Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Cody's relationship with Alcohol became life or death.

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Cody shares his journey from growing up in New Jersey to battling severe alcoholism and addiction, drinking alcohol for the first time at 12 years old. Despite various attempts to manage his addiction, including a stint in rehab, Cody found himself repeatedly falling back into his old habits. A near-fatal accident, where he almost lost his leg, became the eye-opening moment that led him to surrender to a higher power and fully commit to sobriety. Now over a year sober, this is Cody’s story on the sober motivation podcast. Cody's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/menkster_/  

Welcome back to season four of the Sobermotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, Cody shares his journey from growing up in New Jersey to battling severe alcoholism and addiction, drinking alcohol for the first time at 12 years old. Despite various attempts to manage his addiction, including a stint in rehab, meetings and therapy, Cody found himself repeatedly falling back into his old habits.

A near fatal accident where he almost lost his leg became the eye-opening moment that led him to surrender to a higher power and fully commit to sobriety. Now over a year sober, this is Cody's story on the sober motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. Today we've got Cody with us. Cody, how are you? I'm doing great. How are you doing?

Yeah, I'm good, man. I'm glad we could connect. and I'm excited to share your story with everybody here on the show. Good. Yeah, I'm excited too. Thank you for having me on, man. I've been following the page for, I think even before I got sober, yeah, three, four years now. So it's cool to talk to you on the other side of things, you know?

Yeah, 100%. So what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, growing up. I came from a normal childhood, New Jersey, grew up in a nice suburban area. Mom and dad were together, had a younger brother, grew up. kind of middle class was big into sports my whole life, had friends. One of the things that kind of was weird on my early on life is I was diagnosed with dyslexia. So that was a challenge for me in school. Got picked on a little bit for that. And it just hurt my self-confidence as a kid

growing up, your dyslexia. So I kind of felt lesser then. So that's kind of when I introduced alcohol into my life. I felt not as smart, not as social, not as worthy just because I had a learning disability. And my first sip of alcohol, that all went away. Yeah, well, thanks for sharing that. When was that? Yeah, I remember it's crazy, actually. Now I'm about a year and two, a little over two months sober now. And I've been going back in my childhood a lot. And I remember going about 12 years old to my parents' liquor cabinet. And I went and I saw they had that lemon absolute vodka, if you remember that one. And I took a sip of it. And then I went back because I waited until they were in bed and I went back to the TV room. And then 10 minutes later, I was back taking

another sip. And now from my standpoint of me looking at it as a little kid, that was alcoholic behavior at 12 years old. I kept going back to that cabinet probably six times at 12 years old because I was curious, what's this next one going to make me feel like? Oh, if I do one more, what may I feel here? So that was my first experience with alcohol. And now that I can look on it, it was definitely an alcoholic and experience. Yeah. So looking back, yeah, identifying kind of like, okay, this might be a red flag. I remember early on too. My parents didn't really drink a lot. I don't know if yours did, but my parents didn't really drink a lot or I never really noticed that maybe they did like after I went to bed when I was younger and stuff. So but I remember they were they were gone away for a night or something.

I knew above the fridge there was like this bottle of vodka. And I heard everybody kind of reminiscing a, you know, high school, probably freshman year in high school, everybody reminiscing about alcohol and it. You know, it was like, it's kind of like that cool thing everybody was getting into. So I was like, okay. I really wasn't plugged in with that crowd that was maybe partying or getting into it or smoking pot. That was never really my thing. But I so I pulled this bottle of vodka down and I took a sip of it, spit it out. And I was just like, okay, this is what it's about.

I have no interest in it because it was just so disgusting. But so you had the interest to kind of keep going back. And now, I mean, hindsight's 2020, right? So now we can kind of piece things together. But at the time, I mean, we, you. You know, we only know what we know, you know. Yeah, at the time, I was not chasing the taste. I was chasing the feeling looking back.

Yeah. How do you, interesting, so interesting there, if you don't mind me asking something. Yeah. How do you, like, how do you find that you picked up on the fact that alcohol could potentially do that? Was it something you saw? Because I'm thinking back to my life. I never knew, you know what I mean? Like, that connect the dots on that.

But maybe if it was changing maybe people around us, maybe we would see it. What's your experience there? Yeah. I actually, so in my household, my mom doesn't drink at all. She had an alcoholic father. But my dad, he, he's a baby boomer. He was born in the 1940s, if that gives you any sort of idea. So he's kind of old school.

So he kind of grew up the, you have a drink after work type of lifestyle. So I saw him, you know, drink a bottle of wine at dinner. and not be blacked out or acting crazy or having erratic behaviors. So, but what I did see is him having more fun, getting more laughter, not as serious as when he first came home from work, kind of loosened up. If the music was on, he'd start dancing and doing stuff he normally would have never done. So I was like, okay, this is sort of a lubricant in my eyes. And then that's when I truly realized my buddies, I didn't drink for the long.

longest time after that time when I was 12. It's actually funny. So I had that experience in my own house and then my mom had some talk with me where she told me some Boy Scout died on a trip after having two beers. And then after that, I was too scared to drink. So I didn't end up drinking until my junior year of high school. But I was a huge pot smoker before that. But when I did drink, that's when everything changed. I was the guy that, like, I always wanted to be over there drinking a beer because it made me feel like a more confident version of myself. It made me feel like a better version of myself. I wasn't as shy. I could talk to the girls at the party. I could not feel self-confidence or self-confidence issues about my dyslexia. It really, those were the early

stages of it. Those are kind of, I don't like to call them the good stages of alcoholism, but the discovery stages of alcoholism. Yeah, when it's checking those, those boxes for us early on, right? It's, you know, it was the first thing. It was a lot of the same for me, too. I had ADHD or I don't know why I say had, have ADHD. And really found it hard to connect with other people. And not only connect, but actually make lasting connections. I always saw the people around school, you know, especially in high school, of people knowing each other and being connected for years.

And I just felt like my friends just came and gone, came and gone. And I was never really able to connect like that. But once I got into drinking, well, of course, now we had this bond. We had this thing in common. And we like to have a good time. And then once I started to be a little bit more foolish, like people loved that. It was celebrated. It was like, oh, man, let's get this thing.

Let's get this train headed down the track, right? It'll be a good laugh for everybody. And I didn't realize it at the time that I was sort of like the tail end of the joke. But like, I enjoyed parts of it, you know, but it was still, it was still like checking those boxes for me early on, you know? I couldn't agree with you more. You are the tail end of the joke. And the funny thing is I realized I was the tail end of the joke when I was sober. My buddy would be like, spell this word, you know, as a.

teasing joke. But I was kind of that same guy when I was drinking. I was jumping off a four-store balconies into pools and crazy shit like that, you know? Another thing I wanted to touch on is, like, I developed my drinking buddies in high school when I was young, the kids I grew up with. And after I was diagnosed with dyslexia, I got sent to a different school. They kind of catch me up to speed on things. and then after that I was sent to another school to get me ready for college and then I went to college. So I had this weird, I don't want to say abandonment issue, but at that age I was stripped away from my friends.

So kind of the way I gravitored it towards people was through doing alcohol and doing drugs. It was kind of like, if you think about it, it's an instant connector. It's an instant you make a bond with somebody in a way. And like, I'm going to get into this later in our podcast, but as life progressed, I found that more and more that I would normalize my behavior by the people I would hang out with because they would be having the same behaviors as me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and yeah, that's, I'm with you on that too. I didn't want to, I didn't want to stand out too much with what I was doing.

So if I surrounded myself with other people that were close enough, then it made a whole lot more. more sense. So you mentioned that too. You moved around and change the scenery too, which I mean, a lot of people I think on the show talk about, you know, different ways of, I know, the last guest moved around. Last guy I met with, he moved around a lot too. And it was, it's hard. But what you say, I think the point there hits home, right, is when you're into this sort of scene, if we want to call it that, the drinking party. And, you know, that carries on, I think, throughout life too, right? It's, an easy way to make friends, whether it's at the bars, the clubs or different friend groups,

whatever it is. In the reality, what I realized once I got sober is that making genuine, authentic friends is actually really difficult in a sense compared to just like, yeah, let's just kick it, watch the game and have some beers and like, you know, about maybe six, eight beers in. Everybody's hugging each other and I love you, man. It's so much, you know, different but also challenging too early on in sobriety to like make friends maybe because we're just used to it the other way where do things go for you like after high school after high school uh i got into college i went to high point university in north carolina um i had a a walk-on scholarship to play lacrosse deep division one immediately chose to go into frat life and that's when

the drinking got heavy. So got into college freshman year, absolutely loving it away from the parents. I can do whatever I want, right? I joined the frat life and it becomes one nonstop blackout from all of college from there. I had a pretty consistent basis of getting in some good trouble once a semester in college. So it was, that's where it was introduced to what I like to call the chaos of alcoholism. Because there's levels to it, right? You know, there's the introductory level, there's a chaos, and then there's, okay, my life is unmanageable level. And so that's kind of where I was at at that point in my life. Yeah, when you went to college. Any sort of outside intervention or anything with your life at this point in college? Or was it just like colleges, kind of what people do?

Well, from a personal standpoint, I thought I was doing everything fine. I was just being a normal college kid. From an outside perspective, the parents were constantly intervening. I had meetings at student life for getting in trouble. I got trouble where I had to deal with the police one time. So there was plenty of bad things happening to me. But at the time, it felt normal. I don't know.

It was weird. It was just like, oh, this is a right of passage, right? That's how my brain was thinking about it. Like, this is what college is. You party, you have fun, you get your. Your class is done to the best of your ability and you graduate. Talking about college, too, like you mentioned there with college, I thought for sure, like have a little, you know, have all the fun now.

But like when I'm done college, of course, I'm going to jump into the real world and do all that stuff. I mean, little did I know at that time. I didn't have the tools to do all of that, even though I thought that I would just kind of turn a corner and all the partying and everything would go aside. What were things like for you? Did you end up graduating from High Point? Yeah, I graduated flying colors with the lowest GPA possible. Yes, I graduated. Literally with the lowest GPA possible. The thing is, I don't, I try to reflect on this. I was like, is this a dyslexia thing? Is this an alcohol thing? And it was kind of both. But I was really proud to graduate college with even the lowest GPA. That was a huge accomplishment for me, right? where do things go for you after college like what do you get a job start your career yeah i had the same mindset as you man i was like all right college we're going to party our

asses off then i'm going to get out of college i'm going to start working and i'm going to make bank right and that was my whole thing i had i like had two jobs lined up before i even graduated um and then i get a job i come back to the east coast or up to the northeast where I'm from New Jersey, and I start working in New York City. And that job is in recruiting, which is, I don't know if you know the industry, but crazy hours. You're working as in like recruiting. Like I was recruiting construction underwriters and like building managers and things of that nature. So I was placing people into jobs.

And that the work environment is work hard, play hard as hell. whether you win or lose. So we would work from about eight in the morning till seven at night. And after that, we would every night or whenever night we wanted it, we had an expense card to go to the bar after work. So it turned right from frat life into the work life

that was the same as the frat life. You know, I was living the same type of lifestyle. Now I was just making money doing it. And I was still stuck in the repetitive cycle of like waking up, feeling like death, barely being able to get into the shower, hopping on the train, sweating to work, getting to work, being fine, having a beer at lunch, being good, then you start and go out. Process starts all over again.

And this is in New York City. So there's no shortage of things to do. Yeah. And some people share too, like waking up on Monday and being like, yeah, this, I'm not drinking tonight. You ever kind of make those commitments to yourself? Yeah, I'm going to take the night off and then find yourself back to drinking again? Yeah, all the time. I was a guy where I either don't drink at all or I drink until I'm blacked out or until it's gone.

So I had two roommates living in a three bedroom, all three grown men in this like shoebox apartment. And I would just come home at all hours of the night. These two guys were normal guys. I was the alcoholic. I came home one night with half of my arm sleeve done at like two in the morning. And I woke up the next morning. I was like, guys, what did I do? I have to go into work like this. You know, like I was that type of guy. Or I was at, they would be like, okay, we had our cocktail, our Cody, let's go home.

And I would go out to the clubs alone. And then I'd be sitting next to, you know, like Wiz Khalifa or somebody crazy until four in the morning and then go home, no sleep, shower right back into work. At that age, I was 22 to 25. I could do it. I don't think I could do that type of lifestyle anymore, to be honest, man. But there was no off switch for me. That's what I'm trying to say. There's absolutely no off switch unless there is no alcohol there or if I can not physically drink anymore. Yeah. And then how do things progress for you in that direction? You know, with this job, you keep this job for a bit?

Yeah, I was crushing the job. So that's the thing. I was a high functioning alcoholic. So I would do great at work and I would get celebrated heavily by like being fed drinks after work. So I was making good money. I was doing good at the job. And eventually I started to get a bit unhappy. I switched companies. And then I was like, you know what? I don't know if this whole work thing, this whole New York City things for me.

And I ended up meeting a girl and moving in with her in Hoboken, New Jersey, if you're familiar with it. Um, the Hoboken is on the other side of the Hudson River. You're basically just a river is in between you and New York City. Um, which is, it's a beautiful place. But, uh, yeah, that's a whole other chapter of my life. I think we should probably get into. Yeah.

So you, okay. Yeah, go ahead. I'm listening. So with that part of me. So I meet this girl. Um, we had been in a relationship for a little while. long distance, she was still in college. And then she ended up moving up north with me in together. So we went from long distance to moving in together. And at this time, I didn't know I was

an alcoholic yet, but she knew I was an alcoholic. I would drink every night I'd get home from work. At the time, I was prescribed prescription anxiety medications that I was taking along with that stuff. And I still, again, was oblivious to what was going on. And she continuously expressed, you know, Cody, all you want to do is go drink. All you want to do is go party. Like, I want to go to museums and see beautiful sky views and whatever hikes and whatever it may be. And all I wanted to do was either drink with her or drink with the guys. Yeah.

And so she brought it up to you like, hey, I noticed this, something is here. Your parents notice anything up until this point or no? Oh, my parents have known since early college. They have been extremely concerned. My mother, I don't know how she's done it. She, you know, up until a year and a half ago, she told me this when I made amends with her. Up until a year and a half ago, every single weekend she was expecting to get a call that I was dead. Wow.

Yeah. Crazy stuff. Yeah, so they were definitely aware of things. So you're spending a majority of your time working and maybe the other half of the time, time if if that's the way it's breaking down drinking partying when you look back on all this stage too right because man you know what's so wild and like this might be on a deeper level is when we're going through it it's so normalized that's who we surround ourselves with it's like okay is what everybody's doing like of course there's nothing wrong here what do you see when you look

back at that age of your life 22 to 25 26 the necessity to keep partying all the time. Yeah, that's a really great question. You know, looking back on it, I like to think it was all fun in games. It was just that time of my life where I was getting the partying out of my system. But looking back now,

it caused so many problems for me. I could have avoided, I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but I could have avoided a million problems and I'll save a lot of money on issues between going to the hospital, getting in fights. You know, I was a guy that would go out to the bars and on my way home from the bars. I would be looking for a fight. I'm that type of drinker. I'm an Irish, New Jersey guy.

And I was, I was, the guy you're seeing now is a totally different person than when alcohol is in me. I'm aggressive. I'm a bulldozer. I steamroll people. It's not a pretty sight. Although I was extremely charismatic. Yeah. So it's like when I look back to it at that stage too, you know, there was part of it too where, yeah, I enjoyed the party. But I think of some of the consequences like, I think they would have woken up somebody who didn't have a problem a lot longer than a lot sooner than they woke me up. You know, that's why when I look back at, I'm like, man, of course there were good memories, right? There were times where things were okay. It wasn't always, in my case anyway, it wasn't always a dumpster fire. But some of the times it was, it was so bad. It was so bad. bad where I'm just thinking, man, like, why am I not getting it to lose interest in this and maybe

just to kind of go with the flow of everything else? We always, my buddies and I, we always used to say this. If you're not living on the edge, you're taking out too much space. And like, man, like, it was just disastrous because we're just taking risk after risk after risk, like just to have this quote unquote good time to fit in. And when I look back, man, I realize now, and I did a couple years into my sobriety, I just didn't enjoy what I saw in the mirror. Like, I just didn't like the person who I was.

So my goal every day or as often as I could was to just get disconnected from who I actually was and kind of become this, to wear this other mask, right? I had a couple different masks in my collection or my gym bag, you could say figuratively. and to switch that on so that maybe I wouldn't have to be exposed of who I really was because that was what I felt was rejected for so long in life for who I really was. So my goal was to get away from that person. I don't know, a lot of stuff there. I don't know if any of that relates to.

It totally makes sense. I actually, it's funny you say that I got to that point later on in my drinking career. At that time, I thought in my. head still that this was what everybody did. I was oblivious to the fact that some people don't even drink. I was like, okay, this is how people live. You work, you drink, you go back to work. Like I totally thought that's what real life was like. But now looking back, dude, there's so many times where things were going wrong and you're getting lost and put in dangerous situations. And it's just like, I'm lucky I got out of there unscathed, you know, the amount of, man, I remember.

Hoboken one time. I was talking crap to two guys in the street on my way home and they followed me to my apartment and broke into my apartment and I had to fight them out of my apartment. They were trying to jump me in my own apartment and got a hold of my baseball bat. So it's just certain things like that that are insane stories. It'd be like, hey, maybe I shouldn't drink and blackout anymore and getting a fight walking home for McDonald's. Whereas I wake up the next day and I'm like, okay, it's 12, what are we doing today, guys? You know, it's that, like you mentioned, the insanity of it. Like, we could drive our car into a brick wall a million times and still not think it's nuts.

That's how this disease is. Yeah. And what about the prescription you had, too? I mean, because that kind of blacking out, I hear that that can go hand in hand, right? Oh, yeah. That's a, that's a rough one. See, I had dyslexia, like I told you, I have ADHD as well. So I was prescribed in high school, you know, when they were diagnosing me with all this stuff,

Adderall, and I was prescribed colonopin at a very young age. I was like 17. So I had no clue what these things kind of really did. And I really, we just started playing around with them. Like I remember the guys, we would just throw them in each other's drinks. We would just like take them like they were candy. Like, once it got to college and I still had that prescription, it was like that, that, and you have to think about the period I was in college is when like the huge opioid crisis was around 2011 to 2015. I remember hearing all my friends in New Jersey overdosing on heroin at that time and stuff like that that didn't go to college.

So there would be nights where I would literally wake up the next morning. I'd look at my knuckles and then I'd look up, look at my phone to see what I did because I had no clue. Because when those pills are involved, you do things that are absolutely insane and you don't remember any of it. Yeah. Yeah, and that's a scary, I mean, that's a scary thing, man. I mean, probably where you're sitting now, you're just like, it's really hard sometimes I think to even wrap our head around to how you completely lose control. I mean, I only had a handful of instances where I had this. these blackouts. But yeah, when the black guy, Xanax and then alcohol and the next thing you know,

nothing. There's nothing. And then people are telling me the next day. And I was just like, well, I mean, wow. Like, just wow. Like there's no way. I mean, it's even hard. It was even hard at the time to even believe them, even though I knew they were like they were straight. They were like kind of straight edge people where I'm like, yeah, they wouldn't make any of this up. And you just think, I mean, you're even reflecting back on there. Just even make out of all of this stuff is a miracle in itself because it's really hard to make sense of it sometimes. Just how wow they get. Yeah.

People all the time tell, ask me if I'd redo my life. And the amount of shit and misery I've put myself through with this disease, I still say yes. I wouldn't redo my life because I'm lucky to still be alive. At 32 years old, I am so lucky to be alive with all of the shit I did. I cannot, I have such a thank for, or thanks and appreciation for life now that I've never had before. And we'll get to that, I'm sure, a little later, but it's because of a near-death experience I had. And it woke me up. It woke me up. Yeah.

So where do things go? So you're seeing this girl, she's mentioning to you like, hey, well, you know, we want to do something else other than drinking all the time, Cody, right? Yeah. Okay. So eventually, the drinking ruined our relationship. The failure of the relationship was my fault. And it's funny because at the time when you're in your addiction, you think it's their fault, right? So it all had to do with me.

It all had to stem from my behaviors. I could have been a lot better of a boyfriend. So our plan was to move out to San Diego together. We broke up. Our lease was still there. like, you know what, I'm going to stay in the New York City area, you go do whatever you want. And I, at that point in my life, I was like, you know what? This is my one shot to move across the country.

So I just moved to San Diego knowing zero people. I just saved up like, I think, 10 grand maybe and just moved. And it was the best decision I ever made. But then again, once I moved to San Diego, it turned into the same thing as what high school did to college to New York City. Now it's to San Diego. And it's a nonstop party once again. Yeah.

It's what Lowell, I don't know if this was your mindset going into it. Maybe it was, but a lot of people talk about like the change of scenery, right, will make, of course, if I go there or if I have that or if I have this,

my life is going to change. What's so interesting about that? Because I was put in those positions too. And I went to my first rehab when I was 17. And we used to get what they call focus every week. It was like what you had to work on. And I got this one, probably about five, six months into it, this rehab. It was one year, a year long rehab.

I thought I was doing well. And I got this focus. Wherever you go, there you are, basically saying like, you're not doing as good as you think you are. But it's the same thing is wherever you go. It's like, I think we think we're going to go different places. But I think what it all boils down to is if we don't have the tools, it doesn't matter where we go, who we know,

what the heck the external looks like. If we don't have the tools to improve things, we're always going to go back to what we know or what's comfortable. So you find yourself in that situation in San Diego. 10,000 bucks, Cody, is about, what, three days in San Diego? It's just about. Two coffees and a pair of running shoes. And you have to find work.

Yeah, I was, you know, I was, I moved there. And just like you said, to go off what you said, all I knew was how to drink. All I knew was that type of lifestyle, right? So I didn't go in there with any tools, any sort of plan. It was just to gravitate towards the people that were like me. And that's exactly what I did. I found party friends. Luckily, I had a job.

So I was, again, a high functioning, alcoholic, being able to make money. and I remember even making good money this is when I started making good money some months the money would be allocated towards alcohol and drugs rather than my rent like I pay 200 bucks less on my rent so I could party you know for two more days like that's that's when I started realizing

okay there's something here that I need to look at um how old were you I was 25 when I first moved 25. Yeah. So move there, kind of 25 in my eyes still a kid. I mean, honestly, between us and everybody listening, I didn't feel like a grown man until

I turned about 30. I think a lot of guys can say that nowadays, too. You know, I still was acting like a kid up until 30. And so I get there and I find, like I said, people that like to party like I do. And immediately, I'm a popular guy. I'm in the bar scene. I'm in the club scene. I know everybody in the nightlife and I'm thinking I'm popular.

I'm doing great. I'm crushing it, right? And then slowly but surely start, bad things start to happen. Fights, car crashes, things that just I was waking up and hating myself. And this is where I got to the point that you were at where I woke up and I would look in the mirror and I was disgusted with who I saw and I almost didn't recognize who I saw and I was like who is this shell of a human in front of me and that's when I realized during COVID it had gotten to a COVID point here I needed help and I was running out of money I because I lost my job during COVID was running out of

money I needed help and my mom had been telling me for two years soon as you're ready to go to rehab honey we'll take care of it and we'll make sure you get there And so as soon as something I like to think now at this point from the knowledge I know, a higher power of my understanding pushed me to do that. And I went to rehab. And I did a 30-day rehab program in Florida. Yeah. When was this?

Like 2020? Yeah, this was 2020. Okay. And so your parents were still kind of your mom anyway. You mentioned there was offering help holding out her hand and offering to help you, if you wanted to get help. So you're like, yeah, I'll do it in 2020. So you go to Florida.

Yeah. And before that, I mean, they had been offering. And essentially the reason I went to San Diego, California, was to get farther away from my family. So I could do the type of behaviors that I like doing, you know, drinking, partying, going crazy. So it was really interesting concept to not only get a better understanding of okay, this is how concerned my family is, but that they've been actually reaching out their hand for years now to get me help.

And it finally took me basically going broke in order to go to rehab. Yeah. And what was that like for you? Rehab, I went in there feeling like, you know, I don't have much wrong with me. In the third day of detox, I was doing pushups outside in the parking lot and people were laughing at me and pointing at me. like, you know, real hardened alcoholics that were older. They're like, this kid's in detox doing pushups. What a loser. And I'm thinking in my head like, I'm good, bro.

I'm going to be good in here. And then, you know, by the end of the rehab, I was like, okay, these people could have been me if I kept going with this disease. I can't judge myself by, you know, some of the people I see in here. Because I got that comparative mindset where I just drink and do some drugs. I'm not as bad as that meth head. or I'm not as bad as that guy that does heroin. And then I'm like, that could be me in two to five years if I didn't get help. Yeah.

But you did finish the program then. Finish the program 30 days. It's funny. Actually, two other family friends, we recommended the same rehab because it did work such wonders for me. And unfortunately, neither of them completed it. So I'm really proud of the fact that I completed a rehab because I wanted to run away from there like two or three times.

you want oh you wanted to leave yeah what did you learn did you learn learn a few things about yourself or or is it like even the other side of what you say there it's um i mean it's what do we use it kind of like the denial of you know it's not that bad or you know you i hear it all the time man you know people i still got the job but things are not terrible yet you know like i i hear that so often and it's like man like maybe not yet i mean i don't know i can't predict a future for anybody's journey. Like, I don't know. I can't say with certainty that things will get worse, but it's like, man, I have never heard the story where somebody's like, experiencing consequences from drinking. They're wanting to quit every single morning when they

wake up. And all of a sudden, they figure it out again to drink like a quote unquote normie or a normal person. I've never heard that. I can't guarantee it's always going to get worse. But what do you learn about yourself sort of in those 30 days? those 30 days I was I was so leading up first I'll go to leading up to the rehab I was like okay this is my last hurrah here we go so I was doing everything and anything under the sun so I don't remember two weeks until I got to rehab I flew on a plane with my dog who was a puppy at the time and barely remember flying across country getting to rehab and handing the dog off to my parents in Florida so it was it's crazy to think about that's how bad I was at that point right before I went to rehab but in

rehab I was like a sponge I wanted to be the star student like yeah I was replacing my addiction of alcoholism with addiction of sobriety I was like that guy I started leading aA meetings and I had never been to an aA meeting before it's just things like that and I was always trying to help other people around there be the star student of things. And then I graduated and I thought I was going to be completely good. I thought I was, I had all the tools. Yeah, I thought I had a beat. And you know, I'm doing, do you want me to continue after rehab a little bit here? Do you want to keep going on rehab? Yeah. You want to keep going on rehab. You know, I worked at a rehab for six, almost seven years. and I know exactly what you're sharing about, right?

I know sort of that thing. You know, I'm not saying it's bad or anything, but that helper mentality too, right? I think if I had to take a guess, it can really shift a lot of the inward work on to like look at what I'm, you know what I mean? I'm helping people.

And like there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it. I think we do the best we can with what we have, but it's like, it's a distraction maybe from like, okay, you know, something's really going on in here. But you walked away from it,

would a good experience and you had learned, you know, some stuff, which I think is great. I think if we look at the bigger picture of life, too, you know, 30-day rehabs, don't get me wrong. If you have an opportunity to go and unplug and get that support, like, that's phenomenal, but I think the reality, too, is it's 30 days, you know, and for some people, it's been, it's been decades of the other way, right? So it's going to probably take a little bit more after. But yeah, where do you want to go from after rehab? So you leave there and you're feeling pretty good, right? I think that's fairly normal. Feeling so good by the end of it.

I'm jogging around the rehabs. You know, I'm feeling like Superman again. Because this is the first time, and I don't know how long I've gotten everything out of my system. I'm totally detoxed, right? Yeah. So get out of rehab, think I'm doing great. And this one guy who was my counselor in rehab is like, you're not going back to San Diego to live alone, right? He's like, because I had a single bedroom apartment.

He's like, you're going to live in a sober house because you're not going to make it. He was one of these old school guys. You're not going to make it if you go back and live alone. And I was like, that's bullshit, man. I got this. I'm good. Three months later, out of rehab. So I've been total four months sober.

I'll just be vulnerable here. I hadn't gone on any dates, really. A big part of my partying lifestyle. And one day I decided, you know what? I'm going to, this girl texted me wanting to go on a date. I said, I'm going to go on a date. this date and I'm going to drink. And it was that easy for me to give up, putting into hard work and rehab, the work outside when I started to go to AA. And then when I got to that bar with that

girl, it was that easy for me to drink a beer. Yeah. I don't know if you had this thought process going into it. I know I did a lot of times. I'll drink tonight. But tomorrow, I'll be right back on the sober train. You know, I don't know if you, you kind of had that commitment or how things played out, but oftentimes we hear, too, is it could be a little bit of a, might be a little bit of a train ride before we get off again. No, you know, I was off to the races for two and a half, three more years after that. So that one sip of beer put me back into about a three year of my alcoholism. Yeah. Which is crazy to think about things like that. to hear myself say that out loud, one sip, that one pre-pran relapse, put myself into an alcoholic

state again for three years. That's wild. Yeah. Well, and a lot of times people share, too, that things can get worse. Oh. When we go back, I don't know if that's your experience. I'm sure we're going to, we're going to hear it here, Cody, but yeah, that's the thing. A lot of people, too, too, right? It's not the sixth beer that gets us drunk, right? It's the first one. it's the first sip, you know, that's where it all gets started again. Right. That's a tough thing for people too, man, even though you bring that up, relationships, dating, all of the dynamics there can be a challenge in sobriety.

Where do you go from there? So I'm off to the races from there. I'm back to exactly what I was doing before. You know, I started slow. I was like, okay, I got this. I had about a month of not really blacking out or nothing really bad happening. And then, you know, other drugs start to get involved. It's San Diego, California.

They're everywhere. So then the drinking progresses because the other drugs allow you to stay awake longer. And I'm just back into where I was, square one, if not worse. I was doing more, drinking more, partying more. and it got to some really, really dark points that made me realize that my life had become unmanageable. And that happened a few times. It happened, you know, my family had to fly out one time because it was, I eventually came

clean that I wasn't stover anymore after rehab. They had to come get me and I went home for two weeks to dry out. And then I went back home and I was good for another three or four months. and then some really tragic, tragic events happened in my life where it was like near life loss events. Yeah. Yeah. Throughout all of this too, I mean, are you plugging into any type of support of therapy

or anything like that or is it just kind of like a white knuckle hold on and hope things pan out? Yeah, it was, I was going to a psychiatrist and I was like, hey, I'm drinking. I'm not ready to stop drinking. Let's try to manage my drinking. I was like, I don't want to like overdrink. I like where I'm at now. Da, dot, dot, da. Let's manage it.

And that was just my disease, not wanting to fully give up. Yeah. What's that conversation? Like, what's the plan to make that happen? Yeah, with a psychiatrist, they put me on this medication that was supposed to stop my cravings. So it did somewhat help me, but I was still doing the same patterns I was before. Yeah. It's that decision too, right?

Without it, it's kind of like an uphill, right? What do they say, on the fence? Yeah. With things in life, you've got to sometimes you've got to make a choice, right? You're either here or you're there. And I think in this sort of trying to figure it all out, especially with all, I mean, and I'm sure what you've shared here is only just a speck of sand on a beach, of the consequences that have happened in stuff in your life, right?

It's probably a small narrow window. Like if you look at everything that's probably happened, right? It's like there's so many things that are going on that go against you being able to successfully drink without the consequences. Because, I mean, I think that's what we're after, right? I know I sure was. Like, I wanted to drink as much as I want to drink. I just didn't want to experience the hangovers in the morning.

I didn't want to lose all the relationships. I didn't want to end up in jail. I did want to disappoint my loved ones. Like I didn't want all that stuff, but there was a point in my life and my drinking career where all of that, it was hand in hand. I could not have one without the other. Right.

It's just a way it was. And it was never going to, because I tried to figure it out. It was never going to go back. Yeah, we all have, right? Yeah, it was never going to go back to the first time when I was 17, 18 years old. And we were just kicking it. And there wasn't any consequence.

There was just like, you know, you felt a little bit rough in the morning, but it was like, man, that just means we had a blast the night before. Like, that's great. We had a good time. We had a good time. Yeah. And then the consequences pile up.

And I think it takes a toll on our mental health as well. I mean, were you experiencing anything like that? I mean, like sadness or anything else sort of for where you were in life? Yeah. I mean, I was severely depressed. At a certain point when I had lost my job, I got into this state of depression. where I was in my bedroom with the dark shades closed with a bottle of Tito's next to my bed, where I would wake up, take a few shots, go back to sleep.

And that was like almost a two-week process. That was one of my rock bottoms. And it's interesting to think about that rock bottom because, you know, I was just going from my bedroom to the bathroom and just living in that. little world and to think about it from a sober mind of state it can almost make me cry to to know how much pain I was in at that point to be doing that something like that to myself yeah yeah that's where it goes where is the bachelor fit into this fit into your story yeah so when i got furloughed from that job during COVID before I went to rehab I went on the bachelor

oh before rehab okay so if that tells you something before rehab I go on the bachelor And on The Bachelor, they nonstop feed you alcohol. They want drama. They want you to be cranky. They want you to be drunk, you know, all this stuff. Okay. I was not having it with the show. You know, it was not pleasant to be on.

You didn't have your phone. You didn't have anything. You weren't getting paid. I was like, screw this. So after a bit, I was like, okay, I'm ready to leave. So I was on there for a little while and I left. And after the show, everybody started to recognize me. And I was like, ooh, that's, you know, that's like, oh, that's like, I was like,

This is kind of some cool newfound fame. Like I would go places and people would stop me for pictures and whatnot. And then so that turned into a whole new party lifestyle where I thought I was this like mini celebrity that was getting tables at clubs where like I was famous and like I had this whole built up delusion that I was like a bigger star than I actually was. And as that continued is when I got to the point of. and they had another thing that affected me is they didn't make me look great at the end of the show. They can kind of edit however they want, and it was not a great edit for me.

And at my mind at that time, that was the end of the world. After that is when I went into that dark rock bottom that I told you about in my room. And then that's when I went to rehab is after that. After I was stuck in my room for two weeks, after I got off the Bachelorette, and then went to rehab. Wow. That's wild, man. How do you get signed up for something like that? Yeah, they just, yeah, it's casting. They find you. Then they, this was during COVID time, so it was kind of weird. They bring you up to L.A. They do a little in person. We had to be six feet apart, talk. I had one more, uh, interview with like the main producer. And then they did

these crazy background. They do wild background checks, more wild than the corporate jobs. I've been a part of like fingerprinting FBI, all this stuff. And then I'm on the show. I'm on a flight two weeks later in New Mexico. So you don't really have much preparation. And the crazy part is we had to quarantine in our room for 10 days. And like you couldn't see anyone in your room. You kind of just had yourself and then like they'd bring you a meal and whatnot.

So it's kind of like a glorified jail for 10 days. But you could order as many drinks to your room as you wanted. So I was. Paid for? Paid for drinks? Paid for. everything was paid for so i was having like you know red wine sent up there i was living good i didn't care if they were keeping me in that quarantine you know um and then yeah that's that's kind of how

it worked and then oh show is when i ended up going to rehab and i actually shared about that at the mentel all they decided to edit that part out as well but i shared about how i went to rehab and i'm three months sober. So, yeah, it's, yeah, it was a, it was a crazy time in my life, crazy time. Yeah. Did you think when you started out with the casting, it was actually going to happen? Yeah. It must be pretty rare to get paid, right? Right? I had, I knew a guy from San Diego, or there was two guys from San Diego that had been on the show. And I had knew them from kind of the party scene. And I was like, if these guys can get on, I could probably get on. That's the type of ego I had at the time. And then so I signed and then so the casting thing happens and I'm like,

I'm 100% getting on because this will be good for their storyline, you know. And then it happened. I kind of just went into it with full confidence, full alcohol liquid courage and got it. I don't know how, but it happened. Well, mark that off the checklist, I guess. So catch us up to speed here. So you're kind of at a rehab. I mean, you've started drinking again, too. Your family's figured out. You're going back there for a couple weeks. And, you know, there's a lot of things going on, man.

When do things turn around for you? They still didn't turn around yet. I started drinking again when I got back to San Diego. And then tragedy struck. I was in an accident, which caused me to be getting some legal trouble. and I'm getting sued for. I'm still dealing with that. So I'm still clearing the wreckage of my past. And then on my birthday, we were renting ATVs and stuff. And this is when I almost died. I got in an accident. And I compound fractured my leg, which means I broke my tibia and my fibia. The bones were out of my leg. And I was holding onto my leg in my hand. foot was in my hand and I was screaming for help and my leg was gushing blood. So at that point, I got rushed to the hospital. I almost died of blood loss. I had to get almost the maximum

amount of blood transfusions they can give you to keep me alive. And then I woke up in the ICU. And Brad, you want to know what the first thing I thought was? I was tied to the bed. So I'm like, Oh my God, did something happen here where like I'm in trouble too? Tied to the bed because I'm in the ICU. Have a breathing tube down my throat. The first thing I think is that this is the end of my drinking career. That first thought that came into my mind as my eyes opened. And I don't know if that was just how powerful the diseases or if that was my true first spiritual awakening and surrender to God. And he was like, Cody, you've done it. I brought you down as low as you can go. And now we're going to see how you, you know, your rebirth is and how you bounce back from this. Wow. When was that? That was on my birthday, which was April 9th. Yeah, it was extremely tragic.

So when I was in the hospital, I was in the hospital for over 30 days. I had a near, they called it a near death experience at first. And then they called my family and they told them that it was a near, limb lost experience. Sorry, it's a little hard for me to talk about this. But I had over eight surgeries on my leg. They thought they were going to

have to amputate it. There was like three or four different times. They were going to be like, this is a better option to cut it off. And I just sat in that hospital bed, Brad, and I surrendered to God. And I was nonstop having alcoholic nightmare.

and in the hospital just thinking about what my life's going to be like after this. You know, I can't, I couldn't really think about not drinking yet because I was so focused on not losing my leg. But after the hospital, that whole ordeal was so scarring and it gave me a true, uh, new view of life that, you know, I don't care about materialistic things. I don't care about party and showing off, you know, sparklers and bottles. I don't care about being a popular guy. I couldn't even wipe my own butt.

It's like that's when things are put into perspective. Like, God almost took my life. And what's that saying? It's you start living life when you realize you only have one. And that truly happened to me. And that's when I started to really get serious about my sobriety. Yeah. Sobriety became essential.

thing to get to work on. Yeah, because I mean, look at where it brought me. You know, I had, it brought me literally almost to death. And I, you know, at this point, I can say, I believe God saved me for a reason to help other alcoholics, to help people that are struggling like I was, not to go down the same path. But what it was like after that is I was bed or I was couch bound for about three, months. I couldn't walk. I had no vehicle. So I started to go to AA meetings in an Uber on my crutches. I just, I felt like I needed because I was stuck in the house, right? And I was like,

there's two ways you can do this, Cody. You can do it with a bottle of vodka next to you, or you can start taking action. And this is, you know, you hear all the time, You know, people, I ended up in rehab or I ended up stumbling into this Alano club or I ended up in this room. And I ended up there. It was truly a miracle that I ended up there. And I started going to meetings three times a week while I was on my crutches with my leg half hanging off. And it wasn't me. It wasn't me doing it. It was myself in the higher power saying, you got to go do this man or else you're, this is it. Yeah. Were you still in San Diego or no? Yeah, I was still in San Diego. I was living by myself, recovering on a couch alone. I had to hire dog walkers for my dog. It was like I didn't start walking till August. The injury happened in April. And then I was going, I was like, all right, I can kind of limp around. Let me go for a dip in the ocean. Went for a dip in the ocean. My leg got staff infection. And then they almost had to re-amputate it again.

And so then I had to wear a bag on my arm for 90 days that was constantly pumping me with IV antibiotics. And so again, going to meetings with a bag on my arm, you know, and I'm just, I'm walking through it. And I'm actually feeling good. I'm like, my body's a wreck. I'm a wreck. Everything's healing. But spiritually, I'm making progress. So I am almost grateful.

I am grateful. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me is getting in this accident and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It saved my life. And the craziest part about it is that is that if something like this didn't happen, I don't know if I ever would have stopped.

And it took something like this to happen to me because I was that type of guy that you couldn't tell me anything. You know, you could tell me something a million times and I could have made that mistake a million times. I'm still not going to listen. I had to do it for me. me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. When did you decide? Like, was it when you woke up from the accident, like in the hospital? Was it a couple days later? Was it when you got out and started going to the

meetings? Like, when did you decide that you're going to get, you're going to get sober? Yeah. So I decided. So I woke up and I had those crazy thoughts because I was on the ICU, the top floor of the hospital, because they weren't sure if I was going to die or not. And it was all white. And I just remember just thinking like, okay, this is the end of my drink. And I. And career and then they transfer me down a few levels once I got stable and I'm sitting in the hospital bed and it is such a blessing Brad that I surrendered in that hospital bed I just said God because I had known a little AA chat I had known a little sobriety chat before us God I fully surrendered to you I don't want to live this way anymore like living like this is not how anybody should

live I fully surrender and I'm going to live out your will and I feel so low lucky that I was stuck in in hospital for 30 days because I could never get past 30 days of no drinking. So it's almost like, I know this sounds crazy and spiritual, but it's like God kept me there to get my 30 days. And God decided that this was the route that I was going to have to take to get better and to get sober. And he like planned the timeline of everything and the fact that I was able to keep my leg and I'm in full function again is it's mind-blowing. Yeah. Well, yeah, I even have times in my story when I look back at the timing of everything and I was

like, man, it wasn't by any means what I wanted, but it was by all means what I needed. And a lot of it is just, yeah, I don't know what it is, but it lines up too much. It is to be coincidence in a sense, you know? So, wow, man. Yeah, I was going to say it's correct. crazy because you know I had told you I was in that previous accident that I'm dealing with some legal trouble now with and I didn't get in trouble for that legal accident until my leg had fully healed so I was actually like able to deal with it and get a lawyer

and all that stuff so it's it's just the of the timing of it is so divine I like you said it's strange that got at the time you're like God my have barely have a leg, da-da-da-da-da, but like, imagine getting arrested from the cops and you have your leg hanging off and have to spend the night in jail with half of a leg, you know? I would much rather that happen at a timeline of his understanding rather than my understanding. Yeah, where things are potentially looking better for you. Curious, too, about that. Like, I think you hinted towards like before about the ego and, um,

you know, how it was hard for you to maybe take feedback or accept any, you know, direction or whatever, so many different words for it. But you know what I'm saying. Like somebody would be like, Hey, Cody, you should try this and maybe improve your life and you're like, yeah, yeah, you know, whatever. But how has that changed? How has that changed for you on this side of things? Because I think there's so many of us that struggled with that when we're in the addiction of the denial, the delusion of like things aren't that bad, the denial of like, it's not me, it's everybody else

and blaming the world for where our life is. Like, what's that working like? Yeah, I mean, before I was the guy pointing the fingers at everybody. You know, my life's not going good. My parents didn't set me up for success. Like, why am I running out of money here? It's all everybody else's fault when we're in our addiction, right? And when I got out of my addiction,

I started asking questions for the first time in my life, but I got heavily involved in AA and I listened to every single word my sponsor told me to do. I was like, you know what? My way of thinking has gotten me to the place where I'm at now. It's time to listen to other people who have been through it and experienced it. And then I also, funny enough, I started listening. I never would listen to my dad because, you know, we had a very head buddy type, both, you know, athlete type relationship.

And I've started calling my dad now. Hey, dad, what was your wake-up routine like when you were my age? Or what do you do to kind of like what sports were fun when you turned 32 years old? So I'm actually taking advice. I'm asking for advice. And what my sponsor does tells me to do and people tell me to do an AA. I do it exactly. Yeah.

And it's made my life better. It's made my life better living rather. then on your own will and relying on other people's help as long as, as well as living out the plan that God has for you works a lot. It's an easier, softer way. Yeah. Before you came into this and you had that near-death experience that you shared there before, did you have a relationship with God?

Or was that something that you kind of picked up maybe where you left off at some point or just kind of came into things? No, I had zero relationship with God. I know you hear this a lot. I grew up Catholic and I just had no interest in church. I had nothing against it, but I just had no interest in church. Yeah. And I'm Irish Catholic.

And I had no spiritual connection. I was a guy that was like doing mushrooms being like Mother Earth and all this type of hippie stuff in California. I had zero spiritual connection. And it's my thought, I don't know if this applies for everybody, but in my opinion that when you are using drugs and alcohol, you are cutting off your spiritual connection with God. And now that I don't have either of those in my life, I have extremely strong connection with God. I couldn't do life without God right now because I put a lot of stuff, take it off my shoulders and give it to him. It's a lot of pressure when you're sober and used to an alcoholic life. Yeah, good, man. Well, thank you so much, Cody. I mean, congrats. You said what, April, April, what day was it? You said it.

April 9th was my birthday where I almost died in April 10th is my sober date of 2024. 2024. And one last thing I wanted to touch on before we pop off is I started a little nonprofit, SoCal sobriety. So anybody that needs help that's sober curious or that's thinking about. getting into the rooms or just wants to hear my story that could help you, please shoot me a DM or shoot me a comment and I'll do my best to respond. Yeah. What sparked you in this direction? I think it's my purpose why God saved me is to help others. And I could have saved myself so much pain and heartache and, you know, from the chaos if I had stopped earlier. So I want to show guys that there is a way of life that's more wholesome, more fun, easier, softer, deeper connections. You know, this lifestyle is so much better than the one that we think is great that I want to show by

example that these guys can live this. So I wanted to start a nonprofit. I'm just trying to be there as a helping hand. Yeah. That's beautiful, man. I think it's a great place for people to connect and, you know, go from there, man, to see if they want to check things out. It's kind of where it all starts for a lot of.

us, right? Even in your story, right? I mean, there was, I don't know if interventions are the right word, but there was things you did. You went to meetings. You did this. You had therapy. You went to the rehab. You went to, there's a lot of stuff that happens in our lives and most people's stories before it's like, okay, I've decided. I'm getting sober and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. You know, so I think any of those conversations can get the ball rolling for somebody. Maybe it doesn't happen tomorrow, but it points them in the right direction, I think is great. Yeah. There's a dude in East County I've never met. We just chatted through Instagram and now he's a month sober yesterday.

So it's just little wins like that that are huge. Yeah. It's just amazing stuff. And the last thing I want to say to you before we wrap up is that the guy who I feel like a newborn, you know, the guy I am now is I'm learning who I actually am. Whereas before I've suppressed that person with alcohol and drugs for so long, I didn't really get to know them. So in this year and a couple months of being sober, it's been an extremely emotional ride. It's been extremely fulfilling ride. And I realize, you know, all the qualities I thought I was bringing out with alcohol were my worst character defects.

And all of the qualities that I truly need to give to the world, I have within me sober. So it's been a beautiful thought process. And I am just so grateful for it all. Yeah, beautiful, man. Before we scoot, what do your parents think of it? Man, like, my parents didn't trust me. My mom could barely talk to me because she thought I was going to die every weekend. My dad, I was pretty much just calling him when I would get in trouble.

My brother didn't talk to me for three years, and now I have my whole family back. I've made amends with my whole family. My mom and I talk every day. dad. I take advice from my dad, like I told you. It's just my brother's birthday. He's got a girlfriend. We're seeing each other this summer in New Jersey. It's like my whole life has completely changes to something that I would have never imagined that I'd love so much, but it's all coming to light and bringing everybody closer. And they, you know, everyone around me is thrilled. Because I'm the last guy. Like if you, if you saw me when I was in my addiction, you'd be like,

no chance. Because I was the last guy everybody thought would do this. and I've done it. I haven't done it and I've done it with the help of a higher power. Yeah, beautiful, man. Love that happy for you, brother. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Thanks so much, Brad.

I appreciate you having me on. Well, there it is everyone, another incredible episode here on the podcast. Thank you, Cody, for coming on and sharing your story with all of us after doing 200-something stories here on the podcast and for any of you that maybe have been around for the ride of listening to the,

stories like there's a lot of things that even though we all have different journeys and different paths and different things in life that go on like this one there seems to be a lot of similarities to how we navigate the waters once alcohol becomes a problem in our life and how we navigate the waters to stay sober get sober and all that sort of jazz so I don't know if you guys pick up that on the other end of things but I know I definitely do um plugging into a community and getting support, I think is always up there with things that, you know, people find helpful. It's not everybody's thing to do. And there's none wrong with that.

I mean, we each have to find what works for us. But thank you guys again for hanging out for another episode. And I'll see you on the next one.