Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How To Get Sober? When Drinking Is All You Know with Chester and Rick Duff.

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Chester and Rick Duff share a special friendship, one that was once fuelled by drinking and addiction. They both joined me in the studio to share the full story of the different places addiction took them to and how they have been able to break the cycle. For Chester is was more daily drinking, which triggered a true hatred towards himself and Rick Duff was more of the weekend warrior but sobriety has changed things completely. We go over many "Rock Bottoms" and failed attempts at sobriety to Chester reaching 9 months sober on the date this episode goes live.  ---------- Chester on IG: https://www.instagram.com/chester_alarie/ Rick Duff on IG: https://www.instagram.com/rickduffmusic/  

Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today I've got Chester and Rick Duff here in studio, first ever in-person podcast recording. How's it going, boys? Good. Yeah, very good. Nice drive here. Yeah.

Leaving Montreal, coming to Toronto. I'm popped up, man. Let's do it. Yeah. So we'll start with Chester, man. What was it like for you growing up? It was a nice childhood with a loving family. My dad was a cop. My mom was a stay-at-home for like maybe two, three, four years of my life.

Then she found a job and they were involved in my, like with school, sports and stuff. And I have a brother, a big brother and like best friends since forever. And we just played along and stuff and I was pretty happy. but like at some point when i got in school i realized that i wasn't an outsider um they didn't do well in school at all i was um like ADHD with no medication and stuff and it was pretty hard for me to concentrate focus still hard yeah party pooper get out here no cake for you and um um um um um Focus, man. See? But like for real, it was really hard for me, didn't do grade in school. And then I was put on like Ritalin and Adderall and stuff. And my grades did better. But still, I was still an outsider. I was stuttering a lot and was picked on with that. And it was pretty hard for me like to just fit in. And. to express myself it was really hard because i felt like nobody would understand what i was saying

and it was really hard and i was coming back home and i was crying in my mom's arms and was uh just devastated every day of my life because um i mean kids sometimes are like really mean and so it's It's kind of hard, like when you don't have no value of yourself and you don't have like this experience in life where you just can put things aside and be like more focused on what you do great in your life. Like, well, I'm good at sports. I'm a polite young man. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that too.

It's interesting. Very relatable story too. I mean, I never did. And while at school, struggle with ADHD, got on medication, always seeing therapists and doctors, and it felt like everybody was just trying to figure out what was going on. But I find, too, and maybe relatable to you, it really destroyed my self-esteem, confidence when everybody else would celebrate their test scores. And it's like, hey, how did you do?

And I just remember vaguely, I would just want to get that in my backpack as soon as possible. And, like, I think that's when I started lying, too. like really started lying to other people like to sort of maybe protect myself a little bit from what I knew was coming yeah yeah from what other people my parents as well yeah because like my dad was very good at school and he didn't understand that I could struggle I mean yeah he he understood the like the fact that I would struggle all he wanted is for his son to like success in school and he just wanted like the best of me yeah and but that's a lot of pressure candy if it's not if it's not clicking for you right i mean it makes sense right as parents um

you would want the best and to go to school and i think even more in like our generation growing up which i'm not saying it was forever ago but i think that was like the dream or the way forward right you go to school you get education and you live happily after yeah and we're kind of seeing in today's world like it's not necessarily um always the case but i think that but in turn of them wanting the best for us it put a lot of pressure on us to really show up and do well and then when you don't do well they're disappointed we're disappointed and then when when we're younger i mean what tools do we have on how to navigate the world too of everything we're struggling with um where did you grow up chester uh i was born in montreal but

i grew up in the suburbs of montreal it's called terbonne and uh in english like good earth that's true in english tarban meets a good it means good hurt yeah good soil yeah and then i moved when i was like maybe 25 from from home i was living on my friends couch and like people will like dude we love you but you need to move from here because like i don't want to like be the one who just hates you but um and if you come back like to the school grades and stuff you know like the record cards yeah it was my nightmare every like record cards in school it was like what like what's my dad is it like is he gonna be proud of me well i don't think so but like he didn't do it in a mean way he just wanted like what best for me but yeah he didn't understand that

that I could like struggle. Because like with all the bullying and stuff, it was hard for me to focus plus ADHD. And it was really hard for me, man. It was really hard. And at the age I think of like 15 or 16, that's when like the drugs came into my life. Cause I was introduced like to like marijuana

and then like speed, ecstasy. Molly and cocaine. and cocaine, ketamine. And yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. And for real, I don't know how I'm still alive. Yeah. I've always been an intense fella. And so like when I was using,

I was using intensely, man. It was very intense. Yeah, we'll get to that part too. Yeah, thanks for sharing that too for growing up, man. So much of it relatable of how difficult that is. Now, I know a lot about Chester because he's been part of the community for months now. I would hate to guess at how many and be wrong because Chester knows his times. Yeah, right, right to a T.

But we also got ricked up with us. And what was it like for you growing up? Well, same kind of beginning. Very happy family. I have a brother called William. He looks a lot like me. We're best friend. Like we're one and a half year apart from one and each other.

so we've always been close and yeah I was born in Montreal then moved to Belgium because my parents started a business that needed them to go to Europe so I moved there when I was one years old and stayed there for five or six years if I remember correctly came back here in 2000 in Montreal when I see here in Canada in the year of 2000 and yeah went to school pretty nice you know pretty nice everything man nothing was out of hand no like violence at home or nothing just just a like normal family then my parents split up maybe like this is something that um not traumatized me but it's something that played a role into into yeah triggered me because i i needed to become the man of the house sooner than expected

And I was pretty young at that point, like, taking care of my brother. My mother was working. Like, she left the morning. She came late nights. And I was making breakfast for my brother and taking him to school. Like, all of these responsibilities that you don't necessarily need to have when you're, like, seven years old or eight years old. And, yeah, but I lived good with that. And I wasn't that kind of, I was, I was a, like, at that point of my life, I was so calm and then relaxed.

and i used to spend in my room drawing and i was just a quiet kid it's more when like the teens came in where i wanted to more fit in and be more cool and just uh hang with these kinds of people that um i i didn't got the chance to hang around with in high school and stuff because i was just so normal yeah and i wanted to escape maybe all of these responsibilities that i had younger and i wanted to you know what like just flip it off and and this is where i started drinking but drugs came a little later on but like let's say 14 15 i started drinking with buddies and i just wanted to be cool i just wanted to be nice but other than that i'd say like for the the youngest part of my life it was pretty relaxed but nothing like and like there's nothing so amazing about like my my journey

with alcohol and drug it's just that i wanted to be better with myself so this is why i quit drinking but um yeah pretty normal like i mean you don't have to struggle a lot to decide and pick up a bottle or snort your first line of cocaine or whatever yeah yeah very good point there to wrap it up at the end too like there's kind of two different stories i mean and we have both of them maybe here in a sense right you have you have chester who has a different experience with the thing which i think a lot of people relate to right a big struggle from early on with identity and being picked on and not doing well in the classroom and sort of maybe on the outside I kind of share of it from my story picked last in gym class type life you know I felt like at every

turn that was like my experience um always questioning whether or not I was good enough like where's my where's my value I everybody seemed to put so much emphasis on the classroom and sports and like I remember a devastating thing I mean I can joke about it and laugh about it now but it was grade eight and um i was trying out for the soccer team and everybody made that soccer team in grade eight for the it was middle school and um except for me and it was my mom and came came and picked me up after they you know led off the roster and there was this one other guy and i wasn't a great soccer player by any means but i was a lot better than this other guy and i was kind of scratching my head um and i told my mom like this big lie i can't remember exactly detail for detail

But it was just such a crushing blow, you know? And then the next Friday, everybody who has made the team has all their shirt and tie on. And I was just kind of the guy, you know, my buddies are wondering what happened. And I realize now it was my attitude. I just had a really bad attitude. It really had nothing to do with it. It's like you don't want to conform at a certain type of attitude that everybody has conformed in in the team. You want to stand out, kid?

Yeah, stand out alone. Yeah, yeah. So that was the thing. But it was kind of like another one of those things, right, that happened. And it was like a one-off story, but it was like things like that happened. And then Rick, you've got sort of the different story of, you know, things were well, right? Even through in that kind of word normal, right? Quote unquote, you know, normal.

Things were good. And I think that that can be a big misconception of people who could find themselves having a problem with drinking or struggling with drinking is that some people believe you have to come from some sort of tragic yeah well there's no tragedy i mean you know at some point i haven't shared a lot about that i'm not a big share like i'm not a big meeting guys and stuff like that but like if i can share for the first time here it's like more of um like my dad cheated on my mom and it caused all that drama around the kids like chaos and like that all of that chaos that just conced didn't concern me and my brother that much but that at some point you know as a mother for the first time or as a father for the first time this parents are parents for

the first time you know you're not parents but like you don't come out on how like like like like to love her Rick duff no but you don't yeah what i mean is like you don't have six lives and at at some point in this life you're gonna fuck up with your kids can i swear i'm sorry you're Okay, all right. So, and at some points, like, you're going to, you know, mess up and, and, like, my mom, she got super depressed and she involved me and my brother into that depression. And we, we kind of, like, needed to be there for our mother and be the man's and be the ones that are going to make everything possible from now on. And, like, all of these responsibilities and all of this crying and chaos. And this is where it, it started for me, I think, looking back on it now. And I haven't spoke about that to a lot of person, but yeah, man, it was tough. That period of my life was tough because now, you know, she, she was always judging my father. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he wasn't a monster, you know? And now I have this image of my dad as a monster and I have this image of my foyer with my mom as, like, it's super depressed and at some point.

And I was like, where do I find my middle ground here? Well, I found it. I found it in a bottle of beer. with my friends party and out the more i could sleep somewhere else the better i was the more i could sleep at friends house and like being like you know pajama parties and stuff the more i was happy man because i was focusing on something else and i was seeing happy families because mine was getting torn apart at some point man yeah that's uh that's a great share man yeah well that's the only thing i think for me that yeah because i wasn't picked on i wasn't bullied i was

wasn't like yeah i was a little fat people were calling me fatty at some point but that wasn't like what got me into like yeah i want to destroy myself with drugs and alcohol yeah it was it was it was that situation there and then maybe it's relatable maybe it's not now you're on the search for um now you're looking for some relief yeah exactly i'm looking for the answers right now yeah and alcohol checks the boxes man early on right yeah yeah yeah get to connect with other people you kind of get to forget about the crew and yeah me girls You know, speak with girls. Like at some point, you're shy as a young adult, as a young boy.

You don't know what to say. You don't know what to do. And I think, like, parties and alcohol, like, sorry to say that, but they're great at some point in your life to socialize, you know? Yeah. Because it's normalized also. It's called liquid courage. Yeah, liquid courage, exactly. Yeah.

And I mean, I think it's important, too, to honor that part of the story because that, I think that is the truth for so many is that there was a point in our life where, Alcohol wasn't causing all of these demons consequences and everything else in our life, right? Like there was, there was a part for me too where, I mean, I just loved it, man, to go out and feel like I belong somewhere, to feel like I could connect with people to connect with girls because I was always that shy. Like, what did I have to offer? And then now I'm making those connections and things are kind of making sense. And so check those boxes and maybe helped us. It makes you relevant at some point. Yeah.

So, I mean, there's that part too. I mean, I don't think, for my personal story, and it sounds like you sharing too, like, I mean, since day one, it wasn't just, it wasn't just destructive. Like, it had it sort of a weird, you know, purpose of, I mean, I even would go as far to say, like, maybe it saved me from some of the darkest times in my life when I didn't really know how I would maybe carry on and maybe alcohol bought me another day or another week of like. Or another mindset for the next couple of years. before you destroyed with something else but yeah yeah yeah so like yeah i think that like i think it's so easy to just paint it as like the whole thing is completely terrible but i hear that story a lot about and you get so like me and my brothers because then my dad he he got with that girl that had two other sons and we became brothers like at the age of sevens because we

already knew these people anyway the story is my dad went with this girl she had kids that we already knew and were they were friends so now my my friends are because coming my brothers and the four of us we were cool kids like we were loved by our neighbors we were loved by our community we were uh always moving in group of four and like going to bars and parties and like people knew the four brothers and we were actually boys man and and at some point alcohol was our was our our like unity like we we used to go to parties and they knew that Rick, Sam, Will, and Joey, they were getting fucked up and they're going to have a good time with these guys.

And we were like the good time people. And like that made me feel. Yeah. And that made me become probably the entertainer that I am today. Yeah. Because now I do music. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's big like what you mentioned, that the purpose and identity, right? So it's like when you're younger, what's my purpose in life and then what's my identity, my identity and how everybody knows me is like I like to party, like to have a good time. And then when people get sober, that seems to be. And I'm sure we'll get there. But that seems to be one of the hardest things to shake, right? How am I going to break it to everybody that the way I've been living for however many decades is just not in line with how I want to live moving forward. And who the heck am I?

And who the heck am I going to become without that? Yeah. And like what page am I turning here? Come on. It's the year, I agree. Yeah. So like, yeah, like that grief, it's scary a shit out of me, man. Because I mean, I use.

I used to party, drink. People were like, rent-off, you know, his show is insane. You just go, he's partying with you. He's having fun with you. Yeah, pouring, like, beard in his, like, boots. Yeah, I used to, like, drink beer out of my boot and just, you know, like, I used to get fucked up on stage and I'm feeling guilty, like, the next morning

because I had another show to give, and I needed that same attitude on stage, and I didn't want to give these people. Like, energy. All I wanted to do was being at home with my girl and just my cat and just listen to fucking the hobbit on TV and just you know relax and now I needed to go to that show where I needed to drink in a booth and you know maybe snort some lines at the end of the night and man dad and you're not showing the example like yeah and like stop quit like when I decided to quit drinking I was like should I quit music all right Chester no what were things like for you after high school

went to college which in Quebec it's called Sejep it's like in between high school and university and like two years it's prior to go to the university. I was studying music. As for me like I grew up listening like to Nirvana and like Metallica and stuff and I was like man James Heathfield he could drink man he's my idol like rockstar lives and stuff and my first class like we had a class called band. So like they randomly chose musicians in school and put them together in a room with a teacher.

And we decided like which kind of music we were playing. And when I just attended my first class, I was high on speed and ecstasy and I was like, yeah man, I gave me some notes to play, I'm ready. And like people are like, hmm, that guy's kinda fucked up man. And I'm like, yeah, I was, and I was proud of it. Like, I was proud to be, like, the party animal of, like, Sejep. And then I met, like, this girl.

I was madly in love and all these drugs, like, she was not a big fan of drugs. So I just, like, quit drugs for her and not for me. Then she ended up, like, cheating on me and I was devastating, man. Because, like, I'm an intense human being. So, like, when I love, fuck, I love, man. and I'm a big lover as well and when I learned like she cheated on me I came back home and I like passed by like the grocery store about some beer and as soon as like the alcohol had like its effect I was oh shit man it was the thing man it was my drug of choice and

how old were you then? i think because you didn't you didn't drink that much before yeah i used to drink here and there but like drugs were like my like my like you mean popping pills and cocaine yeah yeah yeah it was my thing yeah and then once you broke your heart you fell into alcohol oh man it was i did like zero 100 in in like a second he's drinking every day from that point yeah and like my parents had like a mini bar and two three four days a week it was dry and um what they say dude what the fuck and like my my dad he was in in Haiti with the UN for like a year so I had like nobody to watch like my drinking and like a comment on my drinking and my mom

she was a bus driver and she was working night shifts so I had like the the house to myself and this is where like I I sorry mom and dad but I like I like I like I like stole money from like their drawers and stuff and going to the it's called SAQ society of alcohol of Quebec it's like a like and and LCBO here yeah liquor store yeah true well it's interesting too because a lot of people probably list that listen to the show are from the US I mean yeah in Quebec to in Montreal it's 18 yeah to start drinking as opposed to in the US 21 or here's 19 yeah so I mean you and when it's there you probably don't even in

those beginning days you probably don't even think much about it you're going to the store and everything just picking it up at 18 right and at 16 and 17 your parents are going to let you even 14 like my dad he let me add a beer at 15 or like a shot or like it I remember in Christmas this time everybody was doing sambucca's shots you know sambucus yeah and like at some point i was like can i taste it my dad like sure you want to taste that shit tastes horrible you want to taste it i was like yeah tasted it like like it's that european like quebec it's more of a european culture we have because of the french and all that that drinking at our early age it's not that bad

yeah it's not that big of a deal actually yeah yeah and in the opposite i think in the u.s it's like you're underage and you're drinking i think just the fact that you could kind of go in and get it yourself like i think 18 right as opposed to your kid to 21 yeah and then i mean if you wait to you're 21 i mean people are still drinking not people are not waiting till they're yeah necessarily 21 but but maybe that's sort of the other thing i think when we're younger it's like the riskier it is they kind of cooler it is is if everybody can't get it in your i remember it's it's wrong intelligent to let to don't 21 i i'd even go up to 25 like i'll wait till your brain as a

man or women is fully developed like before you could be of age of drinking because I mean it must fuck some wires up somewhere like at 18 drinking that much and snorting cocaine and doing pills and drugs and all that type but the thing here is that I think that like

the more it's forbidden the more like it's just attractive can be yeah to people like it's wrong but you're you're going to do it moderately until you're that age though or you're going to hide yourself and maybe like be taught well like just be taught to be like sneaky yeah no do i mean like to moderate

when you like you mean like they should teach people yeah yeah yeah yeah but like i mean who like did you ever moderate i tried to but i failed yeah what about you when you first started drinking i mean could you just have one oh man uh even when i was drinking the most i was drinking the most i was drinking on weekends only like i was super able to pace myself like i one of my qualities was that if i say no it's no like even on weekends sometimes i could say no but the thing is as soon as i started drinking i wanted more and i wanted more of a lot of things i wanted more like go to more parties like speak to more women's do more cocaine or do like move up the scales like yeah and and and and And at some point, hear the birds chirping and just, yeah, and I was good at that, but.

Did you get a lot of energy from drinking? Like, did it? Yeah. Yeah. It used to wake me up a lot. Like, I remember on Thursday or Fridays, and I was a bricklayer. So big days, hot, scorching sun, you're out there just working, dusty. You come home.

You're tired, super tired. You just did your nine, ten hours of work. And I remember first beer. Oh. And then the second one. And then my buddy nearby, he was selling cocaine. Like after three or four beers, I knew I was going out. I'll buy a little just because, you know, maybe I'll just, you know, get too drunk too early.

And I want to continue partying. And, bro, it's a not ending cycle. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. I mean, even if people are struggling in secrets, I mean, at some point I stopped lying to myself. And I was just like. Yeah, you saw it for what it was. And even if I wasn't drinking every day. Like, Chester, he used to drink every day.

Every day I called Chester where you know, I'm having a beer at home or I'm planning on getting drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Can I sleep at your place? Because, like, I'm not planning on driving. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, you want to come home and do some music?

First question you would ask me, can I sleep at your place tonight? Because I'm going to bring a couple of beers and I know I'm not going to be able to drive. Yeah. And when I sell a couple of beers was like a 12 fat. Yeah. And he wasn't sharing like a 12-pack. and it's like you like kind of kind of yeah strange question strange question i don't know if this plays into it at all but for you with drinking on the weekends and chester drinking every day

did you ever say okay that's a problem what the way the chester's carrying himself and i'm like i'm like not there yet so no man he was good at hiding it like he was good at hiding the fact that it's a problem i remember at some point i was like dude my girlfriend's telling me i should slow down and stuff and i was like yeah you should probably because you're a good drinker buddy like you know how to end all a bottle of beer like no questions asked like we knew like everybody knew chester was that big drinker and that big party animal that it's super sweet never like disrespectful always like uh good manners and yeah he speaks loud and he like at some point you need to tell him like bro slow down holy but uh but not i wasn't like i wasn't the one telling chester hey man

you should stop drinking because at some point it's not my fight man and it's not it i i didn't see it as much as other people around him was we're seeing the situation and i think i had my own demons to battle with yeah true so where do you go from there so you're at music school and you've had the heartbreak and you're really leaning into drinking yeah and like there were so many red flags and when i said like that i did like zero 60 miles an hour um in one second with alcohol and drugs is like maybe like two, three months after like I started to drink heavily. I parted like like a temp and I like four or five a.m. I woke up and I was feeling like puking and stuff like just puke blood everywhere. Yeah. And that's a big red flag. So I didn't drink

wine. Like I have beer and like a bottle of whiskey and I don't like how many grabs of cocaine and and we puke blood man it's bad yeah and it was like nah i'm cool so i just and i was waking up every morning super hungover and the first question that came to my mind was like with which money am i going to buy more booze it was bad man um i was going like to the liquor store and buy like this 750 amillators of like gin like the cheapest like the bottle of hot liquor that i could buy and would down it with more like um with more beer and stuff and i was home playing bass or like guitar with like all my crushed speed because like cocaine was too expensive so i would just like restoring speed i don't know if you guys call it speed what like adderone and not amphetamine

like speed from yeah but math but the way it's done where we're from it's like they're making them and that they're attractive pills like that looks like megatron or a logos of the maple leaf let's say or whatever oh okay it's like it's like it's it's methamphetamines and pills that you take and you just get super high up oh yeah yeah never done it actually so you're so you're doing that and you're just hanging out sort of in the basement of your parents place that's sort of like how things are you working or anything no no no how do you get how do you get all the all this stuff stealing or like just like asking for like a favor oh man i'm gonna like can i borrow yeah quote how are you feeling about yourself like i didn't care man i just wanted to die at that point in

your life oh yeah i mean like um she had cheated on you and i i felt like shit man and like if i can like go back in time uh i was nine years old and i was doing bad in school like i said at first and Uh, it was different and I told my mom, um, am I like, am I different and bad in schools? So I deserve to die. Like I don't deserve to live. And she was, she was crushed by like that question. I was nine years old, man. Because you felt different. Yeah. And like I was feeling so bad. And I put that like these memories in the part of my brain locked up and threw away the key. And like I spoke with my mom.

I like I came cling to her and told her like my drinking path and all the things that I've done. And she was like holy guacamole. It was like too much for her. And that's when like she told me that like memory that because I don't deserve to live. And she told me that like I was like mutilating myself. and like just being like just self-destructive with booze and stuff and and too like I don't want to throw my dad under the bus but like I was not really like allowed to cry home and it's not like because he didn't want me to be like a softie or something like that he just like they didn't get in involved in your feelings and yeah because he didn't know how to deal with these feelings because like he got raised by his dad and my grandpa was like stiff and boys don't cry and so that's why like still

today i'm struggling with like crying like in front of people yesterday i like on our way we we had this beautiful like a conversation where i opened up to like rick and told him like man i struggled a lot and i was emotional and shed some tears and i was like dude i cried in front of you man and i was super proud myself yeah it may sounds like silly but i think like at some point i cried on stage at some point and i cried playing music in front of a thousand people this summer and i was like shit man yeah why am i crying but but But at some point, I know I feel you, like shivers come down your spine and you just, you're trying to shake up yourself, trying not to cry. And the emotion is just so hard to retain.

And at some point, you just got to let it go. Yeah. But it's really hard. And the only moments that I would be able to naturally, that quote unquote cry was to when I was very drunk. And I was a fun drunk, like he said. but at some point I was going back home where like people thought I would just stop drinking

but like there were so many beers waiting for me home and I was just like chugging them and was crying alone where like a few hours like before I was having the time of my life and then I met that band

called noise which we're playing with with a rigeduff now. I attended like a show, was high on mushrooms, cocaine, and was very drunk, and I just got up on stage, which was not my show, and just see out of the macaron, and they thought to themselves, that guy is cool. And the next morning, they called me. I didn't sleep one minute during that night and was super hungover, man. Oh, I was painfully hungover. And Alex, called me, he was like, hey, man, I'm Alex from the band,

noise, care to join the band? I was like, yeah, sure, man. And Chester came into their lives. Yeah, and the amount of intervention that I had from them was like, do you're drinking too much. So what I learned to do was to, I learned to like. Fake being sober. Yeah, and I was always carrying a bottle of whiskey,

in my back yeah 26 ounce of whiskey and I was sticking it out and just like chug it that's exhausting man yeah way to live right yeah yeah and like and like yeah and what they're telling you like you have to quit drinking you gotta slow down drinking

yeah slow down isn't it interesting though how like people it's not any casting any shade on them like they're doing I think the best they know but it's like slow down It's like, man, if we could, if Chester could have slowed down, you know what I mean? Like, it's not, I'm only guessing here, but it's not like that probably didn't cross. No. Your path either of like, I need to slow down.

This is becoming, you know, to affecting other areas of my life. But, um, and I think a lot of people get stuck there too, right? Of like, you got to slow down. You got to slow down. I hear it all the time. People are like, yeah, I need to slow down. And I'm like, man, I think if we all could have, quote unquote slowed down, we would have slowed down a long time ago. Yeah.

Other than just like quit, you know, but that is a, that's a, that's, kind of like a tough thing right if you're not ready yeah and like i spoke with adrian the lead singer of the band and maybe like two weeks ago and he told me that like after all these interventions he told me like i just gave up man because we i love you man but like at some point you just have to make your own choices to like do want to play music or no and he's just like gave up where are you at how are you when you joined the band 22 23 yeah and like we went to we won like this a musical contest where we went to play in Germany okay and I got lost because I was too drunk and man they they called a helicopter on me yeah really

did you go to no no but like the guys one of the first story I heard about just And I was like, what? And I was proud of it. Yeah. I had so much fun drinking. So much fun. So, man, all these memories that I remember. But I was not able to perform if I was not drunk.

Because like back home, I was rehearsing in like in the worst ways possible. And what I mean by worst ways being drunk. I couldn't like stand like walk. it would have grabbed like my guitar or bass and I would play with a metronom and it would like okay cool I'm tight and then the next morning I would wake up and listen to it

and be like cool I'm great so I learned to play music drunk and it was nice because I had fun until like COVID hit wait so hold on so that so there were parts in there that were fun but there was also parts that weren't fun or it was all fun.

Weren't fun because like... At that point, young 20s. Yeah, I'm just invincible. Yeah. And you live in your sort of dream too. Yeah, man. Yeah. And you're in Germany.

Yeah. And then like we booked some tours in Europe and three years in a row from 2017 to 2019. And then like we needed a rowdy and we called Duff. and what's a roadie like a road drink or like another another roadie it's uh it's like a a tour technician so driving the van setting up the stage when we arrived at the venues and like at some point we were in france and so that's when you guys first met though uh no no no actually well maybe i'll i'll care to explain that on my yeah okay but like at some point in 2018 we were like in france yeah and they told me that that night i had to drive him and i was pissed

it was only one night man just don't drink for a night yeah and i was super pissed at them but it's just one night man grow up man and um did you make it no i drank yeah but like in i just hit like to drink and at some point where like like like I was okay now I need to stop because or else I'm not going to be able to yeah and be like to announce them hey guys I cannot drive and me I was for sure not driving because it was my only night not driving the van so I at that point where he had two or two drinks I probably already got smashed at that yeah yeah but I was hiding for sure I am not driving so you got to keep it on the low buddy and figure out a way for you to drive tonight because tonight it's not my

man you're driving but like I had maybe like what eight nine beers and I drove yeah because like my capacity with alcohol is very high your tolerance yeah exactly yeah so like the next day I had like to um like all these time lost in it like in one night I had like to drink it up and for like the rest of the tour I was smashed every night and stuff and and then the next year we

went to Europe and then we plan on like opening up in 2020 for a band called Steel Panther. We were like opening up in Amsterdam in a football stadium and we would have done like a shit ton

of money and my dream was coming through and then COVID hit that's where like i the shit hit the fan yeah another level to it yeah and i met that girl that she play like a huge role in my life being like she told me dude you're an alcoholic and at first who was this a girlfriend yeah yeah yeah and she told you this is that the first person to tell you or yeah yeah i mean like my dad sorry like to shoot it to you that straight yeah and like my dad asked me many times do you have an alcohol problem no i can't stop whenever i want and that was my answer

yeah but like i couldn't stop you just never wanted to stop no and like uh i can stop like wherever i want the only issue here is that i don't want to stop yeah so well you probably believe that though i think that's sort of course kind of the part that we get into right is we kind of believe that our own stories there i'm wondering to catch up with uh rick duff here what were things like for you after high school, kind of up to the COVID times? Yeah, me, I actually really enjoyed school. Like, I loved being in school. I loved the community I had at school,

and I used to study music as a percussionist in school when I was from grade. Like, the way it works is we do our elementary school, it's grade one to six, and then we go to high school, one to five, and then we go to Sijip and then university. So at my high school, I did, like, high school one to high school three like grade one to three in music where I really enjoyed

myself wasn't that much of a drinker wasn't that much of a drug addict I only started smoking cigarette that's where I used to at that point that's the story I told you where with my friends we used to try to pick up cars locks and try like these are the summers where I wasn't even drinking or like maybe drinking a little but all my friend used to smoke pot and and ashish and they all used to get high on something and I wasn't I I was the sober kid that only wanted to be with the bad boys and just, you know, fuck around and find out. But never have I gotten arrested by the police or whatever or drinking and whatnot.

It came in way after that. I finished high school and I did like that program that combined some college studies with high school. I was really good at school. I finished high school with good degrees and I even had a second diploma with my high school degree and then I went on and did my trade as a bricklayer and this is where with the people from the construction world, this is where it all started for me. So at that point, I was getting picked on a lot by these other co-workers because I was a shit worker. I mean, I just got out of school and all these guys, they were all high on cocaine and they were all. drinking booze so at some point i started partying with these guys going to bars with these guys and stuff so i started drinking drinking and uh but cocaine i've i've faked doing cocaine for a bit

because i wanted to fit in so these guys were offering me cocaine i was like yeah sure i would go to the bathroom just took a key out of the bag and just coming back and like yeah i did it and i didn't and i didn't do it just because i wanted to look cool and uh then at some point like i used to have that girlfriend and um she left me because i was too much much of a softy I guess too much of a like people pleaser or whatnot and at that point I was hanging out with that that guy that later on that became a felon and like that guy he he was a tough guy but we got along so good I don't know why maybe because he had a soft soft sided heart that nobody knew about it but me I guess I picked the right place to just started to hang out with that guy and

yeah that guy he later became like a drug drug lord in my town and he later got arrested and thrown in jail for like bro guns and stuff like crazy stuff yeah and um so i was hanging with that guy and he took me to that party and he was like when you ever did cocaine i was like yeah i did and he had that that little mirror there with there with me like looking at me yeah i was like yeah no man i was like yeah i did it he was like all right cool so let's let's do a lines for him it's not that big of a deal for me i'm about to do my first line of cocaine and um and i remember i just went fuck it and i just snorted it for real that time man did i had fun that night like the rush because i i always thought in my mind like um

i needed to be adjusted at some point like with oCD and i always i remember i always used to be so picky about some things but yeah well cocaine just entered my life and i was like man that's fun that's a fun drug i think i'm like 19 years old at that time so i waited a lot like before doing my first drug because i wasn't smoking pot even i wasn't even into that and even marijuana came in like two years ago like i started smoking pot because i wanted to calm down from all that's been happening from 19 to 29 that 10 years i went fast and hard i started partying drinking and then another girlfriend she was like you spent too much time with your buddies partying she left me and then i four years bachelor so i just in my early 20s was working as a

bricklayer making money i had this condo with my brother and we were always up to something always up to a party always like and then at some point i had this um this bank account that was a bank account conjoint with me and my brother like we had that bank account for the two of us so we could pay a rent with that and I started taking money out of that bank account because now I'm spending too much in bars. To do what?

No, but I took that money to fill my tank of gas or to like to go to work and stuff and he realized it and at some point he just put me in a corner and say man I've seen you go and like you got this problem dude you just I see I've been doing the accounting of our now you owe me 2,500 bucks I was like shit I'm sorry dog and he he he almost punched me at that

point like he was so furious about me and like that girlfriend just left me he finds out that I'm stealing money I cannot pay rent I'm such a fuck up like early on in my life no financial education and whatnot so I just decided to leave to Edmonton and then this is where I just went that's the first time I tried to help myself like at that point I went to Edmonton not with the mindset of quitting the alcohol and quitting the drugs with a mindset of reimbursing my brother like I need to make money I need to give that money back and just like it right yeah to make my conscience clear and I just went on and did it I lived there for six months this is where I fell in love with music this is where I learned to play guitar because I was

so alone with myself at some point that I just picked up that guitar and played and played and played I was doing drugs but no cocaine because there I wasn't like I was doing there I was drinking but I wasn't doing cocaine at that point because I was there and I wasn't around people that much that I wanted to do cocaine and I didn't need cocaine that much at that point but as soon as I got back straight into old habits and and me and this is where I met Chester so I came back from that trip i wrote a couple of songs and that guy he i played in a bar and chester went to me after the show and was like dude i thought you were awesome like i i listened to you and he's like so um uh since when do you play music i'm like six months i just started he's like

dude no way i need to introduce you to him yeah and he took me with him and he's the first musician that believed in me actually the first guy that said like i need to introduce you to some other people and we want to I really want to put your songs into music like and put it out there so he introduced me to that band but it wasn't noise it wasn't his band it was like a band of people that drank a lot smoke a lot and it was

a crazy band and we had that year where I just went full on in music but in a bad way like we were playing for like pictures of beers yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and my manager yeah yeah yeah and my manager she was high off speeds like she was high off and yeah meth so you guys so every so kind of at every turn you're finding both of you in one way or another yeah yeah surrounded by maybe what you're doing too you know like you can probably i'm kind of picturing myself

back in that kind of like that world the best i can but like everywhere you look people are are using drugs or drinking or you're probably thinking like this is what everybody does yeah Yeah, like true. And maybe you're not seeing anything different. And dude, I'm paid to party now because looking back on it, I was like, that was what I was always wishing for. It's being paid to have a life of the party. Like I wanted to do music so I could make a couple of hundred bucks where I could drink for free in the bar because the bar bill is included in my. Yeah, open tab.

Yeah. So this is what I wanted to do and women and then drugs. and then hotels and just, you know, fuck around and have fun and be famous. Be famous. But even though at that time, it wasn't even about being famous. It was about just,

dude, I'm the one that lit up that place tonight. Like people are having such a great time now because I was on stage with the pen and we just. We went nuts. Yeah, and killed it.

And we actually had fun and we actually killed it because today it's working super great. Yeah. But at some point I needed to take a break. Yeah. And I met a girl called Pascal and, and I just decided to quit music and put it aside because it wasn't a life of family. Like, I was so sad, man, actually.

Yeah. I just, I quit, I quit music at that point because first COVID hits and I was dating that girl. But me and that girl, we were still like drinking and, you know, I was still doing drugs and stuff. And at some point, like, I don't want to get into details with that story. but things weren't great. They went, I stabilized a bit, but at some point when she left me

because I was down spiraling again, like I was going downward, and she was like, no, I'm not having this life. And at that point, I was like, I had a lot of money, all that money I put it into the music, but that music bring me to the party.

And then it was just always going downwards and downwards while everybody thought I was going upwards, because my music was doing great I was playing on an album I was on a TV show like I was getting out there but all the while like at the same time

I was just going down down a dark road where I was hearing the birds chirping at the morning because I wasn't sleeping and like I was I met this other girl called Ariand that she is such an angel

like a sweet girl She's a car girl Yeah she's a cowgirl from the album actually and like at some point she told me a story about her dad and her dad died due to alcoholism and I

didn't pay that much of attention at the beginning of her relation but at some point she was like look man I'm looking for for someone who's not going to let me down then she was seeing me getting fucked up on alcohol and drugs and and whatnot and at some point she was like

I'm not comfortable with that anymore it's like she didn't give me a choice she was like love you i'm going to stay there but don't be surprised if one day i'm packing my bags up and i'm leaving because i don't know how much time i'm going to be able to endure all of that so i i took it i didn't quit drinking and at some point yeah i woke up after a show where i was a bit shaky i was not feeling great and we were doing five shows in a row and and we were heading on or fifth and I remember like I barely could sing because my voice was so cracking up of

all of the abuse that I've been put on my body for the last month and Chester was one month and a half sober at that point and we just sat in the car and he told me listen man you got two choices now it's it's either you have fun for the next five years and then nobody know who Rick Duff is or you just focus you go down that road where you get sober and who knows, maybe you're going to pay, maybe you're going to make a generational wealth for your children because of your music, like, and I said, yeah,

I just resonate so much with that train of thought. Would you think he was right? Like, he was on to something there? He is right. Like, it is the way. It is the way for, as soon as you think you have a problem with whatever, the drug or alcohol or gambling or whatever,

as soon as something is causing prejudice in your life it's not good for you and it's going to cause more and more problem i think and quitting quitting is hard but it's not as hard as losing everything and it's not as hard as going through another breakup and and it's not as hard as breaking the patterns or a cycle you have and i feel like i'm breaking that pattern as of as of right now and i want to thank you so much man for that I love you, man. I love you too, bro. Oh, come on.

And I feel like he's the one that needed help all along. Like I never felt as a fuck up as much as Chester was, if you know what I mean. Looking back on it, you're comparing yourself a lot while you're struggling. Yeah. Comparation is the thief of joy, man. Yeah. And I was, let's say, more joyful because I saw Chester was maybe more miserable than me. And I was like, why should I quit drinking?

Chester is still drinking. And at some point, when Chester told me like, yeah, man, I'm one month and a half like sober. I was like, Chester, one month and a half sober. That's when it spoke to me in my head like, Chester is sober for a month and a half. I was like, dude, I'm so proud of you, man. Like, what the fuck, man? Like, I couldn't believe it. Like, he's that guy being eight months sober, nine months?

Uh, almost nine. I'm, oh, bro, it's a miracle. Yeah. Like, it's crazy. I told, I'm telling you guys, like, if Chester can do it, everybody can do it. Yeah. Like, this is how I resonate now. Yeah.

And I feel like without that guy and people like you, and I've, you know, I've written to you already, like saying like you, you have a huge impact on Chester's life. And I cannot thank you enough for that. Me and all of my bandmates and his mother, his father, like everybody around like pages like yours, they're saving lives. And it's like it's only a blessing for us three to be there and speaking about it. Yeah. Sober. To be open. Yeah.

I mean, I think even if you. Zoom out a little bit for the three of us to be alive and everything that we've been able to be to be sitting in the same room. I want to go back to there a little bit ripped off. Thanks for sharing that, man, because I think a lot of people try to plan out this big moment, right? This big moment of like I'm going to change my life and everything is going to line up and maybe it comes after a rock bottom or something. But you kind of share experience. I think that a lot of people have in a one weird way or another. It's maybe just that conversation at the right time.

It's maybe not like everything, your whole life is not falling apart in that moment. It's just like you, whatever reason, man, the stars lined up and living the sober life or not drinking anymore made, made sense in that moment. I mean, what do you take away from that? Well, first of all, I'd say a lot of self-esteem came back. Like, and it's a lot of that, if I'm understanding the question, right, is I think for me, there was only that little voice or that little moment where I felt peace knowing that I was I'm okay like knowing that I'm okay I'm savable I'm a human being I've done mistakes like I had this

one second of ultimate peace and I I crave that one second now and I find it in every day that I'm being sober so like it's it's just a yeah i'm being grateful and chester told me that and at some point i remember i was driving the car and he was still speaking but at that point i realized and i heard that voice saying like hey man you're okay like you're not dead um you know mom is there dad is there your brothers are there like you have this girlfriend that loves you and you love her and like you're you're fine just quit drinking and and and as soon as i said the word just quit drinking i remember i felt that that piece that am i i became shaking inside like am i really going to turn that page and

grief about yeah grief about alcohol and just at that point i'm that musician that's that's gaining success and gaining popularity because of his party animal behaviors and like our people are not going to love you anymore and stuff but i remember that one second of peace it made it all go away all the doubts all the i was just like man i want to live peaceful yeah yeah i mean like in some maybe in there too i just was thinking about like i'm just envisioning the whole entertainer right about you're going in you you're bringing a lot of happiness or everything to people's lives and that's how you're connecting with people i wonder if it's relatable that you might have lost yourself along that journey of making everybody else happy and bringing everybody else to party that

you really stop checking your own boxes in life I feel, yeah, it's actually what happened, man. I feel like we're this, we're this channel of energy that gives back to the people in the room. And at some point, that channel of energy was only alcohol looking after, because I wasn't drinking that much before a show. But let me tell you, I couldn't wait to be on stage and just shotgun one, just to have that. And it's, yeah, and that trill, and like, I feel like I wasn't showing a good example to the kids also, because these kids. kids were getting hammered yeah like i remember that show we did it and do it as well in both there was there was this place we were told could hold 500 people oh man dude we came in there was a thousand

people like people were jumping on top of each other it was mad man and we brought madness like that night and i have videos of that night where we're just fucking hammered man and like it was i was throwing beers at people and like i like equipment and stuff And like you don't realize it, but the next morning still I was feeling shitty, even though a thousand people just had the time of their life, me showing love. And I had a shitty time, bro. Yeah. Like I was impatient. I was. Uh, heritable. Like I don't know how to say. Yeah. Yeah. Seems it seems like to as things kind of go go along too. It's about I mean, that's kind of like what we've been touched on earlier is that identity. Right. Like that was like you know, you're maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. your purpose or your identity too but yeah it's interesting to even connect the dots as like a what chester approached you with that conversation i mean the longevity realistically i'm sure some of the top top guys will get away with it but i think of a lot of people who are starting out or or maybe not at the top yet like it's going to be a short it's going to be a short career until something

happens right something's going to happen it's too much unpredictability right for somebody to true and um and i think that i've just started to regain Myself on stage nowadays like it took me a couple of months for sure But now I think I'm tighter than ever. I'm practicing more than ever I feel like I'm given a better performance that I've ever given before and I feel like my ex is on a stage more than ever nowadays Because now I'm doing it I'm doing it sober and I'm doing it for me like I'm having fun are you guys if you're not having fun Because I'm not drinking buddy. You got a problem like yeah, there you feel me like and now it's it's it's it's it's it's it's well When people are being, like, rude with me because I'm not drinking. I'm just like, man, I'm sorry.

I'm not drinking, dude. I'm like, do you really need me to drink to have fun? Or do you really think, like, my music sucks because I'm not drinking now? Yeah. Well, if it's, I don't even want you as a fan dog. Like, sorry, man. There's nothing I can do about it. But what I can do is go on stage and have fun for people that love the music and love the culture

and love, like, a good country music show and just, you know, just have fun. Yeah. Which I'm sure there are times probably, you probably get both, right? People support it and people. Nowadays, when I do downstairs, there's that song on my album that speaks a lot about myself and a lot about the struggles I have with alcohol and how I want that man upstairs to listen to me a little bit because I was struggling, but I wasn't like this, the song, you could interpret it the way you want it. But for me, the way I wrote it, it's just I want to be heard.

And I want to be heard by the God, by that person that can, that can give you. relief of all that struggle and all that sufferance you know I just want to finish by saying that every time I play that song I mention how I'm proud of Chester being like six seven eight now almost nine months sober and that how I am following the sober way of life because I've seen the benefits and all that and people are just standing up and cheering nowadays yeah yeah and I quit smoking cigarette and the first show we did when I quit smoking cereal I forgot most of my lyrics and I told the people in the crowd sorry guys I quit cigarette today it's my first day without cigarettes and like I cannot concentrate well now and people are like it's all right man do it again

people are having fun and like we're humans like when you see people like brian adams or fucking riley green or pick zacked up or whatever like the people you love watching on a stage they're humans and i'm an human entertainer and i want to get sober so just tag along if you want your favorite singer to be a sober guy yeah I'm on board I'm on board all right Chester so bring us back up to speed COVID hit you're in the band and things kind of you were leading towards things falling apart yeah for you I went through like a huge like depression and that's when I I met my ex-girlfriend and she asked me first are you like a drug addict or an alcoholic or like no no no I can

like i can stop like whatever i want and then we started like dating and stuff and we moved together maybe prior year of dating and then i was drinking it every day three four five six king cans of like like a day and quick question you guys call it king cans here a tall can maybe tall boys yeah yeah yeah i mean like uh like 500 billioners because i said go back we said king can man yeah king what were you drinking what would you like to drink uh no maybe maybe like at 19 yeah beer from Copenhagen 5.5% of alcohol okay uh 500 meters oh um too bored yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah i remember these kind yeah like golden cans and yeah yeah you could see where chester went like you could see there was one next to that because chester used to live in that place where there's a

Or he still live in Montreal, right? So there's that wooden door. There was always a can on the side of that wooden door. And then there was that astray. There was a couple of cans around the ashtray. And then you would get right into his room. And there was a couple of cans laying on the floor. And then you would go to the kitchen, a couple of cans on the...

Dude, cans everywhere. But she was an early bird as well. So she went to bed early and she was getting up early. so my worst nightmare every like every night was like the the 11 p.m which is well like they stopped selling alcohol and she was going to bed like 10 30 1045 and I was wishing that she's just like stop talking so I can go get my beers oh it was like a secret so she yeah yeah I was like seeking out like scoo-dip-to shit But like a and then I would Chug all these beers getting super drunk

And I already had like my five like like tall cans like king can while she was there. Yeah So like like for you Yeah Drinking moderately was like your five five hundred million yeah, yeah, yeah, while you were with your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, didn't know that. Yeah, and then like as soon She can hear us But anyway, so then I would like sneak out and come back from the convenience store and just chuck them. So all this like time lost, I would like just drink them away. And I will listen to like sad movies and just cry my eyes out because I need like I needed to get rid of these emotions and just hidden emotions. and at some point like we took a break in like at the halfway of like our dating lives and I was a mess and then like she came back and then I had like a gym gym subscription once a week I would go to the gym and then like not drink man I like 1 a am I was waking up and my bed was soaking

wet it was soaking wet from like the withdrawal and like the rest of the week i would drink maybe like in later like like in liters maybe um five six liters of beer like every day and when drinking more beer than water yeah yeah yeah because you probably didn't drink any water yeah yeah yeah of course i did because like i like it helped you kept going yeah my my hey my hey my my my hungover was like way better did she catch you doing all this drinking or not sometimes yes because I would fall asleep in front like without the TV and like she would wake me up all sleep in front of the abs giving a whoop to yeah yeah and I was like yeah and then like at some point maybe like three four times she caught me while I was

like sleeping with like all these like empty cans and she would help me like just get up and walk to our room because i couldn't walk and like at some point i came back home from a party where when like everything opened up again after like a covid where i probably was probably yeah and i came back home we we had like a big argument and i mean like i'm sorry for saying that like to her but like i told her like you like you know why i'm drinking that much it's because of you you I'm drinking like because of you it was so mean man it was bad man and she didn't take it well and obviously how can like she she wasn't a drinking at all in three years and a half I saw her tipsy maybe like two three times and like we were renting some some cabins and I would

bring like 40 beers for like two nights how do you keep this going for three and a half years. I don't know, man. She was so patient. But at some point, I think that she, um, she knew, like she knew. Because I remember, I remember her, uh, at some point you, you came for, I don't know what reason where I was living and we had a couple of beers and, uh, yeah, I remember a face or like an expression she had of like miscontent and yeah.

Yeah, well, I, she knew. She knew and she was just hoping maybe he would get better and like I was partying a lot. You know what's wild about that? that, like, I think I've put in myself, because I've had, I've been in those relationships too. I think of, like, how much grace they gave me. I don't know if I could ever be that graceful. If it was flipped and they were the ones struggling, like, I've never been in that situation, but I don't know if I would stick around. So for people to sort of have that blind faith, maybe in a sense that you're going to be able to turn it around, I think is like,

they're pretty cool, pretty courageous, right? Yeah. Yeah. She tried so hard. I, yeah. And God, God, thank you for these people, like these gracious, full people, these faithful people to, like, let's say, a daughter to her dad or a son to his mother. These people are graceful and they're patient and, like, like, I just, like, there's no word to describe, like, how grateful I am for these people that are patient and took the time to save someone. It's like you have something in your teeth and you're about to go on TV. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you, hey, there's something in your deep, man, you're about to be seen by a lot of people about, well, it's the same. It's the same. Like, hey, you're out there, you're going to work, you look like that.

Yeah. You're living your life. You bring your daughters to the hockey rink and you look like that. Yeah. But like at some point. Like shake yourself up a bit, man, have some respect for yourself and just, and then they're being patient about that. Like they're, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If you keep on fucking up, they keep on showing up. Yeah. Yeah. And I would just, like, go outside on the street, scatter around, like, a few cans here and there in, like, other people's recycling bin. So, like, when she opens up, she sees, like, oh, two, three cans. Oh, cool. He was, like.

He was reasonable. Yeah. So it was okay that you drank, but just not in excess was problematic. It was not okay because, like, she didn't like it because. But it was better. Or the, the, if you had less. It was less worse, I mean, that, that, I see, I see that ramp up a lot of people's journey when they're in a relationship where there's pressure to quit or cut back. Yeah.

And then you jump into that secretive hiding phase. And it really seems to ramp a lot of people up. Like, it's a very difficult spot to be in because there might be elements of you that want to quit. You can't quit. Don't know how to, where to look. But then you also have this other pressure. You also have this other pressure of like, hey, you have to make changes and you're in love and all this stuff. It's a very confusing spot to be, it sounds like.

And like three, four months before we broke up, she told me like, now it's mandatory. You have to go to a, to an A meeting, which I kept the chip. Okay. It's called. It's written before instead of after. and I'm keeping that chip in my like pocket because it's like it reminds me that the person that was sharing I compared myself to that person and she said like one day at a time yeah yeah yeah no here look yeah

yeah yeah yeah there's two sides that's come on bro and like I'm keeping that coin to remind me that like I been there and that comparison is the thief of joy what the other person's story you didn't yeah couldn't relate with or no because like she was drinking a lot and i was not ready like to listen to all of it i only took all the elements that i wanted to keep which is like uh i was drinking a lot and stuff well me too but like i'm i i was not ready because i didn't hit my rock bottom and uh came back so you you you relapse after that first going i mean i did You didn't realize, I just, like, continue.

Okay, okay, so you kept that first going of that first AA meeting. I just put, like, and you probably drank that night. No, I didn't drink. That night, no? No, I didn't drink because, like, I didn't want to get into a fight. Like, yeah, right. So, but, like, my idea was, like, already done. As soon as she's gone, I'm drinking.

Of course. And then. That's where your rock bottom started. No, because she left me. So you were just. Maybe, like, three, four months after that, she left me because she was like, this is my ultimatum you get to choose between me or the booze and I was like I won't stop drinking for you that's exactly these words that I like told her and then like she left me

and I felt like I was being like controlled and I was holding my horses with my drinking because she was there otherwise man I would drink myself to death and then when she left I had all the space that I wanted to just drink. Yeah. And then I was drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking. And then I was missing work. I would arrive like I work super hungover. I mean, like, what were you doing for work?

I was working in a golf club. Warehouse. Yeah. Yeah. Warehouse. It's like, it's called golf avenue. And man, my, my boss, he was so patient with me, man. Because other, like, if it would have been him, I'd be like,

dude get out of here like he was super patient with me and then at some point like I went to my doctor and I asked her like a sick leave due to like depression and that was yeah like I remember that and like this is when like you started like to do music and so I started back yeah to to do music and you told me just get up in the morning make your bed and start the day off that way yeah yeah so like at least you would have done something with your day and i wasn't in a great state of man either but i was i was trying to help a buddy here because i knew like chester leaving work because he's sick i was like like the fuck is going off yeah i just texted him i remember yeah and like three four days later i did like a lot of alcohol

poisoning like just home alone and once i fell asleep on my couch i down like a bottle of like whiskey and i don't know how many beers and i was like to puke in my mouth while i was sleeping on my back and my old roommate woke up and smacked me in the face he saved my life because otherwise i would have like finished like probably drowned in your own yeah yeah yeah but that didn't ring a bell so i just continued like to drink drink drink and then at some point i woke up one morning and i was shivering shivering and i didn't understand what was happening and i was puking but not out of a hangover i was just like puking because i know what hangover feels like and uh i mean like it was not my first rodeo no pun intended by the way

I chug like four or five beers with my anti-depressin, meth, and my adderol. It was quite a cocktail, you know? And then as soon as I finished my fifth beer in like two minutes, the shivering stopped. But I didn't notice or I didn't like think anything of it. And at some point, we went to Adrian's house for like a Christmas party and I blacked out. but like him and his girlfriend they helped me get to sleep they helped me on each side of my like arms and they helped me walk they put me to bed and I was still dressed and they undressed me Adrian held my back with my chin and his girlfriend made me like drink some water because like unresponsive at all and he was on my bedside and just to be make sure that i didn't die and the next morning he spoke from his heart and he told me chester

now you got to do something right now i think you've hit like your rock bottom and i was like shivering in my car dude are you cold i was like no no no and i didn't say anything because i didn't like to scare him or like anything but all you needed was some alcohol oh yeah man i was it was my like did you get it that morning no no no i went home you went home and they're like oof it was a long drive man and he told me like you have to do something and i thought about it and thought about it and then i called to a rehab i was terrified bradne i was terrified of stop it to stop drinking because it was the only thing that i knew how to do because like it didn't play music anymore i was isolating i was crying every day using meth drinking myself dude i was drinking 12 like

liters of beer every day you it's not like random number oh that's crazy yeah like 24 yeah i'm what i do brag brag i'm wondering what you heard in this first aa meeting that well i guess it's what you picked and choose right but i'm thinking man how that meeting i mean how that meeting i mean How much worse off, I guess, could it get because you went there and you're like that person. Yeah, I was, you kind of convinced yourself in that moment you weren't that bad. But listening to it here, I mean, I'm less worse than her. Yeah. But like the thing that I remember, though, she, she said, like, many men broke my heart.

But like my biggest grief was when I quit drinking. Yeah. And that's what I remember. That's. And then, you know what? You went all this. Like goosebumps. and yeah and i were like just all i feel you i remember when when i used to be leaving a party

and like i knew i was going to be able to drink or do drugs from that point on i used to go to the washroom and do like a bunch of bumps and like chug a two or three shots like you know the way you need to to like abuse it before ending it yeah maybe that's what yeah and i call in re like to a rehab and they asked me like the amount of like alcohol and I was like drinking and stuff and I just lied because like I just wanted like to moderate but it's not you wake up in the morning and you shiver yes a moderation is the answer of course yeah well maybe they would say oh you don't you don't qualify for the program yeah things aren't bad enough for you yeah right you're not but like and then I was like no no no no wait that's

exactly what happened and I was like no no wait do I'm shivering when I wake up and they told me don't stop drinking alone it's very very dangerous i was like all right cool so i was waiting for like to go in quote-unquote prison which is like rehab for me like rehab was like prison but i had to go there so they accepted you on the program yeah yeah on the program yeah but like before that i had like one last night with one of my buddy where was it at where was the program at uh in montreal it was called the center from Montreal

Montreal CEDARM CETRM CETA in French CENTRE So the rehabilitation Center of Montreal Yeah

Okay Yeah And Was it a long wait or no You mean like Before you went Like no When you called to when you went

Maybe like Two weeks Did your parents know you were gone? Yeah Yeah My dad was Very supportive my mom she didn't believe me so I she didn't believe me that I had that that

willpower no that like all these that much of a problem yeah oh shit just like just she was like you're looking for attention or something I'm yeah yeah and it broke my heart and even if it was that you were looking for attention that attention needs to be from something that was triggered or from a problem or whatever I mean at that point yeah but I was like terrified to face my problems true you know like for november and december if i can remember like five nights like combined it's a miracle all the other nights i was black out drunk i was dang i puked a lot of times while i was like sleeping woke up had like a pile of puke

on my pillow stay there for like like four days yeah and because i was too depressed it was a war zone in my apartment it was a disaster man self-hygiene is going out the window like not like brushing my teeth i was not making my bed anymore yeah and this is while you're waiting to get into the center and like it's like this is your last go-at thing yeah or maybe right you're just going yeah and like um a new year's like the january 1st we had like a new year's party with my dad's family and like family on my dad's side is like huge thing like it's like family is sacred and I told them that I was planning on calling to a rehab and my uncle he he told me like whatever you do we're like we're behind you man it made me cry got home and I had like

24, like, tall, like, uh, like 500 militers. Yeah. And I already had many, many more, uh, at the Christmas party. Yeah. And I drank my 24 in like five hours. And I tried to kill myself because it was too much to handle. It was like, I took a knife, try like to cut myself, but I was too drunk to cut myself. I couldn't like, uh, like pinpoint my arm.

well like to cut and just fell asleep in my kitchen and i woke up the next morning like at noon the like the next day yeah day yeah maybe not morning but uh and i puked like again drank my sleep and i puk like stay there for like a week i don't know and then my roommate he came back from new brunswick had to clean it because he was super pissed january fifth uh 14 14 14 14 14 14 I had like the last night with my buddy and we like went to that bar and we bought some cocaine that probably had some fentanyl

laced in it yeah and while I was there man at the bar I had two pictures I had like three scotch like triple five king like tall cans during my day they served you all that at the bar No, no, no, like the five cans was at...

Oh, like my house in the morning. But, man, in Quebec, they're not stopping selling... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You could be like, you have money to pay your alcohol, you're passed out drunk, but here's your beer dog. Yeah, yeah, and like, and then I had like six... And then I had like six more beers, but I didn't have enough on that night. So I, like, four in the morning, I was shivering. and I didn't feel great with all the cocaine that I snored and I OD'd on cocaine and fentanyl and I had an alcohol withdrawal at the same time so I had like a seizure that my friend saw me do and I was puking man like in a jet and then I fell like on the

bathroom floor had a seizure and woke up with like alcohol withdrawals yeah alcohol withdrawal I was shivering like sweaty nausea and paramedics taking my vitals with like fireman and stuff and I didn't understand what was happening and the paramedic told my friend before we go in the ambulance you need to pour that poor man a glass of like any alcohol that you have like strong alcohol because we might lose him we might lose him yeah yeah and for me i was going on like on the road trip but in ambulance i was like oh yeah taking selfies like you were getting delusional yeah i was like taking selfies with like the paramedic and like you're rock and roll and dude it was not funny and my buddy

Alex from at the band he came with me in the ambulance and when we got to the ER man I was like right away three doctors around me taking like blood simple because they knew that a guy that had an alcohol withdrawal and seizure was coming to the hospital so they had to know like what did I have in my blood to give me like the right prescription yeah and it was valium Alex called Adrian the guy who told me like dude you need to do something with your life and like to make it right and he called Adrian and Adrian he got up at six in the morning Hoplan uh like his truck drove from like the suburbs of Montreal in the traffic to come to the hospital to take over Alex's place And he saved my life that day because otherwise the doctor after like all the Valium that I took to save my life the doctor told me here's like your Valium Prescription you can either stay here or go back home and like detox with your

Valium and then you'll be admitted to yeah rehab yeah and I said I want to go back home he didn't say like dude well we both know what you're gonna do back home man you gotta drink and use these pills no no no no so he convinced the doctor to keep me at the hospital because i was not like mentally like fully there to take a decision and i was like no i'm fine i'm fine i was not fine man i just wanted like to die Then I was like admitted to the psychiatric area, you know, like a ward this site work. Yeah. Yeah.

And then on the other side of the door, it was like all the addicts from like the street and stuff. And I was there. Yeah. Yeah. And like Adrian was like, what am I doing to my friend? But it's like I'm an addict, Adrian. I'm an addict. I'm an alcoholic and.

You feel like up until that point maybe people saw that. weren't or even yourself too maybe they didn't want to believe it yeah like this only happens to other people it's like having like a car crash and it it only happens to other people you know so yeah stay there for four days at the hospital and the doctor told me the next day well you overdosed on cocaine and opioids and you had an alcohol withdrawal which is very dangerous you know you like you're not supposed to be alive so you should have been dead like i don't know what happened but you're still alive and i don't understand either so i was admitted to the center for 21 days did all my like all my stuff and then came back home and six

days later i had a beer my hand because it was too hard i just relapsed after all i i just said I relapsed for like 13 months. And then I was painfully hungover in my bed. Oh, no, right before that, I met that, that angel called Sarah, my girlfriend. And she's an alcoholic as well, but in recovery. November 20th, she just had like five years of sobriety. She celebrated 50 years of sobriety. Wow, that out, Sarah.

Yeah. love you honey and uh where'd you meet her at uh on facebook dating okay and this is when you met in person on this day uh sorry like when did you meet in person like was it on this day you're talking about when you met her you're just talking about you met her that's when you first we still like to chat on face like on messenger okay did she ask you if you were an alcoholic yeah i mean like she first said uh fun fact i'm an alcoholic and i stopped drinking for like four years What did you think of that? I'm like, what?

My dreams. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. And I told her, like, I'm still working on figuring out. Yeah, like with moderation. I try, like to moderate. Yeah. Yeah, it was going so well, Brad.

Nah, not. Yeah. So you met her and this is where things turn around? Yeah, I tried. Yeah. Like, I tried so hard. Like, during the weekdays, I was white knackling, like, sober and trying like to go to the gym uh and then as soon as like the weekends

we're arriving i was like pass out drunk yeah and then the next morning i was like going to her place like she was like alcohol yeah i had like a couple of beers yesterday like nothing of it yeah yeah sure and like at some point she told me like you know what i'm afraid that like to come it with you yeah because like i love you we were like three months into our like dating life and she was scared of like maybe not like with her like recovery yeah but it was maybe like she thought about it and but she was like mostly afraid of like me not getting sober and then we went to Pond Rouge, which is a town next to Quebec City. And we partied, I party like.

We all party. Oh, man. You went to? I was, it was a show. Yeah, it was a show. Yeah, sorry, yeah. That craziest, crazy freaking show. No, I met, yeah.

At one point, I had two bottles of champagne. Yeah. And I was just, wow, whoa, no, no, no, stop, stop. It's me. Oh, what's up. But there was the, the owner of the place, man. he thought we were giving such a great show he just gave us two bottles and he's like i want you to shower these people yeah and i was like say no more man gave give it here man so

i just started showering people chester here and there and me man just going like hot and off to the bathroom with that guy just snoring yeah and like yeah when like when it comes to cocaine or like just using or like drinking i can never go like go smooth and not like always like bump bump bump and i yeah it's never not and like my heart is like pounding like uh it was like your like a drum solo from like rush and um like i don't know and like i thought i would have like a heart attack yeah like um on that night and the next morning man i was painfully hung over yeah i remember you are so not proud of yourself man because i didn't know all of the like that year prior to that Yeah, I wasn't there myself.

Like, I was on my own planet and Cheser was on his own planet. We didn't spoke that much during that time. Like, and I didn't know he used to wake up in his vomit, and I didn't heard too much about the, the OD had and stuff. I just barely knew bits and, like, from here and there and seeing him that disappointing in himself. And I wasn't so disappointed because I party, but at some point I just shut it off and I went to sleep. I got two in the morning. I remember you, like, almost crying in the vet. I was like, dude, what's going up?

I was painfully hungover, man. And I was playing hockey. Oh, dude, man. It was my worst hockey game ever, man. That night? Oh, man. That, like, the same night I played, when I, like, took up my gear, I didn't, like, put a sweat because I was too hungover, came home, called my girlfriend, like, FaceTime.

and she saw me like I never had like all these twitching like while I was on cocaine it was always the next days after like multiple days after like yeah and she was like

did you use cocaine last night and I lied to her man it was then we hung up and I held my like my telephone in front of me for like 10 minutes and I was like what the fuck did you do man you

fucked up you're a fucking loser man and I call my like like multiple names and you ah man I was such a shame like of myself I picked up like the 1,000 pound a telephone and I FaceTime her and apologize and I told her I lied to you Like it was so hard so hard and like maybe two months prior that I was hungover like in my bed and I saw a page on Instagram called Sore Motivation and I was like dude nice and then I just like I was just random yeah oh okay and then I think they're listening to us on their phone and like at some point me I did a YouTube research on like how not to do cocaine and like At some point how to drink and not do cocaine or how to and I started receiving like these ads from like rehab centers and stuff. Yeah, yeah, me too. So it happened to me. I never saw sober motivation by the way, but now that I know.

Yeah. It's like and I saw like, you know like bike jersey story like he he was like in a coma for like three weeks and then he woke up by he survived and I was like, holy shit man, that's amazing. And just scrolled, started like to listen to the podcast and I wrote to you and you answered about like, do, I think you say like, uh, like do your best or like something like that. And and then relapsed, relapsed, relapsed, relapse until like Pond Rouge, the show that I, like I used cocaine and like, uh, like to Sarah. Yeah. And like she was mad, but she forgave me, man.

What an angel. Yeah. And I told her, now I'm done. I could have lost you again. All my relationships, like love relationships, were fucked up because I'm an alcoholic. And then they discovered it later on. And they were like, do you drink too much? I'm out of here.

Yeah. And I could have done the same pattern. Yeah. And I told her, this time, I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me. Yeah. And it's when I realized that I'm not a fucked up and I deserve to be happy. And at some point in the meeting, I said like, it's like if I was caught in like a labyrinth

and I didn't know my way out and it was dark and I got used to this darkness. So I just like manage. Yeah, I just managed like to find to walk here and there and like. just like get used to this darkness yeah and then I got out of this labyrinth and then three days later I subscribed to sobri motivation this community I don't know you know that one I'm kidding but and so this is three days this is three days after yeah yeah and three days into sobriety yeah and then dude it took me like four hours after like I subscribed to

push the like this button routine like written subscribe now yeah like all my like all of my infos like cards and stuff and it's like 30 dollars a month one dollar a day to feel better yeah dude what do I sign now and like dude it was right in front of me and I was Because if I press on that bottom, it means... Like you were committing to... Exactly. It was over. And I got a tattoo as well, which is like March 23, 2025.

Which is like the first day of my sobriety. And it's on my left forearm. So when I play guitar, I see it. And it's like something to remember. And then I joined my first... I joined my first meeting and I remember, like, can I say names or? Yeah, who was hosting it? You.

No, no, no, you were supposed to, but like Gabe did it. Oh, okay. Because, like, you had to go with your grandma. Oh, okay. And like, and you were like, dude, I'm so sorry. Like, dude, it's important to take care of like a grandmother and stuff. And yeah, sure, yeah. Anyway, so I, like, I shared on that meeting and the topic of the meeting was

fear and i was petrified of playing music sober i was like dude the the stars were just aligned and i shared and tony after my share he shared and told me you know what chester i'm a musician as well and you'll see you'll hear music just differently and it's beautiful and like i just held on do these words and believed it that music can be beautiful while being sober. And he said, like, after, like, your shows, you can drive. Enjoy a meal. Enjoy a meal. You can pay rent.

You can do all this stuff. And you don't have, like, to think of anything else. And I was like, yeah, sure. Then we went on a tour to New Brunswick, which was my first. show. Yeah. Did you tell anybody that you were not drinking anymore?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're all super proud. Yeah. But you were like all but drunk as well. At that point.

I know that I'm so broad. Oh, you. Our drummer is the only one that's sober for eight years now. And Chester was sober for his first show, maybe a weekend to his three weeks into his sobriety. And yeah,

great. show and uh and then i was struggled but like anyway so my biggest struggle was to reach out for help and that's why i relapsed for like 13 months i didn't call for help what's the barrier there or what was the barrier uh to quit drinking for real but for asking for help like why it means that i i'm quitting for real i was not ready to like to quit definitely yeah you weren't ready to grief alcohol and after all I've just said my my like withdrawal OD all these like ruined relationships yeah and after all of this I relapsed and I tried like moderation for like four days I was like yeah it's up on the shoulder you did great you only drank

like two beers yeah they always find yourself back to yeah yeah but like happens Do you want to live or die? Is that sort of what the reflection you had to yourself? Yeah. Or like, while you live, do you deserve to be happy? Because I was not happy. Fuck, I had so much fun drinking in Europe and stuff. And man, I had a blast until I didn't have anymore.

And like it was called, let's call it a night or like a life on drinking. Yeah. Over. I'm done. I'm done. like I surrender yeah like I waving the white flag call it whatever you want I just don't want to drink anymore yeah and I reached out to you Brad yeah and I had a can like beer can in my hand it was not open yet and instead of that I grabbed my phone

put the like the beer back in the fridge I was like Brad I'm a thirsty bitch I just want to drink man and you told me like it's not worth it man like it's not worth it you did all this work and you like you just convinced me not to drink and i thank you for that and um if like for like the people the people that are like listening um if you struggle man the relief that i had when you reached out back i was like oh man i felt important to like somebody else's eyes yeah and i felt like before that we went to like a seafood restaurant in new brunswick and everybody like had a beer except for like me and tom yeah and man i went outside for like a cigarette or a art you andy and um like i felt like crying because i was i was struggling so much man it was a disaster

i was i felt like my life was over and i'm like speechless on how and that night i felt like something shifted actually and this is this is the next morning this is where everybody told you like yeah man we're super proud of you yeah and i was proud of myself but i know we were hard on your ass at some point and like i feel like to give up what are you saying again like your quote to give up your old life for your new life something like that yeah something yeah that sounds good yeah i got to you said something good yeah i don't know yeah and you need like to make a shift i like like what i did is like do i do i want to do i want to be a musician for a living of course want to be yeah like you have to like to make choices i want to follow my dream will it be hard

fuck man it's good it was so hard man because still is uh yeah but like way less than it was because like at first like when we got to all these festivals yeah well drinking you mean the drinking has gotten you like not drinking has gotten easier over time yeah i think maybe rick duff is talking about the artist journey or maybe both yeah both yeah both like the journey of like chasing your dream right that's oh yeah yeah still and the the journey of not not like relapsing yeah yeah the one thing that i really picked up on for both of your stories is like that word surrender too right you're sitting there and yeah and chester's talking to you and you feel that you know that sense of peace right of like hey i got to just give it up me try and and for you too you

trying to figure it out trying to do this moderation trying to make sense of it like all of that stuff's exhausting i find people share that it's so much easier when you just say like enough of this back-and-forth crap enough of the bull right here enough of lying to myself enough of all of this other stuff like my life will be better without all of this and i'm never gonna you mentioned in europe it was just you had a lot of fun we're drinking but i think the reality is the scales eventually tip and you'll never get back to the fun like the fun the fun is there but then the fun is gone and then it's like okay now it's just sort of problems way more often than it ever is yeah the fun part you know and then you start getting older too

and it's like okay what do i want to do with my life what is my purpose in life what are my dreams in life what are my goals and it's like and we got to press it's really hard to accomplish anything with with being inconsistent with drinking and hungover and then you know on the weekends we're just drinking when you could be probably now making music or learning or honing your craft or making connections as opposed to or just sleeping or just having a rest or like the hair of the dog like i told me yesterday i saw like this bar downtown toronto it's called like the hair of the dog and i was like i thought it was just like funny so how many times then have i done the the the hair of the dog man yeah and you don't yeah that's that's rough too i'm wondering i'm curious too chester heading towards

wrapping up too like for well for both of you like how has your life changed since you made this I mean, you're shared about fear. I mean, afraid of like, how is my music going to look? How am I going to fit in? And what is all this stuff? And you bring up this sort of self-love a lot, too. How has your life changed since committing to doing something different? How did your life change?

Like, how do you feel now? You know, like, I've listened to a lot of podcasts, your and other podcasts. And, like, the guests, one guest said, my life now is beautiful. Everything, like, every beautiful thing is happening. to me because i'm sober i just held on to these words and like if it's happening for that person why can't it happen for me like positivity and i just believes in it man and it's happening i've never the phone rings now for like music i quit my job man i thank you guys because you were so like patient with me that i'm a musician for a living man man

How do you feel about you? Oh, man, I'm super confident. I go to the gym like five times a week. I eat well. I sleep way better. Yeah. What about like self-esteem confidence? I mean, you shared to a lot about you got to these spots where you just wanted to die.

Yeah. And I mean, how do you feel about yourself now? On that level, not like everything extra, but like your heart. How does that feel? Everything is easier, man, to put like back in its right. place now i'm seeing like that therapist and i'm i'm working on like my childhood when like i was not able like to fit in because sometimes like it happens still when like i have these feelings of i feel like i was like nine years old and now it's easier to manage that and to be like you know what

when you give all this attention to this like negativity to that people it's you it's on you it's like that person like you say something and that person like takes it like the wrong way well it's not my problem it's your problem and now it's like reverse that person is telling me like something hurtful and now i have like the choice to give him back this attention or keep it for me is it worth it no aside done yeah all done and and like it's my way of coping now instead of like drinking yeah and so you learn you've learned a lot of new skills about you know life on life's terms that comes up a lot you know it's not really a drinking thing it's a thinking thing yeah and maybe our perception of the world changes as we kind of go through this and we're not a victim

to circumstances anymore and yeah maybe we feel like we're more in kind of control than before i don't know if any that's relatable you plugged into i don't have the amount of meetings in front of me but you've plugged into a lot of the meetings in the community have really put the effort to build connections um i mean that's obviously been helpful for you as well too yeah i mean like as for me when i relapsed it's because i stopped attending meetings and my meetings is my met and it helps me like to share with what's on my mind my victories my struggles like this past few week i had like a huge struggle man and like a big fight yeah and and and I felt alone and I started like to isolate and then I had the choice of staying

isolated and go back to my routine drink and stuff or face my fears and be like I'm not a victim here yeah yeah exactly and reach out for help because it helps yeah man the the thing that's switched here in my recovery is to ask for help yeah and as soon as i did that because it's it's okay not to be okay it's it's um normal yeah man like yeah like it's like it's like the cycle of life sometimes you have highs sometimes you have lows yeah and just to be able to um i mean i'm just super proud man of being a musician an alcoholic that is on recovery. Yeah.

And people are like offering me shots, beer and stuff. And like, no, no, no, thanks. Yeah. Like, like at first. We're publicly speaking about it now. Like, on shows and we take time to make some prevention. Like, we take time to speak about mental health. And we take time to speak about alcoholism and, and, like, addiction.

And addiction. Yeah. And you know what? Like, at first, when people were, like, calling out. or like they were like insisting on drinking i was getting mad at them but then i thought about it like multiple times and then i came up with maybe they just don't understand yeah i mean you go into some of those i can just picture it those hostile environment everybody's drinking and i mean it's uh everybody kind of wants somebody to to party with them right nobody necessarily wants to drink

alone and it's kind of like yeah it's just a i see a big shift though parties and people want Yeah, but I mean, growing past that, what I take from both of the stories and relatable is there comes a point in your life where you just get a vision for more. Like, there's just got to be more to life than kind of the way we're going. And I think we realize in one way or another subconscious or conscious, this is, we're not going to get to where we want to go in life. Like, we might live a life in a full life, but like, I don't know. I always ask myself the question if I carried on, like, I would be alive.

but what I have ever really lived, like without, with just staying in my comfort zone. I'm curious, too, for you, Rick Duff, how things would change for you, man. I mean, you kind of went into this with this conversation with Chester and, I mean, not really going, you know, to meetings and all that stuff. And, I mean, how do you process it? And what do you feel the differences are for you? I feel like I'm way closer to myself than I ever was before. Like, I'm way closer to my environment and the people that's,

surround me and my actions like i'm i'm way more conscious of of everything and i'm way more conscious of the way i speak the way i present myself my hygiene my my my surrounding like uh how my self-love how much time do i gas my car do i let my my car run out of gas completely no so now i know like i need to go before some shit happens or like i'm just more responsible and and we are more aware of everything and yeah so I feel loved and I feel like giving love you know and giving giving of myself yeah but why that because now you love how like how can you give something that you don't have how can I give you love if I don't like love myself yeah it's like give me 100 dollars well well you don't have it yeah so like how can you give it to me can't yeah so

Well, I feel like now I love myself way more. Yeah. I love beautiful, man. But question for you, too, like, so you shared with us, too, right? The weekends was the big thing with drugs and drinking and, you know, maybe all the wheels didn't fall off too. And I think some people in that situation, they think, if I do quit because it's not necessarily this huge problem, maybe there won't be many benefits.

But talking with you, too, like, you realize there are a ton of benefits to you. you know, changing things. Mm-hmm. Well, yeah, there are only benefits. Like,

I mean, there's no downside except that you're going to lose some friends that take drugs and alcohol. Yeah, but I mean, I'm thinking of that too

where I'm out. I'm like, that sucks, but it's like, I don't know that, in my life, that unpredictability of that life. I'm just like,

when do you end up on the wrong side of it, right? Like some of this stuff's illegal. What's the wrong side, actually? And I think that's a good question. And that's a lot of,

of the time where people are going to get lost into that kind of patterns I think they're going to be comparing themselves to worse people because you always have that buddy that is worse yeah and at some point that buddy that is worse is going to recover or not and you're going to be that worst guy for somebody else yeah you're going to be that guy that that fucks up and that chain of comparison anyway at some point I think that um yeah at some point I think that it's important for you to set your own uh set your own way of telling yourself is that too much and if it is you're going to stop if it's not you're going to keep going yeah it's it's a there's no secrets there's no key to that there's

no yeah there's no godmother fairy that's going to come down the sky and say now it's too much of drinking yeah you know it's yeah change it's just like at some point you're going to fall asleep or you're going to wake up one morning and you're going to be it that's it I'm fed up yeah and there there's no wrong side of it yeah because people are are i see like these soft white on their bellies podcast where you see that guy the weekend and like i'm and this guy for him it's not enough yet it's not enough yet for him so that he's not on the wrong side still yeah he's not on the side where he needs to recover still so i'm like for me i'm just super grateful for God and for what life is brought upon me to realize that early on in my addiction,

in my alcoholism, and in my journey. And I mean, I need to get sober. I didn't sleep off the street and I didn't got shot or went to prison or whatever. Yeah. Like I, but it was time. It was time. Yeah. And there is no right time.

Yeah. As soon as you feel like you're fed up, make the change. Quit. But yeah like I heard like that quote I use my rock bottom as a foundation to build my new life and I think like it's just beautiful man because like yeah you know yes I've been there but don't forget that yeah exactly but like you can use that foundation like this as a foundation to build something new. So it's still there. Yeah like you don't want to go back there. Yeah yeah yeah use that as sort of the motivation. to move forward yeah and everybody too is going to have their different experience yeah quote unquote rock bottom i mean what does that look like what does that feel like and when is it that we're going to you know make it turned it's kind of the baffling thing about the whole addiction thing or yeah drinking too much it's um and now i never know when it's going to

be well enough exactly you are your own enough you are your own comparison actually like a couple like a multiple times i've had like this massive craving where like i wanted to drink so bad these past few maybe not days but like uh weeks month and i finished my film my story in my head i'm gonna pick up the first drink i'm gonna have a second then 20 more yeah and then i'm gonna drive drunk i'm gonna hit like uh somebody maybe on like Like on the road, I'm going to lose everything. And then what's the end of the movie? We don't know.

Are you ready to take that gamble? I'm not ready. I just don't want to end up alone. I just want to be happy. And by being happy is like not drinking. Yeah. Not using. And like, even I don't want to take anything that can, like, modify my state of mind.

Weed, mushrooms. The only thing that I sometimes drink is Red Bull when we have like shows that start 11, 12 a.m. Yeah. Like 11 p.m. 12. like a.m. and because I'm just too exhausted because I go to bed at 930, 10 and I work up at 5.6 a.m. And I love it. Yeah. And that was beautiful. I love it. Any closing thoughts? Quick closing thoughts? Yeah, sure. If I can do it, you can do it. Because I thought.

for so many years that I was a lost cause and you're not a lost cause man like you're worth saving and by saving it's when you decide to stop like like using or drinking everything pass that's something that my girlfriend everything promised me yeah like that's a promise that my girlfriend like made to me is that every craving passes and she was right given time and it's so worth it my life is beautiful man yeah let's go yeah let's go yeah what do you think right uh for me i just i encourage people to speak like if you think you're struggling with addiction or alcoholism just find someone who is in a rock recovery process and maybe Joe just go and speak with him or go to an AA or an NA meetings yeah or just right to sober motivation or me or Chester and yeah that's right

Eddie yeah for sure we're gonna me every shows I do there's because my show is a is really about mental health in men's perspectives and in addiction because my friend he committed suicide due to addiction this is why I called my album forever reckless and with If you guys want to know about it, just write to me, or we could talk about it some more later on in life. Yeah. But I always end my show with that song called Reckless, and I always say that I lost a friend because he wasn't speaking enough. And I feel like if he would have opened up more with us, maybe we could have saved him. So if you feel like shit, there's people around you that loves you for sure.

And you deserve to be happy. you're not alone and you deserve to be happy and like if nobody answers just give me a quick chat on instagram or facebook and i'll try best as i can to answer you so it's it's valid for all of your community also and people that watches that podcast like i'm here for you guys if there's anything um thanks for having us man yeah thank you very much well there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. Oh, it's such a treat having Rick Duff and Chester here in my basement, quote unquote, studio for that recording. It was really interesting just to see their journey together struggling with all of this and some of the perspectives and some of the

struggles were actually really interesting as I went back through and edited this episode and checked everything out. I'll drop their Instagram contacts down to the show notes. But I want to leave you with this. Down in the basement, they performed the song downstairs and have a listen. I think it's an incredible song and what Rick Duff kind of shaped it up with, relatable to his story and the change he's made and the change that Chester has made and this episode is actually coming out on Chester's nine months.

it's been really cool to get to know chester and to hear his entire story like this and where he's at today i definitely know that i'm incredibly proud of him and so many people around him are and it really goes to show you that anything is possible it doesn't all happen overnight everything doesn't change overnight but with time things do improve so thank you guys for listening and check this out downstairs all right so this This song is called Downstairs. for long. I thought I was here

for a minute they were gone. So here lies a dream as time he surrenders through all of his fears and all of his wrongs. Oh my good father, Father, place your love on my end, take a moment with me here, answer my prayers, feels like I'm running in circles, between the circles

Between the jacket and a saddle I'll be right over there If you care There's a man asking for you downstairs With a beer in his hands Yeah, I know I tend to bury my feelings With a stiff drink a quick smoke I just hold on to choke

All the engines are running Now my good father place your love up on my head Take a moment with me To answer my prayers Feels like I'm running in circles Between the jacket and a saddle I'll be right over there if you care there's a man asking for you downstairs

with a beer in his hands that are shaking blood, sweat and tears, yeah, I know to fight. Seems like all that's been happening feels like a habit now I can't hide. Now oh my good father You place your love upon my chest Lacking flew all the spirits are moving My life is about to change and I cry Between the crowd Back

Oh shit Between the crowd And a fiddle I'll be right over there If you care There's a man Ask you for you downstairs Oh yeah

I'll be right over there If you care You can. There's a man asking for you downstairs. With a bear in his hands. I was asking for you downstairs. Thank you guys. What happened you there? I don't know, man, I just got a...

Like you both, yeah.