Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How I Got Sober After Drinking Alcohol for 30 Years | Elisa’s Sober Story

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

Elisa drank alcohol for 30 years.What started as relief from childhood trauma slowly turned into alcohol addiction, DUIs, broken relationships, and a life she says she barely remembers.At eight years old, Elisa testified in court against someone in her own family. Growing up afraid and feeling like she didn’t belong, alcohol became the thing that finally quieted the fear.In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Elisa shares her recovery story—how childhood trauma shaped her addiction, why alcohol felt like the answer, her struggles with alcoholism, and the spiritual and emotional healing that helped her get sober.We also discuss recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), EMDR therapy, relapse, grief, and what it means to build a life worth staying sober for.If you’re struggling with alcohol, questioning your drinking, or looking for hope in recovery, this episode is for you.Elisa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elisansaunders/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Great to have you back for another episode, Brad here. If you've been living under a rock and haven't heard about the launch of the brand new sober motivation app on the Apple App Store, now you know, head over to Sobermotivation.com, download the app today, track your sobery days, join the community, connect to daily meetings, journal your thoughts with over 100 prompts to keep you engaged. Join us over at Sober Motivation. This isn't just another Facebook group where you're going to share your wins and what you're struggling with. The vision behind this is to build real connection because with all the years that

I've been doing this, I know that that's what truly makes the difference. Head over to subremortivation.com, download the app, and I'll see you on the inside. I got my first DUI in a 10 car pile up, and there was a student from a rival high school. And ironically, there was some injury. I've had to pay restitution, but I did not get found out. Normally, that's all. all over the newspapers. Palm Beach County school teacher is busted, right? That didn't happen. And then five years later, another DUI.

Alcohol made Elisa feel like she could finally breathe. For 30 years, she chased that feeling until she realized she wasn't fighting alcohol anymore. She was fighting for her life. And this is Elisa's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, leave your thoughts in the comments below. And if you're looking for some extra support, I would love for you to join us on the Sober Motivation app. Head over to Sobermotivation.com, search the Apple App Store or click the link in the description below. Now let's get to the episode.

Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Elisa with us. Elisa, how are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me, Brad. Of course. Thank you so much for jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. I'm glad to be here. Yes, I love sharing my story.

if it can help somebody. Yeah. And what was it like for you growing up? So, you know, I often think that my childhood was fabulous, but I live in Disneyland. One of my coaches told me when I was younger. She, you know, and it wasn't horrible, right? But I had some trauma growing up, like many of us. And now I also like to say that it's not the reason I'm an alcoholic,

but I sure did like to blame that. I'm like, if you had a childhood like mine, you would drink just like me. You know, I'm an alcoholic because when I put something in my system, I overshoot the mark every single time. But you could fit my whole apartment when I was younger, because we lived in this apartment in downtown West Palm Beach, in the private school bedroom, in the bedrooms of some of the private school kids that I went to school with.

And my parents, you know, they did the best they could. They worked a few jobs to put us through this private school. But it just being with these kids made me feel not good enough. I was also experiencing and I have to take a deep breath because I want to be helpful, right? And I want my higher power to speak through me. I was, you know, I had some abuse. from my dad's son, who was my half-brother. And I also had to testify against him because he harmed someone pretty badly.

And I just remember being at my school, it was called St. Anne's Elementary. And I remember being marched across my playground and looking left at the school and then looking right at my mother and because I had found a weapon that was used and not trusting her, not telling or anything and also being like in a place that should have felt safe for me and being really afraid. And we went to and I went to the courthouse, which was on right past my school. And I got on whatever that podium is or the stand, if you will. And I was eight in testifying.

And the judge that I had to testify with went to our church. and I was in the bell choir with him. So I just remember being this little eight-year-old girl looking up at the judge. And I can talk about it now, Brad, because I've done some EMDR and some therapy around it, along with being in long-term recovery. I have 14 years now. But I just remember being frozen. And that happens to me now today, but I was frozen in fear. and it talks about in recovery being driven by 100 forms of fear.

And I was driven by fear. I just couldn't move. So, yeah, like my childhood had some of that trauma in it. And I actually, like, lived some of my life like that, just being really, really afraid. How do you go through that at 8, too? because I'm guessing here some or a lot of this is probably hindsight how at eight years old do you deal with all of this like is it anxiety is it like what what how does it come out well I mean like that's such a

good question because at eight you don't really know right like it ate and I'm and I'm picturing my little girl right like I remember I was also being bullied at the time um so I there was two there was two girls that I just wanted to be like that went to my elementary school. And I was not popular. I was bullied. I was like the awkward kid. And I had this situation, this life at home that just was terrifying. And I remember also being really scared of this movie called the Amityville Horror. And of course, that hindsight piece, right? Now I talk about it. And I talked about it with my therapist years later. And he goes, of course you were scared of that movie because you're living that amidivial horror. But it ate, like, I don't know how I dealt with it. I remember not feeling

safe in the world. I remember feeling scared of everything. I remember, like, having obsessive thoughts all the time. I remember having obsessive behaviors. I remember, like, I would pop a beer in our refrigerator and I'd go back and drink that beer. I don't think I ever got drunk. But, like, those behaviors were manifesting then, you know, and I remember like watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or like my parents would just, they did the best they could. I know that now, but then I didn't. I'd go in front of the television, watch these shows hundreds of times. I would eat a gallon of ice cream. Like if I got a candy like sweet tarts, I'd eat hundreds of sweet tarts. Like I was so extreme in my behavior. behaviors then.

So I guess I just dealt with things to the best of my ability. And it was really like addict behavior as a little person. Yeah. Do you feel like it would the things you were plugging into or leaning into or offering some sort of comfort or like escape from maybe what you were, how you were feeling? But I mean, when you go back to a, you know, even before then, it's, yeah, I don't know that we are really ultimately connecting all of the dots like obviously not right no and i don't know if i

was just capable i wasn't even capable of i had no survival skills protection skills i had nothing i had no tools to live and i you know and i can also picture like people living people gathering people talking. I even can picture my family being like a unit and me being on the outside frowning. If I look back at pictures, I'm the girl that's frowning and sad. I'm the one that's restless, irritable, and discontented. And it's so great to do work in recovery because now I understand it. But then I didn't. Like I just, and I don't know if I wanted to die as a little girl. but I certainly didn't know how to live. Yeah.

Well, thank you for sharing that. When was that first time that you kind of got the beer? I mean, did you grow up around a lot of drinking? Did you connect those dots? I think of my earlier days, I didn't grow up around a lot of drinking, but my peers did. They would tell me like sort of partying and stuff. I was really naive and innocent to the whole idea of it.

I didn't know that drinking would relieve the pressure or relieve the pain, the emotional pain. I didn't connect those dots until late. What was that experience like for you? And were you seeing that a lot growing up? So my parents drank a little bit. They weren't really, really huge drinkers. My dad had kind of a gambling issue when we were young.

I don't remember that that much, but I do remember a lot of fighting. I remember being in West Palm Beach and eventually my dad got, because he was a used car salesman when I was super young. And then he got in with this man that, was building condos. And the condos like kind of took off. So we had all these like cars that my mom and dad were driving. He had all these things. But then he'd go missing for long periods of time. And then we finally got moved up to Jupiter. Right. And so our lives got better. And so I wouldn't see my dad for months at a time. We were like plopped into this house in Jupiter. And so I made these

friends, right, these girlfriends. So I found a way to kind of get away from my family and go hang out with these girls on the beach. And that's when I kind of discovered alcohol. So I was like drinking with them. I was in one of the girls, her mom's boyfriend was a drug dealer flying a bunch of stuff in from Columbia. So then I was able to get a hold of pot and cocaine and drink. And that's where I kind of discovered my party and then the boys were coming over and I was running away a lot and hanging out with that group. So that's where I was like, that's where my I had arrived moment came in. And I was like, I don't need you people. I got this side. I'm having fun. And my mom likes to say that's where she lost me, but that's where I found me. And I found alcohol. And how old were you then? I was about

15. 15 and then, you know, running away from home and kind of being gone for a bit, partying a lot. What boxes did this check for you early on? Well, I was able to put alcohol in my system, feel pretty, feel smart, and escape. Like, I didn't have that not good enough that was always there in my head. And I felt like it's almost like I had a spiritual, experience as a result of taking a drink of alcohol, that mind, that chatter of a thousand monkeys of one of my friends likes to say, it went away. It went away and I could breathe. So it eased that constant chatter that I do not belong on planet Earth. I am not good enough. I am, you know, I just could relax. I could be at perfect ease and comfort in the world where I

wasn't. Even if the party wasn't going on, I felt okay in my skin. Yeah. Yeah. I feel, I mean, you've been doing this for a bit too. It feels like such a common trend for people. I think at the time we have no idea. Like it's just kind of a innocent partying. You start out at, you know, 15, 14, 16, 18, whatever it is. It just, it makes a whole lot of sense. We don't really know why this is making so much sense for us. I have so many friends that I grew up with and we all used to drink and party and we did pretty much the exact same stuff. But they had this ability to move on with their life where I thought, you know, I was a illusion, delusional that I would just turn a page one day and yeah, of course, like I'll, you know, do all of that stuff

and grow up and everything else while they actually were able to walk away from it, you know, for the most part and not have any serious consequences that always interests me about this journey of where like that discomfort comes from for us and you shared some of your you know a little bit of your story there too but a lot of people share that and maybe are able to put a finger on sort of where that kind of came from you know where we were born like that or is it the circumstances or yeah so many different things maybe for for people's life where do things go with you from there. Are you getting in trouble too? Like, are you allowed to kind of just go out for a couple of days? Or are you just kind of doing what you want to do? Well, it's, it's interesting too

because it's like I, you know, sometimes if I'll talk, I'll be like, yeah, I had a 30 year drinking career. But the bottom line is, is I thought my life was fun and working. And I thought it was so cute to give speeches in college with two different shoes on, right? And I thought it was amazing to, be the life of the party. Like I had this cute little number, right? That I would, like, we'd be at a party if there was like this palm tree, like a palm tree. I would do this like dance with a palm tree or I'd be the one that's saying I will survive or I'd be the girl that would get on the bar. And I really thought that I was the entertainment, that I was the funniest, the coolest, the best at the best.

And I just, it was my claim to fame to be the one that made everybody laugh and was the social person. But when I think back on it, I was always stopping drinking at one period of time. And I listened to one of your podcasts. I don't know what the gentleman's name is, but he goes, if I was not drinking, I was thinking about drinking. I was thinking of how I could get back to drinking. And for me, a real alcoholic, I could not differentiate. the truth from the false. It talks about it in a recovery program. And the point is, is I couldn't see right from wrong. My alcoholic life was the only life that I could see. So I have a 30 years stint of

me stopping, but I had a starting problem because I would stop for like a year at a time, but I was doing cocaine every weekend. And I'm telling all my friends, hey, I'm not drinking. But I could never stay away from the drink because I was, I always had a thought that blocked out every other thought, which is where the disease of alcoholic is for me. And I always went back to the only solution I ever knew, Brad. And that was always the drink. Like I had no other solution. Drinking if I was happy, if I was sad, if I lost a job, if I got a new job, if I was, no matter what, I always went back to that drink.

And you asked me earlier, like, what was my drug of choice? It was always primarily alcohol. But before alcohol, I would take Xanax. I drank and then I'd end the night with cocaine. I mean, whatever was going to take me down. I'd go, whatever was going to take me up. And what ended up happening in it happening is I became a Palm Beach County school teacher after several careers in sales that I lost.

And then I got my first DUR. in a 10-car pile-up, and there was a rival student from a rival high school. And ironically, there was some injury. I've had to pay restitution, but I did not get found out. Normally, that's all over the newspapers. Palm Beach County School teacher is busted, right? That didn't happen. And then five years later, another DUI.

I hit a car that actually ran into a tow truck in the shoulder, going down to get my drugs in Palm Beach. And there was two people that had to run out of the way of that tow truck. And I remember not feeling any guilt. My car was squashed into a accordion. I wasn't grateful that I lived. And I didn't care that I was going to jail. I felt inconvenient. And I felt no guilt.

I felt no emotion around it. I felt annoyed. That's how sick I was. Yeah, for the consequences to come. Going back to college, too, how, like, was that your vision to be a school teacher? No, I went to school for communication. So I just thought that I was going to be like on the radio, on television, hosting podcasts, be famous. Oh yeah. I mean, I thought I was quite a talker. I thought I just was going to be able to

talk my way out of everything and talk my way into fame. Yeah. So the fame was the underlying thing there to be famous, you know, of some sort of interesting. But not infamous. Yeah. Some serious stuff there. You mentioned a lot of people talk about a progression. You feel like that's relatable to you? Like in the beginning, you know, maybe there are those times where it's fun. You're letting lose. You're connecting. It's such a cheap way to connect with other people.

I remember the early days. That's one of the things I loved about it. I was most attracted to because if you drank and they drank and you all drank together, it's like you all of a sudden have all these pals and you'd be leaving the party. And it's like, oh, man, I love you, dude. You know, it felt like real connection. It felt like closeness. You know, looking back, I think a lot of that was built on quicksand.

there wasn't much substance to it, but it felt, it felt cool. I mean, how do things, you know, kind of if you relate to that at all, like, how does that look for you as things kind of progress? You know, I love this question because it did progress. And there was times that I thought I was having fun. There was times that I thought I was having fun. And I also remember, like, my friend that passed away not to, I know, maybe 10 years ago, he handed me $20, because he was going out and then he hit a tree in Palm Beach Gardens and passed away. And he said, Lisa, I have traveled the world and I don't remember it.

Brad, I don't remember my 20s or my 30s, although I feel I look like I look okay for 50 something. I don't remember most of my life because I drank for 30 years. And that's the progression of the disease for me. Like, I just, it's a, it's a, it's a fog. I could, because my life was just a series of one drink. Like I remember somebody saying, I picked up a crack pipe and then only one time and 30 years later, my life is gone. You know, I, when I was on Soft White, I talked about most women my age have families.

They have homes. They have husbands. They have children. I gave all that. away because I traded it for the drink. And that's the progression of my disease like Bill Wilson and the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous says that his drink, his alcoholism, alcoholism came around like a boomerang and near cut him to ribbons. The booze was my best friend and it turned on me and it basically took my life away. And until I actually got sober

14 years ago, I had no life. I was a shell of a human being. And I didn't even know it. Fish don't know the water they're swimming in. Two fish, two small fish are swimming in the water. The big fish comes up and says, hey, fellas, how's the water? They look at each other and they go, what water. Yeah. What do you think that is? Like what happens there? That as we go through it, you know, because I hear this, I feel like in so many different

ways. Looking back, we see the madness for what it is. Like, man, I don't know what I was thinking. I should have seen it a lot sooner. What about getting wrapped up in this prevents us from actually seeing maybe the impact it's having on our life or that it's possible that there's another way to live? Yeah, I mean, it talks, I mean, I'll say what I figured out later or what I learned when I finally recovered. I had true insanity.

Like, I, again, I couldn't see the truth from the false. And until I recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, I did not have an ins. I did not have a sane thought. So what happened for me is I had to be separated from the alcohol in order to have some clarity and be brought to sanity. Because, like, you know, the bottom line is I either had to accept spiritual help because I'm a real alcoholic. I needed a different way. Or I was going to die an alcoholic death. Like, there's no door number three for a girl like me.

Although I tried, I'm like, how painful is that? Alcoholic death. Because I was gunning for that. For 30 years, somebody like me that couldn't go five minutes without a drink, how am I going to have the same thought around something like that? I couldn't. There's no normal, sane thought around something like that if I had, if I could not go five minutes without a drink. And then the only time that I really like, I was, when it, when the drink was inside my

system, I was okay. When it wasn't in my system is when it's taking me back to that drink every single time. And you know what? I always thought when I did do take steps for whatever in recovery, I always thought it meant I couldn't drink. It meant I would drink every single time. And you know what? It proved right for 30 years. Yeah. What was a day like in the life? I mean, you're a school teacher at the time, you know, for how long would that go? I mean, how do you keep things together? Like how, or were you not? Like, were you just kind of going from one branch to the next? You know, it's funny because I like to think that I was functional. But I really wasn't, you know, I wouldn't say that I was drinking on the job because I was more of a weekend warrior. but nine times out of ten, I was melting down. I had a catastrophe in the back room. Parents were complaining about me.

I was hung over. There was always another scenario that was a mess. So what happened for me is I did teach for a few years sober, right? But I had put my teaching certificate in danger with those three DUIs. So like by the time, because I didn't take an ethics course. So you've got a certain amount of time to report. And then I tried outsmart the Palm Beach County School system and say, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I took this ethics course.

They're like, no, you didn't. So Talasasi says, get your butt up here. And you tell us why you didn't take the ethics course. And I'm like, yeah, I took it on the computer, blah, blah, blah. So when they figured that out, they revoked my teaching certificate. And there was a six-day overlay on me taking the ethics course. And when my school found out because I had been such an active alcoholic as a teacher, like my students liked me, but the school was like, we're done with you.

We're done with you. We sent you to counseling. We like dealt with your, I taught at a school called Dwyer High School. And yes, my kids liked me. I was favorite teacher a couple times. I was a cheerleading coach. You know, I had some of the football players. You know, my sister taught with me, my beautiful, loving, wonderful sister, Sunny.

Shout out to my sister Sonny and my son and her sons are beautiful. Aiden and Landon and her husband's amazing. They were very big support. But the fact of the matter is that I was trying to again manipulate a system and the system turned on me. And the school was like, you're out of here. So I know you were drinking? They did, but it wasn't like they were like, nobody ever caught me drinking on the job but nine times out of ten i was hung over

gotcha so yeah you mentioned there too a third DUI what you know i feel like now this is this kind of off topic a little bit of the storyline but i feel like a lot of people right there yeah they're thinking maybe i need a rock bottom of some sort right that's going to shape me up right if that ever happens my goodness i'll definitely you know the day after right now yeah i'll um I'll make it happen. And I hear some people, too, who have maybe, you know, never had anything like that. I mean, I think everybody is going through their own thing, right? Yeah.

You don't have to have X happen to qualify, you know, to turn your life around. But a lot of the times I hear the story of the DUI or, you know, these events, right, that I think that we learn from the movies or whatever people's stories, that we think the day after, of course, you know, they turn things around. I don't hear that story often though here on the podcast, the 280 episodes. The day after DUI, people usually get out of jail. They go across the street to the convenience store. And they do the same thing that they've always known to ease the discomfort, the pain,

or everything else that's going on in their life. I think from the outside, it's easy to, you know, kind of think, well, yeah, I mean, if that happened, of course, you know, that you would shape up. Ultimately, it comes down to, you know, having the tools and asking for help and getting the right support other than just, you know, this willpower of X happened and now I'm going to change my ways. What were your thoughts, though, after you, you know, end up with these? Are there any consequences or anything that the courts are asking you to do? Oh, good question, Brad. So I get out of jail, right? I sit in jail for 12 hours. My picture was on my wrist. Okay. So I remember,

like my friend fed the jail system because I had worked at one point in a food purveyor. And I remember calling my friend and be like, get me out of here. I don't want to eat these bologna sandwiches. I got in a fight in jail, all these things. I still thought I was pretty cool. Don't you know who I am? And I remember looking at my picture on, because of course I'm fighting with the cops, on my wrist. And I remember for a moment, like they talk about these slender threads that creep in. I remember for a split second, as I'm looking at my picture, I knew that if I didn't change, I was going to die. That was such a crucial moment in my recovery. But I didn't get out for 12 hours. And my poor father, he was 80-something, picked me up. He just passed away five years ago and I miss him every day.

He picked me up and I remember he had to pull over and take his blood pressure a couple times. He was so upset by the fact that his daughter, his lovely, beautiful, alcoholic daughter was got a DUI. And I was like, ugh. And then my mom had a party to go to in Palm Beach summer. She was a reporter. And she had to go to a party in Palm Beach. And I remember, like, I went to the party with her in Palm Beach. And I lost my license for 18 months. And I'm a school teacher. that's how I dealt with the consequences. I got ready for like a Palm Beach party and didn't think anything of it. And did cocaine out of my nail that night, out of my fingernails with girls and thought,

say, Levy, I'll be fine. And I literally didn't drive for 18 months, didn't have a car anymore, and had to jump a fence to teach high school. And it talks about it too. in the rooms of recovery. Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. What that means to me is my family's begging me to stop. My friends are begging me. If I had kids, the kids are begging me to stop. I still don't stop. Consequences, heartbreak, people begging me, but I am so attached to my alcoholism, I don't change a thing. Yeah. Thanks for explaining that too because I didn't know what, uh, what that meant anyway.

So you have three, you have three DUIs for two, two, but I was headed for a third, but they made me blow in a blower for, for two and a half years. Oh, you had that intervention then after the second one. Yeah, because I was going to jail. Like they were, I mean, I, I was going to jail. I had a DUI attorney that I ended up putting on a bankruptcy later. I finally made amends to this guy and paid him three grand. Thank God, wonderful man, Doug Duncan.

But I was going to jail and I said, and I told some people, well, the judge winked at me and they're like, yeah, she ain't going to wink at you. You're going to jail. If you show up in this courtroom one more time, you're in jail. So I had two, but I was headed for a third. Yeah. So that was the intervention then they set in place. Are you plugging into any sort of meetings or anything like throughout this? like throughout this 30 years span, you mentioned there was some breaks in things.

Yeah, I mean, I went to a meeting my girlfriend, Dawn. Lovely young lady took me to a meeting one time in Palm Beach, and I remember going, oh, no. And then I had to go to meetings because I did get out of school after the second DUI, go to treatment, didn't stay sober, but I did get into the rooms of recovery. We'll say that for your podcast purposes. and I would go to the meetings, vomit all over the room, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, not work any steps, go to the sober volleyball, go to the sober after parties, pick up all the

young guys and just not work any program. And I was just hanging in there, right? Like a cat in a tree. Restless, irritable discontent. And I basically wanted to die, just like I did when I was drinking. Worse than when I was drinking because I had no soul. solution, Brad. So it's like I didn't get better when I, when you took the alcohol away from me or the drugs. I got worse because I had no solution. So I finally, like I called this girlfriend of mine,

Christine, because I had no, it was the summer. I had nothing going on. And I, I said, basically, I'm going to, I'm going to kill myself. And I, and I really felt like that was the solution. And she goes, well, why don't you come down and dog sit for me? She blessed her heart. She let me live with her for for three months. She goes, you don't have to pay rent, dog sit. And once you had some meetings down here, Delray Beach, that was basically the capital of recovery at the time. So I saw, yeah, and it really was, Delray Beach saved my life. I saw these people doing something different because I tried the meetings in Palm Beach Gardens, which I love now. And they were helping others, right? They brought recovery to like. for me. They weren't checking the chicks. They weren't chasing skirts. They actually brought recovery to life for me. And what happened to me is I finally worked a program of recovery and I was inwardly rearranged. My poisonous roots grasped new soil and the lady that, lady, I, you know, hey, I'm a lady of grace now. I was a piece of junk. I was rearranged by God in a way that I never,

thought was possible. And that's really what happened to me. But it took a few years before that happened because I couldn't get out of my own way. I was just suffering until I literally wanted to die in the rooms of recovery. Yeah. What did that look like for you though? Because I mean, that's a common thread. I mean, we're in our own way. What did that look like for you in your life as you're trying to figure this out? What it looked like is me being so selfish that I'm not willing to do anything but what I want to do, right? It looks like any suggestion that was given to me by anybody that I would think would be a good spirit guide, sponsor person that's trying to help me. I'm like, nope, don't want to do that.

Fire. Nope. Okay. Call alcoholics. Nope. help others. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then it looks like I'm in a situation where I can't function, can't move,

blowing my life up again. And I got, and they say it. And I'm between a bottle, a bullet, and a big book. And I had to do something or I was going to die. I mean, I literally was going to die. And I wanted to. Yeah. Was your health? Was your health good or no? Like were you like physical health or like hospital? Never have had a problem with my physical health. It's always been mental.

For better or worse, I guess, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm very challenge. I said God's giving me a gift. Knock on wood. Knock on wood of great health. But I've been lacking in the other area. So walk me through 14 years, you shared a few times. The last week or couple of days, I mean, do you remember, like, was there anything significant that happened or no? Yeah. Okay. So I think the final catalyst for me, it's funny because they, I think Mark was asking me

too, from Soft White Underbelly, I think the final catalyst. for me, it is so shallow for me to say this. I was super, super into this guy. I had a relationship. And of course, he says it's five years. I say it's seven years. You know, I was married once. Very wonderful man. But there was a guy that I, you know, we all have an itch that we can't scratch, right? Like that, there's that person. So there was a guy basically that the one that wouldn't answer my phone calls when I was in jail. The one that I had an addictive. to the one that you know the 30 calls later the fight the fight the fight all the time and this is the guy that I was with when I got the DUI the one that I was on my way to basically follow down in Palm Beach

he said to me you have no soul you are a shell of a person and you are basically disgusting to me And it got to the point where like a woman of my age that was so pathetically drunk all the time is so unattractive. I can't even bear to look at you, be near you, and you get a handle on your life. And I think because I was so brokenhearted at that point, I mean, I had to do EMDR on it for a couple of years. that it was one of the things that actually really drove me to change. And I think it takes what it takes, right? Like, I'm okay. I'm glad that I had several things,

but I think the fact that I had lost my soul and really didn't want to go on anymore. People say I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Like, I couldn't live another second the way I was living. Yeah. Would people around you have known this, like how much you were struggling? You know, I would think they did because I was, you know, I had stopped getting invitations. Like I remember being one time at a, at a bar, right? And I remember like I had this great, like I told you, I had the great number that I did where I was like the fun girl on the bar. And I remember one time I got hit in the head with the ceiling fan and fell backwards and three people had to catch me. So Lisa's not that fun anymore.

I'm not getting invited places. I'm ending the parties. So, you know, that's the point. It's like what I thought my life looked like was not really what my life looked like anymore. You know, like when you're the one that is sitting alone, And I also called a friend of mine right before I went to treatment and he goes, get down on your hands and knees and ask God to remove the, and this poor soul ended up taking his own life.

But he said, ask God to remove the desire to drink and take drugs because if you don't, your life is over. So I was going to treatment that day. I remember putting things in the car. I was in my childhood bedroom. I got down like, oh, God, I don't know what you have intended for me, but if you don't remove this desire to drink and drug because I can't go one minute doing it on my own, then I have nothing.

And do you know that I have never had a desire to take a drink or use a drug since that moment? Now, granted, I've worked a pretty decent program, but it was that moment that I had that spiritual change inside of me. And I haven't picked up anything since. And was that? So when you started, were you going to rehab? I was on my way to rehab that day. Yeah. How did that come about?

Like, how do you? No, and you know what? I have to rephrase. I did relapse once, and I had to pick up a white chip. But my relapse was like, I think it was like a Xanax. It wasn't like I went out and did like this binge of a drinking situation. But I rolled right back into, and we're like, mm, I took a Xanax. And I got to, you know, start my day count again.

And but like when we say like if we have thoughts of drinking, we have thoughts of all that stuff, usually if I think about it, it's like, oh my God, my life is really tense. You know, boy, a Xanax would be good. Oh, no, no. get to a meeting, help another alcoholic. Like, you know, let me get back into what I need to do that works. Like, God, remove this desire to drink. God remove this desire to drug. And then I get back to because where I screw up, Brad, is that I try to control the ballet,

the set, the stage, the show. And I play God in the middle of my life. My selfishness, my self-centeredness, that's where my disease lives. And I'm trying to control everything in my life. And then boom, I blow it. it all up again. Yeah. That's the danger of me as an alcoholic.

Yeah. So this is your, but to kick this off, you know, your, your quest here is back to rehab. I mean, what are you learning? Is it? How many times did you go to rehab or stuff? One time. That was you. That was one time.

Okay. One time. One time. And I'm not saying I'm a white chip wonder. But it was really. Oh. You've got all. You've been to a few meetings.

He got all the slang. I mean, stuff I've never heard before. I got the role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on fire. I'm on fire. Yeah, I'm on fire for recovery. Yeah.

But I didn't need to go to rehab. I didn't need to be a repeat offender. I knew what I suffered from because I finally got a girl that had had a spiritual awakening as a result of recovery. I knew what I suffered from. And I knew that I needed that spiritual solution. And if I didn't get that, all bets were off for me. Yeah. It seems like it anyway. I mean, just us connecting here for the last 42 plus minutes. You're intense. You might lean into all or nothing type stuff. So if you're, you know, interested in this thing, right? You're going to go all the way in with things. I hear that a lot from people, you know, when they start, you know, they might go to two meetings a day or they do this. You know, it's really, really intense, which I feel like can help you build a good foundation, right? I mean,

following suggestions of people a lot of people that are part of you know recovery program they want to do 90 meetings in 90 days it was never really my thing i never really i don't think i ever fold through with that i mean i would i would pop in here there and um you know check things out but where do you go from there i mean so do things start you know you mentioned too before like the biggest struggle in your life was not when not necessarily when you were drinking is when you were drinking but really weren't doing maybe things differently where do things sort of change for you. Like, how does this, you don't walk me through this door? You get out of rehab and how does that go? I mean, are you working too? Like, are you working? Yeah. Yeah. You know,

you're such a good question asker because like you're asking a question. I'm like, oh, let me tell them about this. So life's moving along, right? Like, all is well. I'm in Florida. I get out of teaching. Something really cool happens for me because I did mess my teaching certificate. I start working as a tech in drug and alcohol treatment, right? And then I'm an alumni director and drug and alcohol treatment and I'm moving along like my father had loaned me gas money to do this. Like I ruined my teaching career with that ethics course and I'm moving along all as well. And then I become a business development person in drug and alcohol treatment. So I'm helping people find treatment. And I've got this brand new career, life's good. I get a

several years under my belt working in addiction and mental health. And I love it. And then I get offered a position to move to California. They're willing to pay, right? I've got sponsees, life's fine. And I decide to do this and I actually move cross-country. I come up here. I know nobody. I don't know how to map my life around California. I'm here for six months. I get a hernia. I'm moving with a bunch of kids that relapse and I lose my job. And I'm down to go. Was it? Ten years ago. Ten years ago. Okay. What's that like? I mean, you kind of, I feel like a lot of people share sort of that journey. I mean, I think when you get sober and you kind of burn your life down, you know, I mean, there's definitely a lot of opportunities, but it seems like giving back and helping others

and be a part of that too. But, you know, I did it for six years. It was extremely challenging. You know, working with people. I was a clinical caseworker, so I do case management and, you know, everything like that. It was good until it was challenging. It was really challenging. What was your experience, though? I mean, working on your own. recovery, you know, plus being, you know, in there with everybody, too. What was your takeaway, you know, in those early days? It was terrifying. I had a woman that looked at me and she said, she sponsored me when I first moved here.

She said, you're 3,000 miles from home. You have no recovery. And if you don't get back to work, you're going to die. And it was very scary because, like, I literally was like, what have I done? I couldn't even park at a Starbucks here because I didn't know. I accrued $2,000 worth of parking tickets. I didn't know street parking. I didn't know how to do any of this.

I didn't know the meters. I didn't know the culture. I didn't know big city life. I had a sheltered little beautiful safe world in Florida. And I was terrified. And I didn't have a program. I had not made all my amends. I had not done a lot of the things that I knew to do.

So I had to get back to causes and conditions. I had to get into some meetings that I wasn't comfortable. I had to meet people that I didn't know. I had to actually start working a program. And I like since that, I've lost several jobs, been down to life my last 98 cents. I've tried to play God in the middle. And I've actually like been through some huge growth spurts. And the road has narrowed for me many, many times.

I'm here. And then I. did work with another group where I got into another recovery group and somebody said to me, like if you can do some proper inventory and you can really, really dive into this program, then you won't have to do the follow up and then my father died. And then I moved back to Florida to help my mom as soon as I, and that was a challenge too because she was super addicted to opiates from some surgeries. got her settled into a, like a senior living situation.

As soon as I could get back to California, I came back. Unbeknownst to me, I had loved this, so I literally drove cross-country twice. So that's been a challenge in itself. And then my mom got super sick a couple years ago. So that's also been some hurdles too, right? And she recently passed away about eight months ago. So that's we grow, thus we grow, thus we grow, thus we grow. But I'll tell you without recovery, I would not have been able to show up for anything.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. You mentioned too before EMDR therapy. When did you plug into that? Well, I realized because I hadn't done therapy in a few years, I think I did do therapy when I went home to help my mother. And what came to me in a meditation, because I'm a big meditator.

Now I learned that through some of the tools that I needed with recovery that I had to go back and do some therapy because of some of the trauma. Also, caregiving my mom who has been sick for two years, me and my sister, I was the one, I was the healthcare, whatever they call it, the healthcare caregiver. My sister lives in Florida, but I was the one controlling all the nurses, all the medicines, all that stuff. I was flying home every few months. And I'm like, this is really, really challenging.

I was in fight or flight all the time, all the time, all the time and worry, worry. So I needed to go back and do that. And that was so helpful. In fact, I'm involved in it now. Yeah, I actually have to get a new therapist because my one therapist just went back to private practice. But my insurance covers it. Thank God.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a bonus. So good. So good. And I think it's just made a huge difference. You know, and it talks about recovery, like they're not a monopoly, right? Like, I can seek outside help being in recovery because there's a lot of like family of origin stuff. There's a lot of trauma that's still stuck in my body. So like, I need to do EMDR, I need to do somatic. I need to get it released. Like I can talk for years. it's not going to

get unstuck, get unstuck with stuck in some of my body. So I think that's what's been really helpful. Yeah. Yeah, everybody I've talked to that's plugged into that therapy there. They,

yeah, they have just incredible things to say about how it's supported their journey and really taking things to, you know, maybe a new level for them. Yeah. It's just another tool, right?

Like, it's another way that I can cope with some of the things that have happened to me in my life. You know, my girlfriend Glennis asked me, she goes, what, you know, you're a story of resilience, you're a story of survival, you're a story of redemption. Like, what would you say to somebody that's struggling to be helpful to them? And I said, I would say that I'm not my past. I'm not my trauma.

I'm not all the bad things that I did in active addiction. I'm a survivor. Like I have had victory over alcohol, Brad. Like I can be a useful member of society. I can be helpful and a person that can give hope to somebody that maybe is struggling. Like we can recover and have beautiful lives today. Yeah, so true. Is there anything looking back to that you feel like if you would have crossed past with

or if somebody would have said something, like it could have changed the course of things, or do you just think it takes what it takes? So I do. You know, there's, isn't it, do you feel this way where you hear certain people when they say stuff? But there's some people that you don't hear ever?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my wife. Yes. So there's people that have, crossed my path and they've said certain things to me like that woman I'm talking about. Her words resonated with me. Like, you're at that 3,000 miles away from home and if you don't change, you're going to die. Like, I don't know if anybody else saying that would have really hit me the way that hit me. there's another really great guy that is so recovered this guy. I like adore this man. He also told me one time,

you need to make your amends. Your unfinished amends are what's keeping you stuck. You've got to do that because I was sitting on some of my direct amends because I was afraid to make them. Like for us, that's bad. That's dangerous. It's keeping me, it's, it's keeping me sick, right? There's also like a piece of, of us, right, that I need to do current inventory. If I'm not current on my inventory, or I'm sitting on a fourth step, if you will, where I'll, like, write down some of my faults and my mistakes that I'm not willing to clear up, it blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit, blocks me from my usefulness to others. You feel me?

You know, it's blocking me from being helpful to other people. And I get, that's me getting in the way, right? And that's me, I can't do it because I'm going to, I'm closer to a drink if I do that. Yeah, so it's having that awareness, but also the support system of people that you're, you know, chatting with or, you know, sponsorship, mentorship, mentorship, yes, spiritual guides. They see sometimes when I don't. Yeah, and being open to, you know, do something different. How much would you say? Like, if you set it in a paragraph, how would you describe the change that you've experienced in sobriety?

I would say the central fact of my life, and I'm a paraphraser, is that I've had a deep and effective spiritual experience and that my higher power, which I choose to call God, is the most important relationship that I have. And that has changed me as a person in ways that I could never have imagined. and I am completely different. My whole purpose is to be a useful member of the planet, a useful member to others. I pray every single day, have me be what you would have me be and direct me to somebody I can help. Like that is not who I was. I want to be somebody that can serve others. I want to be somebody useful.

in one paragraph or less is like how can I be helpful to another human being and let me tell you all I was was selfish not selfless yeah and it's the opposite yeah thanks for sharing that I feel like it comes up a lot too in these conversations I have about a lack of purpose to trying to find a purpose and for everybody it's different uh but a lot of people identify with helping others, you know, maybe not directly on this journey of like, hey, I'm sober now, so I'm going to help other people get sober, but maybe it's just holding a door for somebody or having a tough conversation or helping maybe coworkers or just helping people and listening and having more empathy in trying our best to understand what other people might

be going through that there's usually more to the story than what we see on the surface and that people are really, can really be struggling behind the scenes. I love that for you. I, uh, I think you're great for the job. Are you still working with people, too? Like in the space of recovery? Like, what are your thoughts on that? I was blown away a stat I heard the other day. If there's more treatment centers in the U.S.

than there is McDonald's restaurants. And I was like, I did not realize that at all. So crazy, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do work in the space. You know, and it's changed. our space has changed a lot and I love being in this space most recently I have kind of

flip-flopped a little bit my purpose for putting or helping folks find treatment has kind of waned a little bit and I prayed about it and I was like I don't want to completely get out of this space because it's so important but I wanted to stay in but not completely be in direct contact with helping folks find treatment. I've done it for, what, 10-ish years. So I recently took, my friend is an interventionist, a really great lady named Leifis Cyril. She introduced me to some wonderful men that brought an alumni app, a very advanced alumni app from the UK to America. It's called Barney. But it's a wonderful integrated, dual app that actually has alumni in the community and then the platform is given to a

treatment center or a hospital. And that's so it's in, but it's not completely directly me putting folks or helping folks find treatment. So I'm really excited about that opportunity. Yeah, that sounds cool. What I've heard over the years, too, that's a big gap in the services, right? so people stay. And I mean, you see sort of those, let me take it for what it's worth,

but you see sort of those national survey studies, right? Yes. People who stay sober after treatment, it seems to be less than expected for most of the people who kind of see it and people related to the continuum, like how do you keep supporting people after? Because, you know, and I think it's great that, you know, we have these recovery meetings and stuff, but I'll be honest, when I worked in treatment and somebody discharged, we'd print them out their therapist's information and we'd print them out, you know,

their meetings they could go to and none of them really went to them. I know. But that's all we had. Like, I mean, if it was great that we could be more, but we just didn't really have a whole heck of a lot. So, you know, that sounds like a big need. Yeah. And these founders created this because they didn't get it, right?

And one of their friends that went to treatment with them. passed away. His name was Barney. And they were like, we need to create something that we didn't have in honor of their friend. And so the mission behind it is really beautiful. And that's why they're bringing it to the states because the ones that they have here currently aren't as advanced. And I think it will go over pretty well. So I'm on like the cutting edge alumni up and very in the beginning stages. So I'm super grateful. I'm like, I manifested this job. So again, I'm being taken place. of. That's cool. Another thing, since you're in California, like, this is way off topic of the story. Yeah. But I've seen kind of the idea of forced treatment kind of come to life, which it's not just in

California. I mean, there's talks in, you know, parts of Canada too about maybe that being a model and stuff too. Any thoughts on that? Like, you're on the ground. So you're saying forced treatment, where they're forcing people to go to treatment? Yeah. Like, I think that that's, sort of like an idea that people are they're tossing it around like I don't know if it'll if it'll pick up speed but an idea of like you're a danger to yourself for others like let's get you to go to I know and you know it's funny that you ask that too because I think right now with the homeless population and stuff right now I'm happening they are really talking about it lately because they don't I mean you not as much where I live but you can go to the streets and you see a lot of the

mental health folks out. You see a lot of the drug users out on the streets. And I know like, sounds silly, but the Olympics are coming. So there's talk about like, let's get everybody off the streets and make them go to treatment. So you bringing up the forced treatment. I mean, I don't, you know what, I don't know how, how that's going to work. I don't know. I know that they've been putting people that are on the streets in some temporary housing and they're doing SSI for them. I mean, I would love to think that some folks are going to get it because if you go, you've heard of Skid Row, right? Yeah. Brad, man, you go down there and it is heart wrenching.

I volunteer at the Midnight Mission, my friends, the communications director down there. It is so heart wrenching. So I would like to think that maybe, I mean, if one out of a hundred gets it, that's one life saying. right but we'll see we'll see yeah yeah it will be yeah it will be sticky yeah we'll be interesting how it um yeah but it's uh it's it's a tricky thing it's a tricky thing you need it really is tricky and me being a recovered addict like I would like to think that it can help you know but I don't know I mean I never give up on anybody right I never ever give up on anybody. Like, I feel like everybody can be saved and helped. But, you know,

that remains to be seen with something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining today and in sharing your story. Great conversation. Anything you have for closing that you'd want to send out to somebody? I would just like to send out like great love and vibes for anybody, any of your audience members like don't do it alone. Reach out. I mean, you've got such a great reach and so many followers. Like reach out to Brat. Like there is hope. Yeah, so true. Thank you again so much. Thank you.