Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Danielle Committed to Avoiding Alcohol After Witnessing Its Close-to-Home Side Effects

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

Danielle grew up around a lot of alcohol and witnessed firsthand the destruction it was capable of causing. Being from a military family, she moved a lot while growing up and had to mature quickly to help support her siblings. For the longest time, she swore she would never drink alcohol. However, when she reached college, alcohol became a massive part of the experience. It wasn't until she had children and didn't want to repeat the cycle that she knew she would have to quit. This is Danielle’s story on the Sober Motivation Podcast. --------------- 👉 Check out Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soberinathens/ 👉 Sign up for the FREE Sober Buddy Support Call 👇 https://mailchi.mp/yoursoberbuddy.com/soberbuddy-free-zoom 🔥 Follow Sobermotivaiton on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 👉 Check out more information on SoberLink: www.soberlink.com/recover

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. Danielle grew up around a lot of alcohol and witnessed firsthand the destruction it was capable of causing. Being from a military family, she moved a lot while growing up and had to mature quickly

to help support her siblings. For the longest time, she swore she would. never drink alcohol. However, when she reached college, alcohol became a massive part of the experience. It wasn't until she had children and didn't want to repeat the cycle that she knew she would have to quit. And this is Danielle's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Hey, how's it going, everybody? Welcome back to another episode. Before we jump in, I want to let you know about this really cool event that we're putting on at Sober Buddy. It is a completely free community support group that we're doing November 8th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

I would love to have you there. I'll be there with the entire Sober Buddy team. And we usually have about 100 people show up. People share what they're going through their journey. It's a really cool place to connect. If you're early on, if you're well established in your sobriety, everybody is welcome no matter where you're at. Sign up.

I'll drop the link in the show notes to sign up for the event. You can send me over a message on Instagram, and I'll be more than happy to send that over to you. So let's hear from Soberlink, and then we're going to get into the show. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case,

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to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Danielle with us. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm good.

Thank you for asking and thank you for being willing to share your story with the audience here today. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Of course. How we start every show is the same. What was it like for you growing up? So my childhood was exciting. I grew up in a military family. My dad was a Marine, so I was a military brat. We grew up all over the country. We would move like every two to three years. So

switching schools a lot. One of the really cool places we had the opportunity to live was Okinawa, Japan, which was so cool. It was such a neat experience living in Japan. We got to live there for three years, so that was really cool. I'm the oldest of four younger siblings, and I've always kind of been like a second mom to them. My parents both struggled with alcoholism throughout my childhood. So, you know, they did the best they could, and it was difficult, though, growing up. up in a house where both of my parents had alcoholism. My dad was more of a high functioning, if you want to call it that, because he was able to maintain, you know, his military career, and he was able to climb the ranks in his career and still be a pretty big drinker. And I think

that's kind of the culture in the Marines. It's a lot of them drink heavily. And that's kind of, you know, normalized. It's normalized in that environment. Whereas with my mom, she was not a functioning drinker at all. It was a struggle for her. And her drinking was probably what impacted me the most as a child and with my siblings. From the age of about 10, I really started understanding what alcohol was and what being drunk was. Because for a while, I didn't have a name for it. And I would say, you know, mommy's acting funny or daddy's acting funny and I didn't quite know what it was. But eventually, you know, age 10, I kind of put it together that, you know, they're drinking and this is why they act that way. And with my dad being a Marine, he was deployed a lot. So it would be my mom taking

all of us kids on on her own and I'm sure that was hard for her. And I think that is why she would drink more when my dad was gone during those deployments because she was just, you know, the stress of motherhood and being by yourself. And oftentimes we were in places where we had no family. That support system wasn't there. So I can see how that was harder for her, but we all really struggled. And we dealt with social services being called. Child Protective Services would come. And that was a whole thing. And I remember lying to them because I I was trying to keep our family together and trying to keep my siblings protected. And I didn't want them to take my siblings away.

And a big thing is, one, I had to grow up really quickly. You know, when you're kind of in that environment, it forces you to grow up fast. And my siblings, in a way, really kept me strong because I felt almost like a duty to be there for them and to kind of shield them from anything that I could and just try to protect them. So in a way, they kind of kept me going through some of those really hard times because I was trying to be, you know, their safe haven and their sister. And, you know, to this day, me and my siblings are so close. And I'm so grateful for them because I really do feel like they help me keep going during those really hard times. Wow, that's incredible too, some time in Japan.

But moving around, even though that experience sounds like it was good, I'm just thinking the other side of it is you're kind of trying to reestablish yourself maybe again with every move, right, meeting new people, being the new person. Yes. And that had its benefits. I think I was. And I think a lot of military kids can relate to this. You kind of don't have a choice. You have to roll with the punches because this is where dad is moving. You don't have a choice. And you kind of just have to roll with it. And it makes you really resilient. And you learn to make friends. and to kind of adapt, but it was difficult. And especially school for me was difficult always being the new girl and dealing with mean girls and bullying. And so, you know, home life was kind of rocky. And then school life was kind of rocky too because we were always moving places and being singled out as the new girl. You know, kids weren't always the kindest. So, so that was kind of difficult. And I think, too, at school, I was so mentally preoccupied with what was going on at home and just worried, you know, just so worried, like, what am I going to walk into today when I get home from school?

Is my mom going to be drunk? Is she going to be passed out? Are my siblings okay? All these things that I would be focused on really made it a little hard for me to do well in school. You know, I think I got by, but it was definitely a struggle. And I think it was just because of so much that was going on at home. And, you know, my mom, her mental health also really suffered. I mean, obviously, the drinking doesn't help. If you already have some mental health issues, drinking can exacerbate that. And so she had attempted to take her own life on several occasions. And so that was really traumatic for us as kids. And she would go in and out of rehabs. And there were periods of sobriety, which was great, you know, for her, but it wasn't long-term enough to really make it

sick because we'd always be in this cycle of things are okay and then destruction. And my childhood was very, you know, unpredictable. And I feel like kids, especially when they're growing and they're in that young age, they kind of thrive in stability. And that was definitely not what was happening. So that made it a little difficult. Yeah, no, I hear you on all that stuff too. And you brought up a really good point. I was even thinking about it the second you said it about you have to grow up fast in these environments. So you have to take on a caregiver role. I don't know if it's not that you're not ready. I mean, it sounds like you did the best you could, obviously with what you had. But at the same time, you know, I don't know if you were prepared for that. And to take on that role

and then to worry about the unknown at home, what are you going to come home to? And you're right. I mean, you're 100% right is the kids are going to do best in structure, do best with that stability and stuff. I mean, for you to navigate that and support your siblings is incredible. Yeah. Thank you. They really kept me going and I just felt a duty to be there for them. And I've just always been that super protective, you know, older sister. And I just love my siblings so much. And I really do feel like being the older sister shaped me and to who I am. And it really helped cultivate that nurturing and that mothering because I love being a mom. I'm a mom. And I just I feel like that comes a lot from being that role when I was a kid to my siblings.

Yeah. Oh, for sure. I'm sure it does. Where were you originally born? Kansas. Kansas. Okay. Yeah.

So my dad's side of the family is all from Kansas. And then my mom is originally from Georgia. So, yeah, but I've lived all over. But yeah, Kansas was where I was born. And I think we stayed there for maybe like the first five years of my life. And then after that, my dad was in the Marines and we were just all over the place. Yeah. Yeah.

But eventually my dad got stationed in San Diego, California. And prior to that, I was living in North Carolina, a small town there. And kind of the same stuff at home, you know, periods of sobriety, periods of chaos and destruction. My dad's still doing his thing. And again, like, his drinking wasn't problematic. You know, he was able to keep things going. But he was just gone a lot for his work. Anyway, so my dad gets orders to go to San Diego, California.

So I'm going to high school out there in the middle of my junior year of high school. So that was fun. Get to be the new girl, you know, junior. And the crazy thing is, too, is that I was coming from like a high school that was just in a tiny little town. So like going from a small, tiny little high school to Rancho Buena Vista High School in San Diego. And it's huge. It's a big California high school. And so I was like culture shock, you know, and like apparently I'll never forget like the first day of school.

Like I had a backpack. And apparently like that's not cool. You don't wear a backpack to school in California high school. So I'm like I have my backpack clearly an outsider. You know, like clearly not from there. And everyone was like, you know, talking about me. I'm hearing stories like in the hallways, which I'm used to like growing up being the new girl. That's I'm used to that.

But yeah, you know, I really liked it. I made a lot of friends right away. I was on the cheerleading squad. I was in choir. And so I was really able to have that sort of normal high school experience. And things were still kind of rocky at home, but there were good periods and things like that. And I would say high school is probably when I had my first drink. And again, I was very scared of alcohol. For a long time, growing up with alcohol, as a in the family, you witness the destruction and the chaos. And you watch these people that you love turn into different people. And so for me, for the longest time, I was like, I am never drinking. I am not going to drink. And I was just terrified of it. And somewhere along the lines when you're a teenager and you're in high school and there's peer pressure, you know, and you're, you want to fit in and you want to do what everybody else is doing. I remember my first drink. It was like a Mike's hard lemonade. I'm in some dudes garage. You know, we're like hanging out like teenagers do.

And I think I took a sip and I was just like holding it because I was scared. I was so scared. And I remember they've giving me a hard time. They're like, it's a Mike's Hard Lemonade. You're fine. I'm like, well, you know, I'm okay. And I think I just sat it down. But that was like my first experience with drinking was being terrified and having like one half of a sip of a Mike's Hard eliminated. But eventually I would go to other high school parties and drink a little bit, but it was never out of the ordinary. I never felt like I had a problem when I was drinking like in high school. It didn't seem to be an issue then. I was doing like what everybody else was doing, drinking at the parties a little bit here and there. And I wasn't like going overboard.

Like I would drink at parties and not even think about it until I was at a party again where it was available and things like that. It wasn't until my early 20s when, you know, after I graduated and moved out and, you know, was living with roommates in this college town that I really got into the drinking thing. And it kind of was like a slow progression because at first I was doing what everybody else is doing. We regained, we walk to the bars and we drink and going to house parties and having fun and that sort of thing. But then it started to become where I was the one taking it to the extremes. You know, I was the one going beyond everybody else.

I was the one still wanting to drink and party when everyone's like going to bed. And I'm like, hey, let's keep this thing going, you know? Like, why are you guys going to sleep? And, you know, I would wake up and be like, what brunch is open so that we can start drinking again? And so I noticed that I had become a little obsessed with drinking. And to the point also where, like, I was always the one, you know, just going too far, getting kicked out of bars, getting carried home by my friends.

Essentially, they would, like, babysit me because I was just, once I got to that point, there was no helping me. So they had to, like, drag me home from the bars and essentially look out for me. And, you know, I could have gotten in some really, bad situations. You know, my friends really looked out for me. And so I'm super grateful that I had good friends who it wasn't their job to babysit me. They didn't have to. We were all adults, but they really took care of me and helped me during those times where I was, you know, getting out of control and that sort of thing. So I'm really grateful for them. Early 20s really

is when like that was the worst of it. You know, I was getting kicked out of bar. And in Vegas, I was getting, like, wheeled in the back in the wheelchair because I would just pass out in the club. And I got arrested at one point for a drunken public. So really just like a train wreck. But at the same time, some of it was still like, ha, ha, ha, Danielle, that was so funny. Like, you know what I mean? Of course. Yeah, of course. So it's like there was that thin line of like fun partying. We're all doing it. But like still, I was doing. things that not everybody else was doing. And I was getting in trouble because of my drinking. Yeah. No, I can relate to you. I can say that too because it was almost like a badge of honor, right, in college and stuff. They're like, oh, you're a crazy guy, man. I was crazy what you did, right? Like, so cool. You know, if you get messages next morning and when I look back, I'm like, my goodness, how did I, you know, how did I weasel my way out of some of these situations because

I shouldn't have. But yeah, I'm with you. It definitely becomes like that thing, right? Like, entertainment for everybody else. Yeah, no one was like, hey, I mean, there were times where, like, some of my friends would be like, Danielle, if guys are buying you a bunch of drinks, like, you can just go in the bathroom and dump them out. Like, if you don't want to be rude, I'm like, dump them out. Why would I dump it out? Like, because I want to drink it. Like, dump it out. What are you talking about? Like, they were trying to keep me afloat because I was fun to a certain extent. You know, I was fun. And so they had to babysit me, I'm sure. And so. they were trying to keep like the fun party girl Danielle included but they did try to tell me to like

cut back a little bit or slow down but it wasn't like any super big like intervention like quit drinking they just wanted me to like take it down a notch. Yeah. And that was just not something that I could do. I was going to ask too. It was just go time for you once you started and you couldn't stop. Yeah. And I don't know if it was like that at first. And I don't think it was honestly because there was definitely time where I could go and have a couple and that was not a thing. And I really don't know where the turning point was or where that line was crossed because it's kind of blurry. That line between drinking and having fun and doing what everybody else is doing to like getting just totally crazy. And it's hard to determine exactly when that happened. But for sure,

there was a time where it was fun and it wasn't problematic. Yeah. I'm with you on that too, but it was for a bit, right? And that's the thing is that line crossover. And it's like people who drink and not everybody's going to have a problem with drinking. But nobody that I've talked to really can narrow down when that switch took place. What I think about when I hear that is like everybody else who thinks they're safe from that ever happening. It's like, I don't know if anybody's safe from that happening. Bingo. Totally. I have definitely said something like that before. I'm very vocal about my sobriety at this point. I used to be like a little bit shy about it, but now I'm like, hey, this is awesome. Like, everybody needs this, you know, like come get some of this sobriety. And I'll have people being like, well, it's not a problem for me. And I'm like, yet. It's not a problem for you yet.

I mean, it's a drug. And it takes over the brain just like any other drug. There is no pinpoint. And that's nobody safe. If you're a drinker, you are risking it. you were risking becoming dependent on it. Yeah, yeah, so true. And I mean, not even to mention all the other health risks that are involved with just

the new recommendations here from the government of Canada is that two drinks per week in that there's no safe amount. I mean, once you have your first drink, you're risking it in your health. I don't know all the details, but it's in a big article they put out. I think it was maybe the Huberman Lab or podcast or something like that. And he was talking about how, like, the recommendation is like, If you can have none, awesome. Yeah.

They are recommending like none. Like if you're the type of person who has a glass of champagne at New Year's once a year, totally okay. But like the people who are having multiple drinks a week are at risk. Yeah. And I don't think people are ready to hear that. Yeah. Well, because if you look at the guidelines too, I mean, when I look at people, I used to hang out with, I mean, two. Geez, I mean, we had two and a half an hour.

Yeah. So how would we wrap our head around two per week? I mean, I could never understand such an idea. I mean, that's just bananas. And I mean, most of us that are out there are far, far more than two, you know. So it was like, you're getting ready to drink. That wasn't even a pregame. I mean, we would pregame like lines of shots just outrageous.

Like I don't even know how we survived with some of the amounts that we would drink back then, like how? It's wild. Isn't it wild when you look back? So we're kind of at this spot here to write in college and stuff. Things are starting to pick up for you, right? Do you think at this time? Like, are you starting to have thoughts of like,

maybe there's something here or are you not there yet? I'm there. I'm already witnessing it and kind of realizing it in myself because when you grow up in it, you kind of can't not see it in yourself. You know, I would have had to be really delusional and in denial to not see the patterns that I was, you know, doing and growing up in a family with alcoholism, I mean, all the red flags were there, you know, so I was really kidding myself if I was thinking that I didn't have a problem. I think there was a time where I'm like, I can get a hang of this. I can rain it in. And I'm not like my parents. I can handle this. So there was definitely that kind of self-talk where I'm like, I'm not like them. I can do this differently. And that obviously was not the case, but that was definitely that rationalization in my head at that time, for sure.

But I don't think I was ready to let it go yet. But, well, when I met my husband currently, he was obviously my boyfriend at the time. But when I met him, he was like me. And he was the train wreck as well. And so we were both known. We were already like notorious. Like people knew who I was. People called me Jack on the Rocks girl because I would go to the bar and I would get Jack on the Rocks.

And that was like my starter. Jack on the Rocks, you know? Like I'm so cool. Like I don't know what I was thinking. But they would call me like Jack on the Rocks girl or like other things because I was just known around town as this just like this wild crazy drinking person. And when I met my husband, he was the same way. Like, they talked about him in the same way. And so when we met, it was like two train wrecks meeting each other.

And it really makes sense because if I had met anyone else around that time, they probably wouldn't have tolerated like my antics and my like level of drinking and that sort of thing. And meeting him, you know, he tolerated it obviously because he was doing it too. And so we enabled each other. And we were both just definitely our. We can got worse together. Did you guys meet at a bar? Yeah.

There you go. Yeah. There you go. Tail as old as time, you know. Yeah. So you guys were kind of on the same path there. And then you came together. Yeah.

I mean, it can definitely, and things got a little bit worse. Yes. And a drinking buddy, full-time drinking buddy then. Yeah. And there was a time where we had went to Vegas and we were bad anywhere. You know, we were bad in Orange County where we were. living and take us to Vegas and that's a whole other beast, Vegas. And so we went to Vegas, like on a whim, spirit of the moment, like, let's drive to Vegas. You know, we're already drunk.

Like, this is a great idea. Like, go to Vegas. And the thing is, too, is whenever we would drink, and I know this goes for a lot of people, but we would fight. You know, we would argue and get in these ridiculous fights because of the alcohol. And it got to a point. where I was getting kind of in a dark place when we were in Vegas. And I was telling people that I didn't want to live anymore. And I was trying to like climb off the balcony like in Vegas. And so my husband, he called 911, you know, as he should because he was terrified. He thought I was going to actually jump off the balcony.

You know, I was so drunk. I do remember all of this. I don't know if I was serious or if I was just calling out. out for help or just being dramatic because I was intoxicated. I'm not really sure, but the cops came, the fire department came, and they interviewed me to see if I was like a harm to myself. Because I wouldn't tell them for sure if I like meant what I said, they had to take me. And so they strapped me to a gurney and they wheel me out like through the casino. Tons of people staring at me. Like that was definitely a huge low because, I mean, it was humiliating and it was scary. I was so scared and

so hurt to the point that, like, I was at this place where I was wanting not to live and I'm like saying these things. And it was just a lot. It was super shameful to be a wheeled through a casino, like strapped to a gurney. It was a very big low point. But they take me to the hospital and they realize that I'm just a drunk idiot and that I really don't have any intentions on hurting myself. Because I'm sobering up at this point. I'm like, look, I took this way too far. I don't want to die. I'm not going to hurt myself.

And they released me to my boyfriend at the time. And there was a point where we were with some friends, too, they were like poking fun. And like, I still had like my hospital bracelet on and we're like getting food. And, you know, I had this moment where I'm like, I should probably not drink anymore. you know, like I'm getting myself in bad situations and I'm doing things that I grew up with. You know, I watched my mom do things like this and now I'm playing this game. And so, you know, I kind of had that realization after that. I didn't quit after that though. You know, it wasn't enough to make me like really stop. You know, I think I stopped maybe for a couple of weeks. Like once the hangover wore off and I was like back to normal, feeling okay again. I think I was back to drinking. But I don't believe anything super traumatic happened after that. I mean, I got a black eye once because I was drunk and I passed out and landed on my eye. And so I was hurting myself and just so much of the things that I've heard in other people's stories that alcohol takes you to those lows. And, you know, I was in that low place. And around this time was actually when I got my first taste of sobriety. So I had woken up after a bender or whatever. And I told, my husband, my boyfriend at the time, I'm never drinking again. I woke up when I was like, I'm never drinking again. And he's like, yeah, right, whatever, you know, because I'm sure I had

said that many times. Yeah. But I actually made it a whole year. So, you know, that random time where I was like, I'm never going to drink again. I quit for a whole year. And it was incredible. Like my life improved in ways and I was a good person again and I was able to show up for the people in my life and all around was just doing so well. And we had kind of calmed down a bit too. I mean, obviously we calmed down. When I got sober, it like calmed my husband down. Like his drinking decreased and he wasn't drinking as much as we were when we were together. So it was a positive for everybody.

It was a positive for him and for me. And so I was able to go for a whole year. And then we were in the process of planning our wedding. And I just could not wrap my head around, not drinking on my wedding day. And I really let that get in my head because at some point I was like, I'm good now. See? Like, I wait a whole year. Like, I can totally manage this now.

I can have a couple beers here and there. I can drink at my wedding. And that's kind of what I was telling myself. But that was the beginning of me drinking again after that one year. So. Yeah. Wow. Just for reference, what year are we at around here, roughly?

That was 2012, 2013. Okay. And that's where we were planning our wedding. And we got married in 2014. So. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay.

And that's always an interesting concept to where we have the break or we have some sobriety and then it's fairly natural, I think, for that idea to come back up that we got something figured out. We have something figured out here and we'll try it again. Was it the same right away? Like I'm curious to see how that was. Was it worse? Was it okay for a little bit? It was. It was okay for maybe like very short period of time. Yeah. Very, very short period of time, but I'll tell you that first beer after a whole year, my mind was like straight back where I was when I quit, which is crazy. Because like I was instantly, oh, I need more of this. Instantly my brain's thinking, how much beer does he have in the fridge?

How much alcohol do we have? I'm going to go get some. I didn't act on it. But like my wheels were turning from that first drink, like immediately. I was looking back, it's like crazy how even though it had been a whole year, that first drink, I was already contemplating and the wheels were turning on how I was going to get more and this is great and all of that. So, yeah, it was pretty instantaneous. Yeah, it's always interesting to hear people's experience with that because it's just like even more reinforcing that it's just not about the alcohol. At that first one, like you're off to the races again and it happened so quick and it's like we don't even.

forget what it would, you would think, how you would think it would play out. I guess this might be a better way to look at it. It might be like starting to drink from the beginning again, like, because you took a year break. So it might be like the beginning, right? A slow burn. I mean, you might still probably end up at the same place, but there might be a little bit of enjoyment in between. But the story commonly is that like either it ends up right where it was. And like soon after that, people usually share that things got worse. Yeah. You know, so. Yeah. And that's, and that's kind of how it was. It's we were right back to being that train wreck couple. We were the drunk couple, except we were living in like suburbia. We were like recently married. We had a house.

And we were like raging in suburbia, you know, like we were the drunk couple at Buffalo Wild Wings causing a scene. They called us the drunk couple. But like we were literally right back to where we were, except we were just in a different place, different status in life. You know, we had a home. We were married. And it's crazy, too, how, like, during that time where I was sober, like, I said, my husband was able to, like, not drink a lot. And watching his drinking is always interesting to me because he's definitely, like, different

than me because he can, like, have one. And that's it. I'm like, that is crazy. You know, like, I don't relate to you on that level. So like when I was sober, he just was like chilling. You know, he would have one. But like when I was going hard, he wanted to do it too. So I feel like for him, it's like if he's in the environment where people are overdoing it,

he may be more likely, but he can also have one here and there or go weeks without it. And so I always thought that was interesting with him. But once I was back into it, he was like dragged right back into just that whole train wreck thing. But even with my husband, he didn't seem to think I had a problem, which is crazy because, like, I don't think he wanted to see it. So, because I didn't have my husband being like, hey, you need to get it together. He thought it was okay at the time. Yeah. But what about like in hindsight, like 2020 vision here hindsight?

Would he, if you ask him to say, like, hey, do you ever think that anything was up or? Yeah. Yeah, well, he's seen me now the way I am now and sober and doing so well, he, you know, is fully happy that I'm on this path and he can totally see how it was toxic and not okay back then. Yeah, for sure. We talk about it and we're just like, wow. Like, how do we manage that? You know, like. What was your regular spot? What did you say Buffalo Wildlings? Wild Wings, but it was like in like, we lived in this really like Ritzy suburban town where it was like soccer moms and sports dads. And we were like wilding out like we were in Vegas, you know, in these little towns. We must have been a sight, you know. We were the drunk couple. That's what people called us.

That's wild. Yeah, we were causing a scene. This year still in California at this time then? No, at this point we're in Texas. Oh, you're Texas now. Okay. Yeah, we moved to Texas for my husband's job. Yeah, and it was more affordable because we were living in California before that and we had like a really small condo and then moving to Texas, we were able to get a house and that was kind of the plan and starting a family that was all kind of in the plans. So we were in Texas at this point. We were in a town called Frisco. So that's where we were during this time period. And then eventually I. get pregnant with my son. And obviously I quit drinking and I'm just fully in, you know, mommy mode and everything I've always wanted. And I was able to easily quit drinking for pregnancy and occasionally

the thought like during my pregnancy, I remember like seeing memes and stuff and like people talking about how like they can't wait to have, you know, champagne in the delivery room and you know, so I engaged with stuff like that. But really, it didn't seem like a huge problem for me. me at that point. I felt like my partying past was going to be in the past and that now I'm in, you know, mommy mode and it's not going to be an issue. However, postpartum, you know, I was able to go months without drinking. But when I did start drinking again, it was the same deal. It was hard for me to control it. And it was really hard for me to not always want to drink. And even though I was so happy to have my son and to be a mom, like literally everything I've always dreamed of.

I just still found myself reaching for that. And maybe even more so in that early motherhood stage because I was so isolated and I was a stay at home mom. So, you know, I felt very isolated and we didn't have family around. So kind of, you know, mimicking what my mom went through growing up, like being isolated and stay at home mom and turn to your friend alcohol. And that's kind of what I found myself doing, was turning to alcohol at night to deal with, you know, the stress of motherhood. And my husband was working a lot. And so I was, you know, doing a lot of the caretaking myself. But yeah, it was a struggle. In motherhood, I found myself struggling with alcohol again. Yeah. Yeah, hear you on that. Those are real things. Yeah, that's so real.

Yeah. I could get your loan. You're trying to do your best. There's a lot of different components, right? It's stressful. Yeah. As well, it's tough. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think I also fell into the whole like the mommy wine culture encouragement of that. And so I'm like, you know, again, it's kind of the same thing as when you're in that college party atmosphere where, oh, it's funny. You know, we're all doing it. And it's like switches to where now you're in the mommy wine culture where it's. it's okay to relax at the end of the day. And, you know, mommy needs your wine and all of this. And I think what really would make me mad and make me feel so much shame was that I knew better. I knew better. I grew up in it. So it's like, how am I sitting here? How am I letting this happen to myself?

You know, like I would really kick myself because I just couldn't understand how I had gotten there. How did I get to this point where I'm drinking every night? And I'm hiding wine bottles and I'm hiding beer cans under the bed and, you know, doing all of these things that I watched my mom do growing up. And I just was very hard-pillow to realize that I was about to go down that same path. And that was really scary for me. When I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter, I had her almost back to back with my son. And so, you know, again, quit drinking during the pregnancy and then creeps back on you. you know, when you're in postpartum and you can drink again.

And same deal. Just very isolated and drinking to cope with loneliness at night and the stress. And you think it helps in the moment, you know, like staying up late and having some time to myself. Because as a stay-at-home mom, you know, you're with your kids 24-7 when they go to bed. It's like, ah, my time. You know, I'm going to drink. I'm going to stay up late. But I would just be so exhausted the next day.

And that's no way to parent, you know, being hung over and going to the playdates, hung over. And just it was miserable. It was miserable living like that. And I hated feeling like I was dependent on this thing for that little bit of joy. That little bit of happiness, you know, that little bit of edge off. It wasn't worth, you know, just the crippling anxiety and the declining in my mental health. it was just really taking over during motherhood. I hear you on that.

That's where it ends up, right? It has like that little bit of joy you talk about. Sometimes you'd experience it. I'd experience it maybe 10, 20 minutes. And then the rest of the night, you just have to keep having more. It's a dependence on it. Just builds up the tolerance.

Oh, yeah. Just builds up. My tolerance was crazy. So crazy. Like I could drink so much and like be coherent. Like looking back now, like that was not good. That was a big. warning sign. And that's really where it peaked for me because here I am, you know, stay at home mom,

two beautiful, amazing children, literally living my dream. Like that is what I had always wanted and so happy. And yet I'm drinking myself to death. And it really got to the point where I think what really shook me awake was, you know, there was a night where I was just drinking and drinking. And at this point, I was getting, like, sad when I drink. You know, like, it was the fun times had long gone. Like, now my drinking was like, I would get drunk and get depressed. I was having feelings of not wanting to be alive anymore. And, you know, I would wake up the next morning and read my notes, like these just suicidal thoughts. And I would just be sick to my stomach. that I was like getting in that headspace, allowing myself to get in that headspace. And that was when I was like, I really faced the crossroads because I realized that, you know, my kids were still young enough to where they don't know what's going on. You know, at this point, they're young enough to where they don't realize that I'm doing this. And I really hit the crossroads where I knew that if I didn't make some changes, that I was getting ready to repeat the cycle. And I was going to put them through all the pain and all the trauma.

and all the stuff that I grew up with with my parents and they're drinking. And I couldn't live with that. That was it. That was the moment where I was like, okay, I'm not doing this to my kids. I'm not going to be the cause of that trauma that they have to work through when they get older. I really made it a point to figure out how to get sober again because also, you know, I had that one year in the past where, you know, I got the taste. I got the taste of the beautiful life of sobriety. And so in my head, I knew it was there.

And I knew I could do it because I had done it before. And so I'm like, I knew I could do it. I just had to really buckle down and figure it out. So that was the beginning of me truly wanting sobriety and trying to get sober for my kids. Yeah. And when was that? When did you get sober? So I will be two years sober next month.

My sobriety date is November 21st, 2021. But prior to almost two years that I have now, I would have like six months here and, you know, three months there. And so I was still kind of like leaving the door open for alcohol to creep back in. And that time where it was October of 2021, where I relapse after six months of sobriety. 2020 is really when I was like, you got a problem, girl, like this is not good. And I think 2020 was where a lot of us were isolated and a lot of us were at home drinking by ourselves. And so I think that's really when things started clicking. But I didn't get sober right away. I would get a few months here and go back to drinking. And, you know, after that relapse after six months and I went back to drinking. Like literally, there was no joy this time. It was very interesting. Like, There was no joy going back to drinking this time. And I think it's because, as I had six months of sobriety, I think I finally realized that like, this is so much better.

Sober life is so much better than this. A couple hours of feeling, you know, euphoric and waking up. Because that first hangover after you've been sober for a long time is death. You know, it's miserable. And I would journal. That was a big thing in my sobriety was journaling. especially when I was struggling to get sober because I just didn't really do a program or I just kind of winged it and just, you know, I found sobriety content online and watched YouTube videos.

And I did go to like one AA meeting, which I really liked. It was great. It's just hard for me to do things like that when I'm a stay-at-home mom to go and go to meetings just wasn't feasible for me. But journaling really helped me stay accountable. And especially when I would relapse and go back to drinking, I would force myself. to journal when I was hung over. And I would just write it all out. This is miserable. Like, I am in complete agony.

And I would just write it all. And so the moments where I felt tempted to drink, I would go back and read. My journal entry is from when I was hungover or, you know, when I was really struggling. And it, like, it was a good deterrent a lot of times because then I could read like, okay, yeah, we've been there, done that. We know where this goes. We know where that goes. Like, let's try a different path.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. My goodness. It's a good point you bring up there, too, about killed the joy. Because if you stick around recovery long enough, a lot of people will share about that. The joy and the drinking was gone. I instantly missed sober me. I instantly was like, I miss the woman I am when I'm sober. I respect that girl. That woman is a good mom. And she is showing up and doing the good things. And it was just that last relapse. I think I drink a couple of times. Then I was right. back into sobriety. Right back in it than I haven't looked back. I'll be two years sober next month. So, so grateful. Yeah, that's huge. I really appreciate you sharing your story with this. What do things look like with your relationships now? I mean, with your husband, with your kids, with everything. I mean, how do those look? What about your folks? They're thriving. And it's hard for me to talk about my parents because I love them so much and I'm still very close with them. But, you know, the reality is that's what happened to me.

But my mom is actually three years sober now. So throughout everything, my mom is sober now. My dad still drinks. And, you know, I love him no matter what. I don't ever want to, like, push my agenda on anybody, you know. But my mom has three years of continuous sobriety. And we've been able to heal and work on our relationship. And that's been so healing and awesome.

gets to be a sober grandma to my kids, which is so amazing, you know, with everything that me and her have gone through. And my husband rarely drinks. I can't even remember the last time he did. He's almost non-existent. He'll have one on occasion, but he is kind of to the point now, too, where, like, it makes him feel sick, you know, like, he'll have one. And he's like, oh, I can't do this anymore. I'm getting too old, you know, so like. We're not 22 anymore. Yeah, A, just creeped up on him, you know, so. But yeah, all of my relationships and my kids, they know about my sobriety. And I got sober when they were young enough to not have, like, memories of me being drunk. And that really keeps me going because I really want to keep it that way and explain to them what my sobriety is about. And I tell them about the dangers of alcohol and, you know, obviously age appropriate conversations because my son is. and my daughter is six. So, you know, I'm not going to go and tell them everything, you know,

but they do understand the dangers of alcohol and that mommy struggled with it. And now mommy doesn't drink and mommy wants to try to help people and share how good life is when you don't drink. And they're so funny because I have a YouTube channel where I like talk about my journey and stuff. And my kids will like mimic me. We'll be like, hi, my name is Danielle. Welcome to my channel.

and we're going to talk about not drinking alcohol. What I do. It's so funny. You have young kids like that. You never know who's worse. The trolls or the haters or sometimes the kids might be getting on to you about it. You know what I mean? Like, Mom, what are you doing on YouTube?

Totally. They definitely are because, like, they'll look at my stuff. They'll, like, type in my name and, like, because I've also done, like, some, like, silly little, like, TikTok dances and stuff like that. You know, like embarrassing myself on the Internet. Why not? And they'll randomly, like, pull it up on their tablets and, like, just leave it playing. And they're, like, they're dancing and just, like, having a hoot with it. I'm like, thanks a lot.

Yeah. Laugh. Laugh. Oh, my goodness. It's awesome. I mean, truly, they are my ultimate why, like, period. Being a sober role model for my kids and trying to break that generational cycle of addiction is, like, my driving force. And so, you know, they keep me going. Yeah, no, that's incredible too.

And I mean, that's the generational thing too is because, I mean, for you, it affected you. I mean, the real wild thing to think about is if they don't have to go through the addiction part and then it's broken. You know what I mean? That's like so powerful for moving forward, you know? Because when we're around it and it's just normalized, we see it everywhere, plus we see it at home. It's just like when you're going way back into your story there, we just don't give it a second thought. When we're in school, when we're in college, when we're in high school, we just don't give it a second thought because we've just seen it everywhere. And to not see it, my goodness, what the heck is that going to look like?

Time will tell, but I think it's just cool. I think so too. And I think there's this whole generation because not only my kids, but my siblings really like look up to me in that way. My youngest brother, Danny, he is a senior in high school. So we have a huge age gap. he's very adamant about never drinking because he's seen what my mom went through and what I went through and he's like he wants none of it and I think there is a whole generation of like kids and teenagers being like no I'm good it's becoming not even just mainstream but it's becoming like cool

and it's all because of the more information that we're getting access to for a long time I think this stuff was on under key and lock right because of the money I was talking with somebody from Ireland too and I think next year they're going to put warning labels on the drinks, right, that it causes cancer. Yeah, I mean, if that's your business, yeah, you could see why you would want to hold, protect yourself from that for the longest time. Oh, yeah. I get it, but it's incredible just to see people making that decision before things get out of hand, which is incredible. I want to wrap up with this question really quick, if that's okay.

If there's a new mom or a mom to be that share a similar story with you, what would you say to them if they're, say they're stuck in this cycle as well, what would you say to them? I would say that, for one, don't let yourself sit in that isolation because that is definitely something that I did. I could have reached out to friends and I could have made more of an effort to have mom friends and to get out of my like dungeon, especially when you have little ones and you're in the throes of it, it can be hard to leave the housing and it can really be easy to just finish the day with a bottle of wine and not talk to anybody. But I feel like that isolation is where alcohol wants you. Alcohol wants you alone at home with the bottle. It doesn't want you

out connecting and being with people. And I think that especially with addiction and struggles with alcohol, we can't do it alone. We got to reach out and we got to find other people, you know, be it watching YouTube videos or listening to podcasts, anything to really remind you that you're not alone. There's other people who are struggling with this. And for new moms, I would say really make an effort to find your tribe. It's so important to not let that isolation take over because that is when those, you know, behaviors and, you know, the crutch of alcohol can really sneak in on you. And especially with, you know, the mommy wine culture and all of that, you know, you could buy into that for sure. but alcohol does not make parenting easier.

It makes it harder. And it doesn't de-stress you like you think it does. You might feel it at first, but you're borrowing from the next day. You're going to be a more frazzled mom if you are constantly turning to alcohol. So instead of turning to alcohol, turn to other people and connection. And I think that that is really, you know, you'll be a lot better off that way. Yeah, that's incredible. Look, if somebody enjoyed this episode, where could they find you at just to say thank you?

Yeah, I have a sober Instagram account, and that is called Sober in Athens. And then I also have a YouTube channel, and that's just my name. It's Danielle.combeidra. So you can find me over there as well. Okay, perfect. Thank you so much again for sharing your story on the podcast with us today. Thank you so much for having me. It's been an honor.

Wow, another incredible episode that I know you would have got a ton from and that can relate to so many of us, right? A lot of us have a lot of the same struggles on this journey. It was really a full circle day for the podcast. I had two guests on today that really early on in their journey. One, it was two days. And my friend Liz, I don't know the exact amount of days, but it was early on that they found the podcast.

And they're extremely grateful because they got some, so much from it. They've gotten so much from it. Both of them have, they tell me they've listened to every episode. I believe them. I believe them on that. But it's really strange for me personally to have people say thank you and, you know, for helping them with this journey and changing their life and stuff like that. I get it. I'm grateful for it. But this is also a team effort. We do this together. We do this with guests. We do this with stories. It's not just me. I might be the one behind pushing a few buttons and, you know, stay up until midnight a couple days of the week so that we can get the new show out the next day. But there's a team effort. I guess what I'm trying to get

at here is that I just want to really say thank you. For everybody who's come on the show, for everybody who listens to the show, for everybody who listens to the show, for everybody who supports the crazy vision of the show. And just for all the messages, over the last year, it's been a little over a year now, it's been countless messages. And I had this vision going into doing this podcast, and I don't know how many people even listen to this part of the episode.

After the episode's over and I start talking again, most of you probably jump shit. But if you do make it here, let me know. I would appreciate it. I had this vision to bring on celebrities and share those stories because I thought they were interesting. And of course they were interesting. I really enjoy those. But I also really enjoy fans of the show.

I really enjoy to hear those stories. People who are just trying to figure this thing out. People that are new to it. People that have been around for a while. People that have gone back and forth. like most of us probably have. It's just so incredible. Just to see the way people's lives change.

I was just thinking after those episodes today, my cup was overflowing with gratitude. And I just was thinking, what a privilege. What a privilege to be on the other end of this microphone and have people share shit some of their hardest moments in life. hardest things they've been through and share it with the world I mean, wow.

I mean, but that's, that just goes to show the safe place that we've been able to build around here, you know? But it just really goes to show about the people that are involved and the people that have been involved. And honestly, I've got 200 or more requests for people to be on the show.

and I want to have everybody on the show, but at the end of the day, I'm only one person, and I've got a little bit of help, but not to do 200 shows. But we'll get there. Slowly but surely, we'll share every story. But I just want to say thank you for the support.

Thank you for making this possible. Thank you for just making this something that people are interested in, that people find helpful. All right, guys. I'll see you on the next one.