Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From Alcohol Addiction to Sobriety | Ian Madsen’s Story

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

Ian Madsen grew up in Australia around heavy drinking and alcoholism, Ian shares how alcohol became normalized early in life after losing his mother and how that pattern followed him into professional sprint car racing in America. What started as partying and fitting in slowly turned into isolation, hiding alcohol use, treatment stays, losing relationships, and nearly losing himself completely.In this episode, Ian opens up about the reality of high-functioning alcoholism, trying to moderate drinking, the fear of quitting alcohol, and the moment he realized he had to get sober for himself.Support the show HEREIan also shares how sobriety helped him rebuild his life, reconnect with people, and find purpose again after years of feeling trapped.Topics Covered:Growing up around alcoholismLosing his mother at a young ageAlcohol culture in Australia and racingHigh-functioning alcohol addictionIsolation and drinking aloneFailed moderation attemptsTreatment and recoveryFear of quitting alcoholSobriety and rebuilding lifeFinding community in recoverySober Motivation Community: https://sobermotivation.mn.co/Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, Brad here, and I need your help. The platforms have let me know that over 60% of you that listen to the show regularly do not follow the podcast wherever you listen, Apple, Spotify, and so on. I put countless hours into this podcast over the last three years. Interviewing people, setting it up, doing the editing. In a vast majority of it, I covered the bill with no sponsorships. This is something you can do for free that can help these sorts of, stories reach more people, and it would mean the world to me. Wherever you listen, be sure to follow

the show. Thank you so much, and now let's get into it. Seeing my mother be destroyed by alcohol, and then you kind of make a promise to yourself that you don't want to be like that ever in your life, but for some reason, it pivoted to that straight away, and I think that was because I was brought up, and that was the only way I knew how to deal with things was everyone around me drank alcohol. Ian shares the truth about growing up around alcoholism, losing himself in drinking, and the moment he realized he couldn't keep running from the pain anymore. This is a raw conversation about identity, isolation, breaking cycles, and finding a way back when you feel like you've lost everything. And this is Ian's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. If you're enjoying the show,

thank you so much for checking it out. If you would like to support the show, head over to buymea coffee.com slash sober motivation and I'll drop that down in the show notes below. It helps me cover the cost of hosting this incredible show, bringing everybody together and sharing these stories with all of you. Now let's get to Ian's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Ian with us. Ian, how are you? I'm doing good, Brad. How about you? Yeah, man, I'm well. I'm glad we could connect here.

Excited to hear about your story and what your journey has been like. like so far. Thank you. It's great to be on here and, you know, I'm a big fan of the show and it definitely helped me through some tough times as well. Yeah, man. So happy to hear that. So what was it like for you growing up? I grew up in Sydney, Australia, in a little suburb called St. Mary's about 60 minutes west of the city. And, you know, it was a pretty fun childhood. There was a bit of trauma involved. My mother was an alcoholic. And so that was tough to grow up around. But, you know, I had a lot of good friends and it was like a tight knit brotherhood of really good friends I grew up with. And, you know, we were always having fun, whether that was BMX riding or playing football or anything like that, really.

And so, you know, you look back now and as tough as some of it was, it's, you look back now and it was some of the funest time to your life. Yeah, just growing up and everything too there. So you did, usually I would ask people too through connecting with them if they, did see alcohol growing up, you know, it might be a 50-50 split from people who do see it and then end up struggling with it later and then people who it's not around when they're growing up. But you just mentioning that there with your mom's struggles that you definitely noticed drinking around and that was kind of part of your childhood. Oh, yeah. I really didn't know a life without alcohol. It's kind of woven into the fabric of Western Sydney. We grew up

in a blue collar suburb. And it was pretty rough and tumble at times. And everyone was drinking around me all my life. It was just what we knew. And, you know, it's kind of like that Kipling line where it's like triumph of tragedy and everyone drinks. And, you know, so any social gatherings or family get-togethers, there was always alcohol around.

My dad was a drinker and my mom was. And I think everyone in my family was, really. So it was something that I was accustomed to. Yeah, and a lot of people share that too, where they saw it everywhere, you know, the gatherings or whether it be the holidays, you know, a lot of people lean into it in the holidays too. So, I mean, that and then you do have, you know, those good memories, too, of the BMXing and everything else, too, of kind of grown up. What would you say to somebody like me who's never been to Sydney or even Australia about the drinking there? And now, I mean, you live in, you know, the U.S. now.

Like, you notice a big difference between the two cultures? They're pretty heavy drinking cultures, both of them, between Australia and Iowa. So it was kind of, you know, grew up in Australia and I started drinking at 14 years old and then carried that through into my 20s, moved to Iowa to race sprint cars. The race car culture is heavily with heavily tied to alcohol use as well. So for the majority of my life, it was all I knew. And it was the way that you tried to fix problems. And it wasn't until I probably hit my 30s to mid-30s that I kind of discovered and met some people that didn't drink.

And it was kind of a shock to my system that there were, you know, there was cultures that existed that didn't drink. And I found out that what I had always done wasn't normal. Yeah. Going back there, too, at 14, was there anything specific for you? or do you remember sort of this first time drinking alcohol? Yeah, I think it was shortly after my mom passed away. And, you know, it was, I wouldn't say I did it as tough. It was just more like a collaborative brotherhood that, you know,

we were all kind of doing it tough out there in Western Sydney. And, you know, I think there was problems with all my friends as families. So it was, you know, it was most of us hanging out together on weekends and wherever we could and I remember it was like some school friends and and just drank some vodka and that's kind of kicked off my drinking career yeah everybody it seems like on the podcast has sort of a different experience from the beginning some people they say oh that hit home that checked so many boxes the insecurity slipped away I felt more alive where I could connect other people they're throwing up and they're like oh I'm never doing that again what was your experience like did this

for me I always share like I felt like I was shot out of a rocket. I was like, wow, where has this been my whole life? Because this just made so much sense. What was it like for you? I think it was pretty rough the first couple times. I remember like throwing up a lot the first one or two times, three times I did it. But then it was something I persisted at and I got pretty good at it. And it was just, it was just part of life. And I did, I was quite reticent as a kid as well. So I think it helped in all those areas to to be more sociable and kind of be part of, I think it was just something that we did together. And it may not have been something that you really wanted to do, but it was the way to fit in.

You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. Do you ever look back at what your mom was struggling with and then, you know, wonder going maybe in the same path or like how alcohol made sense given those circumstances? Yeah, I guess it's, it's, um, weird paradox because, you know, I grew up and seeing my mother, you know, being destroyed by alcohol. And then you kind of make a promise to yourself that you don't want to be like that ever in your life. And then, but for some reason, it, it pivoted to that straight away. And I think that was because I was brought up and that was the only way I knew how to deal with things was

everyone around me drank alcohol. And so it was just so easy to go down that path. And you probably didn't see it back then because it's not so problematic and you know at the beginning it is fun and there was a lot of good times i had growing up and going out with buddies and and just doing whatever it's not until i hit you know mid 30s at least where i started to look back and and see how problematic it all was and you know it's kind of this build up to that point to where it was out of control and you had no idea how to stop it yeah yeah thank you for sharing that too i always kind of reflect on humans, we have this sort of built-in protection armor to where we could see things happen for other people. But I think we block ourselves from that ever being our reality. I mean,

you could see people like further down, you know, the line of whatever it is to say, hey, like we know how this could potentially play out. But in our own mind, we somehow disconnect from that ever being our reality. I don't know if that makes any sense. Yeah, it does make a lot of sense and I think there's a lot of there's a lot of ego in that to where you think a lot of pride to where you think you know that's not going to happen to me and I'll be different and you know I'm only going to do it to have fun not to no sad drinking or isolation drinking like like I'd seen and and then over time you you eventually become what you hated yeah did you get any therapy counseling talk to anybody too about your mom passing not really um I guess

It was probably kind of a forbidden word back then. You know, it was the late 90s in Western Sydney, and there was just something that no one really talked about. There was a culture of, you know, you get up and you get on with it, and you drink a beer and you get over it. And I don't think that's so slight on anyone. And I think everyone around me was trying to support me, but we just didn't know how.

That was the way we dealt with things back then. Yeah. Yeah, I think there's so much truth. I think we have made, I would love to believe, believe and I think I see it too is that we have made a lot of progress in that, have been more open to supporting people as they go through things and to, you know, realize sort of brushing it under the carpet is not always the best way forward,

if it ever is. Yeah, if it ever is. And, you know, you also got to remember, too, in the 90s, there was no cell phones. There was no social media. So there wasn't really ways to learn about this stuff, you know, unless you're going to the library or really,

I just thought it was normal and you should just get up and you kind of pull your bootstraps up and get on with it. And there's so much more access to that stuff now and that definitely would have been helpful back then. Yeah. And you just reminded me too. Man, that time sounds, I mean, there are things that were good about it and there are things that weren't. But man, no social media, no cell phones. Like, hey, we get our life back. Like, hey, that sounds pretty good.

But you're all right, though. I mean, the people you had access to, that's where you would learn from. You know, the people around you were sort of the information that you would have. And if other people maybe weren't doing it and this is what they were doing, well, it only makes perfect sense to follow in that direction as well. I think so too. And I think you're trying to become a man as well. So you're doing the things that you think are going to make you into a man.

I'm not saying they were definitely not the right things. And I think in the culture back then, And even now, there's a lot of suedo masculinity. And you wore it like a badge of honor for keeping things bottled up inside and not complaining. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Where do you go from there? Like, how does school and stuff look like for you? How are you doing in the classroom?

Pretty well as a kid. I was pretty well graded and behaved through kind of my first half of my schooling. And then, you know, once my mom's problems came into play, there was a lot I can look back on now. and identify it with that and go, well, you know, that was that was why you were acting up and lashing out at people. And there was a lot of cries for help I can look back on now and see them playing as day. But I ended up repeating the 10th grade. So I came to America for a little bit to live with my brother and then went home and just was really disconnected from anyone. And I repeated 10th grade.

I went through to 11th and 12th in Australia. we have the option of leaving in 10th or staying on for what is called the HSC. And I finished that. And then as soon as that was over, I moved back to the US to kind of chase a sprint car or race car dream. And I've been here more or less ever since. And that's been chaotic at times as well. What I've found out in life is you can move wherever you want. You know, you could move to another planet and that trauma is still going to catch up with you at some point.

And I thought that getting everything I wanted, becoming a professional race car driver, competing at high level across America, was going to fix everything. And it did for a while. And then there's some things happened in my career to where I got to a point where I wasn't able to compete. And that's when it all came crashing down for me. Yeah. That's one of my favorite points to make on the show over the years of doing it is wherever you go there you are. Absolutely.

it's a really good, really good line to live by. Yeah. So you make this shift over to the U.S. to chase your sprint car dreams. Two things here. When did you start sort of racing, maybe in general? And for anybody who has no idea, like I didn't, coming into this, I mean, what is sprint car racing?

Like, what should a beginner or somebody who has no idea know about this specifically? So basically, sprint car racing, we race on dirt track, mainly all the time, ovals. And they have the big wings on top. And, you know, the premiere series is called the World of Outlaws or the High Limit Series. And it's kind of got a cult following through the Midwest of America and all across the nation, really. So the way I got into that is my dad was into, he was into motorsport.

And then my older brother, who was 14 years older than me, he began racing sprint cars in Sydney. This track called Parramatta that was about 20 minutes from where we grew up. and I just remember being there every Saturday night, watching my brother race and being so much older than me, there was probably like an idolization of him. And, you know, he was the cool guy and he was racing sprint cars. And it was just looked like such a cool life to me. And I think it was inevitable that I wanted to chase that dream as well. Yeah. How does your drinking look like throughout this, you know, since 14 when you pick it up and tell sort of

of like early 20s here. I mean, it's an everyday thing for you, or it's just here and there, or things, are you already seeing red flags or not really? I wouldn't say it was an everyday thing through my teens, but it was definitely more than it should have been, you know, and things weren't great at home growing up, so it was, you were just looking for ways to put that mask on

and hide that pain that everyone was facing at home. And I got involved in sprint car racing, like I said before, and it's such a heavy drinking culture as well that, you know, I probably thought once I pivoted to that, that this is just the way life is. And there was a lot of my heroes that race that drank and there was always parties going on. And for a long time in my career, I just thought that was the part of the business and something you had to do to kind of achieve your goals. And don't get me wrong, there's a lot of fun in there as well. But, you know, eventually it just took over everything and it ruined, basically ruined my career. Yeah.

Anybody who's been following you, you know, your sprint car journey and they stumbled across this episode where you're sharing really deep stuff, would it surprise them or is this, but they already kind of have this idea that you've struggled with things? I don't think it would be a big shock to anyone. You know, I've publicly shared my story on many racing podcasts and, platforms. I don't think it would be a big shock to anyone, but maybe up until a couple years ago, it probably would have been. But I think it's helped me to get some of that weight off my shoulders. And I've traveled the world, you know, racing. And the last year or two has been really special

because everywhere I go, there's someone that comes up and thanks me for sharing my story. And I was at this big race in Warnable, Victoria last year. And I had two people come up and say, that, you know, me sharing my story and saved their life, basically. And so that was pretty powerful and something very profound that hit me. And I figured by coming on podcasts like these, you know, a bigger audience, it can only help more people than it can hurt. And that's the reason I want to be here is just, you know, it sounds cliche, but if it does save one or two people, it's worth it.

Yeah. And I think it's such a relatable story too because so many people are kind of keeping it together. Like it's not like it appears in the movies where everything's falling apart. Like they're kind of on the outside keeping it together. But on the inside, things are falling apart and they're falling apart really fast. Absolutely. And I think about my 20s and you're kind of able to disguise a lot of your problems with the alcohol use and being sociable and having all this fun. and then, you know, through my 30s, I'm professionally racing.

So the schedules are so hectic that, you know, some years we were doing up to 100 races a year. So there wasn't any time to kind of let it fall apart. You know, you had to at least act like it was altogether. And for your career's sake, and then once that kind of faded away at the end, it was everything else came crashing down because, you know, I'd gone 30 plus years without ever confronting. any of the issues or dealing with anything from my past. And it was a pretty painful time. Yeah.

Where do things go from you, like after you, you know, start chasing this sprint car, you know, dream of yours? Is that an overnight thing or is a lot of work for you to get there? Definitely not an overnight thing. It's, you know, the bad part about racing is it takes a lot of financial backing to make it happen. When I moved to the US, I moved with my best friend, and we basically come over here with no money at all. And he's done really well for himself. And I got to be a professional race car driver as well.

And it was probably at least seven to eight years of coming over here and going back and forward before I was able to even convince anyone to give me a chance. I did it pretty tough in the beginning of the career. It's definitely not anything that I would complain about or the journey was so much fun as well. And even it is still a pretty privileged thing to say that you even had that avenue to get to be a race car driver. But it definitely didn't come from the money that some of the other guys did. And it was all about just knocking on doors and being persistent and basically not every day can know for an answer. So I came here when I was 18 and it was really not until about 8. ages 27, 28 to where I started to get opportunities. So I filled in that time with just crewing for

my brother and making a lot of contacts in the sport and definitely leading on him as much as I could and his last name and, you know, eventually just able to get myself in a seat and, you know, even it wasn't just like a brewing takeoff either once I got into a seat. There was a lot of struggles. It's very ruthless over here in the sprint car scene, and I had a lot to learn. And eventually, just made it to that top level and to where I was competing in the major series is across the U.S. You mentioned your brother there a lot, too. He was into sprint car racing, obviously, like at a high level, too? Yeah, he still is actually.

So he's competing at a national level right now, and he's one of my heroes in life. And so it was, things got really cool there for a little while. because we were both competing on the national series at the same time. So we were traveling a lot together and hanging out at the same places. So I was able to catch up on a lot of what I missed as a kid. He was so much older than me and away a lot living his own life. And that's really been a cool part of my life is just getting to know him the best I can. And we have a great friendship.

That's a cool journey to go on with your brother there in a sense. How has alcohol showing up in your life too? you kind of reached this thing. And did you make any, I'm also curious, too, did you, you had mentioned earlier, like, when you moved, it was like, okay, things are going to get better. Obviously, I'm in a different place. Are you telling yourself, you know, once I hit professional and once I'm doing this, like maybe I'll slow down on drinking or is it just you're fitting into kind of everything

that's kind of going on. Drinking's not like too bad right now? I guess it was something that I probably never even thought about too much. It all just became so natural by my 30s that, you know, it was at least an everyday thing. And maybe a couple days off here and there, but it was definitely a big part of my life. And, you know, if you're meeting with sponsors or you're meeting with friends or meeting with anyone, really, you know, my choice of venue was normally a drinking establishment. So wherever that be a bar in America or a pub in Australia, it was, it's, it's, just something that was second nature and I guess I didn't think about it too much. Like I said,

hindsight is really a beautiful thing. And I look back now and I just see so many problematic patterns that were arising before it got really bad. And even at the points where it was fun, it was probably still going too far. Yeah, I don't know. It just took that epiphany once I got sober to realize that things had to be different. Yeah. I mean, I think that's a common thing. thing too. I'll hear people say, well, I just liked it, or it's what everybody else was doing, or it was this, or I was a whiskey collector, or I liked to go to the different places. But I always think there's got to be something deeper going on. Because I think we zoom out a little bit and wonder, why is Brad, why am I leaning into drinking so much to where there's a lot of other people

who do the same things, whatever it may be, and they're not sort of leaning into drinking. And, you know, you mentioned some of those maybe earlier sort of red flags. What would you like say about them? You know, for anybody listening who might be just earlier in the process? I guess just once it started, it was just something that I couldn't stop. And, you know,

a lot of people talk about being in bars and pubs and those people that come in and get one or two drinks and then just leave. And, you know, I remember thinking they were the weirdos. Yeah. And, you know, it just got to a point where it was, I wasn't, you know, going out and having a couple drinks and a good time just wasn't enough. And it just kept being more and more and more.

And I probably didn't even realize back then that I was drinking to mask a lot of trauma and issues that I had earlier in life. And when life's going good, it's something that I could manage. But when you hit struggles or you have big life changes, but all this happened around COVID too, to where it was just something that got out of control so quick. And you have no idea why. Yeah. Did it ever switch for you of more of the isolated drinking? I know a lot of people share like going out and then, you know, they share from things

like maybe changing to like not going out as much anymore. Did that ever happen or no? Yeah, definitely. There was a huge pivot, you know, right at the end. And, or at least the last three to four years, you know, got to the point where there was no sociable drinking. It was just, I think you get paranoid about other people knowing that there's probably a little bit of a problem there. So you're trying to disguise that and isolate yourself.

And before I knew it, it was the only person I would drink with would be myself, you know, and trying to hide it from other people because you're trying to hold this facade together. What was your biggest fear of people figuring out? I think probably the occupation I'm in and the public image, and you're trying to attract good people around you, and you're always looking for opportunities in racing. And I think I probably thought that, you know, if it was something that came out that my career would be over,

it's been quite the opposite. it once I've got sober and kind of got my shit together, then everything keeps getting better. Just fear, I guess, just fear of, fear of everything and everyone. And I just didn't really want anyone to know. Yeah. Even though you think you're like, you look back now too and, you know, as if everyone didn't know anyway. Like, people are pretty intelligent and it's probably a bit of a betrayal that you're trying

to fool all these people. Yeah. And that's another good point there too. Yeah, I do think people know. People are smart. They pick up on stuff. But that other part there too, it's so interesting that you bring it up is, okay, like, okay, my biggest worry, my biggest fear here is what if people find out is going to shrink my possibilities? It could cost me my career. It could have all of these, you know, negative things happen. And then you share there once you get sober and now you're getting more opportunities.

I mean, that's a story you hear all the time. I mean, not everybody's a sprint car racer, but it's like, okay, when you start living with vulnerability and transparency and honesty and you're doing your best and people see that, I feel like the universe rewards that way of carrying ourselves. And the other way, too, can be rather exhausting. I mean, did you ever worry? Like, man, what if people find out? Like, how would I kind of navigate that? Yeah. I think, too, there's an element there of the biggest person I was trying to.

to convince there wasn't a problem was myself. And that was the main person I was lying to, and it got to a point where I finally had to get honest with myself about the standard I was living versus the one that I kind of held my values up to. And once I made that decision to change, and kind of it all became about alignment and habits and discipline, environment. And that's really what got things changing and finally getting honest with everyone else and myself. But I think before you get honest with other people, you have to get honest with yourself first. So that was a huge step for me as well. Yeah.

Walk me through that, what you can remember for it, like from that about how you, you know, get honest with yourself. Is this a chat in the mirror or is this a pen and paper? Like, how do you work through that process of saying, hey, you know what? There actually is something here. I need to look into it. I think at first there was some loved ones in my life that, you know, indicated that there may be a problem. My wife at the time, you know, she had noted numerous occasions that what I was doing wasn't normal. And she'd grown up in a life where, you know, alcohol wasn't the norm. And, you know,

she comes and sees this. And she started to open my eyes a lot. And then, you know, it kind of got to the point where, okay, there's a problem, but I can fix it, you know, make substitutes, fix it, make certain bartering. kind of barter with yourself about you kind of go through that whole gamut of choices that everyone does at first, you know, where you're only going to drink beer this weekend or you're only going to drink no shots or no whiskey and let's get it to where it's just on the weekends or for special occasions or happy occasions. And so there was probably two to three years of periods where things were going really well and then things could go off the rails pretty quick as

well, you know, it didn't really hit me until I had my first treatment stay, which, which lasted about a week. And, you know, before I left, because I'd had it all figured out in seven days. And then, you know, still, even though things are so bad that you have to go to a treatment center, you're still trying to convince yourself that this is one day it's, I'm going to get fixed. I'll be able to do it normal again. And I probably lived under that, that bullshit for, you know, another year or two to where I was trying to fix it so I could still do it. And, you know, trying to make adjustments in your life to cater to alcohol.

And, you know, that didn't go well either. And then there came a next stay at a treatment center. And, you know, so I think once you're in a treatment. Center and that isolation time in there and just being able to reflect on on life in general and your childhood and the good and bad decisions the red flags and uh you know it was it's kind of like this internal epiphany and it's i think that's when you know i realized i got honest with myself in treatment but then you know they ended up being two more stays at treatment and, you know, it took a long time to get it.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. The treatment can help give you that space, right? It's less distractions. You're not right plugged into the world and the everyday, you know, stuff. But then you, you know, after 30 days or whatever it is or after your seven days day, you go right back into kind of the world and, you know, life kind of keeps going on. What?

So when you go back there to, you know, the other part, too, of kind of try. And, yeah, I'll just have to beer or just do the weekends. Kind of that thing, right? Because, yeah, a lot of people do, you know, go through that attempted moderation, whether they realize it or not. What is the, like, what is so scary about just leaving alcohol behind completely, you know? Like, what were your thoughts of like, okay, if I don't have alcohol anymore, what am I going to be losing?

And what were you so afraid to lose? Yeah, I mean, it's so. you just have this facade in your head that, you know, it's a part of life. And I think, you know, I had a lot of great friends and some of the drinking times in my life were a lot of fun. And I think because of the brotherhood of that, you're worried about losing friends. You're worried about, you know, maybe losing a part of your identity because you've wrapped so much of it up in, in drinking. And then, I guess there's a part of just the unknown. And it was, you know, I think on the racing side of it, I just thought it was part of business

and in my personal life that it was something that if I could keep manageable, then, you know, why not keep doing it? But, you know, I know all of that is a lie now because, you know, I'm sure you've been through it where, you know, it's not manageable. And, you know, it always goes back to the same place despite being able to, you know, at first, it's, you can have a couple of beers here or there and things go well for a couple weeks. And we always end up at the same place. And, you know, now I know that I'm living my best life 100% sober and things are only getting better. My friends, they enjoy me more. And, you know, it's just quite the opposite. There's the alcohol and everything else just has. there's such a stranglehold on you that it makes you believe these lies. Yeah. And that's so true because with all the people I've talked to over the years,

like none of these things that they're worried about really ever come true of how they're going to lose all this stuff. I mean, relationships will change, we'll make new friends. And some people we might look in the rear view mirror and say, at the end of the day, all we did was really drink together. And like, that's okay to move on and make space for new stuff. But yeah, it's really interesting. I mean, just hearing you kind of walk through that so relatable of how we believe the fun is gone.

Even though it's damaging, for me anyway, it was damaging. It was predictable. It was like predictively miserable. And for some reason, that was more comfortable than the unknown of like, okay, who will I be? What will life look like? What am I going to do on a Friday night? How am I going to do this? Like, I had no idea.

I didn't know how I was going to do any of that stuff. And I think that unknown kept me stuck. What we realize as we go through this is like, hey, like, it's all good. And it's so much better because we're like not poisoning ourselves every night or every other night in trying to moderate. Like that, I think for me anyway, that was like probably the worst part of it. Trying to figure it out that I break the trust with myself, disappointed in myself, feel like crap again.

Come on. You said you were going to do it. Now you're going to quit. I mean, just going through this thing. It's like, man, I don't believe anything I'm thinking anymore. Yeah, it's just such a vicious cycle. You know, there was times where you'd commit, I'd commit to sobriety. And then before you know it, you're hung over again in the morning.

And then the guilt would just overwhelm me. And then, you know, it's only one way to fix that. And that was started again. And then it just keeps going on this repetitive, destructive cycle, you know, until there's some sort of big calamity that makes you want to change. Yeah. So, you know, I was. sorry just thinking what was that what was that for you um i don't think it was just one thing i don't

i don't think there was a rock bottom for me i think it's more like a bottomless abyss where things just kept getting worse and worse and at 2020 things kind of went awry for me a little in my racing career and there should have been some things that got me back on track and they didn't and then And, you know, it's, your performance has dropped off a bit, and people are distancing themselves from you. And even those, all those red flags and signs, like, they still weren't enough to stop me. It was just something that kept on going and going. And really, what hit it for me was, you know, you kind of just woke up this one day in, in 2024 and it was like, you know, there's no one really left to, it's the cliche thing if there's just no one left to do it for but for me i tried to do it for

everyone else and i couldn't and you know it sounds cheesy because you know i used to sit in treatment centers and everything and hear everyone go you know i just woke up one day and and made the change but that's kind of how it was for me too i i just knew that there was no end to it that wasn't a result in some sort of major calamity where that was you know you know another trip to treatment or a trip to the hospital. It was just, I'd kind of broken everything down to where there was nothing left around me. And that was really only, all right, if we're going to do this, then, you know, let's do it. And by saying let's, I'm talking only to me because it's the only person left to do it for.

By this time, I'd had to retire to go to treatment. So I'd lost my racing career, lost my marriage. and there's nothing left. But I was very grateful. I had a lot of great friends through that time, and I think it gets to a point with them where no one knows what to do. You know, they've maxed their patience out.

And, you know, it's kind of that thing where that symmetry was between where you think the only person you're doing damage to is yourself, but you're so lost in this world to where, you don't even know that you're breaking everyone's heart around you. And, you know, that was something that didn't really hit me a few months into my sobriety either. It was, you know, the collective damage that you'd done to all these people that had supported you all the way through it. And yeah, it's, uh, that's kind of where I'm at with it. Yeah, which is so interesting,

too. I think of all the times you tried, right? I mean, you went to many treatment stays, many other attempts at, you know, figuring things out. And then it's kind of like this one morning you share about there where you wake up and you're like, hey, I've got to, you know, do this for myself. It's not this big intervention. It's not, you know, nothing massive. You know, it doesn't sound like it anyway. Happens in that moment that, you know, maybe people from the outside would expect, oh, okay, you know, I mean, the floor fell out and Ian had to get sober now. This is the story, man. This is the common story that changes people's lives. I mean, these are the moments. It's not necessarily the getting arrested or this or that. It's these moments, which

always leaves me with so much hope. Because for somebody out there today, they might feel like this is the most impossible mountain to climb. Tomorrow, I can't guarantee anything, but it might be the first day. It doesn't have to be anything big and serious in those moments. But I do like the point you made, it's kind of like death by a thousand cuts. It's things over years that sort of compound and maybe get heavy to carry. Absolutely. That's the way it was for me. And I'm not here to tell you I've got it all figured out.

It's still something I work on every day. But, you know, I just know that things are hell of a lot better. And I'm in a really solid place right now, you know, slowly working myself back to get myself fit enough to return to racing next year. I probably left out two that I've had two really bad neck injuries in the past year once I returned to racing. You know, so I broke my neck in July of last year in a race car accident, and then the image that began in January in Australia racing down there.

And there were two really big tests for me because you're laying in a bed. There's a lot of isolation time. So things got really got off track really easy again. But thankfully, I built the framework so strong in my sobriety that I was able to fall back on that. and helping me get through it. Yeah. Wow, that's, that's spring car racing. Yeah, I saw the way those cars are going around the track.

That is, man, does it happen a lot? I guess the break in the next don't happen a lot, but there is a lot of crashing. You know, they're open wheel race cars, you know, going 160-mile-an-hour on dirt. You know, really any wheel contact can result in a vicious crash. So it's something that you've just got to accept that there's going to be crashes. it's so much more wilder than other forms of motorsport. And it's pretty spectacular. And it is really dangerous as well, which is, I guess, what a lot of the fans are attracted

to. Yeah. I mean, what is that like, though, 160 miles an hour around this dirt track with other, like, does that just fire you up? Or are you nervous? Oh, I think there's a lot of nerves, a lot of nerves in anything that you do that's a dream, I guess, and you're out there to perform. So I don't think there is, I don't really have the nerves of, you know, going 150 mile an hour,

160 mile an hour. I put more, a lot of pressure on myself. So I think there's a lot of nerves in performing, but not so much on the danger aspect of it. I think that just gets lost as in, you know, once it becomes a profession for me as it did, that just gets lost. And it just kind of all pivots towards your performance and, you know, what have I got to do to perform tonight to make as much money as I can and impress other people to get other opportunities.

And so, you know, even now, it's the two major neck injuries should be something that should deter me. But I just seem more determined now to get myself healthy and fit this year and come back next year better than ever. Yeah. That's a true competitor right there. Yeah. And the major pillar of that is that,

is my sobriety because without that, you know, none of it happens. Yeah. Yeah, you could see it probably even there where you mentioned to the isolation downtime. If you're still wrapped up with drinking, right, that's probably an incredible opportunity to feel sorry for yourself and say, all right, you know, maybe this just isn't kind of the way and maybe be drinking. What did you do? I'm so curious about what do you do on that first morning?

Like, what's your first move? Then when you wake up and however it plays out there. there. You're like, all right, I got to give this a chance. And I'm kind of all that I got here and I got to do it for myself. Like, what do you do? Do you tell somebody? Do you join a community? What do you do? I think for me speaking, it was, you know, I played the victim for so long and had this self-pity. And it kind of gets very selfish in a way because you're always piling on

problems to friends and acquaintances that, you know, they're probably going through a lot of problems at home as well. So for me, it was something that it was made a commitment that there'd be no more dwelling in the past or dwelling over certain decisions I made that didn't pan out and different things. It was for me, just at the beginning, it was like keeping quiet and kind of getting on with it. And I didn't get better overnight. It was just little things one day at a time. And it was good because you kind of get this lesson of how far things got off track. You know, so there was just like going to bed at a regular time, waking up at a good hour. Exercise was a huge part of my recovery and talking to people. I found a sponsor who's changed my

life and he got me into an AA program and we've been doing that for the past year. And just aligning myself with a good community and I think the program I'm in there's just so many people that are going through the same things I did and I've really had to lean on community the whole way through it and it's been the best thing that I've ever done yeah thanks for sharing that too man it seems like a complete flip from how things were for you kind of growing up and kind of just powering forward you know pull up their socks, you just keep it going, and now you're, you're plugging in. Also, too, I think I should mention that I was very fortunate still in my recovery.

There was still a lot of people that were reaching out to help, and I ended up moving in with a really good friend and working with him. And, you know, he's a major part of my recovery too, and, you know, just doing the small, started doing the small things again, and being around his family. it definitely helped because during that addiction, you know, there was really no sense of family and I neglected a lot of people in my life living with him and his family was, you know, one of the best things that ever happened to me. And I know that's not the case for everyone and everyone's not so lucky. So I'm just so fortunate myself and I couldn't be more grateful.

Yeah. It seems like there's a lot of people who showed up for you throughout. all of this. I mean, you share your, share with your story there with your friend and then, you know, other people too, friendships, relationships that you had, if people wanted to see you do well, mentioned to you that, hey, maybe this is a problem for you. What do you think that's all about? Yeah, I probably think that deep down, they knew that this was something I could get through. And I think, you know, I hope in cases that's the same case for a lot of people, but I just had a lot of friends that I'd made through the racing community and things got so dire there for a little while, but, you know, I think everyone in some way tried to help. And there was a lot of people

I probably pushed away as well, or a lot of people who can only take so much. So there was no one that really gave up on me either. They may have just had the distance themselves because they didn't know what to do. Thankfully, there was a lot of people that stepped up too. And, you know, once I moved in with my friend here. The recovery part of it wasn't something that was like at the forefront every day. It was just, you know, more, hey, just be here at work at this time. And I got to talk to him a lot during the day. And it was just such a slow journey to where I'm at today.

It was just continually working on doing one thing better today than the day before. Yeah. No, that's a good point there too. I mean, people, you know, family members or friends. Yeah, like it can only, there's only so much. bandwidth, right, to be able to kind of go around the same drain over and over again. But it is really cool that, you know, you had some people there that could help you out. Because of the isolation and everything I'd gone through the past year or two where, you know, I was only doing all those

stuff I was doing on my own, in a bedroom or a basement and just having someone to talk to every day and getting that feeling of what it's like to have a friendship back. And it was slowly, other friendships started coming back and this person reached out and oh this person i haven't heard from in two years reached out to to see how i'm doing and and that was one of the things that kept me going everyday things were getting better there was still a lot of rough days and and a lot of setbacks but the best thing i did was just get that sense of community back to where you kind of get to be that victim to where oh lot no one cares about me anymore and then you get sober and you see and a lot of people do still do.

Yeah. I mean, did you ever think you would quit drinking, you know, kind of in the mix of it, like 2020, 2020, 2021, 2022? Did you ever think you would quit? Probably not. I thought even my trips to treatment, they were just like temporary things to where it was going to fix me to be able to do it again. I remember having good chunks of sobriety after one of my treatment stays

and then, you know, thinking, you know, whether that was six or seven months, oh, I got this all figured out, I can do it again. And slowly, that ended up to where I was back at treatment. And a lot of falsities that you've kind of convinced yourself of that were so ingrained in you from early childhood. And until I really got active in the recovery world, I generally didn't think there was many, very many people that didn't drink.

And if they were the ones that had something wrong with them, And it's been such an eye-opener in my sobriety to see that such a life out of outside of alcohol. And in the racing circles, there's a lot of people that don't drink. You just, you know, you always found where the party was. So you'd convince yourself that this was the way it was. And I think that just that fear of you were going to close your world off. And that ends up being a lie as well because, as you know, your whole world opens up. after you get sober.

And there's so many more things you can do. And there's so much more motivation. And just so many good things are happening. And you look back and you're like, oh, you think your world was open and up then when you're just like sitting in a bar every night or sitting in your basement or sitting in a bedroom. You know, just I remember those first, you know,

first few experiences of just like going for a bike ride. And you're like, oh, I haven't done this forever. And like slowly that joy starts to come back. that's a pretty powerful thing and it kept me on track yeah glad you brought that up the j word joy because that's one of the things alcohol seems to really take from a lot of people maybe long before we even realize it but it's like yeah you think like when i was drinking i thought i was living but like kind of what you share at the end of your story this isolation and stuff i don't think our worlds can shrink any further than that so giving something else a try something else a try it's like but

But when we're in the moment, we, like, believe that that's how it should be or that's what people are doing. And it's really hard to see outside of that. That's why I love that you hit home again there, getting part of a community. Like, find other people that are doing this in one way or another. It doesn't have to be a set program. It could be maybe a friend or a friend of a family or somebody online or somebody in a 12-step fellowship or somebody at church.

Whatever it is. Talk with other people just because I think when we're in that, you can't. see what you don't know. Like you only know what you know. So if you think like, oh my gosh, I'm going to quit drinking and my life is just going to shrink to almost nothing. And what am I going to do with my life now? Talk with other people and say, hey, what are you guys doing now? And it often surprises people. Like, yeah, there's a lot of us out here and life is better for us on this side of things than trying to figure out whether we're going to have two beers, three whiskeys, how much we're going to buy, when we're going to do it and all that stuff. No, that's exhausting.

Yeah, and like really one cool, I open I had was go back to Australia every year over Christmas for the racing and stuff and caught up with a friend a couple of year and a half ago like right early in my sobriety. And, you know, we met at a pub for dinner in Sydney. And, you know, I was so nervous about it because every time, else time we'd done that, it ended up with, you know, eight or ten beers and stuff. day and right until close and, you know, got there and, uh, he was like, should I get some beers? And I was like, oh, I got something to tell you, you know, uh, I'm sober and, you know, I'd been through a pretty rough time and, and, um, he was like, oh, that's awesome. I didn't feel like drinking anyway. And so you forget to like how much of it is once you get into some sort of social setting to where, like it's such a pressure. It, you think it's like a social

contract to where you think that you just need to grab a beer. And my friend was so relieved that we didn't have to drink that night. And you'd find out that a lot of people just don't care. Like they, you tell them they're sober and everyone's like, oh, cool. It's not this huge thing. You know, the whole thing is just opened up my world for me. Yeah. Yeah. And that is so true. Yeah, people don't care. People got their own stuff going on, you know, for the most part. They're not worried about what I'm doing or what I'm drinking. And like, I think that that's a pretty common thing. But hey, we worry about it to the moon and back. Like, oh, my goodness, what is so? Are they going to think I had a big problem? Are they going to think this about me?

But that's all up to them. I mean, but people don't care. And that's interesting that your friend was relieved. Like, oh, my goodness, you know, we don't have to drink tonight, which is great. We just get so self-absorbed and through the addiction stuff to where you think that, oh, like, I'm the center of the world. And like, everyone's worried about, you know, what I'm doing or what I'm not doing. And then, you know, everyone's just like, oh, that's great. let's get some dinner. Yeah. And I found so many of those experiences to be much more fulfilling because this night was great.

We had great conversations for three to four hours. And it was great to catch up with people and be able to remember the conversations you had the next day. And, you know, I think that it makes a lot of those friendships so much more special that you're able to be present and listen. and, you know, just talk about life with each other and, you know, not doing it in a way that both are you repeating the same thing over and over or telling the same stories over and over and then waking up the next day, hung over and be like, oh, what did we talk about again last night? It's a pretty amazing thing to go through once you're able to achieve that sobriety. Yeah, 100%.

110%. What are your biggest takeaways from this journey? I think probably my biggest takeaway is motivation doesn't really matter. It comes and goes. It's more about structure and having some sort of framework in place that you can fall back on. Because, you know, I was a very motivated person. I moved here from Australia and became a professional race car driver. and I achieved all these great things all by motivation, just on motivation. And so I think when the addiction hit, it was something that I could thought I could just cure on my own with motivation. And I think that the biggest thing I learned is you've got to lean on other people, you've got

to find a community. There needs to be some sort of philosophical framework. You know, like you said, that doesn't have to be one thing. It could be your church or a program or a friend, just friendship or some sort of even going out and playing pickable or sports with your friends. It could be that. But there has to be something more than just the motivation because it's not going to be enough to get you through.

Yeah. I'm glad you brought that up too because the name of the podcast, Sober Motivation. And I'm like the least motivational guy out there. No, no. Because I agree with you. I agree with the 100%. I mean, that's only going to get you so far. I didn't mean that's a discredit to your name.

I know. Combining, you need to combine that motivation with some sort of plan. And that was the biggest thing I learned through this. And once I had that framework in place, it was I woke up every day more motivated than the past. And there's still tough days. But I wouldn't have been able to get through it solely on motivation. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I know you're not being hard on the name of the podcast. Because it is so true. I mean, motivation is only going to get us so far. If we could just rely on simply motivation to get us out of the hole, I think that there's a lot of us that would have gotten out of the whole, a long time or a lot sooner than we did. So I agree. I mean, plugging in with the community and having a vision and having support

and talking with other people, like those are all important pieces to add in because the motivation comes and goes. It fades. It doesn't last forever. It's like that famous quote, motivation is just like taking a shower. It's recommended daily. You can't stay clean on three days ago shower.

Other big thing I learned was that thing they talk about in the programs, which is just one day at a time. In the beginning, I was setting all these lofty goals of, oh, let's get a year sober, or let's get a month sober, or a week. And before you know, it's three days into your supposed goal and you're off track again. And it's so much more simpler just to be able to kind of motivate on getting through that day and that's helped me a lot and trying not to get too far ahead of myself. Every day is a work in progress.

You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Every day we're working at just 1% better. And, you know, I mean, more stuff comes up to further we get down the line. Life changes and things come into to our lives. And we, yeah, we work through it as we go.

What's one thing you would mention to somebody out there who's wanting to get started or just needs a little bit of support, a nudge to keep going? I would just say it's worth it. You know, it's, things may seem dark and gloomy right now, but once you get on the right path, you start to see sunshine again. And it's such a common problem that reaching out for help isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength.

And I would say to anyone struggling, just reach out to someone and lean on them as much as possible. Your friends want to help you out. They don't want to see you struggle. And so just don't, don't keep it a secret. Yeah. Yeah, it really beats you up. I mean, when you keep everything a secret,

it prevents us from getting help and support and really beats us up. But I think people fear, maybe fear is not the right word, but they're worried about it. What if I mentioned to Ian that I want to quit drinking or that I've got a problem with drinking? Now the pressure is on.

What if I go out and Ian sees me drinking? But I think, you know, like that's kind of part of it. Like maybe that will encourage us to say, okay, you know what, that is something that I said, or maybe it's the right people. I think that sometimes people are worried if I mention this, then it means I need to quit today. And yeah, I mean, that would be great in a perfect world, but I think it's pushing the snowball a little bit further down the hill.

It doesn't mean maybe that day you quit, but it's getting it out there can make all the difference in the long run. I think, too, we have like this. I think there's a bit of this in all of us that struggle is we have this all or nothing thinking. Yeah. And for me, it was like, oh, once my journey wasn't perfect, then it was so easy to fall back off the wagon and just say, you know, effort because I failed. And so a big thing to help me was just striving for progress in the end and not perfection.

And once I did that, it was just a lot easier to start stringing days together, which turned months, which turned a year here and there. And it's not about perfection. It's just waking up and about making progress and being the best person you can be that day. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm so happy that you mentioned that too, because if you have some time where you're not drinking, then it's not all out failure because you drank again. Like, that is a lot of people's story and you've got to get back up and get back at it and the sooner than better. Yeah, I look back to my mom growing up and I would have killed for her to have a week or too sober, even if it wasn't perfection, you know what I mean? And I think that's where a lot of people get lost is once you fall off the wagon, then that's the thing. the end of it and you should just, you've failed everyone and you haven't because you've, you've got some good time before that. And you should get back on track and get in, start stringing hours together, days together again. And before you know, that thing will take off. Yeah,

100%. Thank you, Ian so much for jumping on here and sharing your story with us. Thanks, Brad. I appreciate a lot. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Ian. We all got to be cheering him on in 2027 when he gets. back to the track. Thank you for listening. Drop your thoughts down in the comments below wherever you enjoy the podcast. Don't forget to follow, like, subscribe, and share this episode with a few of your friends or the podcast in general. And I'll see you on the next one. Thank you again, as always, for listening to the show. Don't forget to leave your thoughts down in the comments below if you're listening on Spotify. And please, follow the show. It helps out so much. Let the

platforms know that this is an incredible show and more people should know that it exists. See you on the next one.