Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How to Get Sober - Exploring the Missing Question.

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

“How do I get sober?” It’s the most common question people ask when they’re struggling with alcohol — and it’s a fair one. But in this solo episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Brad challenges the idea that how is the real problem. Instead, he offers a powerful reframe drawn from 16 years of personal recovery and 14 years of supporting people in sobriety: 👉 The real question isn’t how do I get sober — it’s what are you willing to do to get sober and stay sober? In this honest and reflective episode, Brad explores why so many people feel stuck when trying to quit drinking, even after trying rehab, meetings, therapy, books, podcasts, and recovery programs. He explains how the search for the “right way” to get sober often becomes a form of avoidance, and why willingness — not information — is what actually leads to lasting change. This episode covers: Why asking how to get sober can keep people stuck The role willingness plays in quitting alcohol and staying sober Why many people believe they’re “different” — and how that belief blocks recovery The fear of discomfort and change in early sobriety Why alcohol feels like it “worked” for so long The importance of changing routines, environments, and relationships Why doing sobriety alone rarely works How shame and ego prevent people from asking for help Why support and connection matter more than willpower

How do I get sober? That is the number one question that I've gotten from thousands of people over the years. And I think it's a decent question, but it misses the mark on so many things. The better question that I have for people and that you should have for yourself is what are you willing to do to get and stay sober? The how part doesn't really answer the real question here. the real roadblocks that are in your way from a sober life, that are in between you where you are now and living a sober life. A lot of times when people ask me, too, about the how part,

I can throw out some ideas. And I've done this countless times of maybe it's rehab, maybe it's meetings, maybe it's reading books, maybe it's listening to podcasts, maybe it's celebrate recovery or smart recovery or Dharma recovery. Maybe it's an outreach program that's in your community. Maybe it's therapy. You wouldn't believe how common it is that people tell me that they've tried all of that

and none of it works. None of it works. And it's so relatable to me because I remember when I walked into my first AA meetings, celebrate recovery meetings the first time I went to rehab and I didn't achieve my goal. I didn't stay sober afterwards. So I was ultimately like, it just didn't work. That didn't work.

But really it was planting seeds when I look back. So I think the question is we have to ask ourselves is what are we willing to do? And there are some things that are going to be required that you're going to have to do to make this happen for your life. If you're wanting to get sober, you have to really look at who you're spending time with and the environments you're spending time with. You can't be committed to this life of not drinking and then three days into it, go hang out with your buddies at the bar because you want to prove to yourself that you can do it.

I mean, you probably will do it. But that's not really encouraging change in showing that you're willing to do what it takes. That's a big part. I see a lot of people get caught up there is not really making many adjustments to what they're doing day in and day out. But that's the big question that only we can answer as individuals. And just because we tried something one other time before and it didn't necessarily quote unquote work out, doesn't mean that if we plug back into it, that we might not see a different benefit or come at things differently. People often get stuck because they drink for decades.

And alcohol just has worked, quote unquote again, kind of sort of for a long time. This comfort feels unsafe. It's new. Like as humans, we get comfortable with routine, rinse and repeat, even if there's consequences or resistance. If it's what we know, that's where we feel the safest. So we're more likely just to circle the drain as opposed to doing something different. Fear of change. I mean, that's even outside of the whole giving up alcohol part of this, is change is scary. This one right here, I relate to so well.

I thought I was different. I saw other people around me struggling with. maybe further down the spectrum drinking and they are experiencing a lot of consequences, but I was different. I grew up different. I maybe looked different. There were things about my life that were different. People didn't understand me. And another one too is thinking that it won't work out no matter what you do. One of the most interesting things about sharing 225 stories on the sober motivation podcast is one thing I picked up and it took me about 150 episodes. But the vast majority of people when they went to bed that night they had their last drink for the stretch

they were on now it wasn't part of the plan it wasn't part of the plan at all it just happened that way they weren't planning on not drinking the next day i think for many years before that they were told themselves they were going to cut back or maybe i won't drink tomorrow but they usually found themselves drinking again so this is the question that always comes up and when it's sometimes suggested for people to check things out. It's just like all the excuses flow out. Well, I can't go to the AA meetings because my boss goes there and I don't want anybody in my community to see me. No, I can't go to rehab because I have this job. No, I can't talk to my doctor about it because of X, Y, and Z. And it's almost like, what can you do? And that's what I think

we need to figure out because some of those things could be valid. Maybe you can't leave your job and yet you're supporting a family and you can't just go to rehab. Like that makes sense in some situations. I think if we look further down the road, though, if we keep up our drinking, I mean, are we still going to have the job? And is all that stuff going to pan out? I don't know.

Time will only tell. But it's like what kind of sacrifices are we willing to make to have this be a reality for our life? And I think once we get down to that on an individual basis, we're just going to spin tires, believe all the excuses we tell ourselves, think that we're different than everybody else, and we don't need to follow the same path

or really ask them, you know, what helped you? What was it that actually made sense for you? And some people, yeah, they think they tried everything. And I did too. I thought I had tried everything. And like I literally did. But I wasn't really putting forth wholehearted, honest effort into the interventions.

A lot of the things I did was because I had back problems. People were on my back and I thought, well, I have to get them off my back, so I'll just do what they think is best for me. But I really wasn't bought in to changing my life. I thought I would be able to figure it out or get it under control or this would all just be a phase and of course I would just move on. Willingness is all about trying something new without knowing the outcome or the result, doing things that feel uncomfortable. If you're kind of in this back and forth of drinking, not drinking, drinking, not drinking, ask yourself that. Like, are you putting yourself in uncomfortable situations so you could potentially grow?

Or do you, when things get hard, do you just retreat to what you know? Isolation, not asking for help, and you let the ego take over that you're going to be able to figure it all out and that you got yourself here and you're going to get yourself out of here. I thought that way for years. And it was disastrous. It was so disastrous. is to try to just quietly pull myself out of such a dark place. It wasn't until reaching out for help and finding other people that were like-minded and were on a similar journey that I was actually able to let go of some of the shame that was associated with my struggle and start to trust others, become vulnerable,

and give myself that opportunity to grow. You have to be willing to ask for help. You know, we do it in every other area of it. our life. If I'm trying to carry a couch and I can't carry it myself, I have no problem asking somebody for help. But when it comes to this, we convince ourselves that we're weak and we've lost control and we've been bad. And the reality is alcohol is a highly addictive substance. I think when I look back at it, one of my earliest mentors explained to me something so simple, but it really hit home. He said, Brad, your best thinking on your own landed you right here at that meeting

with all the chaos in my life. And he said, until you're willing to listen to somebody else, you're probably just going to keep spinning in circles. Like not much in your life is going to change. Because if you had what it took to change it, you already would have done it. You would have done it before your life completely fell apart. And it made a whole lot of sense at that time. And I mean, I didn't stay sober after that either. I was like, oh, you know, this makes so much sense. Things you have to be willing to do is setting boundaries.

People, places, and things you have to look at. You really do. And I know that there's a lot of good buddies and there's a lot of good friends that you might have. But I think when you peel back the layers, is there a whole lot more to the relationship than just meeting up and drinking? For some there might be, and for others there might not be. And you've got to look at that stuff. I think as humans, we do a really good job that convince ourselves that we're the exception.

You know, that this is just going to be a season in our life when it comes to drinking and we'll either grow out of it or, you know, of course, we'll have kids or we'll get married or we'll move here, we'll move there, we'll get a new job. and a career or start a business and all of this will go away. It doesn't though. I go back to that old expression. I share a lot on the podcast. Wherever you go, there you are.

The thing that scares you the most is probably what you need to do. And for most people, that's sharing with somebody else what you're struggling with. They may or may not know. It may be obvious. but I could pretty much guarantee you one thing. They don't know how bad you're struggling. They might know you drink a lot,

but they don't know anything about that internal conversation you have with yourself when you wake up every morning to jump in the shower and just wondering why you promise yourself this and that and you wouldn't have as much or you wouldn't drink at all. And then you're right there getting ready for your day, just beating yourself into oblivion with the shame and the guilt that you've done it again. And I just share that from experience.

I share that from hearing it so many times of the cycle of things. Then you commit to yourself that you're not going to drink that day and everything sounds good until a little bit after lunchtime and you feel a little bit better and you'll drink that night, but obviously a lot less. It'll just take it easy, maybe one or two.

And sometimes that actually works out. A lot of times that works out. But it's those times where it doesn't, that really bothers us. And we wonder why. Why are other people able to go full speed and then breaks? And for us, we're not. Once it gets going, it's hard to stop the train. So I wanted to leave you with a little bit of reflective episode here.

A lot different than what I normally do. But if you're in that spot, you're thinking to yourself. how do I get sober? I just want to put it on your radar. Maybe it's less about the how. And maybe it's more about what are you willing to do differently? Because you can find out the how.

But if you're not willing to do any of it, it doesn't change anything. And not only be willing to do it, but willing to do it honestly, willing to put forth effort, even if things don't make sense, or all work out the first time. On the other side of the discomfort of all of this

is true freedom. I think when people get into giving up alcohol and it's a big struggle, it's tough the first 90 days, 120 days, even the first year maybe, you're wondering, is it always going to be like this? The short answer is no. It's not. It's not at all.

It doesn't last forever. I mean, that would be so difficult for us to keep things going and I don't know if a lot of us would if it lingered on and on for years. It really doesn't. I relate it back to my life before I ever drank it all.

I never thought of drinking. And I wouldn't say it's all the way back there, but it's pretty close. I think of drinking because I see the billboards, I see the signs, I see the commercials, I see other people drinking.

So it's there. It's not that I have my eyes closed and head buried in the sand. I mean, alcohol is everywhere in our world. But my belief system around that has changed. I don't see it benefiting my life at all. And therefore I'm not interested. Just like I don't see going to the gas pump

and drinking gasoline. I don't see that as benefiting my life at all. So I don't do that. I just want to provide some hope out there for anybody who might feel like you're running low on that, is that you can turn this around today. You don't have to wait for X to happen.

You don't have to wait for somebody to mention something to you. You already know, if you're listening to this podcast, if you found this episode, you already have all the answers you need. You're not where you want to be with all of this, and that's okay. There's a lot of us out there

who have made this decision, and our lives are incredible. So I'll leave you with that. what is it that you're unwilling to do and how can you begin to break down some of those barriers to get to where you want to be get connected with some other people that out of everything

I've seen help people the most myself included get connected with other people there's people out there just like you as unique as we are as individuals and nobody else in life has traveled our exact path path, we're all so much alike. Thank you, everyone, for listening along. If you've listened to the

podcast, you know that this is not my wheelhouse. I would really love your feedback, though. Did you enjoy this episode? Did you not? Send me a message on Instagram and let me know your thoughts, and I'll see you on the next one.