Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - How To Stay Sober Over The Holidays With Special Guests

Episode Date: December 19, 2025

This episode of Sober Motivation Holiday features Jess Lopez, Megan, and Nisha, who share their collective experiences and expert insights on maintaining sobriety through the holiday season. Hosted by Brad, the discussion includes practical tips on planning for sobriety at social events, embracing joy and gratitude, handling grief, and supporting loved ones on their recovery journeys. The guests highlight the importance of community, self-care, and intentional living as essential tools for thriving in sobriety during the festive period. ----------- Jess: https://www.instagram.com/mysobersunrise/ Nisha: https://www.instagram.com/nishapatelcoaching/ Megan: https://www.instagram.com/meganeileen3/

How to Stay Sober through the Holidays. I'm so grateful to be able to put this episode out there. So thankful for Jess, Megan, and Nisha for jumping on here and recording this episode with me. A ton of sobriety experience. And they brought some really great insights to this episode. Get a pen and paper. Write some stuff down so you can add it into your toolbox as you go through the holiday season, starting the new year off, sober, and really going after your goals. Thank you guys for listening.

I hope you enjoy. the episode. Now let's get into it. Welcome back to the special edition of Sober Motivation holiday. And I've got three incredible guests with me today, Jess, Megan, and Nisha. And Jess, why don't you kick us off and give us a short introduction? Sure. Well, first of all, thanks for having me on. And I'm Jess Lopez. I'm a certified professional recovery coach and somatic trauma recovery coach. And then I volunteer over at Sober Motivation hosting weekly meetings. Awesome. Thank you so much. Megan, go ahead. Hey, y'all. Thank you so much, Brad, for having me. I love reconnecting with you like this. I got to be on your podcast. I think it was almost a

year ago. And I love the content you put out. And I know the two other guests as well, Jess and Nisha have both been on my podcast. So this is truly special. But yeah, my name is Megan. I'm a family nurse practitioner. I have my own family practice here in Georgia. And I also host a sober kind of mental strength, resilience podcast called The Reckless Optimist. I'm curious, too, on that. Thanks for sharing. How did you come up with the name, Reckless Optimist? So great question.

That's actually been my nickname my whole life. I am like the biggest optimist almost to a fault. And so it's always been like my Instagram handle. And whenever I started the podcast, I was like, there's no other name for the show. It has to be this. I love that. That's awesome. Thank you for being here with us today.

Nisha, go ahead. Hi, everyone. Thanks for having me, Brad. I'm here in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm a licensed professional counselor. I do DBT, as well as I'm a sobriety coach, mom of two, and I've been sober, 17 and a half years now. Wow, great job. Great job, Nisha.

So we've got the East Coast and then the West Coast, in a sense, joining in on the podcast. A good mix. I mean, different backgrounds. in some ways. So I thought it would be really cool just to get everyone's perspective on a couple of topics when it regards to the holidays. How are you feeling, Megan, about the holidays this year? Yeah, really good question. I think the holidays is hard for anyone. You know, financially, family, if you've ever lost someone that you love, the holidays get really tricky. When it comes to sobriety, you know, I'm about seven years in. So I don't necessarily get triggered, but I have

feelings that I want to escape from. And I need to be able to escape from those in the healthier way, right? But yeah, the holidays, I think, are hard for everyone all around. Yeah, so much truth to that. Great job. Coming up on seven years? Yeah, in April. How are things different where you're at now than maybe how they were when you first started on this journey? Yeah, I think the first year, you're kind of like a newborn baby, right? Especially if you started drinking when you were really young, like I did. So I was like trying to relearn everything, learning healthy coping skills. And then I think after you get to a year, you kind of to hit this like nice cruise control. And I remember I was having lunch with Nisha last summer and she was

like year five, it gets a little bit tricky because it's that you necessarily don't need as many like helpful strategies, but you just kind of feel like where do I belong in this recovery world? You know, like where am I? I don't need cues or like triggers, right? But I still need to be attached to some type of community. So sometimes the long term sobriety can still be a little bit tricky. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you for sharing that. Connected with Nisha, too. The two of you are longtime friends, right? Yeah. We went to college together a long time ago. Yeah. Was there like a gap in the relationship, or have you always stayed connected? I feel like we've always stayed connected. Nisha moved away for a little while, and then we reconnected back in sobriety. I think you had

commented on one of my sober post, but I had always looked up to you in your sobriety. You were always someone I looked up to. I think you. That means a lot. Yeah, that is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. Jess, how are you feeling about things coming up here quickly? I'm feeling good. So I didn't mention, but I'm 25 years sober this December. So as far as, thank you, as far as sobriety, I'm pretty rock solid. I'm never going to say that I'm healed or that, you know, it's cured because I don't

don't believe that. But, you know, I'm feeling okay. I think it's the same as it is for most people. Like there's different family dynamics, expectations, you know, money, of course, you know, presents, all of those things. And losing loved ones, you know, around the holidays can be hard too. So I think it's just a whole bunch of different emotions and learning how to, like Megan said, you know, navigate those without trying to numb them out or, you know, using alcohol to kind of not get, not feel what you don't want to feel, right? So feeling the feelings and going along with it, and it too shall pass is one of my biggest things, good or bad. So, yeah, but I'm feeling good. I have 10-year-old twins,

so, you know, it's a big deal in this house still. yeah great that's exciting well thank you for sharing that too nisha how are things on your end for the holiday season coming up yeah i think holidays are always such a busy time and like both of these ladies said that you know there's just so many personalities and triggers but then there's also so much joy during the holidays you know and i think where i am in my sobriety journey is even when it's you know facing a personality that might bug me the wrong way or dealing with family members, you know, it's room to grow and learn. And I'm grateful that I don't have to numb through those challenges today, really. And so I also have six and nine-year-olds. So a lot of holiday

magic going on and I get to see family and travel. So it's not necessarily being triggered to drink, more so not act out in character defects, right? And really live to, according to my principles and make sure I stay aligned. And then when I don't, you know, I clean how us roll fast. Yeah, great share. And is everybody participating or is anybody else participating with the elf on the shelf? Yeah. Yeah.

For 16 years, I have done the elf on the shelf. I am tired. The elf is tired. So a funny story with us, we lost our elf. And we don't remember where elf, the elf ran away. We're not sure where he went. but it was a nice kind of exit from Elf on the shelf. Yeah, and my house, strangely old, my nine-year-old doesn't believe anymore.

And so she's constantly getting on to me like, Mom, you didn't move her. Or mom, you didn't do anything cool because I'll just move her from like the chandelier to the shelf. And she's like, no, she has to bring treats and make mess. And I'm like, you know what? Maybe you can take over. yeah i love that what a fun little thing it is too we uh my kids this year they had this idea that the elf had to come out the first time it snowed which the last couple years it didn't snow until like maybe mid-december or december but this year it snowed in like november so we've been

i think it's been a month running i don't know exactly what the when you're supposed to but cool stuff heading to the questions here i was really just thinking about you know maybe people that are newer to sobriety or within their first couple of years and they're going to be going to events and I don't think that any of us are naive enough to think that there's not going to be a lot of drinking going on these holidays at different events and some of them we might we might feel like we have to go to or we want to go to what are some things that helped you early on or even are helping you out today with not drinking at those events and I think really importantly how do you plan beforehand about what you're

going to do? I mean, why don't we kick it off with Nisha? I'm such a great question. Thank you, Brad. So I would say have an accountability partner, right? Somebody that knows you're going to be going to the event, kind of knowing the timing, and somebody can call our text if you decide, hey, I do want to participate. Or I got an accidental alcoholic beverage when I thought it was a non-alcoholic beverage. I think having that support system and knowing you have an out is key. It helps you stay aligned to why you're not doing,

why you're not drinking, I feel like. And so that was key. And then I always say my favorite when I was early in sobriety was, whether you're going to a party or a family event, make yourself useful, find something to do, be the photographer, clean up, offer food, be of service, and just get out of yourself. And I feel like that will allow you not to focus.

focus so much on the drinking or the parting that's going on, but more so connecting with others. Yeah, that is it. That's a home run right there. I love that. I didn't even really frame it up that way, but in the early days for me, I would kind of hang out with the kids, the chaos of the kids while everybody else did their drinking and hung out and everything that was like my ultimate distraction. And it felt good too. I love that. Get involved with something. Help out. Great tips. Jess, what helped you out? I would say I was quite young when I got sober and I there weren't communities like there are now and it wasn't really talked about. But looking back at how I, I navigated it myself was there

was certain things I could get out of, right? And I just didn't go. Like whether it was, you know, friends, parties or things like that. But there's still family gatherings, right? There's still maybe work or business gatherings that you feel like you need to attend. And my biggest thing is also, you know, having an accountability partner, but if you can't, and sometimes you can't, it's making sure that you're in control of the situation. So, you know, driving yourself, not driving, like one time I got stuck in a bad situation where I drove other people because I was considered the designated driver, which is like not good, you know, because then, you know, if you're triggered, you can't leave when you want to leave. You now are taking a bunch of inebriated people home. Like, it's just

not a good situation. So I think going on your own or with an accountability partner, having the control of being able to leave when you want to. Also, I think allowing yourself to be okay with maybe heading out early or disappointing some people, right? So maybe you have family or friends that are disappointed because you're not staying, but that's okay. And I always like to say, you know, you can say, I'm not going to do this yet or right now. Like it's not. It's not, forever, you know, especially in early sobriety. I think protecting your sobriety is the number one thing. And as years go on, you may be able to do some of the things that you just couldn't do in the beginning. And the other thing, especially in early sobriety, is like have a reset point. So

if you're starting to have those feelings of wanting to drink and things are getting overwhelming or maybe you're overstimulated, like can you go to the restroom, take a deep breath, count to 10 kind of reset your mind maybe pull out your phone if you have your why written down of why you quit drinking if you're in your own house can you go to your bedroom and just step away for a little bit and if you have accountability partner or spouse whoever that's with you can you have even a nonverbal kind of cue that you give them when it's like okay it's time to go or i'm getting overwhelmed like a way to communicate where other people don't have to know but i think just feeling that you're in control of a situation you're not stuck in the situation is really helpful. Yeah, those are beautiful tips, too. A lot of them leaning in towards having a way out. If you do go to something, like how can you, I kind of refer to it as pull your parachute. How can you pull your parachute and get out of there with the least amount of resistance

and maybe awkwardness too? The good pointers there, Jess. Thank you. Megan, go ahead. Yeah, I love when podcasts give practical advice. I'm literally like taking notes. These are so good, everything you guys have said. Just to add to what you guys have said, I have like three other tips.

Number one is have a signature drink. Mine is a Shirley Temple. Like go into this party knowing I'm going to order this drink every single time. And that way it's coming up with a plan, right? My other one is going to a party with the goal of getting to know every single person there. Like make it a game, make it a challenge. I also think when you do that, when you approach a party, a social gathering with curiosity and go up and ask people questions, they will love you.

You will be the most likable person in that party, in that room, because people love talking about themselves. And my last one would be the 10 p.m. rule. You got to get out of there by 10 p.m. Nothing good happens after 10 p.m. if you're a sober person. Nothing happens good after 10 p.m. no matter where you land. No, I'm just kidding. Some things do, I'm sure. But I love that too.

Yeah, set yourself that boundary. I even scale it back. This is probably since having little kids, but like 9 p.m., 8 p.m. I'm pretty comfortable in those ranges. At 10 p.m., the kids get a little bit sideways. The reckless optimist came out, you know, huge in that list there of meeting everybody. Great stuff. I mean, it's really, there's so many different tools, I think, that we can, you know,

figure out what we want. I heard this quote once, and I don't know who exactly to credit to. One of you probably now is if we fail to plan. we plan to fail. So I think having a written plan that was always kind of communicated to me of having a written plan of what I was going to do because I don't know if you guys have been in that situation but I had sober stints before and I had this grand plan but it was only like between my ears and then when the ball got rolling of I could just have one I can figure it out.

It felt like I was on autopilot that took over and before I knew it I was having one. So I feel like when I got sober for good, I had the written plan, and that just bought me a little bit of time to read the plan. I don't know if it was necessarily the master type plan that saved me, but it bought me a little bit of time. And I love the code word too. Like I always had the code word dinosaur. So I would say dinosaur. And that is like a boundary set beforehand that the other person that was communicated to knew that we had to go. And there was not a, we didn't need to have a discussion.

discussion there in the place. So great things. Neesha talked to about the joy of the holidays, the gratitude of the holidays, the fun of the holidays, even with all of the interesting and, you know, different dynamics that we all have. How do you really plug into that? Yeah, I think it starts at the beginning of the day. Well, for me, I'm a morning person. And so I think plugging in, you know, whatever your spiritual practices, meditation, whatever that may be, getting grounded in yourself and getting grounded in gratitude. When you're foundationally there mentally to start your day, I think no matter what comes from your environment or outside,

you're able to sustain it. And if you're not, you're able to reconnect with it quicker. That's been key for me. So even when my children make me want to pull my hair out because both of them are calling my name and wanting me to look at two different gymnastics moves, you know, It's like, okay. And then I give one attention in the other. And then I kind of laugh sometimes.

I'm like, oh my gosh, this is what sobriety is. This is the gift. Like we get to show up and really even be stressed out. Being stressed out is a gift without numbing. So yeah, really starting it at the beginning of the day for me. Yeah, that's great. Do you have a sort of practice or anything that you do that helps you get there? Yeah.

So early on, I did Gratitude List and I had Gratitude Buddies. So they're about, it didn't matter. One or two people that we'd either text or email gratitude list back and forth did not even have to respond to the person. So you don't have to worry about long talks when you're starting your day. But now it's more just myself and really connecting with myself. I'll do some guided breath work. I connect with my core, my heart center and really just call myself in,

get rooted in that intention. and from there, then, you know, practicing gratitude for what's inside of me and then moving to the outside. Yeah, I love that. I picked up that intention, you know, or doing things intentionally to start that routine. And so many people that are in long-term sobriety and that really seem to be thriving throughout the journey, they always mentioned some sort of routine in the morning as opposed to, I can't speak for everybody, but for drinking.

I didn't have any routine. It was just trying to get a glass of water as fast as I could and it may be something to eat or probably not even that. On this side of things, having a routine is something that can really ground us in the morning. You hear a lot too, like when your morning, when the day, like how you start sort of can really set you up. And I mean, it's not going to be perfect every time. Life happens, right? But it gives us a good head start. And I'd add something.

I love that you said, you know, it's not going to be perfect every day. It's not. I had a client asked me that the other day. They were like, well, I'm not a morning person. And sometimes I can set up for 15, 20 minutes. And sometimes I have two minutes and I'm out the door. And I said, well, you know, in this person, I was a spiritual practice already. I said, you know what?

I will sit and just say, hey, God today, allow me to be a vessel of you. And then that's my prayer out the door. I go. And I did that a lot early on. Because again, when I remember and I connect to that foundational spirituality, the day goes better. My actions are better. My thoughts are better.

yeah great yeah that's um we can we can be hard on ourselves on this journey of things of am i doing enough am i doing it right but i love the way you you framed that up of doing what you can and i think oftentimes what we can is going to be improvement from what we were doing and you build on it great great share there megan what are your thoughts i love the topic of gratitude you know it's interesting you brought it up our pastor did a whole sermon on this um on sunday And he talked about not just feeling gratitude, but expressing gratitude, right? So in that, you know, meaning telling people that you love them, telling them, oh, I like that shirt on you, like expressing the gratitude is also another way to feel it. And I also think gratitude really at its core is presence, right? Fully being in the present moment of what's going on. I think in 2025 we're so distracted. There's so many things for us to be doing. And, you know, kind of getting back to like what Nisha talked about. that core. Those are my favorite things. I think for so long, I lived with a victimhood filter on my life, and it kept me stuck and it kept me miserable. And I've really done some work on

myself to put a gratitude filter on my life. And it's been life-changing. Yeah. Great, too. I'm glad that you brought in the connection there of the gratitude and then expressing gratitude sort of like outwardly letting other people know. I mean, it doesn't have to be complicated. It's holding a door for somebody telling them they've done a good job or they're doing great. That other thing there, the victimhood, that's what you mentioned, right? What was that process like? Because it's very relatable for me. What was that like for you to really work through?

Yeah, I think a lot of that is working with the subconscious mind. So like rewiring all of those knots that I had in the subconscious, like all of those early memories, childhood memories, things you probably don't even know that you're feeling, but you're having irritability, anger, you know, involving yourself in reckless behavior. Why are you doing those things? Why are you running from those things? You know, really working through some, quote unquote, little T trauma, big T trauma, you know, that I had gone through with someone safe, right? Someone that is going to not have bias and someone that's going to be, you know, knows what

they're doing and working with you on those things. I think that really helped. I also think, you know, like Nisha talked about core values, like figuring out your core values can be so instrumental in your life like what matters to you as a person and it's very individualistic like for me being having a person um of integrity being honest um being courageous being bold going for things right these are my core values and i try to always align with those yeah well thank you for sharing that too i'm even picking up i mean early in our conversation here we're all on this journey of not drinking and sobriety but it feels like a lot of the stuff that

comes up for us is not, not just not drinking, if that makes any sense. Like, there's so much more to it. But I feel like, I don't know if this is relatable, but when I first started, I was under the impression that, oh my goodness, if I just take drinking out of my life, this is causing all of my problems. If I just remove this, well, of course, I'm good to go. I mean, the sky's the limit. And I think quickly I found out that that was not going to be the case. So it's really cool just to see kind of the progression and how, you know, things change. But I also think, too, what you mentioned there, Megan, is that the holidays can bring up a lot of this stuff

that maybe we weren't necessarily ultra aware of on our journey. If we're 30, 60, 90 days, 120 days in, the holidays hit, the families come in. Our structure is kind of lost. Our routine is kind of lost with work or whatever it may be. And it's like, oh, my goodness, here comes all this stuff. Other things to work on. thanks for sharing that jess one of your thoughts on gratitude joy and fun over the holidays um i think

that it's really important to focus on um all of those things joy is a big you know anecdote to to drinking so like you know when you're drinking a lot you know you're getting that false dopamine hits that over time you know we can never replicate what we got the first time so we're always chasing that feeling um and so i think as you're getting sober in the early early days, it is about just abstaining, I think, from the alcohol. That's the goal, right? But once we kind of get that part under our belt, then yeah, it's opening up all of the things that we have pushed aside or pushed down inside of us that we haven't dealt with. And I think that that is the harder part, right? How do we live a sober life that is enjoyable, that is with

gratitude because quite frankly i i don't know anybody who'd want to get sober to be miserable right so it's like how do we you know find the joy and i think in the beginning it is you know as megan was saying like i think it's undoing a lot of the subconscious things um working with someone that you trust in that environment and i also think it's it's pushing yourself to look for you know we talk a lot about triggers but about the glimmers which are the positive things that are happening in your life, these little, little moments that we can actually create, you know, natural dopamine hits. So I remember for myself, it's like, I'm not a big morning person and I always was pushing myself to be one. Instead, I was like, why am I trying to conform to something I'm not? So part of it was

acceptance. Okay, so, but I do know that I need to have a slow morning, like a slow intro. Like, if I get up, when the kids get up, it's just not good, right? So I need my own personal space and time. but you know noticing things that maybe you didn't notice before because you were hung over or you were too drunk to notice like you know it sounds silly but I love watching the hummingbirds in my backyard in the mornings and I just you know that little thing gives me peace um and so I think in the beginning stages you definitely have to go looking for it because the idea that you're going to get sober and automatically life is just going to be great it's it's false and it's maybe some of the the reason you got into drinking in the first place was like chasing like I always was chasing happy what was happy and I was chasing that all the time so especially around the holidays when it can get really hectic I think maybe even forcing yourself a little bit to find the joy even in the chaos you know like I for me it's focusing on my kids because they are they don't believe anymore but there's there's still magic there which is actually pretty cool like that they

they love the holidays they love everything about it they don't have the history that i have so like they love all the family together they love all these things and for me it's looking through their lens and that's where i find so much joy so i think sometimes we have to go looking for it if we're feeling a little stressed or we're in our early stages of sobriety yeah well said well said kind of through the kids eyes i mean seeing the world through a kid's eyes right is oh man it's a beautiful thing. I always think of joy as one of the first things I lost in addiction. I think I experienced happiness, but the joy was gone and I didn't realize that, I guess, until getting sober that the joy to me is like enjoying kind of what you mentioned there, Jess.

I mean, we always feel like we little things. To me, those are everything because that's what I didn't see for years. I didn't see the birds. I didn't see how cool the sunrise and sunset. was or how the weather changed or really anything. I didn't even notice it. There was years of my life where it didn't matter what the weather was outside. Now I'm checking it every day, like for the perfect conditions to do whatever. Like it's so important. And I think that sometimes maybe when people get into this or I know when I sure got into it,

I was looking for like this big amount of joy. And even in the beginning was maybe missing the point on. all of these things that happened in between. Maybe it's not, you know, exactly this one event or this one milestone, but maybe it's sort of this whole process that I found a way to enjoy. So that's great. And I mean, gratitude is huge, right? I mean, plugging in and you guys mentioned the list and sharing with a friend too,

I think those are all beautiful strategies to really be intentional about that. Great share so far. I wanted to kind of get your thoughts, too, you know, because I always, I've always up until this point sat in a place where, you know, the holidays have felt pretty special. I'm pretty far from my family and they're not coming to visit this year. But I've got my own family now and things are good, but there's some interesting dynamics. But I also know that there's a lot of people out there. And I think the flip side of the coin is not a chair that I'm sitting in personally.

And I just want to honor that the holidays are extremely difficult for them. And I think somebody had brought up early too, just the loss. and maybe it's the first holidays without somebody or maybe it's really lonely or so many different things too. And I just really want to honor that for maybe us sitting here. You know, this is maybe our experience, you know, kind of mine of enjoying it in the magic of things, but also too, that it is difficult.

And if you're struggling through it, you know, if somebody was, I mean, would anybody have something like to share on that angle, Megan? Anything? Yeah, you know, grief is funny. To me, grief feels like love with nowhere to go, right? So you have all of these feelings and nowhere to put them. And grief's funny in the sense that you think it's linear, but it's not. You feel it a lot in the beginning of a loss, and then you think you're okay. And then 10 years later, you're crying in the vegetable aisle at the grocery store for no reason. But yeah, I mean, I think learning to sit with those feelings, like that's the beauty of life is that we get to feel those things, right? We get to feel joy, sorrow, grief,

all of it, and that the impermeability of life is what makes it so beautiful and to not necessarily run from those feelings, but feel them all the way through, feel them, braw, nasty, cry, get it out, you know, and not run from it. Yeah, thank you. Jess, any thoughts on that? Yeah, I mean, having lost family members around the holidays, and so there's a lot of people out there. I think that struggle. And I think just recognizing that not everybody is where we are, so it kind of goes back to a gratitude thing of when I'm finding myself getting stressed out or whatever. It's like, okay, look at all that you have around you. There are people that are literally all alone for the holidays for various reasons. And so I think if that is the case,

it's like honoring that, like Megan was saying and feeling the feelings. And grief does come in wave. So I know I used to hate when people told me this when I was beginning in sobriety. But this two shall pass, meaning like you might have a big wave right now. And then it will subside at some point. And not having the expectation that like everybody's going to have a great holiday. I think we have the hallmark cards and all the things. Is it like, oh, holidays are so wonderful and you see these commercials and all of these things, but that is not the reality for many people. I think acknowledging that is really, really important. So just trying to let them know that they are seen. And if you are grieving, it's definitely, I think the holidays can make it harder because of the expectations that we have of the holidays. But I also know in my grief, there's plenty of times where it's random days, too, that feel

even harder sometimes in the holidays, you know? So, but just being aware that there are so much more than what's like in our immediate vision, I think is really important. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that too. And I feel like that's been a big part of personal development for me too, is seeing things that the way I have it, the way that it's been for me is just not the reality for everybody. And to be keeping that in mind, I mean, especially just since we host a lot of meetings

in the Subur Motivation community too. And, you know, there's a lot of people getting pumped up for the holidays and going to enjoy the time off. But there's also another side to it as well where people don't know where they're going to land or it's a really difficult time. So I think it's like finding a balance between getting pumped up and everything's great to like, hey, here can be the reality too. And you don't want to necessarily push those people further away. So I think that's good. Nisha, what are your thoughts on this? As I'm listening to everybody sharing, you know, what kind of.

comes to heart is those that are so lonely during this season, the ones that are listening that are like, yeah, this is great, but I'm lonely. I'm by myself. I don't know what to do. I don't have anywhere to go. And to those people, it is difficult. And we're talking about joy and gratitude. And they're like, yeah, great, but I'm still lonely and I'm feeling depressed or whatever they may be going through, you know, down on their luck. And to those people, you know, like you said, Brad, like thoughts and heart, you know, prayers go out to them. And, you know, my suggestion is to get yourself into meetings, into community, wherever you can. Does it mean you're not going to feel lonely? No, because we can be in a room full of people and still feel really lonely and sad.

But what it does give you a chance to do is feel a little bit of happiness and joy, even if it's for five minutes, if it's a warm cup of coffee, or if it's a hug, or someone just acknowledging your existence. I mean, you know, that can change somebody's trajectory. We've seen so many stories like that. So to those that are really suffering and feel isolated, like they're on an island. Luckily, we have so many online meetings now and online groups. You don't have to go in somewhere if you can't. Just plug in somewhere and try a whole bunch of things until something sticks. It does get easier. It does get better. I know the first few years of sobriety, you're to figure out who you are so you're awkward anyways i was i was trying to figure out who i was you know

like of like the perfectionism and all sorts of things um so don't worry you're not alone in that we've all been there and done that as well yeah that is a really great point too and i know a lot of the fellowship groups a lot of places like host meals and host dinners and you don't necessarily have to be a part of anything i mean everybody's welcome um you know for the most part from what I understand, and there's a lot of, there's a lot of stuff out there. And I think that's kind of, what I talk a little bit about from time to time is like getting out of our own way the best we can. And like maybe you going to one of these, you'll probably meet other people, well, you know, maybe a different story, but maybe with the same feelings. When you never know

where that one time of like just stepping out of ourselves in our comfort zone, what opportunity might be presented in those moments too and with the availability of online stuff too can really help us stay connected to yeah um thank you for sharing that too i just really wanted to to highlight that for those people niche i think you you set it up really good there about all of the feelings that somebody could be going through and they're wondering how do i this joy and this gratitude and everything else is so far from where they're at right now that um you know we hear that we we definitely hear that and can support and try to help out the best that we can for people that are going through that. Moving on to another question here, I mean, I feel like it's pretty

safe to say. I don't have the stats or the numbers in front of me if there even was any, but I feel like the New Year's sort of transition can be a time where a lot of people might slip back into what was for various reasons. But I would say it can be pretty common. And it kind of starts with maybe, you know, the question or the thought of maybe I can make this work out and not experience a ton of consequences and maybe just one. And I could start over again in the New Year type deal. I hear a lot of people too kind of maybe bargain with themselves. Well, I'm only 30 days.

So if I start over today, I'm only kind of losing. You don't really lose anything. But you know what I'm saying. You're just kind of giving up on those 30 days. which is interesting, but I think a reality for some. Is that anything that any of you went through? If yes, maybe you could share a little bit on it or how you worked through that.

And what are your thoughts on something like that? If that comes up for somebody, Megan, go ahead. Yeah, I mean, that's a really good question. I think a lot of people have stops and starts like that. And they aren't for nothing. I think all of that is still building your sobriety power. You know, I didn't necessarily have that same experience, but I had friends and colleagues that did.

I think the biggest thing you can do is connect back to a community. Surround yourself with people that are kind of similar values, right, of staying sober. I think when you detach from the community, number one, if you detach from the community, and number two, you don't know how to handle your stress, that's when people fall back and slip back. If you can work on those two things, you probably will be able to maintain sobriety. And the New Year's Day, that's so interesting. that is a lot of people's, you know, kind of, that's when I'm going to get sober.

I think getting a head start on that, like if you're thinking right now, I want to get sober on November 1st or January 1st, start now. Start now. Give yourself a three-week head start. Don't put that pressure on yourself on January 1st. Yeah, that is an incredible point there too, is because, yeah, a lot of people January 1st are going to say, here, I'm going to go, I'm going to be starting it. And there's a lot of people that are going to be starting it.

and you're going to team up and band together and try to keep it going. Getting a head start is definitely huge because this is kind of the flip side of it the way I see and the way that I've heard. You're committing on January 1st that you're going to sober up, but you're going to drink a lot more maybe kind of preparing yourself for it. And for me, it kind of goes back to that thing. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Like I wanted to get sober for a long time.

When it came down to it, I didn't know how. to. I didn't have the tools or the willingness. So I wanted to, but that was like things I had to learn throughout it. So yeah, I mean, get a head start on things and start the new year off that way with, you know, maybe some new tools. Curious to me, and you mentioned people around you had went back and forth with things and it was a way to sort of build up. And we don't need obviously any specific details of anything. But was it difficult? Do you think for them to plug back into the community because I hear that a lot. I've drank. Everybody else seems to be doing well. Like, I don't belong here. It's just kind of four or five times. Like, what are your thoughts on

that? Like, what could be helpful for somebody just to get back in there? Yeah, I mean, I think if you're involved in a community that's shaming you for going out and doing field research, then you need to find a different community, right? Yeah, whatever community you're in should be accepting of those types of behaviors, sobriety is going to look different for everyone across the board. For me, it might have been a one and done because what had happened to me was so severe. But other people, it might be stops and starts and stops and starts. But yeah, I mean, I think the biggest thing if you have a slip up or the field research is to not sit in that guilt shame cycle. You got to get out of it, right? Shame is like the 1,000 pound gorilla in the consulting room. Like you have got to work

through that and get back into the rooms, get back into that community, get back in with that safe friend. Yeah. And I feel like sharing about it too with the community is a safe place, like what you mentioned, I think is a really good point to add to it, a safe place sharing with it too. And I think we, I often see people are kind of surprised. The person that's got two years or three years that they look up to so much is like, hey, I've been there too. It's okay. Like you see, I think sometimes we see where people are at currently and maybe we don't know their whole story or how they got to where they are. And it's a lot of people's story. You know, good stuff there.

Nisha, what are your thoughts on the other question there about, you know, maybe I can make this all work again. Yeah, to that person, I can, maybe I can make this all work again. Well, what's not working right now? You know, I feel like there's a reason why that person either wants to go back out drinking, what valuable drinking bring back into your life? You know, it's always a question of like, well, you know, and I get this question, would you pick up a drink or what if somebody gave you a million dollars, would you take a shot?

And I'm like, no, I've created a life that I truly love so much that that would not be worth it to me. So really reevaluating, well, where in my life am I not feeling that? Where am I don't, where do I not love my life or where am I feeling empty or needing to fill that God's eyes whole with alcohol? There's something there. So, you know, I say get curious. start asking questions and what about that old life do you want to go back to what was so fun about it because I think a lot of times we can romanticize things right it's like breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend like you romanticize the good times you forget all the bad times

and you're like wait no I'm going to go back what don't you remember all the bad thing no our brains don't do that so I think it's important again you know sharing with people if you do want to go back out. I'm not saying you don't have to. People are allowed freedom of choice, right? We learn along the way. Everybody has different relationships, different ways they approach sobriety. There's no end-all-de-all way. But also having those group of people that you can go to and go, I'm a little on the fence. And letting them ask you questions or letting them just sit with you in that before making the decision to do it. Because I do think it's thought about before it's done.

Yeah. Whether you realize it or not. Yeah, I would agree 100% with that. And then when we think about things on our own, they can grow and grow and grow and our brain is looking for every green light to make this a reality for us, in my experience anyway. It's so interesting.

I think there's a ton of power in sharing things out loud, because that is not only sharing it, but I feel like it just can impact us differently. Like sometimes all these ideas, as well, I'll share it with my wife. And I'm like, okay, that sounded good in my head. But when I share it with you, I'm like, that's not going to be a great idea. There's no way.

And then if you share them with the right people, too, an opportunity for you to reflect. And maybe other people would share kind of their experience with you. And you could maybe come to a different conclusion. I love that, too. If you're thinking about it, share about it. You know, share about it. Absolutely. I mean, that's what it's for, right?

That's what our community that we build are for is to share about it, not just the good and the joy, but also the hard times and how do we navigate these and how do we get through them or anybody else like you said? Because you sharing about wanting to drink, someone else may go, same here. Oh my gosh. And maybe both of you stay sober through that sharing, that one sharing could save a few people. Yeah, exactly. What I've picked up on over the years with some with some conversations is that sometimes people feel like they may not be doing it right if they're sober and they're plugging in and they're still thinking about drinking they and they say well I don't want to share it because I feel like everybody else has kind of got it

nobody else is really having this experience and here I am maybe six months without drinking and all of the sort of madness or chaos or the life before and I kind of feel a weird way of even talking about thinking about drinking. You ever heard anything like that or no? Yeah. Yeah. Some things, I'm doing it wrong. And that's, you know, either thinking about drinking or not feeling good.

Like, I tell a lot of people, it's going to take a while before you feel well. Like really, like continuous joy. Like, you have to build that, right? So it's like the glimmers that we were talking about earlier. It's finding those and weaving them together to create that long. but yes you don't it's not going to feel good you're going to have the thoughts but they're just thoughts right i think separating them just going oh yeah you're a thought that's familiar i'm used to doing that but it doesn't mean i act on it anymore creating that space that pause between thought

and action i think is huge early on because it will come across the mind all the time yeah which is so true yeah creating some distance i love that i even talk with people too when they mentioned this to me. I'm thinking about drinking again. I said, man, if I acted on everything I thought about during a day, I'd be in serious trouble, like serious trouble when somebody cuts me off. And I'm like, okay, I'm running my truck into the back of this guy's car. And I think kind of that realistic perspective really helped me, helps me with a lot of things. I don't have to do everything I think. And I don't have to follow through on it. And it's like you mentioned there. And I think that gets baked into how we rewire eventually i noticed it was more of a conscious effort in the

beginning of okay there's that thought you don't have to do that that's what used to work doesn't work anymore now i notice it maybe more on an autopilot or more of uh like a regular thing of like hey there there's alcohol looks so beautiful and then like my second thought is like no that's poisonous it's no good for you um over time sort of that that retraining jess what are your thoughts here? Well, I think something that came up actually in one of the sober motivation meetings not too long ago is we kind of did a poll, but not a single person had gotten sober January 1st was their sobriety date. And then I think we also did it within the larger community. I think there was maybe one person. And so it's just another day in many ways, right? We can always find

an excuse or a reason to drink for quote unquote the last time, right? There's always something. we really are looking for it, we will find it. So I am of the idea that like there shouldn't be so much focus on January 1st. We have, you know, all these other days in the year that we could make an excuse to drink if we really wanted to, whether it's, you know, the Super Bowl or somebody's birthday party or a wedding. Like, we can find the excuses if we want. And the reality is, you know, knowing that it's like I always say like know yourself don't test yourself like know yourself are you really going to you know binge for the next three weeks and then boom just stop like what's going to make January 1st different from December 20th right like when we're really looking at it what what are you

to me you're just delaying the hard part of quitting it's it's not magically going to be easier on January 1st, then it would be on December 20th or March 16th or, you know, it's going to be hard no matter what day you do. And I also think just because we put so much, the society in general put so much effort into these New Year's resolutions, I think you're actually, by doing that, you're adding more pressure on yourself to stay sober by doing January 1st because it's like, oh, these resolutions. And we all know statistically how well those work, right? So I think just being real with yourself and the fact that, like, if you truly want to stop, like, now's just a good a time as any.

And the beginning of the year is not going to make it significantly easier. It's not going to change all of the processes that you're going to have to go through. And so why, like, what maybe I'm saying, like, why not now? What's the difference, you know? And yes, you have holidays and you have all these things. But a lot of people that I've talked to that have gotten sober, like maybe in October or September. And so they're entering the holidays fairly new to sobriety, say that that was one of the best things they did. You know, like we call here, like in the United States, like Thanksgiving and Christmas and New York is like the sobriety trifecta.

Like if you can get through that sober, like you're doing pretty good stuff here, right? So I think just being honest with yourself about are you really intentionally trying to get sober on January 1st? Or is that just an easy way out as an excuse to just go hard from now to the first of the year? And then what's that going to look like? Yeah, thank you, Jess. So we have a lot of people that listen to the show that might be supporting somebody and they might have a loved one or somebody in their circle, friends. or family that could be on this journey, could be struggling, and it would be really cool to share with them

maybe how they could support because I think what I hear a lot is that they don't really know how. And it was interesting. I got a rating and review on the podcast recently and as a family member and this family member, they seem kind of frustrated that the rehab wasn't including them in the process of the sobriety thing. So they were tuning into the podcast to not only get some hope, but also hear a little bit about how things go.

What would you mention to somebody who's in that dynamic of supporting somebody maybe early in their sobriety? Megan, go ahead. Yeah, I love this question. Thank you for bringing this up. I also have a lot of people like that listening to my show too, and I've gotten questions from them. And I absolutely love that we can be a resource for those types of people as well, people that are supporting someone. they necessarily don't have the addiction issue or struggle with substance use, but they have someone that they love so much in their circle. How do they help them? How do they be, you know,

someone that can guide them and be there for them? I would say three things. One is be very patient with them, you know, approach them with love instead of judgment. Listen to them. Be a safe space. I think one of the best gifts you can give someone is your time in your ears, right? Sit and listen. Give them your full attention. Don't be on your phone. Listen to them and what they're feeling. Let them get it out to you in a safe way. And then the last one is it's not your job to get them sober, right?

Do not hold that on yourself. It is not your responsibility. It is theirs. You can just be a supportive resource, but it is not your fault. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, patience and love and kindness and everything like that. Yeah, that goes a long way. Jess, what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah, I kind of have a unique situation from experience where I've lost a lot of loved ones to the disease itself and then also found myself with alcohol use disorder. So I kind of can see both sides. I think it is really important to recognize that, as Megan was saying, you cannot, there's nothing you can say or do that's going to get somebody else sober. They have to make the decision. I think in the meantime, it's really important. that we withhold judgment, that if you are a family member of a loved one or a friend of a

loved one that has an addiction, that you remind yourself that it's not a character flaw. I think so many times people are blamed for like, well, just stop, just stop, what's the problem? And we now know it's so much more than that, right? And so recognizing that so that there isn't the judgment placed on them, having the patience, understanding that on their road to sobriety, it may not be smooth sailing. In fact, most of the time it won't. I think, you know, yes, there are those people that quit and never touch it again, but there's very many people that are going to bump in and out of sobriety before it finally sticks for the last time and for the final time. So just being supportive, maybe asking them, I think sometimes too, or maybe a great

way to support them is like deciding that you're not going to drink at the function. You know, even if you are someone who normally drinks, that that's another way that you can really support somebody. But just letting them know that, you know, like Megan was saying, that you're there, that you're present with them, that you're not holding any judgments, right? I think that as addicts, we carry enough shame and guilt to share for the whole world. So I don't think you need to add on to that. And then also, you know, recognizing to them, them that like giving them resources, right? Whether it's listening to podcasts like yours, Brad or yours, Megan, or going to an Al-Anon or reaching out for support because many times addiction

is a family issue, right? Or it's at least an issue with those that are in your first kind of circle of people of influence, right? So reminding them that like, yes, they also play a part. or are they going to get that person sober? No. But they can play a part in how they show up for that person that is either sober or trying to get sober is really important. But I think also the biggest thing is just to remind them that like even though you can't get the other person sober, it doesn't mean that you can't have a substantial influence on helping them to either get sober or stay sober. And that's how is done by how you show up for them. Yeah, a great way to wrap that up, too. You can't get sober for somebody, but you can definitely be helpful. Nisha, do you see this a lot, Nisha, and sort of your work over the years? I do. I actually work with a lot of families that are supporting somebody who is struggling with addiction or early recovery,

whether it's parents or spouses, but people that live with them, right? And they're like, I don't know what to do. Like, do I remove all the alcohol from the house? Do I never look at it again? Like, do we just go to restaurants with no alcohol? You know, my first suggestion is as a person, ask the person whom you live with, the person that's either struggling or early in recovery, what do you need? Do you need a house that has no alcohol in it?

Some people do, some people don't. It just depends on lifestyles, right? Do you need a refrain from going to restaurants that have bars? Okay, let's do that at first. I think being open and asking what their need is and allowing them to state that. And especially with the holidays, you know, a lot of people like, do we serve alcohol? Do we not have non-alcoholic options for that person and maybe tell them ahead of time so that it's not like if you're in a circle of people and everybody's getting drinks, it's not that awkward like, oh, what are you going to have? Oh, let me go there and kind of find something, you know, like minimizing those moments for that newly sober person will make the biggest difference.

and for loved ones I know it comes with a lot of sometimes resentment right we put our loved ones through a lot when we're out there and it doesn't go away overnight but trying to treat the person for who they are today and not the mistakes they made before I think that's really powerful like really looking at them as they are today the best you can so that that shame and that guilt. And a lot of also those family cycles that are toxic can start being healed. So yeah, I think those are my biggest recommendations for family members out there. I love the seeking support through Al-Anon as well. Try not to be judgmental. And then the code word. I want to go back to that. Have a code word with your loved one. So whether you're a party, a family amount, whatever, you can use that. And they have an out. It's easy. No questions asked. Because when we protect that loved one sobriety, we're also protecting our nest. We're protecting our home and our environment. So I think that's when it becomes a

we effort at times. Yeah. The teamwork, if it's there, right? If you're in a relationship and working together. I love that, too, how you're mentioning to them, like, asked the person who's going through what they're comfortable with, too, and what sort of environments and have them kind of play a part in how things are going to go. I always kind of heard too, how can I help? If somebody's going through things or somebody say they committed to not drinking and now they're drinking again, how can I be helpful? How can I support you?

Other than maybe the way it can go other ways, right, of like, hey, you said you're going to quit. We've been through this so many times. I don't really see that too often kind of making a ton of progress, but maybe come at a little bit different way because I think ultimately you want to lower the defenses. You want to lower the defenses and I've always found that as sort of something that can maybe be helpful. But it is a very tough spot and everybody has the history leading up to kind of the present moment of how that's looked in their life, the impacts that it's had. I remember I was,

I went to rehab the first time at 17 and I ran my parents hired this private transport company to bring me to this rehab center. And I ran away from them. And at the time it was not good. But, you know, 17 years later or something is different now. But I was reading the letter the other day for this podcast I did. And it had said in there too, like the transport lady wrote my mom a letter. And she was like, you should get some help counseling or something. It really helped me. And how Bradley is, you know, where he's at in his life is not a director.

It's not your fault, basically what she was saying. And I thought it was pretty cool because that is, you know, the truth too. I know I've had the chat with my mom too over the years. right of, hey, where did I go wrong? And I said, I don't think you did, Mom. I don't see anything that you that went wrong here. I think you did the best with everything. So, thank you all for sharing all of that. Just wrapping up, maybe one tip for somebody to add to their toolbox as they head out, however it looks for them for this holiday season. What would you recommend? What was most helpful for you. Jess.

I would say go easy on yourself. So my biggest thing is it's okay to say no. Like I can't, I'm not come. I can't come to this function now yet, you know, and know that things will change. It's not always a forever thing and be okay with disappointing people. People are used to you showing up a certain way, right? And when that changes and you show up differently, people don't know how to respond. And so, like, for example, the code word, right? If I'm giving someone a code word and I'm leaving the party at 10 when usually that's when I arrive and just get started, people don't know what to do with that.

They can feel awkward, right? And so just being okay with having your boundaries, being kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, and know that it's not always forever, meaning like, maybe if this is your first holiday season sober, you may be having to put a little more guardrails on yourself to protect your sobriety this year, then you maybe will next year or the year after the year after, right? So maybe you will be able to go to functions and stay later or be at functions where they are serving alcohol. And I think just knowing that it's not a definitive, like, if people get so kind of narrow-minded and tunnel vision during the holidays of like the pressure

of showing up and just knowing you don't have to like you absolutely don't have to it's okay to disappoint people if it means that you are protecting your sobriety because ultimately when it circles back around like you are going to show up better for yourself and for all of those people that you love and care about yeah beautiful yeah if you sit this one out sit it out i mean i've left stuff early and nobody's ever even mentioned anything to me i wonder if it's just in my own head. I'm like, oh, my gosh, they're going to, they're going to think of weird or whatever, and I don't want to party or have fun. And nobody ever said anything, but it can be real, too. Megan, what are you thinking? Yeah, I mean, some of the best advice I've ever been given is when

you're going through it, the best thing you can do is to help someone else, right? I think service work is the cornerstone of sobriety, right? And this doesn't have to be some big, huge thing, donating a million dollars or even going to the homeless shelter. This could be as simple as hold a door for someone, making your neighbor brownies, something very small. But I really think when you start thinking about someone else rather than yourself and your own problems, it can really pull you out of some negativity. And then the last thing I would say is plan. Plan ahead. Since we're specifically talking about the holidays, I mean, you wouldn't go into a work project, not preparing it all, right? Prepare for your sobriety. Have that drink that's going to be just your drink,

you know, have an exit plan, all of those things. Yeah, love that. That's good, too. And pack a cooler. Bring a cooler of stuff that has your drinks. Nisha, what are your thoughts on some tools for the holidays? I think my number one tool would be to find books and podcasts that will motivate you, that inspire you, surround yourself with people, even on social media, that lead the life you want to live. Feed your brain the good stuff, right?

It's so easy. You know, they say the algorithms, oh my gosh, well, they give you what you look at. So do a social media cleanse. If you want to get sober, we'll then follow sober people, right? If you want to live a spiritual life, start following some of those people. Because what we feed ourselves, then we start practicing, right? We start taking on. And so I think it's really, really important to even just this is with self and not other people,

but to start being really careful and mindful and intentional with the stuff that you're feeding your brain. So, you know, even if you're with a bunch of family and you get overwhelmed, great, go for a walk and put on a podcast where somebody's talking about forgiveness. Do you have to forgive them immediately? No, but what it does is it puts you in a better head space. And if you're in a better head and heart space, you're less likely to go out. It protects your sobriety. so I think that would be my biggest tip to people out there is you know filter out what you're listening to what you're hearing what you're seeing and give yourself more of what you want to be or how you'd like to live yeah that's that's beautiful and yeah the way it's set up like if you follow and interact with only sober stuff like it won't be long before that's all you see um which can be a lot too

sometimes but it's definitely better than maybe what we were following before and in all of that other stuff right so i love that i love that and it's little ways of to pick up new things and um i always share too i had someone tell me early on and it was around the holidays i was going into the holidays and i was like hey look you know everybody wants to drink and party and they missed the way that things used to be my buddy andy pulled me aside and he told me this he said people are only going to take your sobriety as serious as you do so if you want to fool around and just not really direct with people um just be mindful of that and um I was like, okay, I get it, Andy, I have to take this more serious with time others kind of picked up

on it, that it was something important, you know, for my life. So people are going to be kind of faced with why aren't you drinking and all of that stuff, you know, just practice, plan how you want to respond to that when the time comes. So thank you, everybody, for taking time out of your day and sharing on this special holiday episode on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having us. This was awesome. Thank you so much. there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. I'll drop Jess's, Nisha's,

and Megan's contact information for Instagram down to the show notes below. Definitely send them a note and tell them thank you so much for making this happen. It was very last minute and they were very accommodating with the schedule

and really showed up and kicked some butt on this episode. Thank you as all for listening. I mean, what a ride it's been, 2025, not only for the podcast, but for the supermotivation community that we had our first. meet up and we're in the process of planning our second, which I'm super excited for. So if you're looking for a community that's just incredibly supportive, kind, and they're

at every turn, check out the sober motivation community. You can find that link on my Instagram. And we'd love to have you. The first 30 days are free. Plug into some meetings. There's 15 a week. 15 or 16 a week. We have a bunch of different hosts.

And we'd love to have you. And I'll see you on the next one.