Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Finding Purpose Through Sobriety: Nisha's Journey

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

In this episode of the Sober Motivation podcast, Nisha shares her compelling journey of growing up as a first-generation South Asian-American in a small town, navigating the complexities of fitting in, and eventually finding a connection in sports. As her story unfolds, she details the role of alcohol in her life through high school and college and the realization that it was leading her astray. Through heartfelt support and reflections, Nisha shares how a call for help and the support of her family led her to sobriety and a fulfilling career as a Counselor and sober coach. The conversation highlights the importance of community, staying curious, and the continuous journey of personal growth and alignment. Donate to support the show here: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Nisha on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nishajp/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:14 Nisha's Childhood and Early Life 02:21 High School Experiences and Early Drinking 03:03 Personal Reflections and Struggles 08:47 College Life and Increasing Drinking 15:05 Post-College Challenges and Career 17:27 Moving to California and Hitting Rock Bottom 25:07 Switching Substances: A Common Misconception 26:00 Introducing the Expert: A Licensed Professional Counselor 28:11 The Journey to Sobriety: Personal Stories and Insights 30:31 The Importance of Support Systems 34:38 Therapy and Personal Growth 42:39 Reflecting on the Sobriety Journey 45:28 The Role of Therapy in Recovery 47:57 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Nisha, who shares her compelling journey of growing up as a first-generation South Asian American in a small town, navigating the complexities of fitting in and eventually finding a connection in sports. As her story unfold, she details the role of alcohol in her life through high school and college

and the realization that it was leading her astray. Through heartfelt support and reflections, Nisha shares how a call for help and the support of her family led her to sobriety and a fulfilling career as a counselor and sober coach. The conversation highlights the importance of community, the process of staying curious, and the continuous journey of personal growth and alignment. And this is Nisha story on the Supermotivation podcast. How's it going, everyone, Brad here? Welcome back to yet again another episode.

An incredible story coming up here soon, as is every story here on the podcast. They all have their own twist, their own turns, their own valuable takeaways. And thank you guys so much for hanging out. As we cross over 162 episodes, which is crazy to me. I've had the privilege to get to know a lot of you and a lot of the guests throughout this journey. And I want to say thank you for hanging out with me, hanging out with us.

As we bring these stories to life, if you love this podcast as much as the messages that I get, be sure to share with a couple of friends. Let them know about the Subur Motivation podcast about the stories about all the incredible stuff that we're doing over here. And if you really enjoy the podcast and it's helped you out in any way, shape, or form on your journey of sobriety or getting curious or trying to just change the way that you're living. I would love for you to consider donating to support the podcast. You can head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sub-motivation and donate there.

You can also sign up for memberships if you want to do $5 a month or $10. And there's a couple other options as well. It would mean a lot to help cover the cost that's associated with running a podcast that drops two episodes every single week. It has for a little while now. So if you're able to do that, it would mean the world, if not keep hanging out. It's all good. Either way, it's all good. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Nisha with us. How are you? I'm doing well. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you for jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. Yeah, absolutely. Grateful to do that. Awesome. So

What was it like for you growing up? For me growing up, it was interesting. So I grew up in a small town. My family moved here from India to the United States and so we're first generation. So it was a little different. I was small town. I was like probably one of the first Indian kids that anybody in my school had seen or class had seen. My siblings and I were the only Indian kids at our school for a while.

So that was interesting. There was always that difference, right? And we also lived in a different part of town than the rest of our peers and all of that. So it was always that trying to fit in, right? Trying to find my place, a lot of growing up. And then I found my place. Early on, I come from a family full of athletes. And so I played sports.

I played soccer. And that was like my inn right there. Starting when I was in middle school, I started playing select and I played all the way through high school. Wow. Yeah. And are you still in Georgia? I'm in Georgia. I'm in Atlanta now. Okay. Gotcha. So you're going through that, you know, that experience there trying to find yourself. Then you find soccer. I mean, that's incredible. And I'm not just picturing here.

Then you're able to maybe have that in common with people connect with other people and stuff like that. How was everything else going in your life? You had siblings too, did you mention? Yeah, I do. I'm the youngest of three. So, yeah, it was chaotic. I mean, growing up was just, chaotic. My parents in their own business, so they were busy running that. We would help with that as well. So just lots of things going on at all times. And I feel like sports for me quickly became a place where my mind could just get focused on one thing and that's it. You know, everything else, all the noise, everything just quieted down for that little bit of time. And I loved it and I craved it.

Yeah, interesting. What position did you play for soccer? I was a defender. Oh, perfect. And where do you go from here? Did you have anything that stood out for you, say, in like, middle school years or high school years for you? Yeah, so in high school, you know, a small private school. And again, the atmosphere, I think the culture of it is a lot of, I mean, pretty familiar is that you party on the weekends, even if you're an athlete or whatever. And it's just, I mean, we have the many kids in our class. And that's what we didn't. And that was another way of fitting in, right? And again, it was that like all the racing thoughts are just all of the busyness in my brain would shut down.

And I could just have fun. That was my only focus. And so that's kind of when my drinking started. Yeah, in high school. That's something I can really relate to is that's one of the things that drugs and alcohol for me served a great purpose. was that my thoughts were always racing, right? Often pushing me to do more or I felt like I was doing a lot but not enough. I wasn't, you know, good enough in some ways and I have an interesting soccer story.

I've shared this before on the podcast. I tried out for the soccer team in eighth grade. And I was already in my life getting into a lot of trouble in school suspension, out of school suspension, really getting in a ton of trouble with distractions and everything like that. And I tried out for this for the soccer team. And I really wasn't a good soccer player. But the interesting part of the story was everybody made the team except for me. And I'll never forget this day, you know, looking back, we could go through it now.

But looking back, my mom picked me up. And one of the reasons I really remember this story because it really painted the picture of how I lived a lot of those early teenage years was not sharing about emotions or really even knowing how to connect the dots. And my mom picked me up and like, how was it? You know, did it go well? And I was like, oh, I didn't make the team. And then I lied afterwards about, you know, there's a lot of other people who didn't make the team. And that wasn't true. But I was just bottling up those emotions of the hurt and the rejection.

And then it kind of bled into other areas and just in my own mind reinforced that. You know what? You're just kind of not cut out for taking these risks, right? And then you get chopped down so many times of trying stuff. It's just for me anyway, I just threw in the towel for years after that of taking risks for things. And yeah, I can relate with you. But that story I can relate with you on the sense about things being really busy and just not being able to really find my way. Yeah, you know, and I was lucky that I went to small enough school that like kept enough eyes on me, you know, and I think also just,

I think we're studying. More and more studies are showing that like females that have ADHD and things of that nature don't, it doesn't come out as obvious sometimes because we're able to contain. So, wow. And I think also coming from a South Asian family, there's no such thing as that. Or there wasn't back then. And I have super smart siblings. So as you, I always told there's something like innately wrong with me. I thought, oh my gosh, there's this more. I'm stupid.

I'm missing something. For majority of grade school, literally until I was in high school and I remember graduating and walking back from graduation with my sister. And she's, I have to tell you something. And I was like, what? Just, well, you're not stupid. She was like, you learned how to read late. And I was like, what? And she like, it was like, yeah.

But now you're in a good college. So time to step up to the plate and you better make some really good grades and decisions. And I was like, okay. You know, just naturally told me that. I was like, okay. Yeah. No, with you on that. And I always wonder, too.

I mean, we're probably getting way ahead on the story. But I always wonder, you know, for some people, it seems like their story is they just picked up drugs and alcohol or whatever it was, alcohol. and they really fell in love with what it provided for their life. And then I think about my story. And I think about not that I was like destined for this path. I was born for the struggle for it. But I do believe that I was struggling so much of my life. When I found it, it was like this crossroads.

And the intersection point was just maybe near perfect to where I was struggling at a point with this identity and this low self-esteem and so many other things. And then when alcohol came into the picture, I was like, these people like, me. If I can find community, now I can connect with people. I can have a few drinks and all the shyness and the insecurities. It goes away. And even though I was experienced maybe very small consequences, it was worth it. The sacrifice was worth it in the beginning to be in there. Even though I knew what I was doing wasn't right. I didn't grow up in a household where drinking was really even a thing. I never saw my parents drunk. I mean, they did drink, but I never understood really what alcohol was. It's really all kind of strange how it worked out.

Yeah. But I think that was it. So, I mean, you pick up on this in high school. What was it like for you, like, the first time? Man, I'm trying to think back. It was probably a lot of fun. So, you know, like you said, like, it was not something that was, like, the norm in your home, right? Like, you saw your parents, you never saw them drunk or anything.

You know, I think as you said that, it was like I was the rebellious one. I am the outspoken one in my family. So it's almost like the drinking aligned with that identity of mine, right? And so, and I had a partner in crime, of course, and she has stalled parties, so it just made it so easy. It was fun. I think it was just that exactly. It was pure joy and not having to worry about anything. It's really, if you describe it like the first time, that's all I can think about.

Yeah. So where do you go? I mean, do you notice anything in high school when you started drinking, being that you go in about it any differently than your peers or no? No, I don't think so. We were all very rebellious and everybody partied super hard. So no one really stuck out. So, yeah, I don't think it was that now internally, I will say, I'm sure there were times where I made choices where I was like, oh, that didn't feel good or that doesn't feel right. But again, it was nothing where it brought concern.

It was more like, I'll learn your lesson, don't do that again. You know, but no real consequences yet. Yeah. So high school, where do you go after high school? Then we go to fun college. And of course, we find people that are like us again, right? And that's it. So I had friends that went to a small college.

And again, we all partied very similar. And so again, it never was like, oh no, maybe I've crossed a line. I know something might be wrong, right? I think you get glimmers of that. When you live, when you're not living out of alignment, and you go really out of alignment, you feel it in your gut and your core. That's not just a, oh shit, like I made a fool of myself. That's like a, oof, that does not feel good.

That does not feel right. I start having more and more of those. But again, enough to. to make me go, okay, maybe I'll take a break, or maybe I won't for a little bit, or maybe I'll limit, but never a total. Yeah. How did that look for you, though? Even, like, in college, you would be in a spot where considering, you know, limiting things,

or some people might say like moderation, right? Like, just come back a little bit. I mean, what does that look like for you in the early stages? I'd be like, okay, well, I'll only have, you know, a drink or two, or I'll be the driver, right? Like it would be putting parameters around it. That's really what it is. And then almost going, okay, you either white knuckle and you stick to your parameters or you're surrounded by people that are like, why would you even do that? And you say, screw it.

And you go have a fun night. So that's really what it looked like for me. It's just that either over-controlling, I think, or consuming as much as I want or probably just not even go on. which is like removing myself from the environment. Yeah, just to try to scale things back a little bit. It's very, I think it's very common in a lot of people's stories. I think a lot of people maybe even try limiting or moderating without even realizing it. Like maybe without it even being this thing that they're fully aware of,

but kind of going back and forth on this battle about where's the line that I don't want to cross, but really, I think further in our journeys, like really having a hard time, the lines get blurred a lot. Absolutely. I hear that all the time, right? It's, you know, I have my clients share that with me. I have other moms share that are like, wait, what? How do you not drink?

Or, okay, I'm not going to have liquor. I'm going to have wine. They're swapping. They're doing the swaps. And I'm like, then they're done all of those. It just, it doesn't work, right? Or it's, okay, well, what if I have, but people always ask, what do you want to drink, like a virgin drink or whatever?

You know, there's non-alcoholic drinks and they? I don't. Because they're not going to get you. you the feeling. I don't want to drink my sugar. I rather eat like chocolate, to be honest, right? Which is funny, but yeah, I think it's that you, we normalize it so much in society that, and it's just subtle to where it's not, oh, that's a problem behavior, right? I don't think it becomes a problem behavior when you go from I want to do it to almost like I have to, or it becomes like, that's how I cope. So even that, you know, it can start something as subtle as, oh, before I go,

to, I don't know, some networking event. I like to have a drink while I'm getting ready, so then I'm calm to then, you know, and it doesn't, what doesn't seem like a problem down the road can then turn into one. Yeah, it can definitely switch. I even sharing my story a lot of the time. It's really hard for me to even put a finger on

when that switch took place, when it was just partying with buddies in high school to this point to where it's consuming my first, it's the first thought I have every morning when I wake up. And for me, personally, the lines are blurred there. And I also share a story quite often, too. After college, a lot of my buddies, like, we partied a light. We partied together in a light. And I mean, I probably wasn't even the wildest. I mean, I was up there. What I noticed is afterwards,

a lot of them just moved on. Like they did it. Hey, we did that. We got the T-shirt. It was a season in our life. It's kind of the college experience. And they went on to, you know, start careers and do stuff. And then I went on and went way down even further. And I was, I reflect back on that because I was always thinking early on, like, what, you know, what was so different about me? Why were they able to just kind of flip the switch and move on with things? So it's really interesting. I mean, those, the high school years were maybe some of the hardest in my life. And now I've three kids that I'm thinking, like, that might be an old story. It's pretty hard these days with them. And then college as well was tough, was challenging, right, about trying to keep, you know, the car on the road in

between the lanes. It was really difficult at times to do that with all the stress and pressure. And then, you know, you get through college and it's okay, what are you going to do now? I had no idea what, where I was headed. But do things progress for you in college? Yeah. They did. I mean, I think it became we would party more often, right? Like it was three days and it's four. And then it's five days. week. You know, the culture is, oh, exam time. Let's, like, when does everybody have their exams? Let's plan it accordingly, right? Or who doesn't have exam? So, yeah, I think the consistency of it increased as well as the amount. And I think over a long period of time, and again, I think women have shorter periods before they, like, hit their rock bottoms, usually. So it was pretty fast,

but it wasn't in college, because I did well in college. I got an amazing GPA. I found I got a degree business and I loved it. I was like, I loved marketing. I love that part of that creative part of my brain. And so I was a nerd for the class, actually. So it wasn't, again, I wasn't struggling when it comes to society's standards of making grades and commitments and showing up for school. I was doing all of that, right? I was checking those boxes. I think that's what makes it hard is when you can check the boxes, meet all the requirements, you look one way on the outside, but on the inside, it's what's happening. And only you know that or those that you share with.

Yeah. And so I think post-college it was like, okay, well, if I can just get a job, then I'll separate from the party life. Like, I won't need it. I won't be bored. Because then it became a boredom thing too. Oh, when you're bored. Yeah. Right?

Like, you party when you're bored. And then I got an awesome internship, but that wasn't enough. And, I mean, ad agency life is also like adult frat life. So I just kind of carried that into my career, too. like a pic to career that kind of does that. And then shortly after that, I was like, still, just that's when I kind of was like that, you know, drink a night girl. You know, a lot of people did this during COVID, right? Where at the end of the day, they'd be like, all right, I just deserve it.

That's what I did. I just deserve it. And then I did a geographical change because if I change where I live and then I get an amazing job. And I do all these things, again, which society tells me, if I'm. I attain, I'll feel good inside. I'll feel whole inside. I'll feel enough and peaceful. And so then I decided I went out to California. But again, and that was a pause. And then I was able to get a job at a marketing agency out there too. So again, checking the box, like meeting those markers as a young adult, but then the drinking was becoming more consistent,

not spending more and more time alone too, which didn't help. And I think that's when it really just hit it head on. And I was like, okay, I can't continue doing it. This is not, I lost myself. I really did. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. And I love that you mention that too, because we hear that a lot. Check the boxes, right? If we accomplish this and we make it through that, it looks like from the outside for a lot of us that things are together. But I think you brought up that other extremely important thing that I think we may ignore for a bit, that internal battle. That's what I kind of refer to as to where. And I think you mentioned another word earlier that really lines up with it is out of alignment.

In maybe getting further and further out of alignment about we know sort of in our gut and our intuition is that this is not going to get us where we want to go. but we kind of push those voices and those thoughts and those feelings down to keep this going. And then you mentioned you moving to California. Did you move out to California by yourself then? Yeah. So I have some family out there. And it was kind of like I did a trial. If I get a job in three weeks, I stay out there.

If I don't, then I come back home. That's going for it, going for it. I did. And I did. I mean, you know, back in the day, they had, like, newspaper. And it was like the top ad agencies. And I literally set a resume to each one and called each one. and called each one and, you know, nailed three interviews, got two offers, and then I went from there.

Wow. So walk us through, like connecting the dots on what you were going through on the inside at this, right? Because you're making this move and things are progressing here. What is the internal thoughts and feelings that you're having during this time? It's that chasing. If I just get this, then I'll feel bad. better. And if I feel better, then I don't need a drink at the end of the day or, you know, meet people offer drinks. If I feel better, I make better choices, right? I think that's everybody's hope, is that you live a life where you don't need to either numb or distract from your reality. And so that's what I went chasing. But I did not find that, obviously. That's where I hit my bottom or what I call

my bottom, right? And it just, it took me so out of alignment where I just remember one day going, this is not it. Oh my gosh. And I've always been a spiritual person. I've always prayed to God, always. So I watched my mom since I was little do it all the time. No matter what's happening in her life, what chaos, that's where she pulled strength from to continue. And so it wasn't forced for me. I watched her. And I think through that, I had my connection. And so I just remember just having that moment and God help me make better choices. Like, what the heck? You know, this isn't working. You know, everything I'm trying is not working. Help. And I tell the story funny. I just remember calling me dad and be like, hey, dad. And he's like, I have a problem with love. I need help.

And he's what? And I was like, you know, I was like, I think I just party too much. And it's just I'm not making the best choices. And he literally was like, you like need to pray to God. And I was like, dad, I pray to God. And he told me to call you. I mean, I think, I mean, I could hear the ocean and instead being like, what? Because I was the first of anybody to talk about anything like this out loud on my family. Now, we have family history of it, but it's always tucked on, you know, put it under the rug. And we talks about it out loud and especially not a female. What are you talking about?

But I will say that, you know, once my family got a clear picture and I began to, I'm honest. They rallied around me and definitely just supported me however I needed to get sober and really, you know, take that step, but then stay on path. I was having this discussion with a friend actually two days ago. Like, why did you not turn back? And I said, because I think that lifestyle was so out of alignment that once I was able to actually separate myself from it, it really wasn't tempting. anymore. Yeah, it loses its attractiveness from all the ads and everything else, too. I'm not saying that life hasn't happened, and I haven't had hardship and pain, but nothing to where I have to go back to him. Yeah. Was the drinking causing a lot of pain for you in your life? At the end, yeah. I mean, if it wasn't, I would have kept doing it, right? As I think anybody that I think is like on that cusp or that sober, curious, it's like you want to, but you want to stop, but you want, you know, it's like that. But now.

It just turned me into a person I didn't recognize. Yeah. And I didn't like that. And I knew deep down in my soul, I think you said this earlier on, that I knew that I was meant to do something with my life. And if I was going to do it, I had a purpose. I didn't know what it was. It wasn't going to be continuing down this road.

Yeah. So I knew there's something out there that God had for me. I just didn't know what it was yet. But you had the hunch or the nudge there that alcohol was not going to get you there. It's so interesting too, right? Because I think it's a thing that we don't always talk about is I kind of share in my story at times about the disconnect, right?

Because I was drinking, having fun. And I really was convinced for a while that it was helping further my connections. It was helping me get better connected with myself, right? Because you get a few drinks in you, you might share a few personal feelings or stories with people that you might not otherwise do. And it was like, oh, yeah, we're releasing this stuff and we're connecting. And what I realized looking back is that I was just completely disconnected from myself and from the world and from anything that I could aspire to be or to have dreams or to have goals. My confidence was completely shot.

And when I first started, I shared a little bit of my story there, how it boosted my confidence. But I was on top of the world. And I was like the cool guy for once. And I fit in for once in my life. And I had a purpose in a community. And then it slowly pulled the rug out from under me. about all of that stuff that I believed it was providing for my life. And then when I look back to it, but when that happened, I was already hooked in.

I was already in the cycle of drinking. And I convinced myself in one way or another for a long time that I was going to be able to get this thing back to how first was when I went to that first party. And everybody loved me. And they got my phone number and I was just part of the crew. And I never could get anywhere close back to that. the way it once was. Yeah, and I think that's like the hope, right? That's that controlling of like managing how much or when, right?

Or what day of the week? It's that hope that you can pull it back to where it once was when it wasn't a problem or when it wasn't causing this misalignment. Yeah. I'm just curious on that too. Your thoughts on once we start, I've been thinking about this a little bit and this is quite random. But I've been thinking about it, when you start to experience those thoughts of, can I moderate this or you get into that stage of that back and forth, I kind of refer to it as

like being on the fence. I think a big part about getting sober for me was I had to decide. I couldn't be here and I couldn't be there at the same time. Of course, there was a process that took, that I went through to get there. But I'm just curious if you've come across anybody in your experience that was at that point of experience consequences and they were able to turn the ship around and make this thing work out. Thinking about this, I'm like going through the Rolodex. The people that I know are that I've worked with. But it's been a variety and I will say I have not.

Now I have seen where I've had clients who have had, when I say long term, sobriety, I will say like a year plus, because that's very hard. I think the stats are very even low for that right now. And we'll then go out one time, you know, and the guilt, the shame of like, did I do this? And then they stop again. But they also have the skills, the tools, they have me as a coach to help them get back on the horse, right? I think when you can stop that beating yourself up, that guilt and that shame that eats you. And you can go, you know what I did this, but we reset the next day. It stops, but I've never seen somebody consistently be able to do that. Yeah. I've seen people also try to switch substances. I've worked with clients where they're like,

oh, well, you know, it was marijuana. That's my problem, not alcohol. I almost went, okay. And I'm not to judge. I think everybody's journey is their own. What I identify as sober as not everybody. And I'm realizing that more and more now, because it's changing and evolving. Like, who, you know. And, but I will say down the road, I do see where then it's that substance that they're like, oh, no, alcohol is a problem too. That's just a gateway. And I'm like, yeah. So it is. I think it's what happens to your mind and your body and your soul when you're using whatever that substance is. Whether it be food, exercise, marijuana or alcohol doesn't. Yeah. Now, beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Keep us a quick intro too, because people might not even know. what you do day to day when you're sharing about clients and your vast experience. Yeah, so my trade. Yeah, I'm an actually licensed professional counselor. I've been doing that over 10 years now,

specializing in DBT, which is dialectical behavior therapy, really focuses on personality disorders, people who suffer with, you know, issues such as like self-harm and suicide sometimes, as well as addiction. So it's a wide variety.

And then now I've also started pivoting a few years ago. It almost was like, I think I told you, your purpose can change or grow, right? And mine, when I got sober, quickly became helping other people. And then I became a therapist. And now I felt like I was just being called to help on our larger scale. And so I decided to, I'm doing public speaking, doing more podcast work. I'm writing a book. And now I'm starting to offer sober coaching into my services.

as well, specifically for clients, either in the sober curious phase, early recovery, or post-relapse. There you go. Incredible. Yeah, I love that. I mean, you evolve, right? I mean, that's the hope anyway, right? That we... You know, I say this all the time.

The girl that learned how to read late that struggled so much in school, never had I imagined that I would be writing. And actually writing it out because like nowadays you can get like ghost writers and all sorts of stuff now. Like actually wrote the thing. So when I reflect like that, I never would have said day one of sobriety that I would be doing that. I had no idea. I just knew I was meant to do something different. I didn't know what it was going to be though. Yeah.

Wow. Writing terrifies me. I was getting up writing. I did. Well, this was years ago when I started this whole like online journey of things. I did 20,000 pages of a book and then I shelved it. But it's a long story. Maybe one day it'll come back.

Who knows? Maybe I'll be. Oh my gosh. I was meant to say, we're going to talk offline about this, okay? Yeah. Thank you for that. I'm thinking back in your story a little bit too, right?

You make that phone call to your dad. I need help. I mean, that takes a ton of courage and especially your situation in maybe the thoughts and, you know, women, culture, everything. We're not talking openly about this. I mean, how do you mustered up that courage to do that? at that point in time. I mean, I don't think I had a choice.

I didn't know what else to do. And my dad has always been the place where, if anything, goes sideways, you can go to my dad. He has a rebel side of him. So he always understood that I tow the line. I would say he didn't parent me, like, and I mean, to make a generalization of a typical South Asian parent, right where my mom, like, had these, like, fit in this box. my dad knew I was never going to fit in a box, so he'd always kind of just be like, let her be. She'll always come back, but just let her be.

Because if you push her too much, she'll just go. You know what I mean? And turn my head and wave. The rebellious side of me. And so he knew that. He knew how to parent me. He knew how to create that space of, you know, a smaller example is in college,

I had my leg broken. My leg got broken playing soccer. Played all these years, intermural, girl cracked my shin, leg broke. Well, I didn't call my parents because I just thought it was a bruised phone. But I called my dad at 2 a.m. I'm like, hey, dad. I'm in the emergency room and he's what?

And I was like, my legs broken and we have to see a surgeon in the morning. He's like, huh? I was like, don't tell mom, okay? Just come meet me in the morning, come get me from school and take me to the surgeon. It was just so funny, but, you know, and then on the right home, he's, you know, you have to go home and see your mom, right? And I was like, I knew she's going to get mad at me for playing for fun and getting injured, you know? But it's just one of those things where he's just like, all right, let's deal with whatever. it is. Just tell me what it is and then we'll deal with. Yeah. No, that's great. So after you make the phone call, you guys have your chat. What are your first steps on this new journey for you? Oh my gosh. I'm like, well, you know, my siblings came to visit me and they were like,

what's happening? Everybody's just kind of like, trying to figure out what's going on. And then it was, okay, well, what support do you need? How do you get support, right? Do you, is it the 12 steps? Is it? Women Support Group is a dreamt, is it, IOP, what is it? And, you know, I got into a women's support group, did some 12-step as well, and it was foreign. It was so foreign to my family that it was just almost like, do that if that's what you need to do to get healthy, but don't get lost in. Like, we don't want to lose you to it. It was, like, weird thing.

And I get it, because they knew me being a certain way. And then I was also, then I was changing at the same time, right? So it was hard. It was a good thing, but sometimes good change is also uncomfortable. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good change is always uncomfortable. Your loved ones, too, because they're not used to it. Yeah. Right? It's one of those things I remember having those discussions and being like, you know, they're like, how long do you do this for? What do you do? You know, and I just like, I don't know, I'll just keep going.

You know, and I saw people who had long-term sobriety, I hung out with the older people. The old timers, that's what we called them, right? Back in the day. Old timers, those were my friend. Like, literally, I never hung out with people my age because I wanted what they had. And so I wanted to learn from them. Yeah, no, I love that. I even remember, too, when I went to my first fellowship meeting, it must have been 17.

And I didn't even see any people around in my age at all. Yeah, I can relate to that. I think there was maybe one other person. And definitely. Because how old did you? Yeah, because how old were you when you got sober? 24. Yeah, so.

Yeah, were you in California still? Because I know California has this, they have a, from what I hear anyway, they have a really young person, but you just shook your head, no, so you're not in California anymore. No, I came back to Georgia. Okay. When I said that I was struggling, my family had moved me back and we're like, let's, I mean, really to surround me, support me. Yeah. And that's what I needed. What was the response? Was anybody aware that you were struggling in this area?

No. Nobody. Not even my best friend. Her and I spoke about it and we're still best friends since seventh grades or whatever, how many of years that makes it. And she's like, just didn't know. And I was like, nobody knew. I was like, what would I tell anybody? Because I was able to compartmentalize it so well. Yeah. So when you say that compartmentalize it so well, explain that a little bit. Like I think show that I'm functioning just fine, life is good, you know, moving forward, I'm okay. Even though internally I may be breaking apart not doing so well. But I never shared that. I never shared how it really was. Yeah.

Oh, I can definitely relate on that. Just keep it all together. But eventually I think maybe in your story too and like in mine is it gets heavy to carry alone for. It does. And I think that's, you know, write about this about, I remember when I went to the women support group and it was just like, what was it? It was like, hey, introduce yourself or whatever. And I start like, bowing off what I do. And the lead counselor was like, I didn't ask what you did as like,

tell us about yourself. And I didn't have anything to say. I was like, I don't know. I'm struggling. I need help. You know, and it was just like cracking an egg and I was like downpour of tears. That was it. But it wasn't. And also people who are like, oh, be quiet. It's going to be okay. Here's a box of tissues. They just sat with me and held it, which felt weird too. But to hold that space to be like, oh, you're broken, but we'll just, we'll hold the space for you to be broken.

It's okay. Yeah. Wow, that's powerful. Mm-hmm. Is that what kind of when you reflect back, a lot of identity and stuff that you were connected to was checking those boxes in a sense? Yeah. I think so. Checking.

Yeah. Yes. I think about it. I'm like, but truly, yeah, I think it's very easy to get lost in that, even in sobriety. Yeah. Like, I don't think it's like we get sober and then we have these. We're completely fully aware and intentional the rest of our lives. Like, it takes like daily work and showing up in your life and getting curious. I talk about that. It's constant curiosity of gross. You know, had a few years ago where I just didn't feel like myself and I was like, what's happening? And it was just because there was a lot of life going on. And one of my defaults is going into hyper productivity. I can't go ahead, leave amounts of things done, but I'm so disconnected from my inner self. Where it was an experience where I went back into therapy to go, okay, what's wrong with me?

I was like, I don't feel right. He's just, there was like, you look great. I was like, I know I look great, but looks, you know, and she dug it. And she goes, oh, you do have a lot of internal turmoil. I was like, yeah. And so I think it's that consistent curiosity of growth and development. Yeah. No, I mean, that's so important, right? Because when I go back in my story, I thought just removing the substances, it was, you know, that was going to be the challenging part. And like for the first couple days, weeks, months, I mean, that was very hard. Don't get me wrong. That was really difficult. Yeah, for sure. But here come the emotions. And here comes this tornado of years. And here comes all of this other stuff. that now is not just going to go away and that I've been drinking, using drugs to avoid for many years.

Now I can't do that. And now I've got to show up and deal with this stuff in a different way. And it's like learning how to do that. What I really realized early on is that, you know, I mean, drugs and alcohol cost a lot of chaos in my life. But that ultimately was not my problem. What was my problem was what I saw in the mirror, what happened since the day I was born. And it wasn't a bunch of big trauma things, but it was a lot of small traumatic experiences that I held on to that shaped the way that I thought in the way that I thought about myself and the world and everything else. And that was like for the first two years, here I am uncovering all this stuff, probably more so after the first year.

And really understanding that my goodness, there's a lot more going on here than I ever imagine. Yeah. You said it so beautifully, you know, I think it's not that the behavior is the problem, right? It's, it is the coping mechanism. It is our solution. That's the problem. Really, because whether it's drugs, it's alcohol, it's food, whatever it is, that's the solution to the problem that we have. And also, remembering to have grace with yourself, if you knew better, you would have done better. Right? I get to all the time to, you know, I get reminded, especially when I work with people that are new or just getting curious, so much judgment. And I'm like, have grace for yourself. Were you taught this? Did somebody teach you how to cope with life or deal with these things from a young age? No, you did the best you could. And then it evolved from there. You don't know what you don't know, right? And I agree that first year is just getting to the first year. It like, it is not this like in-depth, you know, deep, spiritual, whatever, personal healing trauma journey work.

Like, a lot of times it's really just taking it a day at a time, you know, finding a routine, digging to the few things that were. And honestly, I think one of the key things for especially someone like myself who is so good at just looking like they can show up and be okay, find people that you can be ugly with, like ugly, raw cry, share the dirty stuff and know that you won't be judged and you'll be loved anyway. Like you got it. You don't have to have a ton of people like that, but one or two to get started, I think is necessary. Yeah, a few people that understand maybe what it's like, what the journey is like, and people that, yeah, you can just open up and be real honest with.

Because I think sometimes, too, you know, we, it's still mixed, right? Everybody's journey and the way that they get sober and what their sober life looks like, we can sometimes get stuck with a measuring stick about are we doing it right? Is this how we're supposed to do it? You know, and I think it's so important to have those people so that you can bounce off about where you're at and they can just nod their head and say, you know what? We know what it's like we've been there and this is going to work. I love that so much what you said to going back to give yourself grace, you know, because I think that is so important. And I kind of coined this term or heard it somewhere about letting yourself off the hook a little bit. And not to say, hey, we don't

need to do anything here but to say, hey, like what you mentioned there. If you knew better, you would have done better. And we need to learn the tools about how to move through this thing. But beating ourselves up, I just don't see it as really getting us anywhere. And I did that for so long because I was a convicted felon at 18. I couldn't get a job at Burger King. And I was like, dude, I mean, what is going to be of your life? What are you going to do with your life? You've, you've just been kicked out of college for the third time. You're living on your brother's floor. you don't have a bank account. You know what I mean?

I was just going through all this stuff. And I had this early mentor in my story, which was like just incredible. And he was just like, you know what? Like you can't change any of that stuff. But I'm telling you one thing. If you don't get sober, that stuff is just going to continue.

That's going to be your life. And I mean, it can be the rest of your life or you can be the rest of your life. Or you can, you know, do something different with your life. And it was like the first time I sat down with this guy, invited me over for dinner with his family. family, right? And this guy was just heavy into substance. He turned his life around. He was like

wearing a shirt and tie. He had this beautiful place. And here comes me living on my brother's floor. Everything I own could fit in a single suitcase. And this guy and I was just like, this is, there's just no truth to this story. But it was true. And it was true about what could be done. And it was going to take time. But I actually in that moment believed him that maybe my life could look different. Like just it was only a sliver that it was really the first time where I was like, and I think that's just the importance of what you mentioned about getting connected with a couple people that you can be like that with. Yeah. And that are honest, you know, as well. I think one of the lessons I got early on was from one of my mentors was like, oh, I don't feel like, I think I was

supposed to volunteer or something. And I was like, eh, I don't feel like it. It was like a rainy day or something. And literally, I texted that and I get a text back. I'm like, oh, gosh, she's going to respond to me. And she was like, well, if this was, you know, I don't know, a grand opening for a bar and there were free drinks, which you muster up the energy to go and do, you know, brunch and cocktails. And I was like, you have your point. And the point was that, you know, when you feel like not doing the right thing or doing what is healthy, ask yourself, would I have put that energy into the addiction or whatever unhealthy behavior it is? If the answer is yes, well, then you know what to do, right? You often so forget that. But at the beginning, I think that was one of those saving graces for

me is I made sure to put, if not more effort into getting healthy than I did in staying where I was. Yeah. I love that. And that's. Yeah, that's so true. I mean, you can often think about it. You drum it up. You see it a lot, right? If we put in the same effort this way that we put that way, or even for some people, for me and my story, if I only put in even half of the effort, I put into carrying on the madness, I would have landed in a really good spot. And that's a great perspective shift to have. So I mean, you go into this therapy and you go to AA meetings. And I mean, what's this all look like for you, though? Because you mentioned before we jumped on the air, you're, you're, you're, you're, you go into this therapy. You're, you go into a therapy and you go to a meeting. And I mean, what's this whole look like for you, though, because you're either at 16 years or you're coming up to 16 years. Yeah. Which is incredible. Thank you. Are you surprised by that at all?

I want to say no, but I don't want to come across cocky either. And the reason I say no again is because of the whole thing of living in my purpose. If I didn't know my place in what I'm doing or in this world, then I'd say, yeah, it'd probably be harder. It'd be a luck. But because I do know my place. path and I think it is a big part of it is that making a difference giving back. So I'm not surprised. You know, one of the things that I say a lot is, you know, create a life that you love living so that it doesn't seem tempting. And slowly but surely over the years, that's what I've done.

And so, yeah, you know, I think early on it was a lot of support groups, a lot of like coffee with people that are sober learning, like just soaking in as much as I can. How do I live this way of life? Right. How do you live life on life's terms without having a numbing agent? Like coping. How do you learn all these skills? You know, and that had evolved and I did my own therapy work. I mean, you know, just throughout the years, depending on what comes up life. I think parenthood, as you probably know, can bring up all sorts of stuff and you're back and you're like, I thought I dealt with this. And then you're like, nope, oh, it came back up, right? So, yeah.

And, you know, today I think I have people that I keep in contact with that serve as mentors or just support or friends, really, that support that. And then also, a big part of the work I do is giving back and being in the community, in the cyber community. I think that keeps me plugged in and in the middle. Yeah, it keeps you connected. Yeah, I'm with you on that too. It is so helpful to be around. And I mean, I find too, it really helps me to hear those stories about people who are at the beginning as well. And it just helps not that I live there anymore, but it just helps refresh if I ever get confused about how things were.

You know, it just keeps it fresh, you know? Yeah, and I think because like we said, like I was telling you earlier about telling me story and I was like, whoa, it was so different. I almost felt disconnected from it emotionally because it was so long ago. Where I think like you said, when you do work with somebody that's new or somebody that's on the fence, it almost reminds you of that. It does elicit those emotions again when you see it in somebody else. Yeah. Because sometimes you can't get far removed from your own.

Yeah, 110%. I'm curious too because a lot of people, I don't know if they're resistant to therapy, but maybe not understanding how it can be helpful for them. I'm just wondering if someone's listening to this episode and they're just like, maybe it's something I want to try, maybe not. I mean, what are your thoughts on that? If you're contemplating it,

I always say, why not give it a shot? Because there's something in you that is seeking whatever it is that therapy has to offer, sitting in front of another professional, whether it's just having somebody to listen, needing specific guidance or actually helping you work through something. Right? So I always say if it's on your radar, get curious.

You don't have to commit to it. You know, finding a therapist is like trying on tennis shoes. You've got to try on a few before you find the right fit. But then when you find the right fit, it clicks and magic can happen. That's what I was called. You know, it's like one of my clients who stumbled in on me. She came in looking for Xanax. she thought I was, she didn't even know, she thought I was a doctor that prescribed, which I'm not.

And first session, I was like, she's, yeah, so what are you going to prescribe me? I was like, I don't prescribe. And then I was like, okay, well, 24 hours, I always give people 24 hours. I was like, let me know if you want to come back next week. She doesn't all come back. And, you know, a few years later, we always joke about it. She's like, man, I came looking for Xanax and I got a whole bunch of skills. I don't take Xanax.

I don't smoke in her own drink. And it's like our running joke. So it's, if you're going to stumble in, just stumble and you never know what's going to happen. Yeah. I love that. And that seems like it's been a theme from your share here today. It's about just staying curious in different areas of life, right? And seeing how things land, right?

But yeah, I love that. And I mean, therapy for me has always been, you know, it's so interesting how my experience with therapy has transitioned. I remember I had this therapist when I was 18 and I just got out of my first resident. program. I was there for 12 months. And then I was starting to slip. I was slipping really bad. And this guy, he did it in his basement in this lazy boy recliner. And he just called me out. And I disconnected from it. And it was a learning experience there about, you know, like that's going to be kind of part of the process of things. And it just evolved. And it's just, it is you're right. It is so helpful to connect on that. Yeah. So thank you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story. Is there anything you want to share before we sign off?

You know what? Take it honestly one day at a time. Even if you know that it doesn't work for you today, then just make that choice today because you don't know what's going to happen five years from now. Five years from now, it may work for you and that's okay too. But if it's not working in this moment, then just change that. Focus on short term. Don't worry about the long term right now. Yeah, beautiful. And how can people? a follow up with you or get a hold of you they want to after the show. Yeah, you can either go

to the niche.com, which is my website, or you can follow me on Instagram at Nisha JP. Beautiful. Thank you so much for joining today. You're so welcome. This was a pleasure. I enjoyed it. Thank you. Well, there it is. Another incredible

episode. Thank you, Nisha, so much for jumping on here and sharing your story. And huge congrats on everything that you're working on these days. If you guys enjoyed this episode or any of the other episodes on the podcast, be sure to leave a review.

Head over to Apple or Spotify. On Spotify, it's so easy. You just have to hit five stars. On Apple, if you could write a written review, that would be incredible if you're enjoying the show. If you're not, send me a message and let's make it right. And I'll see you on the next one.