Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Happy New Year Special Episode with the SoberBuddy Team

Episode Date: December 30, 2022

A special episode was recorded with the SoberBuddy team talking all things sobriety and the upcoming New Year. Always remember sobriety is possible. This was a very powerful episode and I hope you all enjoy it. ❤️

Welcome back to a special holiday episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. We are lucky to be joined by the entire Sober Buddy crew to help you bring in another sober new year. Incredible stuff. It's been a great year. It's been a great year for all of us here at Sober Buddy. I hope that it's been a great year for you as well. When I think of New Year's, I think about looking back and reflecting to what went right

and maybe what didn't go so right in the previous year so that I can make some changes going into the new year. I'm not a huge goal setter, but my main goal this year, and it has ever since I started on my sober journey, is to stay sober, because I know if I am able to do that one thing, that 99.9% of other things in my life will fall into place

in a good way, even though life will still happen. So, yeah, a big part of the new year for me is just staying sober, and I know if I'm able to do that, then other things are going to fall into place. So we've got Dave from the dopey podcast here with us today. Dave, what is your outlook on the new year? I'm so excited about the new year. Like, to be honest with you, it's like, first of all, I'm excited to be on the sober

motivation podcast. It's like, I've been pining away for this for months. Here it is. It's finally happening. I don't want this to be a big letdown. Often New Year's is a big letdown, right? Like, New Year's can be fucking depressing. I don't know.

Can I curse on the sober motivation podcast? You don't like that. It's a non-cursing show. It can be freaking depressing, right? F-R-E-A-K, whatever you spell freaking. New Year's is everything to me because it has the potential to start over, a blank slate. And recovery, all we really want is the ability to start over. Like, I know that in my addiction, I dug a horrible hole and I just wanted to get out of that hole. And getting out of a hole is not. not so easy. It's a climb. And it's a process. It's a climb. And if the new year is the time for you to try to get out of that hole, I say, great. For me, I got out of the hole like seven years ago, but it's like scraping and inching up the side of the hole to get out. And then once I'm out, you got to get away from the hole, put up signs that's a danger hole. And if you see somebody else that falls into the hole, you got to jump in the hole and show them how to get out or else they're never going to get out of the hole. And so, you know, that's a long-winded, not great answer to your question. I'm very excited for New Year's. I think every day is an opportunity to start over and New Year's is my favorite one.

Everyone puts me down for liking New Year's, but I'm psyched, Brad. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you. Do you have any big goals that you want to share with this? Oh, my God. I just have goals, right? My first goal is to eliminate dessert, right?

Dessert must be eliminated in the new year, or at least heavily curtailed. Then I need to eliminate the post-desert snack, eliminated. And then maybe the pre-bedtime extra sweet has to go. Aside from that, my goals are, you know what, this week, right? It was between Christmas and New Year's. So a lot of people take the week off to be with their families. And I didn't do that. I did a ton of work.

And I'm seeing that that was not necessarily the right thing to do. And I'm feeling unbalanced because I've put so much effort into my work and not as much into my family. So one of the goals, and I think it's my biggest goal this year, is to find balance. you know, it's to find balance between my work life, my professional life, and of course, my snacking life. I need that balance. That's my goal. Love that.

So Dave's going on a health kick for the new year. Incredible stuff. Paul, I'm wondering, too, you've worked with people for countless years, people that are struggling with addiction. Is there anything you can put a finger on that really is helpful for people, heading into the new year. Well, I want to say something with Dave mentioned, that this idea of a balanced life, you know, it's one of the main subjects we talk about when somebody has probably around five months clean, you know, is how do you balance your life out?

Because you either do too much of one thing or too little of another. And in that, I think the most important thing was self-care. You know, it's like you can't neglect that. You know, we're going to be talking about going back to the basics, and we find that if you neglect yourself, then, you know, you eventually like burn out or hit a wall. And then that's a dangerous place for people because then you look to the quick and easy, which is the drugs and alcohol to kind of take away the stress and the anxiety and the fears. And, you know, you're just like feeling overwhelmed. So I would say that this year, really starting off is how do you? have a balanced life, keeping that, you know, in a place where there's self-care involved in that.

And people who are starting off, you know, it's a little different thing. It's about getting stable, getting connected. You know, connection with people is critical. And especially if you're leaving a whole world of friendships, right, things you did, even though it was crazy, it's important to, when you let go of that, replace it with something. And that is with good people, good activities. And so I think that's really something I want to just point out. I think it's really important. Yeah. No, I can relate to that definitely on my own journey there. Yeah, you have a lot of time to fill up creating those connections. And I'm hearing that a lot on the sober buddy app too, to where we're foster. That community there is leaning on each other

to connect with each other through our meetings, through the communities, through the direct message feature. Incredible stuff. Tara, what do you got going on for the new? year. What do you, what, how do you look at things? Okay. I'm a big, I love new year, but I have that this is my constant struggle. I'm not going to lie. Is that, have you ever heard that quote? You can do anything, but you can't do everything. And that has been like the thing I've wrestled with my entire life. I'm like super hungry for life. I want to do everything. But I'm always like, I'm going to do like 10 epic things at one time. And I, and obviously I can't you burn out. And so that I set these huge. massive goals. Like I'm going to do, you know, I'm going to do this with my business. I'm going to do

this with fitness. I'm going to travel like last year. I booked this trip to Argentina, like this adventure trip. And I had to cancel it because I had no time or energy when actually came to it to go on the trip. So like a month before the trip, I'm like, what am I thinking? There's no time or energy in my life to do this and I have to cancel. So for me, the big thing that I've been learning this past year has been along those same lines with the balance is that it's okay for me to value the little things. Like it's okay for me to value the grounding things that keep me stable in life. You know, like I was talking about my morning routine or like I go to only one restaurant like

for lunch. If I'm going to go to lunch from my office, I will go to one place and I order one of two things. And that's crazy. Like everyone's always like you order the same thing, but it's grounding for me because I'm doing so many other things that take emotional energy that. that having these little grounding things and then putting a lot of value on them and kind of putting a fence around them saying like Dave was saying put up signs so you don't fall back in the hole. It's like me putting up signs saying, no, you are not allowed to change this routine because

it's grounding me. So I think having that those kind of cornerstone things that keep you connected to self and keep you connected to just peace so that when everything else is going on in your life, you can kind of handle it. And I think going back to that, you can do anything, but you can't do everything. I think a lot of times when first getting sober, like Megan was talking about when the groups,

a lot of people are saying, I have like 10 goals and one of them is to get sober. And I'm also going to become the healthiest person ever. But a lot of times, it's just the one thing. Like, focus on your sobriety. And if that's the only thing that you do, it's going to change your life.

You know, and you can do that. You can do anything. but you can't do everything at once. So I think that that's a really cool lesson I would say for the new year is focus on your sobriety. And if that means that you Netflix binge for 24 hours a day just to stay sober, you're still making progress, you know? Yeah.

No, that's incredible. I think it's maybe an Oprah quote, about you can have everything, but you can't have it all at once. Something like that. Same sort of idea I get from it. But no, that's incredible. I mean, one thing to focus on that you're going to head into the new year with, you're probably more likely to have a better outcome with that type goal.

Megan, you have just celebrated two years on the 26th of December. Huge congrats, by the way. How will you be ringing in the new year? First of all, thank you so much. It's literally flown by. I can't believe it's been two years already. I honestly don't have huge plans for the actual New Year's Eve. I'm probably going to order some sushi takeout and just stay in and relax and chill.

And there's nothing wrong with that. I think we're so, like, trained from society that, like, it's the big night to go out. And if you're not going out, then you're a loser and you're boring. But I don't feel like that's the case. You know, I think it's okay to stay in. to just lay low, especially early on in, if you're early on in sobriety. Like, just stay in and just reflect on the past year and what, what you're going to do going forward starting on January 1st.

Yeah, that's really important, too. If you're not up for it, we had our group right before this. I'm kind of, that's where I'm kind of at thinking. We had our group, but we had a lot of great suggestions about, you know, just not going for events. but if you do go for events, have plans. You know, have people support that you can text. You can do check-ins with.

People that can help you drive yourself if that's possible so you can leave when you want. And you can just stay home and hang out. I think back to that. I'm thinking like, yeah, they do sell it. It is sold as this big day to let loose and celebrate coming in the new year. And I'm thinking when I used to do that, I don't even remember it. And the next day, it was just really bad. So I'm thinking like it's so, it's such a blessing.

to wake up that first day of the new year, feel refreshed, feel good, and just really get at it. Like, just to feel like you're present for that day, well, a majority of the world is going to wake up around one or two and wonder what train hit them. You know, so it's a definitely blessing to, for me personally, to not roll with that. But yeah, I'll just be staying in. I'm with you, Megan, be staying in. I don't know about sushi, but maybe pizza, maybe Chinese food. I'm just thinking the kids, they hate this. They won't eat the sushi.

So I got to find something for them. But. Yeah, see, my eight-year-old loves sushi. I created a monster, I think, with that. So he'll, you know, join me in that. And also back to, you know, staying in, I think, and having a plan. You know, I've heard the saying, fail to plan, then plan to fail. Like, if you don't have a plan, it's, you know, then that's when bad.

stuff happens. So have a plan down to like what you're going to do. If you do go out, what you're going to say to people if they ask why you're not drinking, how you're going to get home, have an escape plan. Like just really planning is is so important. It really, it really is. It sounds so simple. And then something else else I wanted to just touch on quick with the new year. And Tara kind of mentioned this. But as we tend to take on so many things for the new year, You know, we're going to quit drinking. We're going to cut out sugar. We're going to go on this, like, new diet.

We're going to join this new gym, start a new workout. We come in, like, fat out of hell, like trying to do everything and so, like, excited. And then it's going to fizzle out right away because it's too much. We're taking on too many new things, and then we get burnt out. So really just focus on one thing. And especially if you, if it is new to be sober, just focus on that. Don't worry about anything else. Really. And sometimes, you know, and if you're waiting for the motivation for something to happen in your life or get the motivation to start something new, you'll be waiting forever because motivation doesn't just drop out of thin air and land on you. We always think that it's like motivation, action results, but it's different. It's action. You have to take action for anything to happen. And it's action first, then results. And then the motivation comes after we see.

it. So just stop waiting and just find something new, especially if you've never been to a support meeting, just go. You know, like that's action. Doing that is huge. And it really could just be a complete game changer for your entire life and especially for your sobriety. So I feel like action is just something that's really important to focus on instead of just sitting around, like thinking about what you could do, just get off your butt and do it. That's the only way you're going to change. you know, if nothing, nothing changes, then nothing changes. So I feel like that's kind of going to be my motto for the new year. Awesome. Tara. You know, I, I remember Paul saying, you know, you don't have to be motivated. You have to just be ready. Right. And there's a huge difference. Like, I remember

you talking about Paul, like people coming into the center and there would be people who are like, I'm going after this and I'm super motivated. And then there be people who, who were like brought there just kicking and screaming like, I mandated to do this. I hate it. And then at the end of the day, you never know like it could be the person who came in unmotivated, not wanting to do it.

That ends up becoming the biggest advocate, the one who does the best because after they started taking the actions, even when they didn't want to and saw the change in their life, they got motivated. Right? So the initial motivation was not the factor, Paul. Yeah, we realize that motivation is not a predictor of outcome. You know, you think that somebody who's highly motivated will do better than somebody who's not.

And the key is really, once they stop, the person who does the things that make a difference, they're the ones that then eventually internalize it. So if you have external motivation, that is, if you don't get, if you don't stop, you're going to get a divorce, you're going to lose your job. you have these consequences and that may sustain you for a period of time but until you internalize it where you realize hey my life is so much better now i mean i've got new friends i'm working now i'm making money now now that's the motivation but it comes after you take the action like making change until you put it into some form of uh you know you could see you can measure

like a behavior. You do this consistently, consistently going to meetings, getting up, doing what you've got to do to take care of yourself. And then all of a sudden, wow, all these things start happening, the good things, because you're taking the action. So motivation tends to lag behind. And you don't always look to it to get you through. It's the determination and the choice of making, you know,

the right ones to do so and so and so, you know, those things that help you know. your recovery. That's true. Yeah, also on that topic as well, we always think that it's willpower and discipline and everything like that, but really I think it's consistency, consistently showing up for yourself and a commitment to yourself every day. So start with something small. I actually was talking with Dave about this the other day, that just starting your morning with something simple, but just doing it every day and creating that new habit. So I think, you know, with the New Year, Maybe if you haven't been like doing journaling or, you know, you didn't think it would help or

meditation, whatever it is, you know, just set your alarm clock for five minutes and just commit to yourself that you're going to do that every day for, you know, whatever it is for 30 days and just in showing up for yourself and rebuilding that trust. Like, I just did that for 30 days, you know, something simple. So I think a lot of it is just is commitment. It's not, you know, white knuckling it and all that only goes so well. So it's a daily commitment to yourself every day. Wake up and look in the mirror and say,

I'm not going to drink today. You know, this, you know, and that's helped me a lot in the last few years. Yeah. And I want to say the way you do this is you schedule your day. Like the night before the day, you sit down and you go, when am I going to get up? You know, if it's 7 o'clock, when you have breakfast, I mean, all the little things that you do, if it's planned you're more likely to follow through with it than if you just kind of have it some spontaneous well i don't know when i wake up i'll figure out what i'm going to do no that's your first

key right when someone comes scheduling your day and just follow through with the schedule because that puts it into an action and it makes all the difference the scheduling your day every rehab i worked at or was a resident at scheduling every single day was something we did everywhere. That was a common theme everywhere to where every hour, every 30 minutes, every 45 minutes was. And then you carry that on. I mean, it's there for a reason, right? It's for that structure. And it's for that commitment that you can make the day before to what you're going to do.

And then you follow that through. But also to touch on what Megan said, too, I love that about the journaling idea. because journaling is not is not the hardest thing to do. And it seems like it's so small. But I find in my story, my journey, these things that might appear like they were small and they wouldn't have a big impact actually made the biggest difference. Because you know why? Because I was able to follow through with them.

Other than when I set these big, gigantic goals to achieve 30 days or 90 days of sobriety, that seemed so far out of reach when I started. But journaling every day, I could do that. And I could feel good about that. And I could feel good about the scheduling. And I could feel good about those little things. And I slowly but surely started to build some confidence that I could do more with my life than what I was doing. I heard in the meeting today, too, one guy shared.

One fellow shared too. He's got 10 goals for the new year. And this fella had 29 years sober. And one through 10 was to stay sober. And I just thought it was so incredible. And it was a great example for all of us, all of us newer people that that really helps in his journey to really provide for his family and to keep everything else together because without that,

his experience things, you know, you start to lose things. So I thought that was cool. I have a question. Did he read them all like goal number one, stay sober? goal number two, stay sober. Goal number three, because that would have been epic. He went until three, but after three, we all nodded our head. Like we know what the next seven are going to be.

Right. Yeah. And then went into the kind of the explaining part too about, you know, why that's so important. And it was a great example, I think, because we had people with one day, three days, you know, all different stuff, curious people. And I think it was just a really good example of, what sobriety can definitely deliver. Like to me, I took from it that because of being sober and doing the work,

all other areas of our lives get better. It was just incredible in a good way, I think, a good way to put it for the new year, that other stuff will fall into place. So Paul, I'm wondering, I'm wondering too, because there's a lot of people listen to this podcast who are struggling, right? whether they have a certain amount of time, sober, or they might be considering getting sober. They're thinking about it, and this might be the year or the time that they do it. What type of advice would you have for somebody in that position?

Well, you know, there's the issue of the level of care, you know, which is really important, that you get that level that will sustain you, that will get you through the initial, like, stopping it with. and that may mean going to a treatment facility. I mean, if you need a detox because you have a user and to stop in your own maybe put you at risk but also make it very difficult. So I would probably recommend that if you want, depending on the years of use, is to make an appointment and talk to somebody who's like a professional, is doing an evaluation as to what would be the best appropriate.

level of care for you. You know, if it's not as severe, I mean, we have even the Sober Buddy app, you know, we have that section when you first start up. These are the things you need to do to get stable and to get clean and sober. And we have those challenges that could do that. And some people work well with that. So I think initially, you know, kind of figure out where you're at and what level of care you need. I think that's important. What do you think, Megan? If someone's struggling, say they've got 90 days, but they're struggling to get the next one. Yeah, I would say, do something different.

Try something different. Go to meetings. That really just, it was such a, it really was a game changer for me to do that and to connect with other people. So I would say if you are struggling to continue on, like you're just, you find yourself just like crawling towards that, that next day. or to that next goal mark that you have is to add something to your toolbox, something that you haven't been doing yet. And that usually I feel like helps and we'll get you to that next step. For me, actually, I did 100 days on my own with doing meetings.

And then I started medication at 100 days. So it was just, you know, I felt like I was wavering. We needed more help at that point. So I think just like recognizing that you need to add something else to what you're doing. And I think that that should help. Awesome. Tara, what do you think on this subject of groups and support groups and meetings? What do you think is so powerful about support groups?

Well, I think there's multiple things. I think the Zoom element has really opened up another layer to meetings because if you're not ready to, you know, there's a lot of emotional risk when you go to meet a new group of people, right? It's like being the first, it's like your first day at school. You know, you're the new kid. And I think that that can feel scary, especially if you're new to that area, new to sobriety, you don't know what to expect. And I think the idea of Zoom where you can keep your mic and your camera off, you know, and you can observe and just kind of check it out if you need to is a really cool element that virtual meetings have brought us.

But I think the big thing that happens in a meeting is you realize you are not alone. The biggest pain in a human is feeling alone. And if you can go there and you can see yourself and other people and realize that that is a human thing to be, it's not just you. It's not because you just can't pull it together. It's not because you are this epic failure. it's something that's happening to other humans. Then all of a sudden,

you can allow that to exist in yourself and you can release it and you can start to deal with it. And it's not just this pain point that you can't face. And so I think that story and seeing other people is a huge connection point. And that's why everyone says, don't isolate. Get into these meetings. Like we were talking last night in our group

that Luke had waited five. years, he was so ashamed of his sobriety that he did it alone for five years. He says he was hiding his sobriety. And then he's the one regret he has once he started getting involved in the sober community is that he did not get involved earlier because he found it to be just this incredible community. And he thinks it would have been so much easier to get sober if he'd had that community. So I think that's a huge thing with meetings. Yeah, for sure. I can agree 100%. the part of not being alone on the journey and not doing it yourself and that you don't have to do it yourself.

Like there's people that can support you and help you out. And I just think people sharing stories too. And that's what this podcast is all about is people coming on here and sharing their stories. And I believe there's so much power in that. And then it really can unlock things for other people to where if they can identify and hear a part of their story and somebody else's story, then you can start to believe that something else is possible. for you. We hear it a lot with like motivation. We have a lot of the guys who started out with nothing and then they they've made it somewhere. And we all are drawn to that story

from nothing to something type stuff. And then we hear like they had single parents or they had this or this. And then we're like, man, they went through it. I can do that. I can do that stuff. And I think the same thing for sobriety journey. Yeah, exactly. Everything that Tara just said, I totally agree with. And like, I've seen the power. I mean, I felt it myself by showing up to my first ever meeting, which was so scary for me. And it was on Zoom because it was the middle of the pandemic. So there really wasn't anything in person. And I won't ever forget that first meeting I went to. And I left. I was like, wow, this whole time, I thought it was the only person struggling with this, the only woman, the only mom. And there was over 200 women on this call.

call and it just gave me such hope. And now, you know, I've been hosting meetings for about a year and a half. And in doing the sober, hosting the sober buddy meetings, I see someone come in at their first meeting and they're so broken and it's exactly how I felt. And then slowly they keep coming and you see them coming back to life. It's just so amazing to witness. So the power of connection and just realizing that you're not alone, it's huge. it's amazing to see. I also think that there's a practicality that happens in the meetings. Like sometimes there's just like we have all these.

It's so powerful to connect everything. But sometimes someone will say something like, hey, if you're if you're really struggling, go take a hot shower, you know, or like go for a walk. Or there's just like little practical things. Like even we're talking about the rubber band,

the snapping rubber band that you're talking about Paul, or just like these little tips and tricks of how people got through. a certain difficult time or how people get through the holidays or how they were hanging out at the at the 12 step meeting you know all christmas and all and so just hearing those actual practical things which happened in the meetings is also super helpful yes paul what what is your thought what's so powerful about attending support meetings you know it's funny because i was the one usually running the groups and i was on the other side of taking the journey with people, you know, in the recovery and the struggles and being part of that.

And as I was listening to you guys, I was thinking one of the things for me personally about working with people and seeing the change is that I had ran a clinic for 17 years before I went on and did international training. And every once in a while, somebody would show up that I had treated 10 years ago or 15 years ago. And to hear their story was just amazing. When they started off, I mean, they were just a wreckage. I mean, just in so many ways. And all of a sudden, how they got their life back together, how they continued in their recovery, you know, helping other people, you know, new relationships, jobs, career, children. I mean, it goes on. And you just go, wow. You know, this really is amazing to see the change in people's lives.

It's radical changes for the good, you know. And that's because of connection, because people stepped out, connected to one another, got the support they needed, and continued on. So I kind of have that perspective of, you know, this band of like from one day to, you know, 15, 17 years. In fact, even today, I still sometimes see people that are on Facebook that were former clients and were probably 25 years since I worked with them. And they're doing great. They're working with other people and they're in recovery.

So, yeah, things can change for the good. That is the truth. Well, everyone, I hope you enjoy this episode and it helps you start out your new year on the right foot, sober, full of life, and just really enjoying this journey that you're on. I also want to say a huge thank you. Thank you to everybody who has supported the podcast. It's fairly new,

and we just hit our 50,000th download today. So I want to say thank you, and I also want to say thank you for everybody who has supported Sober Buddy. Most of you know I've been working with Sober Buddy for several years. as we are building a community virtually that people can get and give support and hope 24-7. And we're closer now than we've ever been to that goal.

So if you haven't given it a chance yet, check out the Sober Buddy app. We have the daily meetings in there where we get together. We support each other. They have been nothing short of incredible. So if you need help on your sober journey or you're in a place where you want, Want to help support others. Check out the app. And from the Sober Buddy team, happy New Year.

I want to leave you with this. We had a Sober Buddy hosted Zoom meeting last night with over 80 participants. Everybody in the group at the end was asked to start a sentence with, This is the last year. And then they put next something they want to leave behind in 2022. And they're not taking with them in 2023. This was all kicked off from Luke Marathon to sobriety. And this is what everybody shared.

So inspirational. Happy New Year. And I hope you enjoy it. And I'll see you next year. This is the last year I second guess myself. This is the last year that I sell myself short. Last year, I will stop not forgiving myself. Last year that I doubt myself.

This is the last year. I worry about things that aren't in my control anymore. This is the last year I will tolerate people pushing my boundaries. This is the last year I will tolerate less than I deserve. The last year, I will stop dwelling over the past. Last year, I will doubt myself. Last year, that I will learn to stay with myself and not run away. The last year, I love my past mistakes to dictate my worth.

This is the last year. that I stop blaming the past and accept the brighter future. This is the last time that I allow toxic people and situations in my life. The last year that I worry about what others think of me. This is the last year I try and change other people. This is the last year that I talk negatively to myself. This is the last year that I doubt the incredible power of community. This is the last year that I'm going to worry

that I'm going to worry about the future. This is the last year that I tolerate my friends making horrible jokes about my sobriety. What are you leaving behind in 2022? Send me a message on Instagram. At sober motivation, I would love to hear from you.