Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Cheryl Burke shares her story of sobriety

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

This week Cheryl Burke from Dancing with the stars jumps on the podcast to share her sobriety story. Cheryl decided to share her sobriety to increase her accountability and to help others feel less alone.  During the episode, Cheryl also shares what helps keep her sober. She recently celebrated 4 years sober with a TikTok and IG post. This is a power-packed 27 minute episode. Grab your free SoberBuddy sober tracker app today: www.yoursoberbuddy.com

Welcome to Season 1 of the Sober Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. So grateful to have Cheryl Burt from Dancing with the Stars on the podcast today. One step at a time is how Cheryl has been able to stay sober since 2018. She decided to be public about her story. to keep her accountable to her sobriety.

Check it out next. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult. And our friends at Soberlink want to help. If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one, Soberlink can help. Soberlink is a high-tech portable breathalizer system that uses facial recognition technology to verify identity, has unique sensors to ensure that no other air sources are being used,

and sends results directly to your specified contacts. So there is no questioning whether or not you took the test or whether or not you altered the reporting. This is why Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is considered the gold standard. Being in recovery from alcohol does not define the future of your career. Let Soberlink help. Learn more about Soberlink and request an exclusive $50 off promo code by visiting Soberlink.com slash recover. Welcome back to episode three of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got an incredible guest, Cheryl Burke from Dancing with the Stars.

Cheryl, how are you doing today? Hi, I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. Of course. For the two people out there who don't know who you are, where would you start? Wow. Well, I would say I'm like a cat and I've lived so many different lives, right? Is it nine or seven, one of the two?

But yes, where do we start? So I'm from the Bay Area. I grew up there. My mother is Filipina. My father, who has passed away a few years ago now, he was Ashkenazi Jewish. And I just found this out through 23 and me, actually. So I'm actually 53% Ashkenazi Jewish, and the rest is Filipino. And my mom, you know, grew up in poverty in the province in the Philippines, came to the Bay Area.

My father. and that's how I am here today. And as far as growing up, I guess, you know, I dealt with trauma at a very early age. I, you know, unfortunately and maybe fortunately, since I'm sitting here with you today, I got sexually abused as a little girl. I testified against my abuser in court. And I also witnessed my mom and dad's divorce. And I was just saying this actually to Pita Murgatroyd Schmerkowski, who was on my podcast earlier

today that, you know, I asked my friends a lot questions like, you know, what was your first memory as a kid? Because for me, my first memory was my father with another woman. Yeah, it's like my very first memory as a kid. A lot of people's first memory that remember is of happy thoughts, you know, and it's just interesting how in a way it was always, I felt like there was always, I guess, a dark cloud back now, back in the day. Now my, obviously my perception has changed a bit, but still, you know, to be exposed to certain things like I was can't be good for any kid. And then, you know, from there, I didn't really have a father figure in my life until my stepfather, thankfully, came into my life. But my mom was a very, you know, she was a rags to riches story.

She started with nothing and had 10 brothers and sisters and eventually flew them all to the states and got them jobs and created a company and she's a hustler, you know, and I think I like to say and I'm proud to say that I get that drive from her and my dad was an alcoholic and you know his life was short-lived and he followed his passion which I don't know if you'd swear here but I won't but basically he opened up a bunch of strip clubs in Thailand and within that business you know it's it's obviously not legit as much I guess you can say maybe a little shady too and we had more of a friendship so when it comes to father figures it wasn't very present in my life the father figures that were or the male figures that were in my life were, you know, either abusive,

infidelity was involved with my real father. And then my stepdad was the first man that was a constant in my life that is just a really solid man. And, you know, I believe though he came in, though he came in at a great time, there really is no perfect time. He came in a little late. I think I probably needed that a lot sooner than I had it. And so my definition of love was abuse for the longest time and I started falling in that pattern of just abusive relationship to abusive relationship. And then as far as dancing goes, I started dancing at age four. My mom put me into all these different curricular activities because I wasn't the greatest at school. But ballet was like the only I guess activity that I never complained about. So I did ballet from four to 11. I grew hips at a

young age at 11 and I just didn't fit it anymore. So my mom took me to a local dance competition, ballroom dance competition because my mom and stepdad wanted to find family sport, I guess you could say, and golf wasn't cutting it. So we tried ballroom and I thought ballroom was only for old people and I was like, ugh, God, this is really weird. Then I saw kids my age, you know, dance with another person and I was like sign me up and I'm an addict. So I'm very all or nothing. So when I get my when I focus on something or if I want something, there's nothing that's going to get in my way to get it. And so I took ballroom to the next level, competed all over the world, and traveled all over the world at 13 years old. I was living in England every summer. I grow up really fast.

And then graduated from high school, continued on with my professional competition career, got a call randomly in 2000 end of 2005, I believe, to join the cast of Dancing with the Start Season 2. And at the time, I was in a relationship that wasn't very healthy. That was more on the toxic side. And he was my dance partner as well. So things weren't going great with that. Long story short, I did the audition. Thought I was only going to be doing it for one season and go back to my competition life. I just had turned 21. And with second season of Dancing with the Stars under my belt and after winning my first two seasons, I was able to really focus on partying. And that's what I did. I was a ballroom dancer by day and a club

or by night. And then that just became very excessive. And it was a slippery slope until I decided to stop drinking. Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounds like it for sure. What was that like for you when you decided to stop? You know, I didn't interview with Us Weekly or I wrote a blog for them recently. And, you know, I stopped for vanity reasons. That was the main issue. It was, you know, my father had passed away. My ex-husband at the time, or my ex-husband and my fiancé at the time, the same person.

We were engaged when we were about to celebrate our engagement at a friend's house who was hosting us an engagement party. I remember just flying back from Thailand and just breaking out into hives. Really, like I never reacted. I was a functioning drunk. So that for me is the scariest because no matter how much I drink, I'd still be just normal, like what you see now, really. And with the smell of just the smell of alcohol, or I literally tried a shot of everything from wine to vodka, you name it.

And I just, the poison, my body was. no longer able to digest, I guess. So I stopped and I made a promise to myself. I didn't tell anybody because I just knew the more I put pressure on stopping, the more I'm just going to continue. So I do know myself in that sense where it's like I kind of have to do it first and then I could announce it or say it to even, I didn't even tell my, you know, Beyonce at the time. So it was a, It was a one day at a time thing for me until like about a month in. I was like, okay, I think I can do this for real. Yeah, that's beautiful.

I like how you described it as poison. It is. I love that. So when you did decide to talk about it, how hard is that for somebody like yourself that's a celebrity? It is very therapeutic. It's what keeps me sober. You know, I think that this is, it helps me, first of all, hold myself accountable. It helps take the shame away whenever I start to think about it, which I have to say, you know, it's not consistent, but has been definitely thought about, especially going through this divorce and any change in my life because who likes to change, even though in the long run it is a good thing. However, it's scary.

You know, anything that gets brought up as far as fear goes, you know, I used alcohol as a numbing device and boy, I had obviously a lot to numb or so I thought. And so every time I talk about my story selfishly in a good way, selfishly, it helps me lay off the booze. Because I think once I start to think about something and then I start to think, okay, how can I be resourceful? Or how can I go around the court? You know, I'm very resourceful. So it's like, I have to hold myself accountable every time I feel this way. And it's what better way to do it than with out here in the public eye, really, because for me, once I put it out there, it does. something about that owning up to how you feel or any thoughts in your head it does take the shame or

guilt away from you and i do also believe it helps at least one person who may be going through the same thing know that they're not alone yeah i love that part i love all of it but i really love the part at the end because that's sort of what the whole sober motivation community and platform is all about is sharing our stories so that someone might be able to identify with it and then it can help unlock the door for them to see what's possible yeah So I love that. I love that you guys are all about that. We're trying. And the shame and guilt part too, because in my story, too, it was the same thing. Like, just keep it, keep it hidden and then it just fuels the fire.

Yeah, exactly. So dancing with the stars, I know you said it was around 21 that you started. It's been 20 plus seasons now? I've done 26 seasons. It's been on 31 seasons. Wow. Do you have a favorite partner? Well, I've had 25 partners because I've danced with one of my partners. twice when we did All-Stars. Yes, my favorite partner, I would say I have a few, right? I have a few that I still keep in touch with to this day. Emmett Smith, he played for the Dallas Cowboys. He's now

a Hall of Famer. I'm not sure, pretty sure you know who he is. I didn't know who he was, so there you go. And I would say Jack Osborne, fellow, you know, sober person as well. I love, I just loved him and I loved his, like, how courageous he was. He also has MS, you know, so he was able to to really face it, you know, and do a show like Dancing with the Stars. It takes a lot of courage to do that. And then Rob Kardashian, I love a good old underdog. Yeah, beautiful. I saw the one there with Emmett Smith.

And yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, he's a great guy. He's a good friend to this day. That's amazing. That's amazing. I think we already kind of touched over it, but I didn't know if there was anything else to kind of add in. But like, what motivated you to get sober?

I was reading a few things, but everything you read can't always trust. I wanted to ask you myself. Yeah. Well, I've always been in therapy my whole life. My mom was someone who, you know, she's an advocate for it. And ever since that trauma happened to me as a kid, I, you know, she, it was imperative, you know, for me to go into therapy. And I think I stopped now when I was about 18, when I started really competing seriously to the next level. I didn't really continue at all when it comes to therapy until I came to Los Angeles.

And about two years in of me partying heavily, I started developing these really dark thoughts and nothing was ever enough for me, right? Like it was always like you're just chasing it, right? Chasing whatever that feeling is that you want. And once you drank so much that nothing gets you there, it's a scary thing. You know, it's like you're always chasing and wanting to feel. better and better and better and then it just turned into anger for me on top of vanity it also was like okay here i am drinking seven days a week and nobody even knows like my drug of choice or i would like

to say poison of choice drug of choice whatever you want to say um was vodka sodas and it looked like water you know and i was able to sweat it out every day rehearsing and dancing and then repeat and it was a step and repeat for me for many years seven days a week and to say that like i i wouldn't say that I hit actual like rock bottom but for me it's more like what's scary to me to this day and is really like seeing okay on paper maybe I was most successful when I was drinking and partying and then there's a part of me that thinks maybe I'm just so much in my head you know in that sense like I won my first two mirror balls and like you know the success is now I find myself way more successful, but I'm just saying someone else looking inside my life now would see, oh, well,

you know, when you partied, you were a lot more successful, meaning like in my small world of Dancing with the Stars. And that is, I think, a rabbit hole in itself. It is the crash and burn of my interpretation of what made you want to stop, you know? And it's like, I think because it's always like a piece of meat being waved in my face, like, well, if I was more successful, it's easily, I guess it's easy for me to just to go there just to make the, you know, excuse if I were to relapse, which I don't plan on, but one day at a time, right? And, you know, for me, it's like that is the scary part, is to really see that and to see and to hear sometimes other people's perspective as well. Yeah. No, I hear you. What kind of feelings do you associate with like

towards the end or when things were going on? How were you feeling about your life, yourself? Right now? No, like before you got sober. Oh, oh, it was pretty dark. I was, uh, I started like self-sabotaging. So I started messing up my own routines. I'd choreograph on Dancing with the Stars. I started my temper tantrums would be on a whole other level. I just didn't like the person I saw in the mirror. And I was foggy as heck.

And I definitely didn't remember crucial moments of my life. I started forgetting a lot. And I was scary because I was like, okay, well, if this isn't working anymore, what is the next step for me? you know as far as like what can i do to feel that what i thought was this amazing high it's like i you know for me as well as my dad's death it was to see him he was so frail the day he died because of his alcoholism and um i think that there was a lot there just subconsciously that i was taking into that's that's all heavy stuff i'm wondering too like did you feel like you kept things together

throughout the dancing with the stars and everything else that was going on on like how did you keep it together was i don't know if i necessarily can say i kept it together i mean i was on tm z every morning you know drinking with the bars you know it was my constant title like literally every morning um being called you know uh dancing with the bars like the worse uh i was associated to this party girl that i think i still get associated to it's really hard to shake off a reputation but um i had you know paparazzi harassing me and just like calling me this party girl And then I started losing a lot of my, I would say people's respect around me. I could just feel it.

And then just being known as that party girl and not being known for the hard work that I've been, that I've dedicated my life to, which is a skill in art form and a sport in itself at ballroom dancing. I started, you know, my, it was like, oh, there's that party girl. It's like, no, no, no. You know, I really, I have worked my whole life to be an expert in my field. And to be not known for that was kind of hard. It was hard for me to really swallow, you know? Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, everything kind of sounds like everything kind of snowballed up. And maybe the drink became like an identity. And that's not at all. Oh, my God, for sure. I was a, I'm shy. I mean, I'm naturally introverted. So for me, you know, I prefer just to be the observer more than talking. But lately I've been able to really just be my authentic self.

regardless of what people think of it. Because there's a lot of people that are for. There's a lot of people that think I share too much at the end of the day. To each their own, you're more than welcome to unfollow me, as I've said before. But every time I stay true to who I am, it brings more confidence than any vodka soda could have done. Put it that way. Yeah. No, I love it.

I love it that people share their story, people that are comfortable and willing. And at that point to share it because it's helpful for other people to have something to relate with. Yeah, I wish I had that when I grew up. Yeah. Beautiful. How are your relationships now? We'll switch over a little bit more to like the sobriety side of things.

Yeah. How are your relationships now? Oh, they're just, listen, there's a lot less as far as quantity goes, which is fine with me, but there's more quality as far as really being with or surrounding myself with people who I respect, who I trust, who I know, you know, brings out the best in me and vice versa. I think that for me, I had my party friends and I still love them to this day. But, you know, I think it's, I'm just at this point in my life. I think it's more of the quality around myself as well with me and myself. You know, I have gained so much more love and self-respect for myself. I've also, I'm so

curious right now. I'm like a sponge, so I'm just fascinated with how our intelligence works and why I react to certain things versus not because right now I'm just going to eat it up because that's just where I am in this so-called life that we see it and say it and live in. Right. So I think it is important for me to also surround myself with those types of people. I mean, when big life changes happen to you, you know, expect your friends to change as well, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Yeah, I love that. I heard a quote once, four quarters is better than 100 pennies. Amen.

You know, I mean, for me anyway. No one wants 100 pennies. I mean, I don't want four quarters either. But yeah, I'll take four quarters over 100 pennies. Yeah, exactly. No, that's great. And I hear that a lot from people. The relationships change. They become like a deeper connection, more genuine. You're able to really show up for people like when I was using in everything. I wasn't. it was a one-way street most of the time. I wasn't really able to get connected or really do much on a level that meant anything. Yeah, I feel I think the one word that describes it is like, I'm awake.

You know, I'm very much awake and never felt like that before, you know. Yeah, I love that. That's beautiful. I was wondering, too, there's going to be some people who listen to this show who are struggling to either get sober or stay sober. What advice would you have for them? you know, I know it's one day at a time, but for me, sometimes it's one second at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time. Sometimes it's an hour depending on, like honestly, you know, all I can say is, you know, believe in also a higher power greater than yourself. There is definitely that that has,

I would say the majority of why I'm sober is because of my belief in my higher power or however you want to say God, angels, whatever, whether that even is your AA program that you're in. I was for the longest time not in a program. I had to say that I'm in a program right today would be a lie. I'm still in the middle of Dancing with the Stars. However, that's no excuse. But I definitely check in with my sponsor consistently every single week. I think that sometimes when you look too far ahead,

it can be very overwhelming. And maybe that means to you looking even in six hours from now. now, but it's honestly, it's just one minute at a time. Because these feelings that come through our bodies or the feelings that come up, they're very temporary. You know, they don't last forever. Yeah, that's true. I mean, a lot of us know the one day at a time thing, and I even like how you took it. Yeah, that's why I like how you broke it down even further. Yeah. Or six hours or one hour just to. A minute, two minutes.

Like it's really, because all we can do is live right now. Like we, I actually can't tell you what's going to happen in a minute from now. Can you? I don't know if anyone could. Maybe mine readers, but I'm not sure if you believe in that type of stuff. Yeah, no, we definitely can't say for sure. I mean, I'm hopeful for things, but I can't say for sure. Well, this isn't, this is incredible because a lot of people, when I brought this to the community that we would be having you on the show,

a lot of people are inspired by this because we don't always get a special, treat like this. Well, thank you for all the work you do. I saw you guys on Instagram. Thank you for reaching out. And I wanted to make it. This is important for me. I want to be able to at least, you know, hopefully give back and help somebody and vice versa. Continue doing what you do. It's so is great. It helps, you know, to have platforms and to use your platform for good. So thank you as well. Yeah, awesome. Thank you. One step at a time. One step at a time, one day at a time. And if we have to six hours. Seriously.

Are you doing the recording right now for another season? No, we're still live. I mean, I'm still doing the professional numbers, which are even harder physically to do at the moment. But I do love being able to dance to my ability. And it's great to dance with the other pros. But my schedule is just as busy as if I was still in the competition. Yeah, okay, beautiful.

And then what do you do during the off season? I am actually creating a dance program at the moment called Body Language, which is, it's not necessarily a dance program because the word dance is very intimidating, but it's movement and how movement has played such a huge role in saving my life and also a very therapeutic aspect to our bodies. I think we take for granted a lot. Our bodies are just, like, our intelligence in general, there's no manual for, which is a shame, but I think that we're all still trying to figure it out.

And yet we have something, each of us, every single person, we each have such a powerful tool that we don't really use or listen to sometimes, which is our body. And there is a definite science behind movement and mental health. So that is what that is. And it's called body language and hopefully coming up beginning of 2023. Oh, nice. That sounds amazing. Body language.

I need to do more body movement with body. Oh, you're already giving me body language right now, by the way. You've been sitting. I know it's terrible, isn't it? No, it's all good. No, it's great. Open, open heart, you're good. Yeah. No, that's beautiful. What, we'll wrap it up, I think, with this last question here, if that's okay with you. Yeah. What would have, what would you say is the biggest challenge you've had to overcome maintaining your sobriety? Well, good question. I guess not falling back into it because it's so easy for me as well.

But it was also, I have to say, was believing in a higher power was the heart of it. thing for me. It's not necessarily still, it's not all of a sudden easy, but, you know, I've thought throughout, you know, my whole life, basically, that, you know, though I was baptized Catholic, you know, it was still really hard for me to believe in that because of God knows. I have no idea why. But to say that I just, you know, turn to faith or have faith or turn to God whenever I'm in a rut would be a lie. But I've learned, though, through being sober that there is, you know, there really is no recovery without it.

There isn't, period. End of discussion. And I do now find that connection with my higher power a lot more organic and authentic now than ever before. But it was hard for me. Yeah. Do you feel like the alcohol was like a barrier between you and your higher power? Possibly. I mean, possibly maybe my ego, for sure, which had a lot to do with me and also

drinking. I think the alcohol brought out that ego or that egotistical side that I thought that that, I guess, equaled confidence that made me be able to get out of the house. It made me be able to go to red carpets and all of that, but it really was not who I truly was. Gotcha. Okay, perfect. Well, look. Look, that's been amazing. That is a great share with us here today, and we really appreciate it. Yes, thank you so much, again, for all that you do. And I wish you so much success.

And I know you guys will get there. So thank you. And anytime you ever want me back, I'll be back. Well, another incredible episode in the books. Thank you, everybody, so early on with this podcast, with all the support, kind messages, and letting me know that you're enjoying it. And also letting our guests know that you're enjoying it. enjoying their stories and they're helpful for you.

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