Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - For Natalie a "Rock Bottom" was not required to break up with alcohol.

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

In this episode, Natalie has been sober since October 16, 2022, and shares her inspiring sobriety journey. Natalie recounts her childhood in Kentucky, her disciplined college years, and her eventual immersion into social drinking through her career in sales. Struggling with moderation, Natalie navigates societal pressures, and the mommy wine culture, and eventually finds clarity. She explains her transformative 30-day challenge, the support from her husband and community, and how she discovered her true self and potential through sobriety. This compelling episode highlights the power of mindset, community support, and self-discovery on the path to a fulfilling sober life. More Information on SoberLink: https://soberlink.com/recover Follow Natalie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bossladyzeroproof Donate the Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation 00:00 Introduction to Season Three 00:28 Natalie's Early Life and Upbringing 01:22 College Years and Pageant Life 02:06 Entering the Workforce and Social Drinking 06:22 Marriage and Mommy Wine Culture 07:44 First AA Meeting and Continued Drinking 09:58 COVID-19 and Wine Side Hustle 14:10 Moderation Attempts and Realizations 16:26 Breaking Up with Wine and Embracing Sobriety 19:56 Immersing in the Sober Community 29:32 Reflecting on the Journey 30:11 The Turning Point 31:00 Embracing Sobriety 31:48 Navigating Social Dynamics 35:32 The Impact of Alcohol on Health 37:04 Support Systems and Community 41:36 Personal Growth and Transformation 48:56 Balancing Sobriety and Life 56:51 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Welcome back to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, Natalie shares her inspiring sobriety journey. Natalie recounts her childhood in Kentucky, her discipline college years, and her eventual immersion into social drinking through her career in sales. Struggling with moderation, Natalie navigates social pressures and the mommy

wine culture and eventually finds clarity. She explains her transformative 30-day challenge, the support from her husband and community, and how she discovered her true self and potential through sobriety. This compelling episode highlights the power of mindset, community, support, and self-discovery on the path to a fulfilling sober life. And this is Natalie's story on the sober motivation podcast. It was vital in keeping me accountable. It doesn't interrupt my life. it only enhances my life, people in my program swore by it. These are just a few quotes from Soberlink users. Soberlink is not just any breathalyzer, it's the breathalyzer designed specifically for those

in recovery from alcohol addiction. How it works is simple. You'll test at the same time every day. A built-in camera will take a photo during your test so it knows it's you testing. Tamper sensors will flag any attempts to cheat. And instant easy to read results are sent directly to your loved ones because it's not just about proving you're sober. It's about sharing your success, establishing patterns of trust, and dispelling doubts with hard evidence.

Soberlink, proof of sobriety at your fingertips. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast today. We've got Natalie with us. How are you? Amazing. How are you, Brad? Well, thank you for jumping on here and sharing your story with all of us.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. Of course. So what was it like for you, growing up? Honestly, I had a pretty great childhood. I can't blame anything on my parents, no childhood trauma. So my mom and dad have been married 61 years now. My dad is 86 and still works full time. So I had to leave it to Beaver home. I was raised Southern Baptist in Eastern Kentucky, so alcohol was not in the house. It wasn't a thing. I have my older sister, who's my best friend.

We talk all the time. So born and raised in Kentucky. and then I now live in the Georgia area. Yeah, incredible. I was wondering that, too, because before we jumps on, you said you're in Atlanta, but I was like, I don't know if that accent really lines up for Atlanta. So I was wondering if you were born somewhere else. It's interesting, too. I taught with a few people from Kentucky, and there's, like, dry counties and stuff.

Yes, absolutely. And drinking just wasn't a thing. And then, you know, from childhood through high school, I just was a busy kid. And I wouldn't say I was a goody-two shoes, but, probably. So I was always focused on my grades and was a cheerleader. I danced. I taught at the school at dance so I could get free tuition. And then at 15, I started competing in pageants. And I think that brought on this thought of perfection and chasing that crown and winning and getting the gold star. And that's where all of that started. I actually competed through college.

I got a full academic scholarship. I graduated salutatorian. Then through college, I still competed in Hadget. So again, didn't fall in to the drinking culture that college kids usually do. So ironically, for me, it was after I entered my real first big girl job. So I joke about how it's like small town girl falls into a big city job. And so at 26, I got my big city job. And that's when the social drinking started in the sales career, that hustle, work hard, play hard. And I started socially. drinking to fit in. Yeah, I hear you on that. That's a pretty common story, I think, for people. I'm so curious to see how that you were able to fend off sort of that alcohol thing, because a lot of people who come here on the show and a lot of people I talk to at, my story, things really picked up in college. There was less supervision. We were trying to find our way in the world. Alcohol seemed like an easy door to open to be in social circles. How were you able to stay focused on other things and not get into that?

I think that's a great question. Honestly, you know, say what you want about pageants and things, but I think the pageant world, like I was in the pageant world. I was competing in their high level and dancing five days a week at that point in time. So drinking just wasn't a part of that world and who I was surrounded with at the time. So my circle, like birth of the feather flocked together, my world was just a different world in college. I didn't have the truth. college experience is what I would explain. And I focused on school and dance and competing. Yeah. I love that. And I think that sort of structure and maybe accountability in a sense and striving towards something and having goals. You know, a lot of parents, I have three kids,

but some of them are starting sports. But I think like in the teenage years, it's often, hey, get your kids in sports. Get them involved with some structure. Get them involved with everything that comes along with that. And then maybe you'll, able to avoid some of the pitfalls of just being bored and then getting into, you know, trouble. So that seemed to help you out. Yeah. So college went good for you. I mean, you were right in there for the academics and all that type of stuff. Complete opposite of me. I was a disastrous college student that just couldn't show up after a little while. So you get this first sales job, 26 years old, I think you said. And what's it like, though? Because you've never really, you know, just from hearing your story there,

It's never really been a part of your life and then you get into the sales job. How does alcohol get introduced? It was just always a baby. So happy hours, it was encouraged. It was almost like it was part of the business. So you need to go to the happy hours to network, to be a part of it. So I showed up and started drinking and it's just bizarre how it happened. And I didn't really become, you know, then it transitioned.

I didn't really turn up. up the notch until later on. So basically, you know, what's a normal drinker nowadays? Who knows? But I felt like at that moment I was doing what my colleagues were doing. That's how I would compare to it. Yeah. And what did that look like? So just 501 p.m., happy hours at the bar and networking and dinner and more bottles of wine. And no one said no. Yeah. So therefore, I didn't say no. It was weird. Yeah. And I think it's too. I mean, in the beginning for most of us, there's just not external consequences of any sort or maybe even the internal consequences too. If you're just going with the flow and with what everybody else is doing and what you're seeing.

And it's, yeah, I've talked with other people as well about, you know, that networking, that happy hour and networking at bars and restaurants. You know, that's where you take some, where you take a lot of meetings maybe. Sure. Sure. Sure. So it's just. fell into the social drinking atmosphere. And I liked it. I thought. So I just fell into that and became my things. Started out with the easy stuff. I wasn't a wine drinker yet. Yeah. So where do you go from there? So let's see. From there, I'm having a great sales career. Living my best life, I would describe it. No issues. No lock bottom. I think that's important in my story. There was no big dramatic moment. But what's interesting is I married my husband in 2008. So I had

Here I am this single working girl. Then I marry my husband who has spree kids, which that was not expected. So now I have three step kids, a house part-time with kids. So that's when the mommy wine culture I definitely fell into. So 2008, we get married and your life changes. But then I start hanging out with other moms and they're drinking at practice and we're having happy hours. And I thought, okay, I like wine. This is good.

And things are going pretty good, Brad, for years. Again, no rock bottom, nothing dramatic. But what's interesting, when I thought about my story and I was outlining what happened, something must have happened because I just had that gut feeling. And I know some of your other guests have talked about it, but there's this gut feeling that something's not right. But yet I look around and think everybody else is normal. then what's wrong with me?

And there's just something in your gut that says something's wrong. You know, in society, it's, so you're an alcoholic or you're not? And that's how, unfortunately, society puts on us. So therefore, if I wasn't normal, I must be an alcoholic. So in 2015, for whatever reason, I went to an AA meeting. And unfortunately, that AA meeting fueled me even more. Because what happened, right, is I walked out of that meeting thinking, I'm not an alcoholic. I'm good. That's not my jam. I mean, I loved everybody. I met amazing people. But it just didn't resonate. Me standing up and saying, I'm Natalie and I'm an alcoholic, didn't resonate. I couldn't find my way. So I left that meeting, meeting great people, but yet fueled me that what I was doing was still in the normal category. And that's, I it was 2015. So I just think back to that part of my life, like, why did I go? Why did I do that?

So something obviously was gnawing at me. But I kept pushing it down, kept ignoring it. So before COVID, you know, here comes 2018. So I am a balls to the wall personality. I do everything 1,000 percent. So here I am married. My husband's very successful. We're this power couple. I'm killing it as a wife, killing it as a stepmom, killing it at my day job. So you know what's the best idea? I should have a side hustle. So I start researching side hustles in 2018.

Brad, you're not going to believe this. There is actually, there was a company that you could sign up to sell wine as a side hustle. So I think like, oh, this is perfect for me. So that's when Boss Lady Wine, which used to be my Instagram handle, that's when Boss Lady Wine was born. And what is crazy about that time is my Instagram feed totally fueled the mommy wine culture. It was the funny memes about Corks are for Quitters. And if you're drinking alone, as long as the dogs are there, you're fine. and all of these excuses to give us as women and mom's stepmom's permission to continue what we're doing.

And so I did that and then COVID-tipped. So I was killing it in my sales hustle because, you know, people were ordering wine. So now I'm getting paid for the side hustle and I'm getting cases of free wine delivered to the house during COVID. Wow. So that's when things turned interesting. And I don't know where the line blurred when I went from, you know, just hosting these wine tastings and having wine on the weekends to then I was every day a glass of wine, two glasses of wine. Then a bottle's not doing it. So I might crack open a second bottle because you don't have all this free wine laying around.

So it's just interesting. that happened. So then after COVID, my husband goes back to traveling. You know, the world gets back to normal. And so he has no clue how much I'm drinking at this point in time, because he's gone a lot during the week. And I'm just, but at this point, the kids are borderline out of the house. So I'm alone drinking. And a lot of people don't know that about my story. And I'm happy to share it now, because I think it's important. I was stuck. I was stuck in a routine,

and I was stuck in this happened. And I didn't know what to do, quite honestly. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. Going back to when you went to that, I think you said it was 2015, that first. 2015. The first meeting. So you had something, I mean,

there was some voice whispering to you somewhere. Obviously. I mean, but again, I think it's a society. pressure that you're normal or you're not. So therefore, if you're not, and I'm Googling, am I an alcoholic? praying for the answer is going to be no. And then, you know, AA is the reasonable answer to that question. And so now I realize that's not the only answer, but at the time, that's all I thought and knew and it scared me. But yet, I pushed it all down and kept

move on. Let's just keep going and keep drinking and keep selling and crazy. Yeah. And I mean, I think we tell ourselves throughout this process, we're going to be able to figure it out. Or some of the other things that you've mentioned along the way about, I mean, we look around and it's, you know, so-and-so's doing it. So it all looks the same. And then we also think, I've heard a lot too on the show people's stories. And we really have no idea of other people's maybe internal struggle that they're having with it. And we just don't talk about it. We don't go to people and say, you know, I'm really struggling with this.

100%. And I think that's why, you know, I've had a lot of questions since, and we'll talk more about how I got here. But, you know, during this journey, people have asked me, like, why do you share? And I think what you do, Brad, and having these guests on to share their story, it's just so important because we need to be talking about this. Because like I said, I was stuck. You got to keep in mind, too.

You know, after I started selling the wine as the side hustle, you know, my Instagram feed is being, I'm validated by everything I'm posting. You know, I've got all these other people who are ordering wine for me validating me. Ah, yes, girls. So I'm just carrying on. It's crazy to look back and think about. But yeah. It does. And then it's the, you get immense and you get into that culture.

and maybe that identity takes hold too about this is sort of what, you know, you're doing and you have to be about it and you keep it going. Did anybody throughout, like up until this point, did any external person ever mentioned to you, hey, let's have a look at this? You know, that's what's really crazy about the story. I think because my husband traveled so much, he didn't really know how much I was drinking, and I'm not going to blame him whatsoever. You know, when he would come home on the weekends and we would go out, he would say things like, you know, maybe turn it down a notch. just a notch. Maybe I have a glass of water. So I did.

So in April, I actually looked back at my little timeline, April of 2022, I was like, okay, I am going to moderate it. It's like the Taylor Swift era. It was my sober curious era. So I'm going to start moderating. And for me, that was absolutely maddening because it was two glasses of wine, a glass of water. Could I have three glasses of wine and a glass of water? Does it have to be one? And just that whole monitoring just was crazy to me. The whole moderation aspect did not work for me at all.

Yeah. Where did you come up with the idea to moderate this? You know, Google, right? Because there was no way I was going to quit drinking. So what are my options? So then I started Googling moderation and just it's crazy what we tell ourselves. It's crazy how we want to feed ourselves what we want to hear. Because I wanted someone to go, it's okay what you're doing. What you're doing is normal. And it's just such a shame because it's 2015. I walk in an A-A room and I walk out and I'm fueled.

Oh, I'm great. What's today? I mean, how many years? do we sit and suffer at some level, but I didn't think I'm a suffering. I thought I was living my best life and it had no idea. You know, I'm surrounded by this Instagram world that was fueling me with all of this wine stuff. So yeah, so once I started moderating, definitely the tide shifted for sure. So I decided to moderate. So I think what's ironic about that too is here I am boss lady wine on Instagram at the time.

and I'm starting to follow sober accounts. So I'm starting to pick up sober influences in my feet. Because, you know, Instagram feeds you what you want. And I started following some hashtags. And again, there was no way I was going to quit drinking. That just was ludicrous to me. And where that shifted is, and where the scariest moment for me, where just sitting alone and looking at what was happening, it was, okay, A-A didn't work,

moderation's not working because I'm miserable. What do I do now? So I have to do something different, and I did not know what that looked like. And that was the moment I'm like, okay, now, what do we do now? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's progressive, right? I think for a lot of people, they share a story of even hearing how things have slowly over years, over time, gotten you to this spot. I'm wondering, too, when you're going

through this moderation spot and you're saying you're terrified in a sense of quitting completely, I mean, what feelings and thoughts were attached to that about you having or choosing to quit completely? What was so scary about it? Because why was my, to your point, I had built this persona on Instagram of Boss Lady Wine. And I felt like wine was a part of who I was, all the funny memes, that whole mommy wine culture, that was me. My whole feed was literally fueling the mommy wine culture and encouraging more moms and women to drink and how funny it is and nine to wine. And then when I started moderating, I was just, I was miserable because, number one, I didn't want to accept that I couldn't control it

because I am such a successful person and everything I do, I accomplish it. And I think back to the pageant error. Like accomplishing that crayon wasn't winning and I couldn't figure it out why. So that moderation just, it just was not working. I think what's interesting now looking back, I know more when you know better you do better. You know, there's a fascinating article that Gretchen Rubin wrote. and it's not about drinking. It's actually just simply moderators versus abstainers. And you're either one or the other. And I'm definitely an abstainer.

I have to abstain. There's no one piece of cake. There's not one chip. It's going to be the whole bag. So I think that was the same thing with drinking for me. And where it really switched was I was following, and you've had her on your show, Jen Hurst was who I was following. and she's all sober.

So I'm looking at her thinking there is no way I can do what she does. And deep down, honestly, I was quite jealous of her because she was happy. She's living her best life. She's not drinking. How does she do that? She offers these free Tuesday calls. So I dialed in anonymously with no camera. And I thought, I'm going to see what Little Miss Sober Sober is all about.

And we are still friends to this day, so we joke about it now. Because I literally dialed into this call, scared to death, not knowing what to expect. She had a guest speaker. Brad, it was like watching two ladies talk in a foreign language. They were talking all of this sober stuff. And I had no idea what they were talking about. And they were using terms like quit lip and TLC and Larne McCowan. And I'm like, who are they talking about?

I'm, you know, lived a great life. I've never heard these people. So my life changed truly after that call. And I still talk to the speaker to this day. Her name was Ketzia. I messaged her immediately after the call. I'm like, I don't know how you resonated with me, but she did. Her and Jen Boats. So as soon as I hung up that call, my number one thing that was key to my journey was mindset. I knew right then. I had to do something different. And I wasn't ready to be completely sober forever. There was no way I was going to say that. So I hung up that phone up, okay, 30 days. I'm going to do 30 days alcohol-free. But to do that, there had to be some big changes. So I broke up with wine. Just like a teenager would break up with an ex-boyfriend on Instagram. I went into my Instagram. And And he cleaned it all up. I deleted everything that looked like wine, deleted all of those funny means. I just broke up, but I was like, I'm done for, again, temporary, 30 days.

That's what I'm going to do. And that's what I did. I quit the wine business, everything after that call. I mean, that's crazy to think about. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. And that's, you know, the difference that I think it can make, right, is when when we're stuck in it, it feels like we're losing so much. If I give up the wine, like this is

maybe relationships, maybe it's not going to be any fun or this is, I've worked hard, play hard. So now what am I going to, I'm working hard. What am I going to do to relax in the evening? And in your story and so many others, I think we get used to that cycle. We get used to that cycle and that relief that like it does provide maybe in the beginning a lot longer, but what you often hear from people is that relief that might have at one point lasted for a couple of hours, starts to dwindle down to 30 minutes, because once we start drinking, then it's so hard to stop. So we enjoy that first sip, but then after that, now we're in this battle between our ears of like, when is this going to end? How am I going to wake up tomorrow?

I've got all these responsibilities to do. And I think for a lot of people, it just really takes out the pleasure, a little bit of pleasure that may have been possible. And then you just did the next day, I don't know if you ever went through this, but, you know, tomorrow I'm not going to drink. I'm just not feeling good today. So like tomorrow, I'm going to take tomorrow off. And then we just break those promises with ourselves. I mean, for a lot of people, for years. Right.

It's so true. Think of, I mean, even my journey. So 2015, I walk in an AA room. I walk out. And then 2022, I'm moderating. And then finally, I decide to quit October of 2022. too. Like that, and then I started drinking probably 2000. So you're talking 22 years. That just blows my mind. So that's why I like to talk about my story. And I love what you do. And I know

you're involved with Sober Buddy as well, which I think the community piece is key. And we'll talk about that. But when I quit drinking, that's another thing I think that was interesting. So once I made up my mind and I quit, it was interesting. responses. Now, at the end of the day, I'm grateful because I've kept my same friend group, but it's because of how I was able to deal with things. Because when I first quit drinking, I had friends that literally made fun of me and said, there is no way you can do this. I am so grateful for those friends, Brad, because there was something inside me that was like, why can't I do this? And they were like, oh, there's no way. If anyone can do it, there's no way you can for

whatever reason, thank goodness, some of those friends said that to me, because that's what drove me to do the 30 days. So I did it. So within those 30 days, I talk about mindset, which is key. And then from that call, they talked about this quitlet, which I didn't know what that meant. So obviously, it's the books around sobriety. I think I've read every book now, but I have an order. There was a few books that I read in order that were key to my journey. So I dove into those. And so once you start feeding your brain and feeding your mind, if you just open your mind to learning something new, it's so fascinating. And then music. I got into music. I created a new Spotify playlist. And then Charles Kelly, who's from Lady A. I don't know if you know this,

but you probably do. So he came out with this song as far as you could. And it was his goodbye letter to alcohol. And at the time he wrote it, he was six months sober. So then here I am going, oh my gosh, sober is cool. So now I'm following celebrities. Like, were these people sober before me or are they sober because of me? Like it was so funny when I immersed myself in the culture, how in the culture of sobriety is what I'm saying. And when I talk about it being a different language, it was. I went from a drinker to a non-drinker.

And some of the people around you when you make this choice, they don't know how to act around it. And that's okay, right? because you got to give people time to catch up. I got a lot of questions on Instagram. So let me get this strict, and I quote. So you quit drinking, so you're not doing wine anymore? And I'm like, yeah, it's frustrating.

So I quit, did the mindset, did the books and the music, did all the stuff. And then the community piece is key. So I built a community on Instagram with sober women. And I logged in. I did The Luckiest Club. Like I said, you do Sober Buddy. I know there's other things, everybody. You have to find what works.

That's the crazy thing about this journey. Not everything's going to work for the same person. Meg, Gaiswhite, you've had her on your show. She wrote intoxicating lies. That book absolutely resonated with me, that gray area drinking. Yeah. So it's just, you know, once you dive in and you start seeing all this stuff, I couldn't unsee it.

I couldn't unlearn what I was learning. And then the science behind it, I think because I, you know, I majored in pre-med and I had a medical background, the science behind alcohol and what it does to your body. And I mean, there's an amazing podcast with Huberman Labs that I just fell in love with. And Amy Grace and the snake in mind talks about a lot of the science. Once you learn all this, I couldn't unsee it. I couldn't unlearn it. It's like pulling the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz. Here I am seeing the wizard and it's alcohol. What do I do now with all of this information? I mean, literally immersed in 30 days, Brad. Crazy. I do more. I've had literally sober coaches tell me, I did more

in 30 days than most people do in the first year of sobriety. But that's how I do things. I'm balls to the wall, baby. Let's go. You know, let's jump in. Let's do this. So what was crazy in my journey, too, at 60 days, we were supposed to go to Key West. So, Key West, Florida is a drinking town. And we go every year. So every year I've been going as a drinker. Now at 60 days, we have plans with friends and my sister and her husband to go to Key West. And I had sober mentors and sober coaches say, this is a bad idea. You do not need to go to Key West and put yourself in that environment. But you know what? I think it's, again, it goes back to the mindset. At the beginning of the trip, I was in air in my 60 days on my way to Key West.

I'm like, listen, I'm doing Key West sober. I need your support. If you're not with me, I don't know what to tell you, but this is where the train's going. And that was an important milestone in my journey. I didn't want to say no to the trip. Like, why would I give up a beautiful trip to sunsets and dinners where my husband turns into Jimmy Buffett? It is in the best mood. Why am I going to say no to this?

And I didn't feel like my sobriety should make me say no. So I love the positive aspect of saying yes to things. Do you want to go have a drink? Yes, I just order a non-alcoholic one. Do you want to go on a trip? Yes. You know, so my mindset is that. I also like how Annie Grace talks about in her book that she can choose to drink.

She chooses not to. And I think, again, all that falls under mindset. So I am just so grateful. And now, you know, 60 turns to 90, 90. 90 turns or whatever. And you just keep learning, keep coming along. I mean, connecting with sober accounts and meeting you and listening to your podcast and all of these amazing stories. And what I love about the sober community is when I started sharing my story, you know, sober people would go, oh my gosh, that's all.

Like you're just drinking two bottles of wine. Girl, that's nothing. Like I was drinking so much more. I was doing this and I went to rehab four times. And I think what's beautiful about sober journeys is everyone's journey is different. But when we get to the end, bottom line is every day. We're just trying not to do drugs or drink or whatever your thing is. And we're all just trying to live our best lives and stay sober every day.

And I think that's phenomenal what brings us together. Yeah, so true. I love that. Yeah, everybody's journey. I mean, every story's got a little bit different flare. to it. Looking back to there in the first 30 days, you really get to work on this whole thing. And that's maybe your personality and how you do things as well as go all in. But I mean, 22 years you mentioned before of drinking. I mean, in one way or another, do you feel like that

was preparing you to get in there and really make something to this? Because you tried other things, right? You went to the AA and I don't know, you tried the moderation. I don't know if there was anything else in between there. But do you feel like that was preparing you to really get in there 100%. You're so correct. Everything I did up until October of 2022 was leading me on this journey. And I just couldn't figure out my way. And everything led up to that. And then once I jumped in, all in. And again, it was 30 days. I thought, okay. Natalie, it's just 30 days. You can do 30 days. And to your point, Brad, how many day ones did I have? A lot. How many times did I wait? up and go, okay, today I'm not going to drink. And then five o'clock, I have a glass of wine. And so I still love happy hours. I just love something else. I still have a wine glass. I just put something else in it. That's where I love the say yes to whatever because I like the positive spin on it. And what's crazy too? So I was boss lady wine. When I first quit,

I didn't switch immediately to my new handles boss lady zero proof. But I wasn't ready for boss lady zero proof when I quit drinking. I mean, oh my gosh, there's no way. I wasn't ready for a lifetime of sobriety. There was absolutely no way. So that was a transition also to wrap my head around who am I? Now who am I without this wine in my hand? Who am I now? Who are my friends now if I don't drink? Is my husband still going to like me? I mean, who am I? I mean, I thought about Christmas one year for Christmas, my kids got me some gifts. Every single gift was related to wine. And now I look back and it breaks my heart, but that's all I was and that's all I knew. What was really a great part of my journey too is I met a friend of mine, Kathy, on Instagram. And now we've created a little group

called Sassy Sober Living and we host live happy hours in the Atlanta area. But now starting next week, we're going to do a virtual events every month. And Amanda Kuda is going to be on that. She wrote Unbottled Potential, which is an amazing book. It's basically the concept, you get rid of the alcohol. What can't you do? You know, what is your potential when you remove the alcohol? So it's just, that's what I focus on now.

So I think this transition of Boss Lady Wine to now in Boss Lady Zero Proof, now I've got this thing with Sassy Sober Living. Who would have thought in this short period of time, I'll be two years on October, that all of this would have happened. And I'm just so grateful for all for it. Yeah, no, that's incredible. Yeah, things happen fast. I am so curious about you sharing earlier in your story. There wasn't, you know, the rock bottom or anything that we might draw up to as a rock bottom.

But at the same time, I think something has to motivate change. I mean, what was that for you that motivated you to want to make these changes? Again, it's that gut feeling that you know. I wanted to be, I didn't like that my husband would say, oh, come on, babe, can you just have one? I felt like that was a nag. And then it was like a vicious circle, too, because then it was like, why can't I stop? Why can't I just put the wine bottle down? Why can't I just be normal?

like everybody else. And I think that was the other problem that kept me stuck was there was no rock bottom. For me, it was just so fluid. There was no big dramatic episode to say, okay, now you have to change. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it does.

And I mean, I always wondered that too. And I think with the people who do hit the rock bottoms, though, it can be tough because I've heard both stories, right? You hit a rock bottom. And then, you know, it could be a variety. of different things, but then now, how are you going to get out of it? Like, how are you going to make a comeback from this? But I also see your point there too. It's like, I need to make this change or could I keep it going for a little bit more? And I think the reality for a lot of people you touched on in the

notes, you sent me about gray area drinking. I mean, I think the reality is that maybe a lot of great area drinkers could keep this thing going for a long time. Is it going to be pleasant and happy about it? Like, probably not. But you could also, you know, make excuses and come up with the reasons for it. and get involved with other people so it feels like this is normal. You know, it's so interesting too, right, about when I think to people in my life and just over the years who drank, you know, quote unquote normally or basically don't drink at all. Really? I mean, there's a lot of people who fall into that category.

And I'm just thinking, like, I was in my journey of addiction. I was probably never that. I was probably, you know, it was more like hiding things or how could I disguise it or make it appear different than it was, so I didn't sort of stand out like a sore thumb. And I found that really exhausting as well going through things to, you know, always trying to play by these certain rules and show this person this or be this here. And I was just like, it was a lot. I mean, when you look back at those 22 years, too, what do you find was fueling this to continue? I definitely think as a society, it's accepted.

And I find that when I've quit drinking, for example, if you quit smoking cigarettes, people go, that's amazing. Congratulations. If you quit cocaine, people go, that's amazing. Congratulations. But when I say I quit alcohol, I would get responses like, why? What happened? What was your rock bottom? I literally wrote a blog. I started my blog on day nine. I wrote a blog that was like, what not to say to somebody who, trying to get sober because I got frustrated. I mean, I can remember, I think that's a big part of this too is I was the wine drinker. I was boss leading wine. Now you pull me out of that and now I'm sober. How do I get along and happy hours now? How does society going to accept me now? So I had a work meeting, for example. So now I'm still at these boozy events and I'm just drinking the non-alcoholic.

So I'm in line. The guy behind me, I'm out of work meeting. I order a non-alcohol. I order a non-alcoholic. alcoholic beer, the guy behind me says, oh, what chip are you on? Oh my gosh. I could have crawled in a hole and not said anything. No, that's not my personality. I turn around. I go, actually, I'm not an AA, but thanks for bringing this up. If I had a chip, it would be month four. And I think we should talk about this. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't want a whole thing. I think everybody's different. But my biggest thing to someone who's trying to quit drinking is, I hate that society puts a shame on us to say that we're a non-drinker.

That's my biggest issue. I can't wait for the day that when we quit drinking, it's a celebrated health choice. And I'll give you another example. So obviously now that I dove in and I know all of this stuff, the medical and all the stuff. So during COVID, I had a breast cancer scare. Everything's fine. I'm non-cancerous. But I did have to have some procedures and a biopsy, lumpectomy, the whole thing.

So I'm drinking at this point in time of my life. What's crazy, Brad, is I'm literally Googling things to help improve risk of breast cancer. I ordered hundreds of dollars worth of herbs. I hope my husband doesn't see this video. They weren't hundreds of dollars. It's fine. So I order all of these herbs that I found popped up. in my Google search, like, because I wanted to do anything to help my risk because I was scared.

It was a pre-cancer. So now I'm getting MRIs and mammograms every six months. Here's the crazy thing, Brad. So I just follow up with my oncologist just a few weeks ago. He comes in, he's like, oh, everything's good. We've got one more year of this high-risk surveillance. And then you're all clear. I said, that's amazing, doctor.

I said, I quit drinking. He said, oh, that's great. I said, yeah, apparently if you quit drinking, it decreased your breast cancer risk, 15%. And he laughed. He goes, oh, that's right. And I went, huh, so what am we talking about that? And he just looked at me. He didn't even know what to say.

And he said, I don't know. And that's what I wish that when I hit that Google search of ways to decrease breast cancer, that not drinking alcohol would have popped up. I don't know. And maybe it wouldn't have changed my journey. I'm just giving that as an example. If quit drinking alcohol is an infomercial, like better sleep, better mood, better immunity, decrease risk of certain cancers, I mean, we'd be all about it.

But that's not what we talk about. We talk about how you should be drinking and drinking's great. And that's what I felt kept me in the cycle and being stuck. And I just want to encourage people that you can raise your hand and say, I don't want to be on this hamster wheel anymore. Like, I'm tired. And we should be celebrated for that. So one of my sober coaches told me back to my pageant experience because she joked with me.

She goes, Natalie, every day you get up, just imagine getting the crown and banner every day. Congratulations. You stay sober today. And so I think about that every day. And every night, I still count my dates. I get questions from friends. like, why do you count your day? You're not an alcoholic. And that still bugs me. First of all, don't, you know, we could have a whole other conversation, Brad, on alcohol use disorder. And that's the

new term versus alcoholic. But I think that's what keeps us stuck in our cycles. We're scared. We're afraid to raise our hand. And all I can say is, I love when I meet people and talk to people like you and others. And it's, have you ever met a person that got sober and said, I wish I never got sober. I was thinking that the other day. In real life, no, but like some people on social media like grunt and complain about, you know, the way things are. But I don't know. Who knows what's real?

So I would say no in real life. I've never had that. I mean, alcohol just doesn't do anything well for us. And you've touched on a ton of the areas. I mean, the anxiety is just, you know, there's a lot of people I talk to. And not that the anxiety completely goes away, but like they've seen decrease a ton to much more manageable levels, better sleep. I mean, you're showing up for your careers. We're showing up for our families.

We're emotionally available. One of the big pitfalls and downfalls, I think, of alcohols, you're emotionally unavailable. You can't connect to other people. So if we start drinking at five and then you've got the kids and you got the husband or you get the wife or the partner, whatever it is, and these people are trying to connect with you and you're trying to build these relationships. And there's like this block in between because you're not able to get to that spot when you really get into the drinking.

And I think those things really take a heavy hit. And not only there are a relationship with other people, but my goodness, I mean, what are emotions when we're drinking? How do we work through things? Who are we as a person? And you've touched on that a ton here in the episode is you had to reinvent who you were and find out, you know, explore who you were. And you know what's awesome is I like that person. I thought I was doing pretty well as a drinker, but what's crazy is as a non-drinker, I get comments at work that are like, I don't, I mean, people. who don't know I've quit drinking, he'll go, I don't know what it is about you, but something's different. And I love those comments because it's because I quit drinking. Also, just appearance-wise, when I first quit drinking, the first 90 days, big changes. I know guests have talked about the swelling, the puppiness, all that goes away. I got, did you lose weight? Did you have Botops?

Did you have an eyelid? I loved those comments because it made me feel great about the choice. And now I'm just excited about what's to come. I mean, there's no limit to what, I mean, who knew that I'd go from Boss Lady Wine to hear? And I'm just excited and just along for the ride and excited for the journey of where it's going to take me. Because I love sharing my story. I love hearing stories and getting inspired because it's so humbling to hear stories and think, wow, if he did that. or she did that, I can do that. And I think that is just amazing and a credit to what you do. Yeah, thank you. I'm curious, too. We haven't touched on what your husband was thinking about all of

this when you did. I mean, what were the thoughts or the conversations like there? That is a phenomenal question. So I am so lucky because I've kept the same friends group, was still married. And when I first quit drinking, I was scared. What's he going? to say? Is he going to like me? Am I even going to be fun if I quit drinking? He didn't know me as a non-drinker. So what does this all look like? So what's amazing about my husband is he is my biggest cheerleader. So if I wanted to run the wine business, he cheered me on. Great. Run the wine business. But when I quit drinking, he's, babe, if this is what you want to do, I had a thousand percent support you. He didn't quit drinking, which I also think is interesting because everybody's journey's different. So he's, he's,

He continued drinking, he still does, but for us it works because he encourages me and it's my stuff and I'm better for it. He knows it. Our relationship is, I think it's better. I don't know if he would admit that, but I think it's better. Just because I have a clearer head, I have more patience. There's so many benefits to not drinking. So he is one of my biggest cheerleaders. And you can do this. He knows I'm on the podcast today. You're going to do great. Just be yourself. I mean, amazing. And I couldn't be more grateful. And friends, the same thing. I have friends that were surprised I quit drinking, but now they love when I tell what's happening and when I share that I'm going to, oh my gosh, I'm going to be on sober motivation. And they're so supportive of my journey. But I think it's because I was very vocal about my journey. I think that you don't feel confident in sharing your journey, you have to suffer alone. And you don't have to. You know, for a work meeting, one of the first things I did was tell two people on my team, I'm going to need your help if I look uncomfortable.

You know, I only served with two people because I wasn't ready to share with the group. But I think that's key. And once you get your cheerleaders and your posse and your squad and then you meet a whole sober community, I mean, it's just, I'm very grateful. Oh, my gosh, I haven't really thought about that, Brad, until you asked me about my husband. So, yes, amazing, amazing journey. Thank you. Yeah, that's incredible.

And those dynamics too, you hear quite often, right? Where a partner might continue drinking. But I think what you mentioned there is the most important thing of all of this is, hey, this is something that we've got to figure out, that we've got to work on for ourselves. And I think it's interesting too in hearing your story. And you might have mentioned it in one of the notes we had before. But I think people who have a story like yours, and I could be wrong here, struggle at times with sharing it because it doesn't have some of those maybe parts that we feel like,

hey, these are required or something. And I mean, I really appreciate you sharing this story because I know, I mean, just in my own life, I know that there's countless people and my own life that are right here. And they're keeping things together. They have one foot in and one foot on a banana peel. And at any point in time, things could fall apart. And I think if we carry on, then we obviously open ourselves up more consequences or, you know, maybe more things happening in our life.

And I really appreciate the stories where you're able to maybe get off the train a little bit earlier in some sense and really make these changes. But in your story too, motivated and inspiring that you jumped in and you're willing to do what you had to do because it's sometimes you talk with people who want to get sober, Natalie, they want to get sober. You know, they're spending all their money on alcohol. I mean, if you go out to a bar, like after COVID, everything went through the roof. I mean, what does it cost you $100, $200, $200 a night, $50 for an Uber? You know, so you're five, six hundred bucks a weekend. And you suggest the people that, hey, maybe you could invest in a gym membership or maybe you could go to therapy.

Oh, no, I can't afford it. Can't do that. Can't do anything. And it surprises me. And it is tough. I get everybody has their constraints to their financial situations. But it's so wild to me. And I was guilty of this as well.

I'll spend my last nickel and dime on escaping reality. But when it comes to dealing with emotions and improving my life so that I can be a better version of myself or get on that path. Even in the beginning, I was really resistant and unwilling to move into that direction. But I think with you, you know, I mean, you go out, you put in the work to get the books. You put in the work to connect with the community. You put in maybe a little bit of investment into different areas. So you've got some skin in the game. And I think that there's a lot of people maybe starting out where it's, it's just maybe easier and makes more sense to keep going. But my advice for people is get a little bit of skin in the game in one way or another and start showing up.

And like you hit on to a bunch of times and I'm a huge believer, community. I mean, without it, it's extremely difficult. I'm not going to say it's impossible. A lot of people do it. But a lot of people, if they get 90 days, they say, I was just holding on for dear life. And once I joined the community, the rock sell off my back. And yeah, just so many different thoughts about the way you went about it to why I think that you're coming up on two years here is you went into this and you outed yourself too, it sounds. And I think everybody has a different.

comfort level with that. Yes. Because we're worried, right? If I tell so and it doesn't work out, you know, I feel this way because we're not used to working through feelings or with the uncomfortableness of them. But I think they can be very beneficial by telling people that you feel comfortable with, maybe a handful of people. And say, hey, guys, I'm going to need some help on this, you know? I think Brad was so true and I didn't really dive into it, but you just reminded me. I think too for me that first 30 days, the quick drinking was the easy part. I know that sounds phrasing now for someone that's at a day one, but then after, because I was immersed and all the stuff, but then to your point, then the emotions hit, and I don't open

the bottle of wine to deal with the emotions. Now, how do I deal with the emotions? And you feel like you're lost, and that's where, to your point, the community piece was key, because you're not alone and when people surround you and help you and they've been through it. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I really haven't. I mean, I've shared my story a few times, but it just, it hits different. So it's amazing. So I'm just, wow, thank you for letting me share. Wow. Amazing. Yeah. Of course, I had one post. I post up every now. If you want to find out why you're drinking, quit drinking. Because then you're going to get to all that stuff, right? Once you're remove the alcohol, then you're going to start to figure out at a deeper level about what is actually

going on. And then, you know, you're either going to continue on the path or go back. You know, I still get messages. So I made a post. You know, on Instagram, I'm very vocal on Facebook. That's a little bit more family and personal. But I got the guts to share something on Facebook the other day. Just because I was, somebody made a comment about cigarettes and I just got frustrated. So I went on Facebook and put a little post out. And I was shot the messages I got from that. They're like, oh, I didn't know you were an alcoholic. Oh, I didn't know you hit rock bottom. But then those messages, that's fine.

I got other messages that were like, oh, I haven't drank in 10 years. I haven't drank in five. I quit drinking last week. I quit drinking because my medicine. So it's amazing when you open up the beauty of what you get back. That's the other thing of the beauty to your point of sharing with a handful. because you don't know who you could be inspiring along the way. Yeah, that's so true.

I hear that a lot. It'll come out one way or another and somebody else will relate with you. Hey, that's what I'm on or other people might confide in you and share. Yeah. Hey, I've really been struggling myself, you know, just because the numbers, right? I mean, the numbers of people that are in that in between area and are struggling is just, is this massive, you know? It's really massive. And I think it's just beautiful story, too, about.

what you share there about saying yes to things. I mean, the reason we're doing all this is to really start living again, right? Have a light. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I wasn't going to let sobriety hold me back. And I still don't say forever. I know it's forever. But for me, it's just I'm a non-drinker. And whatever that looks like is what it looks like. And people can make their assumptions. And I'm just happy to be here and share the story. And just like I said, just so grateful for all of this journey and the people I've been exposed to because I wasn't on the right track and who knows what that would have looked like and just grateful I got here. Yeah. I want to ask you quickly, a lot of people like women that come on the show specifically talk about this with discovering

wine thing. What is that all about when the game kind of, I feel like on my end that the game kind of changes there for them? It's something about the wine, you know, wine casey that's very socially acceptable. I mean, you know, I can remember when neighbors would move in. I would take wine. I wouldn't even think about somebody being a non-drieker. Why don't I take them a pie? That's crazy. So I just think it's that society thing that we fell into. And COVID, obviously, that made a big difference for women working from home. Happy hours got earlier when you're working from home, those types of things. But yeah, I think wine, you know, this perception that wine is sophisticated. and, you know, the sommoliers and that type thing, which I fed into. And now I realize, yeah, no, alcohol is alcohol. It doesn't matter if it's a 200 bottle of wine or a $5 bottle. It's going to do the same thing. I try not to get on a soapbox because you and I both could do a whole podcast

about all the bad things about alcohol. And I have to be careful when people just, you know, every day, Ask me about why did you get sober or why you quit drinking. I have to be careful what I share because they might not be ready for what I have to say because I can say a lot. So I have to know my audience to go, what's the question here? But I'll share as much as anybody wants. I mean, I get a lot of messages on Instagram that I am just so grateful because I think about

the strength that it takes for the woman on the other end to send me a message and say, whatever they're thinking, because I wasn't that woman. I was scared and nobody knew where I was. Nobody from the outside looking in, you would have thought everything was perfect. But you got to listen to your gut. Got to listen to that. Interesting thing there that just sprung another thing. I mean, yeah, everything on the outside looking in looks perfect. But how did you feel going through this on the inside? Awful day, especially on the night where I drank too much. You know, I'd get up and beat up. myself up and then you've got to, you know, whatever morning, Monday morning, you've got to regroup

and the anxiety of it all. It's just, oh my gosh, the vicious loop of all of that. It just, I was tired. I was tired. And I will be honest, about six months in of sobriety, I got a little sobriety burnout. I'm not going to lie. I can bring it down and notch on my sober stuff too. Because I was just like, balls to the wall, sober, everything. And I'm like, okay, I need a break. So now, fortunately, I'm finding that balance of how I want to live and the balance of being happy and balancing the triggers of drinking. Because does it still happen? Sure.

But I have the coping mechanisms to work with it. So it's not like it used to be at all. Yeah. It seems like over time, for me anyway, the windows slim down. Absolutely. Like the window would open up maybe for a minute before and now it's a few seconds. And what you said, you're a non-drinker now. And that's how you live your life. And it's so interesting because I think when we're in the cycle of drinking, getting to another place

where it doesn't consume us 24-7 just feels impossible. But then when you get there, and it's just these small little windows here and there that you just close and you move up with your life. It's just so beautiful. Oh my gosh, Brad. Oh, my gosh. You're so right. And I have to share a quick story. So I was at a big work meeting a couple of weeks ago. And usually I go to dinner and I skedaddle because I actually like to have Starbucks hours. I get up early. I go to bed early. But it was fun at this meeting. Someone said, Natalie, you should go out with this. I bet this place will have a mock tell. You should come. And what they didn't realize is how important that was to me to feel included. Because even though I'm a non-drinker, I still can have fun. But I loved that.

when they specifically said to me, you can have a mocktail. I love that. So absolutely. Yeah, being included is what, I mean, it's humans. We want to be included, you know, we want to be a part of things. When we quit drinking, we don't want to be like somebody that people, you know, walk on eggshells around about, oh, we can't, you know, sometimes can we have, you know, can we have alcohol?

Like, I've got to take responsibility for me. And if it's uncomfortable for me, that environment I have to go, I can't. can't expect everybody around me to make all these changes when this isn't their thing, you know, but being included. Oh, I love that. Yes. You know, being a part of things, they're cool. Let's wrap up with this, if that's okay with you. If somebody's listening to the episode right now and they're struggling and they're,

you know, somewhere in those 22 years where they're struggling, what would you say to them? I would just, first of all, be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourselves. I think most of all, just open your heart and mind. to what's available and dive in and start reaching out to resources, send me a message. I'll help you navigate, but I just think it's important to just to breathe and know that it's okay and there is light at the end of the time because I truly could have not imagined that I would be a non-drinker.

I can never imagine sitting here talking to you about sobriety. So just embrace that and know that it's possible. people do it and it can be done. Yeah, beautiful. I love that. Yes, it can be done. You're an incredible example of that, as are so many other people. And that's right, get plugged in. I think even hearing your story is that big hurdle was joining that first call. And log into your podcast because you hear all these amazing stories. If someone can just take one little thing away, the more they listen to the people sharing, hopefully you can take all the nuggets and you can find what works for you. That's the beauty of what you do. That's the beauty of what you do. That's

but I love all the different journeys for sure. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing everything with us today. Thank you, Brad. It was awesome. I appreciate you. Thank you. Have a good day.

Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode. Thank you so much, Natalie. For jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. If you enjoyed this episode or we're able to connect with any part of her story, be sure to send her a message over on Instagram. And I'll drop that information down on the show notes below. If you're enjoying the podcast, be sure to drop a review on Apple or Spotify,

and I will see you on the next one.