people who were going to, and I didn't know any of this at the time, but we're going to kind of co-sign the way I was going about things. Like they weren't going to offer up any resistance. If you did, I wasn't really interested in hanging out with those type of people.

And then that can, I've noticed that that can keep things kind of going, right? Because that's what we're hanging out with. That's what we're seeing. That's what we're involved with. That's what we know. Yeah, and it's like the question you asked me about work and is there industry that it drinks more. Is it the same for colleges?

Like, hey, oh my God, this is a drinking school. You know, I think every college has its drinking groups. Yeah. You know, I don't think there's one school that's like, ooh, this one's a, that's a party school. It's that environment and culture. And my culture was, man, drinking is just acceptable and it's fine. And there is no problem in consumption. The more the merrier is what I was brought up.

with. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you remember those little quotes that your parents would say, be seen, not her. More is merrier. And like, just all those little comments resonate. Yeah. It close to me today. Yeah. And you mentioned there, too, that, like, it helped you out for business. And I think that is kind of one of the things with alcohol that a lot of people share on. And I know I relate to as well is that it did check boxes in life. Like, it was one of those things that, I don't know if it's relatable to your journey, but that it worked until it didn't. Like, it did check boxes to connect and to meet other people and to maybe let the guard down a little bit and the insecurities or whatever else was bothering me, I could let all that kind of fade away

and maybe come into this other realm that I always got the feedback that people enjoyed. Like people enjoyed when I took it far. You could do the longest kegstander. You could do this, you know, my earlier days. It was celebrated, right? Or when I started to get in trouble, it was celebrated. Like, it was kind of like being raised up. like yeah, great job.

I can't believe you did all that. And I think I struggled coming into my drinking career with being accepted, with fitting in, with feeling like I was good enough. But then I felt like when I drank, man, I was able to just take that backpack off, be somebody completely different, put on this other mask, and people kind of enjoyed it. And I was like, man, that was worth the sacrifice.

I would rather be celebrated for who I'm not at that point in my life. then kind of left out for who I really was. Yeah, everybody looks at you like, oh, you're okay. You know, how are you doing? I'm good. I'm fine. Man, on the inside, I was lost, bankrupt, confused, sad, lonely. And booze was my shield of like, I can become this other person and be like,

I'm the life of the party, just like you doing kickstands and taking it to the next level. And it was celebrated and be like, oh, my gosh, look at him, Brad. They're doing all these cool things, right? Oh, they out drank us last night. And it was celebrated. Yeah. And really, hiding all the stuff that's inside, especially males, man, we are so good at just suppressing all these feelings and emotion.

So booze was a great band-day. It was for me, for sure, with hiding all what was really going on inside me and my sadness and loneliness, all of that feelings that was just numbed with booze. Yeah, numbing agent. And where do things go for you from there? I mean, you're working at the hotel and, I mean, how does life kind of move forward? And you mentioned kids and marriages and two amazing kids, first marriage. Again, building a business in a career, got into the automotive space and insurance and finance products, failed marriage, booze, obviously related, remarried again, still building a business, houses, nice cars, trips, the whole smash, parties at my house all the time, entertaining clients.

kids in high school now. I always wanted to be the parent that was, they're at my house. I know where they're at. I know what they're doing. That happened, but I'm also the one that's keeping them up to 11 o'clock at night. Let's do some fireball shots.

Let's do some crown on a Wednesday. And it wasn't one day a week. These were multiple days a week that this was going on. Meanwhile, I have my younger daughter, a couple years younger, texting me going, Dad, can you turn the music out? I'm trying to do homework up.

stairs, which I had my kids write letters in the book, and it's pretty emotional of both kids growing up in the same household, two different eyes of what their dad was. Like, it was a pretty emotional journey to read those after writing the book of just the impact that you think you're a present parent because they were at my house and I got all these people here. But I have a whole new meaning of what present means. Just because they were there, doesn't mean your present. I would also, my kids were phenomenal athletes. It excelled in all kinds of sports. And we had an RV. So that was really just a mobile bar for me. So when we would go to these games on the weekends and double headers, triple headers, I had my portable bar, the RV. And I'd make sure everybody in the

stands in the morning. They had bailies and coffee. Meanwhile, my kids are playing sports behind me, but I'm making sure everybody's good in the crowd. And then we'd go barbecue, we'd fire up some hot dogs, So we'd maybe do some shots and afternoon game or firing back some, you know, making sure everybody in the stands, all the parents got their vodka sodas or Coors lights while my kids are playing behind me. Even though I was there, I absolutely wasn't present. So that has a whole new appreciation for me today. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that too.

Yeah, there definitely is a big difference. I mean, throughout all of this going on, who's the first person to ever mention anything to you about? how you're drinking, how you're going about things, or did anybody? At the tail end, you would think I'd have all the, people asked me where my rock bottom was, I stacked all kinds of rock bottoms. I didn't have one that was just like, oh, heaven, forbid that something happened to me, I heard somebody, I didn't have one of those. So I stacked lots of rock bottoms. You would think that coming on my second failed marriage that might, hey, there's a problem. Maybe you need to look in the mirror. You're the

problem. I was in Vegas, and I remember this one right when you asked me the question, in Vegas getting ready. We had to go suit up. We were at this convention. It's 10 minutes before we have to go show up for this awesome event. And I'm in the hot tub, ordering beers with a couple of dudes that need to go with me and be suited up in 10 minutes. I'm like, we got this one more round. We can hammer it. These in like five minutes. We got all kinds of time. And then the next day, one of the guys is like, hey, you might want to slow down a little. like what do you mean we made it in time we had a ball we had a good buzz and we continued on and then we gambled and did dumb shit afterwards like what's the problem like i had all kinds of those

hitting me and i never really realized it until my second failed marriage is like you should probably go to rehab and i was like yeah no problem if that's what it takes to save save a marriage so i went into rehab which is pretty intense it's an abersion therapy they actually induce vomiting they give you Epitac, swish booze around, and you violently throw up. When was this? What year was this in? 2017. Okay.

Yeah. So I just actually had my eight-year anniversary on the 17th of October. Nice. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so 10-day, I wanted to rehab to, people really didn't know I was gone. I just sold my business. So this 10-day rehab happened to be in Seattle was great. They do this abersion therapy.

and one of my clients actually went a year before me. So I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into, and I was super nervous, super scared because it was like, man, that sounds intense. And he lost like 15 pounds and 10 days. And he's like, yeah, it's miserable. And it was. But to this day, I can be sitting at a bar

and I can still do all my same things that we're doing, but I could get a whiff of like a fireball or tequila. My mouth will water day eight years later. My aversion is so high. So yeah, that Aversion Therapy definitely worked for me. Wow, okay. I never had anybody on the show that shared that before, shared an experience like that. So what led up to that, though?

I mean, we're like we're thinking, and I know two in the notes that we're sent over to, I mean, you, it sounds like anyway you shared this mindset of work, hard, play hard. You mentioned to you where you're running this business, you're growing this business and everything. I mean, how does that, even longer on there to ramble another second? I see this a lot. Like everything else kind of in life is together for a lot of people. And then there's like this one, you know, maybe hidden secret, right,

of struggling with drinking. Nobody else around us knows how much internally we're struggling. And I think what you mentioned before to, you know, being a man in not being able to articulate that or share that or feel comfortable or trust or whatever the dynamic is, is we can kind of keep it going and maybe not experience in the outward consequences that we see in the movies, right? If like if this happens, of course, I'll leave it alone.

I'll walk away. If you don't have that, then I don't know. Some might argue that maybe it's a more difficult spot to bounce back from because it's not right there kind of in your face thing. Any thoughts on that to work hard, play hard? I mean, you're going to build this business. I imagine there's a lot of stress involved. Yeah, and I thought, you know, I could quit any time.

You know, I would be like, well, I could quit for a couple days. And I would like test myself. I'd be like, yeah, I'm fine. And then boom, a client would be like, hey, we're going to go into a baseball game, going to have some beers. We're going to meet down there at five. Boom, I'll be there. No, it wasn't ever an option for me. So then I would roll right back into it and be like, see, I'm good.

I could internalize and justify in my own little brain that I didn't have a problem. I'm fine. I took a couple days off. Failed marriage, whatever. It was somebody else's fault, not mine at the time. And then going into rehab, I went into rehab to save my second failed marriage for my kids. for my business, everyone but me. And something happened on that third day in rehab. The good Lord touched me on his shoulder. Something happened and said, unless you get your shit together,

nothing will ever be right. Unless you're right, nothing will be right. And that man, I don't know what it was. It hit me on that third day and be like, I got this. I do need to be right. I need to be accountable for my dysfunction and my failures. And the carnage I left behind. And it was just this, I get goosebumps talked about, just this a massive emotional dump of like, kind of like a reel that you just saw fast forward and flashed in your lives of like

being there in the stands with your kids and making hot dogs, but I wasn't there with my daughter texting me like, hey, I don't know what kind of dad I'm going to get home. Can you turn the music down to a second failed marriage staring me in the face? Like, oh my God, it like hit me with a ton of bricks and like, I need to be right.

that is absolutely unless I'm right I'm doing all this for others and I'm the leader of my family and of myself and that just hit me like a ton of bricks like man I got to be I got to get myself right and I live and breathe that every day to be like how can I be better every single day see that was a big big emotional dump for me when that happened yeah so that kind of hit you in rehab too of going there to to keep all of this other stuff together you know make it all makes sense but then realizing too that this was going to make this happen, it would have to be an internal thing. It's something inside would have to change for yourself.

Yeah, that's really interesting. You know, I talk with a lot of people too, and it's like sometimes we're waiting for the stars to align. You know, if this happens or that does or this has got to be the right day, I had this one guy on the podcast of my buddy Andy, and I feel like he lined it up and just hit it out of the park so well, that we're kind of waiting for this last goodbye, right? That perfect drunk night, right?

I'll just, I'm going to do it just right tonight. And it's going to be the end of the chapter. I'm going to close it up. And like, I've never really heard that work out for anybody, you know, in a sense, to have this perfect exit, this perfect goodbye. You know, it happens more like I think what you're talking about for whatever reason, clarity creeps in, you know, and that's why I mentioned to people like you, you have to stop drinking and get a little bit of clarity in life.

And I think if we create some distance too, even if it's just a couple days, like the magic can sort of happen in that space. But when you're wrapped up in it, even you're sharing it now and I know you see it like, man, you know, the madness of it all. You see it clear as day. The reality is when you wrapped up in it, it's near impossible to see sort of the damage or how we're living our life, right? Yeah, for sure.

Man, you got to, like I say, you got to sit in your dirty diaper for a little bit and feel those feelings and those emotions and that clarity kicks in, man. It is, it's probably one of the biggest things becoming sober is clarity. Yeah. And forgiveness and gratitude. And like, I have this whole routine that I go through that just is just a mindset for me and like jumpstart your day. And we're so lucky that we get another day, right? And I lived in this bog, man. I related to like driving down the freeway in the HOV lane with emergency break on. And now I'm in

the fast lane with perfect clarity, no emergency break on, and everything has been better. Relationships have been better, businesses better, relationship with my ex, my kids, relationships have never been. They're off the charts great. My business is just exploding. Even with the same people that I go party and drink with, I think there's such a sober, curious movement out there. Because, man, I was the of the pack, I was 80 pounds heavier. When I send you at the top of my book, you'll see it in the third page. You're like, man, you're unrecognizable because I lost 80 pounds and my health and wellness. Everything's been better.

And with my clients, they are becoming sober-guer. It's the same people that I'd be going partying with in strip clubs and casinos till 2 in the morning. Those people are now like, man, if that guy can do it, anybody can because that was the leader of the pack. I was the alpha wolf out there like, hey, it's midnight. We can go tell 2, man. The bars are open until 2. what are we doing? We got a good two hours to keep this thing going. Yeah, keep the party going. Yeah, so it's good for other people to see, you know, you making the changes makes it possible.

And there is, there is a massive movement out there about people being curious about a life without alcohol. It's been so normalized in our cultures and in our life that I think a lot of us got into it without even questioning what we were getting into. You like you didn't eat. I never thought the first time I had a drink of like, I never thought one single thing bad about it other than I was underage. But other than that, I was like, I could take that risk. Everybody else is doing the same thing. Everybody else is doing it. Yeah, it can't be that bad.

Going back to it, because you mentioned there, too, 34 years of, you know, drinking in one shape or the other, what scared you most or what was the fear maybe behind a life without? I mean, was that anything that you've worked through and kind of looked at? about waking you know what what was I worried about or were you worried about anything when I quit drinking like about quitting like throughout the thing if like if you were like I need to quit for a couple days like why why not keep this going what's bother there there was so much just self-induced doubt of like oh what are my clients going to think what is everybody else going to think I drink with these friends am I not going to have those friends anymore because I was so empowered by the social aspect of alcohol, that I was the fear of loss of business, the fear of

friendships. I had all that fear around booze when I did those hungover, hungover mornings when you're like, please, God, I won't drink if you could just make me feel better. I know we've all been through those. If you've drank before, we've all prayed to God, be like, just please, I feel like I'm going to die, make me feel better. Even in those moments of like, oh, I'm going to quit drinking for a couple days and I got this and I'm going to feel better. And then those emotions start to stir around again, right? And be like, then all this little chirp guy on the side goes, hey, bro, you're going to drink the rest of your life because you're going to lose your friends, your business, it's going to do this. And then you got this one over here like, man,

you'll be so much better if you didn't. Like, life could be better. But this guy dominated me because he would always be like, hey, you're going to lose your friends. It's going to impact your business. What else are you going to do? Your family. It's going to impact your family. your family and friends every time they get together they drink and party so it'd be like this guy always won on my shoulder yeah um i had lots of fear that what would happen yeah yeah and um i think yeah everybody's got their little kind of story we tell ourselves too about what is the you know what's it going to look like on the other side without even really getting to the other side trick question for you i mean did any of that stuff ever come true for you not any of it it was all

fear, you know, the academic fear is false expectations appearing real. I had just all this false noise in my head. No, everything's been better. My business is better. My relationships, I got rid of, my circle went ginormous to really small. I value relationships now toward just having these superficial drinking buddies. And when you hit tough times, I talk a lot about your circle in my book. You know, of when you hit tough times, in, it's like people scatter. They're like, oh, he's going through some drama and he's not paying the bar tabs. Like, I'm not sure I want to get involved there.

But then I've been with, I got my core four, my core six people that have been with me and my drinking days that are with me that are my number one cheerleaders today. And I've helped impact those people to get healthier and fitter and they don't drink as much. And two of them don't drink at all anymore. So I didn't really realize that impact and power that I represented in some people's lives. of being a mentor or leader to them. And that really sits with me today of people ask me, you ever think, you'll drink again, I'd be like, absolutely not. No, I'm on this journey to go help people because it has absolutely changed my life,

my relationships, my business, and my kids, and everything's been better. And if I could go help one person be a better dad, a better mom, a better business owner, a better friend, that's what it's all about. And that's why you do this podcast, because you're making an impact on people that may be right on that sober curious mark that tip them over. Yeah. What do you think it is? I mean, what was it for you that, you know, I mean, you went to the treatment. You kind of, you know, were up against the wall there to try to maybe save some things in life.

And, I mean, even after that, too, like, what could you put a finger on that was like, okay, this makes sense now? Like, to put everything else to rest about how things are not going to go well. And I mean, alcohol does that really good job of convincing us a life without it is just dull and boring and you're never going to enjoy it and have any fun. And you're doomed and everything you've known up to this point is all for nothing. And it's like you can tell somebody that till you're blue in the face and your head explodes. How does one start to believe it? How did you start to believe it that things could improve for you? Because there's probably part of you that thought you were living your best life to some degree.

Yeah, the day I got out of rehab happened to be Halloween. It'll be eight years come up here soon, going to trick-or-treat with my third youngest daughter, and I got served papers the day I got out of rehab for divorce number two. And that was a big pivotal point for me of like, man, is all this for none? But again, on my third day in rehab, I had to be right. And I lived and prayed that. So even though I got served papers, I'm like, I got this. I'm going to deal with this.

I'm going to sit with my emotions. I am going to be better every single day. And I didn't drink to where I could have been like, man, all that was for nothing. I'm just going to go back and start boozing. And that just catapulted me to go on this journey of, and every week that went high, Brad, everything got clearer. Everything got more and more put on, like, beer goggles and you're taking them off. And everything just got so much clearer.

no more brain fog, clarity of what's going on, how to deal with things instead of drinking through them. Like if there were problems from work or obviously getting served my second divorce papers going managing through that and massive financial impact, like I had to be on my game and I went into it like, I got this. I am going to be, I'm going to make sure I'm right. My kids are going to be good. I'm going to manage through this and not have any dramatic emotion like I would when I was boozing because man, I'd just be, nobody knew what I was going to be. I didn't even know what I was going to be the happy guy, the mad guy, the angry, sad, mean. Like, I didn't know what I was.

Today, I know exactly what it is. People know today exactly what they're going to get. And the clarity that came out of that to sustain it has been remarkable. No matter what's thrown at me, I don't bandaid it with booze and I can feel that emotion and not react. Like I normally would react when I was all boozed up or buzzed up or a reason to go drink more. Yeah. How has that journey been for you too, right? Because, well, even early in after your rehab there too, yeah, your face with something massive. But realizing that it's something you need to sit with and something you need to move through, I mean, that must have been completely

different too to how things were previously. I mean, so uncomfortable. I think that's where a lot of people get stuck, right? Because you have this idea or we have this idea going into it that alcohol is the problem. alcohol is the problem. It's causing all this chaos in my life. And then all of our loved ones and everybody around us and we take it on too. It's like, if I just stop drinking, I'll be good. I'll be good. But then I think what we realized shortly after is, okay, now here comes the title wave of everything that we've been avoiding for everybody's stories different, X amount of years. Can our nervous system handle that and are we going to reach out to get the support we need? to build those tools. If that's relatable, what was that experience like for you? Yeah, it's that community. It all comes back to, you know, I've never been to an A meeting, but people, I think they're awesome because of the community. And just like you, I'm sure you got a core four or core six people, man, that are just always there for you that support to you and be like, bro, take your podcast and you're going to go big

and have those people that are encouraging and supporting you. I have that. And that, and that was the most important part. So if anybody is remotely sober curious or struggling with drinking, is, man, you've got to get around the like-minded people that will support you and encourage you and always there for you that will take a phone call at midnight if, you know, you're in a funk that my core has just been insane of a support mechanism of my booze journey, of like they've seen me transform. And in that, They've transformed. And I wanted to break the chain in my family.

And somebody had to do it. And I looked in the mirror and said, it's on me. It's on me to break this chain. Because it was my parents, my brothers. One of my brothers doesn't drink now. My other brother drinks like a fish. Yeah. So it's making that impact.

And people watch more than you can teach them. So just like you, that people are watching you and be like, man, if that guy can do it, I can do it. And they've seen your journey and what you've gone through and what you're doing. And people are like, again, I want that. And a lot of people are fearful, like, I want that, but I'm afraid of what ifs. And that's where your core people come into play. Yeah. Yeah, you need that support.

And I think that's a really important thing is wherever you find it, everybody's going to find it in different places, right? Friendships. It could be in fellowship meetings. It could be everywhere. But I think the way that I see it working out is when we're honest with them. You know, I see a lot of people who get into this journey and they tiptoe in and they share a little bit and they retreat because it's uncomfortable and it's scary. And once you put it out there, you're kind of accountable to it, right? Accountable to this new way of life.

But it sounds like you went in, letting people know where you're at, being honest with people because people can only help us as much as we're honest with them, as much as we share with them. I mean, it's like a problem with, if I had a problem with my computer and I called the support guy and I was having a problem with Apple music, but I told him it was with Zoom, I'm not going to get any help on it. And I think that is one thing I really encourage people to do is like, we live this secret of life for so long, not sharing how we're actually feeling and how we're actually doing. And even though it's scary to put it all out there, because you know what, the reality is, you might lose out on some things in the short term. But in the long term, this is going to be the best investment we ever make in ourselves to turn it around and live our truth and be authentic. And it really helps us build connections. So, yeah, man, I love that.

Yeah, for sure. It's like your core group, they can ask you, hey, Brad, how are you feeling? And you know what? You're so comfortable. Like, you know what, man, I'm having a bad day. And you can, whatever, I'm upset with my kids or I had a bad day driving into work, whatever, you have that support mechanism. I got a story about one of my son's friends at my book lunch asked me, and he's sober curious, and he goes, hey, I'm ready. What do I need to do? And I know his circle of friends. And they go to work, they go home, they drink, beer together, smoke pot together, play video games. Five days a week. Saturday, what do they do? They go to the golf course. They drink, they have Bloody Mary's, they go get pizza, they smoke some weed, and they watch movies until two in the morning.

And Sunday they watch football and have a couple bloody mary's and some sandwiches to feel better. And I go, bro, your circle's your problem. Your friends are your problem. You need to get out of that circle. And as soon as you're out of that circle, your life will change. And it's going to be really, really uncomfortable to get out of that circle because it's so comfortable for you. It's what you know. And he's trying to get out of it.

But it's the fear of getting out of it. And it's like, he's just not ready. It's like no matter how much you can encourage somebody, people have to look in the mirror and go, I'm finally ready. As much as you and I can encourage people and promote people and help them see the light at the end of the tunnel until they're ready there, they're not ready. And one day they will be. I was sitting the other day Sunday with my kids, we were having brunch and these four middle-aged ladies sitting next to us for ladies Sunday brunch. And one of the girls didn't want to drink. three of the girls had mimosas and be like, come on, Susie, you can just one.

Jimmy won't know. Come on, you can have one. And the poor girl crumbled and had a mamosa, a couple. And she went, in her mind, she's like, I'm good, I'm going to go out with my girls, I'm going to try this. And she got sucked into her circle and the pure pressure to go drink. And I just sat there and watched the whole thing and be like, her circle is the problem. Yeah. I mean, you can still love those people and have fun with them.

But if you're on that edge, don't go to brunch with the girls. And it's okay. Yeah. That's a really good point, too, is where we spend time, who we spend time with. And maybe it's reevaluating the relationships that are part of our life. I mean, if this is a commitment that we're making and people we're hanging out with are trying to go in the other direction, it's, yeah, I mean, that's difficult. Like I, and I hear that a lot.

I mean, that's the one story you had up close. and personal, but I hear that a lot. You know, people that are newly sober and they want to go to this wedding and they have to go to this event and they have to do this and they have to do that. And I think it's reevaluating our priorities to an extent about what do we actually, quote, unquote, have to do in life and how can we maybe take this a little bit more serious? And it's, and I don't think, you know, some people are like, you know, now that I'm sober, I'll never be able to go to a football game or I'll never be able to go to concert again. I'll never. And it's like, literally I've done all of those things and with time you'll get there. You're going to have a ton

more fun. It just might take a little bit of time. You might have to just reel it in a little bit. You know, your life is going to change. Things you find interesting. I used to love going out to the bar until two in the morning and then, you know, be friends with the bartender. So he'd shut it down and we drink till three or four. Now if I go out, it's kind of like I run out of patience pretty quick with just kind of as people are drinking and I'm hearing the same stuff over and over again. And I'm just like, I don't know. It's nothing against other people and I'm not judging them for how they're living their life. I just think that I'm just in a spot now and I have been for a while that I pick and choose where I want to spend my time. It's something that none of us are going to be able to,

you know, get more of in a sense. And I just have to do things that bring me joy. And I would much rather hang out 7 a.m. on a Sunday with a buddy of mine sipping a coffee watching the sun come up, then I would be to hang out in a bar all night. And I think that that changes. And that's okay. And we find our way. There's not a day in my life where I'm like, I was thinking of this last weekend. I've never woke up on a sober Sunday morning and said, man, I wish I just went out last night and just got completely racked and stayed out all night and smoked two packs of cigarettes. I've never thought like that, like that I miss it in that sense. Do you feel you have so much more time?

Oh my gosh. I mean, I've been living this way for a while now, but in the beginning, yeah. And I hear that a lot from people. Like some people say even like a whole other day, you know, maybe, right? Yeah, I feel that? I don't miss wasted days. I feel like I bought back so much time. And I was doing the math.

I've spent over million dollars on booze. million, million dollars in booze in 34 years. That's insane to think about, let alone time. The time of sitting in bars and happy hour and strip clubs and casinos and like how much time I lost that I feel like I bought back so much time. And I'm like you, I'd rather go have a cup of coffee, watch the sunrise, and it's the best ever. And I'm the biggest thing people ask me, like, well, what do you, is there anything you miss about drinking? I be like, you know what I don't miss are the hangovers and the regret in the morning. Because I could go, in the morning, I can't tell you if this happened, you or not, but you'd look at your phone and go, oh, oh, good Lord, what did I text or say to somebody?

And have all these regrets. I have no regrets. I wake up every day and have zero, zero regrets. And for 34 years, man, I managed living with those. daily. Yeah. Yeah. It's such an interesting question.

Is there anything, you know, that you miss about? I was just thinking in the secondary part of my brain there. And I, like, no. I think that alcohol and everything involved did a really good job in my life to make it feel normal and to make it feel like that's what I was supposed to be doing. That was right of passage. That was the way forward. But I think when I look at it.

at it where I am today, it makes absolutely no sense to me. It really does. When I see people drinking and not from a place of judgment, but from a place of I have a hard time understanding that. And I haven't lost sight of where I once was. I mean, my life was I told myself I wouldn't drink and I did drink. In the last year of my drinking career, I went to the store every single day and only bought enough for that night, eight tall cans, because I was going to quit the next day. And I did that, that I did that shit for an entire year. Talk about crazy. Like when I quit,

I wonder if the clerk there, you know, wonders if I'm here or gone, you know, because I just all of a sudden stop, you know, stop going, right? But it's,

I think it does a good job to produce that life of an illusion of like, where it's working for us, it's doing something for us. It is stealing at every turn. It is taking. It is not giving anything. And the reality,

the reality is, too, all of those things I think that you mentioned too, that it was helping you with socially and business and everything else, life of the party and, you know, all that. Like, we can do all of that sober and wake up the next day without the regrets with a hot cup of coffee and a sunrise. Absolutely. And it's way better. It's so much better. And I still with clients and can go entertain and they partake and they drink too much. But I'm at the gym first thing in the morning and they wake up. And it is a reminder to myself of like, I absolutely

don't miss that feeling. And a couple of them, we were in Cabo and went on a fish trip. They couldn't make it. And then I was like, man, you know how many trips I missed also for being hung over? And then they would come see me at the bar with the Bloody Mary after they had a great time. Like how many at those events I missed also? Nothing good. Like you said, nothing.

I don't have one good thing to say that came out of it. Like, oh, yeah, this happened. I don't have any of those. I have a lot of regret stories for sure. Yeah. You mentioned something earlier that I was interested in too, and especially with the last share you had there, too, about forgiveness. What role is that played and how have you been able to or if you're still working on that? How have you been able to deploy that into your life? Man, I use this a lot of like forgive your younger self, believe in your current self, and create your future self. And forgiveness for me was forgiving myself. I know a lot of the AA program is like, hey, go ask people and be like, hey, sorry for this. My forgiveness that I work through is by setting the example and being a better leader for my kids and my core group and the guys that work for me and my business.

Like, I am the one. I look in the mirror and go, it's on me. Every day. It's on me. It's on me to be a better person. It's on me to be a better leader for my family. It's on me to be a better business owner. It's on me to be a better friend.

And I say that five times in front of the mirror every day to be better every single day. And I set the tone, right? I set the tone for me. And in lieu, sets the tone for the day and sets the tone for, we don't realize how big of examples we are in life. We take it for granted of whatever you're leading, whatever business, friendship, partnership, wife, boyfriend, husband, whatever it is business, it's on you. You're the one. Don't be a victim of somebody else.

Own your own stuff. And that's the biggest thing for forgiveness is I've forgiven myself for all my regrets and the stupid things I would text or rude and disrespectful. Like, I forgave myself. And for the people that matter to me, my closest circle and my kids, I know that they look at me And they are so proud where I am today. So I don't go ask for that forgiveness to people. I just do it by example. And I'm setting an example for that for the future every day. Yeah.

Well, thanks for sharing that too. I know a lot of people, too, that I talk with, you know, that have kids that when they were drinking, maybe their kids were younger too. That, you know, maybe that's something they ponder with, too, about, especially like, I think what you mentioned too, like they were there at the games or at the whatever it was. You know, they were present, but fully engaged. I feel like now where they're at, they're like, you know, there's levels to being present in life. But that's something that, you know, you've come to terms with or that you've forgiven yourself for, it sounds like.

Yeah, and you don't understand the psychological impact of like when I was a young kid, go get me a beer. Will you make me a drink at the age of 10? mixing my dad's Canadian club in seven. Like you don't realize a psychological impact that has on that child at that time. It's like if you're, do you have kids? Yeah, three. What's their activities? What do you guys enjoy to do? Are you sports and baseball, hockey? Yeah, outdoor stuff, kayaking, fishing, swimming. What do you think your kids are going to do when they're older? Fish. I hope. I hope. Right? They're going to do all the cool shit that dad does with them, right? It's no different if dad's drinking. Yeah. If dad's drinking and kayaking,

well, we drank, I grew up drinking, we brought a six-pack or a keg or, hey, we had a whole, we had a whole extra canoe in the back for the cake for mom and dad, right? Yeah, they catch all that stuff. I was a baseball, football, basketball. What did my kids do? Football, baseball, basketball. You become a product of your environment, and we don't realize that as parents of how important that really is. We think it's, go, hey, go grab dad a beer. Hey, go, go open the box. bottle of champagne because it sounds really cool of how we're just psychologically getting into their subconscious of how important booze is. Oh, booze is around dad, booze is around mom. So it's like, I promise you, you're going to enjoy the outdoors, camping, hike and kayak,

and biking when they're in their 20s and 30s. I promise you because that's the environment they grew up. Yeah. Which it's so interesting. You sharing your experience with that. I was watching a Disney movie. I can't remember exactly what movie it was with my kids. And it was a long, hard day in whatever movie. And they said, let's go to the bar and get a drink in this Disney movie. And I'm like, they're connecting that already. And I don't know if it's like entertainment for the parents. I mean, I think it's ridiculous.

But entertainment for the parents are to keep them engaged, whatever. But I was like, that is, that seems way aligned to me. It seems way it aligned that we're connecting already a hard, stressful day with the relief of a drink. will relieve that other than all of the other things. What have been some of the other things that you've incorporated with, too, in your thing you mentioned, the gym? Like, what other things seem to be helping you out to keep this going since 2017? Man, I've stacked a bunch of little things over the last eight years. When I wrote the book, I thought 87-year-old ladies journaled.

I journal every day, one page, and most of its gratitude. And I think if you start your day with gratitude, it sets the tone for your day, right? We're so used to, and I don't look at my phone for the first 30 minutes of waking. I get up in the morning. I'm so grateful for my kids and my life and my family and what I get to do. And then, you know, I do some breath work for a couple minutes, get really deep rest, just get oxygenated, drink some water. And all this is, you know, within the first half hour of the day. I journal. I do one page. It takes, I don't know, three minutes, maybe and then I go get my coffee, I'm off to the gym. I don't look at the phone because the problem is everybody, right when they wake up,

you see a lot of people they get their phone. Oh, social media or, you know, they check in their business emails. You got to start reacting all of a sudden, right? Or they get this dopamine hit of social media like, oh, look at what the Jones. Oh, look at Jimmy. They just went out for dinner at a really nice steak place. Oh, Susie, they're in Cabo. Oh, yeah, look at these people, right?

We get all this emotional dopamine fix before we're even ready. for the day to even handle all that. So I really try to set the tone for me, get my body right, get my mind, be super grateful for the day. And man, then I just go tackle the day and own it. So gratitude for me is, I think everybody, if anybody could take one thing away is just,

what are two things you're grateful for in the morning? I don't care what they are. Your kids, your dog, that I woke up. I've had a life coach the last three years, which this galahy Angie, she's phenomenal out of Florida. And we talk every Wednesday. and on everything, business, life, kids, sobriety, all of it.

And I was sitting, she's like, she always asked me, what are you grateful for? I'm like, well, I'm grateful I get to talk to you and for my kids. And she's like, okay, I want to get you really, really granular. I want you to hang up with me and call me back in two minutes and just sit there and listen and close your ass and then call me back. Like, okay, Angie, whatever, I'll do this. So I call her back and she's like, well, how was I go? She goes, what are you grateful for?

I go, the wind blowing the tree leaves, the smell of fresh coffee, the bird chirping. And it was something that small just to reset again, the simplest things in life that sometimes we take for granted. Right? I'm a big coffee drinker, and I love the smell of it. But I kind of take it for granted when I'm making it in the morning. But sometimes we all need those little resets to be, what are you really grateful for? Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. I mean, I love the gratitude exercise too. just keep things in, it helps keep things in perspective, I think, to make us feel. And I would challenge you tomorrow morning or today or whatever, go take some sticky notes and put them on your kid's mirror or in their bedroom, be like, I love you, I appreciate you, you're awesome, I'm proud of you, you're beautiful, you're a great kayaker, man, I do that for my kids, my 30-year-old son, my 28-year-old daughter, my 15-year-old, and because I know social media. I know that influenced all the noise that these kids still hear of just that friendly reminder.

And we as parents need to battle that, right? So we constantly need to remind them of like how awesome they are and how much we appreciate them. So yeah, just I challenge you to do some little sticky notes to put on your kids mirrors and go, I love you, I'm proud of you. Or great job at school today or something, because I promise you, they will absolutely. make an impact on them. Yeah, I love that. Actually, interestingly, interestingly enough, I bought sticky notes to do, well, not to do with my kids, but for my wife. And I did it a few times. And then these kids, they take the sticky notes. So I'm going to get some more sticky notes, man. You should. You know, once they get a hold of it, right? They're gone everywhere for not even

that purpose. But I love that, man, starting off the day without being on your phone and kind of get focused and get yourself ready to go to. When you open up your phone right in the morning, it's like the weight of the world, man. Just bangs you right in the head. Boom. Like what everybody else. I'm guilty of like, look what everybody else has got going on and look at what I don't got going on.

And I don't want to start my day like that at all. You know what I mean? And you do that. And you're crushing a podcast. Your kids are doing awesome. Like, life's good. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. It's better than I ever thought it was, man. I'm leaning towards wrapping up here. I'm wondering this too, man. A few things. I got a question here and then I want to talk a little bit about the book journey. But I hear a lot of times people, you know, we think like, okay, removing alcohol, getting sober, life will be better. But I don't think we're ever expecting it to be how it is, how good it gets.

What are your thoughts on that? Man, if you could just go shake somebody and be like, you know what? life could be without this. You know, and that's why we do these podcasts. That's why we write the books because we're so passionate about how impactful it's been for just our two little stories going on in life of how much better it is. Like, everything is better. Everything.

Kids' relationships are better. Health is better. Man, your body's going to love you. A tremendous amount, right? Relationships with your significant others are better. Kids are better. works better. Everything is, every single thing in life is better in the clarity of goals and passions you may have that just get bogged down of the negativity of booze that gets in your way. Like my life is like,

I like Superman going through a barrier, man. That's what it's like of like this whole other world's really there. Like all the stuff you dreamed of as a kid that we would sit and look in the clouds and we'd go, oh, that's, that looks like a battleship or oh, that's a turtle, right? We used to dream as kids. And as an adult, all my dreams went away because I was just clouding it with booze. And now that that's gone, man, I'm dreaming again. Yeah. And it's so awesome. Love that, dude. I love that, man. Yeah, I mean, I think for a lot of us, it can be surprising in a sense, too, about how things turn around, man, when you just go a day at a time, don't drink, work through stuff, show up, and you learn, you know, different. And you, you know, you know, you know,

So interesting, man, because I don't know if there's any truth to this, but I feel like those of us that have struggled with this and we know what it's like, you go through so much shit and so much pain. And when you really get ahead of it and you get sober, you have a different, I don't know, just seem to carry, I know I do. I just seem to carry myself maybe a little bit differently than I ever thought possible. Like, I know what it's like to have nothing. I know what it's like to feel like I am worth nothing.

and I know what those dark moments are like. And I think that pain is in one way what kind of fuels me forward. It definitely fuels me to make this podcast because my whole vision with making the podcast was, is I was so lost for years that I don't want anybody to feel like they don't have anybody to relate to. You know, I don't want to solve everybody's problems. My mission and goal here is not to tell everybody how to do it, you know, because you got to be at a spot where you're willing to put in the work. I cannot get that ingredient for somebody,

but I just want a place where people say, you know what? Yeah, I can stay connected and I can figure this out. Maybe I can pick up a thing or two or a strategy here or there from me or from a guest, usually from a guest. I don't know that I have a whole bunch of strategies that I'm letting out there. But it's so cool, man. It's the community that you create, though, man, that is so powerful and impactful of the community and your listeners and your followers, man, you are making a massive impact on people, even sometimes when you don't feel like it, or sometimes you might get enough thought about like, oh, man, this podcast thing. And you'll get those ones.

It's always the good Lord works in mysterious ways. You might get a text or an Instagram that goes, hey, man, I listen to your podcast. It was awesome. And boom, you know what? You're right back at it. You're like, I'm making an impact one person at a time, and that's, what is so cool about your podcast. Yeah, well, thank you, man.

Yeah, you just, I mean, you just laid it out there how it goes sometimes. You know, I mean, that's just how it goes. I would like to say I'm, like, immune to, you know, the downs and everything, but that would be so far from the truth, you know, that's how it goes. Sometimes you, I can't find myself wondering. I get that with the book. It'd be like, man, you know, I'll get in a little funk for whatever reason, because we still getting funks, even though we're sober, it's okay.

Yeah. And then, boom, all of a sudden, I, you know. I got a message from a guy in Texas. I don't even know that he says, hey, man, your book saved my life. And I was like, really? So then I said, hey, you're more than welcome to call me. And he's like, I read your book. It encouraged me to go to rehab, and it saved my family and marriage because I didn't want to be like you and have two failed marriages and worry about my kids.

I'm like, man, that just, you warmed my heart gives me goosebumps talking about. I was like, that's the whole reason right there. Yeah. Gives your purpose. No. Gives your purpose. Yeah. And I feel like too, like I caused a tornado worth of damage behind me. And I feel like the work that I do now kind of makes it all not for nothing. Like I mean, I could have went on, you know, my merry little way and done all of that jazz. But I feel like being able to give back and at least just maybe be something for somebody. It's like, all right, maybe I didn't go through all of that and cause all that destruction for nothing. Thinking about the book here too, Wilder. ride of sobriety. So you get 34 years, you're into the, you got building your business and you've got,

you know, your kids and everything else. What wakes you up to let's write a book? I mean, how does that come into your life? To go make an impact on somebody, because I was making an impact on social media and just in my circles. And somebody's like, man, go share your journey. You've been naked out there. Go share the naked truth with people and go make an impact on people. That's your purpose. I was like, you know what? I'm doing it. doing it. And I've always wanted to write a book. I absolutely did not think it was going to be about my drunken debauchery. So it's just funny how things work out. Yeah. And it was such a fun experience. Such a good, it's been an awesome journey. And to meet people like yourself,

that will have a friendship for a lifetime. That's all so worth it. Yeah, that is incredible. So yeah, wild ride of sobriety. And you shared there too, somebody getting a hold of you and saying it changed their life. How does that impact you? I'm curious. on that too because I hear that and I don't know man I don't know really how I feel about it sometimes What about you? How do you take that when someone's like your book changed my life? Has a book ever changed your life? I think I've taken nuggets at a book said it probably steered me in the left, but I never read a book that like Wow, I'm making a life change right now. It's kind of surreal a little bit of like Okay, you humble and grateful that like that happened and that you look at you look at

at it and it's like, okay, through all that and that expense and that process of 17 months, man, it's what I want it is happening. So you take it as super humbling for me of being heartwarming for sure. And it's like, that's the reason to keep going. Keep sharing your journey. No different than you in your podcast, man. It's like you look at it and like, you didn't start with 30, 40,000 followers. You started with one. than to two, then to a thousand. So it's like you watch your journey grow and you just keep going because you are making an impact. That's what keeps us humming.

Yeah, so true. Well, so glad to hear that you've had that response too. And yeah, everything starts out small and then it gets big if you stick with it. So that's cool. Well, thank you so much, Ian, for plugging in, man. Really appreciate you joining us and sharing your story, being so open. Is there any final thoughts you have before we sign off? Yeah, anybody that is sober curious, look at your community.

And remember, sometimes relationships have seasons. And it's okay to get into a new season and new relationships and get out of that journey. And I think that's the biggest thing people get stuck in is that comfort. They're high school friends. They go party. They do happy hours on Fridays. that it's okay you can still love those people you just might not socialize with them every week i got a good buddy that i drank what every day lived with them for a little bit going

through one of my divorces and we drink makers mark almost every day in the hot tub i see him a couple times a year i still love them when i think about him i just don't i'm out of that environment yeah so really really do an audit on your your circle on your circle yeah where you're spending time I mean, it goes back to the thing you shared there a couple times, too, about how our kids pick up on what we do. And that's what we're hanging out with? I mean, what is the expression? Like, show me your five friends. Show me your five friends.

Yeah. So true. Yeah. You become a product. You're a product of your environment. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're the one creating the environment.

Remember that. If you have kids, you're creating that environment. Yeah. Powerful stuff. Thanks again, dude. And continued success. We'll post the information for everybody to check out the book in the show notes. And yeah, thank you.

Thanks again, man. I appreciate you. You have a chill weekend and enjoy those kiddos. Yeah, you too. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Ian. I'll drop this contact information down on the show notes below so you can be sure to reach out to them.

If you want to have a chat or anything in the episode with something you connected with, don't forget to drop a review on Apple and Spotify, that you love the podcast. that you love the podcast. Five stars all day. Let's go. And I'll see you on the next one.