Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From Chaos to Clarity: Brandi's Journey Through Addiction and Redemption

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

In this episode we have  Brandi, who openly shares her harrowing journey through a rocky childhood riddled with exposure to alcohol and abuse, leading to her own struggles with alcohol and substance abuse.  Brandi narrates how early childhood traumas, including being raised by her grandparents due to her parents' youth and inability to care for her, normalized the presence of alcohol and chaos from a young age. Her story goes into the depths of her addiction, detailing a cycle of struggling relationships, involvement with drugs and alcohol, and the consequential negative impact on her life and her children's lives. The turning point comes when she decides to seek help and successfully enters rehab, marking the beginning of her journey to recovery. Brandi's narrative highlights the stark realities of addiction, the importance of support, and the possibility of redemption and rebuilding one's life. --------------- Contact Brandi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandilvick/ 30 Day Free Trial to SoberBuddy: https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com/plans/368200?bundle_token=8d76ca38d63813200c6c1f46cb3bdbed&utm_source=manual Donate to support the show: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 00:00 Welcome to Season Three: Unveiling Sobriety Stories 00:19 Brandy's Journey: From Childhood to Sobriety 00:36 The Early Years: Chaos, Alcohol, and Family Dynamics 04:22 Adolescence: Struggles, School, and the Spiral into Substance Abuse 10:23 Turning Points: Escaping Abuse and Finding New Paths 15:37 The Cycle Continues: Challenges, Loss, and the Fight for Sobriety 19:36 Reflections and Revelations: Navigating Life's Turbulent Waters 24:00 A New Chapter: Overcoming Addiction and Embracing Change 25:05 A Journey Through Addiction and Loss 25:26 The Spiral of Addiction: Pills, Alcohol, and Cocaine 27:01 Family Struggles and the Cycle of Addiction 28:49 Hitting Rock Bottom and Seeking Help 34:52 A New Chapter: Recovery and Sobriety 46:51 The Importance of Connection and Routine in Sobriety

Welcome back to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Brandy, who openly shares her harrowing journey through a rocky childhood riddled with exposure to alcohol and abuse, leading to her own struggles with alcohol and substance abuse. Brandy narrates how early childhood traumas, including being raised by her grandparents

due to her parents' youth and inability to care for her, normalized the presence of alcohol and chaos from a young age. Her story goes into the depths of her addiction, detailing a cycle of struggling relationships, involvement with drugs and alcohol, and the consequential negative impact on her life and her children's lives. The turning point comes when she decides to seek help and successfully enters rehab,

marking the beginning of her journey to recovery. Brandy's narrative highlights the stark realities of addiction, the importance of support and the possibility of redemption and rebuilding one's life. And this is Brandy's story on the sober motivation podcast. Hey, how's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode. Thank you so much for tuning in to the podcast. I just want to let you guys know.

We've been releasing the Sober Superstar course on the Sober Buddy app, which is incredible if you're just starting out on your journey or you got 60 days, 90 days, or six months. It's really those incredible skills and things. We need to learn to remain sober. You hear oftentimes in the conversations that it's not about getting sober, it's how to stay sober, how to stay stop. And that's what we dive into on the course.

So the really cool thing is we're giving everybody a 30-day free trial. So you can plug in and check out the course. But I would also suggest that you attend one or maybe all 10 of our support groups each week that we host inside of the app. The conversations are incredible. So many people have been with us for 10 months plus. and there's sobriety from one day all the way up to a couple of years. And we really work together to achieve that ultimate goal.

So I'll drop the link for that 30-day free trial on the show notes below. And I hope to see you in a meeting soon. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my friend Brandy with us. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm great.

I'm glad that we're jumping on here and sharing your story with everybody. Me too. Good stuff. So what was it like for you growing up? I was raised by my grandparents, so it was a little different. I went and lived with them when I was two years old. I mean, I had a good childhood. You know, I never wanted for nothing.

We always went on summer vacations in the motorhome. But there was always a lot of chaos. My grandma just was very loud. I guess she came from another time. There was always alcohol involved, so I always thought that was normal. My grandpa, he was a big drinker, but he was like a happy drink. He just always wanted to love on somebody, but my grandma didn't like that, so she was real abusive to him. And once I got a little bit odor was abusive to me.

My uncle drank, my dad drank, he was a drug addict. But back then, I always just thought it was normal. You know, that that was just what everybody else did. As kids hang out a lot like the American Legion or Moose or if I went anywhere with my dad, it was always to the bar and sat in the back and played video games. But I just always thought that was the way it was supposed to be. Yeah, for sure. Where did you grow up at?

In Selesburg, Indiana. My grandma lived there. Her dad, they had a big farm over 100-something acres. And when my dad and uncle were little, they built a house. Her daddy gave her, I think, 80 acres at the time. So I grew up there, and I still actually lived behind the house that I grew up in. She had gave her and my grandpa gave my dad, aunt and uncle each an acre of land. to build on and they all did.

And then when they passed away, and all got split up between them. So I call it Big Bill. We all pretty much surround each other. Interesting. Now, that's awesome. So did you have siblings? And I'm wondering, too, you mentioned that your grandparents looked after you.

Was there a reason for you living with them? My mom was 17 and my dad was 18 when they had me. They were married. But they were too young. I have two twin sisters that are actually a month and 10 days older than me by another woman. So needless to say, he liked to mess around. So I think their marriage lasted maybe a year after I was born from what I've been told. Now, I did live with my mom after they split up, but she lived with her mom and stepdad.

And what I was told is that they couldn't get along. So my mom moved out. And then that's when I went to go live with my dad's parents. And I'd say at that time, their alcohol and drug use really ramped up. So that's pretty much why I went to live with my grandparents. Gotcha. Okay. And how do other things look like?

Are you the only one living with your grandparents? Like the only child? Yeah. Living with them? Yeah. Okay. But my cousins, I have Stacy and Doty. They live next door to us.

And Stacy's like a year older than me, and Doty's like a year and a half. So we were like sisters growing up. And my Aunt Mernie, their mom, she watched me a lot because my grandma worked a lot. So she was like a second mom to me. Okay. So where do things go for you from there? So this is growing up. You're seeing alcohol around.

I mean, it's just normalized, right? you're going to, you know, barons and stuff playing video games in the back. I think I was born to be an alcoholic. I know they had told me stories about I had colic real bad as a baby, so they would put whiskey in my bottle, give me hot toddies to calm me down. So, yeah, I guess I had the notion to drink from a real young age. I don't remember much until around kindergarten, and I do remember I went and lived with my dad. He had a girlfriend, and I don't know why they let me go live with him because it was at her chaos.

I didn't see him much. She was real heavy into drugs. His girlfriend was too, and around that time, there was just no one was really there to watch us, and she had an odor sign, and around that time I got molested, and, I remember kindergarten. I was supposed to be there in the morning, but I never made it to the afternoon. And I can remember her hating me a joint

and telling me to smoke them. Yeah, and I was five years old. But I think I only lived with them for maybe three months. My Neney, my mom's mom, it said she had told my grandparents that to get me out of there, if not, you know, we were all going to have to go to court because there was things going on that shouldn't be going on for a five-year-old. So I went and moved back with my grandparents.

I always went to Catholic grade school. I love that. But I just always felt different because my mom or dad never came to any school things or like I did First Communion. I'm Catholic. I was saying in the choir, they were just never a part of that. And since my grandparents were older and everybody else's parents, you know, were so much younger, there was always a lot of questions like, where's your mom and dad being made fun of?

So I was always insecure. But, I mean, elementary, it was pretty good. And I always played sports. Sports was always a release for me. I played softball and basketball, and I started them fairly early. And so that was a release. But during that time, it was pretty good except my grandma, she had high anxiety. And I know I'd always heard stories.

I mean, she was real abusive to my aunt, like real abusive. And I think it's just the way she grew up. She's seen her dad do it to her mom. And, I mean, just the littlest thing could set her off. You know, you had to go outside and get your switch or that belt had come off shoes. I used to have real long hair and she like, grab that hair and banging up against. But besides that, everything was pretty good. I know when I was, like, in fifth grade, my dad started dating a lady, and, like, within a month, they were married.

And that was strange. He always told me, well, you'll have a mom now. Because I've seen my mom, but not very often if I did, it was normally around. this time. She had ended up getting involved in a motorcycle gang. And so she, like, went across the country and stayed at different clubhouses. She was in that kind of lifestyle, which I'm glad she was away. And I didn't live with her because hard telling what I would have seen if that was the case. So I am glad that they did, you know, let my grandparents raise me because even though it was hard. It was probably still been so much better than if I live with them. But when my dad got married,

she wasn't supposed to be able to have children. And within a month, she was pregnant. She was real nice at first. And we get along to this day, but she was pretty rough on me. But I think a lot of that my dad, he quit doing the drugs, but his drinking was very heavy. Then they were, they were building a house, a new house. And my dad has a history of mental illness real bad. And at that time, he had a nervous breakdown a couple times. And so that was hard to deal with. He didn't end up getting electric shock therapy. And I think that even made him worse. So that was a real troubling time. But as long as I was playing sports and stuff, I felt pretty good. But around that time, I was probably in middle school, I started cutting real bad just for a release. And I've done,

did that up until probably just a few years ago. So that was always a release for me. And also around that time, once their house got built, I had to switch schools. And I was going to go to school with the two older twin sisters of mine. And my dad had never, told me that they were my sisters. I heard it through the grapevine, and then my aunt was the one to tell me for sure that they were, but I was real scared about that, but it actually ended up being pretty good. We got along real well. We played sports together, so it wasn't real bad. That school was real small. It was kindergarten year 12th grade. Things weren't too bad there. I really actually liked to go into school then, and stuff was pretty good.

I'd say probably around 14 is when things started for me to get bad, and a lot of that had to do with my mom moved back home. She moved back to Kentucky. And I started seeing her more, and our relationship was more like friends. We weren't mother and daughter. I could do whatever I wanted to do. And her whole life, you know, she was drugs and alcohol. So that was real prevalent over there.

And she allowed me to do that. So around that time, I started drinking quite a bit when I was there and smoking pot. And then it just progressed from there. I just thinking here with you sharing this, yeah, it just sounds like, a lot of chaos, right? Like you mentioned earlier, there's a lot of chaos going on the background of life in school. You're finding some sort of connection in the sports, which is incredible.

So at 14 there, did you move back in with your mom when she moved back? No. No. Around that time, my, I remember we went on vacation with my grandma and grandpa and I came back to home. This was the end of my eighth grade year in middle school and came back home. when all my stuff was on my grandparents' corporate. My dad, her, decided to get a divorce,

but I'd stayed with my grandparents. I went back to live with them. And things were good. It was pretty much still the same. But when my mom came back in the picture, that's when, I don't know, growing up one minute I would hate her. And then the next minute, you know,

I just wanted nothing but to be around her. But I didn't go look at it. with her, but I did start going and seeing her quite a bit unless it was ball season. And so when I went and seen her, it was, you know, a lot of drinking and a lot of smoking pot. But until I was like 16, that's when I got my core, that's when things really started taking a turn for the worst. And I switched school so I could play Southball at the high school level because the school I went to, they didn't have a team. And when I switched schools, I was always a people pleaser doing any, you know, just to fit in.

Because I always felt like I just never fit in. So, of course, I always went to the bad crowd. And by my junior year, I was drinking at school every day. I would take me a cup. Nobody ever asked. I got in trouble. My dad had put me in a children's shelter because me and him, got into it. So to teach me a lesson, he took me there, and I stayed for five days.

And then automatically they put you on probation. So I had to go to drug and alcohol counseling place. And it was supposed to be a family thing, but my dad never went. My mom went once, and she showed up with wrecked. I completed that. And I'm still living with my grandparents, but I kept getting busted for skipping school. So finally, my car just got completely. completely taken away. And I had to go back and live with my dad and his new wife, which I did. And my stepmom was pretty much like the go between, between me and my dad. But I thought I was pregnant right before I graduated high school, so I got thrown out.

And that's when I went to go live with my mom. And then once I went to go live with my mom, it was just wide open. That's when, which in my senior year, I started dabbling in cocaine because I had a boyfriend that did. And, you know, like I said, I was always the people pleaser. But with my mom, crank was real a big thing. And it was just a hung around, older biker type. I had a fake ID, could go to the bar. They were still involved.

Her and her husband were still members of the motorcycle club. So I was around that kind of environment. And for a 17-year-old, that's not the kind of environment to be around. But I loved it. It was, I don't know, it's exciting to me. So from like 17 to 19, I was real, real bad. In the drugs, I was, running drugs for a guy during that time, you know, beat up a lot. I was always blacked out.

I think from the first time I ever drank, I was always one that blacked out. It beat up. I got thrown off the back of a motorcycle. Shot hat, just craziness. I felt like in two years of doing that, that I had been doing it for like a decade. It was so bad. But at that time, yeah. But I met my kids as dad around that. time and I did get off the crank and we drank but he was abusive so I quit drinking just I guess I was scared that I'd end up dying and I had two daughters he was real abusive but my whole thing was I wanted to you know have the family that I never had and I always thought that I would be able to change,

but that never happened. I know when I had my youngest, I think I left him when she was two months old, went and lived with my mom again. But by this time, she was divorced from the guy in the motorcycle club. And my mom, her lifestyle, she was always a working girl, per se.

So she ended up one of her, well they call them Johns. She ended up getting him with one of him, with him, and they got married because she went to Ohio for a little bit, but then they moved back to Kentucky, and she had quit that lifestyle and stuff. So I moved in with her with the kids,

but he had found me, and he broke into my mom's house and had me by a knife point. We had to go back, and I know once, I finally could call my grandma and we acted like we were going to get wallpaper for a place we were going to move into. But she hurried up, you know, we went back home to Indiana. I left my youngest with my mom and my aunt.

And then me and my oldest daughter, we took off to South Carolina and stayed. They were going on vacation. So we took off with them just to get away from him. And by the time we got back, he had left me alone. He didn't know where we were at. So that got easier. Wow. Was there anybody throughout this time that, like, I think when you're wrapped up in this,

correct me if I'm wrong here, when you're wrapped up in this lifestyle, right? You've got these marriages coming and going. You've got a lot of drinking, a lot of drug use. Like it almost feels like it's just normal. You talked about it earlier, right? But if you go and look at other people's lives, you're like, oh, this is like completely chaotic. and this is not how, but when you're wrapped up in it, it can seem like this is just the way it is.

Was there anybody in your life at all that wasn't living this chaotic sort of life? I mean, I had friends that, like I played ball with. There was one girl, but I think her dad's, you know, drank. And mainly my cousins were the ones that I always hang around because, like with my grandma, I wasn't allowed to go hang out many people. So I was always with my cousins

and my uncle, but my Aunt Mernie, she helped me out a lot. You know, she, I could talk to her. She would keep me in her house just so I wouldn't, like, have to deal with my grandma. One time, like, in high school,

I went to live with them a couple different times when stuff would just get real bad. She'd be like, just let her stay with me for a while. So, that was always a help. But like when I went, got into all the drugs between 17 and 19, I could have went back home, but I was just ashamed.

I looked awful. I was a wreck. And I just felt ashamed. I didn't want to have to face, like, my grandma and grandpa after, you know, they did a lot for me. And I just, and then I didn't want to go back home with my dad and be like, you know, I told you so. I just, I don't.

I was just ashamed. So. Yeah. But after I left him and stuff, I went to college. I looked at with my great aunt. My girls were little. We went to court so he could get visitation and stuff. And he started getting him every other weekend.

And then I started getting back into while they were gone, the party and scene. And I had a cousin. an older cousin on my mom's side that I hung out with, and she was older than me. And then that's when, like, cracks started becoming prevalent and just started getting back into what I'd gotten rid of. I didn't do it so much when the kids were there,

but the weekends that they were gone, it was just full throttle. I'd ended up meeting a guy. Well, I'd moved out of my aunt. And my mom and her husband, they had moved to Indiana, just right down the road for my grandma. And then so we moved in there. Things were going good for all of us. But I know my grandma had brought it up and my mom had brought it up

because I was put myself in bad situations where, like, people were bringing me home. I didn't have any clue who these people were, you know, total blackouts. They'd show up the next day. Like, are you okay? And you'd be like, who the hell are you? And my mom was tired of the shit. And so I just decided to move like three hours away where this boyfriend was. And I guess just so I wouldn't have to hear it.

It wasn't too bad, but I was just running away from, you know, the truth. During that time, there was once... I did quit drinking for like three months, and it was mainly just to see if I could do it. And I did it, but then it was like a couple months later, I decided to move back home to Indiana. My grandpa had bought me a trailer and was putting it right next door to him and my grandmalls. And as soon as I got back home, it all just started again, just going out to the clubs, people waking up places that I had no clue how I even got there who the person was.

It just got real bad. I met another guy. And that was the thing. I always met some real winners, I'll tell you. But it was just so I wouldn't have to be alone and just anybody to love me. I got back on meth real bad at that time. My kids started noticing.

so they were tired of it and they decided to go live with their dad. And at that time, that just really threw me for a major loop. And well, then my reasoning, okay, well, I quit doing meth, but then I just switched to cocaine and crack. I guess I thought it was, I don't know, less harm. And around that time, I think that's when I could. I got, because I got my first DUI at 18. I think I got my second DUI around that time.

I did try to go for treatment. I went to a place over in Kentucky that my mom had went, but they wouldn't take me. So when they wouldn't take me, I just, it was like, well, I guess I'm not bad off. So, you know, I'm not bad enough. So it just pretty much just kept going and going for about a year. My grandparents got tired of it, so the trailer that my grandpa had bought, he had came to me and told me that he was selling it, so I was going to have to find another place to live.

Around this time, I was talking, my daughters were real big into sports, too. So I decided to move in with their old ball coach, and we started having a relationship. It did. I did quit the hard stuff, but drinking was always a constant. And I think we were together six months, and then my mom died. And then I really went off to Deep End.

He had a back injury, so he was on pain pills. And my mom had always did pain pills, but I never liked them. I can remember doing one one time, and we were out shopping, and oh my gosh, it threw up in one of the clothes things, so I didn't like them. But needless to say, I started to like them. I'm still in his prescriptions. And so he would get his stuff through the VA,

and they would always send him more. I remember he's called the cops like three different times and made reports. And I just used to, you know, go along with it because he kept him in his truck. So we thought somebody was, you know, while we were asleep at night, coming in the driveway, but it was really me that was stealing them. So.

What time is this? Like, what year is this in this area of your life? 2007, because my mom died in September of 2007. My oldest daughter, she did move back. I think she was like in seventh grade. Now, my youngest daughter stayed with her dad. but my oldest had moved back. And once I started in pills, it was just, I fell in love.

They gave me energy. I don't know. I started like on the way, I worked, but on weekends I would always stop at a bar. And a lot of times I just wouldn't come home until Sunday night. I did that a few times. And finally, the last time I did. because I was in his vehicle and I was scared to go home. So I went to my aunts.

And my mom used to do that when she would get on a screamer. My daughter remembered it. So they showed up there and told me I was going to rehab. And so I went. That was the beginning of 2008. I only stayed five days. But I did an IOP program for like four months. And once that was down and over with, I stayed sober probably another month.

But I guess he thought that after that I was, you know, cured. And he started actually giving me like two pain pills in the morning, two pain pills in the evening and I could drink as much as I wanted. So that just led to right back to where. started from. We ended up breaking off our relationship. And then I really went buckwild. And also at this time, I was letting my daughter do whatever in the world she wanted to do. She was running Buckwild. And it wasn't long before she got pregnant. And, you know, she was a sophomore in high school when she had my Otis granddaughter. I found us an apartment. I was still, but not as bad,

because around this time she got into doing drugs. So I was having to watch my granddaughter quite a bit. But like I said, I always drank. I know my oldest granddaughter, like when I finally quit, it was like a, she was like, Mom, I don't think I've ever seen you one day that I've ever been around you without a beer in your hand. And that was kind of, you know, she's 13 years old.

And it's like, that was kind of crazy. But I was working at that time, and I started stealing pills or they used to have if somebody wasn't taking something that day, the place that they would put them, and I would break into that. I was lucky I didn't lose my license. I was lucky I didn't go to jail. Stealing fentanyl patches. And around that time, my daughter took my granddaughter and moved. back to Kentucky, and it got real bad. I ended up quitting at the home I was at because I just knew it was a matter of time.

I think they had finally caught on to what I was doing, and I got scared, so I hurried up and quit, so I wouldn't get in trouble. And then I just got worse from there for about another year. Then I met my current boyfriend. I quit. The pain pills weren't as bad because I didn't have my connection anymore. So I drinking really amped up. But I wasn't doing too much until around 2016, cocaine got brought back in the picture.

And that was from 2016 to 23, I would say maybe three months out of that whole time. I might have went without it, but it was just everyday coke and drinking. It just got crazy. And I was trying to play it off, but everybody, it just got worse. I couldn't have conversations. I was just so loaded. You know, people were really starting to see it and become, you know, concerned.

But then that just made me, they don't know what I'm dealing with. You know, that self-pity party got mad and I just kept digging myself in a bigger hoe in a bigger hole until... Every time and you share it after this, you're like, things turned up here a little bit. Things got worse.

Listening to this brandy, things have been rough. for you from an early age. Like from an early age, you've been going through this stuff, right? With these different, I mean, you identify now hindsight 2020, right? We can see how it's out, right? But, you know, jumping into these relationships. And there's a lot of people in your life too who are maybe not like okay with you doing what you're doing, but maybe you aren't saying, hey, this needs to stop.

And there are some people, which is good that they stepped up. And you go to that IOP program. I mean, do you pick up on anything there about like when you go to this. program about like what's going on here or how you learn anything there oh yeah yeah because i really enjoyed it i knew i think why because i know i went to therapy a little while after that but then you know to deal with my childhood and stuff but that got too deep and i just quit you know i guess i didn't want to dig deep then it was too painful i didn't want to deal with anything that was always my thing. I never wanted to deal with my emotions. You know, I just wanted to hide them because I just

wanted to be numb pretty much. Yeah, no, I hear you. And even with your mom, too, like you guys obviously had a rocky relationship, but too, I think that just from hearing this short part of your story that you guys also had, you know, like it was maybe a different type of relationship than mom and daughter that maybe you were looking for, but you guys were also still close. So her passing away was big for you, right? That was hard. Yeah, that was rough.

That was real rough. Whatever happened with her? We don't really know because her husband, me and my nini wanted an autopsy, but he wouldn't allow it. And I think that was just because of, for insurance purposes, but I do know that she was doing the fentanyl patches at the time,

and I'd seen her the day before. And I know at least three on her. And after the fact, I ended up finding out that she had went to a guy's house that we know and had been smoking crack the night before. And she had went to jail like four months prior. She had just gotten out of jail because they had raided her house. And she had been in jail for three months. And when she got out, she wasn't doing anything.

But then eventually, you know, started doing stuff again. And I think she went gung-ho and it just, yeah. That night pretty much tried to do where she left off at. And it just her heart didn't stand it. But they ended up saying that she died of liver failure. She had hepatitis C. And so they just wrote it like that. But I'm pretty sure she ODs.

Yeah. What's it like to go through and see your parents, your mom, they're struggling with substance use? At times it was hard because I know it one time when she had gotten trouble her house had been raided, well, she was on probation. And she was going to the methadone clinic. And, yeah, going to the methadone clinic. But then her probation officer told her she had to quit taking methadone.

And, I mean, my mom, like, would take handfuls of pain pills. And she came to my house once she was going through detox with drugs. And I mean, it was bad. It was real bad. And it was hard. It was, you know, Sunday she would do good. You know, she went to rehab a few times and she would do good. But then her husband was like her main trigger.

And then it would just start all over again. And then sometimes I would partake, be like, well, just piss on it. You know, it was so dysfunctional. Yeah. No, I hear you on that. So, yeah, I mean, 2007, 2008 is when this pain pills really seem to explode in that area, right? It was just everywhere. Yeah.

Especially where you're talking about Kentucky, Indiana. I mean, that area is like, I think, where a lot of it all started with the over prescribing and just, yeah, I mean, things just blew up. So after this, around 2016, when do you turn this ship around? Finally, February 9th, my whole thing that week, I kept telling us, I don't know. I've known I've had a problem for a long time. My cousin, it was probably a month before I can remember her coming over to my house, her and her daughter, and I was so high, I couldn't even talk if it was crazy. And I clotted on the porch, you know, when they were leaving, and both of them like, wow. And she had said something to me like, you know, Maybe something's got to give here. You can't even hold a conversation. You're just like a shell of yourself.

And that week, I just kept telling myself, oh, I haven't hardly drank nothing this week, but it was because I was eating pinaigrant and those knocked me out. But we had went out to eat, and that evening, and I don't know, I blacked out. I don't remember I was told that I started throwing stuff. I tried to fight my boyfriend,

and my grandson was, like, in the middle. and I ended up taking off, but I ended up calling my cousin and telling her I need help. And we had went to a couple places, and one I'd actually went into, but it was like, no, this isn't for me. So I went back home with her, and she said, well, we'll figure it out tomorrow.

Well, her sister the next day, she works at a hospital, and she was the one that got me hooked up. She said she's seen a lot of girls that would come to the hospital to detox before they went to this rehab. And I talked to intake officer and they offered me a bed and just told me that I would have to stay sober over the weekend. Now, that was on a Friday. Of course, I drank that Friday, but I stayed sober. I can remember walking back into my house and telling everybody I'm going to rehab Monday.

And everybody just would be like, yeah, right. But my cousin, she showed up Monday morning and I had my stuff packed and she took me and dropped me off. And it was the best decision that I've ever made in my life. That's for sure. Yeah. Wow. And what was that experience like? Well, you have all this other stuff, right?

This events, right? You said there too, you've known you've had a problem for a while, right? You're aware of it. And then you get this opportunity to do this treatment. You know, I mean, what changes, right? Because you shared too in your story. A lot of people go to treatment, Brandy. A lot of people go to treatment and, you know, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't.

I wouldn't say the percentage of it working out favors us as the people struggling. But this has worked out for you since February of 2023, which is incredible. What was different about this day? What did you learn there? I just finally admitted. I think a lot of it was because, you know, I was ready. I think finally, one thing, too, is that my mom died when she was 52. And I know for the past couple years prior to that, I'd been thinking of that.

And I know how it affected me and how it affected my daughters. I've got four grandbabies that are my world. And I don't know, I think that was in the back of my head. And then finally just like, you know, my life's nothing. It's just every day as soon as my feet hit the floor, you know, I have to do a line and have to drink a beer to make the shakes go away. I didn't want to live the rest of my life that way because I pretty much

I wasn't going to live much longer. I know when I walked in them doors, I was scared to death, but I was just ready to make a change. I knew what I was going to have to face because like before and doing that IOP and going to AA a little bit over the years at different times,

you know, I knew what this all stem from. And also, like the first time that I'd went to treatment And I got diagnosed with bipolar, manic depressing, and PTSD. So I knew my mental health was a wreck, but, you know, you can't take care of it if you're also drinking and doing drugs. I just wanted a better life and everything like my counselor there. We did two different, you know, I did therapy for trauma and then CBT. and then a recovery coach there.

It was funny because I think she knew my grandpa and a lot of the old-timers that I knew as a kid. And I can remember her. She used to play the piano at church. And it was like, well, this is wild, you know. And she had did it for 29 years stuff. And having her, and I still look up to her. I still see her at AA meetings.

I don't know. I was just ready. I was ready to take it all in, let it soak in, finally face the demons that I've been trying to hide from all these years. Pretty much. Yeah, no, that's, I mean, that's incredible. That's what it's all about being ready and then, you know, do something about the situation we're in. So how long do you stay in this program for? I was there for 30 days. 30 days, okay? And then what do things look like for you after, right? After you get out? Well, I almost went to another program, but I did come home and everything was pretty good. It was scary like two weeks after I got out. We decided to go to Florida with all four grandkids. So I think there was like nine of us.

But I did good. I went to AA meetings there every night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I did 90 and 90. read as much as I could, stayed in contact with a few of the women from treatment, which helped. And, you know, at first, everybody was real supportive. I mean, I'm not saying they're not now, but it's tapered down. But I just knew that I had to stay involved.

One of my good friends from treatment, I ended up losing her last October. She had relapsed, and she ended up dying in her sleep. I just think her heart finally gave in her. And I don't know, around that time, I started feeling, I guess I was off that pink cloud. It was done, gone. And just to be honest, that's when I signed up for sober buddy. And connection and a community is, which I still go to AA, but I'm on that more than anything, I have to stay involved.

and if not, I know you could just easily, that switch could flip, like, quick. Yeah, I mean, so true. Yeah, you have to get involved and stay plugged in. You were there even this morning we talked about in our meeting, that complacency part. Yeah. To where we just say, well, we've got something figured out. I'm feeling good today so that we assume we're going to feel good forever,

and then we pull back, and then we can end. We can find ourselves back to where we started, maybe the way we're thinking. We're not necessarily using or. drinking at the time, but our thinking starts to go back and we stop relying on those tools. You know, one thing that's really interested me, Brandy, about your story here. And I mean, we don't have the picture of all the generations. But, you know, it seems like this thing's been around in your family, at least for a while. That's really hit everybody, it's hit everybody pretty hard, right? It's not just dabble a little bit here and there, or maybe just to test the

waters a bit, like I think a lot of people probably do and then decide one way or the other. your decision to change here and get sober gives the next generation an opportunity to go about things differently. Yes, because I know that's another thing too, because my oldest daughter, she got into pills real bad, and it was just like, oh, my God, here we go again. She had to go through it. Now she's on mat and doing good, and it's, yeah, I don't want that to. to be everybody's legacy, just alcoholics and drug addicts. You know, there is a better way.

I mean, my youngest granddaughter, she's too, and, you know, I'm so thankful that that she'll never see her mamma, you know, with a beer in her hand where the other ones, that's all they ever seeing, you know. Yeah. What, I mean, a few things, like, that have changed in your life that you've really noticed. I mean, over a year here of. sobriety, but I mean, what are the things that really stand out to you that you feel are really important and things that have changed for you?

One thing, I have to have a routine because if not, you know, that mine can really start working. I have a morning routine, but I actually, which I'm still work in progress with this, my communication is getting better. Like I said, I'm still, because I was always one. I was always in flight mode, just take off. Let's not deal with it. I actually feel my feelings now and deal with them instead of trying to hide from them.

You know, I'm still in therapy, and I'll probably be in that for the rest of my life. Because we've got a lot to unpack. But also, I'm going back school. It's helping me stay busy. I have to stay busy because if not, I can remember him. me and Greg that came into treatment and always talked about that stinking thinking, and it would be, you know, it's so easy to let that get in your head. Start to believe it, but I just had to put in the work.

You know, it's not going to do it for itself. Yeah, so true. And some great points there. How have your relationships improved? There are still some that aren't real well. But like my dad, we finally, like, have a relationship where before we never really did. He's quit drinking now. He's not per se in recovery. He doesn't do any kind of recovery program. But if he kept drinking, he was going to die. But it's helped our relationship real well.

Me and my youngest daughter, we still have a long way to go. But we're working on it. And I mean, I think that's one of the most important parts about all this because one year is a long time. It's an incredible progress. It's unbelievable, you know, hearing your story and then where you're at now, if I told you five years ago or 10 years ago, this is where you'd be. You'd probably look at me like I have 10 heads. It just might have been far out of the picture. The progress is incredible.

And I think that's one of the things in recovery as we get into this sobriety thing is that Some stuff takes time. We can't turn 20 years or 30 years over in one year. You know what I mean? It takes time to work through this stuff. And I think that's an incredible example that you're working through it and you're willing to do that is awesome. So Brandy, if anybody's listening to this episode

and they're struggling to get or stay sober, is there anything you could draw from your own journey to share with them? You have to stay connected. You have to be around like-minded people that went through the same thing that, you know, that get where you're, where you've been, what you're going through. Without, I don't, without that connection, I just don't see how you can stay sober. I mean, it's been a game changer for me, major game changer. Because I can pop to my family or whatever, but they, you know, unless you've been through it,

you don't really get it. So I think that's a major one. And another major one for me has just been a routine. I have to stick to a routine because if not, I'll be all over the place. Yeah. I've made my bed for over a year now, and that is a miracle in itself. Isn't it ever? Yeah.

Now, that's beautiful. And I love that part, too, about staying connected. You've got to get connected to other people. And I'm a huge believer of that, too. You've got to find some people you can talk and share with because you've got to not necessarily get to the bottom of everything, but you need a place where you can talk and connect with people who understand can help support you when you need it because you're going to need it. And you show up, I mean, all the time for so many different things, which is incredible.

And so thank you so much for sharing your story with this, Brandy. I've known you for a while now. And when I say I've known you, I didn't know any of this. Well, I mean, how far you've come, right? And you hear a lot of stories and especially a lot of documentaries to come out of there. of Kentucky, Indiana, those areas, right, where the pill stuff sort of exploded. I lived when I moved away and lived in Paintsville, Kentucky. I mean, when I would take my daughters to school in the morning,

I mean, in downtown, they would be lined up for blocks, just, you know, get their pill. And I wasn't into pills then, thank God. But now it was horrible down there. That's when it first started. Yeah. And then for you to get out of this and to be making a change and to continue working on it, because, you know, it's very easy, I think, after you hit a year, right? I mean, a year, that's good, right? Let's just put this thing on cruise control and just ride this out. But you still plug in probably more than you did maybe before. Oh, that's a definite. Yeah, I feel like, yeah,

because I can't let myself become complacent because I'm even a part of other communities and go to A.A. more and reach out more than ever before. Since, you know, I've gotten my gear. I think it's very important because I just don't want to go back. It took me 49 years, you know, to get where I'm at. I just, I don't want to go back to that dark place. Yeah. So true. Is there anything, Brandy, that we've missed that you would like to share before we sign off?

No, I think we pretty much covered it all. I just, I really appreciate you. Same. I appreciate you and just everything you do and you've had opportunities in this year. And more recently, I know, to go out there and give back. And what you do for people is incredible. And it's a beautiful story to where you are now. So thanks for sharing it with us.

Thank you. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Thank you, Brandy so much for jumping on. And sharing your story with all of us, I'll drop Brandy's contact, Instagram, handle. down in the show notes below if you want to reach out to her and let her know thank you we appreciate her so much for sharing her story and if you've yet to leave a review for the podcast please jump over

to apple or Spotify and do that and I'll see you on the next one