Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - For Lucy alcohol seemed to help her check all the boxes until it caused so much chaos in her life.

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

In this episode of the sober motivation podcast, we talk with Lucy Bruce, who shares her journey of growing up in a household tainted by her father's violent alcoholism and her own struggles with drinking, eating disorders, and trauma. Though initially appearing picture-perfect, Lucy's family life deteriorated when her father began to spiral into violence due to his drinking, affecting everyone around him.  Lucy's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of confronting one's past to build a brighter future. With 18 years alcohol free this is Lucy’s story on the sober motivation podcast. ------------ Lucy's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucybrucelifecoach/ More information on Sober Link: https://soberlink.com/recover SoberMotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Free 30 Day Trial to SoberBuddy: https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com/plans/368200?bundle_token=8d76ca38d63813200c6c1f46cb3bdbed&utm_source=manual

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we talk with Lucy, who shares her journey of growing up in a household tainted by her father's violent alcoholism and her own struggles with drinking, eating disorders, and trauma. Though initially appearing picture perfect, Lucy's family life deteriorated, when her father began to spiral into violence due to his drinking, affecting everyone around him.

Lucy's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of confronting one's past to build a brighter future. With 18 years alcohol free, this is Lucy's story on the sober motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? We're three months into a new year, and I'd like to take a pulse on how everyone's doing and feeling. If you made the commitment to get sober in 2024 but are struggling to accountable, check out Soberlink. Soberlink is an accountability tool that will keep you honest. It uses a really high-tech breathalizer system to help when those cravings get a little too loud. Here's why I love it. You'll test at the same time every day, eliminating testing anxiety.

Devices have built-in facial recognition so it knows it's you testing. Tamper sensors flag any attempts at trying to beat the system. Friends and family receive instant test results helping to rebuild trust and prevent relapse. If you're serious about getting sober, this is a tool to use and the only monitoring system I recommend. Make these next months count. Visit soberlink.com to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Hey everyone, how's it going? Welcome back to another incredible episode of the sober motivation podcast. Before we jump into this, though, I just want to let you know that sexual abuse is part of Lucy's story, and we do talk a little bit about this in the episode. Now let's get to it. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've

got Lucy with us. Lucy, how are you? I'm really good. How are you? I'm well. Thank you for jumping on here and being willing to share your story with all of us. Of course. Delighted to be here. Awesome. So what was it like for you growing up? Growing up for me started off quite picture perfect as far as I can remember. I felt really quite happy. And my mum and dad had actually been manned for about 10 years before they had children so he would have thought that they were quite settled but they had us, me and my brother

and for some reason my dad went all serials. Who knows what his reasons were? I never really got to the bottom of it but he went down a heavy spiral of drinking and that kind of impacted our family hugely. He was

violent, very violent and towards my mother, not to me or my brother, but we went from just having a very, what's that like a safe environment to being woken up in the night, hearing screaming and shouting and, you know, being woken up out of sleep and just being like, what could that be, what could that be?

And going down the stairs and my mum would be covered in blood and it was just so frightening, so shocking. And I said like I walked around on eggshells constantly from that point on trying in my kind of in my immaturity thinking that

I could control that behaviour if I just was a certain way if I was a good girl or I behaved and I made them happy he wouldn't drink and I tried all those things but there was nothing I could do to stop it just snowballed and the my islands get worse and you know he would

just you know a knife said he would turn and, you know, he could be chasing us around the house and cutting phone wires and so my mum couldn't phone to get help and it was just so, so frightening, very traumatic. Eventually my mum and dad split up he was already in another relationship

and I think that's maybe part of what kind of spiraled into this, maybe the guilt, who knows. And we moved and again, It wasn't safe, so to speak, because he would still come there and he would still attack my mum and she was struggling financially. So she had to get a job that was quite far away from where we live. So we relied a lot on our grandparents to take care of us.

And that felt like a very safe space. You know, my grandmother was very maternal, very loving. And I really needed that. But unfortunately, at the same time, my grandfather used that opportunity to sexually abuse me. So that went on for many years. My mum, because she had worked and she worked in another city, so it was like maybe an hour away, you know, the travel was a lot. So she eventually got to the position that she could move, neither her work, so we move. And that kind of gave us this kind of space where we knew that he couldn't come every single day.

So there was a little bit of relief. But his drinking. was just so bad and I was so in tune with it so he would you know he'd phone every day and you'd have to speak to him for hours at a time and this is when you were only like you know eight nine and I had to spend every weekend every Wednesday with my dad's that was just what the arrangement was and it for whatever reason it just couldn't be changed so I would go down with my brother he was slightly older so he had friends from where we'd previously lived he was able to go down and escaped to be with his friends. And I was sort of stuck, you know, in this role of trying to be good.

Just try and stop him from drinking and just keep him happy. And it was just horrendous. I used to be so frightened to go down and I would be at school with my friends. And they would be, they would just, you know, everyone has their own story. So whatever was going on in their lives. But in my life, I was just so consumed with us. So I'd be asking them, do you think my dad will be drinking tonight? Do you think he'll be drinking tonight?

And I was looking for this reassurance that they obviously couldn't give me, but I was just looking for someone to say, it'll be okay, it'll be okay. And I would go home and I would wait for him. After school, I'd be waiting for him and he would always be late and I'd be sitting waiting with my wee backpack on. And I would go down to the car and as soon as I get into the car, I could just tell from the tone of his voice he was drunk. And you just knew that was, you know, the nightmare was about to begin.

again and you know that went on for years and I became so unwell because of it I used to go down on a weekend and I would go through all the things that I've just spoken about and I would be so envious of all these friends that I had met at school but we never really got to socialise together because I was never there and then I was always so envious of my mum because she seemed to have a nice life and she didn't seem to she had got away from this but we were still in it and I used to come home after a weekend spending time with them and I would make myself sick in my bed, I would wet the bed, I would hear noises, constantly hear noises because my adrenaline must have been coursing through my body for the entire weekend just to survive. So that went on and I think

eventually my mum realised that I just couldn't take it anymore so she asked if she could change and he didn't react well to that at all and that was the final incident where he came to the house and he attacked her. This was in our new house. He was very violent and I actually thought he killed her and my brother and I escaped and we came back and luckily

she was alive. But that was a huge kind of milestone because it was such a horrendous milestone but also it meant I could actually spend less time with him and that's what I needed. But I was just consumed with my father and his drinking So I didn't really have the social skills that other children had because I was so sensitive and I was so attuned to him

and it was a co-dependent relationship but with my father. And to try and quote, I ended up developing anything disorder and that went on for many years. And that was just like me trying to have control. And then when I get into my teenage years, that's when I found alcohol and for me

it just felt like a magic elixir it was just the first time I tried it and I was so anti-alcohol because of the experiences with my dad I would say to people that I knew I'll never drink I'd just look at my dad I'll never do that but as soon as they tried it I was like all the insecurity

the low self-esteem the social anxiety when I used to talk to people I would go bright red I was just a shadow of a person. But when I had alcohol, when I drank alcohol, I felt like, I matter. Here I am. I just felt as if I had this confidence. And it really took on that role. There was no real confidence.

It was just alcohol. And it really became a crutch. And I used that really throughout my teenage years. And I ended up when I was about 15, started working in a hotel, collecting glasses. just a part-time job. A lot of older guys were in there and for whatever reason, whether it was, I looked really vulnerable or really young or whatever it was, they were all attracted to me and having never even had a voice in before, I just felt as if I get, I feel so special. It was all this kind of false a coincidence because it wasn't really based on anything. And these people

just gravitated towards me and all of that was fueled with alcohol. I couldn't even go to work and talk to these guys you know they'd be there all the time and I would go to work and I didn't even feel as if I could talk to anyone if I hadn't had something before I went to work so it was all these horrendous habits that I was falling into. I mean I went from being quite a very innocent teenager

to having a relationship if you want to call it that with this older guy and it was just you know I think that's really what started this real spiral of my relationship with alcohol. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing all that. It's a heartbreaking story the way things went for you early on to hear. So a lot to unpack there. So looking back, a lot of this stuff now you realize it.

But as you're going through it, what are your thoughts about what's going on? And that thing that you bring up to about being like a good girl, a lot of stories that I've heard where parents, struggle with drinking, with having a problem with drinking, the kids switch into this perfectionism role, you know, this being good and doing well. And the only thing is just from hearing these stories, the thing with that is, it's, it seems to never really be fulfilled, you know, because how good can you be or how perfect can you be? It seems like we put a pressure on ourselves to be even more perfect and do it even better.

And then it's like the ceiling and the bar just gets raised higher and higher. But when were you able to figure out all of this stuff and unpack it all in your life? Gosh. I'm quite an intuitive person and I am quite self-reflective and always has been. So I've struggled with that. So when I did drink, I was able to just turn down, you know, I was able to turn down anxiety, but I was also able to turn down that sort of introspection. so to speak, it was always there, but I can always join the dots.

That's quite challenging because in a lot of ways you don't have the excuse of just being really, you know, unaware of it. I know and I can see it, but I knew that, you know, I probably had that insight maybe started in my 20s when I just looked back and I was thinking, you know, about the people pleasing that I was displaying. And that is definitely strong childhood. I didn't excel. You know, there wasn't something I excelled and it wasn't like amazing at sport or specifically in school. But I think I excelled as a people please

I excelled at being his almost counsellor. I mean, he was talking to me about things that he shouldn't have been talking to me about and putting it on my shoulders at a very young age, you know, very young. And it's my first memories of when he was drinking and was things like that. I was just programmed to be that person, programmed to take the weight of the world. And it was my fault.

It was my problem. And just trying to deal with that and trying to help him as much as I could. But you've also got that dance that you do where you've got to pretend that he's not drinking when you know he has. And I hated that. I hated that. Yeah. So you started drinking too around 15. Yeah.

And that experience too, like reflecting back. you found that confidence in drinking and you're able to maybe quiet the voices a little bit about what's going on and a lot of trauma that you had experienced. And that's one of the things that like I even sharing my story is it worked so well. It worked so well at first to to quiet stuff down. I was able to really plug into a community of people and connect with people, which I had such a hard time growing up doing. I always felt like I was a I always felt a little bit different than my peers or maybe a lot different than my peers and then the alcohol was like the right of passage. I could let my guard down and I could be a part of something. What was that experience like for you

when you first started getting into it? It sounds very similar to what you've just described. I mean, when I first, as I said, my mom was, she was actually a very moderate drinker. It always has been. And I always saw her enjoying alcohol and it never being a problem. It was always fun. So she in a way encouraged me because she didn't want me to be doing it on my own or doing it like in the wrong circumstances so very occasionally she would say you know have a drink and that would be how I would have been first introduced to it

I wasn't sneaking out or anything like that so it was all very above board and fun it wasn't anything that I saw as bad but then when I maybe started drinking more I did see this almost you know I set like a way or were warms that went through my whole body and then I felt like I almost took on this new persona. So it was like even going to like social occasions where other kids would be. I always just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I always was adapting. I adapted for my dad. I adapted to be

a clown in front of some kids. I adapted to be whatever this person needed to be. And then when I was drinking, I felt as if I could always just ride above that and just be, you know, whoever I chose to be rather than other people. And I probably mistook that for real confidence. I almost felt like this just lets me get through to that confidence. But actually, it was just like a mask. It wasn't me. Yeah, it's like wearing masks in all these different places, right?

To fit in here or fit in there and just be a part of something. I did that too, different social groups, different friends. Like they're expecting something different. And the first thing when I would start new relationships is I would just try to figure out, hey, what are they looking for and how can I be exactly that so that I could be accepted because I just felt a lot of rejection throughout life growing up from other people and different peer groups. So if I found somebody that was going to give me a shot,

I was right quick to figure out what they were looking for in the relationship and just make sure that I met those needs. But when I did that, then I sacrificed the needs that I had. I also think the alcohol helped me override my own intuition but in the sense that you have this gut instinct but when you have been traumatised and when you have been abused especially sexually abused

you don't know what's right from wrong sort of thing you do know but you've had to override it in those situations to cope so when you're then in the big wide world I felt as if what is the right thing what should I do I don't really want to do this but I feel as if I don't do it then nobody will see me, I'll be invisible again.

I might have the opportunity here, even if it is with a much older man that doesn't really care about me, but I want to be seen, I want to be valued, maybe they'll take care of me, maybe they'll see me, and then the alcohol would allow me to do that when I was not comfortable at all doing that.

And I think that it did that for a lot of situations in my life, a lot of them. Yeah. Throughout all of this stuff, did anybody approach you, to help with therapy counseling or anything about what had leading up to this throughout high school and stuff? Were there anybody asking you what's going on? No, I think when I had an eating disorder I was really ill and, you know, at that point I remember a school counselor took me into the office

and they started asking me, listen, they were going through what they had to go through. And I remember she asked me a question and I said, well, something has happened to me. And it was a thing. first time I'd ever verbalised it. And she said, don't tell me anymore. Don't tell me. And it was just like, when I think about it now, I think, oh my God, I can't believe that somebody would have done that. But they basically were like, don't take the lid off this can of worms. So I held on to things because it was only when the first time I got drunk. And again, that was a family occasion. And it was the first time I just was like free pouring vodka and all sorts of things. And I was just like, wow, it's just going to get better.

And then I blacked out. And I woke up the next morning and I was like, what, what happened? What did I do? What did I say? I had these almost like second flashbacks of staying something that I shouldn't have said. And then my mum confronted me and I had told her that I had been sexually abused. And that was the first time I was able to kind of verbalise it. And, but I instantly wanted to just put it back in the box because then I almost

like she was maybe angry with me. She wasn't. She wasn't. I know now she wasn't, but I just felt, no, my dad will be angry with me if he finds us out. You know, everybody will just be so angry. Please, just please don't do anything about it. So, yeah, I think we had tried to get counseling when they thought I was just had an eating disorder. I had tried counseling. But I just didn't, I just wasn't ready to talk to anyone. And I didn't trust anyone. And I just wasn't open to that. So where do you go after high school then?

this is when you got a job. So it was a part-time job, but I was so stupid. My mum's a very intelligent, successful women, but didn't see things I would have thought were quite obvious. And I ended up leaving school. And the reason I left school was because I didn't want these older people to know what age I was. That was the real reason. I said it was for other reasons.

And I ended up, that kind of, you know, the guy very quickly didn't want anything to do with me. And I then spiraled into an. bad crowds, you know, they introduced me to cocaine. These were much older people. And I went through maybe a two or three months period when it was just horrendous. It was just, I hated myself. I hated the situations I was in. I was very vulnerable. And luckily, an opportunity came about. I had investigated the chance to do like an exchange program and I went to Italy for a year. So that really gave me a chance. to almost start again.

I ended up being able to meet kids around the same age as me, have a fun time. But I remember moving into this family's house and they were very upper class, an upper class family. And one of the first things I did was I went to the supermarket and I bought a big bottle of like stolly raspberry-flavored vodka and brought it back thinking that this was fun

and they were just so disgusted. They were like, why would you do that? Why would you buy that? And I was like, that's what we do. in Scotland, everybody drinks heavily. You know, we all do that. And they were just so disgusted. But at the time, I just couldn't understand

what the big deal was. And I had lots of experiences in Italy where again blackouts and things like that. I came back to Scotland. I had a great year. It almost gave me some self-belief that I was a good person. And people did care about me.

And I was able to make sense, good sense. And I came back. to Scotland and got involved in yet another terrible relationship with an older guy. And, you know, that was just a cycle that I was in. I just looked for these inappropriate relationships. And I was supposed to go to university, but instead I'd get into a relationship. And luckily, after many years, I met my now ex-husband, but I met him at the time. and he was a different kettle of fish.

She was a very much, he was a party animal, we both were, but he was very much a solid person with good values and morals. So I was very lucky that I met him. And we drank a lot. And I don't know why, even though we were together and I was, you know, quite settled. I was drawn towards alcohol and I really tried to manage it. And we would go out on a Wednesday night and it would just be like for a drink. and I could never just have a drink

it would be like two bottles of wine three bottles of wine then can we go somewhere and get like a bottle of vodka go back to the house and you'd stay up to six in the morning and it was just like you'd wake up the next day and it was horrendous it was just like panic attacks anxiety what's wrong with me

and that went on for a good year and he saved me there was times where I had choked on my sick and he saved me from that I was suicidal. I stood on a ledge, like three stories up and really believed that I wanted to jump. It was just terrible.

It was just so bad. And I just couldn't. I tried to stop. And I tried to be like, I'll just have a glass of wine here or there. And I would manage it. And then as soon as I drank, I was just like, I've done it now.

Might as well just go hell for leather. And that's what I did. So it was just on reflection. It was all just about checking out. blacking out, self-medicating, really hating myself. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. How do you turn this thing around? Well, do you know what? I always had wanted to be a mum and we had actually through this chaos, we got engaged. I just don't believe the state I wasn't somebody actually wanted to marry me,

but anyway and I honestly always knew and I don't know where I got this kind of real strong belief but I just never wanted my children to go through what I did and that was just such a strong belief for me and I didn't know how I would get it

but I always knew if I had children I wouldn't drink so as I said I did try and then I was looking up things like AA meeting but I was too nervous to go and also my fiance that I was in a medical profession and it was just like I didn't I don't know I just felt what do I do

what's the right thing to do so we ended up meeting somebody that we actually used to party with and they had got their life together and I was like how did you do it you know how I couldn't believe it because they seemed to be like much worse than I ever lost and he was like no I went to an alcohol counsellor and I've just changed my life

So I was like, give me the number, give me the number. So I got the number and I went to see her. And I honestly went just with the idea that I'd be able to drink moderately. I didn't really think I would be able to stop drinking and I didn't know if I wanted to. But I started working with her. And I don't know. At this point, my grandmother had died and this lady was older. But I just really loved being with her.

And I loved the hours that we spent with each other. and she also had been alcohol-free for a very long time. And she was so elegant and poised. And she was all the things that I wanted to be at some point. And I thought, whatever I've got to do, I want to do it. And I went through the counseling process with her and I didn't drink again. Wow. Incredible.

And I saw from your Instagram profile. That was, what, 18 years ago? Yeah. That's incredible. Was your fiancé at the time? Was he pushing you to? No, he had his own issue and he actually stopped the day before me. So I am so grateful for that.

And he went to the same person as I did. We went secretly, but he stopped the day before me. And I don't think I could have done it myself. I don't think I could have. If I had a partner at the time that drank, I think I would have had too many excuses or too many reasons. So I was almost in an alcohol-free bubble, and that really helped me, really.

Yeah, that's incredible. What was so powerful or what was, what made it so possible for you to go into this counseling session and really get some good benefits out of it? I mean, your sobriety and everything like that. Was there something specific about it? I don't know that anything, that there was nothing specific in what she did that was waving a magic wand. I was just at my wits end and I had panic attacks daily.

I just hated myself and I just couldn't think that the rest of my life was going to be like this that I beat myself up I hated myself I was when I looked in the mirror I just looked like I was hollow inside

you know I would be sharing because that is part of my nature I do share stories but sharing them with the wrong people and those people not taking care of those stories and then using them against me. So I would share things and then they would use them against me

and then I would feel like again under attack and it was all of those things I didn't feel as if I would be able to live like that anymore I just couldn't go on. And so the driving factor for me was not waking up and feeling like that again. That was the thing that motivated me at that point

was just I do not want to wake up and I do not want to look in the mirror feel like this, have panic attacks, feel sick, feel embarrassed. I'm never going to achieve anything in my life feeling like this. I hate it. And I just also felt like I was giving all the power to alcohol and the palmist. And I was sick of it.

I was so sick of it. Yes, that tough spot. You're tired. You get tired after a while of the same life. And let's put it out there and try to do something different and see how it goes, right? See how it lands. So where do you go after that? I mean, you make this decision.

You're plugged in with your counseling. Your fiancé is getting on the track here too. Were there any struggles early on that you had to work through? We were in a bubble and I really was able to have what I felt was like my first almost teenage relationship with somebody that really just cared about me and wasn't using me. So we just went to the movies and went out for dinners together and we changed who we hung about with. And a lot of the people that we had hung about was stopped drinking because they saw how we were changing. so all of those things were really helpful and I didn't put myself at risk

I didn't go into a bar I didn't go near people that were drinking I just kept myself really safe but the challenges that I've faced were from all the trauma that I'd went through it was actually just not having dealt with that specific trauma

and I suffered with obtrusive thoughts throughout my whole childhood you know, I would be the child that I would hear something about cancer and I believed that I would die. But to the point that, you know, I would be thinking about it would be better just to take, you know, a bottle of paracetamol and kill myself than wait for the cancer. I just had these horrendous thoughts all the time. And when I got sober, I thought, you know, I was very much in the bubble, feeling very happy. and then when I had my first child

and for whatever reason I read something that said that if you were sexually abused there's a higher chance that you'll be an abuser now I also read you know so many things that said the opposite of that but I could not let go of that fact and so when I had my first child

the obtrusive thoughts took over my whole life and I was unable to enjoy being with my daughter at all and I couldn't speak to anyone I was too scared to tell anyone what I was thinking and it ruins the whole experience. The thing that I had wanted the most

out of life and I had and it was torturous. I mean not to say I loved my daughter and I adored her but I just had these obtrusive thoughts constantly it was just such a strange situation and then when I had my

second daughter I started a business and I was very much involved in the start-up of a dental business and it was really stressful. Didn't have a lot of time. I went into labour, in the business and I was back in the business within a week. As soon as she was born, the same obtrusive thoughts came back up

and it really was so destructive. So previously these obtrusive thoughts, I would have managed with alcohol. I didn't have that. And I didn't have the want. to do that either. I went straight back into an eating disorder. For a good year, I was very, very unwell. My husband and I loved each other, but we'd always had intimacy issues. And that further made me feel like it's true. There's something wrong with me. You know, I'm disgusting. You know,

all these thoughts were going through my mind. And I had postnatal depression. I was on medication. I was too scared to tell the doctor what was wrong because I just thought, will they take my baby away? Will they think that I actually could be capable of these things? Yeah. How old were you when you had your daughters? So I had my first daughter when I was 25 and my second daughter when I was 29. Okay.

Yeah. So where do things go for you after that? Well, I think from there, I went to a 10 years. divorce process, which was very acrimonious and very difficult. But through that, I replaced alcohol with these kind of chaotic, codependent, abusive relationships. And it was only at the kind of latter end of a relationship that I decided that I can't do this. I had a full realisation. And I want to say that it's very common. So there'll be lots of women that will be listen to this that have had babies that will suffer from postnatal depression and they can have

these trauma responses if they've had a very difficult childhood even sometimes if not and you believe that you're the only person that feels that way and you feel so ashamed because people can be scared to be less with their children because they might feel as if they're going to harm them and I've worked with a lot of women that have been abused and you're not the only person that feels that way and I felt like I was the only person that felt that way and it really destroyed the ability to have my children and be the only thing I ever wanted. It was sort of taken away from me. So I used the coping mechanisms that I had codependent relationships and that kind of turned down the noise in my head. But I finally just, I came to a realization. I tried long.

lots of things because I knew, as I said, I've always had an intuition inside me. I've always believed and not just self-help, but, you know, cultivating the best life that you can for yourself, even amongst all this going on. And it was highly, I mean, going through a divorce, two young children, single parent, tried to keep your head above water, horrible abusive relationships. But all, in that all, there was a part of me that was like, that wee girl and you, it's been through so much she deserves to be happy. That's okay. And I sought her heart.

I felt. And I really did believe that she deserved to be happy. And she deserved to have peace. And she didn't deserve to be in an abusive relationship just in case these torturous thoughts came back. And so I tried everything. I trained to be a yoga teacher. I ran a marathon.

I did all the things. and it helped but it didn't change you know the deep belief so I investigated a lot of different things and I found out about MDMA therapy and I did that MDMA trauma therapy with a doctor and we did a lot of sessions of integration we did a lot of therapy before I actually did

the actually MDMA therapy only did two sessions of that but that really changed my life in the sense that I was able to almost face those traumas and let them go. I mean, I still get upset about it, but I was able to release the pain and release the anger that I had about what happened to me and the decisions that I made as well. And that was a huge, I mean, it didn't happen overnight. I didn't do it and wake up.

The day would be like, oh, that's me. I'm fixed. But it almost allowed me to just see the possibilities and see that there was an opportunity for me to be now happy and to find that in our peace and contentment.

You know, that just burned me on to I did training with Tony Robbins I became a life coach with Jay Shetty. I did alcohol free train. I've done so much work. And even just being kind to my which I never was able to do.

And the inner voice, which used to just torture me, I was able to change and really work on myself concepts. And so it was all the work that I don't know if I was capable of doing it before. There was a huge shift

and I was able to almost harness all of this and start moving in a really positive direction. You know, that really changed my life, really changed my life. Wow. Thank you for sharing that too. When was that? When did you do that therapy? That will have been four years ago now. Four years, wow. Yeah. And then you did a lot of other things after that too. Yeah. You know, that's incredible. I mean, what do things look like for you today? Well, I was quite jealous of people that, you know, they know what their purpose was. And I always heard that. And I still don't know what I want to be. I don't know what I want to do.

But I've always wanted to help other people and help other people like me. And I wanted to show my children that was also possible. So I've spent a long time working on myself and then being able to help other people. So that's what I do now. I work with people to try and remove alcohol from their lives and really focus on their confidence. and when I've came through all of this I sell when I first gave up alcohol

like the world was my oyster strategies I still had all that trauma and it's only been through the last kind of four or five years that I've been able to find out the tools that really do practically help me in a day to day basis to become the best version of me to inspire my children to inspire other people

and to really motivate me that anything is possible. and I've always been very entrepreneurial and I help my husband start up businesses and I do that now and that's really fulfilling but the most fulfilling thing is to see people that are going through difficulties that are struggling that don't have any inner belief,

self-belief and be able to help them change that and give them like a map to work on and change their lives so that is really, that's where I'm at now and I'm able to show up for my children in a really different frame of mind. A lot of the time I felt quite guilty that my children didn't get the best of me. But I don't think they would have been able to get this part of me if I hadn't gone through that. Yeah, that's so powerful there at the end. Two is about, yeah, I mean, none of us want to go through any sort of struggle.

Reframing the way we think about it can be maybe helpful to say, you know, what we went through created just a strong, solid human. Yeah. No, I mean, when I speak to people, I say I don't think I would have changed much. I really don't. And I would never have been able to say that in the past. But when I think about the fact I obviously didn't want to be abused, but I've been able to protect my children and the alcohol as well. I don't think I would have liked to have just bumble the law, just drinking occasionally. I see people that do that and I see that it gives them so many excuses. to not just really achieve greatness in their lives and I don't want to be that person. I don't need any more excuses why I can't succeed. I want to have the very best chance and I want other people to have that too.

Yeah, it is a slippery slope if you're able to maintain, you know, things maybe not going too far and people can carry that on for their entire life maybe and, you know, sell themselves short on maybe what could have been possible. And what you mentioned there, if you do have a rougher relationship with drinking,

that it might come to our awareness sooner and then we can maybe make changes and then maybe experience the benefits. But it is so interesting too with everything you've been through, Lucy, which is a lot. It's a lot for you to come out this side with this perspective is truly incredible.

And to be able to, you know, 13 years going through it, even not drinking and in sobriety, I feel like sometimes there's this persona that's out there that, you know, if you just get sober, everything's going to just be gravy. Everything's good from here on out. And that's some people's reality, of course. And then I think there's a bunch of other people that's not the reality because now we've just removed one thing that worked for us numbing and burying the emotions and we don't really look at them or deal with them. We just drink. But then when we're not drinking anymore, and that's like our one tool on our

belt or maybe one of a few tools on our belt, now it's okay. Everything that's come before this, we have to start looking at. And that's what you spent years going through. And you mentioned flipping it over to other things and stuff. You know what I mean? I think it's an incredible story into now where you're at with that therapy that helped you out, that something definitely unlocked there to where you could believe in yourself, that you could move forward and you could live your best life.

Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. Yeah, I mean, when you're talking there, I think that when I first got sober. I genuinely felt so elated and light and I was given a new chance at life. And that's not to be underestimated, that really was the case. But if you do have these kind of

mental health sort of issues big or small, you can enjoy a certain amount of time and then if it crops back up, it's like having the tools to deal with those things. And the biggest lesson I've learned is if you have trauma you can't run away from that you can't run away from it

you need to deal with it and that doesn't mean to say you need to do MDMA therapy but there's definitely therapy when I did my alcohol counselling and I love to women so much and she always used to say to me

that's yesterday's news and you know we can't drive forward looking in the rear view mirror and I totally get that but when it's things like trauma to the extent of sexual abuse or violence or just a life kind of marred with my father's alcohol addiction. You can't just put that, you know, over your shoulder. You really do need to deal with that.

And that would be my biggest lesson from it all. You know, I wouldn't change anything. But if I could go back and when I stopped drinking, if I could have got trauma therapy at that point, it would have really changed the trajectory of my life. I got here in the end, thank God. And it's all life lessons. You know, it's in my toolkit and hopefully it can help other people.

It can help another woman. It can help somebody that's just getting sober. Has a similar type of story but thinks, I feel so good. I don't need to deal with that. Deal with it. Deal with it. Because it will set you free.

You don't need to. Those people that did those things don't deserve to take over. and ruin your beautiful life experiences, having children, being happy, they don't. And there'll be enough challenges in life that you don't need to drag those ones behind you like a big anchor.

So that would be my biggest take, you know, from my own experience. Yeah, they're beautiful. Yeah, you get to work on it too. And I've heard, you know, from some people when it comes to trauma, in a sense, I mean, do this professionally, but a lot of people say you've got to feel it to heal it. You know, you have to go through some of that work.

And you can run around and avoid stuff and maybe pretend that it's not there or it's not real. Things come back up, right? In different situations, we'll trigger things and bring things to the surface. And you even mentioned there too with having children and stuff, you know, things came up that we might not be aware of or expecting. So I couldn't agree more with you. And there's so much more evidence and it's just becoming, I think, much more normalized than maybe it was. You know, probably when you got sober, too. And when I look at back, when I started recovery, I didn't hear any talk about trauma being a catalyst for struggling possibly with addiction.

I didn't hear any of that stuff. And maybe you did or maybe you didn't. But I think now it's becoming more of a conversation that we're having that, hey, there is definitely a correlation here. Yeah. Just thought I was broken. I just thought I was, there was just something, I just didn't have any self-control. I was broken, all these things. Well, is there anything you'd like to finish off with here before we sign off?

No, I'm so grateful to be given the opportunity to talk with you. And also, you know, any of, anybody, men or women, more specifically to women because of what I went through. But really, if women who can relate to women. to this story as they can see that they are not alone. They're not. It's what's happened to us. It's not who we are. And, you know, if you do suffer with obtrusive thoughts

and that's one of the reasons that maybe you're drinking or maybe that's one of the things that's coming up for you, sober, we just try and think a good therapy that suits you to help and know that you're not alone. know that, you know, many people who have been abused or have been traumatized have the exact same things as you and you're not alone. Yeah, thank you so much, Lucy. And an incredible story and you share it so vulnerably and so honest that if anybody's going

through that right now it sends an incredible message to them that, you know, they've just heard your story and they'll know they're not the only one going through it. And I mean, that's what the whole podcast is about, is people sharing their story so that we feel less alone because when I first started out, I felt incredibly alone. And I think from hearing your story too, you did as well. And it's nice to be able to hear that we're not alone. It's also nice to hear the changes and the progress that people make. This community is everything. I didn't have this 18 years ago. And the work that you do, it will give people such comfort and such support. And it's so vital for people. So it's incredible. And the stuff

that you do is amazing. I always say that. So props to you. Thank you. Well, there it is everyone. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. At times, a tough story to hear. To be honest, Lucy's story from what things were like to where she is now is incredible 18 years alcohol free, working on giving back and helping others and just trying to be the best possible human and person that she can be. I'll drop her Instagram info and everything in the show notes below. to reach out to her and let her know, thank you, and we really appreciate her coming on here and being brave to share her story on the Subur Motivation podcast. I'll see you guys around, and if you haven't left a review for the podcast yet on Apple or Spotify, jump over there

and do that. Thank you so much, and I'll see you on the next one.