Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Charlie starting drinking at 14 and suffered a panic attack on national TV, looking back it was the alcohol.

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

In this episode, we have Charlie Beljan, a professional golfer who has been sober for 39 months. Always hanging out with the older crowd Charlie started drinking alcohol at 14 years old. Charlie shares his experiences of growing up and becoming a successful golfer while battling an addiction to alcohol that seeped into his personal and professional life. He talks about the detrimental impact of alcohol, the challenges he faced, and the turning point that led him to make a life-altering decision to embrace sobriety. His message revolves around the brighter and rewarding side of life in sobriety and encourages listeners to persevere in their fight against addiction. ------------------ Donate the Support the Show here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Follow Charlie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/cbeljan/ Check out Charmaines Cooking Book here: https://www.amazon.ca/Delicious-Doable-Recipes-Real-Everyday/dp/1989304559 Download the SoberBuddy App here: https://soberbuddy.app.link/motivation

Welcome back to season three of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Charlie, a professional golfer who has been sober for 39 months. Always hanging out with the older crowd, Charlie started drinking alcohol at 14 years old. He shares his experience of growing up and becoming a successful golfer while battling in a to alcohol that seeped into his personal and professional life.

He talks about the detrimental impact of alcohol and the challenges he faced and the turning point that led him to make a life-altering decision, which was to embrace sobriety. Charlie's message revolves around the brighter and rewarding side of a life and sobriety, and he encourages listeners to persevere in the fight against addiction. This is Charlie's story on the Suburmotivation podcast. How's it going, everyone, Brad here? Well, our first episode story episode for the new year. Thank you, everybody for hanging out with me in the podcast in 2024.

This episode is going to be an incredible way to kick off the new year. If you're doing this whole dry January thing or you're deciding to get sober or decided to start your journey on January 1st, welcome. As you're going to hear from Charlie's story and so many others on the podcast, it's the one thing that changed everything. for their lives and improved every area, even areas that we didn't even suspect would be improved. We're improved by that one decision. So welcome to the podcast. Thank you, everybody.

You're really going to enjoy this episode. If you're looking to get connected and for some extra support on your journey, be sure to check us out at Sober Buddy. We've got some new host for the new year, some incredible people that have joined the team. We're hosting a couple more groups as well, each week we have a life coaching group we have a book club group and we also have the sober buddy hosted groups as well as some member hangouts which are incredible and they're working on

some cool stuff so come and check us out at the sober buddy app if you want to get connected to a supportive community of people that are on the same journey and i hope to see you over there i have to give another huge shout out to our new sponsor charmaine cooking show host and author of delicious and doable recipes for real and everyday life. Charmaine prides herself on living a drug and alcohol-free lifestyle, and she's also a huge fan of the Super Motivation Podcast. So if you're hungry for fun, delicious, and doable dishes, Charmaine's collection of over 70 mouth-watering recipes

will be sure to please your hungry gang. Pumpkin muffins with coconut crumble toppings, lemon walnut, tuna melts, cranberry turkey burgers with sweet horseradish mayo, and grilled chocolate sandwiches are just a few of the fabulous and flavorful dishes. You will enjoy preparing and devouring with ease. Check out Charmaine's cookbook today. I'll drop the link in the show notes below to the Amazon listing.

Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Charlie with us. Charlie, how are you? I'm wonderful. Thank you so much for having me. And I look forward to sharing my story with everybody. Yeah, awesome. Thank you so much.

How we start every episode is with the same. same question. What was it like for you growing up? I was pretty fortunate growing up. I grew up out here at East Mesa, Phoenix, Arizona. And I had two great parents who loved me, and they provided me with a lot of opportunities. And from an early age in about sixth grade, my mom really started drinking heavily four or five, six bottles of wine a day. I remember taking the wine glass out of her hand when I was in sixth grade. So that way it wouldn't break after she passed down. I just remember you know what, man, I'm never going to be like that. I'm never going to be like that.

And I ended up exactly like that. But, you know, it was great growing up out here in Arizona. I play golf for a living, so really no better place to do it. And I was fortunate enough, I got a college scholarship, went and played golf at the University of New Mexico, was an All-American. Then I turned pro and beat it around the mini tours for a little bit. And then I got my big break, made it to the PGA tour, won on the PGA tour. And then that's when my life started to really spiral downhill.

I was immature, I was having a lot of success, and I just kept rolling bigger and deeper with the drinking, you know. And here I am. I accomplished my childhood dream of making it to the PGA tour. And I really didn't even get to experience it because the whole time I was just getting hammered in order to sidide the anxiety when really that was just a vicious cycle, you know. I drank to get rid of the anxiety, but then when I woke up, it was way worse. And here I am competing in front of thousands of people. And I didn't even want to be there. I actually had little airplane bottles in my bag that I would take a little shot of if things got really bad. But very fortunate growing up, I was very lucky to even achieve what I achieved being the drinker that I was.

And then I was married and then I got divorced. And then I got remarried. And my wife now really has been wonderful for me about three years ago when I started this sober journey. happened because she not an ultimatum, but she knew that I love drinking when we got together. And she went from a one night a week drinker to a seven night a week drinker. And she just said, I can't really do this anymore. And if I wanted to keep doing that, she didn't want to stop me. But she gave me that little pep talking on October 26 of 2000. I said, you know what, honey, I'm never going to have another one. And I'd been saying that for a decade. My mom, you know,

was a massive alcoholic, getting ready to come up on her 23 years of sobriety on January. 21st. So I got to watch, you know, the downfall and then they climb back up from her. And that's all I'm trying to do right now. And so far, I've been successful at it and just, just sharing my story on social media like you do in that has just helped so many others. And that's what I want to do now. It's just help people, man, so they don't have to go through what a lot of us have gone through. Yeah. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing all that. And that's incredible. When did you say was the the last time you drank? The last time I drank was October 26th of 2020 because I'm almost at 39 months now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's incredible. Okay. So going back a little bit, though,

so you mentioned the thing of being a golfer. What's the story behind that? When did you get started on golf and how did all that come about? You know, my parents, they used to ship me to Houston, Texas for the summers when I was a young kid and my grandfather owned a big warehouse that supplied all the candy to the movie theaters. So as a kid, I got to be in a warehouse full of candy. And then when he got off work, we'd go play golf in the hot humidity summers of Houston, Texas. And I loved it. I happened to be really good at it. And I just kept getting better and better. And I played all the team sports until about eighth or ninth grade. And then I decided, you know what? Golf is my jam. And my parents didn't have the money to really let me travel and expose my talents to the country. So I was just going to go to a little

community college here in Mesa, Arizona. And I qualified for the United States Junior Amateur Championship, which for people, 17 and under is the biggest tournament you can play in. And first time playing in, I showed up in Atlanta and I won it. And then I pretty much had my pick of any college I wanted to go to. I chose the University of New Mexico, which was never on my radar, but they had a fantastic program. I hated flying at the time.

So it was a five-hour drive from here from Phoenix. And I went over there. It was a great experience for me. I'm glad I did it. I finished. I turned pro. I came around Arizona and I played the mini tours for five years trying to catch my break. And when I say mini tours, it's more of just like a bunch of guys that get together for organized gambling.

Whoever plays the best wins the money and whoever doesn't go home. And then I got my big break in the fall of 2011. They had this tournament called Q School, which is where about 10,000 guys try to go each year. and they offered 20 spots on the PGA tour. So I worked through a bunch of stages of that, got my tour card and then went out there and started playing on TV, but I didn't really have any prints. I made the jump from playing locally to now playing nationally and all over the world.

And my rookie season, I actually won on the tour, but I did so in a fascinating way because after the second round, I had a panic and anxiety attack on national television. And I was taken after I finished my round, I was taking off the golf course in an ambulance. It was all over the news. I mean, I was doing shows with Mary Carrillo and all things like that and solid rock. And the booze is just what got a hold of me and what was creating that anxiety.

But at the time, I didn't know that. So for the next six or seven years, I just kept the vicious circle going until I finally hit rock bottom. Wow, that's quite the journey to get there, to get to the big show. I'd read a few things about that experience you had on the tour there that's well documented out there. in the universe. So going back a little bit, when was the first time you started drinking? I started drinking early because being good at golf, I was always hanging out with the older guys. That way, I'd have better competition. I was just a little bit better than the people my age. So I hung out with the older guys. And I started drinking. I remember the first time I got drunk,

I was 14 years old at a buddy's graduation party. And from then on, buddy, it was every chance I got. I just took advantage of. And my parents were, Parents actually were buying kegs for me during high school. So I was having my buddies over and we were partying there. That way we wouldn't get in trouble. Nobody would get hurt. When I looked back at it, that was probably not the thing to do as a parent. But that's what it was.

And really my whole life being in the golf world and hanging out with the older people, just drinking was the norm. And if you didn't drink, you were an outcast. And I started going to all these different charity events and that. And it was just like everybody had a drink. Let's keep drinking. And shoot, the more fired up I got, the more attention that I grabbed. And people just really took to me because I just have a good demeanor, a great attitude,

was always having a good time. I was never one of those angry drunks or anything like that. But I always wanted to take it up. 14 was the first time. And really from then, I remember all through from there on out. I mean, even in high school, I was doing it five nights a week because I was hanging out with the older kids and I'd come home, hammered at 11 and wake up for class at 7. And it was just something I can't even really comprehend anymore.

So when you look back at that event that happened, the panic attack at the time, just reading it there and what you shared, like really just not even being fully aware of anxiety and what all that stuff was, right? I mean, do you relate this looking back that this was a direct result or the drinking played some role in this? Well, I think that the drinking definitely played a role. But yes, like you said, when I was out on the golf course that day, I thought I was having a heart attack. I had never heard the word anxiety. And I was, what, 28 years old? I'd never heard the word anxiety. I never knew what a panic attack was.

I thought I was having a heart attack. But in the position in golf, I was the last tournament. I had to earn a lot of money in order to keep my job. I just had a kid a few days before. So I was either going to die on that golf course or I was going to get through it. And luckily I got through it, but I just remember as soon as they got me to the hospital and they released me at five in the morning. I had to play later that day at noon. I went right home and out of Bacardi, man, because I didn't know what else to do or how else to cope.

But I would say that through the next handful of years, I didn't think the drinking was what caused anxiety because every time I had a drink, it made it go away. But then when I quit drinking and I never felt anxiety anymore and I didn't change anything else about my life, it was truly the root cause of all of my anxiety. And I used to pop Zoloft and Xanax like chicklets, man, ticktacks, just to get through the day. And now I'm 39 months without either one of them because I don't need them. I feel great. And so it's just been a humbling experience, you know, and like a lot of people drinking, you know, I probably lock 90% of my friends. And in my career path, you have a lot of people that are just there to enjoy the ride with you. But even the guys that I thought were my close buddies, I maybe have two or three of

them left, man. And that was probably one of the hardest parts was coming to the realization that the only thing I had in common with these guys was getting hammered. And as soon as that was taken off the table, nobody wanted anything to do with me. So it's been a humbling 39 months, but I'll tell you what, my life has gone nothing but straight up. Yeah, that's incredible too. It is very interesting because of the social aspect of things. I mean, the way I look at it is alcohol just creates such an easy way to create relationships. or friendships, right? It's that social applicant where we can just connect with other people.

It's interesting there that you recognize too, that other people walked away. And after a while, too, I think if we're not drinking and we're still trying to keep these relationships alive, I think eventually we're probably going to walk out on some of them too because we've just realized that there's not much in common. What do we talk about anymore? What do we do, right? Yep, no question. I've got a couple buddies that were still stuck. by me. But, you know, like the only thing we talked about was football and I could

go over and watch a football game with them for the first half, but by the end of the first half, I mean, they were rocking and rolling. I just couldn't be a part of it. And the really wild thing was, I took it 10 times what they would take it. And I was sitting there watching these guys and I couldn't stand being around them. So I couldn't even imagine what I

was like to be around when I was doing it. But yeah, it's been a journey. Yeah. So after this anxiety attack, Does anybody mention anything? Because I feel like not only in your story, but in so many stories, I mean, we've done over 100 or so on the podcast here from everywhere. And it seems like early on when we look back, we can piece things in a sense together.

But these interventions that come into our life, it's not always recognized that it's drinking. You know what I mean? Did anybody mention when you went there about, I saw in the article there, your blood pressure I saw another place, too, that you were like, the solution would be to have more cigarettes, right? Cigarettes. Yeah, yeah. Help iron this out. And was it, was anything else mentioned? Did they get to the bottom of anything there? No, you know what they did? Just, unfortunately, it's our society today. That night is when I was introduced to X and then I got hooked on Xanax because I thought that cured it. But no, man, they just prescribed some pills

and sent me on my way with no questioning, you know, my background or what my daily life was like or anything like that. Hey, here's a couple pills. Keep on going. So now I was like, I could drink even more because now I didn't have to face this anxiety because I could just pop a couple Xanax until I read the story of Heath Ledger and Whitney Houston. And that's how they both asked was drinking on the Xanax. And so I quit then immediately. But man, I'm lucky because on my prime, right before I quit, I was probably drinking a fifth of Picardy and a 12th pack. And then to make sure I got some good night to sleep, I was taking a couple Xanax, man. And so for me, to have waked up as many times as I did, the big man upstairs was looking after me because

I didn't. But I think that's what's so wrong with the society is we don't look at the root of the problem. We just push the pills, in my opinion, and send people on their way, you know. I think today, I think we're getting better. We're probably not there. I think that, you know, there's progress in a sense about it. I mean, you bring up that really powerful idea there of the root cause of what is going on here after, you know, your time in sobriety there. Would you say you've identified a root cause for that direction for you? And the direction that sent me drinking? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I go to a therapist once a week. I love going, man. I love talking. I love sharing. I love understanding more about me. I went through some pretty tough things just like everybody

else does. But at a young age, I was expected to be this top-tier guy. And then I was 12 years old when I told my mom that I thought my dad was having a fair on her. And she didn't believe me, told me I was crazy. A week later, she found out that her 12-year-old son was telling the truth, and that's what started her drinking. So then for three years, they stayed together, which they thought would benefit the kids. Meanwhile, my sister and I are, you know, putting our ears to the second story floor. So we're listening to them fight. And just like anybody, I have a story in that and watching my mom do it and that's how she coped and maybe that's how I learned to cope. But I just think everybody has a hard backstory.

Whoever you are, everybody has problems. But I think just from being young, having my parents do that, which then I was on my own because my mom was so hammered all the time that she could never take care of me and I couldn't go to her for help. And maybe as a kid that age, we don't necessarily go to our fathers. My dad was a wonderful dad, was always there. No question. Always won the best for me. And my dad could have one or two beers and stop. He never had a drinking problem. It was my mom and I, my sister is the same way. She can just have a couple. But I think looking back, just the high expectations and then, you know, golf is a do-it-yourself sport. You don't have anybody for support. So I had to muster up and be extra strong from a young age. But then just my parents going through a divorce and things like that I think is what drove me to maybe hang out with the people that I did and cope the way that I did. And it made me feel good every time I did it. So why not do it more?

And I was always the guy. I always wanted to take it to the next level. If I had 15 beers that night, I wanted to see what 20 would do. And luckily, I never got into any hard drugs or anything like that because I knew my personality and what I was like, because I'm an all or nothing guy. Like you mentioned the cigarettes. I smoked cigarettes since I was 15. This guy named Tom Watson, who is a Hall of Fame golfer, was giving me a hard time at a tournament.

And I looked at my caddy and I said, you know what? I'm never going to have another cigarette again. And from that day, which was July 1st of 2015, I've never had another cigarette. So when I'm all in, buddy, I'm coming and we're going to have a great time. But when I'm all out, I'm lucky that I have that button that I'm all in or all out. And I just keep trying to help people and keep cruising along. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that because it definitely paints a little bit more of a picture, right?

That pressure of growing up and to be the best of the best when it comes to being a professor. professional golfer. I was wondering, too, I'm not big into golf. I played a few rounds and there was nothing that you'd want to run a replay on. But I'm thinking of, I'm a huge hockey fan. So I love hockey. It's a team sport, right? I'm thinking golf here, you're like the goalie, but in a tougher position because everything is with you. It's like you, you don't have a teammate that's going to do well and bail you out to win the game. Or if you mess up a hit and they go by you, then your defense is going to back you up or your goalie. Everything's on you.

And I just couldn't imagine the, you know, the pressure that would put on you to perform all the time. You know, and that's, you're exactly right. And that's the wonderful and the detriment to golf is you either get all the credit or you take all the blame. And like you said, you don't have a, sorry, I'm not a super. I played a bunch of golf with Shane Donne and a bunch of guys like that. But I don't really follow hockey until it gets to playoff time. But you don't have somebody to pick you up when you have an off night or an off day. I just got back from a huge tournament in Florida.

I had one off day and three great days. And unfortunately, because I had that off day, it wasn't good enough. And I didn't have anybody there to pick me up. So, and then in golf, you have so much downtime. And in golf, there's 156 guys playing every week. And there's one winner. So that means there's 155 losers. So, but granted, you change your perspective.

Like a top 25 is a great week. But then if you go and you have a few bad weeks in a row, but you're only out on the golf course for so much time. And then you're sitting inside your hotel room for a lot of hours and you have a lot of downtime. And you start feeling bad for yourself or sorry for yourself. And it's really easy to just have a drink. And then one turns into a couple and a couple turns into a lot. And then you get into this cycle. And that's exactly what happened to me.

I'd be out on the road for a month at a time by myself, no family. And a lot of times you'd go out with some guys and have some drinks and a guy. good time, but in golf, you're either the hero or the zero. You don't have a team to help you or drag you down, but you don't have a team to pick you up on your off night. So you have to learn how to cope and deal with that. And that's probably the hardest part of professional golf is sitting with your emotions and your feelings and continually to tell yourself that you're good enough to be here. Because in golf, you have way more bad days than good days. In my six years. On tour, I played about 30 weeks a year. I played well five weeks a year to keep my jobs.

That means the other 25 weeks were mediocre to bad. And so I'm only getting to really enjoy this extent. 15 or 20% of the time, why I get kicked down 80% of the time. And you can even go to guys like the best player ever, Tiger Woods. I mean, that guy fell down the hole and was popping pills and doing all that. And so it can really happen to anybody. There's a guy that's a global phenomenon. And he was right there in the same boat as all of us getting pulled over for driving under the influence and crashing cars. And it's just nobody is excluded from falling in that trap. So true. Yeah, it's that pressure. It's all it's on you. But it's got to be a good feeling when you're able to win and you're able to celebrate that 15% or 20% of the time that you did it, you know?

You did. And when you have that 15 or 20% of the time, you try to make it feel like it's 100% of the time because that feeling is so good and so satisfying. You've put in so many hours and years and months of hard work that you have to celebrate those good times in golf because they're so far and few between. And so then when you want to celebrate them, you don't celebrate him for a day or two. You celebrate them for a week or two, you know? But yeah, it's a hero or zero game. And that's what makes it really difficult. I have an 11-year-old son. And people are like, is he playing tournaments? Is he playing golf? And I'm like, he's not even doing any of it, man. And I've totally okay with that because I know what it takes to get to the elite level in golf.

And to be honest, I wouldn't want to put my son through that, man. Go find a team sport where you can have some off days and be okay because golf is, it's funny that every other hockey player, baseball player in their off season, they want to play golf. I mean, everybody goes to golf to, you know, to take a break. And when you're trying to do it for a job, it's really tough. So I got an 11 year old that can ride dirt bikes, but he doesn't play golf and it plays football and basketball. And that's okay. I'm okay with it, man. I'm not the, my parents never freshered me along the way I played golf because I wanted to play golf.

Yeah. No, that's super important to let things play out the way they're supposed to. I mean, you have the first-hand experience, you know, how tough it is. It's interesting. You bring that up there too, right? Hockey players, yeah, everybody's got their tickets booked for their big golf game after the no doubt. They love it.

especially in Arizona there too. So bring us up to speed here. So in 2020 there, when you decided to quit, walk us through a little bit leading up to that. What did things look like? How did you feel? It was probably the worst time of my life. Like I said, man, I was doing, I had an open door policy at my house. Anybody could come over anytime they wanted and we were going to have a great time.

It could be a Tuesday and a couple buddies would come over and we'd roll till two, three in the morning. And just on the back patio, we weren't ones to really go out. I enjoyed entertaining people, but it was nothing but lots of booze, lots of shots, lots of 90% drinks with a splash of diet. My wife and I were in the worst place we had ever been arguing all the time, walking around our own house on eggshells. I was actually, because my child is with my first wife, I would actually schedule having my son around big football games because I didn't want him to be there when I was going to get hammered.

And I hate to say this, but getting hammered during those big football games with my buddies was more important than being with my son. And I still had my son 50, 50, but I would literally set the schedules to where I could get super hammered on the days that I wanted and then low key it when I had him. And golf was going downhill. My life was going downhill. It was constantly waking up in the morning. and my wife saying, hey, here's who you got a call, here's their phone number, here's what you said. I need you to apologize. And that's probably been the nicest thing in the last three years is waking up and not regretting or not knowing what I said. But it was bad. I weighed about 280 pounds. Right now I weigh about 210, so I've lost 70 pounds. I was eating pizzas late at night,

not taking care of my body. And here I am, this guy on the PGA tour that only wanted to get hammered that was wasting as God's given ability. And at that time, I was playing from little local tournaments and I was getting hammered during those. And I went out and I know you're not familiar with golf, but maybe some of your listeners. And I hit all 18 greens and I three putted 13 times. And a three putting golf is like one of the worst things you can do.

It makes you just feel horrible. But the reason was because my hands were shaking so bad and I couldn't feel them. And that was the first time that it had really, I noticed, affect my physical, game before I might not feel good, have a headache, whatever I could get through that. But now it was starting to come in and cripple what I've always worked and been able to do just out of habit. And now I couldn't do those things. And I came home and my wife had a conversation, like I said earlier. And you know, I'd probably for the last before that, 10 or 15 years, my mom had been begging me to

quit crying at my feet saying, please stop because she went through it. She watched the same road that her son was going down, didn't want. So a million times I quit it or I'd have, you know, one or two drinks. But now that I was having one or two drinks, the solo cup was filled with 98% Picardy and a splash. And that's how I could justify having one or two drinks. It was really like 10 or 12. And then the anxiety was so bad that I would get anxious to go pick up my son. And yes, I always enjoyed my time with my son, but I was battling me internally instead of enjoying being present with my son. And finally, for some odd reason, it was just time. You know, I tried to quit for 10 years. And on that day of October 26, I woke up and something bigger than me said, it's time,

man. And since that day, I don't know how I did it. When I first quit, I was probably having 30 non-alcoholic beers a day. I mean, I'd wake up at 6 a.m. and not have to wait till 8 or 9 for that beer to justify, oh, yeah, it's 8 or 9. I can have a beer now. I could crack open it. And at 6 a.m. and I would just hammer through them all day long. And now I can't stand the taste of them. So it's funny how things change. But yeah, leading up to that deal was just my life was in a mess. I'd lost a couple friends from things that I had said that I wouldn't have said if I was sober, but I like a vulnerable drunk, we say the truth out loud when we're hammered and I don't regret saying them. Maybe I just wish I would have said them in a different way. But you know, the funniest thing,

And the biggest question I get asked is, do you regret it? Do you regret being the person that you were? And I don't, man. I had so many incredible experiences and I had so many great times. But the big kicker is I wouldn't be the man and the person that I am now had I not gone through that. And like I was telling you earlier, now I just want to help people. And I want to get back to the PGA tour. Not for the golf. Yeah, golf's cool or whatever. But dude, I've been playing golf for, you know, trying to be great for 30. 33 years and over that. But the platform that the PGA tour has, I could reach out and help so many people. And it was so neat going back this last week and seeing so many of my old peers and rules officials and that. And they're like, Charlie, we haven't seen you in five years, but you look 10 years younger and where'd the other half of you go? And so it's really nice to know that the decision that I made people have taken notice to. And you know what? Everybody is just so dang happy for me. And I haven't run across one person. Of course, I have a handful of people that are jealous that wish they could quit, you know, like we all did.

We all wanted to quit at some point. We couldn't. And so I have those people, but the people that are in my life that really matter. And what's really cool is going back and seeing those guys. And really, they were so authentic in the way that they expressed how just amazing my transformation has been. That's the kind of stuff that wants me to keep going. And through golf, I always enjoyed having people pat me on the back because who doesn't? And now to be able to be patted on the back for the decisions that I made and turning my life around, those pats on the back are way bigger than any pat on the back I ever got for playing golf. That's so true. The tour of the platform would be an incredible place.

Yeah. I think it was a year or two years ago, I saw someone win a big tournament and then had shared about Chris Kirk. Chris Kirk, right before I quit, I knew he was struggling and then he took a leave from the tour to try to get sober. And then when he came back, he did this interview that I still have taped on my TV, that I go back and watch all the time. And that was about a year before I got sober.

But I think when I watched that, that kind of started to put the thought. And that's how I started manifesting it. And actually, there's another guy, Billy Horshull, who I saw this last. week, Billy Horshels won the FedEx Cup. He's been probably the 10th best player in the world at the best of his time. But his wife was hiding water bottles all over the house and full of vodka. And he came out a handful of years ago and publicly told the world, the battle that they were going through. And that really hit home. So this last week was the first week I'd saw him and I walked up to him and he said, I can't believe this is you. And I said, yeah, man. I said, but more importantly, I just wanted to come.

come and tell you that I'm a part of your community now, that I've been three years sober and what's your wife accomplished in that. But more importantly, I just wanted to tell him how special it was that he stuck it out and he stayed by his wife's side and he stayed by his family side and he helped get him through it because I truly feel that we are, I was in a community of golf and now I'm in a community of sobriety. And the community of sobriety is so cool. And once you're in it, you don't ever want to be out of it because you know what it was like when you were of it and everywhere I go, it's the first thing I share when people have been like, what do you have been up to? I'm like getting sober, man. That's what I've been up to. And I don't

feel any shame in saying it. I've won on the PGA tour. I've been the 60th best player in the world. I've done all the cool things and have all the accolades that people look up to. And I don't care about any of those. Getting sober is the biggest accomplishment in my life. And I think I can speak for most of the people that have gotten sober, which say the same the same thing. Yeah, for sure, 100% because it just opens up so many possibilities. But it's really interesting the part there you mentioned about not regretting it, regretting the past.

It's really an interesting idea, right? Because I'm with you in a sense on that because the way I look at it too is if we were to change, I heard this quote a long time ago and I think it relates to football. Here we are with the sports again. But life's the game of inches. Life's the game of inches and little small, decisions. And if we would have changed one of those decisions, or if I or you would have made one decision here or there, it could change the outcome of where we're at today. And I think if we're,

it's really weird to say it. But yeah, if we're happy with where we're at today, then if we would have wanted to go back and make changes, then we couldn't guarantee that we would have landed where we are today. It's a very interesting idea that bounces around in my head sometimes. But I'm with you on that. It's tough though. And for me personally, it's weird to say because I took a lot of wrong turns and did a lot of stuff that wasn't, you know, the best choices in the world. But where I've landed today, I couldn't have drawn it up any better. If somebody gave me a piece of paper and they were like, in 10 years, I want you to write down exactly where you want to be in life and it'll be granted. Like, I couldn't have even envision where I am, you know, I mean, just being a father and

having three kids and having an ability to share people's stories in this podcast. And when we first launched the podcast, being the top 20 in the U.S., and we live in the top 50 after one year and we're creeping up to a million downloads. And I do it, as you can see from my fancy studio in the corner of my basement, I couldn't have even imagined such a thing. And to be meeting with you and having you share your story and the impact is having and the impact your story will have on people, what do you got to do to get back to the tour.

So for the last five years, I've wanted nothing to do with golf. I just hated it. I was burnt out. And then in July, I got this. I liked sharing my story on social. I liked helping people. And I said, gosh, I have the talent and the ability. And so I signed up for a Q school, which is qualifying school.

And you go through these three different stages. And because of my past, I was exempt through the first few stages. So you've basically got to go to a school, which is a tournament. you've got to finish in the top, but if you don't, you get to go down to the Corn Fairy Tour, which would be the minor leagues, still way ahead of where I've been playing. So a gigantic leap forward. My last week, I did not accomplish what I set out to accomplish, but what I got for second was way more than where I was a year ago.

So I'm ecstatic, but I'll be playing on the Corn Ferry Tour this year. If I finish in the top 30 on the money list, I can get back to the. the big tour. But the Corn Fairy Tour, it's televised every week. There's an amazing following on that. It's part of the PG tour. So I can start off on a little bit smaller platform and I'll just continue to grow it that way and continue to share my story. But getting back to the tour is not just, hey, I want to go back to the tour. They start you back at Ground Zero and golf. You have to earn everything that you get, which is really cool, but it also sucks big time. So I've got to make my way back. And what's really cool now is I'm 39. This last week, I think the oldest guy I played with was 26 years old. So now I'm

getting to watch these kids where I was and they're all so talented and they hit the ball so far and they're just so ready at a younger age than my generation was. But they don't quite have the maturity and they can't quite plot around the golf course and think. So that's why I can still hang in there with these kids and do that. But the great thing is these kids nowadays, they like to ask a lot of questions. When I first got on tour, I went right to the oldest guys, the Ernie L's and those guys and said, hey, what do I got to do? Because if you're hanging around, you know, other rookies than that, you guys are all trying to figure it out together. Why not go to somebody that's done it for the last 20 years and ask for advice? So these kids, at least, they're smart enough to ask me a bunch

of questions. And they probably get tired of listen to me, talk about it, because all I want to do is get back and help them and try to save them time, man, because I wish I had somebody to save me, you know, and given them just a little bit of advice, if they actually follow through, it could save them a year or two, man. But the problem is, just like I was when I was that young, you think you know it all and hear it, but you don't really comprehend and understand it. And then in about five years, they're going to be like, oh, yeah, Charlie told me that. I should to listen. So it's a work in progress to get back, but we're ahead of where we were next year. We'll be playing on the Corns Jerry tour for more money than I was playing for.

They're televised events. They're world golf ranking points. So yeah, I didn't achieve what I wanted to, man, but I'm so thrilled with what I got and the new journey ahead of me. Wow, that, yeah, that's incredible. Even to get back out there and overcome what you mentioned there before, too, how you were burnt out with everything and had maybe other feelings. towards it to really give it another shot to get out there to just get on this platform. And if you get the opportunity to share about your story and sobriety journey and everything like that, I think that's incredible. Yeah.

And the really nice thing about golf now is before when I was playing, I didn't get to enjoy the challenge of the golf and being out there because the internal battle that I was fighting. Like, it would get to the point where I would be like, gosh, I hope my back goes out. So I don't got to play. So then I don't have the anxiety and then I can just drink. And now I'm just like, I'm out there on the most beautiful courses in the world, competing against the best players. And yeah, I may not always do my best man, but at least I can put forth my best effort and enjoy the challenge instead of making that a back burner.

And me and my insides being the biggest challenge. So this week playing before, gosh, on the airplane, I would have been like, gosh, I hope this tournament gets canceled or whatever. And I was so excited to show up every morning. And I left there. So I used to be a guy that if I didn't play well round one or round two, I would just withdraw and go home and be like, I'm not going to waste my time. And in this one, I said, you know what? I started something.

The first round didn't go great. The next three went good. But the reason the next three went good is because I gave myself the opportunity. And I was in the right state of mind now to give myself that opportunity to go do well. And keen it up on the last day. I knew that it really didn't mean much, but I knew if I put down a good round, there's a lot of people that watch my name that they would be like, hey, dude, this guy's really trying. That says a lot about his character and a lot about, you know, him gutting it out. And so when I finished yesterday,

I had a great round and I walked around like I won the damn tournament because I hadn't done that in probably a decade. I hadn't finished something that I started when it wasn't going my way. And so when I got on that plane last night and I left Florida, even though I didn't win, I felt like one of the biggest winners of the week for sure. And I think that's the thing that you have to do and that I've learned in getting sober, man, is you've got to learn that the majority of things are not going to go your way in life, man. But if you can just step back and I've become a big gratitude, grateful guy.

And I know it's as cliche as it sounds, but just being thankful that I wake up each morning. And my wife's mom's been in a wheelchair since I've known her. We have to help her do everything. So just being able to walk around the house, man, is a pretty cool thing that we all take for granted. But as soon as you start switching that mindset, man, and taking the negatives and turn them into positives, instead of taking the negatives and focusing on them and burying yourself in them, it really, it's just a, like you said, it's a game of inches. You just change a couple inches here and there.

And you can change the outlook and the launch pad for your life. Yeah. It sounds like overall, too, sobriety has become so much more for you than just not drinking. Sobriety is my every way. If somebody were to tell me, so we had to speak in case you were playing great and you were on television, they probably sent you a questionnaire of 10 different things that you'd like the commentators to talk about. And the only thing I wrote in a big Sharpie across all of them was I'm sober because it is that big to me, man. I never. thought that it would be. I watched my mom get sober. She never really talked about it or did anything. If somebody was in trouble and came to her, she'd be more than happy to help. But for some reason, being sober is my identity. Being a golfer used to be my identity. I don't ever want that to be my identity again. I want being somebody that I tried to take my life a few times. Being somebody that tried to do that to now is trying to save people from doing that. Being sober is

Charlie Dulgeon's identity now. And I'm damn happy to say that, man. I love that. And I think that it's so powerful because then we can change all those other areas of our life. I know when I first got into it and talked with people, at first it's the drinking, right? We have to stop the drinking or the drug. I mean, that just has to be number one. But then what we realize next is, hey, maybe we didn't really quite have a drinking problem. Maybe it was more this thinking problem. And that's sort of a common term that's thrown around. And then we can change our outlook and perspectives on life, start to involve some gratitude in our life and be grateful for, like you said, I mean, what a great example.

Just walking around every day that we take, like thing we take for granted. But without it, it would completely change our life and the life of everyone around us. When you get that shot to share a message with the world about sobriety, what would it be? I don't know. I'm a guy that wings things or whatever, so you're putting me on the spot. But I do think that society is making a shift away from thinking alcohol is cool. But right now we live in a society where alcohol is everything. If you're going to go to a dinner, you've got to have a drink. If you're going to go to this, you've got to have a drink. And I guess my message would be, why do you have to do that, you know? And it sounds easier than it is. But it's just really cool to be sober because you get.

get to experience life and the presence. And you get to experience all of life for what it actually is. I mean, how many times can we say we've gone to a cool sporting event or a great party, but we can't remember a damn thing about it? Now you get to go to those and you, I look around a ballpark or something and I notice things and I notice people and I notice the atmosphere instead of thinking about the beer line and the bathroom. If I can, if those two things are good, then I'm good. And you actually get to enjoy life for what life is when you're sober. And I think that is so special and so powerful. And I never thought that those words would come out of my mouth because all I thought,

all my life and all I thought life revolved around was getting hammered, drinking a good time, a good party. And now I do enjoy a good time or a good party. And my cue to leave, I go to a lot of events. When somebody tells me the same story twice, that's my exit scene. Once you tell me the same story twice, I'm like, all right, everybody's feeling good. It's time for me to leave. But I still go enjoy all those things. But when I get home at night and I lay my head down and I didn't have that drink, it's the ultimate win. It's the ultimate it factor. And when I look around and I watch how people act and what stories they share when they are drinking, I'm like, you guys wouldn't even think about talking like this if you were sober, you know. I think I really enjoy seeing the other aspect and the other side of life. not drinking from the people that still focus so much on drinking. I love that.

That's so powerful in it. I mean, when it comes to drinking specifically, too, there's this quote that floats around is it's the only drug that you have to justify not thinking. Not using it. Yeah, I think it was Huberman that kind of really put that on the map. But it had been floating around for a while. And I'm with you on that. I think that conversation is changing.

And I'm really happy to see it that people who choose not to drink or not put in these boxes about this is what it looks like because I think people are getting off of the train at all different stops here. Some people are all the way at the end of it. Some people might just be starting out. You know, so cool to see. Wrapping things up here, Charlie. Thank you so much. Is there anything that you want to leave us with today? I just want to tell the listeners that whether you're in your sobriety journey or you're thinking about it or you're struggling with it, you've got to keep going, man, because the light at the end of the tunnel is there. And I'm telling you, the light is the brightest on the sobriety side. And it is hard, man, and because now all of a sudden you've got to

sit with your feelings and you've got to do this. But there's also so many other cool things that you become interested in. I mean, I do things now that I'd never thought I would do and I find fun and exciting. And I would have never thought that before. And there's just, there's really a whole other side of life on the other side of drinking. And it's much more rewarding. But you've got to be accountable. And that's the thing that I tell people, don't say you're not going to have a drink. And then, you know, three days later, you're going to have a drink. Set yourself up where you can achieve baby steps, man. Don't try to make those giant leaps and then you're constantly failing and then that's beaten up you mentally.

Set yourself goals that you can achieve and then you build on those. I see too many people that want to take this gigantic leap and then they continue to fail and then they fall deeper in the hole. You've got to set yourself up where you can make baby steps and you can patch yourself on the back along the way. My wife, I'm at 39 months. She still makes me cookies on every month celebration. We used to do them for every week, then every two weeks, then every month. And now we've stuck with every month. But those damn cookies taste so good, not because they're great cookies, because I know that I achieve something again.

And I think if you can just keep rewarding yourself and taking baby steps, that's how you get to where you want to be. Love that. Thank you again so much for sharing your story. If somebody wants to reach out to you, what's the best way to do it? My Instagram, see Belgian. That message center is flooded all the time. It might take me a day to get back to you, but I will get back to you and I will get back to you and spend all the time that you need or that I need because that's what I'm here for. So see Belgian on Instagram and I'm happy to help. I've met so many people, complete strangers that now I have these amazing friendships with through sobriety. So I'm always here to help and listen and do whatever I can. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you, sir. Well, there it is.

Another incredible episode, another incredible story. Thank you, Charlie, so much for being willing to come on here, show so much vulnerability and honesty. And encourage those that are on the journey, maybe early on or, you know, somewhere, anywhere. It can be tough, no matter where we're at, we can still go through ups and downs. Life doesn't stop happening. So thank you so much. if you're enjoying the podcast or you have enjoyed any of the episodes, be sure to drop a review for the podcast on Apple or Spotify.

On Apple, if you can, do a written review so that other people that may be considering the podcast can read and see what your thoughts are and if it's been helpful for you. So thank you guys so much. I'm so excited for 2024. We're going to be easing into dropping episodes as everybody is kind of still coming off holidays and everything like that. So getting connected and getting some more stories in there. So just hang tight. They will be coming. And it's going to be an incredible year. I hope you're going to join for the ride. And be sure if you enjoyed Charlie's episode, reach out to

them on Instagram. I'll drop the link in the show notes. And I'll see you on the next one.