Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - For Kristen alcohol melted away the social anxiety and then she found Xanax.

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

In this episode, we have Kristen, who had her first drink at 17, and her social anxiety seemed to melt away. After high school, she went off to college where binge drinking was normalized, and the party was always happening. Further down the road, she was prescribed Xanax to help with her anxiety and continued to drink alcohol. At first, she took it as prescribed, but soon found herself running out before she was due for a refill. Her parents are a massive WHY in her sobriety and life today, as they never gave up on supporting her to get the help she needed. With over 900 days of sobriety, this is Kristen’s story on the Sober Motivation Podcast. --------------------- Follow Kristen on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/sobergirltribe/ Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Check out Sober Buddy App here: https://soberbuddy.app.link/motivation More information on SoberLink: www.soberlink.com/recover    

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Kristen, who had her first drink at 17 and her social anxiety seemed to melt away. After high school, she went off to college where binge drinking was normalized and the party

was always happening. Further down the road, she was prescribed Xanax. to help with her anxiety and continued to drink alcohol. At first, she took it as prescribed, but soon found herself running out before she was due for a refill. Her parents are a massive Y in her sobriety and her life today, as they never gave up on supporting her to get the help she needed. With over 900 days of sobriety,

this is Kristen's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound than as compact as a sunglass case, soberlink devices have built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest.

On top of all that, results are sent instantly to love ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device today. Welcome back to the show, everyone. Brad here, thank you so much for your support, your kind words and everything over on Instagram. Be sure to give me a follow over there at Sober Motivation and let me know what you think of the show. Also drop a review on Apple and Spotify if you're enjoying the episodes and the stories people are sharing. That way when new people check out one of the hundred or hundreds of sober podcasts out there,

they can see some good reviews and maybe give Sober Motivation a shot. But I had an incredible conversation and very grateful for Kristen to come on. and share her story. It involves Xanax, which I feel like we don't talk enough about, and you'll hear more about that in the episode. But I hope you love this one as much as I did. So let's get into it. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my friend Kristen with us. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm good. So it's great to have you on the show to share your story.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. So what was it like for you growing up? So growing up, I had a really good childhood. I grew up with, you know, my parents, they've been married for almost 36 years. I have a little brother and sister. I grew up in a Christian household involved in sports. There was nothing really wrong with my childhood. Once I got to high school was kind of when I started drinking a little bit.

I remember I had my first drink when I was like 17 years old. And from the very first drink, I immediately had a problem with it. I didn't drink a lot in high school, but it immediately solved a problem for me. So I had really bad social anxiety. And so as soon as I had that first drink, anytime I had alcohol in high school, I would overdrink. Yeah, that's interesting. Was it that it didn't get out of hand because of like a limited supply? Because I know in high school for me, like it wasn't readily available.

really for me. I wasn't like well connected with somebody who had an older sibling or something like that. So maybe it took a slow burn there. What about for you? That's how it was for me too, because my parents, they didn't really drink alcohol and I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol. So it wasn't really in the house. And then my friend group, we would go to parties sometimes, but we weren't like super into drinking. So it was more whenever I went to a party, that was when I would be exposed to it. And I would over drank there, but I wasn't to the point where I wanted more. I was craving it or anything like that yet. Once I got to college is when things got really bad with alcohol, I joined a sorority, and so it was really socially accepted. Benge drinking was very socially accepted.

And I mean, we would drink almost every single day. I went to a party school here in Virginia. And it was like drinking every day except for Mondays. I don't know why. That was like our one day to get our life together. And then every other day it would just be drinking and going to fraternity parties. And even though Ben's drinking like that was, you know, more accepted in college and others around me as well, I noticed I had a problem with alcohol because I would always black out. I would always make huge mistakes. I would always put myself in danger.

Like I've woken up sleeping in the middle of the road. I almost got kicked out, actually, for my drinking because they had like a three-strike policy. And I got in trouble once for drinking in my dorm, then I went to jail for drinking. And I got in trouble for that. And I had to like meet with the dean of the school and write like a seven page paper. And I think I had to do like four alcohol classes just to stay. like in college. So in college, it was already like a very big problem for me. But there was never anyone that was like, you know, you should stop drinking. It was more of like you need to drink less.

That seems to be the regular conversation at first. It's like everybody's saying get it under control. You got to figure this out. And I'm thinking to myself when I look back, well, my goodness, if I figured it out, I wouldn't be sitting in jail right now. Like I would have obviously figured this out. Maybe there's more to it. I'm wondering too, though, You said you first to realize that alcohol was a problem or was going to become a bigger problem for you. Like, what does that look like when you first have those thoughts? Well, at the time, I had no desire to stop drinking. So even though I could kind of tell it was a problem and people were saying like your actions, you know, are kind of out of control.

I didn't really care because all I cared about was drinking. And so whenever I would do things that were out of character or dangerous, it was more like, like just laughed about or brushed off because we were having fun in our head. And I think because we were in college and that was just the norm to binge drink and do that, that my behavior was bad, but it was just kind of brushed off. And I think especially a lot of stuff I would do, sometimes it would be kind of funny. And so it would just kind of encourage the behavior more in my head, just wanting to be this party girl. And that was really all I cared about was a social scene. And so even when I thought it was a problem, I just really didn't care when people

told me to stop. And maybe for a day, I would be like, oh my gosh, my actions are really bad. I need to drink less. I mean, by like the next night, I would already forget that and just do the same thing over again. Yeah. Even at that age too, when I was in college and stuff, yeah, it was almost celebrated. Not everything, but almost some of the madness was just celebrated. And people were like, man, I was a mad guy last night. It was crazy. Like, people loved it. And for me, I was looking to belong places and looking to fit in and looking for people's

approval. I subconsciously, I think, connected the two that like, yeah, if I act like that, people are going to enjoy me. But it was just when I look back, I'm like, man, that was just really bad for myself. Everybody else had a good time. But it was, you know, for me, right? It was like, oh, because I got stuck with the consequences. And even after college, I couldn't kick the habit.

No, and like it was just so accepted that I kind of slid under the radar with having a problem because just everyone around me was drinking heavily like that. Yeah. Way off topic here while we're on this. I'm thinking of this. Like, do you think that there's something even bigger to this in our cultures have a hard time connecting with each other without getting into the alcohol? I'm just thinking of like, we go for this great opportunity off to college.

And this story is rinse and repeat for so many people. about connecting with everybody else with drinking. And then it's like, man, I can't help but think, where did we go wrong here? That our young people and when we were young people, it was hard for us to get connected and be part of a community without drinking alcohol. I think when it's instilled into us at such a young age, that's where we really feel like we need it because we get so used to doing that same, like whenever we go to a social situation, we have the alcohol.

So then we perpetually do that and we just get in our heads. We need it to function. In college, it was more of just, I was always being in a social setting and that's how I would drink. But then once I graduated, I did graduate somehow. Yes. When I graduated and entered into the corporate world, that's when things got a lot worse. And my relationship with alcohol really changed where it started more of me drinking

alone and isolating because the whole time throughout college, I had kind of thought I had solved my anxiety because I had been masking it with alcohol all the time. And so I didn't really think about my anxiety during college. And then once I got out and had, you know, to go to work, and I obviously couldn't drink at work, my anxiety just skyrocketed so bad. I was so insecure in the workplace and just felt like I wasn't going to be smart enough or good enough. And I would just have this, like, debilitating anxiety that I was going to mess up or I was going to be. get fired and I just turned to alcohol even more. As soon as I got off work, I would go to the store, buy a bottle of wine and go home and drink it by myself to just kind of try to calm down and

just numb out the day, numb out that I was having this anxiety and that that was my current reality. And I mean, I did that for years and I have no idea how I did it because I would do it multiple times a week. I would wake up so hungover, like throwing up. But I was very high functioning I would still always show up to work. And, you know, on the outside, looking in, I did try to make things look perfect. I would still show up to work. I would try to look professional. I owned a home.

I was trying to be involved in church as much as I could. And I just tried to make things look perfect on the outside, but I was really, really struggling with this all the time. And I just somehow managed it for years without, you know, people who didn't really know me well, knowing that it was going on the way it was. I doubt people in my workplace really thought that was going on because I just put on such a front. And I kind of felt like when I would go to work, I would have to put on this performance because I would be so hungover. But I kind of was like, okay, I'm doing this to myself.

So my punishment is I have to show up to work every day and try to be my best self. And the whole day I would just be waiting for the day to be over just to go home and like order gracey food and get back into bed and do the same thing all over. again. I feel like at the time, you know, my close friends and my family knew that it was wine that I just really, really was struggling with. And, you know, it was kind of the conversation if you need to drink less. Why are you drinking this much wine? And again, I would black out a lot and make mistakes. And, you know, I didn't like that people were calling me out on my actions. And so that's when I really dissent myself from people and started really just isolating because I was like, well, if I black out or make them a snake, I'll just be by my And no one will know. And so that's when it kind of switched. It had already switched to isolation, but that's when it really was like, okay, I can't really drink around people because they're going to tell me to stop or I'm just going to do something that I'll regret. And people are going to say something to me. Yeah. How old were you when that switch took place? So that was probably when I was from age like 24 up until like 30. I mean, I would still go out with friends sometimes, but that was when I really preferred to drink alone.

Yeah. It's interesting how that shift takes place, though, right? Because you have college, the party scene connecting with other people, building community, socializing, and then it shifts, right, to by ourselves. Probably during where Xanax came in, I had been, you know, working with my doctor for a long time, just trying to take the SSRIs, like the generalized anxiety medicines. I think I probably tried every single one. And just nothing was working because. when I have anxiety, it's like panic. I would have like these panic attacks where my heart would be racing and I'd be shaking and breaking out in hives and sweating so bad. And like this was happening in the workplace. And I was just so embarrassed that I couldn't control the symptoms. And I just became really, really desperate where I was willing to do anything to try to get this anxiety under control. And my doctor, it was like a last resort was just like, let's try Xana. that she did, you know, warn me that it was addictive and to only take it this many times a week

as prescribed or if I was having a panic attack. And I immediately thought that I had like found this magic pill, this magic solution when I took it because I felt like it took away all of the anxiety that I was feeling. It made me more outgoing. I felt like it made me perform at work better. And so at the time, I just thought I was just doing something innocent to solve my anxiety, but now I can see where from the very minute I took it, I was obsessed with it because it gave me that relief. And it almost made me into the person I wanted to be, like, not scared to be in social situations, not stressing about work. And so I immediately just kind of became obsessed with it. But I took it as per strive for probably like, I think six or more months.

I didn't abuse it. And that's when I thought it was helping where I was like, okay, my anxiety is calming down at work and I feel like it's going well. But then I started having more anxiety with other stuff going on at work. And it was just like the perfect storm because I had that prescription with me. And so the more anxiety I started feeling, I knew that was going to solve it. So I started taking it more and more. And I found myself wanting more and more. And even when I was on a really low dosage, I remember one weekend, I started feeling really sick. And I didn't know what was going on. And I kept going to different doctors trying to figure it out. And then I finally realized about my own, I was like, oh, I'm going through like some type of withdrawal, like, you know, without the medicine. And it scared me, but I was just still feeling

so desperate and hopeless because of the anxiety that I just totally ignored that red flag. And I started taking it more like five to six times a week. As time went on, I kept increasing the dosage and needing more trying to get, you know, that same feeling. And I couldn't get it by year two. I couldn't get that same feeling. And so I just continued to take more and more. And it completely changed me as a person. My whole demeanor, my mood, my family, they could like always tell when I was on it.

and I kept it a secret for a while that I was abusing it until like other people started to really notice my personality changing. Yeah. And are you still drinking throughout this? Yes. I'm here too. Yeah. So it was really dangerous. I was still drinking so much wine. And I actually started increasing how much wine I was drinking because at first I had had to slow down a little because my hangovers were getting so bad as I was getting older. And then I realized that the Xanax kind of cheered my hangover. And so it kind of gave me permission, oh, I know now if I drink a bottle or more of wine,

I'll just take my Xanax in the morning and the hangover will go away. I would still eat, but I would wait until way later in the day to eat so that, you know, in the morning the Xanax could hit me even harder, not that I needed any more Xanax. So basically, I would take the Xanax during the day for work and then at night, that's when I would drink wine. It just got to a point where I started running out of my prescription like weeks early before I could get it. And I just became obsessed with counting the pills, planning my work days around the pills. I would cancel stuff if I ran out.

I was kind of that girl calling the pharmacy trying to get my prescription early, trying to say that I was going on vacation and I needed it early. or I would call my doctor in a panic. And each time I would get the refill, I would be like, okay, it's going to be different this time. Like, I'm not going to abuse it. That's what I would tell myself. And then the same exact thing would happen. And I would run out of it in like two weeks.

And I would be totally screwed going through these horrible withdrawals where I would be just sweating and shaking and nauseous. I would be like jolting out of my skin. And I later learned that because I was really close to having a sense. seizure. It's just crazy because even through all of that, I still didn't want to stop taking it, no matter how scared I was. I mean, there were times I thought I was going to die in my sleep from withdrawal and I still like wanted to keep going. Yeah. Wow, that is a powerful story about the Xanax. Yeah, it's another one of those prescriptions, right, that we can be safe. Of course, as people probably can, but then it's very, very addictive, the Xanax part of things. Right. And the

Withdrawals are serious, right? Seizures are common things. Mixing it with alcohol can also be serious stuff too. Yeah, so basically after that, when I started really upping the dosage and taking so much, that's kind of when I was no longer functioning where I would say other people could really tell that something was going on. And I just kind of lost control of that. And so I would get on like my Instagram, not the account I have now, but my old Instagram and I would like, talking to the camera and stuff when I was on Xanax and drinking wine. And it's so embarrassing, you know, looking back at it now. And so one night my friends, like, saw me get on there and they could tell that I was just really, really messed up. And so they called my parents and they were like, I think you need to like get over there. Like she's really messed up in her apartment. Because I lived alone and that was really bad for me because I could be so secretive,

especially during COVID when I was working from home, I started drinking in the day, which I had never done before when I was older. But that was when I became really secretive. And so my parents had a key to my apartment. And I remember my dad running into the apartment and he was like breathing really heavy. And he said he thought he was going to, you know, find me dead in the apartment. And I remember just trying to pretend that I was like totally okay and be like, what are you talking about? when really I had taken so much sannics and had been drinking so much wine. And they were really upset. And they were like, we have called around and we have a set up to go to rehab in Florida.

We really want you to go. Like, we can get you on a plane tomorrow. And I don't think I wanted to be sober, but I just didn't like confrontation. And I just felt like I was in trouble almost. Like I had been caught and I just needed to do this. You know, I just really felt like I had no other option. And so I agreed to go. And I remember, you know, on the plane there, I drank. I was sitting next to some people that had alcohol and I asked for it. And so I got really drunk to go to rehab. And then during rehab, I just didn't really take it seriously. I had gone with the intention of, okay, I'll stop Xanax, but I'm not going to probably stop drinking because, you know, I had in my head. Well, my parents didn't say I had to go because of alcohol. They were saying I had to go because of Xanax. And so

it was almost a blessing in disguise that the Zanites thing happened or I don't really know if I ever would have gotten help for drinking. But I basically just went in it with the total wrong mindset and I focused on all the wrong things. Like I got into a rehab relationship and I was all focused on that. The golden rule, Kristen. The golden rule. Yeah. And I do nothing about any of that about how my emotions were going to be so high and I were trying to replace it with something else. And so I focused on that. I did not like my job at all then. You know, it was causing so much stress and all the therapists were telling me you need to leave that job.

I just threw that advice out the window. They were telling me, you know, I needed to find meetings when I got back in therapy and all this stuff. And I didn't listen or take it seriously at all. And so I ended up leaving like a few days early even. And as soon as I got out of rehab, I ordered wine at the day. airport. And I remember my dad picking me up saying, you know, are you going to not drink too? And I was just kind of like, I'll probably have like some wine here and there, which, you know, I'd never been able to moderate. So I don't know why I thought that. And so basically when I got home, I think since

I had gone to rehab, it was all the way in Florida. When I got back, I felt kind of worse because I really didn't have any resources. I didn't really know anything about going to a meeting. So I kind of fell into an even bigger depression. And I remember I stayed off Xanax for about a week and I was in an IOP meeting still trying to get help. And it was the night before I was going back to work because I didn't listen and just was going to stay at the job. And I remember just having such bad anxiety thinking like, how am I going to go back to work? And, you know, this is embarrassing that I had to go to rehab and now I'm going to try to go back to my job. And I just felt so overwhelmed that I went and I reached.

filled the prescription and that was one of the first mistakes I made is I left that communication open with my doctor, which I shouldn't have done. I should have closed that door. But I think the whole time I didn't really want to be sober. And that's why I left the communication open in case I wanted to get that refill. And so I remember I drove to the pharmacy immediately took it and I had just planned that I was going to take it normally. I for some reason in my mind thought since I had been off of it for almost 30 days or so that I could take it normally, which was not the case at all. Things got even worse.

And I took like the whole bottle and I think like three days or something. Like it was really, really bad. And I went into a really dark, dark place. And I remember the day when things just got so bad. I had lost my keys that past weekend when I was out. And so I didn't have a car at the time. And I had to over to work. work and I remember the rehab romance guy called and just cut it off with me and I had already taken a

bunch of Xanax and I was at work and I just like lost it. I just felt so hopeless and I remember I called an Uber from work and it was like the middle of the day and I went to the nearest place that I knew served alcohol which was a TGI Friday's and I just started getting like hammered by myself like in the middle of the work day and so I just stayed there for hours and And nobody knew where I was. I didn't know at the time my parents were calling my work and asking, where is Kristen? Because they knew all this was going on. So they knew that, like, I was not in the right state of mind or anything.

And so they were really concerned. And I remember I just walked out of the TGI Fridays and I had no car. And these two men pulled up and they were like, hey, do you need a ride? And I was just like, yeah, sure. And the scary thing is this is stuff that I used to do all the time, like putting myself in danger like this. Like this was not anything new. And so I just got in the car with them. And I remember they gave me alcohol.

They gave me some kill that they said was like Mali or something. And I took that on top of all those annex and drinking I'd already done. I'm so lucky that nothing bad happened to me during this entire decade that I put myself in dangerous situations like this. But yeah, I truly, like, didn't care what happened to me. And so I remember they drove me home. And I didn't know at the time that my parents had, like, contacted the police. And the police had came to my apartment and gotten on a ladder to, like, check if I was in the apartment. And so I didn't know that my parents were looking for me with the police.

I guess the police told my parents, you know, we can go look around these areas. But for some reason, my mom, she said she just had a gut feeling that her and my dad should stay and wait, like, 10 minutes longer. And so I came in this car and we were about to get out and my mom said that she like saw that car and I guess it kind of stood out. And so she was like, I think there's a girl in the back of that car. And so right when we were getting out, my parents pulled up and like got me. And I feel like it was just such a God moment because I don't know really what would have happened. And so my parents were really upset. I remember we went back to the house and they told me that I was going to go live in a recovery. house here in Richmond the next day they were going to take me. My mom, she would always have to hide her wine if I had come over, which is awful. And so I remember I somehow found where she hid the wine. And once they went to bed, I like drank a ton of wine. And I was just so hopeless and depressed and sad. Then we went to the recovery house the next day. And I had taken like a bunch of gabapint because that's all I had that I had gotten in rehab. And so I was like messed up when I went to the recovery house and checked in. But

recovery house saved my life. I lived with, it was like 10 or 12 other women. And it was really the discipline and structure that I needed to get sober. Just we would work on ourselves every day. And I had a recovery coach. I had a therapist that specialized an addiction. They would take us to Narcotics Anonymous meetings every day, which really, really, I think, saved my life just hearing all those messages of hope because I had never known anybody else going through the same thing as I was. And so it just really inspired me. And then being able to have these connections with all these women going through the same thing, it was the first time that I really wanted to be sober for myself. Wow. Incredible journey there to get to this place, recovery home. Your parents, by the way,

in case mom listens, I mean, we got to give them a shout out. It seems like they were really behind you and beside you on this journey to get you help with. different interventions. And some of them you might not have been as interested in as other ones. But how do they bring that idea to you and you're so willing in a sense to go? I mean, I imagine things had just gotten that bad. But to go to a recovery home to make a commitment like that just kind of overnight, it seems like that's a big choice.

How was that for you to make that? I'm going to get emotional off. So my parents, they've always been just my rock. They mean like more than anything to me. And kind of like when I was going through my Xanax addiction, it made me become really suicidal. And I would think about not being here and suicide a lot. And the whole time, like, my mind would be like, I could never do that to my parents. I could never do that to my parents.

And I was like, I'd rather suffer than them ever suffer. And so that's kind of what I think always kept me wanting to keep going, just how much I love them. And so when they gave me advice and were willing to do all this for me, I just listened. I trusted them and just listened to, you know, anything they would say. And I knew they just wanted me to get better. And the main part of my wife, my biggest inspiration to stay sober because, you know, once I got sober, I had a lot of guilt after just of things I had done an addiction that were totally out of character stuff I never would have done. And then just the guilt of what I put them through. And I just couldn't believe I put them through that pain just like publicly and emotionally. And so. I remember saying to my dad, like, how am I ever going to pay you back for all of this? And he said to me, just stay sober. You don't have to pay me back a dime. Just stay sober. That's all you have to do. And it's my why. And it just keeps me going. Like, whenever I am having anxiety or having a hard day, I just, yeah, it just keeps me going. And, you know, a lot of people ask me how I stay sober. And a part of it is having a why strong enough to make you want to stay so. and make, you know, really difficult times, you have to keep that in the forefront of your mind. I'm so lucky that I have them and that they were willing not to give up and do all that research

and do anything they could to help me get sober. You almost had me in tears there for a second. Sorry. No, it's okay. I think it's great, you know, because to let people know who have helped us throughout the journey, I think is so important because a lot of us have had people in our corner. If the roles were reversed, who knows if we would do this. same, you know, it's that hard, right? It's that hard to stick by somebody as they go down,

especially like children, you know, like for my folks, too, they were there for me. They made really, really hard decisions. They spent a lot, a lot, a lot of money. My grandfather, before he passed away, used to call me the million dollar man with all the interventions and rehabs and, you know, everything. It wasn't quite that much, but they make a big sacrifice. So I definitely think that that's so important to keep that in mind that people made a sacrifice. for us to get here and now I kind of look at it like maybe now it's my turn to do that. You know, when the days get tough and when things just don't line up, we just got to stick with it. So where do you go from there?

So you have that great experience at the sober living home. How long do you live there for? And then where do you go after? So I lived there for 28 days and did the program. And it was really cool because I kept journals the whole time. And when I read them back, just to see how much I was struggling. And then you can slowly see as each day goes on, I start talking about how I started laughing again for the first time and just becoming myself again and gaining confidence back and finding hope. And I know not everyone can do this, but I made sure, you know, when I got out of the program this time, I made sure I made all the changes and suggestions that people gave me.

So probably one of the biggest reliefs was that second day in the recovery house, my dad, he called me and he said, I put your resignation in. I picked up your stuff. You're done at that job. And that was like the biggest relief for me because it wasn't causing everything, but it was causing a lot of extra stress. And so that was the first big thing. You know, I left an environment that was not good for me. And then for six months, I really slowed down. I got just a part-time job for that first six months that was kind of low stress for me. And I really just focused on myself. All I did was go to work, go to therapy, go to meetings, and just stayed sober. Those are my only goals for the day. And I think going to meetings is what really, really helps me. I know they're not for everyone,

but for me, I just needed that in-person connection and that accountability. And so in a, you're supposed to do 90 meetings in 90 days. And so I went to a meeting every single day. I stayed connected in community. I stayed connected with all of the women in the recovery house. Well, most of them. And I would pick up people and take them to meetings. And it just kept me sober. Anytime I was struggling with something, I would bring it up in a meeting or I would tell one of my sober friends. And I would just get through it. And I just started seeing all these miracles started to happen. I got a job that I always wanted. I got into my first healthy relationship. My finances got better. mental and physical health started getting better. Just all these blessings that everyone in meetings

kept telling me, wait, don't give up. Just keep staying sober and the miracles will happen. And they were right. All these miracles started happening. And it just kept me wanting to move forward. And I just felt like myself again, I think for the first time since I was like 16 years old, where I wasn't relying on a substance anymore. And I just felt like I was myself again. Yeah, isn't that such a great moment? Yes, it's truly the best feeling. And as I kept staying sober and more miracles started happening, I just wanted to help other people because I felt so alone in addiction.

I didn't want anyone to ever feel the way I did, not really knowing anybody else. And so I just wanted to help others as well along the way. Yeah, and you're doing exactly that. I'm wondering here about how are you doing with anxiety, now? So I still struggle with anxiety now. It kind of ebbs and flows depending on what's going on in my life. You know, recently it's spiked up again, but that's because in finally starting to heal, like I've finally gotten into the right type of therapy. I'm doing exposure therapy where you

pretty much are trying to evoke anxiety and learn to sit in it. And it's really hard. Like I think it's as hard as it was to get sober to do. And so right now my anxiety is spiked because I'm continuously doing these things that scare me. But the really cool thing is I've been tackling everything one by one and it's working. Like some things that used to terrify me, I don't even like get stressed about anymore. I'm just so grateful because if I was still drinking, I never would have even tried to find the right type of therapy and even tried to work on this. And it's hard. But just like sobriety, I know that it's going to be working. it. And as I keep learning, I just feel like I can cope better and better without a substance.

Yeah. Oh, that's great to hear. Yeah, that's so good to hear that that's something that you're still working on and you're still learning more about. That's probably the top question I get asked is how are you managing your anxiety? And it just made me realize, like, wow, so many of us are having anxiety and we used substances to cover it up. And now we're just kind of like, how do I sit in this? And I think, really learning that it's okay to have anxiety. It's okay to get nervous for stuff. Like everybody gets nervous. But just learning to sit in that and know that it's not going to kill you. Like you're going to get through the feelings is what really works as you keep repetitively doing it. If you'll find yourself becoming less and less anxious.

Yeah. Oh, that's incredible. So it's been over 900 days. I don't want to say the number I've got written down here. I don't want to be wrong, but it's been how many days for you on this journey? I use my sober buddy app. I love that. 929. I saw you posted six days ago, 923, so I added six. Okay, you're right. To make 929.

So I think we're close, which is incredible. Did you ever think this was possible for you? No. Like, seriously, when my mom would ask me, like, how are you ever going to have children? If you keep staying on the Xanax and all this stuff, I just thought I was going to be on Xanax and drinking forever. Like, I never in a million years thought that I would be someone who could be sober. And that's why I'm just like, it really is possible for anybody.

But it takes getting it out of your system to learn new coping skills and learn that you can live without it. And I think people get so stuck on thinking what their life, how will they cope with this? when you start to learn and you realize how much better life is without it. Well, yeah. I mean, it frees up so much extra time. Like we have a lot of extra time when we're not thinking or obsessing constantly about the next drink or the next pill. And then when that's going to run out because I can relate to a lot of the stuff you're saying, I was on opiates, painkillers for a while.

And it was that same cycle in a sense. I mean, different substances, but the same thing, right? You build up a tolerance. You need more. You need this, you need that, you go through withdraws. It's a full-time job, you know? So when you're able to kind of stop that, but I agree with you too, you got to get a little bit of separation between you and whatever it is you're doing, whether it's drinking,

Xanax or other stuff because you need a little bit of clarity in your life. And it's really hard when you're right next to the bear. The bear is very, very scary. But if you distance yourself, if you're looking at a bear from a mile away, it's not as scary. So thank you so much for joining on for the show. Is there anything else that you'd like to say before we finish up? Just that you're never too far gone and there's never not hope.

And I would say something that really helped me when I was going through addiction was, I remember I found one account and it was the first time I had ever heard, you know, somebody shared that they had gone through addiction and they had gotten sober. And I just remember it was like the one glimmer of hope I had. And I think just to get curious and find account, Like that and start following them if you're wanting to get sober and really just kind of seeing that there is a hope no matter how dark it feels right now. They're remembering that there could be days where you don't have to feel this way and that things can change around and that this is only a temporary feeling. And just remembering that and holding on to some type of hope, you know, is so important when you're struggling.

Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, follow some people there. going to be good for you and to keep the hope alive, some things you can look up to, maybe some people that share a similar story to you that can be helpful. If anybody out there, Kristen, enjoys this episode as much as I did, which I really did, this was incredible. How could they reach out to you and say thank you? So they can reach out to me on my Instagram account.

It's sober girl tried. And I try to respond to everybody as much as I can. and I just love connecting with other people on there and just sharing advice with them of what I've gone through and hearing their stories. Incredible. Yeah, so there you go, everyone. Thank you again, Kristen, for joining on the show

and sharing your story with us. Thank you. Well, there we go. Another incredible story, another incredible episode. Thank you, Kristen, so much for coming on here and sharing your story. If you enjoyed it, be sure to send her a message over on Instagram. I'll drop her handle and link and everything in the show notes.

as always. Thank you, everybody, for the continued support. It's incredible. This is a very powerful story because a lot of people get mixed up in the Xanax and alcohol cycle. Not enough people talk about it. And it's a very dangerous,

a very lonely and up and down, all around type journey to get stuck in that. The withdraws from Xanax are just unbelievably painful. So thank you, Kristen. So glad that you're rocking and rolling on this journey.

with 900 plus days, giving back, sharing your story to help others and staying connected to what works for you. I'll see you on the next one.