Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Danielle started drinking alcohol at 14 years old and from the beginning was always looking forward to the next opportunity to drink alcohol.

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

In this episode, we have Danielle (AKA @thatsoberglow), who had her first sip of alcohol at 14 years old and couldn’t wait for the next opportunity to drink. Alcohol seemed to make life a bit easier and help her operate without her personal insecurities holding her back. During this time, she was also a mover and shaker involved in many things in life, and this would be a common theme. She did an incredible job of keeping things together on the outside, but internally, there was a battle raging that no one knew about. Getting and staying sober would provide so many benefits and much-needed clarity in her life. This is Danielle’s story on the Sober Motivation podcast --------------- Follow Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatsoberglow/ Follow SoberMotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Download the SoberBuddy App: https://soberbuddy.app.link/motivation More Info about SoberLink: www.soberlink.com/recover

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Danielle, who had her first sip of alcohol at 14 years old and couldn't wait for the next opportunity to drink. Alcohol seemed to make life a bit easier and help her operate without her personal insecurities holding her back. During this time, she was also a mover and shaker, involved with many things in life, and this would be a common theme. She did an incredible job keeping things together on the outside, but internally, there was a battle raging that no one knew about.

Getting and staying sober would provide so many benefits and much needed clarity in her life. This is Danielle's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Getting and staying sober is not easy. That's why we need a supportive and understanding community to, be involved with to help us out when we're struggling. That's why you need to check out the Sober Buddy app. Inside the app, I host three groups per week. We have two groups per day,

and there are also some member-led meetups on the weekends for you to stay connected. Connection might just be our best tool to staying sober. I know it's something that has helped me tremendously over the years and to keep this thing going. So if you're not connected to some type of community or you're looking for a community, check out Sober Buddy.

The members in Sober Buddy are incredible, kind, caring, understanding, and empathetic to your situation because they've all been there. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound than as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting. which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest.

On top of all that, results are sent instantly to love ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device today. I love my coffee and I know a couple of you do too. So be sure to check out sober vet coffee.com. Extremely grateful for David and the team over there for sponsoring the podcast and helping us out with some of the overhead costs that are involved with running a podcast. Be sure to order your coffee today and use the code sober motivation at checkout for 10% off.

Follow them on Instagram at Sober Vet Coffee. Thanks again, David. Thanks again, Sober Vet Coffee. It's so incredible to be a part of something that is donating proceeds to such a great cause. Now let's get to the show. This is an incredibly powerful episode. So grateful for Danielle to come on here and share her story. Be sure if you haven't left a review on Apple or

Spotify to jump on there and do that. We need some more reviews to let new people who are considering this show or the 50 other shows, let them know they're in the right place. And it would mean the world to me. Now let's go. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Danielle with us. How are you?

Doing well. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm happy to be here. Yeah, same. Thank you so much for taking time out of your schedule to do this with us. Yeah, I'm excited.

Yeah. So you said you mentioned that you've listened to a few episodes. You already know what the first question is going to be. What was it like for you growing up? Yeah. I would say I had a pretty normal upbringing. I grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey, just outside of New York City, about 45 minutes away. There was, you know, some addiction present in my family, not in my immediate family. But it was definitely around. I had a grandma and a grandfather. who were both unfortunately struggling with alcoholism. But, you know, had a very normal upbringing. I was a middle child, older sister, younger brother, and very athletic in school, held down a few jobs, fairly normal. Yeah, interesting. People seem to share one of two sides of the coin.

Like things were, like you mentioned, normal, or there was a lot of struggle at home and a lot of dysfunction, and therefore people had to grow up really fast. It doesn't sound like that's, your story, but then it's always interesting, too, if everything was normal and everything was pretty good, then what turns us down the road of addiction? And I'm sure we'll get there. So high school, everything was pretty good for you made frenzy playing sports. That's a great way to connect with people, too, at that age. Yeah, I definitely struggled early on with the self-confidence

and the sense of not really feeling like I belonged, but I hit it well. Things went pretty well for me or as well as they could have. And I blended in by staying involved and staying busy. And I think that's one of my, one of the things that is really challenging for me today is like, I don't know how to, I didn't know how to sit with myself. So in high school, I was able to keep busy enough and then started to unravel a little bit later. Yeah. So when did drinking become part of your life? So I had my first sip of alcohol at 14 and I loved it. To me, it was. To me, it was. like the solution. It was a great way to make friends, a great way to feel comfortable and to feel confident and to talk to boys and all of that stuff. So I was actually, I mean, it's different for

everyone, but for my group of friends, I was one of the first to start drinking and I just felt like it was the solution to all of my problems. Yeah, walk us through that the first time. How does this come into your life or the opportunity present itself? Yeah, so I had a friend who, she had an older brother and he had some friends as well. And so they introduced it to us. And, you know, it seems cool when you're the younger one in a situation. And that's how it was presented to me. And I was like, this is great. I'm going to fit in. I'm going to look cool. And after that, my best friend and I really wanted to get our hands on alcohol every moment we could through the help of her older brother and his fake idea. and all of that good stuff. But I would say my drinking wasn't normal pretty much right away. I would drink in situations where it wasn't really appropriate to drink, even at a very young age. And it just brought out this whole totally different character in me.

Like I was such a Jacqueline Hyde, even from my early, early days. Yeah, that's kind of how I knew it was really affecting me. Yeah, interesting point there. Do you feel like you were able to connect the dots? in your younger years that that was the cause of it or it was becoming that much of a problem? I think a little bit. I think the denial was really, really strong for me. But I will say, I was very aware of the fact that there was alcoholism present in my family. My grandma, unfortunately, died from alcoholism. And I remember at age 14, we had to write a term paper and we

could pick any topic. And I can't exactly remember. But I wrote mine on alcoholism. addiction and abuse. And at that age, I was very curious and I thought, I think I had an inkling that there might be trouble down the road, but I really thought I could solve it. I thought I didn't look like an alcoholic. If I get good grades, if I just try hard enough, then, you know, it'll be okay and I won't have a problem with alcohol. Yeah. I remember the DARE program. Did you do the DARE program? I did. In fifth grade, I was like the, the kit, like I was like, whatever it's called. It's just so funny how it affects us, the dare kits. Yeah, I remember that too. And I think there was a paper involved or something that we had to write. Yeah, it just brought me back because the other paper you mentioned you had to write. And I think I actually did that. I didn't do much schoolwork in my life, but I might have actually done that because there was maybe like a pizza party or a reward. And like, I didn't really get that stuff at home.

So I was like really motivated to participate in like get this award or participating in this day or program or a t-shirt or something. There was something in it that that I was interested in. So I hope to do with it. Yeah, it is. I heard this thing recently because you mentioned it's in your it was like already kind of in the family right. You were aware of that. Yeah. I heard this video recently that like if we don't look after not only addiction, but other areas of our life that our kids are going to have to deal with it.

This hit me so doggone hard this video because it's not like in all ways in every situation. But I think in a lot of situations that like putting an end to it can, you know, set up that, that example, that role model type thing for future generations and stuff like that. So it was kind of a, that just kind of stood out to me that it was already around. So many people share that story of it being prevalent in the family, right? Yeah, and I think it does catch up for you with you, I should say. Either it's really exemplified that we're careful with drinking, we don't drink underage, things like that, or it's presented as like alcohol is cool and it makes you exciting. And then, you know, that's the idea you have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's powerful for sure, especially in those early development years, right? In 14, too, like for me, I never started drinking when I was when I was young. younger. I had other bad behaviors and stuff. I was a really, I was a really bad kid.

You know, maybe, maybe misguided. Maybe misguided is the better word. I was just lost. I was lost and I was looking for any bit of attention. And I wasn't necessarily a cool kid to where it was going to be available for me to like smoke the pot and drink alcohol. It wasn't available. And my folks were never really big into it that I saw anyway. So it's interesting though that at, at 14 that you get right in there and you get right to it. Yeah, and I would say too, like, I mean, my parents, they're great. I have a good relationship with my parents, but my mom is a bartender. That's her profession.

And so there was always alcohol around and that's life. But it was definitely something I saw as like something to model behavior after. Yeah. So you're going from here 14, you already have a little bit of a spidey sense that this is a little bit of a problem now, but at 14, I had everything figured out. So it was great. I figured it all out. I was going to do all this incredible stuff without modeling the behavior required or anything. So you move on from that and how do things progress for you? Yeah. So 14 is when it started. And I was in between everything that I was doing. I always was like, when can I have my next

drink. I couldn't wait for the weekend to go party, to go just really. Like for me, it was about numbing out. Like, I just, it was like a way to not have to deal with the stress of thinking about things I was insecure about or applying to college or all that good stuff. So I was doing a lot of that, but still showing up for commitments, still kind of, I had a pretty rigorous schedule in high school. So I would still wake up and show up for swim meets at six in the morning. So I was like, oh, this isn't a problem. It's totally fine. And then I would say around 17, 18 was when it started to unravel a bit more. And I started kind of drinking.

I would leave school and go drink. And then I would go to swim practice or just doing it in places like this isn't really acceptable or doing it by myself. So it happened pretty early on for me. But I was able to kind of hold it together and just really hold on to the fact that I'm functioning. I'm still a productive member of society. So I'm sure this is fine. I'm sure it's a phase and it'll pass was the rationale, I think, at the time. Yeah.

And there probably was some sense to that too because you were doing all this other stuff, right? So it probably wasn't like this far-fetched idea. You were showing up with you had to do. And, you know, it wasn't like everything didn't completely fall apart for you. Right. Exactly. It's a confusing spot to be in, right? Especially when you taught with people that are considered themselves like a gray area

drinker or sometimes people throw around like high functioning. You're able to go to the job. You get the promotions. You're, you're doing what you can, right? And you're doing all right with it. But it's confusing because then you have like this elephant in the room. But things aren't, you know, completely falling apart yet. Right. And it's like, oh, I wasn't homeless. I wasn't any of those things. So I think that makes it really hard. And I think what a lot of people ask themselves now is like, is alcohol really serving me? And I wasn't asking that. question. So I just stuck around a lot longer. Yeah, fair enough. Me too. I'm with you. I'm with you on that. We didn't have those. We didn't have those conversations back then.

The things have changed over the years, right? Even since I got into doing, I mean, the first time I ever got any intervention to help, I was 17. I was in 2005. The conversation has completely changed in the resources that have completely changed since 2005 to where we are today. And that's a good, that's a really good way to put it. Yeah. So where do we go from here? We're 16, 17, 17, 18, 16, 17, 18. Things have picked up a little bit.

It's interesting to me. I have to be honest with you, thinking about when you're going to get your next drink. I don't know if I've heard that story. I don't know if I've heard that way of thinking this early on in the journey. Maybe people did have it and didn't share it. But that's, that's when it really takes a hold of you, right? because now you've got to plan your life around it and all that type stuff, right? Yeah, I mean, I think I was able to hold it together.

Like, I remember my senior year because at that point I had already gotten into college. And like, I was like, okay, I'm really quote unquote set there. And so I started kind of leaving early and going a drink and all of that good stuff. And I was, you know, again, I just kind of rationalized it by like, this is a phase. It's a scary time in my life where I'm leaving home for the first time. And then I was really just able to like white knuckle it and hold on to get to college. Yeah. How did that look?

When I got there or when I was white knuckling. College? I mean, college is tough because again, it's like the behavior of binge drinking is so normalized. Like we would say things like, oh, let's get black out tonight. And that was like, cool. That was like funny. And so it was really easy to kind of hide in college and pretend that everything was normal. But even then, I knew I had a lot of issues where, I mean, I would black out almost every time I drank.

I would be so ashamed. And I just didn't, I knew everybody else was doing it, but something felt off about my drinking. And there were sometimes that were really embarrassing that I didn't see other people going through. So I knew it was something that was unique to me. And I just, I wanted so hard to be able to beat it and to do it on my own and be able to figure it out. And I just kept saying, next time I'll do this or I didn't eat enough or it was because I had hard liquor or all of these different things.

And just every single time was pretty much the same. Yeah. That's interesting too, the blacking out because that, you know, I've heard that a lot too. where yeah you're doing the binge drinking and stuff and then blacking out and then yeah it's scary i mean i've shared on the podcast before but just recalling the handful of times for me it wasn't it wasn't often but the handful of times my goodness you know it scared me and it should have it should have scared me straight because yeah i had to have other people or recall the events and i was like there was no in my mind i couldn't wrap it around that i was still functioning i'm sitting at this

Mexican restaurant, my favorite in the world. And I can't remember having a meal there. And this was like three, four o'clock. I couldn't remember it. And I'm driving and all that stuff. And I'm like, man, that was terrifying. But I quickly forgot about it a couple days. I felt better. So is that the first time when you were in college where you thought like, hey, this is a problem? I've got to check. You know, I've got to get this figured out a bit. I mean, I wouldn't say it was the first time, but it was sort of when I started to realize, like, okay, this isn't going away. This is really present. It's sticking around. I was always someone who had a boyfriend because that was just easier for me to get into a relationship and have someone else kind of help hold me accountable. And I felt like all the time I was having to tell him, I'm sorry, I'm going to do better. I promise, like at age, you know, 19. and 21. And so I kind of had realized like, okay, this is, this is continuing. Like, how do I, how do I get better and where do I go from here? But, you know, unfortunately, I didn't stop really

drinking until I was 26. So it just continued. Yeah, things continued. Yeah. So did you make it through college then? I did. But so this is what's so funny. I made it through college and I actually graduated a semester early. So I just was always such a, I really always pushed myself really, really hard. And again, I was in college. I was pretty involved. I was holding down a couple of jobs. And so I was always able to rationalize like, this is not a problem. It's me being a college kid. And once I get out into the real world, I'm going to mature and settle in and things are going to get better. So it was always just like prolonging the we're going to get better and just living this like pretty crazy like quality of life of just like the insanity. Yeah. No, I hear you on that.

I mean, still like being able to work through there and finish college what you started to. I mean, that's that that's really good, you know, to do that. That was never anything I could keep together. I could never keep anything together. So I give you huge kudos on that for, getting that going. What were things like after? And through this time in college, did your, did your folks or anybody ever mentioned to you? I know you said you had the boyfriend that you made the commitments to like doing better and being better. But did anybody mention to you about to have a look at this? I actually don't think so because I think there were always things that I could hide behind. Like I kept myself really busy with jobs. And so I would, you know,

drink more in my own privacy. Like I really isolated when I drank the most. So I think I was able to hide it really well. And then when I graduated, kind of same thing. I just was able to sometimes buckle down and do the work. I mean, there were days where I would go to my job and my head would be spinning, looking at Excel spreadsheets all day. And I would go and run and hide in the bathroom and get sick. But I was able to kind of hold it together at least.

So I don't look like what people expect an alcoholic to look like. I look, you know, kind of sweet. and innocent and I think I took full advantage of that. Yeah, I definitely can see that for sure. So that would be the thing. And even if anybody even said anything, right, too, that's another interesting thing is if anybody said anything, you have all this other stuff you're doing well, right? So it's like, even if somebody does mention something, it's like, yeah, but I'm crossing

I'm checking all these other boxes in life that people my age are doing and I'm still doing what I need to do. So it's a very, it's very tough to even have a conversation. Right. With somebody, right? Because they're doing it. I had this other guy on the show and he's TV star and all this stuff. And he was like, what was anybody going to say to me?

Honestly, you know, I'm at the, and you were doing extremely well in these other areas. So yeah, that's a tough conversation to have, right? Yeah, I mean, it's really confusing, I think, for not only the person struggling, but also the friends and family. Like if someone did say something and I was like, well, I'm doing great at my job. I'm doing great at this. Like, what are they going to say? Like that's what's so confusing, confusing about addiction is like it really does not discriminate. And, you know, it looks different on everyone.

Yeah. And that's so, that is so powerful and so true is that it does look different for everybody. It affects people differently. And it's always something to keep in mind, especially at working with other people and trying to be helpful for people and just all around being a good person. You just never really know who's struggling, whether it be addiction, mental health, or the other countless things that humans can struggle with. It's always important for me anyway.

I carry myself to be kind to people because you never completely know the battle that they're going through. Yeah, I think that's what's so tough is like people don't wear it on their jacket. And so I totally agree. I try to do that as well because people, we just don't know. Yeah, exactly. So where do you go from here? So this is your working and you've graduated and Yeah, so I graduated. I was 21. I moved to central Pennsylvania, which is where my job took me. And it was a little bit more suburban, very quiet. I didn't know anyone there at the time. I kind of just found

the job. And I will say, there were a lot of people that were young and married and I was young and single and just didn't really know where I fit. Again, that seems to be a pattern for me as like I never felt like I was belonged wherever I was. And that was a problem with me, not with with the situation. But again, I was able to kind of hold it together because there wasn't raging, there weren't raging parties all the time. It was people with families. I had to go to work. And it was sort of just like this quiet thing that I struggled with on my own. What did it look like? Were you a wine drinker?

Sort of. So I would, I mean, I didn't discriminate in those days in my early 20s. I would kind of just drink anything. But in Pennsylvania, there's a lot of beautiful wineries and farms. So I would drink a lot of wine, really, again, like any excuse for me to go and have a drink somewhere. And then I would go into Philadelphia on the weekends, get really drunk there, and then hopefully show up to work the next. week. So it was very like two different lives between work and and play. Yeah, work hard, play hard. That's that's the motto, right? So did you make friends there some? Are you going to Philadelphia

by yourself drinking on the weekends here? To meet people or how'd that go? Yeah. So I met a couple people. Again, I found a boyfriend. So that was and he was kind of a way again for me to have someone there to hold me accountable to kind of rely on and be codependent with. And so I really, that was my weekends, was like we were either with his family or we were with his friends or some of my friends or a combination of both. And, you know, I was always the one that took it too far when we went out to places and things. Everyone was having a good time. I was so happy to be there. but I was always the one who was like, oh, let's bring our own, let's bring our own fireball to this place. Let's take shots.

Let's do this. And so even in those situations, I felt like I was always the one waking up and trying to piece together my night. And should I apologize? Do I owe someone an apology? All of that really fun stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So you met the boyfriend and that kind of got you into the sounds like anyway, the social circle people to party with. But you were always going a little bit extra. The extra mile to spice up the party. I'm with you on that. I feel like the extra mile in this situation is like the only time that it's like you don't want to go the extra mile. Yes. Exactly. So where do things go from here? It seems like the boyfriend thing is a consistent thing too. A lot of boyfriends throughout it. I mean, you mentioned codependency. What's a reflection there? I think in hindsight, how do I say this without sounding too depressing? I think it kept me alive and functioning. I really, really think that because, like, it kept me safe. Like, there was always someone

watching me and making sure I was okay. And I think that was on purpose. And, you know, today I pride myself on being a really caring, thoughtful person. And I know I had those qualities back then, but I just don't think I was a very good girlfriend if I was just like, oh, you have to babysit me all the time. make sure I'm not blacking out and that kind of thing. And I would say the time that I didn't have a boyfriend is when things really just unraveled. Yeah. Is that, that's in the future here that we're getting to? That's in the future. So we're at about like what, 24, 25 now or 23? It's 23, 24, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, so where do we go from there? So at 2425, I was feeling again a little bit lost, which is typical for me at this time. And I was like,

you know what? I never gave the New York City thing a shot. I think now is the time. I was really pretty unhappy because the drinking had really started to affect my mood and affect how I was feeling. And so I found a job and I moved to New York City. And I just thought, okay, this is going to fix every I'll be happier here. I'll drink less here. And so I moved to the city at about 24. And, yeah, that did not last very long for me. The part of moving to the city or the part of cutting back you drinking? Well, I mean, I lived in the city. Yeah, I would say both. I mean, I moved to the city and things just got really not good pretty quickly. I wasn't really able to moderate. or drink less. It was actually we were able to drink in the office and start at five and stay out all night. And then I did stay in the city even after I got sober. But me being in the city while drinking was just not a combination. Unfortunately. Well, yeah, there's a ton of access, right? And the

party goes on. There's a ton of people. There's a ton of stuff going on. And especially if it's, if you're drinking in the office, yeah, I mean, at the time, that was probably like, you're probably thinking home run in some situations, right? But. For sure. Sure. There were two things. I mean, the first was, I just thought it was like so cool that we could drink in the office. Like five o'clock would come around and the office assistant would pour everyone wine. And I was like, this is like this is my like new life. This is the best. And then we also had a very small startup kind of vibe. And so I decided that in addition to my regular job, I would also plan all of our company events. And for me, that was like purposefully inserting myself into a place where I could kind of manipulate and manage all of the drinking activities and just make sure that there was alcohol at all times. And so it was the best thing for someone who loved to drink, but the worst thing for someone who wasn't alcoholic. Yeah. No, yeah, it sounds like it. It definitely sounds like it drinking in the office. I couldn't imagine. I don't know

if I ever would have gotten sober if that was the situation, to be honest with you. And then you keep it together. But that's another thing that we kind of battle with on a daily, right? Is it just the normalization of consuming alcohol and all these different events, right? It's out of hand. It's really, honestly, it's just thrown in our face, especially in the city. I mean, the drinking in the office, the way I saw it then at 25 versus how I see it now, I'm like, you know, I get it if people want to have a glass of champagne here and there.

but to have these like work professional events and everyone getting blacked out is so wild to think about yeah for sure that's it feels it feels it doesn't feel right to me personally that that you know that's it but i don't know i mean sometimes i guess we're putting these high stress situations and then we just there's no other way to deal with it i think that we just get if that's how we grow up and that's what we're doing and we're in these these jobs jobs and there's a lot of stress and there's a lot of pressure. Like, I guess it makes sense to that's how we're going to escape. And then once you get used to it, you probably know once you figured it out at a younger

age that by drinking alcohol, the insecurities float away. The feeling of being less than kind of flows out the back door and all these other things that we're on the run from that gets quiet between our ears. Then once that happens, it becomes so much more than just a happy hour, you know. it becomes so much more. And then it takes time to get to the point where we're like, yeah, we need to get sober. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough.

It's really tough because, yeah, I'm sure that goes on it. A lot of places. And like for most people, it's probably not going to be that damaging. I don't know. I've never been in that environment, but like not everybody's going to be addicted to alcohol. And it's not going to impact their life. But like for the people that it does, it's like, man, that's, you know, that really, really sucks. Yeah. And I think when I was, you know, newly sober, I was like, this is unbelievable. And I was so

enraged. And like, you know, if you think about the people that aren't impacted or don't have addiction, I don't think their intentions are bad. I just think my world opened up when I realized and I was like, how is this happening? But I don't think everyone is there. And I think, you know, that's normal. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Not every, it's probably like I've seen some job posting to where people that's a perk of the job right that's an enticing thing we've got the coffee and then they've also got the taps right so it's like this is yeah yeah this is like uh you know maybe like one of the perks of the job or something like it's really weird when you kind of step back and look at it from you know where we're at obviously but yeah i don't think anybody

isn't would be intentionally you know i think there's good people out there right so they're probably not intentionally like yeah let's let's you mess everybody's life up i don't think that's what it is, right? But it's interesting. So did anybody throughout all of this? Like, has anybody come to you yet and say, you need to look at this. You've got a problem. Anybody mention anything? I hope I'm remembering this correctly, but really not until I went into the city. And the city was when all the alarm bells were going off and I just couldn't hide it anymore. But I think before that, I was functioning and things were going from what people could see things were going well and okay for me. So not really. Yeah. Which is wild to think about.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it is, but like you said, too, things are working out as well at the same time, right? Yeah. Yeah. So where do we go from here? So I moved to the city. Well, first, I did a little pit stop at my parents while I looked for a place. And that was disastrous. I think they started to see. what was going on, but it was for short months and I was out of their hair and we just kind of brushed it under the rug. And then I moved into the city and things just became so unmanageable, is the right word, so quickly. I mean, from the drinking at the office to the fact that there's a party every single night, a big club party, there's a happy hour. You can order, there's apps, So you can order alcohol at all hours.

And I just, I started to realize like how much I relied on alcohol and how much I couldn't handle when I was sober and it wasn't on my own terms, if that makes sense. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. So you, and you mentioned before we kind of jumped on live here that there was an intervention of some sort. Yeah. So I would say in the city.

you know, I lasted there for how long would it have been? I was there for a year and a half, just kind of getting into a lot of trouble, drinking a ton. I unfortunately went to the office, drunk a few times, and I got caught at least one of the times, and then finally a few people intervened. And they said, you know, we've noticed. And it wasn't just like they've noticed. It was, you know, I would be blackout a lot and I would, you know, come home in a state that was like not okay. And so I had my mom and a few close friends who intervened on me and were like, we've noticed this is the problem. And again, I was like, yeah, but I don't drink every day. And that's the thing I probably haven't mentioned. I actually wasn't a daily drinker.

Like I could hold it for a few days at a time. And so I remember saying like, oh, but I haven't had a drink in six days. Like I don't think I need anything. Like I think I'm fine. And I've tried to say, can I do outpatient? I think I'll just go to like therapy or something. That could probably fix it. And the interventionist said, no, we think you need something more serious. And that was like, to me, it felt like the end of the world. And as someone who loved love to drink, I just was like, how could I possibly not be able to do that anymore? Yeah, that's where it all kind of sets in, right? When we have that conversation with ourselves or somebody else has that with us,

I went right to the idea of this is all I know. This is just been my best friend. And I don't know anything different. And I was thinking that at the time. But then when I actually, that sober, I was like, oh, man, And what I was thinking was only like a tip of the iceberg. I really don't know how to do anything in life without this. So there was an interventionist involved.

So they noticed some stuff. And you mentioned you were what you stayed with the four months at your folks place. They probably picked up on a few things there. Yeah. So I think they picked up on a few things there. And I think they also were in a little bit of denial. I'm sure. I think they were like, we don't want that for our child.

Nobody really wants that. a life of alcoholism. And so things did start to unravel at work. Like I mentioned, I was, you know, not showing up in my best state. Things were just, I wasn't showing up as well. I wasn't, you know, performing as well. And at the same time, I was at a company that was kind of a revolving door, even if you were performing well. So I knew I didn't have much longer that I could kind of fool them. And I had racked up a lot of, you know, debt from all my drinking and craziness. And I was just like, if I lose my job, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like I have no way to pay rent. I have no way to live. And then on top of it, they were like, oh, now you need to get some help. And we're

going to take away the thing that is getting you through everything right now. Yeah, which was the job. Well, the job and the alcohol, yeah. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, everything's coming to a head here. 26, right? 26, yeah. It's kind of the, there's some cracks in the foundation of you isolating and drinking, people not knowing it's starting to become harder for you to kind of keep it all together maybe. Or people are just saying stuff.

Maybe, you know, when I look back at my story, people knew long before, you know, in a sense when it came to the substance use. But yeah, I think people want to believe, right? Your loved ones, they want to believe, hey, this. just a phase, you'll get through it, you'll get over it. Nobody, yeah, nobody really wants to to see that, right? So it's tough, tough spot to be in. Really tough, I think, for anyone to watch someone go through that. I think if the coin was reversed, I would have felt the same way. I would be like, okay, I really believe her. She's doing her best. She's going to make it. And so I think it put them in a

really tough spot to have to intervene on me because I wasn't getting there on my own. Yeah, of course. So what's that like, though, an intervention? So is it like on TV? They sit you down and everybody's got the letters and they read the letters. And if you don't do this, like, we're not paying your cell phone bill. It wasn't like that. It was we went into a place and I was just, I thought I was so just not in reality. Like I thought we were going to the doctor's office and we get there and I kind of understood what was happening.

And I was, I had a few people reading me letters, crying. they were so worried about me and I was just like, this cannot be happening. Like, this is no. And it seemed, at least in my view, that I had a say, I was like, well, I'm not going to do this. I'm not sure. I'll never really know. I don't think I had a say. But unfortunately, things got a little bit darker after that.

And I just was like, if they're going to take away the two things that I love, which is my job and my alcohol, then I don't want to be here anymore. So. And was that, was that during the meeting you had or was this, was this following it? So what was interesting is I left that meeting and got to go home because it was right before Christmas. And my mom was like, why don't you think about it. I don't know, think about it. And take some air, breathe, pack to come home and then we'll take you to a place. And I was like, absolutely not. Like, what is this? A Christmas present. And so left. by myself and terrified, I obviously turned to alcohol again and woke up the next day in the hospital. And that was the first time that had happened.

But I think maybe in hindsight it was something I unconsciously planned because from there, they were like, you need to go somewhere. And then that was the start of my sober journey. Yeah, wow. Yeah, that's, yeah, I mean, that's a heavy story, right? It's a really, really tough spot to be in, right? You're losing your job for one and the only other thing that's really been there for you. That's what it was for me. It had been there for me when no one else was. It was there for me even when I wasn't able to be there for myself and probably served a good purpose for being alive because I had early on in my years, too, I ended up at hospital, psych wards. and stuff too for just having thoughts of not want to be here anymore. And it was a big struggle. And it was the voices, the voices. And then when I would drink or do other stuff too, that stuff would quiet down.

So it was a very hard thing to come to grips with. And for you, I mean, you end up in the hospital. And then what are your thoughts then? I mean, the hospital was tough because I was so out of it. Like, I just, it didn't feel like my life. Like I was like, whose life am I living in that I woke up in? It was, you know, it was at Christmas. So they didn't even have a bed for me. I was on a cot in a hallway because I guess the hospitals get really crowded in the city at Christmas. And I just, I felt like I was like in a days living someone else's life. And I was very sick too. I think, you know, in a quite literal sense, I think I have an allergy to alcohol and that every time I drink, I get violently sick. So I was, you know, it should have served as a wake-up call, but I was just so numb that I was like, take me anywhere. I just, I was just so shocked.

Yeah. Wow. So where do you go from here? So from there, I was lucky enough that they had a spot for me at Mountainside in New Canaan, Connecticut, I think. And I went there on December 26, 22. And that was the first time I really had heard of recovery and, you know, different tools and different things. And it was just not what I had expected at all. And it was such a great experience, honestly. I know rehab isn't everyone's story, but I think I needed it or I wouldn't have, you know, I might not still be here today. And I had such a great experience in what I learned. Yeah. Wow. That's good. What was the program? The program? It was a 30, yeah, a 30-day program. And they focused a lot on like mind-body spirit and outdoor stuff. And so that was really good for me to have a lot of different tools and resources just right out of the gate. Yeah. Okay. And then where do we go from here? Because I know we talked before we jumped on that this wasn't sort of the end of the road for you, right? No. So what's interesting about my story is it wasn't the end of the road. I never saw.

stopped trying to stay sober. Like, I never went out and went out drinking and stayed out for months at a time. I always had a slip and came right back the very next day and was like, I, you know, I want to be better. But it took me a lot of day ones. I actually ended up going, unfortunately, back for another trip to rehab at Karen that same fall in October of 2017. And then slowly, I kind of got, you know, three months and then I would slip and then six months and then nine months. And finally, I had my last drink on August 11th, 2021. So it was about five years of kind of up and downs and struggle. Wow. Yeah, that five years. What was that like, though? Were you trying to like moderate? I know that's like a buzzword that we have right now. Do you ever do that or was or not really? No, I never, for me, it was like very cut and dry. Like I knew I needed to be sober. I never tried to moderate once I had like understood what sobriety was.

It was more just like self-sabotage. I don't talk about this too much on like Instagram, but I just really didn't, I truly didn't believe I deserve to be happy. And so I just wouldn't allow that for myself. And it just took a lot of work and a lot of time and a lot of talking and to get to where I am now. I mean, even me talking right now, I used to go to support groups and just listen and not talk and smile and just be embarrassed. And I'm a totally different person in that regard.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you on that too. And I don't know if you can relate to this, but I was a fly under the radar type guy. I was pretty charismatic. I could pretty much tell people what they wanted to hear. But to get me involved with stuff, I was a very, yeah, I was a fly under the radar guy. just kind of nod my head show up you know get people off my bag that was like kind of my my thing but I really realized my life started to change and I started to be a healing process when I started to

like become an active participant in like my own journey like take responsibility for hey this is mine this is my story and my journey and I've got to be become a part of it but I hear you on that you know that's what I preferred to do my first meetings I went to my first group meetings I went to like I was so afraid that somebody would notice me. I'm like, don't, please don't notice me over here. Everything is good. I promise you guys. Everything is good and it was far from it. And now you have this platform where you just talk openly about it. Yeah, what the heck is going on? I got to check myself here. Yeah, you know, and it's important though because it just shows the progress that we can make and the

transformation that we do make. A lot of confidence can come from not drinking and and stuff like that. So five years, man, that, you know, it's tough, right? I guess it could go both ways. And I don't know all the details to it all. But I just think back to my spot there was going back and forth, back and forth, and the shame, the guilt and everything kind of builds up. That can really be a tough spot to be in.

So there must be a lot of relief from getting sober and then stringing together so much time like you have. Yeah, I mean, I think the five years, at some points I just thought maybe this isn't in the cards for me. I can't seem to get it together. But, you know, now that I have over two years, I'm so grateful that I just kept going. And throughout that time, there were some days that I got really down on myself and I was just like, I'm feeling, I'm terrible at this. But I had a lot of really great sober memories, sober vacations in that time. So I just, I just, I'm feeling. I'm terrible at this. But I had a lot of really great, like, sober memories, sober vacations in that time. So I just, I just, kept pushing through that and and I'm so happy I did. Yeah, that's and that's what I think it is for a lot of us too, right? I think like sometimes we see and we hear stories of like, I hit a rock bottom. I got, you know, drinking and driving charge and the next day, I just, that was it. I just stayed sober. And then you hear other stories where, you know, a seed was planted at some point. And the seed gets watered here and there and here and there and here and there over and over again. And then eventually you have the sobriety part that comes out of it.

But that's what it was for me. You know, my first time I went to rehab was 2005. I didn't get sober until 2010. So five years. Five years. I guess that's it. I guess that's it. I never even put those two together until I said it there.

But it was that idea. But yeah, there were some good stuff, you know, in there for me too. Yeah. What's it been like for you? And walk us through that day when that, you know, two years ago. two plus years ago now in August when you're like, this is it and this is where I'm headed. This is what I'm doing. Yeah.

So the day in August, unfortunately, I was on a work trip and I, it wasn't like I went out to a party. I was dealing with a lot of stress or what I perceived as stress and I ended up drinking and I didn't show up the next day. And I was so embarrassed because, you know, just. internally. Like nobody really knew, but I knew and I had let my team down and I had let myself down and I was just like so tired of it. And I would say for me, yes, like the not drinking part is so important. But really what changed is the fact that I started opening up. I started having a more consistent group. I started figuring out how to make sure that I didn't overload myself because I have kind of these same triggers all these years. And finally, you know, figuring out what worked for me was like

the support, the talking when I'm stressed instead of picking up a drink by myself. And I wouldn't say it was one moment of just like, oh, I'm done. I just, I think it was like everything kind of building up to that point, if that makes sense. Yeah. And then that day, I mean, did you say like, I'm just not drinking today and then it just carried into tomorrow or you're like, what was your approach? So I was in the city, so I came home and I had already been not drinking for the last five years. So it wasn't like something really significant change, but I found a new group. I found a few groups and I really immersed myself in sober community and sober Instagram specifically, found people to talk to, found ways to be of service and just like do what I needed to do to make sure

sobriety was important and kind of recognize like I think I always put other things first. Like work is so important. If I don't get this done or, you know, if I don't stress myself out, I finally figured out like the sobriety is the most important. And if I don't get that deadline done, I'll figure it out. I'll talk to my boss. But I don't want to not be here anymore. And that's the risk I take when I, when I drink, unfortunately. And getting plugged into a community and everything can be so helpful, right, on the journey of. Yeah. I mean, I run a small community now and it's, I always like to come back to the beginning of remembering how scary it was to join one because I get so many messages that are like,

I don't think I'm ready. I don't think I'm ready to talk to people. And so, you know, it's scary, but it's so important. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, in the alternative, of a scary too, right? Like you mentioned the consequences for the other side. You know, so it's kind of like choose your scary. Choose which one's going to be scary. And the good thing is one of them is not going to be scary forever. You know, reaching your hand out, asking for help from people and putting yourself out there. Eventually, you'll get more comfortable with meeting people and with talking with people and sharing stuff that's going on and bothering us. I did anyway. You know, the more and more I did it, it's just like anything.

We have to practice in life and we're not used to it. We're used to just reaching for something else that's going to, you know, take it away or help us forget about what's bothering us. So that's so cool. Yeah, I almost feel like people don't believe me. But when I first started going to groups, my heart would start racing. My face would turn bright red. Like just if I were going to share something about my day.

And so the more you do it, like you said, it might be scary for a little while. But then it gets easier and you get comfortable with it. And how are you now when you go to groups? Not red anymore? Don't turn red. I mean, I still do get a little nervous. Like, it's not my most favorite thing to do is talk in a new group. But I'm definitely more, like you said, more confident, like just as a person in general.

And it's just familiar. So I know I've done this before. I can do it again. That's incredible. Look, if somebody was listening to this show and they were struggling to get or stay sober, what would you say to them? I would definitely say it may sound cliche, but the clichés for me are what worked. Just keep going, even if it doesn't feel like it's working or even if you feel like you don't have just one day.

A lot of people say, just have one day. Like just keep stringing those days together and just don't give up on yourself. And I mean, for my story too, I didn't get it for a long time. But then all of a sudden I got it. Yeah. It made sense, right? But it wouldn't have if I wouldn't have stuck around. Right. It just been uncomfortable and I went into the meetings and I just turned red and, you know,

everything else. We just got to keep with it. I love that. Well, that's incredible. Is there anything that you want to share as we wrap things up? No, I think we, honestly, we covered it. I just think sober life is a life beyond my wildest dreams. I know that's the big kind of cliche, but it's so true.

my life is so much better now that I've taken alcohol out, much better than I ever thought it would be. And it's just so worth it. Yeah. Everything at first is overwhelming and scary. But you hear that story consistently, right? Things do get better. It does take time.

But things do get better and improve. I mean, and it's so wild if we just remove one thing, like literally one thing. There is a lot of other stuff we have to work on. But if we just remove that one thing, we have so many benefits. And I think sometimes when we first start out, We get worried we're passing up on something.

We're losing something. And I'm like, man, I thought like that. And I'm like, looking back, I'm like, dude, you aren't missing out on anything. You're not losing anything. There's so much to gain, to be gained with this decision. You're gaining so much. So if somebody wanted to reach out to you, where is the best place they can find you? Definitely on Instagram.

You can find me at That Sober Glow on Instagram. Okay, cool. Yeah. So if you guys enjoy the episode as much as I did, be sure to reach out to Danielle on Instagram. That Sober Glow. And thank you so much for joining us and sharing your story on the show today. Thank you so much for having me. Of course.

Well, you guys heard it there first. Remember when Danielle said that she was really nervous talking in front of groups and now she just shared her story with the entire world. And maybe that was a little bit nervous for it. I don't know. I didn't have a chance to ask and I definitely couldn't tell. but maybe it was. It's never an easy thing to do.

So if you enjoyed this episode, like I said, as much as I did, be sure to send her an Instagram message at That Sober Glow. And let her know you appreciated it. Let her know, thank you. Want to show her some serious love from everybody that's part of the Sober Motivation community. You all are incredible. Thank you for checking out another show. And I'll see you on the next one.