Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How Addiction Escalates: Destiny's Story of Getting Sober

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Brad sits down with Destiny for a raw and powerful conversation about addiction, recovery, and the moment everything changed. Destiny grew up carrying responsibility far too young, learned early how to survive chaos, and spent years believing she was “different” — that addiction wouldn’t take her where it had taken others in her life. What started as partying slowly escalated into something much darker, affecting her relationships, her identity, and her ability to show up as a mother. A near-fatal overdose became a turning point — not because someone forced her to change, but because she was finally ready. Destiny shares what didn’t work for years, what finally did, and why community and belonging became the foundation of her recovery. ----------- Destiny on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xo_des97/

Welcome back to season five of the Sobermotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible. One story at a time. Let's go. Today I'm joined by my friend Destiny, and she opens up about growing up in chaos, becoming the responsible one way too young, and how alcohol and drugs slowly took over, until pills turned into fentanyl, CPS got involved,

and an overdose brought her to a terrifying crossroads. We talk about what finally made her ready, how community and peer support helped her rebuild, and what it looks like to do the work one day at a time. If you're struggling or feeling hopeless, this is a great episode for you. And this is Destiny Story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast.

We got my friend Destiny with us here today. Destiny, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm good. I'm glad to connect with you and share your story with everyone. Yeah, me too. I'm glad to tell it. Glad to be here with you.

Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? Growing up, it was a little hectic, a little chaotic. I was the oldest of four and the only girl. My mom struggled real bad with mental health, which went undiagnosed my entire childhood. So we didn't really know what it was and why things were the way they were sometimes. my stepfather was an addict alcoholic still is. So it was a lot of chaos for sure.

One of the main things that really stand out to me today is just, and it's still something that I have to work on, is just picking up responsibility where it's not my responsibility. So carrying the weight of my younger siblings, being the go-to person, getting employed really young, things like that, just like carrying weight that wasn't really mine to carry, but I did it anyway because I did it. I felt like I had to.

And so really when I look back to that, like, that's the biggest, like, piece of, like, that's the best way to sum it up. And another thing I always say is my mom did the best she could with what she had. So, like, we weren't financially, like, I mean, I remember a lot of things I didn't get to do because we couldn't afford it. So, like, financially was a struggle. And it was just very chaotic, yeah. Whereabouts did you grow up?

I grew up in a small town called Wannock Cove, North Carolina, and in the county of Stokes. Yeah. Is that where you're at still or no? Sort of. So that's where my kids go to school and I work there, but I live in a neighboring county, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Okay. Cool. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of that, too.

I mean, it sounds like you had to grow up pretty quick. Yeah, I did. And in some ways, I think that it's like really shaped me into who I am. But in other ways, like, let's just be real. It wasn't fair. But it's life, right? Yeah. And you're the oldest of four?

Yes. So I'm the oldest and the only girl of four. Yeah. What else do you remember from your earlier days growing up? Like, how was school and everything for you? School was easy. School came naturally. It was the one area of my life that, like, didn't cost my first.

family money. You know, like, it was one thing that I could do and do well. And so I buckled down and, like, straight-A student, went into extra-curricular activities, anything that was, like, educational and, like, book smart, I was there for it. And I did really good. I never got in trouble. I was one of those kids. You never caught me in, like, in school suspension. Like, I was perfect student, really. Yeah. Do you think looking back that that was like your safe space or a safe place for you to excel or do well with compared to home life or no? No, I mean, yes and no.

It was a safe space for me. But like there was also, I experienced some bullying like as a kid. Like who doesn't? But that stood out to me too. But like really my safe place was my grandma. I spent every weekend at her house for the most part. And that was where I could be a kid and I could be loud and I didn't have to like worry about things that I shouldn't have. Yeah.

So your grandma's house and she lived close by then. Yeah, she was, I mean, maybe like 10 minutes away. Yeah. Okay. So that was a really stable, safe place for you to grow up. Yeah. And she had, my grandma has five kids. The youngest is four-ish years older than I am.

So we were really close to. And that was like where I, that was the only girl in my family that I was super close to. So it like allowed me to be a young girl. So yeah. Yeah. Awesome. How do things look like for you kind of as you move along there too? I mean, you had mentioned your stepdad too.

So did you like see a lot of drinking and stuff growing up or drugs? Yes, but I didn't know what it was until I got older. So like the first time I think I ever really like, seen drugs in my life and I didn't know what it was until I got older. I mentioned my mom. She struggled with mental health and stuff like that and I don't like to

tell her story so to speak, but also like this is part of my story that I remember and it was very traumatic. I was in second grade and we were sitting at the kitchen table, laundry, folding bath towels to be exact. Like I can still visualize

it. And she just kind of looked at me and she was like I remember her turning of a bottle of pills. And she just looked to me and she was like, if I do not wake up, call 911 and then call your grandma. And so mind you, I'm in second grade. I'm like seven, eight years old. And of course, you know, she did end up falling asleep.

And I tried to wake her up. Didn't have much success there. So I had to make those phone calls. And so like, there was a lot there. But I think it was so normal that there's times that I still don't think I've quite like piece together or remember. I remember more of the effects of it. So like the arguing, you know, them fighting over money or them fighting over my stepdad

staying out all the time. Like he's still on my mom's vehicle. It's not funny. But, you know, as I get older, sometimes all I can do is look back and just laugh. Like me and my siblings will just kind of like reminisce. And I don't know, dark humor maybe. But anyway, so I do remember seeing it, but it was so normal. what really stood out to me were the effects of it.

And like the danger, the chaos, the fear that it kind of brought into my home and into my life. Yeah. How did things look like for you like in high school? Well, I was one of those kids that swore I would never drink. My biological father, and this is important for me too, I've met him once in my entire life. And he still to this day, as far as I know, is still an alcoholic. Hasn't found recovery yet. But so I was one of those kids that swore like I would never drink.

You'd never catch me doing any type of drugs. Like I'm going to, I'm going to graduate high school, keep good grades, graduate college, and be like successful. I'm just going to be that kid, be that the first one. I'm the oldest and lead the way. However, I was around like 15, 16, and I spent the night with one of my friends. And it was three of us there. And her mom literally like just. have at it. She opened up. I can't even express how much was in her home. It was like two cabinets

and like two like two cabinets over here and two cabinets over here and it was full of just whatever you wanted. Fridge stocked and she said have fun and that's what we did or thought. And so that was like my first encounter and immediately like I literally woke up the next morning laying in the bathroom floor all three of us and we did it again that night. So even though I, I felt so strongly about it. It made me feel good. You know, it wasn't something that I had to work for. You know, I could literally just drink this liquid, make a drink.

I could pick which one I wanted. There was a huge variety. And so it made me feel good. It made me feel good in a way that I had never experienced before. And that kind of started that cycle. And it was slow at first. At first, it was just partying on the weekends, which also introduced me to, like, marijuana. and I took right to that.

And it was just, at first, like I said, it was, you know, here's the weekends. And it was this fun thing. And it never really got in the way of my studies until college is kind of when it started to like slowly snowball into like, okay, we have a problem. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people share something relatable to that too where it just kind of builds, you know, like. And I think even looking back at those teenage years, it wouldn't be like anything that

a lot of people don't experiment with or whatever. You know, I mean, there's no guarantee or, you know, thing to check to say, hey, this is going to be a much bigger problem down the road. How did you feel about yourself and how your life was going to, like in your high school days? High school days? I mean, I felt good because I felt like I could always, I would always have control. Because in some sense, I did in high school, you know, I wasn't sneaking in my mom's house. I wasn't drinking. Like I was still showing up at school, showing up again. I was working.

I started working the day I turned 16. I started working. My mom was working third shift a lot once her and my stepfather had divorced. So, you know, with her work in third shift, I have my license. I was taking my brothers to school and picking them up. And I was still showing up in every way that I was supposed to. So like all the box were checked. It looked good. It felt good. And I didn't I think I had a problem. So at that point in time, like, like greenlight. I'm good. Yeah. It's probably relatable to so many people. I know it is to me. Like it wasn't, you know, the consequences weren't necessarily there. And even if I did get in trouble, I mean, everybody around me was like, you need to chill out a little bit, like try not to get caught.

But I feel like I also got the message of like, we know you're a teenager. We know you're going to experiment with stuff. And I don't think they were wrong about that. It's kind of like before. Nobody knows sort of like how everything is going to play out. I think there are probably some people who do the exact same stuff and then things turn out differently. Wasn't my story though. So anything sort of from high school and before of relevance to your story that you want to share before we kind of move on to the next steps?

I mean, I think I shared most of it. Just like kind of take with you like along as I tell my story to anyone listening. you know, as far as like the academics and what I got from that, like a lot of people pleasing, like checking the boxes of other people, finding myself worth and praise from what I could do as far as like, okay, you know, always, great job and just kind of like the chaos. But like other than that, it was kind of smooth selling. Well, there was one thing and I don't share it often, but I think that, you know, maybe this is just something that someone listening might. As a child, a young teen, so around the age of 14, I did experience some pretty traumatic sexual abuse from someone.

And when I say traumatic, the length of it was what was traumatic. It lasted a lot longer than I wish it would have. And so I feel like that plays a role too. I don't ever, I like to be careful because you don't know what will trigger someone else. But that is a part of my story. And for anyone listening for a long time, I felt like it wasn't okay to share that and that it maybe made me look less than or dirty or wrong because I didn't handle it in a way where the person had any consequences.

And it probably should have been handled for me. But again, that's another conversation for another day. So maybe someone is listening and they hear what I've just said. Find support because, I mean, yes, it's. it did happen and it's not okay that it happened, but you can be okay after it happens. And there's a lot of really amazing people out here that can offer support there.

So yeah, I think that's it for now. Yeah, thank you. So I'm just kind of painting the picture. And thank you for sharing that too. You know, you have this chaos at home. You have this situation you've just shared there. I'm sure there's other stuff too. And then you have, you know, school, doing well in school.

and that's, you know, people pleasing, kind of, you know, getting praise for that too. It's a very interesting sort of, you know, dynamic and build up. And it feels like maybe a lot of pressure in a sense to, you know, especially looking after your siblings as well and helping them out and starting to work at 16. And there's a lot of moving parts here for you. What were your goals? What were your dreams sort of after high school? And how did that all look?

So originally my goal was to go to Salem College, which is in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, all-girls school. I graduated from an early college program. So it's like a non-traditional high school where you can go for four to five years and obtain your associate's degree while you're working on your high school diploma. And when I graduated there in May of 2015, I had a full ride to Salem College. and my goal there was to be an early elementary teacher. So I wanted to double major in education and English, because I really was good at, like, reading and writing and things like that. And I was there for a year before I got caught on campus twice with marijuana,

which ended up with me being expelled, and so I just came back home and worked. And nothing really, like, major. It was just, I found it really hard. Once I got out of that and I wasn't being watched all the time, I guess, by my brothers, my mom. You know, I didn't have that, what's the word I'm looking for? I didn't have accountability. There we go.

And so it was like, I wasn't making myself get up and go to classes. And I got careless because I just thought I was invincible and drinking on campus under it. smoking. I mean, just ridiculous. Like, I don't even, I couldn't function because I was always under the influence of either marijuana or alcohol, like 100% at the time. And so I reaped what I sewed and I got expelled from there after, during my second semester. Yeah, towards the end of it. Like, how did you internalize that? I mean, was that a heavy blow for you at the time? For sure, because I had all these, like, intentions of, You know, being the first one in my family ever to graduate from college.

And then, of course, like, I thought that was my way out of what I grew up in. And so, like, I love my family. I truly do. But that was my way out to, you know, I'd graduate college. Who would go back home? You know, my life would be set. Once I graduated, everything was just going to fall into place, right? And so coming back home, I didn't even tell them at first.

it was a secret until the school had to send a letter in the mail and my mom opened it and she found out. And so of course I also had court because they did involve the county police as far as like, you know, it's a legal substance here. So still, there were some consequences there, but I got like a deferred prosecution. I had to do some community service and it just was no major consequences other than feeling a lot of shame and embarrassed. But I just went straight back to work, picked up all the responsibility that coming home, being expelled, like hiding it. You know, once I was found out it was a little bit of relief because I didn't have to hide this big secret anymore. But really, I think, like, the unspoken thing was I was back home

to work and help. So it was kind of relief on both ends. And it just, you know, I heard from my mom several times, like, you need to be careful. Marijuana is a gateway drug. you're going to end up into some heavy stuff that you can't get out of. And I didn't believe her. And so I just kind of went back to the working all the time, still taking care of like, I guess I had that accountability being back home and I needed to make it look good. So I was working. I was helping take care of my brother still.

I was showing up for them. And I was working a lot. Like at one point I was working two jobs. But as soon as I clocked out, as soon as I was done for the day, like I was smoking between, jobs or like smoke on my way to work. But as soon as I clocked out, I was drinking. Just I ended every night drunk. Yeah.

Yeah. After this is after like this stretch after, you know, being kicked out of school. Coming back home and sort of all that stuff. I mean, did you ever kind of like look within of like, hey, maybe there's something, maybe this is too much or it just made sense at the time? At that point, no. I still thought that I was just invincible, which is crazy when I, look back now because I guess now knowledge is a little different, but it did run in my family.

Like I grew up in it. My dad is an alcoholic. I don't know how far back it goes because I don't have access to both sides of the family, but, you know, I have different family members who were addicts and alcoholics, but I guess I just thought I was different. I thought that it couldn't do to me what it did to them and that I was stronger than the drink or the drug. And so, like, really I was like I thought that I deserved it really like I work hard you know even being expelled from college like I work hard you know I help financially I'm supportive I show up so I deserve to drink and to smoke and to do what I want to yeah yeah I mean that that's relatable I've heard a lot of people kind of mentioned sort of in that track that they're doing everything else there are other responsibilities

that they need to I think it's so interesting there too, how we can convince ourselves, if we've seen it before, right? You mentioned kind of runs in the family. That's a lot of people share. But it's like in those moments, we convince ourselves like, I think it's like car accidents too. It's like, it's everybody else. You like, you never really realize that it could be us until maybe it is. But we do such a good job as humans to like deflect or whether it's denial or we just don't find it relatable. And it's like, okay, I mean, that's their story. but it could never be mine.

Yeah. Yeah. And I remember, it's crazy that you even say that because I have a friend who, like, I remember her being, like, during my, like, I'm just drinking, I'm just smoking stage. I remember seeing, like, her social media posts. And she, she was on, like, hard stuff.

And I remember just looking at her and watching her story unfold and certain things happen. And I'm just like, wow, like, that could never be me. I would never let that happen. It just could never be me. And as the years go forward, I end up walking, you know, not exactly in those same shoes,

but right beside of it. So it did. Even though I spent quite a few years, let's say, from like 15, 16 to like 20, 21, thinking that would never be me, that could never be me. I would never let it get that bad. I spent, you know,

let's, like those five. years, six years in that mentality, but eventually it was me. Yeah. I mean, did things kind of pick up pace as far as like your addiction goes after you kind of move home and then this is kind of the way you're going about things? What does that look like? So I think the first time, it was honestly really fast. Once I started dabbling into other things, it picked up really fast and then it slowed down for a little bit and then it picked back up. And so the first thing that I ever dabbled in other than, you know, the alcohol or the marijuana was LSD. That's what I wanted to do for one of my birthdays.

And so that's what we did. I had a friend. There was a ton of us. And we all like start just tripped acid, drink beer and partied. And then I met my kid's dad at this said party. And while I'm tripping acid, I just had this. aha moment that I have found my soulmate. This is who I'm going to be with forever. And it introduced me into a different group of people, which again, like, all of these were my choices, right? And so

it was just the access. And so it led me into a different world of things. And I've LSD went from Molly, which went to Coke, which went to pain pills, which went to, literally I was the girl at the party that if you had it, I would buy it and try, I'd try anything once. And I found, I really ran into a problem with the pills. And they were just booming. Everybody was, that was just a thing. And that honestly kind of slowly took the place of everything else. Like I became the person who give me a beer and I'm good, roll me a blunt and I'm good to like wanting the pills. And that kind of really started to take over my life pretty quick. I was still working during this time, but it was like a, like I craved it. You know, that was the first thing that like,

the first craving that I ever, like, and it didn't scare me at this time, but like it was just different. Like, it was intense. It wasn't just a, I deserve this. It was like, I need this because it just made me feel that good. It took away so much. Like, it took away the racing mind or uncomfortable feelings. Like, it may, it took me out from being like this people pleasing girl that I always had been to like this wild, like, firecracker party girl, you know? And I just, I was having fun for the first time ever.

But yeah, pills is definitely where the problem led into. And then I got pregnant. Me and my kid's dad, we were on and on and getting off again. Like from 18 or 19 to at this point we had Aria, my oldest. And I had moved, once I was pregnant, I moved completely out of my mom's, which, you know, during that time I was, like, that was my landing ground. but I was always somewhere else. And I got my own place, and I got pregnant, and I slowed down. Like, when I found it, I was pregnant, it wasn't hard for me to put down everything.

It was a little bit hard for me to put down marijuana. I smoked with most of my pregnancy until about six months, and then I was too scared that it would show up in a drug test, and they'd take her, so I stopped. But I had, like, a healthy pregnancy, and, I mean, there was some stress in the relationship, We're young, we're dumb, and he still continued, which sucked for me because, you know, I just feel, like, trapped and unable to do necessarily what I wanted to do. But I think it's very important to say that, like, growing up, when everything else fell, like, I knew I would always be a mom. Like, being a mom was never something that I questioned, like, is that for me? Do I want kids?

Like, I always wanted kids. And so when I got pregnant with her, it was like, I was very focused on giving this kid a life that was better than what I had. So that's kind of where it slowed down. Yeah. So it goes from the LSD party, but then you really find yourself plugged in. I mean, what year was this when you, with the pills? So let's see. I graduated 2015, made it.

So I would say like 2016, 2017 to 2019 is about where I was like experimenting with everything. Pills were probably really bad six months before I found out I was pregnant with ARIA, which was in February of March of 2019. Yeah. So I would say late 2018, early 2019 is where I was really like focused in on pills. Yeah. And you had mentioned earlier too, like you had kind of witnessed other people kind of going through it. And we, I guess we set those lines in the sand with ourselves like, you know, I mean, anything but, anything but. And then it's interesting how it plays out, though, because then you find yourself there of where we said we would never go or we would never do that or, or, you know, that would never be a thing. And then, you know, I find I find that we sometimes find ourselves in that same place. Yeah. And then when I look back, I think I was just searching, and I didn't know what I was searching for. And so every time I would like give in and try something new, like, okay, yeah, I'll do LSD, but like I'm never going to do Coke. And then here goes, okay, well, I'll try it, but I'm never going to do pills. And then it was like, once I got the pills, I'm like, okay, I'll try it, but I'm never going to do heroin. I'm never going to do fentanyl. I'm never going to do methamphetamines. But like, I went there too, you know, eventually I did.

But it's just, I was so busy searching for something. And I didn't even know what I was searching for when I looked back. Like, I was just, like, I needed love, I think, and support. Like, I was trying to people please. And I was trying so hard to make someone love me. The relationship with my kid's dad was just, young and dumb. I mean, like, neither one of us were really, like,

we weren't ready. We were young. We were dumb. We didn't want to grow up. And each of us have our own flaws. But, like, I was trying to make that be my family. Like, I thought if that didn't work out, then nothing was going to work out. Like, who would want someone who already has a kid? You know, like, all those thoughts just...

So I was searching and trying so hard to, like, make life good. I just spent a really long time searching in the wrong places. Yeah, just to try to hang in there for maybe longer than, you know, looking back that, yeah. But, I mean, it makes sense. I mean, when you're young and trying to, I'm just envisioning, making sense of the situation and trying to do your best, but then also struggling with substance use as well and drinking and your dream to go to college and, you know, everything else that came before that too. Yeah.

You know, and my guess is you're not getting any like type of support or therapy or help or counseling or anything. Or is that part of it or no? No. And I think for one, I never asked for it. For two, I was still pretty good at hiding it. My family, my mom, my grandma, my brothers, they had no idea that it was as bad as it was. Especially like at that time, they didn't know. I mean, yeah, they knew I was drinking and partying, smoking, but they had no idea that I had went on and tried other things.

And kind of more than tried it, you know, at that point, like, up until I was pregnant with Aria, like, it wasn't, I mean, it was a problem. It was, I mean, I was still, like, maintaining, holding jobs, checking the boxes, doing everything, holding up to my responsibilities, but it was affecting me as a person. Like, for mood swings to just behavior, impulsiveness, just tunnel. on to like drugs, alcohol, and just being in that lifestyle of like the parties and the scenaries and the people I thought were my friends. Like my world pretty much revolved around that at that point. Yeah. How old were you like in this, this time?

1920. I got pregnant with Ari when I was 20. So yeah. Yeah. So like you shared there too, everything picked up pretty quick. Yeah. It picked up quick. I had Aria. It was slow for a while. And this is really important now. And it's funny that you see things differently as time goes on. But I was, I had stopped and I was sober while I was pregnant with her for the most part. I was still, I wasn't on the hard things. I was still using marijuana. Then I quit that, right? But then I have her. And I am breastfeeding her. So I'm still sober. But my environment was the same. I was still around the same. friends who were doing the same things, my child's father doing the same things.

And when I fell back into it this time, I fell into it heavy. Within a year to a year and a half after having Aria, I was back on pills so bad that like I would wake up sick without them, which led to the day that I was willing to pay an outrageous amount for half a pill because I just didn't want to be sick. anymore and said friend who came to sell me this pill gave me fat and all and honestly I wasn't mad about it because it felt so good I was like what is this how can I get more it changed my world completely and I mean just like domino effect one thing after the other like I lost my house I hid it from my family up until we lost the house I was stealing from people

Like I was stealing from my mom, stealing from my grandma, you know, just doing anything I can. I lost the job, got another job. I ended up losing that job too. And so like at this point, like everything's just like crumbling out from under me. And then we got visited by a CPS worker who questioned me about my ability to parent, my child. And honestly, like my kid's dad, neither really was. Dad, neither one of us were employed. He got a job offer to work at like an Amazon or Walmart Distribution Center out of state. And so we jumped ship. We never. It was COVID time and she had

mentioned something about COVID. And so immediately my ears kind of perked up. And I was like, wait, wait, I was around someone with COVID. So she couldn't come in and like actually do the assessment. And we fled. And we jumped around for a little bit. And you know, I think that's where a lot of my mom guilt comes from because like so many things could have happened to my child. We were both like not sober, always intoxicated and she was along for the ride. And while it could have been much worse, it still wasn't good enough for a two, three year old kid. So that was a lot to work through too once I got sober.

But eventually I came back home for a trip because I was the only female. that wasn't working all day on this trip. All the other guys were single and it was like six of them. But I was the runner, so I'd come back home and pick up the pills and the drugs and bring it back to wherever we were with my kid in the car, mind you. And when I got home one day, my mom was there waiting on me with this social worker. And my child ended up going into a temporary placement with family. It was a few months later.

I found out that I was pregnant again. And we came back, tried to work the case plan. We moved to an outside county, so it's like neighboring. But they were just a little, we didn't know this, but it worked out like this. There were a lot less strict. And Ari ended up coming home with the promise that, you know, we stayed sober. But the thing is, we were just kind of, we were using like someone else's urine. We weren't, we weren't sober, needless to say.

But RIA came home and I ended up the entire pregnancy with Raven, I could not get sober. I could not quit. I was on fentanyl so bad that I really just became a whatever was around, whatever I could get my hands on. Methamphetamine, crack cocaine was another big one for me. I got pretty bad on that. So I did have Raven and she immediately went into care. Thank God. She had no complication.

I don't even have an answer for this. And I'm one of those people who really at points have struggled with my spirituality. And this is one of the things that, one of the things that just, it's like a miracle, right? And you have no answer for it. But Raven, she was a little premature. I had her in the back of the ambulance. But she was born with no, she needed no medicated withdrawals. Her biggest complication was because of,

I had her in the back of the ambulance. She came out of my birth canal so fast that there was water retention in her lungs. But that was her biggest, like, medical issue. So I don't understand how that happened, but it did. It's a very true story. And I'm very grateful for that because a lot of babies go through a lot worse than that. Yeah, wow. So you had her in the back of an ambulance?

Yes. I literally was like, you've got to pull over. mind you, like with my first I had like a, I can even think of what it was called epidural. But with this one, like I, with Raven, I felt everything and they came and picked me up. Like my grandma thought I was, I was at my grandmas at this time because my kids' dad and I had separated a lot of domestic violence.

And so I was at my grandmas, and my grandma called the ambulance. And it's, we laugh about the story now. But she called the ambulance and they were telling her, like, all the things to get together. And she was literally like, in her rocking chair with a pair of shoe strings out of a brand new pair of shoes because she thought I was going to have the baby in her living room. But we made it a few miles up the road.

And I was finally like, y'all have got to pull over. This baby is coming. And they were like, no, we're going to make it to the hospital. I'm like, no, we are not. Like, pull over and catch this baby. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

child for a wow that's wild so in for raven then like that then you took her home or no or then then the like how does that work then the state like looks after them or like who who raises they went for they went to kinship they went to one of my uncles who lives in states full north Carolina

and it wasn't that wasn't my first choice but really it was my only choice my mom had, Aria had ended up back with my mom because I had went to a treatment thing called Wish and it was like IOP, but like they caught me in like three positive drug screens and put ARIA back with my mom. I skipped over that. I'm sorry. So Aria was with my mom. My mom is working full time. My brothers are still in high school. My grandma is working full time. They can't take care of a newborn. My kid's dad was not fit to take care of a newborn because he wasn't clean either. He couldn't have Aria. I couldn't either. So it went to my uncle on my grandma's side, my grandma's son. And she was very well taken

care of, very grateful for that. And so that was in August of 2021. And then in December, three days after Christmas, December 28th, 2021, I had agreed to go to like a residential treatment program and exchange Raven got to come live with me while I went through this program. Unfortunately, a mix between I wish it was better care. Mind you, I'm on very hard drugs, and they were like, once you get there, you'll have Suboxin, you'll get MAT, whatever you need to help you withdraw, detox, the whole nine yards. I got there, and mind you, COVID still, I'm on a 14-day quarantine with no groceries because, I mean, I didn't have it. A child who was three months old, four months old,

and I'm withdrawing from years of drug abuse. And I made it through about five days. And finally, I just, I thought I was going to kill me. Looking back now and knowing what I know now, I know now that it would not have killed me, but in that moment I thought it was. And so I went back to what I knew. And I called someone who got me high again and I ended up getting kicked out of that place. Raven went back home to her dad at this point because I was the problem. And that's a whole other story. But I became like the problem. Like I was the one who could never get clean, which wasn't always true because there was always stuff on both sides. But and I, and I I called my mom.

They offered to let me stay by myself if I agreed to go to a detox. And I remember getting to the detox and I had to wait for like hours and I was there for quite a few hours and I finally was like, I'm not doing this. And I just walked out. And so I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina. I know one person and that was a dealer and I called them and they like I just ended up like on the streets with them for a few months until I landed in jail. And from there, it was in and out, in and out for a few months.

About six or seven months, I was in and out. So this was like pretty much January of 2022 to July of 2022. I'd get out and within a week I was back in. And so I spent pretty much those six months consecutive in jail. I got back out, didn't get clean. I did for a little bit, had the kids with me because they were at home with their dad, and it was just a cycle where him and I were together,

abusing drugs, and just couldn't get it together. Never really asked for help. Tried our best to hide it, even though at this point, we weren't hiding it from anyone but ourselves, which led me, so like literally from 2022 to 2020, to 2025. Nothing major happened there, so I'll kind of skim over that if that's okay. I mean, it was just, we had nothing, we weren't working, we had no car, we had no jobs,

we were living in a two-bedroom apartment with his mom and our kids. And I was in and out, like, I kind of go back home to my grandmas, but then she catched me using and she kicked me out. And so it was like literally this rotating door of having nowhere. to go to call my own, not taking care of my kids like they should have been taken care of, not taking care of myself, and it was whatever it took, literally staying high all of the time. And then in May of 2025, May 2nd, 2025, I got sober. The day before that, I experienced an overdose, first one ever.

and things happened as far as I was with my kid's dad when it happened. We were both partaking. I overdosed. He did not. EMS was called and it was reported that I fell in the shower, not and hit my head, which just wasn't the case. I'd overdosed and they were scared to say that, I think. But my heart stopped.

Literally the EMS person, I've known him my whole life. and he was the one who answered the call, mind you. I said I live in a small county. And he called my family, and he's told me, even since then, he was like, like, you were coated. We were literally pulling out the white bag to put your body in. Like, kids in the same house, they would have, that would have been their last vision of me, right?

And it's hard not to get emotional, but, like, that's how they would have remembered me. And I went to the hospital, and I, I don't, at that point, I wasn't sure what was next for me, but I felt a different type of fear. Like, I was scared for my life. I thought that, like, I had reached the end. And I knew for a fact that if I kept going with doing the same thing over and over, that insanity that, like, nothing was going to change. Like, I was going to die. Yeah.

And when was that, when was that, that you had the overdose? May 1st of 2025. Yeah. Yeah. So then May 2nd would be like my full like 24. So like that's my, that's just been my sober date. May 2nd, 2020. No.

May 2nd, 2023. I'm sorry. Yeah, May 2nd, 2023. Yeah, not 2025. Yeah. 2023. Okay. So up until this point, I mean, you've had quite a few interventions in different ways, right?

like rehab, detox, you know, different things too. But when you draw back onto that, maybe in the simplest way to put it, what comes to mind that you didn't find those helpful in getting you started with this, with like sobriety then, kind of seeing, hearing it now, right? Hindsight's 2020, hearing it now, we can probably, you know, figure out like, hey, this was relatively chaotic, you know, kind of all the red flags are there. What do you, like, are you able to put a finger on it about why not then? I think there's two things that play a huge role into it.

Number one, I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to do the hard work. I wasn't ready to stop. I wasn't ready to admit that I had a problem. Like, I just wasn't ready. And then another big thing that played a role into it. I was doing it because that's what people were telling me.

me I had to do. So it was CPS was involved and they were telling me in order to be a mom and get my kids back, I had to do this, this, this, this and that. Or if CPS wasn't involved, you know, it was my mom saying, I'm going to call CPS if you don't go get help. And so, yeah, and the two major parts that really kept me from getting sober with the many different resources I had throughout the years was I wasn't ready and I wasn't doing it for me. Yeah. So you feel like those are those are two ingredients that have to be there. It's like you have to have a level of willingness and it has to be our own idea, you know, at some point, right? Like at some point. I think I think like other people can say, hey, you need to go and, you know, do whatever. But if you, if us,

as the individual doesn't buy into the process at some point, then it's a really tough place to, you know, stay sober from. Like, of course, you had, you know, times in there where you were sober, but I think there's a big difference between getting sober and then staying sober. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing all of that, too. And I remember the last time we had talked, I mean, that event there, where you had the overdose, too. I mean, you mentioned small town, right. Everybody kind of knows each other and you interact as you go through this with people you know. And I mean, that was a heavy experience for you. Yeah. And it was. It definitely was. But at some point,

I think I finally cared more about myself than what other people thought. Now, don't get me wrong. It was hard. It took me a year to even walk into the grocery store in my town without, are they looking at me? Are they looking at me? Like, what do they think? What do they know? But it just kind of boiled back down to like, I have to make these changes.

It's like, change or die? Like, I was in that mindset of like, okay, I have two roads, okay? Like, I can either walk this way and keep doing everything, the exact same way I've been doing it because it's obvious now. I don't have control,

despite all these years thinking that I had it under control. I could quit anytime. I wasn't going to be like this person, that person, my dad, my stepdad, like I was going to be different and I could use smartly. Or I could try something completely different and just stop and just get clean and see where that takes me. Right? Because, and so when I left the hospital, my mom had been there to pick me up and we left the hospital

and we're coming down through, I mean, literally we have three stoplights. And so we passed that first stoplight. And we are at this place that is, it wasn't even officially opened. It was a new treatment center. We didn't have anything in my county up until this place. And my mom had been sending me the link for months, like grand opening, blah, blah, blah. I wouldn't even click on the link. Because then it would spark a discussion of like, hey, can you get, like, are you ready to get clean?

like, can you check this place out? Like, it might help you. Literally, it wouldn't even click on the link. And so she was like, if there's anyone here, could we just stop and talk to them? Just hear them out and see what they have to say. And honestly, in that car ride home, I said yes, but it was not for me at that point yet. It was like, you know, my mom, for years, my mom was like, I do not want to get this phone call. I'm so scared I'm going to get the phone call that you're dead.

And so I wanted to like ease her mind and her heart a little bit. And that's why I said yes. And I'm like, yeah, sure. You know, we can stop and just if there's a car there. And so mind you the whole time, I'm like, please don't be a car there. Please don't be a car there. Well, there were two cars there. Okay.

We pull in and I walked in there and it was a peer support specialist who had, I think at the time she had three years. and then there was a CADC who's a certified alcohol and drug coach and they welcomed me in. Mind you, I literally had just overdose, okay? Not to be TMI, but like I had on men's pajama pants that were falling off of me. My skin was gray. Like, I didn't have any like undergarments on. I had on a baggy hoodie. My hair probably hadn't been brushed in like three months.

Like, I looked literally like walking dead. and they took me right in. I probably, like, didn't smell the best. Probably smelled, like, cigarettes and weed, you know, just... But they welcome me in, and they sat me down and they talked to me, and, like, they heard me. And not only did they hear me, but they, like... You know how sometimes, like, you feel like you say something

and people just look at you like, what the hell? Like, they didn't make me feel like that. Like, they made me feel like... a future was possible without drugs and alcohol. Like they made me feel like change was in my grasp and all I had to do was literally take it one day at a time and that sounds so corny saying it sometimes but it really worked for me and so they had given me

this migraine cocktail at the hospital and the guy who ended up being my therapist, he was like, go home. Like, you can barely keep your eyes open. Go home. This was a Tuesday. He was like, make it all the way through the rest of the day and all the way through Wednesday. If you need me, call me.

Come by here. And I'll see you 9 o'clock Thursday if you're serious. I was there 9 o'clock Thursday. And I had went home after that day. And I went back home to my kid's dad. And literally, like, there was no conversation of like, are you okay? I'm so glad to see you alive. There was nothing like that. And long story short, I ended up leaving him that same day too. I called my mom and I was like, you have absolutely no

reason to believe that anything is going to be any different, but like I can't be here and expect for things. Like, nothing will be different if I stay here. And so I need your help. Like, I need you to come get me in the girls. And I made this decision at like midnight after all this had happened and she showed up and she picked me up and she took me to that appointment on Thursday and I started like I did like all the assessments and stuff and I just started from there and literally like ever since then I've just I'm not going to say I never had any other desire but the desire to live and to live with my kids because CPS got involved of course they were in the home of an overdose. The desire to live and live with my kids, have my kids be a mom came back.

You know, I shared earlier, like, I always wanted to be a mom, but all of that finally meant more to me than getting high. And, I mean, literally one day at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, I just started to do the work. And over the last two and a half years, like, it's been a lot of work. And when I look back, it honestly seems impossible that a girl like me could do the things that I've done. But it's literally one day at a time.

Like, nothing that I tackled was overnight. I had to fight for custody that took months. And it honestly, if CPS hadn't been involved, it would have taken longer. But, like, everything that I've, that's led me up to where I am today, like I've just stayed true to myself. I've not picked up no matter what.

And I've done hard things. I've gotten uncomfortable. And I've showed up even when I wanted to run the opposite way. And I just stayed consistent with the one thing that matters the most. And that's no matter what. Like I'm not picking up. I'm not using no matter what. And it's worked.

Yeah. Thank you, Destiny. Thank you for sharing that. I'm so proud of you. Thanks. Thank you. Yeah, I remember to last time we connected you sharing that story and the impact that it had on your life. And it was kind of maybe your first look into sort of sober people or, you know,

people that maybe walked a similar journey to yours where you get in that, that hopeless place where you think it's always going to be the way it is. And maybe that was just sort of a mirror that, like, things could be possible. thinking that too when you're sharing that I'm just thinking of the word belonging. I'm just thinking of you going in there and it's like you know what I belong here. You know, people aren't looking at me weird or strange because of the path I've traveled. They're looking at me as I'm the next success story maybe to come out of the place or in everything too. And you keep it really simple in the beginning. And I'm big on that about not overcomplicating

everything and, you know, just keeping it simple in staying on course. What do you take away from these last two and a half years of being sober? And I mean, your life has completely changed. I've been lucky to be part of some of it. And what would you like to share with people from, you know, this side of things? So like even just hearing you ask me that just makes me want to just like ball because it's mind blowing where I am. And I'm an emotional person, but that comes with sobriety, I think, for me.

But no, seriously. So when I walked into that place the first time, I don't remember much of what was said to me. But I do remember them telling me, like, if you just stick with it, a life beyond your wildest dreams is waiting for you. And I did not believe that then. But now I find myself, like, looking back and I'm like, this is more than I could have ever dreamed of. You know, I have custody of my kids, and that looks different for everyone. No one's dreams are exactly the same, right? But I have a stable, a stable drop.

I literally work for the same place where, you know, at DSS were, they were, CPS was involved taking my kids and placing them in safe places. I literally work there now. I have custody of my kids. I just bought a new car, and two and a half years ago, like, people wouldn't even look at me. to finance a car. You know what I mean? And so it's like all these things that I just thought I was so unworthy of and I could never have,

they've slowly like unfolded. And so it's proved itself to be true that if I just stuck with it and I stayed sober and I kept doing the work, that's an important part of it, is, you know, you can put down the drink, you can put down the substance. But the real change comes after that. start noticing, you know, like for me, I notice ways that I grew up and how much differently I want my kids to grow up. And I work on that every day. It's not linear. It's not perfect. I apologize to my kids at least three times a day. But I'm trying. And I do feel like I'm doing a good job most

days. But yeah, I think that's the thing for me is, is I know that if only at two and a half years in, life is like this. I cannot imagine like what five years would look like or 15 or 10. And that's not to jump into the future because I know anything could happen at any moment. But for me, there's no drink, drug, person, place or thing out there that's worth the life that I've built. I get to show up for my kids and show up for myself and show up for other people in recovery and give that compassion and love and support that changed my life. And so there's just absolutely nothing in this world that is worth it to risk losing what I have today. Absolutely nothing.

Yeah, beautiful. So well said, even when you're thinking back to like what the people said on that day, I just this quote pops out to me and it's like we don't remember what people say, we remember how they make us feel, something like that. And I'm just wondering if that kind of hits home in that spot, you felt something different when their approach or their experience or what you had just went through, you know, could have put you in that spot too of. you know, I need to make a change here.

I mean, it's just incredible. It really is. It's just incredible destiny. Where you were with things and how things were looking for you. And now you're taking these small steps to, you know, change your life and, I mean, your family as well. And that's always like you shared a couple times there kind of been the, it's something that's so important to you, right? It's being a mom in things being different for them moving forward. And then that's what they're experiencing today.

That's so powerful. Thank you. I love being a mom. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I mean, I'm not a mom, obviously, a dad. But, hey, you know what? I mean, it has its challenges, right?

It has its challenges. I think for those that are interested in doing a good job. Yeah. So that's, yeah, that is so cool. If anyone out there is listening and they're struggling, you know, maybe your story in one way or another is relatable for them. And I think what you bring up to, I'm not a mom, But I think that's very real to where a lot of times, you know,

maybe moms that are a little bit older than where you started your journey at as a mom. But, you know, I do hear a lot too that they're rushing bedtimes and, you know, things like that. And maybe getting into this sobriety thing or not drinking or doing drugs anymore, how do you work through something like that about how everything went too? Like that, I'm always curious on that process because I, I just hear it come up for a lot of people. What do you mean exactly?

Like how do you work through? You mentioned it earlier, like the mom guilt. And that might be one element of it too. Honestly, just knowing that I can't change anything that I've already done. And I can't. My kids have seen me and my daughter have went through therapy together. Like she had a therapist. I had a therapist.

And twice a month we came together as a group to work through things that she has seen heard and at the end of the day like I can't go back and undo anything not a single thing and so what I can change what I can control what I can do differently is today right now and that's just that's how I work through it and it's I mean still there are still days almost every single day I will kiss them good night and I literally run through my brain and just was I kind enough did I snap did I yell do they know that I love them do they know that I would literally go to the end of the earth just to make sure that they smile or that they're happy or that their needs are met. And it's just, you just do the best you can. And today may look

like you're on 100% and you're given 100% and tomorrow may be 50. And I found that for me, just being really honest with them, age appropriately, being willing to apologize. But I found that it's really impacted them as well. Like, hey, I'm human and so are you. You know, Like, it's okay. We just have to get back up and we have to try harder and try our best to just do better and learn from our mistakes. And it's not always perfect. It's not always easy. But it's kind of like you just go back to like, do I dwell on the past and stay there?

Or do I move forward and do better? Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, there's so much truth to that. As far as I know, there is no way to go back for things. Are you proud of yourself for how far you've come? Oh, absolutely. For sure. I think some days it's unreal, but I am proud of myself, but I'm just grateful. More than anything, I'm grateful because I could have been dead. I could have lost my kids completely. There's just so many different scenarios that could have played out. But just to be where I am today, like gratitude just is like my cup overflows with it every day. Getting towards wrapping up, Destiny, if somebody is listening to this episode and they're struggling with getting or staying sober, is there anything you could draw from your story to share with them that helped you out?

For sure. I think the first thing that comes to mine, anytime I'm asked this question, is just, like, support community. There's just, there's so many things out there, whether it's A, N-A, there's, I tell people all the time, like, recovery is literally at your first. fingertips. And by that, I mean like things like your community. And maybe it's not your community, you know, sober motivation, but there's other ones out there. And so the key to that is finding people who share the same or similar experiences that make it feel possible. You know, look at my story. That's what changed my life. And so anyone that's listening that may be struggling, I think that it's really important for them to know that you're not alone, but each and every single one of us, no matter our circumstance, our financial situation, economic status, whatever.

Like recovery is 110% possible and it's out there. And for me and for a lot of other people that I've met along this way, the big life-changing factor is community. and it's finding people who make you feel safe and make you feel loved and heard and just support you through your process because it is a process. Every day, there's new emotions, there's new struggles, there's new cravings, there's new temptations. And so for me, like finding a community, they have literally rode through so many waves of life with me and have supported me through my entire job. so far. Yeah, beautiful to send back out there. Yeah, you don't have to do it alone and find some people you can

connect with, you know, that can just help you out. I think, you know, I think what, let me know if I'm wrong here, but I think one of the scary things for me and maybe for other people, getting involved with the community that was kind of the

like-minded or similar sort of struggles, I thought we would just sit around and talk about alcohol and drugs all day. And now that I'm part of it and we have the community and I've been to, you know, meetings here, there, it's like, it's really not even a big part of the conversation. The bigger conversation is like checking in with how our days are going, learning some new tools. Like, it's more of a forward, you know, forward movement of like, how are we going to deal with life differently on this side of things? You know, it's not sitting around in talking. I mean, what are

your thoughts on that? I mean, I totally agree. It's a place for one of the things that I say on Friday nights to people is, you know, you'll throw up a topic. And most of the time, it's, it's, you relate it to recovery, but it's, like you said, it's more about growth and moving forward. But I literally say this every Friday, it's, the floor is totally open for whatever the need is. Like, we will meet you where you are. It's another good, another good one. And it fits. I mean, there's been times where. I come on and we'll cry because I'm running late, or there's been times where I've got on a meeting and cried because I got devastating news about things that have happened in my life. And it's just, like, yes, we come together because we share that commonality of drinking or addiction or alcoholism or those things, but we talk about so much more.

You know, we get to know each other's kids' names and, you know, where you're from and just we get to know each other on a basis where it's not even like friends, it's family. Totally agree. Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. And you have showed up a lot of times that it's helped you to share with what you're going through and a lot of people, too, to share your experience and get support from others.

And I'm sure in those moments, it's so easy to talk ourselves out. of doing the hard work. And I think that's a big part of what you refer to a lot in the episode. So thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Of course. Thank you for having me. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Destiny.

I've no Destiny for a couple of years now in our sober motivation community. Like she mentioned in there, too, she holds down the fort on Friday nights, does a speaker meeting as well. in the app where we bring on a guest and they share their story and insights with all of us live and virtually so it's really cool huge growth as you hear in destiny's story to where she was to where she's at now like i told her i'm super proud of her for anybody out there who's in this fight i'm super proud of you it's not an easy thing to do it can be difficult at times it doesn't always work out the way that we wanted to but just keep showing you

up for yourself and maybe you'll be surprised of how things go. And I'll see you on the next one.