Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How Alcohol Almost Killed Me Before I Got Sober | Marty's Story

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

Alcohol didn’t almost take Marty’s life overnight—it happened one drink at a time.What started as partying with friends slowly became drinking alone, daily alcohol use, multiple ER visits, and eventually liver damage so severe his skin turned yellow.Doctors warned him that another drink could send him back into liver failure.In this powerful conversation, Marty shares:Why drinking alone was the turning pointThe warning signs he ignored for yearsLiving with liver damage caused by alcoholWhy he quit drinking without rehabWhat early sobriety really felt likeBuilding a new identity after addictionThe mindset that keeps him sober todayWhether you’re questioning your own drinking, supporting someone in recovery, or looking for hope, Marty’s story is a reminder that change is possible—even when it feels impossible.If this episode resonates with you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who needs to hear it.Marty on Instagram: Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And I started turning yellow. I was legit yellow. But I was realizing that I was having beers by myself. Like, whoa, I'm drinking alone now. This is weird. Like, I always drank with people. And then the next thing you know, at that point, I started kind of somewhat drinking alone.

And I feel like that's when a switch just really took over. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got my buddy Marty with us. Marty, how are you? I'm doing great, man. Yeah. I mean, it's good connecting with you, dude. You know, we connected years ago.

Listener of the show, sharing how much it helped you get on track with all of this. And it's a full circle moment, I think, for both of us. Yeah, it truly is. This is, you know, I feel like this is an opportunity of a lifetime. And I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, man. So what was it like for you growing up? You know, me personally, I can't complain.

I came from a good home. You know, I had two loving parents. I had an older brother and a younger brother. Technically, there was a half-stepbrother, but didn't really see him, didn't really know him, didn't get really know, you know, all that. It was big in a sports. My family's big in the baseball.

We played, you know, the typical flag football and community sports in the town from a super small, small town. Probably about an hour outside of Los Angeles called Tunga. And anyone that knows that place is everybody knows everybody. you're it's just what it is um i was third or fourth generation in the town so you can kind of kind of put it together how parents went to high school with parents and you know everybody knew everybody kind of thing so growing up there was a set group of kids my age and basically we kind of

somewhat did everything together we moved up through tongue a little you know literally to middle school middle school to high school all that we all kind of were somewhat around the same age. We all knew the same people. And it was good. You know, it can't really complain. I'll be honest with you,

there's nothing to do there. And as I got older, I realized on how much drug use and everything what's going on in the town. So at a young age, you had a choice to somewhat make into kind of a direction you wanted to go. You know,

you've seen the bars, you've seen the homeless, and you've seen all that. in town. So as life went on, you know, it wasn't, how can I say this? It wasn't the scene for everybody, but if you're from there, it was just the normal. You know, I guess that's the best way to say it. But yeah, growing up, it was fun. It was enjoyable. We had, we got to do a lot, you know, we went camping a lot, you know, rode my motorcycle a lot. It was good. It wasn't that bad. And then as I got older, my parents did start having some issues.

And it was very clear. By that time, I'm, I'm in high school. I'm well aware what's going on. I was a junior in high school when it all started. And the next thing you know, my brother graduated, my brother was one year ahead of me. My brother graduated. I went in the senior year. And that's when it all just came unfolded.

That's when everything. My dad left. My mom did her thing. And it was just kind of like a free-for-all. At that time, I already kind of was dizzling dabbling and some weed. you know, really didn't drink. That was the craziest thing. When I was young, I didn't,

beer didn't taste good to me. You know, I tried it quite a few times, but beard just did not taste good. And it always made me wondering, like, how can anybody drink this stuff? You know, especially seeing my dad. Like, my dad wasn't a drinker, but if he drank, he drank, you know.

And my mom, my mom was always the one, like, if you're depressed, you shouldn't drink. You should only drink on your lens type things, that kind of vibe. You know, I saw alcohol at a young age, but it wasn't overboard to the part where that's all the parents were doing. So it wasn't that bad in that aspect. So, and then also my grandfather, God rest his soul, my entire life, he was here. He was, he was sober the entire time. He was a full-blown alcoholic himself.

He died at, when he died, he was 36 years sober. and we'll get into that a little bit, but I didn't drink. It just wasn't my thing. And then the next thing you know, that's when the real alcohol came. That's when, like, the Jack Daniels and the Captain Morgan started coming around the vodka and stuff like that, because I found out you can mix it. And it doesn't taste that bad. Well, the next thing you know, I won't even lie.

I was going to class school, high school, senior year. And I feel bad if my parents do with it. listen to this, I was drinking chocolate milk in Captain Morgan in class. I would literally get a Nessquick jug and I would drink half the chocolate milk, fill the rest of up with Captain Morgan and I'll be walking in the class and thinking it was normal, you know, and there was a lot of things going through my head, you know, I felt like I was kind of someone getting mistreated on the divorce. You know, my parents apologized to my older brother a ton because they thought they ruined his senior year, but here was my senior year. And I was just ghosted. You know,

it was a rough time at that point. Sometimes I kind of forget about it, but I think that's what really kind of just sent me down a little spiral. Yeah. And I don't know. For that time period, you know, I graduated and stuff. And it was just that normal teenage, you know, partying, you know, but I took it to the extreme. Like, if we were at a party, like, let's party. Like, there was no, like, oh, let's have one and let's have two. Right, uh-uh, let's party, you know. Yeah.

And that was basically the start of it all. Yeah, just kind of getting introduced to, you know, I guess some people would say the harder stuff, you know, air quotes, the harder stuff, and you could mix it. So you didn't have to deal with the taste and your life is. And then at that point, like once I had like, you know, a little bit of time of drinking, like that kind of stuff that actually, you know, I tried another, I tried a beer again. And it was like, I can drink this now. You know, and it was, it was somewhat game over. And at the same time, going into my profession as, you know, welder, fabricator, sheet metal it's, it's all I saw. Guys go to work. They get off work. They go to the bar, leave the bar, hit the liquor store, go home. That was what I saw. That just was the normal.

So me thinking, like, wondering what? I get up, I go to work, I bust my butt. I'm allowed. This is allowed. You know, this is what's, this is like the culture of my working environment. You know, this is what we do. And at that point, it was the ship sailed. And I was told a few times to slow down, like, hey, you know, you're not even 21 yet.

Like, kick back. And then I just ignored it. I was young and dumb and ready to party. And you hit that 21, that sweet 21 age. And the next thing, you know, it's, wait, what? I can go do this legally now? Like, you know, I remember my 21st birthday. I woke up in the morning.

It was 9 o'clock in the morning. I went to have breakfast with a family, really close family of mine at the time. And it's 9 o'clock, 9.30 in the morning. There's no reason I need to be drinking a beer. But hey, I'm 21. I could do this now. So, you know, and it's just the trifecta just started.

And as time went on, I didn't notice it at the time, but it just got worse and worse and worse and worse. Yeah. Pissed away a long-time relationship because of it. Well, it was more bold of us, but, you know, I know it was in the back. You know what I mean? Like, oh, he's partying, he's bringing him. He doesn't really give it shit. He's not taking it very seriously anymore.

you know, I was caught lying and I was caught doing some bad things, you know what I mean? But at the end of the day, we're both not innocent in that. But, you know, at that point, that's when it was like, okay, what do I do now? I had something set in stone for so long, and now here comes change. And what I've noticed is I don't do change very well. Well, now I would say I'm more adaptive to it. But then it's being so young and so stubborn, not understanding life, not understanding certain things. That sent me a new world when I just went down and started hanging out with the wrong people.

And the drinking just became more and more and more and more. And there was no off switch. At that point, I was drinking every single day, whether I had worked that day or I didn't work that day. we were having drinks. How old? At that point, I was about 21, 22. Yeah. And it was, I think about it now,

and there should have been some reality checks then. But as I was going in, turning 22, that's when I felt like God was trying to give me some warning. And I was actually out in the desert, or this little riding spot. I wouldn't even consider it the desert. I grew up there, and it was a really cool rodent spot back in the day when I was younger.

But as I got older, the cops started shutting stuff down. It was like half the size and rules and regulations up the Ying Ying. And it was a fun place for certain people, but I never really went there. Well, I decided to go there because I had a big family group going, and I haven't seen any of these guys in a long time. So I was like, well, I'm going. I ended up taking this girl at the time I was seeing with me. We get up there and it's just a trip from hell from the start. I don't have any blankets for us for the night.

We're up there by ourselves, waiting for everybody to come the next day. I had no blankets for a tent. We're freezing. It was bad. So I ended up just drinking all that night. And then everybody started showing up the next morning. They're hanging out. They're big drinkers too.

We're all drinking, having a great old time. They're like, hey, let's go for a ride before everybody shows up. We go for a ride. And next thing you know, it's problem after problem after problem. And we finally get back to camp. And what do you know? I was like, let's take a beer ball. You know, so I took a beer bong.

And I ended up talking everybody into, let's take a ride. I know this long trail that takes us all the way around this place, shows you everything the place has to offer. And then we come back and we hang out. Well, we took off and we're probably about 10 minutes into the ride. And that's when I got hit by another rider. And I got completely side swiped, broke my right leg, broke my right leg, completely destroyed at that point. Bikes wrecked.

I'm wrecked. I'm sitting on the ground. Next thing you know, a cop pulls up. And he watched the entire accident from afar. And first thing he does is giving me a breathalyzer. And I blew. And at that point, he was like, all right, you're under arrest. Right there, I don't know a spot in the middle of the desert.

Paramedics bandaged up my leg as best as they could. Toss me into the cop car because I refused the ambulance. And I was on my way to jail. And at that point, everything hit me. Like, what am I going to do? My mom's going to find out that was her biggest thing, pet peeve. I think I could have been arrested for anything else. but a DUI drinking and driving.

Oh, man. I knew the wrath that was going to come after this. And at the same time, I had a truck at that campsite. I had my red bike. I had all my tools. I had my camping gear. I had so much stuff left. You know, the chick at the time that I was seeing.

She didn't really care. She called her own ride, got her own self out of there. So here's my mom that has to take, you know, the drive all the way up there to get my truck and get it all towed and I'm sitting in jail. I actually ended up going to the doctors and they did this many operation on my leg right then and there and cuff to the straight up cuff to the bed. If I had to go use the restroom, the cop went with me at that point. It became real.

I'm like, wow, my drinking got me here. This is not going to go away. And I also knew how bad the DUI was going to be with my mom. And we ended up getting home. And this is how serious I took it, Brad. I got home. I was home for an hour out of jail. And I get a call from that girl that I was seeing at that.

She's like, hey, you want to go to a barbecue? No hesitation. Yeah. I want to go out and drink. Yeah. I was back out there. Yeah. It's, I mean, it's, I just a lot, the newest podcast that I'm going to release,

the lady was sharing a similar story. She got out of jail from a DUI. Her mom was going to a dinner party and she was doing cocaine and drinking like within two hours, which is interesting. I mean, it's not like, you know, like judgment towards anybody. But I feel like a lot of people use that as sort of their escape hatch, you know, if this ever happens, then of course I'll quit. But like that's just not the reality. It just doesn't happen. Like you get consequences and then you quit because I think when we're in the mix, we can do such a good job of giving excuses or.

just kind of moving on, like not really making a big deal of stuff. So that's interesting. What's your mom saying? She didn't. She would, there was no words. I think it was just more yelling and just,

just pissed, you know, pissed because at that point, you know, neither one had any control on me anymore. You know, need a parent. My dad at the time still,

you know, was out of the picture. He, when everything happened with, my mom and him, he literally just exited. You know, I don't hold it against him or anything, but he, he just exited. I think he needed his own time to process things and figure things out himself for his own future.

But it was, it was also dampening on me and my brothers because, you know, we grew up, all of us, we grew up as a family of five, like, it was us. We did every, we went to the ballpark. We were all together at the ballpark. We went here. we were all here here so when the divorce did hit it it rattled all of us a little bit and then as things went on you know it some stuff really came unglued and some stuff didn't you know what i mean like she might kill me for even saying this but you know there's times that my mom would buy us

bottles of booze just to keep us at home like hey if you're going to do this you know here's bottle, you know, like we would have parties and, you know, we'd be smoking weed on the porch. She was like, well, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it here type of thing, you know, but. I think that was pretty common, though, like when we grew up, we're probably around the same age, like 30, I'm 38. Yeah, I'm 35. I'm three years older than me.

So, yeah, around the same age, you know. That was pretty common. I think that was common. That's what parents thought is if you're going to, you're going to do it anyway. We were going to do it anyway. Right. They thought maybe the better alternative would be, at least it would be somebody that the parent that could watch

that things didn't get too far at a hand, you know? Yeah, and the next thing, you know, it kind of spiraled quick because, you know, my dad not being there to kind of put a foot down at the house, you know, my mom, you know, being a little bit lenient on it and everything. The next thing, you know, it just turned kind of into a party house. You know, anyone and everyone knew if I was home or the garage was open, You know, you could stop in, you could smoke some bud and you can, you know, drink some beers and I would be there. You know, it was kind of bad, especially on our younger age.

But once we hit 21, we're a little, you know, we're of age. It was kind of like, what can you say now? You know what I mean? I understand it's your house and stuff. But, yeah, we, we partied a little bit too much in that backyard. Let's put it that way. You know, there's a lot of, there's a lot of nice. that I can tell you about that's just, you know, one in particular night, you know, it's me,

my little brother and another buddy. It was us three for the longest time that we drank. Well, it just happened to be this night. We are all on a drinking mood. We went through three 18 packs between the three of us. So that means all three of us drink an 18 pack. And like I was telling you earlier, my house backed up against a freeway. Yeah. Well, next thing you know we're after three 18 packs we're up on the freeway why are we on the freeway why are we dodging cars on the freeway yeah like it you know this stupid thing that we would do and it's you know thank god we kind of survive you know what i mean but yeah it it was a yeah it i would like to think yeah it was just like our generation of parents you know if you're

going to do it do it here i guess you know yeah and i don't think anybody know where it's going to end up. Like, I don't think, you know, parents are like, hey, this is going to be a serious problem that Marty's going to have. And, you know what I mean? I think a lot of times it's like, hey, they're just being 21. They're being 22. Like, let them do it, get out of their system. And then they're going to, you know, kind of move on. And probably a lot of people do. And then, you know, some of us get stuck in it for a bit. Yeah, you know, and at the same time, I will be honest, you know, for a good period of time, you know, I was on and off with jobs. So I think that's what rattled both parents the most.

Like, oh, he's parting, but barely working, and he's doing this and he's not doing that. And I understood it, but I guess it just one in one ear and out the other ear, you know, just being a typical, you know, young adult. And, you know, as I grew up, got older and I wouldn't say necessarily grew out of the drinking, I just started understanding what I needed to do, you know. And I ended up coming off of a bad injury. I broke my ankle, needed surgery and stuff. And at that point, I literally was sitting at home and having beers.

But I was realizing that I was having beers by myself. Like, whoa, I'm drinking alone now. This is weird. Like, I always drank with people. And then the next thing you know, at that point, I started kind of somewhat drinking alone. And I feel like that's when a switch just really took over. Like, oh, I'm comfortable doing this by myself. I don't need anyone.

Like, okay. All right. It truly just flipped a page. And then recovered from that injury, got back to work, and was really kind of moving up in life, I felt, you know. Just got a new truck and was making payments. At the time, I met a girl that had known for a while. I started talking to a girl.

I knew for a long time. Me and her ended up shacking up. She had a younger kid. I was pretty excited about that. because, you know, at the end of the day, I love kids, and they're awesome. You know, those are our future, so it's kind of fun to be around, you know, that. And I took the kind of stepdad thing, you know, so much serious right off the bat. You know, this little girl latched on to me, and, you know, it was kind of crazy.

Six months in, and, you know, a kid wants to call me dad, because I just showed up. Anything I did, I did for that girl. You know, I got up, go to work, pay my bills, you know, have money to be able to go out and do things, you know, was her softball coach, taught her how to play softball, taught her, you know, did homework with her, took her to school, picked her up from school. We did recitals, you know, I did special Valentine's Days with her, you know. And it, I felt like I was, I had a, like, a little, my own little family, you know, like what I came up with and it got broken apart. and then I got with her and the little kid and it felt like I had that little connection back. And then not too long after that,

that was about four years. And then I found out she was cheating. And that just sent me down a tidal wave. And that's when it was like, okay, I don't care about anything. It's all about me now. And let's just drink. And let's drink, drink, drink. And what's funny is,

I haven't mentioned too much about drugs because, one, my own uncle, you know, actually I'm proud of him, if he does hear this. I'm proud of you. And he's been sober for a long time, too. He got over his drug addiction and stuff. So growing up, I saw what drugs did. You know, I remember seeing him outside of the local KFC in our town, and he's fighting another bum over a dollar.

And here we are in the drive-thru with my mom. And my mom's like, what are you doing? Get in the car. like and he's just all all fucked up you know there's countless times he was babysitting us really high you know he tossed us all and it was bolt wagon me and my brothers and it was bulls wagon bug one day with four flat tires like so i would yeah and i my family you know unfortunately there's you know the ones that did drugs and and used alcohol and then there's the ones that did that knew that the path it would take them So we have people in the family that are sober and stick to being sober.

And then we got others that are, they still like to partake and stuff. But it's just a long line of, bloodline of addicts as bad as it sounds. You know, I kind of came to grips with it, you know, because I'm an addict myself. And after that breakup, that's when some drug use started kind of coming back. I dabbled around in a little bit of it, you know, was messing around with some. ass the back of the day. But it was never one of those things that like you know, some coke. It was never

one of those things like, oh, I need that plus that to, you know, to be okay. It was always just the booze. But the booze was the gateway to all that. So the next thing you know, after breakup and stuff and the crew

I was starting to hang out with, you know, you get half halfway in your evening of partying. The next thing, you know, here comes the baggie's getting busted out. You know, you want one, you want one, you know. And there's really no talk, like needing to have money for it. It's just homies, hanging out with homies.

And the next thing you know, it was just, all right, let's go. And it was slowly, slowly starting to take over. That's when the next thing you know, it was both. We were, every night, we were snoring some lines where we were drinking. It was just what we did. It's what that crew did, I guess you could say. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And as time went on. Do you see that this is a problem, air quotes? Like, do you see that this is a problem in your life or not really at this point? At the time, not really, because I was working and I was making money. I was paying what I needed to pay, you know. My mom might say, my mom might say I was being a little lazy on stuff or I really wasn't taking certain things in consideration. But, you know, I felt at that point in my life, I've gone through a lot, you know, I kind of skipped through the deaths, my family, my friend's deaths. I lost a lot of, I've lost a lot of friends. And some from Jug U's, some from not. And one of them was my best friend, my buddy Lance. That dude, we did everything together. He lived maybe a block away from me for my childhood house. that dude he was awesome.

So this day he's on my arm. I like to think about the good things about him, but he went down a bad path. I was his only friend at the end of certain things at one point. And to see him use an abuse heroin, it's not something I ever wanted to try or ever be like. So again, I had plenty of examples of drug addicts around me

that I knew enough to stay. stay away from that deep, deep dive stuff, you know. But I felt at that point, I felt, well, I don't know what, I'm still young, you know. I don't have any kids. I don't have that big responsibility. I mean, I don't have a woman. So what is, what's the harm, I guess you could say? Yeah.

So the next thing now, it was just, you know, every day, partying, having fun, you know, shooting shit, doing, doing this, doing that. And at the time, too, as I got older, my riding stopped. I was big in the motor, big in the riding, big going in the desert, big camping. I mean, there was at one point, probably for a year and a half, two years. I was out on the desert every weekend. That's just what we did. We went out and we rode.

We had that. Like, yeah, obviously we drank, but, you know, it was never what it ended up being. Because as time went on, I would go out to the desert. and I would literally park my bike on the stand, unload it, parked my bike on the stand, start drinking. We would just drink. We would just party. My last time out in the desert with that crew,

it was a New Year's Eve trip, or New Year's trip, I should say. And I got there, New Year's Eve, and no, the day before New Year's Eve, and I was there until the falling Sunday. So I had like four or five days. out there. I slept one day, Brad, the day before I went home. I was so high on cocaine. I was so drunk. It was all we did was just go, go, go, go. And it was at that point, I came home from that

trip, and it was like, oh, okay. But at the same time, it still didn't stop. I think if anything, it kind of got a little worse because I switched from cocaine, like having that as a, you know, a buffer to taking Molly Pure Formed Molly And so let me drinking drinking and doing Molly Oh yeah

Yeah I would be taking Three to four hits of Molly You know throughout the night Keep myself completely out of it I mean you're just so fucked up You'd just be partying Just stay up all night and party

Yeah And you're with your crew With the crew Yeah Or by yourself No with this one crew we would always party. We had a pool table in the freaking living room.

And, you know, we had a sound system. And all those guys were single. And they all partied. And it was just, it's just what we did. You know, it, it's kind of funny because we never had parties at the house, but we had parties because there'd be like four or five of us. Next thing you know, there's, you know, 10 of us. Next thing you know, how did 25 people show up here?

You know what I mean? And it's like, whoa, like, it happened a lot. You know what I mean? And we'd just be hanging out in the garage. So it would drive by. Like, oh, what are you guys doing? I'll have a couple drinks, you know, shooting the shit. Pop on in, you know.

And it just became a normal routine. Like, that's just what, you know, like, oh, if I had nothing to do, like, I got off of work, I had nothing to do. Well, I know these guys are around. Like, I know this guy's around. Like, but at the same time, too. Yeah. I also realized I was comfortable drinking alone.

Yeah. Are you still in your hometown? Are you still where you grew up at? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, you know everybody there and everybody's kind of coming up. Yeah. Yeah, you're going in and out of bars, you know, me too.

I also, a lot of my friends, especially as I got into my younger adult years, they're a lot older than me. I knew all the older heads, you know. I had one good buddy of mine growing up. So one of my good buddies, love him to death. He's like my older brother, Jeff. I would hit him up at 1617. Yo, dude, can you meet me out Rouse? Buy me some beer?

Yeah, I can. Get there, he'd buy the beer. What are you guys doing tonight? I don't know. We're going to go here, place this, place a beer pong, do this. All right, well, I'm coming. You know, it was just one of those things, you know. And then I would go out with him.

You know, he would hit me up, hey, you're going to come with us, you know? And what is a 15, 16-year-old doing, hanging out with 21? year old you know what i mean 22 year olds so i had a little bit of luxury of being with the older crowd and knowing the older crowd so as i got in an adult and started jumping in the bars and everything i knew everybody yeah you know i'm not saying everybody liked me i'm not saying i was you know i was perfect because now i know not a lot of people like me but that's my own thing and i live with that you know because i know the mistakes and i know the mistakes in the lives the things that were said and done.

You know what I mean? I had to live all that again as getting sober. You know. Most people don't understand it. Like getting sober, it doesn't mean it just goes away. No, all of it comes back. Yeah.

How do you feel about yourself in this stretch of your life? Are you feeling good like you're on the right track? Like you're achieving your goals? Or are you feeling like, what am I doing? I didn't even have that process. I don't think I'm thinking about it. Now I don't even think I had that mental. process or anything. I think I was just rolling with what was coming my way at that time.

Yeah. You know, and... Survival, maybe. Yeah. You know, and then I do remember, you know, like, harder times not having funds and stuff. It was literally like, okay, well, how am I going to feed the addiction the day? You know, how am I going to figure this out to fucking, you know, be able to have at least my drinks that I need and a pack of smokes or something like that. So at those times, yeah, it kind of hit. Like, yo, dude, you need to slow down a little bit.

You need to figure out a few things. And I don't know, didn't. Yeah. I mean, looking back, hindsight's 2020, right? We can see it now. But the point you make, I think, is so important because when we're going through these different stages, we just don't recognize it. for whatever reason, I'm sure there's a bunch of reasons,

but we just don't recognize it or want to be honest with ourselves or accept the reality that we're way off course. And if we, like the longer we continue, like this is not going to get us to where we want to be. I had those times too, man. I remember one story so vividly, I mean, I went to, I was working at this restaurant and I got off work at this restaurant. I went over to the restaurant next door.

And I ordered a beer and I ordered a cheese fries. And it came time to pay the bill. and I didn't have any money. And I went to scan my debit card. I'm like, oh, it's got to work. It's got to work. And I'm just like so, I mean, so embarrassed. And I might let them photocopy my driver's license to like come back and pay this like $12.

Yeah, this is years ago. So you could actually buy stuff. So I was like, man, I left there. And I had sort of that maybe that same feeling you did of like, what am I doing, man? But it wasn't in like, it wasn't the time. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to change things. So where do you go from here, man? Like, where do you?

You're working, you're working here and there. Kind of spotty, it sounds like, hanging out with your buddies. Yeah, at that point. And then the next thing you know, I want to say that's around when COVID hit. Yeah. And everybody knows how COVID hit. And nothing really changed. I just, you know, I was working, working and making the money, you know.

With the two buddies of mine, I was living at that house. and for the moment and it wasn't it wasn't the time that it really slowed me down if anything i just kind of kept cruising you know unfortunately did i think i was drinking a little bit yeah i heard it a lot you know i was getting i was getting grief from everybody oh you know and actually before covid was my grandfather i don't know how i forgot about that i was you know right around when my grandfather died in October. And I'll never forget because I spent the last week of his life

next to him. And it made me think a lot, you know. And sitting there with him made me remember all the stories he would tell me. You know, he called me Mo. That was my nickname with him. And he's like, Mo, get your head out of the bottle. Nothing good is going to come from that bottle.

I'm telling you from experience. And he was very vocal about it. He, you know, he's like, it's a poison. It's going to poison you. It's going to take it. you and once it has a hold of you, it either you let it go or it takes you. It's, there's no in between. And, you know, now being on the flip side of it, I really wish I could have one

conversation with him being sober now. You know, that's, that would be amazing because I understand it, you know. But I didn't, again, it was, there was maybe some hindsight, maybe some mornings I would wake up and be like, oh man, I can't do this anymore. Like, it's not feeling good. But again, it was grab a drink real quick. It'll calm down, you know. And you drink it in the morning or no? Oh, I was drinking. It didn't matter what time. Yeah. Like what beer? It didn't matter what time. Drinking beer?

My bad habit was, it was in my brain. And now I know that it was just the way I thought. But you don't really think about it either. I think they get sober. But wreaking like alcohol. I always thought if you drink you know like a Captain Coke or a beer or something like that, you're going to smell like booze. Well, I thought the cheater way was you can go get one of those

Mike's hard lemonade. Smell like lemonade. What, as I thought. But no, you smell the liquor. But a lot of the mornings were, yeah, a lot of Mike's hard lemonade's in the mornings and then switch to beer. And if I wanted some liquor, I'd drink some liquor.

unfortunately that was another bad thing that my body was able to do i could drink anything and everything it didn't and nothing made me sick i can have three four shots in a row and then go crack a beer and i'm fine or i can have a 12th pack and switch to cocktails and have another five cocktails a couple shots i'm fine i'm not throwing up i'm not getting sick and i just and i guess you could as a young adult, especially male, it's like, oh, I'm invincible. I can drink anything, you know what I mean? So it's like, bring it on.

Like, I can out drink anyone, you know, type of thing. So it the amount started to accumulate a lot. Like, a lot. And I was noticing that it took a lot more to get the feeling

that I wanted. And as time went on, You always have those things in the back of your head growing up and childhood stuff and traumas. I'm not saying everything was gravy with my parents and stuff, but, you know, there was some hard times, you know. And then I'm also a middle, in the middle child. So my older brother being the first born, the angel, you know, and then you got my little brother, that's the baby. And then you had me on the black sheep, you know, I'm just like my father.

I'm named after my father growing up, you know, especially my grandfather. You know, he always, oh, you're just like your father. My father and him did not have a relationship. Like, it was kind of sad, you know, to see, you know, especially me knowing my dad did care, I loved my mom at one point a lot. And knowing how my grandfather treated him at certain times, it really was rough. And that actually put a damper on me and my grandfather's relationship for a while, too, because any time I try to help him or try and do this.

like, oh, you're just like your fucking father. It's like, no, I'm not, I'm not my dad. And it's just, there's just certain things that rattle you, you know. And being a little child, again, not a shot at my parents, but you are kind of just looked over a little bit, you know? I did sense there was a lot more attention to my older brother. There's a lot more attention to my little brother and then me. And I think that's why I definitely.

went outside the box with my drinking and partying and everything compared to both my brothers. Not saying neither brother had, you know, was innocent by any means, but both my brothers went to their party stage and grew out of their party stage. I stayed in my party stage. Then I always had this weird thing in my brain that I wouldn't live past 30 anyways. Maybe that was just the alcohol, the drugs and everything talking to me when I was all fucked up. I just had that in my brain, like, oh, I'm going to hit, I'm not even going to make it past 30. So I don't understand what the point of this is. Let's just party, you know, that's life, you know.

And just kept going. And I mean, kept going, foot on the gas. Every day. Every day. Yeah. I mean, every day. So basically my day, if it was a, say, getting off of work, you know, I got off of work. I drive to the closest liquor store of 7-Eleven, mostly 7-Elevens because they have the deal.

You're always looking for deals, right? Yeah. I'll go to 7-Eleven. I'll get two mics hard lemonade, the smaller ones. I think they're like 16 ounces. And then sometimes they would have like fireball shots. I would get like two of those. And that was my ride home in traffic. And as I'm finishing my second mics, I'm basically one exit away from my house. I would just keep going to the liquor store. I would drive another two exits and I'll get off. I'll drive up into town. I'll get a fresh pack of smokes.

You know, I had a liquor store right in town that I could have a tab so I didn't have to pay, you know, daily. Yeah. Yeah, I became really great friends with the owner. Actually, my uncle worked there back on the day. It was a very historic kind of liquor store in our town. It's been there for years. And yeah, good old Al. Shout out to Al at SDV liquor out in the South of California, man.

So you're running a tab at the liquor store and nobody pulls you aside and is like, Marty, why are you running a tab at the liquor store? No, I don't think most people knew. Like, my little brother knew, but, you know, my little brother was friends with Al and stuff anyways, too. So that was just one of those things. And, like, there's times that I would walk in a liquor store. And I would look at me like, hey, I've found a new drink. Go get one of these and go get one of these and come up to me.

You know, one day was like, Blue Moon and Fireball. He made me his drink. And he's like, here, pound it now. I'm like, if I drink it in the store. And he's like, all right, now go do like a lap around the store. And it's a big store. It's not something, not small. So I did a lap around the store by the time I got back to him, I was pretty drunk.

Yeah. You know, like that's just the type of town. You know, everybody knew everybody. you know yeah yeah and i mean everybody doesn't know exactly like what we're doing or you know how you're drinking you're going to different stores it's it's not blaming anybody but i i do wonder sometimes in these stories what prevents the people from around us maybe mentioning something you know because like i i think people can see it you know like hey man i'm worried about you or not just this situation specifically but just maybe in general you know i i see a lot of people

kind of just not say anything maybe because it's confrontational or whatever. It's always interesting. Yeah. And the next thing, no, I'll mind you, my mom is consistently telling me, like, you need to stop. You need to slow down. You need to this. Like, so there was that person. But it was like, it's one person telling me this, like, you know, in my brain and how it was

processing it all. It's just like, yeah, whatever. Let's just keep the foot on the floor. What would you have felt like if you went a night? without drinking, like, if that was even a thing. Or you were, or you told yourself, like, I'm not going to drink tonight. So maybe you were able to make it a couple of hours before you went and bought something. Like, would you feel like, would you ever do that or no?

Or did you just drink every night? That was the plan. It was just, we're drinking. Like, there was nights, there's mornings after that I was like, okay, I can't drink anymore. Like, if this is how bad I'm feeling, I can't. But then I would eat some super greasy food, like normal hangover care. And the next thing you know, it's like take a shower, smoke a bowl of weed. And it's like, I'm feeling bad, but I ain't that bad.

F it, let's go get a drink. Even though I told myself, we're going to take a break. And yeah, there was very, very few times I even told myself, let's take a day. Let's take a due days. Two days. And no. The farthest I got was a day. couple hours, I would say, because in reality, I got comfortable drinking alone. So I would sit in

my garage. I can drink a bottle of rum by myself and not feel bad. You know what I mean? So it was just, that's just what I did. And how does the idea, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead. How does the idea of sobriety pop into things? Like, come close to that or no? Yeah. So, So at that point, that's when, you know, I really was starting to get lonely. I was like, I want to find someone. Well, the next thing you know, I was double-doubting on some stuff. And then next thing you know, I'm a punk rocker. I like going to shows and stuff like that.

And again, I did things by myself. I didn't need people. I was very comfortable going out, having drinks, meeting new people. Like, that was, I didn't need necessarily need alcohol to meet new people and be talkative. But it definitely helped. You know what I mean? It was an icebreaker just like everybody else knows. Well, I went out and had a show.

There's a show and stuff. And the next scene you know, I saw this girl and approached her and was like, hey, can I buy a drink? And she ended up telling me she's working and stuff. So I was like, oh, when you're working? She's like, oh, I do this, this and this. I'm like, oh, that's cool. She was like, yeah, what do you do?

I'm like, oh, I do this, blah, blah. We ended up shooting the shit that night. And I ended up telling her, like, hey, here's my number. You know, I don't want to be rude and too pushy and ask for yours, but here's my number, give me a call or shoot me a text. And the next thing you know, didn't hear from her. And I was like, what? All right, I thought that we got along. Well, the next day you know, I was on a dating app, Tinder, and the next thing you know, there she is.

I'm like, oh. So I swive right. Well, the next thing you know, we matched. And I'm waiting for her. No, it wasn't Tinder. It was bumble, I think. I want out of them. It doesn't matter. But the next thing you know, I was waiting for her to message me. It took her two weeks to respond to me.

And in that two weeks, I was just, you know, this girl, man, like, I couldn't get her out of my head. And the next thing you know, I went down to our apartment in San Monica. And literally, we hung out that one night and that's it. We never made anything official. We never were like, all right, this is the day we started dating. It was easygoing positive vibes from the second we started. I felt very comfortable and everything. And we started dating.

And as we started dating, you know, she met my mom. Me and my mom, she actually admitted this stuff to me. You know, my mom would ask her, like, why are you with him? You know, he's an alcoholic. He's this. Well, she was getting a complete different side to me because for the first time of her life, I felt peace when I was with her. I didn't need that.

I didn't need a drink to feel to have that feeling of being completely at peace. So when I'm down at her apartment, I would maybe have a drink a day. You know, I was smoking more weed on the porch than I was doing anything. And literally, we had a 20 pack of beer or whatever it was, 18 pack of beer in our fridge for like two and a half weeks. an 18th pack of beer would last me a day and a half at one point, you know? So, and at the same time, I think, too, I didn't want to show her all of it because I cared. I really liked her. I was like, I didn't want to scare her way.

Like, oh, I drink, but like, I don't drink, drink, you know. And she was very opening on it, but she already went through her parting stage. And she, you know, she was very career-orientated. She knew what she wanted to do. She knew where she wanted to go. And then she's already had those hard conversations, you know, with her people, you know, about getting herself straight. And she didn't have a problem. She just had a choice between do I keep parting or do I take that next chapter in my career and really move up?

And at that point, we kept doing our thing. I wasn't drinking that much. And then a few things happened between me and my mother, some bad blood. And at that point, I just went full bowl. I just showed her everything. I was drinking left and right. And it was bad. And then that's when she was like, let's move.

She was like, we got the dog, we need more room, let's move. And I think the move was more of her trying to save me and get me out of all the, I guess, the melting pot I was in between my family and the friends. And I wasn't jelling anymore. You know, I was either going to die or I was going to go to prison in California. So we moved and we got here. And I think she thought things were going to just kind of fall in the place. I was going to, you know, things were going to go back to how they were when me and her first got together. Me, not drinking as much, going to work, making money, doing this, be happy.

Yeah. Well, it was a big move for me. You know, I never, you know, I moved into a couple. couple, you know, buddy's houses here and there, but it wasn't, I never packed up all my stuff and left. And that was, this move was that type of move. And the next thing you know, I got here and hit the ground running and drinking again. It was like, I didn't, I didn't have an off switch. And at that point, yes, Brad, that's what it started coming in my brain. Like, okay, I have a problem. I need to figure this out. Because if I don't figure this out, I don't figure this

out, she's going to leave me. And if she leaves me, I literally, I'm losing the best thing that's ever happened to me. And at the same time, I'm losing everything I ever dreamed of. My own house with a girl that loves me for me, my dream dog, everything. What am I doing? And next thing you know, my aunt showed up, my great aunt. She was on a cross-country trip with her daughter.

And she's like, I want to stop in and see the house. You just moved. and she gets out of her motorhome Brad I know what I look like my great aunt I love her to death and she looks at him and goes Martin you look so good I know I didn't look good

I was missing half my hair off my chin my hair started falling out my nails stopped growing I was missing 90% of my hair like you could kind of see the one spot that's still kind of coming back but I was missing all my hair from what from drinking? Yep

Yeah. Yep. And then we can kind of see a little bit on my chin and stuff. But at that point, I knew I was bad. I was overweight. I couldn't even lay down on my back in bed and see over my stomach. Like, it was bad. I wasn't feeling good.

I had no energy. I had this. And I'd start turning yellow. I was legit yellow. And at that point, I told her, told my girl, I'm like, I'm done. I'm going to figure this out. And bless her heart, not one time in the five years me and her been together, has she ever said I had a drinking problem or if she ever said I was an alcoholic?

She never, ever bashed me like that. She always was there as a support and a handle to grab onto. And at that point, I realized I was like, okay, I got to figure this out. If I want any life, any good future, any, anything, I need to break away from my old self to create my new self to be this version of myself for her and for this life I want to live. And that's the day I decided to put it down. June 1st, 2021, 2023. Yeah, 2023. 21st. 2023.

And that's when everything changed, Brad. Everything. I met you. I started listening to podcasts, started realizing everything I was feeling, everything I went through, I wasn't the only one. I'm not the only one that felt a certain way of being, you know, neglected or forgot about or not worthy or any of those feelings. All that got wiped away once I started listening to your podcast is started. putting things together. And mind you, I kind of skipped over a little bit because I don't want to take too too much time. But there was also two ER trips that I forgot to mention. One ER trip,

you know, that should have stopped me for good. And I only got seven months sober then. And went right back to my same thing. And after detox in two weeks, this second time around, that's when I was like, okay, I need to go to the doctor. And I got to the doctor. And I got to the doctor and I was my internals were dying there was no way I could have continued on any longer what what I was doing like if I did not quit those two weeks I probably wouldn't have lived those two weeks is what the doctors were saying and it's still it's still this day I it's not the fact that I want I don't want to drink because I just know what it bring but as to this day my liver I've done so much damage to my liver.

It could be one drink, it could be two drinks, it could be 10, it could be a thousand. They don't know, but I will go into liver failure like that. There's no ifs, there's no if-and's buts about it. Like, I have a healthy enough liver for the rest of my life, my doctor says, but any alcohol use, I can just say goodbye. So I have a couple different things that keeps me motivated to stay sober But I think the biggest one is how happy I actually am now The power of getting clean getting sober Clearing your head clearing your conscience

And I feel like somewhat soul cleanse It's a full full process of it all You know like it really is On the 21st hour say on the 20th Did you plan for the 21st to be your last day drinking, you know, for this stretch you're on? Or did it just, that's the way it happened? I had one drink left in my bottle of captain when my aunt was here. And she was here on the 20th.

And at that point, she left. I made that drink because I was super shaky. And I needed something. The next thing you know, I drank, I took like two tips of it, Brad. I set it down on my island and I was like, I don't even want this. I poured it out and I haven't poured myself another drink since. Oh, dude. No detox, no detox, no rehab.

Did you go through bad withdrawal symptoms? Like shakes and sweats and trouble sleeping and, yeah. It was a brutal, brutal. I used to think it was. about two weeks, but I want to say it was about the first 30 days, man. Yeah. That was brutal, you know. I don't recommend it on any, recommend anyone doing that.

You know, if you're trying to get clean and you are a drinker and a heavy drinker, go get professional help and wean yourself off properly. They got way better options than just cold turkey because what I found out, I guess me, personally, I guess just how I saw it was if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it myself. I had, and I guess I put it in my head, I had to do it myself if I wanted it to stick. You know, I felt like at that point, like I had enough help pushing me in the right direction. I just had to take control and actually do it for myself. Yeah.

You know, there is a lot of hard conversations, you know, between parents. and, you know, other siblings and stuff like that, you know, my brothers and, you know, different things, you know, a lot of things comes to light when you get clean and you get sober and a lot of memories come back and a lot of stuff comes up. So it's. Yeah. So it's not just, it's not just as simple as not drinking. That is just a scratch of the surface.

And I think you understand that. And I think anyone that has any time, you know, clean. time and sober time underneath them. I don't not saying any, you know, less than a year is, you know, unacceptable. No, if you're a day sober, patch yourself on the back. I'm proud as fuck for you for that.

That's hard, you know, but I feel like as I've gotten into the years now, it's just getting sober as a scratch of the surface. That's just, that's just a little tiny, tiny, tiny part to it all, you know?

And because, one, I had to get healthy again, you know, I lost a lot of weight and how to learn how to put on proper weight and good healthy weight. And then, you know, the other thing I think most people forget about is the mental strain that comes, the mental battles that come, the depression that comes, you know, and it's funny, it's, you say the feelings, you start feeling again, you know, you're no longer numb and you start feeling. And I don't necessarily, it's like, it's Automatic depression after you start drinking it. I think it's just life, you know?

Like you, so I think actually starting to feel again. I think that's what really started freaking me about. Like having emotions again and feeling again. That was just, whoa, like this is life. Like, this is what people do. Like, you know, and, you know, and as time went on, you know, It took me a minute to actually go out and be out at a concert. Out of all things, a punk concert was my first thing to go to after like 60 days of being sober.

And I'm walking around. I'm seeing people drunker than skunks, man. And it's like, yeah, I don't miss this. Nope, I don't miss this. I see a woman all crying just yelling at her husband or something like that. It's like, yep, I don't, nope, no, I don't miss this. This is awesome. let's get another water and let's go back to the show.

Yeah. So it's like, but it's only something you can see, I feel like once you remove yourself from it, like when you're in the mix, it kind of just gets overly normalized of all the chaos and all of the conflict and everything. But when you're not a part of it and you see it out there in the wild, it's like, whoa, did I do that? Or the truth is like, hey, we were, I was acting reckless at times too, where it was like, wow. but then you see it for what it is man what are some of the like what's what's something you know

that's been really cool for your life you know since this decision starting my company my punk's motor company getting back in my motor getting back in my riding getting back in something that's truly myself finding my identity again you know i feel like when you are that addicted to some sort of substance like that substance somewhat becomes your identity for that time period unless you can get away with it. And then at that point, I felt like I was able to re-grab myself back. And at that point, I was like,

I'm going to do something I've always wanted to do. I want to work on a motorcycle. I want to work on dirt bikes. I want to see something of mine out in the industry. And at that point, I'll never forget it, laid in bed. My girl's next to me sleeping. And I just created an Instagram.

I was like, we're going to call it Punk's Moto. Because I'm a punk rocker. Punk's photo, it sounds pretty cool, you know, and why and what? We're going to rock it. And the next thing you know, I never in my life, Brad thought it would be what it is today. But it is truly blown up. It is completely blown up. I got people here in Arizona that only trust me with their dirt bikes.

I got guys that race the pro crafts here that only come to me for their race preps. They only call me for like, oh, hey, what is this? what is that like so it's a good feeling you know last two weeks ago i had the dream of my life i got to go to i was a lead mechanic for my team at a well-known track in california and we went racing for 10 hours and one day 10 hours straight racing and yeah and it's truly giving me my myself back and it's something i'll always continue to do that to chase. Like, there's no going back.

No, man, no going back. I just had a thought as you were talking about sort of your younger self where you'd show up and see other people doing stickers. I mean, what would you say to your younger self? You know, maybe the lost version of you or the version of you that was trying to figure it out or escape and numb sort of maybe the pain that you didn't even realize you were experiencing emotionally. What would you say?

that's a good one that it sounds you know I think I would honestly say trust the process I feel like I had to go through all that and figure out the way I did and I feel like if it went any other way I don't think me and you are sitting here

having this conversation you know I'm a true believer now like everything happens for a reason you know I used to not believe that as much, but now I definitely do. You know, and I I think I would think that way on that question. Yeah, that's beautiful, man.

And, you know, there's so much truth to that and a lot of people share, man. Not that we're happy necessarily with the way things went, I think because there's a lot of collateral damage when it comes to addiction, when it comes to struggling, right? It's not only us that suffers kind of how it goes, right? Like this, nobody's drinking in a vacuum. And that's the difficult part. You know, but a lot of people say it just really took what it took, man.

Like it wasn't necessarily this like big aha moment that exploded out of nowhere. It was maybe just chipping away at the block year after year after year. And then we sort of made the decision and took the chance on ourselves. If somebody out there, Marty, is considering the journey, struggling with it, right now what do you say to them i guess going back to the thing trust the process leaving yourself a little bit more and truly trust the process like i'm not going to say every day is easy and you know even when you get to how i feel my level now it's drinking is completely out of my head you know i don't necessarily have what are the cravings you know i guess you can say alcohol i kind of despise

alcohol now. I feel like it robbed me for so long because just in this three years of what I've done with my company, I just think now, like, what I'm supposed to do that? 10 years ago? Where would I be? But at the same time, I don't live with the regret. I just live with what I have now. I'm blessed with what I have now. And I wouldn't change anything that I've gone through to get me here. You know, I would definitely say trust the process. And I think at the same time, be kind to yourself. I think that's something most people tend to forget about, especially in the early part of recovery, because I was like that. You know, like, oh, I got to do X, Y, and Z to because I got to get to like here because Brad's at two years. And if I don't do it, this, this, this, and this, I'm not going to be here.

No, no, no, no. Everybody's different. Everybody works differently. You know, if you're at two days, pay yourself on the back because guess what? If you keep working it, you trust the process. And you're a little bit more kind of yourself and be kind to yourself. I feel like the next thing you know, you're looking at 100 days. And it's like, this is awesome.

You know? Yeah. So, yeah, trust the process and be kind of yourself. That's the biggest two things, I think. Yeah. And then your famous thing, your famous thing, I still tell people today, you know. All you've got is today. Yeah.

today's behind us and tomorrow's not here yet yeah i got it today that's it be sober for today you know take that of it dude yeah i was i was just looking back man at the at the messages you know when we back in 2023 man july 20 23 you said in there i'm not going to read the whole thing but it said in there hey maybe you'd want to chat and hear my story maybe not so dude for almost three years later dude here we are, man. Yeah, I think I sent you one, too. I felt bad. It was super late in the morning and I was just thanking you for, you know,

doing what you do because, you know, this podcast is, you know, I'm not just saying this to say. I'm truly, Brad, like this podcast is really what gave me the motivation to keep going because the second I heard the first story, I was addicted, and I heard the second story, and the third story, and the fourth story, and I was like, geez, and I wanted to go on and I, and find his name to see which one really popped out, but one popped out to me, and I was just like, the light ball blowing off. It was just like, whoa, me and him have a lot of common, and we kind of felt the same way,

and it was just, and at that point it was like, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one. And that was what I needed to take that step forward and really gain my sobriety. So, you know, I truly appreciate it, Brad. You've done something here that's very special. It's changed my life. And I know it's changed a lot of other lives, too.

And I hope it continues to be that way because I'll be here. I'm a fan for life, my friend. I'm a fan for life. Love it, dude. Well, thanks again, man, for just all the kind words and support over the years and sharing your story with us. Yeah, you know, it's been fun. It's been a journey. And, you know, as right now, I'm on my way to, my whole goal is to beat my grandfather.

He was 36 years when he died. And I want to be, even if I get 37 and then I croak over, I'm okay. I'm always talking to him while he's up in the sky. I'm like, I'm coming for you, old man. I'm coming for you. Love it, dude. But, no, I definitely appreciate Brad, and this has been a blessing. This has been something I've been looking forward to, honestly, since day one,

wondering if I could ever get on here and do one of these with you. And here we are, you know, three years on Sunday. Yeah, and he did an incredible job, man. So stay in touch, dude.