Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From hiding alcohol bottles to sobriety with Christine

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, I sit down with Christine, a resilient mother and former nurse, who shares her compelling journey from a childhood affected by her father's alcoholism to her own struggles with addiction. Christine opens up about the challenges of growing up in a loving yet dysfunctional household, the impact of her father's early death, and eventually her own battle with substance abuse. She details her difficult path to recovery, which included losing her nursing license, the toll it took on her family, and her turning points. Christine discusses finding peace and purpose through sobriety, the support of her family, and the importance of honesty and community in her recovery journey. Support the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Christine on IG: https://www.instagram.com/sherisessober/ 00:00 Introduction to Season Four 00:15 Meet Christine: A Long-Awaited Conversation 00:43 Christine's Childhood: Love and Dysfunction 04:14 School Days and Family Tragedy 06:31 High School: First Encounters with Alcohol 14:07 Post-High School Life: Family and Work 15:41 Meeting Her Husband: A Funny Story 18:14 Motherhood and Nursing School 21:39 The Accident: A Turning Point 24:00 Struggling with Addiction 27:18 Seeking Help and Legal Troubles 29:54 Relapse and Alcohol Dependency 36:41 Facing the Consequences of Poor Choices 36:59 Struggles with Guilt and Shame 37:51 Losing a Beloved Career 42:48 The Turning Point: Seeking Help 44:13 Entering Detox and the Road to Recovery 45:20 Rebuilding Relationships and Self-Identity 53:11 The Importance of Honesty and Vulnerability 55:47 Finding Peace and Purpose in Recovery 01:09:41 Encouragement for Those Struggling

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sorority as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, I sit down with Christine, a resilient mother and former nurse, who shares her compelling journey from a childhood affected by her father's alcoholism to her own struggles with addiction. Christine opens up about the challenges of growing up in a loving,

yet dysfunctional household, the impact of her father's early death, and eventually her own battle with substance abuse. She details her difficult path to recovery, which includes losing her nursing license, the toll it took on her family, and her turning point. Christine discusses finding peace and purpose through sobriety, the support of her family, and the importance of honesty and community in her recovery journey. And this is Christine's story on the Super Motivation podcast. Good to have you here for another episode. Thank you, as always, for support. supporting the podcast and listening to these great stories. If you guys want to support the podcast to the next level,

be sure to check out Buy Me a Coffee.com slash sober motivation. Everything there goes to helping cover the subscriptions and everything involved with recording and keeping this podcast going. So if you want to make some donations, I'll also drop that link down on the show notes below. This was an incredible episode. So happy to be able to connect with Christine an avid listener of the show,

a member of the sober motivation community and doing some really incredible things. So let's get right into this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. Today we've got my friend Christine with us. How are you? I'm good.

Very good. Excited. I feel like a long time coming for us to connect and you to share on the podcast here. Yeah, I agree. I feel like there's just been so much that's gone on. But now I feel like I'm ready like it's time.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's really great to have you. Thank you. What was it like for you growing up? So growing up, I would have to say I grew up in a very loving household filled with lots of love. Lots of dysfunction, but lots of love. My mom and dad had five children together.

And my dad had another child before he met my mom's. I'm the second to youngest. My father is black. My mother is white. So there's that. And I only say that because, you know, there were some challenges with that growing up being, went to a pretty much white school and stuff like that. So just being a little bit different and kind of always feeling like a little lost growing up like in that environment. Like I was accepted and stuff like that. I had great friends and stuff, but I always did feel like a little bit of an outcast in some ways. But my father was an alcoholic. He drank really, really badly.

I don't remember him really ever being drunk. I only have maybe like one or two remembrances of it. He was a happy drunk from what I'm told. But he kind of got sober when I was little. Like he started like dipping into that. My mom put us all us five kids in therapy when we were little. So when I was five, I was already going to, like, counseling for addiction, like, to learn about alcoholism and that my dad was sick and that he had a disease. And so I always kind of knew that alcohol was bad.

And my mom never drank. So I would say, yeah, like a loving household, there was dysfunction. There was, we didn't have a lot of money. My dad never really held a job. My mom did a lot of, like, outside jobs. Like, she would take care of elderly people or clean houses and stuff like that. But what was always there was love. There was always so much love and faith.

Like my mom got us going to church and stuff like that. So he always believed, you know, and had that faith and that, like, gave me comfort. My dad was like this big, strong, big strong black man. And I thought he was like the coolest thing in the world and like the strongest man in the world. And so I always felt safe when he was home. And I say that because he would go on binges and he would leave for periods of time, like a couple of weeks here, a weekend there, and you wouldn't come home. But, like, I just remember when he was home, I was always, I always felt safe. And I would, you know, sleep in there with my mom and dad a lot.

And there were times when my dad was gone. And my mom said that I would be sleeping with his cowboy boots or, like, a picture that he bought or something like that. Like, she'd find me sleeping with these things. And I don't really remember doing that, but all I just remember is that when he was home, I felt safe. So I'm thinking that I probably did that because I just wanted that comfort. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing all of that. Where did you grow up?

Long Island, New York, out in Suffolk County in the suburbs, beaches around. We used to go to the town pool a lot. No really crime or anything. My grandma lived one house away from me. my aunt lived across the street so lots of cousins my mom's got my mom's one of 11 so there's always a cousin or an aunt or an uncle all around the place you always see somebody so yeah that's that yeah that's cool well thank you so much for sharing that too everything i mean how did you do in school and what did that feel like i didn't like school at all i mean i was okay when i was there but i never wanted to go to school

I would always cry and beg to stay home. And I knew if I cried and I missed the bus. And if my mom was going to make my dad drive me, he wouldn't take me if I was crying. So I used to cry a lot and pretend that something was bothering me. And I didn't do grade in school. I mean, elementary was fine. You know, I had no problems like that. My father did pass away when I was 11.

Actually, my first day of sixth grade was the day he was going into the hospital to have surgery. So because he had cirrhosis of the liver, they're thinking back then, this was 1994, was, well, cut the bad part of the liver off because the liver regenerates and, you know, he should be okay. So he went in for this big surgery. Ultimately, he never came home. But I remember that morning I was going off to school and then he was going to go have surgery. So I remember standing at the doorway and giving him a hug and a kiss and, you know, saying goodbye. And, you know, you know, that was pretty much it. The next time I saw him, he was, you know, in ICU with like a tube down his throat and, you know, he'd open his eyes here and there, but, like, that was it. So I think then, like, in middle school, like I was just filled with grief. You know, our whole world had changed, you know, like my mom was only 39 at that time, left with five kids. And the youngest, my brother Michael was 10, you know, so she had. She had. And, you know, so she had. And my mom was only 39 at that time. And left was five kids. And the youngest, my brother Michael was 10, you know, so she had. So she had. And my mom was. And my mom was. So my mom, had 10-year-old 11. My other brother had just started ninth grade. My sister was a senior. And then my

other sister was off at college. And then my other sister from just my dad, you know, she was living her life in the city with her child. So a lot of change, you know, and a lot of just figuring out how to navigate this new world without my father. And then, you know, my sister ended up having a baby and that was crazy, but brought like a lot of joy to us too because we were really. grieving, and then we have this new little baby come along. So it was just a lot of, I would say, surviving, I think. You know, and then in high school, you know, I always said I was never really going to drink or do drugs or anything like that because of the history. You know, my family is riddled, like, rampant with addiction on both sides of my family, my mom's side and my dad's side.

Like, everybody has a problem. A lot of people have a problem. We all love each other and we all work through that. But yeah, so I remember, I think it was like in ninth or 10th grade and, you know, having my first drink. I didn't like beer. So I think I had like wine coolers or something like that and at like my best friend's house. Just me, my friend, Vicky and Rosa and, you know, we're all just like, just the three of us drinking in her house, got a little tipsy. We're like being silly. And that was like our first experience, at least mine. And it was just the three of us that night. You know, then we went on to, like, go to parties and stuff, and I always had, like, a bottle of liquor. I hated beer, so I would have, like, my backpack with, like, my Bacardi and, you know,

going to Kent parties in the woods and smoking Newport's, and, you know, it was a lot of fun in the beginning, you know, it was just like, you know, this is what we did on the weekend. It wasn't every weekend, but it was, you know, party time. Yeah. Smoking a little weed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people share in high school kind of, you know, introducing different stuff and connecting and partying and meeting people and, you know, everything like that. It is interesting, though, with the history of your family too, right? Because we hear kind of a couple different sort of stories on the podcast. I mean, some people there maybe don't notice anybody in their family really struggling with addiction. And then,

or your story here, there's a lot of stuff going on. And maybe for a while, if you were able to kind of fend off, you know, trying things out because, you know, look at, you know, the damage it's cause and losing your father. I mean, I couldn't imagine something like that to have to go through that at 11. I mean, you mentioned there to your first day at grade six when he went in. Was he drinking up until then or no? So, no, he stopped. Like, I want to say it was around like nine maybe and he had stopped. Like, I remember my mom got us in therapy and I remember going to a couple of rehabs to visit him. So he did really try, but, and then I, like, He was sober for a little bit, but he had a lot of pain, I guess, from the liver.

I don't know. So his doctor gave him, like, pain medication. So he was taking, like, a lot of bichidin from what my mom tells me, you know, and bichidin has Tylenol, which is so bad for your liver, you know. So the doctors told him, my mom said when he was, like, 27 that he had to stop drinking, 27. And he didn't make it past 43. So the dad, and I think he had to.

hepatitis C because he was an IV drug user. I think he might have done IV trials. I'm not sure. But, you know, he did struggle with that heroin early, early on. But my great grandma helped him get off that when he was very, very young. Like, she locked him in the house and wouldn't let him leave. And she got off it and he never went back to that. But, you know, he did other things. And the drinking, like, you mean, he could drink like a whole pint of Bacardi like in one slug, like not stop and just, and be fine. Yeah. So I think, you know, the damage was just,

sometimes I think maybe it's like a hereditary thing. Like maybe there's something on that side of the family, but I don't know like what his drinking pattern was like, really. I just know that at 27 he was told he needed to stop and get sober until maybe like late 30s or mid-30s messed around here and there. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too. And there might be something there.

I mean, I obviously don't know what it is, but I have heard a bunch of different stories. I mean, I think the old quote unquote old school idea is that somebody who's going to have problems with their liver is somebody who's been drinking for their whole life. And it's sort of at the end of their life. And I've had a couple of people on the podcast too that have one guy had a transplant. Other people were in the hospital and everything too. And yeah, I mean, they said when they were in the hospital that there was a lot of people their age. like early 30s, late 30s. Yeah.

So it definitely could be that. It just affects everybody differently. You know, I always see when I post Jersey Mike's story, anytime we collaborate on a story on Instagram, people always comment in there, like, how much were you drinking? How often?

And it's like, I think if I had the guess, like they're kind of gauging where they're at. Yes. With that, but I don't think that is a fair thing. Like I don't, I think everybody's going to process things a little bit different if I had to take a very uneducated guess at things just from what I've heard.

Yeah. And then, too, yeah, to, you know, get sober and then things still catch up, you know, that's tragic for sure. And then how when you're younger and your mom with five kids, like, my goodness, you know, that's a lot. Yeah. Your grandmother, she lives next door, you mentioned there too. I mean, is she helping out or you connect with her?

Is that a good thing for you? Grandma's the best. We would always play in front of her front yard, but there was kids that lived a across the street from her. So we were always, like, you know, in her yard playing and she would come out with, like, she always had like bananas or something. I'm like, Grandpa, don't she have some cookies or something? But she was always dieting and struggling with her weight. So she would have, like, the most random things. Or she'd have, like, jello or little Dixie cups of ice cream. And she would, like, put me and my little brother on the bus some mornings or getting us off the

us and I used to, I remember fondly like Christmas mornings, like after opening up presents, like bringing my doll babies over to her house to show her my new babies and stuff like that. She was an integral part of my growing up, very special, just lost her this past year, but she was amazing and she was 94 years old. She was ready to go. She had that faith. She said, I'm going to bring these flowers to have. and they're so beautiful, aren't they?

And I'm like, Grandma, stop that. But, yeah, she, she helped up with us a lot. And she was, you know, good for my mom and stuff. So was that your mom's mom? Yeah, it was my mom's mom. Okay. My dad's mom passed away when my dad was only 14. And he's the oldest.

And there were, I think there's an eight or nine brothers and sisters he had. and I think she died from alcoholism. And my grandfather died from alcoholism eventually. He lived longer. He was probably in his mid-50s or somewhere around there. And then like three of my dad's brothers all passed away pretty much from alcoholism. And none of them were, they were all young. Nobody, you know, like maybe 60 was the oldest, if that.

Yeah. That's why I always think, like, maybe there's something else there, too. I don't know. Like that G or something weird, I don't know. Yeah. Even 60s young these things. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a lot of them. But yeah. Grandma is awesome. So. Yeah. So you're going through this sort of your high school years, I guess, trying to make sense of kind of everything, too, that's happened so far. Where do you go after high school? So after high school, and I will say like there was a lot of partying, you know, once I was like senior year. And, you know, my friends would try other things. I wouldn't. I would just stick to my bottle of liquor and nice, some marijuana, nice blunt or whatever. But after high school, I moved them with my sister. My sister had two children at the time and she was pregnant with her third. and she got like an apartment right around the block from my growing up house.

And she was a nurse and she was like, why don't you come live with me and help me with the kids? You know, we're always helping with the kids. Like, you know, I would have to come home early some nights from being with my friends just to watch my sister's kids because she was at work. So I moved in with her and I met my now husband. And I didn't go to college. I just worked.

I was working at like a pharmacy for a little while. then I was a nanny for a little while. And then I ended up being like my sister's nanny. Like she pretty much paid me. She had six kids. Ended up with six kids by the time she was 29 or so I was like 23. And she had six children and I was like her nanny. So she got like childcare through her job or through the state or something.

So they would pay me to take care of her kids. And she worked like full time as. as a nurse. So I was that for a long time. Where did you meet your husband at? And a party. Yeah. At a party that I didn't want to go to. I did not want to go. My friend begged me to go. And I was like, well, I'm not changing. I'm just going like this. And I mean, I had jeans and like a silly little t-shirt on that said princess on it. I still haven't. And I saved it. And this is a really funny story. So we're hanging out. And, you know, I see him.

He's like, he's cute, you know. And then we're just like all talking. And he's like, oh, let's go. Let's go over here and smoke some trees over this way. And I'm like, okay. So me and my friend, we go over there. And I think we were going to get in his car or something. And he's like, oh, just give me a second.

I'm waiting for my brother. And I'm like, we're like, okay. We're just like talking. And his other friends are there. And all of a sudden, his brother comes walking over. And my friend starts laughing hysterical. And I'm like, oh, God, here we go. His brother, I went to middle school with his brother.

It's the same age as me. And I had the biggest crush on his brother when I was in middle school. Like, I used to write, like, my name with his last name. And, like, I was just at the biggest crush on him. So it's funny because I used to write his last name and then I married and got that last name. But, yeah, I always say. I'm like, my one friend used to say, her sister knew that I liked the brother, and she would be like, well, you should see the older brother. He's so cute. I married the older brother. That's a funny story.

And it's cute. Like, you know, the girl's going to kick out of it. They think it's funny when we've shared that little. It's a love story. Yeah. Love story, yeah. I mean, what are you thinking about drinking and partying and all that stuff right now at this sort of time in your life? I mean, any red flags or anything or things are pretty bad. I will say really, not really, but I do, like, we were partying a lot, I would have to say. And I do remember like at the end when I was moving out of my sister's house and I was cleaning out. I had a closet with clothes in it. But like there was bottles about like so many bottles in that closet. Like I remember when I was leaving there, I was like, wow, this.

This is crazy. Like, you know, I remember that was like a little bit of like, you know, when at that time I was pregnant with my oldest and, you know, drinking was out the window now. It's becoming a wife and a mom. And so I was like, and that was it. After I had my daughter, like, I never really wanted to drink anymore. Like, I would only do. When was that?

That was 2004. Okay. Well, no, 2005. So 2004, I ended up finding out I was pregnant with my little, my little. little angel baby. And me and my husband, me and my boyfriend at the time, now we got married. So he became my husband and we got our own little place. And I had Alexandra in 2005, April. And, you know, I just, I love babies. I love children like all my life. Like I was always like, although my little cousins used to cling to me and I was always babysitting and like being a nanny

and stuff like that. So I just, it just. just came natural. Yes, there were like little fears because now this kid is mine. I remember, like, first time she, like, threw up, like, I called my sister and she's like, you know what you're doing, though. She's fine. And, you know, after that, like, I would just, I would say I was an normie. Like, I would only drink, like, at a party, at a wedding, like, very rarely. Like, didn't really ever buy anything for myself. My husband would drink with his buddies and he would get beers and stuff like that. But I really wanted like no part of it. I was like, I think I'm done. Yeah. It's kind of like maybe growing up in a sense, too. Maybe it's kind of that phase,

right. That move past that phase. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. More responsibility too of. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And then, you know, I went on to go to nursing school. Alex was a baby. I started nursing school, midway through nursing school. I got pregnant with my second daughter. So I had her. I had a C-section. And seven days later, I was back at school because I was doing like an accelerated program.

So you couldn't really like have time off. But they were good to me because I just had a baby. Like they didn't make me like, you know, do too much clinic. All stuff. But, you know, it was good. So I had Madeline and I was a nurse now. So we had two girls, me and my husband, who isn't a saint. I'm just, we'll have to talk about him because he's the best.

We have Madeline. We move again, we got our own little house that we rent, but it's bigger. It's got three rooms, you know, washer dryer. Like, we're pretty set. And, you know, we're living, live in life. You know, my husband's got a great job at Stony Brook Hospital. That's a university hospital here. It's a state hospital.

So he's working there doing well. We're getting by. We're a young family just starting out, and we're doing okay now. Then I have my third daughter. Gabriela comes along in 2012. And that was February of 2012. Gabriella comes along. And I had a C-section with her, so I was all from work for like eight weeks.

I went back to work on a Friday. No, yeah, Friday? I think it was. Yeah, I went back to work on a Friday. I had worked the next day on a Saturday. So Saturday morning, I'm up with the girls. It's probably like around 8.30-ish. Madeline and Alex are down in the living room.

I bring Gabriella down in like the baby carrier, ran up back upstairs to use the bathroom, talking to my husband on like the cordless house phone because it was back then, still had those house phones. And I'm talking to my husband and I'm walking down the stairs and I slipped. My like foot went right out from underneath me. and I landed and my back hit the stairs really, really hard. Like, at the point where I couldn't breathe, like I was gasping for air. And, you know, my husband heard like the full and he heard like all commotion.

And I'm like gasping and I can breathe. And Alex was little. She was probably like six or so. And, you know, she grabs the phone and tells my husband, he calls 911. She's there with me. We're like, you know, like, I'm okay. I can barely breathe, but I'm okay. I remember asking her to get me.

because the ambulance was coming. And I'm like, go get me some socks. They took me to the hospital. I remember the nurse was like, or the resident doctor was like, we're going to do a CAT scan in the next race. She's like, I doubt anything's broken because that's like a really hard bone to break or whatever, like in your back there. And I'm like, I had broken so many bones.

I'm really accident prone that I knew that something was wrong. And it turns out I fractured a thoracic. which is a very hard bone to break. You know, so they gave me some pain medication. And that was not good. And that was like 2012, like when that opioid epidemic was just getting like ramped up. Something switched in me because I had taken pain medication before, like for my C-sections or for like a tooth extraction and I never had an issue. But this time something different happened.

I had that adverse reaction of euphoria. And I just remember really liking it. And that was pretty much it. I was all from work for another couple of weeks. And to wear back brace, no surgery or anything like that. Doctor only gave me like two scripts of pain medicine, but I knew where I could find some. I had family members who had prescriptions. I would ask them for stuff.

And of course, your back hurts, you know. you just fractured you back. I didn't give you anything else. Damn, yeah. And then I went back to work and I was a nurse. And there were times where, you know, you would pull narcotics for patients and the patient wouldn't take it. And then you have an extra and what do you do with it? We usually waste it and you have to get another nurse to watch you when you waste it.

And I was saying I was wasting it and I was not wasting it. I was putting it in my pocket. and started down a slippery slope. You know, I did it like once or twice in the beginning, and then it became like every day I was doing it. How are you feeling while this is all gathering speed? It gathered speed slowly, I will say. It did start all slowly.

And then there was a day where I got like the flu or something or stomach bug. And I didn't have the pain medicine for, like, like two days and I was like I don't feel good like I feel really sick and like the chills and then I realized I'm like shit you're going through with this is withdrawals you're with you're now you're physically dependent on this and um did you know that was possible I don't I don't think I really did no I don't think I did I really yeah it was all kind of so like it was all kind of new. I mean, at the scale it was at that time, too, it was all new. And I mean, I remember when I first got into the prescription pain medication, like, I just got them. I got a whole bunch and it's a

little bit of a long story, but I got a whole bunch and I would just start taking them. And then you build tolerance. You're taking more. But I had this shoebox that lasted me about a month and then it ran out. And I thought I was just going to kind of continue on with my life. And then, yeah, I had the same sort of thing happen. Hey, I'm not feeling well. And I had a buddy of mine that was kind of wrapped up in some stuff and I called him and he just said it. It's kind of one of those things where I knew at that point my life had taken a turn because he just, and he'd been wrapped up in that lifestyle for a bit. I didn't hang out with anybody else who really did or anybody. It was like my little secret, but he was like, oh, you're going through withdrawal. And I was just like,

how did he just, I remember like it was yesterday. I was like, how does he just say this so nonchalantly, like, the only way for this to go away is to have more. And I was like, I didn't even know that that was possible. As you're kind of getting it started, though, I mean, how do you feel, right? It's got to be conflicting up into your life, too, and then you get involved with this and you're going against the grain in ways that I know that are not in line with you. Yeah. How did that feel internally? I knew it was wrong, and, you know, but I remember, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I wanted help. Like, I wanted out because I'm like, this isn't you.

You know what I mean? This isn't you. What are you doing? You know? And I would go back and forth in my head, like, ask for help, don't it? Like, because it was such a secret. Like, my husband had no clue. I, and, like, that was a big part, a big obstacle in our marriage when that finally outed.

I ended up getting in trouble. that work and rightfully so. And I just, I knew I needed help. And I was praying to God because I believe in God and, you know, I was just praying like, help me, help me, help me. You have to help me somehow, some way. So I believe that it was his intervention for, you know, I knew that I was sick one day and I had nothing. And I text my brother and to ask him for a methadone so I wouldn't be sick. But I accidentally texted my daughter who was in sixth grade. And she didn't know what it was, but I text her by accident. And my husband called me immediately. And he's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And it was just then in there that I was like, I need help. I need help.

I need help. And he told me to leave. And I left. And I didn't come back for a few days. I went and stayed at my mom's house. And I cried on my mom's floor. And I said I needed help. And she, you know, kind of help me, like, wean off the pain medicine. And, you know, I went to my nurses union and I went to outpatient. I did all those things. And the nurses union tried to help me, but they really couldn't. It wasn't until, like, two years later that somebody showed up at my job, a detective, and was asking me questions. And I was like, I was honest. And maybe I shouldn't have been. I don't really know. My lawyer says I should have just kept my mouth shut because I ended up having to surrender my license and do drug court and all these things. And at that time, I was already off

of the, you know, I was clean. I was in outpatient already. Like I was doing all the things. And it came like a couple years later. And, you know, all the shame and the guilt, the shame and the guilt was eating me alive. I didn't want anybody to know. I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. I had so much shame. I was so angry at myself. What did I do? I was lying to my husband, you know, looking him in the face and lying and just wasn't who I, who I, it wasn't who I am. I don't know who that person was. I really don't. It was not me because that's not who I am. And, you know, we had to work through it a lot, a lot of me getting better and regaining his trust and working hard at things. And, and then all of a sudden, alcohol,

showed up at my door, you know, in like 2020, like, 22, 21, I would say, after COVID. Yeah. Probably 2021. You know, the girls are bigger and me and my husband are going out to dinners with friends and stuff like that. And I just remember one day there was like a leftover liquor I found. And it was the evening and they were at basketball training. And I was alone.

and I was like, I can have a drink. I'm a red adult. People have drinks after work. I thought it was okay. And it was okay at first. Yeah. Until it wasn't. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing all of that too. Yeah. I mean, I think that's kind of what happened, right? I mean, the pills came in on the scene and it was sort of like this pain management thing that people aren't going to get addicted to. But that's what you hear are like so, I mean, there was so many people. in that time frame regular every day never had a problem with anything that got a prescription

for an injury at work or whatever it was and it grew into something very unmanageable very fast that people were not equipped to handle and I think the services that were out there and I think I mean I'm only guessing here from my very small perspective I don't know if anybody was really ready for that. Because of the main reason, I think there was a lot of us who just didn't really weren't really what maybe people thought of as somebody who was going to be struggling with addiction. And I even go back further in your story, because I wonder that. I mean, it kind of leaves me wondering myself, I had a checkered past of things too, but never really pictured myself getting to where I got with things. And then you too, I mean, you had a lot of things happened, but you

it seemed like you were in a decent little spot there kind of before, you know, I mean, in the thick of things with kids and family and start, you know, all of that. I mean, that's busy. But, you know, overall, right? Like, things are pretty good. And then you have this experience too. And it's like instantly hooked, you know, what is it that takes place for some of us to whereas I'm sure there's millions of other people who they have an injury or whatever

and they take it for three days or some people I've heard say they didn't like it and they just took Tylenol and maybe went through some of the discomfort or whatever. My guess is maybe all of that stuff that kind of happened before growing up, you know, and you had therapy then and you were working through some stuff. And then life just can really seem to go fast. And maybe there's stuff we bury down and maybe we never really look at. I don't know if that's relatable at all too or what your thoughts are on why it grabbed you. It is. I mean, I think there was a lot that went on when I was little, like, I kind of had to grow up really fast. You know, like, I remember when my dad passed away. Like, I remember exactly where I was. We were, I was sitting

on the floor in the living room. We were watching Oprah. Me, my mom had just come home. She had just, she was at the hospital in the morning, and then she went to get her hair done. And then she stopped home to see us kids because we had just gotten home from school most of us. And I remember she was sitting on the couch and it was me, my mom, my sister, and my cousin who lived with us, we always had a cousin living with us. And my mom called the hospital just to check on my dad. And then she just said, your dad, daddy died. I was like, what? You know, we were just like, what? And I remember instantly, maybe within five minutes, just grabbing her face like this and telling her, it's going to be okay, mom, it's going to be okay. I was 11 years old,

but I felt like I needed to tell her that we're going to be okay. You know, it's going to be okay, we're going to be okay. So I think just, and then having to grow up pretty fast. I already knew a lot, you know, had seen some things, you know, my sisters started. started having children and they were young and, you know, a lot of responsibility with helping take care of them, no fault to them, you know, it was just, that's what we did. We're family. We had to help each other, you know. But I think, you know, sometimes that might have been a little heavy and stuff.

But I don't, I don't really know, Brad. There was like a point in my life when I was little that I blacked at. I totally don't remember like six months. of my life from when my dad had an affair on my mom and he left and he moved out of our house and I don't remember that like everybody else and I'm like I didn't remember that at all like my therapist said you must have blocked it out and that was when my mom said I would really be sleeping with his boots and stuff like that but I do remember when they made up and he came home I remember that yeah it's just it's weird but that whole hill thing was just

crazy. I mean, by the grace of God, and I never switched to anything else. I always took them orally. Like, I never, like, people would say, well, if you snort them or you do this, like, no, I'm a mom. I can't. You know, and I took such pride in being a mom. Like, I was really damn good at taking care of my babies and making sure they had what they needed and, you know, baking cookies and, you know, doing things with them, taking them to the parks and, you know, really just investing in them. And I took a lot of pride in it. So for me to have this, I didn't want anybody to know that what are they going to think of me? Because I couldn't believe what I was duping, you know, and I knew it wasn't me. I was the other Christine, the mom who baked cookies and, you know what I mean? Did all those fun things with my girls.

So I don't know who that person was. I just don't. But the alcohol ended up coming. And like they say in AA, I think it's in the big. book somewhere that like women go from like zeroed up really fast and it did it went past it wasn't long but again I was hiding everything from my husband again and everybody you know I didn't want anybody to know and quickly scary if they if people knew I don't know because you're not supposed to be drinking at two o'clock in the afternoon you know because eventually I was drinking like that

I would wake up shaking. Yeah. And, you know, what was, what was fueling that? Like, any, can you put a finger on it, too? What was kind of fueling it to? It was a lot of the shame and guilt from the whole nursing thing. You know, I had to surrender my license. I couldn't work as a nurse anymore.

I was a nurse for like nine years. I took pride in that, too, until I fucked it up, you know? So there was a lot of. work that I needed to work on to learn to love myself and forgive myself for those poor decisions and for what happened. And I'm still working on that. Like, I'm still not, every day is work with that. But I think the drinking was a lot to do with because I couldn't provide for my family the way it was. Financially, you know, we took a hit because I made those poor choices. And, you know, put everybody in jeopardy, you know. So I think a lot of shame and guilt fueled that,

you know, I was able to just not think about it anymore. I was working again. I didn't really like what I was doing, but it was providing for my family. But my last job as nurse, I absolutely loved. I loved it so much. You know, I was doing women's health, working with great doctors and nurses. And, you know, these are the doctors that delivered my babies, you know. And eventually I had to tell them what was going on. And they were, you know, rooting for me. They had my back.

And we'll write letters to the judge. We'll do everything that we can so you can still work, you know, but it didn't work. They, the system, you know, that I feel like they made a, what do they say, like made an example out of me. There were a lot of nurses that were getting in trouble at that time, because I did go to, like, a meeting with other nurses that were struggling with this and got in trouble. And all of them got, you know, little contracts and they were okay. They were

able to keep their license, and I wasn't. And I think they needed to make an example out of somebody and it happened to be me. And, you know, I had to leave that nursing job. And it, it broke my heart. You know, it really did. I really, like, I loved what I was doing and having to just, just go back to square one, what am I going to do now? Where am I going to work? All I have is a nursing license. I'm an LPN. I'm not, you know, I didn't do any big college classes or have a degree or anything.

Yeah, it sounds like you felt lost in a sense, right? Like, what are my next steps going to be? Like, did these choices ruin it forever, you know, in some areas, right? Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it was. You know, and like I can now apply to get my license back. It's a big process and, you know, I have to do it, but it's going to take some time, you know. And it's still not like guaranteed.

I would have to sit in front of like a board and get letters and stuff from people and which I know I can get and I know I'm not that person anymore. But do I want to go back to that? I don't know. I really don't, you know. Yeah. I really don't. there's more option maybe more options on this side of things right yeah yeah i mean it's so difficult i think when you're wrapped up in those moments where it feel it can really feel like

everything's just completely falling apart and in life will just never make sense again you know i had a i had a handful of those moments in life to where i was just like man you know once the dust settled i just think to myself like man like there is no coming back from this. There is absolutely, there is no way that I'll be able to make sense of life again. I remember in my early days, I mean, I was a convicted felon at 18. And part of my probation, I mean, it's so interesting as it is, you know, kind of getting caught up in the system, is that you got to work or you got to go to school. Nobody really wanted to hire convicted felon at 18. So I was like, okay, so that's like posing a lot of barriers. And I mean, rightfully so. Like I did wrong. I'm

blaming anybody. I'm not playing victim to the circumstances. I made the choices and had to navigate that accordingly, but it wasn't without challenges. It wasn't without barriers. And I just thought to myself, like, man, my goodness, I'm just doomed. And I remember too, I had this probation officer, my second probation officer. And she was, she was a sweetheart. She was, she was so, you know, good, but she also had a job to do. And I used to have to pay, I think it was 60 bucks a month. And I was so down and out on my luck from accumulation of poor choices where I didn't have the 60 bucks. And it was pretty cut and dry. 60 bucks, you go to jail.

Wow. And she had cut me this slack for 24 hours, you know, to pay this. But in that moment, too, I felt like, man, my life was over. Like, how can I ever make sense of this? This is where I've ended up in my life where I don't have, I had to get a girlfriend that I was dating. I get her mom to lend me 60 bucks to come. kind of keep my, you know, my free life going.

And I wish like, oh my gosh, I wish looking back that I use that as motivation to say, let's turn a corner. But like literally, it was just, I just kept going until more and more and more and more and more stuff started happening. But yeah, it is in those moments. And you feel that, that shame so deep. You know what I mean? You feel it's so deep.

I had so many times, not the same situation, but I'm just, they're just playing in my brain right now of like all of the times where. where you get that feeling in your stomach where it's just like, it's just empty, you know? It's just hollow. It feels like you haven't eaten for three days where it's like, oh, my gosh, you know, is this ever going to make any sense? Yeah, absolutely. I know that feeling.

And I, you just got it. But we make sense of it. But it's weird, you know? I mean, it's weird. We make sense of some of this stuff, you know, moving forward. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy.

So you lean into the drinking, though. You're leaning into drinking more. Yep. Kind of now, and it sounds like it kind of takes the same takeoff, I guess, right? Yeah. Or it's not going. So, you know, and I was waking up at like three in the morning, filled with anxiety and fear, like really scared, you know, and I would be my husband. But I remember, I'm always like, are you okay?

And I'm like, no, I'm scared, you know. And I knew what it was, you know. And I was having panic attacks. Like, it was at a family party, and I couldn't, I just kept leaving and going to the car. because I couldn't sit still. And then we went to my daughter's basketball tournament. I kept going out to the car because I had this anxiety, you know, and I knew what it was from.

And then a couple of weeks later, my husband said, let's go for a drive. I want to have a talk. And I knew what was going to happen. And I'm still thankful that he did that, you know, that he was. And he's like, okay, it was a Friday. He's like, so what are we going to do with you? I think those were his exact words, like, what are we going to do with you?

And I was like, I don't know. I need help. I'm like, and I need to go somewhere because I'll have a seizure or something if I just stop. And I can't stop. So we made a plan. And he said, tomorrow, Saturday, which was a Saturday, you, I'm going to take the girls to, I think they had training in the morning. They will play basketball.

And you're going to make some phone calls. And I did. I got up and I was filled with anxiety. And I made a cup. I think I made like two phone calls. And I got in like right away. And they were like, all right, you can come today. And I'm like, well, maybe I'll just come tomorrow.

And they're like, I was like, no, I think he should come today. And I'm like, okay, it's like, come around 4 o'clock. I'm like, all right. So it was probably like 10, 30, 11 in the morning. And my husband came home when I said, all right, I called. I can go to this place at this time or whatever. I said, but I need you to go to the store and get me a couple of little airplane shooters. I said because I was like this.

And I was like, get me, get me four or five. And he's like, I'll get you three. And I'm like, deal, whatever. So he got me those. And that was it. That was the last time. I drank two right away. And I saved the other one for a couple of hours later.

And I went into detox. And it was the best thing ever. I spent like four or five days there midway through. So wait. So after my husband, after we're good, I told them where I'm going. or blah. I pulled each one of my daughters aside separately and let them know where I was going. And they were like, they were kind of like a little confused. I don't think they realized how bad I was drinking. You know, I know that they knew that something. I know that they knew that I was drinking.

You know what I mean? I don't think they realized it was as bad as it was. They say there was like a few times when I made my amends with each of them. You know, they each said, well, there was this time you were this, he did this and there was this time you know but i just thank god that it didn't get as bad as it could have gotten or stories that i've heard you know so i told them each one of them i was going to be gone for a couple of days and then i came would come home and i really thought that's what was going to happen i was just going to go to detox and then i would come out and like go to outpatient like where i went years ago and then go to like aa and you know stuff like that and maybe like day three or four in the detox, which was a really nice place.

The ladies like, so we found a place for you to go. It's 28 days. And, you know, you take your insurance and stuff. And I'm like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going home. You know, and she's like, that's not what your husband's saying. And I'm like, what? And I call my husband. And I'm like, what's going on? And he's like, yeah, you need to go somewhere. You need to. You need to. more help and I'm like I guess you're right you know so I told the lady I haven't go somewhere for two weeks I said that I'll just do two weeks that's it find a place that we'll do two weeks and she's like okay and I ended up staying the whole four weeks because it was exactly what I needed once I was able to let go and know that the kids are okay

you know my husband's got it his parents are wonderful my in-laws are amazing they live right around the block. My mom lived in Ohio, lives in Ohio, but she was like sending pizzas to the house and ordering dinner and stuff like that. And that was her way of helping. And I just, once I was able to really let go and just focus on myself, it was like a mental break. And I think I needed it. Like, I realized, like, that I kind of lost who I was a long time ago. I lost who I was. I was, I lost my identity. I became a mother, very young, and my whole life was my children and then working as a nurse, and that was it.

And I didn't do anything for myself. Like, I had no hobbies. I didn't do anything. Like, if I wasn't with my kids doing something with my kids, I would be, like, and it was downtime, I would be, like, watching TV. or something, or maybe go on day night with my husband here or there, or once in a while hang out with my girls. But I didn't even know what I liked anymore. So I really just focused on getting better and figuring out who I am again.

And, you know, they told me when I leave that I have to make a meeting. And I did. And I wasn't working. I had lost my job that I had. I got let go because I didn't show up. I went to rehab and, you know, whatever, ended up being the best thing because I was really able to take a year and just focus on recovery. Like I say I took a bath in like AA or bath in recovery, joining the community with you. I would be listening.

I would walk every day. I would go for like a two mile walk and I would have you in my ears listening to your podcast, you know? And you kept talking about this community. And I'm like, what is the guy talking about? And I downloaded the Sober Buddy app. And at that time, it didn't work right. So I messaged you on Instagram and, like, he's never going to answer me. This guy's famous or whatever.

And you answered me, like, within like 25 minutes or so. And I was like, I remember running to my husband. I'm like, he answered me. He answered me. And I joined the community. And I shared on my first meeting. And, you know, like the rest was history. I was like, just you're stuck with me, Brad.

You and the community are stuck with me because you guys are my family. And I just, I couldn't wait to wake up in the morning to do a meeting. You know, I would start my mornings off. And that then I think we only had meetings like three days a week in the morning. It was like only like here and there and couldn't wait for those meetings. They were like my favorite and just sharing and finally having people that totally get it, that I can say these things to. and they're not going to, like, judge me.

They're going to be like, hmm, I was pretty clever. Oh, you did that? That was pretty smart, you know? Oh, you wrote down where you hid your alcohol bottle? Yes, I did so that I could get it the next day and throw it out. And they went, it was crazy. And we got to connect in Toronto, too.

Yeah. And the trip. And then I was not going to miss that at all. Like, you know, I just started going back to work. And I was like, like I can't miss that. And when I was on my interview, I actually said, like, I have a trip coming up this day. And, you know, hopefully we can work with it. But if not, you know, they're like, no, it's fine. Yes, because I'm not missing that trip.

I hope that if not was if they can't make it work, you can't take the job. Yes. Yes. That's when we must. It's interesting there. Thank you so much for sharing all that because it's definitely, you know, wild ride in a sense. it's interesting there too when you go to detox right and your husband has this conversation with you and your desk you know the desperation i think in those moments are high right you got to change things we we know that things are falling apart or they're really headed in that direction yeah and then you know seven days into detox right you've you've kind of all of a sudden talk to yourself into you know maybe being cured in a sense or maybe i'll i'll just take the easier softer way we hear a lot right

and you're already kind of going into, I can't do the 28 days or all only do two weeks. You know, that's so interesting because that's so common. And I think for people that are in your shoes too, right? You have a family, you're a mom. The world needs you. And the reason is because that's become your life and your identity, like what you shared about too. Yeah. But going for those seven days and then the 28 days, other people figured it out.

And they always will. You know, it's, and I love that you shared that you just sort of letting go of maybe, maybe in some sense, the expectations that you had on yourself and or the world has on moms or parents in general. Yeah. You have to be there. I think taking that 28 days for yourself like you shared there completely changed things because it gave you maybe that opportunity to really look at where you had, you were in life and that you weren't happy with how you were, you were going. about things. Did your husband know you were drinking this whole time? Did he eventually figured out, I'm guessing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he figured it out eventually. I don't think he realized that it was going on for as long as he had thought, but he was finding, like, bottles around

the house and stuff like that, where I thought I hit them very well. I didn't. Yeah. But. How hard was it for him to come forward with this to say, hey, like, we've got to figure something out here. It was really hard for him. It was extremely hard for him. And he's doing therapy now. And I think, you know, it's a good thing, you know, coming to terms with that. I remember when I was making my amends with my 20-year-old daughter, Alex,

and it was very hard. We cried a lot. It was very emotional. And she said to me, like, but you just, you were just gone. because I wasn't supposed to be gone for that long. You were just gone. And dad was crying and he didn't know what to do. And you guys are supposed to know what to do.

You're the parents, you know? And in that moment, like, I just, because I remember one time I was scared and I told my mom and she said, I'm so scared too. And I was like, no, you can't be scared. You're supposed to say it's going to be okay, you know? So when my daughter said that, it was just, then I realized in that moment, like, what I put my husband through, you know, and how far it must have been. He didn't really have people in his life growing up with addiction. You know, he didn't have any of those struggle. Like, he didn't really see that, you know, and he mean like an aunt or uncle that's gone to rehab or whatever. For me,

it was normal. So-and-so's away and they're getting help now, you know. That was just the way it was. I was so used to it. So for him to have to deal with somebody like this, it was very, very hard. And, you know, we're still working on it. We're working on our communication. I give a lot of credit to the 12-step program. Like, it really, like, has taught me to accept things that I cannot change, you know, like, I can't change what happened. You know, all I can do is show him that I'm not that way anymore. And every day I get up and I do what I'm supposed to do to continue to live this life and have this peace that I had. And I remember we were doing like a family session when I was impatient and him saying, well, you're going to have to like show me kind of.

Like your word it means nothing right now. Like could you just lied so much. And I knew that. Like I'm like, and I remember thinking in that moment, well, I'm going to show you. Like, I'm going to show you that I can. And, you know, within a couple of months, you know, he did say like, I see what you're doing. Like I see it. good for you. Keep going. Like, keep going, you know. And I do. I just keep going. And to wake up, like, with this piece, it's, like, it's a piece I'd never had before. I've never, like, even when I wasn't drinking or wasn't taking pain medication, like, there was always something, I feel like there was always something just. And now I just, I crept, maybe it's my, my, my God,

just because I have such a relationship with God now. And, you know, I get down in my knees and I pray every morning and I just give everything over to him. And I just trust that I'll do the next right thing and whatever's going to happen is going to happen. And it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to learn how to figure it out. Yeah. If nothing else, we're going to learn how to figure it out.

Right. Yeah. Man, those are tough. Those are tough conversations. I mean, that you've had. Yeah. You know, with with your family right there, you know, your daughters and your husband. And, you know, I think that's, you know, a big part of the truth of all of this is that things don't heal overnight.

Yeah. For us, for those around us, you know, especially if we've been doing something for X amount of years. I mean, we can't expect things to flip overnight. It takes time. Yeah. But one thing's for sure. I mean, if we're drinking, nothing's going to change. Yeah.

It's going to be the same thing, you know. So kind of keeping that as number one. And then things fall into place. You know, I think you're right where you're supposed to be. Even with all the difficult moments and everything else. And it's been an exciting journey to watch. It's always been a pleasure to have you, you know, obviously in the community and in everything you bring. I mean, it's, you don't find, you can't find it anywhere else.

You're unique in that way, your story. And I know just from knowing you, you've had your challenges. You know, you've had your challenges. challenges with everything that's happened. And that's life, I guess. You know, we can't go back. Yeah. And change things and how they played out.

And we can't see the future to see how they're going to play out. You know, maybe if we could, we'd say, oh, you know, I only have to hang on for this long. Another 30 days and then an opportunity is going to, you know, land in my lap. You don't know that either. We sort of just have to trust in doing the next right thing. Yeah. I had another question, too, about your daughters. I mean, what role do they play in you staying sober?

And when exactly did you get your sober date? So my sober date is July 28, 24. And they're like my biggest cheerleaders, you know? They really are. They love it. They, you know, encourage me to go. They understand when I can't get to a game or something of them. You know, because they do play a lot of games.

They're okay. They're like, I get it, mom. I understand. You have to do that. They understand. They reap the benefits. You know what I mean? They get this mom.

They get this version of me, the best version of me. And they know that it's all because of my recovery. I have to do my meetings. You know, I have to take some self-care time. Like they love it. You know, they're like, oh, are you in a meeting? Okay. Like if I'm doing a meeting at home or, you know, I didn't even.

or if I'm going to one in person. Like they came to, you know, my one-year anniversary at my home group in AA. And, you know, they were excited. And they got to see. And it was good for my husband, too, you know, because he obviously, he was there. They got to see what it's like and what I'm doing there. Like, you know, the support I'm getting. And they're like, okay, now, like, I get what you're doing and how special it is.

Yeah. They're excited for it, you know. Yeah, that is so cool. That is so cool. I mean, everybody's going to go about things differently, and I'm not here to say what's the right way to do anything or the wrong way. It's not my style. But I think it is really cool that you've involved them with this side of the journey.

And this might sound weird, but they were impacted by the other side. Yeah. And to leave them just with that, I mean, I'm not a fortune teller or predict the future. but to just leave them with that experience and not share this one, I don't know, might seem a little bit strange. I just think it's really cool that you're sharing so much of this side of the changes you're making and how your outlook on life has completely changed. And to have them on board with that.

And also the fact that you shared. I mean, this runs in the family, right? And not to say that, you know, me staying sober, you saying sober is going to guarantee for everybody else. Right. But my goodness, you know, I mean, maybe it would have changed things for us if we heard maybe this side of things or saw, you know, this. Maybe, right? I don't think you can hurt. Yeah. I think it's very important that they know, you know, and I had been telling them even before my issues that alcohol and drugs run in the family because they would see it. They would be at certain family parties and see certain things. And I would say, let's go, we're leaving. I'm not saying here anymore. some of these too messed up and I don't want my kids around that. So they, they knew a lot and they knew that, you know, I always kind of told them, you guys got to be careful. This thing runs in the family, like, you know.

So I think, you know, showing them, they saw how, how, how, what that version of me was like and that I messed up and I struggled and, you know, and then, you know, I had to go do something and take responsibility for what was going. on with me and then rise up, you know, and pull myself up. You know, I think that that they need to see that because that's life, you know, life is going to like things are going to happen. So for them to see like it can go from poop and then down and then back up with the support of friends and family and my faith and community, like we can be okay. Things happen. you know, we're going to struggle and, you know, you got to rise up, you know, you got to rise up.

So that's kind of what I like to tell them. And, you know, they're like, is it all right if I tell so-and-so, like a friend? And I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Fine, it's okay. And one daughter was like, well, can I give me your phone number? Because so-and-so's uncle might want to call you. And I'm like, that's fine. So, like, you know, they're teenagers now, you know?

I know things are going to happen. Yeah. but they know that they can come to me, you know, and their friends can come to me because there's no judgment here. You know, I get it. I get it. Yeah. That's a beautiful kind of full circle type thing to, you know,

let people know they're not alone if they're struggling. Yeah. Rapping or heading towards wrapping up here too, it was interesting too. You had mentioned, you know, back sort of when you got caught up for, you know, with a detective and stuff there. and you kind of mentioned everything, right? You were honest.

You were honest about the situation and kind of wondering, did I go about it the right way? Yeah. You know, I'm thinking of, I'm thinking really what set you free on this journey is telling the truth, you know, being truthful, harboring secrets and just keeping it all in. And I got an email this morning and obviously I'm not going to share the full extent of it

for the person who sent it. But keeping it a secret has kept them stuck. And I think for so many of us, it keeps us stuck. Because the idea of what if everybody figures out and my entire world comes crumbling down and I lose out on opportunities and everything else, you know? But I think the flip side of the coin is like, what if I don't if I just bury this? Yeah. And don't ever accept accountability or responsibility.

Yeah. Do I actually give myself the closure and the opportunity of forgiveness to move forward? And I wonder about that in my life, too. Like, what if I would have just went on my merry little way and never resolved anything, never faced the truth? Yeah. And just kept everything in. I don't think the level of healing would have been possible. Definitely no podcast. You know, definitely none of the other stuff. And I think it's those times in life that are the darkest and they don't feel like there's any way out that really give us sort of maybe that fire or maybe that opportunity to grow as opposed to maybe the opportunity to stay stuck.

I don't know. I don't know if any of that resonates or that's the left field. It does. And I like that you said that going back to the detective because you know what? I was honest. I was honest and I hadn't been honest in a long time. And being honest, I think is they talk in 12 steps. You know, you got to be honest and vulnerable and all that. And, you know, just it's changed my life, you know, being honest about everything and learning how to like communicate properly. And, you know, I said to my daughter as well, like, if I had to go through what I had to go through to get to where I am now, so be it. So be it. So be it. because I feel so much better and have such a peace and it's okay. It's okay. So there's a book.

I think it's Jack Canfield, the success principles where he says, you know, you have to be 100% responsible for your life, you know. And that like really got me like thinking like, you know, I just have to accept everything. I have to accept the card that I was dealt. I have to accept the family I was born into.

I have to accept the decisions, the way the trajectory of my life went, accept it, and just go with it. And, you know, and I am. Like, now I'm a recovery coach, five-time certification coach. I'm working in a rehab, you know, like, I'm on a podcast with you. Like, you know, I'm going to start my own little business. Like, you said to me, like, would you see yourself where you are? Like, no. If you would have said, like, in a year, you're going to be sitting.

doing a podcast with Brad. You're going to have your coaching certification. You're going to have gone to Palm Beach with a bunch of strangers. You're going to have gone to Toronto. I would have said, no way. Not Christine. I've heard her.

Everybody else, right? Everybody else would have. But yeah, it's so relatable. Yeah. I mean, I always think that too. If somebody would have told me, you know, 15 years ago, when I was getting arrested out in front of the airport, I was going to actually have a lot of,

life and like I was even thinking of it yesterday like it I was we got this air mattress and we got family coming and I'm trying to find this hole in this air mattress so it's like but while I was doing that I was for whatever random thought I was like you know what it's the craziest thing in the world I have three kids yeah I was just like it is literally the craziest thing in the world for me to have three kids to how I used to live my life I mean I have periods of my life a year at a time where I don't even remember doing laundry or going grocery shopping or doing anything. I mean, I remember working a job that I worked in a kitchen at a restaurant. And I would wake up hung over as hell.

And I would wash my shirt from the night before in the sink, rub it, wash with my hands. And I was running late to work so I'd have to hang it out the side window of the car and just put the window up and drive to work and hopefully it dried and the damn thing was always still wet. And I never figured it out. That didn't work. Go from living like that to now. And it's not that I have everything, but I can relate to you on that piece of mind. You know what I mean?

Where I don't have to worry about, I heard this quote the other day, and I don't know who to credit it to, but it's from somewhere. Nobody's looking for me and I'm not looking for anybody. Something like that. And it was just such a beautiful way to kind of describe life as nobody's looking for me because of what I've done or what I've said, and I'm not looking for anybody else. Like, I'm just in my own lane.

Yeah, I love it. And sometimes it takes a little bit of shit, I guess, to get us there. Yeah, it does. And you know what? We're like the strongest people. I really think we are and very unique and very driven. And we're unstoppable. Yeah.

We're unstoppable. In a year, too. I mean, a year, don't get me wrong is a long time. over a year. But I mean, geez, just sit back for a second and think about five or ten. I mean, live for today, but the sky is the limit. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. Proud of you, Christine. So proud of you. I thank you so much, Brad. You really are an angel. And I'm so glad that God brought you into my life because you really do great things, you know. And I know you do it out of the kindness of your heart. And like this, this,

podcast, like just listening to these stories, like I just know how much they help me. They just helped me so much relate, okay, you know? So what you do for people that you don't even realize you're touching their heart is just amazing. And all of your guests, like everybody that comes on, thank you. You guys are brave and I respect you and I appreciate you coming on and helping us. You know, we've got to do this together. We recover together. Yeah, 100%. Well, Hey, thanks for being an avid listener and a good friend. One question before we scoot. I can't help but think about the one person out there who is just holding on to all of this, right?

The secret of where they're at. They're not letting anybody know because the fear behind being honest just seems like their life is going to be over. And me being on the other side, I know that that's the beginning. I know that going through that door is the beginning. But that's easy for me to say where I sit today. What would you mention to somebody who's just holding it all in and just trying to quietly make all of this go away? I would want to say it's going to get better.

It's not going to end this way. It's not going to end this way. There is a way out. All you have to do is just ask somebody, anybody. You can call a hotline. You can message me. You could text a friend. anybody, all you have to do is just say that word and there is somebody there that is going

to help you and it's not going to end this way. You can and you will recover. It doesn't have to be this way. I know they say like you never have to feel this way ever again. Just take that little step. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you so much, Christine. Thank you, Brad. Well, there it is. Another awesome episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Christine. I'll drop her contact information down in the show notes below if you want to reach out and say congrats or if you're able to relate to any part of her story. I know it means a lot to the guests who come on the show, share their story to hear from all of you. So that would be incredible. So much stuff to take away there, but the biggest thing I think I left with was how honesty sets us free, how sharing our

truth and not hiding in the shadows anymore offers that people. peace or that ability to move forward, like that closure to what was and to move forward with things and I have so many chats. I feel like it's one of the most common chats is the fear that's holding us back or holding you back of what if people knew? What if people found out? What if my job found out? I think the reality is this and it's not going to be true for everybody.

eventually people will find out if you keep going. And it's not going to be that you're getting sober. It's going to be that it's created more chaos and more problems in your life and becomes very unmanageable. I don't know. I get it that there's fear there, but I've never heard of it really ever going sideways of like those things actually coming true of like what are our biggest fears of getting support or getting help or plugging into something. I've never heard it the other way. The story I hear all the time is people are so happy that they did that for themselves,

that they were truthful about how they were feeling and how alcohol substances was impacting their life and preventing them from living their best life and to be present in all of that stuff. So if you're on the fence there, maybe there was something. said during this episode that can help you decide where you go next. Thank you as always for listening and I'll see you on the next one.