Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Do You Really Need Rock Bottom to Quit Drinking? | Matt’s Sober Story

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

Many people believe they have to lose everything before they quit drinking.Matt’s story proves otherwise.From the outside, he looked like he had it all—a successful career, a loving wife, three boys, and a normal suburban life. But behind the scenes, alcohol slowly became the center of everything. Weekend binge drinking turned into nightly drinking, blackouts became more common, and he found himself living at only 40% of the husband and father he wanted to be.In this conversation, Matt shares how anxiety, social drinking, parenting, and years of justifying alcohol kept him stuck until he realized he didn’t need a dramatic rock bottom to change his life.In this episode we discuss:• Gray area drinking • Binge drinking and blackout drinking • Anxiety and alcohol • Drinking culture and parenthood • Why many people never hit a traditional rock bottom • Dry January and failed attempts to quit • Therapy and emotional sobriety • Life after alcohol • Building a meaningful sober lifeWhether you’re sober, sober curious, or questioning your relationship with alcohol, this episode offers hope that change is possible before everything falls apart.Matt on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darthsober/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So I'm in my mid-40s and I'm drinking like I think I'm 20. And they had this party and I remember being there and just like drinking, drinking, drinking, doing shots. And next thing I know, I wake up in my bed. And I had no recollection of going from that house to my bed, just blocked out. Nothing. Didn't remember anything. And it was like, oh, my God, what am I doing? I have kids.

I have a wife. And I'm behaving like this. That was the first time it'll hit home. Something's wrong here. This isn't normal. It might be normal to some people, but it didn't feel normal to me anymore. What does someone with a drinking problem look like? Is it the guy who always shows up to work, drinks beers with other dads,

someone that seems to have everything together? Of course. Some people believe they have to experience a rock bottom, quote unquote, to make the change. Maybe the bottom is the years of struggling in silence showing up at 40%. So as you listen to this episode with Matt, ask yourself this. Are you waiting for a rock bottom that's never coming? And this is Matt's story on the sober motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast.

Today we've got Matt with us. Matt, how are you? Doing good, Brad. How are you? Yeah, man, I'm well. Been a while we've been trying to set this up. So I'm glad to finally connect with you and have you share on the podcast. Yeah, same here, Brad.

It's been a long time of listening and listen to other stories. So I feel happy to be able to come on here and talk with you. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, so growing up, grew up in Rhode Island, very small state, very small town. My parents were school teachers in the public school system. So growing up pretty uneventful, I would say when I hit the age of maybe like eight or nine, I started to kind of realize that, you know, the certain members of my family had some issues with mental health, depression, things like

that, and specifically my mother. So that was always tough because she had some, some some tough times, difficulty with anxiety. So being around that, I always kind of absorbed a lot of that too. So I, you know, I always had issues with self-esteem, anxiety. Even at a young age, I always felt it. But besides that, it was like, I would say it was mostly a normal childhood. I, you know, I grew up in like the 80s and like I'm a Gen X kid, you know, so grew up around that time.

So it was, you know, played a lot of sports. It was just a different time. Well, then it is now. That's for sure, man. No technology, no any of that stuff at that time. So it's like now everything's just like so in your face. It's a totally different world. Yeah, 100% man.

When did you first take up on that? Maybe you felt a little bit different in the anxiety too. Is that from what was going on at home? And like, did you see a lot of drinking too growing up or no? It's not at that point. My parents started drinking. It's funny. It was around. It was always like part of the culture. I remember going to my grandparents' house and they had like a cocktail hour like if they had a cookout and they'd all like make Manhattans and drinks like that and martinis. Like even like when they were like older people like I had old aunts that would be like downing three martinis. So it was around and like even as kids like I remember my grandfather would give us a cocktail glass and you put milk in it as kids because it was just like something that they did. I wouldn't say it was excessive but it was.

just always it was always around yes and no it was there as far as like noticing my you know anxiety and things like that i think i picked that up when i was you know i had some there was some family members that were ill and i would just be in their presence like my my grandfather was dying and i remember i had to stay at the house a lot and he'd be around and i just would always feel this overwhelming anxiety and then when he finally passed away it's just like from then on I just, everything was like worrisome. I just always would be worrying about things. It was, you know, very uncomfortable in school and with friends.

I always didn't think I was, I fit in or I had good self-esteem or I was good enough at things. So it was always kind of like that, even if I didn't show it out outside. I felt it inside. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too. So relatable for me as well, just the, you know, feeling like the butterflies in your

stomach. That's what it was for me. Yeah. feeling empty. Like you could have just eaten, but you still feel like hungry. Yeah. Having a, you know, hard time kind of finding our way. Do you get like treatment or anything for this?

Like, are you do share? Like, hey, this is what I'm experiencing. Not back then. Yeah, not at that time, you know, not in the 80s and early 90s. It just, it's a shame because it was like, I don't think people knew what to do with that. You know, it's like, especially as, I don't know, as a boy, too, at that time, it was like, suck it up. You know, you'll be fine.

You know, it's like, I never really talked about it, though, either. So I just kept everything kind of inside. It was all just kind of bottled up because who the heck am I going to tell? You know, it's like my grandfather's like an old iron worker, tough guy. And like my dad is a is a very nice man, very kind. But he's also not the best communicator on the on the planet. So it's like our conversations are usually focused around like sports and things like that. I know he's always there for me, but it's like we never had like that.

that deep kind of conversation, that deep relationship where I would share that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. I think that's probably relatable for a lot of people. Where do things go for you from there? Like from 10 and. Yeah. So, yeah, so then getting into high school, I stopped kind of playing sports. I love sports, but I didn't play it as much.

As far as friends, I had some friends early on. And we had kind of like a, we kind of had like a falling out, a few of us that when I was like probably like 12 or 13. And I still remember it. And it was like it made no sense and I didn't know why. But they like all of a sudden it was like one day they just didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I don't know if it's because again, my parents were school teachers. They were in the school in the public school system where I went.

So like it's like they were just always there. So there was always that kind of hanging over me too. It's like my parents know everything about me. But so I remember, you know, I started hanging out with some other kids. And it was just like one or two other kids. And that's like the first, that was, you know, my anxiety was really bad. And I would do kind of dumb things. And that was probably the first time that I ever picked up alcohol was around like 14 years old when I was hanging out with one of my friends in his basement.

Yeah. Up to this point, what's your educational knowledge of alcohol? What did you know about it? I didn't know really anything about it. Everyone said not to do it. But it wasn't like, it's not like now where there's all this like education about what alcohol can do and what it's all about. Back then they had like the DARE program. I don't know if you remember that, but it was like not, you know, it was like things like that.

But it wasn't really talked about. Yeah. The DARE program was interesting too because it was like the big say no to drugs campaign. And I think back then they did a great job of separating the two. Like drinking, it was like, I always remember the message being like, don't drink right now because legally you're not of age. But when you're of age, like there's no problem with drinking. But never do drugs. You can never do that.

So it was like they were almost in two different categories of like when you're old enough, you can drink. But right now you're younger. It's illegal. So you can't do it. So you have that drink. I mean, does it do anything for you this first time? Yeah, I remember the first time we, you know, the first time it was just silliness. I drank White's Infindel, like, because that was all that was in the house.

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Download the app and I'll see you on the inside. And I remember I can't even like, I couldn't smell White Zimbledel for like 20 years after that because we drank so much of it and I got really sick. But even though it made me sick, it was like, I just remember like that feeling. It felt like we were having such a good time and I felt like so connected with the guys I was hanging out with the friends and it just felt like something

that made me feel good. So it was, it was, I don't know what it was exactly because I'm only 14, about to be 15, but it was something. It kind of like awoken something in there, like a connection. And what about the anxiety

that that probably went away? for the time. Yeah, like while I was drinking it, I didn't feel any anxiety. And that's what alcohol will do, you know, and that's what it does. And as I got older, I ended up reconnecting with some of those friends I had a falling out with. We kind of made up. And they became like my best friends, which is funny because we were just totally on the outs. But we became so close. But then it became like every weekend we would figure out ways that we could drink. That was just our plan. One of my friends had an older brother. He would go, like, buy us. He'd go to look a store for us. He'd buy us, like, all the ice beers, because they were, like, really popular at the time, like, butt ice and, like, Molson Ice and Zima and all that stuff. All that stuff was big at that time.

And we would go in the woods because we didn't really have a lot of friends that had, like, big houses and their parents went away. We would actually just go in the woods and just drink and have a fire and just, like, hang out. And, yeah, it felt like it took all that stress. and anxiety just right away. And I loved it. I loved the excitement of it. And I loved the thought of even just doing it.

Even just the thought of going that we were going to go drink and hang out, it was almost a high just that. So it definitely took that edge off. And I liked it right away. Yeah. Did you ever get caught drinking by your parents? I mean, you get the school teacher parents too. Like, how did that work out? I never got caught.

You know, it was, again, different time. Like, there was no cell phones. There was no nothing. I could say, like, hey, I'm going to my friend's house over there, you know. And we would just, like, we'd go there, but then we'd just go into the woods. But the only way they never found out is if they picked up the phone and called, hey, is mad over there. But, no, I never really got, I never got caught drinking.

So they didn't, I'm not saying maybe they knew, but they never really said anything about it. Yeah. Where do you go after high school? So after high school, I went to college. I went to a small college in Massachusetts. I got my bachelor's in health care management. But, you know, that was a whole different world there for me. And it was a lot of kids from Massachusetts and New Jersey that went to like, you know, prep schools.

So it was like a different culture. Like I grew up, like where I grew up, there was a lot of like Portuguese kids and Italian kids. kids. And like, so we, there was like a culture there in the town. And we all kind of had a similar like background. And then going to, going to this to college, it was like, it was a lot of kids that came from more money, wealthy kids. They all had their own cars and I didn't, you know. So like, right away, I was like, I don't fit in. So it was like, I don't fit here. I tried to. But I think again and that just I feel like that's where my self-esteem was always so garbage that I would do things that I wouldn't normally have done just to try and get people to like like me or to so I could

fit in with people so the drinking even amped up even more when I was in college you know it would just be like we'd have like some days where we would drink all day you know it would it would start on like a Thursday and it was all about that binge drink and culture like you'd hit it on a Thursday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, football on Sunday. And then you wake up on Monday and it was like, you go to class. And but then it was just, it just repeated itself, you know, over and over again. You know, and then the more I drank, the dumber things I would do, you know, like, there was a, there was a guy that I knew on campus and he had access to like some pills,

like Valium, her cassette, and we would, we would mix that all in and like drink, drink it with that, which was so dangerous when I look back at it, you know, what, what I was even thinking, it was crazy. But yeah, it was, it was pretty much four years of, of, of that. Just drinking. I was still good. And the thing I was good at, though, was I still could get myself to go to class. And I think that's where it got dangerous was I, I always found a way to, to get things done. You know, I was a pretty good student. I would always get there, even if I was incredibly hungover. I wouldn't get to class. I was, you know, I'd still get A's and B's. So I was like, well, there's no problem here, right? Because I had friends that were failing out of school and having

all these other issues. And I was, I was still getting through it, even though, you know, most of the time we were drinking. Yeah. I mean, I think that's relatable for a lot of, a lot of people that have been on the show anyway for their college experiences, like ramped up. I mean, there's a less supervision, right? When you go away to school and take more risk and trying to just find our way, right? Where do we belong in the world? How can we fit in? How can we make friends? I always look back at the alcohol days. It was just, I mean, it was the cheapest way to build connection with other people. It's like, you drink. I drink. Let's party. By the end of the night, everybody's hugging. I love you, man. I could never do that, like sober. I could never feel like

it anyway that I was building, you know, those connections. It's funny you say that because I remember one time we were down in Newport, Rhode Island. I don't know if you know much about Newport. poor, but it's beautiful. It's by the water and there's a lot of colleges down there. And I remember I was walking around with some friends and there was this, there was a house and there was all these, like, a lot of people from Ireland come over and they work in the summer. And there was this house and it was full of Irish people and they were just drinking and partying. And like, there was a person outside. They were like, hey, how's it going? And we were drinking. They were like, you want to come in? And we were like, sure. And then like, we ended up like being like

best friends with them like at the end of the night where they were like, we like partied with them night. And like you said, if that, if I was sober, there's no way I would have like went over to some stranger and started having that conversation. So it gave me that like that feeling like I can talk to anybody, even though I'm like not great socially. I have a lot of social anxiety, especially back at that time. So it was, uh, it's just, that's what you said that made me think of that, um, that example. Yeah, to where you're, yeah, showing up and, yeah, yeah, You know, think about that now, like not drinking. Like, that's terrifying, man.

Showing, be like, hey, come on it and hang out. Yeah. Well, slow it out a little bit here. At this time in your life, though, you're, it doesn't sound like it any way that you're thinking like, hey, this is a problem or. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah.

No, not even at all. I thought that was just what everybody did. That's like everybody I knew was like that, you know, like all the kids and all my friends that went to different colleges, they were going through the same thing. There was no frats in my college, but I would go visit friends at other schools that had like fraternities. And they were like, there was this craziness going on back in that at that time in the frat houses with the drinking and a lot different than today, I think. I think they got the frats a little more under control more so. But yeah, back then it just was everywhere.

And it's what everyone did. Yeah. It's so interesting, too, to reflect back on those times. to where there were so many people around us doing the same thing and then wonder, you know, how did things play out? Like, does everybody who's drinking that much? I don't think they do anyway end up with having a problem with drinking. Like, not everybody. So like, what is it? What else is going on? Always, I'm always curious about that too. Like, keeps us in the game, right? Where do you do, like, what do you do after college? Yeah. So after college, I got a job, like, right away. It was like,

it was, I graduated college in 99, so it was like, you know, the economy was fantastic. Like, you just walked out and there were just jobs. So I got a job at like an insurance company because I was a health care major. And, you know, even like the, and there was a lot of people my age in my, in the department that were in their early 20s. And then there was some older people like that have been in the business that were in the business for a while. And like, you know, I connected with a lot of the younger people and even some of the older people. And then it became like, we'd start going out with them, like after work. That was another way to, like, again, my social issues.

And it was like, get to the bar with these people. And all of a sudden, your best friends with these, you know, like a 45-year-old guy and I'm only, you know, 22. And, you know, we'd drink after work. And I had an apartment in Providence, Rhode Island at the time. And all my friends were around. And like, so I'd, I'd go out after work. We'd drink. We'd come back to my.

place we'd hang out drink more and then like pregame at the house and then out to the bars and and again it almost felt like an extension of college it was just like more binge drinking you know it was like any opportunity we had to drink you know we would so it and again same as college i was able to do well at my job you know i was always able to kind of function so never got like in trouble for like not going to work i would always get to work even hung over It was just like more college, but just I was kind of an adult. Not really, but, you know, it was, it was very similar, very much tied to that binge drinking. That binge party, yeah.

It sounds like it too, man. This is like becoming part of your identity, if that's accurate, of like, drinking, partying, kind of, you know, down for all of that. And yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's 100% correct. It was like unhealthy behavior. like I would smoke cigarettes, all that stuff, you know, smoking weed. When I, when I could, it was just like, it was my identity. And like, if you took that, if you strip that down, I don't, at that time, I wouldn't even,

if someone suggested to me like, oh, maybe don't drink, I would be like, you're insane, you know, because that's, that's all I do. You know, that's what I am. And that's how I have fun. And that's how all my friends have fun. So, yeah. Yeah. And I think that's what happens to.

too. As we lean more and more into this, we hang out and surround ourselves with other people. There's like that quote of like, show me your five closest friends. I'll show you your future. And it's like, well, but we, but we don't want to like hang out with people that aren't drinking. And people that aren't drinking and that's not their priority probably don't want to hang out with us either. If we're just like drinking, drinking, drinking, it's kind of boring to people that aren't drinking. You know, so we have that identity. Then we have the people we're hanging out with. You know, that's all we're seeing.

Absolutely. And yeah, and like I was totally one of those people. Like when you saw someone not drinking, you'd be like, that person's boring. Who wants to hang out with them, you know? You know, if they didn't drink, they weren't cool. It was like that. Yeah.

Where do you go from here? I mean, do you experience any consequences in like your 20s for drinking? I was always so lucky. I would, I never, I never got in trouble. I never got caught, never got in like an accident, even though like, I, you know, I still talk to some of my friends that from that time. And like, we talk about some of the things that we were doing with, especially like the things that made me most, when I look back at it and feel like shame is like

the amount of times we'd be get behind the wheel and, you know, and drive in those situations. And it just was just so dangerous. and it could have hurt other people and you didn't even really think about it. You didn't think twice. But yeah, no, I never had any consequences. I never got a DUI. I had friends that did, but I never did myself.

So it felt like nothing's wrong. I'm doing well at work. I have a lot of friends. I'm having the best time. What's wrong here? Yeah. And that's like in your 20s. And that's the part with it, I think.

That's where a lot of us get caught up, right? It's because there's not, like the bottom is not falling out. And for some people, it can take a long time for them to really even get that tap on the shoulder of like, hey, this is something maybe that you want to take a look at. Yeah. Especially at that, like you said, at that young age and you're all doing the same thing. It's like going against that grain, I wouldn't even have thought to, you know, to even think about going. against the grain and not drinking alcohol because then what would I have I have even done? You know, I know there's things that I can do now, but back then I would never have thought,

what would I do now? Yeah, which is like this other thing that I've been just pondering about and thinking about when in our life does that switch happen? We grow up and, you know, when you're 10 years old, you're not waking up every day thinking, oh my gosh if I don't drink today life is just what's the point of life and then something happens to where we reach a spot

to a life without alcohol it's not even work it's like what what would I even do like how in the heck does that happen does that make sense or no it totally makes sense yeah it makes sense and I almost related to like to like smoking

I mean I know this isn't a new thought but how smoking was in the 70s, 80s, 90s. It's like, that's what just everybody did. And same thing. People didn't just grow up with a cigarette in their mouth. They started smoking and then they never stopped smoking, even when they knew they were dying, you know?

And same thing with alcohol. It's like you get there and, you know, it's, now we're starting to learn the dangers of it. But no one tells you the dangers of it. But people still know the danger and they still do it anyway. You know what I mean? So that's the thing. It's the industry and there's got to be something in there that is, obviously it's doing stuff to our brain, right?

When we're drinking it that is tricking us into thinking we need it, you know, all the time. Because I felt that. I felt that even when I got to the point where I stopped, had tried to stop drinking. My body reacted. Now, why is my body reacting? Because there's something in there that's messing with my brain, you know, that's making me feel like that's what I have to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a really good point. You know, I think as humans, I don't know the scientific terms or version for this,

but I think we have this built in. And I think there's good elements to this that we can see things, but we can convince ourselves that's their story, that's their life, that's their path. That could never happen to me. And like, I think there's a good side of that because if everything we saw all of the danger out there, than we would be constantly fight or flight anxiety, you know, through the roof, right? So it's good to be able to separate that. But I think that we convince ourselves, too, that it'll never get worse or it'll be okay.

Or I won't be like, you know, John down the street. Well, of course not. Like, I know better than that. But what you mentioned, too, is like the changes in the brain that happen from drinking creates dependency on drinking. Tolerance increases. The dopamine system gets rewerect. A lot of people share further down the line in their drinking story.

They're really not feeling any joy in life unless they have a drink first to kind of get to the other side. Like the joy and the happiness in life is like on the other side of a drink. Absolutely, Brad. That's like you just nailed it. Like that's how it started to feel. Like even when you could be in the most amazing place and you're like, where's the bar? Why is there no bar here? It's like you stop enjoying the basic things.

Like as I got older too and I got married and had kids, those things continued, Brad. You know, it's like they still continue. Like, I'm ashamed to say it, but there would be times we would go to like youth baseball games and we'd have like a cup. And I'd be with a bunch of dads and we'd be drinking beers there while while the kids were playing baseball. It's like it's embarrassing to think about it. But you know how moms have like they talk about the wine culture? Well, like the dads have like their craft beer culture. and like that was that becomes a thing it's like it just feels like it's a never-ending cycle that starts

when you're young you start with that binge drinking and then it makes its way all the way up even as a parent even as you know into that life and that's where things kind of took a turn for me I think yeah like part of being a parent in in you know life like that or just as things kind of go like what does it look like kind of heading into your 30s like do you get married and yeah yeah I got married to a, you know, just an absolutely wonderful, wonderful person. The other thing, real quick, I wanted to take a quick step back. I think a lot of things, too, with alcohol, and I think people are more susceptible to it that have mental health issues. And I know myself, I've had mental health issues my whole life, you know, like, I've always struggled with that anxiety, depression.

It's just always there. And I feel like alcohol is made for people like me, you know. It's just, it's like a soothing, calming thing that makes you feel social, makes you feel better about yourself. And that's what it did for me. And it's like, so I think that not taking care of my mental health as well, I didn't do a good job. I didn't go to therapy when I was in my 30s. I just kept drinking. You know, that's how I got through the hard things.

But yeah, I did. I got married. You know, we settled in Rhode Island in a different part of Rhode Island, more northern. Not like it's that far, but we had three boys, been blessed with just the most beautiful boys. And, you know, the things that would happen, you know, I had a job. I started working at the hospitals. I'd be on call for IT work. So I was constantly on the go.

And again, the stress of having kids when we put them down to bed, you know, the first thing I would do is I'd start to drink. You know, the weekends would come, you know, let's get a babysitter. I want to go out and drink. But my wife was not like a, my wife was not like me as far as like the drinking. She was, she was one of those people that she could have like a glass of wine once every three months and be,

be chill with it. Like, especially once after we had the kids, you know, she wasn't into that kind of scene. And, and then as I got older, my parents,

my mom and like, and my dad, they started getting more into like meeting friends. And they, then they started drinking more. So it's like even my parents were more involved in like, you know, drinking than they were when I was even younger. So, so again, it's like you can't escape it. It's like it was there in high school, there in college, there in your first initial work world.

Now you're married with kids. And, and that's the escape. It's like, and the sad thing is, like, I miss, I probably miss so many moments with my kids that, you know, I was too busy thinking about where's the bar? how come there's no bar here like you know i can't wait till this you know kids party's over so i can go go home and and have a drink or go out with my friends and drink yeah man i i think what you just described there that there's so many people in a spot i mean maybe not exactly but very similar like nothing on the outside is flashing red lights of like hey i'm struggling with alcohol I'm using it to potentially self-medicate mental health stuff that I'm not getting support with or struggling to get support with.

And everybody around me is kind of like doing the same thing. And everybody's like, yeah, this is all good. But you do share in there too, you know, reflecting back and noticing that you weren't maybe as present as you would have liked to be. No, I regret. It's like one of like my biggest regrets in my life, you know, like, because as my kids get older, I would try not to drink in front of them, but they would go to bed and then I'd drink. And then I'd wake up and I'd always be like, then I don't know, I'm sure you've noticed that too. But as you get older, your hangovers get shittier.

I'm sorry, excuse my life, but they get worse. But, you know, so you feel grumpier. So, like, you get up in the morning and you got like a five-year-old and a four-year-old crying. You're like, you feel like your head's going to blow. It's not like I could just sleep till noon. And then my poor wife's there trying to do everything. And then she has this husband who's kind of absent. And there was a stretch where, you know, the way when I would drink, it was more about the hangover.

It was more how I was like the next day. You know, I'd get to work and I'd come home and I'd just be so grumpy and not present with my family. And, you know, I just really, really. have a lot of regret there for that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's tough. It's one of those things. I mean, we can't go back in time.

Right. To make adjustments. But we also, I don't know how much we notice it or see it at the time when it's happening. You know, I hear a lot of people come on here and they say, you know, I thought I was doing great at my job and I was doing great. And then when they get a year sober, they share. I mean, I was just doing the best I could, but there was a lot more like, I know.

I noticed now I really wasn't showing up like how I could have been, you know. So like maybe not even really picking up on it. What's your wife saying about this too? Does she mention anything or no? So yeah, she started to, you know, as the kids started getting older, you know, we'd argue. We'd get in fights about it. You know, I just, you know, I wasn't like, I wouldn't say I'm like, I was like a terrible husband, but I also wasn't there for her the way she was there for me.

Like she almost had to take care of me a lot of the time, you know, because I was always, you know, my anxiety was always so bad. And when my anxiety would get bad, I'd, you know, have something to drink. Now, don't get me wrong. I was always there to take my kids to sports and do all those things. Again, it was like, I was always able to do all that stuff. Yeah. But it was always like at, I felt like I was always operating at like 40%, you know, like, is this the best me that I can bring my children? And the answer was 100% no.

And yeah, my wife had pretty much had it with me. And at that time, I was, she, she had talked about us separating, but we worked through it. Somehow she stuck by me and we just kind of kept going on. I think what really kind of was a game changer was, was COVID, to be honest. Like, that's where I think everything kind of changed as far as my starting to notice what was happening with my drinking. and what it was doing to me and to my family. Yeah. I know that's like a lot of people, right?

But it was like you were stuck in your house. You couldn't do anything. You know, stuck in the house with three boys and, you know, working from home, kids going to school online. It felt like, it felt like what is happening? What world are we in? So while that was happening, I would start drinking as early as possible just to, just to kind of get through the stress and the anxiety and just getting through that time.

I remember we'd sit outside with neighbors and neighbors I didn't even really know that great and we'd have drinks and just sit there. That's kind of how I passed that time. And I feel like that's where, even though I was like a binge drinker in the past, I feel like that's where it got me to my worst place. Yeah. At that point. Yeah.

I think you're right. I think that that stretch of stuff. time, if you were kind of on the edge of having a problem or had a problem, that time blew the door hinges right off the door because that just became the go-to for a lot of people to deal. I think within the background, I think it's the surface level is like, well, there was so much time and we didn't know what was going on. But I think below that, there was a lot of anxiety. There was a lot of unknown. We were really uncomfortable. We didn't really know. And it was like, all right, well, let's just kind forget about it all. And a lot of people were like, let's just, you know, numb it out. But I hear a lot of

people share too. It was kind of maybe the silver lining of their story because it kind of sped things up. It really exposed it and brought things maybe front and sooner as opposed to waiting another decade or two decades. Yeah. Yeah. I think probably two years into COVID was when I first like had that feeling like, and I again, when I look back at it, I can't believe it took me that long to realize like this is bad you know i remember there was a new like one of our neighbors had like a new year's party and like i was drinking like i was like and this goes this is what i don't know this goes back four years ago so i'm almost 49 years old brad so i'm in my mid 40s and i'm drinking like i think i'm you know 20 and you know they had this party and i remember being there and just like

drinking, drinking, drinking, doing shots. And next thing I know, I wake up in my bed. And I had no recollection of, like, going from that house to my, to my bed. Like, it just blocked out. Nothing. Didn't remember anything. It just, and it was like, oh, my God, what am I doing? You know, I have this, I have kids.

I have a wife. And I'm behaving like this. That was the first time it, like, kind of hit home. Like, this is, something's wrong here. This isn't normal. It might be normal. of some people, but it didn't feel normal to me anymore. So yeah, that was when I first tried,

I made like a first attempt at it. And that was going back to 2022. 22. What did you know about like not drinking then or like sobriety? Like what, what did you like just like, I'm not drinking and I'm just going to keep it on the low and yeah? I just didn't know anything about sobriety. I was like, I had no clue about sobriety.

I just knew I felt like shit. and I needed to stop, you know. But, you know, so I, I don't know if you've ever done, like, there's a diet called a Whole 30. I don't know if you ever know what done that before. Yeah. Right.

Well, it's, it's something, so me and my wife are like, let's do the Whole 30, you know. So it's like eating healthy and, you know, and you can't drink for like a month. And it's like, oh, Whole Foods diet. And I was like, all right, I'll try that. So I did it with her. And I didn't drink for a month.

And it was like, I felt amazing. You know, I was like all of a sudden like that when I got to the month being done. But what do you think the first thing I did was once you hit that, you hit that 30 day mark, it was like, boom, right back to the right back to the alcohol. And at first it started slow, but then it just kind of would ramp back up again. It would be right back up to, I'd be like, oh, I'm only going to drink on the weekends or I'm not only going to drink on Friday.

And then it would be like back to like at least three, four drinks a night. you know maybe more weekday weeknights would be like yeah probably like three or four drinks a night weekends would probably be like eight to ten a night you know just to help me and then i couldn't sleep and it was all all stuff like that yeah yeah so the very next day after the whole 30 is right back to to drinking yeah yeah and same with like you know how they do like the sober dry january and all that i did that a couple times too and same thing it was just be like I'd feel amazing, feel great, and then boom, you know, it would be like right back at it. And it was amazing how quick it would turn around.

You go from like nothing, no alcohol, and your body's like makes this adjustment and you start to think clearly. You start to sleep better. You start having better relationships with people. And then all of a sudden you just, it just goes right back to it again. Yeah. What are you thought? Sorry, Brett. No, you go ahead.

You go ahead. What are your thoughts with just quitting at this point in your life, if you can put a finger on it? What are your thoughts with just quitting for good? Like, why not quit? I mean, you're blacking out and you've been doing it long enough. It's kind of like, I mean, is it going to be any different? Like, what were your thoughts of, I'm just going to quit forever? Like, I'm just going to quit.

I don't think I had that thought except, I mean, I started to have those thoughts. Like, I got to stop. This is not healthy. You know, 2022, I, you know, doing that, doing a dry January, like those sorts. over months here and there that but I'd always go backwards I were really kind of got to the point I was like I really want to stop we went to we went to Disney World in 2023 with the kids and you know it wasn't something I really wanted to do my wife is a very adventurous person she loves to travel and do things and and that's another thing I feel like the alcohol would just like

hold me back I like wouldn't want to do any anything adventurous like we're a hike or go kayaking or all these things that she wanted to do because I was like I was too busy wanting to go to the bar. Yeah. And then, you know, you get, we get to, we get to Disney and it's supposed to be a fun thing. But the heat, the stress, like, being around all those people, I ended up, you know, you end up like having a few drinks during the day, having a few drinks at the pool to get, get through it. And everyone else, there's parents that are doing the same thing. It's just like back in high school, back in college, it's like you see other parents doing it. It's like, okay, there's nothing wrong here.

You know, everyone's together. We're being safe. It's like, who cares? But by the time I got home, I, you know, I started looking back at pictures of it and just didn't look great. And most of the time I spent being hung over on this trip to Disney World, which should have been like a special trip for my family. And instead, I'm like, I'm hung up. over a lot. So that really, that really hit me. And I decided when we got back that I was going to stop for good. And I got from like August to about October. And then I went to a Halloween party and I

started drinking again. And same thing. Like I went right back. As soon as I hit it, it was like right back into it again. Like nothing changed. And it was very difficult. And that those next three months, I was doing really bad. My mental health was awful, wasn't getting along with my family, distance from my wife. And then I said, I'm going to do dry January again in 2024. I said, I'm going to do this. What ended up happening was I got rid of all the booze in the house. I threw it all away.

And my son at the time was trying to pick a college. And I had some ideas on what I thought would be good for him. And he had some ideas and there was some financial stuff. And I remember me and him got into like a small argument. It wasn't like a big thing, but we got in a little bit of an argument. And I went in the fridge and there was, there was like a bottle of champagne. Right. So because I threw everything else away.

So I just drank the entire bottle of champagne. And just to kind of get over that argument. And then I woke up the next day and I just was like, I felt like such shame and disgust with myself. And I said, I'm not, I'm not doing this ever again. And just to back up for like the previous six months, Brad, I was listening to your podcast. So I was like, that's what kind of got me educated. I was listening to your podcast and a couple of other podcasts. And there was a guy on YouTube that I would watch his videos.

He did this thing where he he stopped drinking and he documented every single day of him not drinking from like one all the way to 365. And it was like he would talk for 15 minutes on the camera. He was amazing guy. I've never seen him on social media, but he had a YouTube channel, and he was awesome. And so I was like watching videos, listen to your podcast. And then I started to like really research what was going on here and connecting with some of your guests. Like I can, you know, and that's what did it for me. So it was three weeks into that January where I blew the dry January.

I stopped. And then that was it. I drank that bottle of champagne. And then I never drank a bottle of champagne. man. Wow, man. That was the 21st of January? Yeah. Is that right? 2121, 24 was the last time. And, you know, it was three weeks into dry January. And I was so disappointed myself because I can't even get through the freaking month. And then, you know, and again, Brad, you know, it's like, you think of like the, like the typical alcoholic, right, person who's like lying on the street somewhere. It's like, I'm not that guy. So you just justify it. I'm okay. Yeah.

But yeah, it was like listening to having your podcast and it was just such a big impact on me. I about six months into my sobriety, my wife's from Greece and we went to visit her family. And airports are just like drinking fast central, right? So I get to the airport and I was like, I walked in. It was like such a trigger. I was like, I immediately wanted to drink. And I hadn't thought about drinking for a while. and you had a guest on her name was lee she was fantastic and i i just she was such a she was sounded

like such a kind person and i sent her i sent her a message on instagram and i i you know told what was going on i'm going on this trip i'm really stressed out she doesn't know me from anything and she actually sent me a message message back and she said just remember this you don't have to drink today and and it like just really hit me Like it was like it was really, it hit me like, I don't have to do this, right? And I didn't. So, and then, yeah, I was able to get through the vacation, had like a sober vacation for the first time, like, ever. And it was, I had the greatest time doing that.

And I just, I was so lucky and blessed to have, you know, my wife and my kids and that have just always, that always supported me when I was. And I didn't really, you know, I wasn't in a place where I was probably. deserving of that support, to be honest. And, you know, so yeah, that's kind of how it ended. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's so interesting, right? Like you, I think a lot of people from the outside, they think of like a story for somebody to quit drinking.

Like, there must be, there must be something. I mean, there's writing on the wall and something big and devastating. And I, but I think your story is more the reality of people. It's trying and things maybe not working out and trying again and things maybe not working out. And then you hit that stride. I mean, I think we would both love to sit here and say, hey, Matt, you're going to sail off into the sunset for the rest of your days. And this is all going to work out. And we're, we're hoping for that. We don't know what the future holds. But up until now, you know, since the beginning of 2024, you've made this happen for yourself. And it wasn't necessarily

a big external boulder that came into your life. But I think what happens is for a long time, there was something that was tapping you on the shoulder or intuition or your soul or higher power or spirituality or whatever. Something was saying, hey, Matt, like, you need to have a look at this. You need to have a look again. I am interested, man. Do you tell your wife, do you tell anybody around you? Like, I'm committing to not drinking? Yeah, I did.

I told my wife, I told her. And I'm sure she was probably like, okay, you know, because I've said it a few times before that. But then I just kept rolling and kept rolling with it. And then it just became a part of my life. I kept listening to your show. I started just feeling so much better mentally. And like you said, I remember my friends took me out when I told them, like, two of my friends that I grew up with that I was drinking buddies with, they took me out. And they're like, so what happened?

Tell me what happened? Like, what do you guys think I got arrested? or did like there was no big like you said there was no big moment it was just kind of like this everything combined the impact i was having on seeing what i was the impact i had on my on my wife and my kids and on myself just feeling like awful and and not living a healthy life it felt it felt really terrible and i was done with it i was tired of feeling so tired and hung over every day it was It was amazing after like you get through like a couple, three months and then your body starts to clear up and you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh my God, like this is this is different.

I don't feel awful every day. So yeah. It's an amazing thing that I'm glad I was able to do. Yeah. Oh, it's so a lot of people share this too and maybe relatable. Like they look back and they have no idea how they made it through how bad they felt for so many years. Like they're just like, I don't know idea how I did it. I just felt horrible. Like hung over all the time and drinking and everything, you know, but I don't know that you can fully see it until you get to the other side. Like you kind of get used to it, maybe.

Yeah. And one thing I wanted to say, too, about not drinking is there's more to it. There's more to it than just not drinking to me. And I feel like I've fallen into that trap in a lot of ways. I know there's that term like dry drunk. And, you know, there's times where I feel like I go back to those. It's like you feel like you're not taking advantage of the sobriety. And I feel like I've kind of done that.

And I think a lot of that goes back to like mental health, you know, taking care of your mental health. If you're going to stop drinking, I think it's very important for people to take care of their mental health. Because it's like it is, it's like a loss. you're losing a friend kind of. You're losing a support. So when you stop, it's great. Don't get me wrong. But I feel like therapy, I'm a, you know, I feel like therapy, which is something I didn't do until recently.

Yeah. Really. It's almost, it's such an important part of the process of stopping. And I think it would make it easier for people to stop. And I just, I haven't done the best job of. keeping my mental health right. So it's like even though I'm sober, I know I could be even better.

But it's, that's a whole other story. Yeah. I think, I think we all feel that way and there's some element of like, hey, we could be, you know, doing more,

but it's a process, you know? I mean, healing and figuring stuff out. I am happy to hear, dude, that you are plugging into therapy. What brought you in that direction to say, hey, this is something I'm going to give a shot? It's been just like the anxiety and the depression kind of still creeps up on me. You know, it still gets to me.

And, you know, the way that my wife, her schedule was, and she works nights and I worked during the day. And I'd just be like, again, I'd like work all day. Then we'd have the stuff to do with the kids. And then she wouldn't come home until like nine, 10 o'clock at night. And I'll be honest, like, I wasn't like the kindness probably that I could have been. with my wife, with my kids, I was just grumpy. It was almost like, it almost felt like I'm, hung over, you know? That's where I kind of thought, I started looking at like the dry drunk stuff. I just, I, I wasn't, and I'm still not being, being the person I, I think I can be.

Because, you know, I wasn't taking care of my mental health. And, you know, now I'm, I'm, I'm trying to work on it. It's always a process for me. It's, it's something that I have a hard time with. I have a really hard time talking about these emotions, talking about my feelings, talk about talking about why I feel depressed. But removing alcohol from that has made my mental health a lot, a lot better. But again, it's just one of those things that it's still there. And I feel like therapy is very important for people that are going through these things. Yeah, 100% because, I mean, the alternative is attempted self-medication that might work for a

it but ends up turning on us in the long run. And it creates more depression and more anxiety and more stress and more dysfunction and destroys relationships and all of the other things that we're working so hard to build or, you know, that are important in life. Yeah, I mean, my anxiety turns into anger and my, and that has destroyed relationships. And, you know, it's one of those things that, you know, I'm still working on Brad. So this is a process. Just stop drinking is a big part of that, though.

Like removing that part has opened up a lot. But this still, I don't want to say I'm finished because if I just say, okay, everything's fine now. Like that to me is a path back to maybe drinking again because you got to keep working. That's why when I, you know, I reactivated my Instagram because I'm like, I got to still get back out there and start connecting with people again because there's not a lot of super people that you can connect with in real life. You know, it's like, you don't, you know, I don't know that many, you know. Like, I still like to hang out with my friends and, you know, I'll, I'm comfortable enough.

I'm not like one of those people who can't walk into a bar. Like, I can sit there and, you know, we can shoot, you can talk and it's fine. It's just like, I feel like a little bit disconnected from everybody now because, you know, you don't, you're not doing the thing that everyone else is doing. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too for for people that don't maybe follow maybe the, you know, kind of what was available, you know, fellowship programs or stuff, I feel like there is that gap or that challenge to build new relationships with people because you're not going to meetings. You're not meeting a ton of people that are sober. They're kind of live in this different lifestyle, identifying with, you know,

with how you're doing things too. So it can be a challenge to to meet new people. But I look at it too, a lot like the gym, right? If somebody goes to the gym and they work out for, you know, 90 days and they're happy with their results, like, they know, I think that they know if they stop going, then the results will fade, right? But it's like with sobriety, we get sober time. And then we're just like, yeah, I don't need to do what it was I did to get me here. You know, I'll just, I'm good. Like, let me just move. I talk to so many people and teach their own. Everybody's got different things that work, but they just really want to move on. Like, Brad, I just want to. to get 90 days and I just want to move on my life and just forget that this was ever part of it.

And I'm like, hey, if that works for you, like, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But for a lot of people that I've come across, like there seems to be some element in their life that, you know, they need to have conversation with people or, you know, go to therapy or go to meetings or just connect with other people in a way of like the life they're building other than kind of like, let me just forget that this was ever part of it and just kind of move on. I don't know. that's tough. I agree with you, Brad.

I think if you do that, that's when things can kind of take a turn back. I actually went to an A meeting. I've never been to an A meeting. I went to one like maybe a week ago for the first time just to see what it was like. And, you know, it was, I'm glad I did because, you know, I know that people have different thoughts about A. And it wasn't for me to stop drinking. But I went there and I could see the benefit. of it. There is a community there, people that are working towards a goal. And I was pretty impressed

with this particular meeting. And I'm glad I went and I probably will go back again because I think I need to keep working on this. Yeah. Yeah. A sense of community and a sense of belonging and just connecting with other people that are sort of, you know, on the same mission or have the same goal like you mentioned. I think offers so many benefits. What do you think about this? Matt, I mean, sharing here with this, dude. I mean, incredible job. so proud of you for how far you've come and even with the anxiety and social anxiety, be willing to jump on here and share your story. Like, I just think this is cool in so many different ways.

But looking back at your 48 years. Almost 49. I'll be 49 in July. So almost 49 years. Like, what do you take away from all of this, man? And the big reason I'm asking is like, how do you shift or how have you shifted away from, you know, maybe everything you didn't get right in life to like this, this new way of things and like an opportunity to,

to show up how you would like, you know? Yeah. I'm still working on that, Brad, to be honest. Like, that's something, you know, I do still, and it's one of those things I have to learn how to let go of that regret, because I do have a lot of regret. You know, you get to like, boom, you're almost 50, and it's like, what just happened?

I wasted all that time. So I have a lot of, you know, anger towards myself for what I, I put my family through for, you know, things like that. So the next phase of my life, I'm just, I just, you know, my goal is just to be more present, more mindful, more thoughtful and kind to others that I just haven't done. I've taken advantage of kindness with my wife. And it doesn't feel good when I think about it because these people have been so kind to me. But it's something that I want the next phase of my life to be focused on enjoying the moment,

not always looking to the future. Because I think that's also what alcohol does. It makes you just forget everything, the present, the moment, and you just focus on that drink instead of focusing on the good things. You could be in like a ruba and it doesn't matter if you're in Aruba or in like somewhere else. All you all your focus is on is the drinking part instead of the enjoying life part. And I just, I haven't, I've gotten a lot better since I've been sober at enjoying things. but I still have a ways to go there, Brad.

Yeah. Well, thanks so much, man, for being so honest. I feel like sometimes we can get the understanding from other people that simply getting sober just improves every area of our life and we spend the rest of it, you know, sitting on a beach somewhere sipping mottails. That's not the reality. You know, for some maybe, but I think for most, the quitting drinking is the doorway. Like, it's wired because without it, I don't think we have the awareness.

The nervous system has the ability to stretch, to be willing to do hard work, to be uncomfortable, to hang on when it feels like everything's falling apart. I don't think we will have that ability to be patient, to be understanding, and to look at sort of our side of things while we're drinking. Drinking turns us very selfish, like, you know, and to get what we want and to people to do what we want and maybe control situations when we really can. can't and we don't notice it all when we're going through it. But this side of things does open it up. But a lot of people share too, Matt, when I worked in rehab for six years, things got a lot worse

before they got better too because now we're feeling the feelings. We're kind of in there. We don't have alcohol to maybe blame for whatever it is we're doing. Right. So it can get tough, man. So thanks for highlighting that and just bringing it forward, man. Everything is not beautiful all the time it's work in progress yeah it's kind of like i wanted to be a cautionary tale to people like do that work get yourself sober but keep doing the work because if you don't keep doing the work things can can backslide and i feel like i'm a little bit there but i know i'm going to work through it yeah beautiful man anything else matt you want to mention for closing no i just want to thank you for having me i know and i know like my story isn't like this like that was one of the things i was

nervous about coming on the show. It's like it's not this like, you know, it's just a story about a person who's drank a lot. There's no big moment. There's no big like crazy part of this story. But I do feel like the reason I want to talk about it is I feel like there's a lot of people out there that are probably like that. And maybe it's just one person here is that from me and can realize that you don't have to keep doing this. You can make a change. You don't have to hit the bottom to to actually make a difference in your life and have a better life. Yeah. Thank you, Matt, for highlighting that too.

It's such an interesting thing for me, man, before we sign off. Because there's like these rock bottoms, you know, quote unquote, we call it. Some people call it that like this event happens in their life and like they change the next day. I've never really heard that story, maybe maybe a few times. And then there's also, I don't know, man. there's people I think that like I mean you hit so many doggone bottoms man you know we hung out for an hour you're sharing some of these stories where you felt at your lowest yeah you know the world might not have been burning down around you but I think that internal struggle I think that takes a bigger toll than just maybe you know 10 minutes of a bad choice and you get busted for something I mean there can be choices where they're life changing but I don't think that it's ever really what happens around us that changes us. I think it's what happens within us. And maybe what happens within us is because of what happened around us. But I give you huge credit, dude, because the

story you shared is where people are living. And the reality is a guy like you, Matt, in my very humble opinion, is you probably could have rode this train maybe to the end. But I feel like you would have looked back and said, man, I left a lot on the table. Yeah. No, I, that's how it feels Brad, because I could have. I know I could easily still be doing what I was doing. And I'm happy that I'm not there anymore. And I never want to go back. Yeah, man, you and me both. Thanks a lot again, Matt. Keep rocking, dude. All right, buddy. Thanks so much for having me. It's been a pleasure. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. If you enjoyed the podcast, be sure to like and subscribe. Wherever you listen, drop some comments below with your

thoughts if he can relate to anything that Matt shared. Really appreciate Matt jumping on here and just being honest and transparent about his journey where he's at with things. I'll drop his Instagram contact information down in the show notes as well. And I'll see you on the next one.