Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Dan Karaty struggled with alcohol for 2 decades and shares his story on this episode

Episode Date: November 30, 2022

From the beginning, Dan Karaty was a blackout drinker. Dan managed to excel at his craft and build a fantastic career for himself and when this happened he found himself consuming more and more alcohol. Dan had things under control or so he thought until the pandemic hit and the show was over. No more travel, no more TV shows, and no more distractions. Dan's drinking quickly escalated to new highs. It would be an observation made by his daughter that changed the course of his life. This is Dan's story on the Sobermotivation podcast. Grab the SoberBuddy App Here Follow Sobermotivation on Instagram Get more information on Sober Link  

Welcome to Season 1 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. From the beginning, Dan was a blackout drinker. Dan managed to excel at his craft and build an amazing career for himself. And when this happened, he found himself consuming more and more alcohol. Dan had things under control or so he thought until.

the pandemic hit and the show was over. No more travel, no more TV shows, and no more distractions. Dan's drinking quickly escalated to new heights. It would be an observation made by his daughter that changed the course of his life. This is Dan Carity's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult, and our friends at Soberlink want to help.

If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one, Soberlink can help. Soberlink is a high-tech portable breathalyzer system that uses facial recognition technology to verify identity, has unique sensors to ensure that no other air sources are being used, and sends results directly to your specified contacts. So there is no questioning whether or not you took the test or whether or not you altered the reporting. This is why Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is considered the gold standard. Being in recovery from alcohol does not define the future of your career.

Let Soberlink help. Learn more about Soberlink and request an exclusive $50 off promo code by visiting Soberlink.com slash recover. Be sure to support us over at Sober Buddy. Get your free Sober Tracker today and be proud of your progress. And stay tuned for something very, very amazing to come very soon. Download the Sober Buddy app today from your favorite app store or go to Your Soberbuddy.com. you there. Welcome back to episode number 10 of the Subur Motivation podcast. Season one has been incredible. We've had some incredible guests sharing their stories of recovery, and I hope it's

been helpful for you, the listener. On today's episode, we've got my buddy, Dan Carity, and he's got an incredible, incredible comeback story that he shares openly. Dan, how are you doing today. I'm good, man. It's awesome to be here. Beautiful. Love it. So why don't you start us off at the beginning? What was it like for you growing up? You know, man, I had a, I had a great childhood. You know, came from a loving home to two great parents who were who were together, still together to this day, four older brothers and sisters, a bit of a showbiz family as far as both my parents were Broadway dancers and owned a dance studio. So I kind of always grew up around music and dance.

And we were just a lively house. We all played sports, me and all my brothers and sisters. Soccer was our biggest sport. We played everything. I grew up with always being surrounded by people, a lot of love, a lot of support. And when I got into my high school years, I started partying.

and started drinking. And right from the beginning, I was a blackout drinker, literally from the first time. And that never changed. That just stuck with me the whole way through. You know, I partied a lot in high school, but I got really good grades. I was a good athlete, played soccer,

was dancing in my parents' studio. I was doing everything that I needed or I was supposed to do. So I was kind of allowed to have my fun on the side. And I carried those habits into college. And I started working while I was in college. I was making money as a dancer, as a dance teacher, but still getting good grades, still doing everything I was supposed to do.

The drinking just grew, became more and more prevalent, you know, more days of the week. And that's like kind of the theme that followed me as I got older, right? It's like I had a good childhood. I had good high school years. I had good college years. And I kept handling all my responsibilities along the way. And that's why no one ever questioned how hard I partied or how drunk I got or anything because I was always in good shape.

I always looked okay. And as I said, handled my responsibilities. And that's how I rolled right out of college. into my life or my career, I got into a career in dancing, and it took off pretty fast. You know, and I was dancing on awards show stages, MTV Awards with people like Britney Spears

and started traveling world as a dancer. And I was making, as a 22, 23-year-old kid, I was making good money. And as I said, I was in great shape. I looked good. So no one ever questioned me. and I would go out, you know, four or five nights a week and drink to blackout and then never changed. And as my career kept going up and up and up, my use, my alcohol use just went up and up and up and up.

And making more money now and ended up on television with so you think you can dance as a judge and a choreographer on that show. And as my career moved into those bigger things, and now I'm on television and I'm making more money, my entitlement grew, right? So it's like no one was questioning me. But even where I did once and while stop and question myself, now I was kind of like, well, look at what I'm doing. Look how great I'm doing. Look at the money I'm making and the people I'm hanging out with. And so I was like, I couldn't tell myself, let alone anybody else tell me, hey, dude, you might want to, you know, dial it back a little bit. That just wasn't even a thought.

And as I went on, you know, I met my now wife who, you know, at that time, I met her. And I was like this incredible woman that I, you know, fell head over heels for and just felt like the luckiest guy in the world. And from the time we were together, you know, from the time we were together for like three months or so, she started questioning me. And I would use those same excuses of, yeah, but look at everything I'm doing, you know, and look how great I'm doing. And she would kind of believe it, you know, and being the manipulative guy that I was, I could make anyone believe anything. She would question me. I would shout it down and that would be the end of it. And those questions just kept coming up over and over and over again. And I would tell her, you know, I'll cut back or I'll quit at this point or at that point, you know.

And ultimately it was like, well, when we get married, you know, obviously, I'll change. I'm not going to drink like this. And then it was, well, when we have kids, it'll change. And it didn't change. It only got worse, you know, until the point where I said, well, when the kids get a little older, You know, obviously I'm not going to let them see their dad drunk. And the difficult part I had in my own head was I just kept telling myself, you're doing fine.

You know, your career is still growing. You're making more money than you were last year, five years ago or ten years ago. You live in a beautiful house and drive nice cars. And I surrounded myself with all of the things I needed to convince myself that I was fine. but in reality I couldn't function without the alcohol. And like a lot of people who lost everything or everything was taken away from them during the pandemic, I was one of those people too. So now I was just home, just like every other person.

I was no longer traveling for my work. I was no longer on television. And I was no longer doing the things that I would do and the structure I built around myself to protect me and keep me in check enough. Now all of that was gone. Now I'm just home 24-7 like everyone else. And it was like I had to face myself. Right. Now I was just, damn, I was just a dad and I was just a husband.

And I didn't know what to do with that. and I didn't know how to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know how to think of life at that point. So I had used alcohol for so many years as a way to hampt down all of my real feelings. Any questions I had about myself or the anxieties that I dealt with. Now I just use alcohol more parts of. the day until, you know, after a year into the pandemic, I was drinking from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed. And that was unsustainable, obviously. And I don't even know how

months, how many months I lived like that for, but it was kind of short-lived because eventually, you know, it wasn't something I could hide at all anymore. My wife already knew, but I couldn't hide it from anybody that I was around. And I couldn't hide it from my kids. And once my kids noticed, that was the end of it for me. That's what took me down. So, you know, my daughter noticing, she was nine years old at the time and her noticing that something was drastically different with her dad. You know, I was always the first one out of bed doing a million different things in the morning and then out playing with my kids and out doing as much as I could. Now I was the last one out of bed. I wasn't doing anything during the day. I was just drinking and trying to get through the hours

until it seemed okay for me to get drunk again, you know. So my daughter walked in one morning and just looked at me and pointed out how bad I looked and started asking me what was wrong and what was wrong with me. And that was the moment I walked in my wife who was staying in the guest room at that time because she couldn't stand the smell of me. I walked in and said, you know, I need help. And it's like 40 hours later or something like that, I was in, I was in rehab. Wow, Dan, thanks for sharing that. Yeah, it seems like things are progressive.

Things really progress for you. Things snowballed fast, downhill. And you hit a point where maybe you thought you could manage things and then you figured out you could not. Yeah, and that's who I was, right? It was like, I could manage it. You know, I look at the pandemic, and it might sound weird, but I almost look at the pandemic as a blessing because I did manage it, right?

Now, I was not a great dad. I was not a great husband. I did all the things that I felt like I had to do or that I needed to do. but I was completely not available, not present, you know. And I would have gone on that way for another 10 or 15 years. No problem. Because I had my alcoholic behaviors structured in a way that I could manage them and get through my days and do my job and all of that.

But I would have missed my kid's child. You know, I would have missed all of it. You know, I'm almost grateful that the pandemic stripped me of all those things I had put in place and it took me down. And thank God for that, you know, because as you said, I would have managed it. But it made my alcoholism unmanageable for me. And like you said, it's everything that I had in check, man, as soon as those doors opened and it wasn't in check, that snowballed,

rolled so fast until I lost all control. So the pandemic kind of fast-tracked the exposure, really exposed you to this being a very serious problem. What was it like for you? You're traveling. You mentioned Britney Spears. I mean, this is big stuff. And there's probably a lot of pressure, I'm guessing, for you and this traveling stuff,

this TV stuff. I couldn't imagine being on TV, buddy. This is hard enough for me. What was that like for you? Yeah, I mean, when I was younger and traveling, you know, I wasn't so, I wasn't controlled so much by the alcohol. You know, I was still so active and so busy with my work and everything that that was still number one at that time. But when you gave me the chance to party, I was 100 miles per hour. You know, there was no going out and having a couple of drinks.

you know, after a show and all of us would go out after a show, after an award show or something like that, you know, most people would have, however, you know, a normal amount of drinks. And then, you know, that would be it for them. Me, it was like, I just didn't remember going home. And that was, I felt like that was normal. But it didn't control me as much until I got a little bit older, I would say, until I was in my, like, early 30s or so. And as you said, then I was on television stuff. And my, My schedule changed a little bit, right? And I had more downtime. And the more downtime I got, the more I drank, right? Because that's what I filled my downtime with, was drinking. That's what you do. If I didn't have to work, I was drinking at lunch. Because why not? I didn't have anything else to do. And so it just started to fill up more and more of my time and became more and more part of my routine. until it's somewhere along the way. And I honestly couldn't pinpoint when. But somewhere along the way, it stopped becoming part of my routine and it became the routine.

You know, and I built everything else around it. So when you ask about like what my travel was like and all of that, it was everything was scheduled around drinking. So it's like when I was on the road, I didn't take meetings. or do anything like that after 5 o'clock. That was out of the question. Because when 5 o'clock hit, that's when I went to the bar and started drinking. So it was like I would build my work schedule around,

well, I'm going to want to start drinking at this, so I'm not going to be able to do anything later than that, you know. But on show days, it was like a nightmare because shows, I didn't go in until 5, 6 o'clock at night. You know, and then the show wasn't until 8 o'clock. So I couldn't drink knowing I was going to be on TV. So it was like having to get through that whole day. And, you know, I lived with, I lived in withdrawal, right?

Every day was the shakes and the sweats and all that. But I learned how to live with it. I learned to go to the gym and hit the steam room and work out for an hour and a half and do all those things to try to sweat it out of me and kill time and do all of that until I could get to the show, do the show, and then we would do the show. I would run out of there so fast because the whole time I'm doing the show,

I'm not thinking about how great this is. I'm on TV or I'm getting to experience this. Or I'm thinking about, gosh, I have another hour. I have 45 minutes. Oh, I have another half hour. Counting down so I could get to the hotel or wherever I am, get to my room and have that first drink. So my mind was completely controlled by that.

I was like I was getting to travel all over the place to the UK, to Amsterdam, to Belgium, to Australia, all these different places to be on television and judge talent shows. And I wasn't getting to really enjoy or experience any of it because it was all about getting through it so I could get to the real experience was the drink at night. Yeah, it seems like after a while. everything starts to revolve around alcohol. Everything is scheduled around alcohol and put in its own place so that we can continue consuming alcohol. So what about, so that day that your daughter had noticed that you weren't feeling well, brought this up, you say I need to get help.

Like what was that like for you? Because that right there is maybe one of the hardest things that we do, if not the hardest things we do when we're struggling with addiction is finally ask for help. Yeah, you know, my, my wife had begged me on countless occasions over the years. And, you know, I always told her why she was wrong or why I could fix it, you know, and never did. When we got to, like, the middle point of the pandemic, she started, you know, really saying, we can't go on like this. We as a family can't go on like this. And I really started to try different things to try to quit, to try to cut back. And I mean, it was useless, right? Anything I tried was useless because nothing worked.

but I was so determined that I could do it myself, right? I was that, that feeling of, well, I have the willpower to do anything else in my life. Surely I can do this. And I just would not accept that I couldn't kick it on my own. You know, it was like a couple days' experience. It wasn't just that morning that my daughter walked in. It was like it was a two or three day period leading up to that moment of just defeat, complete defeat. In my determination to kick this thing on my own, it got worse, right?

It was like the feeling of defeat every day plunged me harder into the alcohol. So like the thought of today's going to be the day that I end this And that day ended in me being more out of it and more drunk and consuming more alcohol than I did the day before You know and so by the end of that second day or that third day I woke up that morning and And my daughter Saying that to me and just saying what is wrong and looking at me almost with like a look of fear in her eyes because I looked like a different

person. I was so bloated and bloodshot and unhappy, right? And she could see that. And so that fear in her eyes, I just said to myself, I can't do this to them. You know, it was like I was okay doing it to myself. And I don't know why, but I was okay with doing it to my wife. life. It's like even when I would tell her that I wouldn't drink, I would turn around and I would drink. You know, but my kids, I promised myself I wouldn't do it to them. And I was out of ideas, right? I was out of ideas of how to do it. I had tried everything that I could possibly think of and nothing worked. and I was just finally ready to give up, you know, and give in. And that walk down the hallway from my bedroom with my wife to the guest bedroom where she was staying was like the longest walk.

And after asking for help, as I'm sure so many people can understand, after finally uttering those words of, I need help, I need to go. go somewhere. The immediate regret over saying that because then it then it got real because I saw my wife, she had already been looking online for a place for me to go. You know, and it was like, now I gave her the green light. Then I was like, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, you know, am I really going to do this? And so immediately trying to think of how can I get out of this now? How can I get out of this? I got out of this. I got. I got to stay home. I can't go away. But once I gave her that green light and admitted it, that was it. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a scary, scary spot to be, right? Because then everything you've known to comfort you is a possibility to go away.

Everything that you've used to bury everything. Plus, I think for me, when I got to that point, too, I knew that there was a lot of stuff I avoided and a lot of stuff I never dealt with. that eventually I was going to have to start to deal with some of this stuff. And one of the big things, too, was the relationships. And I can hear in your story, too, that was one thing that going through this process, probably going to have to look at. So where did you, where did you go to treatment at?

Was this a 30-day program or a 60-day program or what was it like? Yeah, it was a 30-day program, 31 days. I did not want to go. I remember telling my kids that I was going somewhere just to get healthy. You know, Daddy just needs to get healthy. And I went, it was in New Jersey, South Jersey, Recovery Centers of America, it's called. You know, the first, well, when you first get there, I mean, the humiliation of, you know, having to strip down and, you know, go through the whole intake process. you know, was miserable.

And the guilt I felt, you know, I felt like I had abandoned my family and let them down. And, you know, I just didn't want to be there those first couple days. I felt like this is not, I don't belong here, kind of, you know, feeling I'm not as bad as the other people in here. You know, I was one of those guys. Yeah, you can still do it on your own. You can figure this out on your own, Dan. I mean, you tried everything before. but there's a few things that you didn't try yet.

And now, you know, it's interesting in those first couple days. We do really come up with all those reasons of why we, why we're different or why this or that. Yeah. Well, even at the end of my, before I went to rehab, those like last few days, I remember really thinking that I was different. that I was one of those, I had figured this out. I had admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic.

I knew I was an alcoholic, but I'm different. I can handle this. You know, I can live like this. You know, and then that followed me into rehab. But, you know, like the second or third day in there, though, was when the light bulb went off. You know, and all these other guys sharing their stories and all of a sudden realizing I'm not different from anybody in here where I'm exactly the same.

My brain works the same. I'm thinking the same things. And they were so welcoming. And for the first time in years, years and years and years, I can't even tell you how long. I felt like I belonged to somewhere. And started having real conversations with people, something I hadn't done in forever.

And after that third day, I can tell you those next three and a half weeks or whatever it was that I was there were the best days I had had in forever. I mean, I was over the moon. I was, yes, I missed my family. Yes, I felt guilty that I was away from my wife and my kids. Of course I did. But I felt like myself again. And I felt comfortable talking to people, interacting with people. You know, I was actually telling the truth in conversations and being honest with people.

And all of a sudden, I realized like, wow, I can live like this. I can live my life like this. Because, you know, going into rehab, it was, my life is over. I'm never going to have fun again. You know, yeah, I'll live for my family now. I'll live for my kids and, you know, I'll do this for them. but my life for me and my enjoyment, that's over. You know, I really thought that going into rehab

and quickly realized that that wasn't the case that I was going to love this life a lot more than the one I'd been living for a couple decades. Yeah, that is true. We do feel like at the beginning that we're going to be missing out on something. And I mean, in a sense, we are, like not that you're going to be missing out on something that's good for you. But the way we get wrapped up in the addiction, this is a big part of our

lives that we put to rest. And then now, yeah, it's kind of like a, there is a grieving process there. There was at least for me, you know, walking away from all of this stuff that played such a big role in my life in a very bad way. But I feel you on that. Yeah, because I didn't know how I was going to live because I had incorporated alcohol in everything I do, right? So when I travel, I had like how I traveled, when I drank, went on the airplane, all this different things. If I was going to the Yankee game, if I was going fishing with my son, if I was taking my kids somewhere, if I was going to dinner with my wife, alcohol had found its way into every activity in my life. So I didn't know how to live without it. I was like I had to

relearn how to do everything from the simplest daily things to to the big holidays in life or anything like that i had to relearn how to do everything yeah take take us through that how did you start that process what did it look like yeah so i mean that was the the whole one day at a time thing you know when i first heard that in in rehab i was like thinking this is nonsense But, man, I mean, that was, of all things, that was the biggest most important thing for me that I took with me coming out of rehab was to not get overwhelmed, not to think, oh, my God, I'm never going to drink again. Just take it day by day, moment to moment, you know, and learn how to live. So learn how, okay, today, I can sit and watch the Yankee game and not have to have a beer while I do it. I can go fishing with my son and not have to drink while I do this today and just take each thing as a separate moment and a separate day until I eventually did that going into the holidays.

You know, that that was, that made me nervous, you know, last year, the first time going into holidays and how am I going to handle thanks? How am I going to handle my birthday, which is in October? Then how am I going to handle Thanksgiving? Then how am I going to handle Christmas, you know? but instead of looking at it as a whole thing, how am I going to do this? I'm just going to take care of my birthday first. And I took care of my birthday

and I actually really enjoyed it and had fun. You know, and to take each thing separately made it manageable and made everything doable. And all of a sudden I blinked and I was six months sober. And I blinked again and I was a year sober. and, you know, all of a sudden realized I've gotten through everything sober. Look at that. I can do it.

And it was just, you know, it was doing everything totally differently, but not even realizing all the time that I was doing it differently. But getting so much more out of every single experience connecting with people and, you know, what my birthday is supposed to be about, what Thanksgiving. is supposed to be about what Christmas is supposed to be about being with my family, being with my loved ones, sharing honest, real stories or feelings or whatever it may be, you know, and most of all, just being there with my wife and kids on a daily basis, you know, that's been the biggest difference in my life. Yeah, that's incredible. I feel like, you know, that's no.

As fast as it goes for the addiction, for drinking, and that piles up and builds up, we can also build the momentum the other way. Every day we mark off the calendars a new experience that our brain starts to understand. I don't know all the science behind it, but in my life, I started to understand that I can do that. I can do that. And then it just became the norm for me to where before alcohol and drugs were the norm, then this just became the norm for me that there's just something I do every day.

I wake up today. It could be a hard day. It could be a good day. The kids could be bouncing everywhere. But I got to do one thing every day. I have to make one commitment every day. And I feel like as long as I'm able to do that, everything else is going to be okay. There's hard days.

There's tough days. There's stuff that happens. Life happens. But I'm no good to anybody if I'm doing the other stuff. But to go to what you're saying, you know, I was very fortunate when I got out of rehab and I came home, I was very aware from talking to so many of the guys in there that I learned so much from, such incredible guys that, you know, offered so much life experience to me, you know, because there was a lot of second timers and third

timers and fourth timers in there. And those guys telling me, you know, the most important thing you can do when you get out is just stick to your program, you know, because all of us, it's the same story. We all have different things that happen in our lives, but getting lazy on the program is why we ended up back in rehab at some point. And they said, you know, you got to make that your number one. And so when I came out, you know, and talk to my wife about, how my recovery has to be, you know, my priority on a daily basis.

Because as you just said, without that, without my recovery, then I'm no good to anybody. You know, I'm no good to my wife or kids or anybody else around me. And so, although it might seem selfish on its face that you're putting the recovery first, as long as I do that, that one or two things, you know, two things that you need to do every single day to stay right, I'm better for everybody else. You know, so making sure that I go to that meeting or, you know, do my meditation or my morning prayers or whatever it is that I need to do, I put that first and everything else falls into place behind it. you know, and how I need to be as a husband and as a dad, as a friend, you know, as a sober buddy, whatever it may be, I'm there for all of those things as long as I take care of those couple of things that then I need to do to set myself straight every day. Yeah, I love that.

That's beautiful. I mean, I can see how it could appear selfish, like kind of on the surface, You know, but it's so important because I've seen a lot of people, you know, over the years. And I struggled with this too. You want to put relationships with girlfriends first or you want to put this job first or this opportunity first. There's an old saying that anything you put before your recovery will be the first thing you lose. And I mean, that's the reality.

For me, anyway, and what I'm hearing in your story, it's probably not far behind. So I love that too. And we put that, you know, and that's kind of like the program that, you know, that I do, that that thing has to come first every day. And then I can, you know, for myself and my life, then I have the ability to show up and be present for things because I missed that when I was, you know, like when I was using and stuff and trapped in it. And I hear it a bit in your story, too, about you were on the show and you should have

been enjoying that. And we just like let this stuff fly by and not to like live in regret or live in the past or anything like that. But I mean, it's just, it's just reality. And for me, it keeps it in perspective that I need to be present for this moment with everything that's going on. And I just cherish the opportunity because I spent so many years looking at the ground. I never.

And then when I got sober, I was like just, wow, like a little kid again. Like this is incredible. Like the clouds are moving. The sun is coming up. The birds. I just felt alive. I visit that a lot of like what it was like. what it was like when I kind of first made that decision, that choice that I've got to do better.

Like, not to beat myself up, but I've got to do better because I always had this feeling inside of me. See, I was the opposite of you, Dan. I wasn't successful at anything. I didn't do well in school. I never fit in. I never did well at sports. The complete opposite. You know, so that kind of fueled my addiction stuff is that I couldn't, you know, I

got in trouble with the law and everything else. So that was kind of like what kept me down. But I had this little spark inside of me to where I'm like, I can do something with my life. And it just kind of festered over time. It was like this subconscious thing to where I was like, it was something feeding me, something out there. I don't know what.

There was something feeding me like, you have to do something different. You have something to offer this world instead of just taking from this world what I did. So it was, yeah, it was cool. know, and just to go through it all to get that and then kind of, you know, how we connected to on Instagram and you started sharing your story. And I see it, I saw it somewhere and I'm like, this is just so incredible because I feel like everybody who shares their story is just more of an opportunity to let other people know they're not so alone. How did you feel,

though, when you were going through this? Did you know about sobriety? Did you know sober people that had a good life? Like, what was your experience? Dude, you know, unfortunately for me, you know, I avoided those sober people. Yeah, I had sober people in my life, but I avoided them. You know, my brother was sober. My brother has struggled with alcohol for his whole life as well. He got sober eight years ago. But all that did was kind of turn a mirror on me, you know? So, I didn't embrace that. I ran away from it, you know, and I had some other friends in my life. You know, like my wife would say, hey, do you want to go to dinner with this couple or that couple? And like when it was ever offered to me, it was the couple with the guy who didn't really drink. Hell no, I wasn't going on that one.

You know, it was like, so I avoided those people and I didn't want to know how they lived the way they lived. You know, I looked at that as they weren't fun. and I surrounded myself by people who were more or less like me. So, you know, coming out of it and trying to find my way into the sober world and the sober community was a little, it was a little nerve-wracking at first, and I didn't know how I was going to go, but what changed with me is like I had cut myself off from the world in use. You know, I was like an isolating drinker. I like to drink on my own.

And I did not like to talk to people at all. You know, the thought of having like a real conversation with somebody and having to actually share something about myself, I was totally against. All of a sudden, now sober and I got out of rehab, it's like I love to talk to people. I love to connect with them. I love to hear their stories and hear what was going on in their life,

whether it had to do with being sober or just regular life stuff, their kids or their job or whatever. It's like all of a sudden I found myself listening to people because I hadn't been for so long, listening to them and caring and wanting to know about them. And then also sharing as much as they were willing to listen about me, I wanted to tell the world. You know, I was like I was talking to everybody.

It was the world opened up to me is how I feel. When I got sober, the world opened up, I just wanted to be a part of it again. And, you know, whether it was people that were already in my life, family members or friends that were already on the periphery, but that I hadn't given enough time to, or virtual strangers, I would all of a sudden was ready to let people in and connect. and it felt and it still feels awesome. You know, it's how you said about, you know, feeling like a kid again. It's like I always say, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I did when I was a kid. I feel carefree, you know, and I haven't felt that way in forever. No matter what I had, you know, yeah, I had a good job and a wonderful wife and two wonderful

kids and I had everything and I was miserable and I didn't even look at what I had. You know, it was like all I think about thought about from the moment I woke up was how long do I have to wait until I can drink? You know, that's consumed my every thought. So I wasn't enjoying my life or anything around me and sober. And I just wake up and it was kind of like, what do I get to do today? Who do I get to talk to? What do I get to? What do I get to? experience and I just take it in. I take it in all day, every day, and I love it. I can relate with you on that too. Yeah, it's a big part of the sobriety is just being present and just being available. I think that was one of the things I struggle with to is like

emotionally, I was just not available for any conversation. And I had so much that I was trying to avoid. I wasn't able to listen to anybody else's problems or situations. because I was at full capacity all the time with just doing what I wanted to do. And I couldn't handle anymore. So it's, yeah, you're painting an extremely beautiful picture here. I love it with just the opportunity. I look at it too like opportunity. You know, when I was when I was out there doing my thing,

I always used to feel bad for myself, the self-pity part. And that no opportunity came my way. And I didn't get that job. but this didn't happen for me. And now in recovery, there's more opportunity than I can possibly handle as a person. And it's all because of that one thing. I believe it's a big part of the energy we put out. We're putting out that we're interested in this type of stuff.

And other people are interested in engaging with us. And we're giving back to the world. We're having conversations. We're trying to make a difference before I was just draining everybody around me of money and, you know, every sort of, you know, everything that they could give. And it's so nice to not do that. Oh, I know. It's every situation that was around there, it was that was around when I was using was,

well, how do I benefit from this situation? That's all I cared about, you know, and if I couldn't benefit from it, then it was useless. That's how I looked at it, you know. God, what a disgusting, unhappy way to live, right? Like you said, it was just taking. It was just, I just took and took and took and took and took from everybody and everything around me. I only gave back what I felt like I had to to keep taking.

You know, it's just such a bad spot to be in. Yeah, it's a tough spot. Dan, I'm just beyond grateful for you being on the podcast today, sharing your story. when was your sober date? May 12th. May 12th. So I'm a little over a year and a half now. Huge congratulations.

And I say that, buddy, because this is not an easy cycle to break. But it definitely is so possible. And your story shows that. Well, you know, I feel like sharing their stories is obviously it's not for everybody. Right? and everyone can you know

handle their sober journey you know the way they see fit for them everybody has to do it different I benefited so greatly from people like yourself but I remember

Chris Herron if you know the name Chris Heron his story I remember watching his documentary when I was in rehab and just had that like holy shit kind of moment like, well, if he can do this coming from what he came from, you know, then I should be able to do this, you know, and I felt like all the people around me who were willing to open up and share

their story or what inspired me and motivated me in the beginning and continue to now. So if the thought of being able to do that for somebody else, I just felt like, hey, I'm going to give you that a shot, you know, and if it can help one person, or 10 people or however many, it's worth it. And the other side to that is how you said, I do consider myself very fortunate that I've had my wife, who's been the biggest support system, but also the rest of my family and friends that I'm surrounded by.

It has been a huge help. I don't think I could have done this without them. And not everybody is as fortunate, you know, to have that support system around them or whatever. So if I can offer that support to somebody who maybe doesn't have it, you know, I feel like I should. I feel like I need to and I want to. You know, so that's why I like doing this stuff, you know,

and I'll keep doing it. I learned from it, obviously, every time I have a conversation with somebody. You know, I was like, I thought I knew a lot about you, but the more I talk to you, I keep learning more and more, you know, which is awesome. So I'm going to keep doing this. Yeah, that's true too. And I find for me personally, too, it offers an accountability for me, like doing this

podcast and doing stuff, it being accountable to people, people are expecting, you know, podcasts and it's really helpful for people. So it just offers another layer of, you know, support for people. And it's nice to, for me to do nice things for people. I touched on it like so many times during this, but I spent a lot of my life just taking. And I'm really here just to give back and provide that. like you just touched on with with people's stories with chris's story which was which is incredible story of comeback story just so amazing and if we can do that i feel like that's the

true power in all this i feel like if people can hear a little bit of their story not that we're all the same but if they can connect the dots a little bit of their story and that dan can find a way out of this then you know there's hope there's hope there's hope that they can find it out, you know, so I think it's super cool. And staying connected, right? It's me and you were talking before we started recording today about when I got out of, you know, the rehab part was strangely the easy part, right? Because it's like you're in that bubble in rehab.

And it's a little scary when you get out and try to, I got to find some people, you know, and you can only go to so many meetings a day. And, you know, you still have that time on your own. And me finding you and sober motivation on Instagram was huge. It was like this community for me. It made a big difference. You know, so, you know, if you ever have those days where you're wondering, you know, if what you're doing is making a difference, whatever, it makes a huge difference.

I mean, I'm still looking at your page every single day. And that's a year and a half in now, you know, so, you know, keep doing it on your end as well. please yeah for sure thank you so much that that really means a lot because i do have those days as much as i don't want to be human i am human you know some of the stories that people send through the page and the loss the tragedies everything you know i mean it does take a toll right because even though there's a lot of there's a lot of sunshine to recovery there's a lot of great stories of sobriety there's also you know those stories of people who didn't make it you know And that's another big motivation for me sharing stories and sharing this stuff because I hate to get those messages about people.

But, you know, two sides to the coin. But I appreciate it so much. And thank you for, you know, all of your support. I wanted to finish off here. If someone's listening to this podcast right now and they're struggling to get or stay sober, what's a few pieces of advice you would have from them from your own experience? You know, I think the biggest thing, and we touched on this earlier, is to not get overwhelmed. You know, don't look down the road and say, how am I going to live like this?

How am I going to live without, you know, this substance that has been by my side for all this time? you know, you just have to get through today and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow, you know, and that whole one day at a time thing, yeah, it's a slogan, and I would roll my eyes at it in the beginning, but that was everything to me for at least my first year, because it can seem like too much, you know, that I'm never going to drink again or I'm never going to do this again or that again. And you don't have to think that way. You just get through today, deal with tomorrow when you get there, and you'll see that it gets easier. You know, every step, every day, it gets a little bit easier. It gets a little more normal. And before you know it,

you realize, oh, this sober life is now my normal life. And it's way better. That's that's the true. One day at a time, 24 hours. And if you got to break it down into four hours or one hour, but it can be very overwhelming to say never again. I mean, even when I say that, I'm like, whoa, you know, like it's overwhelming, right? So I don't worry about that.

But that's great advice for people. Stay in the moment, stay present, especially going into the holiday season here. You have all your Christmas holidays. you have new years. Keep this stuff in mind. That's great advice. Stay connected.

Stay connected as much as you can to everyone around you. You know, family, friends, sober friends. Don't be on your own. Yeah. Supportive people, people who, you know, be honest with people about what you're going through. I think that's a great strategy heading into the holidays. If it's a possibility for you,

be honest with people and pick and choose what gatherings you're going to go to, that you feel comfortable with. And if you have to miss out on a gathering, that's okay too. Yeah, absolutely. The power of no. I said, I've learned that power of no,

saying no to things. It's great to not commit to things that you don't want to do or you don't think you should do or not good for you. Just say no. Yeah, exactly. And then get some support from us or from anybody, anybody you need help with. So, yeah, but again, Dan,

thank you so much. This has been amazing. Yeah, no, thanks for having me. And it's good to talk face to face. You and I send tons of messages back and forth. It's nice to see you and talk to you. Thank you. You too, buddy.

Well, I hope you all love this episode as much as I do. Dan really opened up with us here and shared. His story, powerful story, two decades of drinking, came to a halt. and now he's living his best life. This is another story that just goes to show that recovery is possible for anybody. For anybody who's struggling, for anybody who's in recovery, in sobriety, and things are just not going according to plan. You know, just worry about dealing with today.

Do the best you can today. Let tomorrow figure it out when you get there. So I can't thank everybody enough for checking out this podcast. I never expected any response anywhere near this. I thought it would be me and two of my friends listening to the podcast. But there's really been an entire community that's been built around the podcast. We were ranking at number 19 on the Apple charts in the USA mental health category, which could arguably be one of the hardest categories to get into.

I'm full of gratitude. I appreciate every single one of you that checked out this podcast and gave it a chance. There wasn't really much thought that went into it other than sharing stories and continuing what we've been doing on the sober motivation and sober as cool network is just trying to deliver some hope for people that a better life is possible. for everybody. And just to show people that through stories about people who've been through the madness and came out the other side are doing well with their life.

So thank you so much. Season two is right around the corner. So stay tuned. Don't go anywhere. And if you haven't dropped a review yet, please jump over to the app store where you listen to the podcast, drop your thoughts. And we'll see you in season two.