Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - David grew up around a lot of alcohol but never in a million years could have guessed how low it would take him.

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

In this episode, we have David, who just celebrated 3 years of sobriety. It took asking for help to get started. David grew up around a lot of alcohol, and as a young man, he joined the service, where alcohol began to take hold of his life. After some consequences arose, he sought help but struggled to maintain it. As his drinking worsened, so did the consequences, and a call with his commander set things in motion to begin his sober journey. ----------- Check out David on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobervetcoffee/ Order from Sober Vet Coffee: https://sobervetcoffee.com/ Follow SoberMotivaiton: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Sign up for a free SoberBuddy virtual Zoom meeting: https://mailchi.mp/yoursoberbuddy.com/soberbuddy-free-zoom More information on SoberLink: www.soberlink.com/recover  

Welcome to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have David, who just celebrated three years of sobriety. It took asking for help to get started. David grew up around a lot of alcohol, and as a young man, he joined the service,

where alcohol began to take a hold of his life. After some consequences arose, he sought help but struggled to maintain it. As his drinking worsened, so did the consequences. And a call with his commander set things in motion to begin a sober journey. This is David's story on the sober motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones.

Weighing less than a pound than as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have built in facial recognition, tampered attention, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to love ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device today. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my friend David with us.

David, how are you? I'm great. Glad to be here. Yeah, awesome. Thank you, man. I'm glad we could jump on here and share your story with everyone. Yeah, definitely. I'm glad to do it.

Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? Oh, man. So back when I was a child growing up, my mom and dad split at a pretty young age. My father being pretty heavy alcoholic himself. So around the age of five, parents split up that was pretty toxic between him and my mom. I vaguely remember at the time just as you grow older, you kind of remember key things. I remember definitely a lot of anger, a lot of rage in my childhood between him and my mom.

Now, looking back on it, just the points were there. I remember driving down the road, him pouring his bottle of vodka into his coffee driving with us in the car, and there's two older sisters, so it's three of us from our father. So yeah, my mom's left him, and then we were kind of on our own for a little bit. Dad kind of stepped away from the picture after plenty of run-ins with the cops and just things of that matter. So mom met my stepdad, which kind of took us in as his own. Never once questioned, you know, treated us any different. At the age of six, at seven, I think I remember, just wanted to change my last name to his last name, not even understanding.

So his family was very welcoming, very warm, but there was always that peace with my real father trying to do the shared thing. And so I remember he was always just, he was very business-minded. So anytime we'd go see him on a weekend, he'd be always working around. he had a bunch of apartments and stuff growing up, and then he had a liquor store. I remember working around there. Our quality time was moving alcohol boxes and picking up cigarette butts. So very as a kid, never really enjoyed going into that. But as we grew older, that relationship kind of separated.

He was around, but very, very vaguely. So my childhood and my stepdad was wonderful. Braised his side of his own, and eventually him and my mom had three kids of their own, but never changed the dynamic at all. We always felt we were a big happy family, and the whole alcohol piece was there. But weirdly enough, my stepdad, kudos to him, never really talked bad about my real father. Just always was like he's sick and definitely was not the person who he used to be because they all went to high school together. So they all knew each other from, you know, even growing up at their age.

So he always explained to me and the sickness of it and I got the bug and, you know, I got to be careful. But ironically enough, my stepdad was consuming just as much, but the dynamic was different. He was never, I would say, angry alcoholic. He was just he drank a lot. He was a hard worker. He raised six kids. And as I guess I kind of grew up, I mean, my sister's relationship with him was different, but my relationship with, I still call him my dad to this day, was very good.

As I grew older in high school and stuff, I was always into the car aspect of it. So I didn't really get too involved with the drinking aspect of it, kind of here and there. That's not too serious. But I'd say around my 18th, 19th birthday, I joined the service. And that's kind of, I think, when getting away from home, kind of seeing who I was as a person, you know. I would say that's probably where I really started drinking a lot. I got married super young. I was 19 years old when I got married.

Probably sick to home. You know, I was a friend type thing, but we were both young. So we growing up, that was our atmospheres. We'd work hard, play hard, and party even harder, you know. So I think evolution in, you know, every time I'd go out, I was always the one that was the drunk guy or the guy. who has to get carried away or whatever the case may be. But as people age, I never kind of did. You know, I just kind of stuck within the same, I think, habits of work hard and drinking. And then the military life being away from home and stuff, I think was a big change. And I think

that's naturally how I coped with things. So I think I put that above my first relationship for sure. You know, as we kind of started growing up, that's where the wedge started coming in. So we started drifting apart. You know, we were married for, gosh, nine years. So that's, you know, a long time. Things kind of got pretty, I'd say, squarely there towards the end of it. I was honestly drinking every day for probably the last three years straight before my first real big instance where we went on a holiday down to New Orleans and I guess she went to go to bed and I wasn't done partying. So I went down to Bourbon Street by myself. Well, that was a mistake. So we all know how that ended up getting robbed. I got my wallet stolen, my phone stolen and I went to go

chase the people that took it. Well, I was in flip-flops. So I fell in my face, cut my face all up, pretty bad. Finally, somehow, I'd say probably seven, eight in the morning, somehow to the day I have no idea how I found my way back to my room and eventually had to go back to work that Monday. And of course, you know, military is what happened and what happened. So I think that's kind of what really highlighted it for my military aspect of it. So known for a long time, I kind of jumped a lot, but I was pretty protecting of it, knowing, I guess, where I come from. But I went to seek help. And at the time, my first marriage was pretty much over in. It's But so I was doing everything I could to try to save it.

Went to treatment after they did a screening. And, you know, I was honest with it. And of course, the red flags flew off like the 4th of July. So then went to a local treatment center and did my 30, I think it was there for 31 days. And I met a lot of great people and got out. And I was trying to salvage my marriage and trying to do everything. I was doing the whole 90 and 90. And the military had a program on base that I had to attend to mandatory.

So I went and did that. And the way the military does it is, We have to stay absent within certain levels, like level one, is we used to get blood and urine drawn, you know, every week. So they can tell back from 30 days or so however long time ago you drink. So still did the 90-90. I went to meeting every day. And I think after a couple months of being back, my marriage dissolved.

Probably it was a long time coming. So, of course, I got angry at the world and thought I could definitely take back what was mine and what I thought was my choice. Well, I totally kind of put on the bad boy hat. and went out and bought a Harley and was cruising around and going from bar to bar and doing anything I could, you know, just to not be home and eventually, weirdly enough, like, going back into it and had to jump back. But so I was in the military program of it for about a year.

And they go from the level one to level two. So it's kind of a test. You know, they want to see if you're consuming alcohol responsibly. Well, heck, I just went through a divorce. I hit the ground running right back, if not farther along than I was. So my military side of it, they're going to be. were starting to threaten me with my career. They were like, well, if you don't figure it out, we're going to figure it out for you and you're going to get program failure and add, you know,

admin separation due to failure to complete the program. So eventually I quit again just enough to get through it. But I remember to this day, it was kind of, I was angry at the world. You know, I was just very, very upset. I remember telling my counselor lady, I was like, the only person who could cure me is an alcoholic and you're not an alcoholic. I was just kind of being a jerk. I was just being unkind. Well, I think after a couple weeks after that conversation, they graduated me. So I went out about my way, and I was trying to figure life out and still drinking hard, but also figuring life out at the same time. And I think looking back on it, man, it definitely, there's a lot of what it should have could is, but I had to go down my road. So I was still

drinking probably just as heavy as I was before. And I tried to get back out into the dating scene. And I met my wife today, actually. So we went out and we were having fun. And after a couple weeks and months and things are getting pretty serious. serious. You know, I was open about it. I was like, listening to you know, I'd been to treatment. But of course, you know, I'm sure at that time, I probably downplayed the severity of it. But I was like, oh, is everyone else's problem, not mine, you know? So as things got on, you know, we eventually, we got married and the old habits crept right back in and start causing issues with me and my wife. And, you know, it's not my problem.

It's not the alcohol. It's you and started driving a big wedge in between us. And it was like, I guess at the time, looking back on it, man, for a lot of bad fights, a lot of nasty fights. And it was never my problem. You know, it was never my fault. And then as time goes by, you know, we were trying to have kids. We ended up having a kid. We had our first son that was, you know, on pregnancy. And of course, I was hiding it the whole time. You know, it got to that level. It's two phases. You want to protect it. So I had it hidden throughout the house. I remember coming home every day. I would literally get home and slam six beers before she even got a home and denied it or whatever at that point. I could even

get my hands on. But I lied, completely lied through everything. And we ended up getting pregnant. You know, that was a rough couple years because, you know, we had pregnancy issues. So I took that particularly hard to, you know, I was my coping for everything, right? So eventually got pregnant, had our first son, our first boy. I was actually baby leave and I got a phone call from a friend of mine saying, you know, at the time I was stationed in Florida and they're like, well, how do you like being at Florida? I was like, I love it. And well, how would you like moving to Sicily, Italy? And I'm like, well, do I have a choice? So I ended up getting a NATO assignment at the end of 2019 October. So they came back and they're like, well, you got to move in February.

So just having a newborn kid, I was in the process of we had a house. I was doing the floors and just trying to get everything together there. And it was kind of everything I could to get everything managed in time. Of course, the booze never stopped. But got all that done. Finally got to Sicily. And as soon as we got Sicily about a week after, good old COVID hit. And Italy gotten like really, really hard lockdown.

So here we are, six-month-old son, a marriage that was already rocky, packed her stuff up, moved across the world, and here it is good old isolation time. And that was a rough couple months, a rough go. I remember I was waking up. I was miserable and everything. My marriage, I hated her. She hated me because we were just nasty at this point to each other. I would say, hey, well, probably. You know, we did love each other. That was one thing that never changed. But I remember it got to the point I was just miserable as a human being. I was absolutely miserable. And I remember I'd get up in the morning. I'd be like, yeah, let me go get my kids. But you sleep when you get my kid.

This was at like 6, 6.15 in the morning. By 7 o'clock in the morning, I'm downstairs cracking beers as quiet as I can, the slam them, you know? But at the time, I just wanted to numb the pain of, you know, everything, thinking that everything else was the problem. Throughout the time, she had mentioned my excess of drinking. And of course, you know, yeah, I'll quit. Yeah, I'll change.

Yeah, I'll try to work on it. And of course, those are just white lies, you know. So, but eventually being isolated with somebody, you're going to know the true extent. And COVID was bad for everybody, but, man, we started just fighting nasty. And then she would call and kick me out. And I would go stay at a hotel on base and then come back and say, I'm sorry. And then the cycle goes on.

We did a trip kind of as things kind of started getting better a little bit after COVID. They started to let people travel a little bit. We went up to Capri. Then we did our first kind of Europe trip. And we did a, well, was it this boat tour around the island? And the owner, their mom, would pack sandwiches. So they packed sandwiches and a little lunch force out on the boat. Well, we had them unpasteurized mozzarella cheese.

Well, my wife ended up getting really sick off of it, ended up getting a bacteria infection. And so for about a month and a half, she lost, like, within the first two weeks, she lost like 20 pounds, and it was pretty bad. And while they ended up medevacting us up to Longstool, so up in Germany, to go seek, like, because they didn't know.

That's time, no one knew what the heck it was. So they'd menvacked us up there, and our marriage was just in the dumpster. Our whole family knew. I was calling her dad. She was calling my parents and work was involved, kind of. Friends would protect me in the sense. But we ended up going up there, and I remember we ended up getting in a fight,

and she kicked me out again. I think this was like the third or fourth time. And I ended up going to a hotel, and I was just so sick of everything. You know, I went on this. God, it was like a four or five-day bender, and I hit it hard. Like, it was at the time I would drink anything I could, right? I remember I drank it. I think it was vodka for like five days straight, not eaten, just straight vodka.

eventually got back to the room and I guess in a sense, you know, she had called my commander at the time like, hey, I need someone else because here she is sick as a dog with our, I think at the time, one-month-old son. And I was up there supposed to be her medical attendant. Well, I was doing a great job at that. So, you know, from a hotel room. So she called and said, I don't know what to do. She was doing college at the time, too. So upon all that, she was juggling college, being sick, dealing with me. So I called my commander and actually I know it was my bottom in. I was like, well, I'm either going to keep going down this road and lose everything or I'm going to honestly wind up dead because, you know, I wanted to die.

I was trying to drink my way to death while that wasn't working out because I guess my body was tolerated enough. But if I just hadn't had the farthest bottom yet, I guess thankfully. But I made the phone call and I had submitted to it that I was open with my commander. I was like, listen, I need help. Thank God I did, man. And just looking back on it, too, like I had a hidden, you know, they'll talk to people. When somebody leaves a room, you know how many seconds it takes that person to get from point A to point B. So that gives me 13 seconds to run in here and take a swig.

And it was absolutely that bad. I hid it in the mattresses. I had it in everywhere. And one thing in Italy, I remember, they could sell pint water bottle full of wine. And you could get it for like a euro. It was super cheap. So here it is in Sicily. Cicely's hot as heck.

And here I am. I had it hidden outside. I remember I was told her I was like, I'm going to try to get sober. And so I was using the excuse of jumping on AA meetings to sit outside and drink. I'm sure, you know, 110 degree wine, but I was just chugging it. I was just chugging it, man. Like, as quick as I could, as much as I can get, man, I'll throw right up and it would just keep chugging it. Blood and all keep going because I didn't know how much time I had from that moment until my next opportunity.

It did get bad. I remember at work, it was like the whole first couple years, I would say my body started really noticing the shakes. And just the awful feel. And man, I got to the point I would come home from work and I would just sit in my driveway, slam whatever I could before I walked in the house, just to maintain keeping from the sweats, the shakes. I mean, I can remember my stomach just felt like it took sandpaper

and just rubbed it raw. And it was just, I'm sure, from the amount of alcohol, I was drinking and the amount of food I wasn't eating. But it got to the point I made the phone call and my commander sent up somebody, senior leadership to help the situation out. So he flew up the next day. They had me go to this behavioral health thing.

When I called my commander, he was like, all right, well, this was at like six in the morning. They were like, you need to go to this thing. Well, I absolutely could not make it. So I went to E.R. And they turned me away the night before because they didn't really pump me full of some fluids and let me go. And I probably shouldn't have been let go because I'll never forget this, you know. Here it was, almost six in the morning. And there's this little gas station on base, probably a mile or so.

walk from the hospital. So here, I'm still three. She's the one at this point. What are the first thing I do? I go by four vodka shooters. I'm just slamming them. I'm like, this is going to be it. But yeah, I mean, when I'm determined, I'll find it. So I remember, too, the nurse was like, I think my blood level was like almost point four something. And she's like, how are you still talking to me? And I'm like, I'm an alcoholic. I don't know what to tell you. Like, that was the true meeting. Like, my body was so used to it from over time of doing it. And I don't know how long I obviously could have kept doing that, right? But kind of really jumped back. And I don't kind of like going really back and forth in the story, but to kind of jump back to the relationship with

my real father. I was 20 years old. And the last time I think I'd saw him was in a coma. He was doing really bad health-wise, diabetes, smoker, just still drinking like a fish. And I ended up passing away from kidney failure. So he died very young in my life, but I had known when I made that phone call, now having a kid, I was like, I want to be around for him. All out's feels I want to be around for him.

And I already done the treatment. Thought back I could take back the power control. It's weird, man, like going through treatment the first time, it's like you put that little monkey on your shoulder, you know, it's like every time I was out drinking, good times are bad even after the first time I went to rehab. It was always that thing in the back of my head. Maybe the guilt, you know,

like knowing the truth, but not looking at it. So to me, that was kind of a dangerous combo for a long time. My first time to treatment was 2016. So from 2016 to 2020, it's a long, good little stint there. And there's nothing more dangerous with an active alcoholic with some AA on the brain. Mentally, I'm sure, there for a while I was battling that internally. But I would also just chase it away with the next, let's get a little bit drunker, none of that pain.

But to kind of fast forward back to where I was in Germany, They sent a coworker up and helped make sure my wife was squared away with having other medical attendant there. And at the time, I was supposed to go to COVID kind of spike back up. So I was supposed to go to London, everywhere shut down again. So they were like, we don't know where we're going to send you. So it was about a week after they found a place in Texas in Austin that is a help for heroes program.

So, you know, here I am, my wife still in Germany, dealing with her medical stuff. And here I am, you know, I have to go start my journey. So at that point, me and my wife, we didn't know what was going to happen. She made the phone call to my commander risking that if I was going to divorce or leave her, you know, she made that call, but she had to do it. She had to make it for her and the kid. So they flew me from Germany straight to Texas, and I started my second time in treatment. This time, when you know, you know, I guess.

And at that point, I'd known that my life was definitely going in a direction where I knew I didn't want it to go. I was about to lose everything. And I was about to no longer be in the service. I had a kid not just different from the first time around. You know, I had a kid involved. And I just knew I wanted to be around. And I was just honestly just mentally sick of living this life of the lies, the chaos, the insanity.

It just got tiring. And it was hard because, you know, it's always hard leading up to it. But it was really hard because I had struggled even like trying to quit. You know, it's just I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. I knew I needed something, like something significant. again, right? And I remember calling, but I had a sponsor at the time because I did kind of dabble back in the A. I reached out. I had a sponsor and he knew. And of course, I would lie to his face,

even showing up to a meeting was strong. And you know what? You just let him sit in on it. And he did that. I remember I was like, I don't know what to do. And he was like, well, I think you know what you need to do. And for me, I had to separate my home life, my work life, and focus on me. And I knew for that to change, I knew I had to call, right? So I went and it was hard. You know, I refocused on myself in a different way. I think the first time I went through treatment, I was so worried about the outside world that, you know, I didn't really focus on the why.

I didn't focus on the true, like, what do I have to do different, to live different, and continue staying sober. And I learned a lot the first time, but I think I was so worried about the outside because I was still married and I knew that was kind of so worried about everything else. But this time, I was like, this is it.

So that was a hard 31 days again. But, you know, that was just to kind of kickstart me when I got out and I had to fly back by myself and, you know, I had to call my boss and they weren't going to fly somebody from Sicily all the way to Texas to come escort me back. But at that point, you know, I was going to kind of face the walk on my own. And my commander was like, well, order you not to drink. And I was like, I respect that because I did not want to drink at that point. I remember walking through the airport, passing the bars, just kind of going.

And just kind of staying true. I really focused on riding a lot, I think helped me out. I was a big believer in the thought of alcohol creeping up. I just had to physically do something different to change that. Remap that thought process. So I did that. Flew back home. Well, as to now, was my home in Sicily.

So I got back home and that's when real, real work started, reintegrating back into, didn't know what was going to happen with me and my wife. Didn't know. Yeah, I'd been away for a month and a half from treatment. You know, my kid and the trust is completely broken, you know, at that point. Because once I submitted and I made the phone call, I just told her everything. I was like, I've been hiding it. And I was like, even though I was gone, like we'd make phone calls while I was in treatment,

when I started telling her, look here, look here. And then a couple days later, I'll make a phone call to her. And she would go, yeah, I found six more bottles in this place and I forgot about. So she completely scrubbed the house up, down, left, and right. But, you know, that trust is broken. So we got back and very slow process. but I got jumped right back into, I had my sponsor. We had a kind of informal AA there on base.

There was a group about four of us, and at times there was just a group in this other, my sponsor at the time. And I'm not going to lie, man, that was hard. Just grinding out through reliving and fixing and mending the chaos, rebuilding. That's where the real work was at. And my wife had joined Allen on. We both come from different backgrounds,

and we both had our own baggage to face. And I think at that time, we both just did that. We're like, let's focus on working on ourselves independently. And then we can focus on this marriage. I'm not going to lie, that first month or so back home, we're still hard. You know, going back to work. I worked for a very small unit there. So there was U.S. people.

There was only probably about 20 of us. So, of course, you know, everyone, why is he gone? Why is he gone? I will give my bosses. They did a very good job of keeping it very professional in that manner. I think I'm still wearing a uniform today because of them, truthfully. I honestly, God, do. because I realized, like, maybe from their childhood or what,

but they knew that it was something deeper than just put the bot drink down because, you know, I was told that, put the drink down, put the drink down. But I couldn't. So I felt like they were the ones, honestly, to give me a fighting chance when it came to that and saving my career. But I came back in slow process. My work schedule was I was working one week of days, one week of nights, one week of days. So just trying to do all that, trying to mend the pieces.

I was reading a lot. Me and my wife started going to counseling, and we started really, you know, how getting into things. Think of that on top of the time. They're sober, you know, that's when the true colors come out. But, you know what, man, I've made a lot of mistakes in my day. And I've broken a lot of hearts, and I've lied to a lot of people because I did it because I put alcohol on a pedestal above all, above my own happiness.

You know, I absolutely did. But I had to break it all down to really figure out, you know, who I was. And I started learning, you know, COVID was kind of the crutch. It is weird because that's what pushed me over the edge. but also at the same time when I kind of started getting reintegrated back, things were still shut down. So I didn't have to worry about going out to dinners and things like that because that's the farthest thing I wanted to be around was alcohol at that point.

That was probably kind of a saving grace a little bit. And I felt like as things kind of started opening up, you know, in the world that I was able to kind of ease myself back into the world a little bit, weirdly enough. That first year, man, that first year, I'll never forget. I remember I was counting days, counting, man, it's counting hours, man. And I never felt so proud of myself until I hit that first year of sobriety. I was like, damn it.

This is something, man, that worked in all that. Probably to me, it was the most rewarding thing that I can honestly, truly work for and grind for. Because I had to figure out the wise. You know, I had to figure out, hey, I came from a broken home. I came from a dysfunctional family. Not to say, you know, my stepdad did wonders, but he's sober. I mean, my stepdad, so he's got, I'm three years sober as of the 27th. He's got seven years sobriety on me, you know, so my family comes, every corner, it's like a boxing ring, man.

As dynamic as my family is, there's four corners and they're all a bunch of alcoholics. You know, so I got it from all sides of my family. But for me, I think being open about it this time has made it easier. I think being true to myself has made it easier accepting of it. There's still times that it is hard to, I guess, separate from, just because I feel like it is so, you know, it's used for everything. I know when I was drinking, I had people explain it this way. When I was drinking, like, when you open your medicine cabinet, you know, you have your Tylenol, your kosher, whatever, whatever, whatever.

Mine was booze, booze, booze, booze, booze, and booze. You know, I dealt with everything. Happiness, sadness, joy, misery, you know, the whole nine. So, yeah, I slowly replaced those with things of, what can I use different? What can I do different? How can I handle this different? I remember early on, it was the true white knuckling, and I did a lot of walks. I mean, we did a lot of walking.

I had to stay busy. God, I remember the weight I lost. I think I got down like 130 pounds. I got little. But I wasn't drinking as much. And, you know, of course, the candy addiction came, but that's a object for today. But hey, I'll take a risi addiction, no alcohol addiction any day. But, yeah, absolutely, man.

So it's been quite the journey, man. It really has. And even to this day, it's still a daily grind, even though I've gotten, thank God, Every day, I just hit three years of sobriety lot on the 27th, which is huge. Me and my wife says she can trust me again, so that's the good thing. So you have to prove it, and some people won't ever trust you again, and you have to accept that. But I knew if I had a fighting chance of being happy and being alcohol-free, I had to just be true to myself. Whatever happened moving forward.

And I felt like I was given that opportunity. And thankfully, I felt like at a young age, I actually spent my 30th birthday in treatment. my first time. You know, they all was saying, dirty, 30, let me go out and party. And my first time, I was stuck in a rehab facility. So I'll never forget that. But I guess it's grown. I'm still in the service. I got about three years, four years left until I can retire. My wife was like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, well, I want to help. Because I realize it's a desperate need for it, not just in the military, but everywhere. But I feel like in the service, I've had to become very, what's the word? Like, you lose your friends.

guess, because everything was evolved around to drink, you know, whether it be a barbecue or whatever, right? I felt more isolated than I did during COVID, but luckily I saw it in my life there. Thank God I saw my wife there because we were able to just a couple of guys I met up a couple times a week at the chapel on base and then my wife and my kid. So I always felt like there was a need for something to just change that perception, I guess, in the service of how can you still be Not even accepted, just how can you still function? And I always felt like there was some need, right? There's been a lot of people I've talked to and the pleasure of helping.

A couple people worse off than I was at the times, but that just became focusing on others to being able to help on others and not focusing 100%, but using my experience to help them and show that you can be in the thick of it and still get up and know that to the extent of what you've done, you can still wear a uniform. It's always kind of hit home to me. So it actually started a business earlier this year,

We actually opened a coffee business. It was weirded like coffee. I mean, I never drank coffee a day in my life until I started going to AA. And then going to Italy, just Italy alone, the coffee there. Oh, my goodness, man. That's coffee. Evan. So we had our local cafe that we would go to and we always had great conversations with them.

And we were like, well, what can we do? I was like, well, my wife just finished up her MBA and her dad has always been in the business aspect of it. And I'm like, well, let's see if we can sell some coffee. So we started doing that. And we did that. What now back in, we got here. March, so we went live in May. It's been good. We're actually doing a sober Thanksgiving in a couple weeks. That's really awesome, I think, giving a people a place to go, and especially overseas,

I feel like is a safe space, you know, if they choose to not drink because they can't because like me here, if they just choose not to in general. I thought it was pretty important. And my wife did too, to have that option for people. We started doing that in Sicily. We called it sober giving with a small couple people we had at our chapel that were in AA and stuff, and they would come, and we just kind of made it a thing and started to doing it. So that's kind of a big event that we were doing. I thought something that was always really, really neat was sober vacations. I thought was really cool.

We were looking at doing a big trip before we left Sicily because I didn't know if I was going back to the States or not. So we almost did a sober safari. And I thought it was really cool. Like they kind of just map out your trip for you and they just take that piece out of it. That just makes it a little bit more comfortable for the people. So good with that, man.

Dude, one second there. This has been incredible, man. Thank you for you. You're making this episode really easy on me. I love that, man. I wanted to just touch on a few things, man, that stood out to me on my end here. I mean, that part where you mentioned, too, about just being miserable, I think a lot of us who struggle with addiction of any sort can really relate to that, right?

Because you end up in this spot at the end where you want nothing more than to quit, but we can't quit. And then I think that's where we end up there in that spot of just every day in and day out, it just becomes Groundhog Day, right? If we want things to change and then you start to feel the weight of the world because things keep going the wrong direction and it builds up, man. I mean, overall, I really appreciate you sharing all that, everything, and especially going back there to where the experience with your father when you were 20, right?

When he passed away, yeah. Did he mention anything to you before that all played out? No, so my real father, I mean, gosh, I think it was probably four months, Prior to that, I saw him in a coma alive. And then there on that, I mean, that conversation really never happened too, too much. Yeah, man, that's got to be heavy, though. I mean, to see that. You know what always really interests me is that how we have these lives that I think growing up were like anything but that.

You know, not that they're bad people or anything, but they struggle with addiction. And then once we get old enough to pick up on it, we're just like, you know, I just don't want to follow those footsteps because we see the outcome. And then if we fast forward years, then I can share it in my story too. It's like, my goodness, you know, how far off was I from what I was resisting so hard to become? But I think it kind of goes back to like that work, right? If we don't ever do that work. And when I was young, I really couldn't connect the dots on the anxiety, the depression, being impulsive and all the other things that we go through as young people. And I never was willing to do any work.

I was just in denial. Like nothing's wrong. Like you mentioned too, a theme in your story too, it's everybody else. Like every time it was everybody else's problem. It was everybody else until it was my problem. And it probably was my problem the entire time. I really appreciated you really sharing that. I mean, just honestly and just transparent about what it was like for you.

I mean, honestly, it's been incredible. I was also wondering, David, when you called your commander, I'm in this spot. I need to get some help. Yeah. What's the response you get back? Well, I think in the situation I was in because I was in such a small unit with the U.S. personnel working with NATO, the lines of communication were very open, which I think was very crucial and very probably in my favor at the time because most of the time, like if I was to where I'm at now, I wouldn't call my camera manager directly. Kind of everyone had their own phone numbers. So he had knew based off the conversation he just had my wife. life like days leading up to that, right?

Like when I was on my bender and she didn't know if I was going to wake up. Yeah, honestly, she didn't know I was going to wake up. That's the thing about it, I guess, at the time I was so far off, she was scared. So she'd called my old boss at the time in the States. She'd called my commander. And when I called that morning, I knew I needed to do it. That was a hard phone call. And I remember his response to me was, David, I'm glad you called because I don't want to have to make the decision for you.

So I think allowing me to make the choice of what I needed to do to kind of take, I think, the discipline out of his hands, I guess. Because, you know, that was my line of duty. I was supposed to be up there to help my wife. But there I was. I got in a fight with my wife and I'm going on a four-day bender doing that. I was in my own hotel room just drinking my sorrows away. So that was the liability. But I think just that open line of communication with him at the time, absolutely.

I feel like saved my career. Then the other individual that he sent up to this day, I'm not going to be. name names, but those two played a huge part. And he was very just, what do you need to get? Because they split me and wife at that point. I was his responsibility. So I had to stay in the hotel room with him, and he had to watch me and make sure I wasn't trying to, you don't know at that point in time what that person's state is, right? So didn't know if I was going to try to go off the deep end or whatever, but he handled it very professionally. And I think that's a rarity. I really, really truly do in certain situations. And I got lucky, honestly, that the right people,

right time in the right place where I needed them to be, start my journey. You know, I really do. Yeah. No, it's always interesting. Looking back, man, when I look back on my story, like, it's so weird to say because things went so far off the rails, it's really weird to say that the timing was right for a lot of situations. But when I look back and I'm like, man, this, it was perfect. I mean, it was perfect. At the time, it wasn't in my favor. But looking back, I'm like, man, that was just great. I heard something there, too, about when you talked about your commander, he's glad that you made the choice. I heard this thing for, from another interview I did with my buddy Pete.

He said, an alcoholic only gets sober when it's their idea. And they made me think of that as to where like if we are disciplined or if you were just disciplined and they're just like, you have to do this and go do this. You know, I always wonder like, I mean, we'll never know, but I always wonder how the impact changes, right? When we become up with this idea that we're at the end, we've had enough, the research is complete.

And we always end up in the exact same spot. Even though we wake up every day, making that bargain with ourselves, is that commitment that I'm just going to do things differently today. I'm going to wait till this time. I'm going to spend this much money. I'm going to have my dinner first. I'm going to make all these bargains, these commitments.

But I think that's what continues the cycle as well, right? Because when we aren't able to fall through on any of these things, that it's just like, well, I'm just a piece of shit. So I may as well just get it going, right? Yeah. But I'm with you, man. I was just going to lead into the coffee thing. I wanted to ask a few things about that.

I think it's incredible, especially in the service. I mean, it's needed everywhere, right? But community, I mean, I'm a big believer in community brings upon change, right? If we can connect with other people and we feel like we're less alone, we're part of something, especially when you're sharing about your meetings, you know, sometimes being two people, three people, four people, right? But it's that helpful. That's what I love about the whole sober vet coffee thing you're doing is because the first time we talked,

which feels like forever ago, but it really wasn't too long ago. But you're explaining it about bringing people together and about creating that community and being around something that people enjoy a cup of coffee. And I thought that was just so doggone powerful. I just really loved that idea because that, you know, that's what I do now. If I'm going to hang out with somebody and chat with somebody, like nine times out of 10, we're probably going to go for a coffee at Starbucks or one of the other places in town. It makes you feel like you're still part of something.

Absolutely. You know? Yeah. I always remember, too, like, so it's a cafe that we'd go to. And we love it because, like, they treat us like family. but you always had your regulars who would come in, and the older Italian men and their wives and stuff, and they would sit down, read the newspaper,

and that's just to me, you're right. The communication and the conversations that over a cup of coffee are just so powerful, like, in a good way. That felt like I'm my niche, you know, so. Yeah, now that's beautiful. Where are you at now? Were you still in Italy? No, so we moved in March, end of April, beginning of March.

We're in England. We're in the UK. Yeah, so north of about an hour and a half, two hours north of London. I tell you, the coffee world is huge over here, which is awesome. Weird enough when I was talking about how the stars line up and the things like, so we were doing that small, like, official unofficial AA when I was down at Cigonella, there was a couple that were there that were like deployed there.

So they were there for like six months. And so they were in the thick of it when I first started. And I never forget the name. Here I am a couple years later at PCS up to here. And one of my old friends is like, man, I need to introduce you to this guy that I work with. You know, he's sober. very knowledgeable. And so he said, hey, we're going to go grab a burger.

So the three of us went and, you know, them two showed up. And sure enough, who gets out of this car? So the dude, I haven't seen him two years down at Sicily. His name is such and such. But he was with it through the thick thing. And like, man, man, kind of right back in the familiar faces and stuff. But good, man. Things have been really good.

Wow, dude. So the world is so small, right? That's cool. What's it like for you? Do you live on a base now, too? No, so when I lived in Sicily there, I wanted to live away from base, like the culture on base housing. Man, for some reason, it was like a frat party 24-7. I just did not want nothing to do with it.

So I moved off base there quick, fast, and in a hurry because I knew I just couldn't be around it. You know, I'd wake up in the mornings and going to work or even on the weekends on a Saturday, sunny all you hear is clink, clink, people dumping all their nighttime fun in the trash. And I just had to get off base. But so here we, same thing. I live off base here. I live pretty close to base just now that I have kids and stuff. I just need to be home and work and stuff as quick as I can. But we enjoy it.

We like the culture. That's kind of we're really enjoying being over here and trying to do as much as we can and see as much as we can, which has been wonderful. Yeah, that's incredible. That's so cool. Anything else you want to share before we wrap up? Man, thanks for having me. I was really nervous going into this, but it's been awesome.

I love what you're doing, by the way. I remember talking you briefly when the first time we talked, you know, and I think COVID changed the game on a lot of things. And I think, you know, the more we talk about, the more we're open about, the more people connect. And you guys are doing a wonderful job, man. Hey, you honestly are doing a wonderful job. You've helped me out a lot along the way.

I just want to thank you personally for that. So you were definitely in my sobriety story early on. So much appreciate. David, you left me out of the whole, the story, man. You're supposed to say, come on, then. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Thank you so much, man. I mean, this is what makes it go around, right?

Absolutely. We support each other. We work together. I mean, it's so cool at this part of the journey in the podcast. Now I'm getting to have people who had a chance to listen to it and are, I mean, quote, unquote, fans or whatever. And I had a different vision for the show when I first started, but this, it's incredible. I mean, what more could you ask for, honestly, to have people who have gotten something out of the show and the stories to be able to come on and share their story. And if anybody wants to support coffee, I mean, I know you do give him back with this project too. And is that part of the sober Thanksgiving or those the type of things you want to do more and more of? Absolutely. I think hopefully as we grow and stuff we can do more like with not only just military.

I think there's a need for families that's anyone who's on a military too. But I think there's as of right now doing more of that for our community over here. I think there's a need for it. And I think hopefully we can do some good with that. and we can keep growing and doing some good in the world. And hopefully when I get back to where home is, eventually I want to open a cafe. And I've always had a dream of having a cafe, but also on the back of having like a safe space, I think would be pretty cool. Like a meeting room, I think would be really, really neat.

So a lot of hopefully good things looking forward, but getting the name out, hopefully doing some good and helping. And that's what all this is about. Yeah, perfect. Thank you so much. Yeah, that's so true. That's what it's all about, you know, I mean, to give back and help. people and just show people that there's a different way. And people who are already on the journey, just show them that we can still have a lot of fun

and be part of something without the blues and take some butt out there. But thank you so much, man. I really appreciate it. Thank you, buddy. Well, there's another incredible episode. Thank you so much, David, if you listen back to this. Thank you, everyone else. Be sure to support Sobervet Coffee.

Sobervetcoffee.com. What David's doing is incredible. We need more of this community connection. bring people together that are on the journey that are interested about sobriety, about recovery, and David's doing it all the right way. So huge shout out to David. Thank you so much. Send them a message over at the Instagram page to at Sober Vet Coffee.

And if you guys want to hang out on Wednesday, November 8th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, be sure to get signed up for the free Sober Buddy event. We're going to join for this virtual meeting, this virtual support group. and I would love to have all of you there, all of you. You're all invited. It's a free event. Come and hang out with us. We're going to be talking about how to get through the holidays.

We're going to be doing some check-ins, hearing from some new people on the journey, and I'd love to hear from you. So I'll drop the link to that to sign up for free down in the show notes, and I'll see you on the next one.