Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Gabe, Just Knew Alcohol Was Blocking His Potential.

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation podcast, Gabe shares his story of growing up in  Texas, his struggles with alcohol, and his journey to sobriety. Gabe opens up about the challenges he faced with social anxiety, fitting in, and hiding his true self due to his sexuality. He details his experiences with drinking, the resulting DUIs, and the toll it took on his physical and emotional health. Infused with moments of reflection, Gabe also discusses how a supportive community played a crucial role in his recovery.  This is Gabe’s story on the sober motivation podcast. --------- Join the Sober Motivation Community: http://sobermotivation.mn.co Gabe On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/outandaboutaf/   00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:18 Gabe's Childhood and Early Life 02:27 Discovering Identity and Challenges 04:02 High School Experiences and Social Pressures 07:21 College Life and Drinking Culture 12:14 Consequences and Realizations 17:45 Post-Grad Life and Continued Struggles 28:03 Reflecting on Weekend Drinking Habits 28:43 Meeting My Husband and Early Relationship Challenges 30:00 Attempts at Moderation and Realizations 32:19 Turning Point: Seeking Help and AA Experience 35:57 Struggles with Self-Esteem and Body Image 38:42 Joining a Supportive Community 42:09 Dealing with Slips and Recommitment 46:22 Building a New Life and Helping Others 57:08 Final Thoughts and Advice for Others  

Welcome back to season four of the Sobermotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Gabe, who shares his story of growing up in Texas, his struggles with alcohol and his journey to sobriety. Gabe opens up about the challenges he faced with social anxiety fitting in and hiding his true self.

He details his experiences with drinking, the resulting DUIs, and the toll it took on his physical and emotional health. Infused with moments of reflection, Gabe also discusses how a supportive community played a crucial role in his recovery. And this is Gabe's story on a sober motivation podcast. What is going on, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I just want to mention the community, the suburb motivation community, before we get into this, Gabe talks about his experience being part of the community, and it's been incredible for him to be plugged in with something.

So I want to mention to you, if you could use some more support community connection, we have meetings virtually on Zoom every single day plus a chat community, our own app. It's an incredible way to stay connected. A lot of people share they love it because they can just take out their phone, plug into a meeting, get connected with people, use the chat. And it's so close to them, right? You have a phone everywhere. So you can always stay plugged in, help other people, support other people, get the support, ask questions, stay connected.

It's so important on this whole journey to be involved with that process. So I'll throw the link down on the show notes below, 30-day free trial. I would love to see you there. Host three meetings a week over there, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And yeah, let's meet. Now let's get to the episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Gabe with us.

Gabe, how are you? I'm doing good, Brad. How are you? Yeah, I'm well, man. I'm glad we can connect on here and have your story. We've known each other for quite a bit in the square. So it's really cool to have you. Yeah, no, I'm glad to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah. So what were things like for you growing up? So I grew up in a small West Texas town, Odessa, Texas, where it's all football and oil. Not a lot to do there, but I had a great childhood, really. I mean, My family was supportive. I have two older sisters. I was the youngest and the only boy. So some people might say I was spoiled. But it is what it is. So I mean, I was pretty active in a lot of sports. I played baseball, gymnastics. Even my extended family. We were super close, got together for every occasion. So yeah, that's pretty much how my childhood went. It was just a lot of fun. Yeah. How much younger are you than your sisters? Oh, it could make me do math. My oldest sister's 10 years older. I believe my middle sister is about six or seven years older than me. Okay. So I mean,

when you're younger, that's quite a bit of years. Yeah. Yeah. So definitely often found myself, not necessarily alone, but feeling alone. I had to make my own fun sometimes. So. Yeah. When's it, it's interesting, you mentioned that too. I saw some. something recently that said, we heard about it a lot on the show, that sense of not really, not necessarily being alone, but feeling alone. When do you first take up on that? I mean, definitely third, fourth grade, like, during the summers of it all, like, you know, I wasn't around everybody. So it was like, I would just have to find things to do, play outside, or we had our dogs and stuff and some video games and stuff. But it was always fun, but I was

always curious about a lot of things. So I was always definitely keeping myself entertained. Yeah. How does school and everything look like for you? Did you have middle school? In Texas, did they have elementary, middle, and high school? Yeah. So we go through, what is it, kindergarten through six, or at the time, I think it might have changed now, but kindergarten through six, seven through ninth, and then 10th through 12th. That was our kind of set up. Elementary, definitely, because I knew at a young age that I was done. different from a lot of the guys there. It was they all wanted to play football and basketball.

And it was all about like fighting and all this stuff. And for myself, I was like, I was more on the creative side. I definitely enjoyed gymnastics. And when we'd go to the football games, I would look at the cheerleaders playing pom-poms. I'm like, yeah, I want to go do that. More than play football. And so, yeah, I definitely knew at a young age.

And then you hear kids at that age talking about, calling something gay or that's girly. And so that kind of always put a lot of pressure on me because I pretty much figured out I was gay in the fourth grade. Fourth grade, wow. Okay. Yeah. So it was pretty early. Yeah. So did you say, you didn't say anything in fourth grade though, but you knew? Is that what you're saying? Oh yeah. I mean, I hit it for a long time. I was always worried about what people would say about me. There was a time in fourth grade and one of my friends comes up to me and she asks, hey, they wanted me to ask you if you were gay. And I was like, what? No. Are you crazy? And they're like, well, because you hold your hand up and have a broken wrist. And I'm like, what? So in my head,

I'm like internally freaking out. I'm like, oh, no, they know. So I stopped doing that. And that kind of led up to a lot. I always paid attention to what other people were saying about me, and I'd let that kind of dictate what I did. Like going through junior high, it wasn't cool to play baseball. So I quit playing baseball. Gymnastics, like, I wanted to continue doing gymnastics, and I told them that I was going to go for our high school team, and they said it was girly, and that it was gay. And I was like, so gave that. up too for a while, even though I really enjoyed these things, but I just, I was so worried about people finding out that I was gay that I just, anything that they deemed made me just follow suit

and just follow what they wanted. And so that kind of continued pretty much through junior high. And there was this one party that we went to. And it was my cousin's, it was my cousin's house. me and him were very close growing up. And his dad was out of town. So we threw a party and we weren't supposed to be there, obviously. And someone called, no, his aunt called. I picked up. I didn't know that we weren't supposed to be there.

And so the party got busted. And after that, it was just all those friends that I thought I had. They just went their own way. And so at that point it clicked for me that I was like, well, I'm going into high school. I want to do what I want to do. So I got back. into gymnastics. I was always in band growing up, just really involved in a lot of things. But just to hide or just to say I was too busy to have a girlfriend or something. So that always,

and it started just building up a lot of anxiety, just all through high school. Yeah, just internalizing everything that's going on around you. You talk with anybody about how you were feeling about things or no? Nope. Never talk to anybody. My family, even in my like extended family. Like I said, we were pretty close with each other. And they always had some remarks and I never talked to anybody about it. Yeah, I didn't come out until college. Yeah, in college. Yeah. So I mean, this is like probably in one way or another, like building the foundation for looking for a release of some sort. Would be like that. Yeah, no, definitely. I remember the first time, and growing up, we, alcohol really wasn't around in my household.

My grandfather was an alcoholic, and my dad, he used to drink when I was younger, but then he just pretty much quit. He'd have one or two every now and then. And so he would have like little drinks here and there. But I did. I remember one time in my senior year in high school is when I got drunk off of Boone's Farm, which I think about it now. What's Boone's Farm? Booms Farm is this cheap wine. It's a sugary wine.

I don't know, $3 bottle. But in high school, it's like, all right, alcohol is alcohol. So get what we can. Exactly. But I remember drinking and I got drunk. And I just remember feeling my mind was calm. I wasn't jumping all over the place of what are people thinking of me. I just didn't care.

And so that was drinking didn't take off at that point. But I knew that there was something that I really. liked. So yeah. And then that kind of led into I graduated high school, then I went to college. Yeah, Texas Tech out in Lubbock, Texas. I don't know if you've ever been there, but there's nothing to do there besides drink and football as well. So, so yeah, it went out there and that's when my drinking really ramped up at that point. But at that time, I thought it was just normal to drink. And Yeah. We had a day, an alcohol-related day every name of the week, Margarita Monday, Trashy Tuesday, all that stuff.

So, and then we had a saying, win or lose, we still booze. And so it was just a constant environment of partying and drinking. So that's how that took off. So that's when you really notice things pick up. Interesting. I mean, did you have any idea of the effects of alcohol or like that you could get drunk and get this escape from life? or did you figure that all out the first time in high school there when you drank? Yeah, so when I think I got a good grasp of it at that point,

because I do have a lot of social anxiety still to this day, but I knew I went into the, so I cheered at Texas Tech as well, and so I got to be invited to these parties with them and be part of the team and everything. And so I saw them all drinking. And so that was like, okay, well, if I know how this makes me feel, I'm not, I'm very, I'm much an introvert at this point. And so I'm like, how do I know what I need to do. And that's to drink alcohol to fit in.

And because that helped me my senior year in high school. So it's going to help me here. So that's the, yeah, that's how it started. Yeah. It was, yeah, that was going into it. And you know what? It's a good point you make there too, because it does help in all those areas. It helps us get into the social groups and fit in and maybe be more comfortable and

like maybe change our personalities a little bit to to fit in with everybody. And for somebody who like what you shared earlier, who is not really feeling a whole heck of belonging in this world, here it is, right? Here's the way in. And that was the same for me, man. The exact, like different but the same. I was really awkward. I was really not that quote unquote cool kid growing up.

up. Once I started to drink, man, I mean, I was everybody's best friend. And I was like, I know there's consequences. I know I shouldn't be doing this. But I don't know if I could live another day being in a crowd of people and feeling so alone. That was like for me, that was the thing is, it wasn't that I was actually alone, like that there was nobody around. I was always people around. I could be in a crowd of 100 people and I felt more alone probably than I did in my room listening to my at the time non-skip Walkman. So it really made sense to me, man, when I got into the tail end of high school and college and all of that fun stuff to really plug into this and have pals.

And it wasn't really full of consequences yet either. What was that like for you, though? Did you have some consequences in college? Yeah. So I totally agree with what you're saying of fitting in and trying to find, quote, unquote, my tribe. And that's what cheerleading was for me at that time. It was definitely that safe space.

And that led me to coming out, to finally coming out. And it was so freeing. It was such a great experience. I mean, cheerleading is definitely a safe space to be who you are. And no one cared. And that's what I realized around me. There was one time, one of my friends, we're cleaning up my house. We're getting ready to have a party.

and I'm like, okay, I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell my best friend. And I'm like, hey, I just want to let you know, I'm gay. And she was like, okay, but what are we drinking? So it felt great. And I celebrated after that with drinking and stuff. So it stayed that pattern because cheerleading was very strict. It was very structured.

So it was able to get me through a lot of things. So no real consequences. There were a lot of, I was still bottling things. up. I wasn't fully expressing myself. So when I did drink, sometimes they would come out. And probably not in the best way. There were so many stupid fights that I created. And also being in West Texas, you do experience some racism, some homophobia. We're still in a West Texas town. Like outside of the Texas tech, there's still love of Texas. So, and there would be instances where I was drunk and I thought I was indefensible and go and start fighting.

for no reason. So it was, that was the extent of on that part. It wasn't until I got into grad school is where I started seeing consequences because grad school was a lot harder. How I got into grad school, I have no idea, but I made it. And it was hard. It was a lot tougher than my undergrad. And I started drinking to relieve stress because anytime if I fell to paper or I was feeling overwhelmed, it was definitely, you know, the bars are right across the street from where all my classes are. So it's, I had a crappy day. Let me go over there. Let me go have a drink. And so that's where I started seeing the, yeah, because at that time, I wasn't even drinking either. Or I'm not drinking. I wasn't even cheering. Excuse me. I wasn't even cheering. And so, yeah, then my senior year in grad school, I got my first DUI.

For some reason, I thought it was a great idea to drive home and surprise my family. I think it was like like a holiday weekend or something. And I was like, yeah, I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. It'll be fun. Because it's two hour drive from Lubbock to Odessa and driving, doing all right. And I reached down to pick up some water, I think. And I spun my car around or spun it out.

And the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a gel cell. And I'm like, what the hell happened? Wow. Where am I? And so my dad and my sister picked me up. It was a awkward car ride home because I was in a town 30 minutes away from Odessa. And yeah, we talked about it, how bad it was. But then we went and saw my extended family. We got together and I just had it. I told them I was like, ashamed. It's a DUI. It's trouble with the law. I was in jail. And some of them laugh. They're like, oh, I got one. too. It's not a big deal. And so they're like, come have a beer with us. And so had a drink with them. And it was almost like a right of passage, oddly enough, which is weird. But yeah, no real consequences were from that. I didn't learn anything from it. Obviously, I kept drinking. No, and it wasn't even a red flag. It wasn't even something that just popped into my head. So,

yeah, I went through grad school and got a second DUI thinking I can make it home. And Going home to... Huh? This is going home as well. No, that was going to the place I stayed in where I was living in Lubbock. Yeah. But this one had more consequences, obviously. It's the second one.

So luckily, I got probation. I had to take all these classes and just pay so much money. But it was right when I was about to graduate from getting my master's degree. So, yeah. And it was... So that was a little inkling of something else. This alcohol might be a problem. Yeah.

Did you surround yourself with people drinking? I mean, what was drinking like for you? Drinking every day at the bars? How did it look? Yeah. So, I mean, pretty much through college, it was anytime it was a good time to drink. Typically, we started on a Thursday. We planned out what we did Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

It was a lot of house parties. Then if we did go out, we knew all the bar-torn. being a cheerleader, you know, you got in wherever you wanted. And it was just all partying. We all partied. There was no one else. I remember there was one friend who was visiting one of my other friends. And we were at one of our favorite bars.

And I was like, hey, I'm going to go get you a margarita. And she was like, no, she's like, it's okay. I don't drink. And I'm like, what? Like that, no, that doesn't make sense. Who doesn't drink? Especially people in college. I think that's how.

I justified everything. I was like, I'm in college. Yeah. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. And so, but it never really dawned on me that there were people that don't drink. That was just what our environment was. Yeah, it's relatable to the, I'm just in college, I'm just in college. I was like that too. And I was like, obviously when I'm done with college, it'll real world and I'm going to get serious. What I failed to realize then that I realized now is, Like, wherever you go, there you are. That's that simple quote is, I mean, I can think about it all day about how I want my life to be and how I want my life to change. But if my behavior and my habits don't line up and I don't adjust there, nothing in my life is going to change, at least for the long run.

Like temporarily, I was always good at putting on a show. If I got in trouble or probation again or jail again or whatever, I got in some trouble. I could get things together for maybe a week. or just get really sneaky with things, but I knew for duration. I couldn't. There was no way I could keep it together because the underlying behaviors there, I was not making any effort in changing them. And probably in my college years, I didn't think anything was wrong. I didn't. It's what everybody I hung out with. This is literally what they did. If you didn't drink, this is the way I look at it now. I'm like, if you didn't drink, there wouldn't be any sense to hang out with me or the

people I was hanging out with. You would have done other stuff because that's literally what we did. didn't drink, there would have been, there would have been no time other than when we were sleeping. So how does, how do things look like for you after that after grad school and everything? Do you get out there into the workforce or how do things look? Yeah. So after I graduated, I was still dealing with the DUI. I was still on probation, having to go in and check. But also, I was looking for a job and I ended up getting a job in Dallas. So got everything transferred over there. I had to do a IOP as part of my. Oh, you had, oh, you had to go to an IOP. Did they do any, any sampling or anything? Like, were you on this

probation? Are you allowed to drink or no? No. Not at all. Not allowed to drink. I had a breathalyzer in my car. Okay. But luckily, I was still able to drive because I was traveling or I was moving and I had to go through that whole process. That took forever. But yeah. So, got tested both at the IOP and at the courthouse or the probation with my probation officer. What was that like for you though before you? I mean, growing up the way you did, family's good, everything's good. Like this probably wasn't part of your life to be showing up and meeting with a probation officer and having to, you had to give a sample like a urine sample. I remember that too, right? I don't know if it was your experience, but somebody watching you

right there. It's gosh, come on now. I mean, hey, I did the crime. that's okay, but it was a little bit strange either way. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, it was, there was always definitely a sense of shame. But again, I think I was still holding on to what, when I went on my first one with my family, where they were like, oh, we all get it. We all do this. So in my head, I was still trying to justify or make it okay that I was like, okay,

they've all gone through this too. Like, it's just, it's normal. That's really how I thought about it. Like, this is just something to do. Let me get through it. And I can go back to what I'm doing. Yeah. Yeah, even because, and during the IOP, I was going through the motions.

I wasn't even a little bit. I think maybe that's maybe where it sparked it a little bit, that I might have an issue. Because also, I'm stubborn as hell. So it's, I don't know what it was going to take. But I even started planning, like, I can drink on. on this day, I need to stop on this day because I have a meeting that I might or may not get tested for. Yeah.

So like I was still drinking in between. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And so I still had to go to AA. That was like my first time going to AA. Like an introduction to what it was all about. That was part of what a court order.

Yeah. So what did they say? Hey, you have a problem. like they're like you have a drinking problem or you're an alcoholic or what like why do you throw all the treatment at you all I still never heard it no one ever said you have a problem that or explained it to me or anything like that it was just again just going through the motions of yeah here's what this is right about this whatever exercise they gave me yeah that's really what it was so I never and then when I go to AA I'm sitting there and I'm listening to the

these people's stories and I'm like, well, I'm not that bad. I had that whole these, because I was like, at that point, I wasn't drinking every day. I never really drank by myself either. It was more of just social. But when I so, when I was social, I binged. And so yeah, it, I just was like, okay, I'm just going to get through this and I'll be fine after that. Because at that point, I was starting to meet other people, being in a new city, not really knowing. anybody. Yeah. It was, again, that social anxiety came back and the only way I knew how to cope with it was through drinking. So I was like, I need to drink in order to be accepted into this friend group and everything like that. So that's another pallet on of why I kept drinking. Yeah, like another

layer to it too. It's so interesting, right? You kind of list off two things right there before about not drinking every day and not drinking alone. And I don't think you're alone with that to think that only that or a combination of that equals a problem. And if I'm not checking those two boxes, well, there's nothing to see here. I think that keeps so many people stuck for so long is you have to fit. I call it like the Hollywood script, like the way they show it in the movies. It has to be like this before you can do anything about it.

But that's not so many people's story. And they're still having a really difficult time in their relationship with alcohol where they don't want to be drinking. And they commit to themselves. I don't know if this is something you did, but like tomorrow, Monday, I'm quitting, Monday, Monday, and then a decade goes by of Mondays or tomorrows. And things still look the same. So you're going through this, D.U.I.

You're doing all these courses, doing the IOP, doing the meetings, doing, got this thing in your car, but still drinking when you can, right? Gaming, gaming things a little bit to make drinking still be a thing. Because life probably, as weird as it says now for us on this side of things, feels impossible at times to do things without the drinking. How do things look for you in this new job and everything else? Yeah, so I was a marketing manager for a restaurant in downtown Dallas and it was fun. I mean, I was also a bartender at the time too. I was doing both. So I was working every day. And so one of the ways to wind down was to go to another bar down the street and just drink there. And we had a good relationship with them. So it was like easy,

cheap drinks and maybe even free sometimes. Yeah. It was always, we always walked in. There was always a free shot for us. And so it was like, all right, I'm good with this. And then, at the time, I was, I couldn't drive, obviously, because I still had my breathalyzer in there. So I would Uber. And I'm like, as long as I can Uber, I can drink however much I want. Because. Yeah. I don't have to worry about getting a DUI again.

So, yeah, so that was like the, and it went like that. After a few months, I just wasn't making enough money there. So I went back to bartending, got another job. and then finally ended up as a nurse recruiter, which I hated. And so again, it was like a lot of stress. How am I going to pay bills? All of that.

So I was like, of course, I would drink. And so finally, I was with my company. Well, I guess my previous company now. I was there for eight years. I've been there for eight years. And so, but it got to the point to where it was, I wouldn't drink all week. I would drink on Friday.

But starting at 5.30, I would start, and I wouldn't finish until like out two, three o'clock if there was an after-party. And that happened for, I mean, almost a decade, yeah. Wow. Of just constant. That was just the cycle that I was in of doing that. And so, yeah, it was crazy. How long have we known each other for? Well, May was the one year that I was, that I've been with.

Okay. Cover motivation. So, yeah. So over a year. Man, I never knew the restaurant. I never knew the restaurant thing. And now things are making so much more sense, dude. When you say that, bartending restaurants, like you're, that's my language, man.

That's when I really ramped up things in so many different directions and so many people have come on the show, those service-based businesses. Are you saying for most of your drinking was not during the week? It was just this weekend from Friday to Sunday. I would get like really bad hangovers, like two to three day hangovers. Really? And it was just, I was just miserable. It was definitely, I was like, there's no way I can be productive at work if I'm hungover.

If I was hungover, I would just call it. I'd just not go. If we did Sunday, Fun Day. So like, I stopped drinking on Sundays. And that was just how it went. I never really had a, I never wanted to drink alone because I guess in my head I always just said, I knew that I just, I needed it to relax and to be friendly and be that outgoing person when I needed to be. So, but yeah, I was definitely still bottling up everything.

Yeah. While I wasn't drinking. And what's everything? Just the everyday stress. And, you know, I hate my job. What am I doing? I just, yeah, everyday stress. And even like relationship stress and friendship stress and because when I got here, I definitely hold my friendships to a very high standard. You know, because that's my chosen family away from my family.

So yeah. And so when they didn't do something or I felt like they didn't meet my expectations, I think that was like a lot of the, I would just bottle it all up. and once I started drinking, it would come out. And that's a pattern that I started seeing quite a bit of, yeah, just bottle it all up. When I drink, I feel confident enough to say it to your face. Just stupid stuff like that. So that's where it would come out.

Yeah. Yeah. And that can create a lot of friction, too. Yeah. So there was always definitely a lot of apologizing the next day and the whole. who did I text? What did I text? My apology tours. And I would even like, apologize to the bartenders. Hey, sorry if I was sloppy. Just to see if they would be like, no, you're fine. And then I'd be like, okay, good. So that's just that cycle that I kept going through. Yeah. Through a decade,

you're having those heavy hangovers too. So I mean, you're, which is wild. I think looking back to like the weekends, work all week, right? And it's like, all right, some days are good. Some days aren't, right? And then the weekend is like the time to unplug or do this. And I was the same. I mean, I mean, I drank every day, but I probably drank more on the weekends. And looking back, I was like, man, the weekends are so much different now in sobriety. But I was just wasting them either drinking or just feeling like crap. And it wears on you, I think, over time, right?

Yeah. Yeah, no, definitely. it I, because I met my husband while I was drinking. When was that? You're going to make me do math too. A guesstimation is good enough. I think 2019. Okay.

Yeah, it was right. Yeah, 2019, November, yeah. Met him, we got together and, which is funny, I was, he, we met online, he messaged me, and I was at home for the night, and he was actually drunk. And he, I told him no, it's all right. I was like, no, I'm okay right now. You're drunk. So it's ironic that that's how that happened when he's the one, he could take it or leave it. He's not a big drinker at all. But yeah, so I met him. And yeah, it just a lot of stupid fights about it that I caused. I was never, I never wanted the party to end. I was always wanting to go out, always wanted to be the last person to leave or go to an after party. And I just basically tell him, you don't tell me what to do. Like, I'm my own person. And for some odd reason, he has stuck with me through all this.

Wow. So, yeah, but it was a lot of ups and downs. And, yeah, it was just, it was interesting. Like, I'm really grateful to have him in my life and to be there for me. And, but he is actually the one, too, that kind of started putting, planting a little bit of seeds of maybe we should try moderating. Have you ever tried just having a couple of drinks? in my head, I'm like, sure, why not? Because I do love him.

So let me try it. Why not? So, yeah, I did the whole moderating. What did that look like? What does it look like when Gabe does that? When I did. I mean, yeah, first I switched from vodka soda was my go-to all the time. So I switched to beer.

But then I'm drinking 10 plus beers. Still the same effect. Nothing changed. So I was like, okay, let me do the, water in between. And then I try to limit how many drinks I had. And because we would jump from bar to bar, we would see three or four bars. So I'm like, okay, I'll have a drink or two at each bar.

But then by the time I got to the last bar, I'm drunk. All those rules go out the window and I'm just back to drinking, like back to drinking vodka. And so that's, it was just, it never worked. It was always a hot mess. Yeah. So, man, you must have been spending a fortune out at these bars if you're going to all these places. Yeah, my bank account hated me. It was definitely, yeah, credit, like my bank account was always in the red.

I always had to figure out, okay, I can spend like $50 on groceries because I don't really need to eat a lot. And, yeah, it was always, it was a hard time during that. I'll say that. Interesting, though, to me, okay, how this is, like earlier in the story, you touched on those two things, right? Solo drinking and drinking every day. You weren't checking those boxes. It wasn't part of your life. How do you, with the way you're going about it, right?

Because, man, I'm thinking, like, this is, the reason why you're drinking was, I'm just guessing here, is probably different than what some people were drinking that drink on the weekends type deal. But a lot of people do that stuff. Drink for the weekends. How were you able to get to a point to say, okay, you know what? Maybe there's something else. Go, maybe there's a problem here.

Or however you frame it up. So there were times throughout, and it really was with my husband is when I actually started thinking about this. So like the last six years. There was one time that I had a really close group of friends, and there was some issues with one of them, And so the group just split up.

So I felt a little lost. And I remember there was like after people left the group chat. And at the time I had these, these expectations of these people, because we were so close. Texting every day, hanging out almost every day. And so I remember going out one weekend and just going off on them in our chat. And the next day I felt like an asshole. Like I just felt bad. And so I just started looking and thinking about it.

And I was. And actually, the first. first time I went to AA popped into my head. And I was like, huh, I was like, let me go check it out again. So I go and I went there, I sat down and it was a gay men's night thing. And go in there and they talked about people in a sense of, if these people go out and drink all the time, they'll end up in here at some point. And they weren't talking about them, but I felt very seen when they said it. So that turned me off completely. I was like, I was like, no.

Because at the time, I just wasn't ready to admit that I had a problem at that point. But that was one instance. The second one, and this is the one that really shook me, is it was, we were out at the bar. And I was in that state of I'm on the verge of blacking out. And I just remember coming to at one point and thinking, I'm okay. with being like this. I'm okay with being that sloppy person at the bar because I know I can go and apologize to everybody afterwards and it's going to be okay. And I continued and I blacked out. And then the next day, I remembered that and that's what scared the hell out of me. I was like,

I don't want to be that person. I hate that person. It's like I ruined relationships with people. It's like I'm causing friction in my marriage and it's just no. So that's what got me like curious about really diving in. And that's where I started downloading all the podcasts. But yeah, I downloaded your podcast, Brad. But I never listened to an episode. And on any of them, I just downloaded them. And because I at one point I was like,

I was just afraid of what I was going to hear. and it was going to be like, yeah, you have an issue with alcohol. And that was at one point, and then I had another conversation with my husband, and he was like, something has to change. Because I thought it would be a good idea to walk home from the bars, even though it's five miles, like, from my house. And so, yeah, after that's when I, yeah, that's when I downloaded that app, the sober motivation or sober buddy at the time.

And that's when I joined. Wow, man. It's just wondering too, like to dig a little bit deeper if possible. What was going on with you on the inside? On the externally, your relationships or sound like a sort of on the fringe with your husband and other ones you've already moved on from and all this stuff going on out there in the external world in a sense. How was Gabe feeling about game, you know, from a day to day basis?

I just wasn't happy with myself. I felt like I wasn't going anywhere in my, my jobs because I couldn't excel and we talked about this before but I was diagnosed with ADHD and that was going all over the place and I didn't even realize it really at the time but yeah I just wasn't happy I couldn't figure out like why can I not be good at something that perfectionism and I've also dealt with body issues like body dysphoria and so that was just it was just a lot of I was struggling. And once I started making money, it only fueled.

I was only able to pay the support my alcohol. And so, yeah, the day to day, it was rough, I would say. It was definitely low self-esteem, no confidence. The only confidence I got was when I drank. Yeah. And I mean, I think that's when we go back in our stories. and we realize like the challenging times when it comes up in like the tail end of high school, it's things seem to really pick up in people's lives.

And then you have college. And if every time something's going on that we're uncomfortable with or that stresses us out or that we're wanting to fit in or please others or do the people pleasing stuff, we lean on alcohol. And then sometimes I think we look back and it could be 30 years later and thinking, And why am I still drinking? Well, during all those developing years, we just leaned on alcohol for everything. So it makes perfect sense.

I wish I had other skills. I want to quit drinking. And this is what I taught with people about too that are like, I just want to quit drinking. I don't want to do anything else. And I'm like, well, I think if we could just quit drinking and not do any other work, we all would have done that. There'd be no podcast. There'd be nothing.

There'd be no meetings. There'd be no rehabs. There'd be nothing. We would just wake up one day and say, I just want to quit drinking. I don't want to take it away from some people. I have known a handful of people in my life where the doctor told them, like, you're not going to live much longer and they just quit drinking. Like, they're all right.

I wouldn't call them the happiest, go luckiest people in the world, but they don't drink. So they got that going for them. But that's what I think it comes down to, man. It's like, what are we willing to change? And then it's like hindsight's 2020. We can see, like, how this played out. is that was a lot of people share it too as like a best friend or something we could always count on but it gives us this sort of feeling or escape man so all very relatable in its own sense to what

I've heard and some of my journey to this point what prompts you to join I mean because you've tried a few other things in your life I mean what allows you to join a community and check that out I'm curious yeah so I got like I said I downloaded those podcasts I didn't didn't listen to any, but then I had a conversation with my husband. And I think at that, at, by that point, though, because I was missing out on so much of things I wanted to do. And I think that was another thing. Like, I just felt stuck. I felt like, this is the cycle and this is going to be the rest of my life. And that, that scared the hell out of me. So what am I doing? Just going out, drinking, having the same conversations. It started to get boring. I

wanted to go out and go to our arboretum or travel for the weekend or something, but I never had money for that. So yeah, I had that conversation with my husband, and we basically just, I just downloaded the app. And I was like, okay, community, Zoom, I'm good. Let's just try it out. Like, why not? That's where I was, what else can I do? And yeah, I remember the first meeting with Megan. It was her struggle bus meeting. And I was like, well, that's fitting. So let me get on. And almost immediately like I didn't have my camera on right away but

I think after the first couple of shares I just felt one I felt seen because I always thought it was me by myself trying to do all these things trying to moderate and I'm the only one that's feeling like this everybody else has their life together just all that and just hearing how

I could relate to so many people almost instantly I was like okay let me turn on my camera so then on there and just like feeling exposed and then I just introduced myself and at the end and Megan's a rock star. So she was just saying all the good things that just made me feel great. And I was like, all right, well, let me just keep this up and see where it goes. And yeah.

Yeah, that's incredible, man. Yeah, I think that's, I talk a lot about getting out of our own way. And I think it's that right there is where you got out of your own way. And you're like, this isn't something I really feel comfortable doing. But I think we get to that point too. I think the sooner, the better of realizing everything I've tried got me here. So whether this other stuff I like it or it's uncomfortable or I don't like it, whatever the story is, I got to try some different things.

I can't keep doing the same thing and expect it for life to change. And you did that in that moment. What were things like for you at the beginning, man? So the day to day, obviously, it wasn't, since I didn't drink every day, the day-to-day wasn't hard. But I was part of a group chat. So Friday, around 2.30, people are like, I need a drink. I need a drink.

So for I think like the first month, like I had to turn off that group chat. Like I couldn't look at it. I had a plan also to every Friday. I needed something to do to not, that was fun to where I didn't. have to drink. So I would go to IKEA. Me and my husband would go to IKEA for two or three hours, just walk around, go to dinner, go to movies, just stuff to keep me busy. Because then after that, I'd be fine, because Saturday was usually my recovery day. Sunday was let me adult. And I did start feeling better after a couple of weeks. It was, but after a couple of weeks, I started feeling I would get

cravings because my body was still getting rid of the alcohol and that was just where I was for like about the three months because I did have a slip during this and I've talked about it before but I don't think I was really fully open and honest while I was there like I wasn't lying I just was like with my head I didn't know because I still had a trip coming up to New Orleans that I had already paid for so I was like few years. future tripping for sure, because I wanted to go to New Orleans and I wanted to experience, because I love New Orleans in general. I love their food, the culture, everything about it. Yeah. And obviously, the drinking was a big part of it too. And so, yeah, I felt like I was just

saying the right things of what people wanted to hear at the very beginning. And it was just very, again, just going through the motions. Like, I feel like that's a theme of my life. People pleasing. Yeah. And yeah. And I was learning. a lot. I was, and I think if I didn't have that trip, I don't think I would have had a slip because things were going good. I felt great about not drinking

and, you know, handling it with friends and everything like that. But yeah, it wasn't until after my slip is when I like recommitted. Because I was scared to tell the community, I was sitting in bed with the worst hangover ever. How did it come about, though? How did it come about? So you went to New Orleans

and then. So I tried to, I was like, well, I don't want my first time drinking after, what, 90 days to be in New Orleans. So let me drink the week before. So that's where I did. And it's like I had never skipped a beat. Like I went right back to drinking just as much, if not more. Yeah. Yeah.

Nothing bad happened that night. But I just remember getting home and just, I just remember not having a. much fun. Like, just because, and then also, like, the, that guilt started creeping in even before the hangover. And so, yeah, I just remember, it just wasn't fun. I was like, because it took me a little bit to get used to drinking. Well, it's kind of gross. I was like, yeah, it's like I was drinking for the first time all over again, the burning and, yeah, just, like the body, well, a lot of people share that too, like your body's kind of in shock. If you've had a break from and then you go back.

It's, oh my gosh, what are you doing to me, right? A lot of people share something like that. So you kind of had an idea going into it. A lot of people talk about we have our next drink between our ears before we actually have it in the real world or whatever you want to call. You know what I'm saying? And that's like where we want to try to catch it before it manifests into the things. So yeah, I mean, great awareness on that too, though, about how things were.

And I think it's easy in our way ourselves in, too, to see. what's going to work for me and how am I going to do all this? I can only imagine, too, Gabe, you're wrestling with the fact of drinking on the weekends. And although that is definitely enough to have a problem for sure, but I can see how, but I mean, and then on the flip side of it, I drank every day and I still didn't think I had a problem. So, I mean, I think either way, we can convince ourselves of whatever the heck we want. Yeah, and then I started getting into kind of going to the gym and trying to do that. And it was just like, I kept getting this plateau.

And I'm like, well, what's the cause? And it was alcohol. Because I drink so much on a Friday night that I felt like crap the whole week. By up until maybe the Thursday, I started feeling good again. And it's just like I was miserable at my job. I was just, I hated my job. So it was just, yeah, it was just, I made me feel like it would ruin my whole week. Yeah. Yeah. So you go to New Orleans.

No, I never went. I decided to cancel. You never went. Yeah. I decided to cancel the trip because, yeah, because of that, I, well, and I got sick. But I was like, I don't want to go because I know if I go, I'm going to drink again. And it was from that slit that I realized I don't want to drink anymore. because so many good things happened in those 90, the 110 days that I liked. I was able to, like, my stress, my anxiety, just, I don't want to say it was non-existent because it's still there.

But, and one thing that really did, I heard in one of the meetings that you're going to get confidence from not drinking. Yeah. To me, I was like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. because for myself growing up through all this drinking, I used alcohol for confidence. That's where I got my confidence. So in my head, I'm like, you're telling me to take this away,

the one thing that does give me confidence. And in those 110 days, I started feeling confident in myself. And that blew my mind because I was like, for so many years, I used it as a crutch. And I just remember, I was like, I don't want to lose this after my slip. So I was, I told everybody that I was sick, which I was from the hangover and then it turned into a cold. I mean, it really kicked my ass.

But I told my husband, I was like, I was like, I don't want to go. If I go, I'm going to drink. I know I'm going to drink. Yeah. And so, yeah, we didn't go. and I just plugged back into the sober motivation. What's it like? No, sorry, finish that thought.

I was saying I, when I was laying in bed, I was crafting like this message of what I wanted to send the community. And I kept going back and forth on it and I wanted to tailor it because I was still in that mindset of I need to say the right things to people. But I was like, you know what? Just write whatever. Just say you messed up. So I did.

and just the amount of support that I got, no judgment. And I was literally, every message I got that came in, I would just start crying all over again. It was just a blubbering mess. And then the private messages, and it was just like, this is real support that I, I haven't had in a long time in that sense. And that's really what motivated me.

I was like, I don't want to lose this confidence that I'm getting, I don't want to lose my husband, any more relationships, and this community really did the trick. Yeah. Wow, that's beautiful, man. Yeah, because it's not easy to come back with things. I mean, you've been around the community now for some time, right? You've seen a lot of different journeys and everybody's got their own road, their own path they're on, right? We can't force anybody to do anything, but I think there's extreme value in,

Not running anymore. I look back on my life and my life really changed when I was accountable to something, bigger than me, a group, a community, whatever it is. That's when it changed. When I just ran, anytime it got hard, I just used to run from everything. Oh, yeah, I'll just avoid that. I won't deal with it. The only problem there is there's no growth.

There's no growth. And I think that's really good, man, that you plugged back in there and just said what's going on. And for people to meet you just where you're at, I think is beautiful. You know, and that's just make, just changes everything. And that's why we talk about all the time, getting involved with other people that understand the journey. Because if I talk with people around me that don't understand what this is all about,

dude, they're just like, come on, you can have one beer. I mean, people don't really tell me that, but you get what I'm saying, right? Back earlier when I first started all of this, come on, there's got to be no reason why you can't have one beer. But when I taught with people that are in this lane with. me, they know that it's the first one that gets us. It's not the 20th. Yeah. No, I definitely think, yeah, I totally, and that's why I tell people in the community as well. I have a great support system outside of this community and they can empathize, but they don't fully understand

like this community does, because I can come in and tell people I have these DUIs and they're like, okay, yeah, we get it. There's no judgment, whereas if I was to tell someone outside of here, they might look at me crazy. And so, yeah, there's, there's something about this community or just community in general

that I think is just so much, it makes things easier. And I'm just, yeah, definitely grateful for this community and not drinking. Yeah. And we're grateful for you too, Gabe. I always think about it sometimes, like lifting a couch.

Like I could probably break my back and lift it up or I could just ask someone to help me and yeah, and I mean, there you go, right? I think community is, that's like community on a smaller scale and community is bigger and you make relationships. And I mean, if you meet people, you had to barbecue there, right, with a couple people from the virtual world there in Texas. So, yeah, great job, Gabe. I mean, how long has it been now?

June 23rd will be 10 months. that continuous and then, but been on this journey for over a year. So, yeah, kind of a good one now. Which is great, man. And I'm going back to when you were sharing too about the slip. Like, it was a check in maybe in one way or another of maybe I need to plug in a little bit more, be mindful, be aware in a couple different directions too about just what's going on. Yeah, it just, it made me just realize that me and Like it made it official.

Made the breakup with alcohol like official. Yeah. It just puts so much into perspective of what is important, growing relationships, true relationships, really. And, you know, that you said it earlier, but I was actually in your meeting where you're talking about getting out of your own way. And that's when we had that topic, I was just, I was thinking about it all weekend. I think it was a Friday meeting.

And I was just thinking about it. I was like, yeah, I've been. been getting in my own way for so long. And now I'm able to do everything I've always wanted to do now. And like I don't have anything holding me back. And I feel like I, that's what alcohol was. It was just weighing me down and just not letting me be to be able to experience anything. And so now it's just those are those experiences that I have, I want to create outweigh alcohol. So much. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got some really cool stuff in the works too these days. and things you've been working on.

Heading towards wrapping up. I mean, share with what you're up to now. And I'm even excited. I feel like you're adding stuff by the day here, man. So maybe you could catch me up, Gabe, with everything you got going on. And yeah. Yeah, so I said earlier,

I got laid off from my job, I think back in March. But I was already on my way out, I feel like mentally. With the help of this group, this community, I wanted more. I wanted hosting meetings

on sober motivation. I was like, I like doing this. I feel like this is what I want to do. And so I was in the mix and then, yeah, I got laid off. And so I've been able to really push forward. I've created my own community that is geared towards the LGBTQIA plus community that wants to live without alcohol in their lives. And it's called Out and About A-F. Yeah. And so far, our Instagram went up, What else has gone? We are doing our first meet and greet in July. Also, we are doing the website launched, and I've, yeah, started an app and everything. So lots are, a lot of going on.

I made a workbook. It's incredible, man. I've been busy. I mean, whoever thought, man, okay, you've been at this for a year. If I told you 13 months ago, you're going to be not drinking and you're going to be working on helping other people do the same thing. I mean, how crazy would I have looked to you? Like, you would have thought that it wasn't Friday the 13th. Yeah, no, I wouldn't believe you. I'd probably laugh and probably go to the bar because what are you talking about?

It's, I mean, it's just insane what you can do in a year with just giving up one thing. It just, it blows my mind. I, you know, and I'm just so grateful to have this. community, have the support that I do, to be able to pursue this dream and then have everybody's encouragement. And yeah, I mean, I don't even think I'd believe you five months ago that I was doing this stuff. Yeah. Starting this new business, also becoming a travel agent. Throw that in there, too. Yeah. And so it's crazy. But you feel like not drinking it. You talked about it a little bit earlier. It has given you the confidence to pursue stuff. It makes all the difference. I mean, it's a thing I was adding up the math the other day. Okay, for your situation,

saying you would drink on Friday and then you'd be hung over until Thursday, but let's just take maybe on average, let's say somebody drinks Friday, Saturday. Like you lose a whole weekend, right? Like, how many days of the year are we throwing out the window? So it's no wonder we didn't have any bandwidth for dreams or goals or a whole heck of a lot else. I mean, and nobody can go back in time that I know of. So all we have is today in forward. So we have to start doing the, the best today and forward that we can possibly do and not waste any more time with thinking about drinking, drinking, or recovering from drinking. It requires so, it takes so much from us.

I mean, on top of the money, the relationships, the self-esteem, everything else that we give away from drinking and the time. And I think when you have the time and you can build off that, I mean, it can really make it different. We see so many people doing cool stuff, man, really cool stuff when they get so. And you're right, a year. I went through years of my life where nothing changed but my underwear. Like nothing.

When I was drinking, nothing changed. And now in a year you could get all this going. Any thoughts, Gabe, for anybody starting out the journey or just trying to keep things going? Anything to help them out from your own experience? Yeah, something that's always, the way I joined this community, I just said, why not? Why not try it? What can you lose? You'll never know until you try it, right?

And another thing that is something I learned is to stay curious, keep staying curious about things because you never know where it's going to lead, what you're going to learn. I think those two things is get out of your own way too. Don't let it stop you. You know, if you have that dream, if you have that want, go for it. And just keep pushing one day at a time. I've learned that in the squares. It's just keep pushing just for one day.

And that's why I even got my tattoo of, it's just a Roman numeral 24 with some gears around it. And it means a lot to me because it's like, what can you do in 24 hours? You can do so much in 24 hours. That's one part of the meaning. The other part of the meaning is just get through 24 hours. That's all you have to get there is just don't drink for 24 hours.

And then wake up and do it all again the next day. Yeah. And some days are going to be harder than others too, right, as we go. Some days I'll go through spans of weeks and not even think about alcohol. And then I'll be riding my bike through the neighborhood and everybody's sitting on their front porch and the beer, I can just see the beer cans just sweating. And I'm like, oh, God, there it is. But you just do the best you can every day, man. And what I've realized in my life is if I don't drink, things are okay. It's not perfect. And of course life is still going to happen, but I can handle life on this side of things so much better than I ever could.

When things were the other way, it's just, it's great. Well, Gabe, thanks so much for joining, sharing your story. Appreciate you so much. Everything you do for everybody. Thank you. No, I'm so glad that we did this. I'm very appreciative of you, the community, and yeah, thanks for having me. I bet.

Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the, podcast, huge shout out to Gabe for jumping on and sharing his story. I don't know what took so long, but we got the episode put together. So hopefully there's a few things that you could connect with that can help you, either get started or staying on the journey. I'll drop Gabe's contact information down on the show notes below. Be sure if you enjoyed the episode could connect in any way or just want to say thank you. Send Gabe over a message on Instagram.

I hear from so many guests on the podcast. It means the world to them. when they hear from you guys. So take 90 seconds out of your day and send them a note and I'll see you on the next one.