Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From Hiding Vodka in the Bathroom to 6 Years Sober: Jimmy's Story

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

Jimmy used to drive his car around the corner, sit alone, and drink vodka all day instead of going to work. At home, he hid bottles behind the sink and inside the toilet cistern, sneaking off mid conversation to top up.He started drinking at 14. By his mid twenties he was going through three bottles of wine a night. A miscarriage, lost jobs, and a spontaneous flight to Mallorca all came and went. Nothing stuck until he hit a hospital detox at 40, during COVID lockdown, and decided he was done.Six years later, he's married, working as a gardener and photographer, and showing up for his life.You'll hear about: the cough medicine trick he used to manage withdrawal; what hiding vodka really did to his relationships; the AA member who told him he wasn't an alcoholic; what 6 years sober actually feels like; the one thing that finally stuck.If you've ever hidden your drinking, this one's for you.Find support: www.sobermotivation.comJimmy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/recovery_jimmy/Sober Motivation Community: https://sobermotivation.mn.co/Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, Brad here, and I need your help. The platforms have let me know that over 60% of you that listen to the show regularly do not follow the podcast wherever you listen, Apple, Spotify, and so on. I put countless hours into this podcast over the last three years. Interviewing people, setting it up, doing the editing. In a vast majority of it, I covered the bill with no sponsorships. This is something you can do for free that can help these sorts of, stories reach more people and it would mean the world to me. Wherever you listen, be sure to follow

the show. Thank you so much and now let's get into it. After the miscarriage, I told my new job about it and they were like, oh, you know, take as long as you need. So I did. I took like a week off work. I told her that I was going into work and I was literally driving my car around the corner and just sitting in my car drinking vodka all day. What started as teenage partying and pub culture slowly turned into hiding vodka bottles, waking up and withdrawal, drinking alone, and wondering how life got so far off track. Jimmy shares the terrifying reality of needing alcohol just to feel normal, the shame of secret drinking, blackouts, anxiety, rehab, and the moment he realized he might not survive if things didn't change. And this is Jimmy's story on the

Subur Motivation podcast. Now let's get into it. Today we've got Jimmy with us. Jimmy, how are you? I'm good, Brad. How are you, man? Thank you so much for having me. on. It's an honor. Yeah. Yeah, of course, man, 100%. So what was it like for you growing up? Growing up was idyllic. I'm 46 now. So kind of the 80s, the 90s. I grew up in a little village outside of Glasgow. And my parents split up when I was six. But, you know, it was a happy childhood. We lived near these, you know, big open fields. And, you know, in winter there'd be snow. We'd go sledge in. and like I was saying to you off air it was the time when you know

the parents could let us out and you know we'd be out playing until the streetlights came on or we got hungry and then we'd come home you know it wasn't it wasn't like it is now but yeah it was it was a good idyllic childhood I've always kind of looked to see

you know did my parents splitting up you know cause me trauma that that kind of encouraged me to drink but I think my drinking was just more a kind of you know, to do with a cultural norm that is steeped in our society and especially the 90s.

I don't know what it was like across where you guys are, but I'm sure it was quite similar. In the 90s, the UK was just a wash with, you know, we had Brit Pop, we had Oasis, we had, you know, all of these bands kind of like it was the Ladd culture, the Laddett culture and people were just drinking as many pints. as they could and just that whole thing that we were seen on TV, on music videos and all that,

that just that like getting completely out your head. And then, you know, the rave culture scene and all that. So I was, I was steeped in that. I mean, the first time I had a drink was with my brother. I was 14 and we, my parents were out of town and he was just saying, oh, have you had a drink? Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I've had like maybe a kind of sip of a beer or, you know, a sip of a wine or whatever. But yeah, he was like, went and got me a vodka and orange, maybe he got me two or three. And I got drunk as a skunk and absolutely loved it. And you know, there was other kids at school that we, my group was, I wouldn't say we were geeks, but we were kind of, I'm not even quiet. We were just, we kept ourselves to ourselves. We weren't like causing trouble or doing anything like outlandish. And we'd hear like other kids getting drunk at the weekend. And, you know, we'd hear stories of like, you know, stomachs being pumped and things like that. And we were like, oh, you know, these kids. are, you know, they're wild and they're doing that. We hadn't really aspired to get to that point yet,

but after I had that little drink with my brother, I just said to my crew of friends, I was like, right, we need to get on this. And we did. And that just became the kind of the norm. And I think music was a lot to do with it as well. Like that whole, like I love the Beatles and it was guns and roses and then Pearl Jam

and all that kind of grunge scene. So there was a lot of, you know, not specifically, but you saw them and they, We're all acting out and acting wild, and it was like, you know, live fast, die young, all that kind of stuff. So I really aspired to that. And I just, I loved it. So I don't think there was any real trauma in my life that caused me to drink. But from what I've researched over the years since getting sober, it's an addictive drug.

And the more you do, an addictive drug, the more chance you have of becoming addicted to it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would imagine, too, back in those days, right? I remember it, you know, vaguely 38 now, but you didn't really hear it referred to as a drug either, right? It was always drugs and alcohol. Exactly. There was always that divider.

Like there was always that divider of, hey, I mean, this is really bad. Like, this isn't the greatest, but it's not as bad. Going back to to when you say your parents separated, because, man, over like over the years of doing the podcast, too, like that comes up a lot. I would even take a guess to be closely accurate at maybe 50% of people who, you know, come on the podcast, go through that. And I mean, you're younger too, right? So what all do you kind of understand and pick up? And it sounds like your parents did a good job at, you know,

making this a smooth of a transition maybe as it could have been. I think that that sort of leaves a lot of people wondering too, right, about did they experience trauma that maybe they're just not picking up on or like is that what opens the door to alcohol checking some boxes like it's a really interesting thing you know people have different perspectives but a lot of people share too from there from what they remember they had they had a great you know childhood my my wonder there what makes me curious is when you start drinking if things weren't kind of going bad like how does it check so many of the those boxes, you know, for somebody who isn't necessarily had a bunch of stuff happened before.

I'm always so curious for that. And I don't know if there's always an answer for it. I don't think there is, because I mean, there's the old debate. Is it nature? Is it nurture? Is it hereditary? Is it DNA? You know, I was listening to one of your podcasts. Was it Bree? And she was saying that her mother said to her before she went off to college, like, you'd be careful because, you know, alcoholism runs in our family. And yeah, there is that. Is it hereditary? Because it's legal and because that's why I think there is that division between the drugs and alcohol. Because it's legal and it's this cultural norm, people then, you know, we go to bars and we'll be like,

a majority of people, I say a lot of people can just have like, you know, a couple. They know that that's their limit. And then they go home and they're fine. Well, they probably have a bit of a hangover. So I don't know. I just think that if you're using it, well, I think. So what's his name? William Porter, alcohol explained. Have you read that? I haven't, no. He says that when you make that jump to having a drink to alleviate how you're feeling the next day, like the hangover, you know, the kind of mini withdrawals, if you have a drink to kind of cure that, because it's a great cure, don't be wrong. I mean, I was doing that from early days because I knew like, oh, if I'm feeling rough, you don't have to do it in the morning. If you get through a really horrible day at work, get a really horrible day at work, get a.

home, have a beer or two or three, your brain, your neuropathways start telling you, well, this is a cure for that. This is what I need to do. And he says, once you start opening those pathways, it's a slippery slope into addiction. I spoke to my wife the other day and she was like, I couldn't even dream of having a drink when I'm feeling hungover. But then I speak to some of my mates and they're like, yeah, I do it all the time. And I'm like, eek, you know. So there's two types of people that would not have a problem having a drink to cure that. pain or people that would just be like, no, no, no, I'm not going to have a drink for at least a week or two or a month after feeling like that. So, yeah, like after a rough night. Yeah,

yeah, I think that that's so true. You know, some people are like, yeah, yeah, not again. Yeah. Did you have, did this run in the family at all? Was there anybody else that struggled with it? Did you see a lot of drinking growing up or no? I mean, I saw, I saw drinking growing up. Yeah, it was like, you know, barbecues, birthdays, things like that. My dad still loves a beer. You know, he's, he'll be 81 this year and it's like but he's got his like set agenda like at the moment you know he's an old man now but he he'll hate me saying that but you know he's 81 he'll go a Tuesday night for a couple Friday night for a couple down the pub and then a Saturday afternoon and that's him and he rarely drinks in the house but I think over the years in his life there's been

times when he's drank more than he should have done but I think he's then rained it back in but so yeah but other than that no there's not really any major, you know, my brother's drank a lot from time to time. I think he rarely drinks now. But again, I think it's that cultural norm. We see it growing up in the 80s and 90s and it's that forbidden fruit almost. I think that was it for us. Like we saw people doing it at 1415 and we were like, oh my God, that's so shady. And then when we started doing it at 1415, it was like, oh, this is walking on the wild side kind of thing. So yeah, I don't know. And also, do you know what, gave us the confidence. It gave me confidence to be funny with my peers, to talk to girls,

to be a bit of a jack the lad or a bit of a clown, you know, whichever way you want to look at. Because it gave me that freedom to come out of myself when I was still a child, basically. And most kids are kind of shy and a bit quieter when they're that age. But we found that, well, I found this secret weapon, you know, this secret cure for that. And I went with it. Yeah, and it works so well, too. I don't think there's any denying that. A lot of people's story is that it does all of these things for us and maybe further down the line or the road of things.

Hey, this stuff kind of goes away in one way or another. What do you do after high school? So after high school, I went to, I did a bit of college in Glasgow. Again, like a point that sticks out with that was this was when I really, I realized I could go to the pub at lunchtime, you know, with like my classmates and things like that. And I remember one time, I'd had something. I don't know whether it was like glandular fever or something like that, but I was on antibiotics. And it said on, oh, you shouldn't drink with these.

So I kind of stopped taking them or I drank on them and it kind of stopped them working or something. So it took me a long time for this, whatever it was, virus to clear up because I didn't stop the drink. drinking. Do you know what I mean? I couldn't even stop it for what two weeks? And I were talking like a couple of pints here and there through the week and then maybe going out of the weekend, but I wasn't willing to stop that. So I ended up like taking more paracetamol because this thing was like really painful. And I couldn't, I didn't work out like, oh, maybe if I just lay off the drink, let these antibiotics do their thing and then I'll be okay. You know, it wasn't it wasn't like even a question. I was just like, no, I'm going to continue drinking, which, you know, in hindsight, it's like. It's like, it wasn't, it wasn't like even a question. I was just like, no, I'm going to continue drinking, which, you know, in hindsight, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, well, that was why. I think I must have gone back on a different course of antibiotics or it cleared up or whatever. But yeah, it was just one of those things. So I didn't finish that college course. And then with my brother had moved out and I got, he got a flat. My parents and me then moved, well, this is my stepfather and my mum. We moved up to Aberdeen from Glasgow. So I started another college course up there. It was, it was all right. I really kind of,

it was like multimedia or whatever. So I really enjoyed the photography part of it. But I ended up quitting, started working in a pub. And yeah, then, you know, that was it. Like, my drinking really kind of started ramping up then. Because I was legal then, you know, I was like 18, 19. And my girlfriend at the time in me became like the assistant managers of a pub. So we then got the flat above it. So like all of our friends were our peers, you know, and we were like colleagues.

So we would like, you know, take. And whenever we had nights off, we'd either be up in the flat or we'd go a night out. and it'd be like a Tuesday night because we'd work weekends and stuff. So that became like our little family and it was just hedonistic. I mean, I dabbled in a bit of, you know, maybe not so much cocaine, but more ecstasy through before that. But then when we were working in the pub, that kind of tailed off apart from maybe weekends and things like that.

So it was mostly drinking. I did get pulled over one night, but the cops and I'd been drinking. But no, sorry, I didn't get pulled over this time. This time I was driving home. And I think this was before I'd moved. out. So I was still staring at my parents, but I'd stayed, I was due to stay at someone's house, but then that fell through and I was like, oh man, I need to get home. So I had my car with me, so I like drove it. And I thought, I can't go home because my parents will know I've been drinking.

So I pulled up and like, lay by and the side of this country track and was like, right, I'll just sleep here and then I'll drive home in the morning. So woke up in the morning, I always said it was pitch black out there, no streetlights. I woke up in the morning with the copper tapping on my window. because where I'd part was the bottom of this huge big houses driveway and they'd woken up, could see down the hill and they were like, why is this car part to the bottom of our driveway? We'll phone the police rather than going down and just like saying,

this is our driveway, move on, they phone the police. But luckily enough, they did breathalize me and it went straight up. So this was the next morning. But I knew one of the coppers and he was like basically, right, just, you know, we're going to take you home. So they drove me. back to my house and I just was like, drop me off here and then I walked back to the car. Yeah, I was probably still over the limit by the time I got back to the car, but I got let off

that time, which was quite lucky, I think. Didn't learn my lesson though. So yeah, work was pretty good. I ended up moving back to Glasgow. This is the thing. I didn't know what geographicals were at the time, but I tended to do a lot of them. Like my parents moved around a bit, so I would kind of, you know, go and try it on my own for a bit and then not be making rent or whatever and then go back to live with them. So they'd moved down to England at this point. And I was working in a couple of different jobs,

one being a bar job, one being an office job. And one night coming home from work, and I'd often have a couple of pints at the end of my shift. But this one night, there was a few other people there, and we went across the road to the other bar for the lock-in. And I decided to drive home, and I went round the long way, and copper's flagged me down.

breath lies me i didn't know them this wasn't a lucky we escape again so yeah so i lost my license that time and uh i saw it as a blessing in disguise because the job that i was doing at the time was a fort left driving job and because one of the one of our units was across the way so i had to basically cross a public highway and i needed a license for that and they were like yeah we can't employ you anymore so i was like shit uh i started college again i did for photography and I absolutely loved it. It was just pure photography. So I had that little bit in Aberdeen that I enjoyed and then this was it. And I came out of that with like distinction, you know, student of the year, all of this kind of stuff. And I just, I was like, right, this is my

life now. You know, and I didn't, I didn't need the car at that point because I'd then moved into Cambridge, got a job doing photography. And yeah, life, life was rosy. Got a flat in Cambridge. I mean, there was a few different things. I got a flat on my own to begin with. And that was just far too expensive, but I was just having parties like every night. You know, it was a bit hedonistic. And a friend of mine broke the key off and the door downstairs. So she had to kick the door in. And it was, you know, I basically was like my lease wasn't renewed in that place.

I eventually found a flat with a group like a flat share. And one of the guys was like, do you party when he was like interviewing me for the room? and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I party. So he basically went upstairs, brought down his little box of tricks and filled out a line. And then I was like, okay, so this is my new home, is it? So, yeah. So that became a couple of two to three years of just, yeah, just carnage, really.

But I was in my 20s, you know, and like the fun group of people moved out. And I then took over the kind of reins of the place myself. The parties did kind of subside a bit. We'd still go out weekends. but what I'd then fallen into was drinking. I mean, I think I'd always been drinking every day, even if it had just been like a pint or two.

But by this point, I was drinking on my own. Even though I'd housemates and all that, they all seem to be rim dwellers at this point. And I would go, come home from work, go into the local supermarket downstairs, and they had three bottles of wine for a tenor. So it wasn't like vintage bouquet stuff. It was cheap plonk.

But I'd get them. And that would be me for the night, three bottles of wine. So we're talking like 24, 25. And I knew that if I had three bottles, I was fine. But if I went to four, I was useless the next day. I couldn't even imagine drinking that now. Well, if I drank it now after six years, I'd be like, be down for a month.

I've been hospital, my tolerance is totally God. But yeah, that was it. So that kind of led to me starting to think. And I remember, I remember vividly, walking home some nights and I'd be thinking, are we going to get, are we going to get wine tonight? Yeah, we're going to get wine tonight. Then I'd be like thinking, you've been drinking now solidly for like a week or now you've been drinking solidly for a month. Now you've been drinking solidly for like six months now. And I think if I knew the dangers then, Brad, I would have

probably been like, you know, because I knew the dangers of smoking and I was a smoker and I was like, well, I'm going to quit that at some point, you know, when I'm older. But I didn't know the dangers of alcohol. I was just like, this is who I am. I'm a bit of a lush. I like a drink. You know, I know how to party and I enjoy the feeling that I get when I'm like sat at home drinking three bottles of wine and I, it's madness. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting too. I think when we look back to the excuses that we tell ourselves when we're younger, right? Like, of course, you know, life's going to happen. We're going to get that job or we're going to, you know, get that flat or we're going to meet that girl or we're going to do all of this stuff. And of course, when all of that happens,

we're going to just turn the page. We're young right now. So like it's normal to go out party. And I notice one thing that really stands out to me in my journey is that people I hung out with what I was doing didn't seem so abnormal because that's what I surrounded myself with. I had the restaurant, you know, experience too. A lot of people that come on the show do. And it's just normalized, right? Drinking after your shift, you have a drink you. You meet all. these people. It feels like a family. I think when I peel back to layers now, I'm like, man, I didn't have anything in common with these people other than we partied literally every night. I mean, the schedule was set up that way. You don't start work till I didn't anyway until

four. You work four till 11 or four till midnight. What else do you do at midnight when that's kind of your, you know, time to be awake? I could sleep all day. Exactly. I always told myself. Yeah. And I just told myself, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is just what we're doing. But I look at it now and I just say, yeah, I just, it was so normalized because I wasn't exposed to really anything different. I truly believe this is what everybody did. Yeah. But it's because, like you say, we surround ourselves with the people that, like, I've said this a few times in the podcast, like if someone was to say to me, if I was out at a party or something, I'd be chatting to someone and they'd say to me, oh, yeah, I don't, I don't drink. I would like finish the conversation

and kind of move on to someone else because I wouldn't know what to talk to them about. And it's so, like, looking back in hindsight, it's so narrow-minded of me to think that way. So I did literally surround myself with people that wouldn't judge me, wouldn't, wouldn't kind of have a hard time with what I was doing because they were all doing it as well. You know, like all, even the people that moved out at the flat, I still was really good friends with them. And we would just party all weekend, you know? And I thought I was being, like, sophisticated and kind of grown up by having all this wine in my house. None of them would go in the fridge.

They would all just be sat on my desk. while I'd be watching a film or, you know, trying to be creative, but actually, and that was the other thing, like, my creativity through college, because my college drinking, like, I know people drink heavily when they're at college. Mine wasn't really that heavily, maybe at weekends, but I was being super focused on my photography and, like, the creativity that was coming out of me was amazing, but once I got, like, a job and I was making good money, I kind of just took the guy. off the pedal, you know, I didn't, I didn't really try anymore. I wasn't pushing myself to be this creative photographer that I, you know, I possibly could have been. And I do, yeah, like, because everything had just happened and I was like, right, you know, got this flat, got this great job. And it was like, everything is just happening to me. I didn't realize I needed to try to make things happen. And I guess that, you know, people, you know, were finishing university. They were moving on with their lives. Some were getting married, having kids. I was just stagnating,

you know, because I thought, like, I've made it. I hadn't made it at all. I was just, I was just sitting in a flat with housemates and, you know, not even like people were buying houses and stuff like that. I just was like, what, why are you doing that? You know, that's like, that's crazy. That's growing up stuff. And then as you know, before you know it, you're like 26, 27, 30. Yeah. Still still kind of where we started in a sense. I think a big part of that is the alcohol. If you think about it too. I think there's a lot of people like that their potential is throttled back. like where they could be when you spend it every evening drinking and then you're spending all of your money and then you're waking up feeling like shit every day to different degrees it's like how much more mental energy do you have to sort of go after a dream i think in my own life it was just settling in so many areas for things like this is just this is acceptable this is uh i'm doing my best and I hear that from so many people too and I think that's kind of what wears on us too after a while it's kind of like that little tap on the shoulder of man you got more in in the tank like you can

do more like this isn't your full potential but at the time it's like I mean looking back we see it I think clear as day right that's the one of the beauties of hindsight being 2020 but at the time geez I don't know if we even realize what's going on no I definitely wasn't thinking for the future, I, you know, like I didn't have any suicidal or depression at that point, but I always was like, oh, you know, what if I end up in the 27 club, then that's fine. But then 27 came and went, you know, and I was still here and it was like, but I, but I think I had that mentality that this is how life is meant to be lived, you know, to the extreme to the max. I wasn't, you know, like to me now, looking at it, people that live in their life to the max are like, you know,

climbing crazy mountains and doing reels from the top of these things. That's proper living your best life. Not on some boat in Ibiza getting like gallons of alcohol poured down you, but you see those reels and it's like, they'll live in my best life. And it's like, no, you're not. But at the time, I wasn't looking to the future. I wasn't saving. I wasn't thinking, right, I need to find a woman and settle down.

Yeah, I had girlfriends and things, but it wasn't, that was just, and no offense to any of my exes, you know, I did have love and things like that. that but it was like was I just filling a void of something that was like the kind of again a cultural norm like yeah you have to girlfriend so yeah but I wasn't I wasn't yeah I don't think I was sober for a lot of the times of my relationships you know and yeah I've spoken to a few since then that yeah they were like yeah you were just drunk the whole time you know not drunk but like drinking yeah yeah it's crazy yeah it's really tough I think alcohol too is like sold is this ultimate connector, but it's far from it.

You know, it's like, do we go out and we can connect with people, but it's so surface level. It's never, you know, or majority of the time, it's not like sober conversations with people where we remember stuff and it's real and it's honest. You know, it's all just like it takes us to this other place to another person that's not even maybe really us. Yeah. You know, and then to try to build the connections off that, I look back at two, some of my

relationships. And, I mean, kudos to. them for hanging out for as long as they did. But if I was in their shoes, I would have been gone a lot sooner, you know, a lot sooner than how things kind of played out. Looking at that too, man, I think that that's sort of like my big question at this point in your story. You make this shift, you know, you're working in the bars, having some of the pub there and having some drinks and, you know, you're doing well in school. You're really locked in and focused and achieving, you know, that dream and stuff for your life. Where do you make this shift of like drinking pints to drinking

bottles of wine, it feels like kind of seamlessly. I mean, I'm sure there's more to sort of that and then now kind of on your own and like being content with that. What do you kind of draw that to? Well, I mean, I think even in my days like up in Aberdeen when I was working in the pub, like I never had a problem going and sitting in a pub on my own. Like if my mates were saying, oh, me, is down at this bar at this time. I would be, I'd probably get there like a bit earlier and go in and you know kind of pre-drink whatever and but I'd have friends that were like are you going to be there at that specific time because I can't go in the bar on my own and I was like what are you talking about this is like this is like my home so I would just go and kind of do drinking on my own once I can't I don't know when it was but the first time I ever did that I was like wow this is I feel at home here you know like in those days you could smoke at the bar you could smoke indoors so it was like get my pint and yeah like I mean I think I think it wasn't always beer to begin with like if we go back to my street drinking when I was like 1415 my friend and I we all started on like cider and whatnot and then my friend and I realized we didn't

want to be carrying about you know four or five cans or six cans or whatever so we quickly we'd get like a half bottle of vodka I don't know what the measurements are like with you but like you know it's like half a liter and we'd get a bottle of iron brew which is like soda pop we pour half that out and then pour half the vodka, like pour the half bottle of vodka. So we just had one bottle of soda pop, whatever, with the vodka. So I was on the hard stuff quite early doors with that. Then when it came to the wine after work, I think it was just a good deal. And I liked wine. And I think wine, this whole sophistication of wine being like, oh, you know, it's a lovely bouquet and all that. It's one of the most potent forms of alcohol there is. The name Wino is there for a reason because it's a quick

way of getting blasted, you know, and I think I realized that. I wasn't, I hadn't got to the point at that point where I'd be drinking spirits in the house, you know, that was maybe at parties and whatnot, but the wine in my mind seemed like this is okay, this is kind of a normal thing to do after work on a Monday or a Tuesday night. Like, no, it's not, but in my, but I knew that if I'd have, you know, a couple of large glasses, that was it. You know, you were feeling the buzz already because wine does that. You know, you don't have to, like, whereas if I was drinking beers in the house, oh man, you're going to have to have five, six, seven before you start feeling that buzz. Yeah. With me anyway, it was the fastest way to get there. How are you feeling

about yourself throughout this age, like middle 20s, kind of heading to your 30s here? Like, how do you feel like mental health-wise, you know, like, are you feeling good or do you get any indication, too, of like, hey, this is a lot or not really? So I'll tell you a story because, and that's what we're here for, Brad. And I, so around this time, I was kind of becoming a little bit insular. You know, the drinking was happening on my own. I was going into bars in Cambridge because, you know what? My friends were moving on.

They were, as I said, getting married, settled down. Maybe looking back, my drinking was becoming an issue with some of them because I would just be going out and blacking out quite regularly. so it wasn't really sure what Jimmy was going to be doing or getting up to. And so I think my drinking did become quite insular. I ended up quitting that job at the photography place because I went to go and do one down in London, but it didn't work out.

So I was kind of a friend threw me a bone and I was driving around Cambridge. You know, I'd got my license back at this point and driving around Cambridge showing people rental properties. So it wasn't a great job. I wasn't making a lot of money. I was probably paying out more in my petrol than I was making. And yet they were giving me a fuel allowance, but it wasn't covering it.

So I was starting to kind of really feel like, wow, you know, how the mighty have fallen. Because I was like up here, you know, a year or two before. And then it felt like I was just, you know, crash rock bottom, which we know kind of then compounds you to drink more. One night I'd been watching Into the Wild, you know, the film where he's off to find his Alaska and all that kind of stuff. stuff, Alexander McCandless. And I was like, wow, this guy's got it, he knows. And I was like, I've always had kind of wanting to brush off society

and, you know, kind of go and live in a cave somewhere. And, you know, but it's difficult to do. But I just got in my head, you know, right, I've got a bit of savings. I'm going to go to Miorca, which I don't know if you know, but it's a little island down in Spain. So I drove to the airport. I maybe had like two bottles and one. at this point, drove to the airport Stansted, which is about 40 minutes away from my flat.

This is like a rainy November evening, and I've put my car in the short stay car park. I went into the airport and I've said, where's your cheapest single flight to this woman behind the desk? Like, well, there's one going to New York on an hour's time. So I was like, right, put me on that. So I just flew to New York. I didn't tell anyone, didn't like, you know, tell my housemates or any of that stuff, just packed a few belongings, including my laptop, my camera, and then just went to Miorka, got there, probably quite drunk when I got there, booked into a hotel, had like, hadn't planned

anything, just got there, rocked up and found a hotel. And I don't remember much of this because I was inebrated. Went to a few bars the next day and was like looking around, looking for jobs, maybe bar work or whatever. And a few of the locals were like, there's not really any work here at this time of year, because Miorka's like a, it's like a holiday resort, you know, it's a, it's holiday island and I was like but there must be like cleaning jobs or something they were like you know you might be lucky I was like so anyway I started like just basically caning through the savings that I had there didn't have much but I went out one night and I was trying to do maybe a bit of street photography and all that anyway the next thing I know I've woken up and I've had my laptop my camera all just robbed off

me and I'm just like wow why do these things keep happening to me like I'm in a pickle here eventually my brother, because obviously my family were like kind of getting worried about me. I think it had been there for about four or five days. They eventually got hold of me and my brother ended up, you know, like get me a ticket home and things like that. So it was, yeah, there was that that's when, so I'd have been about 27, 28 when things started to really slide. And I didn't connect it to the alcohol. Even at this point, I was like, yeah, you know what? Life takes its ups and downs and this is just a down part for me.

I ended up moving here to the island man at this point because my brother lived here. And he was like, threw me a bow. And he was like, come over here. You know, you can live rent free for a bit. Get yourself back on track. You know, I left the flat in Cambridge, lockstop, moved over here. And yeah, it was good. It was good for six months a year.

Got a job. I was drinking, but my brother was aware that my drinking was pretty bad. So he was like, you can drink. But I'm kind of, I don't want to be your dad, but I'm going to kind of monitor it. it so you can drink beer but I don't want any spirits in the house and things like that. I was like, yeah, yeah, that's cool. So I started getting into fitness. I ended up doing a marathon.

And then, yeah, just I worked for a bank and their kind of work hard, play hard mentality. I started making some, you know, good money and met people. And yeah, I was like, right, I'm just going to start. And it just crept up on me again and as it does. So there was a good maybe six months to a year of still drinking, but kind of moderating, which, you know, I don't. agree. I don't believe in because it didn't work for me and it, and it kind of crept up on me again. Yeah. I think a lot of people, too, whether they realize it or not, they go through

an attempt at moderation, whether they call it that or not. It's like your story there, you know, switch from spirits to beer. So like that will be, that will work. And some of these things, it can be confusing too, Jimmy, because for some people like you, even like you mentioned there like things can kind of work out for a bit yeah you know six months and you do you're doing all right you things are things are okay but you hear more times than you don't that things usually get back to where they were and you know you can kind of get back on the roller coaster of things yeah so what are they saying though it's so interesting here i mean i think maybe for both of us maybe just for me as we look back why are people not saying hey jimmy you got a drinking problem you

probably quit drinking. Like, was that just so far out there of, like, not really in the wheelhouse? Or what are your thoughts about that? Yeah, I mean, it's interesting you say that. Like, I've spoken to friends from Cambridge now since I've got sober and they were like, oh, man, we're so glad you got sober. Like, and I was like, what do you think? Do you think that? We were like, yeah, we thought you knew that you had a drinking problem back then. But we just thought, like, that's just Jimmy. And that's how he's, that's how he is, you know. I guess my mum was probably my

biggest kind of advocate of stopping it but I don't know if she ever said to me not until the end like I don't know if she ever said you should quit drinking completely like I think it's because it's that whole like if you say to people now like oh I think I think you should quit drinking

it's unheard of to say that to someone because it's getting better but still it's like this cultural normalisation of this how could people not drink do you know what I mean so I don't think I think people are always like, yeah, you should cut your drinking down. You should be a normal drinker. But I don't think they realize that that's not a thing.

You know, if you're already on that mindset of I'm a, you know, I'm a drinker. I'm possibly alcoholic. There's not really any coming back from that. What is it they say you can't turn it pickle back into a cucumber kind of thing. So yeah. And it was again, maybe had there been, I'm not saying more things for me to do, but if I had had a mindset of,

like when I was cutting down, I was just drinking the beer, I don't think I was ever thinking, well, I'm never going to go out and get shit-faced again. I don't think I ever had that mentality. But had there been sober people that I'd met and interacted with at that time, I might have seen that, yeah, there's a different way of life here,

but there just wasn't any of that. Because I'd kind of distanced myself from any of that, I didn't even know where to find that or where to start looking for it. And it was like 2009, 2010. So, you know, yeah, there was sober people, but there wasn't the same community that there is now, definitely not online anyway. Yeah, no, there definitely wasn't.

I mean, there was maybe less options, less people kind of sharing about things or what worked for them or how they were doing it or their experience. It definitely wasn't out in the open. There was A, and I did actually. And I did actually, when I lost my license, there was, I don't know whether it was under duress for my mum to go there or whether I had to do it as part of the, you know, the judge from losing my license. But I went to one session and I remember at the break when we're having like a cup of tea and cigarettes, the guy came over to me and he said to me, I don't think you're an alcoholic. He goes, it looked me right in the eyes and he goes, you don't have that thousand yard haunted stare.

and I was like, okay. I came out of there, told my mom like, oh yeah, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm fine. I was like, do you know what? Like, I've done many AA meetings in NA and all that. There's no fucking way that I would tell someone in the meeting. If they were there on their own volition, there's no way I would tell them,

you're not an alcoholic, see you later. What audacity did he have for telling me that? I'm not saying that I would have stayed or whatever, but I was there saying, help me and he was like, you're not, you're not ready yet. Go back out and spew some more. That's interesting, man.

Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. You know, if someone's trying to get help, we should definitely, you know, support that for them to kind of figure it out. I mean, a lot of people share too, like it took what it took. I think we can look back at, you know, the rather obvious signs when we go back on things, like even hearing, and this is probably only a speck of sand

on a big beach of your life. life, but even hearing, you know, this story and I think we would both probably agree here. I mean, this was headed probably this way from the beginning, you know, early on, right? And I think most people can kind of draw the layers back and say, yeah, it looked different, you know, because I look back at people when I first started drinking. We all drink like the same amount. We all drank the same amount of days. But their lives weren't chaotic.

Yeah. I think like I've never talked with them. But I think that they were. drinking for different reasons than why I was drinking. Yeah. Like it was a party for them. It was sort of let loose, like have fun. Me, I was so insecure.

I was so tightly wound. I was so unsure myself, so uncomfortable. It had no idea where I was heading in life. I was completely lost. The drinking brought me and other people together. I felt like I had an identity. I could be the wild guy. I could be a part of something bigger than I was.

The cost of entry was really cheap. It was do you drink. I didn't have to be good at the time. sports, good in school, good looking. I didn't have to be cool. I didn't have to have a bunch of money. It was just like, do you drink? All right, let's do it. And it brought people together, and it was a really cheap entry for connection, for community. And I think my whole life kind of leading up to drinking, I was really looking for that, really, really wanting to feel like I belonged. At the time, though, like no idea of, you know, that terminology. I just thought this is, you know,

this was the way it goes. And of course, I told myself, I'll turn the page one day. This is just the phase. I'll figure it all out. Where do you go from there too? Like, you know, kind of heading into, you know, your 30s and in sort of that stretch. Just before I left, the island. So before I got 30, I had gotten pretty bad again. You know, I wasn't showing up to work. I'd moved out of my brothers because we'd fell out. I was staying with a few different friends, you know, kind of sofa surface. I'd taken to drinking cough medicine because that was dealing with withdrawal.

I didn't know I was going through withdrawal at that point, but I was basically drinking it to get to work, to feel okay, and then I could drink in the evening. It was definitely staving off the withdrawal because there was alcohol in that. Nobody would question it because, you know, my breath was just smelling of cough syrup, you know? So that was a pretty shady time.

I then really relocated to London, started dating a girl down in London who was a friend from a few years back and we moved in together that was just, that was a hedonistic period and we really we were all just partying 30s, you know, it was like everyone was having

30th birthday parties, it was like here, there, everywhere, you know, London we were both earning good money, I'd got into sales and yeah, we had a great flat so it was just like the party flat again, you know, it wasn't like, and again, I was loving it but was I loving it? Or was I just loving the idea of having this lovely swanky London apartment where everyone came and partied?

And, you know, our relationship wasn't, it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't the worst one I've ever had. It was just, we ended up just becoming like party housemates, you know. There wasn't really any kind of deep kind of connection there towards the end. I don't know if there ever really was because we'd kind of got together under a haze of alcohol and drugs. So I ended up staying in London for a couple of years. Then I went to university up in Leeds. So I'd moved back to my parents. They'd move back up there.

At this point, I might add, my mum split up from my stepdad and got back together with my actual dad. So, you know, any trauma that may have happened, does that now been stemmed? Or is this caused us more trauma? I don't know. No, I love the fact that they're back together. And it's some weird story, but it's lovely.

So, yeah, so I started uni. I met a lady during that time. and she was just insane like I was at that point. And we were just, yeah, I mean, to use the word love, I think we both loved the booze and we loved the, we didn't go out that much. So the kind of partying out on clubs and towns and all that hadn't like bars and stuff that,

we didn't really do that. We just drank in the house. So, you know, it would be like, instead of drinking three bottles of wine for a tenor, we were drinking like bottles and bottles of whiskey and vodka. So we were just on the hard stuff. I think we both knew there was an issue at this point. One of us would try and stop and then the other one would kind of go,

yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe we should lay off it for a couple of nights or a week or something like that. And then one of us would cave and it would be like, oh, did you bring vodka home? Oh, okay, then let's go. Do you know what I mean? So there was not really any real efforts to stop at that point. But I think this would be when I was about 36, 37. Well, no, from about 34, we were together about three years. You know, I've still got one of the cats out of that relationship.

But we moved around a lot. We had a bar at one point, and that got completely trashed one night because I was just, you know, people were just going up to the bar and pouring drinks, because I was the only one really working in staff, and we'd had this open mic night, and it was just absolute carnage. Like, I remember looking over at one point, because I was completely bliss, you know, and I was meant to be behind the bar serving, but I was completely shit-based.

And I remember looking over at the bar, and people were just going behind the bar and helping themselves, so we didn't stay long on that bar. We ended up breaking up after a long while, and I was back with my parents. Then I was in another relationship, and we moved in together pretty quickly because she got pregnant,

and then the night that I moved in, we had a miscarriage. And I kind of just, you know, obviously, we were devastated. You know, I couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like for her, but I used it as an excuse to just fall inside myself and just drink and be this morose, depressed person.

I'm not saying I wasn't feeling those things, but it was like if ever there was a reason to drink in my life, it's now because, you know, I didn't have any children of my own. And then this was like the chance that I was going to have one. and then it was taken away. And yeah, it was a horrible time. And I just, yeah, really, really started drinking heavily. Like, we were, not to say that,

I hadn't been drinking heavily up until this point, but we would have, like I would be, this was when my really secret drinking started because she wasn't a big drinker, but we'd have, you know, maybe a glass of wine here and there at night. And I got to the point where I was sneaking vodka into the bathroom. So it was hidden behind like the stem of the sink

or, you know, in the cistern. And so we'd be having glasses of wine, then I'd be nipping off to the bathroom and topping myself up. So she, I don't know if she knew to the extent of how much I was hiding it, but she knew that, because like if you're just having a couple of glass of wine, how am I getting a bit more boozy than she is? You know, how is that happening? So she must have known.

And we'd have big fallouts, and then I would be like, right, I need to knock this in the head. And then I would maybe give up for like two or three weeks. And I'd look in the mirror and I'd be like, you know, you're not so great. This hasn't killed you. Oh, you're okay. You can drink normally again. And this was like this horrible cycle for about two years.

Until eventually I left her, went to stay with a friend. And this was just at the beginning of kind of murmurs of COVID coming. I went to stay with him. He then fell out with me because I was drinking, drinking, drinking. So my parents, my brother, his partner, my friend and my ex all got into hoots and basically were like you're going to rehab so I went to rehab and as a the day after I got in there so they put me on librium feeling like like I was drinking the whole way there I got in there and I was properly in withdrawal at this point and they put me in my room and give me librium there was a couple of people in there that they just literally done there 24 25 days of the time and they 28 days. So they were looking healthy and they were like, yeah, this is a great place. And then the day after I got there, the whole world went into kind of lockdown. The UK especially went into

lockdown. So it was a fucking surreal time, man. It was bizarre. And then I started feeling better. People started coming in and I was like, you know, like showing them the ropes and all that. The other two had left. So I was like the kind of longest serving member in there. And it was, it was a good time, man. I started learning all the tools and learning just how bad alcohol, really was and it was a really, really interesting time, especially with COVID. Anyway, I then got out of there, stayed with a friend for a little bit. So I did 55 days in total, but then I'd got some, basically got rejected from my ex. You know, even though I'd left her, I was hoping that now that I was sober, that things

might have had a chance for us again, but she just shut me down and I went into my new flat. and still in COVID, but I got myself a bottle of vodka, I don't know, like eight cans of Kronenberg, and I also got some alcohol-free stuff, just in case anyone came to the door. Like, no one's coming to the door, it's fucking COVID. But I had these alcohol-free ones in case anyone came to the door, and I went, oh, you smell a booze.

I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm drinking these. But I was, so I did 55 days, and then that was my way of, I'll show them. So that went on and off for, well, I say on and off. It was on for about three months, because I was over here. sorry, I was over in the UK. My parents were over here now. They'd moved here in 2019. So there was literally no one to kind of intervene and stop. I had nothing to do with my ex. And yeah, I was just drinking, drinking, drinking. And eventually I got over to the Elamann. Did two weeks isolation, so I had to be sober for that. Because my parents were like, yeah, you're not drinking in that house.

We need to get you sober. I did two weeks. And then I went out as well. beautiful sunny day and I was like, I'll just get myself a little quarter bottle of vodka and then then that's it. This is my send off. Yeah. Straight back to it. Straight back to it. Pissing my parents off, you know, passing out in my room at like two in the afternoon and all that. And eventually, like I just got up, got my car, went up the top of the island and I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was just so done. I was just, I was empty inside. There was nothing left to give anymore. And I was just, you know, I didn't, I didn't know how to get sober because without a detox, I was like, I can't face this withdrawal, the pain, the heart, the anguish, the horror, the shame, all of

that stuff. I didn't know how to get out of it. And eventually my brother came and found me. He took me to the hospital, which over here, they're pretty, I don't know what it's like now, but they do do detoxes or they did den. And, they put me in the waiting room and they said basically were breathalising me, breathalising me, but I was nipping over to the shop and getting little bottles of wine and drinking that. So every time they breathless me,

they were like, why is this not going down? Why are we still not able to give you libyum? So they sent me home with a note that said to my parents, Jimmy is to be given, I think it was like 40 mil of vodka eight times a day. So it was like a tapering down method or whatever. And that worked for a day. It didn't even work for a day because I was straight back out to the shop because it wasn't enough.

Eventually then my mum took me back up to hospital and I was like, right, I've got to do it this time. So they got me a detox. I was in there for three days and I was like, because I'd had so many day ones and relapses and all of this. And I was just like, I need to do this if I want to have a life. Like if I want to live and be happy, I was like 40 at this point. You know, I was like, I still got a long life, hopefully ahead of me without, you know, this, this affliction. So I was like, I'm going to do everything and anything I can. There's a local charity over here called Motivate and I went to Smart, NACA, A,A, I was doing the drugs and alcohol team.

Literally every single day of my week was, because I wasn't working, I was just doing this and I was doing them on Zoom because it was COVID so you could get on like A&A meeting. things online. So I just steeped myself in that for, well, they say there's, what is it? They say do 90 meetings and 90 days. And I didn't hear that until I'd done about 150. And I was like, oh, shit, I've done way more than that. And this was like every day. And then I kind of settled down. You know, I did that militantly for, it's about a year or 18 months, you know, collecting all my chips and stuff. And then I was like, right, I need to, I need to start living again, you know, so I kind of distanced myself a little bit from it. I knew the meetings were there if I needed them, but I was like, I need to start living. So I picked up my photography,

picked up my camera again, started doing that and doing the gardening. And then, yeah, life is sweet. I met my now wife in 2023. And yeah, we got married just last year, last August. So yeah, life's good, man. Good. Congrats, dude. And all I did was give up one thing, Brad. It would be a well to do it, but I just did one thing, you know. Yeah. I mean, Even in your story, I think it's so relatable for so many people. It's we, we just protect that one thing, right? Like, we've got to be able to make this work. Like a life without drinking feels unattainable, feels like we're just going to lose everything.

Like, everything is going to be gone. I think there's so many people that are in there. Like, how is this going to go? How, what am I going to do there? Like, the truth is with time, we figure it all out. But in the beginning, it feels like such an uphill battle. I wanted to touch on that other point, too, where you shared. that you really started hiding it.

I see this is a big shift for people and how that affects them maybe internally, right? The shame, maybe the guilt. Maybe some of those elements and it really seems to ramp up. Like it really seems to ramp up their drinking. If I had to guess,

maybe it's because you don't want to feel all of that stuff. You don't want to think. I think that we know what we're doing is wrong. Like we're fooling people maybe that we love or even kind of maybe fooling ourselves. Like, did you notice any sort of change? Like, did those things ramp up for you when you started to be more secretive about it? I mean, I think at that point for me, because there was one part to that after the miscarriage,

I told my new job about it, and they were like, oh, you know, take as long as you need. So I did. I took like a week off work. I told her that I was going into work, and I was literally driving my car around the corner and just sitting in my car drinking vodka all day and like not doing anything just sitting there while in the hours away maybe smoking cigarettes or vaping or whatever

but not doing anything just sitting with my thoughts and drinking and that kind of really got me to the point of like I was I was you know addicted you know I was dependent on it at that point so I think the hiding of it was just the necessity

yeah I had shame and I and I knew knew, but I guess I couldn't just come in the house and say, well, I've got this bottle of vodka here. I'm going to have to drink all of this today in order to not feel shit. She'd have been like, well, we need to do something about this. And I wasn't ready to do something about it. So I was like, I'm just going to hide it. You know, this is the easier way in my mind. Like, of course, it's not easier. This is what I'm doing now is the easy way, you know, drinking and hiding and having to drink pretty much the best part of a bottle of vodka day to just be normal. Like it got to the point where I'd lost many jobs and I'd got to the point where I'd wait for

them, like she had two kids, for her and the kids to go to work and then I would hot food up to the shop and get myself. I'd maybe get a half bottle and go, well, this is all I'm going to have today. But by like 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, I'd be like, well, I'm going to go and get some more. So it was like I needed that in order to function. like I called it my sober level. Once they'd gone and I got up to the shop and got my half bottle of vodka,

I would pretty much be gone in an hour. And then I could like, I don't know, have a wash, have something to eat. Didn't eat a lot. But, you know, all of these things, like I couldn't function to do any of that. Like I'd maybe tidy the house or I started doing a bit of home decorating and stuff

while they were out, you know, but I wouldn't be able to do any of that without, first of all, having that booze. And that's, you know, it's a sad state of affairs. be in. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a prison in a sense, you know, where you're not, you know, locked in one room, but, you know, to the bottle or to the vodka. Like, looking way back, did you have any idea? This is where this could end up? Because I don't think a lot of people do.

I don't think a lot of people think you could go through withdrawal. You could have seizures. You could die from doing it, you know, on your own. You have to go to a hospital if you're drinking this much and go to a detox and be monitored medication. Like, I don't think many people think that it could ever get to that point. Did you know? No, because they're not told, Brad. That's the thing. They're not told these things.

Like, I didn't know, I didn't know that in 1988 it was categorized as a category one carcinogen. You know, like, we know that smoking causes cancer. We're not told that alcohol causes cancer. We're not told that, like, we're told that if, you. you're drinking, drinking, drinking, maybe when you get into your 60s and 70s, you might be dependent on it and you'll be that all drunk down the park or whatever. But other than that, it's a glamorous, fun thing that you need to do in your life. That's what we're told, you know, we shouldn't feel the shame. Like, as soon as I got sober, I was like, I'm going to shout this

from the fucking rooftops because I knew when I got sober that that time, that was it. And I was like, I know that I can do this. And I know that I was pretty bad. And I know if there's the people out there that are struggling, then they can do it too. And I think, but if I was just quiet and kept myself like, oh, yeah, Jimmy's the one that had that alcohol problem. We don't talk about that because that's a shameful thing. No, fuck that. I'm going to shout it from the rooftops because I'm not shamed anymore.

You know what? I'm ashamed that society has led me into thinking that this socially normal pastime is okay when it's really not, man. It's really not. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you can guess, but I've got a man. that's a problem with alcohol. Like I, I, like, I'm not a judgey one, but I'm like, you know what?

I didn't know, and I'm so angry at big alcohol, making all of this money off of majority of people's misery because people don't, people don't, they're not, they've got this faded, faded effect bias where they remember with rose-tempted glasses, they're not remembering, by the time it gets around Friday again, they don't remember how shit they were feeling on Sunday morning and just yearning for McDonald's. It's like, that's not living. Yeah. I mean, all the chaos it causes too. I mean, I looked into the numbers one time. I mean, if alcohol wasn't here, there's a lot of money attached to alcohol being a thing. One of the big things is the prison systems. I think it was over 50 or 60 percent of the people that were intoxicated alcohol

related offenses, you know, make up 60 percent of the population. You take all of that away. You take away sort of the mental health aspect, the hospitals. The province I live in, you know, in Ontario, they charge a hefty tax on alcohol. And they charge the hefty tax. Most places probably do this that have sort of this public health care system like we do in Canada. So they charge taxes. They use the tax money to fund the health care.

They actually run a deficit. The amount of money they collect from the alcohol sales doesn't cover the medical cost to service the people from the effects of drinking. It's sort of a strange thing to think, okay, you're charging this big tax. and COVID since that's sort of in your story, you know, the alcohol selling shops here anyway, and I think most places were one of the only places open. And a lot of people couldn't get their head around that. They said, I can't get this, but people can go and get alcohol. But what? And I think that was just a clear as day indicator that people don't realize withdrawing from alcohol can kill you.

Most drugs won't do that. They don't, you might feel really bad. And that whole thing. And that whole thing, with COVID, like yeah, people were saying, I can't get down the nappy aisle. You've, you've shut me off for getting nappies or diapers for my kid, but I can buy booze. And the amount of people that I know where they're, like, I was lucky I got sober during COVID, because the amount of people's alcohol consumption that went up and skyrocketed while they were, like, they were on Zoom calls and there was jokes about like, just get a little, like, you know, the tab from a, from a tea bag and tape it to the inside of your cup while you're on a Zoom call at work, and you'll be drinking vodka and you're okay. And there was all these memes coming out and I was like,

man, that's not, that's what people are actually doing. You're making it out as a funny meme, but people are doing that and drinking earlier and earlier and earlier in the day. Yeah. Well, they've gotten away with it for years of the punchline drink responsibly. It puts all the onus on the end user, but it removes the fact that it's a highly addictive substance that you, that changes your brain chemistry over time and you become addicted to. it plays on the dopamine system, which is so powerful in the brain, just like every other drugs and addictions that, you know, cause so much harm. So I'm in there. I'm right in there with you, man. It's sort of, you know, there's a lot of people out there. I think that, you know, obviously

they don't have a problem, but I think for a long time it wasn't a fair fight. And I think that's what bothers me. I'm not this guy to run around and give the middle finger to alcohol around every corner but I do feel they hid the truth for a long time and they did it on purpose and we saw the same tactics with you know smoking back in the day right we saw the same playbook being executed I think now there's cracks in the foundation of all of that and people are you know really getting the truth right there's so much stinkiness right they would pay to fund the studies to show that a little bit of wine was going to help you here or there and it was going to do this and you have a lot of people that celebrities that launch brands with alcohol.

A lot of them don't even drink. Like a lot of people don't even drink their own. They would never even drink their own stuff, but they make these brands. They get these deals. I even looked into it a little bit deeper. And I shared this on one of the other podcasts, but I looked into it to wonder how it happens, man.

Because we're born, right, Jimmy? And when I was born and when I was three and when I was five and when I was 10, I never knew what alcohol was. Like I could live my life and I never even thought of it, you know? And then there came this point in time where living without it, I believed that was impossible. So I was really curious in this sort of like research of like what, how does that happen? How do we go from like maybe a casual drinker in college? We're just hanging out.

And then it switches over to like a life without alcohol. What would that even look like? And the truth is that we're exposed to it thousands of times, maybe even tens of thousands. I looked up movies, 46% of G movies for kids show alcohol in a positive light, 71% of PG movies. And one of the things that really blew me away, Jimmy, was 007. One of the movies where they have the martini glass, Heineken paid $45 million to have the martini switched out for Heineken.

One scene, and their sales blew up from that. Like, these companies are smart. They would not just spend $45 million on a whim. But $45 million for a Heineken bottle in one scene of a movie. And those are the things that I think they rinse and repeat. They do over and over. So even when you're a child, you're seeing alcohol in sort of this positive light, right? The guy gets the job.

It gets the girl. They have the wedding. Like all of these things that it's just so, like I think you mentioned earlier too, it's glamorized in so many ways like a life without it you're kind of the weird one like why can't you handle your drinking why can't you man up why can't you figure it out yeah so interesting we're doing it wrong we're doing it wrong it's funny in that though the whole like we all know what james bond drinks i mean i don't know but gen z don't know if they watch many bond films but we all know it's a martini shaking not stirred don't we you know and it's like that is

ingrained into society that that's what bond drinks and like let's look at it bond's probably an alcoholic. He's got a stressful job, so he's using that as a coping mechanism. But they'd say that Gen Z is not really drinking as much as, you know, kind of as we were, whatever, Gen X or millennials, but it's, well, I think Gen Z is maybe too young now still, but they're starting to, but even millennials have, they've dropped off. And I think, is Canada not one of the countries that has started putting actual warnings on the labels of bottles, or did you do a trial or something No, not yet, not yet. I think it's coming.

It will have it. I mean, I think everywhere will eventually have it. I mean, that's another interesting stat too about, you know, the younger generations, right? Because it's, it kind of poses that probably way off topic question of like, have we healed or are we switching? And it's really interesting if you look at the marijuana and I'm not like an anti-marijuana guy. I mean, the way I live my life, I don't expect anybody else to, but marijuana consumption has crossed over alcohol for the marijuana. the first time in history. Wow.

And usually it takes time for us to really see how this plays out, right? Like how does this affect people? Maybe it'll be for the better. Maybe not. Maybe it'll be different. I don't really know exactly how it'll play out. But to me, it is interesting. They're not drinking.

Yeah. But they're still leaning into stuff. And I just think that that, I think through listening to your whole story, that's kind of what I pick up on is like that fog, that lack of awareness, that lack of, you know, maybe purpose at times or vision or goals or healthy relationships. Like, and that's why alcohol, I think, for so many of us, makes so much sense. It quiets all that stuff down. It just helps us maybe forget and numb that we're not where we potentially could be or stuff

went on. And I'm wondering, too, you know, if you're eating dummies all the time or smoking or however it works. I mean, are you still unplugged for? from who you can be, you know what? I mean, I'm like you. I don't smoke or take gummies because I'm just completely abstinent from everything. I mean, I like coffee and stuff, sugar. But anyway, I think the thing with alcohol for millennials and Gen Z is that they like to be in control. And I don't think gummies have that completely almost like out-of-body experience

that alcohol does. You're not yourself. You've not really got any control over your own personal beings and whatever. And I think they're scared of people flipping up their phone and recording them when they're doing stupid things because they don't want that to be all over the internet. They're very particular about how they look, how they are. And that's cool. I'm all for that.

They're massively into the gym. They're massively into health. And all it takes is a little quick Google search or an AI search. Is alcohol bad for me? It's going to come back and say, yeah, it's fucking really bad for you. So I think they're definitely like,

well, why would I want to start doing that? But whereas with us, we didn't have those kind of utilities to check that. And I think as soon as we found that little pathway, that neuro pathway, that yeah, this makes you feel better. This makes you confident. Once you've opened those pathways, like William Porter again, and Alcohol explained, he says, once those neuropathways are open, you can never shut them down. Like if I, like, I'm coming up on six years, if I don't drink for like 20 years, 30 years,

however long, and then as soon as I have a drink, like all those years down the line, those neural pathways are still there and they'll go straight back in. So as long as I don't do it, I'm okay. But the pathways are still there, you know, because I've created them. Yeah, yeah, that's so true. Yeah, I mean, there's more, a lot more information out there for everybody. Just heading towards wrapping up, Jimmy. Thank you so much, man, for joining and sharing, you know, your story with us. It'd be an pleasure, mate. I've enjoyed it. Yeah. What would you mention to somebody out there who's be struggling to get started or just needs a little support to keep going.

Find, first of all, just do it. Just do it. I mean, obviously, if they're, you know, going through withdrawal or dependency, then they need to seek medical advice. But I think the majority of people out there are kind of gray area drinkers and they're just looking for a better way of life. And I think just do it. Just make that change.

Don't do it. Don't say like I'm going to do it tomorrow because tomorrow never comes. Do it today. Find your tribe. Find your community. you know, start sharing stuff on Instagram or TikTok, wherever, you'll be like a sponge for people coming in and going, I always look out for people that are saying,

oh, I'm on day one and I'm like right on there and comment and saying, good on you. Like if you need any help, come to me, ask me advice, blah, blah, blah, all of those kind of things, because that's where you really start feeling that buzz that I used to feel in the meeting rooms when I'd come out of there and be like, wow, you know, I've heard all these amazing stories and this, that, and other.

So, yeah, just just do it. give it a go and you won't regret it. That's the thing. You know, we're not all miserable here. It's not, it's not a bad way of life. Yeah, so true. I even mentioned something too that I was thinking about, which I don't know everybody, but I think there's a lot of people that kind of are looking to tee up that perfect exit, a perfect night, right? Like I'm going to have that night that it's all, it's all going to make sense right? After this night, I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to have this great night and it's like, okay, now it's time to move forward. I don't really know too many people, maybe one or two that I've talked to over the years. But for most people, I don't know that

that ever comes true. That it's like, yeah, this perfect night and we just sail off into the sunset type thing. I think if you're, well, there's an old saying, like if you think you've got a problem with alcohol, then you've got a problem with alcohol. I think if you're thinking that way and you think I need to stop drinking, you already know the answer. So it's like, don't bother trying to moderate or do anything that. And if you think you're going to have this amazing fireworks go out with a bang night, you probably don't have a problem with it. Do you know what I mean?

Because if all of your nights have been like those, then you're fine. You know, if you're having great nights out, then keep doing it, you know. But if you're having really shitty nights where you're doing this and you're doing that, you're blacking out, don't look for some big glass night with a bang because it'll end in carnage. Just do it now. Just stop. put that glass down and throw it down the sink, you know, because,

yeah, honestly, this, this way of life. And it's so much easier, you know, like I used to think, oh, I can't give up alcohol because it's too hard and it's this and it's that. This way of life is so much easier. I'm not lying to people. I'm not trying to hide stuff. I'm not full of shame. I'm not feeling like crap.

It's just easier. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for jobs too, I mean, you sound like you had a lot of jobs and you moved maybe 50 times and not having to do all of that stuff. Like, yeah, it's so much less chaotic. I think like looking back and I didn't mention this, like I always worked in offices. I did a lot of bar work, but I would always do temping working offices and things like that.

When I got to Laman, a friend of mine said, oh, come and do some gardening work with me. So I did that and I loved it. I love being outside. I love, you know, doing stuff with my hands. And then eventually being my own boss and I was like, man, why didn't I do this years ago? but that's hindsight isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like though, so a lot of people share this?

It just, it took what it took even though we can't understand every twist and turn maybe. Yeah, I would get to that point. I wasn't ready. Like even if I'd had like a year of sobriety, say 10 years ago, it wouldn't have stuck because I wasn't ready. I was ready when I was ready and that's when it stuck, you know, and that's the same with a lot of people. Like I know I'm saying, go and do it today. I kind of had to give up at the end. and it was, but the time was right.

I know that if I'd still be drinking now, man, I doubt I'd be here. We certainly wouldn't be talking and I wouldn't probably be here. Or I might be here, but I'd be having some horrible, miserable, pathetic wasting away diseases and all that kind of stuff. Because that's what it does. It's, you know, it's over 200 diseases linked to it, and it's just a horrible, horrible way of succumbing to it. So I'm glad I don't.

Yeah. Yeah. Great job, Jimmy. keep rocking man yeah sorry to i feel like i've just ended it on a bit of a bummer they're like oh it's horrible no i mean i think you know what alcohol as much as i like i don't have any regrets my life was you know it was a bit hedonistic and a bit crazy and chaotic but i don't have any regrets and i wouldn't i wouldn't have i don't wish oh i wish i'd got sober when i was 20 30 35 i got sober at 40 and I love that because my life is what it is now. I wouldn't have met my

amazing beautiful wife if I'd got sober 20 years ago. So life has its ups and downs and you know it doesn't it's got what is it we say life's got peaks and troughs and they are peaks and troughs now because life isn't perfect but it's not mountains and valleys anymore. You know, that's what it was before. So I'm happy with the quiet life now. But yeah, thanks Brad. It's been a pleasure mate. I loved it. Yeah. Thanks so much. Thank you again as always for listening to the show. Don't forget to leave your thoughts down in the comments below if you're listening on Spotify. And please, follow the show. It helps out so much. Let the platforms know that this is an incredible show and more people should know that it exists. See you on the next one.