Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Gwen shares her story of addiction, loss and sobriety.

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Gwen truly opened the door to her life during this podcast episode. Gwen struggled with addiction for many years and experienced relapse along the way.  Gwen shares her story out loud in hopes to help others heal. Gwen lost her best friend, partner, and father of her child Duffy to an overdose and many other friends along the way. Gwen was incredible on this episode.     Follow Gwen on Instagram Follow Gwen on TikTok Follow Sobermotivation on Instagram Download the SoberBuddy App  

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible. One story at a time. Let's go. Gwen struggled for many years with addiction and getting sober did not come easy for her. Gwen shares a powerful message of hope. Today, she is a proud mother.

She lost her best friend, partner, and son's father, Duffy to an overdose, as well as many other friends along the way. She's on a mission to provide hope for others struggling with addiction. And this is her story on the Sober Motivation podcast. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult. And our friends at Soberlink want to help. If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one,

Soberlink can help. Soberlink is a high-tech portable breathalizer system that uses facial recognition technology, to verify identity, has unique sensors to ensure that no other air sources are being used, and sends results directly to your specified contacts. So there is no questioning whether or not you took the test or whether or not you altered the reporting. This is why Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is considered the gold standard. Being in recovery from alcohol does not define the future of your career. Let Soberlink help. Learn more about Soberlink and request an exclusive $50 off promo code by visiting Soberlink.com

slash recover. Also download the Sober Buddy app. Track your sober days down to the second and level up your sobriety with the daily sober buddy challenges and some more incredible, incredible things coming soon. So be sure that you download the Sobor Buddy app in your app store or head over to your sober buddy.com. Now let's get into the episode. Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast.

This is episode number one of the second season. Thank you for listening along. On today's episode, we have my friend Gwen. Glenn is an extremely resilient human being, and she's going to share her story with us about how she found sobriety. Stay tuned because this one is going to be incredible. Gwen, why don't you start us off from the beginning?

Yes, thank you so much for having me on here. my story really starts with a and this isn't everybody's story you know the thing about addiction is that some people come from perfectly stable households and they don't have trauma and they still end up struggling with addiction and alcoholism but my particular story is that I grew up in a very chaotic household with violence and a lot of screaming and there was was no consistency. So from a really young age, I remember feeling different and I remember feeling scared and unsure about what each day would bring. And that shaped who I became when things changed as far as addiction and alcoholism goes because when I was about 13,

something pretty traumatic happened that put me in a place where I was turning to substances. So the first time I drank was 13 years old. And at that point, it wasn't affecting my life in a place where I was unmanageable. In middle school and high school, I definitely struggled with binge drinking. So drinking to blackout was pretty much how I drank every single time. And I dabbled with pot, but that wasn't, drugs weren't a big part of my story until actually when I was in my 20s. The first real consequence I had from drinking was when I was 19 years old. I went to a New Year's party and the guy I was dating at the time ended up getting into a fight and I went to break it up and somebody had a knife.

And I got stabbed. And it was really bad. I almost lost my arm. And I had to go through a really intensive surgery and physical therapy. I couldn't even use my hand for over a year. And that led to having PTSD and struggles with anxiety that they put me on benzos. And that started a love that I had for pills. And, you know, really, when I look back, I can blame all this trauma if I want. But at the end of the day, I was just looking for something that made me feel at ease, something that gave me peace in my life. So I struggled with a lot of mental health issues in general. And I'm a firm believer that mental health struggles and trauma do have a big impact on addiction. and I struggled with depression, anxiety.

I was diagnosed as bipolar. So there was a lot of self-medication going on. But eventually my drinking got to a point where blacking out was becoming too much of a problem. I was totaling cars and wrecking relationships. And I ended up trying Coke for the first time. And that was my drug of choice. from that point on. So being able to, it helped me drink more. And it gave me that feeling of, you know, the serotonin and dopamine that I felt that I was lacking for so long. And, you know, I put on this

perfect facade. I worked at a jewelry store. I was still able to go to school and get a degree. And everyone around me seemed to think that I was good. But in some, I wanted to die every day. And I felt hopeless. I felt like I would never be happy. I felt like I would never find peace in my life. And my mind was just constantly going. You know, there was no, there was no peace.

And it got to a point when I was 26. That was the first time I went to recovery or got involved in recovery. I actually went to rehab because I burned my life to the ground. I had a whole life planned with my fiance at the time. We were supposed to get married a few months later, moved to California. Again, on the surface, everything looked beautiful, but I was not okay. And without going into all the details of that, I hurt him really badly and I hurt all of my family in the process. And I couldn't stop using and I couldn't stop drinking.

And so I went to treatment. And it was the first time that I felt like I could be totally myself. It was the first time I felt like I found my people, you know, the people that were like me and had been through a lot of pain and who were using essentially against your will is what it felt like. I didn't want to be using anymore. It wasn't doing anything for me, but I couldn't stop either. And so it was the first place that I found. a solution outside of drugs and alcohol.

And they took me to my first AA meetings. I am an addict in always, but I chose to work a program of AA just because I liked the people that I met there and the way that they did the steps. You know, I've gone to NA meetings, CDA meetings. I think whatever works for you is amazing. I relapsed pretty quickly because I didn't. There weren't things I was doing to maintain my sobriety that I knew I should have been doing.

Later on, when I implemented those things, I realized where I messed up. And, you know, relapse is a big part of my story. And thank God I'm still alive. But I don't think there's any shame in that. I think that it's what we do. You know, it's what we know. we use this coping mechanism for so long that it makes sense we would go back to that. Working the 12 steps, having a sponsor, staying connected.

I mean, connection is really the biggest part of what makes me feel at peace. And so when I was in rehab, I met a guy. And part of my addiction is definitely people and men and relationships or really just a lot of addiction, I would say. And we relapsed together and started using together. And it was a few years of off and on trying to be sober, relapsing back and forth, still working in the like going to meetings and being involved with people in recovery that I had gotten close to. But I just could not stay sober in that relationship. And it ended when I overdosed.

I almost died. And it was a huge wake-up call for me. And I finally was able to leave that relationship. And when was that? How long after your program? So you went when you were 26, what type of program was this? Like a residential program? Yeah, it was a residential program.

I went there for a month. And I ended up going to another rehab a few months later in Florida. I've been to three rehabs in total. Okay. And then you did your aftercare plan. You were going to your meetings and then met people. And then so how long was like after 26 when you went to the rehab? When was it that you had that overdose?

It was the end of 2017. So December of 2017 is when I overdosed. ghost. Okay. I knew that if I didn't leave that situation, I was going to die. I mean, I almost did. And I didn't want to leave my family without, I didn't want to leave them. It was during the holidays, and I just remember thinking, how could I do this to them?

I knew what worked. I knew that there were people in my life that loved me who had my best interest in mind. and all I had to do was reach my hand out. And that's what I did. And I started working in a program again, staying involved, and felt really happy and really at ease. And like I was finding self-love again because at the end of the day, we can use anything as an addiction.

Whether you're an addicts or not, we all do it. Caffeine, shopping, sex, food. There's so many different types of, addiction and really it's just not feeling okay with yourself and how I found a way to be okay with myself was through connection to people who had the same type of struggles and pain that I have. You know, there's so much power and shared pain. Vulnerability. So many people, at least for me, when I'm struggling, it was like, well, what do I do? I don't know what to do. Who can I talk to? Nobody cares. People care. People care. People. People.

People do care. We just have to reach our hand out and be willing to put ourselves out there. And it's amazing what happens when we do that. Yeah, that's the truth. What do you think makes it so difficult, though, for us to get to that point, right? Because if we know, we know early on, once we go to meetings, once we go to rehab, we know early on picking up that 3,000-pound phone and asking somebody for help could potentially save our life. and it's probably the best weapon that we have against the addiction. In the moment, though, what makes it so challenging or what made it so challenging for you

throughout these years to reach out to people? I think a part of me just didn't believe that the pain would go away. I felt that I was broken, that people, didn't care and didn't want to help and why would they and that I was a burden somehow and that came from a lot of things. It came from childhood. It came from a lack of self-love. That's one of my biggest struggles. I think so many of us do struggle with self-love and how we view ourselves. Just not being able to sit in my feelings and wanting a quick fix, wanting in that moment, instead of reaching out and getting vulnerable and saying this is how I feel,

I know that I can put something in my body that's going to take away the pain like that and that I won't have to put in any extra work and be raw and vulnerable to get to that place. I can relate to that too, just not feeling worthy of having other people's attention, of having their support. And especially in my own story, when I went through these relapses, every time I went through it, I felt less and less worthy of getting people's support because I was saying to myself, like, you keep messing up, you keep doing this. But every time I reached out to people, it was a warm response. A lot of people went through it. It just made it more comfortable

for me to do it. And I encourage everybody who who's struggling. And it doesn't even have to come to the point of a relapse. But if you're struggling in your recovery, the community, the connection, is key to connect with other people that have been through it, that are going through it, and they can support you, you know, on your journey. I like to say a thing, like if you want to be a good basketball player, you're going to talk to a basketball coach, a basketball professional. You're not going to talk to a football player, you know, for most things. So I think that's so important to get connected to do that stuff.

I love that. That's incredible. So moving forward here, so you have the overdose, you reach out for help. Now what's next? Working with a sponsor has been pivotal for me in recovery. And for anybody that struggles with a 12-step program, they don't understand it or they've had a bad experience. I totally get it. I've gone through all of those places.

And what works for you is going to be different than what works for me. But that has been huge because, like you talked about, you know, the basketball coach, having somebody else who's been through it knows what made them feel better and they seem to be in a place that I want to be. And so working with a sponsor and having like a spiritual experience because I do believe that my issue is of a spiritual nature. It's a feeling of lacking and this darkness. And the only thing that's helped me is shining light on that and doing that with somebody

who's been through that same darkness. And I also am in therapy. I'm in trauma therapy. And that's been a huge part of my recovery. But having all of the components, like friends who understand a sponsor going to meetings, having some sort of higher power in my life. And then exercise has been a huge part of that too. After the overdose, I started working in depth with a sponsor.

I ended up meeting another guy who was in recovery and was doing really well also and had been a friend of mine, so I knew him. We connected very deeply and started dating. We were both really involved in our recovery and doing what we needed to do for ourselves initially. Then I got pregnant pretty early into our relationship. And so my boyfriend, his name is Duffy, and he worked as a peer support specialist for the health department in our county. And that is very similar to what we've been talking about with recovery.

A peer support specialist is somebody that goes into the ER when somebody overdoses, shares their own story as a recovering addict and helps them get into treatment. So it really inspires them because they see this guy walk in who's well-dressed, well-spoken, seems to be happy. And he explains to them that he used to be a homeless junkie. There's power in that. You know, a lot of the ER nurses and doctors would look at him and say, how did you get that person to open up? That's the power of one addicts helping another. I was pregnant and we were maintaining our recovery, but in the middle of my pregnancy,

my ex-boyfriend, who I had been using with previously passed from an overdose. And that was almost a year exactly after my overdose. And it affected me really deeply. I was struggling with depression related to pregnancy. and hormonal stuff in general. But it took a toll on my relationship with Duffy. He did his best to support me. But we both struggled.

And then we had our son and there was so much happiness and joy. And we really did have an upswing where we both were extremely happy. And we developed hobbies together like mountain biking. And we started traveling and making plans for the future. and COVID was tough on the recovery community for sure because people weren't able to go to in-person meetings. But for us, we had more time to really work on ourselves and spend time together. And we had a great time. In the middle of that, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

and I spent a lot of time with him trying to make a living amends of sorts because he had to deal with a lot of pain from my addiction and my alcoholism. And it was now my opportunity to be there for him. And thank God for that time together. It was very sudden and unexpected. And within six or seven months, he passed away. So that was December of 2020. And that was a really hard time, obviously, for me and also for Duffy.

And he was struggling with depression. We both had started smoking pot and drinking at that time. And we thought it would be fine. And it was fine until it wasn't fine. It was manageable. but we both were numbing out feelings. We were trying to use something to take away our pain and our struggles. And eventually it led him to what he wanted to use when it came to drugs.

So he ended up doing cocaine again. The marijuana and the drinking so many times kind of opens up the door to what's next. So Duffy was a peer support special. Yeah, he was a peer support specialist. He loved his job so much. And we'd be at meeting sometimes when people would walk up to him and say, I don't know if you remember me, but you helped me get into treatment. And my life has changed. And I want you to know that you saved my life. Wow, that's powerful stuff. Yeah. He had such a healing way about him. There was nobody else like Duffy that I've ever met in my life. He was a dynamic personality. He, love to help people. He had so much life experience with pain and trauma himself. And so again, there was so much power in that. And he, yeah, he had a very strong impact on others and, yeah, saving their lives. Yeah, that's beautiful. So he got back into doing cocaine, right? Yeah. he cocaine and heroin were his drug of choice the combination we were having struggles he had a lot of

mental health stuff going on he tried to go back to therapy and didn't like his therapist and stop going he was very focused on making money and feeling defeated that he couldn't provide enough for us to what his standards were i think a lot of people struggle with that you know we live in a society that's all about it's consumerism. And so how can we make more money? How can we reach this goal that isn't always attainable and definitely isn't what's going to fill that void? And he put a lot of pressure on himself and he had a lot of demons that he needed to be

dealing with that you might be fine one day and then you have a new life experience and it triggers those things in a different way. And we weren't involved in the program. We were isolating from our friends. And so ultimately, he ended up using and tried to get sober a few different times. So it was a back and forth. Again, the definition of using against your will for him was driving to Baltimore city to get high and crying the whole way there because he doesn't want to do it. That's not what

he wanted. He had so much shame about that relapse and he couldn't come back from it. He tried to be sober and would only be able to put together a few days. So from the point that he started using hard drugs, it was a couple of months. And he ended up. ended up overdosing because of drugs that were laced with fentany. How would you want Duffy to be remembered? I mean, you shared a lot of great stuff before this. Is there anything else that you could think of? Duffy was an amazing father.

I thought he would be a good father, but I had no idea just how involved and excited and loving of a father. he would be and the ways that he taught our son, all these amazing things. They had a very special bond. They had a soul bond. And that's how I will always remember him. And he taught me things about myself that I feel I was only able to implement when he passed, which is bittersweet. And it really has led to me being able to do what I'm doing now and embrace my recovery to the fullest and share his story and devote myself to helping others because he had a helper spirit. And I in some ways feel like I've absorbed things about him because I do think the people

that we love that die, we have this opportunity to take the best parts of them and amplify them in our grief because you want to turn it into something beautiful if you can. And so I feel like his helper spirit and his zest for life, he loved being in nature. He loved being active. He gave his all to everything that he did. So that's why I call him a dynamic person because he was like something you read about in a book

or a person that you see in a movie. Wow, I love that. That's incredible. Now, I'm wondering, too, like, why do you continue to share this story? Did it start out on TikTok? I continue to share his story because I see the way that it's affecting people and changing people and helping people. But it started on TikTok really basic. I just wanted to put together some videos of us.

It was therapeutic for me to put together different videos of us with our son. and then one particular video went viral. And there were so many comments of people that had lost their loved ones to an overdose or to a fentanyl poisoning. And it got me in this place of feeling like, wow, I could really use this platform to help people. And I started a grief group for those who've lost somebody to substance-related death. It's on Zoom every week. And I did that because there weren't any resources in my area for something like that. And everybody that I was talking to was struggling so much and they didn't have a recovery

community the way that I do. And I just figured if we can all get together and share our pain, I know there's healing in that. So everything I learned in recovery has really helped me in my grief. I just continued sharing about grief and about recovery. And my story with Duffy and Ben, his best friend passed from a fentanyl overdose six months after him. And that was a part of what I was sharing also. And yeah, it's just continue to grow.

More videos continue to go viral. And at this point, I'm just extremely grateful that people feel comfortable enough to, reach out to me and tell me what they're going through, what their struggles are. And a lot of them say they don't have anybody else to talk to. And that makes me really sad. And that's part of what drives me focusing on ending the stigma of addiction because people are afraid to share that they're addicts or that they're struggling or that they're depressed. And it just leads to them going down that rabbit hole even further because they feel so alone. And if we can just be vulnerable more with each other and open about these things, I know that it will continue to save lives little by little.

And we can all do our part. And that's really what I'm doing on TikTok is I'm just vulnerable to the max. Because I know that's who Duffy was. That's how he taught me to be and to stop caring what people think. And I see the healing power of it. So I really hope to encourage other people to be vulnerable because it really is so healing. Yeah, that's the truth for sure. I think you definitely have encouraged other people to share their story. I know when I posted this story, there was hundreds of comments of people who share a similar story who were able to open up and talk about it. And I think, you know, in a sense, normalizing sobriety, like making this a thing that it doesn't have to be this thing that we just talk about in the church basements. This can be a thing and can be a thing for everybody to be involved with.

and you don't need to hit some sort of rock bottom that you can make changes whenever because things have changed a bit with the substances especially. And I mean, with alcohol as well, we're starting to get more and more research. And I saw post the other day that alcohol is going to be like cigarettes in 20 years because the research will be there more and more. I think it's incredible. I think it's amazing what you're doing. And it takes a ton of bravery and courage and everything.

even when I posted it, we had comments about people just being rude about things, people that just aren't educated in the space and don't understand what's going on. And, you know, some people seem to always draw to it to choice. It's a choice that we're making, that other people make. But there's a difference between the choice to use drugs, the choice to use alcohol. And then there's the other one where it has a fatal amount of fentanyl. I haven't come across anybody that's went to somebody to buy that where usually people are buying you know these are some of these people are 14 year olds 13 year olds who are trying Xanax for the first time and these pills are pressed with fentanyl their intention is not to die after taking it so i really love the

education and the awareness that what you're putting out there thank you that's another big part of what i care about is fentanyl awareness and i've had so many people say to me i have had no idea about fentanyl and they go and they buy narcan. I was recently at a coffee shop and this woman came up to me and she's like, hey, I follow you on TikTok and I just want to tell you that I went and bought Narcan. I have it in my car and I got some for my husband and I'm so happy that I have been able to learn about addiction and recovery from you. And that's somebody that's not involved in any of that and just is compassionate and wants to know more. And I know that addiction is going to be touching every single one of our lives because this fentany

epidemic is mushrooming. And it's only going to get worse. It's getting worse every year until I don't know what's going to be done about it. Like you said, there are people who don't have any addiction issues that are going out in the youth. That's to me some of the most devastating stories I hear are the parents who have no idea about fentanyl and they have no idea to talk to their kids about it or they think my kid would never do drugs. when really it's not about that. There are kids that experiment, peer pressure, whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. One pill can kill is a hashtag on TikTok that's really popular, and it's the truth and it's terrifying.

Talk to your kids. Tell them what fentanyl is. If you don't know what fentanyl is, educate yourself. Follow this page, follow this podcast, and you will learn about this lethal public health crisis that is killing out a generation at this point. Definitely get educated on it because it's doing exactly what you said. I'm wondering, too, how have you been able to maintain your sobriety? Because there's been a lot of loss for you in your life.

This is extremely heavy stuff and can weigh a lot on staying sober because the whole point from what I'm hearing you use substances for is to escape all of this stuff. So how are you dealing with all of it through your sobriety? If you had told me three or four years ago that I would be going through loss like this, I would tell you that there's no way I'm going to survive it. And I would have believed it to my core. And when Duffy first passed, I was smoking pot and I was drinking. And again, I thought it was manageable and I thought it was fine.

and then I ended up one night doing cocaine. I came out of a blackout doing it. And I felt devastated the next day because I thought of my son and that I couldn't leave him with one parent. You know, I couldn't leave him when he had already lost his father. And I immediately went to a meeting the next day. And I surrounded myself with people. in recovery because those were the people that showed up anyway. When Duffy was on life support in the ICU, those are the people who showed up and held my hand

and told me that I was going to get through it. And I started on this spiritual journey where I tried everything because I didn't want to go down the road that Duffy did. And I knew that I wanted to honor his legacy and make his life matter and help other people because that's always what makes me feel the most complete, is when I'm outside of myself helping other people, even in the smallest ways. Today, for instance, this morning,

I was having a really difficult morning. Being a single mom of a three and a half year old is not easy, especially when you're going through this much grief. It's the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life and not saying a lot. And on the way to daycare, I was bawling my eyes out. And I felt inside, I still have those feelings of I can't do this. These are the lies that my head tells me because there's so many years of that pattern.

But it's not true. And I called my sponsor. She's got 33 years sober. And she reminded me that feelings aren't facts. And that if I just give it time, it'll pass. And just by talking to her for five minutes, I felt completely. different. And she reminded me that God puts things in my path that help me always. And that's the truth that now that I've been connected spiritually to a higher power, I see things happening all the

time that are like these little spiritual breadcrumbs and they're always helping me along the way. And you see something happen and you're like, that's too perfect. How can that be a coincidence? You can only see so many coincidences happen in your life before you say to your self, okay, maybe there's something more going on. And I read self-help books and I exercise. I do yoga, which is a fitness that really helps with trauma. Yoga is proven to help with trauma. And really, yeah, I just do everything that I can think of because I don't want to lose what I have. and I have seen in the program before that a life of happiness and peace is possible, I feel it.

There are days where I feel such joy and I feel it side by side with my grief. That's something that I feel hopeful for, that I can continue to build on that and continue to build on peace and be good with myself and have self-love. That's incredible stuff. And I love the service part there about helping others is so important. It just kind of wakes us up a little bit. It gives us purpose too.

I feel like throughout my addiction, the years of the madness, I had absolutely no purpose, none at all. I couldn't help people even if I wanted to. I would just in my, like I was just so selfish. I never did anything that I didn't want to do. And now in recovery, it's just so important to lend a hand where you can, whether it be with recovery, whether it be with just small little things in life. Like buying people coffee, you know, holding a door for somebody. because I was so consumed for so long with just doing what getting what I needed to get and that was it. And so do those little things.

It feels good. And to help people with their journey and to, you know, listen to people. I say, you know, most of the times I just listen to people, just provide an ear for people to talk. And it's just so nice to let people know they're not alone. So I love all those. Somebody or some people are going to listen to this episode and they're going to be struggling right now with getting or staying sober. What kind of advice would you have from them that you could draw from your own personal

journey to give them? Don't be so hard on yourself. I think that we can be our number one critic and it's not truth. Our thoughts are separate from what's actually going on in reality most of the time. And they're shaped by our past experiences and they're shaped by trauma. and they're shaped by traumas. And you have to be easy on yourself in this process. None of us are perfect.

The best people that you look around and see have been in dark places. You can't judge a book by its cover. And when you surround yourself with people who have been in your shoes and you see that they're in a different place, it will keep you going. So get vulnerable. Surround yourself with people who have been there. Go to a meeting.

If you've never been to a meeting, I know it's scary, but all you have to do is look up meetings in your area, whether that's AA, whether that's NA. Get involved with other people that have struggled with this. And for me, therapy was a big part of it. And I know that's another thing people can be very fearful of and they struggle to find one that they connect with. Just keep trying because you can find somebody. that will help you work through these patterns and things that you've been doing your whole life. And get outside of yourself by helping somebody, which is so hard to do when you're consumed with your problems.

Like you said, I lived a life of self-centeredness and I still do it all the time. That's my go-to. That's my reflex. But when I call somebody else and just say, hey, how are you doing? What's going on with you? or hey, you want to go get coffee. Things that when we're feeling depressed and isolating feel, like you said, the 300-pound phone. It's hard to pick up that phone, but just do it.

Little decisions and steps that we make will ultimately change our lives in a way that we couldn't even dream of. Yeah, that's also true. Yeah, reaching out, helping out others, getting outside of ourselves. I mean, I stood in my own way for so long between me in recovery was just me. It wasn't drugs. It wasn't alcohol. It wasn't anything else.

It was literally me keeping me from getting there. I wrote down this little quote the other day that sobriety is like what's done in between the big moments. Like sobriety is what's accomplished when nobody's watching. You know, when the spotlight's not on, when people aren't around, that's when we really do. do the recovery thing. It's in the small details. You know, going to the meetings are great,

but what are you doing after? What are you doing before? Because just going to a meeting and sitting, you know, wherever it is in that plastic chair, I've been in so many of them over the years, is that that alone, it's not going to change things for you.

It's what are you, you know, those small details after. It's reaching out for help before things spiral downward. It's getting outside of yourself. It's doing so many different little things. things that are hard to do. It's hard to do it because the life in the addiction is what we become comfortable with. Gwen, this has really been incredible.

You really opened up the door for us to allow us into your life. And what you've been through is really, really tough stuff. And I'm so proud of you for sharing your story. And I have the utmost respect for everything you're doing. Thank you so much, Brad. Thank you for all that you do too. Yeah. You know, I feel like the big mission here, and I think we're on a similar, different,

but similar mission is about providing hope for people that there is a way out of the madness, that you can find a way out. And when shared relapse was part of her story, relapse is part of my story more times than I can even count. You know, I would get a few days and I would go back. But, you know, if that's part of your story, You can change the narrative now for what you do. And some of these tools that Gwen shared that you can take away from this about, you know, it's the same stuff we hear in every conversation.

What helps people. You know, the stories have been sharing on the podcast. A lot of them start out a lot like yours. And I mean, it's the same for me. There was something missing. There was something missing. And I felt like an outsider. And I felt like the world went on around me and I was living in a snow globe.

Just watching things go on. And I never felt a part of anything, even as hard as I tried, even as much trouble as I got in. Just trying to fit in, trying to have a purpose in life. It was a lot. It was really painful. The big years and the days that everything sounds so cool. But, I mean, realistically, today is what we got. And today is what we need to focus on.

So what do you see? Yeah. So what do you have for closing for us? I hope that anyone who's listening that feels hopeless can see some little piece of light at the end of the tunnel and grab it and latch onto it and know that you're not alone. And like you said, take it a day at a time because when we look in the past or we look in the future, we are lost in this existence that is not here. It's not right now.

and reach your hand out. And I'm here truly. If you follow me on Instagram or TikTok, please reach out. I'm here to talk. I talk to people every day. And there are people who care. There are people who will be there

and hold your hand through the process. And you can have peace in your life. I never thought it was possible. I was convinced I was broken. You're not broken. just keep moving forward and you will be amazed what can happen in a short period of time. You definitely will. How can people find you?

What's your handle on Instagram and TikTok? On TikTok, it's Gwen of year, G-W-E-N-N-E-V-E-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-212-3. And on Instagram, it's Gwen underscore Recovery underscore Love. Awesome. Yeah, so go and connect with Gwen there. And if you need some help and support, she's more than happy to listen and help you out. So that's incredible. Thank you so much for having me. It was such a pleasure having Gwen to kick off season two of the podcast. Gwen's been through a lot in her life. and the fact that she's out there sharing her story with the world is incredible and takes tremendous bravery.

So it was really my pleasure to have Gwen and share her story, and I know a lot of you are going to get a lot from it. It's very relatable story, and it was just an incredible share. So I hope everybody loves it. I hope you're able to gain something from it. A big thing that we talked about is service, about giving back, about helping others,

and we're coming up on the holiday season here. If you're struggling, maybe work on getting outside of yourself and ask yourself how you can help other people out, especially over the holidays. There's a lot of people who need support, who need many different things. So I know that always helps me.

It helps Gwen, and it helps so many other people. So we'll see you on episode two. Until then, peace.