Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Brenton lost himself in alcohol and knew he couldn't get sober on his own.

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

In this episode of the Brenton shares his journey through a childhood filled with constant relocations, his early life in a large family, and his experiences with homeschooling. He shares his struggles with alcohol, starting in college, and how it intensified following personal and professional setbacks. Brenton wrestled with the thoughts of being a failure and alcohol quieted those thoughts, temporarily at least. Brenton reflected back on a trip to the ER where he felt like he was dying and how alcohol was impacting his mental and physical health. Brenton has been sober since July 2022 and this is his story on the SoberMotivation podcast. ---------------- More information about SoberLink: https://www.soberlink.com/recover Follow SoberMotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Follow Brenton on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/officerecovery/

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, Brenton shares his journey through a childhood filled with constant relocations, his early life and a large family and his experiences with homeschooling. He shares his struggles with alcohol starting in college and how it intensified following personal and professional setbacks.

Brenton wrestled with the thoughts of being a failure, and alcohol quieted those thoughts, temporarily at least. Brenton reflects back on a trip to the ER where he felt like he was dying and how alcohol was impacting his mental and physical health. Brenton has been sober since July 2022, and this is his story on the sober motivation podcast. It was vital in keeping me accountable. It doesn't interrupt my life. It only enhances my life.

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When I didn't have any listeners or any show, really, Soberlink stepped in to help support some of the cost of the show by sponsoring episodes. So thank you so much, Soberlink. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Brenton with us. How are you? I'm doing well, Brad. Thanks, man. Good, man. I'm happy to have you share your story with all of us today on the podcast. Yeah, it's an honor to be here. I'm super excited. I've loved your content for a long time. So it's an absolute pleasure to be here. Awesome, man. So what was it like for you growing up? I had a great childhood. I moved around a lot. I think last time I did the math over 30 plus times in 30 or so years, all over the country,

a little bit overseas as well. But I had a great childhood, but parents that loved me, a big family, I'm the oldest of six. And yeah, it just, it was a very, I think, a normal, whatever that means, childhood. Yeah, it was really good. I think being the oldest obviously brought its challenges with feeling kind of the weight of responsibilities and perceptions of folks and things like that. But outside of those kind of elements, yeah, it was a great childhood. Had a lot of fun.

Wow, man, I'm just picturing that six. Yeah, so you've got to pick up some responsibilities here fairly quick to keep this thing going. Why did you guys move around so much? My dad was in the ministry. He was a pastor for most of my life. And so just going to different churches and pastoring. And then we had a couple of stints in Southern California where he was working for a friend's construction company.

basically, but then overseas, my parents were missionaries. Yeah, so just moving around a lot just for kind of ministry reasons. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. So what do things look like for you in school and all those dynamics? Yeah, I went to a public school for the first through third grade, and then I was homeschooled, pretty much for the fourth grade all the way up through high school, partially due to just our constant moving. And then partially it was my choice. I played ice hockey and I played basketball. And so I wanted time to practice and excel at my sport. And homeschooling gave that to me. I'd finish my school work in three hours first thing in the morning and get out and start shooting hoops or whatever it looked like. So yeah, I was homeschooled all through high school and then

end up graduating early at 16 and going into college and getting my associates. And then, yeah, and then I transferred to a school out in Virginia for a couple years. And then end up finishing my bachelor's about 10 years later, finally went back and got that. And then now I'm, now I'm just attending online and getting a master's. Wow. What's it like with homeschooling? Is that isolating? It can be for some, but the way, and I've tried to figure out how my parents did it exactly, but the way that they operated, I mean, we were always involved in sports. I played sports for the public schools. We were always going to youth events, going to concerts, going to a lot of social activities. And whatever they did seem to have worked, I mean, I think that our family's

pretty socially acclimated. And yeah, so I never felt isolated. I always had friends for the most part. I was going to say, too, I mean, you have five other siblings there too, right? If things get too bored, I'm sure there's always something to do or there was always something to do. Yeah, we were climbing mountains, building forts, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

So when does drinking into your life? Man, so I actually didn't have my first drink until I was about 19. And I was at college in Virginia. and had my first step. And to be honest, it was nothing spectacular. I didn't feel immediately hooked or anything. It was just, okay, take it or leave it. And over the years, I would drink off and on for the next couple of years just very sporadically.

And then it really kicked up. Started kicking up. I ended up getting married young, having a divorce, young, and having a young daughter at the same time. And with all of that kind of falling apart around me, I started drinking quite a bit more. And that led to a whole host of other issues and just kind of, you know, your planned life just unraveling. And so the only way I felt like I knew how to escape that was drinking. So that's where it started.

And then when it became super heavy, was after losing a job that I thought was going to be a dream spot for me. And that was back in 2020. Yeah. So how old were you when you first got married? 21. Yeah. Yeah. 21. And you had your daughter as well? We did. Yeah. Yep. She actually just turned 16, which is wild to me. She's

driving and has her own car. And that's insane. And, but yeah, I had a daughter and my ex left when she was nine months old. And yeah. And so I followed them out to Washington State. We were living in Minnesota at the time. And I followed them back out to Washington State to be around and be in her life. And here I am. Yeah. So what are? else is going on around your life too. I mean, you said you ended up with this job that you thought was going to be a part of the plan. What else is going on in your life at this time? Yeah. After coming back to Washington, a bunch of years go by, get real into the party scene and just I'm out all the time, having fun drinking and I end up meeting another guy about five or six years after my ex left and we

started dating, got married. And then we had a boy as well. I know we've got two little boys, but we had a young boy at the time, and I had gone back to school, I had gotten my bachelor's degree in ministry, thinking that I was going to go into pastoral ministry, what my dad did. And I've always had a heart for the church and things like that. So I got my degree in that. And at the time, I was working in car sales and managing auto store and ended up getting a request to come and candidate for a church just north of Seattle.

And so that's a dream job. I ended up landing that job and go. went out there and I was out there for two years, start through the pandemic. And so that in itself is a whole another, I mean, that's a whole wild ride leading an organization through that. But that's really what was going on. I was doing that. I was working a second job as well just to make ends meet over in Seattle. And so ironically, I was the liquor department assistant manager at a grocery store out there. And now I can laugh at it. So I was doing that and pastoring at the same time. And yeah, just poured everything I had into it. Man, I mean,

It was beautiful in a lot of ways and taught me a lot, but it was also extremely crushing. And about two years into it, I realized, man, this isn't healthy for the family. Like, my wife and I aren't connecting the way that we should be. We're surviving. We're not thriving. And we had our little boy, and I was like, this is just, it's taken its toll. And I didn't see it changing anytime soon. And we talked and I made the decision to resign.

And get out of that situation. we moved back to eastern Washington after that. But that's really where the drinking really kicked in heavy. And it was a bit of a surprise, I think, because I felt that I was pretty solid in quote unquote managing my drinking. But, man, after that, I think there's a lot of internal stuff going on, a lot of internal issues, a lot of perfectionists and self-perception issues. A lot of identity issues really surrounding that, you know,

having what I thought was going to be my life. Though it was my choice to leave, it was still gone. And so again, turned back to the bottle and just and start drinking. And that is where, I mean, that's where it ramped up to where it was an everyday thing and all-day thing for the next two, two-and-a-half years. And then just escalated to pretty severe points. I mean, a lot of started having medical issues, started doing a lot of behavioral stuff that was not cool. And yeah, and that's where it all came to a head was following that. Yeah.

No, thanks for sharing that. Looking back before you landed this job, too, I mean, had you ever, Did you ever think to yourself, I've got a problem up until that point with drinking or stop? Once I start, it's going to be hard to stop or anything? Or were you just cruising? I should have thought that. I ended up getting a DUI in 2012. And but at the time, I think I was still blind to, man, to who I was for real.

Like my internal life and everything that was going on, I didn't see it as like coping mechanisms. I didn't see it as a way to escape and a way to numb. I just was like, this is what I do. And yeah, I got a Dewey in 2012. And that probably should have woke me up to something. I mean, it definitely startled me in the fact that I was like, oh, man, I could lose my daughter. I could lose all these things. So for about a year and a half or so after that, I was sober, partly for legal reasons on probation.

And then also, I think I was a little scared. But I didn't think, oh, I've got a problem, really. I just thought I got caught. I don't want to get caught again. And so I'll straighten up for a little bit. After my probation ended, I started socially drinking again. And it was very much a social. You go out to dinner, have a drink.

That kind of thing. And that kind of just kicked the ball rolling in again. And again, I think I was just, once those kind of hooks were set, I think I was just so blinded to, man, the work that I needed to actually do to heal myself that I didn't see it as a problem until it really escalated to where I was doing things that I'm certainly not proud of doing. just to get a drink. Yeah. Yeah. Really interesting reflection there too because, yeah, I mean, early on, you hear that story a lot, right, where there's some sort of intervention or maybe a

consequence or something happens, right? Somewhere along the line in most stories you hear somebody have a conversation with somebody else about whatever's going on. And at that point in time, maybe we're just normalizing it all. Like, it's what everybody's doing. Like, it can't be a big problem. I'll just, is that point, too. I think it's a really great point you make about it's only because I got caught.

That was sort of like the thing and then you end up on this probation. I mean, what are the people around you thinking of this? I mean, is this really far out of what people are seeing other things going on for you in life? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think my family, they're absolutely amazing and they never stopped loving me. They never stopped being there. At the time, I was dating my now wife. And she was actually doing study abroad in Spain.

And so we were apart when the DUI happened. and actually stuck by my side. But there was never, at least that I can remember, there was never really a conversation of, hey, you might have a problem or, hey, again, and my memory might be fuzzy on it, but to me, it very much just felt like, oops, like you got busted. Don't get busted again. Don't. And there was some talk, I guess, of, hey, you could lose everything, which I already understood

to some degree. So there was some of that. But yeah, it was never like, hey, you really need help. Like, you need help outside of yourself to figure this out. There wasn't really much of that. And I think not for a lack of love, but just probably for a lack of understanding of how this thing plays out. Yeah. And then you mentioned you had some sober time after that for a year and a half for the probation.

Was that a requirement for probation? Is that you would not be able to drink? Yeah. So, yeah, I had that. I had the breathalyzer in my car. for six months or something like that, whatever it was. But yeah, so it couldn't drink during that time frame. So, yeah, I would say it was probably 90% just avoiding legal consequences and ramifications

that kept me sober. Yeah, and then another 10% or so. I can't forget what percentage I gave before. But the remaining percentage was a little bit of the fear of what I could lose. And then following that probation period, I think just you started thinking, oh, I got a handle on it. Like, I haven't had a drink. I haven't felt like I needed a drink for almost two years.

Yeah, I'll have a beer with pizza. Yeah, and started out again real slow until I didn't. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm with you. I'm with you. So you get this job at the church, right? Yeah, so it was a pretty small church. It was a church actually needed a revitalization.

Basically, they intentionally brought me in to help spark some life into it and bring it back to a place of really flourishing. And, yeah, I preached. Every Sunday, I taught classes. I did counseling. I did all the stuff that a pastor does. That was something that I did. There was nobody else on staff.

I had a couple other kind of leaders within the church that helped me make some decisions. But the actual day-to-day and functionality of everything fell on me. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That sounds like a lot, man. So, I mean, what happened with the job, though? Because I was like your vision, get a position like that.

And then you said, I can't remember exactly what you said, but it was challenging. And at the end of it, after the two years or so, you realize that, hey, this is maybe not where I thought I wanted to be like, what happened there? Yeah. So, I mean, there's a handful of things. I think the biggest thing was coming into it and having expectations that had been expressed by, you know, the leaders within the church that were currently there that, you know, had asked me to come and pastor. I had come into it with this understanding of, hey, you come in. fresh ideas, you've got all these kinds of things that we can do to help not only grow numerically, but also really grow in health as an organization. And so I was like, yeah, absolutely, this is a

great fit. About six months into it, I'd been around the church life long enough to know you don't just show up and on day one just start changing everything. Like, people don't like that. And so I gave it six months, eight months before I changed even one tiny little aspect of how we operated. And that seemed to go okay. So another six months goes by and I start to do some other things where I'm suggesting ways that we can have community outreach, how we can love people in our neighborhood, how we can connect with other churches in the area to help serve people, things like that. And it's no exaggeration to say every single item that I would bring up would just get flat out rejected, just shut down over and over again. I mean, every month, there would be something

And so that was a big part of it was like after about a year and a half of just constant rejection. Look guys, like you brought me in to do something here and you're tying my hands. You're not letting me do anything to do it. You're not working with me on this. That was a big part of it. And so when you're pouring 35, 45 hours a week into serving the people there and loving the people and caring for the people and preaching and speaking for an hour to an hour and a half every week, it gets draining. And then the other big aspect, too, was after about a year and a half, I had asked for a raise, cost of living in Seattle isn't cheap. And so I just said, hey, can I get just this modicum of a bump to help support?

Because at the time, my wife was working full time as well. And I was working two jobs. And so I said, hey, if I can get X amount just bumped up, then she can cut back on work significantly. She can be with our son. And that will free me up to also be able to spend more time on the trip. in investing in outreach. And that got rejected. And they started saying things like, man, if you were a man, you would provide for your wife and your family and started throwing stuff like that at me. So overtime stuff like that just continued to build up. And that became the

vibe of the whole thing. And like I said, I got to a point where I was like, yeah, this isn't healthy. Like it's not good for me. It's not good for my family. So I do need to get out. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So then you step away. from this, all that that happened. And then the drinking really ramps up. I mean, where do you connect the dots there that this sort of event and you deciding to walk away? And some of the notes you sent me before is that you felt like a failure in this situation. And I can definitely hear that if this is sort of your dream, your vision, what you went to school to do. That's a lot of time and what your father did. And I don't know if that played a role in it at all, but it's

what you wanted to do and you've made it there and you've had this experience. So moving forward there, you leave the job. And I mean, just paint a bigger picture here for me too. Like drinking's kind of always been part of your life, but maybe not as problematic as it's going to after this. Is that kind of a fair assessment or no? Yeah, absolutely. No, I think that's a very fair assessment. Yeah, it was never anything controlling. It was never anything as dominant in my life as it became after this point. Yeah. And yeah, and I think that to connect the dots to what I had shared with you earlier, within the church world, at least in the extreme that I run in, there's kind of two ways to think about success within the church.

One is you step into a church or you start a church and it just blows up, right? And you get tons of people come in. Everyone's listening to your sermons. You're writing books. You're getting book deals. That's one form of success. the other form, again, in kind of the stream that I flow in, is you're in this hard place. It's not easy. It's a grind, right? But you're strong and you're tough and you're loyal and you're faithful. And so you stick it out regardless. And so both of those extremes are seen as success. And I stepped out of that church, I think for really good reasons for the health of my family. But there was still something, I think, deep within me that that was holding myself up to both those standards. and seeing that I had not done either.

I didn't stick it out and be tough, and I wasn't a raving success numerically. And so the way that I internalized that was failure. And that, I think, traces back to my prior marriage and losing that, and losing my daughter, and losing that dream of what I thought life was going to be like at the time. And so from that point forward, I started to look at every circumstance in my life,

life and feel like a failure. Like every dream I had, every goal I had, every passion that I had failed. And somehow I was the bottom of it, that I was the one that that caused it to fail. Even if it was my own choice to step up, step away, it's still failure kind of thing. And so I left that and we moved and ended up getting another job in a different career field. And it's been a great job. But at the time, I was like, man, this isn't what I wanted to do. This isn't my passion. I'm getting older. I'm not getting younger. All those kinds of thoughts. And so I just, I very quickly found that the more I would drink, the more I didn't have to live in that, that horrible, like, in-between reality of feeling like a failure and wondering how I show up to people.

And so that became my daily thing, was like, I just need to, I just need to not deal with that and think about that. And that was the only way I knew how to do it was to drink. And I was to drink. Yeah, that, I mean, that's a great explanation of kind of how things played out thereafter. And then also in a sense, too, connecting the dots even further back. Because I think it's not even shared. I mean, childhood was great. Growing up was great. And a lot of people share that story, right? Like, my childhood was great. I mean, there was some things that weren't the best, but it wasn't bad by any means. I had felt a lot of love and had a lot of connection and it had every opportunity in life to do well, to succeed.

I chose a different path for a bit, but then I found mine a few years later that we're on now, and that's how it goes. But I think that some of those things like happen in our lives with the church there. And I think it's really easy for us to just say, that's it, what's this one isolated thing. And then now that's why I'm on this path. But I like how obviously you've done the work. You've done some work on this to really connect the dots, moving back even further, to realize that other things maybe have.

haven't gone your way. And this is just maybe another thing that's like reinforcing what you've been thinking and feeling. It's, there you go. Like, I've been in so many of those situations. And I was just like, there it is. I mean, for me personally, success in sobriety was terrifying because I was just so used to being a failure. That was so used to failing the test, the quiz, getting fired from the jobs, going to jail, being on probation, going to do this and not paying rent and not paying bills and losing bank accounts. When I got sober, I was like, man, that's all I know how to do. It was to fail. It became this place of comfort for me in the chaos became comfortable as well. I mean, has mental health been something that you've had to work through or

work on? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's only been something with my time in recovery that it's really became a thing where I was like, I need to look at this and take this seriously. And When I was in detox and in residential at the treatment center that I went to, I was talking with their in-house counselor and I was just going through my life story. And over again, she'd be like, that's trauma, that's trauma, that's trauma. And I was like, what are you talking about trauma? And at the end of my inpatient, she was like, hey, I recommend you go see a trauma-informed therapist for your health, mental health.

And so that was the first time I had actually even heard a recommendation that I should go or even had the thought, maybe I should check it out. And so I did. And I've been going ever since. I mean, I went to the in-house therapist while I was there for inpatient and outpatient. And then once I went through their program and I was there for just under a year, I found a therapist out in the real world. And I'm still going there.

And yeah, working through the mental health stuff has been huge for me and connecting those dots. I do EMDR work with her. And yeah, it's been monumentally. shifting for me and understanding myself and then understanding kind of the roots of why I drank. Yeah. I love that. I mean, and to continue it afterwards, too, right? Because these programs, a 30-day program and then a lot of people do maybe a 90-day outpatient program. All great, but I don't know that the work always stops there. Sometimes it's like we just get that band-aid and then we want to just get back to our life. And I mean, that's great. And that's going to

probably work for some people. But I think it's also a huge benefit, right, to keep the work moving forward. So you leave this job, right? Things really ramp up here. Take us through what that looks like, though, because you go from, in my mind here, this is what I'm thinking. You're going from working this job, right? Maybe there's some stress involved too, because it sounds like you're maybe in charge of getting people to come in charge of the programming, leadership team. I mean, that's a total order. I mean, to get people to come anywhere, it can be difficult at times and have people interested and hey, I hope they like what I had to say. Sometimes I do things and I'm like, you have less people the next week.

Did they connect with it? Did it get it right? It's a lot of pressure. So you leave that environment and I don't know what role drinking is necessary playing there. And then you leave there and then all of a sudden or within weeks or whatever it is for you, drinking really ramps up. So walk us through what that looks like. Yeah.

So, yeah, you're absolutely right. I mean, the stress is pretty incredible. I mean, there's been studies done that talk about really equate essentially an hour of preaching as equivalent to a 40-hour work week. As far as the actual physiological stress that your body and your mind goes under. And that you're caring for people, right? As a pastor, you're trying to help people, both on the spiritual side, the emotional side, all of those kinds of things. So, yeah, there was a lot of stress coming out of that. And I think we move and the, yeah, the next.

steps. I mean, I just, I ended up getting this other job. And it was almost like the removal of that stress and that responsibility created this vacuum that I was like, what do I do now? Like, now I'm just working this job that is, it's a good job, but it's a little bit of a job that I can do with my eyes closed. And, and so now there's a little bit of this vacuum, I think of, for me, it was identity, very much an identity thing. All of a sudden, this thing is gone. And even though it's stressful and painful and hard, that's shaped an identity for me. Now that's gone. Who am I? What am I about? And I certainly didn't want to take the time to think everything through and face all those demons, for lack of a better word, of what did my stepping away and losing this quote unquote dream job

due to me? How is it connected to everything in my past and the feelings of failure? I didn't want to do any of that. And yeah, so I just started drinking when it got to a point where it was like it was on the job, on lunch breaks. It was after work. I was finding times to leave the house. So I became very much an isolated drinker. I would certainly drink socially as well. But it ramped up to the point where I felt like I needed to do it alone because I would be judged with how much I was drinking if I tried to get away with it doing it in the house or around people. And so I very much became an isolationist and would just find every opportunity to escape and get out and grab a drink as much as I could. Yeah. And that's where ramped up. And so then I just existed, like, for a couple of years.

Just no clear, sadly, no clear memories of a lot of things. My second son was born in that time frame. And that, that was a beautiful moment. But outside of that and some other highlights with my wife and stuff, there's a lot of just existing and just not wanting to deal with identity stuff and what the stuff I needed to deal with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you for that, paying a good picture for it all. What is your wife thinking throughout this? Did you guys have any conversation about? Did you hide the, you were drinking as much as you were?

I did. Yeah, yeah, I did. And I would, yeah, I definitely would hide it because there's no way I could get away with doing what I felt like I needed to do without having to have that conversation. And, yeah, I mean, to be brutally honest, I mean, it got to a point where I was stealing cash from the house just to pay for it. because I couldn't use my card or that would get spotted. And yeah, so I was stealing from my own family just to stop the shakes. I'd gotten to that point where it was like early morning had the shakes. And yeah, so we never talked about it.

I mean, now we have obviously. And I think right towards then the last six months or so leading up to me going into rehab, she definitely was like, yeah, something is wrong. This isn't good. And she's expressed a lot of, I don't know if I can do this kind of thing. The man that I was becoming was not, you know, who she married. And I was so checked out, I maybe had one or two little moments of clarity where I saw who I was becoming because of my drinking, but it was pretty fleeting, man.

And I was just out. I was so far away from being present. If I wasn't drinking at home, I was thinking about how can I get out, when can I go out? Yeah. And it's probably the biggest regret and this biggest pain point in this whole. story is just is that two years with the family of just not being me and not being there and not loving well the way that I should have yeah it's that part to where in that going through that man I did anyway I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and wonder when I was struggling

big time with drugs and alcohol I would say what the heck happened I mean I would have these flashbacks of like childhood and I don't have a ton of memories from childhood but the ones I did when my folks and my family and everything they did for me. And I had a few nicknames. Man Without a Country was one. My grandfather gave me. And another one was the million dollar man. And the reason for the million dollar man was because of the money that was spent for me to get help. I went to a year-long treatment program where I lived there when I was 17. And I've done all kinds of other things in between and doctors, counselors, therapists, you name it, ever since I was young. And then even after this treatment program, I went to for a year.

I lived there in this cabin in the woods in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was that guilt and shame, right? How could you possibly have ended up here towards the end of things? It was terrible. It was really terrible. And they weighed on me. And it kept me stuck. It kept me stuck because I couldn't, for one, understand how I ended up here.

And for two, I just didn't have the bandwidth for a long time to get myself out of it. And it's almost like that cycle. You get used to it. As terrible as it is, I got used to it. So I'm hearing that a little bit in these two years, right? Where I felt like I was living in a snow globe and the world was going on around me. So where do you go from here? I mean, this is your cycle for these two years.

A lot of people talk about rock bottoms. I don't know if that's a part of your story. How does this thing come to an end? Yeah. I think for me, the rock bottom was at that moment of clarity, there was the recognition of really what I could become if I kept going down this path, like what I could lose. And I know I mentioned that I had a little bit of that with the DUI.

But this one, like the way it went down, I basically was caught stealing money out of my wife's purse. And she asked me what I was doing. And I made up some lie that was completely see-through. But I tried to cover it up as best I could. And, man, she just looked at me. And the look in her eyes, like the pain in her. eyes was what did it. Like she didn't say a word and she just walked away and I like grabbed the car keys, got in the car and left. And I just couldn't get the look on her face out of my head. And it was just

that moment of clarity. And I grabbed my phone and I texted her and just said, I think I'm an alcoholic and I need help. And that's how it happened. I had a friend of mine who had just about six months prior gotten out of a treatment center for alcohol abuse. And so I called him. Like after I said that to my wife, I called him and said, hey, I need to get in. What do I need to do? And so he helped me figure out how to get in. So two days later, he drove me to the treatment center and dropped me off. I went through detox and then did the whole treatment center thing there. But that's how it all came to an end. In that one look, I saw just the saddest future ever. And I was like, I do not need this and just had that moment where I was like, I need to say something and I need

get help because I definitely knew enough about myself to know I wasn't going to stop on my own. And so I was like, I need to get in somewhere. And so, yeah, two days later I was in treatment. And, yeah, I think about a week and a half or so, maybe two weeks into the treatment center was when things really caught fire. And I started having identity shifts, started exploring what all that looks like. and then there was no turning back. And then from that point forward, I was like, I'm going to do anything and everything I possibly can do, anything I need to do to stay sober. And so I did everything. Like I said, I did the 30 days. I did the 90 days. I did outpatient. They let me just continue to come back for classes and things like that for about a year. And then seeing a therapist and going to meetings and anything I could get my hands on, I would do because I was like, it's life or death for me when it comes to this. And I'm not going to give. but so that's branded.

Yeah. Man, it's so great to hear the story when it's turned around. And it's a lot of times, though, it's tough to get there, right? Yeah.

It's so tough to get there for a lot of people's stories. As wild as it is, I don't think that any of us go out there and seek for chaos and destruction and different things and we want that a part of our life. But there's this really strange thing, man,

that I just hear from all these stories. And with myself is, sometimes it takes some, of that madness to get us ready and prepared to reach out for help, to get to that spot of understanding we can't do this alone. We need help. We have to get out of her own way. And to maybe a lot of people describe it as like a surrender, to surrender to win type idea. What was her reaction when you send that text message that I need help? I'm an alcoholic and need help. I'm trying to remember. I think she texted back and recommended I call.

my friend and it was like talked to him about getting in somewhere. The immediate aftermath was a lot of tension, was a lot of pain, a lot of hurt. I always say I hurt my family immensely and continually trying to rebuild trust and I'm grateful that

they're still here. They still love me. I've got a lot to be grateful for that and it's continually getting better and better. But yeah, there was a lot of tension in the immediate aftermath. And yeah, and then I made it through 48 hours of that tension and then got to rehab them.

Yeah. That's incredible. And in rehab, you're learning tons of a lot of tools, right? I mean, one of the best things I think about rehab, too, is that you're isolated. You're in a bubble. There's a ton of support. I mean, there's not usually alcohol there or drugs. That's great in that sense.

And you can really get away from everything that's causing the stress on the outside world, everything that's going on. It is difficult, though, right? because you're still a father at this point and you probably wanted to be there. But I mean, I love it because the reality is, and you mentioned it, I think really good there. It's like the flip side of this is that your things are not going to work out for you. And I hear a lot of times people are like, I can't go to rehab because I've got kids and because I've got that. And I understand every situation is different.

But I think the game changes when we realize that we've got kids in our life and we've got all these great things. But if we keep down this path, this thing only gets worse. And our likelihood of losing everything becomes more and more every day we keep going. Where do you go after rehab? And I mean, how do you start to build these relationships back with people that are close to you? Because that takes time, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it definitely takes time.

I, for me, the kind of path forward was going through the 12 steps of AA. That was a big help early on. And so that was something I did. Like I said, I jumped into anything and everything I could to make things move forward. But that was a big thing. So going through all the work that you do in there and making amends and things like that with people was huge. And then for me, I think the biggest thing is being, I think what they call living amends, where it's not so much about the words you say and the apologies that you make,

but it's really about is there an actual shift in who you are and how you're going to actually live your life out functionally and how you're going to play this thing out. And that takes time, right? Especially for folks that have been deeply wounded by my choices. Like, that's going to take time for that to heal and for them to see this new or discovered Brenton. And trying to reconnect relationships to me has been all about

making sure I'm right, like making sure I'm good, like that I'm mentally healthy, that I'm emotionally healthy, physically healthy, and spiritually healthy. If I can be the best version of me that I possibly can health-wise, then I know I can show up well for others and love them well. And then those relationships start to build from there. And hopefully the trust continues to grow from there. So that's been the approach that I've taken is just do the steps for me, do everything I can to apologize and then just live the hell out of my life as best as I can. Not to show them that I'm different, but it will show them that there's been a change. Yeah, no, I love that.

I love that. I'm really big on that in a sense, too, is that, like, just stopping the behavior has to change. Because I go back to, I told my folks everything and girlfriends I had and everybody around me, I told them what they wanted to hear for years. Yeah. Everything they wanted to hear, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, no problem.

I'm like, I got figured out another week. We're good. What I realized when I got sober is, yeah, everybody was just used to the lies. So they were just like, yeah, I mean, that's cool. I mean, they were happy for me. Don't get me wrong, but they were like, we've been here before. Like, we need to see a little bit more. I wanted a pat on my back, right?

I was like, come on. I got 30 days sober. Come on. Take me out to habachi for dinner or something. And people were fed up with it. They were fed up with this back and forth stuff. They were fed up wearing their heart on their sleeve to help me out. time and time again just to be burned just for another lie, another excuse, another lack of

accountability. And I love that too. Living amends is about doing the next right thing and showing up, being your best. And like for me, man, I don't have anything about life figured out. And when I go wrong, it's just sharing it with people. It's still so hard to do sometimes with my wife or the kids. Who wants to tell a six year old that they were right. Yeah. But it's an important part of it is to continue to do the right thing. And when I don't personally say, I own my side of the street here. And I didn't go about things properly.

And I'm willing to change. And how could we do it differently? And be willing to move forward, be willing to grow. And I hear that in your story. And to the note you sent me before, it's like just everything, night and day difference. That's the quote right there. I love that, man.

Nighting day difference from where you were. to where you are now. And you had in here too, right, that you had went to the ER for EKGs thinking you having heart attack, panic attacks. Yeah, I was even on that topic, I mean, completely off topic, but on that, I was reading this report for Canada in 2020, they had 625,000 alcohol-related ER visits. And I think tobacco was like second with 177,000. And Canada's, I mean, 30 million, around 30 million.

U.S. is around, what, 300 million? It's on perspective. And I was just like, man, like you never really see that picture, but 625,000 emergency room visits. I don't know the numbers, you're the math guy. I had a 30 million. I mean, a lot of people went. There was a lot of visits.

People that went, and it just made me think of that, too, about what that's like for you being the person going through it. how difficult that is. Yeah. Yeah, man, those moments were super scary. I mean, I remember the primary one was like, I mean, I thought I was going to be gone. Like my chest was caving in on itself. It hurt so bad I couldn't stand.

Like I was on my knees. I was yelling for help, like from our home office. And wife rushes me to the hospital and or to the ER. And they start running all these tests and everything comes back. They're like, no, you're fine. You're good. I'm like, no, something else is going on. And what's crazy to me is I, like, I mean, I look, I was like, I know how much I'm drinking.

I don't know if this is causing it, but it can't be helping. I knew that in my head. And there was one point where they had done a bunch of blood work and stuff on me. And the doctor came to, he looks like you don't drink too much. So I don't know what's going on here. And I was just like blown away that he would say that because like, oh, no. like you're wrong buddy but no you didn't tell no no I didn't tell them that you were like perfect man yeah I was like oh cool I can tell my family I don't drink too much because yeah at that

point it was all about about secrecy and hiding for me but the yeah the actual ER visits and the chest compressions and I think there's just I think there was just severe panic attacks I think to be honest I think the physiological consequences of just drinking that much alcohol But then on top of it, man, I think it's just, it's the stress of hiding. It's the stress of the lies and the secrecy and just that that kind of soul pressure that just really crushes a person. I actually think it was a lot of that. And I think there was a lot of this. All right.

And this was like leading up to, I mean, just months before I went to rehab is when all that started kicking in. And I think it was, yeah, it was just my body and like my soul's way of being like, you're done. Like, you need to be done because you're killing your. yourself. Like, um, but yeah, it was super scary. And at the same time, like in the back of my head, I just had this crazy thought like if I stopped drinking. And I was having those kind of issues. I was having massive lower back pain that we could never get figured out. Like, what was happening. There was, it was like going down my sciatic. I couldn't stand up straight. Like I had to be hunched over. I couldn't sit down. Within a week of being in treatment had zero

symptoms. Like my back pain went away. My chest pains went away. Like everything cleared up. And when I got out of treatment, I went to the doctors and got checked out and checked everything. And they're like, yep, everything is good. Like my lower back stuff, the inflammation around, like I have degenerative discs in my lower back. And the inflammation around that was what was causing that massive pain. So cutting out the alcohol reduced that inflammation. So I have no back pain anymore. And yeah. And so I felt better physically than I have in years. But yeah, that was wild going into the ER for sure. Yeah, man.

Well, it's, yeah, it's that panic attacks and being hung over. And yeah, I mean, definitely a mix of everything. I mean, the effects on the body, what you mentioned there reminds me of one of those late night commercials where they're like, get this rub and everything's gone. But that's the thing is it's alcohol. A lot of people, not that quitting alcohol is going to like magically fix all of our health problems. I mean, that's not fair. But for your situation, yeah, a lot of people who have stuff going on and then they quit drinking, like either one, you're going to be able to probably

have a better chance to get into the bottom of what's actually going on. Or number two, it's going to be in one way or another direct result of drinking poison. But look, man, I appreciate you. That's a quick 57 minutes. Appreciate you so much for coming on here. The founder of office recovery, is there anything that we didn't mention that you'd like to leave us with? I think two things. The first thing I want to talk about is just the fact that part of, I think, what's so big and helpful in recovery, especially for folks that maybe have a story similar to mine, I've found that just like having what I call momentum dreams is huge.

And what I mean by that is like always doing something, like doing something hard. Do something hard and you'll see that you can do it. and that's going to build so much confidence and your ability to stay sober and to continue to move forward. So for me, that's like cold plunging every day. And I know that's a whole thing now, but like that wasn't, that's not easy to do that. But like, just always constantly doing things hard. I went back to school. I'm getting my MBA now. Like, I wrote a book that I'm working on getting published. Like, I'm trying to do all these things that I never would have done before and purposely engaging the hard to build my resilience and my confidence. And then the second thing I just wanted

to say is a lot of people do ask me like why the office recovery, like why did you start this like meme page based around recovery and sobriety? And I know there's a lot of pretty big mean page accounts out there. But for me, and I'm working on a more scholarly article surrounding this, but like humor as a healing agent in recovery, providing like not only social connection with people as you laugh together, but providing stress relief, providing emotional resilience, as you can actually laugh at things. So that's something that I'm working on. But that's why I did the office recovery. Like, one, I love the office. I always have. And I think it's the greatest show on the planet of all time. And, and yeah, and there's so many ways that we can hopefully laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves

too seriously because, man, sobriety and recovery is as hard enough as it is. And so I want to provide just as much joy and as much light as I possibly can on the journey for folks to take the next step. Yeah, man, I love that. You're going to hate me for this, man, but I've never watched one episode of The Office. No, that's, man, you'd be surprised how many folks I talk to that track with that account and have never watched The Office. So it doesn't shock me. I am disappointed, Brad, but I'm not shocked.

Yeah. I know. My wife is always, I love The Office. office and all of, I just, I mean, at the end of the day, I don't really watch any TV. And 12 years ago, I got rid of cable TV and it completely changed my life. And I mean, it's not just the office, but she loves it. I mean, so she'll tell me this, but I'm just like, yeah, I don't. But I do love the meme page.

I do love the meme page. And I'm with you 110%. I mean, we need to enjoy this journey. I think if we don't find joy, we don't enjoy it, we don't have some fun with it. I think it's going to be hard to stay on track. I mean, you don't want to just be hanging on for dear life five years from now, 10 years from now. We really want to find our lane. And really, why are we doing all of this?

We're doing all of this so we can live our best lives so we can be present in life and have fulfilling relationships. For me, anyway, it's all about relationships. At the end of the day, that's what it's about. That's what's really important. And I know to make that thrive, I've got to stay sober because I'm not really a relationship guy when I'm doing other. stuff. I'm like you, man. I don't do it with people. People don't move as fast as I do. I like to do it on my own. And I just isolate, man. So beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. Man, thanks, Brad. Thanks for having me, dude. Yes, of course. Well, there it is, everyone.

Another incredible story here on the podcast. Thank you so much, Brenton, aka Office Recovery Guy. I'll drop the Instagram handle where you can reach Brenton down on the show notes below. If you were able to connect with any part of his story, be sure to send him over a message. And let him know that we appreciate him joining us on the podcast to share all of this with us. If you haven't left a review yet on Apple or Spotify, jump over there and do that. I love seeing the reviews. I love seeing how the show is impacting people's lives. And it just gives me a little bit of pep in my step to keep the episodes coming.

And I'll see you on the next one.