Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From Blackouts To Sobriety- Matt's Story

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Brad is joined by Matt, who shares growing up in a challenging environment due to constant relocation, his struggles with alcohol and his eventual path towards sobriety. Matt discusses his early experiences with alcohol and other substances during high school and college, how working in the restaurant industry further fueled his addiction, and the impact of his drinking on his family life. Matt opens up about significant events in 2023 that led him to reevaluate his relationship with alcohol, culminating in his decision to embrace sobriety. He reflects on the importance of acceptance, gratitude, and support from loved ones in his journey. Matt's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matthew.elam.14/ Support the Show: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation 00:15 Meet Matt: Early Life and Family Background 01:19 High School Struggles and First Encounters with Addiction 05:35 College Life and Escalation of Substance Use 12:42 Post-College Life and Early Career Challenges 20:24 Fatherhood and Reevaluating Life Choices 27:25 Navigating High-Risk Pregnancy and Health Concerns 28:43 Coping Mechanisms and Struggles with Alcohol 29:32 Reflecting on Loss and Personal Challenges 31:42 A Turning Point: Realizing the Need for Change 33:59 The Journey to Sobriety 38:58 Embracing Vulnerability and Seeking Help 42:47 Support Systems and Personal Growth 48:44 Final Reflections and Advice

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, I'm joined by Matt, who shares growing up in a challenging environment due to constant relocation, his struggles with alcohol, and his eventual path towards sobriety. Matt discusses his early experiences with alcohol and other.

other substances during high school and college, how working in the restaurant industry further fueled his addiction and the impact of his drinking on his family life. Matt opens up about significant events in 2003 that led him to reevaluate his relationship with alcohol. He reflects on the importance of acceptance, gratitude, and support from loved ones in his journey. And this is Matt's story on the sober motivation podcast. Great to have you again for another podcast here. It was awesome to connect with Matt and you'll understand why in the story and where he's at now is just incredible. I want to mention though, if you're enjoying the podcast, you love the podcast, you want to support the podcast. Here's an opportunity for you to do so. Buy Me a Coffee is the name of

the website. You can head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. Donate to support the show, cover the cost. I mean, running a podcast is, uh, how do I say this? A lot more expensive than I ever thought it would be. So any help is. is really appreciated. So I'll drop that link down to the show notes below, or you can type into your web browser, buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. You can sign up for monthly memberships as well

to continue contributing to the show as we continue to bring you more episodes and connect with people who are listeners of the show, fans of the show, and some other people that hopefully you guys are enjoying sharing their stories on the podcast. So let's get right into Matt's episode. Thank you again for all the support.

A lot more episodes to come. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Matt with us. Matt, how are you? I'm doing great, Brad. How are you, sir? I'm good, man. Other than we're down 3-0 in the conference finals, but other than that, things are good.

Yeah, tough week to be a Hurricanes fan. So true. So what were things like for you growing up? Pretty good for the most part. You know, I'm a mom and dad. I have an older half-brother who's eight years older than me. You know, he's been with me since day one, so I don't really look at it. that way, but I guess by technical definition, that's the way it is. But it was good. My dad worked

like in corporate America, kind of like in the food service industry. So that led to a lot of relocation growing up, which was challenging. By the time I was 12, I'd led in five different places. So every couple of years, it seemed like we get settled and pick up and move, which is difficult to adjust to. but I landed in southeastern North Carolina in 93. My father opened up a business and kind of been here off and on ever since, but finished out high school in 2000, went off to college, and that was kind of my first taste of independence. And the school I went to was kind of known as a party school,

and I definitely wasn't trying to go to college just to study. But that's kind of like where my kind of journey with addiction, I guess you will say started kind of late high school, early college. Yeah. Well, and you've listened to the, you sent in the email you sent you've listened to the show, right? So you know that this is a slippery slope for some. When you were moving, where were you born? So I was born in Charlotte, North Carolina.

I was there for about five years, and then we went out to the Midwest to Kansas for three years. I was in Georgia for one year after that, South Carolina for three years after that. And I ended up in Southeast in North Carolina, at 93. What sort of challenges as you go through that, like, where are you facing? You know, I mean, I'm just picturing here too because I made a big move all the way from Canada down to Texas. And, yeah, I mean, to kind of get back into the flow and meet people, it's difficult. What was it like for you?

You know, it was tough just because every time that you felt like that you had settled somewhere and you kind of built a good network of friends, you know, my dad would sit us down and tell us that, you know, we were relocating. And it was, it was tough, especially when I got to North Carolina, we're back to North Carolina in 93. I was going into seventh grade. And, you know, we moved in the summer and I absolutely hated it here because I didn't know anyone. And, you know, going into middle school is tough enough as it is. But when you go in, as somebody that doesn't know anything about the surroundings or the people, it can be difficult to acclimate to that. So that was, that was a challenging time for sure. Yeah. Did you talk with anybody about that or more of

internalizing it? Yeah, and I think that's been my struggle for a long time. It's something that I've had to be mindful of is just not bottling it all up. And, you know, I started to bottle up, especially around like the teenage years. And that led to kind of like some behavioral issues with school acting out, trying to be the class clown, trying to sit in. Yeah. And not taking school seriously. And it kind of came to a head when I was in high school. My freshman year, I wasn't really making good choices. I didn't give a crap about school. And my dad actually wanted to send me to military school.

And we went toward the facility. And I remember thinking to myself, man, my world was about to end. But luckily, my mom sort of bailed me out and got me into a private school here in Wilmington, which sort of allowed me to realign my focus on what's important. But it definitely helped me out. if I had stayed in an environment at the public high school, I would have been probably dropping out or flunking out for sure because I just school was not on my priority list at that time.

Yeah. So it was already, yeah, that I'm with you on that, man. I had a hard time following the rules in high school, man. It was a challenge. And I think, you know, I relate to you in that sense, too, about not sharing anything with anybody, not even really knowing how to. I think people look back and they're like,

well, why didn't you talk with it? us. Why didn't you tell us? I didn't know, like, that world, if that makes any sense. If I want to share emotion with people, how to identify what emotion I was feeling, or if things were going to change, or if I was just going to be in more trouble. Like, I mean, it was just, I kind of felt trapped, man. Like, I didn't feel like there was really a way out of all these things that weren't working for me. Yeah. Yeah, I can certainly attest to that. I mean, I'd, you know, looking back, it would have been much easier just to confide in someone. But I think along with those lines, too, I didn't really feel comfortable talking to my parents about it, you know,

because I mean, my dad was an entrepreneur and he was busy with his job and I didn't want to put anything on him. But at the same time, I didn't really have anyone close enough here, like a good circle of friends to kind of open up to. I mean, that didn't happen until a little bit later on in high school when I got into a little bit better setting at the private school. Yeah. Yeah. And I think even in the message you sent me before, like, getting into the, you know, smoking weed and drinking stuff, that was in high school, right? Yeah, well, it actually, yeah, a little bit. So alcohol really didn't come into play probably until, like, high school. Honestly, like, I didn't really care from the tasted

beer, anything like that when I was not. I mean, probably a lot of that had to do with the crap beer that we had at our, you know, available. at that time. But weed honestly came in around 7th grade, actually. There was a guy that I knew that smote. And I actually remember buying my first bag of weed from him, like in seventh grade, like a dime bag. And the cops actually came and searched that guy's locker.

And I was so freaking nervous that I was going to get narked on. But it didn't happen that way. but maybe that looking back, that should have been like a red flag from the get-go. But yeah, I mean, so like smoking weed kind of came into it, you know, pretty much seventh grade. I'd get it when it was available. There was the middle school I went to actually connected to the high school that I would later attend. And I remember meeting a guy over there on the bridge, like in between the schools and after school and buying like a bag from him. here and there. And then that sort of just progressed like further into high school.

And I mean, honestly, like my drug of choice was weed starting out. And then when I got to a little bit more exposure to alcohol on college, then alcohol kind of came into play as well. Yeah, it takes over in a sense or more, more interested maybe. You know, it's so interesting, too, with the story you share in the background, right, of bouncing around and really having a hard time to connect with, you know, people and you're moving so much. everything. But then this thing, you know, what I found, man, when I started drinking really, I mean, I would, I smoked weed a couple times. Like, I've done a lot of stuff, but smoked weed a couple of times just to get the boys off my back. They're just razzing me. It was never really

my interest. But I saw how it played out. Alcohol played that role for me as somebody who always kind of felt like a loner and really, I had a really hard time making friends and connecting. And the second I drank and acted like a wild man, that was gone. I never had a problem. from that point forward. And I think that's kind of why, you know, really checked the box for me. And when I reflect back, I saw a lot of my peers now, kind of getting into that culture of, you know, smoking and stuff.

And they had their, you know, connections and an easier way to make friends. I mean, that's why I gravitated towards a lot of that stuff. What do you think? Anything there? Yeah, I think, you know, for me, when I discovered weed in seventh grade, It was kind of, you know, all those anxieties I felt about like relocating and trying to fit in and what have you. You all seem to go away when I won't smoke, you know, it would just put me in like a relaxing state of mind. And, you know, I was a big skateboarder growing up.

And like that lifestyle, you know, good or bad, weed was definitely a big part of it. You know, like I was into hip hop and, you know, every other song mentioned a weed. So it was kind of like in my culture of like the circle of people I sort of ran around with. And at the time, it was all kind of fun in games. I mean, I had a few run-ins, you know, with the law, unfortunately. I got busted my freshman year smoking wheat in the dorms. And that was stupid. I remember my dad finding out because maternities were sending letters to our house to represent me.

And that was not a pleasant conversation because he just saw that the potential that I had and felt like that I was squandering it with just making poor choices and getting myself in connoirms that, you know, could definitely affect me, you know, as far as like, you know, graduating school, getting a job, what have you in the future. So yeah, that was tough. And yeah, when I went to court for that offense, I actually, the judge was kind of old school and told the bailiff to give me a taste of what the real world was like. So I actually had to go to jail for about four or five hours and sit in the jail cell underneath the courthouse, which, yeah, for anybody that's ever been to jail, it's not a pleasant place. And definitely was an eye-opener

for me. Yeah. And that was when you were in college. Yeah, my freshman year. Yeah. I was sort of like semi-sared straight. Yeah. For sure. It was, yeah. Did it work? I'm sorry. Did it work? No, unfortunately. Because at that time, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you think that you're, I just felt like that, okay, I'll get through this and then I'll just move on and go on. You're kind of invincible like nothing can touch you. You know all the answers when you're in your young 20s. So yeah, I did a thing. I had to do a thing. I was on probation when I was 16. So at 17, I wasn't following any rules. So they had this scared straight program. So they brought you to the central prison in Raleigh there where they have death row and it was just madness. I think about

it and I'm just like, this was just madness. This is where my life was, but I had that same, you know, there's something really interesting about the human condition or a human spirit or something. You can see where other people who acted the same way as I did end up, I couldn't connect the dots between my ears, that that could ever be my reality until it was. It's this, this really, really interesting thing that without the experience firsthand or the willingness to listen to anybody else. I was like what you shared there.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, of course it could happen to so-and-so. That'll never be my life. Like, of course, there's no way. You know, you just can't see it. Just can't picture it, you know, it just kind of takes time. So you have that experience. And then your parents caught wind of it too.

I mean, and how is the rest of college going? And then you start to, it sounds like anyway, lean into maybe alcohol a little bit more in this part of the group of the stream. So college was good. I mean, I think one thing that was helpful for me was when I went to the private school, it prepared me for college. It's like you had to work and then play. So I had that mindset.

So my grades and everything like that were fine. I was working as well. But, you know, when I would get home or whatever, it was mostly smoking. But as I started to get towards legal age of 21, I remember I got a fake ID from a guy I knew that looked kind of like me. and that's when I started going to bars and everything like that. And then, you know, I got done with school. And I was drinking, but like mostly like so on the weekends and sometimes during the week nights.

I didn't really feel like that I was overdoing it. And then that sort of shifted. After I got back from school, I came back to where I went to high school and got a job at working for an insurance company. Could not stand it. I did it for seven months. and then I kind of had to reevaluate. I'm asking myself, what do I do now? You know, like I'm done to school.

I've got a degree. What do I do now? So I took some time away from like working in the, I guess, the professional or whatever you want to call it. And I got a job at a restaurant cooking at night. And then I was also doing landscaping during the day, just trying to save money because I knew I wanted to relocate. And, you know, the service industry and the rest of the rest of the rest of the day.

restaurant like that that puts you full tilt in front of you know booze and and drugs and what have you so i think that was like my first real exposure like drinking and um like really kind of starting to overdo it a little bit yeah get as the experience that nightlife what what restaurant was it uh it was on uh right on the beach it was called the oceanic okay yeah so like and then you couple that with living in an environment that's like a destination city, you know, people come to where I live all the time for vacation because the coast is there and like we have an historic downtown and yeah. So yeah, there's already like a party atmosphere where I reside. So yeah. So that's going on and then yeah, the restaurant too. I mean, I share on the show all the time. I had my

restaurant jobs and yeah, it was just like I got connected. I got connected. when I was younger with people older. Like they had a lot of experience. I mean, some of these people when I was 20, I mean, they would have been in their 40s. And that's the way they lived. And I just thought, I don't know, maybe I idolized it. I just looked up to it. I was like, it just free flow, right?

You just go out, party. I was like, they have a ton of friends. Like, they've got a little bit of cash from, you know, the night before in their pocket. And yeah, I was just really, I look at it now. And I'm like, oh, my goodness. Like, that sort of life terrifies me. I could, I could never do it now. But at the time, I was like, wow.

Yeah. You know, that's incredible. And then you have, you know, you work in the shift work and there's time after work. And yeah, just kind of can definitely send you down a rabbit hole. So many people, I mean, if it's not college, it's service industry. Like what you mentioned their restaurants. If it's not college that really kind of gets you into the flow, it's working in the restaurants that a lot of people share gets them into the flow of things. How is life outside of this work in everything going for you at this time?

Like how old are you? 20 something? 20 like 22 23 at this stop and honestly my focus was just to kind of save money i mean luckily i had my um kind of nose to the grindstone as far as like just trying to save money it's like that but i on the flip side i was like going out and partying and everything and in 06 i've saved up a bunch money and to where i had enough to get started and i decided on charlotte north carolina so to kind of go back to my roots and I went out there. I ended up getting a job through a mutual friend, ended up meeting my wife through the same mutual friend. So I'm kind of indebted to her,

you know, for a lot of different things. But the company that I started working with at that time definitely employed a lot of younger people. It was a fun environment. It was a very challenging job, kind of like in the fleet industry. But it was, certainly a culture of work hard play hard so you know mid 20s I'm in a new city a big city with a lot going on and it was you know work 50 60 hours a week and then on the weekends go tear it up with my friends and like that sort of is the segue into like alcoholism for me like I didn't see it at the time because you know you're in your 20s and you think to yourself this is what 20 somethings do They work hard and they go out after that and have some drinks and have a good time and then do it all over again the following week.

And at the time, I didn't see that I had an issue because everybody around me was doing the same thing and, you know, no problem. But like looking back, that was really sort of the catalyst that allowed me to realize that further down the road that full-blown addiction for sure. Yeah, that's when you notice things starting. A lot of people share too that they always feel like at the time we had no idea. Good point there because when we're going through it, I mean, we don't know. We're surrounding ourselves. I did anyway on purpose, I think, with other people that were doing it. I didn't want to hang out with people that weren't drinking and then I'm drinking.

Like, that's nobody. I mean, they probably weren't interested either in the way I was drinking. But a lot of people share when they look back at things that they notice they drank different maybe from the beginning than people around. them. Any relation to that or anything or no? Well, I knew, I think my first signal that I had an issue was so my routine was, I would go to work, you know, finish out, work 10, 11 hours a day, and I would come home. And at the time I was drinking liquor, bourbon specifically. And I remember one time just doing a test to see like how much alcohol I consumed by the average, because, you know, I didn't use shot glasses to pour anything.

It's all freaky-or and you cord in the highball glass and go. Well, one night I just sort of took stock of how much booze I drank. And it was between 10 and 12 shots that I was having per night. But, you know, if you have a big high ball glass, you know, you put your ice in, you put your liquor in, and then you splash it with whatever mixture you have. And that, when I realized how much alcohol is consuming at that time, I was like, wow, like this, maybe I'm overdoing it. But still, at that time, I'm like, this is normal.

This is what people do. I don't have a problem. But it was somewhat of a wake-up call, although it didn't fully resonate at that time. Yeah. And a lot of relatable stuff there, too. And I think what people share often, too, is when they're younger, you can bounce back. Like, you can bounce back more, I mean, in your early 20s, I mean, you can go out for the night, get four or five hours of sleep, two hours of sleep and, like, find a way to make things happen again. Like it, you know, it'll be enough to get by, right?

You know, and then a lot of people that, you know, to carry on for that, they can share too later in the story. How does it catch us up with you, right? It hits different. The older you get. And it becomes a lot more anxiety. The hangovers become maybe more difficult, maybe last for a couple days and everything like that. So you're going through this. This is your 20s.

You're hanging out with everybody, new job, new city in Charlotte. Where were your folks at? Did they continue to moving around? afterwards or no? Yeah, they had stayed in Wilmington. My father had his business until 2008. And then he had to shut the doors, unfortunately, with the economic situation during those years. But they stayed in Wilmington. And, you know, I still had a good relationship with them. And if like that, that really wasn't stressed. But, you know, I didn't disclose a whole lot to them either. Like I wasn't going in and said, yeah, I'm going out and getting torn up every weekend.

Yeah. I think they kind of figured that. And my dad's got some history with some alcohol challenges as well. Yeah. But, but yeah, that was, that was pretty much all good. Yeah. And then in 2010, I actually took a transfer. I'd gotten married. I took a transfer back to Wilmington with the employer I had at the time. And again, still working hard and the drinking was still there. I didn't have kids at the time. And then in 2014, my oldest daughter was born. And, you know, I was still drinking and everything like that, kind of hitting it on the weekends.

And then in 2017, my wife was pregnant with our second daughter. and we found out through the physician, because we had some pregnancy challenges, that my youngest daughter would have Down syndrome. And I think that any parent that has a child that has specialities can attest that it's eight million questions that go on in your mind when you get that news. But it was tough for me to process that because I'm just trying to figure out, you know, is my daughter going to be accepted? what sort of health challenges are she going to have? And, you know, unfortunately, drinking at the time was a way to try to deal with that. And it's certainly not a healthy way to deal with it. But that's all I live.

So. Yeah. That's kind of the thing, too, I think the longer that we keep alcohol in our life, too, it's when things come up in life, that that just becomes the way we, that's what we throw at everything. Right. It's not like we're forcing. And I'm in line with this 110%. I never was forced to actually find healthy ways to deal with stuff because I was like,

good day, drink, bad day drink, this drink, every day. For me anyway, at the end, that's just the way it was. I didn't know any other, like, ways to work through how to deal with difficult situations, stress, overwhelm, unknown. So 2014 is when you're, you first become a father. And what was that experience like for you? I mean, just unbelievable. Like I said, we had had some pregnancy challenges in the past.

And my wife, like, had really, we had fought through together to make it happen because we always wanted children. But, you know, the birth of my oldest daughter was certainly one of the most rewarding experiences. And I think in a way, it was sort of allowed me to. think outside of myself, you know, like you then really see just how beautiful of a moment this was. And I'm, I'm forever grateful to have beautiful kids that are just wonderful. And, but I think that that little did I know that it would have provided the motivation for me to start to re-evaluate how I was approaching life and what I was doing. And, you know, Just to re-adry with the decisions that I had made, especially from an addiction standpoint.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it makes sense. I mean, I think once, yeah, kids come into the picture, yeah, it's like that, you know, I mean, you got somebody else out there relying on us, you know. And definitely for me, man, it can make us question, you know, some things, right? What was you drinking like, man? Was it just on weekends or was it creeping during the week or no? So at that time, yeah, it was during the week. But weekends were certainly, you know, full throttle.

I was drinking. My drink of choice was at vodka at that time. Yeah. I can remember going to the liquor store down the road. And I call this inventorying because it's something that I've sort of reexamined. But I always had to check when I went to the house. I wasn't going out so much. It was more so just, you know,

go to the house and pour some drinks after work. But I can remember specifically on like Thursdays or Fridays, I had to take stock of what I had available to me. Yes. To make sure that I had adequate liquor to get through the weekend. And if I had to stop during the day at the liquor store, then that's what I had to do. But I did that for a while and then I quit drinking liquor probably in my late 30s.

just because it was it was getting to be too much i mean i realized that you know i was definitely overdoing it but again i didn't see the clear picture and i just sort of transferred the liquor from going to you know either beer or like the cell service or whatever that they have now which um yeah yeah it was just a substitute really so you know what's the difference between six shots or 12 beers not much you know yeah just just a little bit of shift of, you know, what it's going to be. Anything coming up for you in this part of your life as far as like consequences, I use that term loosely, but anything that you're like, are you talking to yourself about

maybe I should cut back? Is that sort of where the liquor thing came from? Are you aware of sort of? Yeah. I mean, I think I was trying to rationalize in my mind. You know, part of me is telling me, part of my kind of mind is telling me that, no, you don't having a problem. You're just doing what.

But then there's other sides of it where I'm like, well, I'm getting blackout. And I just, you know, slow it down. So I sort of pivoted to doing just my drinking on the weekends. But again, that inventorying came into place because if it was Friday, we only had seven or eight, you know, cans of whatever in the garage fridge, I need to make moves to go get more. So I, you know, could be at the place. And I think for me, I really.

that when I put it, there's people out there like my wife that can have a glass of wine and she's good. Yeah. I can't do that. I have that first drink or the second drink and then I start feeling the buzz. Yeah. And then I got to chase it. And that's what the weekends were for me all the way until about 20, 23 was when some pretty life-changing things happened that sort of made me further re-examine what I was doing. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, you know, when we're on this side of things, you can see it clear as day about, I can't anyway. And you bring up there with your wife, right? And I think on this side of the things, we can see clear as day like how we were drinking different than other people around us to where some people have one in there or they don't even finish it. Some people share in the, you know, some of these meetings I host about their partner or their friend or something. They're not even finishing their drink. And it's like, wow, it's like to us. It's like, Oh my goodness. Like, come on, that's, that's not going to happen. It's even hard to kind of even comprehend it at times. How was, how were things? Because when your youngest daughter was

born, how was that? It was, uh, it was a lot. You know, I mean, there was multiple things happening at that time. Um, you know, we were worried about her birth and how that would go. And then we were going to a, like a, basically like a specialized doctor for the pregnancy because it was high risk. And they found out that my daughter had a VSD, which is a heart defect. It stands for a ventricular septal defect. And a lot of individuals would down center of about half, have some sort of heart defect. So, you know, we're looking at that too, wondered if our donor's going to have to have open heart surgery. and there was like an emergency C-section scheduled for that for her birth.

And it was tough because, like, I were worried about my wife. I'm worried about my daughter. And then, you know, you coupled that with work and then my oldest daughter. And there was just a lot of things happening at that time. And it was difficult to manage because, again, I'm just worried about so many different things in my daughter's health situation. It was really taxing for sure. Yeah.

Wow. That's a, yeah, that's a, yeah, that's a lot. lot, man. Yeah. That is a lot. How were you able to kind of leave your way through all of this? You know, and unfortunately, not in the healthiest of ways. I was sticking to what I knew, and that was coming home and drinking on the weekends. I mean, I probably sort of turned it down a little bit at that time to kind of give some extra focus to my wife, you know, and as we're sort of navigating that situation. But still, I was reversed. converting back to drinking and just sort of try to disconnect because it gave me a little bit of

release. But, you know, now I know the next morning I feel like crap and those issues will still be there. But at the time, I just couldn't see it. Yeah. Just trying, yeah, trying to find that escape for now from things. You kind of hinted at 2023 there. How did things look for you then? So I had two pretty large things happen at that time. A childhood friend, a guy that I knew from South Carolina that we somewhat had lost touch, but like our families were still tight. He passed away a few days shy of his 40th birthday from alcohol-related, like liver failure. And then I also, a really good friend of mine here in Wilmington,

His younger brother had struggled with opiate addiction. It had been cleaned for about seven or eight years. But unfortunately, he relapsed and got a batch of fentanyl and passed away. So those were like two really monumental things that happened that year that was the beginning of me starting to reflect a little bit further to myself and my own challenges with addiction. but yeah so that was a lot yeah were you aware of your one childhood friend there that that he that the drinking was like in his life like that or no so we had somewhat lost touch um he you know he lived in a different state and you know we would still kind of communicate every now and then through text message or what have you but no i didn't know um the magnitude of what he

had been dealing with but in discussions with mutual friends that we had I learned that yeah he has struggled with alcohol for quite some time because we went to separate colleges so I didn't really get to see him as much as I would like during the college years but you know it got at the point where with him to where you know he was having some serious um medical issues and they were trying to diagnose it and it came back to just his uh overuse of alcohol causing little chileering unfortunately unfortunately he didn't make it. Wow. So this is kind of a time of reflection for maybe where things are at with yourself.

What does that look like? So I started to kind of reflect a little bit more about the choices that I was making and the level of drinking. And I would say the first thing that really happened that caused me to really reexamine things was my brother had his 50th. birthday and i went down to south carolina to go celebrate with him and my parents were down there as well and we were actually staying with the parents of my friend that had passed away from alcoholism because they lived in the same town but long story short we go out i had been pre-gaming it as well

i'd probably had five or six drinks before we went to dinner i had several mixed drinks at dinner even though I wasn't drinking liquor at the time I decided to revert back. And the night went on, we went out, and I barely remember getting an Uber and going home that night with my mom. It's just snippets of memory of what happened the night prior. Anyway, I woke up the next morning in the guest room of, you know, this house. didn't quite remember getting home. The first thing I did was look for my wallet, my cell phone because I thought I had left it at the bar, one of the last bars we had been at.

And I felt like death and was just out of it. And I made the call at that point that I needed to go home. So it was about a four-hour drive. I got in the car, said goodbye to my parents and, you know, the folks we were staying with, family friends, and got in the car and drove all the way. back and just thought long and hard about the choices I had made, getting blackout drunk, not remembering things. And like, what did that look like to my mom? Because my mom even had mentioned me, I talked to her later in the day. She said, you really had no idea what

was going on last night, did you? Yeah, you're right, Mom. I really didn't. And that was the, like, the first real eye opener for me that I was definitely going down in a bad path for sure. Yeah. And was that like the first time or was this like I don't know if regular is the right word, but was blacking out and stuff like something you experienced before? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if we hosted parties on my house, like I have a big college football party, you know, on Larry Day weekend every year to kind of kick it off. And there was events like that where, you know, you just drink all day. And then it would end up being, you know, where's mad at? I always passed out in bed or whatever. So there was numerous circumstances. Yeah. Prior to.

to that. Where, again, it's just like chasing that feeling. Like, I, you know, I get two or three drinks in me, and I just got to keep going and chase that feeling to the point to where eventually I'll just black out or, you know, pass out somewhere. Yeah. So. Do you ever feel like you, because you mentioned that a couple times, I chase that feeling,

do you ever feel like you get to it again? Like, like, I feel like the first time I drank, I was on Cloud 9, man. It was beautiful. I mean, it was just like this, this great experience. and we got into it. We had a ton of fun. And I feel like maybe in one way or another, I was looking for that to happen again.

And then as time went on, and I look back now and I'm like, man, like that euphoric feeling of kind of everything just releasing. Like maybe I experienced it again, but it wasn't like for hours. It was maybe for minutes. What was your experience with that?

Like this thing you're after? Well, I think one thing, as you alluded to earlier, like the hangovers just get nothing but worse as you age. And I was, I didn't realize in time, but I mean, I'd get up and I just feel like hot garbage. And, you know, it was raw. But yeah, the, the effect of alcohol was, it wasn't what it was when I first started drinking. When I first started drinking, it was fun. It was, you know, I come out of my shell a little bit. we have some laughs, you know, have a great time. It's all fun in games.

Now it was more like, what can I do to get in a place where I can block all these things out of my mind? And it just wasn't healthy at all. And yeah, yeah, I was just overdoing it. And I just wanted to get at the point where I was so drunk that, you know, I'd go to bed and then start over the next day. Yeah. Were guilt or shame part of your. sort of rotation here? Were you experiencing any of that, feeling that the next day? Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Like from my parents, from my wife, you know, because she had to do

the explaining when I would get blackout. And then there was a situation that occurred prior where my oldest daughter had a birthday party at the house. My best friend, his two kids were over there and his father came to pick up, picked him up from the party. And I was three sheets to the wind. And this is a man that, like, I have nothing but respect for that I've known for, you know, 30 years almost. And he could see that I was torn up. And it bothered me. It really bothered me the next day because this is like a family friend, someone I really care about. And I just started asking myself, how many other times, like how many people looked at me and were like, this guy is gone right now and he has no idea probably won't even remember this conversation

the next morning and it yeah the shame was burning a hole for sure yeah definitely yeah a lot a lot of people share too like eats us up in a in a way that's not it's not like those you know rock bottoms that everybody can see right it's like okay you got you got that that happened okay we can see that right that other part of it is a part that not everybody can see. And we even go further back in your story and I can relate with this. And I don't know if you're going to relate with it at this point in your life. But I always internalized everything even when I was younger.

And that didn't just magically change. And that's the same thing I did even when I was struggling at my worst. I did not know how to reach out for help until I did, like just kind of take a leap of faith in a sense to ask people for help. but I just didn't know what to do with it. I thought maybe that was just a normal part of it that everybody went through this whole cycle. And I would just say, would just pull up your socks a little bit, pull them up a little bit higher, get back in there. Everybody's going through it, you know, be a man, like you got this.

And when I look back, I'm when I taught with people and I'm like, man, not everybody. You know what I was drinking like that caused how much chaos. And then as you as you continue on and stay in the game with the drinking, the tolerance increases. So then it's more to kind of get to that, hopefully, you know, that same level. And then that just goes and goes up and up and up. And then it's, you know, kind of maybe while you're experiencing the blackouts and everything like that. Where do we go from here, Matt? So after my brother's birthday party, I started thinking long and hard about what I wanted to do.

And I came back and I had a conversation with my wife about how I was going to stop drinking. or try to stop drinking. Yeah. At the time, I wasn't interested in going to AA meetings because I just wasn't comfortable by being that voter roll. So I had stopped and I had actually made it until about June of 2024. I was in Chicago for work. And a coworker of mine and I were at a restaurant and having some delicious food,

a steak. And I'm like, man, a glass of wine would really be good with this steak right now. And I ordered one. And that's all I had that night. And I didn't really think anything of it. But, you know, part of me was like wrestling with the fact that, okay, I had quit for seven, eight months and had had a drink. Am I in control now? So that was something that I had to reckon with.

And eventually what it ended up happening was, I really, I remember. really wasn't drinking much of the house, but if I was at an event, like we stayed at a friend's house at a lake house up in near Charlotte in July, and I started drinking there just because it was there and it was a fun environment. And, you know, it sort of started to creep back into my life more and more. And honestly, I got to, you know, the end of 2024 and was still reflecting, you know, but I was still drinking. And then January 2nd hit, and I just, I accepted the fact that I'm an alcoholic and I can't drink.

And I'll always will be an alcoholic. I just can't drink anymore. And that was a tough pill to swallow. But I think once that settled in and I embraced it and I owned it, it made it that much easier. You know, just to understand it. I'm not cut from the cloth that can have a drink and be dumb. Yeah. So I don't need it at all.

And here we are almost five months later. And yeah, I haven't had a drink and I feel absolutely amazing. Yeah. A lot of freedom on this side of things. Was there anything specific that prompted you for January 2 to or to get to that spot? You know, because you hear, you've listened to the podcast, right? Because you said, yeah, yeah, I listened to all the podcasts, you know. You hear on the story, right, decades of struggle.

But we know when we look back, hey, there was like a problem here, you know, maybe many moons ago. But sometimes it takes whatever it takes to get to that spot to be honest with ourselves to say, you know what, the next drink's not going to be any different. I'm always going to end up in the same place or maybe a worse off place. Was there anything that sort of prompted you to that level of acceptance and honesty with yourself? I think, you know, first I had to acknowledge myself that I had an issue and to fully embrace that issue, not to BS it or sugarcoat it like I had done in the past. So that was step one. And I think step two was being grateful and learning gratitude for everything positive that I had. I had a wonderful wife. You know, I still have a wonderful wife that never badgered me. or belittled me or made me feel bad about it.

She was always supportive. And when I told her that I was going to try to stop drinking, she was 100% on board and said, you know, whatever I can do to hell, I'm here. So that and then like the motivations of my daughters as well. Like my role is to protect them and teach them and just give them the best version of myself. And I didn't do that for a long time. And I still struggle with it that I wasn't quite present. but those motivators right there, my big rocks,

is really sort of what allowed me to focus on myself and accept everything and just try to present the best version of myself to people. Yeah, I love that. It's about accepting where we're at and then being willing to make the change, but also too, like I kind of refer to some of those things as our why. You know, what's our why for doing what we're doing, right? because things are going to be hard and we're going to need some anchors along the way. And, you know, and for being present.

And, you know, with five months, too, it's incredible, incredible start to things, too. And you'll work through a lot of other stuff kind of as you go. You know what I mean? Like I mentioned with a lot of people, too, it's, you know, sometimes we can be in a hurry, right, to resolve everything and to figure it all out. But I think it's always good to zoom out a little bit and realize that, you know, we didn't get here overnight and it's going to take a little bit of time to get to where we're going, which is all part of it. Do you feel anything different from this five months than before when you

had that streak? I do. I think, you know, before I was wrestling with like, do I really have a problem, you know, because I had been clean for seven or eight months. Yeah. And I was wrestling with that back and forth, like, do I have a problem or do I not? And then finally accepting that I did have a Bravo. And I still do have a problem. I always have a problem. It's just a matter of how I'd manage it on a day-to-day basis. And you talk about being vulnerable and open it up and not bottling up things, which is something I've always struggled with. I did start going to a therapist about two years ago. Yeah. And she's been instrumental in, like, helping me and like talk through these feelings and the shame and the guilt and just making the journey my own and allowing me to just, just,

really re-examine things and come to peace with myself, you know, which is always a work in progress. But having that outside resources have been definitely most helpful. Yeah, somebody to talk with and, you know, learn those skills too, man. Like maybe that we didn't really lean into growing up, you know, didn't really feel comfortable to. And being vulnerable, I think, is a good part, really important part of the journey, especially with our loved ones close to home. And for you jumping on here, I mean, what the heck? Like, that's vulnerability and a massive scale matter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was a little nervous about coming on, man. I got to be honest, Brad, like, you know, it's, I had like some second thoughts. Like, am I really ready for this to open up to the, to the world out there? You know, because it's a lot of personal information. But I felt like it, it was my duty, just in the sense that this platform has been so helpful for me. Because I listen to your podcast and I listen to other people's stories.

and, you know, alcoholism is something that there's a lot of stereotypes out there. And, you know, you listen to your guests and it hits everyone, you know, not to the certain same extent, but I've found a lot of just hope in listening to, you know, other folks' stories out there. It's really inspired me to do better and to focus on me and in my journey. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's so true, man. There's a lot of stigma. there's a lot of what it should look like. There's a lot of what we see in the movies. There's a lot of this. But I mean, it's a lot of people struggling with alcohol are hiding in plain sight. You know, just like we once were, man. I mean, there was a time where everybody thought it was normal.

But when I was going to the fridge, they thought I was getting one. I was getting three. They didn't know. Like, I mean, I was even probably fooled myself for some time too and thought I was like, everybody's doing that. Nobody else was doing that, Brad. And I think breaking down those walls and those barriers within ourselves too. And also accepting our stories and our journeys for where they are.

You know, like it doesn't have to get this bad. It doesn't have to look like that. We can make a decision at any time to turn this around. I heard one of the wildest things that I probably ever heard in my life the other day about the longer you ride the train, the more expensive it is to get home. And I related that to this journey because not that it's going to cost us money necessarily to get sober, but that it's going to require effort and work. And the longer ride the train, maybe the more effort in work that we have to put into it type deal.

So what I took away from the second part of that was, is like, if we have an opportunity to get off, like, closer to our stop, let's take it. Because this thing doesn't get better, man. You've heard the stories? Yeah. It doesn't get better. The other thing you shared that stood out with me is that you're having second thoughts. Dude, I have second thoughts every day about what I'm doing. Every single day as my kids grow up and everything is out there.

And I'm just like, I have second thoughts. But just do it anyway. You know, sometimes it's scary. But one of my earliest mentors always told me that it might never be the right timing or ready or feel comfortable. but you got to start anyway. You got to just get after it. And it's always kind of stuck with me. You know, with sobriety and with other things in my life,

that usually the more uncomfortable I am, the more potential for more growth in my life. Love to having you, Matt. Yeah. Thank you so much, Brad. It's been great. And, you know, I'll tell anybody out there that, you know, everyone's journey is their own.

There's no wrong answer. You know, we all want to get. there, so it'll take longer than others, but, you know, own it, give people that you care about the best version of yourself because, you know, that's important to you and the people around you and just be grateful. And I'm grateful for every day that I have with my family, my friends, my daughters. And it's just, it's been like Chey for me. And yeah, I'm just so grateful for it. Yeah, man, and that's beautiful. What is gratitude at the forefront of your life prior to this? No, no, I, you know, I was more the, the glasses half empty guy.

Everything happening to me. A lot of it was self-imposed just from the decisions that I was making. But, you know, I'm so blessed in so many different facets, but it's taken me a long time to wrap my brain around that. But it's all about perspective, you know, and the attitude that you bring to the table. Like you need to lift people up or you bring people down. And unfortunately, I was bringing people down through my actions. And it's something I try to be mindful of every day is, again, to present the best version of myself and lift people up because you never know what people are struggling with.

And if you can lift them up, then, you know, you can help them along the way as well. So. Yeah. Well, that's so important, too. Yeah. I mean, because, I mean, we look at our own stories. I mean, we were struggling and who knew, right? We just kept it so quiet. So in interaction with others, just being mindful of how good things can possibly look on the outside. outside and how much of a struggle and internal battle can be going on. What is your wife? You know, think about everything. I mean, you mentioned they're too supportive and you got good feedback. But I mean, is there anything else to that side of things?

You know, she's still Drace at the house, but she's never had an issue. Again, she's the one that has two or three glasses of this little, you know, wine here and there, which I could never do that. But, you know, she goes out of her way to ask me, like if, well, she, we don't want. want alcohol in the house anymore. And I think that it's important for it to be there because it's a good control for me that, you know, alcohol is going to be around everywhere where I'm going to a wedding, a restaurant, whatever. But no, she's been my rock. She's just been so helpful and supportive and never judgey. And I put her in some pretty precarious positions sometimes through my drinking.

And I'm just grateful that she stuck by me and, you know, had my back the whole way and I'm forever indebted to her. Yeah, beautiful. And it's interesting, too, you mentioned that. Like, there's an expression that goes around that alcohol wasn't my problem. It was my solution to a problem, you know, or something else, right, going on. I mean, I use the word problem loosely as it could, you know, go in a bunch of directions. It is so interesting because I look at my life now and some people are like, was it uncomfortable

to be around alcohol and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all the stuff. And I'm like, no, in my life. life today, no, because that was never my problem. My problem is what I see in the mirror. I got to a spot in my life where I hated what I saw in the mirror and I then recognized who I had become. And that's where I had to make the internal changes and the growth. If it wasn't alcohol, it was something else. If it wasn't something else, it was something else. I was just interested in getting outside of myself. And I used these vehicles, substances of different categories at different places in my life to get outside of myself. But once I started to do the work on the inside,

you know, like what you mentioned me with the therapist and getting vulnerable and being honest and accepting, you know, this is my life. And going through all of these processes, it's not bothersome, you know? It's great. It's great. I mean, just the amount of internal reflection I've had over the last two years. And being in a clear mind, too, to, you know, before but the mind was kind of cloudy and fuzzy, and I was doing myself a disservice. But now when you don't have that hanging on you, it's much easier to have that internal reflection and realize where you're falling short and work to improve every day. Yeah, every day. Have you surprised yourself at all, Matt? I know a lot of people share too. Living a life without alcohol seems so far to reach.

I mean, almost some people share maybe even impossible to even comprehend or think about. I mean, have you surprised yourself with where you're at or no? I think sometimes. Sometimes I think back and I'm like, wow, you know, this is amazing that I've pulled it off. But I think just understanding that addiction will always be part in my life. And it's always something that I want to have to overcome. And then you just understanding the like genetic components, Alcoholism has been in my, you know, dad's side of the family for a long time.

And, you know, I'm predisposed to it. And it's okay. Like, I just need to refrain and, and I'm good. But, you know, I just take each day as it comes and just do the best I can because I, you know, I've flip-flop several times. But, and it just feels a lot better this go-round because, like, I've accepted and I've grasped those things that I struggle with. for so long. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Matt.

Anything to send back out there to anybody on their journey? Yeah, just take it one day at a time. You know, it's something that's not easy. And I think even someone that's taking their first, you know, look at this podcast as a step in the right direction. It's the little things to start out and have an internal reflection. And then that builds momentum. And then the next thing you know, it's been five months and you haven't had anything to drink.

So just believe you can do it. And yeah, one day at a time is the best thing that I can tell people. Yeah, love that, man. Well, thanks again. Thank you, Brad. I really appreciate you having me on, sir. There it is. Another episode here on the podcast.

Huge shout out to Matt. I'll drop his Instagram contact information down in the show notes below. Send him over a note. Let him know, thank you. vulnerability is something he's working on and I think reaching out and sharing his story here on the podcast is a step in the right direction. So definitely two thumbs up for that. Matt, great job, incredible job sharing your story. And I think very relatable for a lot of people out there. So great job on five plus months. And I'll see you on the next one.