Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - He Thought Addiction Had Won | Gio’s Sobriety Story

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

“I genuinely thought I was a hopeless alcoholic addict with no chance of return.”That’s where Gio found himself.After years of success as a hockey player—including a Division I scholarship and a professional career—addiction slowly took over. What started as drinking and partying became something much darker, leading Gio to a gas station parking lot where he finally called his dad and admitted:“I can’t stop using.”In this episode, Gio shares his journey through hockey culture, addiction, opiates, losing his identity after hockey, multiple treatment stays, relapse, and how he found hope after believing he was too far gone.If you’ve ever wondered whether recovery is possible, or felt like you’ve gone too far to change, this episode is for you.Gio on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gflamminio/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Great to have you back for another episode, Brad here. If you've been living under a rock and haven't heard about the launch of the brand new sober motivation app on the Apple App Store, now you know. Head over to sober motivation.com, download the app today, track your sober days, join the community, connect to daily meetings, journal your thoughts with over 100 prompts to keep you engaged. Join us over at Sober Motivation. This isn't just another Facebook group where you're going to share your wins and what you're

struggling with. The vision behind this is to build real connection because with all the years that I've been doing this, I know that that's what truly makes the difference. Head over to Subremortivation.com, download the app, and I'll see you on the inside. I reached out to my old man. I called him from a gas station parking lot, you know, broke down. I said, I can't stop. I can't stop using, and I tried on my own right multiple times because I knew I had a problem at this point, but no solution, right? I genuinely thought. But I was a hopeless variety alcoholic addict with no chance of return, right? And that's dark, man, right?

That's a dark place to be. But I was there. I was there before. He was a straight-a-student, a hockey star, and a professional athlete. But addiction doesn't care how talented you are, how hard you work, or how much potential you have. When Geo finally reached out for help, he believed he was beyond saving. And this is Geo's story on the Sober Motivation podcast.

Thank you for tuning in for another episode. If you enjoy these stories, be sure to subscribe, follow the podcast wherever you listen, and leave your thoughts in the comments below. Now let's get the Gio's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Gio with us. Geo, how are you? I'm doing good, Brad.

Thanks for having me on, man. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? Man, I had a pretty good childhood, honestly. I grew up in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. So, you know, call it 90 minutes north of Saskatoon. smaller community, but honestly, great place to grow up. Two loving parents, hockey, big part of my early upbringing, right, was skating in the backyard ring from the time I could walk.

My life, man, for the first 30 years of my life. But yeah, like I said, loving parents kind of was an only child, older half-brother, 10 years older than me. So he was already gone to university by the time I was eight years old. So kind of an only child. And I think that had some advantages. and maybe some stuff that impacted me down the road. But super supportive parents, man. And like I said, hockey was life, became a year-round thing as I got into my early teenage years and eventually moved away from home for junior hockey at 17.

How was school and everything for you? School was good, like straight A student, really, through high school. Yeah, I think for me it came pretty naturally. I just, yeah, excelled in school, was pretty popular. away from school, like I said, it was primarily hockey, right? Like, that was my focus. It was my outlet. Just loved competing from like a really early age.

And I think that that carried into my teenage and adult life as well. Yeah. Do you start drinking at all in high school or no? I did, man. It, you know, standard stuff, right? Drinking, smoking weed. I'd say around 14, 15, it was never, there wasn't really any consequences. I remember the first time I got drunk.

That was a little scary, like blacked out, was thrown up and stuff. It would have been 15, you know, hockey party. But it's not like that, you know, you're pretty young there. It wasn't like I looked at that and it was like, holy shit, this could cause some problems down the road, right? I was more than likely back at it the next weekend. But yeah, it was just never, it was just fun, man, right? It was fun in those days. and definitely part of that hockey culture as well

and the high school lifestyle too, right? So didn't progress into the harder stuff until multiple years later. But yeah, the drinking and pot was prevalent throughout those high school years, right? Yeah. What do you credit that to? Why did that make sense for you

to keep drinking even after that sort of experience to black it out? I mean, that might, I'm only guessing here, but that might scare some people away of you know, doing all this and you said you're kind of lacing up your skates for the next party. Any insight there? You know, you hear that term, even from when they would teach it in school, right, that term pure pressure, like, I think definitely applicable.

Like, I just, other people were doing it, right? And I wanted to fit in. I think there was always a validation piece for me, wanting that acceptance. And we'll get into that later of just kind of, even now sometimes still not feeling good enough and i think that was looking back i think that was a big part of it man in those early years is just just wanted to fit in just wanted to be cool and accepted and and that's what worked you know what i mean when i was engaged in that stuff and and social and around others actively indulging in it uh it was it was a pretty good time you know aside from that

that blackout incident there was it was primarily good times, right? Yeah. And I think that's like such an important highlight there too about how things kick off. I mean, we're not experiencing, for most of us anyway, we're not experiencing a bunch of consequences. People around us are doing it. We're in that stage of our life where we want to fit in, you know, be accepted too. It does make me wonder, though, of I hear kind of this a lot on the show as sort of overachievers. Making everything on the outside look so good, right? And it does make me wonder, and it may be relatable to you, maybe not, but a lot of people doing really well in school

and pursuing whether it be sports or other things in life and doing really well. And maybe that creates some sort of pressure. Maybe this is sort of the drinking, the party in a way of relief, or maybe shielding maybe how we're actually feeling if there's anything underneath there of like trying to fit in and be accepted, like any thoughts there? Yeah, I mean, it's tricky, right?

because it's all sort of in hindsight or like just looking back on it because I was just so ignorant to the stuff you just kind of shared as far as like was I trying to escape stuff. I don't know. I think the one piece though for sure was there was an ego inflation involved with having that success, whether it was academically or from a popularity standpoint on the ice, right like i 15 16 was when i really started to kind of become one of the better players provincial wide and uh and that i think that fueled it a little bit again looking back i wasn't thinking this in real time but just the because it ramped up a bit right like the the amount the frequency and amounts i was taking on even just with the alcohol and the weed was was was already progressing relatively

quickly. So I think part of it was, you know, I can do this. You know, I can, I can engage in these substances and still excel in these other areas, man. And so it kind of went hand in hand, if that makes sense. As far as escapism goes, like the big piece and like, this isn't to like call out my father because he's, he's one of my heroes today and just he's, he's always been arguably my biggest support. But early on there was just more so for on-ice stuff, but just that criticism

and that standard he set for me to perform, that impacted me. And there was some hard conversations around that, right? Those car rides home after a tough game or whatever the case. Thankfully, I was able to voice it kind of early on that that wasn't fun

to me when that type of stuff was going on. He actually respected that. I was maybe only 12 years old, man, but he respected that. And the rest of my career, after every game, it was a handshake and good game son, you know. But despite that, I think those initial hard conversations, man, impacted me to a point where I maybe started to feel not good enough. And again, looking back, not able to identify this as a teenager, but I think I was maybe shoving some of those feelings, dude, with substances. Yeah. That's another really good point you make.

When we're going through it all, I think most of us really have no idea of what is actually going on. But looking back, maybe we get, you know, with wisdom in a few more years behind us, we can kind of see things and maybe explored a little bit deeper. That comes up so much, though, I feel in conversations. And I mean, I feel like even something I still struggle with today of like it's never enough. Like it's never good enough. Even though things are good.

It's like that just wanting to strive for more almost to like exhaustion at times with different areas of life, which I mean, I think the drinking for me when I look back at sort of those teenage years, it just stopped the voices. It just kind of stopped the maybe intercritic a bit of like not good enough or not where they are or not where I would like to be. really slowed things down. You mentioned there too, you moved away for hockey. What's this like, too? You're one of the, what did you say, top players in the province? That's got to be a huge accomplishment too. How does all of that feel? Are you taking that in? And what's this moving away from home like? Yeah, I mean, I've shared before. Like, I didn't have siblings or anyone sort of paving the way for me. I was, and again, my parents did the best they could, but, it's not like today where there's player development coaches and mental health advocates and

you were you were kind of on your own man and again i was still a kid but uh i was just i was just sort of winging it man in a lot of ways and and leaning on uh that compete level i touched on earlier right because i knew i knew i could compete and that that was fulfilling to me um little bit of skill not like blessed with an incredible amount of skill a lot of it was was worth work ethic and I think just maybe on ice intelligence was a lot of what carried me. But yeah, I just remember, like, I moved three and a half hours away from home at 17, small town Saskatchewan, Sshagel, Kindersley, Saskatchewan. And there was some fear there, I think, initially.

But once I got settled in, grade billet family took me in, was one of their own. And I was still in high school. still in grade 12 that rookie season. And I think it just, there's that saying of, wherever I go there I am, right? So it was just the same version of me in a different community ultimately. And I do remember the parting,

ramping up some pretty quickly, because again, you're playing with older men, right? Like 20-year-olds, a lot of, we had an older team that year, so a lot of older men. And it was just, again, that hockey culture piece, right? It was part of it. And just from a lot of teams I played on, and even a personal motto, I guess, was that party hard, play hard.

So, you know, partied and just always knew, though, had to show up the next day and sweat it out of practice or perform in a game, whatever it was. That guilty conscience could, I mean, I sometimes played better, man, in all honesty. And that fueled that ego part I touched on earlier, right? It's like, well, look at this. I can indulge in this and have this success on the ice and in school or with girls, whatever it was, right? And I think that fueled it. But yeah, the moving away from home initially was not like maybe some initial fear,

but literally within days of getting there, I was just kind of picking back up, right? Yeah. Yeah. So you move in and somebody had like another family like you live with them. They have kids too then? Yeah, they did. They had a daughter my age. Yeah, I want to say we were the same grade. And yeah, just crazy. Like it was just second family. Still keep in touch with these people from time to time. Like I lived there for two years. Spent a summer there with them in the off season. And yeah, those were those were some fond years. my life, man, because we talked about those consequences earlier. Like, there still really was none. And I remember like breaking curfew a couple times and getting in shit for that. But it was not to the type of consequences I would have years later, right?

But yeah, those were just some really fond memories, man, because we had some good teams. We actually won the provincial title, the league title that rookie season. And I was playing at a high level. And I just remember, I remember in real time with that thinking, like, this is pretty cool, man. Like, I'm getting to play a sport I love and be around great teammates and compete. And the freedom aspect, right, too, I wasn't, I was away from home for the first time. You know, I wasn't sure. I was living with another family, but not my parents.

So there was just, like, yeah, maybe a sense of accomplishment and, and, uh, added freedom even as a young teenager, right? DJ and I talk about that on our show a lot, like the identity and the pressures and just what does that look? How are you dealing with that as a 15-year-old, you know? And I think the reality is a lot of people, including myself at that age, maybe didn't know how, right? Yeah.

I mean, is there anybody around you that's not drinking or partying? Like, is there a teammate that's like, no, I don't party? man that's i don't know if i've had anyone ask me that like honestly not that i recall and that carries through like that carries through my pro career and like yeah i mean there was maybe guys who didn't you know what i mean would just come out for a couple sort of with the team you know post game or whatever but there was never anyone i remember like actively being like sober per se i think I know that that's that's not the case today, that there's a lot of high level athletes choose not to drink or use, right?

And that's commendable for sure. But yeah, 20 years ago, brother, not in my experience. Yeah. I mean, I think that that kind of highlights, you're not thinking really that things, that you need to do anything different. I think if that's all you see, then that's all you see, right? It's not this talk of sobriety.

I mean, Ovechkin did come out. I think it was in 24, where he said he can't imagine a hockey player that doesn't drink, that quit, and that they have beers, and he has beers in the locker room. And, I mean, that's fine. There's some people that are going to be able to drink and not derail their entire life. And that's part of it too. But, you know, for anybody else who might be struggling, I'm thinking, like, man, my goodness, like, what a difficult time you would have internally if, like, hey, do I discuss whatever?

I'm going through the challenges I'm having if you're, that sort of says it from the top down kind of idea. How do things shape up for you moving forward? I mean, you're really getting after with hockey. I mean, you shared there too, not a ton of consequences or anything. I mean, it seems like you're just kind of falling in with what everybody else is kind of doing. Yeah, for sure, man. And I think where it changed for me is, you know,

I got a full-ride scholarship to a Division I school in Michigan, Fair Estate went down there. And again, I talked to earlier how I was just sort of winging it. The guidance wasn't there. I definitely, things shifted when I went down there because I got by on that work ethic and just natural intelligence academically and all these things. But Division I won student athletes, man, that's a whole new animal. And I went down there ill-equipped as a 19-year-old kid. Still a kid, right? And it just, it sort of fell apart, or started to fall apart, I should say, where the consequences became a little more dire. I didn't get along well with the coach. I started experimenting with harder stuff.

My grade suffered. I was still pretty good on the ice, but it was just, yeah, I just, like I went down there, like 170 pounds soaking wet, man. And I was, there's like 24, 25 year olds on that team, right? like seniors. And so it was, there was a big curve, man. Like I went down out of shape. I had to get in shape. And, and then I remember there being pressures there too, because it was, again, really high-level hockey. And I remember the on-ice pressures, sort of just putting the school side to the back burner and not really caring, despite the grade suffering. And yeah, truth be told, man, I only lasted there a season. Like hockey season ended, finish the school year.

And I'd made a decision I was not coming back. I didn't envision myself there for another three years, right? Like, and that was, that was a really hard decision. I took a lot of criticism for that. Do I regret it? Maybe, you know, had I developed there another four years? Who knows, man, right? Like, I was, I was arguably in the prime of my career.

But, you know, I think the bigger regret is not, is not preparing properly to go down there, and not recognizing the opportunity I had because that's when, you know, that's when the slow progression, if you will, sort of started was after that, that season. And I came back home and I was lost and I was using, again, harder drugs. And I think that escapism was more present. Again, even though I didn't know it maybe in real time, I'm pretty sure that's what I was doing was like, I don't know, I don't know who I am.

And I also felt that I had, you know, failed some people, right? Parents specifically for all the sacrifices they had made. And, you know, this 19-year commitment to get this scholarship. But again, I didn't even necessarily want that. It was just what people were telling me to do and just sort of winging it, as I've mentioned earlier, right? That was the next step. And did I really want that? I don't know.

I can't say for sure. But the aftermath of it was I definitely, I definitely struggled with who I was, right? And that's kind of when that slow progression started, man. And yeah, shit, that was a long time ago. Yeah. Well, it's interesting, too. Like you mentioned there, right, about not necessarily wanting to go to the school and everything, but I'm guessing here you wanted to continue your hockey career.

And you're kind of getting this opportunity, like, To me, it's like, man, this is an opportunity. Maybe not exactly where you want to be, but it feels like the next step. I'm really interested in why it made sense to you at the time. Like I know looking back and it's not like it was yesterday, but why sort of with all the opportunity drugs and, you know, drinking and partying, probably an element of it made so much sense or it's just like that's what you knew and that's what made you feel comfortable or what are your thoughts there?

Yeah, I think so. There was still, it was an acceptance piece. Like, you know, some of my friends were experimenting with harder stuff. I was still sort of new to that, to that level of partying, if you will. But I was all in. I don't even really remember debating like doing harder substances. And yeah, I think just with that, that whole acceptance piece and the not good enough piece, again, in hindsight, because I don't remember saying that in really. real time, but it was just like, this is serving me. It was still fun, I guess, to a certain level besides, like, the come downs and stuff that are starting to happen now, right? The vicious hangovers. But I was able to kind of turn the corner on those pretty quick, too, and just get into the next run. And hockey career was still, still had a lot of years left, but I just remember after coming

home from the States there that summer, I was really, really lost. and just a lot of partying, man, to numb that. And to answer your question, why I gravitated towards that versus another endeavor or maybe building myself up again for the next hockey commitment or even just my headspace, like that just the thinking wasn't there, right? Like, I didn't, it wasn't until much later in life that I recognized I needed to be, have a strong mental fortitude to, like, succeed, right? it was, again, just kind of winging it through those first 20 years of life, man.

Yeah. Well, I think when we're young, too, I always used to say I couldn't see past Friday night. So thinking about the rest of my life was, I couldn't see it. You know, I just couldn't envision it. But it does make, I mean, all of this is making a lot of sense to where, you know, you've went away to school, right? I mean, people that, you know, your parents and people that are close to you, like, this is a great progression, right?

We're proud of you for going there. and then you come back home and it's like, man, maybe I let some people down. Maybe I let myself down and, you know, kind of lean into what you know and what you've seen. You talk with anybody about anything that's going on with you up into this point? Anybody know, like that you're struggling with substances, drinking a lot? You know, I look back, like my parents, my mom specifically, like my dad was working a ton. He's just, you know, a hard worker and wasn't around as much as my mom. and I remember like, you know, got into the crystal meth a little bit there that one summer and

lost a bunch of weight. And again, thankfully, this was just like a short-lived experience, like two, three months. It was noticeable. I remember like in public people saying I look skinny and stuff, but I was so oblivious to that and like never took into consideration what they were actually saying. But I remember my mom just sort of, she had like printed off some like addiction sheets. I just remember this after you asked the question actually, like, you know, family members struggling with addiction and like put them under my bedroom door. And I just remember like dismissing that, like didn't even fucking read them, you know. And, you know, again, I was 20 years old. And, you know, I didn't, again, to answer your question, like, no, I wasn't talking to anyone about this stuff, man.

I, you know, counseling wasn't part of the equation. There was, there was no mentorship stuff going on, closed off about the realities of. what I was doing with, you know, alcohol and substances, I, I definitely closed that off from, like, the people I loved most, like, you know, primarily my parents, right? And, yeah, man, looking back, like, it was, you know, there's some, not dark times necessarily, because I wasn't, like, you know, sitting there festering and, like, how shitty my life was, but it was just kind of like, like you said, couldn't look past Friday. Like, when's the next, when's the next, when's the next score and what is what does tomorrow night look like right and that was that was kind of what it

looked like man yeah wait so do you get back to playing hockey after this i do man so i still had a year a junior eligibility left so i i went back to to kindersley for that third season and it was just a shit show right like partied the whole year you know closing down bars smoking weed before games just and crazy and got and got top defensemen in the league and like did but but truth be told like that wasn't a big accomplishment to me like in my mind even then it was like a regression to go back to junior a hockey after playing division one nc a right so you know but that's but that ties into what we talked about earlier was this i could there was some validation about being able to still perform and like light up that league

well sometimes literally under the fucking influence you know and you know i i i regret that in a lot of ways because I don't even really recall a lot about that season. It was just, it was just a blur in a lot of ways. And then, yeah, I was going to go to school in Calgary and play at State University out there, had kind of verbally committed. And my brother was out there. An agent at the time, he had had an agent for a couple years. And again, even with that, like, great guy, but there was no, like, off the ice guidance necessarily. It was just like he was going to try to help me find a place to play. And he called me and he's like, you know what, man? Like, something. of these pro teams are considering signing you and, you know, I know you want to go to school,

but maybe, you know, maybe give this a shot, man. It might just be a once in a lifetime thing. And so I ended up signing an East Coast hockey league contract down in California, flew down there. You know, it was pretty much a number because now you're dealing with guys, NHL draft picks or guys up and down from the American hockey league, right? And just a lot of bodies and a lot of uncertainty. So they ended up waving me. And at Oklahoma City, I didn't even know they had a hockey team or that people played hockey in Oklahoma, right?

But they needed some defensemen and they contacted my agent, signed me, went out there, drove there actually from California. So half the way across the country. And man, what a cool experience. Those were two of my fondest years professionally. I ended up playing nine seasons in the minor leagues. but those first two seasons in Oklahoma City were absolutely crazy. I mean, they thought we were in the NHL. It was pre-Okloma Thunder, so we were literally the only show in town,

played in the same building, the Thunder play in. And we would get, we would get like 8 to 10,000 fans a game, man. It was actually insane. And you're going back 20 years still. Fighting was just still a big part of the game, especially at that level. I wasn't a fighter by no means, but I loved watching. I love watching it. I love watching my teammates get after it, but that was one big thing I remember, just going there. And it was just like, it was good hockey, but it was tough hockey. And it was just like, it was war some nights, right? But, but even that slow progression I talked about earlier, like, it was already starting. And when I got there, now you're into like the clubbing and just more of that professional hockey culture with the partying, at least then.

was very much on display. And so I gravitated towards that. And again, just kind of realizing as I share it with you, it was back into that acceptance piece and wanting to fit in. And then that motto of party hard, play hard was definitely on display, right? And again, harder substances now, where it would go all night sometimes,

game the next day and go out and perform, you know, and could pull it off. And it was that I think that just fueled the ego that I could keep doing it. And yeah, those were a wild two seasons. Some fond memories, great, great guys, great teams. Love competing, as I've mentioned before. So everything was kind of tied into it.

I kind of got my passion for the game back after being lost to kind of the two previous seasons. But, yeah, and with that came freedom, you know, living on your own, you're not with a billet family anymore, right? Like, they put you up in condos, and it was just kind of a free-for-all in that regard. And I didn't know. I was still, sure, I was 21, 22 years old, but the reality is I was still a kid, I think, from a maturity standpoint. So, yeah, kind of wild, kind of wild reflecting back on those times,

man. The ECHL in Oklahoma, man, eight to 10,000 people. That's a good crowd, man. Is this what you do for a living then at this point in your life? Or like, do you work on top of this? Yeah, I mean, it was truth be told, and it's still this way today, like at that level, not great money. I mean, there's minimal expenses, sure, because they, like, put you up and bonuses and stuff. But, like, yeah, you're not riding off into the sunset with a nine-year semi-professional career, especially when you partied the way I did. You know what I mean? So I would come home typically in the summers and just couldn't hold down work. You know, I'd work for my old man. He has a construction company in Prince Albert, and there was no

consistency there, really just get enough money to kind of survive or fuel the partying, right? But yeah, to answer your question, it was a career or I maybe justified it as that. I don't know. But and even from like just the ignorance of like not recognizing I was literally playing professional hockey and like not training like an athlete should, not trying to get myself better for upcoming seasons, right? It was just kind of like, where am I going? what am I going to be making and when am I leaving essentially, right?

And sure, I'd skate a few times towards the end of the summer, but there was no consistency, maybe in the gym a little bit. But I mean, dude, that level now, like, guys are, it's a different animal. And towards the end of my career at that level, you started to see it. It started to change where young guys were coming into the league and they were just animals. I mean, they were, I was getting laid out sometimes in games. because again, I was towards the tail end of my career and not putting in that time, right? I wasn't as strong as these 21, 22-year-olds coming into the league still trying to make the showman, right?

And I remember that realization, now you're only going back 10 or 12 years, but that was a big shock. And that's just, that's what it looked like. I think my identity was so wrapped up in hockey still, but that slow progression was starting to, when I got into my mid-20s, it started to wrap up to where those consequences we talked about earlier, they started to stack up. Yeah. What were some of the things you were experiencing? Like, did anybody coaching or anybody mention anything to you?

Or like, how did that play out? What started, those Oklahoma years were awesome, but probably the highlight of my pro career was the three seasons I played in Rapid City, South Dakota, and we won a championship in 2010. and incredible, man. Incredible memories, still keep in touch with a lot of those guys. You know, it was amazing, man, to win a championship at the pro level. I mean, it was, it was all the hardest things I've done and to do it with those group of guys. You know, I'll never forget that. But that being said, I was, I'd had some injuries. I'd had a shoulder surgery. And that's when I first got introduced to the pain medication family. And that's kind of when

I remember that feeling, right? From that first, that first dosage, I was like, holy shit, man, like this doesn't just take away the physical pain. Like, I feel fucking incredible. And truth be told, man, like, in simplistic form, like, I chased that feeling, dude, for the better part of a decade, right? After that, it was still very accessible, especially in the US then, especially with team doctors. And like, you could, you could manipulate that you needed relief to be able to perform, especially during playoff runs and stuff. And so that stuff was accessible. But I was getting, I was already doing some questionable things, right?

Like kind of working multiple doctors, getting multiple prescriptions, obviously running out before refill dates. So that's starting to happen. Having to go to the street to obtain additional, right? Because it's just so the tolerance builds and the withdrawals also come with it. As I'm sure you know, right? So just, just poison, man, looking back. Yeah, that's when it, you know, I, you know,

I had some staff from that team, assistant coach, and even the trainer. I remember kind of pulling me aside and be like, man, you good? Like, what's going on here with this consumption? Again, I was still like able to show up on the ice, right? We're mid-20s now and I'm still maybe past the prime of my career, but still just like that compete level. And man, I just, when I was on the ice, I just, I was always giving it my haul, especially those years.

And so yeah, it was kind of brushed under the rug, so to speak. And when then off seasons, I started chasing that particular substance more. And again, just kind of this slow burn, man. After those three seasons in Rapid City, I got traded back to Oklahoma, but the other team in the state, Tulsa, that's where I finished my career. And we can get a little bit into that where I started chasing other things that I thought were going to give me that validation and fulfillment. But yeah, by this point, I was primarily using opiates, but alcohol was also always present.

Yeah, which is so, it's interesting, man, when we look back at sort of, in this story is not just unique to the two of us here, right? There's a lot of people that share this same sort of way things go. But when you look back to when you first started drinking, it's checking those boxes, party and smoking. It's checking those boxes of feeling accepted, feeling like you belong, that you're, good enough or that you maybe can forget about all of the other stuff. That part always interests me so much because I think there's a lot of people, probably people you hung out with, I know people I hung out with, they did the same shit I was doing. They drank, they smoked, whatever, but they had this ability to move on with their life and leave it behind and still

drink or whatever, take it, leave it. And I always wonder, you know, why. If you have five people in a room, one person's going to struggle with this. And I think that that really answers the question for, you know, what, what is it the drinking doing for us in the beginning to kind of check that box? And then as time goes on, things seem to grow bigger and bigger, right? It's like a progression thing that just always goes up. You know, maybe for a year here or there gets a little bit better, but it just always seems to ramp up. What's it like for your last team here in in Tulsa. What was your plan this whole time too, though? What's a guy in the ECHL? I mean, is it to the next level, the HL? Or is it just like, hey, this is, I'm good here,

or do you want to hoist the Stanley Cup someday? Or what were your thoughts? No, man, I was never that kid. I share this all the time. Even as much as hockey was everything to me, I was never that kid dreaming a hoist in the Stanley Cop. Like, you hear a kid, every Canadian kid who plays, thinks of that. That wasn't me, man. I just love competing and just love being on the ice in all honesty. And then as I got older, I loved the camaraderie of, of teams. And yeah, and just like that common goal, right? I kind of bought into to that philosophy around what I, what I biasedly believe to be the greatest sport on earth. But that being said, it was, I mentioned earlier in Tulsa, I started, I do remember this in real time.

There was still this void, like the drugs, the alcohol was not fulfilling this void. So I always share this. I tried, I started chasing what society tells us to do, right? Get, find a wife, have a family, get these material things, these external things to validate me or to make me feel better. So I chase that, you know, met a woman. We got, we met, got pregnant and got married in a six month window. So, um, probably not a strong long term success rate there. And truth be told, as impulsive as that was. I mean, it really was kind of a blessing, if you will, because we have this incredible daughter together.

She'll be 14 later this year. We were married a couple years, but we have a decent relationship today and get along and would both agree that we were never supposed to be together. But in the midst of that, like, while I'm chasing these things, I think are going to validate me, The using is still progressing, right? And now you have an infant child in the mix.

So the sleep deprivation comes into play. Plus I'm still playing. Like I played another year and a half after our daughter was born. So, yeah, I was using every day, man. That's the reality. And not to the point where I'm like nodding off on the couch, but I was constantly just taking on enough to, and it wasn't even really the physical side anymore.

It was just to like, just to feel okay a moment. emotionally just to numb, right? Just to like numb and be able to breathe. Like that's what that medication did for me. And that's that's what I that's what I chased. But yeah, so those last two years, I definitely, the on ice performance started to slip as well. Definitely the second year. And again, I'm only shit, man, I'm only 29 years old. But I, I remember always telling myself once I started playing professionally, like once I feel I've lost a stride like on the ice, like like, like literally lost a stride, I will, I'll hang them up. And that's what I started to feel.

So, yeah, kind of made a rash decision midseason to hang them up. I was in and out of the lineup, having some more injuries using, right? So it was just not a great headspace. And yeah, just, yeah, hung them up in February that year. It was right after my 30th birthday, man. And like, I remember that it was a big identity crisis, right? Because the first 30 years of my life, it was hockey, man. and it centered around hockey and it was over.

Like in a matter of days, I made that decision, right? And, you know, I don't think I realized the significance of that at the time, how that would impact me for a lot of years, trying to find purpose again. But yeah, so did what every man is taught to do and went and got a real job and stayed down in Oklahoma? My oldest daughter's mother was from there. But truth be told, she left. She left with our daughter two months after my playing career was done, because again, I was so lost in what I was supposed to be doing. And the using had ramped up to where I was becoming very impulsive and unpredictable.

And yeah, she left, man. And that fueled a couple years of, like, I don't know, looking back, Brad, I don't know how I got through it, man. Because I was isolated now. All my families back in Canada, my wife and child have left me. I don't have teammates to lean on. anymore. I'm barely holding down a job. It's really just to support the habit. And it was a dark time, man. And those were, those were dark times I recall because I was all alone and I just kind of used to feel okay. But even the drugs were starting not to work, right? And I know a lot of people can relate to that when the substances just kind of stop working, man. And yeah, I was a dark time, brother. And that's kind of where it led into my recovery journey. You know, after that two years, how I survived it, I don't know.

You know, there was some suicidal stuff in there too, man. At least the thoughts of it, right? Are my loved ones going to be better off without me around, you know, daughter, parents? That's where the thinking was. And yeah, thankfully, I was able to eventually reach out for help. And that kind of started. Didn't solidify my recovery journey with sustained sobriety necessarily, but that's when it started. Yeah, that was in Oklahoma then.

I was down there, yeah, and I reached out to my old man. I called him, I called him from a gas station parking lot, you know, broke down. I said, I can't stop. I can't stop using, and I tried on my own right multiple times because I knew I had a problem at this point. But no solution, right? The drugs were the solution, as they say, the solution to me ultimately. But yeah, and again, my parents always did the best they could, best supports, but didn't necessarily know how to support.

their addict son, right, with trying to get well. So kind of started my treatment and detox stints. I've been to treatment three times, detox another handful of times. And that kind of started that journey, man, where seeds were being planted as far as not just what I had to do to get on the right path, but what I started to see others were doing, right? And I'm sure you can relate to that. it's like, wait a minute, these other people are getting their lives back and had just as bad or worse problems than me. So, yeah, I had no hope before that. Until I started seeing that, like, I genuinely thought I was a hopeless variety alcoholic addict with,

like, no chance of return, right? And that's, that's dark, man, right? That's, that's a dark place to be. But I was there. I was there before I, before I, you know, got to treatment and started seeing that other people. people were recovering. Yeah. And that's such a good point to make there too. That's where it gets. You don't see a way out. Like in hindsight, we see all of this stuff, right? Like it's 20-20. We can see it now. But when you're in it and you're in the mix of it day in and day out and nothing is

going right, you can't see any way out of it. It's just like this is my reality. We almost get to this point of just accepting it. I'll just carry this on for as long as I can and like I'll just go out this way. dad say, though, when you call him, right? Because it doesn't sound like it anyway. I haven't picked up on it anyway that this is something that maybe he's fully aware of or maybe they do know about this. But like, what does he mention to you? Like, when you call them, the gas station. Yeah, they knew men, but just not to the extent, right? Like they, even from afar, because I would call messed up and try to check in and let on that things were good. But they knew men. They knew their son and probably just had their own hopeful thinking that did I get through it.

But once I told him he knew and he's like, I remember I'm saying like, I don't, I don't necessarily know how to help you, Gio, but your mom and I are going to. That's, they reached out to some of their contacts who maybe had a little more familiarity with the situation and, and started calling treatment centers, you know, across North America essentially. So, uh, it felt as dark of a place as I was and like, withdrawing off substances. I do remember that sense of relief because, yeah, truth be told, up until that point, I hadn't really made that admission to anyone. You know what I mean? Like, I, I am done. Like, I cannot continue on this way, right? And so, yeah, there was relief there,

but in the same breath, I mean, I was physically and mentally sick and just, yeah, I didn't know what to do. So that, like I said, that started my treatment. Treatment and detox. stinks, if you will, because there was multiple. And that was, you know, we're going back almost 10 years now, man. Like 2016 was the first time I went to treatment. Curious, man. For all of those years, what prevented you from sharing this with somebody or asking for help? Yeah, it's a good question, man. I think there was a few things. A big one was the hockey piece and just with that culture and just not wanting to come across as weak or whatever that was, right? Yeah, just that ego. Like my ego,

was so, like, inflated, just even unknowingly, though, at the time, like, a lot of this stuff, right? Like, you just touched on. But yeah, and just the experience in those previous years of being able to still, like, succeed. And they always talk about, I just thought of this, like, the success addicts, alcoholics, like us, and I'm sure you can relate, like, all these other areas of our life, like, for me, looking back, like, the hockey, the academics, popular, whatever, eventually when I first got sober, like making good money, like all these areas I can excel in, but I cannot drink successfully, you know, or I cannot use successfully. And I think that messes a lot of people up and can delay the willingness to recover because you're like, no, I can control this. I've managed in all these other areas, you know, more than the average person. But I think, again, hindsight, that was part of it. And then, yeah, I just, I don't know, man. Like, I think there's some shame probably, some shame in there with, like,

not wanting to accept that's what it had gotten to for me. Yeah, the two big ones probably, the hockey culture, the identity, and then the shame piece that I had let it get to where it had. And just even in treatment the first time, like, I wasn't, I still hadn't fully surrendered, brother to where I was like, I'm an addict and I, you know, can't use the rest of my life, right? Like, I just wasn't there despite my life being burnt to the ground, right, by my decisions. So it's just addiction's a wild thing, man.

Like, it takes what it takes. And I recognize that. People who come in and out, including myself, you know, I don't judge people, man. You know, there's that saying, as long as you're still breathing, there's hope. And I believe that, dude, I've seen people come back. and build prosperous, meaningful lives. So I don't judge people who are in and out. It takes what it takes.

And I was one of those people, right? Yeah. So when do you turn this thing around? I mean, you mentioned a couple of rehab stays and stuff. I mean, is there something that clicked and when you really hit your stride with all of this? Yeah, so I'm a big 12 steps guy. The second time I went to treatment out in British Columbia, you know, 90 days, 12-step program. first time I'd been introduced to that.

And man, it just, again, I didn't stay sober long term after that three months, but that's where the true seeds were planted. That's where what I touched on before, the people would come into the facility. Like people who were in recovery would come in and talk to us, man. And I was blown away because they talked about all the shit I had lost that they got back, right? Access to children, right? livelihood, purpose, all these things that I was sitting in there coming off dope and was like, there's no fucking hope. And they not only talked about that, but you could just, like, the literal

light was on in their eyes. They looked healthy. They talked about getting their kids back, building relationships, building careers. And I was like, what is going on? So I started asking questions. I would talk to these people after these meetings they would bring in. I started diving into the material. And like I said, I still, for me, I got to the outside and didn't follow through on those things they suggested to do, right? Like meetings and sponsorship and these kind of things, I just sort of was half-ass doing that. And a few unfortunate things would happen in life and I would pick up again.

And that cycle kind of started these short-lived relapses, but still very, very dangerous, right? because I'm into the harder aspects of the opiate family now, right, that we're starting to hit the shorelines and come into Canada. So that was scary. But, yeah, it was that 30 days in 2016 that I look back on as where the first instilled hope I had that I could do this long term. And I'm a repeat offender, as they say, I've had, you know, I've been sober, Brad, like eight of the last 10 years. but those slips have been significant, brother, right? You know, I want to say four different slips.

I've had three years sober, two years, two different times. And I took a year last year for the fourth time. So I used to think even when I took this year last year, I was like, you know, I kind of was judging myself, dude, because I was like, why can I get this? But it's what you hear all the time. I quit doing the work. I would build my life up and then, you know, that addiction or the mental side of it, right, would creep in and be like, you're good, man.

And just kind of step away. And it would be let that guard down, so to speak. And that's cost me a few different times. And I always share this for people out there who maybe relate to this. Like, despite those hard lessons, man, like I, you would think that I would never make that mistake again, man. You know what I mean? build my life upgrade how I have again now, right? How approach, you know, two years into this again.

Wonderful life, for the most part, still struggle, sure, but I'm not having to drink or use to cope with shit. And despite those hard lessons, you'd think I'd never make that mistake again, dude, but it's still creeps in my head sometimes, dude. And it's like, what is that? Like, is that just that the animal that alcoholism and addiction is? I don't know, but that's the reality and I share that. So thankfully, I know I have to like stay on the beam, so to speak, right? Because I can't afford it, dude. I don't know if I can survive another one if I went back out there, right? Too much to lose.

Does that guarantee immunity from this thing or a cure? Of course not. But yeah, it's just that's a hard, that was a big realization, man, about a year ago. And I was like, why is this sinking coming back? Like I have literally burnt my life to the ground multiple times now after being in a very similar spot than I am now, a great spot. And so yeah, there's an acceptance piece to it and a reality to, I need to stay engaged in this, right? Because this is the only thing that's worked for me, right? Not just the meetings and the steps and that kind of stuff, but the purpose and helping others

and the service element to it, right? Like you know. And that's the shit we need to keep doing to stay okay, man. And sure, I may not drink or use right away if I like get into that cycle of thinking, but I'm probably going to be insane. I'm probably going to be reactive. I'm probably not even going to be close to the best version of myself. And of course, that can ultimately lead to relapse, right? So, yeah, it's wild, buddy. Yeah. It's really interesting, too. Like, we do all of this work, right? And then we pull back. You know, we wouldn't do that in the gym, right? If we're working out every day, we're happy with our results. We would know that to continue the progress,

or whatever goal we achieved. We would have to continue to go to the gym. You couldn't just stop and still have the results. But when it comes to sobriety, I mean, it's a tale as old as time, dude. We get some stuff back in our life. We feel good. And it doesn't have to be meetings. It doesn't have to be anything specific.

But it seems like we really stop, you know, that work that we're doing on ourselves, you know, and that could be done in many different ways, you know, seeing a counselor, a therapist or having a good community of people or attending meetings or, you know, finding a way. to give back. It's like we put the brakes on all of that. And then it can kind of creep up. And then there we are without support. Well, geo, man, great work, dude. Really cool, man. Really proud of you, dude, for, you know, how far you've come, man, to where you are now and hosting or co-hosting a show with DJ who I've had on the podcast a couple of times

and giving people a place to share their story. And that's got to be really cool for you too, man. It's incredible, dude. And like, yeah, shout out to DJ. He's one of my best friends. He's seen me through some of my darkest times and now getting to see me in some of my more successful times, I guess you could say, right? But just in a lot of ways, very different guys. And so I just, we've not just from the show standpoint of like feeding off each other's energies, but like just in our everyday lives too, right? Like he's not a meeting guy.

He's not that. We have different. Our recoveries look different, but I really respect, like, how he's done it with the routine and the pen to paper stuff and the helping others and being vulnerable. Those are things I didn't necessarily learn from how I cleaned up, but that I've been able to take from his journey. And that's, you touched on it. Like, it's everyone's journey can look different.

There's not one way to turn it around. But I just take the things that work and leave the rest. is kind of the best advice I ever got. But yeah, man, it's been really rewarding. I told you that first 30 years in my life was purpose or hockey was the purpose. And shit, man, it took half a decade to find that purpose again. And that was when I got into recovery and started helping people, right? And that's what it is today, man.

And so whether that's the podcast or showing up on the home front, whatever it is, man, that it all ties into that help in the next person service piece. that I didn't know. I didn't know that would be my purpose, man. And it just sort of happened when I made the commitment to change my life, right? Yeah. And I think that that's maybe a beautiful full circle moment for you because of all the stuff you struggled with. You know, am I good enough? Will I be accepted in all of these other questions that we ask ourselves? And I think giving back and helping others can check some of those boxes for us in a healthier way. Anything you want to send out there for anybody who might be struggling to get or stay sober?

Yes, like I said earlier, it takes what it takes. So if you're unsure if you can do this or hopeless like I was, that reaching out piece is so important. It takes what it takes. And if you're still breathing, there's still hope. It's cliche to an extent. But I've seen it. I've seen it countless times, man, and have experienced, right?

Have the lived experience of it. So I always say like I'm, I used to be maybe a bit more reserved or less open about my journey. Not the case today, man. Like I am very open about where I've come from, what I do to stay on this path now. And so, yeah, I'm on the social media platforms. If anyone wants to reach out directly, like happy to have a conversation. And, and a shout out to our podcast, right, after Away from the Ring podcast, it's been arguably the most fulfilling. endeavor of my life and we're literally three months in. So incredible stops. And I appreciate you,

Brad. Like I've been, I've, I've been following you for a long time, man, kind of behind the scenes and just like seeing just the amount of people you're impacting, dude. And that's just like, just a level of respect that's, that's sort of hard to fully outline. So I just want to know I appreciate you. I know we don't know each other well, but I appreciate you asking me on. And I truly appreciate what you're doing, man. Yeah, dude. Well, thank you for coming on and let's get to know each other a little bit better here moving forward. For sure, dude. Thanks again. Well, there it is another episode here on the Sober Motivation podcast.

Huge shout out to Gio for jumping on and sharing his story. I'll drop his contact information for Instagram down on the show notes below. Leave any thoughts in the comments as well. And be sure to subscribe or follow the podcast wherever you're listening. It helps so much, and I'll see you on the next one.