Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Garrett struggled for years attempting to moderate his alcohol intake. True freedom was found in sobriety.

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

In this episode of the Podcast, Garrett shares his journey of growing up in a small town in Iowa, enjoying a seemingly normal childhood, and later struggling with alcohol. Reflecting on his high school years, college days, and the progressive impact of alcohol on his life, Garrett talks about his experiences with social drinking, blackouts, and brushes with the law. He recounts the turning point moments that led to his decision to quit drinking, including his involvement in an outpatient program, the birth of his twin boys, and the emotional toll his drinking took on his family and himself. This is Garrett’s story on the Sober Motivation podcast. ------------ Garrett on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gurthove/ Sobermotivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:14 Childhood and Family Background 01:03 High School Years and Sports 02:04 College Life and Alcohol Introduction 03:59 Early Consequences and Social Dynamics 09:05 Post-College Life and Escalation 17:41 Struggles with Moderation and Mental Health 24:43 Realization and Eye-Opening Moments 25:48 Struggles with Drinking and Social Life 28:58 Turning Points and Family Impact 31:44 Final Straws and Seeking Help 34:13 Embracing Sobriety and Personal Growth 37:48 Life After Sobriety 48:07 Advice for Those Struggling 50:34 Conclusion and Support

Welcome to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guest and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, Garrett shares his journey of growing up in small town Iowa, enjoying a seamlessly normal childhood, and later struggling with alcohol. Reflecting on his high school years, college days, and the progressive impact of alcohol

on his life, Garrett talks about. about his experiences with social drinking, blackouts, and brushes with the law. He recounts the turning point moments that led him to his decision to quit drinking, including his involvement in an outpatient program, the birth of his twin boys, and the emotional toll his drinking took on his family and himself. And this is Garrett's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Welcome back to the podcast, everyone. I am back.

Last week we did not have any episodes released. I had some health things going on and also had to have some new appliances and water heater and air conditioner installed at the house. So that's right behind where I do the podcast. But I want to welcome everybody back and we're going to be up and rolling here

in no time with some more episodes. And while I was off doing the podcast for that week, I did a lot of thinking. And the show is a massive time commitment and I definitely feel so privileged to host such an incredible podcast. And the whole sobriety thing, I've been doing it long enough

to understand this one thing. I alone can't get anybody sober and I alone can't keep anybody sober. Trust me, I've tried. And I've lost a lot of people throughout this journey, people that I've worked with professionally and people closer to home. but I do believe the stories entails that we share here help humanize the struggle.

And my hope is that if someone types in sober in the search bar on any podcasting platform, they'll be shown the sober motivation podcast. And if they tune in, my hope is that our stories can be a light in the darkness which is addiction. And as always, thank you to all of you for bringing this incredible show to life and showing all the guests who come on here so much love. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Garrett with us. How are you?

I'm doing well. How about you? I'm good, man. Thank you for jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. Yeah, I appreciate it. I appreciate all you deal. So what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, I grew up in a small town and I grew up on a farm,

very what I would probably consider a normal childhood. Parents are both very present, active. My dad actually quit drinking right before I was born. I have an older brother who's three years older than me. I've heard a couple different versions of the story, but apparently my brother was to found him pass out one time, and Sadie was dead and had a traumatic experience for him. So my dad decided to call quits and went cold turkey,

quit drinking right in and there. So alcohol really wasn't present in my life growing up, went to a small school, graduate of probably 16 kids in my class. So growing up, I've been in this pretty normal summer, spent fishing, golfing, whatever you can find to do in Iowa and have some fun.

In high school, we really focused around sports. Everyone, all my friends, and that's a sports group of people. I played sports. and really never was around alcohol that much, mostly because of the fear of getting caught and not being able to play sports. I was initially a great athlete, but I was good enough to play because it was in a small town.

So I have the idea of being caught and having that taken away, kept a lot of me and my friends away from it. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, for your dad quitting there too before you were born there. That's incredible. what kind of sports did you play? Did you do everything?

Yeah, so I did. I wrestled and golfed and played football. And yeah, that's basically a lot of people I hung out with. And there was some of the drink. Looking back, definitely lived a very sheltered life. And after what high school was, until we graduate high school, and that's when a lot of us,

and then myself included discovered the alcohol scene and really took off from there. Yeah. So after high school, where do you go to college? Yeah, so I went to a community college that community is pretty well known for their partying. And I think it was pretty eye-opening for me. Growing up in a small community, your friends are picked for you.

And not saying I didn't like my friend, you know, I'm so close with a lot of them. But I ended up going to a community college a couple hours away and met a lot of different people. I met a lot of people that liked to party, have a good time. So definitely use alcohol to get in that social scene, meet your people and get my name and get myself out there and really found a lot of joy.

And I'm still really close to a lot of those people. But a lot of those friends I met in, it was they were drinking buddies that would kind of jump in on the rollercoaster with me and made sure like I was sitting in. Yeah. Now, I can relate with you on that too, right? You leave a small town. And then now there's a lot more moving pieces, right?

And you're trying to find your way and how you're going to fit in and all of this stuff that's going on. And I mean, alcohol is a perfect social lubricule. in a sense, right, to where you start drinking and all those insecurities that we may have or the shyness that we may have, it all fades away after a couple, right? And then I think in college, too, when I look back at my story, it didn't start out disastrous. Yeah, I mean, of course, we pushed the limits a little bit here and there, but, you know, for the most part, we had a good time connecting with people and we had like a community, maybe a brotherhood in a

sense. I felt like I was actually connecting with people and that went on for a bit. And it was like the thing I always say about my journey with alcohol is that like it was good until it wasn't. Like it was good and it served a purpose and it helped me through a lot of stuff that I otherwise might have really struggled to do. And then it was like at the end. I mean, it was like I wanted to quit, but then I couldn't quit. So you get into college and alcohol is coming into your life. I mean, how does it pop up though? Yeah. I mean, really. It was like once we graduated high school, it was like, and I probably drank maybe three or four times in high school. Just try and someone's had rum and their rates went taking a pull of it. Nothing major. I kind of stayed away from it. And then once you graduated, you know, I'm like, what have I been missing out on? This is great. I'm having so much fun meeting new people.

My first weekend in college, my community college is right by the University of Iowa. I went to the bar. You want to be the 18 to get into bars there. My girlfriend at the time and I went out the first weekend. I got picked up for Triggerage the first weekend. So probably would have been a good omen to figure out that maybe this is going to be an issue the rest of my life. But it was just what happened.

I mean, never really thought about consequences when I was doing it. You know, it's just trying to live for the moment and have as much fun as possible. Yeah, man, I can relate to you on that too. But it was interesting. When I got in trouble like that, man, it was celebrated. Yeah. It was cool. Yeah.

On my 20th birthday, I actually got arrested for public. detoxation and I had a fake ID and I lost my license for 60 days on the DOT for having a fake ID and actually through a party with the day I got my license back. It was like, yeah, it was crazy hooked for things we celebrated back then. No, for sure. But I mean, that's just the way it was, right? Sounds like a new story too in mind. It was like, because I was always growing up, I was always felt I was never noticed in the world. The world was going on around me and I was just overlooked for the part. I didn't have the golf swing like you had. And I didn't. I was always not good enough at sports to make the team and just not good enough in academics

to really get the opportunities. And what I switched over to to get attention was to act a bit wild. Of course, the alcohol would help me do that because without the alcohol, my character and values as a person were not to push the limits like that. I was never raised like that. I mean, I can relate to your story in a sense. My parents did drink, but I never could ever recall or remember ever seen. them really drink or knowing what it was growing up. It's so weird to say, but they didn't drink

around me and have parties. It did this and do all that stuff. But then when I would drink, I would do these things that were so far out of character, but I felt like every time I did them, it just became like more and more acceptable. Yeah. Life to be like, okay, let's get the fake IDs, let's do this. And that stuff was so far out of my wheelhouse. But I just kept it going because I was willing to do whatever it took to get noticed and to just be a part of something, to be accepted, to be in there. So you get two arrests there before you're 21. I mean, they ended up having three. And one of them was a DUI actually got two weeks after my brother got his. So that was not a great time for my parents. I put them through a lot. So yeah,

so I, there was a lot of, looking back out, so there's a lot of warning signs back then. I was going out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, like all my friends, but they weren't necessarily getting arrested or having quite the chaotic stories like I had. So I was always, I guess it's always won up in a little bit when it came down to how wild things would get. Yeah, because we have a lot of our friends who did the same stuff, but I'm in that camp with you, man. I was always getting in trouble. I was always getting in trouble for it. Are you under 21? Yeah, I had three, three arrests and a couple minor drinking tickets before I even turned 21s. I mean, I wasn't really safety any major consequences because it was just accepted back then. But yeah, I mean, my parents

who paid from my vehicle in college and I pulled that away. So they definitely complicated my life for sure, but not enough to really slow down or think about changing anything. Yeah. What would your parents say about all of this? Did they know about all of it? Yeah, they knew about all of them, I'm pretty honest with them about it. You know, my brother hasn't drank in probably a few years now. And so the end of him were very similar drinking patterns. I was probably a little more on the extreme side that he had his share of events as well. So I think they were pretty concerned from both of the list.

And then especially naturally was really probably a little bit closer with my parents a little more. I talked them probably a little more often than my brother does. I think they were definitely lecture me for the both of us. So I was always catching heat from them. depending on what the situation was. Yeah. What would they say? I still remember when my brother had gotten troubled.

It was a while to think about, but my mom called me, and I didn't do anything that night before. I was in bed. I woke up in the morning, and he had got arrested for his DUI. She said, she called me and said,

when do you boys ever figure this out? And I was like, you boys, like, I was just at home. I thought, I'm good, walking a little tall. Like, I didn't do anything wrong. And then two weeks later, I did the same thing. So a line of it was just, I think they were really concerned the path who we were going down, especially myself.

So yeah, it was definitely not anything that we didn't discuss. A lot of those tried to bring it up and lecture a medium, but they were trying to push you away as well. Yeah, no, I hear that. So where do you go after college? I mean, things ramp up here. You have already this kind of trouble going on. Where do you go after college? Yeah, so I went to a university here in Iowa, the university in Northern Iowa, made it about a year before I dropped out.

But between your college, I could manage working and partying and still get good grades just based on, you know, probably being smart enough to get by. At that next level, it just wasn't the same. I worked at a bar, which actually helped probably quite a bit on the weekends because I was working and weren't allowed to drink there. But that meant if I was going to go out, I'd be going out Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. So that meant I'm not going to cut out work or socialize it. I'm just going to class. And then from there, actually got talked into you from one of my buddies open. up a bar and grill in a small town Iowa. I did that for a couple years and that was not a good

I mean, looking back, I learned a lot, but it was not a good decision for my alcohol use for sure. I continued to drink like I was in college, even in the kind of professional world. Yeah. Wow. So after the, you went to the university, yeah, and that was a little bit of a different flow there, right? Got here to doing college and everything and then you're working at a bar. So yeah, you don't want to miss out on the other nights. So you're going out. And you got to cancel out something, right? And I'm with you, man. At that point in time, like I got put on academic probation too from college and all that stuff.

And I remember meeting with one of the counselors and they're like, what's going on and stuff? Yeah, I mean, obviously, I was anyway in denial, man. This couldn't be that big of a problem, right? So I'm making up all these excuses, right? They're like, we'll give you one more shot. But the thing with this whole alcohol thing is it's progressive. And however we drum it up, it's progressive. so it gets worse over time.

Then you start a bar and grill. Is that what you said? Yeah, yeah. Which did you run the bar or the grill? I ran the bar. I ran the bar. I'm a buddy. You're in the grill.

We didn't know a person running the operations, managing everything. But it wasn't, and at that point, it wasn't any more extreme than what we're doing in college. I wasn't an everyday drinker. I've never been an everyday drinker. I wasn't drinking all day every day back there,

but it definitely helped pick up the pace on some things. We're going to close down early one night. We'd start hitting them pretty hard. you drink for free. And then before I go out and that was, yeah, going back to what you said, I wasn't necessarily probably in denial there. That was probably a little bit later. In lights or in my drinking path, I guess. But back in it was just so socially acceptable, especially my age, 24 years old. It just really wasn't thought of. I actually met my now ex-wife. She's a mother of my kids. She actually worked for me in between. She went to the same college I did and then went to

grad school. She was a little between school. She took a little bit of my kids. She took a little bit of my kids. She's six months off and was a waitress there. I met her there. And there was a moment I remember where I went to a wedding and I got really aggressive to the point where I think I punched a hole in the drywall of the hotel. And it definitely freaked her out. And I remember my dad driving up and talked to me the next day, she had talked to him and he was pretty concerned. And I quit for six months when I was 24 years old while running a bar, which is pretty crazy to think about now, looking back and I think looking back that might have been maybe one of the probably is weird this sounds one of the worst things that happened to me because it is stuck

in my head well I'm not an alcoholic I just went chicks one start drinking or it gave me the false coffees that oh I can quit whatever I want it's a problem and it definitely became one yeah no that's such a that's an incredible kind of realization in a sense there to say that right because I've heard that story a lot where you can quit for the month. Well, I'm good. Yeah, there's nothing here. There's no problem. Because if I was an actual alcoholic or something, then I could never do that. This would never be possible. So it's like monopoly. Get out of jail free card, right? I think it's a good way to frame it up. So you have that thing there. I mean, how did you quit for the six months? I mean, was it just easy, breezy?

It wasn't easy. I remember it was faked in a lot of social pushback on not drinking. I've always been known as the party night. Everyone knew me as that. Even my high school friends who didn't see me drink that much, but we'd get back to the other meetup or when they got so they'd know me as. So it was really hard, especially that young to give it up for that long. But at that point, I was just like a lot of times where I quit, I had a lot of two or three months cycles of not drinking. At that point, it was really the common denominator was trying to get some eat off me. At that point, like my girlfriend at the time was all over. My parents were definitely on their radar. I don't like upsetting people. I don't want to make it mad. Like, I'll take one for the team here type of thing.

Yeah. So they were on you that you know, the drinking, you've got to, you got to look at giving it up. And did you try anything? Like go to meetings or? I did. You know, the later on, honestly, mostly through my 20s. I quit for six months and I was probably pretty good for about another year. And then it would be, I would say 80% of the time I drank. It was no problem. I drink. I drink. I I'd maybe get drunk, but nothing would be a major issue. I wasn't driving around. I was taking cam back to every Uber or stuff like that. But then that 20% might be wedding where I'd just black out and cause a scene or do something really stupid or put myself in dangerous situations. And so when that would happen, I'd always take a break because I had, I mean, the amount of times I'd wake up after a wedding and be in a hotel room by myself. And me and my wife at the time got a hotel room together and she's staying with a friend.

She didn't want to be around me. Like, and you wake up, you're like, oh, boy, how do I get out of this? And a lot of it was just like, hey, I'm going to quit. And that for two or three months, the first month for me was always really easy because it was so fresh in my mind. I'd be like, man, do you remember how the shame, the guilt, the embarrassment you felt at this wedding, at this bancher party, at this whatever event it may be? And then now that kind of fades away after time, especially when you're not doing anything. You can just white knuckle it through the whole process. and then he started showing your head like,

when's my next great going to be? What's the next event? What's the next party? What's that going to look like? Yeah. What did it look like, though, after that six months and after those other breaks? I mean, after three months, six months, yeah, it slides, right?

We not forget about it, but maybe the impact is softened a bit, right? So, I mean, how do you work yourself back up to get back out there? Yeah, I mean, I definitely would start putting it in my head well before I would tell anyone to you like, hey, I get this event coming up. And I remember doing that a lot too, even when I wasn't taking breaks. And I'd be like, I had a wedding.

I'm a wedding this Saturday, but I have a dispatcher party next Saturday. So I'm going to make sure I'm really good at this wedding. So I have dispatched party I can drink because I don't want to lose that privilege. I thought you did as I'd be drinking as a privilege. And that was why I think I invested so much time and energy trying to moderate the for the song as I did. But when it came to getting back into it, and I talked myself into it. And then it was just most of the time at that point,

I was just trying to talk my wife and to be like, hey, I'm going to have a couple. I'm going to have two with this wedding. I'm going to have two with this happy hour or work event or something like that and just try to use myself back into it and just try to, I guess, fly under the radar a little bit and try not to rock about too much. Yeah, just over the amount of stories I've heard here on the podcast, too. It's like you get back out there. And like you mentioned, too, 80% of the time things were, was nothing wild happened.

20% of the time there were some serious things that went on, but you can get back into it. And then maybe sometimes you can just have a couple. And now you've got this other thing that can be extremely confusing about, hey, I just went six months. I get back into it. Sometimes I do just have a couple and I stick with it. But other times I go all in and I don't know when it's going to stop. Yeah. And that was the biggest problem for me and the biggest hurdle that case.

I had someone in an A meeting telling those times you could have those couple and stop. for the devil telling you that you can handle this. I think that caused more problems in my sobriety path, variety journey than anything else was those times I could have, just have a few. But as it progressed, and 80% went down to 70% to 60% and then by the time, I ended up giving it out. That's probably 20%. It was going to work out 80% that I was going to cost some chaos along the way. Yeah. So how did it go? So after this six months, I mean, you mentioned you about 24. I mean, where do things look at you, like 25, 26? And I mean, after the bar and grill, what did you move on to? Yeah. So I moved to Des Moines, Iowa, where I live in West Des Moines

right now, started working professionally, got married. My ex-wife and I tried to start a family, had some issues there. So just going on Friday's and Saturday, it's maybe Thursday night. It was always an issue, but not usually something that I could at least keep in check or at least trying to keep under people's radar. I go to a match a party at a town. If I blackout and who's going to know about it. I go type of stuff like that. And that was probably most of the rest of my 20s. And I'm 38 now.

My twin boys are six and a half. And so right probably when I turned 30 is when we started going through the fertility process. End up going through IVF and having that. And that weighed a lot on myself or relationship at the time. And I definitely lean towards alcohol a lot then. And that's probably right about when I turned 30 is when things really started spiraling and get out of control. what was it that alcohol was doing for you? For me, it started out as I was always, even when I was like a kid in high school,

when I wasn't drinking, I've always either been in the center of attention or had no problem bringing attention onto myself. But it just made that process easier and made things a little bit more. It was easier to make friends socially, everything like that. Toward the end, it was just, I used it more as, I guess, try like an escape from reality than anything else, especially. towards the way in having kids and having a lot of responsibility thrown on your plate at once. You go from zero kids to having two newborns in your house, you're taking care of.

I would just use that. Anytime I'd have a chance to get away, this is just I just want to escape from all the responsibility I had. So I definitely use that man at the crust to get away from the issues I was faced in my life. Yeah. Now, I can relate with you on some of that stuff for sure. So at 30 years old, and you're mentioning, too, like between 24 and 3.4 and 3. 30, you're going through this whole moderation thing, right? We talked a ton on the show about this, right? You mentioned earlier too. You don't drink every day. Some of these things that we're talking

about here, I'm getting this picture painted about your journey, right? And it's like it feels like early on with a lot of our drinking stories, we want to be able to check these boxes. All right, I'm drinking every day. Well, if I'm not doing that, nothing to see here. I didn't lose my job yet. So I'm good to go. This. But we want to check all these boxes before we can consider ourselves to have this problem and do something about it. So between 24, 25, and 30, you're going through this moderation thing. What's that doing for your mental health?

How is that affecting your relationship with others, with yourself? I mean, what does that look like in a hole for you? Yeah, that was on to probably the worst part looking back. I mean, it caused a lot of stress in my marriage at the time because I always usually ran with like, I'm going to have four beers. I can have four beers, but then I'd find the four strongest beers they had, strongest soft-a-capaught content beers that have. I'd see her run to the baths and I'd chug a beer and go grab another one so she didn't know that I had my fit or my six. I was always, and that really got heavy with me because then I started and I was like, well, you really do have a problem with you. You're sneaking this from people that love you or try to support you.

And it was just the amount of time and energy and focus I put into being able to drink. And then for me, it was I was looking at my friends that would drink and be like, man, I would give anything to be all the drink like they do. They don't have a problem with it. I never see them like loaded. They have a good time. But I just, I couldn't envision myself not drinking. And then when I would get myself in trouble, I'd go on, you know, I'd have too much one time.

And I'd cut myself off for two or three months. I felt like people don't hang out. if I wasn't drinking. I was ashamed of what I put myself through or what I put under the true and just isolated a little bit and waited for that time to come up to I could get back into it. But when it comes to the moderation, that was, I mean, I would write promises on paper. I'm only going to have three of this. I would do anything I could. I mean, whatever I could have to talk my way into being able to have a beer in my hands just to fit in. I mean, that's what it felt like back then. But looking back, it was a lot deeper than that.

Yeah, because I can relate with the numbing out and like the racing thoughts. That's one of the things that was really attractive about drinking alcohols, that it felt like my brain would never turn off and that in the numbing out aspect. And then when people are like, well, just have one. And my thought is like, well, I was never after one, what one beer could do. That's the problem is one beer didn't turn off the machine. Yeah. The machine kept humming, right?

So the machine needed more. And I'm with you on that. That's the tough part because you don't want to be dishonest with people around you. None of us want to do that. And then you get yourself in this spot where it's, you have the beer monster on the other shoulder and everything else that matters on the other shoulder. And it's this constant thing in your mind, right? And I don't know about you, but I wasn't good at communicating it. So I dealt with all of this internally and just had this constant battle going on about how I was going to try to make this work.

and I realized looking back, not talking with anybody about it because I was ashamed of it. Like everybody sees the consequences of doing this behavior. And how am I going to go and talk with them about I still want to continue it? You know what I mean? Like it just didn't make sense to me, even though they were supportive. I mean, can you relate to that at all? I mean, for me, it was like I had three layers. I had what I was doing with myself and those internal battles.

And then what I was telling people, what I wanted them to hear, whether it be my family, my wife at a time, my friends. And the truth, I did a 12-week outpatient program that I literally just did because the heat was on me, was really thick on me. And I didn't want to do it impatient. And that I wanted any part of. I remember going into it and doing the intake, didn't want to be there. And the counselors saying, hey, to be honest here, I think I was 32 at the time, maybe 33.

He's like, the consequences are just going to keep getting worse. You can either battle us now and attack it on or you can put it off. But the consequences are just going to keep you in worse. And that always really resonated with me. And so being able to talk through that and then going to A meeting and stuff like that, then I could always get off my chest what I was really feeling. But, I mean, it was even hard to go to those. Not that I was ashamed to go to those, I just never made it a priority.

I always put drinking ahead of getting better or the idea of being able to drink was always stronger for me than it is being sober. Yeah. So you went, so at the way did you say, 32 years old, you went to the outpatient program. So that was the external pressure. Yeah. Yeah. It was going to apply it again.

Garrett, they've been putting pressure on you. I think I think to a couple, two, three interventions in my career coming home to family and friends in your living room. But it was never fun. Obviously, looking back, this is all out of love with support. And I love all those people. And it was really eye-opening for me, especially towards the end, not to get too far ahead. towards the end. Always done, not being able to drink, I would lose friends.

I wasn't going to want to hang out. If I'm not drinking, that's what we do. It's what we're not. Everyone knows me at. I'm fun, Gary, and all that stuff. And it got to the end where people didn't really want to be around me if I was drinking because you'd have to take care of. Am I going to have to take care of him?

Am I going to have to give my right home? Is he going to pass out at the bar? That's everything. And it was really eye-opening. One of my really good friends that I'd drink with for a decade, which the name is Adam. He just told me like, hey, I'm not going to talk to you again until you quit drinking. And that was like the first domino that really fell that made me be like, whoa, like my circle's getting smaller.

I'm having less support here. Things aren't getting better at home. What's my future look like? I live in kind of minute by minute as we tend to do in that situation. But it's still pretty hard to ignore the outside noise and kind of what you're dealing with. Wow, that must have been a tough conversation or thing there for Adam to mention. right about you guys have been that's always the thing right is because I think for man it's for me anyway there was a time in a place where it felt like me and my buddies were all on the same level

and then there was another time and place where I feel like they all grew up and I didn't I was stuck in the same spot and I was doing the same stuff I was doing in college or shortly thereafter as a young adult and I felt like they had all moved on and I know their lives weren't perfect I mean, people show us what they want, but I knew that they weren't struggling with this thing the way I was struggling with it. And that also isolated me as well. Where was it you did most of your drinking? Like, was it out at bars or was it at home? A lot of times it was out of bars, especially, you know, in college, is definitely house parties, bars.

Weekends, you know, my 20 to 20, 40 range, definitely be going out Friday and Saturday night. Happy hour, until bar closed on Friday night and Saturday. maybe do some day drink and even throw it a Sunday, Sunday here and there. I'm a little bit younger and you can bounce back a little better. And then towards the end, I've had the golf course playing men's league, and I would have a six-pack on a golf course, and then I can continue to drink at home. And that's really what kind of things became a little bit more concerning for those around me,

I think, but really honestly about wherever I could find someone that wanted to do it with me or would want to partake with me. Yeah. Yeah, like you do the golfing, and then you mention at home. And then you mention at home, right? Like, he goes home with you. My vision of my vision, Garrett, and I could be completely wrong here, is that people who don't have a problem will just say problem for this situation.

Is that after the golf course, they probably go home and that's it. And there's guys like you and I, but we leave the golf course and we're already planning, if it's 3 o'clock or 4 o'clock, we're already planning the evening about how we're going to keep this going. Yeah. We know there's going to be people who are like, hey, what's. going on here and you know pass out by nine or ten if we're lucky yeah and just wake up in the morning and just wonder how the whole day was spent drinking again when we're like man i'm not going to do that again and then here we are right yeah wake up and people are upset yeah i would i remember

a lot of times taking that moderation thing i'd always tell my wife at the time i'm going to have four beers so i'd always say they'd have two on a golf course and then i'd probably usually have six but say no the golf course. Then I grab 15-bed drive home. I'd stop at the gas station and grab a 40 or a couple tallboys for the drive home. And then when I get home, did chills before I got home and I could say, oh, I could still have two beers. I'd have two beers. I'd do in a golf course and somehow try to make that two beers turn into about eight while hiding, stashing beer cans in the backyard or in the basin or wherever I was at. I was just trying to hide it and you know, just keep that going, keep that buzz going, and just trying not to get caught.

I mean, taking the amount of energy I spent, trying to hide your kids and doing all these things back in the day. It's just wild to think about now. Yeah, man, I'm with you on that. Yeah, that is another full-time job on top of everything else. So you're about 32, man. You share this thing about this, about the outpatient program. Where do you go after that? So surely after that, my children were born.

So that was a pretty big. turning point in not only, obviously, my life, but obviously my drinking lives as well, where I would a very present father, it was always around, wasn't drinking, but then I'd have some event after, I think, was three months, and it was, that's where that, I mentioned earlier, 80% of time it was fine, 20% of time it was a prom, and that's when it came, maybe 20% of time was fine, but 80% of time was a prom. I would, whether I leave my wife with a time at home and take care of the kids, and I'm at a golf tournament, batch party, whatever it may be, and just tying one on. And that really complicated my family lives at home, got kicked out multiple times, crashed on Buddy's couch, not wanting to come home.

But I was a lot of it, too. Probably I quit drinking when there was three, probably most when they were two. They were old enough for, I don't want to be able to see me like that. So I'd go to some of a happy hour on Friday, wasn't planning on drinking. end up drinking and I would just get a hotel for the weekend and stay out and party and probably not remember 9-in-shirt on the entire weekend. Be kicked out of the house when I tried to come back home on Monday to work and end up crashing a buddy's place or wherever I could find a place to crash.

I mean, it was a roller coaster. It was just total chaos. Probably spending the next week trying to move things over as much as you can to get back in the house and go from there and it was just a constant cycle. Every three months, things start getting good. I'd go on a bender a month to try to get things back in place, have a couple months of being good again, which is always been out of control at the end.

Yeah, and that's when you have the kids too at the time with that going on. I mean, that must have been weighing on you, right? Yeah, I mean, looking back, I mentioned really, I never had my dad. I never saw him drink. So the idea of my kids being around, around it was not anything that I ever wanted them to see. And then it got really hard too. If you go on Saturday night and you're supposed to take care of kids on a Sunday, as you get older, your hangovers all get worse.

The last thing I do is have two, two-year-olds jumping on you for eight hours with some cartoons playing in the background when you take a nap. You really just started not only is the shame and guilt wearing on you, but then you get to the point where it was this even worth it. This has been really old real fast. And yeah, I know looking back, I wouldn't have gotten sober for what was up for them for my two boys. But, yeah, it was a path that got me there. It's pretty crazy to think about.

Yeah. So where do we go from here? Yeah. I went to a football game in Las Vegas, actually, in November, September, 2021, had drank for a while. I talked with myself and my wife into the time of doing it. And spent three days there, and the first two days were fine. And the third day, I don't remember much because of a scene. My family was there.

I was young on my uncle who's always been very supportive and close with my cousins' wives. I mean, it was just the stories I heard, I didn't want to hear him. I was out of control. Came back home and said, this is good. And planned on it at being in. And then October, I had a nice trip planned to go to West Virginia to do a different football game. Probably two weeks ahead of that, I started talking myself into Drake on the trip, like in my internal agency. I'm going to be able to, you know, do this and not.

and we'll tell anyone back home and I'll never get back home I won't get out of control anything like that I ended up going to West Virginia for three days and was I mean just three days of chaos I don't remember even the football game we went to and things got out of control at one point I got lost and in West Virginia called my wife and asked her to come pick me up because I was lost and she's back in Iowa I mean just not making any sense people are concerned back home came back home and she said find I should stay. I think it should end up going to my grandpa's house for a week. And my birthday was actually during that time. I'm really close to my grandpa, but you just want to be home or on your kids. You know, what to spend your birthday without your family at that time? And I just

remember having a realization on that flight back. That Sunday morning, a 6 a.m. fly back. I'm like, I just can't do it anymore. It's just, I'm going to lose everything. And I think that was the biggest thing for me is all the fear I had of losing everything. If I quit drinking, put back on me and they're like, this is what I'm going to lose if I keep drinking. I've already lost friends. I'm not as close to my family. My marriage is a really bad spot.

I put her in a terrible situation. My kids, I'm not prejudiced as much as I should be because I'm battling all this. But it just, I had a lot of a lot of a kind of emotion coming over and I fly back where I'm like, I just can't do it anymore. And ended up unconnected. My uncle, the one that I didn't curse out in loss,

I just actually reached out to one of our mutual friends who was in AA, reached out to him, set up a copy for us. And I've gone through it to A with him and he cited a sponsorly. That was October 31st of 2021 and I haven't had a drink since then. Wow, man. Well, first off, congrats on that. Thank you. Turning things around there.

I mean, it's so interesting, right, with your story there about how you flipped it over there, your fear of losing everything by not drinking, flipped over to the fear of what you're going to lose if you keep drinking. Yeah. And you list it off a ton of stuff there. that you were going to lose. And I'm just wondering where ourselves, where yourself fit into that list, right?

Because as I can relate to my, like with my story, I was getting further and further away from who I actually was. Yeah, I lost relationships and a lot of really good stuff. Didn't pan out. But I think by the time I decided to get sober, I was on the verge of losing whatever was left of me.

And if that makes any sense. You know what I mean? And I think from where you're at in this journey, I mean, it's a really slippery slope that we're all on, right? Yeah, as we just keep this going. And for a lot of this story, man, Garrett, I'm taking from in here is that, like, for a while there, it worked out that 80, 20.

And then it went to the 2080 where 80% of the time things weren't working out. I mean, did you ever get like emotional or anything? When I think about my journey, I just remember looking in the mirror and being like, man, how did you end up here? There was like some tears or whatever. I mean, did you dig deep on this, on that flight, maybe something happened? Oh, yeah. I actually remember I had someone that I knew of was trying to talk to me. In the situation, I usually jump all over to be able to talk to them.

And I just didn't want to talk to anyone because I was just lost. And I've always been a people pleaser for sure. So I think that's why I mentioned all things that were lost. But like internally, the amount of guilt and shame I was battling was just overwhelming. I remember coming back in a hotel room and, I mean, between trying to sleep all the hangover and crying and all that stuff. I mean, it was miserable. I mean, actually to the point, I think a year and a half later, I'd stay in a hotel. I remember it was in March for work, and I had a hotel by myself.

And it was the first time I'd been in a hotel, such a big kick to my house where I was by myself and just getting super anxious and feeling like I was doing something wrong because I was in a hotel by myself and all those emotions that are brought back. And by thinking about how we had to deal with all that emotion about the guilt and shame, remorse, embarrassment. I mean, it's, it was so heavy to think. think about carrying that around by myself and just trying to get through life living that way you know, through thoughts and just to talk about it now is it's wild think about. Yeah, I hear you on that. It's always so interesting, right, because we hear these stories and people go through a lot, right? Garrett, I mean, to get to get to that spot where we're ready in a sense, right, ready to do whatever it takes and whether people choose to go to rehab or they go to fellowship

or they find something that works for them. And it's always such a, such, a strange sort of thing when you wonder, was all of that journey maybe required for us to get to a place of willingness? I, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. I mean, I look back and yeah, I mean, I've caused a ton of destruction along the way to myself, to the people close to me.

I mean, the amount of pain I put my family and friends truly, but I know it wouldn't be where I was. And it wasn't for that. And looking back, I mean, you know, you know, that. amount of times I drank and drove along the way or put myself in situations where I probably crossing streets not knowing up from down and didn't come myself, didn't kill anyone else. I mean, I feel pretty blessed to be where I'm at. It's been a lot worse.

All things got better. Yeah. Well, beautiful, man. When October 31st, 2021, 2021. I mean, what changed this time around, right? I mean, what was like, what? I mean, can you put a finger on it? It's a long journey of stuff.

I think I, the same thing that you're sick and tired of me. sick and tired. And I think I finally just got to the point where I was just like, my circle was so small with people that wanted to even be around me, at that point, because they knew one of those states and all these problems and they didn't want to have to be in charge of me if I was getting out of control. So that went a lot in it. But I just got to call on my, it's not fair to my kids, my family. I was going to do this for myself and really just dove into it. And it was, I mean, the easy answer is, I mean, it was the first time I ever got sober for myself. Every other time, it was,

for someone else. It was to get heat off me. It was to try to get people off my back. This is the first time where I'm like, I'm going to do this strictly because I want to do this and I don't want to live this anymore because I always want back to that. Counselor saying the consequences are just going to keep being worse. And I was starting to see that path.

And I was getting really scared that things were going to escalate where I was going to hit someone or being a car accident. And anything that could have been life changing was going to be on the horizon. So it just got to the point where I was like, I got to do this for myself. and I never look back. It's been quite a journey, but it was definitely something that I needed to do.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, sick and tired of stuff. And that sort of thing that the counselor said, yeah, I mean, the consequences just keep piling up. And, I mean, in most situations, they just keep getting worse. Yeah. It just keeps getting worse.

And then you wonder, too, like, when is, I mean, when I look back at my story, man, I mean, I could fit a sheet of paper in between life and death, between things working out and things not working out. And I think at the end, I don't know if I consciously thought this way. I think there was some reflection about how, like, I was like talking to myself, right? Like, Brad, how many more opportunities do you think that you're going to get to escape what's going to eventually happen for your life, right? Which is it's not going to be an outcome to where you can make a comeback from.

And I think towards the end, I really started to understand that personally. And it was, I mean, it's still really tough. You know, I didn't have this, you know, all of a sudden, boom, I was cured over the right or anything wild, nothing wild like that happened for me. But I think I got to that point where that, it started to weigh on me, man. It flipped about eventually like you just mentioned there, right? Eventually, a comeback story is not going to be possible for my life. And when I first started, I went into it like I wasn't sold on sobriety.

I just wanted to stop the pain, the consequences, and I wasn't sold on sobriety. But what I figured out early in the process was that if I wanted the consequences and the pain and the shame and the guilt and all the stuff we'd go through, if I wanted that to stop, I was going to have to stay sober. I could not avoid that because any time that I did drugs or drinking, that stuff came into my life. I just welcomed it back into my life and I just couldn't avoid that aspect. And I'm with you. I mean, I tried everything, man, to make this work out. I wanted it to work out. I wanted to be like my buddies who could sit around a campfire on a Friday night and then

they could go home and their life went on and they didn't lose their jobs and their relationships and destroy everything and end up in handcuffs. I wanted that life. And I was convinced for years that I was going to be able to make it work. and I love that too how you mentioned about back problems another one of my buddies used to say that right back problem

everybody's on my back so I've got to turn the ship around when you switch it over to yourself it changes the game it sounds like it does anyway yeah I mean what you said I remember the drinking out like how twist this back I remember you to pray about being on the drink like some of my friends

that it wasn't an issue and all those things and I was putting so much into continuing able to drink. And the last time just letting alcohol go for me, I mean, it was like the biggest way not my shoulders. And obviously, we live in a different era and hour. Surprise. It's a lot more socially acceptable.

I mean, there's a lot more fellowship and opportunities out there to meet others and stuff. It's a lot. I think everything happens for reason for me to hit it when I did, especially coming out of COVID, all that stuff. I mean, it's pretty, I mean, I don't think the timing was an accident by any means. Yeah. It's almost like that, just thinking about that there too, the hardest part about all of it,

or one of the hardest parts, I think, is just that decision to decide what we want to do. Yeah, because I get messages from people all the time, right? And I get it. People are full at different parts of the journey. And people are at different ends of the spectrum. Not everybody is all the way on one end. some people are, they're earlier on, maybe where you shared your 80, 20 split before, they're earlier there.

And I get it. But it's that getting off of the fence part, which we've got to get off of the fence. And I found once I was able to get to that spot and just decide, make a decision and start taking action towards it, join a community, get help and support, not try to do it alone. Because for a lot of people, it doesn't last, right? You mentioned earlier in the episode, White Knuckling. I mean, that's a common sort of phrase about just holding on for dear life. I always picture like one of those action characters in the movie when the helicopters

like leaving the cliff and Rambo jumps onto the bottom of the helicopter and he just hanging on and it takes everything. But it's like that decision since you've got into the sobriety and the lifestyle and everything. I mean, how have things changed for you? Yeah, I mean, my life has gotten immensely better. A lot of my friendships and relationships my family are a lot deeper, more meaningful. things I haven't been perfect. I got divorced about a year ago, not related to alcohol, but I know a lot of people in my life. We're actually so really concerned that this might lead me back, but never even

have the urge to drink when that was going on. And my ex-wife and I co-parent really well and just moved along forward and spent as much time with my kids as possible. But I mean, I think just looking back, the peace I have within myself, how I feel my myself is seen. It's just, it's a lot of years better. But then I mention a lot. I'm a big relationship person when those relationships I have. My relationship with My father, my mother, I mean, I've never been stronger. And I've been since I was a little kid. I'm up super close with a lot of my family. My friends are very supportive of me and will go out of their way to tell me

to the proud of me. I just have a very large support system. And I really haven't had to lean on them too much because I really haven't. I know life's a lot better without it. But it's really nice to have that there case things get tough. Yeah. What about being a father in that? How is that dynamic changed for you?

I mean, it's only gotten immensely better just because I'm always, I'm there. I'm always from not out doing God knows what. I'm not homeover in bed taking a nap. I'm always there for my kids. And I know that can count on me. I think that's the biggest thing that I was scared about when I was too long, then I'm like, you know, a kid can't encounter me coming home after a Thursday night golf league where people are having a couple beers and going home to the family.

Like, they can't even count on their father to come home and do that. And so to be able to know that they can count on me, there was a stretch there. And I don't think my wife at the time would have left me at home with the kids and so bad. And just to be able to be accountable, being a good dad. I'm close with my brother's got four boys. I'm really close with them. Just being a good uncle, being a good son, just being a good friend. I think that's just made everything a lot easier.

It's taking out that obstacle that was always in my way. I remember talking to someone that said, find out one thing that always gets in your way in life and try to eliminate that if he can. And it was evident he was talking about alcohol. I knew it. He knew it. I was probably 26 years old. I had someone tell me that.

And I just always stuck my head, but I never wanted to do it. And once I just got that in my way, the doors opened up. Sure. That piece that a lot of people probably are wishing for. They're trying to get sober. So yeah, it's definitely been better. Yeah, man, you speak of that piece. Yeah, it's only really something you know when you know.

Yeah, but I'm with you on that because you don't have to go through that constant battle every day. Of course, when you first start out on this journey, it's tough. It can be anyway. I mean, everybody has their own experience with it, but it can be tough, right? Because I think even you mentioned there too about your identity is attached to this, right? Like your identity of who you are and all that has to change and what we like to do and where we hang out. We have to make a lot of adjustments. It's an awkward feeling at first.

you go to your first gathering or whatever. It's kind of like, what do you do with your hands? Like for me anyway, it was weird. Sometimes it still can be a little bit awkward and weird, but I always just reframe it because the way it was before, like I will take five minutes of being uncomfortable as opposed to weeks of being miserable. Yeah, absolutely.

And I've been seeing some other people in my life have dealt with other things in the chaos. And I would just say, And I did not miss that bicycle and that roller coaster the little east ride of things. Things are good. They're good. When things are bad, they're really bad. Having just that life is good and it just stays good.

Even if things are bad, you know, I went to a divorce. And my wife decided she wanted to do a different path in life and went that way. And I could only imagine if I was drinking what that would, what that would have looked like. I would have really not that so much. And instead of just being so up and down, just trying to take it pretty steady as levels possible, I mean, that was definitely a gift that I was given for sure. Yeah. I always look at it like waves, right?

When we're drinking, it's like, it's the high highs, but the low lows. And sobriety is more like, yeah, I mean, we don't get those massive dopamine rushes all the time. But the lows also don't go down in the basement all the time either. It's more of a level flow, which makes all the difference. And I'm thinking here, Garrett, an incredible story. and I really appreciate you sharing it with all of us. Somebody's listening to this episode, right? Let's pretend here for a second.

And they're in that moderation spot. They don't know if this is for them or what they need to do or they're struggling to keep sober. What would you mention to them? I mean, I think he really says take some investments in yourself and stocking yourself about how much energy you're putting into trying to hold on, hold on to alcohol in your life. And if you're, I remember struggling, I remember waking up in the middle night, thinking about

how am I going to be able to only have three beers of this event or how am I going to be able to sneak some before I go to this event and just, I think if it's something that is consuming their lives like that, I think you need to probably take a second look and be like, this really worth it to me because I can say, you know, giving it up and not having to deal with it. It's a lot less effort, a lot less mental exhaustion. I mean, that always really wore on me for sure. So I mean, I think that's the biggest thing I'm looking at us, what are you investing into to be able to hold on the substance first, just letting it go? Yeah, no, that's so powerful. I love that too and like just digging a little bit deeper about what's the reason for keeping

alcohol around? I think at this point, we're all well aware that alcohol is poisonous to humans at all as far as the human body goes. And the question is like, why are we keeping it around? I think once we're able to look at that and then look at the other things that, You've struggled with and I've struggled with about, you mentioned there are two people pleasing, like I'm with you on that. What else is going on in our life that we feel so terrified to say goodbye to alcohol about? And then maybe that's where we can do a little bit of work, whether it be with a therapist or a counselor or a support group or something about what's keeping us going back.

Because I like what you said, like what that guy told you that always landed with you and resonated with you. If you're experiencing consequences today, there's a very. very high likelihood, I think, of them getting worse over time and having more of an impact. And especially, I think the big reason for that is because the older you get, like you mentioned, kids, responsibilities. I mean, we can't just hang out in bed all day like we did in our 20s and say, oh, well, that was cool. That was a ton of fun.

But we have to get up and go to work and, you know, look after kids and do all those type of adult things the older we get. So have a look at that. Anything else, Garrett, before we sign off, that, We haven't mentioned yet you want to share. I mean, I'm definitely open. If anyone wants to have any questions, wants to reach out, they can still free to reach out to my Instagram or whatever.

I'm glad to talk to people and help on any way, TN. I tried to be there for some people who called through it as well. And I've had a lot of support my journey, so I'd love to be able to pass that on. Yeah, I love that, man. I'll drop your Instagram handle in the show notes so that people can connect with you there. They know where to find you at.

But again, man, thank you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story with us. Absolutely. Thanks for all you, for the community. I appreciate it. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode. Thank you to Garrett for jumping on here and sharing your story with all of us. It's so incredible to have listeners of the show who find it helpful or who have found it helpful.

Come on and share their story in a way to pay it forward. So thank you so much for that Garrett. I'll drop Garrett's Instagram information down in the show notes below. You can send him over a message if you were able to connect with any parts of his story. Let him know we appreciate him coming on the show to share, and I'll see you on the next one.