Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - From pints with the boys to the operating table, Steven’s battle with alcohol.

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

In this episode we have Steven who shares his journey battling alcohol addiction. Steven shares how his normal childhood quickly spiraled into heavy drinking during his early police career, leading to decades of escalating dependency and withdrawal struggles. He recounts staring death in the eye after drinking took a massive toll on his health and he was unsure if he would live or die.  For Steven quitting alcohol changed everything, and he has been able to make massive changes in his life. From prints with the boys to the operating table, this is Steven’s story on the sober motivation podcast. --------------- Steven's YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6OuaPmR7xqSDfUxkcYVkrA Steven on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevenalcoholfreelifestyle 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:23 Early Life and First Encounters with Alcohol 02:05 Adolescence and Escalation of Drinking 03:30 Joining the Police and Drinking Culture 04:43 Marriage, Parenthood, and Increased Drinking 06:32 First Attempts at Recovery and Relapse 12:07 Struggles with Support Systems and Self-Medication 15:29 The Vicious Cycle of Relapse 27:11 The Collapse: Losing Everything 28:16 The Stigma of Not Drinking 28:57 Struggles with Alcohol Dependency 31:37 Failed Attempts at Recovery 33:14 A Turning Point: Seeking Help 35:42 The Road to Recovery 36:20 Rebuilding Relationships 38:50 Life After Sobriety 52:42 Final Reflections and Advice

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Stephen, who shares his journey, battling alcohol addiction. Stephen shares how his normal childhood quickly spiraled into heavy drinking during his early police career, leading to decades of escalating independence and withdrawal struggles.

He recounts staring death right in the eye after drinking took a massive toll on his health and he was unsure if he would live or die. For Stephen quitting alcohol changed everything and he has been able to make massive changes in his life. From pints with the boys to the operating table, this is Stephen's story on the Super Motivation podcast. Welcome back to the Suburmotivation podcast.

Today we've got Stephen with us. How are you? Very good. You? How are you? I'm well. Thank you so much for jumping on here and be wanting to share your story with all of us. No problem. It needs to be shared to help people recover, to be honest. Yeah. Because I was really at the bottom of the bottle.

And five years ago, now you lost my life. And I've managed to turn around. Yeah, it's a beautiful story. So let's get into it. What was it like for you growing up? I brought up in a small market town in the northeast of England, UK. My dad was a local policeman. And my parents used to drink socially.

And they used to have this old outbuilding where they used to make home brew lager. And there was always a stack of logger in there. So I started to dabble with that one as about 13 or 14. But it was quite strong. And I played in a band at school. And I used to get a few of the lads from the school band, have a few drinks with me. We were practising a band and all that sort.

And I soon found I had quite a high tolerance to it. I had quite a normal childhood. And I never thought it would go in the police. But when I joined the police quite young, I found that the band of brothers there, we all drank. And that's when they go. control. But growing up

was fine. I had a pretty normal child. There's decent qualifications, nothing spectacular but, you know, pretty good.

Yeah. After and that's something, a little bit strict because my dad was a local policeman, but that was pretty normal. Yeah.

Pretty normal. Oh, okay. Did you play sports or anything like that? I played a bit of football in rugby, tennis. I was quite active.

I was in the junior R.E.F. She wore gliding. I was very active. I had one of these, I needed to be good at everything. I want to be in every club. Basketball,

football team, rugby to cricket team. I was very busy. It's go fishing. And I was very rarely in the house, to be honest. Yeah. I had this quite, I would say, overactive mind, maybe.

So I wasn't wanted to sit around. Then I was playing the band. Then I used to chase girls, as we all do. And then, you know, so easily led, I was easily led into the drinking. Yeah.

Because that was my social. I took away all my anxiety. I think it just for a lot of people, you know? So that's what's started off with me. But what's happened with the warm brewers, my parents used to go on holiday with my younger sister.

And we lived in a police house which was inside a police station so it was quite safe for me we left for when I was 15 and 16 and when they were ways to hit the drink more but on school holidays and things that are and so my tolerance level two

was gained pay I could drink 15 of these bottles or the other ladys could drink about five and I got used to it so when I grew up a little bit long like the older teens I was drinking more and more staying out a bit later

to get the buzz for sort of quite early with me to be fair Did your parents pick up on it at all that you were doing this? Yeah, Mother did her. Actually, one day, I came back from school and said, I need a word with you.

And she had a black bin liner and was full of empty cans of beer and said to me, well, I was 15, have you got a drink problem? I said, no, not me. She said, what about this bin liner full of cans? I stored them in a cupboard. You never thought he would find them.

But she must have gone in one day a year and cleaned. And I said, oh, just the lads when they come around to practice, we'll have a few tins. I don't think should believe me, but it was never spoken about it again and I left home I was 20 anyway but I used to be a social drinker in my late teens

I thought it was social and then it became more and more regular than it was first year every night having a few drinks and I would stay later than everybody else I noticed that but I thought a big lad and fit got up with a couple of older lads who played rugby and they were big drinkers and so it was a different crowd

and then when I joined the police it was a much older crowd and they thought they could drink more than me but I could out drink them So I knew I had a massive tolerance then, but I used to enjoy it. Yeah. Even you mentioned there a little while ago that you noticed that it helped with the anxiety, being social with people and stuff.

So that was like maybe what kept you coming back to it, right, is it took the insecurities faded away. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the fact how a bit of a bosun was playing in the band and I was going to be a star off. The usual things when you're young and how few beers. It all went hand in hand with it. And then I couldn't play in the band.

I was in the police. but we used to drink after every shift in the police. I was based up north at the time and then I moved to London and that was my Disneyland for drinking because the pubs were always access to a bar, 24 hours a day.

And I worked in the centre I got promoted. I was good on my job. I kept functioning reasonably well or four was. Got promoted and there was a young sergeant in the Met Policeman's heard of them

and I patrolled Mayfair and the bars there were open used to go for a drink after night two years as well six from the morning to the special hours pubs which were open for market trailers, doctors and things, yeah. So that started day drinking as well,

and then it would just be in a vicious cycle of drinking, withdrawn, and got married early and just drank more more. But I thought of the cope. That was the thing, but I couldn't cope. I went to the doctor's couple of times. I didn't want to stop. My wife was saying, I was in my heart of hours, I liked it too much.

I never drank any spirits of wine, no, you know? Only just lager, but it got stronger lager. Yeah. Five, six percent, you know, that sort of thing. Was that part of kind of the story you told yourself about, like, I don't have a problem with this? Or did you come out? Yeah. Yeah.

I knew I felt I had withdrawals were bad. I just thought it was part of me getting more tired. And when I had a hard day of work, I used to drink. When I was happy, I drank, when I was, I drank all the time because I enjoyed it. And I couldn't, just couldn't stop it. But I didn't see any reason to stop. The health was quite good. I thought it was.

But obviously, I wasn't functioning as well as some people did. But in the job I was in, 90% of us. drank too much. That was the thing. See, the police is a big drink. I don't want to say where you are, but the police because you're working on the team can be a big drinking culture in that, where people are hitting there all the time. And now I drank a bit more

at home and that sort of thing. Because for 10 years, we didn't own responsibility. Then my daughter was born and that changed everything. When was that? The daughter was born when I was 32. So she's 30 now. So when that happened, my responsibility levels increased because prior to that, I was

living with my wife. It was just the two of us. she had jobs somewhere else so didn't see to that much I had my own recovery time that makes sense then when I had a responsibility looking after a child so I got huge with thought

I couldn't rest as much and the drinking increased because I was feeling so ill if that makes sense and I sort of self-medicating all the sort of thing and that's got to my 30s my parents suggest

I went up north and did a bit of a dryout so I decided to get a doctor's appointment came up north and just took some manual leave from work and I stopped suddenly and I had a seizure

and it was about 33. I didn't know he couldn't stop. I must have been so physically dependent. I was chemically dependent. I stopped and had this seizure. And that was really the road down medication, that sort of thing. I managed to get off it with Valium and dazepam.

Carried on the police a little bit better. But I had a lot of year, two year periods where I was off it and I started again. And it was relapsed and then he killed me. That's what I tried and push on the channel. Yeah. Were you doing anything? else for your recovery during these times where you're just not drinking and just not drinking and

somebody would come up i think i feel really good now for a year i'll just have one bottle and i split with my wife and i was going on a date i thought well i've haven't had a drink for years you'll have one or two bottles i remember once i never forget it was a day i had a date and i thought i had some beer left in a cup and i thought i'll just have one and drinking it was as if somebody was injecting me with a drug was just dr drangling oh my god the feeling and i was up there i thought i went off this day and i was I'll just have two or three and then six months later it was back to square

I want to get drinking all the time and when I retired I had more time and that went on that sort of cycle and then when I managed to get this recovery time of eight years and I started again that was just back to square one

but further back because every time you relapse it's worse for your body but I didn't have any of that knowledge when I was drinking I didn't know I was so harmful yeah but I knew it was harmful

but I didn't know anything about it I'll call it set one two three and four really one source of drinking, step two, moderate three is heavy. Three and a half is when you're drinking heavily and you know it's going to cause problems. And then step four is when you're hearing of the dog when you're drinking, you're the reason for a drink in the morning and you're just going to fall off the cliff. Yeah. And, you know, that's happened to me.

I know, I'm trying to help you because I know he died. So close to death. Yeah, and that's sort of the progression that it took for you too, right? Fairly quickly, it sounds like what else was going on in your life throughout all this stuff? I mean, you mentioned you were married and you had a dog. Like, what else was going on? I was still functioning in the police. Police was very busy.

Working in central London. I was trying for another promotion. Well, that sort of thing. There was a lot of competition there. I was not really looking after myself. I wasn't looking. I mean, the hobbies had gone out of the window. Wasn't playing any sport or anything.

So I was just working and drinking, basically. And then obviously trying to care at my daughter. Then coming up north to see parents and that was all. Everything became a bit of an effort for me. The only thing I found easy in life was to drink. It was take the pain of anything away. emotional pain of being

homesick or any domestic issues I had and drink was just my focus and I still

never I still recognize I was doing me so much harm even on new people who died of it

there didn't seem to be at that time that much availability to knowledge there is now the internet

wasn't really around wasn't being used very much no I couldn't Google anything about liver

I just thought I'm invincible I'm a young guy I'm fit but it's hit you like a train

when it comes back and it kills so many people but lifestyle was very busy at work and I was, you know, getting on my life really like a normal guy, but I didn't

realise it was doing me so much harm and that's the key because it's called the silent killer, you know? Yeah. And then obviously just over the top. My thoughts in it were, because I'm drinking lager and beers, it's just, I was told by

there's a lot of water and that'll flush your sister about. As long as you don't touch wine and spirits should be fine, but it's wrong. Just the buildup of having a drink of alcohol every day. of your life, that's what nearly could make. Yeah. What about, you know, because you mentioned too, right, when you're working for the police and everything, you'll go to these bars and pubs. Yeah. When you moved to London, everything was readily available. I mean, what about? It just seems like it was just normalized in your life. Like a lot of people are doing it.

Yeah, we all did it. We all did it. You know, senior officers did it. I mean, not everybody to my level, but most people did it. We had this thing called Thursday, but we finished early shifts on a Thursday and you didn't have to report back. for duty until the Monday night. So at 2.30 we used to go to this police club because at that time, police station used to have a bar in it and it was subsidised a drink. So we used to go to the half two and then have a few more there, then go to the notebook, that's a normal book,

then go to a pub and say that 11 and then sometimes go to a club until 4 in the morning and then sometimes just go for a wander about until the early morning market, pubs open at 6 in the morning. So I used to do sometimes 24-hour sessions on the drink. that wasn't unheard of and then go back,

this is before my daughter was born, go back home and sleep it off. And it obviously caused problems in the house, this sort of thing. But there was always an excuse for a drink where I worked somebody was being promoted, somebody'd be demoted,

somebody got to complain, somebody, whatever, who'd be married and engaged, is always an excuse. And that's the thing with it. And that's hard to get across to people because so normalised drinking in society, isn't it?

Especially UK, it's our control here. I think we had the highest number of liver, sorry, alcohol-related deaths in the UK on record last year, which is frightening, isn't it? And all these other things to go ahead with it.

To start, I mean, to someone as a normal guy, I was a normal guy. It just caught up with me because I enjoyed it. You know, how did you stop somebody drinking? How do you stop somebody doing something that they enjoy? It's, you know, that's the thing, isn't it? That was the public, but yeah. I had lots of warrants.

Yeah, did you ever? I'm just wondering, did you ever talk with anybody about it, like a therapist, the council or check out any support or anything, no? At those days, there was no help, really. It was just, all the doctor said to me was, going back, you're on 62 now, go back still 32 years, okay, you're drinking too much. You should try and cut down. You stop and all this sort of thing.

That's what it was, really. It wasn't until it was a bit about a seizure. The doctor said, no, you can't just stop. Because even now, people are told, just cut down. In the UK, there's not that much health for alcoholics. There's a lot for drug addicts. some of alcohol is true as you know. So it wasn't really much around.

I did have got one council that was a bit older. I walked in with this girl I knew, who was a solicitor. And you said to me, there's a constance. She was supposed to be a mental health nurse. I said, oh, you don't look too bad. Why didn't you just try Shandy? And I gave up with counsel after that. Because her answer was pathetic, really.

You don't look. That's what she said you don't look like an alcoholic. But I was clearly, you know. So it didn't get a lot of help there. I tried Alcoholics Anonymous as well. It didn't really go on with that very well. So I had to sort of do myself in the way. Yeah.

If that makes sense. It was just typical. Yeah, I mean, for sure. And I also wonder too, just sort of with your background, right? Working police. And I hear a lot of this from maybe people in your generation too. The just men asking for help just in talking about feelings and what you were going through just really wasn't. It was just like, figure it out, you know?

That's exactly it. Exactly. It was just, it was up to you. You're a tough lad. I remember. In 1990, it's a long time ago. Now, the ambulance service withdrew their, the police covered the admiralins this for a while.

I did roughly, nearly six months of duty, very little time off. So all sorts of things as an ambulance driver. But in the police uniforms, does that make sense? There was more going on the ambulance side than was the police side and saw horrific injuries in this sort of thing. No counselling at all when I finished.

Nothing at all. I wasn't even a meeting with anybody to say, oh, I don't know, whatever, you know what you've caught as an ambulance medic. because we weren't trained properly and the things we saw on the police as you can imagine horrific there's no councillor those days look they just said oh are you getting to work tomorrow

yeah I'll see you at the 6 o'clock that was it so there wasn't the support system then all I had was this from people when doctors all just cut down and then the EA was what were the AAs which didn't suit me and the wife's just bigger and on by them and pound saying you should cut down it's hard to do it it's not easy

there's a lot more in place down the walls but still not enough Yeah, it's interesting too with the whole cut down, right? Because I think for most of us, it's not going to be everybody's story, but I think there's a part of our journey where we all want to cut down. Of course, we want to continue to be able to drink. So it's like, I've been in those spaces too where people are like cut down. I was like home run. I just hit a home run. They just gave me the green light to try to cut down. It never worked, but it was like that thing to keep going or that permission maybe to keep going. Yeah, yeah Why can't I just have one drink thing, isn't it? Yeah And fear of missing out and all that sort of thing I mean, I've got a lot of subscribers on the YouTube

And it'll say it to me Well, why can't have which one? But you can't have one because if you have one, you'll be back to square one again Because alcohol has got this, I think it's got a 100% successive bringing you back. I know that one drink today won't kill me But I'll fancy another one tomorrow

It's still late to the brain, isn't it? You want another one? It's a drug, isn't it? And then your inhibitions are lowered and then you start drinking again. So I felt in a vicious cycle. When I got to the point where I was drinking all the time and I was having to have a can of beer next to my bed,

I couldn't break out of that. And I couldn't get any medication. When was that? When was that? That was 2014 when I started again. Between 2006 and 2014, I've had no drinks at all. I got dysopam, 2006. When I went back in 2014, when I relapsed,

they wouldn't give me the diasopam. Didn't do any good at all. Couldn't get it. I just self-medicated with alcohol and went down hill very rapidly and what I did was I got some dials upon from the internet which was a bad thing to do whether that worked or not I don't know

I was so frightened to take it because I knew it wasn't may not have been authentic that I'd just drank it as well so it was a double whammy really so I felt slightly let down by the health service in that way but they did serve my life at the bottom end it seemed to me that I had to get really ill before I was looked at does that make sense

I wasn't really offered that much support when I was in active addiction and that's what's happened to a lot of people. That's the problem, I think. Yeah, you feel maybe even going back to that other comment you made because you got that comment of, you looked all right, you looked good

and that maybe it wasn't taken seriously because of the physical appearance. Maybe I came across it's quite articulate, I don't know. I should have gone in, you know, totally as a mess and sticking the booze, but I went in to try and show me a reasonable guy. I've been sober for eight years. Yeah.

But the only reason I went back when I had three years, I met this girl and I started drinking a little bit. Just to want to... Because she said, do you not drink? I was afraid to tell her that I was an alcoholic. And I just had one can just try and convince her. I was frightened to drink it. So I knew what stay I'd get into.

I had an idea. What's going to get into? And then about month later, I went to her sister-self, said this huge house. And I said, oh, I can't drink. I'm driving, because you make all these excuses up? I'm driving.

The seven bedrooms said, I'd just stay. I thought, just have a couple of drinks. Then went down to south of France. I drove seven. days there's a great big camp of a family. It was a nightmare. I got there and I thought, I'm sort stressed over this driver. I'll just have a couple of drinks. So I knew I was away for three months with this girl and I thought I'll just try the drink again. And before I knew where I was. Within seven days, I was cycling down at the camp shop at 7 o'clock in the morning,

picking up a couple of bottles of beer, go under the shower block and opening the bottles of beer and drinking them. It took me right back so quickly. Yeah, after eight years. Yeah, that's something I didn't realize. And a lot of people don't really. And a lot of people don't realise that because you feel so good I was super fair but you go to the gym every day looking good feeling out of plenty money because you save a fortune when you're not drinking and then I had this trip away and just just like you know driving very well I felt nervous driving I couldn't drive on straight roads I lost all my confidence all in the space for a few weeks you know

I'm this really confident guy who could do anything drive a lot of this huge camper van around I had to get hurt to drive most of the time so it took me back it took me down from a hundred to minus 20 within weeks. That's a real danger of relapse. And people don't realize that. It's not explained enough. I don't think.

Relapse is a killer, in my opinion. Yeah. A lot of people, too, talk about when you go back into it, that reasoning with ourselves, you know, we believe it, right? Like, I'm just going to drink tonight, but tomorrow I'm going to get back on the horse. And the reality is that could be true,

or it could be 10 years before things turned back around all because of that one drink, which usually comes down to us being uncomfortable in some situation or having a hard time accepting a life as it is. And so you met this girl and you're... I didn't want to tell her. Yeah, I didn't want to tell her. But my new partner, I did tell.

I've been with her 14 months. I said, look, this is the problem I've had. She's highly intelligent. She's not only doing that, but she just accept me for what I am. You've got to be honest with people. I think that's another message. Don't hide it because I'll be. is a disease, no, it's class, it's a medical condition.

And they won't dismiss you because you've got a problem with alcohol. In fact, a relationship works better when you're sober because you're reliable, on you? You're not letting people down. She wants me to take her to the airport tomorrow at 3am, I can. Before that, when I was drinking, we always said when you drink, you've got to plan everything up in your head. I mentioned a social event, oh, can I go there? I used to have to drink before, when to a social event.

Now I just turn up. I can drive all the time, I'm alive, I'm alive, I look alright. I can help people out. Before, I couldn't even help myself. And when I got the pint, between 2014-2020, I was so ill, I couldn't really get out of bed. I had rats in the floor.

Couldn't get down there with. I had no heating, no hot water. I didn't want to let anybody in the flat. I became totally isolated. Just like, Herman, really. Only time I went out was trying to push myself out, see somebody in the pub, get supplies of alcohol,

and then I used to get a company called Dialett Drink. I used to come out in the middle of an ice drink. just drop drink off. He was drinking 24 hours a day. Yeah. You're getting to drink. I was so frightened not to drink because I may have other seizures. and that you get into this cycle of just not being in the court. So for one, I was just a, you know, this shell of all the words, to be honest. Yeah. I was frightened over the post. I wouldn't ask the phone. I lost all conduct with people and just became very insular and probably depressed as well, I would imagine. I'd know all that. And it was horrendous. I wouldn't wish I wouldn't, I wouldn't let you know.

go back there for an hour what at the stair I was in. Yeah. Mental health was like, but that wasn't talked about in Nevada when I was in the hospital. Yeah. No, shows I'd made the hospital.

So it very quickly takes over. If I hadn't, if I'd kept on with that eight years, it would be a lot more healthy and wealthy than I am now. It's just that one drink took me back so far in a matter of weeks. That's how quick it is. And that's a message I want to push to people

because some people go back. You see, you're uncomfortable with a situation. You have a drink. Oh, in my case, I felt so good. good, oh, I can try it again. Everyone wants this dream back of having the first drink and having the buzz. Yeah. Oh, we shouldn't go back there.

But we're getting old every day. The body can't cope. Your mind can't cope. When you're back on, back to square one again, you know? I mean, yeah, your tolerance builds. That's another part of the thing, right, is the tolerance builds and then you drink more. And then when you drink more, you can get into that area where your body is, your body needs the alcohol, right?

It's so interesting because my, even when I had my first dress, the day after I woke up. I knew I was going to have to quit drinking someday. I just had that feeling that I... It was terrible. It was, but when I was at the, with that party, the acceptance, the love, I felt like for once I could be part of the world, right? Because I grew up as the, you know, this insecure, overanxious, nervous person,

struggled to talk to girls, struggled to fit in. When I walked into that party and I grabbed the whatever they mixed up in, the cooler there, the alcohol and I had a few drinks of those. I was off to the races. I was talking to girls. I was just fitting in. And I just knew I was like, this is just too good to be true, right? And then, but you're right, though, because that's what I think, that's the romanticization that we have is that I did anyway, that one day I'll get back. I'll figure this out like a gentleman and I'll get back to how it once was where I could have one or two. But I think once shame became involved in my life and I was making other poor choices around alcohol.

I mean, literally any time things went sideways in my life, maybe not any time, but 90% of the time, alcohol was involved. I think a lot of us can relate to that, that we're not drinking and we're sober. Things are pretty good, but when we get in trouble or relationships break down, it's, man, booze, alcohol is at the center of this, you know? Of course, all of it. But it's similar to what you said there, when you have that first in-go-up party, and you feel on top of the world, on you?

On top of the world, when I joined the police in London, I went to this problem, I thought, oh, it's fantastic, good a vibe and all that. And I went to Apollo, this is another, I've got quite a good, many for certain events. I went to Pugner, I think it was my 30th birthday, and it was very early on, about two minutes past 11. I got this drink, and it's held up like that,

and I just looked at it, and in my mind, I said to themselves, I know they're going to kill me, but I love it. So I'd already had serious withdrawals, even at the age of 30, I was feeling rough, and nauseous and being sick and all that. But I wanted to go back to those days when I was playing the band and a few drinks and it was great. And that's what people still do now. It's about how old they are.

They're looking for that. You see? Because if you've been a bit anxious, I think my personal stance on this, a lot of alcoholics and drinkers have been a bit nervous, have had a bit of anxiety. They're over fingers. The people please us. It's the hard guys that seem to just roll on through it. Because there's a lot of mental health issues with alcohol.

But isn't correctly what you're saying. You've become really strong when you've had a drink. date and then it weakens you over the time and you're never going to get that buzz back. Yeah. It's a chocolate gone. Yeah, it's never going to be the same. It also too for me and I don't know if you can relate to this at all, but it becomes part of the identity, right?

I didn't want to, you know, I was a people pleaser too, right, where you hit on. You know, all of the socks? Yeah, I wanted everybody around me to have a good time and I was willing to sacrifice sort of what I knew was right for everybody to have a good time. But then it was an identity, right? Like I was just known as the guy that really didn't

have much going on but loved a party. Yeah, and me. I remember when I was quite a young sergeant, there was two PCs, said, oh, Sarge, we're a big drink. They were big lads, older than me, you know, that's all. But probably my weight now is when I was young thin. And they said, oh, we were doing you under the table, Sarge. So, anyway, I said, okay, we're doing this day shift,

eight or four or something. But the next day we had a royalty visit in the morning. So I said, well as you're on the G. By 10 a.m. the next day, I'll come for a drink with it. So the day before, finished with four, I met them in the Red Lion, probably. Near Carnaby Street, you might have heard of mine in London. And they were bigger than me.

and they were big drinkers you could tell they were big drinkers by about seven o'clock one was just about falling off the stool and one had already gone home because I was drinking pills longer like that right now it's fine next day I turned up with the Royalty visit

was Princess Anne outside the Café Royal in London because all I had to all I've told me to do was be there at the doorway in uniform walk down the street in my uniform there's a young sergeant

and I thought where's the PCs there was one PC there had these check it was summer's day and his jacket like that right buttoned up here instead of just a shirt on so I said where's the beast? I said where's the beast? Oh, he didn't make it and he's calling sick

because he had some strength with me and I said, why have you got your tunic done to hear? He said, I forgot my shirt because I was so pissed the night before they had so much strength and I was fine. So my tolerance level was high so it was just part of my identity then I got that name like you see you had that I did they

oh he's soldier, I took you out, big drinker and it becomes your life, isn't it? Yeah. Until it's too late. I knew I was drinking too much, but I didn't want to stop really my heart of hearts. It wasn't until the doctor's. How difficult is that to be a place to live in, right? Because it's interesting, right?

You know, like, eventually I think we can see through it. This is not good. We're seeing everything. But you're in that spot where, you know, it's taking you down. It's going to take you down. But you can't give it up. You don't want to quit. I mean, how difficult is that?

It's torture. That's a bit of it. but it's torture. When you're in that zone, you just, every day it becomes, that's all you think about. It's booze all the time, you know? When you got at the point where

someone's one equipped, you can't, and you know that you're going to be fearful of it, then you get so down with it all because you don't think about anything else. My whole focus was alcohol, getting alcohol, getting, you know, to make sure I had plenty of supply. I wasn't eating properly.

It's just, it comes out like a deck of cards, really. Everything just collapses around you. And it's so quick. the amount of people I know there's been in similar situations who've lost the house to the job fortunately I didn't lose my health

because I've had some income because I've had some income because of retirement package lots of people living on the street I've spoken to in Manchester and London and so they've been decent guys at ourselves

and they're just falling down because it's just it's a very difficult place to be in that zone when you get the stage three three and a half when you know you're doing yourself home that's so difficult

to get out of and when you get past that then it's hard to get back on the cliff again cliff edge it's just so fast and it's so just ability in and everything fails, isn't it? I mean, it's just the worst. It's the worst drug.

It must be the most harmful drug around, isn't it? Yeah. And it obviously, it should be with draw and kill you. It wasn't good. Well, I mean, most harmful, I think for sure there could be a, there could be a debate for that because it's available everywhere. I mean, it's everywhere. It's on every sign. You can't leave the house and drive 10 minutes, not to run into it or you can't get gas or you really can't do a whole heck of a lot, right? And it's just acceptable. It's one of the things too, right? Sometimes if you tell people you'll quit that you, you know, if we told people we quit doing cocaine and we quit doing this or that, they would pat us on the back, right? But if you tell some people that, you know, I quit drinking this, oh, you had a problem, what was wrong?

It's like this, it's getting better, but it's that weird. There's still a huge stigma. There's a massive stigma about not drinking. And I think that's where it took me into a little bit when I started dating. I forgot divorced. As soon as you tell a girl, you don't drink. the assuming you're an alcoholic they assume it's true why don't you think you know some of you used to come up with me was you don't drink on the other days

oh do you know but just one why can't you just have one or not just have one with your meal and it's so difficult to start a relationship when you've got alcohol issues and so you come out of these excuses and really you've just got to

you know bite the bullet and say look I've got an issue with alcohol because you can't mask it forever can you right? Why don't you drink it's only way you said I used to be heroin out of it oh so good you do what you're healthy again. You don't drink.

The questions, because it's so socially acceptable, like you're saying, which occasion do you mark without we drink? I can't think of any. Birth, death, marries, always drink involved, isn't it? Every day there's drinking. There's pubs everywhere. You say gas stations, petrol stations. I wonder at a petrol station the day.

The biggest sign on the forecall was 24-hour off-licence available in a pedal station. Yeah. So it's available, isn't it? It wasn't so much... What's that mean? 24 hour off, what did you say? Off licence means it's an off-lacred, as we call it, off-license,

where people can buy booze. It's just another name for, you know, a shop that sells liquor, really. Yeah, so they've got a license, all, yeah, 24 hours a day in a petal station, so you get people, I had a friend of mine about, say two years ago, he was a heavy drinker,

and he used to try and had it from his wife. He used to claim out the window, the bedroom window, go to the local garage and have eight, a ten cans of this strong sorry from the garage, and they'll tell her. I went back home and he died for you. When he knew he was going to die, he just couldn't stop.

He'd had medical intervention. He'd been told, but, you know, he just couldn't. I knew somebody who had a liver transplant who started to drink again. After all that trauma of the transplant, felt better, dead within six months. It's a huge killer, isn't it? You know. And that's the thought you're on about it.

You know you can't stop and you want to stop. It's so difficult. Yeah. Especially if you're not getting support. I think, for me, personally, because it was the way I felt, I thought you've got to be an alcoholic to help an alcoholic. The doctors can prescribe things.

Doctors and save your life in some cases, surgeons and whatnot, but alcoholics can give advice to alcoholics because only we know how we feel. I think too people are more you know, people might be if somebody's walk that path

they might be more open to the feedback. You know what I mean? If you talk, if I want it to be the best rugby player in the world yeah. I'm probably going to listen to other rugby players and probably not listen to, you know, basketball player that's going to tell me about where I got to go. I think being, you know, been through this stuff in one way or another ourselves, we can deploy a lot of empathy and understanding for where people are at in their sort of journey

of things and see it from that. And it's not that it's tough sometimes, right? It's really hard to turn things around. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it was hard. But even now, I mean, I had numerous procedures. I had to, what's called it shouldn't put in the liver, to open the port of it, so the liver would work again.

So I had a couple of procedures then. Then I was in intensive care. Even I started to think after five years and I've got great life the mind, I wonder why I'd say I'd just have one. And I still think that now. I wonder if I just have one. I haven't done it because I'm so much confident now.

I've got too much to lose. But I've always had too much to lose in a way. I've never been when you look back. I don't have one. But there never is one, is there? One is going to be 100. And it could be your last one, really in effect. This is the issue.

This is what we're going to try and put over to people that one drink when you've off it, you've got to be off it. Because going back on it. And people think we've got to have this wonderful life of that. The big guys are used to be in the pub. Oh, I've got to die of something. And these are guys in the 50s, you know.

They look 80. They've lost everything. They're still in the poop. They don't want to quit. And that's the other problem as well, isn't it? But I wanted to quit, but I couldn't. That makes sense of the way. When I was older.

But when I was younger, it was a different ball game. Totally different ball game. I just wonder what can be done? It's a worldwide problem, isn't it? Oh, for sure. Yeah, I mean, for sure. So you have this eight years of recovery. Yeah. And then, you know, start seeing this girl. If you go through that, you just have one. How do things look like moving forward from there until you get sober again?

Right. After that, we're still very quickly after that anyway. So it was going to work for that's hindsight, isn't it? Then I got myself into this drinking all the time. I was when the doctor, as I said, they wouldn't give me any medication. So I'll try and start medicate and just taper off. So I try to tape her off for a year or two I could do it Just could not do it So eventually I said my daughter Who lived in Manchester

Will you come pick me up I'll come and live with you She's just lived on her own At the time And I stayed with her for 10 weeks She was going to tape me off You know Do this 20 drinks down 19

And all that sort of thing And I thought this is working a little bit I still never felt as clean As I did when I had the medication When you have the medication You can have seven days of it And you come out of her Oh, it's just sleep based

When you had this dial-upat And you feel really good But when I was just taping off, I was saying, I could just fancy a couple more. So when she got on the bed, I used to have a couple more drinks, and then when she was at work, she said the doctor,

a woman to the pub, to the pub. So it was taping off, never worked. So I came back from that. I felt a little bit better, a little bit better. A little bit better.

I'll go and say, lads in the pub again. And it was back to square one again. So about 2017, I was starting to look pretty gones, not eating properly. I couldn't be bothered with people. Very lethargic,

all that sort of thing. I wasn't contacting the doctor by anything. I thought I'd give up. of them daughters and I just became a bit of recluse in the way I did try and get the pub the time it just was so low and I would just get all this beer delivered I had 48 slabs of stella lager that's 48 times well there was a slab 24 masters of massers and masses of drink I've became very anxious about things I bounced on the door a bouncing the phone I didn't open an email I used to just sit and listen to a bit of music the TV wasn't working I didn't want to let anybody in to

get it fixed eventually had rats in there. A couple of times of the rap people came out. And even then, I couldn't get up in the one to let them in. And my life just fell apart. And I started to lose all lot of weight. People who said to me, God, you look terrible. I was just frightening to see anybody. And I couldn't function, to be fair.

And I'd just stop eating the sort of thing. But early 2019, my father's 90th birthday, I went to a family thing and everyone so really dreadful. But all I wanted to do was drink. I used to hide drink. And when I went to stay my parents or my daughter, I was, you know, I had to take a bag for the drink. I didn't drink spirits.

I was always hiding stuff. The whole thing, it became hard work. There was a 24-hour mission just to have a drink, and I wasn't feeling any better. Because you think every day is going to be a better day. It's not, you know. It just gets worse and worse. So you get to the point where your whole life is just consumed by all.

You don't sleep properly, you don't eat, probably don't function properly. Your digestive system, I could need that awful. And then I spoke a couple of lads who came to visit me, and they said, if you don't ring 9-99, then we will. so I ended up, you know, ringing the hospital. But my life had gone to the point where I was, I think I hadn't rang on that day in 2019, October,

that I would last maybe another three or four months, that would be me. I just wouldn't have worn it again because my body was just completely done in. Unfortunately, I mean, I don't know how I've survived, to be honest. So that's the road it took me down. And I just think that's, maybe I was a bit old, I couldn't function, mental health had gone, and it took me a long time to get back.

But I listened to everything I was told to do, and I just never know another drink. If I'd done another drink again, then I wouldn't be here. So I'm very lucky. I'd be very lucky to serve myself really, for other people to help me. And now everything's back to know.

Yeah. What was your daughter's thoughts on everything? She was quite supportive, but she did, the relationship did fade a little bit. You know, you drink again because she had a new boyfriend who's now my phone,

a son-in-law to be, he's now got a baby. And she came into the hospital. I was ill, you know, and she said, she was crying, want me down the aisle and that was one of the things that really pushed me and never have another drink to see her.

It's quite emotional time, you know, and I had a huge disson to stomach, which was a siteous fluid. It took 26 layers off in one go of fluid. There's 26 kilos in weight of fluid. That was coming off me every three weeks because my liver had shrunk so much. It was unable to process anything. So all this silage fluid and I just was deconditioned,

the little thinner arms. She said I looked like an alien at the time. She was so upset by it all. And I didn't think I was going to survive and that turned me around a little bit and I got quite depressed by that and I was in the hospital a lot but I said you must tell the dot

you're feeling depressed and I did and they didn't do much about I didn't get any follow up for that but I just sort of pulled myself out with that but her perspective was you know if you ever drink again I'll never speak to you again she became hard with me

does that make sense but since I kept my sense side of the bargain everything's sweet again which is good and now I've got to the grandson and I've seen her grow up and I'm going to get married or life's good again

but I would have missed all of that but she was for all of an issue but I think people get a bit sick of it if you're not helping yourself because you can imagine you and help somebody and they're constantly telling you lies become a liar when you drink

and you become snide and you hide things and you're not truthful and all that you would become a different person I think I wasn't the same man after I got into the real active addiction level

that I was prior to that but everything's good now. But my relationship when my parents went down and my mother was still around but my dad died 2021 when I was sober and then

I couldn't really walk for you I was in a wheelchair just about most of the time gone from patient transport to the hospital and I thought I've got to get myself fit for his funeral

so I managed to sort of walk a little bit got over that and then got my old flat done up and this sort of thing and things moved quite quickly after that when I eventually sort of got to do two things

which the doctors tell you to do which you don't want to do when you're really that's eat and walk or move around. And that'll help you recovery, you know. So it was good in that respect. But relationships for everything, everything goes downhill with drink.

There's nothing positive about it, is it? Yeah. But they've went uphill without drink. Amazingly. Oh, the last three years has been probably the best of the last year. That's you meeting my new partner and my grandson being born and myself and doing what I've done with alcohol issues. It's just my life's better than what I've done.

that's 25. So you can't do it. Yeah. So walk me through that. You said your friends came over and they were like, you have to call the hospital and go in. Is that when they were like, okay, did all the tests and be like, you're in a rough shape here? Yeah, yeah. I asked one of them one night. And I said, that bad, he said, you'll see you look horrendous. And they came over a couple nights later because they knew where I live.

I didn't know what they mean. But the, brookshall getting everyone to see. So they came in and said, you know, if you don't ring 99 tomorrow, I'm going to do it for you. And for you that morning, the next morning I woke up, I had four cans of Stella Lager for 5%. And I thought, what's good is going to do? Otherwise we'll be back. So around 999, the ambulance crew came. There's two fellas, two men. One came in and actually both came in.

They just took one look at me, and I'll never forget. One of them turned to the other, and he said, this guy's ill. They took me in a blue light. And from then I had various procedures. And then I had the site used fluid where they put the tips thing in, the thing of my liver. I still didn't work to get rid of all this fluid. And I had a massive umbilical hernia. 2020, this hernia, which was the size of two tennis balls split.

Because the skin gets free, when your umbilical belly button basically comes out with the fluid, it's got to go somewhere. The skin gets really thin and that's split. And I started to bleed, I was out of pounds. There's towels and all sorts growing on. The ambulance came up. It was all during COVID. So it was hard to get an ambulance, really. and got in the arm, there's put two blast bandages on me,

which were explosive bandages and took me to hospital. I had nearly died of death then because of that. So all these things happened. And that's why I'm so pleased to be alive, really. It was horrendous. I'm so pleased those fellas got me to ring the daughter because if I was at the hospital, because if I hadn't rang 999, I wouldn't be here.

I'd have died in my bed, either from liver failure or from, you know, bleeding to death. A hell of a turnaround. And funny of the both came to see me in hospital. And it was good. still keep doing today. Tell us something in the local newspaper print and I took them in,

I took my copy in, so it was good. Been very good. I've had a lot of sports since I've gotten well. Since I've got well again, I've had more spoiled, I was ill. Yeah.

Does that make sense? Yeah. People give up if you don't have this well. Yeah, people can only do so much, yeah. So that was in 2019, was it? Well, yeah, 2019 was where I was really ill. Yeah, okay.

And then I was illed until 2021. and then the last two to two and a half three years I felt better but died died by 2021 and then from then on I've just got better every year to the point where I'm back in the gym being holiday new relationship and I'm you know my health back to normal and I have six-monthy checks because obviously if you've got liver it's easy me again there's a high chance of getting liver cancer and the check that the stent they're putting still painting and working properly

I want no medication I'm eating normally and I can exercise I've got the gym now and again, my girlfriend. Everything's fine. Health-wise, I'm fine. Yeah. You know, there's not a problem now. But to have come from that, to think about what I was like five years ago, it's horrific. And people don't recognize me.

So, you're all totally different because I saw me go down and end up again. And I've gone up past what I was probably going down. So it's been a massive boost to my confidence to get well. And that's where I want to help people. Never can. So when they took you in the ambulance, that was the last time you drank then? Like before that? Yeah.

Yeah. 11th of October 2019, yeah. I was just frightened. I had so many, I just felt so well, I couldn't drink. Because probably, you know, but you know, hair of the dog, when I was drinking actively, I was drinking all the time.

Well, I think when you're in the hospital environment, somebody comes up to you and says, if you drink again, I guarantee you're going to be dead in six months. That was some concerned guy. I thought, he knows what he's talking about. That's the first time I'd actually stared death in their face, really.

It was in intensive care, and I've been in all the departments. I was in all five major hospitals in North England. or five at some point over that two-year period, I'd admit it's an emergency. Yeah. And once it, come. Did that being involved with that and those sort of turn of events just maybe really make this all real for you? This is really serious, like what I ended up with drinking?

Yeah. Oh, totally. I mean, I had three general anesthetics. The operation that did to put this, was called it Tips operation, to put this shunt in the liver to open the pole vein up. That's a four-hour operation. and there's a 30% chance of when you recover from that if you do recover from the operation, you're going to have brain damage

because what it does is it allows the blood flow to flow through the liver as normal and they get a rush of blood to the brain and a lot of people have brain damage from that. It's called TI-A-WPS. It's very complicated. They don't do many of those. They do less of those than they do transplants.

It's an operation that give you when you're too unwell to have a transplant but you need something. Does that make sense? They said I wasn't suitable for a transplant. I was too weak, physiologically weak. So that's the last colon, really, they have these tips put in. And when I woke up, I know there was two of them asked me loads of questions.

So you were okay basically. And you mental health hadn't. So every year, they check me on for that as well. I brought bone scans. I had everything done. So yeah, it was serious care. It's really bad. Yeah.

Is gratitude something you think about from time to time? Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, time. Yeah. It's changed my life. I'll respect life more now. You know, I just wake up and think, I'll go around and people say,

oh, whether it's not very good or this has happened or the gas, electricity presses, I think, at least I'm alive. Somebody said to me, when your head is above grass to a good day, which means you're not very sad, I suppose, isn't it? You know, living the dream is not being ill to me now because when you stare and death in the face,

I mean, I had some dangerous incidents in the police don't get me wrong, But when you're on an operating theatre and it's a really serious operation because not only the tips was the umbilical hernia was as well because I remember the surgeon when I was in the ambulance

where there's umbilical hernia and the blast bandages on even they wouldn't contain the blood they got on the radio to get a crash team ready at the hospital and I thought it was going to A&E and they took me straight in the recess and there was the only person going in there

and the surgeon was ready with his kit and he said to me he said there's no time for an aesthetic he said I'm going to stitch this up It's hernia up. Because if the site used fluid comes out, you're somebody who'll die, it just gets infected.

And if this doesn't work, there's not much more we can do. That's what he said to me. I thought, geez, what's going on here? So I was very aware that it was serious. And I did think I'd have to lose my life. Numerous times, it's the thing I was going to lose my life.

And to have the chance to live again, well, incredible. Yeah, well. To have so many issues. And then now I'm wondering, well, Tonin, it's amazing. Life's not incredible.

Yeah. No, I love that. What have been some things that have been helpful for you to stay on in this path and not drink? I think the relationship with my daughter has been stronger. My new partner, my zest for life, I was always had a massive zest for life when I was young. And I've got that back. I've got my motivation back. I think because I drank so much early on in my life, my opportunities were probably lessened

because I was switched on. I'm quite bright. I was very much into the police. I would have gone much further I hadn't drunk. I hadn't drank as much because I really loved the job. I fitted in while I'm so natural leader

in the way and I took responsibility easily. I wasn't phased by things. But the drink made me... I said, oh, can't be bored with that. Do you want to go to this meeting? I can't be barred with that. Do you want to take this course? I can't be barred with that. You know, when it gets a drink makes you feel it a bit bit matter. I can't be barred today.

All you want to do is get through the day and then you want to go to the pub. That's what I was focused on. So it's been really that sort of thing. And I think, you know, I can do so much more now. Yeah. And it's been, it was a, I think, it's got caught for me. The only good thing that's come out of it is because I'm well, you know.

And I think you see the good part. You see the best in people as well when you come through it all. Yeah. Good if it's horrendous, you know. Yeah. And having the opportunity to do this as well. This is amazing for me. Yeah.

You know, because when you've got your life back, I say, wow, I'm back in. You've been so close to dying. And then you pull yourself back. And it's just, wow, I just wish I'd done it 20 years ago, 30 years ago. Yeah. It's an incredible journey. And, you know, if I can help people, then I'd be grateful to do that, really, because nobody needs to suffer.

Because we go into this drinking thing, it's nice, innocent pint of beer, and it can kill you. It's a killer, isn't it? There's been both, no. Yeah. So, looking back, and I don't know if you have any thoughts on this, but looking back at, you know, things, right, is quite the journey, quite the, some ups, some down, some sober time in there eight years too. But is there any elements or thought you have of

you needed in your life something tragic maybe to happen, something serious to happen in your life like that, you know, at the end there, for you to wake up to what's going on and maybe give you that nudge or that push? Was that any part of it for you? I think getting to the point where I couldn't function. And when the doctor came in and said you got this aeros of the liver, that was by way of call. And I thought, I'm going to die yet.

But prior to that, I just drifted through it and drifted. I found life quite easy, if that makes sense. I didn't really have any problems. But when you get at the point where you're hospitalized basically all the time, and you're starting to be institutionalised. And I think the doctor as well on the Sunday who came up said, if you drink again, you're going to die. You need that to be told.

You need people to say that to you, really. You've got to go on the right path to don't drink. little, they left you're going to die early, or within six months. So that was a thing to me, that was a shock to the system. When you're in the hospital, I went, as a patient, and they say that to you, and you go to a ward, and somebody opposite you, the guy opposite me, I got to know quite well, was taking off an operation, didn't come back, because you're dying the operating, and you think, wow,

that keep harbbing back to these memories of the hospitals, and what happened in there, and what could have happened to me, and that's sort of kept my focus, you know. And as certain things happened, I thought the death of my dad, maybe that would have triggered it, no. The only thing that could have maybe triggered me going back on the drink again and maybe something's my daughter, but I'm hoping not, as we all do, you know? There's always tragedy in life when you're sobering. Do with things better, can you?

Yeah. The thing, but I just want to be. Yeah, and I think, too, with the growth that we do in recovery, too, is that we realize, too, that drinking is not, even if things do happen around us, you know, small things, big things, major things, like drinking doesn't fix anything. We wake up the next day and it makes it worse, and we make it worse, and we make it worse. make up the next day and whatever we were trying to run from is still there. Yeah, 100%.

It's much worse because it increases you out. The anxiety that we're getting rid of is now increased 100thful by drinking. Isn't it? Yeah. And now I got to the point out. It was just a quick one when I was in duty one day. We were on Judy in uniform. We didn't use to queue very much.

Maybe it was just me. But I went to the bank in Regent Street. And the old checkbooks used to write a checkbook out. It was about 9 o'clock in the morning. And I had a big drink the night before. It was fully in uniform and he was like, when you go to the front of the queue,

you know, because it's quite nice in your uniform. I went to the queue and I thought, well, my hands are shaking a bit of year. Jesus Christ.

And I was like that with a check. I thought, oh, I can't do that in front of the woman because she knows why I'm so I said, oh, I've just got a call.

I've got a call and I left the bank. I can't go? I can't write anything. And when I finished you, when I had three or four pines and I got the bank

just before three o'clock. And I walked down and I was just one like that, row straight away. won't even write in the letter because I'm really signing my name and all this sort. I couldn't function, really. So all this, I didn't video the night, but functioned out. I didn't think I functioned well.

Because functioned as in get there, but that would be a nightmare to get the work and perform. But you're not really functioning when you're out of holiday because all these things happen to you. Yeah, it's not good at all. Yeah, and a lot of other stuff. A lot of areas, I mean, of life is not good. Yeah, I mean, some people think, you know, maybe I'm not good. I'm showing up to work and I'm working and I haven't lost my job. But relationships are very minimal, if anything.

And you're just skating by. It's not really, you know. It's hard work, isn't it? Yeah. Being an alcoholic is very hard work. It's much easier to be sober. He does do anything. Yeah, exactly.

When I'm a little drinking, I'll be there. Well, I've got to feed me you and I'll be over. Is that their van going to drop me some beer? I've got to be on the fridge as my girlfriend got some sort of for tomorrow. Oh, my daughter will come in next week. My mind's racing, but now we're just thinking, what we're doing next? It's just far, it's a much calmer life.

Yeah. I feel, since I stopped doing, and my life is a piece, if that may exist. Still busy, but I like it. One of the most busy before I was avoiding it to try and just stabilize my life and dream. It's no good. For me, it has zero benefits.

Zero, and sobriety has thousands of benefits. Yeah. Even just being met with. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that. it's endless, right? The thing with drinking is there's a ceiling to it and it's not going to get any better to our lives. There's a ceiling in sobriety. There's no ceiling. I mean, you can just opportunities and you can. That's true. Yeah. That's a good way. In front of the air. Yeah. Just heading towards wrapping up here, if somebody's listening to this episode here on the podcast and they're struggling to get or stay sober, what would you mention to them like from your own experience? Focus is the main thing. Constantine, not in relapse. I think you've got to look at you. of if your alcohol dependent, if you're alcohol dependent, then you must get some medical advice.

But the most important message to alcohol, if you can get off it, prevent relapse, prevent going to places you used to go. And don't have this illusion if you're missing out. If you know four more fear of missing out, this illusion of everyone else is having a good time because they're drinking is rubbish.

Because they're not. Because if you think about the days when you used to drink, you weren't having a good time all the time. And we've all got issues to view with. You can't deal with anyone when you're drunk. and you've got to focus on when you get the opportunity to have been sober for one day

be sober for two days and another thing is when Surrey says to you you can't ever have a drink for the rest of your life that's emotionally a bit of a body blow really isn't it? You can never have a drink in your life thinking about it as in

I'm not going to drink today and break it down in small chunks and you won't drink today and then tomorrow you might not drink as well and that's the way you concentrate on it doing small chunks and no look after yourself get healthy

do the two things I mentioned, exercise and eat good food, best you can afford. That's where I would say. Beautiful. Thank you so much, Stephen. Anything else we miss that you want to mention before we wrap up? No one thing that's about it. Focus on yourself a little bit.

I said, I think a lot of drinkers are very much people pleased us. I think a doctor once said to me, she said, if you don't look after yourself, you can't look after anybody else. It's very true that. And be honest with yourself. Be honest with the people, especially in relationships, because relationships for me were the main trigger

that I drank more after relapse. Relapse is a big thing, you know, and keep watching you and listen to you and listen to people who have got knowledge of this because it's a constant learning curve of life, isn't it? And so is recovery.

Every day is different. It's a wonderful life out there and it's a thousand times better sober. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much. No problem. Thanks for your time.

Well, there it is everyone, another incredible episode. Hope you all enjoy. as much as I did. Thank you, Stevens, so much for sharing your episode. I'll drop Steven's contact information down on the show notes below. Also, if you're loving the podcast, don't forget to leave a five-star review on Apple or Spotify. Jump over there and do that right now. It would mean the world. Thank you, everybody, and I'll see you on the next one.