Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - He Thought He Would Die Drinking: Sober Dave’s Story of Alcohol Addiction and Recovery

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

David Wilson, better known as Sober Dave, spent decades drinking before alcohol slowly took over nearly every part of his life. What began with drinking socially eventually progressed from beer to cider, wine and finally vodka — at his worst, Dave was drinking around a litre of vodka every night.He would wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning still drunk, go to work hours later, spend entire weekends drinking alone and regularly black out. Looking back, Dave says he remembers very little of his 40s.But on January 7, 2019, something changed.A friend reached out and simply asked Dave if he wanted to stop drinking with him for three months. There was no judgment or lecture — just an offer of support. Dave said yes, and he hasn’t had a drink since.In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Dave talks openly about the progression of his drinking, isolation, shame, the childhood experiences he never dealt with, losing his identity to alcohol, and why getting sober eventually required much more than simply removing the drink.Dave and Brad also discuss connection, self-compassion, relapse and setbacks, nervous-system regulation, changing your relationship with alcohol, and why you don’t need to wait for a devastating rock bottom before deciding to change.If you’ve ever wondered whether your drinking is “bad enough,” or you’re struggling to imagine a life without alcohol, Dave’s story is a powerful reminder of how much can change when you’re willing to start with one day.Connect with Dave: https://www.instagram.com/soberdave/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm a quick drinker because I wanted the effect quicker. So I started buying a liter bottles of vodka, Brad. I ended up drinking a liter of vodka a night for years, really. And I was driving in the morning and waking up three, four o'clock in the morning, thinking, I'm still drunk. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got David Wilson, aka Sober Dave, with us. How you doing, Dave?

I'm really good, Brad. How are you doing? Yeah, I'm doing well, man. glad to connect i mean you were on the podcast years ago long time ago now we've known each other as i've always said brad um when i first got sober i went on to internet right and you popped up and i thought oh my god this bloat's a legend and and we've been friends for a long time now aren't we yeah 100% man so what was it like for you growing up well when i was growing up my mom and dad didn't have a lot of money like my dad was a lorry

driver and my mum worked in a factory and we lived on a council estate near Croydon, South London. And I always remember mum coming in with second-hand clothes and, you know, our holidays were in a tent in a field down in the West Country, Cornwall. And we always had good dinners and they felt like loving the family and stuff like that, you know, but I used to be picked on for having not the right shoes or the right trainers or the right football kit and stuff, but it was okay, Brad. I remember Sundays especially back then, I'm older than you, but the shops were all closed on a Sunday, you know, and the pubs would only open 12 till 2 and there was a different vibe.

And I remember my dad used to muck around in the galleries, tinkering with stuff on the car, and my mum used to be cooking and roast dinner, playing a record. and it felt okay. But towards, I suppose, 11 and 12 years old, I remember my mum and dad arguing a lot, a lot there was like plates smashing and things flying around and that. But when you're a kid, you don't really pay a lot of attention to it, but that kind of went on to us moving.

And I think I was about 12, and I'd already started secondary school for a year. So I had to leave all my friends behind and travel to this new area and start this school. I didn't know anyone. And it really unsettled me because I was quite a sensitive kid. And it wasn't long after that that I come down one day and there was a letter on the table. And it's from my mum. And she just said, Dave, I've left your dad and I'll be in touch.

And back then, Brad, there was no internet, no social media. There was nothing, no mobile phones. So when she said I'd be in touch, I didn't even know what that meant. Yeah. And the days went into weeks, and my dad was really struggling. But one day I heard laughter, there's a woman laughing downstairs. And I thought, oh, my mum's come back. So I run downstairs, and there was another woman sitting in the lounge,

and my dad had met her really quickly. And she was tight in an eye rolling and stuff. And it was then, Brad, I felt like, really rejected. Like, my dad didn't stand up for me. me because she was like, oh, I just want a bit of privacy with your dad. And I wanted him step in and say, don't talk to my son like that. But he did it. And I remember briefly after that, I got him with the wrong crowd just to be accepted.

And we used to go up the shops and where they'd either nick the money from the parents or found it down the sofa, give the money to the adults to buy alcohol. and I had the first beer, like I think it was a can of Fosters, and then the second one, and all of a sudden I become funny. They were laughing at me, and they said, you're all right, actually, Dave, you're not a dickhead. And I kind of, in my brain, it was like, oh, my God, I found the magic solution, you know, like have a couple of beers and everyone likes me. And I kind of had that mantra for a few years, you know, I was never,

I'm mad on my drinking, but I was always the one that would drink more than my mates, and I was always the one getting drunk quicker and throwing up in my bedroom and stuff like that. Yeah. That was at 12, 12, 13? No, I'm 14, 14 years old. And I kind of, back then, Brad, you could get in pubs without ID. So, and I was quite a big lad.

You know, you were going to pub, and all the adults were just. drinking and they would play darts with you and Paul and, you know, just accept you in and you felt like a grown-up and then I got a job. Then I started driving and I was just a typical teenager but I think that one and into my 20s like that, like socialising and having fun with alcohol and chatting girls up and stuff like that. But it was in my late 20s it started to change because I went to a local pub and I was in the carpet trade then. And I had a good little business going on and stuff. And I go down the pub and my excuse was, oh, well, I get work from the pub.

Like there's tradespeople in there, there's plumbers, plasters, electricians, mechanics. And we all had our own little click. So I justified to myself, oh, well, the extra work I'm going to. getting pays for my drinking anyway. And I started staying down there longer, longer hours, sort of falling out when it was kicking out time. And it just got worse. I got myself a reputation for being a big drinker.

They called me glugs because I would glug down the beer. And then one day some guy said to me, are you an alcoholic, Dave? And it was like being smacked in the face with a wet fish. it really hit home and I was like oh my god like I've been found out really I'm not getting away with it anymore because I'm obviously drunk a lot in the pub and I went home that night and I thought I can't go on like this so instead of stopping drinking I stopped going to the pub so much and that's when it really changed Brad because I started drinking at home because no one judged me, no one was watching me, and I could drink what I want.

And that was the beginning of the real downhill slide for me. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too, man. I feel like that's such a relatable story that shift for so many people. Because I ask people that share on the podcast, like, when did you notice sort of a change? A lot of people like zoom in on that area right there of when they started staying home, whether it was they just didn't want to drive while they were drinking anymore. or it was getting too expensive or they didn't want anybody to notice.

Are you an only child growing up? No, I had a sister. Yeah. And because my mum left, we're very different, me and my sister, and she just went off on her own way, and we didn't really see each other a lot. I mean, ironically, something I hadn't really shared before, but you bringing that up has reminded me, which is mad,

because it's a big thing in my 20s. In my mid-20s, I was married. I got married quite young. And my wife went off with her husband. And, I mean, that was just crazy, you know. Who's husband? My sister's husband and my wife had an affair. And so that kind of spoiled my drinking out of control as well,

because I just went on a mad rampage after that, you know, feeling sorry for myself. So really, when I look at the whole picture of it, I've always had a problematic relationship with alcohol from a young age because I always drank more than the others. Like it was that magic solution from a young age. But in my 30s, I started to become dependent on it because it was the thing I did when I got in from work. And the justification was, I've worked hard today. I've had a good day, bad day, any day. I deserve it.

it's a reward for the work I've done or I've got a whole weekend where I can stay in and get drunk but the thing is Brad that quickly escalated because instead of me just buying beers I started buying sider because it was a stronger volume

it was like 8% and then I started to put on weight and like it was getting a lot of acid reflux so then that went to buying wine and I wasn't really a wine drinker, but I found it got me pissed differently. It was a more relaxed and kind of pissed. So back then you could buy three bottles of wine for 10 pounds, right?

That was a cheap night in, but I thought I'm never going to drink three bottles of wine, but within about three months, I was drinking three bottles of wine. And that's how quick it can escalate, do you know what I mean? Then I put on even more weight. So I did the thing of Googling, what alcohol has the least amount of calories and upcome vodka.

And I wasn't a spirit drinker. So I've gone from drinking beer to drinking cider to drinking mine, and now I'm buying vodka. And I just bought a half bottle of vodka because I thought, oh, well, that I do. And I drank it in about half an hour. And I thought, well, that ain't get a loss. So I started buying bottles of vodka.

And that would only last two hours. Because you know what I said about being called glug? So I'm a quick drinker because I wanted. the effect quicker. So I started buying a liter bottles of vodka, Brad. And I ended up drinking a liter of vodka

a night for years, really. On a work night as well, and I was driving in the morning and waking up three, four o'clock in the morning, thinking, I'm still drunk. And I've got a drive in the morning like at 7 a.m.

And it's something, I'm not proud about, but I'm being honest with you. Yeah. But sometimes I were getting in the van and think, God, if I got pulled up now, I'm going to be chucked in jail, you know. Yeah. That ever happened or no? You never got caught for drinking, though.

Do you know what? I can't believe I didn't. I mean, I used to drive all around London with my job and that. And, you know, because I had such a physical job, I used to, like, the hangover were kicking really quickly, but I'd work it off really quickly. So what that would do then justify the drink that evening because by 11, 12, I felt all right again.

And then by 2, I'm thinking, oh, I could have a couple tonight where I swore blind that morning I'm never drinking again. By 2 o'clock, I was convincing myself just a couple would do. So I'd go by another litre of vodka thinking I'd just have a couple. But I knew that old. I knew that once I'd want, I'd want 10. Yeah. And that's how it went on, Brad.

And to be fair, mate, I lived on my own for a lot of my 40s, and I don't remember hardly any of my 40s. And now I think, God, I've wasted a whole decade of being blackout drunk, you know. I can't do anything about that now. Yeah, that's what would happen, though. You'd get to that point of blackout every night. Yeah, yeah. And to be honest, mate, at the weekend,

it was more because I was never a daytime drinker. But at the weekends, because I didn't really go out socially, because I couldn't get to the level of drunkenness that I wanted to get, you know, if I went out, I would kind of have a lock-in and I would go into the supermarket on a Friday afternoon, get enough booze and food for the weekend, knowing that I wouldn't talk to anyone. So I'd become a complete recluse. And I started drinking, say, 4 o'clock, and we'll pretty much drink all the way through that weekend, fall asleep, pass out, wake up, think, but I ain't got to go out in the morning.

I'll talk to her and so might as well start drinking again. And that could be 2 o'clock in the morning, waking up could be 4 o'clock in the morning, and then just be completely drunk for the entire weekend and wake up Monday morning and think, how, you know, how am I going to even walk out the front of, I look absolutely diabolical. I must stink of booze. And that's how my life was. And I was just living in pure misery. Yeah, I've kind of painted it out to the world

that I was doing all right and quite successful and happy go lucky day. But on the inside, I was just dying. Yeah. Does it ever surprise you in any way when you look back at how things

picked up speed? Like I think a lot of us, I mean, a lot of people start out drinking young, whatever, fit in, you know, I mean, kind of like, I don't think it's too far out there to start drinking at 16 or 17 experimenting with it. But I don't think in that moment, like, we don't know where this is going to go. When you look back at sort of the progression here and, you know, moving from the beer to

the ciders to the wine to the vodka, it's not something you could have predicted, right? No, I wouldn't never have chosen that. But I think, you know, when we, we ask a question is alcoholism, a disease, or, or is it a mental health problem? To me, it doesn't matter what it is. I know that I'm vulnerable towards alcohol because I just can't have one drink, right? And I had to accept that in the end

because one drink equaled 20. And it was like that for a long time. Probably from my late 20s, I realized that I was developing a problem. And what I've realized with all the people I've spoken to, a lot of people in their late 20s, only 30 settled down, get married by a house, have babies, and then they leave those days behind them.

But for me, they kind of escalated. And I realized that whatever happened in my childhood really affected me. But that led on to affect my relationships. And then I hadn't resolved any of it because I just drank myself to numbness, right? Yeah. But at the time, though, are you like, I wonder. if you're aware of why you're drinking. You know, I mean, I think like looking back hindsight's 2020.

It's like, okay, now I can see it for what it is. But I feel like a lot of people, when they're going through that cycle of heavy drinking and things are escalating, I don't know if we understand, like, why are we, why is all of this or stuff from when we were growing up? How was it for you? Like, did you realize that between, two together or no? I think on you, I had stuff to deal with. but, you know, I didn't want to deal with it at all.

I didn't want to deal with the affair. I didn't want to deal with my mum leaving. I didn't want to deal with other shit in my life. I mean, I knew that I was wrecking myself financially because although I was turning up for work, I wasn't investing my time in the business. So I was losing jobs all the time because I wasn't going to do the estimates

or working them out or I was always too late. So I was just living. on the wire financially as well and I knew that I could have done a lot better with myself and I knew really deep down that I had a massive problem with drinking. So every single night I would go in and think, fuck it, I'll deal with it tomorrow. So there was a level of stuff that I knew was the reason why I was drinking but I just used to bat it away and go, do not I can't handle that tonight. And I think a lot of us do that.

And that's why when we stop drinking, after the practical side of stopping drinking, the emotions flood you. And that's where the real work comes in. Yeah, like a year later. I hear a lot of people, it's like 10 months a year, 13 months, because either that first little bit is like so much energy and effort into not drinking. And enthusiasm. Like I look at it like learning to drive, right? You learn all the practicals of not drinking, right? And then you pass your test.

And then you think, right, I've got to go out on the road on my own now. And that's when you really learn how to drive, right? But for me, it was like, I was educating myself with science. I love science. I was being part of groups. I tried AA, but that didn't really work. But, you know, I was investing myself in the community in that. And I was like losing weight and feeling great.

And my Instagram account was blowing up. and I was getting a lot of packs on the back. Yeah. And I remember when I had my one year, just after that, I had a massive slump because I thought, oh, right, okay, is that it then? And like, what's next? And I really struggled for a good two or three weeks after that. And it's like, well, hold on a minute.

You've done everything in the first year that you're going to do this year, but you've got all the experience of that now. So year two is going to be a lot better, you know, and I kind of got my second wings on it. But it was difficult. Yeah. Before we even, before we scoot into that side of things too, like even back to, you have a son. When was your son born? He was born when I was 30.

Okay. So me and his life. Well, yeah, that was all right. I mean, my drinking got in the way of that. well. And luckily I've got a very close relationship with George now and we've covered that. And he's very proud of what I've achieved now being sober. I mean, he doesn't really drink either. But, I mean, his mum, you know, struggled in the first couple of years. And we ended up separating when he was two. And I went completely off the rails, Brad.

I mean, I was sleeping in my van. You know, the underlay that you've been. put under a carpet, I was pulling that over me in the back of the van to keep warm. And I remember waking up in the morning, listening to people walking past the van, chatting with coffees. And I'd open a side door and crawl out like a monster. And I think, I haven't even got a facility to clean my tea or anything, you know. That was a difficult time for me. But, you know, when I look back, it was such a roller coaster of sheer misery and almost, I mean, I can talk about the near-death experience I had as well, but I just kept going, Brad. Like, it was almost like this is who I am now.

This is how I've become. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm going to die an alcoholic and I even visualised my name on a tombstone glugs he loved a beer that boy that's how my mind was working

that I'm going to die young and a hero but actually it would have been really sad my son would have lost his dad to alcoholism I probably wouldn't have had any mates because I was like isolating my drinking

so this whole fantasy of my tombstone people who are going to be wailing at the funeral was all rubbish it was all in my head you know i actually become a very sad lonely man yeah which was so much different than things before when you were going out to the pub and yeah kind of like that it sounds like anyway you know maybe that that celebrity at the pub of how much you could drink and yeah it was that was my branding mate glugsy you could drink um 16 points in a sitting in the pub or I had a competition once to drink as many pints in five minutes, and I did five points of Stella in four minutes, 12 seconds.

And I was already drunk. I just chucked them down my neck, do you know what I mean? And that was a kind of label that I had was the legend sober. Well, I won't sober, David, slipped up there. It was Glugsy, wouldn't it? Glucy. I would have never, ever thought in my million years I'd be sober, ever. Yeah.

And there's a lot of people, too. I think that it just feels so far out of reach. Like there's not even an option per lot of people as they go through it. It's like, I don't know anything about that. That life feels another planet, another universe. What is like the underlying feelings that you're kind of going through? I know a lot of people come on the podcast. They share about, you know, unworthiness or struggling with self-esteem or confidence

or their identity piece, like identity really getting attached to drinking or maybe losing a sense of purpose in life with drinking. I mean, I think it's just really hard to really go after stuff. You kind of wake up at 30% every day. Like, it can be tough. And we're so foggy and lack of awareness. What do you kind of coin it up to? I just think I've reached stage in my life that I just felt that's how I'd ended up. And I quite often looked in a mirror and looked to myself and thought, how have I got here? You know, from being a young, good-looking, bloke on the football pitch. You know, I was a good footballer, age, 20, odd, running around everywhere, you know,

the perfect weight, girlfriends and fun and laughter when he went out clubbing and that to someone who's 21 stoner was at my worst, which is probably 135 KG, mental health rock bottom, no relationships with anyone really, just about, managing to go to work. And I kind of accepted that was my lot because I didn't really know how to get out of it. But to be honest, Brad, there was a part of me that didn't want to get out of it. Because for some reason it just served me to live like that. Although I hated it, every single day was like, I can't change this, but I didn't want to change it as well.

It was only in the mornings that I thought, I can't go on like this anymore. I'm going to die. But by two, we know what happens, right? You start coming off the booze. You get withdrawals and then you're back on it. And I just didn't know what to do. Yeah. Yeah.

I wonder, too, what's comfortable, even if it's disastrous, is comfortable. Like, we know what to expect. I think back to my routines and life and I would have those moments of thinking, like, man, what am I doing? Like this is going absolutely nowhere, nowhere fast. But I would continue the cycle. And when I look back at it now, I think it was just kind of oddly comfortable. Like I knew it to expect, even though it was disastrous and it was like, oh my gosh, like, what are you doing?

I knew it to expect if I decided to change my life and do something different. And I'd always failed so many things in life. School I didn't do well with here. I was getting so much trouble. I think I just kind of became personally comfortable. was just being a failure in a sense, or just like not achieving goals, not doing well,

not applying myself. And that just kind of became the comfort zone. Like there was less expectations, maybe living that way than if I were to apply myself and excel and do well and change. I just didn't know what that looked like. I was just like, wow,

I have no idea what that looks like. I think what you said there is really valid actually because number one, when I was drunk, I used to have the headphones on listening to Pink Floyd comfortably numb. And you described that perfectly comfortably numb, right? And the second point is that I think my self-worth was so low, I didn't think I deserved any more than that.

I didn't feel like I deserved to be in a healthy relationship, but I deserved to be making money or deserve to be a pillar of the society. I just thought, I'm a piece of shit, basically, and this is out what I deserve. So I really get that whole mantra of the limiting beliefs that I had of like, I just didn't think I deserved any more than that. And I went through life for years, but I was also pretending to anyone in the outside that was really happy.

You know, I could bump into someone in the supermarket. How are you, Dave? Yeah, great. Yeah, life's really good. How are you? But actually, I was really doing. depressed. I was massively overweight and I knew they were looking at me going, cool, you've put on the pounds because I look completely different.

I had, you know, my eyes were yellowy and like, I just, I was soulless. Do you know what I mean? And I had a particularly terrible year in 2018. And I dream married and that was really struggling with the drinking stuff. and it was an Easter time, and I ended up just driving one morning on a good Friday. Ended up down the coast because I loved the sea. I love the sound of the waves and that, and I thought, fuck it, I'm just going to go down there. And I started drinking at 10 in the morning on the pier, and I drank all day. He met a load of fake mates in a pub, and all of a sudden I thought,

do you know what, I just want to sit on the beach with a bottle and look at the sky. and listened to the waves. And I bought a bottle of vodka out of the supermarket, sat in the beach, and then woke up 3 o'clock in the morning, I cut all my head open. I was so drunk that I couldn't even stand up. And it was freezing as well, Brad, absolutely freezing. And I did that for five nights.

And I don't know how I survived that. I was seriously withdrawing after five days. I was shaking. Should have gone to hospital, really. and I got myself home and I said to my wife she thought I was dead I said I'm never drinking again

ever in my whole life and three days later I was back on it that's how addicted I was to it you know and then my mum died I was with her when she died I had money stolen from me from a builder it was just one of those years Brad and

I remember we got to Christmas and I saw a picture of myself by the Christmas tree and I just didn't even recognise myself. I looked at the picture and it's like, oh my God, you look really ill. Like it really shocked me, you know. And it weren't after that, long after that, mate. I actually come to the decision of, you know,

January the 7th, 2019 was the big day. Yeah. Has anybody mentioned things? I'm sure they did throughout all of this with drinking. What were those conversations like? I think because I was such a big character, people were a little bit scared. I mean, my ex-wife mentioned it all the time, obviously. You know, bloody hell, the stories I could tell you with that.

But the irony is, Brad, and this might help other people, is that there's a guy living in the same little coldiesack as us, and he reached out to me on the seventh. And he just texts me and he said, how would you like to join me for three months to stop drinking? To see how you feel, how your relationships would be and, you know, your general mental health. And I burst out laughing because I thought, are you serious? Like three months, I can't even stop for three days. But the kind of thought stuck with me all day.

And I started to think, wonder how life would be like in three months if I did stop. Like, would I lose weight? Would I sleep better? Would things be better indoors? Would I have more energy? And I got really excited. And I remember pulling over in the van in Wimbledon. And I texted him and said, are you in?

And he said, come and see me now. And I went around to see him. And I looked at him. And it was almost like Jesus standing there. And I shook his hand. And I said, let's do it. And that was over seven and a half years ago. And I've never drank since.

and quite often people say you know it was that spontaneous sobriety did you make the decision on the day but it wasn't because I've been saying for months if not years I've got to do something about it got to sort it out but the timing was it right and the point I want to make Brad is if he had said to me Dave you look like shit

mate you've really got to get your act together I'd have probably put my middle finger up it and drank even more But the fact he offered to collaborate with me and support me and show me compassion was what made the difference. It made all the difference because he didn't judge me. And the fact he was in, because when I text him and he said he was in, if he wasn't in, I wouldn't be sitting here now, I doubt. I'd have probably drank. Yeah.

What was your relationship with this guy? He just lived on the, you just knew each other from the neighborhood? Yeah, but he always, yeah, he was a. friend of mine, because he was in the same little coldies act, like there was about eight houses in the coldies sack and we would always have a chat and that. But he's like, when I say like Jesus, he would tell me things about my life that I had no idea how he knew. And six months before that he said, I had a real feeling today, your life is going to be absolutely incredible. And because at the time I was in the peak of my drinking, I thought,

How's that going to work then? But it has been absolutely incredible. So he's almost like one of these psychic people that just knew that, you know. Really? Yeah, he was very into his church and as a Christian and stuff. But he just had said he had a message from God. Really? Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, it was him that really, I mean, he didn't even do anything. Like he just said, We do it together. And I found out after they didn't really drink anyway, but I think it was the fact he yelled his hand out to me, and he didn't judge me because, like, I hate being told what to do, and even now. So I think if he said you've got to do it,

I would have done the opposite even more, you know? Yeah, which I think is so interesting because we go through this of, like, wanting to quit or maybe trying to quit, put in so much effort to quit, and maybe we don't achieve our goal, right? there's a lot of people in this going through this drinking thing, right? They get 30 days and they go back to drinking and they beat themselves up,

left right and center, right? Like I'm such a failure. Like I'll never figure it out. And maybe it's not as complicated as we make it. I think one of the reasons why I didn't get sober sooner was I thought it had to be this big, massive, complicated thing because I tried so many things. I mean rehab after rehab, detox, meetings, church, smart recovery. It tried all these things, you know, air quotes tried.

Like, I don't know that I applied myself very much, but I showed up. But then we maybe convince ourselves that, like, man, the way out of this, like, there's got to be this big secret. You know, I get messages from people all the time. Like, I feel like they're fishing for like this big secret of, you know, give me the goods here. And I'm just like, I don't know that there is any goods. I think it just starts with a day. You have to decide you want to do different. And maybe that, like, it kind of sounds so simple, but that was the thing that catapulted you forward.

It wasn't this overly complicated treatment plan about what you're going to do every day your life, right? It was just getting started somewhere. Yeah, I agree, Brad. I think society makes it really difficult because there's such a drinking culture in the world, isn't there? You know, and, you know, that saying, it's the only drug we have to justify not having is true. You know, the UK is mad for drinking, you know, and you don't drink and there's something wrong with you,

you are weirdo. I had someone say to me the other day, her best friend said, well, come back to me when you're normal again, you know? Like, instead of saying, oh, good for you, that's going to be amazing. She said that to her, you know, like completely alienated her. But I think there were so many different ways you can do it. And I think I agree with what you say, but it depends on the person and how they frame it in their mind because it's so layered, isn't it?

So many people have different upbringings, told us, there's a lot of trauma involved. There's a lot of limiting beliefs involved as well. Confidence could be in a bad marriage or in a terrible job that affect their subright in the beginning. So I think whoever it is has to really work out what will work for them because there's so many different options these days. You know, you've got your great app and community and it's coaching, there's AA, there's communities online, there's so many different things. And I don't think you need to just do one.

You could cherry pick all the bits out of all of them. You know, if you want to go to a meeting every month, go to one. If you want to join an app, do it. If you want coach, do it. You know, like, I think you have to make it bespoke to yourself. And also, I think in the beginning, and this is from my experience, is to not delve into too much too quick, right? Yeah. Because you've got a lifetime of stuff.

Park that and just concentrate on stopping drinking and then worry about the rest when you're more sort of. of steady ground. Yeah. There's, and I, I would agree with you on that, but there's this thing about those of us who struggle with this. I mean, we want it now, baby. I want to know why now. I want the answers now. I want to be comfortable now. I want the solutions now. But that could be a slippery slope because I just don't think in the beginning that the tools have caught up. You know, we need some ways to cope with stuff if we're going to sort of dig a little bit deeper into it. And alcohol is like the way we're coping with life, you know. Yeah. And then it, we got to learn the other tools and then maybe maybe dig a little bit deeper. I found that helpful for me too,

like not trying to, I wanted to get after it, but getting after it wasn't the right way for me personally to do it. Get a year under my belt first and then dig a little bit deeper. I think a lot of us are all or nothing as well, us drinkers, but we're all or nothing, right? And you've got a transition, Brad. You, you, you, can't go from a world of chaos to a world of calm in two weeks, but because we're all and nothing, we want it. We want a magic wand to make it go away. And it doesn't work like that because for me, I drank for 40 years and my nervous system would wired in such a way that I was in constant fight and flight every single day, right? So a lot of it was nervous

system work is learning how to calm that nervous system down in the evening when I was craving for the alcohol and, you know, bite my fingernails off because my mates were all drinking and I wasn't. And, you know, I had to manage that side of my subprite before I even thought about my identity. Like, that was another whole thing. It's like, who the hell am I after 40 years? And now I've stopped drinking. I'm not this brand of Glugsy. Who am I? I don't, I haven't got a clue, you know. It was like being in a drama series for 40 years and I was killed off and I'm standing outside the studios out of work and it's like, what do I do now?

So there's layers to it, but what I've found is, it's a bit like an obstacle course. You've got to get over one bit to then achieve the other bit and then you've got, and we need support to do that. We can't do it all on our own. you know, and talking about it, you know, there's a lot of shame involved as well of all the things that we've done, shame and guilt of the past. And you share that shame with like-minded people, like in your community, in your app. And all of a sudden you think, God, I'm not the only one.

That's really helped me, you know, talking about it, hearing other people's stories, like a podcast, you know, you've got really tap into every single bit of support you can get to make it work, I think. Yeah. Yeah, you do. I mean, and when you, when you share those stories

that other people can relate in one way or another, not that all of us have walked the same path, but people think it's pretty safe to say we've all done things we're not overly proud of, put ourselves in risky situations.

It's like, what's that one saying? There wasn't a problem every time I drank, but every time there was a problem I was drinking, you know, every time. It's like, man,

so relatable too. You bring up the other point, too, like society's view on people, you know, that aren't drinking, and it's kind of like the one thing that, you know, I mean, you drive two minutes down the road, you see a little billboard, you see an advertisement, you watch sports. I mean, the sports is like heavy into the betting advertising now, but it has alcohol in there too, everywhere you go. It's kind of people are drinking. So it's not, I mean, you could avoid it, you know, kind of, but eventually it's going

to be right there in your face, right? You're probably going to go to a restaurant again. You're probably going to go to a gathering again. So it is one of the drug, it is like the only drug in that sense that you're going to cross pass with it again. I mean, I've quit other drugs and I've ever since I quit, I've never crossed pass with them. Like there's never, they've never been around. But when it comes to alcohol, it's socially acceptable and drinking.

Did you, I was curious too. Did you grow up around a lot of drinking or no? No, not at all. No. My dad used to make homemade wine. But that, that was it. really. I think it was the circumstances of my mum leaving and my dad meeting that of a woman that I felt completely alone and, you know, meeting those lads that were into smoking and

smoking and smoking weed as well. We was doing that and drinking led me down a different path. And I think as well, physically, I'm quite vulnerable to stuff like that because, you know, I had a test done and I've got very low serotonin, low vitamin D and my dopamine receptors aren't working like a normal person, right? So I was getting the highs from the drinking and how it looked like really was that I was always chasing that high from the beginning and so I would drink quickly to get that high but I never got it back really and I would get either irritable, aggressive, lovely,

tired, like you never knew what you got with me. And so on the physical side of it, I was vulnerable as well. You know, that's what these tests did.

They just proved to me that. I was physically vulnerable to alcohol and no other drug, really. I mean, I've never really smoked weed since I was 16. I've never taken any other drugs. because it was always booze my drug of choice.

And when I stopped, I had to end that relationship with it. It was like a big, hard divorce. And it's like every day it was like non-negotiable. I will not drink today. No matter what happens, I will put my head on the pillow sober. And that was kind of my mantra. And what it did was took out the negotiation of that bloody moderation voice, that always creeps in where you're,

I've had a month of the booze and maybe I could just drink at the weekend or I won't drink at home, I'll just drink when I go out and, you know, all that negotiation and that often pulls you back in, didn't it? Because you have one and then you're fucked. So,

yeah, I made it a non-negotiable, Brad, and I've never really wanted to drink since, to be honest, but can I just say something, Brad? Yeah. When I stopped right, I was drinking either a litre of vodka night or three or four bottles of wine

and for anyone listening it's really important to know that if you're a dependent drinker don't do what I did because I just stopped overnight and that is so dangerous it's so dangerous because the withdrawals could have killed me I was fortunate I was really fortunate. I have withdrawals, but they weren't like really bad, but I have seen in the years of me being sober, people who have suffered withdrawals and it's absolutely heartbreaking, and you know, in seizures and leading on to killing them, you know, so I just want to come out of that by it. How I did it was really irresponsible because I just thought, I just won't drink. And it could have killed me actually. Yeah. Were you aware of that at the time? Because

a lot of people I talk to, they have no idea of like how dangerous it can be to withdraw. You know, I mean, it's a smaller percentage of the population of people that drink. But for those people, yeah, it can be like threatening. But you didn't, you weren't aware of that. I had no idea, mate. And, you know, I really didn't. And, you know, I've heard in the old days my ex-wife used to pour the booze down the sink and that. And I've heard that before.

And then they've been having a seizure and all they needed was some alcohol to leaven them out a little bit more. and, you know, even that's bad, but people don't know the harms of alcohol. Because it's so, it's so glorified, and it's glamorized in all the films. I was watching something the other night, and it was a fantastic film, but it was drinking throughout the whole film was just become the norm, you know? Yeah. And that's what we're up against, really, but. Yeah, that's a good point.

I was watching a, it was like a cartoon for kids. kids. It was like fish characters and the fish had come in from a boat ride or something. And the two parents in this G rated movie are like, let's go get a drink. Yeah. So it's, yeah, there's a stat out there. I shared it earlier a lot of episodes ago about how many, how many G rated movies? I think it's about 50%. You know, shed alcohol on a good light. And then PG movies, PG 13 is like 73%. Like it's very, it's like, it's a story told with.

without showing how it plays out. So it's like even before we're even of age to drink, it's like, are they already warming us up to the idea that this is, you know, that this is an okay thing or this is part of, you know, kind of growing up and, you know, whatever, right, a way to relax and connect. You mentioned too about the shame, right? I mean, this is relatable, I think, for so many of us, right?

About how do we ever work, how do we begin to work through that, right? You had mentioned a little bit there about your son and, you know, these relationships and stuff. Like, how do you begin to work through that? Because we can't go back and, you know, change course, right? Yeah. I mean, that played a big part in my recovery and, you know, the shame and the guilt. But one was to talk about it and be heard, felt heard and listen to. Two, I apologised and had a big conversation with him, which was very hard for me. To be fair, he wasn't living with me when I was drinking like that, because me and his mum separated when he was two.

But I never really drank around him, to be fair, until he was older, until he was like 16, 17, and we used to go out and get absolutely blasted, you know. And even that was bad because he had to get trained. home in that. But I also think it's really hard for some people, but have some self-compassion as well, because I remember doing a talk somewhere, right, and I looked at the screen and there was a picture of me with a pint in my hand, overweight, eyes were black, and I looked to myself, and I thought, you poor bastard. You know, the pain you are going through right now in that picture.

Like, I just want to come and give you a big hug. And it was like, I'm not a bad person. It's a highly addictive drug that I'm vulnerable to. I regret the things I did and said, but I wasn't in a good place in my life. And it doesn't justify what I did or said. I just wanted to give myself a hug. So rather than looking at myself, oh, I was a right idiot back then and I was a diabolical husband or dad or whatnot. I thought, well, do you know what?

You was having a really tough time. And I think the self-compassion really helped me to kind of deal with it. If that makes sense. Yeah, 100%. I just, yeah, I feel like that is such an important piece of the puzzle. Difficult, I think, to get to because we tend to. you know, rough ourselves up, right, for every kind of turn we took or, you know, thing. But it's such an important element.

And I think that too, getting around other people that have experienced it, you know, but there's like, there's like this, I don't know if you see it, man, but there's this deep-rooted thing of like, macho man or whatever, macho woman of like, I'm just going to do it all myself, Dave, like, why am I going to, do I have to do this? You know, and even people I see plug into the community or, you know, plug in here or there. I kind of look at it like a gym, right? So you go to the gym, you work out, you're really getting after it. You get the results, right?

You're like, yeah, I'm looking good. But I think consciously we all know, if we stop going to the gym, we start eating junk food again, then the results are going to slide away. When it comes to sobriety, it feels like when we hit that 90 days or we hit that one year or we hit that two years, it's like, I don't need to do anything anymore. I'm good to go. And then I see it so often, it can be a slippery slope when you're not going to kind of plugged into support and, you know, self-development or finding a purpose in life of,

you know, what are you going to do with your time and how are you going to connect with others? I mean, the most famous maybe expression ever is the opposite of addiction is connection, you know, connecting with people in some way. And a big thing of, big part of your story I'm picking up on is the isolation. So going against that and getting connected was helpful. Massive, mate, honestly. But I could be in a crowded room and feel like the loneliest person in the, the room because I was just away with the fairies with my whole life, you know, and I just

felt so, so much pain in my life, but a lot of it was self-inflicted. You know, I was never prepared to do anything about it until the 7th of January, 2019, and it was only then that I started to feel like I knew myself, and it's a work in progress, right? Because even now, I'm nearly eight years sober and I'm still finding out about myself. And do you know the irony, Brad, is like, when I think of those days back then, even if you went back 10 years, my God, I was such a different person. Like, I'm even embarrassed about it. And I know I was a nice, kind person, you know, when I wasn't drunk and irritable or aggressive.

The core of me was a kind, honest person. But when I think back, it's like I do. feel embarrassment of how I was. And again, I have to throw self-compassion at myself there and go, do you know what? There's a stage in your life that you lost your way, you were lost, and you're still finding yourself now. And to sit with myself comfortably, even on a Friday night when there's no one in and there's nothing on the telly, and I'm just looking out the window at the trees moving or something

and feel content is a real joy of my. sobriety you know yeah 100% um i think there's probably a lot of people too that you know look back in the same way of you know how things were but yeah i mean it changes your your brain chemistry and i mean if you're already running on low dopamine and this is like shooting i always say the first time i drank it was like i got launched that of a rocket yeah like i was just boom like just gone i was like wow like where is this been i mean i was a laid bloomer in the sense of drinking um probably 18, 19 went to this college party and we drank this, they call it jungle juice or something.

It was ever clear. And I don't know. I just, I never drank before. I had no idea about drinking. And I just drank so much of this. And it takes a little bit of time to catch up with you. Well,

I mean, by the time it caught up, my world was spinning. But, you know, I left that party. And I had phone numbers and I was connected with people. And I was talking to girls.

And I felt so like, all the insecurities just slipped. away. And I almost wonder, too, when I look back at that, is that what I was searching for over and over and over and over again? And maybe there were little glimpses of it, but I feel like over time it just kind of faded. And then there's consequences that come in. And I think somebody who's not struggling with a drinking problem, substance use disorder, alcoholism, however you want to coin it up, somebody who's not struggling when the consequences happen, they change course, right? They might take a break for a month. They might just

quit altogether. There's really not much friction for them. You know, I see Normies in my life, and there's not much friction for them. They're just like, they have a little bit, you know, half a glass of wine after dinner, and they're sleeping on the couch, you know, but people like us, like I got energy from drinking. I stay up all night, three, four o'clock, and people are like, I'm tired. I'm like, man, like, I never wanted it to stop. I just want to, let's just keep going, cruise control. It's, yeah, but you know, there's stages. I mean, if you've ever seen that animation called Nuggets Addiction, right? And it starts off, doesn't it?

It jumps over the first little golden nugget, right? And then the second one, it takes a big sip, and it's like that red ball ever where it gives you wings and it flies up in the air, right? But the further down the line it went, the darker its life got, and then it just fell over at the end. And every time I watch it, I get goosebumps. But that was like my relationship with alcohol, because in the beginning, I was, I was really the life and sold the party out clubbing.

Right, when the club ends, come out my house, I got a load of booze in, stay up till six, seven in the morning. At the end, I was just drinking to black out, to pass out to then start again. Like, that's how it affected my life. There was no enjoyment in it. Well, that's a lie, actually. The enjoyment was the thought of my drinking after I've got through a day of hell. with the hangover, and I thought in an hour I can start drinking again.

So that gave me a dopamine hit. And then the first couple of drinks gave me a dopamine hit, bearing in mind they were probably eight shots of vodka in one glass with a tiny bit of tonic and I would chuck it down. And then after that, it just went into a massive decline to depression, and listening to solemn music and ranting to myself in my house on my own. been really negative and cable warrior and I was I turned into like a really miserable man through my drinking you know and I I a lot of it was self-inflicted as well but as you know with the tolerance it goes up and up and up and you're drinking more and more and more and before you know it you become this thing that you don't even recognize yourself in the morning you look in the mirror and you're like who the fucker you like yeah it was really sad yeah and i always encourage people too and they when they

listen to these stories because i think there'll be people that listen to say well i'm not there yet like maybe they're just at the cider stage right they're just drinking they've kind of elevated from the beer to the cider and you know what that looks like or maybe they're at the wine stage yeah that's a good analogy yeah but it's like none of us expect for it to get worse like i don't think any of us wake up one day and like, yeah, I can't wait to like burn my life to the ground. And, you know, I just want to, I just want to be drinking all day. And, you know, I mean, I did have dreams of like drinking all day. But not with consequences.

Like, I had dreams of Sunday fun day where it would be like, great. We would just day drink. And now I'm like, that was so miserable. It was because other people around me could stop. Like at 7 o'clock, we'd start drinking maybe at noon. And at 7, they'd say, all, yeah, I got to work on Monday, right? I'll wind down. and I would just feel so sad.

I'm like, oh, man, like, I can't stop. I have to keep going. I'm like, ah, this, you know, it sucked at that point. In the beginning, it was like, oh, this is going to be, you know, the start of it. This is going to be so great. Go and get hyped up. I got a lot of dopamine from like going to buy it and getting the ice and getting the cooler ready. Like, yeah, it's going to be great.

But by the end, I was like, this is, I wish I never started drinking on, you know, the Sunday. But it's like looking at the stories of I might not be all the way. at this end of the spectrum, but this thing is progressive for so many people. And like for everybody, it looks different and it might take time. But it's like it usually gets worse for most people. Yeah. And especially when you go back to it after you've had a spell of sobriety, you know, like it often gets worse because you've got the shame of not getting sober and everyone

else seems to be doing well in a community. You know, I just can't do it. I might as well just accept I'm a drinker. you end up drinking more. But I always say to people, don't compare to others. Like, this is your journey, you know, like, you don't have to be drinking a liter or vodka a night to have a massive problem. If you're drinking two or three glasses of wine and it affects your sleep or it makes

you anxious or you're not great with a kid, then surely that's enough to look at it. You know, even if you think, right, I'm going to take a month off and see how I feel and give it the very best you can, you know, eat well, got to bed early, educate yourself, listen to podcasts, read quickly it, whatever it is, get out in nature, give yourself the best you can in 30 days and see how you feel. Like, I just don't think it has to be a huge problem to stop. Yeah. And I think the language around that is really changing a lot too.

Like I think before the Hollywood movies, all the stories that we heard is like, you have to this rock bottom. I mean, you have to like bottom out and, you know, that was the requirement for changing your life. But like, that could mean so many different things for, it's so subjective to each individual person, right? Like, it's so interesting for, for me, I hit, I think a lot of what people would call rock bottom. The truth is like, you don't change unless you decide to change. Like, the outside force, yeah, I might have woken me up or a day or two or a week or two, but I always came up with excuses like wrong place wrong time I shouldn't have been hanging out with that guy

I'll do a little bit better next time like of course you know well I'm dating a different girl now so you know she's gonna make sure I stay on the straight and it was always something else other than you know myself right so I think like that accountability but like making that decision of you know I need to change course here this really just isn't going to get better on its own as much as we all would like it to I agree, mate. And I think a lot of people that do constantly go round and round in circles,

I always say to them, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you really want to give up? Because if you really dig deep, there was probably still only 65% to me that wanted to give up that day I gave up. There was 35% who was still dragging the bloody coat tails, going, oh, do we have to, do we have to? But I think you've just got to come to a decision and do it. and say, right, okay, I love what you said earlier,

but sometimes you overcomplicate it. It's like just have a month off for now. And if there's resistance there, I think, oh, I've got a wedding to go to or got a birthday coming up. Then you know you've got a problem, right? Because if you said to me, don't eat puddings for a month, all right, then. But don't have a drink for a month,

and you're thinking, oh, you know, got a few things coming up. Can we do it next month? then there's a real sign there that there's a problem going on. Yeah. I love that point too. Start before you're ready. Yeah,

I think a lot of us maybe wait around for the stars to align in many areas of life. I mean, not just this one, right? Whatever it is, you know, we're waiting for all the stars to align for that magic door to open up for us to walk through. But sometimes it's just taking action to head in the direction we want. And like you mentioned,

showing compassion for ourselves. If we go after this and it doesn't pan out, we don't achieve our goal. Like, don't give up on it. Don't give up on it. Come back to it. Learn from it. Like, there's data there, right? If you go to three weeks or whatever it is and you have a little slip, don't think, oh, I've ruined it.

I'm useless. Think right. What led up to that? How was our feeling? What were the circumstances? How can I avoid it next time? It's all learning, mate, isn't it? I know people that tried for 10 years to stop drinking.

and then they cracked it and they've been sober for 15 years now. You know, like it's complicated. But as you say, try not to over complicate it by putting things in a way and just go, right, right, I'm going to start today and see how it goes for it. I'm going to non-negotiable for a month, right? I will not drink for a month. If I've got a social thing coming up, don't go. Like, I always look at it, put it on a scale, like, sliding scale. Like if you feel that you can go and it's not a problem, that's fine.

If you think you can go, but it might get a problem, right? Go for a couple of hours. But if you think, like, I've never been to a stag do. I think you call it a, is it a buck party or something? What do you call? Yeah. I've never been to one since I've been sober because I wouldn't want to. But the thought of being with a load of bloke's drinking all day and night

doesn't interest me at all, mate. At all. Yeah. But I knew, like in the beginning, obviously it's dangerous for me, so don't do it. Like, you have to set rules and boundaries. You can't just float into it. You need a plan. You know, join a group, like community.

You know, like that's really, really useful because it gives you such a lift when you're listening to someone. You know, as you said earlier, it might not be the same story, but there'd be little seeds in that story that you'll identify. to and you go, do you know what? I feel so much better hearing someone else talking about it because I felt so alone, you know, in my head. And it's so powerful. So I always say treat it like an experiment,

have a month off it, give it everything and then take it from there. Yeah, and see where you want to go with it. I think the other big benefit of this community is too. I mean, I know in my life I have blinders on sometimes. Like,

I can't see things. I only have my perspective. Being part of a community, helps me see others' perspectives and other people kind of show vulnerability, then I feel more comfortable to show vulnerability, to show differently, to feel safe in that way. I see them show vulnerability. They didn't catch on fire. So I'm like, okay, that feels safer.

I heard this quote the other day that it's kind of been sitting with me since, but it was kind of like, you know, I kind of framed it up for the people that slip, right? You commit to not drinking. You drink again. And it says, what a privilege it is to have. have another day to try again. You got to get back after it, you know, like you really got to pick yourself back up. But you never had any sort of that in your story.

I mean, before you got sober on the 7th of January, right? Yeah, January 2019, yeah. You hadn't, had you really kind of committed or been in or you were just like, I'm going to take a couple days off or. Oh, yeah. There were times that I tried and, but I was half-hearted, you know, I didn't really want to do it. And it was the excuse. I remember once I'd taken a couple of weeks off

and I was in the supermarket and a woman put three bottles of red wine on the conveyor belt and I thought, nah, I can't do it. And I just bought a load of wine. And then I was back in the bloody cycle for months on end, you know. I just, but I didn't have the heart in it. I think because of the beach thing and my mum dying and, I just think I was ready, mate. You know, there's a saying, isn't there,

you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think I was there. And I just thought, you know, if I don't sort it out now, I ain't got long because my health was disgraceful. I mean, the doctor didn't even know how I was still alive. You know, blood pressure, acid reflux, cholesterol, weight, mental health, all of it was shocking. like I was a walking disaster, you know, so,

and I feel so blessed now that I'm so healthy now. You know, everything's really good. I mean, I'm bloody 62 now, but I feel as good as I did in my 20s, and I'm not just saying that, Brad. I feel so healthy now. And that's all off the back of stopping drinking, you know, and having the right mindset,

calming my nervous system down, meeting the right people, educating myself, and being kind and compassionate to myself and not talking down to myself like I used to, you know. Too many people talk badly to themselves, you know, and I say, would you talk to me like that?

And they go, well, of course not. So why are you talking to yourself like that then? You know? Yeah. We have to be kind to others and to ourselves and just live a calm of life. And that's what I'm saying to you about that transition from chaos to calm, takes time.

But once you get there, you appreciate so much in life, the small things, you know? Yeah. And then you, I do anyway. I wonder,

like, are they even that small? Or is that what we were supposed to be appreciating all along? You know? Yeah, but like, even like, we were out this morning and early.

And there were a load of geese in the field, the farmer's field and that. And they're all settling down and we could hear the birds singing. And it's just things like that starting your day off right, you know, rather than just laying in bed rotting away and being depressed and, you know, your partner's not talking to or you've broke the bank and you're behind on the bloody rent. Do you know what I mean? It's like just like we're here once right. this thrive, this get the most out of it and put that shit behind us because it, you know,

it doesn't really add anything when you break it down. Yeah, true. Was it as hard as you thought it would be? No. What to stop? Yeah. No. And I put it down to mindset, Brad.

I really do put it down to mindset. My mindset was so adamant that I had to do it. and then the rest come along with it. I'm not saying I didn't find it easy along the way. You know, I've had a divorce in there. I've had a lot happen since I've got sober. I've moved seven times and you know yourself, well, that's like moving.

Really, really stressful, right? But I just feel like I prepared myself right throughout the whole thing. You know, I had a plan and I think without a plan, I'd have just gone back, but I had to have a focus to achieve it, you know. And the more I went, the more I got stronger. And, you know, even now, Brad, like nearly eight years on, I might wake up and feel pissed off or fed up, you know, but I know where it had passed, and it might even be, well, you know,

you're having one of those days, mate, and just do the best you can. You know, I'm not one of these people who are sugar-caught. and go, oh my God, look at my skin and I'm the perfect weight. Life's hard. But it's harder when you've got a drug that you depend on, you know. And I think I've probably had the best seven, eight years of my life since I stopped drinking. And you never hear a sober person say they regret it ever. I've never heard it once.

Regret not drinking. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, geez, that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, Faye. feel like I just think back to the days too or just, oh man, wake up and you just feel like, gosh, what happened, man? Where'd the train go that ran me over? You know, all these big plans.

I used to make these big plans when I was drinking. Never fall through with the damn thing. Never show up or never be able to never have the capacity. I mean, I wanted to do a lot of cool stuff. But no, I mean, I never really showed up for it. I think that that's a thing that people wonder about when they're, you know, drinking is always on their mind, right? Yeah, so they're always thinking about it's like, oh, drinking, drinking.

They're like, man, Brad, is that ever going to go away? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, for me it has. I don't think of it, right? I mean, I think what you mentioned there too, mindset, like the way that I view alcohol changed over the years, right? It's like at one point it was this way to connect. It was this way to like numb and, you know, forget about that I was going absolutely nowhere in life.

I could forget about all of that for the night. I could feel like I was somebody, you know, identity and connection with people. Now I just look at it. Like it's sold as this ultimate connector, but it truly is the disconnect because I would be connected with people. The second I started drinking, fuck,

that's all I wanted to do. I could care less about what Sally has to say about, you know, her third year of college. I just wanted to drink. And it was like, I thought I was connecting, but it was ultimately just disconnecting.

Totally. That's perfectly said. You know, I were beer a night out, and all I'd be concentrating on was when the next beer was coming in. So I wasn't even listening to the conversation. I was looking at the glass thinking, how are you that slow at drinking? You know, I wasn't listening to any conversation. I'd switch off and just slip away.

You know, they could be out three hours later and still be having a civil conversation where I was out on the number planet, you know what I mean? and quite often go off on my own somewhere. It's just misery, mate. Yeah. And it's hard to see. Like when you're in it, it's hard to see it.

And I think for for a while, you know, everybody drinks for different duration. But I think there's, there's a time span in there where we don't fully realize sort of the impact that it's having on our life. I mean, deny or,

you know, I think I was kind of like delusional, man about life. I thought one day I would wake up and all this would go away, you know, I would just snap of the fingers, right? I would really do it. And I'm like, you know, I mean, that sounds good in everything.

But the reality was I just didn't have the skills or the tools or the know-how or the confidence or the nervous system regulation to really get me to there, you know, to going to hang in there when things were tough or push. When you look back at this, I mean, 62 years, you say you're 62 years old. Yeah. 40 years of drinking. What's your takeaway from your life? Do you know what, mate?

I've been asked this before, right, and people have said to me, do you regret it? And I don't. I don't. I regret some of the things I've done. But I know that from all my experiences that I've witnessed has made me the person that I am now. And there's nothing I can do about it, Brad. You know, I can't apologize and I have.

And there's some people I can't because I don't know where they are. Hopefully they're listening to this. but my 40 years of drinking has shaped me into who I am now and I've learnt such a lot about myself now that I can be a much better person I can do the right thing I don't ever look over my shoulder anymore I used to have a thing

well I still do really about people who lie I don't like it I think we should all be honest but I was a real liar anyway because I used to hide alcohol used to say I wasn't drunk when I was drunk and lie about having a drink when I had had a drink and, you know, I can be my true authentic self now and I've also added, hopefully, fingers crossed,

many years to my life where I can live a really healthy 70s, 80s or whatever it is, rather than someone who's really ill and, you know, I mean, there's a big difference between 60 and 70, mate, I can believe it, but I've sort of vouched to myself that I want to be the healthiest 70-year-old that I can be. You know, and that's only eight years ago, which scares the hell out of me. I've lost a decade, and I'm in my 40s. But, you know, I'm just really, really positive. I'm in an amazing relationship now.

My son's fantastic. You know, I love the work I do. I love my podcast. and I know amazing people, you know, so really things can be better. Yeah, which is always the, always interested by that, that's, you know, view on things, right? Because if we go back and say you go left at that light instead of right, your whole life could change. I mean, you think about car accidents, right? I mean, it's literally seconds, right?

If the car, if somebody just had a leak before they got in their car, they avoid. And I always think of that, you know, there's things I look back at. I'm not proud of, you know, it was disastrous. It impacted other people in ways that I'm definitely not proud of. But I always think back because I've just grown so much and just, you know, so many blessings sort of of the journey of sobriety and working on ourselves and being willing to change and being honest. If I go back and change one little thing, you know, I have these three kids, you know, running around and, you know, my wife and, you know, life now, I never had that before.

And I'm thinking, man, if I change the things that sucked in my life, the things I weren't proud of, I don't end up here, you know? It's like I, I land in a completely different place. I have no idea what that would be, but I look back and like, I'm just like the timing and how everything played out, it's hard. to believe it was a coincidence or it was just lucky or, you know, I mean, I don't have the answer for that, obviously, but I think that looking at our previous years, you know, with that mindset, I think can really empower us to really show up differently in, in the world today. That's wonderful, mate, what you just said there. And it's true because going back to that day, the 7th of Jan, 2000.

When I texted and said, are you in? I was parked in a petrol station. If he said, no, I'm out, Dave. Come and see me tomorrow. I'd have walked into that petrol station, bought some booze and drunk it that night. And that would have changed. That would have been the left at the traffic lights instead of the right. Exactly what you said.

And I just think we are exactly where we're supposed to be right now in this minute. Right. Yeah. And of course we can influence it to a certain way, you know, the choices that we make. But I think if you lead a positive, healthy life, eat the right foods, have the right mentality, treat people kindly, do the right thing, then you give yourself a bigger opportunity of living a wonderful life. And when I was drinking, I was really negative, really low, depressed, had low, low frequency, I'll call it. You know, my frequency was really, really low.

What am I expecting to gain from that in my life if that's how I'm living, you know? And now I live on a much higher frequency. It's like, you know, good things come along all the time. You know, they really do. Yeah. And that to me is the epiphany of sobriety. It's like give yourself a chance. It's like, you know, like give yourself an opportunity and live a better life without it and deal with all this stuff, you know?

Yeah. That's how I look at it. Yeah, 100% because it's always going to be there. Stuff doesn't just magically go away. I think that too, like the energy of alcohol. I don't know if you experience this at all. This might just be one weird thing I experienced. But if I go into a gathering or a party or something and there's a lot of drinking, I can kind of feel like this heaviness, unpredictable.

energy that I'm like, I just, I'll go. Like, I'll go to stuff and hang out, whatever. It's not, it's not the big deal, but not hang out for long. Like, I don't really enjoy being in that. And people start to change. And it's like, you know, it's like, I'm like, oh, this is weird. This is so, it's not authentic, you know, like the people that are in the community or other people I know that are like really working on themselves.

Like, they're authentic and they're vulnerable and they're honest. And then you kind of get that shift in other people. and it's like, oh, you know, I mean, this is just so far from how I'm living day to day. Well, Dave, thanks so much, dude, for jumping on. I mean, congrats to, you know, coming up on eight years, you know, one for the road podcast with Sober Dave, new on newish on YouTube. So we'll link that below. Anything you want to leave everybody with that's listening to this episode.

I just think if you're sitting on the fence, and you don't know quite what way. to go because we have limiting beliefs and doubts and is it the right time and, you know, it's September coming up to Halloween and there's always something in the way, right? So I would write a list of things down, right? Mark a list of how your drinking benefits you, how it doesn't. And I'll guarantee that the majority of the things you write down will how it doesn't, right? And then just think, how would I feel in a month's time or three months in my case, right?

Just wind your life forward to Christmas. I think, how would I feel if I didn't drink for three months? And for me, that felt quite exciting. And that's what made all the difference. Find a community, like your app, like other things, A.A. meetings or whatever. Connection is really, really important. educate yourself and make the most out of it. And just treat it like an experiment.

It doesn't have to be a big heavy thing, does it? Just think, do you know what, I'm going to have a break? Find the right thing to say to your friends as well. Just say, do you know what? I'm struggling with sleep lately or my anxiety is up lately. You don't have to, less is more, I say. You know, you don't have to go into a whole big thing of, well, do you know what I've been drinking two bottles, a wine,

and like you just say, little as you can, right? you're going to get the odd to push back, but just keep it small and then stay in your lane and to see where you go. And I think you'd be surprised how well you feel at the end of it, you know. I really love to encourage people to give it a chance, Brad. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's where it all starts. And you never know where it's going to go.

I mean, I never thought in the wildest day it would all kind of work out. You know, just like, I don't know what else to do. My life's falling apart. And like, this is what my earliest mentor, Andy was telling me, like, he's like, you don't have a, you don't have a drinking problem, man. You got a problem with life on life terms. And drinking is just your vehicle to deal with it or to escape it. And it can be so many different vehicles that we plug into, even on the sobriety side of things. Like, hey, we get caught up with stuff, man.

Like, you know, life's not perfect. It's not perfect. There's still challenges with life and stuff. But what sobriety does for me is allows me to show up for. See my part in things, right? Not blaming everybody else for where I'm at and being bitter. And it's empowering and I can show up and feel good and make changes in life. Great to connect with it.

Great to connect, Dave. Amen, brother. And I want to thank you, mate, because you've been a huge part of my sobriety as well. I saw this guy on there, YouTube, whatever it was years ago, and I thought, he's the man. But serious, mate, I am serious. And we're yet to meet, but I'm sure we will one day. I'll be flying over to you because you have these events, don't you, and that?

So I will make it one day. Yeah, looking forward to it, dude. Thanks again. Pleasure.