Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - For Ashley, her struggle with alcohol became too heavy to carry alone.

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

In this episode of the Sober Motivation podcast, we have Ashley who shares about her journey from growing up in a single-parent household with attachment anxiety, through her struggles with alcohol addiction from her teenage years into her adult life. Ashley shares her experiences of hiding her addiction, the trauma of losing close family members to addiction-related causes, and the various stages of her drinking habits. She details her turning point, how she reached out for help, and her eventual path to sobriety. Ashley also discusses the importance of connection in overcoming addiction and how sharing her story publicly led to the creation of supportive communities and resources for those facing similar struggles. ---------------- Ashley on IG: https://www.instagram.com/coach_ashley88/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:10 Ashley's Childhood and Early Struggles 01:05 High School Challenges and Coping Mechanisms 06:53 College Years and Escalating Alcohol Use 12:07 Young Adulthood and Moving to Alabama 16:15 Family Tragedies and Increased Drinking 19:30 Reflecting on Alcohol Use and Seeking Support 24:25 Overcoming Shame and Stigma 27:33 The Turning Point: Halloween 2022 28:26 Embracing Sobriety: The First Steps 34:42 Support Systems and Community 37:29 Sharing the Journey: Going Public 39:20 Building a Sober Community 40:54 Reflecting on the Journey 43:32 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Ashley, who shares about her journey from growing up in a single-parent household with attachment anxiety through her struggles with alcohol from her teenage years into her adult life. Ashley shares her experience of hiding her addiction, the trauma of losing, a close family

member to addiction related causes and the various stages of her drinking habits. She details her turning point, how she reached out for help, and her eventual path to sobriety. Ashley also discusses the importance of connection and overcoming addiction. And this is Ashley's story on a sober motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode. Brad here. I wanted to do a quick little rant and ramble before we jumped right into this episode, an incredible story to come for sure.

I recorded this with Ashley on my birthday, so that has passed already. It is not still when this episode gets released my birthday. But I wanted to mention something because I, over the years, have obviously had countless people reach out. And the most common question ever asked is how do I get sober? Like, how do I do what you're doing? How do I do what these other people are doing? And I think it's a great question, but it just scrapes the surface.

because what happens oftentimes is you'll mention a few ideas to people. And then they say, well, I've already done that. It doesn't work. I can't do that because of this. And it's just rhyme and reasons why they can't do maybe what's working for other people. So I think the question that we need to be asking ourselves if we're in that spot is what am I willing to do to get or stay sober? because you can get a ton of suggestions, a ton of ideas, a bunch of people do different things. Of course, there's many roads to recovery, many, many, many roads to a sober life.

But what does it really matter if you're not willing to drive down them? You can have an entire list of things that can be done. But without the willingness to take the first step, it doesn't really matter about what's on the list. So just something out there for if you're in a spot where you find you find a lot, you find yourself starting over, you have, and relapses, whatever it is. Ask yourself that question. What am I willing to do? And it's often suggested that we need to change people, places, and things to keep it short and sweet. So are you willing to change some of the relationships you have in your life, the places that you hang out, and what you do, and are you willing to

plug into some support, maybe outpatient program, rehab, detox? A lot of different things can be done, but I think it ultimately comes down to that. On an individual, level about what are we willing to do about our current situation? Because for most people, it only gets worse with time. It doesn't get better. Thank you guys as always for tuning in, and I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Ashley with us. Ashley, how are you? Hey, I'm doing really good, Brad. Thanks for having me. Of course. Thank you so much for joining us. So what was it like for you growing up. Oh, you know, I've done a lot of thinking about that over the years. And for me, I grew up in

a single-parent family. My parents divorced when I was about six years old. My mom worked full-time as a nurse, so she worked incredibly hard to provide for there were three kids. And for me, looking back, I had a lot of attachment anxiety with my mom. I just wanted to be around her and she had to work. So I always say that I was brought up in before school programs, full day of school, after school programs, not really being able to spend a lot of time with my mom and not really having a big relationship with my dad. And growing up, there was a part of me that once I got over the separation anxiety, I learned that the way that I could cope with things is to keep things in and hold things in.

And even though I would feel things to not necessarily share them. So that was something I learned at a young. young age, and that actually led me to start drinking at age 16 or so. And I was really good at hiding it. You know, one of my so-called superpowers became this privacy that I could have it all together on the outside. You know, in high school, I was a great student. I was active in student counsel. I was athletic. But I was struggling with alcohol even back in my teens. And I got really good at lying. I got really good at sneaking around. I got really good at doing things that I would regret. And that really carried on through my college years. But growing up, I would say, I didn't feel,

I was a very anxious child and didn't feel like I had a comfortable space to share my feelings, even though I believe I have a parent that did the absolute best she could. So I channeled that into finding different ways to find release and solace and connection. And that really led me to alcohol at a young age. Wow. Thank you for sharing that with us. Hey, I can relate on that sense. I have a twin brother. So my mom raised both of us and she was a nurse too. And we actually had moved down to the U.S. when she started nursing because we lived in Canada. And I remember that too, just her getting her foot in the door, she would have to work overnight and then we would have sitters or different things like that, right, that would, you know, help support the process.

So it was like that too. And I can relate to that anxious feeling. And I have a lot of memories of wondering when she would be back, not completely understanding the whole thing. Were you the middle child? No, I was the youngest. So youngest of three, and actually part of my story is I have an older sister. My older brother was the middle child and he struggled with addiction and he passed away nine years ago through complications with addiction. And it was very preventative. And so that was very traumatic for me to really witness a sibling go very publicly struggle. and the difference was he struggled inwardly and outwardly. I could keep it outwardly together, but I was struggling inwardly. And I think as the youngest, I would test the limits and I would see what I could get away with

because my mom was a busy working mom. She was exhausted. And here I was trying to fit in and be social and be accepted and calm my nerves and anxiety. And that's what led me to my own struggles when I was in my teenage years. Yeah. So when you get that opportunity that arises for you to have your first drink, what's that experience like for you? Oh, it takes me back to just wanting so desperately to

feel connected. I think I share my childhood and my, you know, teenage years as it was, I always felt like I almost fit in. You know, I, we didn't come from a wealthy family. We lived in a wealthy area, so I didn't have, you know, coming from a wealthy family on my side. I was athletic, but not super athletic. So I was almost there, but I wasn't really there. And my own, looking at myself, Like, I thought I was pretty, but not pretty enough. And I was almost accepted. But when I was 16 and I was introduced to alcohol, it felt like boys would like me more. It felt like I would fit in more with the popular crowd. It felt like I could be a version of myself that people accepted. Even though back then I could still feel that something was off. Like, this is not the way I should be

accepted, but this is the way I feel like I'm going to be accepted. And I think that really led my desire to drink. I mean, we would every weekend and high school, some of my friends and I, we would be sneaking out, staying out all night, trying to figure out ways to go and find alcohol and be with boys and try to have those teenage experiences. But it was back then, it was all about feeling connected. Yeah. I mean, your insight's incredible, but I'm just thinking about you as you go through this. Are you picking up on any of this stuff? Like connecting those thoughts? Like back then? Yeah. Not at all. Yeah. I think there was something subconsciously maybe, but if I'm truly putting myself back in that time,

it was just about having fun. It was just about trying to fit in. And to me, if I was drinking, I would fit in more than if I wasn't drinking. Yeah. No, I mean, I felt really awkward in high school. Like, I always call it like a day and a dollar short. You know, can maybe relate to it in a sense about where you felt was like just a little bit on the outside. Like, I always felt like I always felt like I was a little bit of a step behind my peers. And I never was good at academics or good at sports. So what I did is I fit into the troublemakers. I fit into the troublemakers.

And I look back at it now that I was really willing to sacrifice my own beliefs and values that I was raised with to try to fit in. And then the more and more I did that, it was like I got further and further away so that when the door opened up for drugs, alcohol, whatever it was, I was like, we only live once. We may as well try it out. And then not knowing at the time that I already had that, maybe backstory in a sense of trying to find my place, that I was really setting myself up for, you know, like seriously struggling with substances that helped me feel like I belonged and I was a part of something because, yeah, when you're in high school or for me anyway, I couldn't see past Friday night. I just wanted people to like me.

and I was willing to, oh, when I look back, like, I was willing to do a lot of stuff that just, you know, wasn't good to try to be part of the crowd. So how do things look for you, like, you know, finishing up high school and then sort of the next chapter in your life after that? Yeah. And that's so, like to hit on that point again, Brad, like I was always living, like you said, I'm looking to Friday. Like back then, it was just about what's happening. How can I, you know, put myself in a situation where I'm feeling accepted. I'm feeling like people like me. So as I moved Don, you know, from high school into college, I went the typical college route. I decided to get into the college atmosphere of heavy drinking, heavy, heavy drinking to the point where my patterns

with alcohol was always my drug of choice. I had tried, I had tried pot, I'd smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, tried those things, but really my thing was alcohol. I was so drawn to it. And in college, I would actually, you know, not drink during the week, but every Friday, every Saturday, I was to the point of blacking out every weekend. Again, it was such this like dichotomy because I was, I could somehow compartmentalize and be like really high functioning. You know, I got it. I had good grade in college. I never missed a class.

I got into group exercise and started to become an instructor. I loved fitness. But there was this side of me that would just throw everything caution to the wind Friday and Saturday, which, you know, at 19, I was so drunk in public that I was arrested for under. underage possession and spent the night in jail and didn't learn from that experience, even though I had to go through a lot with the legal system to get through that. And it wasn't even really like a setback for me because I could explain it away. And it was just as simple as I'm just in college and this is what I do. But I had like a big issue with already feeling like I needed to drink.

When I was 20 years old, I transferred from my out-of-state school to finish up in-state and lived back at home with my mom. And I would say that was probably the time in my life where I probably drank the least because my friends were still away at school. I was finishing up at home. I was very focused on school at that point. But when I was 21, I was in a situation where I drove when I shouldn't and I got arrested for a DUI.

And once again, you think that would be an alarm bell of, hey, maybe you should take a look at this. But I explained it away that I was the one that wasn't supposed to be driving that night. my friend couldn't drive. I drove her car and this is what happened. And that actually took me a long time, years for me to look back and say, even though that's how the night started out, like, I should never have driven. And it was my decision. It was not anyone else's fault, but my own. So by the time I'm 21, I've had an underage possession of alcohol. I've had a DUI. Thank God I didn't hurt anyone and, you know, was able to get through those things. But it still was not any sort of wake-up call.

So I graduated school and, you know, I'm 22 years old and I'm in my first job. And so now I'm been my young adult years. I'm just wondering there too because, you know, it sounds like from growing up, you were, you and your mom were close in a sense, right? I'm wondering if there was any conversations about from anybody maybe that you looked up to or anybody in your life after you had, especially the drinking and then the DUI, did anybody mention anything to you about the behavior? Like maybe you should take a look at your relationship with alcohol. Yeah. And you know what's interesting? Absolutely no one. I think probably my mom was more in denial about like this, that I had an issue because I did have it so together on in other aspects of my life. And I think if someone had really said, hey, like maybe this is a thing. Maybe you need to take a look at this.

Who knows? You know, it might not have taken me another 13 years to really look at my. relationship with alcohol, but I think it just shows I was a chameleon. Like I could show you sides of me that I wanted you to see and I could hide sides of me that I didn't want you to see. And so when something like a DUI happened, it was only because I was trying to help out a friend who I wasn't meant to be driving. And so I all I remember my mom saying was, oh, you should never have been put in that position. But again, rightly so, I only showed her sides of myself that as a young adult I wanted her to see. And I I think looking back, I'm like, now that I know how many other people struggle with this, I kept my issue so private.

Many people, when I finally did share that I had an issue, were shots. They didn't know my struggles. And I think that started back in my young adult years when I could really compartmentalize my life. Yeah. Interesting. And you hear that story a lot too, right? Especially consequences that may come about in college, right? Because it's the college experience, you know, not that everybody's going to end up getting a DUI, but there's a lot of

risky behaviors and a lot of things like that. So it's kind of like, yeah, they're just young. They're just learning. But for sure, I mean, I think for anybody listening, I think we've progressed from there. And it's an opportunity for an early intervention in a sense, right? Like from how we were going about things. And it's not that anybody is right or wrong in the situation. I think that we've all do the best we can and the situations we're in. But it's, it is so interesting sometimes. But you also mentioned that other part, which I think is really interesting too, how you're checking all these other boxes and these other areas of life. And internally for yourself, you're in a confusing spot. Like, I can't have a problem with alcohol because, I mean, look at my resume over here

type deal. And I think that's probably another thing if I had to guess from hearing a couple stories in my day that can help keep this thing going. So where do you go next? Yeah. I guess that brings me to young adulthood. And graduated college, got my first job in marketing, moved out of my mom's house into an apartment in our city where I'm from with a good friend of mine. And pretty similar to college, I started repeating that pattern of working hard during the week, keeping my head down, doing the work every Friday, every Saturday. We were in walking distance to tons of bars, just very dangerous behavior. You know, I had, this is the time in my life where I had a lot of shame and guilt and regret of things that I would choose to do while I was drinking, things not

respecting my body, not respecting my morals, doing and saying just silly, ridiculous things, putting myself in dangerous situations, like walking home alone many times, completely by myself in a big city, knowing that, like, I was, there was someone looking out for me because I was in such, you know, potentially dangerous situations. And fortunately, I could still function and made it home safely. But that was young adulthood to the point where I, it was the same pattern over and over again. And then when I was 24 years old, I've only ever lived in my hometown except for when I was away at college. And I met a guy. And he was living 1100 miles away. And we built a long distance relationship. And I actually moved from Pennsylvania to Alabama when I

was 24 to go be with him. And spoiler alert, it worked out. He's my husband. So that was a great, exciting adventure. But then I had to sort of relearn. I had these seasons of life, right? And I left. the corporate world, and I moved to this tiny beach town on the coast of Alabama, and I had to reinvent myself. And so then I tried my hand at having a corporate job again, and I quit after two weeks. I didn't want to do that. So I was a server. I was a bartender. I was working at a yoga studio. So for my young adult years, like after my corporate job sort of ended and I moved, now I'm in this environment with alcohol. Now I'm like fully surrounded by it. I, you know, I worked at a golf course bar and grill. So you have people drinking all day, all night. I remember, and getting into,

again, some dangerous behavior, I would get into this habit at my job at the golf course where towards the end of the evening, I would start to pour wine into a styrofoam cup. And I would sip on the wine like it was water, you know, because I learned if I drank, if I had a pinocrigio to drink, it would look like a sprider or water. So I was very sneaky. And that sneaky side of me was, hey, it's side 30, we're about to wrap up. I'm going to start sneaking wine into my cup. And I'm embarrassed, again, to this day, to admit that there were so many times I shouldn't have driven home for my job. And again, that sneaky side of me was not caught, essentially stealing alcohol from the company, the golf course that I worked for, but not only

that, putting myself at risk every night that I was leaving. So this became an issue. My husband actually doesn't really drink. He never really did. And even back then, like, He was concerned. There were a couple occasions that I would come home visibly intoxicated, and he would be very concerned because I had driven. But again, I never had someone really sit down and say, hey, like, maybe this is something that you should take a look at. I also haven't mentioned yet that my family is very much into alcohol. My sister and brother-in-law own a brewery, and, you know, they have always drank responsibly in front of me. I never saw this, like, bad example of drinking too much. always kept it very professional and casual. But in my family, like, alcohol was sort of this,

you know, way of life at social gatherings. So when I would go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, there was always drinking. And I think it's unique that I didn't come from a family where people tended to get out of hand. It was all very controlled. So I have this example of a lot of people drinking, but people have their lives together. And that was reflective of me. I'm like, oh, I have my life together, but there's this side of me that I don't like to show people. And that really summed up my mid-20s to my later 20s. But we ended up getting married and I was 26 years old. And then when I was 27 years old was when my brother passed away unexpectedly.

You know, he had a lot of health issues and he was a drinker and he was a drug user. And his heart gave out at 29 years old. And that was really traumatic for me to just have him one day not be there. And to get the call from my mom, he was living at home at the time. We knew he was in poor health, but you never expected. your 29-year-old brother to just not wake up, and that's what happened. And then nine months after that, my dad, who I was estranged with for most of my life, passed away from lung cancer, who also had smoked for 40 years. And so when I took a look at that, you know, later on down

the road, like in one year, I lost both male members of my immediate family due to addiction. and I was headed down a similar path. I could just mask it to me. I could mask it better because I was this high functioning person. And I wasn't ready to look at that when that happened. My drinking significantly increased after that. Yeah. And did you like plug into any support or anything when you had these things happen in your life at that time?

You know, I got myself into therapy, really more for grief counseling. But still, so like looking back, I never. got into any kind of support for me potentially having an addiction issue. You know, it was always about how do I process this loss. And I'm still grateful I did therapy, but I never had support when it came to looking at my own patterns. So you have all that stuff happen and then you recognize you're starting to drink more? Yeah, yeah, definitely picked up after that happened in 2015. Yeah. And it's interesting too, right, because you have some of those strange people in the family, you know, with the air quotes there. They're able to keep it under control in a sense.

We're trying to make sense of this. I remember early on in my journey, I'm watching these people and they're leaving stuff in the glass. I'm just like, this is just really strange. I'm trying to make sense of it all between my ears about when I would have my first drink, what would happen is that the wheels would start turning between my ears about more and more in trying to get to this euphoric state that I once felt when I first started drinking. I felt the rocks come off my back. I felt really light. I felt like things made sense and I belonged

somewhere. And then what I realized looking back as my drinking career, I always was trying to get back to that place, but never to arrive, never to get to that place where it once made sense, but always chasing in hopes to get back there. And I always found it was like, it was strange for me with people who were not doing that. It was just really hard concept to understand. So you have sort of that part of life too, which probably makes it even more challenging going through it with,

I think just increasing the confusion about what is going on here. Some of the questions you hear people talk about is, what's wrong with me? Am I broken? Can I get back to what was? Can I moderate? I mean, did you have any of those type of things

going on for you? And did you know any sober people throughout all this in your life, people that didn't drink? Well, such a good question. I would say probably about six years ago, I started to ask those questions to myself. You know, I started to think, do I have an issue with alcohol?

Everyone I knew in my life at that time drank on some level. You know, whether it was my husband who was truly could take or leave a drink, he never got into it. He has been drunk probably twice in his life and absolutely hated it. To my mom growing up, I don't even remember there being alcohol in our house growing up,

but yet any social event or social gathering, she's enjoying a beer and she's perfectly responsible with it. To my friends who all of my friends drank at that time, you know, I'm talking late 20s, early 30s, everyone did it. So when everyone's doing it, you think that it's normal. But I also remember confiding in my friend one time saying, I think I might be an alcoholic. Like, I feel like I need alcohol. And, you know, I'd mentioned it to her a couple of times, and she would always say the same thing. And she would say, you're not waking up and drinking vodka from a bottle, like, you're fine. So we have these, like, misconceptions of is an alcoholic the person stumbling on the street with a brown paper bag?

Or could the alcoholic or someone who struggles with alcohol, however you would like to label it, could it be the high functioning person with a job and a family and pays their bills and, takes care of themselves. And, you know, I was running a health and fitness company for the last 10 years where people saw me take care of myself. And yet I was poisoning myself every single night. So yeah, and I think something that happened around about five years ago is I started seeking out sober people very privately, but I would find myself being drawn to people, whether as fellow business owners or people on Instagram who were sober. And I wouldn't tell anyone, but I would start to look at their stuff. And I would start to think there are people that are around my age that have

similar, you know, personality traits, and they've decided to be sober. And that's really intriguing to me. But at that time, five, six years ago, I didn't know anyone who was sober. And so it was easier for me just to keep going along with what everyone was doing. And then waking up after a Friday night with friends thinking, like, what did I say? I'm not putting myself in the dangerous situations I was in my 20s because I have a husband who was looking out for me and taking care of me, but I had such regret of doing or saying these things that would embarrass me and knowing that I had an issue but not being able to talk about it with anyone. So that was a really lonely time in my life. Yeah. Interesting there too. Even you mentioned that was like six years ago

that you started to have those thoughts. And I think that's common for a lot of people, right? A lot of people share, I went to Google and I typed in, am I an alcoholic? And it comes up with the questionnaire. And some people share, they go through the questionnaire, but they're not even honest with the questionnaire, which I think is, okay, red flag right there. You know, like I think once we know better, we have to do better. But at the time, we don't know. And it's so interesting how it all is, especially with alcohol, how it's just defended at every turn. If you don't drink, some people be like, that's weird. They don't understand it. We don't drink. And then The next thing is, did you have a problem?

Maybe not the problem that they think that we might have struggled with. I think people are thinking about the Hollywood movies and what that looks like. And that's not everybody's story. What you mentioned there is a lot of people's stories is about showing up to work, overachieving in a lot of areas of life, really showing up. And then having this other thing at the end of the day when 5 o'clock comes around pouring a drink and Intel either black out or get tired for the night and then waking up the next day, ourselves probably you can relate to this. Like that was the last night. I'm going to take

tonight off. And then by three o'clock, we start feeling better and we start to train back up again. Oh yeah. And that brings that something that when you said lying on the questionnaire, I would go any doctor visit, you know, they'd usually have you sell out the paperwork of, do you drink alcohol? How much do you drink? And I would lie on that every single time. Every time. I would say very moderately, only on occasion when I'm drinking every night of the week. Every night. It's rare if I don't drink one night of the week. But, you know, especially in the medical field, they're meant to ask those questions. But how many other people out there are doing the same thing where they're not being honest with themselves? They're not being honest on, you know, this intake form about their alcohol use. And to me, every time I would see that question, I would actually get some anxiety about it. And I would think about it. And my go-to is to lie. And I would lie. And it's funny, like, I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. And I had to do my intake. form and it actually felt really good that I was able to check that I don't drink anymore. And I haven't had a drink in over 19 months.

And it just felt really empowering because that was the first time I've been honest on an intake form. That is incredible. Yeah, it's so true. But I think a thing that keeps us stuck is that shame with it, right? Because, you know, we're trying to figure that out. And we hear people talk about it. See, I used to hear a lot of people talk about, you know, that guy's struggle. with alcohol, right?

Like, what a loser or why can't he figure it out or get it together? You know, as I was growing up or they have such a beautiful family and great job, you know, why can't they get this together? So I think like I took all that in as a young boy and as a teenager. And then when I was the one struggling, why I didn't want people to go around and think I was just weak. Like I was just a weak person that just couldn't figure this out because I was actually a strong person and I couldn't figure it out. And what I realized that, you know, moving forward in the journey

of sobriety, that it had absolutely nothing to do with being, you know, weak or strong or whatever that stuff was. But that was the feedback I heard about, you know, those were the people who struggled with it and they threw everything away. And, you know, why would they do that great job and everything? And they threw it all away and they just couldn't get it figured out. And it's that shame that kind of gets poured on to things. And I think it's tough too, because I'm with you. I didn't have any role models in my life that were sober. I didn't know what it looked like, right? So sober's lame. That's boring. Come on. What are we going to do on a Friday night? Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous. There's no way. And that's why I think it's so important that we continue to share these

stories to like let people know that, hey, we're just regular people out here enjoying the other side of things. Yeah. And that kind of leads me to how I got sober. So that was, you know, I'm 36 years old now. So taking me through my life, I think, you know, you've been listening to my story, you know, I'm this compartmentalizing person who can have their life together on the outside, but was really questioning things on the inside. And in that time, I had two children. And that, those two pregnancies were the only time that I had taken any kind of time off of drinking ever since I was 16 years old. And I'll be really honest, even then, I was still taking some sips of alcohol. Like I was, you know, I would not sit there and have a drink, but I would have

sips and I just could not wait to get back to be able to drink, which showed how much, looking back and showed how much control that alcohol really had over me. But I had two children. And in 2022, I was seeking a business coach. You know, I run my own business and I've always had trouble connecting with people on the friendship, the emotional level. And so I was really seeking a coach to help me relate to people. And I found, you know, the universe delivered and brought a woman into my life that really helped me with so many things. But it really started out as like we're doing now. Like I would talk about my life.

I would talk about things I was struggling with. And she would really help me process it. So what started as business coaching really became life and a healing journey. And that was in 2022. And this whole time, you know, I'm having this struggle of there's this thing in my life that I really want to look at. And I'm really afraid. And I'm really afraid to talk about it. Because I don't talk about it with anyone, not even my husband.

Halloween weekend of 2022. I was at this point in my dream. where I felt like I had pretty good control over it. I knew I would have a couple of drinks a night after my kids went to bed. I never wanted them to see me tipsy or drunk. But Halloween weekend of 2022, I blacked out at a neighborhood party. I don't remember going home. I don't remember putting my daughter to bed. She was five years old at the time. And I woke up that next morning with so much shame and regret and guilt of saying this was my, you know, rock bottom mentally because I knew that I was going to start a pattern of my kids seeing me out of control. And that hit me

really hard. So prior to this, I had been coaching with my coach for about six months. This happened, Halloween weekend of 2022. And the next two months was me really looking at my life without alcohol. So from November and December of 2022, I was starting to get into quit literature. I was starting to really look into the lives of sober people. I was starting to, you know, test these waters of not drinking on a Saturday night and seeing how that had self. You know, I had done 30 days sober before dry January, things like that. But my mindset really started to change over those, the course of those few months. The first week of January, 2023, my San Francisco. My San Francisco, came down. We live in South Carolina. They came down from Pennsylvania for a week, a late Christmas

celebration. And we were drinking every night. Nothing was out of control. No one was drunk, but we were drinking every night. And I could start to feel my stomach ache. I started to feel these pains in my body. I didn't know what they were. It could have been anxiety, but I was feeling something really deep in my gut that just told me like, this is, you have to stop. And they left on January 7th, 2023, to go back home. And January 8th, like I told you in the beginning, was the day that I sat down on the couch after my, our two kids were in bed. I was wearing a green sweatshirt and I simply had this piece come over me. I'm not a very emotional to this day. I don't cry that often. And tears were running down my face. And I looked at my husband and I said,

I want to stop drinking for good. I need your help. Because the moment I said those words out loud was admitting, hey, I'm ready for a change and I need you to help me. I'm not good at asking for help. And so with the help of my coach, being able to heal some trauma and let go of some things, I became a version of me that didn't align with the pattern of drinking anymore. And I really think that's the way that I became sober so quickly and so happily because I became a version of myself that didn't want this in my life anymore. And so on January 8, 2020, we got all of our alcohol out of the house. I started the 75 hard fitness challenge to be able to have a public reason not to drink as I was experimenting, you know, this new lifestyle.

And I have been sober ever since. But that's how I ended up walking away from alcohol for good. Yeah, wow. Great job. Great job on that. And thanks for sharing it too. It was interesting now what I just heard you share there about how you mentioned something about how it happened so quickly for you. you, but I'm just going back in the story of about six years before that, where kind of your

energy was moving to exploring what alcohol, what role it played in your life, what life could maybe look like without it, all that stuff. And a lot of people share that, you know, a lot of people share that. At the end, it seems like this sudden thing because I never had, I never knew my last drink was my last drink. I never planned for it. I woke up one morning, And I was like, enough is enough. I had sort of the feelings like you did if I wanted to get to the next level. If I wanted to do anything with my life, if I wanted to stay alive, then this would have to be part of my journey. And I was like, I'm just going to try one more time.

And then it adds up. But I think that's so incredible. And I think it's such a powerful thing. And I think a lot of people in their own one way or another, they go through that. Like, you're heading somewhere different and you get this gut feeling that I, am not going to be able to get to where I want to in life or be the mom I want to be in life or the father I want to be in life or the son or the daughter or whatever it is that we're not going to be able to get there and it starts to really weigh on us that we have to make a choice here

and then you jump on the 75 hard I mean my goodness you're getting right into it what does the first couple days look like for you though yeah and to be clear like say you know I did 75 hard probably not the way. I probably sailed it like a hundred times throughout the 75 days. You know, I wasn't like being super strict with my diet, but I chose that fitness challenge because it was a public reason to say no to drinking. You know, that challenge is very publicly like you do not drink for 75 days. So I'm like, I'll just start this challenge. And while I'm working through all of this, I'm going to have this reason not to drink. But the first couple of days looked like immediately downloading the book, The Snaked Mine. And I'm just,

I had Googled that book before I had stopped drinking. And once I read the description, I was like, I can't read this right now. I can't read this. I'm not ready for this. But that book just really just came into my world the day after. And I started listening to it and I listened to it on repeat. And part of 75 hard is doing a workout outside. So I would be on a walk, 45 minute walk every day, listening to these words of this book and really absorbing it.

And so I like to say, my coach helped me do the healing work to get to a point where I didn't align. with alcohol anymore. But reading and getting into these literatures really helped me reframe my beliefs, or I should say, and really helped me reframe my beliefs about alcohol. You know, I'm a millennial. So we grew up in a time where alcohol was glamorized. I think Gen Z is really waking up a little more to the fact that this isn't the best thing to do to our bodies. But I had to relearn beliefs that started when I was 16 years old. So the first couple of days looked like a lot of working out, a lot of getting out in nature, even though it was January and really cold, and listening to things that started to integrate my new beliefs about this sober life that I was

embarking on. Yeah, I love that. That's great. And I mean, Annie Grace at this naked mind is probably I mean, the most popular book out there about looking at things for what they are. I'm interested to backing up a little bit. I miss this because I always love asking this about when you talk to your husband, because you've been, if I'm getting the story, right here. Not that you're living two different lives, but you have sort of this thing that you're struggling with alcohol, that you're struggling to ask for help with for so long. And then you come out of maybe the blue and you're emotional and you're asking, hey, I need your help with this. I mean, how does he respond to that? Yeah, it's such a good question. I think that

I know that I'm very grateful and very blessed to have such a supportive partner because he immediately said, what do you need? What do you need? We'll do it. He, like I said to, you know, I've since have talked to so many people whose partners, you know, drink or maybe even drink more than they do. And I know that doesn't always go this way. But for me, it was immediate support. And I felt so safe with him. I didn't feel like there was shame around me saying these words out loud. It was immediately like, I support that. What do you need from me? And he stopped drinking that same day, too. And it was, you know, really beautiful thing that this was never a thing for him. And I was almost jealous in a way. I'm like, why isn't this a thing for you?

Like, how can you? You mentioned, you know, people leaving drinks half full or half empty. I'm like, how can you do that? I could never do that if I'm committed in my life and that included my drinking. But it was just funny because I admired his relationship, take it or leave it with alcohol, but him showing me that immediate support was huge. And, you know, I talk to so many people now. And if they don't have that support in a partner, I encourage them to find it in someone because having that like someone have my back so immediately I think was really huge as I was starting this whole new way of living. Yeah. And it's so true. If you don't have it at home, find a community or find people, friends or other family members

of somebody that you can, you know, walk through this with because I always feel if we don't tell anybody because there's a lot of people and everybody's situation's different and I'm definitely not saying there's a right way to go about this or a wrong way. But I do find that people who do talk to other people, they'd have better success, whether it be accountability, whether it just be somebody to talk with this about, to get the secret out there. I just find that they seem to have more success than people who just keep it because it's easy to talk ourselves into the next drink, right? I did it so many times. I'm going to get sober. And then it would just be me against me. And I would just get wrecked every time. I never stood a chance against myself. I would just talk

myself into it. I'll drink tonight. I'll quit tomorrow. Yeah, you're right. You know, that's what you're going to do. And that never worked. I mean, I love that you were able to. And you're so right, though, for a lot of people's situations, it is really difficult because there's not that support as close to home. I wonder, too, if in a lot of relationships, whether it be marriage or couples or girlfriends or however it lands for people, I wonder, you know, that's a lot of time what we hear brings us together. A lot of relationships. We can let our guard down and we connect over alcohol. And then if we don't have that, I think it can be scary for everybody involved about,

oh my gosh, what are we going to do now? Thanks for sharing that, though. So how long was it after that you quit drinking that you shared it with the world? Yeah, this was about probably 40, 45 days or so after I had stopped. I didn't actually plan to make this a big thing. You know, I had a very minimal Instagram presence. I posted a lot on social media because my fitness business is online based. So I'm used to sharing parts of my life. And I didn't really expect to share it. Something really came over me. It was mid-Sebruary. And I just, again, it was a Sunday night, something with me and Sunday nights. And I felt like I want to share this. 75-Hard was not over yet, not even close. And I wanted to share the real reason that I was doing this fitness challenge. And I shared it, ripping the Band-Aid, like that was probably the most vulnerable that I've ever been. And, you know, the reaction was pretty mind-blowing of not only people supporting me, but I couldn't tell you how many messages

started getting behind the scenes of people being like, thank you for sharing. I'm struggling with something similar or my partner is struggling with something similar. And just, I was like overwhelmed. You know, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't like any counselor or anything. And I was just someone that had shared my journey. You know, I did the best I could to just respond to everyone and offer them support back. And a couple months later, I had a couple of reels go viral. And, you know, my following grew like crazy in the matter of two weeks. And to say that, you know, the messages started pouring in was an understatement. You know, people had found my page and it was primarily talking about my sobriety. And there was one point that I'm like, I can't even keep up with the messages that I'm getting.

And I say that to say everyone who reached out was struggling or someone that they loved was struggling. And to me, I'm like, I have to do something. Like, I don't know what I'm doing, but I have to do something. And so almost a year ago, in October of last year, I opened up an alcohol-free community on Facebook just for a place, you know, for community. I know you've built communities too, and you know the power of it. And, you know, we've grown to about 2,000 people in this community. And it's just a place where people can share and connect.

and understand that they're not alone. And then a couple of months ago, I went through a recover coach certification. I wanted to be able to have more tools to help people on their journey. And leading up to, you know, my business partner and I are in October, so the one-year anniversary of opening

our alcohol-free community, we're launching a sobriety course, elements of sobriety. And it's going to be a four-week course with a whole lot of support and Zoom calls and emails and my way of giving back because I've finally found support in a community

that, you know, I want to be able to offer them something that has been so helpful to me, which is coaching, encouragement, and support. So going viral, so to speak, was very overwhelming and, you know, very humbling. And you get a lot of positivity and get some negativity thrown in there. But ultimately, my life has been unrecognizable for the last year of the people that I have met through sharing my story. You know, we've launched a business that hosts sober retreats. And a lot of these people that have come to retreats have become such great friends of mine. And that is all because I decided to share my story with the world. So that's pretty cool. Wow, isn't that ever pretty cool? You skated over the negativity part, though. If something goes viral, the stuff out there is crazy. But it comes with

the territory. Yeah. Yeah, I can't help but think, you know, I don't think any of us desire to go through the pain, right? None of us set out on this journey app of our first drink to, you know, go through the difficult time that it is, right? So alone and everything else. But part of me is like leans towards, you know, what if it was all for something? You know, what if it was a weird thing in that sense? You know, I was thinking my birthday today, I'm 37. And I was just thinking about that, you know, like when I go back and change anything in my life, you know, I heard a lot of people, I took a lot of wrong turns, a lot. And I don't know if it's like the wrong answer,

but my answer is no. I don't think I would because where I am right now, the most content I've ever been in my life. And if I would have changed one little thing or, you know, like one little turn would have went the other way, there's a high probability that I don't end up exactly where I am right now. And I'm even hearing your story and how you've turned sort of the pain. in a sense into a purpose.

And none of it would have been possible, though, if you didn't go through what you went through and you seem really content and happy with the ability to give back and help others and who knows what the future holds. Does any of that make any sense? Completely make sense. I think I would answer the same way.

Would I go back and change anything? How would I change something knowing that it might not have me end up here? You know, where I am now with being able to experience, to call it like the magic of a sober life and being able to find we're very close in age, 36 years old, to be able to find childlike fun again, being able to dream again, being able to make new friendships, being able to, you know, have the opportunity to build resources and build communities that will help people. I wouldn't risk that. I wouldn't risk changing anything

in my past that would not have gotten me here. And most importantly, it's like the optimism that I'm sure you feel too of looking forward and thinking like, okay, chapter 37, what does that look like for you? Because I know for me, you know, my 30th birthday when I was so drunk and hung over and filled with anxiety looks so much different than my 36th birthday when I had a great dinner and got in bed and woke up clearheaded and got to dream about the next year ahead. Like, it's such a gift and I wouldn't change anything because it got me here. Yeah, that's it. That's so incredible. I'm just thinking about the one or two people out there who are still struggling with, you know, maybe a secret of life, like what you were experiencing and really worried about

talking with people. And maybe you can relate with this too, right? Like, how am I going to share? And I feel like we work it up in our heads sometimes, right? Like that first time you shared with your husband and then you share on social media and it's like, what is everybody going to think? You know, I mean, my gosh, they're going to be so hard on us. They're going to be so disappointed. I think people often surprise us about their support. And like we can't expect them to help out with something they don't know about if we don't tell them. You know, so what would you say to somebody who's in there right now? They're in the thick of it, right?

They're into the back and forth. They know they want to give up drinking. There's stuff holding them back. What would you mention to them? I would say reach out to someone that feels safe to you. You know, and that could be a stranger on the internet. That could be me. That could be you. I've gotten messages of someone just saying, I am drunk right now and I don't want to be. And I just needed to tell you know. And I think having the courage to reach out, it doesn't mean you're weak. Take it from someone that always considered herself to be cool, calm, and collected and could figure anything out. And if you knew me from the outside, I had it all together. If you saw me from the inside, I was struggling and desperately wanted someone to confide in. I would say to that person struggling right now that, It doesn't label you as someone that can't function or can't live your life or isn't strong.

It shines the humanity in you that we all need someone. And I was just talking to one of my clients today, and she had mentioned that her supervisor had struggled with addiction. And her supervisor told her that, you know, she believes the opposite of addiction is connection. And I wrote that in my notes months ago, and it really resonated with me. So I think if you're struggling out there, if you can connect. if you can find a way to connect with someone, that to me is a step that could be like the step forward for you. Yeah.

Beautiful. I love that. I love that saying. Connection is the opposite because that true. I mean, if we go back in your story, we go back in my story, that's what we were longing for this entire time. And we got connected with the booze. We got connected with alcohol.

And if we go back, then that's what we look at. And then that's our way out of this whole thing. is to connect with, you know, safe people or supportive people or people that are on this journey, this quest together with us, people that have been here and come before us that can help shine the light, you know, through what feels like a never-ending dark tunnel at times to find our way out. Ashley, incredible story. Thank you for joining in hanging out and sharing it with us. Is there anything else you want to mention before we sign off? Brad, happy birthday. I'm so grateful that I get to be your

birthday guest, and I was really a great pleasure to talk with you. And I would just say that, you know, to your listeners, you've built such an incredible community and I wanted to thank you for having me be a part of it. And, you know, we are offering our course in October. And if anyone is interested, you can learn more on my Instagram. Community is key. And the one thing that I love about this course is once they're through the course, we have a built-in community that continues the support. And I think to me, watching people connect in community has been the real game changer. It goes back to, you know, the opposite of addiction being connection. So I just want to thank you again for your time and that it's just been a pleasure to be here. Yeah. Thank you too.

And yeah, I hope everything goes well in October. I'm sure it will. And yeah, in the meantime, we'll just keep getting another day, right? One day at a time. Well, there it is, everyone, another incredible episode here on the podcast. Thank you, Ashley, so much for jumping on here and sharing your story. What an incredible story it is. I think there's going to be a ton of people out there who can relate to this about how this thing progresses over time. And then also about not aligning anymore with who we were and that strong desire to change can become a springboard for sending us off on the right path of sobriety and plugging into support. I'll drop Ashley's contact information or Instagram down in the show notes below. And if you have not left a review yet on

Apple or Spotify, jump over there and drop a written review on Apple, five stars on Spotify, and I'll see you on the next one.