Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Fausto ”From Pain To Purpose”. Fausto found an escape with substances and it took him down a dark road until he found a way out.

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

This week we dive into the life of Fausto, the hope dealer. From early struggles with fitting in and enduring deep trauma during his formative years, Fausto sought solace in substances. However, after battling the dark abyss of addiction, he emerged stronger and wiser, now celebrating over 5 years of sobriety. In this captivating true story, Fausto shares how he discovered that our purpose can be found within our pain. Despite facing relentless challenges that life threw his way, he never gave up on himself. Through resilience and determination, he transformed his struggles into stepping stones toward a brighter future. Prepare to be moved as we unpack Fausto's remarkable journey of healing, growth, and self-discovery. Tune in to hear the story of a true survivor who believes in finding hope and meaning even amidst life's most trying moments. This is Fausto's story - a beacon of hope and inspiration on the Sober Motivation podcast. -------------- Check out the 30 Day Sober Motivation Journal HERE More information about Sober Link HERE Follow Sober Motivation on IG HERE Follow Fausto  on IG HERE

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. Fausto struggled with fitting in early on in life and experienced some deep trauma while growing up, but found some peace and substances. These days, he has over five years sober.

Fausto believes our purpose is found in our pain. and he sure has had a lot of it. This is a true story of never giving up after life's challenges just keep hitting. This is the Hope Dealer Fausto's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Hey everyone, I want to introduce you to what I call the 30-day sober motivation journal, which is now ready for you to get started. This journal walks you through some of the daily practices I and others have found helpful on the journey of recovery.

It includes goal setting, gratitude, mood tracking, and thought-provoking journal prompts every day for 30 days and more. Grab your instant PDF download today and get started. I'll put the link in the show notes, or you can head over to my Instagram bio. It's there. Or you can just type it in. Buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help.

Imagine a breathalizer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Sober link helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have a built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to loved ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device.

How's it going, everyone? This is an incredible episode, and I really, I really know you're going to enjoy it. Look, I've been getting the question a lot about how to get sober, stay sober, what are some different things that I can do? And there's a lot of stuff that can be done. There's a lot of different programs. There's treatment.

There's therapy. There's 12-step recovery. There's just online communities. There's coaches. There's so many different things to pick from. What I think that you have to keep in mind when you're looking at what you want to engage in to help you on your sober journey is what are you going to be able to to follow through with when times get tough.

How are you going to be able to stay in the game when times get tough? Whatever your answer is to that that's going to help you stay in the game, that's what you go with. You know, we're seeing people recover and have better lives from so many different ways. Some people are in programs. Some people aren't. But it's what are you going to do? What practices are you going to bring into your life?

They're going to help you stay on track and stay focused when shit hits the fan. because that's guaranteed it's going to do that. So look at the different options and figure out which one, try different things out, check things out, get connected to a community of some sort. I think that's our best bet. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Fausto with us.

How are you, buddy? I'm too blessed to be stressed. Yeah, I love that. What a great way to start this show. Look, how we start every episode is the same. And what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, for me growing up, I grew up in Orange County, California, and I was a shy and secure kid. But I didn't know how to label it.

You know, I kind of just felt like something was wrong with me. So what I would do is in elementary school, I would watch kids around me and I'd be like, okay, well, they look confident. They look like they're put together. Maybe if I dress like that. Maybe if I act like that. So that was my perception as a kid, always just trying to fit in, trying to figure it out. because at home my dad was a narcissist. So very self-centered, selfish, very abusive mentally, verbally, sometimes physically.

So I always feel like I was walking at eggshells at home. So again, I can't communicate how I feel for one at home. I don't know how to. Trying to fit in, trying to figure this thing out that's wrong with me. And what happens is as I'm living this way, I find myself always gravitating towards male figures. So I gravitated towards these boys in my apartment complex that were older because I felt cool. I'm a young kid.

They're older than me. this is cool. But the problem was they were bullying me a lot. But I would stay in it because, you know, I'm like, well, I don't want to like look weak. It's kind of like being back at home walking on eggshells again. But it was what's familiar to me. What happened was when I was seven living like this, I got sexually abused by one of the boys. But in the moment, it wasn't traumatic because, you know, I don't know what's going on. I really had no idea what was happening. I know I think about any of that stuff. But what I did remember was, for some reason, and I felt like this boy was giving me so much attention that I never got.

So I was kind of like, oh, I don't know what this is, but okay, this is cool. I feel important for the first time. The problem was the next day is he went back to bullying me again. So now I'm like, well, this is confusing. Like, what just happened? He went from one person to another person. Was it my fault? And so that's where fear, shame, and guilt was born in that moment.

And I made a promise to myself to never feel like that again, which was, you know, like, I guess vulnerability or rejection. So I became the people pleaser, the class class. the know at all and the liar to just never feel that. So I got really good at being a chameleon in elementary school. And then when I go into middle school, I would have this idea, okay, we have new kids coming into school. Like, I got to figure out a way to fit in.

So I became a punk rocker because it's kind of like, cool, I'm the outcast. Like this works out because I can't fit in. And so I'm playing that character. And then this is when I fall in love for the first time, right? Middle school love. And that to me was like everything because, again, I felt attention. I felt like I mattered. Like, I was in Florence.

I was like, whoa, like, whatever this is, I finally feel that peace in my mind. I'm not walking on eggshells. The problem was, though, is after, you know, two months, breakup, it's okay. But back then, it was like the end of the world. And to me, I thought she knew I was sexually abused by a male. That's what I thought in my head. I thought she saw something.

So the next year, in eighth grade, I changed up my style. I started working out because I thought like this would fix me, get a piercing, go into school, meet a new girl. I'm like, I'm fixed. She must later, she leaves me for a buddy of mine. So in my brain, I thought, she must know how sexually abused because she must see something that I don't have and maybe he has a thing that I'm missing.

Because it made me question my sexuality too. You know, I was very confused. And again, I can't say nothing. So I go into ninth grade and same thing. I change up my style, become a skateboarder, meet a girl. I'm like, I'm fixed. Get a tattoo. Sweets.

She ends up leaving me because my friend told her that I was cheating on her. So now I feel betrayal from a friend. I think she must believe him because she knows what happened to me as a kid. And so now I'm like, okay, how do I stop going to school? So I try faking my death. YouTube came out. MySpace was there, put a video out, car crash, me in the hospital, incubus music.

That didn't work, obviously. Because I'm just kidding. I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just thinking like this will get me out of school. So I get in trouble because my friends are pissed off. Why would you do that? You know, I didn't realize. That's a big deal.

So then the second idea is like, I'll tell my teacher, I'm hearing voices to kill people. Again, innocent kid thinking this will give me in a class for a day. Do it. They send me to the psych word. So now I'm in the psych word. Go through that phase. I got to pretend like I'm crazy to get out because I learn that. Get out.

And now I get my wish. You're like, you can do independent studies. So I'd feel like finally for the first time, I don't have to deal with all the stress at school to be hurt, be rejected, to feel like everyone knows what happened to me. I could stay home. And then that's when I was introduced to alcohol. My buddy was like, hey, you drink because I want to fit in. I was like, yeah, drink some alcohol. And I still remember that moment.

It was like, finally life made sense. I felt connected. I felt joy. I felt alive. I felt like my past didn't matter. I felt confident. I had no anxiety. And I was like, okay, this thing was made for me to want to live life.

Because since that happened to me when I was seven, I wanted to kill myself. And at this age, I'm at 14. So I'm drinking. I'm smoking weed. I'm taking ecstasy. You know, just that curiosity's kicking in. Not going to school. Don't have to get in trouble.

My dad's not around now. My mom's very gullible. You know, I can like, oh, no, mom, it's nothing. But what happened is we moved to from OC to L.A. And in L.A., I had an older male cousin. So I was like, dude, I'm stoked. He's skateboards. He parties.

You know, they drink. Like, cool. So I'm drinking, smoking, skating. Super happy. But then he gets in the gang life. And so when he gets in the gang life, because I'm the, you know, I want to fit in, I get the gangster style love, become a graffiti artist. I end up doing Coke, smoking crack, and then doing meth. And it's when I started doing meth is when I got into this dark place where, you know, I started getting molested by a family friend.

That was a lot older. But for me, when it was happening, I remember, again, I was confused because I remember happening to me as a kid. Now I'm back in this moment. I'm on mess. I don't realize it's a 14-year-old kid what meth is doing to me. You know, I know meth makes people, you know, it just makes you really weird. It can make you sexual, all these things. But I don't know that.

So as he's molesting me, I don't find nothing wrong with it in the moment. And then what happens is when I realize I can't smoke meth like weed, I try to get off of it. And then I start to realize, well, this is so wrong. Like, what is he doing to me? But I was so afraid that he would say something, even though he was like 40-something. I'm 14 because I felt like it was my fault. I feel like it was my fault. So I wouldn't say anything.

So I'd go back sober because if I stopped going over, I was like, he'll tell my mom. So now it's getting really weird. It's getting really dark because I'm aware of it. I know what's wrong. Luckily, we're able to move back to Orange County and I got away. So from 15 to 18, I'm just like, cool. Throw that in the past.

Don't got to talk about it. Just drink and smoke and do ecstasy. That's it, just those three drugs. Doing that, the party guy, beer pong, you know, all that stuff. And then at 18, start getting all these tattoos and stuff like that. Like, this will make me a man. And I get a job at a skate shop. I'm feeling super cool now.

I'm working at a skate shop, tattoos, and I meet a girl. Same thing, I'm fixed. Like, I figured it out now. My past doesn't matter. Three years later, you know, I get cheated on. Don't get me wrong. It was a toxic relationship. I have a part.

I know that now. Back then, it was like, poor me. But I get cheated on. And again, I think she must know that I was molested and sexually abused. So I spiral. I spiral. Quit my job. Try killing myself.

Overdose and ecstasy. And then a part of me, because I got in trouble with the overdose. You know, the cops found me, had to go to court. So I chilled out. Got a job as a server. Got a job bartending, serving. I started taking steroids, getting in shape.

More tattoos, GQ model look. I'm like, man, this is the life. I got a car now. I got the coolest job, right, bartender. And what happens is I meet a girl. So I'm 22 years old. I'm fixed. Three years into that.

Toxic again, of course. My addiction's coming out. and three years later I get cheated on. And same thing. I'm like, she must know that I was molest and sexually abused, and that's why this happened. So I self-destructed.

I get fired for my job. I have 30 grandmall seizures in a month. I'm trying to kill myself multiple times. And I just remember being so broken and just being like, God, if you're real, why are you doing this? Because in all this pain,

what's happening is what, remember my dad's not around. My mom has cancer now. She's done chemo. I have a little sister. We're a poverty family. We don't have money. And because I'm in my addiction, I'm obviously not stable.

And I have depression and anxiety and I'm insecure. I think I'm stupid. I think I'm ugly. I think I'm not good enough. And I was, you know, molested. And I was just been cheated on and heartbroken and I don't feel smart. So there's just so much pain. And I was like, God, if you're real, why would you do this?

I remember I had one friend that I met that was a magician that I met when I was serving. And I was like, I hit him up. I was like, bro, like, you're the only person I know that you were locked up. You got out and now you're like a change godly man. Like, I need help. So he picked me up, took me to his house, read some scripture. And for the first time in 25 years, because I was 25 at this time, I felt relief. He read scripture and what I got from it was God gives his strongest battles to his strongest warriors.

And it was in that moment for the first time, I felt like this headache just went away. Like imagine having a migraine for 25 years and nothing took it away but this scripture. Because my perception said, wait, I got molested, I got addicted, I got abandoned, I got neglected, I got heartbroken, cheated on, and all these things and insecurities is because I was strong enough to walk through it to be a voice for other people who need help. And it just shifted everything. And I think it really impacted me because as a kid, I loved anime, Dragon Ball Z wrestling. I love like superheroes.

So I think I kind of felt like a superhero in that moment. like, oh, I'm like Batman. Like, it's like Batman story. So what happened was is this TV show I used to watch, the guy went to AA. So that's the only reason why I do about AA. So after that spiritual moment, be called my phone. I'm like, oh, AA is this thing. I look it up.

It's in Fullerton, California. I go. It's a podium meeting. Now, I don't know about it. They're like, any newcomers. I'm like, uh, me? Go up. And I'm like, what do I do?

Like, just share. And I shared everything I told you on this podcast for the, first time in 25 years. And this guy comes up to me and says, me too. That moment proved that spiritual awakening that where God said that there's pain in my purpose. When someone said me to, I knew it was true. And that was the beginning of my sobriety journey was in that moment. That's where the sober story's going to start now. Wow. Well, there's some stuff there I can relate with a lot of it. I can't, man. But that part of being younger too about law fitting in and and trying so many different things to fit in and just feeling like at the end of the day,

it was all for nothing because it didn't seem to work. I mean, that's my story anyway. And I struggled when I was young too. I mean, hindsight's always 20-20, but I'm with you too. At the time, I had no idea, absolutely no idea about what was going on. And I didn't talk to anybody about it. I didn't share with anybody. I was worried if I shared it with somebody, well, how is this going to be used against me?

Or my parents are going to know. And I just wanted to put on a good show, I think, for people. My folks were trying their best and they did everything they could and I was still struggling with so many different things, suicidal thoughts. I mean, failing at a school, getting suspended, the substances. And I'm just like, oh, man, you know, I don't want them to know what's going on. It just really didn't make sense either because I felt this level of just being different than everybody else. And I couldn't, for the life of me, understand it. So I had to distract myself from it by doing some of the stuff you mentioned, right?

The class clown and, you know, switching the appearance. the appearances and trying to make new friends and trying to just fit in in any way possible. And when I look back now, I'm like, man, nothing worked. And then I can relate with you too. The first time you drank, the first time I drank, I remember it. And at the time, I couldn't put the pieces together. But like I was at this party, I can remember right now like it was yesterday. For once, the 5,000 pound car that I was carrying on my back was gone.

And I was able to talk to people and talk to girls and connect with people. And it lasted for about three hours until I was like extremely sick from it. But for those three hours, I felt like, man, this is great. And when I look back, I don't even think I connected it to the alcohol at the time. I wasn't like I need more of that. Maybe subconsciously, I was like, I need more of that to escape all this stuff. But I wasn't like, you know, hunting down. But the next time I got into it, of course, it was a similar experience.

I don't know if it was ever that good again. But it was still good. And I was like, okay, now I sort of have a purpose, right? Oh man, for everything you've been through to share about it so openly to help others, let them know they're not alone, I think is incredible, man. I really admire that about you. And I've known you sort of in this virtual space. You mentioned six years.

I mean, I'm thinking like, dude, has it been that long, man? Have I been making memes for six years? Like, I think you were the first sober person when I got sober six years ago when I made Instagram to follow because I was like, oh, there's another sober person like on Instagram. And it was you. Wow. That's cool. Well, I'm so happy to see where you're at now.

So you reach out to help with this fella. You must have felt some trust or some belief in there. Or sometimes things I think just get so bad. We're willing to sort of take a risk in some direction and let the cards full how they do. So you reach out to this fella. You're like, hey, I'm struggling with stuff. You go to this meeting and you share all of this. I mean, what inspired you to share all of that your story?

I mean, my first meeting I went to, dude, I was just trying to not be. noticed. I want to continue my M.O. man, of just to slide in and slide out. So walk me through that a little bit, man. How you get up there and then that all played out. You know, honestly, I think God used my defective character of center of attention as an asset to get me clean and sober because I've always, again, remember, I love the show Jackass, I loved extreme stunts, I loved doing food challenges. I was making YouTube videos since elementary school before YouTube was out. So I've always had that performer in me. So I think God was able to use that to its advantage.

So to me, I was like, oh, I'm still getting attention, but at least this attention is actually helping me instead of hurting me. So that I truly believe is why I was able to from day one just to share it all. And I truly believe it was that, dude, that spiritual awakening was so powerful. Like, it still gives me goosebumps to the day because I've never felt so high in life. and I think that moment was so powerful because, you know, I was so broken that I was just like, whatever this feeling is,

I want this. And so I was very, very motivated, I think, in my spirituality to just do whatever it takes and everything just felt right. You know what I mean? Like, it didn't feel like it was hard. It just felt right.

And there were so many blessings that were coming into my life that first year because of it. I felt like I was lying to myself what I was seeing and feeling, but it was all real. So I think God really used the center of attention defects to push me. And it was that spiritual experience that really motivated me to keep on going.

Wow, that's beautiful. Before that time, had you ever tried to get sober before? Yes. I think I tried to get sober because they get attention in high school. I was like, yo, I'm quitting drinking. I'm at this high school party. I got my little duels. This is what you do.

I'm going to get in shape. Last in about a week. But I think at like 21, I started to know. I knew I had a problem. Because, you know, it was like, bro, like you took like 20 pills of ecstasy, dude. You woke up in the hospital. Like, hey, you blocked out. You crashed this.

They found you to park like half dead. So I started to see that I had a problem. And I would try for like, you know, a couple months here. But I didn't know about AA or was godly at all. So it was kind of just like, okay, just stop, work out. I think I watched motivational videos. But it never worked out. And then I tried six months before I really got sober.

I tried six months, like really out there making videos. no AA though because I didn't know it they didn't last either because it was just like you know that six months I was like you know what I feel like a boring person let's drink and then that just took me on a five month binge that got me to my rock bottom to get sober in AA but once I walked on the AA the first time

I've stood sober sense really yeah wow that's incredible I'm surprised you hadn't heard about it too throughout it I mean that's sort of like if anybody's like oh I need to get sober it's like AA or NA you know I mean it's just readily available like old day, yeah.

So that's a little bit. But maybe you weren't hanging out with those type folks. Yeah, because I was bartending, but I'm hanging out usually with the people who party still. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go. Well, that's, so you stayed sober since you went to your first meeting. That's incredible. Do you hear that story a lot?

Do you think a lot of people stay sober from their first meeting? No. I think the only person that I know that's done it off the top of my head is my sponsor. And he has 33 years. Wow. That's incredible. So where do we go from here? So you've got this spiritual experience.

You got this first meeting where you wanted to be under the spotlight and you jumped right in there, man. And where do you go from here? I mean, how did you know like this was a for sure thing? I mean, they say one day at a time. I mean, was it like that for you? Or what was your experience there for the first six months or a year? Yeah. So for me, the first year, my sponsor said I was on a pink cloud for a year.

I really believe that God knew that you need a pink cloud year to get past You need to be so overconfident. You need a bunch of miracles to happen. And you need everything to work out in your favor this first year to build a foundation to get ready for how really hard it can be. So in my first year, like I said, I get that spiritual experience. I'm on fire. I don't know about not putting it online. I didn't know about that.

So I put all the stuff I told you the same day. I had that spiritual experience on Instagram and Facebook. And so when I got this feedback from people like, dude, thank you for sharing that. Oh my God. And these are people from like India, Japan, like different places too. Again, that center of attention, right? I was like, oh my gosh. Like, God is real. I am the voice of hope. My pain, there is purpose and I'm going to change the world. Like this is it. So in my brain, I went, okay, what do I do? I went vegetarian because I heard that meat gives you anxiety and fear. Is it true? I don't know. But I said, okay, we're vegetarian. Then I said, the TV distracts you.

Okay, got my TV, gave it away to somebody at the gym that needed it. And then I said, what do I do? Read books. I started reading five books a week. Five books a week, meditating every day, went vegetarian, not watching TV, just podcast, running every day, working out three to four times a week. And the jump rope was one of the tools that I used to start working out. And the jump rope told me that this jump rope is going to save your life. And you need to tell the guy who made it that it saved your life. So I said, okay, who made the rope? Buddy Lee, Olympic athlete, speaks all over the world, a huge, famous, like super successful athlete. Okay. Cool. I guess I'm going to jump rope every day, make videos about recovery, talk about

my trauma, and this is my way. And I think because so much attention was being put on me that it fueled me, and when every meeting I went to AA and the first year, I was sharing at every meeting, probably too much, you know, but I was just that guy like, oh, I got something or oh, I know it all. But I was always a kind person, so it was never bad intentions. And so what happened was the jump rope stuff, I started getting really good at it. I started, you know, seeing things differently. I started winning these jump rope contest. The number one jump rope channel did a story on me. The guy who made Mayweather's ropes did a story on me.

A year later, I'm working in treatment now. I'm noticing my gift with connecting with people's reel. So like all these things are just happening for me. I meet this community, the Magic House, where we're having events of like a thousand people and their parties, all recovery. So I'm like, dude, like I didn't know any of this was here. This is just working for me.

So I was so motivated to do whatever it takes because I was finally happy. That's the thing. I was so happy for the first time in 20. 25 years that I was just running on it and doing it. And I truly love people. So it made it easy for me to help others. And then a year later, the number one jump rope guy calls me, flies me to D.C., certifies me.

He asks me, what do you want to tell me? We're at Benny Hana's. And I'm like, your jump rope saying my life. So to see how manifestation, the power of belief and all these things were like almost like superpowers to me, I was just all in that first year. All these blessings were happening. Wow. Did anything go sideways for that first year?

Yeah, so one thing did, my mom got cancer. Again, so the third time she got cancer, she got one, I had eight months sober. I remember I was about to do this road trip. I was eating a 10-day fast, Houston, Texas. And the day I'm leaving, my mom goes, hey, my cancer's back. She's like, hey, go on this trip. Like, I'm good. I got another meeting with the doctor.

So that was hard because I remember, I want to say, it's probably like maybe two months in her chemo that year. I had like 10 months sober maybe at this point. I'm driving and I get a phone call. She fell out at the mall. The ambulance picked her up, the rushing into the hospital. I remember driving the hospital angry at God.

I was like, God, I got 10 months sober and you're going to do this to my mom. Because my mom had cancer the second time. My addiction, I showed up to none of her treatments. I pushed her down physically. She hit her head on concrete because I wanted to get high and she wanted me to stay home, which was on chemo. So I had a lot of regret and shame how I was towards my mom.

So this time, when she got her, and she fell out, I was like, God, you're really going to take her from me? How am I ever going to make it right? And then God said, now you get to make it right. You get to show up to her treatments. You get to hold her hand. You get to be there with her. And so I had that spiritual experience and I started crying, show up to the hospital. I'm like, Mom, I'm here with you. Held her hand. That was a rough season. I ended up throwing her a cancer benefit, raising funds and all this stuff. And she beat it, which was really cool. So that was the hard thing in my first year. But it was that moment that God said, this is how you can make it right that helped me push through it.

Because I don't know how I did it. That's all God that helped me be able to work through that. Because seeing somebody with cancer, it's tough. It's really tough. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that, man. Yeah, that's powerful too. That was your opportunity to do things a little different this time.

Yeah. So where do things go from there, man? Five years now, right? I'll be coming up on 6th in October. Coming up on 6 in October, which is incredible, just hearing what we've heard so far of what I've heard anyway of your story to be able to do that. So where do we go off to that first year?

Okay, yeah. So yeah, the first year, basically, I'm now working in treatment at the end of the year, right? Working in treatment substance. It manifested me in the jump rope guy, right? Got certified. I'm one of the best jump ropes in the world now. Like, people can't do what I can do.

I'm on YouTube videos. My Instagram's growing. I think that's when I was working with you and you're helping me with the Instagram stuff too. So you know, that's growing. All the cool stuff recover out loud. And the second year was the terrible, too, as I call it. Get laid off from the job.

about it was at treatment. So I'm like, oh, I don't know that was going to happen. Went to another job and it was terrible, the flop house and treatment. So I was like, well, like, is this what happens in treatment? Got a third one, same thing. And I was like, what is happening now? Like, is there no good treatment centers? And then I'm freaking out because I'm like, I'm a high school dropout. Like, what do I do? I can't go back to bartending and serving because, like, you know, I'll relapse. I just remember like freaking out that second year. I was depressed. I was suicidal. I was like, what's happening? And then somebody told one, this is a terrible twos. Like, your emotions are coming back, man. Like, like, you.

You're on a pink cloud that first year. Like, this is reality. You know, you've got to process these things. And so that second year was really rough emotionally. And it wasn't until maybe like seven months into my second year where I had an epiphany. And it was literally, I went to another job interview. And I was like, I'll give it one more chance treatment.

Like, I'm just over it. I go in and the guy goes, you know, unfortunately, we don't have a position for you. So I was like, of course, I came here wasting my time. We ended up having a good conversation about like what I do. I showed them my YouTube videos of what I do. So I leave. I go sign up for college, online school, Intercoast College.

And I was just like, you know what? I might as well try it, be a counselor. Like, I don't know what to do. But it's a lot of money. And I hope I don't screw it up like I did in the past. There's a lot of fear, you know, like I can probably be impulsively doing this like I normally do. The day after I sign up for school, I'm crying to God at night. And I'm like, God, like, I don't know what to do.

What am I going to do for work? You know, I got to pay the bills. My mom's going through chemo. I know she's even better now. like I don't know what to do. And someone said, you gotta get specific with your prayer. So I'm like, okay, God, you know my heart, you know this and that. I just need a job that pays this amount of money.

It's not a lot of money. I just need something like to help out because I don't want to come back to bartending. Please, God, please. The next day, six in the morning, I get a call from that interview, but they didn't have a spot. He goes, hey, I know we don't have a spot for you to be a tech, but God wants me to make you a counselor. Something about you. And I'm like, counselor. I got to go to school.

He goes, no. As long as some people have their degree, you can work under them. So now I'm like, whoa, God. So now I'm a counselor and all of a sudden I'm happy to get my second. I'm a counselor, big treatment center, tons of people, new people speaking, group facilitating, all that, feeling like, man, I am meant to do this. And then, you know, I go to Thailand, go out of the country, enjoying that stuff. That was like the second year, right? I get through that. And in the third year, the challenge that comes in the third year, well, this was a hard one.

So this is COVID. So we come into COVID year. I'm counseling. going to school. I'm jumping rope still. You know, Instagram, all that stuff, getting on some magazines, getting on some podcasts. I remember I'm in this relationship. I'm happy in this relationship. I'm living in a bougie place finally. Like, because COVID, the rent was cheap, got a good place, got a car, mom beat cancer. But what happened was Irvine's expensive. You know, living in Irvine in California is expensive. Working in treatment, you don't make a lot of money. So I was

like, okay, God, like, damn, dude, like, now what? Do I got to get another job? Like, what's the point of this. They pay you shit in treatment. So again, I get on my knees. Be specific. God, you know it's expensive here, Irvine. I don't need a lot more money. Give me like a $4 raise. Like, maybe like a $4 raise. That's too much. Like, just give me that. And what happens is I visit my friend to check up on him and we hang out. The next day I get a call from the owner. He's like, hey, are you looking for work? I'm like, no, I just went to visit your son. Oh, I thought you're looking for him. No, I'm not. He goes, oh, well, you know, we're expanding and we want to hire you. I went, really? He goes, well, how much are you getting paid?

So in that moment, I went, I'm about to say I get $4 more an hour. Why not? So I said that. And he goes, all right, cool, we'll pay you that. So then now I get this job, another spiritual experience. I'm like, oh, my God, making more money now. This is cool. Another prayer answered. But what happened was two weeks later, I got very selfish. And when you know, God, hey, can I get some more money? I get some more money. God, I didn't realize about taxes and all this stuff. Like, I want more money.

So what happens is, is after that prayer, I have a dream. It's Christmas night. I have a dream and my partner cheats on me. That's my dream. And I just started reading a book about writing your dreams out from Jim Quick. So I literally have a dream journal next to me. I'm like, oh, that's weird. So then I go to a meeting that day, A, share. And then I call my girl at the time like, hey, I'm,

because the codependence side of me is like, I got to show up now for like extra. Like, let's go out to dinner. It's on me. So she goes, yeah, we'll go out to dinner. Cool. I get home. She's at the gym. And I remember, okay, because I'm not a jealous person.

And I go, her laptops connected to her phone. The dream is messing with me. I'm just got up just to be safe, God. I went to look. And yeah, she cheated on me that week when she went to visit her family in Bakersfield for Christmas. So I was like, I remember just sitting in this Irvine apartment and I felt like the trauma from being cheated on. Remember like I told you my past? Because I thought because I got God in my life.

I'm sober. I'm doing it. I didn't think I'd ever get cheated on again. That's what I thought. I thought I would choose better. So when it happened again, I had a moment of so much anger. I was so mad. I said, God, you know this is the worst thing that has happened to me being cheated on.

And you're letting it happen to me now. I have my name on a lease. We have a pet together. I can't afford this place by myself. She can't. I can't. And you know this is a thing that can make me relapse. But I know in my head I can't relapse.

Then I want to kill myself because that's part of my story. But I can't kill myself. It doesn't solve anything. I was just so mad because I didn't think this would ever happen. But then it clicked. All I hear is call your support group. So I call my A guy, guys. hey, this is what happened.

We're on her way. They come over. I call her, hey, I know what happened? And she's like, well, what are you going to do about it? And again, my heart sank deeper. I went, I kept my cool. I hung up crying. I'm angry.

My buddies come over. We pack up all my stuff. I move into a church. Give up all my stuff. I'm living in a church now, sleeping in this cot, let homeless people live at. And I remember I'm just crying and crying. And I'm like, God, why? And God goes, remember when you wanted to save more money?

I said, yeah. he goes well now you don't have rent and it was in that moment so i started laughing and joy and to me again it was just god is showing me his love like he knew that would make me laugh and it took me out of the moment and i said you know what you're right i need to forgive her then of the day like i realized in that moment i was still chasing the love of my father through a woman i was still chasing that neglectful self-centered love but i was still blind to it you know what i mean i still needed more healing. So I was able to utilize that moment and then I created a story off of it going into my fourth year. Homeless and happy. I went the whole thing, homeless and happy on social media,

addiction recovery magazine did a story on me. I was forgiving her. It was hard. Don't get me wrong. It was like four months of me crying still and angry, living in this church and sleeping on couches. But I found peace in it. I found purpose in it to help others through it. And when I was able to forgive her, I started doing EMDR therapy, which in my fourth year, the EMDR therapy, which in my fourth year, EMDR therapy like forever changed my life. It made me realize that I was still chasing my dad's love. I was still living in fear because trauma's in the body part's not your mind. So it literally felt like I took a Xanax for life.

So I was grateful that that painful experience put me at EMDR. I forgive it. Let that go. And in my fourth year now, I start my own business for the first time. And so now in my fourth year is where I'm able to start the SoCal Hope Dealers movement with Michael Ketter, who's America's Gotts, talent, famous singer, group therapists, not my own business. So my fourth year was amazing. And that painful moment took me into this amazing year of nonprofit work, hope dealers, helping people

recover out loud, doing all these events, magazines again, podcasts, all that stuff. But it was in that fourth year that was challenging because this is what happened. So fourth year was like that. And at this point, I tried falling in love again. I end up hurting somebody, not physically. Like, I just wasn't ready, but I didn't know. And I felt bad because I'm never broken out with anybody at this point. So the first time I'm breaking out with somebody, I didn't know how to do it, right? So I felt really bad. I feel like I caused wreckage.

And I felt bad and I was spinning. I'm like, damn, I'm a bad person. Start getting suicidal again. I want to quit life. I'm over this. Because it's really hard for me. Once I get past that, going into my fifth year, this is one of the hardest years. Because in my fifth year, yes, I'm making the most money I've ever made.

I got amazing people in my life. I meet this girl now who's I'm still with today amazing woman I get this phone call my fifth year and my cousin died at the gym in a freak accident and it was a shock because my mom's family was like 10 of us all women all the men are gone

so I'm like wait what I'm at the hospital and I'm like so in shock she's on life support I'm like what happened she had a seizure and she's brain dead so pull off a life support well first of I pray didn't work that was the first thing like pray foster you believe in God you're sober doesn't work right

pull off a life support And I'm just kind of like dissociated, right? Like, whoa, driving home after the hospital. Real story. I have a grandma seizure in the car. I wake up in the ambulance. I'm half brain dead for a month. So my girlfriend at the time,

World Village was dating three months at this point, had to take care of me for a month, drive me around, feed me, all that stuff. And I remember going in and out of consciousness, and I was afraid. I was like, dude, am I going to die? Like, my cousin just died of this. Why is this happening?

Two, am I ever going to be able to work? How am I going to be a therapist or a counselor or any of that stuff? I can't think. I couldn't comprehend what God was anymore. So after that month, I come back to, I'm super afraid now that's going to happen again. So I'm on edge, slowly going back into work. It's the funeral. Okay, God, I'm at the funeral for my cousin now.

It's the final step. I'm good now, I believe. Okay, let's just get through it. Going into funeral, the person who molest me was there. For the first time in 15 years I've seen them since it happened. And I remember going, what the F, God? Are you serious? And why would this person be here at this time?

with all this going on. So I couldn't process it. I had like 30 seconds to. So I played it cool. Stay for the whole thing, but I'm in the back. Because I don't want to cause a scene. I'm not going to cause a scene.

Because nobody knows of my family. They know the child one, not that one. Just because my mom's been sick with cancer and all the I don't need to say that. So after that happens, I'm confused at God. I'm like, screw you, God.

What are you doing? Cousin dies. I almost die. You run it to my abuser. Like screw you. I hate AA. I hate God. I hate counseling.

I hate everything. Try not to kill myself. Try not to relapse. get my five years, speak in front of 500 people, get down, I'm like, whatever. Like, it was whatever. You know, it was all bullshit. I don't believe in what I'm saying anymore. So, this is about two months after my aunt died, a month after maybe half Bradley dead.

I get a phone call from my cousin. She's screaming on the phone. Now my aunt had a seizure. Fine, now she's brain dead. So now I'm like, dude, what is going on? And I remember just being so pissed off at God. Go to the hospital. Same scenario.

One less person, though. And boss, can you please pray? You believe in God? I do it doesn't work. She's dead. And now I'm just thinking like, dude, my mom just lost her sister, lost her niece, almost lost me. She already has her depression and her remission for cancer.

Her other sister has cancer. I'm the only strong one here, really, but now I'm going through all this. I almost died. And I'm like, dude, what's the point of all this? And I wasn't getting answers. I wasn't getting any answers and answers and answers. And for months, it was so hard to work. It was so hard to be happy.

It was so hard. I wanted to just tell everyone like, F you all. And it wasn't until this year, January, I had a moment. I was at a worship and someone had a similar story and I just started crying. And God said, you're not as close to me as you think. And unfortunately, it took these events for you to realize if you don't slow down, you're going to die because that's what happened to your cousin and your aunt. They wouldn't slow down and they literally died from a brain aneurism.

And you have the same problem. And you're doing this all for you, not for me, but for you. because you have the inner child would have conditional self-worth. If you like me, I like me. And I was like, I couldn't live like that no more. So it took that moment to finally hit me like, dude, I'm saving the world, but I'm not hanging out with my mom. I'm saving the world.

I'm hanging out my sister. I'm not hanging on my family. It might look like I do. I don't. I'm saving the world, but I neglect the people who are actually there for me. And so it was this moment where I broke down crying and got me back into this place where I started to love again. I started to feel good again, you know.

And from that moment on, I got a new mentor. It's all about sleeping more, slowing down, graduated college with another degree, got my master's in theology, bachelor's in social work, certified alcohol and drug counselor, started consulting business, started helping treatment centers build it. Relationship is thriving, going on vacations now. And just helping people, but helping people, not to people please, but helping people because it's the right thing to do in moments. And that's been my journey now, just learning how to slow down, learning how to say,

know, learning how to set boundaries. I don't have to be the guy always and learning how to work on my FOMO. Because if I don't, I will die. I know that I will die physically if I don't slow down because I learned the problem is I never felt like a priority to any male figure in my life. And that's really messed me up because my dad is still not come back into my life. He's still the same dude. And that wound of never feeling good enough is that thing that I really need to learn to let God fill up because if not, I'm going to literally physically die because it's a wound of mind that is really hard to get over. Yeah. Wow, dude, that's a lot of stuff throughout your sobriety, man. I can relate to the one thing you brought it there at the end, too, with not always

the best in the relationships that are the most important, but we're a different person when it comes to business or clients or friends. And I actually heard this last night, dude. It really hit me, right? Because, I mean, I think that's something that we all, in a sense, work on, right? Like, I think we just get comfortable and take for granted that things are just going to be there forever. These people that love us and that we love most, they're just going to be there. And that's just the way it's going to be. It seems like we get comfortable with that. But I saw this thing and this guy was giving this like a little motivational speech there.

But he said, if you get a doctor's note that says that there's so much time you got left, look, your partners, your wife, your kids, your family, that'll be the only people that are left. Like everybody else is going to kind of move on with what they're going to do. All the lives of 500 people at this speaking and 200 people there. and, you know, everything else, right? When you can't serve people that you're doing business with too anymore on that level, like, they're going to move on and it's going to be those people. And that really brought it into perspective for me that I've got to personally have a better

attitude with those relationships to wear and spend more focus and energy there. So that just really hit me, man. And that's something I'm still like trying to really get a hold of, you know, and I do a good job, but I know there's room or more, you know, which is honestly a tough thing, vulnerable thing to bring to the table, but I'm like, yeah, I can do better, you know, but that's one of the beautiful things about sobriety, about recovery is that today, me personally, I'm willing to look at these things and make improvements. When I was doing drugs and drinking all the time, it was always someone else's problem. Or I wouldn't be vulnerable enough to the point

to say that like I owned any sort of the problem or I could be part of the solution anyway. But look, man, that's incredible that you've stayed on this journey. Like, I, I'm just thinking, you know, you hear stories from time to time. And everybody's got their own story and every story, you know, has its purpose and its place. But I hear some stories sometimes in yours, I think is one of them to where I'm like, you know what, I didn't have it that bad. You know, and I'm like, my goodness, man, for you to still be rocking and rolling here coming up on six years, you know, because a lot of these things happen in people's lives and the first thing to go is their sobriety. What was helpful for you to just stay on track when things were just coming down the pipeline faster than you could even comprehend them?

you want to know what's funny is I really think it's the mental prison I put myself on by being a sober influencer. It's like a blessing and a curse, right? The blessing is I get to help all these people. But the curse was if I mess up, it's not just my AA support group that shows. You know what I mean? It's everybody that follows me. Everything I do for work too, you know, I might have to stop working everywhere I go if they find that out. So I really think just having that mental prison of having to, you know, quote unquote, be perfect.

I think some people don't realize that when you're like an influencer or celebrity or something like we get put in this prison where we have to almost be perfect unfortunately that's just what it is. So I really think that was one factor that for sure kept me like because again, right, I'm a fear of rejection. I was like, oh no, I don't want to have to go through that. I don't want to have to be that.

Go from Hope dealer to dope dealers, Silverfowse to crack head fowls. Like I'm good. So that was one factor. The other factor is I always, always, always surround myself with my recovery support group. consistently, no matter what. Like, I'm always going to meetings.

I'm always talking to my sponsor, and I'm always sharing vulnerably what I'm going through with my A support. Like, that's literally why I am able to walk through this. I never put it aside for all this other stuff that we do. I'm aware of that. I need to always keep it there close because I'm one decision away from screwing at my life.

Yeah. No, that's so true. That's why a lot of people, they harp on celebrities like, I'll share a post or something. There's always somebody who's like, oh, must be nice. know, have all the money and everything. And I'm like, well, first off, I mean, you still have to do the work. You can go to the best treatment with the spas and stuff. It's not going to really change. But I'm thinking, too, like, these people have a lot on the line. So I think it's respectable

to come out and say, hey, like, I've been struggling because a lot of people, they're judgmental and they're like, how could you be struggling? You have all the money, the fame. And the reality is, like, this stuff doesn't discriminate. Diction doesn't discriminate based on where you live. What's zip code? do you live in or what job you have? I mean, it'll grab a lot of people. So, I mean, I love all stories, you know, celebrities down to the rest of us. I've worked with celebrities when I wanted. It was so interesting, you know, it was like, hey, I can't go to AA.

But why not? People will know me. I'm like, I never thought about it like that. Like TMZ might be there waiting. It was like, oh, well, we go out to eat to meet and they're like looking around. Like, what are you doing? Like, I'm paranoid. And it was so interesting.

I'm like, damn, you guys got to deal with that. And they're like, well, yeah, dude. They're like, when I did this, I told them, don't make me look like this. And then they don't listen. They make me look like I'm just Jesus perfect man. So then when I mess up, my whole life falls apart. And then people are stalking you. People are watching you.

People are spreading rumors about you. So I got to see, like you said that side. I'm like, dude, like what comes with it is like crazy. Oh, for sure. Yeah, even Eminem did songs about that too, didn't he? About like being out and just let him and his daughter just like grab a meal. Yeah, it's definitely strange. But yeah, man, I mean, that's incredible.

And now, I mean, what would you? Like I got two questions. here. To wrap everything up, if somebody just listened to this part of the episode, what would you want your overall message to be for people to hear? Yeah, I would say just to know that, you know, you are enough and that there's purpose to the painful things that you go through. And I think if you can apply meaning to your traumas, to your struggles, to your addiction, to pain, that there's hope for you to be able to stay sober and to live sober because if we can't find meaning in some of that unforgivable pain, it's like, I don't think we'll win.

Because, you know, some things that we go through is unforgivable. It really is, right? And it's really just a perception we create to say, well, this happened for a reason to help people. Is it true? I don't know. But I have learned from my life and others' lives because I've worked with thousands of people that when you apply meaning to something, you have a chance of being sober and happy long term. Yeah, I love that, man.

And then if somebody's listening to the show and they're struggling to get or stay sober, what would you have for them? I would say is, you know, the first thing to do is reach out for help. You need somebody who understands your pain to walk through the pain with you, whether that's AA support group, celebrate recovery, refuge recovery. I think that's the first step for sure. You know, it's really difficult when people don't want to do support groups. I'm not against it, right?

I know always. But I find it really difficult if you don't have a support group, like, how are you going to walk through this? Because without that connection, I don't know how we make it. You know, there's that TED Talk, right? The opposite of addiction is connection. And so I say, you got to find your people,

find your community, and they'll do the rest. Yeah, there's a lot of people that resist that, right? I mean, I even did probably at one point, right? Because I thought I was just the only person who was like this, like the only person who struggled, nobody's going to understand. So what's the point of even trying?

And then soon after, I found out, and it was such a big relief. And I think it was you too, you shared out. After that, buddy, a guy came up to you and said, me too. And it changed everything. And I think once we find other people and we don't feel so alone, the shame, we can start to work on that too because we feel bad about, you know, and we have these thoughts

about ourselves and the story we've told ourselves and this, you know, everything else that's going on. We need other people to bounce the ideas off of. And like, it's just nice if I'm struggling and I reach out to a friend of mine. And I'm like, yo, this is what I'm struggling with. And then they're like, man, I've been there. And I'm like, good. because I feel like I'm the only person who's going through this

and it's really weighing me down. And it seems to change everything. For me, it really seems to create willingness. When I share with somebody else, after I share with them and they say, you know what, I've been through it too, now I'm willing to do something about it. I look at meetings like insulin.

The meetings are like our insulin to live. And, you know, you don't got to do insulin every day. Maybe in the beginning you do. And then there's a may end so you go every now and then. But I really feel like the meeting is our insulin. It gives us life. I look at the meeting like a gym too and the steps is the routine

you're not going to go to the gym just stare at the weights flirt with girls and expect to get in shape right that's up go to meetings hey what's up girl da da da da da and then they're like man this doesn't work it's like you haven't tried the routine work the steps give it a shot and I think when you do

the routine which is the steps you have a community to cheer you on and to have fun I think that's how you do it and that's why I always tell people don't judge one meeting from the beginning like try different meetings because there is meetings I'll tell you that I hate too I'm like this meeting sucks these people suck try another one yeah and I mean that goes for all things that we try like for years I tried therapy and it was terrible I dreaded it but when I was ready to actually engage in

therapy and be a willing participant in what was going on everything changed yeah I think it's like where we're at is how we're going to see things and you know this week you might be in a different place than you were a year ago when you tried your first smart recovery or you or 12-step or refuge recovery. And you have to try different things when you're at different places because your willingness might have changed and you can gain value from stuff. But I'm a big person out too. You have to be willing participant because I host some groups to, you know, when I was

working at a treatment center for six years too. And there would just be those folks who just literally hung out for six months. I mean, literally a summer camp. And, you know, that's good. And I mean, I was proud of them for, you know, sticking it out because they didn't have to stay there. But I saw the people make the most progress or the people who ask questions 24-7. You know, they were like three and four-year-olds because they're asking about all this stuff. And they made the most progress because they were actively participating in like their

own healing, their own recovery. Yeah, I love that though, man. You got to get connected one way or another. You got to get connected with other people on the journey because it's going to be so helpful. It is because recovery is kind of like getting in shape too to think about it. Right. Like everybody can get in shape. There's no secret to getting in shape. It's just, are you said, are you willing? And if you're willing, you'll get the results. That's recovery too.

So that it doesn't work. It's like, it's going to be willing to do it. Yeah, I love that. That's straight to the point right there. Anything else, my brother, that you'd like to mention before we sign off, man. I really appreciate you, dude, so much for coming on. I mean, first of all, I just want to say, like, thank you for having me on here because, like, I said, I don't think you understand, like, how big of an impact you

had in my life. Because, remember, my narrative was purpose of my life. pain and seeing you on Instagram when I was like, wow, people do do this. And just you reply and bro, like that's awesome. Because you would say like that's awesome, you respond. Just little things like that literally was a beginning to like catapult me into continuing to push forward in the social media world for recovery. And so I just want to point that out. Thank you for that. Thank you for having me on this episode. And for anybody that's listening to, you know, if you want to get in contact with me, you know, Instagram is the best way,

Hope Dealer Fausto, and I will be launching an affordable. I call it advising and coaching, but really it's therapy, subscription for $999, and it's going to have how I broke through codependency, addiction, sexual abuse, how I overcame being cheated on, my celibacy journey, loving myself, manifesting your dream, and it's just a community to connect with, and we're going to do lives, we're going to do dinners, and we're going to have a lot of fun, and it's just to make people have a place to come and feel safe. Oh, dude, that's incredible. Dude, if you're telling me it comes with dinners for $9.99, I'm then that you're for the dinner too.

Where are we going, man? They have some private chefs come out. On McDonald's for $9.99 a month. Yeah, that's incredible, dude. Yeah, I wish you nothing but the best on that. Yeah, man, everything, dude. Like I said before, dude, I really appreciate it, man. I feel this is going to be really helpful for a lot of people, man.

You know, because you really never know what all these stories I've been hearing recently, too. And I mean, I'd probably known a little bit more about you just from seeing you for so long. a lot of a man, you just really never know what people are going through. Yeah. You just, man, the more and more I hear, I'm just like, man, you really have to be ultimately kind in every interaction you have because you just never know what battles people are facing or fighting. Ed, it's just as a great reminder of that, man, because if people were to see you and see

your personality and stuff, like, it definitely doesn't always show, right? You know, and this is what you've been through. You know what I mean? It's a lot, man. and for where you're at, dude, I just nothing but love you, amen. Thank you. What an incredible episode. Look, Fausto was just incredibly vulnerable with us all on the show.

What he's been through, what he's still working through. Even in sobriety, things haven't just panned out as all miracles. There's been challenges. There's been up and downs. And, I mean, that's just life. And everybody's going to experience it a little bit different. But I really appreciate Pausto coming on here and really showing some love for the podcast. telling us sharing a real vulnerable story of what's possible in sobriety.

So look, reach out to Fausto on Instagram and let him know that you appreciated the episode. You can find him on Hope Dealer Fausto, F-A-U-S-T-O. Send him some love. Tell him, thank you for being on the show. I love nothing more than that than people reaching out and just letting others know that they appreciated them coming on the show because it's not easy to do. I mean, you're sharing your story with the world, right? So do that.

And look, everybody, I appreciate all your support in kind words and in everything. I mean, it's incredible. It really is, you know, when I started out this podcast, I had a vision. I had a vision. I went on Amazon and I grabbed the stuff and we started the podcast and we've learned as we went and we get some things right and other things we learn. But to have the impact that it's having so early on, I never expected. But I'm grateful for it because the idea here is that we can spread a message.

of hope and a message to let other people know that they're not alone. And if you're struggling, you're not alone. We're with you. We're with you. And I can always do my best to try to help you out if you message me over on Instagram at Sober Motivation. And look, everyone, I'll see you on the next one.