Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - For Leigh Moderation Was A Hamster Wheel - Sober Life Update

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

In this episode, Brad reconnects with Leigh to discuss her journey over the past two years of sobriety. They revisit key moments from her first year and reflect on the importance of her Instagram community in maintaining accountability. Leigh shares personal milestones, including celebrating two years of sobriety on the same day her son graduated from high school. Connect with Leigh here: https://www.instagram.com/macrosnmocktails/ Support the Show here: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation

Welcome back to another update episode. Today we have Lee on the podcast. An incredible episode. I don't even want to really mention anything from the episode in sort of this intro to not give anything away. But it was incredible to catch up with her. hear what things were like now. I didn't even realize when we first connected that she was hovering around eight months sober, I believe. Massive progress since then, obviously. For anybody who sticks with it, you're going to realize progress. You're going to make progress. When you remove drinking from your life, you're in one way or another forced to learn

other ways to live life on life's terms. And when we do that and push ourselves, we learn new tools. what I've noticed too through this update series with so many previous guests is that they're so much more confident in where they're at, where they're headed, and it's like a breath of fresh air, especially for me. A lot of the times I work with people that are in the beginning of the process and a different way of life seems so impossible. It just doesn't even cross some people's minds.

And I get it because I once lived there too. there for a while to where things to be different just didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't see life beyond the one I was living. But to catch up with people a year later, 16 months later, two years later, and see where they're at now, it's like, man, my goodness, like this thing really does get a whole heck of a lot better if you stick with it. If you enjoy the podcast, you want to support, head over to buymea coffee.com slash sober motivation. All of your donations help keep the show going and are really appreciated to cover the

cost of running a podcast. I'll also drop that link down on the show notes below or you can head over to my Instagram channel at Sobermotivation and it's in the bio link there as well. So buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. Any support helps with the podcast. Now let's get right to it. Welcome back to another update episode of my friend Lee. How are you? so well. Thanks for having me, Brad. It's really great to be back. Yeah, thank you so much. For anybody who maybe didn't catch the first time we met, and I can't even remember exactly when it was, but like things change fast in this world it seems. But give us a little Cliff Notes version of the first episode and then we'll get into what things have been like

since. Sure. I went back and looked this morning. It was April of 2024. So it's been, Yeah, it's been a while. It was before I hit a year in June of 2024. So now it's June 2025. Just recently hit my two-year mark. Was very uneventful compared to the first year. Well, I shouldn't say uneventful. My son graduated from high school on the day. I hit my two-year soberversary. So it was eventful in a totally different way. And I can't think of a better way to celebrate two years of sobriety than doing it on my son's graduation day and being completely present for that. I think in April of 2024, I was, I was feeling pretty confident in my sobriety at that point was the longest I had been sober, but there's no guarantees in sobriety.

And because I had had some long stints with sobriety, I was, I felt still very vulnerable. I say a lot that my Instagram account has really held me accountable. It provided a layer of accountability that I didn't realize I needed at the time. And looking back, I think I stayed sober many days, many hard days because of that accountability, because I felt like I had a community of people who were relying on me to stay sober. When I say drinking is not an option, I needed to be. mean it for myself as much as I did for everybody else and people, like I said, who were depending on me and looked for me for encouragement and inspiration. You know, I think we grasp a lot

of places whenever we're desperate, whenever we're vulnerable, even when we're confident, but still may be unsteady. And that my account has provided that for me. Yeah. And a lot of great connections too are made, you know, on Instagram, right? Is it wild? So many great connections. It is such an incredible empowering community of people. And the responsibility is really on us to seek that out and to be involved in that community. And I think we can get as deeply ingrained in it as we want.

but I have, I'm making connections in real life now seeing people face to face that I've met through this online community, which is so incredibly life-giving because no one knows this journey like other people who have walked through it. And so, yes, it's a loud connection in a really meaningful way. And I'm forever grateful. There's a guy who found me through your podcast last year and he just celebrated his year of sobriety. And so being in this space long enough now, having people celebrate their own sober milestones is so incredible. Like getting to celebrate other people and, you know, this life-changing decision is, it's just a lot of gift. Yeah. No, it truly is. it, you bring that up and I was thinking of that too because the message is save on there.

So I'll get a message from somebody that says, you know, I got 90 days or I got six months and I'll scroll back. And like, I've been on there for for quite a while. I mean, I don't know, seven, eight years. Their first message they might have sent was three years ago. Yeah. And I'm just like, wow, you know, you stuck with it. That's just great.

Like, no matter where you're at, that just incredible. So you have kind of that record of things in a sense, right? to see where people were and where they're at now. What were things like for you towards the end of drinking? I mentioned Desperate earlier, and I think that's really the best way to describe it. I've taken on some projects this summer in which I'm reorganizing cabinets, one cabinet at a time,

and I came across a journal that I had kept and was looking at posts from back in May of 2023. Like I said, I quit drinking in June of 2023, didn't know that that would be forever at that point. I wasn't ready to say that. But I look at what I wrote. And I had an entry that I just wrote over and over. I will not drink today.

I will not drink today. I will not drink today. And I may have drank at the end of the day. I don't know. I was struggling so much. And I wanted, I think I said this in the last podcast. I was really looking for someone or something. to save me.

And at the end of the day, I just, I had to take responsibility and I had to save myself. And that, that really made all the difference. But desperate. That's the best way I can describe it. Yeah, for things to change for you to be able to walk away. What's that journey like, though, as you go through it? And I think it's a very common one where it's like on Monday, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to quit or tomorrow I'm going to quit because things are not going on my way with this.

and then we don't follow through with it. And not to say that it's a bad thing, but I think at times for me personally, it really impacted my confidence and trust with myself that I could ever figure this thing out. It's never gone my way. What was that like for you? And how were you able to work through that?

I think the biggest thing I've gained from this journey is self-trust. And like you said, not being able to trust ourselves leaves us in such a vulnerable place. And whenever you mention going back and looking at people, they're past messages to you. Like, I'm the same. I save everything so I can get,

so I can reaffiliate myself with the person that I'm messaging with and communicating with. And, you know, there's people that, you know, this is their fifth try. This is their 30th day one. And they're so frustrated. But I relate to that because I was the exact same. And so all I tell people and when I look back and, you know,

need to remind myself is there is no failure as long as you're trying. There's no failure on this journey unless we quit trying. And so you can have as many day ones as it takes to get it right for this to stick. it's all part of the work to get sober. And every day one is progress. Every day we choose not to drink alcohol is progress and moving us in the direction that we need to go to make this a lifelong change. Yeah, exactly. And that's it.

I'm so curious on that level of things too. I look at other areas of life. And I think if I was looking at working out, or I was looking at eating healthier. And I went for, say, 364 days, but I missed one. I don't know if I would be really hard on myself. Right. And the reason I'm kind of getting at that is I wonder where along the line,

and I don't know if either of us have the answers, but we have our own experience. Where along the line did we adopt this idea of complete failure when things don't work out with not drinking the first time, the 10th time, the 20th time, how we just beat ourselves up. Does that make any sense? I love that analogy. I've never heard it like that.

Like if you miss one day working out out of a year. Yeah, we wouldn't beat ourselves up. It's just, it's not black and white. It's not linear. You know, it is hills and valleys and peaks and thorns and all. the things. It's, it's a, it's, it's, it's, it's hard work, but it's worth it. Yeah. Another thing on that too, and I think maybe you were hinting at it too there. My last day drinking, I never knew it was going to be. I had tried so many times so hard, oh, everything I could possibly try to throw at it.

But I didn't know my last day was. I mean, did you have an experience like that or no? Oh, yeah, very similar. It was just another day one for me. and I did I mean the only thing I really did differently was I started this Instagram account a week into my sobriety and I was posting on there like I had been sober for a really long time I was offering advice to other people like I knew how to do this and the only experience I had was I had been you know I've been sober for 30 days I'd been sober for 45 days for four months for eight months. So I knew what it was like to have some lengthy stints with sobriety,

but I didn't know what it was like to do this forever. But I went on there as if I really knew what I was talking about. And I didn't, but none of us really ever do, I don't think. Like there's very few people that I talk to that were like, this is the day I'm deciding I'm not drinking and I'm done forever. Because that's such a huge commitment. And those of us who have been drinking for decades can't fathom saying forever. And sometimes I still get tripped up at two years thinking forever.

And it goes back to like, okay, we're not going to future trip. We're not going to think about tomorrow. We're not going to think about next week. We're not going to think about that cruise in two months. We are going to take this today. And for today, drinking is not an option. And I have gone back to that mentality over and over and over because it never goes differently. I've had enough experience to know that my one glass of wine that I decide I'm going to do

on the weekend will turn into two glasses of wine, but never at home. We'll turn into the occasional glass of wine at home when it's really needed. We'll turn into wine with lunch. will turn into, you know, a bottle of wine and I, I've done this so many times. It goes the exact same way. It's never different. There's, you know, I know the ending to this story. And I know that I, I don't want to go back and never do that again. Yeah. And that's where I think the honesty is such an important part of it too, because I have sort of that same thing and maybe a little bit of a different way, but that plays through my mind. If I'm like, oh, yeah, everybody on the patio is having a really good time. time it's summer, like the bottle's sweating. Oh my gosh, I remember those times. But I quickly remind myself, too, that for one, not everybody's story is mine. Maybe that's some people's reality and it doesn't cause turmoil in their life. It always did mine. Maybe it didn't the first time, but eventually I will find my way back there. The way I look at it is I was always looking to escape or my feelings or I was uncomfortable with something. Alcohol was my vehicle to do that with.

So even though it was like the alcohol was everybody's like quit drinking and things will get better, but I still had that underlying uncomfortableness to my life. And alcohol was just my vehicle to get away from that. So and that will always be there. And I have to continuously work on this side of the journey to stay connected and, you know, stay motivated and do the work and get the help and support that I need. And that has changed over the years. But yeah, that's so interesting to how this part of the journey. I mean, I'm probably too maybe fascinated about all aspects of this journey because this is what I love to talk about. But the starting out where it's just another day.

Literally for a lot of people, it was just like another day. I'm going to maybe try something a little bit different. And things just seem to click. You know, we get honest with where we're at and where this always leads us and that we want to see what else is out there. We don't know really what that's going to look like right as we go through all of this. I think getting started without all the answers can really help us out. And just like you said, you just put one day and another day. And the forever thing is terrifying to me too. I mean, I'm not drinking today and I'm content with that. And I probably won't want to drink tomorrow,

but I'll tackle that when it comes. Any thoughts there? No, I concur with everything you said. And going back to what was different, I think I was, I was exhausted. You know, being in that, loop is exhausting. And I know you have younger kids. I have three teenagers. So my twins are 15. My senior is 18, almost 19. I guess he's now a freshman in college, 18 almost 19. And my behavior, my, when I drank, they, they knew. They knew I was drinking. And I couldn't, in good faith, talk to them about. the risks of alcohol when I was participating in it daily and they were seeing the impact it was having on my life. So that was another thing in thinking about it being another day one.

I had originally said whenever my oldest was going to start his freshman year in college, I took a long break and I thought, this is a really good time to stop drinking. I can say I went his entire high school career without drinking. I think it lasted 20 days, not that long. Turns out I quit when he was a sophomore. Before his sophomore year, I quit before my twins must have been, so they would have been going into eighth grade. So now I'm going to have their entire high school career that I didn't drink.

And I talk to so many women who have a lot of regret. over their drinking and over, you know, things their children saw and experienced. And, you know, that mom guilt that you hear about so often. And I'm sure there's a lot of dad guilt too with different things. But I just tell people, you know, we can't, we can't change the past, but we can be better today than yesterday. And that's really what I strive to do, not only for them, but for myself. Whether it's not drinking, whether it's how I handle the situation, whether it's, you know,

being calmer and how I approach things. But every day we have a choice. And so the not drinking choice is easy for me at this point. I never thought it would be. It's something that I, there's days and weeks that go by that I don't even think about it. And I never, never fathomed that I would get to this point where it's just people talk about making drinking small and insignificant. And like you, I wonder like, well, when I'm surrounded by people who are drinking all the time, alcohol is so ingrained in our culture. And so I just

didn't think that I could ever get myself out of that mentality that it was necessary and required to have fun and be participatory in all of those things. And, and it's pretty cool to not, you know, to go and not, I just want my Diet Coke. I know, you know, just what can I get you to drink? I just want a Diet Coke. I'm so happy with that. And it's not, it's, there's no pull. There's no, like, I really wish I could have a glass of wine.

There's just none of that. And it's such freedom that I just never, never thought I could experience. So when I tell people, if I can do this, you can do this. this, I meet it. Like I am the last, I was, I was a really good time. I was, I was really good at drinking or maybe really bad at drinking, however you want to look at it. But I was a fun drunk. I was the life of the party. It was part of my personality. And so, you know, separating from my, that, you know, separating from that, abandoning that that I thought was necessary, that I was thought part was part of who I am when really it was all just a mess.

task. Like I said, it's been, it's been really freeing and remarkable and surprising to me. Yeah. And it's so interesting because we know that with time and experience into this journey. But sometimes when I was new, obviously people told me sort of how life could change. You know, I mean, no guarantees, but how life could change. And it was so hard to believe. I'm like, you have to be. There's no way. But when you live it, you see it. And then you realize, yeah, so many areas of our lives do change. What are some things that stand out to you? I mean, you did mention a few things, too, as being a mom and, you know, the way, different ways of maybe navigating situations and then having those conversations, too, about, you know, the truth about alcohol.

I think, too, like my kids, like you mentioned earlier, they are younger. And, you know, they've got some time. Hopefully, my goodness, hopefully, for how things go. I think too, like just having a conversation and but being, living that life, I think it carries a lot more weight. Is it going to change everything? I mean, I guess time will tell, but it carries more weight than I feel like down the road if I had a drink in my hand that I was telling my kids, you know,

hey, guys, it's not good for you. Like they're probably going to be like I was when I was a teenager and be like, yeah, okay. You know, so you have that. Any other things you notice that you really, maybe weren't expecting? Oh gosh. I could talk for hours about this. I know we're limited on time.

You know, I will say it has opened up a conversation for me to have with my kids about how we are prone to addictive tendencies. And, you know, whether it be with a phone, whether it be with alcohol, you know, they have experienced that firsthand. They've seen it in me. And I remind them that no one starts out drinking a beer, thinking that they are going. going to be struggling with it when they're 48 trying to quit. And so I appreciate the conversations that it's allowed me to have with my kids and opened up. Everything is easier, sober. Everything.

Even when life is really hard, sobriety doesn't make, you know, take away our problems, but it makes dealing with our problems so much easier from, remembering to pack everything. You know, I mean, getting ready for the airport and trips is huge for me. I'm like, you know, because I used to drink while I packed and I would leave stuff behind and I would, you know, leave stuff hanging, drying in the bathroom and get to my destination and forget half the things I needed.

I would, you know, show up to the airport half in the bag from drinking the night before. sleep is incredible. You know, it takes a little while. People, you know, people like, my sleep still hasn't improved. I'm like, we've conditioned our bodies to feel like, you know, to be used to going to sleep with alcohol. And so that takes a while, like recalibrating our bodies and our circadian rhythms takes, takes a while. But my goodness, like sleep is incredible. And as I'm talking to all my other friends, you know, who are going through perimenopause and menopause and struggling to sleep, the first thing I say is, you know, are you, for me, drinking has made all the difference in my sleep.

I mean, I make to-do lists. I stick to them. It's all those things. It all goes back to that self-trust, trusting ourselves. And actually following through on what I say I'm going to follow through on. There's, you know, I don't have intentions for the night. And then I start drinking my wine and they just go to the wayside and I end up on the couch. Yeah, it's it's it's it's follow through.

It's it's being a person of my word. It's just, it's just better. Life is just better. It's easier. It's predictable. You know, you know, when you go to bed, you're going to wake up and your life is going to be the same as you left it the night before. I'm constantly doing things today that I'm going to thank myself for tomorrow. I never did that when I was drinking.

You know, whether it be like, I'm going to tackle the dishes tonight because I'm going to feel so much better in the morning when I wake up. You know, all of the things. I'm going to lay my workout clothes out tonight so that I don't have to think. Those things never happened when I was drinking. Yeah. I was just, I was a real mess looking back. And I live like that every day not knowing any different, not knowing how much chaos I was causing myself, causing my family. And it's just better.

Yeah. It's a lot simpler and a lot less chaos. Some people talk to it too about like peace, you know, just kind of being at peace with things. and in obviously learning the skills and the tools. You know, one of the things I figured out too early on is I always wanted to quit alcohol, but it had just kind of become my thing for good times, for tough times. You know, it wasn't like maybe we see in the movies where it's like, oh, things went completely bad so it's drank.

I mean, I just drank towards the end really every day. It wasn't always an excess. It was some, you know, most of the time it was pretty okay. Yeah. And it wasn't because of my life was terrible in all these ways. But I leaned on it so much for the good times, the tough times, the stress, the celebrating. When I got sober, I realized I was really struggling to deal with those emotions because that's just what I had leaned on.

It was just part of my life. So I was like, okay, it was that uncomfortable sort of middle ground of, okay, I know I don't want to drink, but it's kind of all I know. But I know I got to plug in and get help and support and talk about it and share with and connect with other people that you have been through it so they can sort of help me. It was always nice to hear like, yeah, you know, that was part of it for me too. And the sleep, you're right, the sleep is I was meeting with my doctor the other day. And he's going through his little checklist.

He's like, how's your sleep? I was like, like, like, like a baby. He's like, explain that to me. I was like, I just don't even know. I mean, I just go to sleep and I wake up. And, you know, he's like, what are you comparing it to? I'm like, well, the days where I used to drink and my bed would be full of sweat. and my girlfriend at the time would be like, oh, my gosh, did you go to the bathroom in the bed or someone?

I was like, I was just sweating and, you know, like waking up at two, three in the morning. I'm like, compared to that, it's, you know, lights out, right? What about relationships? I mean, how have relationships been? Because I know for people getting started, it can be tough to navigate, right? Because you might have your other friends where it's kind of, you know, some people share this, right? It's they realize after some time, a lot of their relationships, it's kind of like, we kind of, I only have drinking in common, you know, and then maybe try to find new ones. And you mentioned

meeting people from Instagram. Like, what has that category of things been like for you? You know, it has definitely been different for sure. My true friends, my close friends before I stop drinking are still my closest friends now. I got really honest with them. And, you know, in the beginning, it's he's taking a break from alcohol, when should I call you again type situation, how many days are we talking about? Are you still not drinking? All of that. But once I really got honest about this is negatively impacting my life, I'm better when I don't drink. They were definitely more understanding and more supportive. One of my closest friends sent me this amazing care package right around my two-year soberversary with all of these self-care things.

And she said, I don't know if that was appropriate. And I said, you acknowledge something so huge in my life. That's, it's always appropriate. Yeah. You know, thank you. Thank you. There definitely have been friendships that have fallen on the periphery that were centered around alcohol.

I have no interest in, you know, when I'm done with dinner, after we've had dinner, I have no interest in sitting around the table for two hours and listening to drunk talk because that's just not where I am in my life. I enjoy conversation. I enjoy good food. And then I'm ready to go. I always drive myself places so that I can leave when I'm ready to leave. In terms of my family, it took my boys a while to trust me, to trust that I was done drinking because they had seen me take so many breaks and go. back to alcohol.

Even at eight months sober, I was getting ready for an event and one of my twins said, are you going to drink tonight? I thought, gosh, even at eight months sober, he doesn't trust me not to drink. But they don't, they don't question it anymore. They don't ask about it. It's just mom doesn't drink. It's just part of who I am. So, yeah, relationships have gotten.

better. My husband has been incredibly supportive. For the longest time, I may have talked about this during the first podcast, for the longest time, he didn't understand that alcohol was problematic for me in the way that it was. Part of that was I wasn't honest with him about it. Secondly, he's never struggled with alcohol. The man can have a drink or five drinks. He's fine the next day. He doesn't think about it. You know, I was always the pusher in my house, opening wine. I think half the time he participated just to save me from myself. But his drinking's cut back significantly since I don't drink. You know, looking back, it was always me. I was always, I was always the one. Finally, toward the end, I got honest with

him too. And we were in a situation at which we had gone to dinner. There were a lot of moments, but I think one of the moments was we had gone to dinner at another family's house. I was on a really early flight excuses. I'm making excuses for myself and my behavior. Basically, we had dinner. We were all sitting around, had multiple rounds of drinks, and I fell asleep at the table. And he woke me up.

We need to go. And so the next morning he was asking, did you have a lot more to drink than everybody else? Or what do you think happened last night? And I said, oh, I was tired. I was on it on. early flight and and he said, I think, I don't think you drink like other people. Like, ding, ding, ding.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't. And did you tell him at that time that, or did, I think I, well, I had, I did, I had taken several breaks at that time. But he was always, he was always under the mind. Like, well, just drink. Have a drink when I drink.

Like, when I have a drink, have a drink. You know, I keep things under control. I'll help you. but it was i i could never drink that way that's never it just moderation was not in my deck of cards yeah it was it just you know and i could do it i could do it sometimes yeah there were times that i could just go out and have a drink i'd go out have a couple drinks and be like i'm fixed i'm cured I can do the moderation thing. And then

then I would get stupid blackout drunk the next weekend. I'm like, oh, okay, maybe I don't have it figured out. None for me has always been easier than one because it was never just rarely just one. I wanted the whole bottle of wine. I never wanted a glass. What's a point of a glass of wine?

I wanted the whole bottle of wine. Yeah, it doesn't, yeah, one glass One of it. One of anything doesn't make any sense. One slice of pizza. Come on. No way. It is really interesting that you mentioned that too because I hear that a lot.

And I can relate to it that it is so much easier to not have any. Like my problem becomes when I drink alcohol. But if I don't do that, like I'm usually in a pretty good spot. I mean, obviously there are challenges. And like you mentioned earlier, just because we get sober, it's not like, this dome is put over our head in life challenges or we're just immune to them. That doesn't happen. But as long as I don't drink alcohol, I'm like, man, you know, every day, even though

there has been tough things to happen and to come up, I'm like, every day is like just a lot better than how things were before, you know, and feeling things. And I feel like I'm able to work through things a lot faster. When I was drinking, I would never actually work on stuff. So something came up, it could be two months later and I would be in the same place with it, as opposed to now. where you can feel it, process it, communicate, talk, ask for help, do all of these things we kind of learn as we go through the process and kind of, you know, make sense of things.

Before I never made sense of anything, it just was always there. And I look back at it. And I'm like, man, I was in one way or another, the same person for like five years. Same person. And now things change by the day. I think like you said, you hit the nail in the head. in whenever we stopped drinking we had to find other coping mechanisms and now so i think we're able to work through things faster because we have found other ways to cope you know it was whenever i was

cooking and that's when i would always have a glass of wine i i tell people um what i did was i would remove myself from the situation in the beginning when it was so hard when i was cooking and habitually is when i would pour my glass of wine so i would i would go out of outside, I would walk around the block. If the weather was bad, I would go downstairs. I would walk on the treadmill. And I do that now when I need, when I'm, when the world just feels like too much or a situation feels overwhelming to me. It's like, I'll go take a walk around the block. I will breathe in some fresh air. I know I will feel better when I come back. Or I will start a Netflix series. I'll go take a bath. I'll read a chapter in my book. All of these things that I did to cope when I quit drinking are

and now my life coping skills. And so in the beginning, it's just so we don't drink. But now it's so that I can do all of those things. I can process things more quickly. I can work through these problems. I can approach things level-headed, you know, with a level-head and clear it more clearly. And so we do learn these incredible life skills over the course of this journey. Yeah.

kind of put it kind of I think in one way or another pushes us in that direction for sure here here's this one thing that I was leaning on that's gone and now you know if I leaned back at the beginning I probably fall over because I didn't have any other I didn't really have any other skills or any other tools so I had to say okay what's gonna what am I going to have to bring into my life but I think it also kind of comes to the the end of things when people share a lot right sick and tired of being sick and tired right sick and tired of the hamster wheel the most difficult thing I think about a lot of the work I do and a lot of this whole journey is we never really know when that's going to be for somebody to where they say,

okay, I'm sick and tired of stay. I don't want to stay where I'm at, but am I willing to do what it's going to take to get to the next level? Am I willing to get uncomfortable? Am I willing to say, I need to go for a 20-minute walk or read a book or call a friend? am I going to be willing to get out of my own way in a sense to get the support and find the things that are going to work for me? It seems to be like the tug of war at times, you know, or do I just return to what's comfortable? Because even as chaotic, I think as drinking alcohol is in our lives, there's a sense of comfort there.

We know I did anyway. I don't only speak for myself. I knew what to expect. Even if it was craziness, I was like, all right, I would, I think at times I thought I would rather have the craziness because, I know it's going to play out as opposed to the unknown of like, hey, what if like, what if sobriety actually works out and everything comes true, these people talk about? I've never lived like that. But I had to, you know, obviously at some point, I was like, okay, we got to give it a try.

But I tell people that a lot, you know, I, that eventually you'll know you won't be able to keep doing this. And that's the point I got to. I couldn't do it. I could not wake up another day. stuck in the same cycle of shame and regret and just feeling horribly about myself and, you know, feeling horribly physically. I just, I could not do it anymore.

And, you know, reading, reading my journal, all of these things that I wrote for motivation and my, I will not drink today, I will not drink today, all of those things were getting me to this point, that it's just the point of nowhere. return where I'm I can't go back. I can I cannot do that again. I can't have another another day one. Yeah. Well, great job with everything. Thank you. You too. You too. As I tell you know, I'm like, we're doing it. We're doing this really huge thing. And it's, it's in it's incredible. And more and more people are choosing to do it. It's, it's, it's, I feel like it's more and more normalized.

And maybe it's the stage of life I'm in. I really do think most of my friends have slowed down as, you know, I'm 50 now. And I think that our bodies can't handle and can't process like they used to. But, but also I do think culturally, if you look at the non-alcoholic, alcoholic offerings, even from when I started this journey in 2017, that was the first time I took a 30-day break. Oh, I think I took a 75-day. Anyway, it's negligent. But the first time I took a break from alcohol compared to now, compared to what's on the market and how much more mainstream in-a-beverages are, it's been a huge shift. And all the research that's come out on, you know,

being a neurotoxin and a carcinogen and all the things bad. Yeah. All of the stuff that when we had our first one, we had no idea about. And probably, I mean, for a long time, didn't, right? They didn't want that stuff to get out. Yeah. I'm just thinking for anybody out there who might be struggling that can relate to, you know, your story of being a mom and, you know, things not, not being where you wanted to be,

I think is barely safe. to say and maybe a nudge that there was more to offer, you know, for your life, for the world. And before that, too, you mentioned, mentioned the other thing about, you know, starting in 2017, right? And then this sort of journey where you're at now for two years, but anybody out there who might be struggling, you know, that can relate to your story, what do you say to somebody? You'll never regret not drinking, whether it's for a day or for a week or for the rest of your life. You will never wake up and regret not drinking. And I think that as we go forward in this journey, as we have multiple day ones, some, you know, tens of day ones, for me, getting started

doing another day one, getting the motivation to do that day one was seemed to get harder as time went on because it's like, oh, here we go again. But once I started, it was easier. It's like, oh, you know how to be soberly. You know how to do this. This isn't as hard as you thought it would be. And your body does kind of, you know, we have created new neural pathways all those times that we choose not to drink. And our brain can go back to that and be like, oh, I remember.

I remember how this works. I remember these other coping mechanisms you've showed me in the past. And so every day one is a little workout for our brains. We're retraining our brains. along the way and that's incredible like the neuroplasticity and I love getting into the science aspect of it but it's all part of the work that's why I tell everybody every day one is part of the work and you'll never regret not drinking and when you're ready just declare drinking is not an option and mean it mean it in your bones no matter what comes your way happy sad nervous

bad celebratory we're not going to drink we're not going to we're not going to we're not going to we're not going to use alcohol as a coping mechanism as a way to celebrate it's it's drinking is not an option yeah love that love all that stuff you know it's part of the process and yeah it's different for a lot of people there's a lot of different you know ways to get to where people got with things and you know it's just kind of sticking with it that's why I tell people because, you know, people will message and, you know, I had 20 days or I had, you know, I had six months and I drank again. You know, you get the vibe, right? They're down and out on themselves.

They're beating themselves up. I mean, and I get it. It's disappointing. It can be disappointing to the individual. Like, I'm not disappointed in them, but for them, they could say, you know what, here I go again. But I look at it as you have two options. You get back up and you get back after it or you just stay down. So, I mean, you can kind of choose.

And I think we got to show ourselves some grace throughout this, right? And find people who are going to lift us up when they're going to say, hey, you know what? Let's get back after it. Keep going. Yeah, I think, and you probably get this too. I think it's really fascinating to me when people message me and apologize to me because they've gone back to alcohol. I didn't want to tell you this. I'm gone back to drinking.

I'm sorry. It's like, you're sorry to me for you drinking? Like, I get it. Like, if anything, I, I can commiserate and empathize with you. You don't owe me any apology. I don't care if you were, you know, start drinking in again after a week or after a year. Like, all I say is, I get it. I'm here to support you.

How can I help? And I think that's what people need in these situations. We're, you and you and me, we're not. We're not going to beat people up over this, right? Because we've been through it. We know exactly what they're going through. It's like you said, how can I uplift you? How can I support you?

What do you need in this time? And 90% of the time they said I just needed somebody to talk to and who gets it. Yeah. Because we all need validation that we're not crazy when we can't figure this out the first time around or the 10th time around. Yeah, so true. Yeah, that's so powerful too. And just to be there for people. Yes.

I don't have like a 007. I don't know if you've ever played it. N64. They had the golden gun on and the golden gun on there, right? Like I don't have a golden gun solution to out. Yeah. Right. You know, just a one size fits all way forward through this, you know?

I've been doing this work in one way or another for 15 years. And everybody's journey has a little different element to it. There's different things that spark for people. There's different tools they choose to plug into. And some of that is we have to figure out what's going to work and what's not. And I don't know if there's any truth to it, but I believe there's a little bit. I think on an individual basis, we have a lot more answers than we give ourselves credit to. I think the world has done a really good job to push us outside, push us here.

And I think if we go on a nice long walk and really focus on some reflection, I think that we can maybe find some answers. Like, of course, it doesn't hurt to bounce it off other people and be part of communities and get support. None of that hurts. I think we maybe don't give ourselves a whole heck of a lot of credit. And I think we have a we have some answers too about how we can move forward. But thank you, Lee, so much. Anything to close with? No, I just, I think that podcasts were really pivotal.

on my journey. They helped so much. And just kudos to you and what you're doing on a daily basis and putting your story and other stories out there to help people recover is amazing, good work. And I'm so proud of you and so grateful that you gave me this opportunity to share my story. So thank you, Brian. Yeah, thank you so much. And it's been great having you the other time. It's been great having you this time. So thank you so much. Thanks. It was so funny, I told Lee going into this that we would be about 15 to 20 minutes should be great. And I think she would agree also.

We could have talked for a couple hours on this topic of not drinking alcohol and all the things in life that change, perspectives and everything else. There's layers to it. Great chat. I hope you're able to get something out of this, something that can maybe help you get started or help you keep going. The reality is we all start with a day. I've never met anybody that gets for 30 days, 60 days, 90s. days a year, 10 years that doesn't go through one, two, and three first. It's just a reality. That's the way it has to be done. You can't skip those early days. They might be some of the

hardest. They might be some of the easiest. Everybody has a different experience, but they are required. So if you're struggling, just focus on getting a couple of days under your bell. Get some support. Join the community. Send me and know. I'll help you the best I can. And I'll see you on the next one.