Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Dave Manheim the host of the Dopey podcast shares his story of sobriety and how his hate towards himself pushed him to ask for help.

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Dave had a fairly good upbringing and it wasn’t until he attended a summer camp that he discovered that he was uncomfortable with himself and this was something that substances could quickly help him with. During collage Dave plugged into the pot smoking culture and little did he know this would just be the beginning of a long battle with drug use. Dave had many attempts at sobriety though his 20’s to get sober but nothing seemed to stick. Dave had his first child and after some time he would realize things would have to change if he was to play a greater role in his daughters life. Dave is the host of the Dopey podcast and an inspiration to so many. Dave hit a meeting and this is his story on the sober motivation podcast. Follow Dave on Instagram Download the SoberBuddy App The United Recovery Project -Get help today Follow SoberMotivation on Instagram

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Dave had a fairly good upbringing, and it wasn't until he attended a summer camp that he discovered that he was uncomfortable with himself and that this was something that substances could quickly help him with. During college, Dave plugged into the smoking pot culture, and little did he know this would just be the beginning of a long battle with drug use. Dave had many attempts at sobriety through his 20s, but nothing seemed to stink.

Dave had his first child, and after some time he would realize that things had to change if he was to play a greater role in his daughter's life. Dave expressed feeling like a complete failure for not being able to get things together. David Mannheim reached out for help, and this is his history. his story on the Sober Motivation podcast. You don't have to do this recovery thing alone. Join the Sober Buddy app. We have 10 live support groups per week and over 400 app members that are all working towards the same goal, being sober, and living our best lives possible.

Join me Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the app for my topic-based support groups. Download the app today, your soberbuddy.com, or your favorite app store. I'll see you in there. Getting help for addiction is never an easy thing to do. And picking the right place to get help makes it even more overwhelming. That's why I've decided to partner with the United Recovery Project. I've had a chance to get to know some of the incredible people working at the United Recovery Project over the years. And that is why this partnership makes so much sense.

The United Recovery Project has a top-notch treatment facility and program. I truly believe in Brian Elzate, who is the co-founder and CEO and has 14 years clean. The properties themselves are beautiful. with tons of amenities and activities. But most importantly, it's the level of care they offer. It's exactly what you would hope a family would receive and the staff who most of which are in recovery themselves truly care. It's really apparent that they do their absolute best

to create custom treatment plans to meet everyone's individual needs. If your loved one is struggling, reach out to them directly at 833-551-0077, or check them out on the web at URPRecovery.com. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Today we've got the legend David Mannheim with us, the host of the Dopey podcast.

Dave, how are you doing today? I'm doing good, Brad. How are you doing? I'm well, buddy. I'm well. I'm happy to have you. And we're going to kick things off with how was it for you growing up? I grew up. I'm actually sitting in the apartment I grew up.

But first, I want to thank you for having me on the Sober Motivation podcast. When I say it's a thrill, I mean it's a thrill because you're just tearing through the recovery charts. And I watch, I'm paying attention, Brad. This means something to me, just so you're clear. I'm actually sitting in the apartment. I grew up in, it's on 27th Street and 8th Avenue in Manhattan. And I grew up like super middle class Jewish kid. I went to a good school.

I didn't start using anything until I was like, I think I had my first drink at 16. My parents were both teachers. It was very middle class Manhattan Jewish upbringing, if that means anything to you or your listeners. It's like, imagine the most middle American thing in the world, but it's Jewish in New York City. Yeah. No, I hear you on that. I can't exactly relate, but I can't understand. stand. What was it like for you during high school and stuff? Did you have any troubles? Well,

I had some weird, horrible health crises when I was a little, little child, but I don't really think that that played a part. Like, I broke my head. I cracked my skull when I was like one. I got a staff infection and all of my skin peeled off my body and they had to sew it back on. So I had stitches on my neck and on my ankles and on my skull. Like, it was pretty crazy. And then I got into this public school where like 50 kids out of 15,000 kids get into or something. And then I went into their high school. In the high school, it's like 250 kids out of 100,000. So it was a very, very, very smart public school in Manhattan. And from, I think when I hit puberty, people started noticing that I wasn't quite as smart as the other kids. And they started suggesting maybe I should change

school, you know, around 13, 14, 15. And I refused. But I had a very, very tight circle of friends. I didn't have that at a place feeling until I worked at this summer camp. I worked at this summer camp as a waiter. During my school year, I was very much like same kids. I was almost addicted to the kids I grew up with. Like my friend group, I was a little like I needed them a little too much. And when I think about my addiction story, I feel like there's something there. But I remember when I went to this summer camp, I felt that classic alcoholic feeling of not comfortable in my skin, crazy alone. I remember I would lie on the side of the hill and listen to the Beatles, Abbey Road, over and over again, alone. Like, it was the first time I ever had feelings like that.

I was friends with the European kitchen staff. I had never had a drink. I had never done drugs. And the last night of the year, they had a party. And I want to say I drank 17 screwdrivers. And I blacked out. And I threw up the whole night. Like a kid I was with had to hold me up. And I would have been dead probably choking on my vomit. And that was the first time I drank. I drank to blackout. And I found that when I wasn't in my little safe space of friends, my alcoholic addict came out. Like when I went to college, I felt kind of the same way.

I felt very lonely. But instead of alcohol, I went right to weed. And when I smoked weed, it made me feel it was the total I had arrived. Like I felt safe. I felt okay.

I felt relaxed. Like I was a neurotic person. You know me, Matt. I'm a little bit neurotic. And when I smoked weed, that went away a little bit. And I was like, hmm, I can find. And you know how like people who are cool?

They're like, I don't give a damn. You know what I mean? Like I gave, I cared way too much about everything. So when I smoked pot, I finally felt a little more like I wanted to feel. When you, when you say everything, what do you mean? Like how people viewed you. Yeah. Yeah.

I was worried about what people thought of me. I was worried about. Was I good looking? Was I cool? Like just stupid teenage kind of thoughts, like just overthinking things I had done during the day, overthinking like just my existence, triple thinking stuff that makes people drink and use drugs. I can relate with you on that too. Yeah. But you didn't have any of that stuff in high school. So high school was pretty easy, breezy. You did well. Everything was decent. did horribly, right, in terms of grades. Like, I did horribly, but I had a really, I was like,

I had a good bunch of friends. And again, the high school was this very special high school. So instead of senior year, you can get an internship. And I got an internship at MTV. And I turned that into like an on-camera job at MTV. So I felt really cool. Like, I felt like, like, when you call me the legend, I think in that that little period of time, I might have felt almost like I could be who you think I am now, then. You know what I'm saying?

Like I had that moment like, things were good. You know what I mean? It was like my using did not come in until college. And in college, I felt lonely. You know what I mean? I felt like by myself.

And I think when I wasn't with my friends, friends being totally by myself, I felt at a place. I felt like I didn't know what to do because I didn't have the same people to lean on. And I had a couple of friends and we played in a band together and one of them smoked weed. And I had smoked a little bit of weed. But when I was in college, I was like, you know what? This is what I'm meant to do. This can replace my old incredibly tight friend group because that tight friend group, I mean, like we were in school from when we were four till when we were 17. So I got to college and I didn't know anybody and meeting new people without the security blanket of the old people was a little bit jarring. So I was like, I'm going to

get high because that's what I'm supposed to do in college anyway. I'm a musician and I'm in college. I was like, this is what kids in college do. And I wound up starting to smoke pot then, starting to smoke pot every day and then I smoked pot every day from then until I was 41 if I wasn't in treatment. I started taking psychedelics. I started doing pills if they were around. I didn't drink because when I drank,

I got so sick every time. Like people talk about breaking out in handcuffs when they drank alcohol. I would just fucking, excuse me, I would just vomit. I would just like throw up. It was horrible. So you enjoyed the smoke?

What was that doing for you, though? because there is a big culture piece to all of this, and then you kind of get wrapped up in the cycle, and that becomes your friend group, and that becomes a big part of your life. What was it doing for you? For me, it was like I was in love with music, with like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and hippie stuff.

So like my brain was very tuned into that. So I was really, I was like the opposite in a way. I was really caught up in stoner culture. I loved stoner culture. It appealed to me. And then, like, I studied art history. So I got into, like, art culture and, like, literary culture. And I got into all of those kind of heroic drug addict types.

And I became very, you know, it becomes a cliche, but I became very cliche like that. And it kind of definitely propelled my using. I wound up getting kicked out of college because we were selling weed. and I got caught with a bunch of weed. But I had applied to transfer to art school in the same year. And so I got kicked out of school and I got admitted into this other school. So nobody found out I got kicked out. I just transferred.

You know what I'm saying? I got lucky. And then we got to the other school and we just sold a ton of weed and sold a ton of acid. And we had a friend. My roommate had a friend who was like a heroin addict. and he came through with a bunch of dope and I tried it and I got very high but I didn't really like it you know what I mean like it was too much and and I again I was totally in I was enmeshed in Stonerland and it might have been because I played music and weed and music just have this incredible symbiotic relationship and I was also enamored with with the culture of it and and like the girls and And what the guys were like, it's just the whole thing. I was, I was totally a casualty of stoner culture.

And I did, did heroin. And I didn't do it again. I tried Coke. I was like, eh. And I wound up leaving, I graduated college, and I started working in New York City in production. Like, I was a production assistant. And I still smoked pot every day. Smoking weed was my number one, like, life thing.

Like, I had a million. jobs, but as long as I had weed, my life was progressing. Yeah. Did you, did you wake and bake every day? Often. You know, it was not a weird day if I waked and baked. As I, I, I waked and baked, like, pretty regularly. The only, and then, like, I got a job in production and, and I, I, like, became a production assistant. And my job was to pick up the sound guy's van. And then, and then go pick him up, right? And when I would pick him up, it would be six in the morning.

He was this pretty jolly, heavy, bearded, nerdy, just a great guy. But he was such a horrible stoner. So I would pick him up. He'd get in the car. He'd put on the Howard Stern show. And if I didn't wake and bake, at 6.30, he was smoking joints in the van on our way to the get. So, like, I was just enmeshed. As far as I could tell, that's what everyone did.

They just smoked pot as soon as they woke up and then smoke while they worked at work. So, like, that's what we did. And I got a couple more gigs, and I wound up getting a job on, like, as a host, for this very small, it was a college cable TV company called Burley Bear that Lorne Michaels owned.

And again, I felt pretty full of myself. And I turned that into a show, a music interview show. And I got to interview like musicians that I liked. I interviewed Karris one from Boogie Down Productions and Bob Weir from The Grateful Dead and Ween and the Flaming Lips and, you know, all these whatever people, pavement and, you know, reggae artists I liked and Eric B and Rock Kim and EPMD and like whatever. I was really cool. And as I did all that, a buddy of mine from college moved into my apartment. And he loved Coke. And he delivered weed for a living.

And he knew where all the doorman sold Coke. So he would often bring Coke home. And then we kind of, and I would do a little Coke, but I'm so amped up anyway that Coke, Coke never really did much to me. It was just like, it never, it never affected me the way I wanted to be affected. And we found this card. It was a little business card. And it said indulge on it.

it and it had a silhouette of a of a guy with the top hat and a phone number and it was a drug delivery service and we started ordering drugs to the apartment and i got a job as a location scout for a talk show and i went on a trip and when i came home my apartment was full of kids from my college and the kid who had moved in with me uh was was buying coke for all of them from the dealer So the dealer was selling all this Coke. And I walked in and I said to the dealer like, you're making a lot of money in the spot. You know, what do you want to give us for it?

And he takes out two bags of heroin and he drops it on the coffee table. And me and my friend snorted the heroin. And I felt exactly the way I always wanted to feel. It was way different than it was the first time. And then the next morning I felt even better. and I was I kind of knew that it was going to be dangerous but I really liked how it felt and I had a lot of stress because I had to make this show now and I started doing more of it you know it would be like Fridays and then Fridays and Mondays and then maybe Fridays and Mondays and Wednesdays and then they gave me a contract right this this company they gave me a three year contract and they wasn't like millions of dollars but I had never made any money I grew up in the long. income housing. So like when, uh, when they gave me a contract, I thought I was rich. And when I thought I was rich, I thought I could afford heroin. And I literally made the decision to do it every day.

Um, and within six months, I was strung out and I couldn't afford. I mean, I paid $300 a month for my apartment. Okay. I had an apartment on 24th Street and 8th Avenue. My mother put my name on a list because I grew up in public housing. My mother put me on a name on my name on a list when I was 11. I got the apartment when I was 22. So it was a $300 apartment. I was making $100,000 a year and I couldn't afford the apartment. And I didn't want to tell anybody what I was doing. So I found a free detox in Manhattan, a public detox, which was eye-opening. And it was really my introduction to a life that I was going to have for the next 15, 16 years. I went to this public detox.

It was street people. It was serious drug addicts. And I was this cushy middle class Jewish kid with this big job and big ego. And I didn't tell the company that I had done that. I told my parents and the company fired me right away because I breached the contract. If I had told them, they would have sent me to a plush rehab. But I told my parents instead. And I got fired.

I went on unemployment. I got on methadone. And that was kind of the end of my good times. And then I kind of went from treatment to treatment to treatment, detox to detox. I wound up moving to Los Angeles. I started shooting heroin. I started doing meth in Los Angeles. I got on more methone.

It was just like a cycle of total misery. Everything was done. Yeah. So that was 22 when you first went to this detox? I want to say that it's 24. 24, yeah. And then what you got on methadone and then you got off the methadone and just kind of kept the cycle going? I just kept getting on.

You know, I had a dream last night, Brad, that I have using dreams all the time still. I'm seven years clean and I'm using dreams all the time. last night I had a using dream I wasn't using but I had heroin and I had Xanax in my pocket and I went down to get methadone but the methadone wasn't in a clinic it was like a food truck on a promenade and you and we worked for the methadone clinic you and I you're in the dream okay and I go to the truck to get my methadone and and they're like do you have any ID and I'm like a mess and I'm like no I don't have any ID and Brad's like it's state and he's like he's like he's like He gets, give him his dose.

And he's like, but Dave, Dave doesn't like the Kool-Age. Just give him the clear methadone. And I was like, wow, Brad knows how I like my methadone. That was my dream last night. Isn't that crazy? That's wild. That is wild. What was your take on the, like towards the end of your journey?

I want to just skip through like for a little bit and then we're going to come back. But was methadone part of you getting sober? Was it like using then methadone and then sobriety or no? It was, but it wasn't linear. And I'm sorry I went on that detour to that crazy dream, but I had to tell you if we're talking about this. What's the, oh, no, sorry, go ahead on that first. No, like, what it was like for me was I couldn't afford heroin, so I would do methadone because I wasn't ready to be off of heroin. I used, I never was just on methadone.

I always used while I was on methadone. I used it as a crutch for my heroin addiction. I also became addicted to benzodiazepines when I was on methadone. And I would use the methadone clinic to get heroin, to get benzos, whatever. However, I'm not going to say it wasn't a part of my recovery because it definitely was. I learned a ton of stuff that I didn't know. I was exposed, I mean, good and bad. You know, I was exposed to a ton of different modalities of treatment, of recovery,

groups and stuff, even though I was totally resistant. In the end, you know, I was on methadone for probably eight years. It took me like maybe 18 months to get off a methadone. I was in Los Angeles and I was on 150 milligrams and I had gotten a call from my mother that she had been diagnosed with leukemia and she didn't think she had long to live. So I was like, I got to get off methadone and go home. And so for that year, I got off methadone and I got to come home and be with my mother before she died, which was something I'm very grateful that I got to do. No, yeah, that's incredible. How did you get up to 150 milligrams?

I used while I took it. It's like the clinic that I went to, if you use while you take it, they just raise your dose. That's their system. They just raise, if you come in with a dirty urine, you don't get kicked out, you just get more methadone. Yeah, wow. Yeah, I remember my methadone days. It was, I was only on 50.

And it was a headache. It was a headache and a half for me. Had to drive the day. I mean, it served its purpose for sure. It was helpful. But like there was no, there was no treatment. There was no recovery.

So they didn't like make me go. They had groups, but I always just came up with an excuse why I couldn't go. And they were just like, okay, we'll try to try to come next week. And I was like, yeah, for sure.

Of course. I'm going to be there next week. It's like, I don't know what's better. If it's better to have them raise your dose or if it's better to put you in withdrawal

like if they ever I mean like I wouldn't have made it on that program if they turned me away if I used but and I think the whole population at the at the meth clinic that I was at was using

I mean they sold drugs at the clinic there were no groups you know there were no groups at all it was like it was like 1977 from the movie or something it was a whole scene it's an interesting thing for me it was helpful

but then to get off of it like was it was really hard yeah it was like six months of you know I just went cold turkey and then I went to a detox in Florida and then it was six months of like I kind of refer to it like when I first before I started using drugs how I felt alone low self-esteem no confidence losing a lot of weight and just brain scrambled it was interesting I wound up gaining so much weight. I became big and fat on methadone. I was eating like cakes for lunch and dinner. It was like it was a disaster.

My, my and like I was just, it's a miracle that I'm sitting here and not a total wreck because like it was pretty hopeless. You know, it seemed to be hopeless. I got detox on a blind methadone detox for for like, I want to say it was 15 to 18 months. And at the end, I was on 30, I think, and I checked into a detox. And then I left Los Angeles. And I never did methadone again, which is amazing. It's like escaping, it's like escaping, you know, a war-torn country. Like that's how I feel about methadone.

Yeah, like a life sentence. Yeah, because it's one of those things when you're in there. I think it's the same with the pills and the heroin and the methadone and all that stuff. Once you're in there, you don't ever have a vision of getting out of it. and you see people, and it's reinforced because when you go to the clinic, you see people who, that they have been, you know, for better or worse, everybody has their own experience and it's, you know, I wouldn't personally say that it's bad for some people.

It's going to serve a great purpose. But eventually for me, it didn't. But yeah, you see that everywhere, like, you know, 10 years, 20 years or whatever it is, it becomes, you know, it's hard. It's a hard thing and a lot of people don't imagine to get off. So when you do, it's like, wow. still even when I think back, I'm like, wow, it's like a kind of unbelievable in a sense that found a way out.

So when did you, so did you do pills as well? Because a lot of people share a story where it was the pills. You know, a lot of us started out with the pills that were just everywhere, flooded everywhere. And then they dried up once there was, you know, different things put in place. They dried up. Is that part of your story as well? Not with opiates. Opiates.

I just did heroin and methadone. Like I would buy, in Los Angeles, I would buy tarred downtown and in New York. I would buy powder from Brooklyn or the Lower East Side. You know, I never, and I mean, like, I guess before I got clean, I was dating this girl who would bring me percocets and oxies once in a while and Vicodins and stuff. But I never, I never had a thing with pills like that with benzos I did. I ate benzos by the handful. But all of my opiates were heroin or methadone. Yeah. Okay. What was all this doing for you? I mean, you mentioned the hopeless part too. Like, because you had 15, 16 years of doing all this stuff. Like, what was it doing for you? How were you feeling? What was going on during this time span? It was just lost. It was like, it was lost time. I think I had, you know, it's like, let's say you have an idea in the front of your head and you're not using. You can access that idea. You can play with that idea. You can play with that idea.

You can pursue that idea. When there's using, that idea kind of drifts back and back and back and back. And I'm a total dreamer. So like the idea never left. It's just imagine like the twilight zone. And the idea is pushed way back in space. And it's this tiny glimmering square in a field of blackness. And I always saw the dream.

And I would get depressed. but I loved getting high so much. Like I could watch TV and get high and feel like I was in the TV show. I could listen to music and get high and feel I was in the music. Like getting high, like it was a great consolation prize for not being who I wanted to be. It was just, it stopped working. You know, I was spending so much money. In the end, I wound up back in New York trying to get wealth,

and I wound up getting a job at a deli. I still work at the deli. Cats is a very famous deli. And I wound up waiting tables and making a bunch of money. And I got up to $300 a day on heroin. And when I used to produce TV, I would spend that kind of money a day. And then when I had no money, I would spend whatever money I had. So what it was was I couldn't get high.

And at some point, there's some logic function in my brain. that's like you can't afford to do this and not get high. It's like it's just, it just sucks. You know, it just, there's some, some thing that that happened. But for me, what happened was I met this woman and she was incredibly beautiful. And my mother had just died. And I met this really, really beautiful girl. And we started dating.

And within like six months she got pregnant, right? And I was trying not to use. but I was still smoking weed and I was still taking pills and I was doing heroin not that much. And I wound up, we wound up having a kid and I wound up relapsing bat on the heroin. And like I remember we'd go to live birthing classes and I'd have a pocket full of Xanax and heroin.

And I was, it was just really sad. And I, and she left. She caught me, you know, shooting up. She caught me. and she left with the baby. And my dad would take me on visits to see my daughter. And I was often high. And I was a train wreck.

And for however much I enjoyed being high, I didn't enjoy this. I didn't enjoy being just a total failure to my daughter, to myself, to my dad, to this woman. And the feeling was so bad. You know, people always say, oh, you got sober for your daughter. And I didn't. I got sober because I never hated myself as much as I did in that period.

In that period, I hated myself more than anything. And I felt shame on top of shame and fear on top of fear. And it was, I can't. even like even when I just go there for a second. It was so sad, you know, and I, I still couldn't get it together for years. Like, I was still kind of out there trying to, like, smoke a little weed or this and that. I remember, though, me and my, and I, and I was so sad that I couldn't make my family work. And, and all I would talk to anybody about was I can't believe I messed this thing up. I can't believe I ruined this family. And then I started smoking wheat again, like, I could. And I, I,

And then she caught me because I had to show clean time to have custody of my kid. And she caught me. And we had just about worked out our relationship, like reconciled and stuff. But when she caught me with weed and pills again, she was like, you're losing your custody. And I remember it was in August of 2015. And I wrote her an email saying, please let me smoke weed. I promise you, if you just let me smoke pot, I can, I can, I never missed a child payment. I never missed a a child visit. I was like, if you let me smoke pot, I promise you, I won't let you down. We can work this out.

I need it. And something in that moment, I'm like chain smoking Marlboro Reds. It's the summertime. I'm living in Manhattan. I'm typing. And I see myself in that moment. And I was like, what are you doing? you know after all of this time after all this methadone after your mother's dead pills heroin this that i'm sitting here begging to smoke pot and like it just hit me like what if you don't smoke pot like what would that be like and i was so and then i kind of kind of had this moment and then the next day i went to a meeting and and there was some kid who was like 28 and uh he was celebrating 10 years and i was 41 and I had not even a day and I got annoyed at this kid he was like beautiful young man with like tattooed sleeves and all cool and I was like give me a break you know and I think I went up to the kid

and I was just like I was like you're so annoying you know I said something like that to him and he's like he's like well where are you at and I was like I used yesterday and he said well so is today your first day and I was like I was like maybe maybe it is you know I was like I was like like maybe it is my first day. And I went home and I called my best friend and I gave him all my pot. And I had like a stoner's bounty in my cupboards like with jars labeled and all this stuff. And I gave him all the weed. And I gave away all my edibles. I gave away everything. And I found a meeting that was a 730 a.m. meeting. And someone said, we, I told my story and someone was like, we want you to come back tomorrow. And I never had had.

that experience that they wanted me to come back. And then I heard it, I worked a program. You know, I got into 12-step recovery and I worked a program and I heard rarely have we seen anyone thoroughly followed this path and not achieved these results. And I knew that I had never thoroughly followed any path. So I was, I wanted to. I wanted to have those results. I heard the promises and I thought it was like a crock. You know, I had always thought that stuff was a crock but I was like I could use that and the thought I had was I'd been as high as I could ever get was never going to get higher than I was I was 41 if I'm lucky I'll live to 82 half of my life has given me this I'm a waiter and a sublet of apartment is strange for my family what if I try being sober

like what what could that do for me and and that idea was very enriching to me and exciting and and I really put my effort into working a program. And we started making dopey a few months later. You know, we started making dopey. I had four months. And the beginning of dopey was just me and Chris making fun of AA, basically, while I worked the program. You know what I mean? And I put all of my energy into my recovery, into my family, into my work, and into dopey. And like, it's been really, really good. No, that's incredible. I'm curious. What about the program worked for you that time?

Because you'd probably been before, right? Yeah, I'd never been. I mean, I'm not supposed to say this stuff, but I don't care. I'm not a great observer of traditions. I had done Narcotics Anonymous, and I got a year, but I think I had a few drinks even in Narcotics Anonymous for some reason. And like I was dating and trying to drink. And then I had never done AA.

I had done Narcotics Anonymous here and there over the years. But I was never somebody who was going to go to a meeting using. It's like if I'm using, I'm going to stay at home and watch TV and eat ice cream sandwiches and stuff. You know what I mean? I'm not going to a meeting. So like when I went to AA and I heard rarely have we seen someone thoroughly do this, it was the first time I thoroughly did it. I got a sponsor.

I worked steps. I did 90 meetings and 90 days. I did all of it. Like I just did everything that was suggested I did. And it worked. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people talk about too, the gift of desperation. So they came desperate.

And then, I mean, I can relate in a sense too because like after a while, things just stopped working for what they initially worked for. And then as to where like the substances worked so well in the beginning to help us live with ourselves. Eventually, they become the main problem in our lives that create so much other chaos. And then you start losing things. I think, and I think to the older you get, and it's probably not everybody's story, but yeah, the more you lose, the longer you stick around, you know, so, and I think that's good. I'm always curious, though, because a lot of people, you know, I did a lot of fellowship stuff and a lot of 12-step programs and celebrate recovery and smart recovery.

and I mean, I tried everything, you know, many, many times over. But I think that point of desperation is just important to where it's like, I can't keep going like this and I can relate to you 110% on the part of your story where you're like, you have that little vision for that I have a purpose in this world, that there's something else I could be doing. And I owe it to myself to at least give that a shot. That's the way I started. I never intended to actually get sober.

I just intended to stop suffering, stop going to jail, stop disappointing people. And I didn't want to live on my brother's couch anymore. And I just put one foot in front of the other day after day and struggled and asked for help and did all the different stuff. But I think that that idea can be very powerful of like, I have a purpose and I know that this is not it.

Yeah, I mean, I think for me, I didn't know that I had a purpose. I just, I knew I would have no, I wasn't, the way I used, I couldn't use a little bit. And if I used, I could not do anything I wanted to do. The only thing I could do was use. Because like, like when you asked me before, if I waked and baked, you know, like, I, I used just way too hard and I could not pull it off. You know, when I was a TV producer, I thought I could and I would show up for work high and I would show up for work in withdrawal.

And it's like, it's pretty obvious. You know, like you can't do. It's like what you said also. It's like you have all these problems and you trade all these problems for using. And then the problem of using becomes so much bigger than any problem you ever had before and how do you get past it? And for, I mean, like, and I also totally. I don't think that 12-step has a monopoly on recovery.

I just happened to be in this desperate situation and went to a meeting and was willing to do the work that way. And I found it accessible to me at that moment. Like if I had stumbled into a celebrate recovery meeting or a smart recovery meeting or a Dharma recovery meeting or I got interested in working out or I decided I was going to play music every day or I was going to be a Buddhist or anything, I believe that there. There's infinite ways to get better. And all it really requires is a commitment and a willingness to do something.

Because if you're not doing something, that's when all of our old stuff creeps back in. Yeah, so true. I'm with you 110%. Yeah, it's kind of there definitely is a lot of roads that lead to, you know, can lead to a better life. That's the way I look at it too is, you know, just a better way of living. And then you start to, you know, you start to put energy and effort into there. and you start to follow through with stuff. But it's so hard getting started.

What if somebody out there, Dave, listen to this podcast and they don't know where to start, how to start, what would you say from your own story advice you would give? I'd say talk to somebody. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, for me, I say go to a meeting and talk to somebody at the meeting. If you hate the idea of going to a meeting,

go to a Zoom. go to, I mean, there's a million resources. Go to the sober buddy community. Go to any community of people that are trying to get well and share where you're at. And somebody will try and help you. Because we know that we couldn't get sober if somebody didn't help us. So we are bound to help somebody else. And we're just two people out of millions and millions and millions of recovering people

whose life is to help somebody who's in trouble. So if you're in trouble, seek people like us out and we will help you. That's our whole coat. Yeah, love that. Yeah, reach out for help. I mean, that was the hardest thing for me getting started was to pick up the phone and ask for help. But I think it's scary too. My hardest, the thing that I struggled with most when asking for help was because I'd done it so many times

and didn't follow through with my side of the deal. So after so many times, I felt like this broken record, like, I'm going to change. And everybody's like, yeah, we know. We're willing to help you, but we know, like you don't put forth any effort. But that last time I showed up for it. And I just did whatever I had to do and whatever I was told to do. I realized I got myself here with my best and smartest and brightest ideas and thinking. I ended up here with nothing

and I was not going to be able to find my way out of this. But it was tough. But now I love that. Reach out for help for somebody who's going through it, share where you're at. What are you up to now, though, Dave? We're going to wrap things up here, man, but I want you to share with what you're doing now

and all that fun stuff. I do this podcast called Dobie. I live for it. It's my favorite thing. It's the podcast on drugs addiction. and dumb shit. And basically we have this, you know, it's, it's my joy. You know, it's my dream.

It's like, it's like my band. I started it with my friend who actually died while we were making it. And we have this audience that is very devoted to it. And it's fun. You know, it's fun for me. So I make this podcast, which is a lot of just dark stories and a lot of recovery. And I still work at California. That's his deli.

And I work with the team at Sober Buddy and I have two daughters. And I got back together with my wife and we bought a house and had another kid. And, you know, I'm just trucking along doing my best. Yeah. No, I love that. Yeah. And there's a huge fan club, like a massive fan club for the podcast and a massive fan club for you as well, Dave.

I see them everywhere. I see them everywhere. As much as humble as you want to be about it. As humble as you want to be about it, I see them everywhere. So you have a really unique skill to, I think, bring light in a sense to something that maybe is so dark. I really enjoy that aspect. And even you sharing here, it's like we didn't really get into those 16 years, you know, very deep. But I imagine it was very dark.

And here you are. I mean, you're just doing so much and you're just so full of life, man. I do love living, you know, and I love. having fun and I love feeling love. You know, I love having that. It sounds corny, but my, my heart is always like bursting with excitement and, you know, I love life. It's hard for me to even say those words because I love to be down about stuff, but I really love living and I, I love my friends and I love my family and I love making dopey and I love, I love just ideas. I like existing. I like having the idea of existing in the world. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

and enjoying it because life is not forever. We know that. And so I'm trying to, you know, enjoy it while I can. Do you feel like you're making up for lost time? I feel like, yes. Like I feel like I am, my life is beyond my wildest dreams, as they say. I'm really enjoying the work I do and the other stuff. So, I mean, I didn't work for a long time.

Like I had a girlfriend who took care of me for a long. time. I was like the third cat in our house. I like lived in a bathrobe and ate endemans cakes all day. But yeah, no, I feel like my life is, I'm definitely making up for lost time. Incredible. Well, I thank you so much for jumping on here today, man. Really appreciate it. Brad, thank you so much. It's been awesome. I appreciate you too, man. For a majority of you, Dave will not come as a stranger. You're familiar with him and his podcast, which is incredible. He's been doing it for seven years. we can only dream.

But thank you, everyone, for checking out another episode. I really hope you enjoy this and you're able to connect with this episode and can help move you forward in your journey or at least feel less alone on the journey. As always, if you're enjoying the podcast, share it with two friends and leave a review on your favorite podcasting platform. Brad here, and I'll see you on the next episode.