Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From Alcohol Blackouts To 34 Years Sober: Brian's Story.

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

In the final episode of 2025, Brad sits down with Brian, who share's a raw and honest sobriety story that spans decades. Brian opens up about growing up in Spokane, Washington surrounded by alcoholism, violence, and instability — and how hockey became his escape. As a teenager, alcohol quickly became more than “weekend fun,” turning into blackout drinking, fights, arrests, and a dangerous spiral that ended in a moment that forced everything to change. Brian shares what finally made him ask for help, why leaving his environment was a key part of getting sober, and what it took to rebuild identity, friendships, and confidence without alcohol. Brian’s last drink was December 28th, 1991 — and today he reflects on 34 years sober, life in Germany, and the mindset that helped him protect his recovery for the long haul. In this episode, we cover: •Childhood trauma, absent father, and growing up around addiction •Hockey as an outlet for anger, pain, and survival •Early drinking, escalation, blackouts, and legal consequences •The turning point that forced Brian to choose recovery •Treatment, relocating, and why “new environment” mattered •Rebuilding identity without alcohol (social life, confidence, dating) •Long-term sobriety tools: honesty, boundaries, and an exit plan •What 34 years sober has taught Brian about freedom and control   Join the Sober Motivation Community: Click here for 30 Days free Brian on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrbrianpiper/  

Welcome back to the last episode of 2025. Thank you, everybody, for all the support this year and the previous years on the podcast. If you're thinking about starting your alcohol-free journey in 2026, I want to encourage you to join the sober motivation community. The first 30 days are free. This is for you to find out if the community is going to be a good fit for your situation. It's not about pass or fail. It's about getting connected with some other people that are on the journey. so that you can talk openly about what you're going through,

make some connections, and achieve your goals. Check out the sober motivation community today. I'll drop the link in the show notes of this episode. If you have any questions about the community joining about the meetings, we have 15 meetings every single week. Just an incredible community. We're planning our next meetup for 2026. And it's just a really great place.

I mean, a lot of people have been sober since their first meeting. And people that have and keep coming back, because there's something special there. It's not about, hey, this didn't work out for you. You're such a bad boy or anything like that. It's just supporting people and meeting people exactly where they're at. And we would love to have you. Come and hang out for some meetings. I host three meetings a week over there and we have some other incredible hosts. I notice community connection makes all the difference for people on this journey. Trying to do it alone is such an uphill battle. It really is. It's possible. Of course, there are

people that do it. But I just find that it takes people so much longer, so much longer when you get stuck in your own head with everything you're going through. So come and check us out. And again, thank you so much for hanging out with me with the podcast in 2025. Today, Brian joins me all the way from Germany to share a sobriety story. We talk about growing up around chaos and alcohol, finding an outlet in hockey, and how drinking went from fun to life or death turning point. Brian hasn't had a drink since December 28th, 1991, 34 years ago. And this conversation is a powerful reminder that change is possible, no matter where you start from. And let's get into Brian's story.

Yeah. Okay. Have you done this before? No, first time. Welcome back to the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Brian with us. Brian, how are you? I'm doing well, yeah. Good, man.

Where are you joining today? Well, I live in Stuttgart, Germany. I grew up in America, but I've lived here for 10 years now. Yeah, my wife's from here, so. Awesome, man. What was it like for you growing up? Well, okay, I grew up. I was born August 28, 1970 in Spokane, Washington.

My mom was 17 when I was born, and so, you know, not optimal, but, back then that wasn't also not so out of the norm um um i never met my real father i didn't know that until like the details behind it until i was i don't know 13 14 or so but uh growing up without a father you know it's obviously has you know i think that's the the first pain i felt um growing up my real father like my first father um my my mother after i was before I was born, she had met someone. They were married. And so when I was born, that was my first dad, obviously my stepdad. He found a way to, he was drafted into the Vietnam War, but found a way to get out of it. He was more or less an alcoholic. I remember earliest,

some very early memories sitting in the, really, I think must have been two or three sitting in my chair in the back seat of our 65 Plymouth, and I remember seeing big bottles like empty wine jugs and drinking. I remember seeing, you know, alcohol all around me. Also back then, back when my uncle came back from Vietnam, he was also friends with my mother's husband, Bob. They were dealing heroin at this time. And I mean, I was four or five, but I remember seeing from my very short viewpoint looking up at the table and seeing men with beards and 38 specials on the table and bags of stuff and, you know, realizing, yeah, this is probably not normal.

So then when I was around four or five, my mother basically didn't, she wanted a divorce from my father at that time. I mean, he was drinking and on drugs. And, I mean, he loved us. I remember he was like a beautiful man to us, but obviously he had his problems, issues. And he ended up, so they divorced. We moved into a new house. We, it didn't, I'm not sure, you know, again, I was four or five years old.

But I remember that my father would come and break into our house and grab me and my brother. My brother was born in 72, so he's two and a half years younger than me. and so really at a young age also terror and I wasn't sure what's going on but there was a lot of fighting and we were basically being taken out of our house and there was chases and sirens and you know I was scared to death I didn't even know what was going on this happened a few times off and on and then eventually to the point one and I don't know I guess I can go into some details here because this is what, yeah, a lot of my pain came from as a child and why later on drinking made so much sense,

or at least made me feel okay. So Bob, my father at the time, he was waiting inside my mom's house. She was out on a date. She came home and she was with her date at the time. And basically my dad beat the guy almost to death, put him in a bathtub, took my mom on, this was Mother's Day's, 1975, and kidnapped my mother. took her to a place what I called Farmer Lee.

I used to go to this place west of Spokane with my father at the time. He was a big bird watcher and we hunted. And so I just remember, you know, I was at my, in these times of trouble, in between, I was always at my grandparents' house, my brother and I. And I remember, yeah, later on hearing about this, but I remember I was at the night he kept her outside, outside of this farm and basically, you know, threatened to kill her and threatened to kill my grandparents.

And overnight and the next morning he let my mom go and then ended up shooting himself. And so, you know, that was five. And then, you know, I remember my grandfather was kind of my main go-to father figure. And yeah, and I remember, I remember at this time, like, thinking, oh, I, oh, God, I hope my grandpa doesn't die because, you know, my father had just died. And then later on, two years later, my mother was, she was married again, and when I was seven, and like I said, I grew up playing hockey, and luckily, I think that's basically

in the long run where I could let out my frustration. My last stepfather, he was also abusive, physically, mentally, verbally. In my teens, it got worse, but again, I had hockey, thank God. I mean, I always tell people, like, hockey saved my life at 13 when you're able to use your body. I used to just crush people. I was a great, really good defenseman. I wanted to play pro hockey. I put my life and soul into it.

And it was, thank goodness, a very great, safe place to live. that all my frustration. Later on, I heard about where my father was, my biological father, that because my mom was so young, she was 16 when she was pregnant with me. And my grandparents were pretty Catholic at the time and said my, you know, basically they told my biological father, you will marry my daughter.

My grandfather said this. And then I've heard they were basically technically married at this on the step. in my grandparents' house while my biological father or biological grandfather waited for him. They said their things, and then he left, and basically my grandfather says, you will stay out of Brian's life. We will raise him. So this is it. So I just knew I had a dad, but I didn't know where he was. He lived somewhere in Spokane. And so then it went through these series of stepdad's And luckily my grandpa was there, but yeah, I really, I hadn't, I, yeah, the lack of a real father was, yeah, was extremely painful.

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing all of that. As you're going through it, because, you know, some of this stuff is relatable, what you're sharing there. I'm kind of, it's going back in time in my life, my mom had twins at 16, her parents, her parents as well, very Catholic, my grandparents. and did a good job raising us, like that, like looking after us for her to finish school. She went to school to be a nurse, and my dad really wasn't present. When I reflect back on that time personally,

I didn't really pick up on that, that it was such an important part of the wheel or that it would be sort of at the time I was going through it. I mean, looking back now, for me anyway, it's easier to understand. When I did pick up on it, though, was when I would go, when I got a little bit older and went to friends' houses

and could see sort of, the family dynamic that I started to think to myself maybe something is a little bit different about the way I'm kind of growing up and maybe the opportunities too. Was there a specific time or did you sort of feel something different from the beginning? Yeah, good question. I think the same way as what you just shared. Yeah, it was quite obvious when at elementary school. I wasn't picked up by my father. I was picked up by my stepfather, but because, yeah, I mean, of course, it just wasn't, yeah, I held everything against him. He was not nice to us. And I think he, I don't know, it's like I always wondered where my real father was. You know, like, why did this

happen? Like later on, I heard, you know, every, my mom, I believe, explained this to me, kind of what, how this all went out happened when I was a kid. It still didn't help. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's tough. What about with your mom? I mean, was she struggling?

I mean, you mentioned your one stepdad there. There was the drugs and, you know, selling heroin in a lot of drinking. Was your mom into drinking at all, too, or no? Yeah. I mean, unfortunately, she, I mean, she worked her ass off with, going to school. She got an education in, first in art and graphic design, and then in counseling. She was working also full-time. She used to manage a restaurant. She worked at bars when I was younger.

Yeah, I think that's where she met my last stepdad. He was a fireman. And, yeah, where I grew up in Spokane, yeah, I mean, that's just where a lot of cops and firemen were at bars. And my mom met him there. And I remember spending, yeah, years of my childhood at bars, you know, when they were, when she was cleaning up or opening, playing, you know, playing pool and, and football and pinball. And, yeah, so alcohol was always around us. My mom was, because she was really young growing up, she had parties. You know, we had big old house parties at our house and beer was all around. My, being at my grandma in grandpa's house, um, often my grandma always. had a beer. She smoked. She had a tall glass of real cheap beer from what I heard later on,

you know, like old Milwaukee or Schaefer or Schmidt stuff, you know, in the Pacific Northwest. And then she would offer me, you know, I don't know if I asked, but I would drink, you know, I would taste a beer. I think, yeah, it was just always around us. I had an aunt and uncle I grew up with also that helped raise us when I was like nine, 10 years old. Sometimes they would make drinks and then usually it should be a mock tale for the kids, but I would get a real one every once in a while. So it was always sort of cool. I was rounded by, yeah, younger adults, I guess too young to be the best parents, at least as far as when somebody should be drinking beer or not or alcohol. Yeah. Yeah, which, I mean, it's interesting you kind of bring that up, too. Like,

I would say that that's probably a lot more normal than we think, right? Like, I remember my grandfather, you know, giving me a, I was like, hey, what are you drinking? I mean, I hated it. It was like, Labat, Lou or something. I was like, how are you drinking that? But, I mean, I think it's like an oddly common thing that, you know, maybe in today's world, we, we see it a bit differently, but then, hey, I can really see that as kind of being a thing. So you're really plugging into hockey and you shared a little bit with me the notes too, how much of an important role hockey played in your life as sort of an outlet of maybe everything you were going through at home. I see this a lot of times I feel when the home life is chaotic as kids really latch

onto something. A lot of times I feel like it's either sports or it's like schooling, right? Like doing really good in school to sort of maybe get validation or to fit in. But for you, you really plugged into hockey. I mean, your love for the game. And you mentioned you started skating at five and that was an escape for you. I mean, luckily I had that. That was, I could let it all out. I mean, even before you could body check, I mean, just to go ice skating in this physical sport.

I think kids, if you, yeah, it's if you're growing up with any frustrations, yeah, find some sort of outlet as soon as possible. the balance out, you know, tough times in life. So I just, I was lucky I had that. And a lot of, I think, thinking back, a lot of my friends, I'd say 50, 60 percent of the kids I grew up with also had similar upbringings, a father that maybe wasn't there or was or wasn't in the best shape. And it's a pretty expensive sport to play. But luckily, my grandpa helped out with us.

But, yeah, it was a lifesaver. for me yeah yeah yeah so as you kind of go through this you know age like 13 in stuff i mean what are your memories kind of going through there and then how were you doing like in school and making friends and all of those those i hated yeah elementary school i loved i remember i felt it's it's funny when i think back in elementary school i remember in the sixth grade i was third toughest this is funny to think about like who's who's ranking and who's fighting and but you know, we had, yeah, we had a portable, like we had the main room, then we had portables, and we had some, yeah, mentally disabled kids also there that went

to school with us that I remember when I was a little kid, yeah, all the, yeah, they were picked on, yeah, they were mobbed or, you know, just, and I would stand up for them, stick up for them. So I remember at recess, there was quite often skirmishes or fights, and by the time I reached sixth grade, there was only two people that were tougher than me. But it's just funny to think about this, that we were fighting that often to have a ranking. But need to say, I really, I felt like first through sixth grade, I was a part of a family. And then when you go, like at least where I grew up with, then there's middle school, seventh and eighth grade. And then it's brand new. You're with new kids. You know, in PE, we had to, if you were skins, you'd have to take your shirt off.

and you know I wasn't the I was a little chubby kid you know so no kid at 13 wants to take their shirt off in the gym with other girls and whatnot so it's and yeah it was a very very hard time and I think at the time my stepdad he was I remember I just I hated my stepdad at this time and I was acting out of course it's cool it's obviously a direct correlation I was in Homek and we had sewing machines and I was like, you know, the sewing machines running and I'd hold scissors to it. And I mean, I was just a very destructive kid. It's sort of spilling out of it was, I had so much anger and pain. It was starting to spill outside a hockey too. And then I'm trying to find my group. Who do I belong to in middle school? And I really liked, you know, hard rock, heavy metal at the time.

And I could also play some sports. But I kind of veered towards the stoners, you know. And so I started smoking weed at 13, like trying it and smoking. I realized it wasn't my drug of choice, but then I started like we would, you know, on the weekends, we would connect and, hey, let's meet later on and bring what you can. And we'd start drinking. That's basically when I started drinking a little bit of alcohol myself. Was that 13?

Yeah, yeah. But of course, this, yeah, middle school, off and on, like maybe every, few weeks, maybe on a weekend, we drink maybe. I remember, I think, in the eighth grade, one summer, we, somebody had a whole bunch of Old English 800, like malt liquor, hot, really, like it was in the middle of the summer. We opened up the trunk and we were drinking this. It was like boiling hot malt liquor. I almost vomited all over, but we had a lot of it. So we did it, and we were chewing tobacco and really got all sick. You know, wow, that was fun.

Of course not. It was horrible, but any chance we had, you know, I think that helped us, yeah, forget about what's going on at home or school because I wasn't in school. When you reflect back on those earlier days of drinking, what was the experience like? I mean, because some people share different ones of like, okay, I'm finally home. This makes so much sense. Other people, it's maybe a different experience. I do remember like you were saying, you know, when my grandma shared a beer with me or I could drink a beer, it's kind of, okay, weird, like when you first drink coffee, it's also, it's a little bit, you have to get used to it.

But when I've, the first time I had enough alcohol to make me feel something, it did. It felt like, wow, like where has this been? It's really, and I think, I don't know, I believe if you're a real alcoholic, it's, it's. You don't know, but it connects with you in a different way than someone who's non-alcoholic. I mean, it has to be. I don't know, because it was just like that. It grasped me fully. And it started, yeah, basically any opportunity I could drink, then I took it. Later on, out of middle school, I survived and into high school, a ninth, 10th, you know, through 12th grade,

I was starting to drink with my friends more often, probably at least once every weekend. When I was 16, I started playing hockey. I was playing junior hockey with 21-year-olds. So there you go. So I had a direct, you know, line to someone who could buy alcohol for me. So then I was drinking, you know, a 12-pack, you know,

on Friday night, Saturday night. sometimes Sunday night it was getting into like my 12th grade I was also starting to drink every once while at school like earlier like in the afternoons or whatnot because yeah

the more I had it felt like the more I wanted and it was also I mean I was a shy kid you know you start drinking you realize ah you know everything moves I can say what I want I can approach girls you know I can, yeah, liquid courage, you know, but it sure did it, you know.

Yeah, so it's checking, it's sometimes what I say like kind of checking some boxes for you. I'm really interested, too, on that connection you make of sort of like those first times and those memories of drinking because, yeah, I mean, everybody sort of has a different experience in one way or another. I mean, some people might drink at 16 and then say, okay, you know, that was too much, right? I don't feel good or I know that that wasn't. And then there's some of us when we have that first, because I relate to that a lot the first time that I really got into it. I had those same thoughts.

Like, oh my gosh, right? Like I remember that day. And there's a lot of things I don't remember from life growing up. But I remember that day, like it was yesterday of the first time that I really, really got drunk from drinking and checked all the box. I felt like all my insecurities kind of slid away. I felt like all the thoughts that I had had maybe up to that point of not. being not doing well in school and really struggling with relationships and kind of being a disappointment

to my my parents in that sense. I felt like all of that was gone and I could maybe be present in the moment. You find your clan, you find the people that you share this with, you know, and make your own kind of small family in a way, you know, the kids that want to have fun with you and do what you want, you know, join in on this. Yeah. And I think, too, it really checked that I think when I reflect back i i think that it really like to touch on what you said there it it gave me a sense of belonging like i finally even though it was you know destructive and and everything else i was like okay but at least i belong somewhere that always seemed to to to outweigh the consequences or whatever else came with it yeah yeah yeah yeah so where do you go after high school well yeah i don't

wanted to play pro hockey, I ended up going to Sioux City, Iowa to play in the United States Hockey League for Sioux City Musketeers. But I was in a terrible shape. I mean, I was probably 20 pounds heavier than I should have been. So needless to say, I wasn't playing as good. So, yeah, I was then more apt to be drinking. I mean, I was upset with myself. I didn't, you know, I wasn't playing where I wanted to play in another team in British Columbia. It was a far better league. But I didn't make the cut. So I went to Iowa, played there.

I only lasted like two months. I ended up quitting because I just, I was homesick. I wasn't playing my best. I was sick of myself. Like literally my whole life, I worked my ass off to make it as far as I could. and then realizing my drinking is what, you know, that was, I did it to myself. It's like, how stupid, you know, because, you know, drinking in high school, like the whole summer after my senior year, I got so ripped every day almost. But it was, like I said, my family, my group, my clan, I had so much fun.

And that, you know, and I had other friends that weren't alcoholics that would spend. spend this time at home in the garage shooting pucks. And I had a couple friends that made it to the NHL. And they weren't partying. And I was parting. I was almost as good as them, but I chose to party. They chose to continue working.

But yeah, I was, yeah, I was stuck. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too. What was the response from people around you? Like you mentioned, too, I mean, hockey, playing hockey, very expensive. It seems like a lot of commitment. I hear a lot of people who come up through the ranks of always appreciating and thanking sort of their support circle, right?

Their parents or grandparents or whoever it was because of the early practices, late nights and everything else that goes involved. And I've heard a few people that have went down this journey in not only letting themselves down, but for them it was like they felt like they let everybody down. Was that anything that crossed? For sure. Yeah, totally. Totally. Like my grandpa, you know, my grandpa, you know, like I said, he put a lot of time into, you know,

he's more or less my father through all of this mess I went through, was always there and helped us with, you know, money and time. And yeah, of course, obviously, not just myself, but my grandfather and my mom as well, you know. And also then I, you know, I remember when I was in, in Iowa, I would call home, talk to my mom, and my mom was like crying. She was so, she missed me so much. I missed her too. And then I remember, damn, you know, I just wish my mom would have been a little stronger for me. You know, it could have maybe helped me. It's not her fault, of course, but that's how, you know, growing up, you know, with such a young mom and someone that's almost, yeah, co-dependent so close with me.

Of course, I felt bad for all of those reasons. I let myself down, let my grandpa down, I let my mom down. Yeah. Did you have any conversations that you remember that stand out to you, like with your grandfather too about? Well, I think, yeah, I mean, that kind of stuff. I mean, I shared that stuff with the flip side. My mom was, like I said, she was a counselor.

used to work at like boys and girls home, like high school, or like basically teenagers. And she was always open with us. And I could always share my thoughts and feelings with my mom. So luckily. She was also an alcoholic. She quit when I was 16. It was sort of like she handed me the torch in a way. And then I basically started, you know, when I was in my teens to drink.

But yeah, luckily my mom, I mean, it was later, later that when I moved back from Iowa and I was 17, 18, I was really lost because I was like, you know, damn, I screwed my whole, you know, my plan up to go play hockey. So I came back to Spokane, played my old team, drank. I worked full time. I played hockey, you know, practicing three times a week, going out of town every weekend, playing at home. every other weekend and when I wasn't working and playing hockey I was drinking and that this time with I was 18 19 I was drinking almost a case of beer at a time I was just drinking as much as possible because yeah I was that just really really it was not something I could just let go that I didn't do do so well in Iowa

I it it crushed me daily and so of course drinking made feel better but I had to drink more and more, you know, and then I started gaining weight, you know, then I was starting to turn into a pig, you know, like, I didn't look good, so I didn't feel good. And so I would drink. And so it was just a horrendous cycle, you know, and then also your friends, you know, or the people, at least you hang out with who you think are your friends, you know. I remember one of the main, like I remember when later on, you know, I would, you know, I was a super and I I graduate when I was senior high school, I was voted friendliest. And I'm a nice guy.

I'm a friendly, super, an authentic nice guy. Drinking, I was also usually nice. But if there were friends of mine that had issues with somebody else, then I was there to help clean up. So it was sort of people knew that I was able to defend myself or stick up for my friends and get into fights or whatever if need be. But it happened that, yeah, a few times. I'd be arrested and spend some time in jail for a weekend or you know like New Year's

Eve I'd go out and drink you know just way too much and pop off to somebody and then ended up getting in a fight and those were started those times are happening more and more and more and I remember talking to my mom telling you know saying I I I want to quit drinking I I you know it's been 34 almost 34 years now but back then it it's seemed impossible to quit drinking because that was my whole life. All my friends, we all partied and we all drank. And that was my little family that I found. And we had fun.

Not all the time when I was in jail. That wasn't too much fun. But all that builds up. Whenever you messed up, you know, then you just drink more. And I was fat. And I would drink and two in the morning stop at the convenience store and feed my face. and then start over the next day and drink, and it was never ending. And I remember I was, I remember talking to my mom in my living room.

I was just like crying. I was just at my wits end. All I wanted to do was quit drinking alcohol because I knew if I could quit, then I could start figuring out my life. But I didn't know how to quit because that was all my life. It was everything I knew. Yeah. I mean, I ended up hitting my rock bottom.

I was skidding, hitting bottoms, but my rock bottom was also after 15 hours of drinking and getting in a fight and almost killing somebody, even though it was self-defense. I went way beyond this. I knew I'd really hurt somebody, and it took a few weeks, and then the cops came to my house, arrested me, took me downtown, and then, you know, I ended up, I was, yeah, I was in prison for three months. luckily, I mean, it could have been for two years for a second degree assault. And it wasn't all that, that it really hurt me beyond anything that I almost killed somebody, that I had done, like my drinking had led me, who used to be the friendliest in high school, to almost, you know, hurting, like almost killing somebody. That is what finally did it for me.

I was scared to death, you know, I knew the police. were going to come and get me. I was afraid of everything. I remember I just, I knew I had to quit drinking. I went to court and I remember telling the judge that, yeah, I don't care what happens to me. I need to find a way to quit drinking. Like, please send me to treatment, you know, help me as I want to quit drinking. As I knew, I just, I couldn't do it myself. It helped me to realize that I can't keep doing this. And the judge saying, when you go do your time, whatever, you need to, I had to do a two-year treatment.

But, yeah, I mean, that's, I realized it finally that I can't mess around with this anymore. It's not just me, you know, in spending a weekend in jail or whatever, but I almost hurt somebody. Like, really, I heard somebody bad enough that I said, I can't mess around with this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. With the drinking.

Well, and you mentioned there too, and I think in a few of the notes, you sent me like drinking you know 24 beers and then you mentioned there on that time it was like a 15 hour thing i mean up until this point did you ever try to stop i the last few years i was drinking so in 1920 i did i would say okay i'm going to stop i'm going to told my friends okay i can't drink this week or i got to take a few weeks off because at that level of my drinking so maybe four or five years um the last few years i was drinking the same amount, but I was getting even more drunk, and then I was starting to black out. And so that, obviously, that's, you know, a new level, like doing, like basically getting drunk

enough that you can't remember what you're doing and waking up wherever you've woken up. I, yeah, I surely tried myself. Like, I'm going to try and do it, okay. But when I finally realized I needed to quit, I went into treatment, and then I ended up moving to. Seattle. I moved out of Spokane. I mean, I decided my, luckily when I was younger, I, you know, I drew and I knew what graphic design was. And I knew sort of at that, a younger age, if hockey didn't work out, plan B would be to learn graphic design. So I went to art school in Seattle. And that's basically when I think I was 20, when I first stopped drinking, going to treatment. And I left Spokane. It was a complete new city. But I would not have, if I would have stayed in Spokane and even gone through my treatment, I wouldn't have quit. I just couldn't, you can't go back into your old surroundings and think you're going to quit or be able to.

It just wouldn't have been possible. So I think, I mean, if I were to recommend to anybody, if they're quitting, you have to get out of your old, everyone I know who's ever tried to quit drinking and they're not out of their old you know they're seen they're where their old connections these old things that keep them doing what they're doing it's it's it's it's going to be extremely hard and so

yeah I change changing up your surroundings in even I think you have to even like changing up the people that yeah of course I mean it's so interesting too right because we're so uh you know we get we become so afraid of like losing what what We have, but then when you're away from it, you're just like, I was anyway, I just was like, man, I didn't really have a whole heck of a lot. We partied. And there was fun times and there was disastrous times. But at the end of the day, like, it wasn't, I was maybe making it into something that it really wasn't, you know, as we continued to grow up. It's interesting I'm picking up on sort of that identity piece, which I think a lot of people relate to you, right? Maybe growing up, your identity was really attached to the hockey guy. And then the hockey guy, yeah. Yeah, and then the hockey kind of in one way or another doesn't completely go away.

It sounds like that's always kind of been part of your life in one way or another. But sort of your dream and everything you've worked towards, that is, you're not headed in that direction. So then it's like, okay, drinking kind of becomes the thing. And you're the drinking guy drinks a lot, parties, has a good time. I was good at it. I always, and sad to say, I was always drinking and driving, you know. I was the driver because I could drive good for being drunk. And that's another thing.

I am so I'm so lucky, beyond lucky that I didn't ever hurt anybody, kill anybody driving or my friends. Even back in high school, there were two times where I've had friends that were killed in drinking and driving accidents, one in a boat, one at a car. People that were really close to me. I was a pallbearer to these, to both of these. people that died. But yeah, I remember I was in my senior year, I used to party with the juniors because they partied harder, you know. So that was my, yeah, right.

If you knew me, I was a hockey player. I was a, some people knew I was an artist, but I partied. I had fun. I could drink a lot. I could drink and drive beyond brutal that I, you know, even say this or think that I was behind the wheel. you know at least over here in germany there's so many there's such good public transportation trains and buses and whatnot and i think there's a whole lot less of that going on at least over here

but i came from that normal yeah yeah that is um yeah i mean so relatable to me too yeah i mean there's just so many um you know i look back now at all the poor choices and it was just you know sometimes i talk about you could probably put a piece of paper between how things could have been a whole heck of a lot worse. You know, I think the denial plays a really important, I don't know if it's important or what it is, but it plays a role in us keeping this going. You know, as you mentioned all of this now, hindsight's 2020, right?

And I'm relating to so much of it. And I'm just like, man, the way I was living was just complete chaos and so many different ways. But when you're in it, when you're right there in it, you don't see it. Yeah. Not at all. Yeah. And it kind of goes back.

I think to what you mentioned before to the people we surround ourselves with. Because in my life today, for whatever reason, I started living like that again, people would be mentioning stuff. Hey, like, what are you doing? Like, wake up. But I surrounded myself in the earlier, you know, when I was drinking a lot and partying, I surrounded myself with people who I didn't really say a whole heck of a lot. And I think that was by design because I obviously didn't want people to need each other. Yeah, I didn't want anybody to sort of question the chaos, you know, maybe any more than I did when I, you know, kind of sobered up. So you mentioned you have this incident too where you get into this fight and then they, you know, give you this thing for treatment for rehab.

I mean, was that, did you live somewhere or how did that look? It wasn't, it wasn't inpatient. I remember the first month it was Monday through Friday the whole month for four hours a night. So at least it was pretty intense. And I mean, yeah, I kind of, that was the first time that I thought, okay, what's going on in my life? Why am I so upset, angry, hurt? Why am I medicating myself? Why do I need to stuff alcohol in my body?

And then I just, yeah, part of that is just thinking, writing stuff down. What happened, you know, from day one when I grew up? What did I go through? realizing, oh, God, that's, you know, that's, that's not normal to have, you know, a father that kills himself or a stepfather that's abusive or, you know, that's not optimal. That's not the way it should be. And so, of course, you, you know, you're hurt. You're just a kid. And that, you know, kids like boys, they're not supposed to cry. You know, you tough it out. And so, yeah, so you're sad. that means you're angry and mad and mean, you know. And for me, luckily, like I said, hockey was, I could let that out so that I could balance. I could be the nice kid I wanted to be. Yeah, that's okay.

So that was kind of what you kind of did for rehab. Where are you living at throughout all of this when you go back to Washington, like after Iowa? Are you living with your mom? That was Spokane. Yeah, in Spokane, exactly. How is your relationship with her, like throughout? all of this stuff too. Like you mentioned before you guys were close and you.

Yeah, super close. I mean, she passed away two years ago. But I, yeah, I mean, she knew,

even my brother, he didn't, he drank two and had fun. He didn't get in the trouble. But luckily, my mom was very open and, I mean, I could share whatever with my mom.

But also she allowed, we did our own thing. We live with my mom, but I still, I worked. I did my things. I worked. partied. I played little hockey, but I was never, you know, like 1920, I wasn't in good enough

shape to really play my best. So drinking was a priority, my work and drinking, hanging out with my friends, partying until it wouldn't work anymore. So. Yeah. Yeah. So when in, when do you get sober? And was it during this like, was it right after the incident? Like when you were in this four-month or this rehab thing? Like, that was the last time you drank? Was that night or no? I was in treatment for a total of eight months. So I stayed sober for eight months.

After the first month, it was like once a week and for like two or three hours a night. I was working at a full-time job. I was going to community college. Yeah, I had a girlfriend at the time that ended up, yeah. Yeah, she in Spokane, then she moved to Wisconsin, and later on she got in a car wreck, and so I just quit everything and drove to Wisconsin because that was sort of my first girlfriend, my first love, but maybe in hindsight also a new sort of addiction for love. So, I mean, just if you break up with somebody or somebody you're with,

doesn't want to be with you, and then they call you, she got in a car wreck, she'd called me up and said, can you come over? Sure. No problem. I dropped everything. Drove to Wisconsin. Ended up living with her, in her alcoholic dad, of course. I was working full time there. And then as she got better, you know, she like broke her leg and arm in a car wreck. And later on, I think I was there for maybe two months. She was better and out, you know, out and about on crutches and instead of, you know, she's like my girlfriend, but she's starting to see other people in town, you know, go behind my back and whatnot. So I hadn't drank for eight months and I was living with her and her alcoholic father. And I remember in the kitchen there was a bottle

of Fifth of McNaughtons whiskey. And I said, fuck it. And I drank the whole bottle just straight. I poured it in a glass, I think whatever, eight, nine times. done. I was watching TV, and I remember I had the hugest smile on my face. Again, it was like, where have you been? It was just like, oh, wow, you know. The next day, I packed up my stuff and drove back. I told my old girlfriend at the time where then immediately I'm out of here, I drove back to Spokane, and then I knew I had to get back into treatment, and it was that basically at that time that I decided I was going to move to Seattle. So it was like September of 91. So I moved there. I knew I had to sign up for treatment to finish my treatment again

in Seattle. But yeah, I went on some wild excursions with drinking. And I mean, I don't want to go. I don't know. It's like we're here to try and help people not drink. I don't want to go glory days of my old times and how I barely survived. But was interesting. And I remember I learned in treatment, they say even though if you don't drink, your alcoholism increases, you know, basically the disease. It still evolves. And after eight months, and I drank the fifth of whiskey like nothing, I remember I barely had a hangover the next day. It was just crazy. It was just weird. I drove back to Spokane, moved to Seattle, and yeah, I went out and, you know, had some fun, but I was blacked out very early on.

It got worse and worse. I was drinking and couldn't remember anything, driving still, without remembering anything, just doing some horrendous stuff. Luckily, I mean, I don't know how I made it through it, but then finally on the 28th of December in 1991, that was the last time I drank. So I went back and went to treatment, and I finished my two years.

I had to start over. And, yeah, it was hard, though. I mean, I started going to college in Seattle when that was 21. So, I mean, I quit drinking alcohol when you're allowed to drink. You know, so I was sort of like opposite day. So I would go to, you know, we would have parties at school, and then a lot of my classmates were just drinking for the first time, you know. And it was so hard for me because I wanted to show them who I was, my old identity,

like the hockey playing big drinker can have a lot of fun and it was yeah that was like one of the first times it was like really hard because i had to well and that's the point you have to if you quit drinking you have to recreate yourself as the non-drinking version of yourself i mean i had to learn how to do everything without drinking i mean i had to find friends that didn't prefer to drink alcohol. I had to find new connections. I needed to learn how to talk to, you know, women without having alcohol, to go out and do anything without drinking. I mean, that was all brand new to me. But also, but I, it was a fresh, it was a clean slate. I was meeting people that weren't alcoholics. They maybe had a beer or whatnot, and that's it, you know,

maybe two and that was by far um so it was a new a whole new life for me um new connections new experiences like i said had i not done that i i wouldn't be living today i if i would have stayed in spokane drinking with my old buddies getting in fights getting put in prison beating people up drinking and driving i would not be here today i have some friends since then who have died that i know that drank too much or people that own bars in Spokane that I know and and there's no way I would have been able to do this if I wouldn't have moved and started fresh it was interesting later on through the 90s you know I lived in Seattle I met my wife who's germ from Germany that's why I live in Germany in the late 90s and we moved to Germany first in 2002 and we lived here

until 2008. I had my first son in 2001, then we had twins in 2003. And I remember in 2005, where I had a client that had his own bike company. And I designed his logo and all of the graphics on his bikes. And in Friedrichshafen, Germany is the big Eurobike show. And I would go there. I went there once because it was sort of the kickoff for his brand. And I went there during the day and then in a big beer tent, you know, was, I was all, I would always drink. It's called the apful shorely. So it's like apple juice with mineral water. And that was my drink. Everyone had beers and whatnot. I drink my apples off shorely. And I remember sitting there having a good time. And then all of a sudden there was a joint being passed around. And I just sort of automatically,

I don't know, it was like on autopilot and I took a puff and then, okay. And when I, I quit drinking alcohol, I quit doing everything, obviously. You can't, you know, you're just going to substitute one for the other. So, but at that time, I had, I had been sober for 15 years, and I, and I, I don't even, I don't even know why I did this. It was just sort of, but then the next day, I took the train home and my brain is starting to go, click, click, click, click, click, thinking, oh, man, that was fun, you know. I had a good time, even though I had my apple juice with my friends drinking their beers. But I think that little bit of marijuana, it started like clicking, you know, my brain

is starting to like, ah, maybe after 15 years, maybe I can, that was the first time I thought maybe I could drink again, as wild as that sounds, I thought, maybe I can just drink one beer a week or, you know, I even talk my wife and she's like, what are you talking about? I said, or maybe when we go out and eat dinner, like once, maybe on Saturdays, I'll just have one glass of wine, you know, and it took a few weeks. I was really trying hard to talk myself into it. My heart and soul knew, you know, that's a joke, you know, but something was trying to get me. And luckily, I made it through that. But it just reminds me that you, if you're sober, you have to really be careful of where you put yourself, you know. I think, you know, I right now, I have no

problem going and being around people that are drinking or whatnot. If it's a party, I think there were, you know, if people are getting really sloshed and it's really late, you know, I can get out there. You always have to have an exit plan. I mean, you have to really, yeah, if you're sober, you have to, I mean, it's priority one. And I think the longer I stay sober, more and more, and I think also like you and your account on Instagram and mental health, it's starting to be talked about more and more and more. It's amazing. Yeah, you probably see a lot of things change from now and then 34 years ago. I mean, I'm sure in all areas of life, but as far as how much I feel like people are more open, you know, it's more like people are shifting of like, hey, this doesn't

discriminate who it can impact. It can impact anybody. So I think it's really cool that people like yourself and like so many others are sharing sort of their story too. So we can, you know, maybe normalized too that hey you can struggle with this but there's also a beautiful life on the other side of it i mean 34 years is incredible what do you um i mean what do you take away like from that of of 34 years of of not drinking and i what i did i was always honest with people i was told people i wasn't even back then when i think about it it was hard because like i said that was earlier my identity i had to create my own like a new version of myself um I was very open.

I had a hard time. I would every once in a while back then go to some AA meetings. And they were personally hard for me because I couldn't see. I saw a lot of more typical drunks, maybe old men or, you know, I didn't see myself reflected in them as much. So in that regard, it was hard, but at the flip side, it wasn't anonymous. I was straight up. I told everybody I don't drink alcohol that I used to.

and I realize I can't do it successfully. It's a good way to put it. And it's important. And I think the longer I stay sober, the more I see there's more and more people, even in Germany, kind of the heart of, you know, Hefevites and beer and people really respect that. They think, okay, wow. If there's people that would rather try to get you to drink because they want to be a friend, and those are the people that, you know, as lovely as they all,

because you want you know that's what everyone said let's go have a beer that's also tricky you know let's go it's always let's have a beer and I always have to say and I used to say well I'm going to meet you but I'm going to have a Coke is that okay you know but I'm beyond that I don't give a shit now I just say we can have a beer and when I'm there I'm just you have to be honest open no shame you have to just be straight up but you can do that when you're out of your old life you can't you know I don't know like I said there's no way you can do this if you're in your same same circles and same sort of people that that can't respect that you have to find people that that root for you know new people yeah so find a new community it's interesting too

I always think of my old circles I mean they always expected me to show up in a certain way and even when I tried too early on because you you get sort of to this point where it's like okay, I don't connect with my old friends anymore, but I haven't yet made my new friends. So I'm in this spot of like, it can be referred to as the lonely middle. That's hard. Yeah, and trying to find people.

But you have to go towards what's uncomfortable. And if you go back to what you know and what's easy and what's comfortable, you're always going to end up with that same result. So that was like a difficult sort of transition for me. But my old friends, even though I tried to make it work, they only knew me as the person who showed up. Like, I wouldn't say it was their fault. No, no.

It was weird. It was weird for them, too, of like, hey, he's not drinking anymore and he's not acting wild and staying out all night. Like, they didn't know how to act either. Sure. So meeting new people and people that are maybe headed in the same direction. Or I like the other way that you drew it up, too, because I see some people that are newly sober or like, I only can hang out with sober people. And I'm like, I don't know if there's all truth to that. I think you need to hang out with healthy people.

productive people and people that kind of bring a good energy and in people that are going to go for a morning coffee with you that have found their balance somehow yeah I mean well and alcohol I mean that what you just said is so alcoholic I mean it's all also either black or white I either drink 24 beers and five Long Island doubles or nothing you know and and we know life is full of ups and downs and and uh but yeah you just have to do what you have to do to um protect your sobriety i remember when after i went to art school i remember when i graduated i just sobbed i was just crying so hard because that was the first time back then that i had really like succeeded at something that i put my mind to and i it was because i was sober i could i had

control i could do what i want and i was still kind of a mess you know But I finished school and I graduated, and that was like one, like, positive, healthy step, you know, in my new life. And ever since then, you know, I mean, ups and downs, but ever since then, I've had the more or less the life of my dreams. I mean, I've had a great life. I wouldn't have had as much a, it would have been the opposite had I quit drinking, had I not quit drinking. Yeah. Yeah. So.

Beautiful, man. That's incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. Yeah, sure, sure. I mean, it's even, you know, I mean, we could have gone into details more. I hope I didn't. I hope that, yeah, what I just said was made a little sense and like bookended it. I have gone so through through so much stuff that I can even get lost in my little, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of twists and turns, you know. in everybody's life and in, you know, in an hour or so, it's like, I refer to it sometimes as like one speck of sand on a beach, you know, so much more to everybody. There's so many layers,

but I think the overarching takeaway that I have, you know, hearing this and sort of the quick live version is that things weren't really going in the direction you wanted to and it took some sort of outside, you know, intervention or some sort of force maybe to have the clarity and awareness in your life with that incident there and then you know you've been working at it and um you know staying sober is not always easy but it's always worth it you know yeah that's the point i mean you've got to find your yeah what is your bottom and really take that seriously because if you do when you turn it around yeah it's only good it's only good it's only love it's only as much as it's up to you then you're in control with alcohol's in there

you have no control it's um and who doesn't want control you know yeah yeah for sure and i even think to some people that might be earlier and sort of their drinking you know for like for your story there things picked up quick for some people it's maybe progressive over time but it's interesting too how you share kind of the a meeting and you're younger and like i had those experiences too and it was really hard to relate and connect but now when i look back like what everybody was sharing. I was like, I'll never end up there. And then it was like, dang it.

You know, I did. Whether I could relate at the time, I just couldn't see the bigger picture, but the things were there. So, you know, so yeah, people like kind of earlier on, it's like, yeah, I think for the majority of people, if you don't, you know, make a shift of some sort, like you're always leaving yourself open. I mean, this is the thing I think about alcohol that's sort of the trickiest, right? For even maybe the weekend drinker, the weekend warrior.

Yeah. The longer you keep alcohol in your life, the more you open yourself up to, things going sideways, in a really bad way. For sure. Not that every night drinking is a problem, that every night we drank was a problem, but there's definitely becomes probably more and more and more sort of red flags. And who you were affecting, your wife, your children. I mean, my wife is also from an alcoholic background. I mean, the roles that you take as children from alcoholics, that, you know, that continues. You know, it's, yeah, it's crazy, but it's so worth it.

Yes, I'm with you all day. Well, thanks again, Brian, all the way from Germany. Hey, hey, thanks, Brad. Thank you very much. We're cool talking to you, man. Yeah, thank you. Another great episode, and I feel an incredible way to end 2025 here on the podcast. Thank you, Brian, for jumping on and sharing your story with all of us.

Incredible. If you found the podcast helpful over this year or previous years to keep you on track in your sober journey, be sure to jump over to Apple or Spotify, leave a five-star review, and I'll see you in the new year.